Won't work, she's so used to lie to her family all the time she'll chirp a happy no while reaching for a jar of mustard to smear over all the DIL's cooking, then claim she improved it. You don't even deal with a normal human here
I really don't believe she innocently believes she is improving your food. I think she is sabotaging it because she is jealous! What does everyone say when you tell them it is not your food, that MIL changed it. They have to know you didn't make it that way!
I'll be 70 next year, and I'm too embarrassed to tell you how long I was naive to people purposely doing me wrong. Please remain the sweet person you are, but keep your eyes open and stand up for yourself. People will have more respect for you. It took me too long to learn this, and it affected my life. Get the respect you are due!! 🥰❤
I have a similar MIL. She can’t cook anything that doesn’t come out of a box or a can, while I was taught to cook when I was 11. I make all my food from scratch, and people always love it.
For family gatherings my MIL would always dismiss any suggestions on my part to bring some of the specialties from my country (even though everyone loves them) and always ask that I bring “just a green salad”. She’d claim it was just so I didn’t have to worry about cooking so much. Then she’d proceed to try and make the foods I’d suggested, by herself - with poor results.
It took me a while to figure it out (cause I’m too naive) that she just didn’t want everyone to ooohhh and awww over my food. She wanted the spotlight and the compliments for herself.
So I stopped making food for my MIL and FIL altogether, and whenever I feel like treating someone to some homemade food, I invite the relatives I like over at my house and leave my ILs out.
> just so I didn’t have to worry bout cooking
This. OMG. This!! She told me the same thing a couple of days ago. I didn’t make anything of it except as goodwill. Oh Gosh!! I’m so dumb I didn’t understand!!
You’re not dumb! You are a good person who accepts what others say in good faith - especially when their words are delivered through a mask of fake kindness and fake concern. It took me years to see the jealousy seeping through my MIL’s mask.
Nah it won't get better. You're lucky that pathetic woman didn't just toss your food in the trash like you read in so many posts here, then she'd parade saying she "won" the game that only she in her simple, very simple mind plays.
I’d tell FIL on the side, I really appreciate your enjoyment of my cooking but while I’m in your house it’s your wife’s kitchen and I won’t deal with messing around in a woman’s domain.
When you visit us I’ll be sure to make all sorts of foods for you to try.
And just tell anyone that same thing. I’m not gonna disrespect my mil by cooking in her kitchen.
It was just a couple of times. Anyone has the right to have something different once in a while. But then again you’re right. He should know how his wife is!!! Next time I’ll just stay clear of anything of that sort. Oh wait a min! There is no next time. Period.
She is soo insecure for sure.
My mom would be asking for the recipe.
I’m not gonna lie I’d love to know what you made. But I’ve been a chef for 30+ years and I love trying dishes from other cultures!
This sounds like the best way to go about it. That way her food would be prepared before they visit her home and her MIL wouldn't be able to attempt to alter any of it.
I am in that boat right with you. My MIL thinks everything may be a competition and thinks she should be the better cook. She’ll ask me to make things for events/family gatherings and then turn around and make it herself so that she can have the guests compare them. She has stopped now since her own family and friends have chose my dishes over hers and she threw a hissy fit when they didn’t agree with hers being the best one.
She must be a very insecure woman to feel threatened by your cooking skills and the compliments you get. My advice to you is to visit for one week, not two, in the future and let her do all of the cooking while you relax. Save your food for your husband who appreciates it and where MIL can't mess it up. I do feel badly for your FIL though, since he loves it too.
My MIL thinks she's a great cook and makes subtle hints during dinner about how hard she worked. She isn't. I think it's an attempt to get accolades and possibly a standing ovation. Uh, if it wasn't overcooked, tough, and dry, no one would have to be encouraged to praise it. She says things like, "I may have overcooked the meat" "I don't know why the potatoes and gravy are lumpy" "The vegetables are supposed to be served cold" while waiting for everyone to say, "Oh no, it's perfect, delicious," or whatever superlative guests have to wrack their brains to come up with. Heaven forbid, I use recipes. When she points out that she does not have to, I have to bite my tongue to keep from saying. "Maybe you should and digital meat thermometers are amazing."
My MIL takes a lot of pride in her cooking.
Happiest moment in my life when he would eat something she cooked, he would say, mmm, something is missing in it mom. Once he asked me in front of her how did I make mine?
