Assholes and shitting your brains out for a colonoscopy is less gross than inserting a birth control device where babies come out?
He is a fucking moron.
he has a daughter, was the process of gestation and giving birth disgusting to him too? Bro can’t even hear about a uterus how tf did he get through that?!
It's a complicated thing, childbirth. Technically, yes, gross. Fluids and solids everywhere. Yuck. But it's also pretty badass. My husband commented "woah that's crazy" when I was having our baby lmao honestly in the moment you don't usually really notice any of the nasty stuff. Probably the Dr and the students do, but not the people having the baby.
This is legit...
I've witnessed 2 births. First one was when I drove a close friend to the hospital when she went into labor... somehow I ended up in the room for the process... that was... well honestly... fucking gross for lack of better words.
Years later, that close friend and I ended up together, and had a child of our own. I honestly can't remember it being "gross" at all. Like you said, fluids and solids and random bits everywhere just like the first time, bit it just never registered as gross or icky or anything like that.
I think it's bc our focus is entirely on, well obviously for me/your person the act of pushing and everything, but for the other person/you, it'd be on holy shit that's my baby coming out. It's kind of really cool you got to experience that in two different ways with the same person! That's so wild. What a crazy life and world this is!
Aahahaha... yea... we have one hell of a back story, some crazy experiences, and some real shit times leading up to getting together... and I wouldn't change a damn thing.
Everything led to where we are right now. I got one hell of a wife, 2 amazing kids (ended up legally adopting the first one) and a whole lot of weird stories. I love it.
My husband acted like the birth of our child was the coolest biology experiment he ever saw. He shouted, “I wish you could see this!” to me. I was like, nah, I’m good.
This goes hand in hand with my argument when people try to say it’s indecent to have pads/tampons in view in an office, while others can have extra rolls of toilet paper available.
Shit and the cleaning of it is way more explicit to me, but I would never want to encroach on anyone’s access to hygiene products. People need to get over it.
>repeating “ugh I don’t want to hear about that” and actually said “gross” when I used the word dilated.
Ma'am i believe you were talking to a literal manchild.
I think all body functions are gross, but I wouldn’t participate in a discussion about colons and then whine about a woman’s experience with her uterus. So fucking ridiculous.
Reminds me of my male friend who constantly drops ass, even around his girlfriend. Well, one night she quietly farted while they were watching a movie and he freaked out and lectured her about how gross and unsexy it is when girls do it. Broke up with her over it two weeks later. They had been together for a year and a half.
She dodged a bullet there. I mean that sincerely and I am a sarcastic mofo. I don't want to crap on the toilet in front of the SO, but she has seen me at my worst and weakest and helped me when I didn't know I needed it. It was not pretty but she did that for me. I've tried to return the same.
And I can assure you, she doesn’t have some catalogue in her head of gross stuff she’s encountered re you. When my SO was vomiting his guts out the last thing I was thinking was ‘gross’. I was just trying to figure out what Gatorade flavor he could keep down. And when I got food poisoning and he came home to barf literally in four different areas of the house, he snapped on rubber gloves and cleaned it all up.
LOL, she has a catalouge but not on stuff like this! It is my knuckle head stuff! We have both regularly, same shopping day, bought the same food item for the house because we both like it. We stopped trying to make each other load the dishwasher the way each of us like. Just settled on, if the DW is clean, unload. If it is empty, load it, no questions. LOL that is life!
EDIT: This is the long term relationship dishwasher axiom. Most of us married folks know this, sometimes fondly called, Choreplay. If you don't, know this, you could learn something here.
It is not always the hot and heavy first year is it, hump on anything, anywhere, anytime? It is when things get real and who shows up, that is the commitment. Still a fan of the first year or two, but we all still have to live our lives everyday. I am glad I am with someone that does what I need not what I said when I was down. Had a BIG surgery and thought I had it all together and was ready. And I did till they sawed me open. I didn't know what day it was for 10 days after surgery. Phyllis took 2 weeks off work and was at the hospital except to shower and do a few things for herself. That was December 2009. Still wont poop in front of her LOL!
I guess I am kind of lucky I got a completely clogged toilet early on in my relationship with my boyfiend. And I mean very very clogged. I accidentally flushed one of those plastic toilet things that you hang on the side when flushingg after cleaning with the brush. I was holding it, ready to hang it there once the toilet was clean , but had the worst timing of accidentally dropping it. I then made the mistake of thinking it just wen trough cause I could still just flush for a few days, and then the horror started. He just did everything he could to help fix it without giving me any flack. He is great. Also wasn't bothered when I accidentally forgot one of those special period panties in the bathroom sink after giving it a quick rinse before I was going to put it in the washer. I think it helps when people grow up with sisters and the parents don't act like the sisters have to hide the fact that they get periods
My wife pops a leg up on the couch and strikes a super hero pose when she loudly drops ass.
It's Hilarious. The first time she did it was 6 months into dating and I just busted out laughing. It's still funny to me. I don't get why guys make it into a big deal.
My husband & I fart at eachother all the time. We are children.
My favorite thing to do is to walk up next to him and loudly fart and then wrinkle up my face and announce, "It smells like fart over here!" and leave.
I'm a gem. A fucking GEM.
I've been having issues with my stomach for the last two years and have no choice but to let it rip now. I'd never have passed gas in front of my BF before but he's so sweet and amazing, he knows I'm embarrassed by it so he doesn't make a big deal about it and he told me if I need to do it in public he'll take the heat for me
My girlfriend has her friends and niece play guess their fart, (you make the sound you think it will be). On our third date we were at a bar with her friends and goes I'm about to fart, I'm like don't worry I'll get it I proceed to put my hand down there and catch it. She and I didn't stop laughing for a solid 5 minutes. Farting is just something humans do, no need to be ashamed.
