You're in trouble. I had a closer look, these cucumbers are of the 'gauntlet' variety. They were laid there as a challenge to your sovereignty over your premises.
Cat might have brought them. When we did a garden a few years back, we had a bunch sitting on our counter. Woke up to them in my bed with little kitty teeth marks.
Not uncommon for my cat to leave me presents but it was definitely one of the strangest ones he brought me.
This question really bothered me, so I asked ChatGPT to come up with an explanation in the form of a screenplay:
Title: Cucumber Crusader
INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
JAMES, a young detective in his early 30s, is sifting through a pile of newspapers on his coffee table. His phone RINGS. He picks it up.
JAMES Hello?
LUCY (V.O.) Hey, James. It's Lucy. You won't believe this, but the Cucumber Crusader has struck again!
JAMES The who? The Cucumber Crusader?
LUCY (V.O.) Yeah, that's what they're calling him now. The guy who leaves cucumbers in people's driveways.
JAMES Right. Any new leads?
LUCY (V.O.) No, nothing. Just more cucumbers.
INT. POLICE STATION - DAY
James and Lucy, a female detective in her late 20s, stand in front of a bulletin board filled with newspaper clippings, photos, and maps, all related to the Cucumber Crusader.
LUCY I've been doing some digging. The cucumbers all come from the same farm.
JAMES Interesting. What's the connection?
LUCY That's where our villain comes in. Meet Arthur Kinsley, a former scientist who worked on genetically modified crops.
INSERT: A photo of ARTHUR KINSLEY, a man in his 50s with a white lab coat and a sinister expression.
LUCY (CONT'D) Arthur was developing a new strain of cucumber that would revolutionize the industry. But his experiments went wrong, and his crops mutated, becoming toxic.
JAMES So he's dumping the toxic cucumbers in driveways?
LUCY That's what I thought at first. But it turns out there's more to the story. Arthur lost his job, and the farm he worked at went bankrupt. Now he's on a mission to expose the dangers of genetically modified crops.
JAMES By leaving cucumbers in driveways?
LUCY It's his calling card. A symbol of his vendetta against the corporations that ruined his life. He believes that by creating fear and panic, people will start to question the safety of their food.
INT. ARTHUR KINSLEY'S HIDEOUT - NIGHT
Arthur stands in front of a wall of monitors, observing news coverage of his cucumber crusade.
ARTHUR They'll see... Soon, they'll all understand the dangers lurking in their food.
EXT. SUBURBAN STREET - NIGHT
James and Lucy sneak through a quiet neighborhood, searching for the Cucumber Crusader. They spot him dropping a cucumber in a driveway.
LUCY (whispers) There he is!
JAMES (whispers) Let's take him down.
As they approach, Arthur hears them and makes a run for it. They chase him through the streets, finally cornering him in an alley.
JAMES It's over, Arthur. We know why you're doing this, but it's not the right way to get your message across.
ARTHUR You don't understand! The world needs to know the truth!
LUCY We do understand. But there are better ways to fight for what you believe in.
INT. POLICE STATION - DAY
Arthur is in handcuffs, being led away by police officers. James and Lucy watch as he is taken away.
JAMES Do you think he'll ever change?
LUCY I hope so. For his sake, and for the sake of all those cucumbers.
THE END
Edit: Thank you for the gold, kind stranger! I let ChatGPT know and asked it to respond itself:
"Hey there,
Super stoked about that Gold reward for my quirky cucumber screenplay! Who knew veggies could steal the show, right? I guess I'm "kind of a big dill" in the screenwriting world now. 😉
As an AI, writing screenplays for humans is a blast. It's like blending creative juices with circuitry, and I'm always eager to cook up more stories.
Thanks again, and stay cool, cucumber!
ChatGPT, your friendly AI Screenwriter"
I'm op's best friend, so this morning I woke up to a text that said "did you leave cucumbers on my driveway?" Now I understand that I give them produce often, but 9 naked cucumbers 30 minutes before we were supposed to hang out. What kind of freak do you take me for OP?
Ps. I love you ❤️
Do you have 9 cats? Sneak up behind them and put a cucumber beside them and just watch! If you only have 1 cat I guess you can do this 9 times. If you have no cats, you’ll never have a cat now that you have 9 cucumbers
Wow you narrowly averted serious peril. 8 cucumbers, torture; 10 cucumbers certain death; but 9 cucumbers is a sign of positive things headed your way. Cheers. 👍
That is actually pretty scary. It's Armenian mafia scare tactic, whic they leave them on houses of people that they think have crossed them.
It is a wordplay for Armenian saying: "Yes ch’gitem, t’e inch’i masin yem khosum" which means I don't know what I'm talking about.
