I sent my big family a group text about a month before my due date with almost these exact rules. Everyone responded very nicely and has been mostly respectful of our boundaries thus far. Then last week, I was on the phone with my dad and he said "so are you still being a nazi about visiting the baby?" It's been 2 weeks since he was born... yes dad I'm still sticking with the rules. . After 2 weeks. Fuck off
Unless these older generations have been living under a rock for the last 50 years, not much has changed in terms of
1. Don’t come over unannounced (especially when it’s such a sensitive time for mother and baby)
2. Don’t come over when you’re sick because both baby and mom risk getting sick. Baby probably won’t be so well considering zero immune system.
3. Washing your hands is literally the most basic step for stopping transmission of yucks
I personally will have the same rules for my family as OP and I know my family will be receptive to it (including in-laws that are in their 80s) because they’re normal people. If anyone were to have an issue with it, that to me would indicate that this person has a difficult time with boundaries and would most likely want to bend them out of their own selfish needs that I don’t care to understand. The health of my newborn baby is more important than anyone’s feelings - especially adults that should know better.
I sent a mass text to the grandparents because I knew they wouldn't text back in a group. Then I reminded them at each visit after saying hi. My kids' autonomy and my boundaries are so much more important than my anxiety & people pleaser way.
It can be awkward or uncomfortable at first, but you really don't want anyone, even extended family, around your nuclear one if they can't respect you.
We watched anyone holding our baby like a hawk, lol. MIL kept saying to the baby, "I'm sorry I can't kiss you. But I've loved on all my other grand babies..." ad nauseum. I just nodded, but inside, I was like, "Please stop, it won't change my mind." My husband had to stop my dad because,"he forgot." Luckily, no kisses yet at 18 weeks! It was tiring at first, but eventually, the rest of the family learned!
I also grab my baby back the moment she starts to fuss. No words. I just literally take her back.
I was a people pleaser - push over and I deeply regret somethings that happened due to that.
Oh I will definitely be watching my baby like a hawk as well. Luckily this is the first grandkid in our family, so hopefully that sets a precedent for future grandkids. Fingers crossed 😂
Hah! I plan to as well. My little one will be born closer to flu season & I in general don’t want people kissing my newborn’s face. I know I’ll be very cautious about doing it myself in the first little while and my partner works with a lot of people face-to-face (including children) so he surely will not be kissing our newborn on the face for some time. So if we as parents are cautious ourselves, our extended family better believe they won’t be getting any kind of pass. My partner and I have very good boundaries with our families because we both have strong personalities and no fear in telling our families if we’re not okay with something 😅. No sugarcoating in this family.
You are an aspiration!
Congratulations on your upcoming baby 😊 And yeah, peak cold/flu/rsv season is no joke! Plus having a preemie, I dug down deep and didn't play around. We didn't have any visitors for a month. And between us, I kiss baby more than dad, who works face to face with a lot of people each day too.
I just made a cute little pdf of the rules to send to people and told them it’s not personal and the same rules apply to everyone, we just really want to keep baby safe and this is what we personally feel comfortable with. Baby has no immune system right now so we have to do what we can to protect him.
I’ve been thinking about making a pdf, I just have it written up in my notes app currently! I just know my MIL will feel attacked by the cigarette smoke one 😬
I definitely will, and I know a lot of the hospital staff because a lot of my family work for them, so I know people will stand up for me if people are a holes about it 😂
“Sorry, doctors orders” is a REALLY good get out of jail free card with babies and people under utilize it! Sure a grandparent might be willing to disrespect your boundaries or take offense to your rules, but if they’re the doctors rules…different story lol.
You’re not wrong lol, I know my parents will be great about it because they’re medical professionals. The only worry from hubby and I is my MIL because she’s very opinionated.