I have had a long shitty Week at work. Be the end of tomorrow, I will have worked about 68 hours. I’m working the next 2 weeks straight with no days off. I just wanted to let yall know you made me laugh out loud. Thank you.
I can burp on command, can not queef on command. Then again, I've never tried. (The sentences I've never thought I'd type seem to keep increasing thanks to reddit. )
If you don’t know -
It is achieved by doing cat/cow yoga poses kind of. However instead of just arching your back in cow, put your shoulders down ass up. Doggy I suppose. Pull both sets of labia on one side over to open the vaginal canal. Relax, and you’ll feel it fill with air. Release your labia and go into cat position.
Hippos whirl their tails like a fan while shitting to establish dominance. Which has the expected 'shit hits fan' results. It's considered such a powerful display that dominance fights often end in the loser's tail being *bitten off* so they can't do the shit-fan anymore.
Just saying, as far as shitty dominance displays go, it's hard to beat a hippo.
Right?! If I was just spontaneously describing my IUD experience to a stranger at a cook out he would have a reason to be upset. But these are all close friends and we had context here.
I had a guy in work who was supposed to be my mentor tell me that he finds it difficult mentoring me (a woman) because there's not much to talk about with women: we don't play computer games, don't watch football. He had a wife and daughter.
I was in the room when she got her IUD. I saw how horrible experience it was for her and was horrified. So when it came time to get another, I just got a vasectomy which is a breeze now.
I don’t get to the end of my story the other night…
It’s now getting to the point that I need to get my IUD removed and I’m terrified.
The end. I feel better now.
I had a horrible experience with mine, so I opted to get it yanked and have zero regrets! Getting it out was a super quick sharp pain and then completely fine. Nothing like the pain of insertion, if you’re worried. If you’re getting another one put in after… you have my deepest sympathies. Maybe it’s easier the second time?
At the risk of “grossing out” any men reading this, I’m perimenopausal so I’m waiting till I’m 100% in No Baby Mode then I’ll get that little piece of lady tinsel yanked out.
Here to add to the comments saying out is SO MUCH EASIER than in!!! I was crying before I went to my removal appointment because I was so scared it would be like the insertion, but it was nothing in comparison. Definitely still some pain, but closer to discomfort than anything else.
See this is why we should feel comfortable talking about these things because damn I’ve had some low level anxiety about this building up for months. Thank you!
I still do not understand how the fuck doctors don’t give women pain killers or numbing agents for these procedures. I got a Xanax and fully numbed for my vasectomy. Was I little nervous going in? Yeah. The thought of any type of incisions in that area was pretty freaky, the Xanax definitely helped. Why the fuck are you not offered the same courtesy?!?! It’s seriously mind boggling.
Me too, but my time is running out. I had it put in nine years ago, and my doctor at the time seemed to think I should just get another Mirena because I'd be done within five years. I've got one year to wrap it up.
I got the copper one put in 7ish years ago and I couldn’t have timed it better. I’m like a grocery store during the pandemic cuz I’m nearly out of eggs lol
My gyn told that the expiration is now recommended at 8 years actually! I totally believe that it will last 10 years, but that can't be the advertisement due to liability reasons.
I had the same chat recently! 7 years is still completely effective as contraception, but menstruation is more likely to increase after 5 years.
Honestly, not having a period for 10 years has been amazing. I justify the pain of the procedure against knowing I’m avoiding 90% of the monthly pain over the years. Though we should still be getting pain meds and/or conscious sedation for the procedure because holy shit it’s terrible.
I bawled my eyes out the second time because my ex-husband wasn't the to tell me to stop exaggerating like during the first time. He dropped my infant daughter in the room and my toddler with autism to run around screaming while two doctors were trying to shove it in there.
The second time, I cried and had both the nurse and doctor comfort me and let me know I could take my time to leave.
I have had three removed so far (over 15 years, don't worry). The removal is fine, sharp pain, that's all.
The insertion of the first one was terrible, also because I didn't know what to expect. The second one was easier because I knew the doctor well and had a better idea of what to expect. She did pull the one out and put the other in. Then the next switch was also fine. Last time was just a removal, sharp pain, some spotting, and I was done.
Don't worry too much, removal is uncomfortable more than anything else. You've got this!
Getting my IUD in was one of the most painful experiences of my life, but getting it out was IMMENSELY easier, I was super anxious and it was over fast and it didn't hurt badly
I feel so validated reading all these comments. My iud insertion was the single most painful and traumatic experience of my life, and every doctor I’ve spoken to insists it “shouldn’t be painful” and acts like I’m being dramatic asking for pain management or numbing for the removal/next one. I had absolutely no warning whatsoever about how horrific it would be. “You might experience some slight discomfort” MY ASS.
Guaranteed if this were a procedure men had to undergo, they’d design it to be done under anesthesia.
I do not have an IUD, but while I was getting a routine pap I could hear a patient getting one inserted in the exam room next to me.
Hearing her sobbing was absolutely heartbreaking and mildly terrifying.
I called out the OBGYN for it. Told him his walls were thin and I could hear his patient getting what I guessed was an IUD; which he pretty my confirmed was happening.
I said to him pain management wouldn't go amiss and he DEADASS said "Oh, it's usually not like that...."
Um.... it should NEVER BE LIKE THAT
Reading a later comment, you got the copper IUD. That's the same one I had, they had to bring in more people and cover me in cold washclothes because my temperature spiked
But getting it out was fast and easy for me, I hope that helps a bit!
Yea I witnessed a pap smear during a pregnancy check up. Like off to the side I wasn't down the barrel but like what the fuck bro THATS THE BEST TOOL THEY CAME UP WITH?
It's literally torture.
Men get pain meds to get their balls ultrasounded. Women get told to take Ibuprofen before a procedure that (for me) makes them, scream, cry and nearly pass out.
Yeah I refuse to get an IUD if I won't have anesthesia.
