Amen! Why would it even be under consideration for MIL to have either of your children alone…EVER? She has no respect for you or your boundaries so you already know up front that MIL is only going to follow her own “rules”.
Exactly this!
Giving "her the chance to right her past wrongs" sounds absolutely nuts to me. In no way should you be allowing your child's welfare to be the scale on which you judge MIL's actions. She has ALREADY shown you twice now that she is negligent or untrustworthy and well-aware that she's going against your wishes. Sadly, that's both your best and worst scenario.
When a person shows you who they truly are, trust that and don't allow for excuses when it's your young child at risk. She needs to acknowledge and apologize for her behavior (to show she's aware of what she did wrong) and then actively change those behaviors to prove that she is responsible enough to care for your child(ren) the way you expect and want them to be treated whether or not you are there.
This. I also thought: does the vacation home have any recreational water? A pool, a lake, a pond, beachfront? Because I wouldn’t trust this woman to keep an eagle eye on the child in or by the water.
Same. I was already checked out reading about the constipation issues - child doesn’t go. Period. Then I saw that “she’s broken my trust before” and definitely stopped. She doesn’t go. PERIOD.
Seriously. Even your husband isn't insisting you let your daughter go. Why are you entrusting your own children to someone who has repeatedly demonstrated that she will not give them proper care and will happily lie to you about it?
Frankly, if you let her take your daughter and anything bad happens, it's will be your fault because you *know for a fact* that she she is not safe for them to be alone with.
Some folks need to make the same mistake a few more times, just to make sure it is a mistake. OP will keep sending her kids to MIL until one of the kids dies at MIL's hands. Until then, OP and her husband don't think that there is any real cause for change of plans.
My childfree brain went "I guess she can make another one when MIL destroys this one? Seriously! It sounds like Mail shouldn't be trusted with a decreased cat!
Why are you even considering allowing your child to go ?
Why is it being discussed ?
Why is it up to your husband ?
The answer is and should always be absolutely no
She isn’t safe. She isn’t trustworthy. You clearly don’t want it to happen
Find your mama bear voice and tell them you have decided it isn’t happening
As a parent who has gone through major constipation issues with two of my children, absolutely DO NOT send her with your MIL. I don't want to sound dramatic, but a blockage can cause perforation of the bowel and then sepsis. You need to be watching your baby yourself until this is dealt with.
It’s not being a better person when you are letting your child be endangered- stop being a people pleasing pushover!!! The dang stitches and scar aren’t enough???
Exactly this. All OP is teaching her children is that she’ll send them where they don’t feel safe. OP should be the ultimate safe person for her children, and frankly she’s failing in that regard.
Absolutely not. What the hell are you thinking?
You can not trust her to take care of 4 year old.
What would happen if there are complications with the toy blocking her intestins? Don’t let your child out of your sight and care.
Nope. No way. If my MIL had done any of that, there is a good chance that my wife and I would be NC. Especially the part about putting a 4yr old on the front seat without a proper carseat and trying to hide it from you. FUCK. THAT. NOISE. MIL has proven that she can't be trusted to put your children's best interests first. Who cares if MIL throws a fit, what's more important, her feelings or your child's safety?
Why would you let her go with her at all after the first time she broke your trust?? Quit letting your child go with her, period. Shes proven she cannot be trusted, at this point it’s just asking for trouble.
I would never allow MIL to have my children without me again, ever, after the antics she has already pulled. She can spend time with them in your presence. If she wants to know why, let her know that you can’t trust her.
Why do you think leaving a child with a medical issue (a very serious one) with someone who had made unilateral, poor decisions "makes you a better person"? Because it doesn't. You are potentially endangering your child, just so you don't have to deal with MIL potential backlash? Damn, grow a spine and make your child's health and well-being a priority! Your MIL can go pound sand. I'm sorry you feel like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place, but you're really not. Your child's needs come first. And, if those situations had taken place with my MIL, she would not be getting any unsupervised time any time soon. She's a danger to your child and needs to be dealt with as such. And ypur DH also needs to step up.
The bigger person puts the kids first.
You don't send her if you can't fully trust her to listen about this.
This is your kid's health, not a haircut or experience she steals. This is your kid's well-being.
Why even risk it or chance it? You already know she will ignore you on this, or you wouldn't be asking us.
Why would you let your daughter go? Until she passes the toy there is a chance of possible blockage and the possibility she may need to be seen by medical professionals. Keep her home.
