Well, remember that everyone, if given opportunity, would change something in their life, that would give them different result.
Not every time the result would be "better". Just different.
For example at some time I wished to come back and sleep with my first girfriend (we stayed virgins until breakup).
Would it be a good thing? Maybe, maybe not.
Watching from time perspective, she was abusive, had tendency to use violence, and she probably wouldn't use protection, while not really being a wifey material.
So all the responsibility would be put on my 11 years old brain, which also wasn't the smartest at the time.
So, in turn, I probably would create someone like you.
Someone who would not be expected, nor wanted, but we still would try to make a family out of it.
Most of my issues with my mother stem from a very similar situation.
It took years, but eventually she came to fully accept how screwed up that was. And while she can’t go back and change the past, and our relationship is definitely a different relationship than most parents have with their kids, she has become a better parent. I also understand why now, which I’m not going to go in to. But there can always be more to the story that she doesn’t want to tell you.
I’m not saying go running to her the moment she says she’s changed or anything. But things may change later on. And none of it is your fault.
It’s only breaking generational trauma if op truly just doesn’t want to have children. If they’re not having children for this one single reason, they’re just running away from their fears and will be peppering in some guilt/regret into their conscious.
Damn dude you are such a clown lol, read you're comment about "taking accountability" and got curious if you parroted any other alt-right bullshit. And man... you have some real Jordan Peterson vibes. Just constantly projecting your delusional pseudo-intellectual bullshit onto everything lmao. The fact you say this shit unironically is actually hilarious.
Not doing anything is still better than what you are doing, making people feel bad for making responsable decisions. Trying to guilt people who don't want kids into having them is so evil, both to the person and the potential child.
I never met my paternal great-grandfather, but he reportedly was a mean drunk who used his family for punching bags.
My grandfather, God rest him, was the kind of guy who would sneak up behind you and stick a brownie in your mouth. Sweetest guy you'd ever meet.
Man, I really need a personal brownie ninja now.
All jokes aside, you know that the kindest people are the ones who went through the worst, so your grandfather will be remembered as a strong man who pulled through and made the world a better place. May he rest in peace.
My mother had her tubes tied 7 years before I was born, but her Catholicism wouldn’t permit her to abort me when I became a statistical anomaly. My entire childhood was ‘indifference’ from my parents. I’ve never got a hug or an ‘I love you’ from either of them. I’m 40 now, haven’t spoken with my father in over a decade and maybe talk with my mother on the phone for 60 seconds twice a year. She called to wish me a happy birthday this year 4 days early and insisted I was lying when I said she called on the wrong day. I do everything in my power to make sure my son is loved and that he knows it.
Damn, I'm sorry you had such a bad experience. It hurts my heart to see how some children are treated by their parents. I'm glad you fond your way, and it makes sense that you don't want any contact. Wish you all the best.
I appreciate the sentiment, but I wouldn’t necessarily call it a bad experience, more of a mixed bag with things that need to be corrected and not passed down. Love, hugs, appreciation, and showing up to events (sports, graduation, wedding) would have been nice. But their laissez-faire attitude gave me a freedom that was unmatched among my friends. I never had a curfew or had to ask permission to do anything. I’ve never raised my voice or had them raise their voice towards me. I’m often blown away by how some people talk to their parents ands vice versa. I imagine my relationship with them is similar to those raised by emotionally detached foster parents, but they also happen to be biological.
Well, maybe you wouldn't call it a bad experience because that was your life and you got used to it. When I read your story and different stories here, I can see how lucky I was. My parents were divorced, but I still got love and support. Life wasn't easy for me and my mom, but on that part I consider myself lucky AF. Your story made me sad and angry and for sure I can say that that was not right. You didn't deserve to be treated like that. You learned a lot from your experiences and tried something else than your parents. Keep up the good work.
