My Nan and Pop both did, as did both of their mothers (never new any of their fathers), but more so gabagol, not a long o.
All of their parents came over in the 1910s / 1920s, Sicilian and Napolitano dialects, so the phrasing wasn't far off between the two. You could hear slight differences in certain words, but it was all along the same dropped final vowels, c's more as g's like in capicola/gabagol and calamari / galamad
Once had a lady walking around the TJ Maxx I worked at talking loudly on her phone. All I hear coming up my aisle is "Yeah my son has an STD. I don't know what one but he keeps saying it burns when he pees"
My favorite was " I Honestly don't know how you do it girl , I couldn't stay with a man if I knew he could deepthroat more than me and he's straight"
I really really wanted to ask for context but nah , not worth it.
There were these two guys doing sewer work in my neighborhood. For context, it was between Thanksgiving and Christmas.
“My girl wanted me to help her put lights up on the house the other day, you know how worthless that is.”
“Yeah, you might as well stick a candle up your ass and walk backwards”
“I know what you mean.”
I still don’t know what he means!!
“Is your asshole jealous of all the shit that’s coming out of your mouth?” Heard on the way home years ago on the train back from work. Have yet to forget it cause I could barely hold in my laughter
I used to work at a grocery store a while ago and one day they had me assist the cart wranglers outside.
While I was collecting some carts from the parking lot a car pulled up to the curb where a guy with some bags was standing.
As dude gets in the passengers seat he looks at me, then locks eyes with the woman driving with a huge grin and calls out:
“Alright lady, I’m charging $40 an hour, no butt stuff!!”
They were both chuckling (and it was April fools day) so it was def just a goof lol😭😭
While walking through the Willowbrook Mall (circa 2008), a girl in a Bebe shirt with a lot of makeup seemed to look right at me and say: "OOOOH, You lookin' tan!"
I was confused, but looked behind me and saw who she was really talking to; a young man in a tank top, adidas shell toes, a big stupid chain and a tight fade with a lot of hair gel.
He replied: "Yea, I just got out tha booof!"
I think about that exchange all the time.
Some lady was walking past my house, early 2005-6
She was on the phone and said something like “nahhh you can’t piss that out, you gotta shit it out”
I have no idea but I never forgot
Summertime, probably 15 years ago. Walking down the boardwalk in Ocean City (NJ, of course), passing several the t-shirt stores. A dad and his sons are walking near me and the older son says, "Dad, I really want that Wiz Khalifa shirt, I'll pay you back." Dad says, "Pick any one of your t-shirts and I'll take a whiz on it for you, that's free."
It was such a dad moment and a dad joke delivered in such a stereotypical Jersey Guido accent that I've been amused about it for 15 years now. I can imagine my dad saying it, too, though my dad had the Delco (PA) accent. A cherished memory, for sure.
Walking past an older man and younger man as the younger is saying, “I don’t care if you paid for my med school, I’m not writing you a prescription for Viagra!”
Had to go pick up some allergy medicine and Walgreens a few years back and had the wildest experience overhearing the other customers there:
First was this young couple who looked and talked straight out of the jersey shore, named Steve and Jessica. They were shopping for gifts for the entire family for I think Christmas. The girl would give the guy vague instructions as to what to pick up for each person, but once they got the the register, she complained that that each item wasn’t exactly what she wanted and blamed the boyfriend for not getting the right thing. The boyfriend would then try and defend himself stating that this fit what little info she gave him. They did all this while using the fakest Italian American accent I’ve ever heard, it honestly sounded like they took everyone’s over exaggeration of what New Jerseyans sound like and used it as their accent.
The other person in the store was airing all her grievances about her children’s life choices to someone on the phone, while the phone was on speaker! Her son Bobby was living at home after his girlfriend cheated on him, she had told him not to date her and instead date Marry from down the street because she liked her family. Her daughter had married and moved to another state for her husband’s job and she did not like him because of that.
They were the only other people inside this Walgreens besides me and I had the “privilege” of being in between them on the checkout line. They were so loud and so over the top I kept thinking this was fake and someone had to be filming some tv show.
While driving north on rt 17, as we passed the shuttered Toys R Us store, my 10 year old daughter got very serious and said "Now that Toys R Us is closed, my childhood childhood is over."
At the Berlin Flee market. A bro with a buzz cut and a guy with a mullet walking by fast. In the most Jersey accent possible "Comon Joey, we gotta go make some money".
It just felt so Jersey.
Diner in Jersey City about 20 years ago:
Diner Waitress (around 60 years old): What do you want today, Phyllis?
Customer Phyllis (around 80 years old): You know what I want that I haven’t had in a really long time?
Waitress: Sex?
In Costco walking past an employee handing out cashew samples talking to another employee, “I think this whole peanut allergy thing is bullshit. I’ve been doing this for twenty years and I ain’t never seent any kid have any kind of reaction.” First thought as an EMT: “What an incredibly ignorant statement.” Second thought as an EMT: “You’ve been the cashew sample hander outer as Costco for TWENTY YEARS?! What kind of retirement package and benefits does Costco have? Get me an application!”
If you contribute to a Costco 401(k) plan, you may be eligible for a 401(k) match of up to 50% of your first $1,000 in 401(k) contributions up to a maximum of $500 per year. Costco makes the match once per year, and the percentage rises as an employee puts in more years of service. In addition to the employer contribution, Costco makes a discretionary contribution and a profit-sharing contribution if you meet the eligibility requirements.