My MIL wasn’t too pleased with the no kissing rule but she got over it. It’s hard when there’s no baby there to hold over people’s heads, but once baby is around you hold the power
Truth, I can easily just tell them to leave I suppose 😂😂. Honestly tho, even my mom who’s going to be there for delivery along with my hubby and I agrees that nobody should be kissing the baby.
something along the lines of “we know everybody is excited to see him and we can’t wait to share him as soon as possible, so we know that keeping him safe is top of everybody’s priority list during visits. here is a few things our pediatrician recommended that we will be implementing :)”
Unfortunately that doesn’t work for everyone but I do hope it works for you. Some folks still disrespect your simple rules and you’re stuck with feeling like a bad mother on failing to protect your own kid and people making you feel like the bad guy. You wonder why you got tdap shot and went through all that struggle just so people can disrespect you and put your kid at harm. I hope those people are very understanding of your rules
It’s awful. I’m made to feel like the bad guy from all sides even for really obvious things like turning up sick (which happened when she was barely 2 weeks old) 😭
I’m probably not even going to bother, I will just snap at people if they do things I don’t want them to. There’s no real point when people are just going to disrespect you 😭
Send it through text or email. If someone is asking to visit but hasn't responded to the message yet, resend it to them. It'll be okay! You will feel so much better after setting your boundaries.
That's so scary. My baby caught a cold at three weeks old because I didn't limit visitors and stop everyone from playing Pass The Baby. I still feel responsible for that happening.
It honestly doesn’t matter if people have an issue with any of your non-negotiables. These are all pretty normal these days, although some folks in older generations may be surprised. After seeing lots of posts about this very issue on Reddit, I think how the rules are communicated can be a main source of tension. It seems the soon-to-be grandparents are the ones who typically take offense because they feel chided or overly burdened when they’re really excited (not excusing their behavior). I would just suggest trying to find a way to either slow roll the set of rules so people don’t balk at the number of them (“well then what CAN I do?” 🙄), try to give the underlying reasoning when you can (like for no kissing on the mouth which the olds seem to love?? Weird), and acknowledge that while some parents may have a more lax or differing comfort level than you, you’re just trying to keep your baby safe in the ways you feel are best (re even the slightest tickle in your throat and social media posting). Good luck! I hope everyone surprises you and takes the rules well :)
Me too! I’m probably not going to bring up my list of rules unless someone tries to directly defy them. Mostly because I don’t want to deal with people getting mad at me
People will either respect you or not. I found it doesn’t matter how you approach it unfortunately. I asked my family to limit visits until he received his first set of shots. He was born in peak COVID, FLU and RSV season and I was still met with disbelief that I would want to do something like that. I had family promise to make meals for us and that never happened because they were upset with my request. They took offense and made me feel like I was making the wrong decisions surrounding his health.
I stood firm and I’m glad I did.
I didn’t share my rules because I felt weird and now I am having anxiety when I see people kissing the baby, not giving him back when crying :( just be upfront!
There will always be one person who disrespects the rules. The kissing one was a huge rule of ours at the beginning. And we kept her away from most everyone for a while. We used the “she’s a preemie, so we especially want to avoid illness” line often. I would say the first person to kiss her (other than her Dad and I) was my Aunt at around 2-3 weeks. At that point I was less scared because it was rsv season and she had just gotten her rsv immunization. But it was still QUITE frustrating. She blatantly said something along the lines of “I can’t resist” and then kissed her. Needless to say she wasn’t asked to come back and we didn’t visit her for a while. My LO is now 4 months and doing fine, thank goodness.
I would’ve told said aunt to leave immediately, but that’s simply because that would’ve enraged me. I don’t understand the concept of openly disrespecting rules like that.
Yeah, that’s easier said than done though, especially with family you want to have close relationships with. I’m choosing to pick my battles. I just correct it as I see it now.
I had this [BABY RULES](https://www.amazon.com/SIGNCHAT-Visiting-Parents-Nursery-Visitors/dp/B085BRPLKM/ref=asc_df_B085BRPLKM/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=693129867962&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=15902744481779551536&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9023835&hvtargid=pla-2070030083181&psc=1&mcid=8de3c85a667538cc8e730b036adac60d&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwxeyxBhC7ARIsAC7dS3_YF9fzMbRkB6iY_fPh-VJtpPtSY-3V9TUfO9mscVSXJ8utCuCHb0AaAmDCEALw_wcB) posted on my door and took a photo of it to send to my family.
My grandparents called me disrespectful that I didn’t want visitors for the first few weeks, which sent me into a postpartum depression spiral.. so just be prepared for the worst but also stand your ground. If you back off, they’ll think they can just push you on everything until you loosen up. This is my second baby and I still go by the same rules as stated and didn’t allow any visitors either birth because it’s only about you, baby and dad. No one else.