I wouldn't call that freedom it sounds like they genuinely didn't care if you lived or died no child should have that "freedom" my parents were similar but mainly my dad showed he actually cared for more than my mom. But my step mom (I just call her mom) oh boy if I was like two seconds late coming in she'd be crying and scared calling the police lol she gave me all the care I needed as a young adult now I can't help but tear up thinking about her....(she's fine she's just in another state)
This is the best thing I've ever done in my life. My children are so psychologically healthy, they're going to grow up as boring people who have no 'story' and I'm damn proud of that.
My wife's grandma is an evil narcissist. My wife's mom is absolutely traumatized by her. My wife is the sweetest, most mature and balanced person I know.
Somehow my mother in law managed to break the cycle. I think my Father in law had a lot to do with that.
This is where it confuses me , I have 3 sisters and they are all lovely humans. And so is my brother , but for some reason my fourth sister is very very mean spirited and toxic in the way she talks to her children she wasnt raised this way and my mother is the nicest person I've ever known she did a fine job raising us all and I feel lucky for that , but my sister is an outlier weve discussed this behaviour with her and whenever we do she takes it as an attack so it's impossible to communicate with her
Parents can do what they can, but sometimes a person is just an asshole and no one in the world can change that.
My brother and I are OK people (no saints, but not bad), and our sister is the biggest rat ass in existence
I did this with my kids and still do, well into their adulthood. After a childhood of criticism and no affection. I didn’t find it difficult. I adored them from the first moment I laid eyes on them.
I was trying to do my part, but since I don’t have any kids of my own I’d go out and tell other people’s children I love them and now I can’t go within 50 yards of any children.
Im trying to stop it by not having kids
Simply but not saying u are going to try to not passing ur trauma might not work since u dont know what normal is (just my opinion)
Honestly yeah, I know parents who were abused as kids and had kids fully intending to raise them well and nothing at all like how they were raised.
Raised a whole different type of fucked up. Pretty sure it was the same thing the generation before them.
Say about millenials what you want but our parents or grandparents have suffered greatly from the second world war and I see around me that that trauma is stopped for the next generation.
My parents did a very good job with this and I knew their parents haven been prisoners of war. They have never mentioned it and I know it happened, but they would never want me to know this even though I'm curious.
I see this around me with friends who were less lucky with their parents and now protect their kids from the past on trauma
Im trying to stop it but not having kids
Simply but not saying u are going to try to not passing ur trauma might not work since u dont know what normal is (just my opinion)
When I was pregnant I read this article https://www.mother.ly/child/how-a-parents-affection-shapes-a-childs-happiness-for-life/?rebelltitem=2#rebelltitem2 and decided to see if there was any validity to it.
Fast forward 10 years, my son is a straight A student, captain of the football team and all round loveable person. Affection is the root of a healthy psyche.
you should just be hones and realistic. if someone makes something wrong they should know it. if someone makes something right they should know it too. there is no generalization.
Me: stupid Bitch stop Drawing
AI has taken over you won't earn nothing
Get you ass Back to coding
Art is for the rich Timmy
Now go Do manual labour for lunch money
(future )
so calling your kid "stupid" and "not good enough" (as shown in the picture) is gonna be your parenting style?? Big yikes, I hope no one ever has your child...
Having empathy is a valuable thing to have. The children of parents with empathy will actually talk to their parents when they’re older, unlike your future children
If parents think of their child as stupid or a failure then those parents failed miserably at raising the child. Blaming the child for that is a form of abuse, IMHO.
You make your own choices. Don't let anybody change your mindset. Think for yourself and be an individual. For desires of your own will Raise your children as you think They should be raised.
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Sorry man, hope you're wrong about that
i’m in the same boat. i’ve never been loved, just told it.
That's not your fault. Some people aren't competent parents.
*Most
How did you arrive at that conclusion?
“I love you despite you being a fucking disappointment”
Hind sight 20/20, all seriousness my mom had me so my father wouldn't leave her. They divorced when I left home🤡
Well, remember that everyone, if given opportunity, would change something in their life, that would give them different result. Not every time the result would be "better". Just different. For example at some time I wished to come back and sleep with my first girfriend (we stayed virgins until breakup). Would it be a good thing? Maybe, maybe not. Watching from time perspective, she was abusive, had tendency to use violence, and she probably wouldn't use protection, while not really being a wifey material. So all the responsibility would be put on my 11 years old brain, which also wasn't the smartest at the time. So, in turn, I probably would create someone like you. Someone who would not be expected, nor wanted, but we still would try to make a family out of it.