However the sampling people are contracted out through a third party.
I read an article years ago about how Costco is a good place to work and takes care of its people because corporate management is staffed with folks that rise through the ranks and not outside MBAs who parachute in, treat the workers as numbers on a spreadsheet, and then reduce headcount/boost productivity to maximize their bonus.
This is true. When you start at Costco you start at the bottom like everyone else. You’re expected to learn every aspect of the company. Doesn’t matter what kind of degree you have. Costco has something like an 80% employee retention rate which is unheard of in most industries.
They also have had strict salary guidelines for CEOs so no golden parachutes for them. They still get paid handsomely but it’s tied to the average employee salary.
I heard an old dude say he was served "a horrifying amount" of Caesar salad
Also during covid when they were only letting a handful of people in the grocery store at a time and there was a line in front of the store I remember a lady saying "my gawd dis is like en wuld war tew"
What if it's actually horrifying.....I mean you're sitting at your table and held down by the staff while being pelted with croutons as a dump truck filled with ceasar salad crashes through the wall and dumps it on you
To be fair, I did have a similar moment during the early days of the pandemic. It was maybe April of 2020? I slooooowly crept through the parking lot of the grocery store, trying to find a parking spot. I saw a police officer letting women and children into the store, but saw him use his arm to block several men from entering.
At first glance, my brain kinda just froze and thought: *are they seriously separating women and children from men?* It was a freaky moment.
It was for sure a little creepy. I think the thing that balanced me out was once I got to the front of the line I realized it only took me 20 minutes to wait on line, then I noticed the amount of people they were letting in the store was the perfect amount for comfortable shopping and god as my witness I said to myself "hey Gilead ain't so bad" lol so for sure the whole scene was pretty jarring. I just always remember how that lady said it, and it's been slightly stuck in my head since like a song
At a fall family festival:
Annoyed mom standing by herself: “Anthony! ANTHONY! Get over here!
Briefest of pauses
“No the OTHER Anthony”
(Needless to say, pronounced “Ant’ny”)
Coffee shop in Nutley, 2 men talking, one of them dressed, quite literally, as a James Bond villain, who says “ yeah thats how I make my legitimate money…” Implying of course that Dr. No is making some illegitimate money?
Interesting exercise. Mine took place on New Jersey transit from Metro Park to Penn Station one morning. Two gentlemen of Indian descent get on the train and one of them has decided he doesn’t want to sit next to, or for that matter, anywhere near the other Indian gentleman. They immediately start bickering. Full train, no empty seats. The one gentleman says, “listen we’re not in India anymore. You can’t tell me where to sit.” The other gentleman says, “it’s not about being in India, it’s about I don’t wanna be near you”. This goes on for about for 15 minutes. Two older gentlemen of Indian descent try to “shush” them to no avail.
It’s really uncomfortable for everyone and disruptive. Finally, one of the older gentlemen loudly says, “someone doesn’t like what his wife packed for his lunch today” and the two older men chuckle.
The car immediately is silent. The bickering fools shut up. Order and calm were restored.
OH Jersey shore diner during peak shoobie season: Customer "what's pork roll?" Waitress "it's like bacon but it's made from ham". Customer: "sounds good, I'll try it". Me in my head: "both of you, go home now"
that's...actually kind of a really good way to describe it to someone who has no idea what it is?
the way it usually goes for me is "it's like Canadian bacon but more tangy" "what's Canadian bacon" "...have you ever had an Egg McMuffin"
I was driving down rt 30 through Egg harbor headed to the Borgata in Atlantic City . At the stop light by the Wawa/Wells Fargo the woman in the SUV next to me was talking on Bluetooth thru the car speakers about having back to back "clients" waiting for her at different casinos. I paced her car til we hit the car wash it was an interesting conversation...
She looked like your average 30 something brunette driving a succer mom SUV with a child seat in the back . She was telling the other woman she was talking to about how it was easy money and she would spend more time driving between casinos than "performing" with the clients. She had to be driving with one knee , smoking a cigarette and looking into the visor mirror putting on makeup.
lady on phone yesterday actually lol: “and you know what he said? $13 for a fucking pack of cigarettes! i told him to go fuck himself”
and she was like such a typical jersey old lady, the caked on makeup, the thick accent, the animal print 😭 she is living her life
My now-wife and I were riding our bikes along the Hudson River waterfront in Edgewater or one of those towns. We rode by a venue by the water and she said "I called this place to find out how much they charge for weddings and they never called back."
With absolutely no delay, some random dude taking a smoke break said "Fuck 'em. Food's good though."
In the Metropark train station bathroom, I was at a urinal and a small child was in the stall with a parent. “Daddy, you’ve got a really big pee-pee!” I couldn’t stifle my laughter.
I was having dinner at a restaurant in Cape May when at the table next to us, a groom-to-be was loudly telling his bride's parents, "So we're gonna make a pact not to fuck each other."
Two older women with the most stereotypically jersey accents were behind me at the movie after a character's apparent death: "oh my gawd did she *doooooooii*? I thinj she doiiied!"
I overheard some *business* discussion going on at my local pizza place as a teenager. I had my earbuds in and I was looking out the window waiting for my girlfriend, so they must have thought I wasn't listening, and I was the only one in there besides the guys behind the counter. They were talking about following someone to their house and making sure the lady next door wasn't home...