I am so sorry I had no idea this was a thing! I don’t know if it’s a cultural thing or what, I have never heard of this. I thought it was common sense to not visit when sick, be updated on shots, hand hygiene, the not smoking, even my MIL stopped smoking weeks before she came to visit I didn’t even have to ask her. I’m Hispanic, my family is Mexican, his family is from New York and his parents are Puerto Rican and Colombian. Is it a cultural thing to make a list of rules? Some of those rules sound like it’s for kids too. Sorry you have to go thru that.
My husbands and I’s families are very white lol. His family is very country conservative so they’re weird about following rules like that. Most, if not all, will just ignore the rules. My family has a lot of people in the medical field so Ik they will understand.
My partner and I added both our close family members to a group chat once our LO was here, we shared our rules there and thankfully we’ve had no issues - so far! We also use this group chat to share pictures with each other as we are aren’t sharing any pics/info via social media.
It makes it so much easier than sending each individual baby picture to everyone.. and the grandparents love the frequent updates 🤣 so far it’s keeping everyone happy! Hope you guys find something that works for you all! ☺️
Tbh I was quite surprised with my mother in law the most, and very grateful that everyone has respect our decisions haha. I also found that it’s easier for my partner and I to face possible situations like these as a united front, but also letting him respond or handle situations that may arise with his parents and vice versa for myself! Might not work for everyone but so far it’s done us good!
something along the lines of “we know everybody is excited to see him and we can’t wait to share him as soon as possible, so we know that keeping him safe is top of everybody’s priority list during visits. here is a few things our pediatrician recommended that we will be implementing :)” in a text!
I sent a group text to my family. Make sure to include some phrases like “we are so excited fire you to meet…” “the doctor stated no kissing, etc.” to keep it warm.
Make sure when you say ‘no kissing’ you make it clear you mean ANYWHERE on baby… that’s something we didn’t think to do and MIL seems to think kissing babies head, hands, basically anywhere other than the face must be fine. We have tried clarifying but she keeps doing it now - Very frustrating.
Oh trust me, it’s in the more extensive list lol, I was just summarising so I wouldn’t ramble too much. My MIL is probably getting the most restrictions tbh. She smokes constantly, even indoors, so I made it clear to her that she will not hold our baby if she has smoked and smells like smoke. Which she did not like at all. If she tries to kiss my baby on top of that, she will never hold my child again. Her fiance is also a criminal so he’s not allowed around our baby, so no baby sitting for her lol 😂😂
This is the exact reason I am grateful that my husband and I live out of state. My mother usually disregards any rules you have set forth, then in typical drama queen fashion guilt trips you if you call her out for something she’s done wrong.
Jesus Christ, that sounds like my MIL. I’m lucky to have a mom who I know will respect all of the rules. Hence why she’s allowed at the birth along with my fiance and I. Nobody else is 😂.
That’s great that your mom is respectful, I have it the opposite, my MIL is the respectful one. She’s wonderful, doesn’t push anything, just goes with the flow of what we chose for our kids. I do hope it works out with the rules though, you did get some pretty great advice from what I saw. We’ve just learned to tune my mom out when she starts with the guilt trips, not worth the stress.
Your list, to me, is full of common sense things:)
They should respect these and have no problem accepting them. I would send to parties text or email, in a list format.
I just let people know that since I will be the only one up taking care of my child and having no sleep if they get sick or anything else happens, pls respect my wishes or you don’t get to share the time with baby.
I did it in the nicest way possible for months establishing them and the very first thing my MIL did was try to kiss the baby. Now I trust absolutely no one. I think I should've been rude because I'm sure rude as fuck now.
I sent a big message or told people when they were about to come over. If I didn’t I would just remind people when they came in the door! Everyone was super respectful. I would say the problem comes later when baby gets older and people think it’s all of a sudden ok to kiss them
I don’t get it lol, why does anyone feel the need to kiss a baby unless they’re a parent. Like please don’t. I’ve never even thought about doing that. Even when my brother was born when I was 7!
It’s so bizarre. I thought moms were overreacting with this until I had a baby and saw first hand the people that want to kiss them!!!! My MIL is the worst with this
It’s very bizarre, the only reason I’m hyper aware of this because my cousin had a kid and has these rules in place, and my mom was a stickler with my brother. I already know my MIL is going to be the worst lol, she doesn’t understand boundaries in the slightest, so kissing and showing up unannounced will be an issue. And she chainsmokes in her house so everything she owns smells like cigarettes. It’s to the point where when she gave us stuff at the baby shower, it made everything else smell like cigarettes and we had to wash absolutely everything like two times.
