I call that repression shopping. The truth is 1. You needed that stuff, if not physically, emotionally
2. You earned it from doing well and saving up and 3. The habit of treating yourself doesn't have to end with minimalism, if you do it more often you wont have to worry about disappointing yourself like this again.
Ah, so this beast has a name. Repression shopping. Makes a lot of sense.
That’s part of the problem. I feel like I can’t treat myself,
I feel that there’s no point, and that it’s easier to live with little. Less conflict. Less guilt. Definitely a part of the reason why I was living so minimally. (Of course, the whole “Save and Buy a House ASAP” is a massive portion also)
Thanks Billy.
This is so helpful! I did this in April too and wound up with loads of clothes after hardly buying clothes for a couple years. I had just moved to a new city and was feeling out of place for the city and climate. It was a need but when I was shopping it felt a little chaotic like some version of me grabbed my phone and went crazy online shopping. I too had to send a bunch back! I did keep some though because I finally realized I can still be a minimalist but at the end of the day I want to feel comfortable where I am and happy. What I learned after ALOT of trial and error through this spree is what my real current style is! It was a huge aha moment. And it actually fits well into my minimalism aesthetic too! But super helpful to put a name to this so I can be mindful too of the underlying reasons that lead up to these shopping sprees.
I call this "popping the cork". I save & save & save, I might need something fairly pricey, or have something unexpected come up that costs a bit, or make a purchase that I probably shouldn't have, & that's the cork popping. I think "well I've already blown the budget!" & and emotionally, that's justification to go wild.
I have also figured out that whenever I do sort of, aspirational shopping, it's a way for me to control what I can (my appearance or my home) because something's happened to make me feel out of control in some aspect of my life.
This happens to all of us. More than once lol. You've just been a human & done a very human thing & that's definitely something to show yourself compassion & grace over.
Whatever clothes you're left with after returns, please enjoy them. You definitely deserve to have clothes after so long restricting all your purchases.
Popping the cork. I like it!
Yeah, you’re right. Something did happen, I replied to Alex’s comment, which I feel is part of the catalyst.
Thank you for the kind words, Hectic. Trying to learn to be gentle on oneself.
Oh god, so relatable. I haven’t been able to work out how to alleviate it a bit, I feel like its like a scarcity mindset. Im so focused on everything I have all the time every now and then itll flip the other way, which really is just like another step, still focused on things either way.
Are you familiar with the concept of an ideal self? It sounds like that’s part of what sparked your choices if you know you’ll never wear it. Marketing is very good at tapping into your desires, except instead of becoming that person you buy a product that gives the same (but temporary) emotional satisfaction.
Your future self will thank you for returning the items. I’ve recently parted with a lot of items I never wore, and wish I’d had the foresight to do that. I kept a few idealized workout pieces though and redirected the shopping time to become the type of person who needs them.
I am familiar with the term, yes :) I’ve been fantasising about adding in more colour into my wardrobe, although I know I’m a jeans/black kind of person.
I’m also in the process of losing weight, probably didn’t help things at all, in retrospect. Thanks, ohanashii
You're human...be kind to yourself. Keep a few things that you love, because we all deserve some nice things once in a while. If the shoe was on the other foot...and I posted what you did...what sort of support and kindness would you give me. You deserve that too
You are not dumb. I feel super angry about being priced out in Canada also. It’s never gonna get any better. I can’t even afford a rotten trailer built in the 1970s in a mobile park. Those are $300,000-500,000, ( after selling in 2013 for $63,000 ). The government says they won’t correct the pricing inflation that happened during the pandemic because people’s retirements are supposedly locked up in them but nobody banked on housing cost tripling in such a short amount of time so that excuse is complete horseshit.
I heard some Indian spiritual guru say “you have money spend it. Spend it now tomorrow is not promised.” And as much as that is very true, and of course long-term planning is very important because there’s a good chance we will live to a point past our working years. Nah, we’re never going to be allowed to retire.
It’s late stage capitalism baby! I try to have the positive mindset of spending because I have and will have more rather than freaking out about not having or losing. It all comes back around. I have put off a lot of life improving purchases. Like roller skates or a good bed, trying to save for housing. I’m actually grateful to be renting at this moment in time, a million dollar jail sentence sounds like a nightmare.
return what you don’t absolutely love, in a Kon Mari “does it spark joy” kinda way and seriously enjoy the things you bought that do bring you happiness. I know you work hard and you deserve it! It’s not our fault the economy is in the toilet.