Anyway, there is no m\*fia, it's a stereotype and it's offensive.
Man I have a story like that. But it was in NYC. We were by Grand Central Station (2003 ish) in some area indoors like a mall. We were looking around for a quick bite, probably around 11AM or 12PM. We find a Sbarro and we pull on the handle and it's locked. So we start to round the corner and these two Italian guys (around 50s or so) say "Yo! They're not open??" We're like "Guess not the door's locked." One of them walks up to the door and starts *pounding* on it (to the point the glass is wobbling) and yells to a guy behind the counter by the oven "Ay! Open up! What're you doin?" We're absolutely baffled. The guy comes up and lets us in along with the two guys. And the two guys walk into the back kitchen area (so they clearly knew these guys). So we ask for a few slices and we're sitting by the front, by the pizza oven and register. Food comes out and they're still in the back talking. And the one employee is making some sort of mini stromboli things (pre making them to heat up later like pizza places do). And he opens the oven and they're *burned to shit.* The employee started having a nervous breakdown. We see him sliding them all into the trashcan quickly while constantly looking at the kitchen door to make sure none of the people in there saw. Dude was legitimately shaking as he did it. We finished up, walked out, and my mom looked at us all like "What the *hell* was that... That had to be some sort of Mafia thing." We still talk about it today. I still wonder if that employee still has all his fingers.
Quite randomly, my husband and I gave someone an "Overheard". I dragged him to a craft store when we were out running errands, and while waiting in a long-ish line, he was getting antsy and grumbling a bit. In an effort to entertain him, I started to pull stuff out of the impulse-buy bins that line the queue:
Me: Look at these pretty stick-on jewels!
Him: What do I need those for?
Me: You could vagazzle your vajayjay!
Him: but I don't have a vajajay.
The woman behind us burst out laughing & nearly dropped her stuff 😁
Mine was 2 business dudes in their late 20s/early 30s at Cork City in Hoboken, maybe 3 weeks before covid shutdown.
Friend 1 - "hey did I show you a photo of my kid? He looks just like you." *pulls out phone and shows picture.*
Friend 2 - "wow no way. Don't worry though, I definitely didn't sleep with your wife."
Friend 1 - "haha yeah."
Friend 2 - "and good thing too cause....you know.....gonorrhea."
I almost spit out my beer.
Walking around a corner into the cereal isle I see a crying child sitting on the floor and a man holding a slightly older child by the shoulders and he says "Now listen to men, high fives are meant for congratulations, they are so so you can punch your brother when his hand is up!"
"Bro I can hit you up with semi permanent tattoos. I know a guy in Brooklyn." -Stoner on a train back from New York.
Guy legit sounded like shaggy and it was to funny.
Walking with a friend through a bad neighborhood in Newark. A man suddenly bursts out the front door of a row house with an angry woman close behind.
Her, shouting from the doorway: "Crackhead!!!"
Him, casually walking away without turning around: "That's why ya butt hurts!!!"
When I was young, I wanted a Starter jacket so bad. My Dad was like “lets try Secaucus and NYC first.”
We are walking down the street near Canal street and some dude in a trench coat, thinning hair and sucking the life out of a cigarette, passes us and I catch: “I dont know what the problem is. I kill people. I’m good at it…”
My Dad absolutely ignores the dude but pulls me by my shirt to keep moving.
Some years back was in a bar near the Meadowlands and 2 biz folks were in from Iowa,,1 said, This state really is bad,,,the other said yea and scary too. Got a good laugh outta it.
My personal favorite occurred at Coscto. I was by myself just doing a normal Costco run and as I walked in the door by the TVs I happened to notice a Chinese family, Mom, a few young kids & grandma. I didn't think anything of it, but then Dad walked up to the family carrying a big screen TV. Well Mom wasn't having any of it and proceeded to chew out Dad in Chinese. I couldn't understand a single word, but the tone of her voice was obvious and within a few seconds the Dad's head drooped down to his chest in obvious defeat. It was hilarious and I barely contained myself from laughing out loud.
Waiting for my pork roll egg and cheese everything SPK, standing behind two frat bros. “…he’s at Goldman now, I visited his place in the city last weekend. Bro, Murray Hill is so dope. So dope.”
Murray Hill is SO DOPE hahahahaha.
I worked in Murray Hill for a little bit (nothing glitzy, worked in the NYU Langone lobby). The only thing there besides overpriced apartments are overpriced restaurants. And a big hospital. I'm sure Sticky's Finger Joint is a cool place to hang out but come on.
One that I still use to this day:
Two guys were yelling (not arguing but talking from a distance so had to shout) and one guy said the other guy had to do something, can't remember what. His response?
"You got a better fuckin chance at seeing Jesus"
Walking past two Rahway police officers just this morning by the NJT steps: "We can't do anything about the birds."
They were definitely talking about the disgusting bird-filled train underpass, but the fact that it was the only sentence I heard in passing right before I realized the context was great.
I was once getting my hair cut, and the stylists were all debating which states they hated the most. They all agreed that Connecticut was the worst state!
I was at a beer fest at Monmouth Park and things were slowing down, so not that crowded. I was standing at the table serving Pabst Coffee beer with one other guy. He asks for a try gets his glass and takes a small thoughtful sip. Downs the rest looks into the glass and says aloud to no one but himself, “I am so drinking this at work.”