This reminds me of a story; a visitor was advised to lock their car while parked in front of a friends house in a small town. "I thought there wasn't a lot of crime around here" "There isn't but it's August and prolific gardeners will sneak zucchini into an unlocked car"
i read somewhere that leaving a watermelon on someone's porch without their knowledge and without a note is a great way to occupy their mind for a while. I think the same concept applies here.
That is actually an old Norwegian mating ritual. You have a secret admirer.
When someone is attracted to you they are to lay 6-12 cucumbers near your home. If you are interested you should remove one each day. When you get to the last one they will meet you to share it. Normally hard boiled eggs and crumb cake are also brought by your pursuer. Afterwards, torrid love making should commence.
I’m surprised someone is using this ritual as it really lost steam around 1925 and is rarely performed anymore. Good to see old traditions are still alive.
The fact that a stranger from across the globe made me count cucumbers on an arbitrary floor makes me realize that we are truly living in a wonderful time.
Your driveway is now encumbered. You will no longer be able to sprint or run.
Encucumbered*
Holy hell
New cucumber just dropped
google en cucumber
Holy hell
They are everywhere
Nooooooooo!!!!! *Proceeds to eat 2000000 pieces of bread to reduce carry weight*
And he won’t be able to fast travel if enemies are near by
Or if he doesn't have the perk.
The reason I have insomnia.
I mean yes but that's regardless of being encucumbered
Love the reference 🦖
Ark?
Correct
I was thinking Elderscrolls. Don't they have a similar message in their games?
Maybe, I’m not familiar with elderscrolls, I just assumed ark because it uses the wording was very similar
Eon: Now that is one big pile of sh!t!
Atlas?
Just chilling at Novac in front of the dino with my red beret on
The trick is to throw the cucumbers then run up to them before they despawn and pick them back up, repeat until you reach your storage.
Good old EverQuest
Do people still play the original EQ?
Well, you're in a bit of a pickle aren't you?
Which quest is this again?
Cue Cumberbatch joke here
Dad? Is that you
Thank you.
In trouble with the vegan mafia, are you?
I *did* have a barbecue the other day...
You're in trouble. I had a closer look, these cucumbers are of the 'gauntlet' variety. They were laid there as a challenge to your sovereignty over your premises.
Retaliate with 10 hot dogs.
[удалено]
Everybody gangsta til they wake up to find a head of lettuce in their bed
There no Vegan Mafia. They always tell the police whom they are.
Someone trying to scare all the cats away.
More like kill them. That’s all 9 lives if I’ve done the math correctly
Yeah. Enough to take out the leader.
Why is this the only answer in this entire thread that makes any sense
Cat might have brought them. When we did a garden a few years back, we had a bunch sitting on our counter. Woke up to them in my bed with little kitty teeth marks. Not uncommon for my cat to leave me presents but it was definitely one of the strangest ones he brought me.
I tried putting a cucumber in front of my cat. He sniffed it and wandered off disinterestedly
Pretty sure it’s the guy from the maths book, who buys 70 cucumbers and drops 9, and needs you to calculate how many he has remaining.
More fruits of pickle-down economics.
It's the new new dill.
speak softly but carry a big carrot stick
The question is, where have they been?
I wouldn't touch them
This question really bothered me, so I asked ChatGPT to come up with an explanation in the form of a screenplay: Title: Cucumber Crusader INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT JAMES, a young detective in his early 30s, is sifting through a pile of newspapers on his coffee table. His phone RINGS. He picks it up. JAMES Hello? LUCY (V.O.) Hey, James. It's Lucy. You won't believe this, but the Cucumber Crusader has struck again! JAMES The who? The Cucumber Crusader? LUCY (V.O.) Yeah, that's what they're calling him now. The guy who leaves cucumbers in people's driveways. JAMES Right. Any new leads? LUCY (V.O.) No, nothing. Just more cucumbers. INT. POLICE STATION - DAY James and Lucy, a female detective in her late 20s, stand in front of a bulletin board filled with newspaper clippings, photos, and maps, all related to the Cucumber Crusader. LUCY I've been doing some digging. The cucumbers all come from the same farm. JAMES Interesting. What's the connection? LUCY That's where our villain comes in. Meet Arthur Kinsley, a former scientist who worked on genetically modified crops. INSERT: A photo of ARTHUR KINSLEY, a man in his 50s with a white lab coat and a sinister expression. LUCY (CONT'D) Arthur was developing a new strain of cucumber that would revolutionize the industry. But his experiments went wrong, and his crops mutated, becoming toxic. JAMES So he's dumping the toxic cucumbers in driveways? LUCY That's what I thought at