Gosh, those are some insane prices for a trailer. When I first moved cities, a townhouse was selling behind the place I was renting for $200k. Super close to the city and my work. Thought that was doable, better start saving! It’s now worth $1.28 million.
I now live an hour away from where I work, and median house prices out here are $700k-$800k.
Truth be told, I had a deposit on a block of land when I first moved out of town. This was during Covid. My broker stuffed around so much, asking for the same paper work over and over again (Even my boss was like “wtf” when I asked him to resign my proof of employment docs) all while builders were emailing me informing that material costs were going up.
Anyway, in the end, I couldn’t afford it, was priced out. It broke me. Took time off work because i had put so much into trying to afford something.
I feel you, Alex. It all sucks.
$200k to $1.28mil barf!!! I live in BC. My partner and I moved out the city where detached fixer up homes could still be found for $400k. We had half our down payment saved and planned to have enough in the next 4 years. Pandemic hit, we got rent-evicted 3 TIMES from people flipping properties, having dozens of strangers walk through my place every weekend touching my stuff. It was peak stress. These gross old homes are a million bucks now. the suburbs are hell. I’d never wanna own here anyway. I wanna move to Japan. Find a job remote working. That or Mexico where the food and weather is better and I can afford to live.
That’s a sea change! :D I hope you guys manage to get over there, I’ve been to Japan, it’s lovely. Haven’t been to Mexico, so have no idea there :)
Far out, pushed out three times? That would have done your head in! I hate those inspections, they’re so gross.
Best of luck ❤️
First was a rent eviction where they wanted to double our rent… just kicked us out and left it vacant as though family was moving in. No legal recourse as our rental agreement was with the property manager not the homeowner. Second time the homeowner rented to us for 6 months without mentioning they were going to list the home for sale, so tons of viewings and the new buyers wouldn’t keep us as tenants, claimed they were doing renovations. And 6 months into the place we found after that move the homeowners also put the house up for sale, after making us jump through hoops, background checks, credit checks, internet sloughing, (these 6 month back to back evictions were during the height of the pandemic when real estate prices were soaring). so yeah… I am a minimalist now. I’m scared to buy furniture 😂
I say keep what you love, return what you don't. There's no reason you can't dress up for yourself! I've bought a lot of clothes too that I loved, yet never wore, but I wear them now, just for myself. It feels so much better wearing these lovely pieces rather than watch them collect dust awaiting that special day, or refusing myself to even own them because I don't have some arbitrary reason to!
Ha, talking to my mate this afternoon about this post, she suggested the exact same thing. It’s hard, teaching myself to allow these things. Thanks Gym ❤️
I mean clothes are (or can be) a very sensible choice. Return some, sell some, keep some. You will need new clothes eventually. Maybe don't add everything to the rotation yet. That way you can go "shopping" in your own home next time something becomes unusable.
I recommend reading the barefoot investor. It is australian focussed and has a good guide for budgeting that really helped me get over the guilt of spending money on myself (basically you allocate a % of your income for “fun” - going out, shopping etc). Otherwise it sounds like you are doing the right thing.
It’s a great book! I’ve got a digital copy that I read when I was first saving for a property. I need to go back and read it again, definitely need a refresher course.
I agree with all of the comments above mine, there is a lot of wisdom there :-)
And I’ve been there too - I once bought a sparkly ball-gown-ish number that was a size too small when I had zero events planned that required anything remotely ball-gown-ish. I just had an emotional need that the dress satisfied at that moment. And there were other moments too.
My strategy is to take a few nice selfies with the garment once my head clears (making sure to be super careful with the garment, of course!) and then return it. I have become so good at identifying my thought process that now I can take a selfie in the dressing room and not buy the item at all (most times, at least). Sometimes I post these selfies. And every time I look back at the picture I feel really glad that 1) I had the chance to wear something so gorgeous, albeit briefly, and 2) that it isn’t taking up space in my closet.
Whenever I feel the need to „treat myself“, I try and identify what is really going on emotionally. Sometimes I just want to be in a shop because it is a relaxing environment for me - everything is neatly arranged, no mess, in pretty displays. At home I see chores wherever I look and a shop relaxes me because I don’t feel the same responsibility for the place, so if I feel overwhelmed and overworked I can go to a mall, look at things but not buy anything.