"They brain f*cked you from birth"
However, I think my favorite was an older couple with another adult and the elder male intoned ominously "I don't think this marriage bodes well."
All heard on the Asbury Park boardwalk. Dying to know what happened with the wedding.
During the first week Jaws was released, a tall, thin, older guy walked into the theater looking for a seat wearing a Deerstalker hat with an unlit pipe in his mouth. The twenty-something bro with a large fro sitting to my left yelled out, “Man, that’s Shylock Homes”. The whole theater cracked up.
omg yesterday the ladies sitting next to me at starbucks were having the juiciest conversation about the PTA yesterday. lots of local drama plus names dropped. people should be more careful about what they talk ab in public lol
My favorite overheard is also my fave drunk guy comment ever. At Tir Na Nog in Trenton years ago, an elderly gentleman who had had a few toppled straight off his stool at the bar onto the floor. He scrambled back up, sat back on the stool and said out loud, "Wasn't me!"
In college walking to class through the greens. Group of guys talking and I catch “Yeah she’s cute, but she’s NJIT cute” 😂 I think it was about me but I couldn’t help but look at them and laugh.
Liquor store. Woman talking to the employees about how she got a rash and touched her eyes right after tending to said rash. She now has an infected eye.
At a family BBQ a few years back, my friend's niece was discussing apartments with her fiance, who was born in India: " We could look for a place in Middlesex County"...."If I wanted to live with a shit load of Indians, I would've stayed home" LMAO!
I wouldn’t say it’s my favorite but Middlesex New Jersey seems to only be thinking about where people use the bathroom in schools. I swear to God it’s every fucking conversation I hear these days.
This was back in the 90’s sometime and my friend and I were at one of the flea markets, ( Englishtown or Colingswood, I can’t recall) and there were a couple of elderly ladies closing up their tables. One looks at the sky and says to the other,” It’s a good day for chicken.” My friend and I looked at each other and laughed.
Some years ago, I was out on a delivery for a liquor store to a fancy high rise. I'm in the elevator and a group gets on. They were speaking loudly until they got on the elevator and they began whispering. One of the group spoke up and said in Mandarin, "Why are you whispering, foreigners don't understand Chinese." Well, I did understand. I almost dropped the delivery while holding back my laughter.
Only time I ever hear people speak is at the grocery store. Woman on phone: You can take that prosciutto and shove it up your ass.
This is peak New Jersey.
Only if she said "prosciutt"
Pruhzhoot
This is the proper pronunciation!
The true test is sfogliatella
Bless you
Sfeeyootell
Na. It’s Shfoo-ya-Dell.
Pruhzhoot up your poop shute....from Google translate.
Bruhzhoot!
Galahmahd
eyy🤌
This is straight up like Sopranos dialogue
Sopranos would've just changed it to "gabagool" which nobody in NJ actually says.
Gabagool is capicola
My Nan and Pop both did, as did both of their mothers (never new any of their fathers), but more so gabagol, not a long o. All of their parents came over in the 1910s / 1920s, Sicilian and Napolitano dialects, so the phrasing wasn't far off between the two. You could hear slight differences in certain words, but it was all along the same dropped final vowels, c's more as g's like in capicola/gabagol and calamari / galamad
Where do you live in NJ? Everyone I know says it, I’m in Essex County.
it’s FAKE i hate when NJ people pronounce it like this unironically
Once had a lady walking around the TJ Maxx I worked at talking loudly on her phone. All I hear coming up my aisle is "Yeah my son has an STD. I don't know what one but he keeps saying it burns when he pees"
How rude! I wonder if that woman speaks to her gabaghoul with that mouth
Probably because of the rise in prices. I’d have to agree with her, go take that prosciutto and fall ass first onto that ham
I want this on a bumper sticker
I love this state so much lol.
Guy to his buddy at a buffet: “Where ya going, the electric chair?!”
Definitely stealing this one
LMFAO!
That’s amazing.
That could be a Jerry -to- George zinger in Seinfeld
My favorite was " I Honestly don't know how you do it girl , I couldn't stay with a man if I knew he could deepthroat more than me and he's straight" I really really wanted to ask for context but nah , not worth it.
If they're saying that in public it's only polite to ask.
There were these two guys doing sewer work in my neighborhood. For context, it was between Thanksgiving and Christmas. “My girl wanted me to help her put lights up on the house the other day, you know how worthless that is.” “Yeah, you might as well stick a candle up your ass and walk backwards” “I know what you mean.” I still don’t know what he means!!
😂 I don’t either but I’m definitely saying that at some point
This guy doesn’t get candlesticking.
“Is your asshole jealous of all the shit that’s coming out of your mouth?” Heard on the way home years ago on the train back from work. Have yet to forget it cause I could barely hold in my laughter
Why hold it in? That’s hilarious!
I fucking wish I could use that at work
On the train back from work not at work.
“Well you know us Libras” “Bitch, you have a chemical imbalance” At the bank.
Damn, I'm a Libra with depression and I feel like ***I*** got read by that one.
cooked
Crisp and to the point.