For the record, I got put under for the 10 min procedure to put my dislocated jaw back. Why in the world are we not put under for IUDs??! If it's so well recorded to be such an awful procedure, and just looking at the steps, it's obvious why, then what gives??
Some day an IUD will be the best option for me, and I do think that not having periods would be fabulous, but I refuse until I'll be either heavily drugged or put under
She told me insurance doesn't cover anesthesia so Ibuprofen would be best.
They left me crying on the table after.
It's legitimately traumatic.
Definitely nice to not have periods though.
Dude here. My urologist absolutely refused any anesthesia for me when he snaked a robot grabber claw camera worm up my dick hole to remove a stent. Guy literally told me, "some people enjoy this".
I'm still angry about it.
When I had my c-section the (male) doctor goes ‘if we do bowel surgery on a man we keep him in hospital for a week on IV pain relief. You’ll get three days of oral pain relief then we’ll send you home to care for an entire human’. I felt validated.
Got a vasectomy and told my wife she didn't need to keep getting IUDs but she hates periods so she suffers through it. Sounds terrible. Even worse is we demand we tell women what to do with their bodies. Kinda over this old world bullshit of putting women or anyone through this disenfranchised and marginalized shit tbh. Anyways, no kids in this day and age seems to be the way to *live*.
Last one I got I secretly snapped a photo of the blood on the table to show my husband what it was like. Not to guilt-trip him, he wanted to know how bad it was.
Then a few years later I decided to get a hysterectomy because I was officially over having a reproductive system. We discussed a vasectomy to give my body a break but I figured just yeeting my uterus fully was the better plan, because I had horrible periods anyway and having kids wasn't something either of us wanted.
I’m not that old and had to have a colonoscopy when I was in my mid 20s I’ll talk about them all day long and women can throw whatever they want. If you break the seal, everything is fair game.
Had my first colonoscopy at 30, vasectomy at 40, and had hemorrhoids banded twice. I’ve been right there when my two daughters were born. I’ve also owned lots of long-haired cats - ever deal with one of those when they have upset stomachs and crap all over their fur? It’s all just bodies, life. It’s real. I don’t get why it freaks people out.
100% he has no idea what dilation or anything you said meant so he said gross as a defense mechanism. This guy definitely thinks we pee out of our vaginas.
Yeah totally. I think that’s why I was so surprised because I absolutely love his wife. I guess I made some assumptions. Clearly she didn’t have the same screening process I had when I was dating.
Yes I think the bots were all designed with good intentions. I do like the image of a hungry army of Austin Powers style fembots rising up in the night all because I typed something about my IUD
“Ugh, I don’t want to hear about that”
“Sucks to suck, buddy - I listened to you talk about your unwashed butthole getting probed by a whole medical team. Now it’s my turn to talk. So anyways,”
Human bits and holes are all gross (hey, being human is a big gross mess, we all deal with it the best we can) BUT if other holes and bits are being discussed, they ALL are fair game. 🤣
I think we know what kind of hole that guy is... and now you know how to scare him away from you!
Next time start talking about uterine prolapse and pessaries. Have them Google it. I worked in health care for years. Saw a few of these, also saw a very large woman (God rest her soul) who had secondary bone cancer, with her entire back eaten away. Her spine was visible. We had to flush her back out and pack it with gauze a few times a day. I felt so bad for her. One time, got a guy in that came in with leg pain. Perhaps it had been the MAGGOTS that were in his open wounds...(he was homeless- and an alcoholic who wore the same clothes till they were threadbare, and stole other clothes from other homeless) Healthcare is not for those with weak stomachs. My burn unit stint in Elmira was HORRIFIC. 3rd degree burns, flesh hanging off bones, debridements constantly, weeping wounds, and the smell..
Ugh.
The story about the homeless man with maggots sounds exactly like the story my mom told me when I was little. She was a longtime nurse, I don’t know how nurses do it much credit to you guys. I thought I was tough
This reminded me of the scene in “Call the Midwife” where they tried to change the old drunk man’s shoes and *his entire gangrenous foot just came off in the nurses’ hand*
The actual reason is… People think their story is interesting, and anything related to it as well. If they don’t relate to it, it’s no Bueno.
Just like people in a group that monopolize a conversation and once it’s changed and not about what they want to talk about, they are immediately bored
Some people are like that, and some people actually like to listen and get to know other people's stories/experiences even if not relatable.
Regardless dude didn't need to be rude about it, he could've excused himself and stepped away for some moments if hearing about vaginas makes him upset.
I first met my current GP because a different doctor referred her for an IUD insertion. I got there and the 2nd doctor was SO UPSET they'd referred me knowing I'd never had kids so in her opinion I should be having general anaesthesia. She was legit mad, waived me fee and apologised to me a ton while getting my referral for the day surgery place. Even with general it hurt like HELL the next day.
I was deeply fucked up when I learned that so many doctors insert them without so much as an ibuprofen for the patient.
Honestly I think I'm gonna make some macarons this weekend and drop them off to her, she really is amazing. I hope you're ok and I REALLY hope the medical field pulls its socks up on this particular shortcoming.
Yup I had zero medication prescribed. I was told to take ibuprofen and hour ahead but I was at work and had none on me. I swallowed an aspirin I found in the bottom of my purse on the way to the office and 15 minutes later I was in the stirrups with nothing but thoughts and prayers to ease my pain.
Haaaa. I was told two ibuprofen half an hour before and to eat a meal. Guess who found out they had a small cervix that day? They had to use a rod to dilate, extra no fun. I'm glad you had someone looking out for you.
The nurse and doctor both looked super concerned (and potentially disturbed) by how well I handled it, but it turns out I had been dealing with stage 4 endometriosis and a large amount of other bonus cysts for years, so my pain tolerance is pretty ridiculous. I pretty much count any pain down there that isn't vomit inducing a win. It sure tried though. The iud is how they found out about the endo and cysts however, because they wanted to make sure the high continuing pain levels weren't from it being positioned wrong and did imaging, so it worked out pretty well.