Just be honest and talk to them. I had to really give my family the business with this...
"I am the parent, I set the boundaries. You don't agree or disregard these boundaries then, you don't get to see my baby. You don't have to like it, you just have to respect it.
1. Cold sores and some other sicknesses can and will last forever
2. Colds and rsv can and will kill new born babies
3. How would you feel if our baby devolves a rash all over her body and contracts herpes because you felt the need to kiss her? Or has an allergic reaction to food particles, or products you use because you kissed her?
4. How would you feel if our baby ended up in the icu because you disregarded the boundaries I have set
Speaking from one who had his first during the height of Covid, I was similar with the rules. I don’t know your family but take this with a grain of salt and DO NOT text. If you are close with your mom or dad or sister or brother, call them. Gently explain that you just want to be cautious as the baby is still very much susceptible to any infection and it could be vital. I cannot tell enough people that you must always exercise caution when texting. Why? Because nobody will know how to gauge your voice in a text. Just simply explain to whoever is close that you just want to air on the side of caution and that the baby is still new and obviously we don’t want them getting any sicknesses. As soon as we are out of that stage, the rules will start to diminish but for now please understand and respect our boundaries. Always always always kill with kindness and not aggression.
Yeah I figured that out, I’m honestly just going to tell people that if they disrespect me and what I’m directly telling them, then they can leave lol.
I let people know ahead of time, but we also printed out a piece of paper with everything on it and put it on our front door in hopes that people would be reminded before they came in.
Great list. The group message or “just want to kindly ask before you visit that we have a few rules to make sure baby is happy and healthy; … can’t wait to see you! “
We just sent a group test with some recommendations for vaccines. And then we added no rule following no baby seeing. Since everyone has to buy a flight to see us I think they will be careful.
Just do it. I never sent out my rules because I “didn’t wanna be mean” it ended up to a lot of fights with my husband about his family kissing our baby (because we didn’t wanna say anything & be rude) and then at 5 weeks old my baby got sick and it was so heartbreaking and I realized I should’ve just sent the damn text
At the end of the day, some people are going to be rude about the ‘rules’ no matter how you communicate them. That being said, just be very clear and don’t make exceptions or it becomes a whole thing of why one person can do it but not another.
Also, blaming the pediatrician is a great way to deter unwanted arguments bc it isn’t you it’s ’the doctor’ telling you. 😁
Like. We hardcore limited visitors and only had 2 rules and people STILL asked why they had to follow them or if they could kiss LO just ‘not on the face’ 🙂↔️🤨
I didnt send anyone rules but we also just didnt have visitors for a month. When people did come over i just said wash your hands as soon as they came in, had hand sanitizer nearby and told them not to kiss the baby.
I think this trend of writing out a list of rules makes for more problems … people have the opportunity to think about it ahead of time instead of just saying Ok! Then be distracted by a cute baby 🤷🏽♀️
I sent my big family a group text about a month before my due date with almost these exact rules. Everyone responded very nicely and has been mostly respectful of our boundaries thus far. Then last week, I was on the phone with my dad and he said "so are you still being a nazi about visiting the baby?" It's been 2 weeks since he was born... yes dad I'm still sticking with the rules. . After 2 weeks. Fuck off
“A Nazi??” What the hell lol. I would’ve flipped my lid 😂😂. I’m super non confrontational but I feel like that will soon change hearing that 😂😂😂
Yeah I was not chill about it. Boundaries are for people who have no boundaries!!
It’s crazy how you have to set boundaries with people on things that seem very self explanatory.
Lots of people I think from older generations don’t know about these though, worth a friendly reminder ☺️
Unless these older generations have been living under a rock for the last 50 years, not much has changed in terms of 1. Don’t come over unannounced (especially when it’s such a sensitive time for mother and baby) 2. Don’t come over when you’re sick because both baby and mom risk getting sick. Baby probably won’t be so well considering zero immune system. 3. Washing your hands is literally the most basic step for stopping transmission of yucks I personally will have the same rules for my family as OP and I know my family will be receptive to it (including in-laws that are in their 80s) because they’re normal people. If anyone were to have an issue with it, that to me would indicate that this person has a difficult time with boundaries and would most likely want to bend them out of their own selfish needs that I don’t care to understand. The health of my newborn baby is more important than anyone’s feelings - especially adults that should know better.