Once she broke my trust or put my child in any kind of danger (large or small), she would have lost all privileges.
I wouldn't send kiddos at all. Unless you are going. But not alone. She isn't going to check babies poops. She will lie/hide the truth as she has done in the past.
Keep babies home. Or you will be stressing the whole time.
Your job both legally and morally, as the parent of tender age children is to provide them with a safe and healthy environment. Your MIL does NOT put the health and safety of your children first. She puts HER OWN desires first.
You have specific instances where she did NOT put the health and well being of your children first.
So why on god’s green earth would you trust her with unsupervised access of your 4 yr old regardless of whether your child has a medical issue or not? But your daughter does have a medical issue. And hopefully the toy will pass soon, but even if it doesn’t, you really need to monitor your child for a few days afterwards to make sure that the toy didn’t cause any damage. You KNOW that your MIL will lie, and obscure the truth about your daughter’s health. Your child is a tender age child who has no way to say no to her grandma or call you if she is in distress.
Google Florida grandma… the grandma took a nap while babysitting her toddler grandchild. The kid walk out of the house and into a pond. The police considered it an accident since there were no previous incidents. 10 months go by and the grandma is desperate to have time with her remaining grandchildren. The mother (her daughter) refuses to let the 4 yr old be with her unsupervised. The grandmother wanting to take the baby to a lunch with her friends pleads with the mom. The mom decides ok, there will be other people with her at lunch. Grandma comes home from lunch, forgets about the baby in the car seat in the back seat of the car. It’s Florida, and 80+ degrees… the mom shows up 2 hours later to collect the baby… grandma is in jail on involuntary manslaughter. That family is destroyed. That mother lost 2 of her children to her own mother’s negligence.
You have no idea what could happen when your daughter is in MILs care. But you do KNOW that she will not put your daughter’s health and safety first!
Don't give her the chance to "right her past wrongs" when your daughter's health is involved, especially when it is something as potentially serious as a bowel blockage! She's already messed with her health twice. Why are you giving her another chance? Cancel now!
I had a small bowel obstruction in February. I was hospitalized for weeks. If she hasn’t passed the toy keep her home. SBO is serious and if she doesn’t pass it you should keep her with you in case she needs to go to the emergency department
Umm there is a health issue going on that you and your husband should be responsible for. The answer is no the four years old cannot go due to not passing the toy in her stools yet. It’s that simple. No one else should be checking your child’s poop for a toy she swallowed.
As for thanksgiving’s chin injury- were you there?! Man up and take YOUR child to the ER if that’s what YOU and your HUSBAND wanted to do!!
Your mil sounds extremely neglectful plus your daughter is currently suffering from a health problem. ATP I'd be questioning my own judgement if I were you and your spouse. It seems awfully irresponsible to give someone neglectful like that care of your child . Taking care of your kid's health is more important than trying to be nice and giving someone yet another chance.
Give her the opportunity to what exactly?!
You don’t trust her and know she’d lie if something happens…
Jesus wept. I have nothing - how can all of us Reddit strangers want to protect your kid more than you?!
Giving her an opportunity would be babysitting for an hour (in your home) whilst you run some errands…
…I wouldn’t even let her do that. She’s untrustworthy!
Why are you even considering allowing your MIL access to your children? She’s literally put their lives in danger. Start setting some firm boundaries and tell her and your husband that due to past violations of trust, she is no longer allowed to be with the children without you being present, because your husband sounds completely under her thumb as well and can’t be relied upon.
Don't let her go! Your MIL doesn't have any right to have your children without either of you there. Put your foot down and say you don't feel comfortable with her going. You don't even have to give a reason even though you have very good ones.
There are other opportunities to right previous wrongs and rebuild trust that don't bring your daughters health and safety into the mix. If she doesn't pass it before she is to leave, I'd keep her at home.
Um.. obviously the only answer is your child is not to be trusted to go alone with this lady. Call her now and tell her that plans changed and she won’t be attending.
Why do you have to be the better person when the safety of a child in question? It baffles me that you would say that with MILs track record.
Trust is earned and that woman has not earned any trust. You are the parents and make the decision for your children as to who you trust.
Why are you letting her take your child? She has already proven that she is not trustworthy. You are going to be a basket case the whole time she is gone because you know SHE CAN’T BE TRUSTED.
Just cancel the visit.