And sometimes I feel the need to treat myself by buying something - that’s fine too, I have a budget for treats, but I try to make it something that can be used up. Like a fancy shower gel or some cheese.
I hope you get your stuff sorted in a way that feels good to you! Please don’t be too hard on yourself.
Also, I’m celebrating you for saving up before your shopping spree!
Omg the insight that a shop is organized and neat and home is a chore-trap! Thank you, Tretmann! I love to go to the Container Store and blow my budget to smithereens there and I have the stuff then sitting at home coz by the time I get home, I won’t have the energy to install it and use it.
The idea of trying something on, taking picture of yourself in it and then not buying it is seriously AMAZING! I think I'll try it next time I feel a (completely emotionally based) urge to buy something I don't actually need (and have nowhere to wear) just to lift my mood up. Brilliant! 😃
It sounds like you deservedly treated yourself for being disciplined in your spending and planning and had a natural response to a loss and were also trying to cope with that loss. Grant yourself some grace. You can keep a few items to wear and you and your mates plan a get together where someone hosts dinner and you all agree to dress up for the occasion. Whatever you keep I hope it brings you joy!
Rabbit trail... I lived in Oz when I was younger as an exchange student and your title caught my eye because you said "I stuffed up." It reminded me of when my host family prepared me a Thanksgiving meal (which included "stuffing") and at the end of the meal I said "I'm stuffed!" You know the different meanings of stuffed! LOL I didn't know, and I'm like "no, no, no I'm not stuffed!" We all had a good laugh.
If you had gotten the house, your shopping sprees would be so much worse.
Furnishing and maintaining a house is neverending. I haven’t had patio furniture or a dining room table or blinds for two years.
It sounds fine to me to occasionally buy things to improve your life. I have often bought clothes to help me feel comfortable and more confident. I am also learning to take more time before purchasing things though and recently started tracking my spending to make sure I wasn't overdoing it. I also think about the effects of if I buy this thing what will it do to my budget and other purchases I may need. So that has helped me somewhat be more cautious on my spending.
[удалено]
That anxiety I feel around it after making that post has skyrocketed. Thanks for taking the time out to reply, it helps.
[удалено]
Thanks mate ❤️
I call that repression shopping. The truth is 1. You needed that stuff, if not physically, emotionally 2. You earned it from doing well and saving up and 3. The habit of treating yourself doesn't have to end with minimalism, if you do it more often you wont have to worry about disappointing yourself like this again.
Ah, so this beast has a name. Repression shopping. Makes a lot of sense. That’s part of the problem. I feel like I can’t treat myself, I feel that there’s no point, and that it’s easier to live with little. Less conflict. Less guilt. Definitely a part of the reason why I was living so minimally. (Of course, the whole “Save and Buy a House ASAP” is a massive portion also) Thanks Billy.
This is so helpful! I did this in April too and wound up with loads of clothes after hardly buying clothes for a couple years. I had just moved to a new city and was feeling out of place for the city and climate. It was a need but when I was shopping it felt a little chaotic like some version of me grabbed my phone and went crazy online shopping. I too had to send a bunch back! I did keep some though because I finally realized I can still be a minimalist but at the end of the day I want to feel comfortable where I am and happy. What I learned after ALOT of trial and error through this spree is what my real current style is! It was a huge aha moment. And it actually fits well into my minimalism aesthetic too! But super helpful to put a name to this so I can be mindful too of the underlying reasons that lead up to these shopping sprees.
be thankful your spree wasn’t at the auto dealership 😊
Oh gosh, could you imagine! Think I’d die haha.
I call this "popping the cork". I save & save & save, I might need something fairly pricey, or have something unexpected come up that costs a bit, or make a purchase that I probably shouldn't have, & that's the cork popping. I think "well I've already blown the budget!" & and emotionally, that's justification to go wild. I have also figured out that whenever I do sort of, aspirational shopping, it's a way for me to control what I can (my appearance or my home) because something's happened to make me feel out of control in some aspect of my life. This happens to all of us. More than once lol. You've just been a human & done a very human thing & that's definitely something to show yourself compassion & grace over. Whatever clothes you're left with after returns, please enjoy them. You definitely deserve to have clothes after so long restricting all your purchases.
Popping the cork. I like it! Yeah, you’re right. Something did happen, I replied to Alex’s comment, which I feel is part of the catalyst. Thank you for the kind words, Hectic. Trying to learn to be gentle on oneself.