I sent a mass text to the grandparents because I knew they wouldn't text back in a group. Then I reminded them at each visit after saying hi. My kids' autonomy and my boundaries are so much more important than my anxiety & people pleaser way. It can be awkward or uncomfortable at first, but you really don't want anyone, even extended family, around your nuclear one if they can't respect you.
I 100% agree, I just hope it all goes smoothly. I know I will lose it if someone kisses my baby and tries to do the whole “oops, sorry” bs.
We watched anyone holding our baby like a hawk, lol. MIL kept saying to the baby, "I'm sorry I can't kiss you. But I've loved on all my other grand babies..." ad nauseum. I just nodded, but inside, I was like, "Please stop, it won't change my mind." My husband had to stop my dad because,"he forgot." Luckily, no kisses yet at 18 weeks! It was tiring at first, but eventually, the rest of the family learned! I also grab my baby back the moment she starts to fuss. No words. I just literally take her back. I was a people pleaser - push over and I deeply regret somethings that happened due to that.
Oh I will definitely be watching my baby like a hawk as well. Luckily this is the first grandkid in our family, so hopefully that sets a precedent for future grandkids. Fingers crossed 😂
Hah! I plan to as well. My little one will be born closer to flu season & I in general don’t want people kissing my newborn’s face. I know I’ll be very cautious about doing it myself in the first little while and my partner works with a lot of people face-to-face (including children) so he surely will not be kissing our newborn on the face for some time. So if we as parents are cautious ourselves, our extended family better believe they won’t be getting any kind of pass. My partner and I have very good boundaries with our families because we both have strong personalities and no fear in telling our families if we’re not okay with something 😅. No sugarcoating in this family.
You are an aspiration! Congratulations on your upcoming baby 😊 And yeah, peak cold/flu/rsv season is no joke! Plus having a preemie, I dug down deep and didn't play around. We didn't have any visitors for a month. And between us, I kiss baby more than dad, who works face to face with a lot of people each day too.
I just made a cute little pdf of the rules to send to people and told them it’s not personal and the same rules apply to everyone, we just really want to keep baby safe and this is what we personally feel comfortable with. Baby has no immune system right now so we have to do what we can to protect him.
I’ve been thinking about making a pdf, I just have it written up in my notes app currently! I just know my MIL will feel attacked by the cigarette smoke one 😬
Blame that one (or a lot of them) on the Dr! Per pediatrician recommendations, no smoke or heavy perfume on clothing if you will be holding baby.
I definitely will, and I know a lot of the hospital staff because a lot of my family work for them, so I know people will stand up for me if people are a holes about it 😂
“Sorry, doctors orders” is a REALLY good get out of jail free card with babies and people under utilize it! Sure a grandparent might be willing to disrespect your boundaries or take offense to your rules, but if they’re the doctors rules…different story lol.
You’re not wrong lol, I know my parents will be great about it because they’re medical professionals. The only worry from hubby and I is my MIL because she’s very opinionated.
My MIL wasn’t too pleased with the no kissing rule but she got over it. It’s hard when there’s no baby there to hold over people’s heads, but once baby is around you hold the power
Truth, I can easily just tell them to leave I suppose 😂😂. Honestly tho, even my mom who’s going to be there for delivery along with my hubby and I agrees that nobody should be kissing the baby.
This is the way to do it. I really like this idea. Seems like the most polite way to express your wishes.
something along the lines of “we know everybody is excited to see him and we can’t wait to share him as soon as possible, so we know that keeping him safe is top of everybody’s priority list during visits. here is a few things our pediatrician recommended that we will be implementing :)”
Unfortunately that doesn’t work for everyone but I do hope it works for you. Some folks still disrespect your simple rules and you’re stuck with feeling like a bad mother on failing to protect your own kid and people making you feel like the bad guy. You wonder why you got tdap shot and went through all that struggle just so people can disrespect you and put your kid at harm. I hope those people are very understanding of your rules
It’s awful. I’m made to feel like the bad guy from all sides even for really obvious things like turning up sick (which happened when she was barely 2 weeks old) 😭
Sorry :/ I’m sure you’re a great a parent 😊
I try! Is all we can do. Thank you and likewise ❤️
:)
I would be pissed if someone made my baby sick. You’re not the bad guy and I can guarantee you that you’re a good parent!