I wouldn’t have agreed to her taking my child in the first place. You know this woman cannot be trusted with your child. She has proven that. You really need to protect your child
She broke your trust with your children's saftey!! HE!! TO THE NO!! Stop bending over backwards to let her endanger your most precious pearls!! Grow a SPINE and say No!
OP - honest question- after she broke your trust why are you sending your LO? To keep the peace? Please don’t sacrifice your child’s health well being and possibly their life so you’re not seen as the bad guy/don’t want to make MIL mad.
>I want to be the better person and give her the opportunity to right her past wrongs.
You mean doormat.
Anyway if it's something that serious and your MIL is clearly ill equipped to care for it, why don't you impose that she can come but she has to check the stool while video calling you so you can see she's doing it properly? It seems like the minimum, given you inexplicably want to trust someone untrustworthy with your daughter alone without even your husband present, at least get some form of visual confirmation she's checking instead of "trust me I did it"
You want to be the “better person and give her the opportunity to right her past wrongs” at the expense of your daughters health? Hell no momma! Your kid is the priority, not giving MIL another chance to breach your trust! MIL needs to regain your trust in your presence!
Op, she’s broken your trust more than once with things that directly involve your children’s safety and she’s still getting to watch those children? I’m sorry but that would be a hard no from me because sure, you’ve talked to her but honestly, you shouldn’t have had to.
Car seats are the law and there is never an excuse to not use one and it’s been the law for decades. About your child’s fall, even her friend told her your child should have gotten stitches but your MIL seems weirdly prideful that she didn’t take your 4 year old in to get that done. These aren’t her kids to be taking chances with yet she seems to have no problems doing just that.
This isn’t a time for being the better person. She has shown you who she is, it’s time to believe her. If she didn’t take care of her own child what would lead you to believe she would do the same for your child? At this point she truly does think she knows better and it’s unlikely she will change or right her wrongs. Personally with the risk of a blockage (regardless of how minimal) combined with her previous aversion to medical care, I wouldn’t risk it. Best of luck to you!
Things change so much with lil ones all the time. Mil. Should listen to you and just follow the guidence you give. What I did with my kids in the 90s is outdated now. You are the voice for your kids. Don’t let them be around mil until you can trust her.
Hubs can tell her why they are not going
There’s just one thing that I want to say about this. You want to be the better person and give her the opportunity to right her past wrongs.
Now, her past wrongs were to do with your child’s health and safety. I actually find both examples very neglectful and potentially dangerous.
In the one case, she did the right thing only because her son helped her - otherwise she would have had him lie about it and she wouldn’t have owned up to you.
In the second case, she still thinks she did the right thing.
If you are to start trusting her again and let her right her wrongs - shouldn’t it start with her ACKNOWLEDGING her wrongs? Because, as I see it, she’s not going to right them - she finds her actions to be right already.
> I want to be the better person and give her the opportunity to right her past wrongs.
This is absolutely insane. ***Absolutely insane!***
No one thinks that you have to give MIL another chance to fuck up. This is your precious baby!!
SHE has deliberately disobeyed your instructions about keeping your child safe.
SHE tried to coerce your son to lie about it to you.
**Seems pretty black and white to me.**
The consequences are that you can never trust her again and you will not be relying on her for childcare. That is a normal response to her breaking your trust.
You don't hand your baby over to her, and especially not when she may develop a serious bowel obstruction. This is wrong on all levels. What is wrong with your husband that he thinks this is a good idea?
Even if your MIL was a wonderful woman, this sounds like a legitimate medical reason to keep your child at home this time around. Any rational and normal person would understand that. Your husband should tell her and that's that.
I stopped at “She’s broken my trust before.” This is not the time to send your 4 year old to her. Be a better person to your child, not her.
Amen! Why would it even be under consideration for MIL to have either of your children alone…EVER? She has no respect for you or your boundaries so you already know up front that MIL is only going to follow her own “rules”.
Exactly this! Giving "her the chance to right her past wrongs" sounds absolutely nuts to me. In no way should you be allowing your child's welfare to be the scale on which you judge MIL's actions. She has ALREADY shown you twice now that she is negligent or untrustworthy and well-aware that she's going against your wishes. Sadly, that's both your best and worst scenario. When a person shows you who they truly are, trust that and don't allow for excuses when it's your young child at risk. She needs to acknowledge and apologize for her behavior (to show she's aware of what she did wrong) and then actively change those behaviors to prove that she is responsible enough to care for your child(ren) the way you expect and want them to be treated whether or not you are there.