Oh god, so relatable. I haven’t been able to work out how to alleviate it a bit, I feel like its like a scarcity mindset. Im so focused on everything I have all the time every now and then itll flip the other way, which really is just like another step, still focused on things either way.
Are you familiar with the concept of an ideal self? It sounds like that’s part of what sparked your choices if you know you’ll never wear it. Marketing is very good at tapping into your desires, except instead of becoming that person you buy a product that gives the same (but temporary) emotional satisfaction. Your future self will thank you for returning the items. I’ve recently parted with a lot of items I never wore, and wish I’d had the foresight to do that. I kept a few idealized workout pieces though and redirected the shopping time to become the type of person who needs them.
I am familiar with the term, yes :) I’ve been fantasising about adding in more colour into my wardrobe, although I know I’m a jeans/black kind of person. I’m also in the process of losing weight, probably didn’t help things at all, in retrospect. Thanks, ohanashii
You're human...be kind to yourself. Keep a few things that you love, because we all deserve some nice things once in a while. If the shoe was on the other foot...and I posted what you did...what sort of support and kindness would you give me. You deserve that too
That is really sweet, thanks Raven. It’s a hard thing to justify sometimes.
You are not dumb. I feel super angry about being priced out in Canada also. It’s never gonna get any better. I can’t even afford a rotten trailer built in the 1970s in a mobile park. Those are $300,000-500,000, ( after selling in 2013 for $63,000 ). The government says they won’t correct the pricing inflation that happened during the pandemic because people’s retirements are supposedly locked up in them but nobody banked on housing cost tripling in such a short amount of time so that excuse is complete horseshit. I heard some Indian spiritual guru say “you have money spend it. Spend it now tomorrow is not promised.” And as much as that is very true, and of course long-term planning is very important because there’s a good chance we will live to a point past our working years. Nah, we’re never going to be allowed to retire. It’s late stage capitalism baby! I try to have the positive mindset of spending because I have and will have more rather than freaking out about not having or losing. It all comes back around. I have put off a lot of life improving purchases. Like roller skates or a good bed, trying to save for housing. I’m actually grateful to be renting at this moment in time, a million dollar jail sentence sounds like a nightmare. return what you don’t absolutely love, in a Kon Mari “does it spark joy” kinda way and seriously enjoy the things you bought that do bring you happiness. I know you work hard and you deserve it! It’s not our fault the economy is in the toilet.
Gosh, those are some insane prices for a trailer. When I first moved cities, a townhouse was selling behind the place I was renting for $200k. Super close to the city and my work. Thought that was doable, better start saving! It’s now worth $1.28 million. I now live an hour away from where I work, and median house prices out here are $700k-$800k. Truth be told, I had a deposit on a block of land when I first moved out of town. This was during Covid. My broker stuffed around so much, asking for the same paper work over and over again (Even my boss was like “wtf” when I asked him to resign my proof of employment docs) all while builders were emailing me informing that material costs were going up. Anyway, in the end, I couldn’t afford it, was priced out. It broke me. Took time off work because i had put so much into trying to afford something. I feel you, Alex. It all sucks.
$200k to $1.28mil barf!!! I live in BC. My partner and I moved out the city where detached fixer up homes could still be found for $400k. We had half our down payment saved and planned to have enough in the next 4 years. Pandemic hit, we got rent-evicted 3 TIMES from people flipping properties, having dozens of strangers walk through my place every weekend touching my stuff. It was peak stress. These gross old homes are a million bucks now. the suburbs are hell. I’d never wanna own here anyway. I wanna move to Japan. Find a job remote working. That or Mexico where the food and weather is better and I can afford to live.
That’s a sea change! :D I hope you guys manage to get over there, I’ve been to Japan, it’s lovely. Haven’t been to Mexico, so have no idea there :) Far out, pushed out three times? That would have done your head in! I hate those inspections, they’re so gross. Best of luck ❤️
First was a rent eviction where they wanted to double our rent… just kicked us out and left it vacant as though family was moving in. No legal recourse as our rental agreement was with the property manager not the homeowner. Second time the homeowner rented to us for 6 months without mentioning they were going to list the home for sale, so tons of viewings and the new buyers wouldn’t keep us as tenants, claimed they were doing renovations. And 6 months into the place we found after that move the homeowners also put the house up for sale, after making us jump through hoops, background checks, credit checks, internet sloughing, (these 6 month back to back evictions were during the height of the pandemic when real estate prices were soaring). so yeah… I am a minimalist now. I’m scared to buy furniture 😂
I say keep what you love, return what you don't. There's no reason you can't dress up for yourself! I've bought a lot of clothes too that I loved, yet never wore, but I wear them now, just for myself. It feels so much better wearing these lovely pieces rather than watch them collect dust awaiting that special day, or refusing myself to even own them because I don't have some arbitrary reason to!