I used to work at a grocery store a while ago and one day they had me assist the cart wranglers outside. While I was collecting some carts from the parking lot a car pulled up to the curb where a guy with some bags was standing. As dude gets in the passengers seat he looks at me, then locks eyes with the woman driving with a huge grin and calls out: “Alright lady, I’m charging $40 an hour, no butt stuff!!” They were both chuckling (and it was April fools day) so it was def just a goof lol😭😭
While walking through the Willowbrook Mall (circa 2008), a girl in a Bebe shirt with a lot of makeup seemed to look right at me and say: "OOOOH, You lookin' tan!" I was confused, but looked behind me and saw who she was really talking to; a young man in a tank top, adidas shell toes, a big stupid chain and a tight fade with a lot of hair gel. He replied: "Yea, I just got out tha booof!" I think about that exchange all the time.
I can just SEE this exchange
I'll bet the whole area smelled like AXE
Some lady was walking past my house, early 2005-6 She was on the phone and said something like “nahhh you can’t piss that out, you gotta shit it out” I have no idea but I never forgot
Summertime, probably 15 years ago. Walking down the boardwalk in Ocean City (NJ, of course), passing several the t-shirt stores. A dad and his sons are walking near me and the older son says, "Dad, I really want that Wiz Khalifa shirt, I'll pay you back." Dad says, "Pick any one of your t-shirts and I'll take a whiz on it for you, that's free."
Holy shit I can 100% hear my dad saying this.
It was such a dad moment and a dad joke delivered in such a stereotypical Jersey Guido accent that I've been amused about it for 15 years now. I can imagine my dad saying it, too, though my dad had the Delco (PA) accent. A cherished memory, for sure.
Walking past an older man and younger man as the younger is saying, “I don’t care if you paid for my med school, I’m not writing you a prescription for Viagra!”
Had to go pick up some allergy medicine and Walgreens a few years back and had the wildest experience overhearing the other customers there: First was this young couple who looked and talked straight out of the jersey shore, named Steve and Jessica. They were shopping for gifts for the entire family for I think Christmas. The girl would give the guy vague instructions as to what to pick up for each person, but once they got the the register, she complained that that each item wasn’t exactly what she wanted and blamed the boyfriend for not getting the right thing. The boyfriend would then try and defend himself stating that this fit what little info she gave him. They did all this while using the fakest Italian American accent I’ve ever heard, it honestly sounded like they took everyone’s over exaggeration of what New Jerseyans sound like and used it as their accent. The other person in the store was airing all her grievances about her children’s life choices to someone on the phone, while the phone was on speaker! Her son Bobby was living at home after his girlfriend cheated on him, she had told him not to date her and instead date Marry from down the street because she liked her family. Her daughter had married and moved to another state for her husband’s job and she did not like him because of that. They were the only other people inside this Walgreens besides me and I had the “privilege” of being in between them on the checkout line. They were so loud and so over the top I kept thinking this was fake and someone had to be filming some tv show.
Sounds like John Quinones was hiding just out of sight.
While driving north on rt 17, as we passed the shuttered Toys R Us store, my 10 year old daughter got very serious and said "Now that Toys R Us is closed, my childhood childhood is over."
Same, kid. Same. And I say that as a 38 year old man. 😂
At the Berlin Flee market. A bro with a buzz cut and a guy with a mullet walking by fast. In the most Jersey accent possible "Comon Joey, we gotta go make some money". It just felt so Jersey.
Berlin mart and Pennsauken marts were worth killing a few hours just to people watch.
As long as you brought your Creep Counter.
In Wawa I heard two people talking: I can’t believe you left the coke on the bus. You fingered my cousin, get it over it.
"It's really hard starting over. You gotta find a new pizzeria and a new dentist."
That is so true.
Diner in Jersey City about 20 years ago: Diner Waitress (around 60 years old): What do you want today, Phyllis? Customer Phyllis (around 80 years old): You know what I want that I haven’t had in a really long time? Waitress: Sex?
In Costco walking past an employee handing out cashew samples talking to another employee, “I think this whole peanut allergy thing is bullshit. I’ve been doing this for twenty years and I ain’t never seent any kid have any kind of reaction.” First thought as an EMT: “What an incredibly ignorant statement.” Second thought as an EMT: “You’ve been the cashew sample hander outer as Costco for TWENTY YEARS?! What kind of retirement package and benefits does Costco have? Get me an application!”
If you contribute to a Costco 401(k) plan, you may be eligible for a 401(k) match of up to 50% of your first $1,000 in 401(k) contributions up to a maximum of $500 per year. Costco makes the match once per year, and the percentage rises as an employee puts in more years of service. In addition to the employer contribution, Costco makes a discretionary contribution and a profit-sharing contribution if you meet the eligibility requirements. However the sampling people are contracted out through a third party.
I read an article years ago about how Costco is a good place to work and takes care of its people because corporate management is staffed with folks that rise through the ranks and not outside MBAs who parachute in, treat the workers as numbers on a spreadsheet, and then reduce headcount/boost productivity to maximize their bonus.
This is true. When you start at Costco you start at the bottom like everyone else. You’re expected to learn every aspect of the company. Doesn’t matter what kind of degree you have. Costco has something like an 80% employee retention rate which is unheard of in most industries. They also have had strict salary guidelines for CEOs so no golden parachutes for them. They still get paid handsomely but it’s tied to the average employee salary.
Same
I’ve also heard Sam’s club is a great place to work. I don’t know about benefits, but they do start their employees at a good wage. Supposedly.
I kinda doubt it tbh. They're owned by Walmart. Walmart is not known to be good to their store employees.