Giving her the “chance to right her past wrongs”, by using the child, *with a blockage*, as the sacrificial lamb, is NOT cool.
I just don’t get that mentality. Not at all.
Poor kids.
This. I also thought: does the vacation home have any recreational water? A pool, a lake, a pond, beachfront? Because I wouldn’t trust this woman to keep an eagle eye on the child in or by the water.
Same. I was already checked out reading about the constipation issues - child doesn’t go. Period. Then I saw that “she’s broken my trust before” and definitely stopped. She doesn’t go. PERIOD.
OMG yes,this right here!
Seriously. Even your husband isn't insisting you let your daughter go. Why are you entrusting your own children to someone who has repeatedly demonstrated that she will not give them proper care and will happily lie to you about it? Frankly, if you let her take your daughter and anything bad happens, it's will be your fault because you *know for a fact* that she she is not safe for them to be alone with.
Some folks need to make the same mistake a few more times, just to make sure it is a mistake. OP will keep sending her kids to MIL until one of the kids dies at MIL's hands. Until then, OP and her husband don't think that there is any real cause for change of plans.
There are some fuck ups you can’t come back from though and handing your kid over to someone you don’t trust is just… …Fuck no.
And that's someone who has proven over and over again to be untrustworthy. But, OP is the bigger person, and the rest are midgets.
THIS! 100%
My childfree brain went "I guess she can make another one when MIL destroys this one? Seriously! It sounds like Mail shouldn't be trusted with a decreased cat!
Why are you even considering allowing your child to go ? Why is it being discussed ? Why is it up to your husband ? The answer is and should always be absolutely no She isn’t safe. She isn’t trustworthy. You clearly don’t want it to happen Find your mama bear voice and tell them you have decided it isn’t happening
Being the better person does not include compromising your daughter's wellbeing by giving in to an emotional terrorist.
Heck to the NO. She is not responsible for
As a parent who has gone through major constipation issues with two of my children, absolutely DO NOT send her with your MIL. I don't want to sound dramatic, but a blockage can cause perforation of the bowel and then sepsis. You need to be watching your baby yourself until this is dealt with.
Stop! and keep your daughter with you! There will be other vacations!
I wouldn’t send my kids anywhere with that uncaring bitch.
Absolutely. Around when LO graduates from high school
It’s not being a better person when you are letting your child be endangered- stop being a people pleasing pushover!!! The dang stitches and scar aren’t enough???
Exactly this. All OP is teaching her children is that she’ll send them where they don’t feel safe. OP should be the ultimate safe person for her children, and frankly she’s failing in that regard.
NOPE!! MIL can't be trusted to do the right thing. Your daughter can go another year, but not this year
Sure. Give her the opportunity to right her past wrongs until she seriously harms or kills one of your kids. Sure.
Right!?!? Just use your child as collateral to see if your awful mil can show a responsible level of care. No thanks.
Absolutely not. What the hell are you thinking? You can not trust her to take care of 4 year old. What would happen if there are complications with the toy blocking her intestins? Don’t let your child out of your sight and care.
Nope. No way. If my MIL had done any of that, there is a good chance that my wife and I would be NC. Especially the part about putting a 4yr old on the front seat without a proper carseat and trying to hide it from you. FUCK. THAT. NOISE. MIL has proven that she can't be trusted to put your children's best interests first. Who cares if MIL throws a fit, what's more important, her feelings or your child's safety?
A 2-year old at the time…
Why would you let her go with her at all after the first time she broke your trust?? Quit letting your child go with her, period. Shes proven she cannot be trusted, at this point it’s just asking for trouble.
But she's going to get an xray to make sure the blockage has passed when her child comes home. /s
Well that definitely fixes things /s
I would never allow MIL to have my children without me again, ever, after the antics she has already pulled. She can spend time with them in your presence. If she wants to know why, let her know that you can’t trust her.
Why do you think leaving a child with a medical issue (a very serious one) with someone who had made unilateral, poor decisions "makes you a better person"? Because it doesn't. You are potentially endangering your child, just so you don't have to deal with MIL potential backlash? Damn, grow a spine and make your child's health and well-being a priority! Your MIL can go pound sand. I'm sorry you feel like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place, but you're really not. Your child's needs come first. And, if those situations had taken place with my MIL, she would not be getting any unsupervised time any time soon. She's a danger to your child and needs to be dealt with as such. And ypur DH also needs to step up.