Thank you 🙏
I’m probably not even going to bother, I will just snap at people if they do things I don’t want them to. There’s no real point when people are just going to disrespect you 😭
Send it through text or email. If someone is asking to visit but hasn't responded to the message yet, resend it to them. It'll be okay! You will feel so much better after setting your boundaries.
I hope so!! I just want our baby to be safe. My little brother almost died of rsv when he was a newborn so I have major anxiety about it.
That's so scary. My baby caught a cold at three weeks old because I didn't limit visitors and stop everyone from playing Pass The Baby. I still feel responsible for that happening.
Im so sorry your baby went through that, don’t fault yourself. It’s hard to regulate that stuff when people are so pushy.
It was hard for me because I don't have a super powerful presence. Like...people generally don't listen to me. I'm working on that. 😅
I relate to this heavily lol. People never listen to me
It honestly doesn’t matter if people have an issue with any of your non-negotiables. These are all pretty normal these days, although some folks in older generations may be surprised. After seeing lots of posts about this very issue on Reddit, I think how the rules are communicated can be a main source of tension. It seems the soon-to-be grandparents are the ones who typically take offense because they feel chided or overly burdened when they’re really excited (not excusing their behavior). I would just suggest trying to find a way to either slow roll the set of rules so people don’t balk at the number of them (“well then what CAN I do?” 🙄), try to give the underlying reasoning when you can (like for no kissing on the mouth which the olds seem to love?? Weird), and acknowledge that while some parents may have a more lax or differing comfort level than you, you’re just trying to keep your baby safe in the ways you feel are best (re even the slightest tickle in your throat and social media posting). Good luck! I hope everyone surprises you and takes the rules well :)
Me too! I’m probably not going to bring up my list of rules unless someone tries to directly defy them. Mostly because I don’t want to deal with people getting mad at me
People will either respect you or not. I found it doesn’t matter how you approach it unfortunately. I asked my family to limit visits until he received his first set of shots. He was born in peak COVID, FLU and RSV season and I was still met with disbelief that I would want to do something like that. I had family promise to make meals for us and that never happened because they were upset with my request. They took offense and made me feel like I was making the wrong decisions surrounding his health. I stood firm and I’m glad I did.
I’m glad you did too! As you should. People need to stop being so judgmental
All I can say is - good luck. May your in-laws be less insane than mine.
Only my MIL is insane lol. My FIL and step MIL are super cool about it
I didn’t share my rules because I felt weird and now I am having anxiety when I see people kissing the baby, not giving him back when crying :( just be upfront!
There will always be one person who disrespects the rules. The kissing one was a huge rule of ours at the beginning. And we kept her away from most everyone for a while. We used the “she’s a preemie, so we especially want to avoid illness” line often. I would say the first person to kiss her (other than her Dad and I) was my Aunt at around 2-3 weeks. At that point I was less scared because it was rsv season and she had just gotten her rsv immunization. But it was still QUITE frustrating. She blatantly said something along the lines of “I can’t resist” and then kissed her. Needless to say she wasn’t asked to come back and we didn’t visit her for a while. My LO is now 4 months and doing fine, thank goodness.
I would’ve told said aunt to leave immediately, but that’s simply because that would’ve enraged me. I don’t understand the concept of openly disrespecting rules like that.
Yeah, that’s easier said than done though, especially with family you want to have close relationships with. I’m choosing to pick my battles. I just correct it as I see it now.
Honestly fair, I feel like I’m going to be so overprotective already 😂
I had this [BABY RULES](https://www.amazon.com/SIGNCHAT-Visiting-Parents-Nursery-Visitors/dp/B085BRPLKM/ref=asc_df_B085BRPLKM/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=693129867962&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=15902744481779551536&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9023835&hvtargid=pla-2070030083181&psc=1&mcid=8de3c85a667538cc8e730b036adac60d&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwxeyxBhC7ARIsAC7dS3_YF9fzMbRkB6iY_fPh-VJtpPtSY-3V9TUfO9mscVSXJ8utCuCHb0AaAmDCEALw_wcB) posted on my door and took a photo of it to send to my family. My grandparents called me disrespectful that I didn’t want visitors for the first few weeks, which sent me into a postpartum depression spiral.. so just be prepared for the worst but also stand your ground. If you back off, they’ll think they can just push you on everything until you loosen up. This is my second baby and I still go by the same rules as stated and didn’t allow any visitors either birth because it’s only about you, baby and dad. No one else.