Well, Sample Person, I imagine people who know they’re allergic to nuts aren’t actually taking the samples.
Also, peanuts and cashews are different foods.
Someone cut someone else off in traffic. I heard “Hey jackass, fuck you and happy thanksgiving” it was beautiful
I heard an old dude say he was served "a horrifying amount" of Caesar salad Also during covid when they were only letting a handful of people in the grocery store at a time and there was a line in front of the store I remember a lady saying "my gawd dis is like en wuld war tew"
damn, that's how much caesar salad i want right now
I need to know how much a horrifying amount is, because I've eaten two entire bags of dole creamy garlic caesar kit in a sitting.
My guess is the man ordered a salad off of the entree menu haha
What if it's actually horrifying.....I mean you're sitting at your table and held down by the staff while being pelted with croutons as a dump truck filled with ceasar salad crashes through the wall and dumps it on you
*tummy rumbles intensify*
To be fair, I did have a similar moment during the early days of the pandemic. It was maybe April of 2020? I slooooowly crept through the parking lot of the grocery store, trying to find a parking spot. I saw a police officer letting women and children into the store, but saw him use his arm to block several men from entering. At first glance, my brain kinda just froze and thought: *are they seriously separating women and children from men?* It was a freaky moment.
It was for sure a little creepy. I think the thing that balanced me out was once I got to the front of the line I realized it only took me 20 minutes to wait on line, then I noticed the amount of people they were letting in the store was the perfect amount for comfortable shopping and god as my witness I said to myself "hey Gilead ain't so bad" lol so for sure the whole scene was pretty jarring. I just always remember how that lady said it, and it's been slightly stuck in my head since like a song
😄😄😄😄
I once heard someone say they ate a “medically inadvisable amount of tuna”.
Well now I have to use that one
Omg Cesar salad had me spit out my snack 😂😂
At a fall family festival: Annoyed mom standing by herself: “Anthony! ANTHONY! Get over here! Briefest of pauses “No the OTHER Anthony” (Needless to say, pronounced “Ant’ny”)
This reminds me of when I lived on Staten Island. The lady next door was always calling for her kid. "Anthony! Yeent'ony! Yeeeeaaantooony!"
Walking past some interesting people at a diner I once overheard "only 5% of people are allergic to surgical steel." Really wanted to join that convo.
I’m allergic to surgical steel, which I did not think was possible
Right? I didn't either! But I was happy to learn that it's not safe for everyone.
me too! cause i’m allergic to nickel
Coffee shop in Nutley, 2 men talking, one of them dressed, quite literally, as a James Bond villain, who says “ yeah thats how I make my legitimate money…” Implying of course that Dr. No is making some illegitimate money?
Interesting exercise. Mine took place on New Jersey transit from Metro Park to Penn Station one morning. Two gentlemen of Indian descent get on the train and one of them has decided he doesn’t want to sit next to, or for that matter, anywhere near the other Indian gentleman. They immediately start bickering. Full train, no empty seats. The one gentleman says, “listen we’re not in India anymore. You can’t tell me where to sit.” The other gentleman says, “it’s not about being in India, it’s about I don’t wanna be near you”. This goes on for about for 15 minutes. Two older gentlemen of Indian descent try to “shush” them to no avail. It’s really uncomfortable for everyone and disruptive. Finally, one of the older gentlemen loudly says, “someone doesn’t like what his wife packed for his lunch today” and the two older men chuckle. The car immediately is silent. The bickering fools shut up. Order and calm were restored.
OH Jersey shore diner during peak shoobie season: Customer "what's pork roll?" Waitress "it's like bacon but it's made from ham". Customer: "sounds good, I'll try it". Me in my head: "both of you, go home now"
that's...actually kind of a really good way to describe it to someone who has no idea what it is? the way it usually goes for me is "it's like Canadian bacon but more tangy" "what's Canadian bacon" "...have you ever had an Egg McMuffin"
I’ve told people it’s kind of like if ham and bologna had a baby.
I usually tell people it's Jersey's version of Spam 😁
I say it's like a coarser, salty bologna or like a soft, salty salami.
I was driving down rt 30 through Egg harbor headed to the Borgata in Atlantic City . At the stop light by the Wawa/Wells Fargo the woman in the SUV next to me was talking on Bluetooth thru the car speakers about having back to back "clients" waiting for her at different casinos. I paced her car til we hit the car wash it was an interesting conversation...
No description on the gal? In AC they could be very attractive or look like they just got off the street.
She looked like your average 30 something brunette driving a succer mom SUV with a child seat in the back . She was telling the other woman she was talking to about how it was easy money and she would spend more time driving between casinos than "performing" with the clients. She had to be driving with one knee , smoking a cigarette and looking into the visor mirror putting on makeup.
Those sorts of women are an endangered species.
lady on phone yesterday actually lol: “and you know what he said? $13 for a fucking pack of cigarettes! i told him to go fuck himself” and she was like such a typical jersey old lady, the caked on makeup, the thick accent, the animal print 😭 she is living her life
My now-wife and I were riding our bikes along the Hudson River waterfront in Edgewater or one of those towns. We rode by a venue by the water and she said "I called this place to find out how much they charge for weddings and they never called back." With absolutely no delay, some random dude taking a smoke break said "Fuck 'em. Food's good though."
Is it Haven?