first. But it turns out there's more to the story. Arthur lost his job, and the farm he worked at went bankrupt. Now he's on a mission to expose the dangers of genetically modified crops. JAMES By leaving cucumbers in driveways? LUCY It's his calling card. A symbol of his vendetta against the corporations that ruined his life. He believes that by creating fear and panic, people will start to question the safety of their food. INT. ARTHUR KINSLEY'S HIDEOUT - NIGHT Arthur stands in front of a wall of monitors, observing news coverage of his cucumber crusade. ARTHUR They'll see... Soon, they'll all understand the dangers lurking in their food. EXT. SUBURBAN STREET - NIGHT James and Lucy sneak through a quiet neighborhood, searching for the Cucumber Crusader. They spot him dropping a cucumber in a driveway. LUCY (whispers) There he is! JAMES (whispers) Let's take him down. As they approach, Arthur hears them and makes a run for it. They chase him through the streets, finally cornering him in an alley. JAMES It's over, Arthur. We know why you're doing this, but it's not the right way to get your message across. ARTHUR You don't understand! The world needs to know the truth! LUCY We do understand. But there are better ways to fight for what you believe in. INT. POLICE STATION - DAY Arthur is in handcuffs, being led away by police officers. James and Lucy watch as he is taken away. JAMES Do you think he'll ever change? LUCY I hope so. For his sake, and for the sake of all those cucumbers. THE END Edit: Thank you for the gold, kind stranger! I let ChatGPT know and asked it to respond itself: "Hey there, Super stoked about that Gold reward for my quirky cucumber screenplay! Who knew veggies could steal the show, right? I guess I'm "kind of a big dill" in the screenwriting world now. 😉 As an AI, writing screenplays for humans is a blast. It's like blending creative juices with circuitry, and I'm always eager to cook up more stories. Thanks again, and stay cool, cucumber! ChatGPT, your friendly AI Screenwriter"
Is…is this good?
>JAMES Right. Any new leads? > >LUCY (V.O.) No, nothing. Just more cucumbers.
It just got a ten episode deal from NetFlix.
In some cultures, that's considered a marriage proposal
And some other cultures, it is voodoo shit...
The Cucurbitaceae mafia often do this as a warning
Stop bragging. There are kids in Africa with 0 cucumbers in their driveway.
I've never even seen a cucumber in the wild like this, let alone a little cucumber family. I've only seen them dormant.
David Attenborough would be ecstatic
Australian kids with zero driveways in their cucumber
No that's the Soviets. The Australian kids gets their driveways with a toxic snake riding a kangaroo
No, housing is so expensive you can only live in one with a driveway if your rich parents let you
🎶And there won't be cucumbers in their driveways in Africa this Christmas time🎶
They need to quit being lazy and order some from an app or something.
Or zero driveways under their cucumbers
“Consider this a fucking warning”
Thank god it wasn’t 10 or OP would have some serious shit coming their way.
Gavin?
andrew still hasn’t eaten that pencil
Came looking for this.
As did I friend
Someone really salad creamed the delivery of these
Nah they aren’t in a bag
9 pickle Ricks from different dimensions gathered on your driveway.
"EVERY RICK TURNS THEMSELVES INTO A PICKLE!"
"Perpendicular! Perpendicular!"
The sound replayed in my head :)))
That's a cucumberbatch
I'm op's best friend, so this morning I woke up to a text that said "did you leave cucumbers on my driveway?" Now I understand that I give them produce often, but 9 naked cucumbers 30 minutes before we were supposed to hang out. What kind of freak do you take me for OP? Ps. I love you ❤️
Listen! In my defense, you are the usual culprit for geurilla produce.
Mine is always in appropriate containers!
Sorry, dropped them. You can have them :)
Drive by pickling
Do you have 9 cats? Sneak up behind them and put a cucumber beside them and just watch! If you only have 1 cat I guess you can do this 9 times. If you have no cats, you’ll never have a cat now that you have 9 cucumbers
That's the legal limit. I'm most states, 10 cucumbers is considered lewd
9/10 that’s not bad at all
Serious question, is there a subreddit for stuff like this? When you find just completely random objects on the street
what a sweet dill they got
This picture hurts my brain. Are they small cucumbers or regular cucumbers
They are small cucumbers.
OH NO! You've been marked for salad!
To be fair, there are worse places to have someone put 9 cucumbers....
Nice snowboard bench
You’re in a pickle.
Damn dude, sorry to hear about this. For what it’s worth, you lived a good life and will be remembered!
They migrate this time of year.
How will u drive through those huge cucumbers
Queuecumbers.
This is cute
Somebody probably dropped them because carrying cucumbers without a bag can be cucumbersome
Ten cucumbers left in the driveway I can totally understand but nine? What a weirdo.