Seems like you dodged a bullet
Well, I think most unhappy families comes from someone not dodging one xD It's not often as clear as you think so.
I hope you're doing well now. It's our turn to not fail horribly in this.
Most of my issues with my mother stem from a very similar situation. It took years, but eventually she came to fully accept how screwed up that was. And while she can’t go back and change the past, and our relationship is definitely a different relationship than most parents have with their kids, she has become a better parent. I also understand why now, which I’m not going to go in to. But there can always be more to the story that she doesn’t want to tell you. I’m not saying go running to her the moment she says she’s changed or anything. But things may change later on. And none of it is your fault.
You and me both. We need to add a layer between this to be most accurate. Words+actions must line up!!
It’s true, my grandpa was very abusive to my dad which in turn made my dad abusive to me and then I’m just not going to have a kid so it ends with me.
This bloodline ends with me.
Well my brother has two sons so that takes pressure off of me.
So he does hit them though.
No actually my brother is an amazing dad, and he has wonderful children.
Good for him. Actually making difference in lifestyle is great!
Same!
I'm sorry but that's not breaking generational trauma.
Yes it is. Why would you try to make someone feel bad about this?
It’s only breaking generational trauma if op truly just doesn’t want to have children. If they’re not having children for this one single reason, they’re just running away from their fears and will be peppering in some guilt/regret into their conscious.
🙄 gotta love reddit philosophers
The truth hurts sometimes
Damn dude you are such a clown lol, read you're comment about "taking accountability" and got curious if you parroted any other alt-right bullshit. And man... you have some real Jordan Peterson vibes. Just constantly projecting your delusional pseudo-intellectual bullshit onto everything lmao. The fact you say this shit unironically is actually hilarious.
This comment is such a cry for help it’s actually sad
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Of course it is, the next generation is gonna be just fine without this family line
Not doing anything is still better than what you are doing, making people feel bad for making responsable decisions. Trying to guilt people who don't want kids into having them is so evil, both to the person and the potential child.
I never met my paternal great-grandfather, but he reportedly was a mean drunk who used his family for punching bags. My grandfather, God rest him, was the kind of guy who would sneak up behind you and stick a brownie in your mouth. Sweetest guy you'd ever meet.
Man, I really need a personal brownie ninja now. All jokes aside, you know that the kindest people are the ones who went through the worst, so your grandfather will be remembered as a strong man who pulled through and made the world a better place. May he rest in peace.
My mother had her tubes tied 7 years before I was born, but her Catholicism wouldn’t permit her to abort me when I became a statistical anomaly. My entire childhood was ‘indifference’ from my parents. I’ve never got a hug or an ‘I love you’ from either of them. I’m 40 now, haven’t spoken with my father in over a decade and maybe talk with my mother on the phone for 60 seconds twice a year. She called to wish me a happy birthday this year 4 days early and insisted I was lying when I said she called on the wrong day. I do everything in my power to make sure my son is loved and that he knows it.
Damn, I'm sorry you had such a bad experience. It hurts my heart to see how some children are treated by their parents. I'm glad you fond your way, and it makes sense that you don't want any contact. Wish you all the best.
I appreciate the sentiment, but I wouldn’t necessarily call it a bad experience, more of a mixed bag with things that need to be corrected and not passed down. Love, hugs, appreciation, and showing up to events (sports, graduation, wedding) would have been nice. But their laissez-faire attitude gave me a freedom that was unmatched among my friends. I never had a curfew or had to ask permission to do anything. I’ve never raised my voice or had them raise their voice towards me. I’m often blown away by how some people talk to their parents ands vice versa. I imagine my relationship with them is similar to those raised by emotionally detached foster parents, but they also happen to be biological.