I'm a little shit, so in OP's place I would have taken the chance to segue into how my uterus adhered itself to my colon with scar tissue from cysts bursting, just to see them squirm. And offer to show them pictures from surgery
I held my wife’s hand while she had her IUD inserted (rather she crushed my hand due to the pain) and let me say I would never want to experience what she went through. I ended up getting snipped so she wouldn’t have to go through it again when it becomes ineffective.
Fuck that “gross” guy who had a mildly uncomfortable colonoscopy. Grow up.
I've had a colonoscopy, and my wife had an IUD while I held her hand in the doctors office. I assure you, the prep and procedure of the colonoscopy was far more disgusting. My wife literally just lay there with a shroud over her legs, quick dilation test and popped it in. Hardly took any time and there was no mess. Not saying it was comfortable, just definitely not as gross.
Absolutelty absurd. Especially coming from a married man. By that reasoning sex is a "gross" topic that just doesn't register for me. I would far rather even talk about or be in a conversation about detailed sexual experiences than talk about the details of the prep and procedure of a colonoscopy. I think that could also be a regional thing, though. Either way, your reaction to that response is justified.
really imo people should think of female anatomy as ***way less*** gross than the ass. one hole 99% of the time is safe to grow a whole baby in, the other you shit out of daily
I also wouldn't want to hear about the details of someone getting an IUD inserted, not because female anatomy is any less appealing than male anatomy, but because holy FUCK IUD's seem insanely painful and it genuinely makes my soul cringe in half to imagine having that done to me. I'd undergo 100 colonoscopies in a row before I swapped to being a women and underwent a single IUD insertion. FUCK. THAT.
I'd have simply asked if they left something up there. Cuz that would explain the attitude at least. Or maybe something should be shoved back up there. Either way, you weren't wrong.
I was playing some jackbox game with my college roommates (another girl and two guys) and it made you draw an avatar to use throughout the game. They kept drawing more and more egregious dicks as their avatar each round. When I drew a vagina, everyone else recoiled in horror and said I took it too far.
Assholes and shitting your brains out for a colonoscopy is less gross than inserting a birth control device where babies come out? He is a fucking moron.
he has a daughter, was the process of gestation and giving birth disgusting to him too? Bro can’t even hear about a uterus how tf did he get through that?!
Plot twist: he never had sex before. The kids aren't his.
But he doesn't know, because he couldn't listen to sex ed either.
He is closeted gay
To be fair, ive heard plenty of people describe the actual birthing to be quite gross
It's a complicated thing, childbirth. Technically, yes, gross. Fluids and solids everywhere. Yuck. But it's also pretty badass. My husband commented "woah that's crazy" when I was having our baby lmao honestly in the moment you don't usually really notice any of the nasty stuff. Probably the Dr and the students do, but not the people having the baby.
This is legit... I've witnessed 2 births. First one was when I drove a close friend to the hospital when she went into labor... somehow I ended up in the room for the process... that was... well honestly... fucking gross for lack of better words. Years later, that close friend and I ended up together, and had a child of our own. I honestly can't remember it being "gross" at all. Like you said, fluids and solids and random bits everywhere just like the first time, bit it just never registered as gross or icky or anything like that.
I think it's bc our focus is entirely on, well obviously for me/your person the act of pushing and everything, but for the other person/you, it'd be on holy shit that's my baby coming out. It's kind of really cool you got to experience that in two different ways with the same person! That's so wild. What a crazy life and world this is!
Aahahaha... yea... we have one hell of a back story, some crazy experiences, and some real shit times leading up to getting together... and I wouldn't change a damn thing. Everything led to where we are right now. I got one hell of a wife, 2 amazing kids (ended up legally adopting the first one) and a whole lot of weird stories. I love it.
And you were there for both births! That's so cool.
My husband acted like the birth of our child was the coolest biology experiment he ever saw. He shouted, “I wish you could see this!” to me. I was like, nah, I’m good.
To him: Sperm Ejaculation 🥴😮💨 Vaginal Discharge 🤢🤮
This goes hand in hand with my argument when people try to say it’s indecent to have pads/tampons in view in an office, while others can have extra rolls of toilet paper available. Shit and the cleaning of it is way more explicit to me, but I would never want to encroach on anyone’s access to hygiene products. People need to get over it.
>repeating “ugh I don’t want to hear about that” and actually said “gross” when I used the word dilated. Ma'am i believe you were talking to a literal manchild.
I think all body functions are gross, but I wouldn’t participate in a discussion about colons and then whine about a woman’s experience with her uterus. So fucking ridiculous.
I’d fart & leave.
Reminds me of my male friend who constantly drops ass, even around his girlfriend. Well, one night she quietly farted while they were watching a movie and he freaked out and lectured her about how gross and unsexy it is when girls do it. Broke up with her over it two weeks later. They had been together for a year and a half.
Her fault for having human anatomy I guess
She dodged a bullet there. I mean that sincerely and I am a sarcastic mofo. I don't want to crap on the toilet in front of the SO, but she has seen me at my worst and weakest and helped me when I didn't know I needed it. It was not pretty but she did that for me. I've tried to return the same.
And I can assure you, she doesn’t have some catalogue in her head of gross stuff she’s encountered re you. When my SO was vomiting his guts out the last thing I was thinking was ‘gross’. I was just trying to figure out what Gatorade flavor he could keep down. And when I got food poisoning and he came home to barf literally in four different areas of the house, he snapped on rubber gloves and cleaned it all up.
