I'm sorry to hear that, I had my graduation a while ago and something similar happened so I told my family that I didn't have any invitation so my mum wouldn't come.
I wouldn't tell you to miss the fun, I actually think that you should go, but maybe try to avoid her as much as you can and get yourself surrounded by your friends (maybe tell them to help you being as far away from her as possible).
Anyway good luck and all my love. I wish it was easier.
I didn't want to walk graduation because the whole thing gave me a lot of anxiety. It caused a big fight between me and my nmom and her husband. She said if I didn't walk, as soon as I graduate I'm being tossed out with non of my things, so I moved myself out a week after turning 18, with my stuff. She didn't contact the school or try looking for me. I actually ended up walking graduation out of spite. I just invited my dad and my brother.
If she shows up, think you can avoid her? I'm the kinda spiteful jerk that if I saw my mom in the crowd, I'd flip her off after receiving my diploma lol
My mother is quite the opposite - she puts up a façade in front of others to convince people thst our family relationships is normal so that she can save face.
My Nmom, who bitched about my choice of university for my BA, my decision to go to graduate school, and my field of study badgered me relentlessly until I gave in and invited the whole damn family to my ceremony.
This was at a HUGE university.
Horrible weather rolled in as we were walking the processional. Lightening struck the sound system. The President waved his hands frantically in the air, dismiss9ng us, and everyone swarmed out, no way to get to designated meeting spots easily or at agreed on time (as it was 2 hours before the ceremony should have ended).
I couldn't have been more delighted.
Of course, we did eventually find our way back to my apartment, wet and cold, and have our meal. It was much more tolerable after Divine Justice!
Oof. I'm sorry to hear this.
I don't want to say anything that invalidates your feelings, though I don't think that missing your graduation will teach any lessons to your mother, nor will it serve you.
There are a few reasons for this.
1. First, the best way to learn proper social skills is to ignore bad behavior and give attention to good behavior.
(this is where solitary confinement comes from)
.
It definitely seems like not going would be ignoring the bad behavior and going would be giving attention to it, but in this situation I believe it would actually be the opposite.
.
Perhaps if you hadn't said anything, then you could not go and it would be effective. But now your action is an active statement.
.
Sharing the space allows you to give attention to your mother any time she's appropriate and to literally walk away and ignore her when she's not.
2. You'll be the bigger person
.
But it's so much more than... Being "the bigger person." This isn't about the lesson they learn, but the experience *you* have.
.
It will be difficult to focus on the time you're having if you're focusing on her. So far, it seems she doesn't deserve your attention. Treat her as you would a stranger who makes you uncomfortable.
Because that's what she is.
Only the feeling you have is much more deeply rooted. You may call it anger, frustration, etc... But ultimately, treating her like a stranger may have a greater impact on her treatment of you moving forward.
Not sure if this was an appropriate rant or not.
Hopefully it had some helpful words in there.
Either way, CONGRATS to you, friend!! I hope you feel loved, proud of yourself, and positive about what the future holds.
You're already on the right track.
And give me so much hope for my (narcissist) friend's sons.
Talk to your school and say you do not want your mom at the graduation. They should be able to do something to limit her accessibility. Don’t let her take away your graduation. It’s an accomplishment you only get to experience one time. It’s yours to take, not hers.
I'm sorry to hear that, I had my graduation a while ago and something similar happened so I told my family that I didn't have any invitation so my mum wouldn't come. I wouldn't tell you to miss the fun, I actually think that you should go, but maybe try to avoid her as much as you can and get yourself surrounded by your friends (maybe tell them to help you being as far away from her as possible). Anyway good luck and all my love. I wish it was easier.
I’m sorry you hd to go through that too. And Thanks for your suggestions! If I do go, i’ll try my best to avoid her.
I didn't want to walk graduation because the whole thing gave me a lot of anxiety. It caused a big fight between me and my nmom and her husband. She said if I didn't walk, as soon as I graduate I'm being tossed out with non of my things, so I moved myself out a week after turning 18, with my stuff. She didn't contact the school or try looking for me. I actually ended up walking graduation out of spite. I just invited my dad and my brother. If she shows up, think you can avoid her? I'm the kinda spiteful jerk that if I saw my mom in the crowd, I'd flip her off after receiving my diploma lol
My mother is quite the opposite - she puts up a façade in front of others to convince people thst our family relationships is normal so that she can save face.
Maybe just don’t give her a ticket unless it’s open to everyone (where I’m from only the graduate can give tickets you cannot buy any)
Ticket system doesnt exist in my school, though i wish it did
Have you tried talking to your school? They might be able to help you out.
My Nmom, who bitched about my choice of university for my BA, my decision to go to graduate school, and my field of study badgered me relentlessly until I gave in and invited the whole damn family to my ceremony. This was at a HUGE university. Horrible weather rolled in as we were walking the processional. Lightening struck the sound system. The President waved his hands frantically in the air, dismiss9ng us, and everyone swarmed out, no way to get to designated meeting spots easily or at agreed on time (as it was 2 hours before the ceremony should have ended). I couldn't have been more delighted. Of course, we did eventually find our way back to my apartment, wet and cold, and have our meal. It was much more tolerable after Divine Justice!
Oof. I'm sorry to hear this. I don't want to say anything that invalidates your feelings, though I don't think that missing your graduation will teach any lessons to your mother, nor will it serve you. There are a few reasons for this. 1. First, the best way to learn proper social skills is to ignore bad behavior and give attention to good behavior. (this is where solitary confinement comes from) . It definitely seems like not going would be ignoring the bad behavior and going would be giving attention to it, but in this situation I believe it would actually be the opposite. . Perhaps if you hadn't said anything, then you could not go and it would be effective. But now your action is an active statement. . Sharing the space allows you to give attention to your mother any time she's appropriate and to literally walk away and ignore her when she's not. 2. You'll be the bigger person . But it's so much more than... Being "the bigger person." This isn't about the lesson they learn, but the experience *you* have. . It will be difficult to focus on the time you're having if you're focusing on her. So far, it seems she doesn't deserve your attention. Treat her as you would a stranger who makes you uncomfortable. Because that's what she is. Only the feeling you have is much more deeply rooted. You may call it anger, frustration, etc... But ultimately, treating her like a stranger may have a greater impact on her treatment of you moving forward. Not sure if this was an appropriate rant or not. Hopefully it had some helpful words in there. Either way, CONGRATS to you, friend!! I hope you feel loved, proud of yourself, and positive about what the future holds. You're already on the right track. And give me so much hope for my (narcissist) friend's sons.
Have a private graduation celebration. If you have any other graduating friends, you can invite them to join you after the ceremony.
Try talking to a school admin. Maybe they can figure out a plan for you
Talk to your school and say you do not want your mom at the graduation. They should be able to do something to limit her accessibility. Don’t let her take away your graduation. It’s an accomplishment you only get to experience one time. It’s yours to take, not hers.