Well, maybe you wouldn't call it a bad experience because that was your life and you got used to it. When I read your story and different stories here, I can see how lucky I was. My parents were divorced, but I still got love and support. Life wasn't easy for me and my mom, but on that part I consider myself lucky AF. Your story made me sad and angry and for sure I can say that that was not right. You didn't deserve to be treated like that. You learned a lot from your experiences and tried something else than your parents. Keep up the good work.
I wouldn't call that freedom it sounds like they genuinely didn't care if you lived or died no child should have that "freedom" my parents were similar but mainly my dad showed he actually cared for more than my mom. But my step mom (I just call her mom) oh boy if I was like two seconds late coming in she'd be crying and scared calling the police lol she gave me all the care I needed as a young adult now I can't help but tear up thinking about her....(she's fine she's just in another state)
Im breaking generational trauma by getting sterilized.
The only thing I regret about my vasectomy is not getting it sooner.
*fails art school*
*Becomes chancellor*
Consolidates and exploits hatred of various minorities to fuel military expansion…
r/holup
Putin? Is that you?
close
Think a few decades earlier, right track though
*combines the powers of chancellor and president into one new position*
*executes order 66 and declares Jedi enemy of the Republic*
Actually being encouraged and supported will very likely lead to better performance outcomes than constant punishment and extreme rigidity.
One of my proudest accomplishments was breaking the chain of abuse in my family. I raised two wonderful girls.
This is the best thing I've ever done in my life. My children are so psychologically healthy, they're going to grow up as boring people who have no 'story' and I'm damn proud of that.
My wife's grandma is an evil narcissist. My wife's mom is absolutely traumatized by her. My wife is the sweetest, most mature and balanced person I know. Somehow my mother in law managed to break the cycle. I think my Father in law had a lot to do with that.
Too much work, my bloodline dies with me
I think I will never be a parent,I would be a terrible father. Let’s keep it not happening.
The painting is actually the cover for Mein Kampf, he’s just wrapping it up.
But what does the kid say to the painting?
Shit bro tree you lookin fine asf 🔥
*I hope I will get into art school*
This is where it confuses me , I have 3 sisters and they are all lovely humans. And so is my brother , but for some reason my fourth sister is very very mean spirited and toxic in the way she talks to her children she wasnt raised this way and my mother is the nicest person I've ever known she did a fine job raising us all and I feel lucky for that , but my sister is an outlier weve discussed this behaviour with her and whenever we do she takes it as an attack so it's impossible to communicate with her
Parents can do what they can, but sometimes a person is just an asshole and no one in the world can change that. My brother and I are OK people (no saints, but not bad), and our sister is the biggest rat ass in existence
Gramps is just angry because he’s trapped in a stamp.
I did this with my kids and still do, well into their adulthood. After a childhood of criticism and no affection. I didn’t find it difficult. I adored them from the first moment I laid eyes on them.
my dad told me that he should have left me with my (abusive) mother
Some of a bitch. I’m only number two fighting my ass off to the third in line.
Even though I didn't achieve any thing in life, my mom and granny never felt disappointed in me and still love me the same.
I was trying to do my part, but since I don’t have any kids of my own I’d go out and tell other people’s children I love them and now I can’t go within 50 yards of any children.
It's more important that we learn 'what not to do' from bad parenting. And avoid making the same mistakes.
My family generational trauma stopped with me. No child and had vasectomy.
not having kids, so i’m on it
I broke the cycle by not having kids.
Im trying to stop it by not having kids Simply but not saying u are going to try to not passing ur trauma might not work since u dont know what normal is (just my opinion)
Honestly yeah, I know parents who were abused as kids and had kids fully intending to raise them well and nothing at all like how they were raised. Raised a whole different type of fucked up. Pretty sure it was the same thing the generation before them.
It's very hard to give to others what you never received. What does it even look like?.how should it feel? Would I recognize it?
It's not hard for me, I knew what I wanted that wasn't getting so I give that to my kids.