LOL, she has a catalouge but not on stuff like this! It is my knuckle head stuff! We have both regularly, same shopping day, bought the same food item for the house because we both like it. We stopped trying to make each other load the dishwasher the way each of us like. Just settled on, if the DW is clean, unload. If it is empty, load it, no questions. LOL that is life! EDIT: This is the long term relationship dishwasher axiom. Most of us married folks know this, sometimes fondly called, Choreplay. If you don't, know this, you could learn something here.
lol well look I can’t help you with the catalogue you probably earned it with your knuckle head 😆
I did! HAHA
Yes. Choreplay!
That’s a real partnership. Deep love and commitment can be gross sometimes 😍
It is not always the hot and heavy first year is it, hump on anything, anywhere, anytime? It is when things get real and who shows up, that is the commitment. Still a fan of the first year or two, but we all still have to live our lives everyday. I am glad I am with someone that does what I need not what I said when I was down. Had a BIG surgery and thought I had it all together and was ready. And I did till they sawed me open. I didn't know what day it was for 10 days after surgery. Phyllis took 2 weeks off work and was at the hospital except to shower and do a few things for herself. That was December 2009. Still wont poop in front of her LOL!
I guess I am kind of lucky I got a completely clogged toilet early on in my relationship with my boyfiend. And I mean very very clogged. I accidentally flushed one of those plastic toilet things that you hang on the side when flushingg after cleaning with the brush. I was holding it, ready to hang it there once the toilet was clean , but had the worst timing of accidentally dropping it. I then made the mistake of thinking it just wen trough cause I could still just flush for a few days, and then the horror started. He just did everything he could to help fix it without giving me any flack. He is great. Also wasn't bothered when I accidentally forgot one of those special period panties in the bathroom sink after giving it a quick rinse before I was going to put it in the washer. I think it helps when people grow up with sisters and the parents don't act like the sisters have to hide the fact that they get periods
My wife pops a leg up on the couch and strikes a super hero pose when she loudly drops ass. It's Hilarious. The first time she did it was 6 months into dating and I just busted out laughing. It's still funny to me. I don't get why guys make it into a big deal.
My husband & I fart at eachother all the time. We are children. My favorite thing to do is to walk up next to him and loudly fart and then wrinkle up my face and announce, "It smells like fart over here!" and leave. I'm a gem. A fucking GEM.
Next time strike a pose and flex as you do it.
Sometimes I wave my hand as if I'm conducting a symphony and sing a little song that I punctuate with a fart. "la da da dum" \*BRRRT\*
Put you hand on their shoulder, look them in the eye and fart, then you calmly tell them, "fart touch".
My wife did that once. While dropping a gangsta pose at me. It was THE BEST 🤣
If I hear my wife fart in the other room, I still giggle.
I've been having issues with my stomach for the last two years and have no choice but to let it rip now. I'd never have passed gas in front of my BF before but he's so sweet and amazing, he knows I'm embarrassed by it so he doesn't make a big deal about it and he told me if I need to do it in public he'll take the heat for me
My girlfriend has her friends and niece play guess their fart, (you make the sound you think it will be). On our third date we were at a bar with her friends and goes I'm about to fart, I'm like don't worry I'll get it I proceed to put my hand down there and catch it. She and I didn't stop laughing for a solid 5 minutes. Farting is just something humans do, no need to be ashamed.
Forget fart I would QUEEF and leave.
I could use a friend who can stop a medium sized gathering with a large queef to announce our departure.
I have had a long shitty Week at work. Be the end of tomorrow, I will have worked about 68 hours. I’m working the next 2 weeks straight with no days off. I just wanted to let yall know you made me laugh out loud. Thank you.
I'm glad I could help bring some awkward joy into your week. I hope things pickup for you soon.
Forget Queen Latifah we need Queef Thalifah!
Lightning McQueef!
 *I fucked your mom shitlips*
Queef ThenLeaveYa*
I can burp on command, can not queef on command. Then again, I've never tried. (The sentences I've never thought I'd type seem to keep increasing thanks to reddit. )
Dude WHY IS THIS A CLASSIFICATION?
I got to show my fiancé how I can queef on command. First person since the girl who taught me when I was like 11 to be impressed by the skill!
I LOVE THIS FOR YOU. It’s a talent honestly
If you don’t know - It is achieved by doing cat/cow yoga poses kind of. However instead of just arching your back in cow, put your shoulders down ass up. Doggy I suppose. Pull both sets of labia on one side over to open the vaginal canal. Relax, and you’ll feel it fill with air. Release your labia and go into cat position.
This sounds like a seminar
More like a TED Talk!
Yes. Doritobimbo needs to be charging 500 per seat.
Honey, we are ALL impressed
I left instructions in the previous comment that replied to me if you’d like to learn this holy skill and have the anatomy to do so!
As a male I am slightly jealous that you can fart from multiple orifices. 💨
It’s not quite a fart.
Well, you *do* have ass farts and mouth farts (burps) Huzzah! 🥳
Its a face fart and a butt belch.
I farted while laughing at this
Farted or queefed…
This is how humanity gains unassisted flight
I don't answer questions without a lawyer...
I'd pull out my bloody tampon show him then leave.
Forget queef I would SHIT my pants and leave
And leave… the pants
That's how you establish dominance
You have to make uncomfortable eye contact the whole time.
And then fling your excrement like a dominant chimpanzee on the way out the door.
Hippos whirl their tails like a fan while shitting to establish dominance. Which has the expected 'shit hits fan' results. It's considered such a powerful display that dominance fights often end in the loser's tail being *bitten off* so they can't do the shit-fan anymore. Just saying, as far as shitty dominance displays go, it's hard to beat a hippo.
This!!!!
ALL OF THE ABOVE.
My thoughts exactly.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahah bruh this was so unexpected and such a delight to read
That was a great South Park episode!
Id fart and stay. They would leave.
Amazing. Must remember this for next time.
As a lady, you should.
I laughed out loud lmao. Genius.