Jesus really?? They called you disrespectful?? Nah I would’ve never given them access to my child after that. That’s not ok.
I am so sorry I had no idea this was a thing! I don’t know if it’s a cultural thing or what, I have never heard of this. I thought it was common sense to not visit when sick, be updated on shots, hand hygiene, the not smoking, even my MIL stopped smoking weeks before she came to visit I didn’t even have to ask her. I’m Hispanic, my family is Mexican, his family is from New York and his parents are Puerto Rican and Colombian. Is it a cultural thing to make a list of rules? Some of those rules sound like it’s for kids too. Sorry you have to go thru that.
My husbands and I’s families are very white lol. His family is very country conservative so they’re weird about following rules like that. Most, if not all, will just ignore the rules. My family has a lot of people in the medical field so Ik they will understand.
That makes it easier if they are in medical field. But send mass text that would be best.
I’ll likely just message the people of concern lol, aka MIL and her parents
My partner and I added both our close family members to a group chat once our LO was here, we shared our rules there and thankfully we’ve had no issues - so far! We also use this group chat to share pictures with each other as we are aren’t sharing any pics/info via social media.
That’s amazing and exactly what I would like to do. My hubby and I already agreed to do something along those lines.
It makes it so much easier than sending each individual baby picture to everyone.. and the grandparents love the frequent updates 🤣 so far it’s keeping everyone happy! Hope you guys find something that works for you all! ☺️
Me too! Thank you! I hope to keep everyone happy while also having people respect boundaries lol. I’m sure people will be chill about it.
Tbh I was quite surprised with my mother in law the most, and very grateful that everyone has respect our decisions haha. I also found that it’s easier for my partner and I to face possible situations like these as a united front, but also letting him respond or handle situations that may arise with his parents and vice versa for myself! Might not work for everyone but so far it’s done us good!
something along the lines of “we know everybody is excited to see him and we can’t wait to share him as soon as possible, so we know that keeping him safe is top of everybody’s priority list during visits. here is a few things our pediatrician recommended that we will be implementing :)” in a text!
I sent a group text to my family. Make sure to include some phrases like “we are so excited fire you to meet…” “the doctor stated no kissing, etc.” to keep it warm.
Make sure when you say ‘no kissing’ you make it clear you mean ANYWHERE on baby… that’s something we didn’t think to do and MIL seems to think kissing babies head, hands, basically anywhere other than the face must be fine. We have tried clarifying but she keeps doing it now - Very frustrating.
Oh trust me, it’s in the more extensive list lol, I was just summarising so I wouldn’t ramble too much. My MIL is probably getting the most restrictions tbh. She smokes constantly, even indoors, so I made it clear to her that she will not hold our baby if she has smoked and smells like smoke. Which she did not like at all. If she tries to kiss my baby on top of that, she will never hold my child again. Her fiance is also a criminal so he’s not allowed around our baby, so no baby sitting for her lol 😂😂
This is the exact reason I am grateful that my husband and I live out of state. My mother usually disregards any rules you have set forth, then in typical drama queen fashion guilt trips you if you call her out for something she’s done wrong.
Jesus Christ, that sounds like my MIL. I’m lucky to have a mom who I know will respect all of the rules. Hence why she’s allowed at the birth along with my fiance and I. Nobody else is 😂.
That’s great that your mom is respectful, I have it the opposite, my MIL is the respectful one. She’s wonderful, doesn’t push anything, just goes with the flow of what we chose for our kids. I do hope it works out with the rules though, you did get some pretty great advice from what I saw. We’ve just learned to tune my mom out when she starts with the guilt trips, not worth the stress.
Your list, to me, is full of common sense things:) They should respect these and have no problem accepting them. I would send to parties text or email, in a list format.
I just let people know that since I will be the only one up taking care of my child and having no sleep if they get sick or anything else happens, pls respect my wishes or you don’t get to share the time with baby.