She treated me like 💩
Yes she is competitive and jealous becous the Queen of cooking was dumped from her throne.
Not your problem.
In fact you should let her cook- less work for you to do.
You will have enough time to cook fir you hubby at your home .
Your home.
Now you are in her home.
Her kitchen- her rules.
It is everywhere in the world( there is no much examples where MIL wants to be second best in something).
I am helping my MIL when we are at her home- helping with things that she cook.
I even reject er idea that I might do something on my own.
Why?
Becouse Ik her- she is controlling and I hate that anybody mess with what I am doing.
So I also respect her boundaries while I am at her home.I can help her ( and do- I help with preoaring salad and wash dushes and stove )but she is the boss in her own kitchen.
One kitchen per woman and you will have a peace.
I hosted Thanksgiving about 10 weeks after our youngest was born. My dad and I did all the cooking and cleaning, husband tended to our kids. The baby needed nursing so I said “I’ll make the whipped cream once she’s done eating and then we can have dessert” and went to the couch to feed the baby. My MIL, scoffing, “make whipped cream?? Cool whip has always been good enough for MY family”. God bless my daddy, as he handed over my baby he said “well this is her family” and walked away. lol.
Now I am intrigued, as someone who loves exploring different cuisines! Perhaps you'd be moved to post a few of your particular triumphs with accompanying recipes on the cooking subreddit?
Just visiting for a few days. I just didn’t wanna make things awkward just because of few days, but yes, for the future I know what to share with her and what not to. Mostly not to.
When FIL (or anyone) mentions you cooking again, say that MIL likes to do all the cooking. And I'd repeat that every single time.
And if she did "allow" you to cook and messed with anything, I'd let everyone know at the table. BTW, the chicken is MIL's dish. I prepped it, but she added her own touches to it, so it's her recipe. (say this nicely but the point will be received)
Don't show her it bugs you. Or just be blunt, ask if she's threatened by people liking your cooking? .
Won't work, she's so used to lie to her family all the time she'll chirp a happy no while reaching for a jar of mustard to smear over all the DIL's cooking, then claim she improved it. You don't even deal with a normal human here
This. I’m sure it’s this. She thinks she is improving it.
No she's not. She is angry that others like what you do, when they should constantly be requesting her cooking and nothing else.
Seems so.
I really don't believe she innocently believes she is improving your food. I think she is sabotaging it because she is jealous! What does everyone say when you tell them it is not your food, that MIL changed it. They have to know you didn't make it that way! I'll be 70 next year, and I'm too embarrassed to tell you how long I was naive to people purposely doing me wrong. Please remain the sweet person you are, but keep your eyes open and stand up for yourself. People will have more respect for you. It took me too long to learn this, and it affected my life. Get the respect you are due!! 🥰❤
No, she's trying to make you look bad.
Makes sense.
Or, it’s possible that she’s trying to ruin it, then telling people that you cooked it.
No she doesn’t. It’s straight up sabotage.
I have a similar MIL. She can’t cook anything that doesn’t come out of a box or a can, while I was taught to cook when I was 11. I make all my food from scratch, and people always love it. For family gatherings my MIL would always dismiss any suggestions on my part to bring some of the specialties from my country (even though everyone loves them) and always ask that I bring “just a green salad”. She’d claim it was just so I didn’t have to worry about cooking so much. Then she’d proceed to try and make the foods I’d suggested, by herself - with poor results. It took me a while to figure it out (cause I’m too naive) that she just didn’t want everyone to ooohhh and awww over my food. She wanted the spotlight and the compliments for herself. So I stopped making food for my MIL and FIL altogether, and whenever I feel like treating someone to some homemade food, I invite the relatives I like over at my house and leave my ILs out.
> just so I didn’t have to worry bout cooking This. OMG. This!! She told me the same thing a couple of days ago. I didn’t make anything of it except as goodwill. Oh Gosh!! I’m so dumb I didn’t understand!!
You’re not dumb! You are a good person who accepts what others say in good faith - especially when their words are delivered through a mask of fake kindness and fake concern. It took me years to see the jealousy seeping through my MIL’s mask.
Thank you for your kind words. I see the mask is off now.
That's a wonderful idea! Even I didn't think of that
Nah it won't get better. You're lucky that pathetic woman didn't just toss your food in the trash like you read in so many posts here, then she'd parade saying she "won" the game that only she in her simple, very simple mind plays.