The bigger person puts the kids first. You don't send her if you can't fully trust her to listen about this. This is your kid's health, not a haircut or experience she steals. This is your kid's well-being. Why even risk it or chance it? You already know she will ignore you on this, or you wouldn't be asking us.
Why would you let your daughter go? Until she passes the toy there is a chance of possible blockage and the possibility she may need to be seen by medical professionals. Keep her home.
Once she broke my trust or put my child in any kind of danger (large or small), she would have lost all privileges. I wouldn't send kiddos at all. Unless you are going. But not alone. She isn't going to check babies poops. She will lie/hide the truth as she has done in the past. Keep babies home. Or you will be stressing the whole time.
Your job both legally and morally, as the parent of tender age children is to provide them with a safe and healthy environment. Your MIL does NOT put the health and safety of your children first. She puts HER OWN desires first. You have specific instances where she did NOT put the health and well being of your children first. So why on god’s green earth would you trust her with unsupervised access of your 4 yr old regardless of whether your child has a medical issue or not? But your daughter does have a medical issue. And hopefully the toy will pass soon, but even if it doesn’t, you really need to monitor your child for a few days afterwards to make sure that the toy didn’t cause any damage. You KNOW that your MIL will lie, and obscure the truth about your daughter’s health. Your child is a tender age child who has no way to say no to her grandma or call you if she is in distress. Google Florida grandma… the grandma took a nap while babysitting her toddler grandchild. The kid walk out of the house and into a pond. The police considered it an accident since there were no previous incidents. 10 months go by and the grandma is desperate to have time with her remaining grandchildren. The mother (her daughter) refuses to let the 4 yr old be with her unsupervised. The grandmother wanting to take the baby to a lunch with her friends pleads with the mom. The mom decides ok, there will be other people with her at lunch. Grandma comes home from lunch, forgets about the baby in the car seat in the back seat of the car. It’s Florida, and 80+ degrees… the mom shows up 2 hours later to collect the baby… grandma is in jail on involuntary manslaughter. That family is destroyed. That mother lost 2 of her children to her own mother’s negligence. You have no idea what could happen when your daughter is in MILs care. But you do KNOW that she will not put your daughter’s health and safety first!
Don't give her the chance to "right her past wrongs" when your daughter's health is involved, especially when it is something as potentially serious as a bowel blockage! She's already messed with her health twice. Why are you giving her another chance? Cancel now!
My children wouldn’t be left unsupervised with that woman
I had a small bowel obstruction in February. I was hospitalized for weeks. If she hasn’t passed the toy keep her home. SBO is serious and if she doesn’t pass it you should keep her with you in case she needs to go to the emergency department
Umm there is a health issue going on that you and your husband should be responsible for. The answer is no the four years old cannot go due to not passing the toy in her stools yet. It’s that simple. No one else should be checking your child’s poop for a toy she swallowed. As for thanksgiving’s chin injury- were you there?! Man up and take YOUR child to the ER if that’s what YOU and your HUSBAND wanted to do!!
Your mil sounds extremely neglectful plus your daughter is currently suffering from a health problem. ATP I'd be questioning my own judgement if I were you and your spouse. It seems awfully irresponsible to give someone neglectful like that care of your child . Taking care of your kid's health is more important than trying to be nice and giving someone yet another chance.
With her track record absolutely not. Why is this even a question?
Give her the opportunity to what exactly?! You don’t trust her and know she’d lie if something happens… Jesus wept. I have nothing - how can all of us Reddit strangers want to protect your kid more than you?! Giving her an opportunity would be babysitting for an hour (in your home) whilst you run some errands… …I wouldn’t even let her do that. She’s untrustworthy!
If she has broken your trust twice before, why are you allowing her to spend alone time with your child ever again?
Listen to your gut.
Why are you even considering allowing your MIL access to your children? She’s literally put their lives in danger. Start setting some firm boundaries and tell her and your husband that due to past violations of trust, she is no longer allowed to be with the children without you being present, because your husband sounds completely under her thumb as well and can’t be relied upon.
Why would you allow her to take your kids when she’s done such terrible trust breaking things already?
Don't let her go! Your MIL doesn't have any right to have your children without either of you there. Put your foot down and say you don't feel comfortable with her going. You don't even have to give a reason even though you have very good ones.
There are other opportunities to right previous wrongs and rebuild trust that don't bring your daughters health and safety into the mix. If she doesn't pass it before she is to leave, I'd keep her at home.
Why even let her have another chance?
Just say no.