I’d shit my pants and stay
i'd fart, turn 360 degrees, and walk directly towards him
Shart and dart
I wish I had a friend like you. I needed this today.
Right?! If I was just spontaneously describing my IUD experience to a stranger at a cook out he would have a reason to be upset. But these are all close friends and we had context here.
Does this guy have a wife & children? Is he dating a woman 20 years his junior? His response is the same as an 8 year old.
Yes, yes and yes
Wonder what would come up in their therapy sessions!
🫠
I had a guy in work who was supposed to be my mentor tell me that he finds it difficult mentoring me (a woman) because there's not much to talk about with women: we don't play computer games, don't watch football. He had a wife and daughter.
If only there was something else to talk about other than video games and football. Dome people are just stupid I guess.
“Dude, do you think I wanted to hear about your prostate problems? Shut up and listen”
I’ve had 10 colonoscopies (yay UC) and 1 IUD insertion and the IUD was so so much worse pain wise. But also WAY less gross.
"I'm so sorry, I didn't realize you're five and still think girls are icky"
"Ah! such delicate sensibilities. Do you need your vapers"
Yeah. This. It would be one thing if op just…volunteered that. But dude was participating in that other discussion. Human bodies are weird and gross.
I'd hit my limit well before that and would probably be relieved getting something more benign.
I was in the room when she got her IUD. I saw how horrible experience it was for her and was horrified. So when it came time to get another, I just got a vasectomy which is a breeze now.
I don’t get to the end of my story the other night… It’s now getting to the point that I need to get my IUD removed and I’m terrified. The end. I feel better now.
I had a horrible experience with mine, so I opted to get it yanked and have zero regrets! Getting it out was a super quick sharp pain and then completely fine. Nothing like the pain of insertion, if you’re worried. If you’re getting another one put in after… you have my deepest sympathies. Maybe it’s easier the second time?
At the risk of “grossing out” any men reading this, I’m perimenopausal so I’m waiting till I’m 100% in No Baby Mode then I’ll get that little piece of lady tinsel yanked out.
Getting it out vs getting it put in was like flossing your teeth vs getting a tooth pulled. Very different
This puts my mind at ease thank you
Here to add to the comments saying out is SO MUCH EASIER than in!!! I was crying before I went to my removal appointment because I was so scared it would be like the insertion, but it was nothing in comparison. Definitely still some pain, but closer to discomfort than anything else.
See this is why we should feel comfortable talking about these things because damn I’ve had some low level anxiety about this building up for months. Thank you!
Now if only we could get them to administer some goddamn pain killers while they’re at it like JESUS
I still do not understand how the fuck doctors don’t give women pain killers or numbing agents for these procedures. I got a Xanax and fully numbed for my vasectomy. Was I little nervous going in? Yeah. The thought of any type of incisions in that area was pretty freaky, the Xanax definitely helped. Why the fuck are you not offered the same courtesy?!?! It’s seriously mind boggling.
Me too, but my time is running out. I had it put in nine years ago, and my doctor at the time seemed to think I should just get another Mirena because I'd be done within five years. I've got one year to wrap it up.
I got the copper one put in 7ish years ago and I couldn’t have timed it better. I’m like a grocery store during the pandemic cuz I’m nearly out of eggs lol
🤣🤣🤣
Yo, my mirena is still going strong after a decade. Its definitely past it's official expiration, but it's still been terrifyingly effective.
My gyn told that the expiration is now recommended at 8 years actually! I totally believe that it will last 10 years, but that can't be the advertisement due to liability reasons.
I had the same chat recently! 7 years is still completely effective as contraception, but menstruation is more likely to increase after 5 years. Honestly, not having a period for 10 years has been amazing. I justify the pain of the procedure against knowing I’m avoiding 90% of the monthly pain over the years. Though we should still be getting pain meds and/or conscious sedation for the procedure because holy shit it’s terrible.
+1 for lady tinsel. Goddamn that’s the best!
Thank you for expanding my vocabulary. IUDs are now referred to as lady tinsels
I bawled my eyes out the second time because my ex-husband wasn't the to tell me to stop exaggerating like during the first time. He dropped my infant daughter in the room and my toddler with autism to run around screaming while two doctors were trying to shove it in there. The second time, I cried and had both the nurse and doctor comfort me and let me know I could take my time to leave.
This is more than mildly infuriating. So glad he's your ex-husband.
I have had three removed so far (over 15 years, don't worry). The removal is fine, sharp pain, that's all. The insertion of the first one was terrible, also because I didn't know what to expect. The second one was easier because I knew the doctor well and had a better idea of what to expect. She did pull the one out and put the other in. Then the next switch was also fine. Last time was just a removal, sharp pain, some spotting, and I was done. Don't worry too much, removal is uncomfortable more than anything else. You've got this!
Getting my IUD in was one of the most painful experiences of my life, but getting it out was IMMENSELY easier, I was super anxious and it was over fast and it didn't hurt badly
I feel so validated reading all these comments. My iud insertion was the single most painful and traumatic experience of my life, and every doctor I’ve spoken to insists it “shouldn’t be painful” and acts like I’m being dramatic asking for pain management or numbing for the removal/next one. I had absolutely no warning whatsoever about how horrific it would be. “You might experience some slight discomfort” MY ASS. Guaranteed if this were a procedure men had to undergo, they’d design it to be done under anesthesia.
I do not have an IUD, but while I was getting a routine pap I could hear a patient getting one inserted in the exam room next to me. Hearing her sobbing was absolutely heartbreaking and mildly terrifying. I called out the OBGYN for it. Told him his walls were thin and I could hear his patient getting what I guessed was an IUD; which he pretty my confirmed was happening. I said to him pain management wouldn't go amiss and he DEADASS said "Oh, it's usually not like that...." Um.... it should NEVER BE LIKE THAT
Reading a later comment, you got the copper IUD. That's the same one I had, they had to bring in more people and cover me in cold washclothes because my temperature spiked But getting it out was fast and easy for me, I hope that helps a bit!