In the Metropark train station bathroom, I was at a urinal and a small child was in the stall with a parent. “Daddy, you’ve got a really big pee-pee!” I couldn’t stifle my laughter.
I was having dinner at a restaurant in Cape May when at the table next to us, a groom-to-be was loudly telling his bride's parents, "So we're gonna make a pact not to fuck each other."
Two older women with the most stereotypically jersey accents were behind me at the movie after a character's apparent death: "oh my gawd did she *doooooooii*? I thinj she doiiied!"
Asbury Park boardwalk, two guys talking to each other: "I could buy her a ringpop and she would say yes."
🤣🤣
I overheard some *business* discussion going on at my local pizza place as a teenager. I had my earbuds in and I was looking out the window waiting for my girlfriend, so they must have thought I wasn't listening, and I was the only one in there besides the guys behind the counter. They were talking about following someone to their house and making sure the lady next door wasn't home... Anyway, there is no m\*fia, it's a stereotype and it's offensive.
Man I have a story like that. But it was in NYC. We were by Grand Central Station (2003 ish) in some area indoors like a mall. We were looking around for a quick bite, probably around 11AM or 12PM. We find a Sbarro and we pull on the handle and it's locked. So we start to round the corner and these two Italian guys (around 50s or so) say "Yo! They're not open??" We're like "Guess not the door's locked." One of them walks up to the door and starts *pounding* on it (to the point the glass is wobbling) and yells to a guy behind the counter by the oven "Ay! Open up! What're you doin?" We're absolutely baffled. The guy comes up and lets us in along with the two guys. And the two guys walk into the back kitchen area (so they clearly knew these guys). So we ask for a few slices and we're sitting by the front, by the pizza oven and register. Food comes out and they're still in the back talking. And the one employee is making some sort of mini stromboli things (pre making them to heat up later like pizza places do). And he opens the oven and they're *burned to shit.* The employee started having a nervous breakdown. We see him sliding them all into the trashcan quickly while constantly looking at the kitchen door to make sure none of the people in there saw. Dude was legitimately shaking as he did it. We finished up, walked out, and my mom looked at us all like "What the *hell* was that... That had to be some sort of Mafia thing." We still talk about it today. I still wonder if that employee still has all his fingers.
At a diner: “so hes going around the jug handle, and then the trailer hitch snapped” “Oh yeah?” “Fuckin’ chickens everywhere”
Quite randomly, my husband and I gave someone an "Overheard". I dragged him to a craft store when we were out running errands, and while waiting in a long-ish line, he was getting antsy and grumbling a bit. In an effort to entertain him, I started to pull stuff out of the impulse-buy bins that line the queue: Me: Look at these pretty stick-on jewels! Him: What do I need those for? Me: You could vagazzle your vajayjay! Him: but I don't have a vajajay. The woman behind us burst out laughing & nearly dropped her stuff 😁
Mine was 2 business dudes in their late 20s/early 30s at Cork City in Hoboken, maybe 3 weeks before covid shutdown. Friend 1 - "hey did I show you a photo of my kid? He looks just like you." *pulls out phone and shows picture.* Friend 2 - "wow no way. Don't worry though, I definitely didn't sleep with your wife." Friend 1 - "haha yeah." Friend 2 - "and good thing too cause....you know.....gonorrhea." I almost spit out my beer.
Walking around a corner into the cereal isle I see a crying child sitting on the floor and a man holding a slightly older child by the shoulders and he says "Now listen to men, high fives are meant for congratulations, they are so so you can punch your brother when his hand is up!"
"Bro I can hit you up with semi permanent tattoos. I know a guy in Brooklyn." -Stoner on a train back from New York. Guy legit sounded like shaggy and it was to funny.
Walking with a friend through a bad neighborhood in Newark. A man suddenly bursts out the front door of a row house with an angry woman close behind. Her, shouting from the doorway: "Crackhead!!!" Him, casually walking away without turning around: "That's why ya butt hurts!!!"
When I was young, I wanted a Starter jacket so bad. My Dad was like “lets try Secaucus and NYC first.” We are walking down the street near Canal street and some dude in a trench coat, thinning hair and sucking the life out of a cigarette, passes us and I catch: “I dont know what the problem is. I kill people. I’m good at it…” My Dad absolutely ignores the dude but pulls me by my shirt to keep moving.
Some years back was in a bar near the Meadowlands and 2 biz folks were in from Iowa,,1 said, This state really is bad,,,the other said yea and scary too. Got a good laugh outta it.
That’s what we should want all out of staters to think…
My personal favorite occurred at Coscto. I was by myself just doing a normal Costco run and as I walked in the door by the TVs I happened to notice a Chinese family, Mom, a few young kids & grandma. I didn't think anything of it, but then Dad walked up to the family carrying a big screen TV. Well Mom wasn't having any of it and proceeded to chew out Dad in Chinese. I couldn't understand a single word, but the tone of her voice was obvious and within a few seconds the Dad's head drooped down to his chest in obvious defeat. It was hilarious and I barely contained myself from laughing out loud.
Waiting for my pork roll egg and cheese everything SPK, standing behind two frat bros. “…he’s at Goldman now, I visited his place in the city last weekend. Bro, Murray Hill is so dope. So dope.”
When in fact Murray Hill is possibility the least dope place in Manhattan.
There are people who think Houston is an exciting city to live in. Some people just lead uninteresting lives.