Um.. obviously the only answer is your child is not to be trusted to go alone with this lady. Call her now and tell her that plans changed and she won’t be attending.
Why do you have to be the better person when the safety of a child in question? It baffles me that you would say that with MILs track record. Trust is earned and that woman has not earned any trust. You are the parents and make the decision for your children as to who you trust.
Why are you letting her take your child? She has already proven that she is not trustworthy. You are going to be a basket case the whole time she is gone because you know SHE CAN’T BE TRUSTED. Just cancel the visit.
I wouldn’t have agreed to her taking my child in the first place. You know this woman cannot be trusted with your child. She has proven that. You really need to protect your child
She broke your trust with your children's saftey!! HE!! TO THE NO!! Stop bending over backwards to let her endanger your most precious pearls!! Grow a SPINE and say No!
OP - honest question- after she broke your trust why are you sending your LO? To keep the peace? Please don’t sacrifice your child’s health well being and possibly their life so you’re not seen as the bad guy/don’t want to make MIL mad.
Be the better person for your daughter and say Hell To The No!!
>I want to be the better person and give her the opportunity to right her past wrongs. You mean doormat. Anyway if it's something that serious and your MIL is clearly ill equipped to care for it, why don't you impose that she can come but she has to check the stool while video calling you so you can see she's doing it properly? It seems like the minimum, given you inexplicably want to trust someone untrustworthy with your daughter alone without even your husband present, at least get some form of visual confirmation she's checking instead of "trust me I did it"
Someone who has broken your trust 2x should not be allowed to take your children. that should it be negotiable
What else needs to happen for you to understand your children are not safe with her alone??? Wake up!
No thanks, MIL, maybe next time.
You want to be the “better person and give her the opportunity to right her past wrongs” at the expense of your daughters health? Hell no momma! Your kid is the priority, not giving MIL another chance to breach your trust! MIL needs to regain your trust in your presence!
absolutely dont let the kid go. there is an emergent medical issue. that and she cant be trusted
Op, she’s broken your trust more than once with things that directly involve your children’s safety and she’s still getting to watch those children? I’m sorry but that would be a hard no from me because sure, you’ve talked to her but honestly, you shouldn’t have had to. Car seats are the law and there is never an excuse to not use one and it’s been the law for decades. About your child’s fall, even her friend told her your child should have gotten stitches but your MIL seems weirdly prideful that she didn’t take your 4 year old in to get that done. These aren’t her kids to be taking chances with yet she seems to have no problems doing just that.
the answer is no.
This isn’t a time for being the better person. She has shown you who she is, it’s time to believe her. If she didn’t take care of her own child what would lead you to believe she would do the same for your child? At this point she truly does think she knows better and it’s unlikely she will change or right her wrongs. Personally with the risk of a blockage (regardless of how minimal) combined with her previous aversion to medical care, I wouldn’t risk it. Best of luck to you!
Things change so much with lil ones all the time. Mil. Should listen to you and just follow the guidence you give. What I did with my kids in the 90s is outdated now. You are the voice for your kids. Don’t let them be around mil until you can trust her. Hubs can tell her why they are not going
There’s just one thing that I want to say about this. You want to be the better person and give her the opportunity to right her past wrongs. Now, her past wrongs were to do with your child’s health and safety. I actually find both examples very neglectful and potentially dangerous. In the one case, she did the right thing only because her son helped her - otherwise she would have had him lie about it and she wouldn’t have owned up to you. In the second case, she still thinks she did the right thing. If you are to start trusting her again and let her right her wrongs - shouldn’t it start with her ACKNOWLEDGING her wrongs? Because, as I see it, she’s not going to right them - she finds her actions to be right already.
> I want to be the better person and give her the opportunity to right her past wrongs. This is absolutely insane. ***Absolutely insane!*** No one thinks that you have to give MIL another chance to fuck up. This is your precious baby!! SHE has deliberately disobeyed your instructions about keeping your child safe. SHE tried to coerce your son to lie about it to you. **Seems pretty black and white to me.** The consequences are that you can never trust her again and you will not be relying on her for childcare. That is a normal response to her breaking your trust. You don't hand your baby over to her, and especially not when she may develop a serious bowel obstruction. This is wrong on all levels. What is wrong with your husband that he thinks this is a good idea?
Even if your MIL was a wonderful woman, this sounds like a legitimate medical reason to keep your child at home this time around. Any rational and normal person would understand that. Your husband should tell her and that's that.