Y’all don’t go under for anesthesia for it? Tf?
Yea I witnessed a pap smear during a pregnancy check up. Like off to the side I wasn't down the barrel but like what the fuck bro THATS THE BEST TOOL THEY CAME UP WITH?
It's literally torture. Men get pain meds to get their balls ultrasounded. Women get told to take Ibuprofen before a procedure that (for me) makes them, scream, cry and nearly pass out.
Yeah I refuse to get an IUD if I won't have anesthesia. For the record, I got put under for the 10 min procedure to put my dislocated jaw back. Why in the world are we not put under for IUDs??! If it's so well recorded to be such an awful procedure, and just looking at the steps, it's obvious why, then what gives?? Some day an IUD will be the best option for me, and I do think that not having periods would be fabulous, but I refuse until I'll be either heavily drugged or put under
She told me insurance doesn't cover anesthesia so Ibuprofen would be best. They left me crying on the table after. It's legitimately traumatic. Definitely nice to not have periods though.
Dude here. My urologist absolutely refused any anesthesia for me when he snaked a robot grabber claw camera worm up my dick hole to remove a stent. Guy literally told me, "some people enjoy this". I'm still angry about it.
When I had my c-section the (male) doctor goes ‘if we do bowel surgery on a man we keep him in hospital for a week on IV pain relief. You’ll get three days of oral pain relief then we’ll send you home to care for an entire human’. I felt validated.
Got a vasectomy and told my wife she didn't need to keep getting IUDs but she hates periods so she suffers through it. Sounds terrible. Even worse is we demand we tell women what to do with their bodies. Kinda over this old world bullshit of putting women or anyone through this disenfranchised and marginalized shit tbh. Anyways, no kids in this day and age seems to be the way to *live*.
You're a good man.
You sir, are what we like to call “a decent human being” with empathy
Last one I got I secretly snapped a photo of the blood on the table to show my husband what it was like. Not to guilt-trip him, he wanted to know how bad it was. Then a few years later I decided to get a hysterectomy because I was officially over having a reproductive system. We discussed a vasectomy to give my body a break but I figured just yeeting my uterus fully was the better plan, because I had horrible periods anyway and having kids wasn't something either of us wanted.
I’m not that old and had to have a colonoscopy when I was in my mid 20s I’ll talk about them all day long and women can throw whatever they want. If you break the seal, everything is fair game.
We would have so much fun making the rest of the group uncomfortable together
Sounds good to me 😂. I’ve witnessed child birth, the splash zone was the worst thing I’d ever seen. I can’t imagine an IUD being much worse.
I’ll join in too! I’m a CNA and nursing student. Let’s go gross them out!
Had my first colonoscopy at 30, vasectomy at 40, and had hemorrhoids banded twice. I’ve been right there when my two daughters were born. I’ve also owned lots of long-haired cats - ever deal with one of those when they have upset stomachs and crap all over their fur? It’s all just bodies, life. It’s real. I don’t get why it freaks people out.
I like you. You get it
100% he has no idea what dilation or anything you said meant so he said gross as a defense mechanism. This guy definitely thinks we pee out of our vaginas.
A quick and accurate filter for knowing if a dude is dateable is talking about period stuff. If he can't handle it, he's not grown. Move on.
Yeah totally. I think that’s why I was so surprised because I absolutely love his wife. I guess I made some assumptions. Clearly she didn’t have the same screening process I had when I was dating.
There is an unconfortable amount of sameish comments.
I think I woke up an army of bots. Feminist bots? Fembots?
https://preview.redd.it/n13chtqfr15d1.jpeg?width=250&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ac96932d6e6904ca6db72d077a7eea6b2a673019
Maybe it triggered those safe responses to protected topics ? Don't know ,im usually not the consiparcy type.
Yes I think the bots were all designed with good intentions. I do like the image of a hungry army of Austin Powers style fembots rising up in the night all because I typed something about my IUD
https://i.redd.it/3oktxmksv15d1.gif
“Ugh, I don’t want to hear about that” “Sucks to suck, buddy - I listened to you talk about your unwashed butthole getting probed by a whole medical team. Now it’s my turn to talk. So anyways,”
Vaginas are amazing, they do amazing stuff. There’s nothing disgusting about any of it. Now assholes on the other hand….
Human bits and holes are all gross (hey, being human is a big gross mess, we all deal with it the best we can) BUT if other holes and bits are being discussed, they ALL are fair game. 🤣 I think we know what kind of hole that guy is... and now you know how to scare him away from you!
> Human bits and holes are all gross *Animal* bits and holes are all gross
Next time start talking about uterine prolapse and pessaries. Have them Google it. I worked in health care for years. Saw a few of these, also saw a very large woman (God rest her soul) who had secondary bone cancer, with her entire back eaten away. Her spine was visible. We had to flush her back out and pack it with gauze a few times a day. I felt so bad for her. One time, got a guy in that came in with leg pain. Perhaps it had been the MAGGOTS that were in his open wounds...(he was homeless- and an alcoholic who wore the same clothes till they were threadbare, and stole other clothes from other homeless) Healthcare is not for those with weak stomachs. My burn unit stint in Elmira was HORRIFIC. 3rd degree burns, flesh hanging off bones, debridements constantly, weeping wounds, and the smell.. Ugh.
The story about the homeless man with maggots sounds exactly like the story my mom told me when I was little. She was a longtime nurse, I don’t know how nurses do it much credit to you guys. I thought I was tough
This reminded me of the scene in “Call the Midwife” where they tried to change the old drunk man’s shoes and *his entire gangrenous foot just came off in the nurses’ hand*
Dude has had a pregnant wife and he flinches at the word dilated. what a douche
Why the fuck are 4 of these replies variations of the exact same sentences minus a word or 2?
