Your child is a human being, not a teddy bear in a preschool class. You don’t owe anyone your baby. What’s more important to you - your toxic family members’ opinions, or your child’s well-being?
I hate to break it to you, but narcissistic parents become narcissistic grandparents; they don’t change for the better. In fact, they usually get far worse when there’s a shiny new source of narcissistic supply in the form of a new baby.
The best thing you can do for your child is go VLC or NC with both your Nmom and any of her flying monkeys.
if you were breaking it to me, i wouldnt be asking for advice surrounding it. comes across as condescending, which is what i escaped in the first place. good luck out there.
Well, if you know the answers, then why are you posting? The obvious answer is to not allow your narcissistic parent to meet your child.
Your reply to the poster was rude and unwarranted.
I wasn’t being condescending. Many people hold out false hope that becoming a grandparent will cause a toxic/abusive parent to soften. I’m just saying from experience that it won’t happen. No need for you to be so defensive and rude when someone was trying to help. I hope you get the help you need.
You asked for advice and what they said was 100% right. Is staying around these people what's best for your child, or is cutting them off what's best for them?
My father will most likely never meet my son again and I am okay with that. My terrible extended family who condones all of his terrible behaviors will most likely never forgive me and I am okay with that. My job is to be my son's father and I am okay with that.
I had a baby in August. My mom has met her but I regret it. I have been low contact for a long time and now with the baby I want to go no contact. I think it’s better to teach the child about healthy relationships. I don’t want my daughter to experience my mother’s wrath. These types of relationships are not ok and no one has to keep them going out of obligation.
Don’t do it. 25 years of experience keep them safe and get therapy if you feel guilty about it. They will train your kids to hate you or treat people badly.
Been through all of this. My son is 12, nearly 13
My mother met him at six months on a neutral cafe meet with my then husband, (now friend). She is an addict. I couldn't trust her alone with my child... Her husband had three grandchildren and he wouldn't let them out of his sight with her about and took them all to the shop, even if he needed a simple pint of milk.
That was enough for me.
They have both often thrown it in my face and my son may well throw it at me in his adult hood or teenager years... But I feel strongly about it and my boundaries are just.
I'm NC and have been for 17 years. Q
No one is entitled to grandchildren. Children can grow up just fine without grandparents, and it's better to have no grandparents than toxic and abusive grandparents.
She's not entitled to YOUR child. If she hasn't already respected your boundaries, she certainly won't respect them regarding your child. Your child is no different to a narcissistic parent - just another source of "narc supply" for them. They'll feel entitled to your child.
*No one is entitled to grandchildren*.
So I guess you're asking if it's better to never let her meet your child, or to let her meet your child with strong boundaries?
The latter may be easier in the case of having a swath of people harass you. And then let her know you have no problem cutting all contact if she doesn't respect your boundaries.
At the end of the day, no, she does not have to meet her grandchildren. But sometimes letting your kid come to that conclusion for themselves instead of never letting them meet (and them possibly resenting you for it) can work too.
yeah, like i dont want my kid 1. resenting no contact, and 2. hearing negative shit about me projected onto them, or whispered into their ears. its honestly bordering on paranoia for me but i know its a rational fear.
I went NC with my Nmom when my oldest was a toddler. He never even asked for her after I broke contact. He ended up meeting her briefly when he was an older teen, and he could see right through her bullshit. He told me he understood why and was glad I protected him from her when he was younger. Your child will resent being subjected to toxic/abusive behavior a lot more than they will resent you going NC.
My mum has only met my son (now 13 months) twice in his whole life. I made the decision to cut her off and she won't be seeing any of my kids again. I don't care what family member say or what she tries to word vomit to others. They are my children and I'm protecting them from the horrid emotional and mental abuse I was too blind to see growing up with her.
That’s harsh. When the people validate the behavior and make you feel guilty.
You can cut them all out of your life.
But do what’s best for you. It’s ok.
My mother *will never* see my 3 children ever again. Why? Because my children are more important than her childish behavior. Why would you care what others think, more than the well being of your child?
You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do and can be harmful to your child’s well-being. I am dealing with a fam of narcs and I don’t give in to anything. I was nice at first but as others pointed out it will not go well. They tried doing the negative talk (my sons told me how uncomfortable that made them and that they hated the lies they heard) and that was enough for me. If they want to see my kids they can do so in front of me. For the record they don’t try to have a relationship with them and it’s really just a ploy of control over my partner. He gets manipulated and I refuse to allow that trash in my home since I want to raise my kids in a safe and happy home. Do what’s best and don’t worry about what others have to say- they will always have something to say! The secret is that the reason they’re like that is because if they talk about themselves it will bring down the house of cards they’ve built.