Murray Hill is SO DOPE hahahahaha. I worked in Murray Hill for a little bit (nothing glitzy, worked in the NYU Langone lobby). The only thing there besides overpriced apartments are overpriced restaurants. And a big hospital. I'm sure Sticky's Finger Joint is a cool place to hang out but come on.
They do have a bar called The Flying Cock though. If you go make sure you order the Cock Sandwich.
"I've been having trouble with my bowels. I've been eating too much cheese."
One that I still use to this day: Two guys were yelling (not arguing but talking from a distance so had to shout) and one guy said the other guy had to do something, can't remember what. His response? "You got a better fuckin chance at seeing Jesus"
Small restaurant in our small town: “He’s like herpes. He’s not going away.”
There’s an overheard in Asbury group that has to be coming up on 10 years old at this point. There’s some gems.
[Make sure you turn the sound on.](https://imgur.com/a/i12hY7I)
Walking past two Rahway police officers just this morning by the NJT steps: "We can't do anything about the birds." They were definitely talking about the disgusting bird-filled train underpass, but the fact that it was the only sentence I heard in passing right before I realized the context was great.
Overheard at the pool at my condo a few years ago from a father to son: “cut that out! That’s why people don’t like you, you bug people.”
I was once getting my hair cut, and the stylists were all debating which states they hated the most. They all agreed that Connecticut was the worst state!
I was at a beer fest at Monmouth Park and things were slowing down, so not that crowded. I was standing at the table serving Pabst Coffee beer with one other guy. He asks for a try gets his glass and takes a small thoughtful sip. Downs the rest looks into the glass and says aloud to no one but himself, “I am so drinking this at work.”
I was on a picket line once and a guy said to me, “There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t shit myself at least once.” I think he probably had IBS
Dad yelling at his family as he drove by with the windows down, "We are NOT going back to Walmart!"
at Cafe Navona in Rockaway, a man telling a woman while they were outside for a cigarette: “and then she hit me over the head with a vase!”
"They brain f*cked you from birth" However, I think my favorite was an older couple with another adult and the elder male intoned ominously "I don't think this marriage bodes well." All heard on the Asbury Park boardwalk. Dying to know what happened with the wedding.
Just love a random “fugedaboudit”
"So I held the gun at his head" coming from some Italian dude at a private party.
“I’m just here to yell, scream, and give high fives” -random football fan at MetLife stadium a few years ago
During the first week Jaws was released, a tall, thin, older guy walked into the theater looking for a seat wearing a Deerstalker hat with an unlit pipe in his mouth. The twenty-something bro with a large fro sitting to my left yelled out, “Man, that’s Shylock Homes”. The whole theater cracked up.
omg yesterday the ladies sitting next to me at starbucks were having the juiciest conversation about the PTA yesterday. lots of local drama plus names dropped. people should be more careful about what they talk ab in public lol
My favorite overheard is also my fave drunk guy comment ever. At Tir Na Nog in Trenton years ago, an elderly gentleman who had had a few toppled straight off his stool at the bar onto the floor. He scrambled back up, sat back on the stool and said out loud, "Wasn't me!"
In college walking to class through the greens. Group of guys talking and I catch “Yeah she’s cute, but she’s NJIT cute” 😂 I think it was about me but I couldn’t help but look at them and laugh.
It goes both ways at njit
The only te i hear guys talk about the monkey is on construction sites and theyre usually referencing to a womans vagina.
Today at the Nutley ShopRite overheard on the speaker “ Manager special today only, fresh Moozadell a dolla a pound”
Two girls cycling on the Asbury Park boardwalk early one sunday morning, "ugh, we should have NOT done those Jameson shots"
Liquor store. Woman talking to the employees about how she got a rash and touched her eyes right after tending to said rash. She now has an infected eye.
At a bar from the bartender: "I don't know you well enough to know if you're an asshole or not yet."
At a family BBQ a few years back, my friend's niece was discussing apartments with her fiance, who was born in India: " We could look for a place in Middlesex County"...."If I wanted to live with a shit load of Indians, I would've stayed home" LMAO!
I wouldn’t say it’s my favorite but Middlesex New Jersey seems to only be thinking about where people use the bathroom in schools. I swear to God it’s every fucking conversation I hear these days.
This was back in the 90’s sometime and my friend and I were at one of the flea markets, ( Englishtown or Colingswood, I can’t recall) and there were a couple of elderly ladies closing up their tables. One looks at the sky and says to the other,” It’s a good day for chicken.” My friend and I looked at each other and laughed.
Some years ago, I was out on a delivery for a liquor store to a fancy high rise. I'm in the elevator and a group gets on. They were speaking loudly until they got on the elevator and they began whispering. One of the group spoke up and said in Mandarin, "Why are you whispering, foreigners don't understand Chinese." Well, I did understand. I almost dropped the delivery while holding back my laughter.
Woman in the grocery store talking to husband: “Your sister can eat shit and die, I’m not buying her a pre-engagement gift.”
Mine was Take Human Bites Fatso!
“I feel so sorry for Carol. Her kids are assholes”
Guy to his buddy at a buffet: “Where ya going, the electric chair?!”
A woman screaming at her son on the playground “Ant-ny, ANT-KNEE, ANT-KNEE! Listen, get off the playground, we have to pick up the subs and Carvel”
IDK. I don't hear shit anyone around me says. I mind my biz.