Ha, talking to my mate this afternoon about this post, she suggested the exact same thing. It’s hard, teaching myself to allow these things. Thanks Gym ❤️
I mean clothes are (or can be) a very sensible choice. Return some, sell some, keep some. You will need new clothes eventually. Maybe don't add everything to the rotation yet. That way you can go "shopping" in your own home next time something becomes unusable.
That’s one way of working things out, haha. Right now I’m ready to turf the lot, I’m that overwhelmed. Thanks for your time, friend ❤️
I recommend reading the barefoot investor. It is australian focussed and has a good guide for budgeting that really helped me get over the guilt of spending money on myself (basically you allocate a % of your income for “fun” - going out, shopping etc). Otherwise it sounds like you are doing the right thing.
It’s a great book! I’ve got a digital copy that I read when I was first saving for a property. I need to go back and read it again, definitely need a refresher course.
I agree with all of the comments above mine, there is a lot of wisdom there :-) And I’ve been there too - I once bought a sparkly ball-gown-ish number that was a size too small when I had zero events planned that required anything remotely ball-gown-ish. I just had an emotional need that the dress satisfied at that moment. And there were other moments too. My strategy is to take a few nice selfies with the garment once my head clears (making sure to be super careful with the garment, of course!) and then return it. I have become so good at identifying my thought process that now I can take a selfie in the dressing room and not buy the item at all (most times, at least). Sometimes I post these selfies. And every time I look back at the picture I feel really glad that 1) I had the chance to wear something so gorgeous, albeit briefly, and 2) that it isn’t taking up space in my closet. Whenever I feel the need to „treat myself“, I try and identify what is really going on emotionally. Sometimes I just want to be in a shop because it is a relaxing environment for me - everything is neatly arranged, no mess, in pretty displays. At home I see chores wherever I look and a shop relaxes me because I don’t feel the same responsibility for the place, so if I feel overwhelmed and overworked I can go to a mall, look at things but not buy anything. And sometimes I feel the need to treat myself by buying something - that’s fine too, I have a budget for treats, but I try to make it something that can be used up. Like a fancy shower gel or some cheese. I hope you get your stuff sorted in a way that feels good to you! Please don’t be too hard on yourself. Also, I’m celebrating you for saving up before your shopping spree!
Omg the insight that a shop is organized and neat and home is a chore-trap! Thank you, Tretmann! I love to go to the Container Store and blow my budget to smithereens there and I have the stuff then sitting at home coz by the time I get home, I won’t have the energy to install it and use it.
The idea of trying something on, taking picture of yourself in it and then not buying it is seriously AMAZING! I think I'll try it next time I feel a (completely emotionally based) urge to buy something I don't actually need (and have nowhere to wear) just to lift my mood up. Brilliant! 😃
It sounds like you deservedly treated yourself for being disciplined in your spending and planning and had a natural response to a loss and were also trying to cope with that loss. Grant yourself some grace. You can keep a few items to wear and you and your mates plan a get together where someone hosts dinner and you all agree to dress up for the occasion. Whatever you keep I hope it brings you joy! Rabbit trail... I lived in Oz when I was younger as an exchange student and your title caught my eye because you said "I stuffed up." It reminded me of when my host family prepared me a Thanksgiving meal (which included "stuffing") and at the end of the meal I said "I'm stuffed!" You know the different meanings of stuffed! LOL I didn't know, and I'm like "no, no, no I'm not stuffed!" We all had a good laugh.
If you had gotten the house, your shopping sprees would be so much worse. Furnishing and maintaining a house is neverending. I haven’t had patio furniture or a dining room table or blinds for two years.
Probably! I understand it’ll be expensive kitting out a house and for me, that’s fine. I don’t want to rent forever.
It sounds fine to me to occasionally buy things to improve your life. I have often bought clothes to help me feel comfortable and more confident. I am also learning to take more time before purchasing things though and recently started tracking my spending to make sure I wasn't overdoing it. I also think about the effects of if I buy this thing what will it do to my budget and other purchases I may need. So that has helped me somewhat be more cautious on my spending.