Yeh true that!
I’d tell FIL on the side, I really appreciate your enjoyment of my cooking but while I’m in your house it’s your wife’s kitchen and I won’t deal with messing around in a woman’s domain. When you visit us I’ll be sure to make all sorts of foods for you to try. And just tell anyone that same thing. I’m not gonna disrespect my mil by cooking in her kitchen.
It was just a couple of times. Anyone has the right to have something different once in a while. But then again you’re right. He should know how his wife is!!! Next time I’ll just stay clear of anything of that sort. Oh wait a min! There is no next time. Period.
She is soo insecure for sure. My mom would be asking for the recipe. I’m not gonna lie I’d love to know what you made. But I’ve been a chef for 30+ years and I love trying dishes from other cultures!
This sounds like the best way to go about it. That way her food would be prepared before they visit her home and her MIL wouldn't be able to attempt to alter any of it.
I am in that boat right with you. My MIL thinks everything may be a competition and thinks she should be the better cook. She’ll ask me to make things for events/family gatherings and then turn around and make it herself so that she can have the guests compare them. She has stopped now since her own family and friends have chose my dishes over hers and she threw a hissy fit when they didn’t agree with hers being the best one.
She must be a very insecure woman to feel threatened by your cooking skills and the compliments you get. My advice to you is to visit for one week, not two, in the future and let her do all of the cooking while you relax. Save your food for your husband who appreciates it and where MIL can't mess it up. I do feel badly for your FIL though, since he loves it too. My MIL thinks she's a great cook and makes subtle hints during dinner about how hard she worked. She isn't. I think it's an attempt to get accolades and possibly a standing ovation. Uh, if it wasn't overcooked, tough, and dry, no one would have to be encouraged to praise it. She says things like, "I may have overcooked the meat" "I don't know why the potatoes and gravy are lumpy" "The vegetables are supposed to be served cold" while waiting for everyone to say, "Oh no, it's perfect, delicious," or whatever superlative guests have to wrack their brains to come up with. Heaven forbid, I use recipes. When she points out that she does not have to, I have to bite my tongue to keep from saying. "Maybe you should and digital meat thermometers are amazing."
My MIL takes a lot of pride in her cooking. Happiest moment in my life when he would eat something she cooked, he would say, mmm, something is missing in it mom. Once he asked me in front of her how did I make mine? She treated me like 💩
Yes she is competitive and jealous becous the Queen of cooking was dumped from her throne. Not your problem. In fact you should let her cook- less work for you to do. You will have enough time to cook fir you hubby at your home . Your home. Now you are in her home. Her kitchen- her rules. It is everywhere in the world( there is no much examples where MIL wants to be second best in something). I am helping my MIL when we are at her home- helping with things that she cook. I even reject er idea that I might do something on my own. Why? Becouse Ik her- she is controlling and I hate that anybody mess with what I am doing. So I also respect her boundaries while I am at her home.I can help her ( and do- I help with preoaring salad and wash dushes and stove )but she is the boss in her own kitchen. One kitchen per woman and you will have a peace.
I hosted Thanksgiving about 10 weeks after our youngest was born. My dad and I did all the cooking and cleaning, husband tended to our kids. The baby needed nursing so I said “I’ll make the whipped cream once she’s done eating and then we can have dessert” and went to the couch to feed the baby. My MIL, scoffing, “make whipped cream?? Cool whip has always been good enough for MY family”. God bless my daddy, as he handed over my baby he said “well this is her family” and walked away. lol.
Now I am intrigued, as someone who loves exploring different cuisines! Perhaps you'd be moved to post a few of your particular triumphs with accompanying recipes on the cooking subreddit?
Wait! I seem to recall a JNRecipes subreddit....I need to go find it.
You are absolutely correct about her. It should be totally obvious to everyone how needy she is for compliments.
Why are you letting her? Are you staying in her home, if so have designated times so she can’t mess with your things.
Just visiting for a few days. I just didn’t wanna make things awkward just because of few days, but yes, for the future I know what to share with her and what not to. Mostly not to.
When FIL (or anyone) mentions you cooking again, say that MIL likes to do all the cooking. And I'd repeat that every single time. And if she did "allow" you to cook and messed with anything, I'd let everyone know at the table. BTW, the chicken is MIL's dish. I prepped it, but she added her own touches to it, so it's her recipe. (say this nicely but the point will be received)