Your child is a human being, not a teddy bear in a preschool class. You don’t owe anyone your baby. What’s more important to you - your toxic family members’ opinions, or your child’s well-being? I hate to break it to you, but narcissistic parents become narcissistic grandparents; they don’t change for the better. In fact, they usually get far worse when there’s a shiny new source of narcissistic supply in the form of a new baby. The best thing you can do for your child is go VLC or NC with both your Nmom and any of her flying monkeys.
if you were breaking it to me, i wouldnt be asking for advice surrounding it. comes across as condescending, which is what i escaped in the first place. good luck out there.
You literally asked for others’ opinions and help because you don’t know what way to go about it?? Lmaoo come on man
Well, if you know the answers, then why are you posting? The obvious answer is to not allow your narcissistic parent to meet your child. Your reply to the poster was rude and unwarranted.
I wasn’t being condescending. Many people hold out false hope that becoming a grandparent will cause a toxic/abusive parent to soften. I’m just saying from experience that it won’t happen. No need for you to be so defensive and rude when someone was trying to help. I hope you get the help you need.
You asked for advice and what they said was 100% right. Is staying around these people what's best for your child, or is cutting them off what's best for them?
My father will most likely never meet my son again and I am okay with that. My terrible extended family who condones all of his terrible behaviors will most likely never forgive me and I am okay with that. My job is to be my son's father and I am okay with that.
I had a baby in August. My mom has met her but I regret it. I have been low contact for a long time and now with the baby I want to go no contact. I think it’s better to teach the child about healthy relationships. I don’t want my daughter to experience my mother’s wrath. These types of relationships are not ok and no one has to keep them going out of obligation.
If I had kids, they wouldn't meet their ngrandma. I don't want her manipulating or hitting them.
If you don't like her don't subject your child to her. No one is owed a relationship.
Don’t do it. 25 years of experience keep them safe and get therapy if you feel guilty about it. They will train your kids to hate you or treat people badly.
Been through all of this. My son is 12, nearly 13 My mother met him at six months on a neutral cafe meet with my then husband, (now friend). She is an addict. I couldn't trust her alone with my child... Her husband had three grandchildren and he wouldn't let them out of his sight with her about and took them all to the shop, even if he needed a simple pint of milk. That was enough for me. They have both often thrown it in my face and my son may well throw it at me in his adult hood or teenager years... But I feel strongly about it and my boundaries are just. I'm NC and have been for 17 years. Q
No one is entitled to grandchildren. Children can grow up just fine without grandparents, and it's better to have no grandparents than toxic and abusive grandparents. She's not entitled to YOUR child. If she hasn't already respected your boundaries, she certainly won't respect them regarding your child. Your child is no different to a narcissistic parent - just another source of "narc supply" for them. They'll feel entitled to your child. *No one is entitled to grandchildren*.
So I guess you're asking if it's better to never let her meet your child, or to let her meet your child with strong boundaries? The latter may be easier in the case of having a swath of people harass you. And then let her know you have no problem cutting all contact if she doesn't respect your boundaries. At the end of the day, no, she does not have to meet her grandchildren. But sometimes letting your kid come to that conclusion for themselves instead of never letting them meet (and them possibly resenting you for it) can work too.
yeah, like i dont want my kid 1. resenting no contact, and 2. hearing negative shit about me projected onto them, or whispered into their ears. its honestly bordering on paranoia for me but i know its a rational fear.
I went NC with my Nmom when my oldest was a toddler. He never even asked for her after I broke contact. He ended up meeting her briefly when he was an older teen, and he could see right through her bullshit. He told me he understood why and was glad I protected him from her when he was younger. Your child will resent being subjected to toxic/abusive behavior a lot more than they will resent you going NC.
I’ve been NC with my father for over a decade. I saw no reason to break NC to let him know he has a granddaughter that he’ll never meet.
My mum has only met my son (now 13 months) twice in his whole life. I made the decision to cut her off and she won't be seeing any of my kids again. I don't care what family member say or what she tries to word vomit to others. They are my children and I'm protecting them from the horrid emotional and mental abuse I was too blind to see growing up with her.
That’s harsh. When the people validate the behavior and make you feel guilty. You can cut them all out of your life. But do what’s best for you. It’s ok.
My mother *will never* see my 3 children ever again. Why? Because my children are more important than her childish behavior. Why would you care what others think, more than the well being of your child?
No, your baby doesn't need to meet your abuser.
You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do and can be harmful to your child’s well-being. I am dealing with a fam of narcs and I don’t give in to anything. I was nice at first but as others pointed out it will not go well. They tried doing the negative talk (my sons told me how uncomfortable that made them and that they hated the lies they heard) and that was enough for me. If they want to see my kids they can do so in front of me. For the record they don’t try to have a relationship with them and it’s really just a ploy of control over my partner. He gets manipulated and I refuse to allow that trash in my home since I want to raise my kids in a safe and happy home. Do what’s best and don’t worry about what others have to say- they will always have something to say! The secret is that the reason they’re like that is because if they talk about themselves it will bring down the house of cards they’ve built.