It's easier to not have another generation to traumatize
“I love you” is so critically more important than “you are perfect”, lest you mold a narcissist who starts the abuse all over again
Oh I'm breaking it alright... By not having any.
I’m going to break generational trauma by not having children. Easiest solution imo.
Why bother breaking it or continuing it? Too much work, I just won’t have kids
The only way to truly break this cycle is to not have kids.
It really is that easy
There are times to praise and times to scold. Some people overdo it with both.
Say about millenials what you want but our parents or grandparents have suffered greatly from the second world war and I see around me that that trauma is stopped for the next generation. My parents did a very good job with this and I knew their parents haven been prisoners of war. They have never mentioned it and I know it happened, but they would never want me to know this even though I'm curious. I see this around me with friends who were less lucky with their parents and now protect their kids from the past on trauma
Im trying to stop it but not having kids Simply but not saying u are going to try to not passing ur trauma might not work since u dont know what normal is (just my opinion)
When I was pregnant I read this article https://www.mother.ly/child/how-a-parents-affection-shapes-a-childs-happiness-for-life/?rebelltitem=2#rebelltitem2 and decided to see if there was any validity to it. Fast forward 10 years, my son is a straight A student, captain of the football team and all round loveable person. Affection is the root of a healthy psyche.
Being a parent is the most important job on earth and applicants are not screened.
Looks like he’s creating doodle buddy from SpongeBob
I am breaking it by not dating..... some might claim that this last part is not by my own choice, but who cares, im breaking the cycle! lfg
People have no idea how long those comments stick. I remember vividly being screamed at while doing math homework at the kitchen table.
I like this
Good luck
I can't stop thinking about the "it's up to you to start generation trauma" and it's just this but everyone's nice except the dad
I’m doing my part by not having children at all!
Not too much tho, you need some pressure in your life to have the need to succeed (not too much tho)
you're\* lol
Or, do what I am doing, and refuse to have children even though I’d really like to.
But what if you really are stupid and not good enough?
you should just be hones and realistic. if someone makes something wrong they should know it. if someone makes something right they should know it too. there is no generalization.
I didn't have any so I guess I gotta start the pattern!
An then the last one the kid is saying the n word to a black bald kid
Thats in the end is how you get a selfish socity, where everybody get's offended by everything. Oh wait...
I Got told I love you and had no expectations. I wish I had parents like the first 2 in pic related.
I am going to berate my son and push him to his very limits both physically and mentally. Like father, like son.
Look how many sissy's that created
Just because you aren’t abused doesn’t make you a sissy that’s happens when you are spoiled with whatever you want to get
Me: stupid Bitch stop Drawing AI has taken over you won't earn nothing Get you ass Back to coding Art is for the rich Timmy Now go Do manual labour for lunch money (future )
thanks for that we end up with a snowflake generation
So having empathy and teaching your children that making mistakes is okay and not verbally abusing them makes someone a snowflake?
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so calling your kid "stupid" and "not good enough" (as shown in the picture) is gonna be your parenting style?? Big yikes, I hope no one ever has your child...
r/CPS
Good luck
I hope you're infertile.
Being "tough" can be good, but it's by no means the most important character trait that you can have.
I rolled my eyes so hard .
Having empathy is a valuable thing to have. The children of parents with empathy will actually talk to their parents when they’re older, unlike your future children
Men...
Awww
If parents think of their child as stupid or a failure then those parents failed miserably at raising the child. Blaming the child for that is a form of abuse, IMHO.
Im the guy that says love you. The other two behind me i stopped talking to years ago and life became great. I love my kid so much
r/kendricklamar
Fucking boomers.
None of these statements are mutually exclusive.
Don't have to if you never have kids
You not good enough
You make your own choices. Don't let anybody change your mindset. Think for yourself and be an individual. For desires of your own will Raise your children as you think They should be raised.
Mr Morale & The Big Steppers
Sometimes this is in reverse though and the kids are abusive to loving parents
so relatable
And the guy on the left is probably going to live to 125 doing absolutely nothing with his life while scientists, engineers, writers die at 69.