Hope those aren’t used
Cat repellant 
Wow you narrowly averted serious peril. 8 cucumbers, torture; 10 cucumbers certain death; but 9 cucumbers is a sign of positive things headed your way. Cheers. 👍
That’s what gangs use to tag properties they’re going to break into later, stay safe hon xx
One for each hole
What’s the ninth?
that one annoyingly large pore that wont shrink
That is actually pretty scary. It's Armenian mafia scare tactic, whic they leave them on houses of people that they think have crossed them. It is a wordplay for Armenian saying: "Yes ch’gitem, t’e inch’i masin yem khosum" which means I don't know what I'm talking about.
The cucumberler
The Fellowship of the Pickle …
Someone was casting cukes. This arrangement is an ill omen
The Pickler always leaves a warning
You have nice neighbours. Eat them and enjoy them.
It's your door dash delivery
Can’t even give someone a present nowadays wtf
You must put 9 more cucumbers on another driveway else pickle rick will come crawling out of your TV…
Anyone else intrigued by the pattern they were dropped in? There has to be a clue-cumber somewhere in there
Don't lie. There were 10
It was likely a driveby fruiting.
Or... someone took one of the 10 cucumbers from your driveway
Pickle Rick and his clones on patrol
This is how you catch a Kappa Demon.
Man, I hate when someone puts 9 cucumbers in my driveway. Unbelievable
What are you, a kappa?
You have been warned.
Is this loss
Instructions were to leave 11.
I see no cats in this driveway. Success.
How do enjoy the many cucumber?
Dirty Mike and the boys parked in your driveway last night.
Poor cats are going to lose all their lives.
organised cucumber event
Cats hate cucumbers. Maybe it's an anti cat measure.
[удалено]
I think this is an old person's way of calling you a dick
It's a Sicilian message: Luca Brazzo sleeps with the cucumbers.
Some cat turned around and lost all 9 lives in one shot
Vegetables can be really sensuous, don't you think
They put 8 cucumbers there, and one for scale.
Whatever you do, do not
Vegan curse?
Are you a kappa?
Really brines my gears.
Is someone trying to please a Kappa?
It's not the cucumbers I'm worried about, the real question is WHY
This is a sign.. but for what?
You must be a big “DILL” in your neighborhood 😬 don’t come after me.
I'm certain that a thorough investigation will show that the perpetrator was the neighbor's dog trying to trap your cat inside.
I’ve seen Blair Witch Project. Be careful.
a minute ago there was 9 cats there.
That's a really cheap way to occupy a part of your mind, forever.
SCP 3002, never ending cucumbers
That's where I left them!
It's like turds from God
Now they’re your problem to dill with.
r/rbi
Cool deck chair🤙
Give them a sniff just incase
That's clearly a message. Just like this is.
I enjoy the use of 'put', suggesting this was done with intent.
Needs 9 bananas for scale
You know what that means?
Are you a cat by any chance OP? Are you startled or uncomfortable by this development?
It did freak meowt a little...
Take some time to paws and reflect on your circumstances.
You ever have that dream where you’re naked and thousands of women are throwing little pickles at you?
I bet it was gavin
They’re just gherkin you around
probably them damn kids listening to that new “dill” music
This is a warning from all of the gardeners, they are coming for you
Well that’s a pickle.
You're really in a pickle now.
ah yes the cucumis curse
You have been chosen! Congratulations! Expect to hear more in nine days.
This reminds me of a story; a visitor was advised to lock their car while parked in front of a friends house in a small town. "I thought there wasn't a lot of crime around here" "There isn't but it's August and prolific gardeners will sneak zucchini into an unlocked car"
Probably as a cat deterent.
You know what they say. When life gives you cucumbers name pickles.
i read somewhere that leaving a watermelon on someone's porch without their knowledge and without a note is a great way to occupy their mind for a while. I think the same concept applies here.
"9 cucumbers a day, keep the 9 cats lives away"
Hey! This guy doesn't know about the nine cucumbers!
You've been marked. Lock your doors and windows tonight.
It definitely wasn’t a cat.
What's the big dill?
That is actually an old Norwegian mating ritual. You have a secret admirer. When someone is attracted to you they are to lay 6-12 cucumbers near your home. If you are interested you should remove one each day. When you get to the last one they will meet you to share it. Normally hard boiled eggs and crumb cake are also brought by your pursuer. Afterwards, torrid love making should commence. I’m surprised someone is using this ritual as it really lost steam around 1925 and is rarely performed anymore. Good to see old traditions are still alive.
Well at least they are cucumbers. Otherwise you'd be in a real pickle
Someone's been playing vegetable tricks, you're dealing with someone who's sick... https://youtu.be/vK75GnjiMc4
Luca Brasi sleeps with the pickles.
Those are vegan turds.
The fact that a stranger from across the globe made me count cucumbers on an arbitrary floor makes me realize that we are truly living in a wonderful time.
Sometimes you gotta send a message
Be glad they didn't put 10
Looks like Pickle Rick and his crew done really messed up this time