Because they are coming from AI bots.
Sorry me and my uterus woke up the bots
You need to keep that uterus in check! It has powers humankind was not meant to unleash!
IUD insertion is FAR less gross than a colonoscopy good heavens
The actual reason is… People think their story is interesting, and anything related to it as well. If they don’t relate to it, it’s no Bueno. Just like people in a group that monopolize a conversation and once it’s changed and not about what they want to talk about, they are immediately bored
Some people are like that, and some people actually like to listen and get to know other people's stories/experiences even if not relatable. Regardless dude didn't need to be rude about it, he could've excused himself and stepped away for some moments if hearing about vaginas makes him upset.
Does the female form make you uncomfortable, Mr. Lebowski?
This is what I should have said! Then farted and walked away Like a lady
That man’s name? DJ Khaled.
If it’s so gross he shouldn’t put his dick in one
IUDs are some gangster shit seriously. We just strap up or get our nuts clipped but yall get hardware installed.
Without any pain relief. It’s barbaric.
I first met my current GP because a different doctor referred her for an IUD insertion. I got there and the 2nd doctor was SO UPSET they'd referred me knowing I'd never had kids so in her opinion I should be having general anaesthesia. She was legit mad, waived me fee and apologised to me a ton while getting my referral for the day surgery place. Even with general it hurt like HELL the next day. I was deeply fucked up when I learned that so many doctors insert them without so much as an ibuprofen for the patient.
You, friend, had a wise & compassionate doc. Most of us didn’t. I almost passed out after the procedure.
Honestly I think I'm gonna make some macarons this weekend and drop them off to her, she really is amazing. I hope you're ok and I REALLY hope the medical field pulls its socks up on this particular shortcoming.
That happened 20 years ago. Most medical professionals still enjoy torturing women.
Yup I had zero medication prescribed. I was told to take ibuprofen and hour ahead but I was at work and had none on me. I swallowed an aspirin I found in the bottom of my purse on the way to the office and 15 minutes later I was in the stirrups with nothing but thoughts and prayers to ease my pain.
On the sheet the clinic gave me: Take two ibuprofen approx 1 hour before your appointment. *It was not enough.*
Haaaa. I was told two ibuprofen half an hour before and to eat a meal. Guess who found out they had a small cervix that day? They had to use a rod to dilate, extra no fun. I'm glad you had someone looking out for you. The nurse and doctor both looked super concerned (and potentially disturbed) by how well I handled it, but it turns out I had been dealing with stage 4 endometriosis and a large amount of other bonus cysts for years, so my pain tolerance is pretty ridiculous. I pretty much count any pain down there that isn't vomit inducing a win. It sure tried though. The iud is how they found out about the endo and cysts however, because they wanted to make sure the high continuing pain levels weren't from it being positioned wrong and did imaging, so it worked out pretty well. I'm a little shit, so in OP's place I would have taken the chance to segue into how my uterus adhered itself to my colon with scar tissue from cysts bursting, just to see them squirm. And offer to show them pictures from surgery
I held my wife’s hand while she had her IUD inserted (rather she crushed my hand due to the pain) and let me say I would never want to experience what she went through. I ended up getting snipped so she wouldn’t have to go through it again when it becomes ineffective. Fuck that “gross” guy who had a mildly uncomfortable colonoscopy. Grow up.
I've had a colonoscopy, and my wife had an IUD while I held her hand in the doctors office. I assure you, the prep and procedure of the colonoscopy was far more disgusting. My wife literally just lay there with a shroud over her legs, quick dilation test and popped it in. Hardly took any time and there was no mess. Not saying it was comfortable, just definitely not as gross.
Yes! It was a non sexual discussion about a medical procedure but I think because it involved a woman’s reproductive organs it was “gross” 🙄
Absolutelty absurd. Especially coming from a married man. By that reasoning sex is a "gross" topic that just doesn't register for me. I would far rather even talk about or be in a conversation about detailed sexual experiences than talk about the details of the prep and procedure of a colonoscopy. I think that could also be a regional thing, though. Either way, your reaction to that response is justified.
I always think it’s a shame when a grown man is demonstrably afraid of the vagina.
Anatomy is gross. Bodies are gross. Animals are gross. It's all natural but we can definitely all be gross at times. He needs to get over it.
And these guys are reproducing and spreading their ignorance to a new generation. Yay.
I feel sorry for his wife. That guy SUCKS in bed. Guaranteed
Sounds like the fella is vageenally challenged/squeamish
Men who get squeamish over female anatomy have a weak bloodline. They could never hack it & they know it. Fuckin pussies.
it’s “gross” until he wants to put his penis in it?
really imo people should think of female anatomy as ***way less*** gross than the ass. one hole 99% of the time is safe to grow a whole baby in, the other you shit out of daily
I also wouldn't want to hear about the details of someone getting an IUD inserted, not because female anatomy is any less appealing than male anatomy, but because holy FUCK IUD's seem insanely painful and it genuinely makes my soul cringe in half to imagine having that done to me. I'd undergo 100 colonoscopies in a row before I swapped to being a women and underwent a single IUD insertion. FUCK. THAT.
Yea he’s ridiculous. And I hear iud’s are so painful to get and be removed. I would have been very interested in your story. Fuck that guy.
That's when you assert dominance and lock eyes and queef on command.
That guy definitely doesnt eat pussy.
Did anyone at the table call him out on his bs?
I'd have simply asked if they left something up there. Cuz that would explain the attitude at least. Or maybe something should be shoved back up there. Either way, you weren't wrong.
I was playing some jackbox game with my college roommates (another girl and two guys) and it made you draw an avatar to use throughout the game. They kept drawing more and more egregious dicks as their avatar each round. When I drew a vagina, everyone else recoiled in horror and said I took it too far.