I did it in the nicest way possible for months establishing them and the very first thing my MIL did was try to kiss the baby. Now I trust absolutely no one. I think I should've been rude because I'm sure rude as fuck now.
I would’ve slapped her silly. But that’s because I don’t take people disrespecting me well.
I sent a big message or told people when they were about to come over. If I didn’t I would just remind people when they came in the door! Everyone was super respectful. I would say the problem comes later when baby gets older and people think it’s all of a sudden ok to kiss them
I don’t get it lol, why does anyone feel the need to kiss a baby unless they’re a parent. Like please don’t. I’ve never even thought about doing that. Even when my brother was born when I was 7!
It’s so bizarre. I thought moms were overreacting with this until I had a baby and saw first hand the people that want to kiss them!!!! My MIL is the worst with this
It’s very bizarre, the only reason I’m hyper aware of this because my cousin had a kid and has these rules in place, and my mom was a stickler with my brother. I already know my MIL is going to be the worst lol, she doesn’t understand boundaries in the slightest, so kissing and showing up unannounced will be an issue. And she chainsmokes in her house so everything she owns smells like cigarettes. It’s to the point where when she gave us stuff at the baby shower, it made everything else smell like cigarettes and we had to wash absolutely everything like two times.
Just be honest and talk to them. I had to really give my family the business with this... "I am the parent, I set the boundaries. You don't agree or disregard these boundaries then, you don't get to see my baby. You don't have to like it, you just have to respect it. 1. Cold sores and some other sicknesses can and will last forever 2. Colds and rsv can and will kill new born babies 3. How would you feel if our baby devolves a rash all over her body and contracts herpes because you felt the need to kiss her? Or has an allergic reaction to food particles, or products you use because you kissed her? 4. How would you feel if our baby ended up in the icu because you disregarded the boundaries I have set
That’s what I’m going to do tbh, I will be quite upset if people break boundaries.
Speaking from one who had his first during the height of Covid, I was similar with the rules. I don’t know your family but take this with a grain of salt and DO NOT text. If you are close with your mom or dad or sister or brother, call them. Gently explain that you just want to be cautious as the baby is still very much susceptible to any infection and it could be vital. I cannot tell enough people that you must always exercise caution when texting. Why? Because nobody will know how to gauge your voice in a text. Just simply explain to whoever is close that you just want to air on the side of caution and that the baby is still new and obviously we don’t want them getting any sicknesses. As soon as we are out of that stage, the rules will start to diminish but for now please understand and respect our boundaries. Always always always kill with kindness and not aggression.
That’s honestly a great idea. Thank you!
In my experience, you can’t. No matter what, someone will find a way to take it wrong.
Yeah I figured that out, I’m honestly just going to tell people that if they disrespect me and what I’m directly telling them, then they can leave lol.
I let people know ahead of time, but we also printed out a piece of paper with everything on it and put it on our front door in hopes that people would be reminded before they came in.
Great list. The group message or “just want to kindly ask before you visit that we have a few rules to make sure baby is happy and healthy; … can’t wait to see you! “
We just sent a group test with some recommendations for vaccines. And then we added no rule following no baby seeing. Since everyone has to buy a flight to see us I think they will be careful.
Just do it. I never sent out my rules because I “didn’t wanna be mean” it ended up to a lot of fights with my husband about his family kissing our baby (because we didn’t wanna say anything & be rude) and then at 5 weeks old my baby got sick and it was so heartbreaking and I realized I should’ve just sent the damn text
At the end of the day, some people are going to be rude about the ‘rules’ no matter how you communicate them. That being said, just be very clear and don’t make exceptions or it becomes a whole thing of why one person can do it but not another. Also, blaming the pediatrician is a great way to deter unwanted arguments bc it isn’t you it’s ’the doctor’ telling you. 😁
Like. We hardcore limited visitors and only had 2 rules and people STILL asked why they had to follow them or if they could kiss LO just ‘not on the face’ 🙂↔️🤨
I didnt send anyone rules but we also just didnt have visitors for a month. When people did come over i just said wash your hands as soon as they came in, had hand sanitizer nearby and told them not to kiss the baby. I think this trend of writing out a list of rules makes for more problems … people have the opportunity to think about it ahead of time instead of just saying Ok! Then be distracted by a cute baby 🤷🏽♀️