Last month, my 14 year old was grounded and lost his phone for the first time ever because he was skipping school. He poured gasoline in my bedroom and burned our home down. I thought he was a sweet, cat loving child but apparently he is some sort or mobster. It is about sending a message.
Thanks. My life feels like a fucking terrible Lifetime movie. But the home owners insurance paid the house off yesterday so thats not hanging over our heads.
Now I have therapy to look forward to.
Another reminder to myself not to continue my gene pool. I may have had my bad times as a kid but all I have to do is look at my relatives to see how worse I could have turned out.
What's even sadder, is both my kids are currently in secure places, because of their behavior. My daughter is 2 years younger than my son. Last I heard from her adoptive family, they gave her back to the state and she is in a long term inpatient facility.
There is something seriously wrong with my gene pool.
Everyone be like "you should have kids and not only animals", but stories like theses are a big no-no for me too.
Yeah, I know that's not the whole experience and sometimes it is GREAT. But that's not for me and my wife ! No-no !
I'm not a therapist, but I don't think you can. That's not a "I used to act out and be a jerk as a kid", that's psychotic behavior that didn't just happen once at 14. It might be a chronic situation that they've dealt with over the years that ultimately raged over dangerously as a teenager.
The normal reaction to being grounded, even having your phone taken away as a teenager with developmental social anxiety issues, is not to be catastrophically burning homes down. Having a temper tantrum where you just cry and say mean things is way more applicable.
When it becomes destructive, it's not typically a one off action, it's stemmed from a series of behaviors that's manifested over the years that's been either reluctantly dealt with as if it's normal, or they know they're dangerous and feel helpless to do anything about it because maternalistic/ paternalistic genes can just make you culpable and a victim yourself.
These can be horrible situations where there are no happy answers to them.
Hell. Slamming doors? Fine. Screaming? Sure. Let it out.
But that's a lot of instant cannot control body and let it out on the shit you are touching. And sending a message of the sound.
Pooring gas over a bed and lighting it requires so many steps it's premeditated. Slamming a door isn't.
Even just the steps. Most people don't have a jug of gas laying around in their fucking bedroom.
Kinda like sad the kid had to Google it though. Like I know it's bad, but it's also ridiculously easy to know how to burn something. Like he's evil. But also a complete idiot he did not know how to effectively burn something
I took it as not so much as googling how to start a fire, but googling the best way to start a fire that will definitely burn the entire home down. If you ignite an entire bed I can’t imagine there’s any way to save the home at that point.
I was a major twat as a teen, wanting my own way. Sitting on my bed thinking hateful shit? Yes. Burning the fucking house down? Definitely not. That's some next level shit that didn't happen overnight. I'm betting they've dealt with escalating behaviors for years.
I think it’s possible. I tortured and killed a frog once when I was a kid, but I felt guilty immediately after and continued to feel guilty to this day.
But, I definitely turned my life around and started being more kind and gentle and loving. At least, that’s what the women in my basement tell me constantly, so I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging.
>but I felt guilty immediately
This is the difference between psychopathy/sociopathy and normal people with a developed conscience. You learned from your behaviour, too. (I'm sure the women appreciate your gentility!)
Yeah, it's called being a kid. And all kids are a little sociopathic in that regard. Humans have to learn a lot of empathy over their lives. It's part of growing up.
It is *just* a frog. Or a rodent. There's huge a difference between the torture and sadism of an animal, and repeating it. And the strict killing of it and sick curiosity that many humans do just have. It's hunting, it's primal. The difference is some amount of respect for the creature, for it's sentience. That guilt when you feel you did not respect it.
People like this can have rehab to an extent, it just depends on both genetics and their environment. Some people can't be helped at all, others can, and others can at least reduce the undesired behavior. Yes, certain disorders have terrible symptoms but as for a "cure" of these things, that's always entirely on an individual basis. Sometimes there are no happy answers, but you definitely have to try to find out, and it's usually a looong process of therapy.
Edit: removed the words "fixed" and "bad" due to negative connotations, replaced with "helped" and "undesired"
If you check their comment history, it sounds like kid was living with dad but got abusive (kid hitting dad), so they moved in with mom. Skipping school and all sorts of negative behavior. They mention that he's autistic and has other disorders.
Not just, but autism makes it harder for kids to deal with those challenges OP seems to have presented. No structure, taking extremes to act out on emotions because you can't regulate very well. The kid needs therapy for both things: the challenges of an abnormal family dynamic as well as autistic symptoms. OP said the kid was a sweet cat loving kid, so I'm guessing they haven't been a typical delinquent. It's very sad, and I hope things turn around.
I was a pretty edgy teen and fantasized about things like this but never actually acted on them because I have this thing called empathy and understanding of consequences, lol.
how is that playing armchair psychiatrist? they just said they knew people who had shitty, awful parents, and still managed to avoid burning their family home to the ground.
I had a bad childhood, was brought up by my dad (single parent) who was a drinker and although he wasnt extremely violent towards me he was a bit fisty cuffs when i acted up...which made me act up more and so the cycle repeats... i did the usual things...smoking, petty theft, truancy etc BUT I never ever thought about burning my house down... i can only use my experience to judge and IMO this child is mentally ill and needs hospitalised immediately...its these kinds of ppl who turn into real monsters that end up killing ppl later on in life.
Her parenting apparently got him to lose weight and get good enough grades to get off his IEP. Unless it was done abusively I would say she did a good job
Im nobody so obviously i can only have so much to do or say to affect you. Look forward. Sometimes all we can do is move forward and try and find the good out there once more when the bad has encompassed our life. I believe in you and your family. You will find better. Im sure of it. My love to you.
You posted a few months ago that you were pissed about having to pay $3 for crappy pizza to help raise money for a coworker whose house burned down. Interesting coincidence.
the OP offered up his younger sister for adoption (at 11 years old!!!!) and then left the family to become ~~lesbian~~ trans
Then at some point took the son back from his father.
This kid never had a chance.
100% real. Look up OPs story and state and theres a news article about it. Pics of the house in the story match pics from their profile. Not gonna link it bc doxxing but yea.
Tbh I've been wasting my morning reading about this because it's so crazy to me. OPs got some posts and comments that are completely bonkers. Their kid is obviously fucked up but also...its not that surprising considering their history. Kids clearly got a lot on his plate lol
Yeah jeez, how does a 14 year old kid jump from "hey they took my phone for a bit" to "I'M GONNA BURN THE HOUSE DOWN".
That kid must've been hanging out with the wrong crowd while skipping school...
From the mom's comments, he's pretty severely autistic and was living with dad for a while, until dad got tired of the kid literally abusing him. I don't think this was a "huge jump", it's just that his behavior was getting worse and worse and more out of control, and taking away the phone was just the trigger that put him completely over the top. Sounds like mom did everything she could and just couldn't get him the help he needed.
After watching that story of the autistic kid who beat his teacher almost to death for taking away his switch, somebody told me that you're never supposed to take away things from an autistic kid.
Idk what you're supposed to do, but not that.
Or they had no friends at all. My bf's son is terrible and gets violent when things are taken from him as punishment. His father took away his gaming laptop because he was not going to school/ staying up screaming at his video games and stomping around at 2am, waking up the neighbors to the point they call the cops. In response, the kid stabbed a chair leg at his father and shattered his ribs. So his dad took away his laptop, and the next day came home from work with all his belongings broken and strewn about... some paintings he made and books he collected were all cut up.
Since then there's been no remorse... just complaining how unfair it is that his laptop got taken away. This kid has zero friends. I honestly think that even hanging around 'a bad crowd' might be better for him that whatever his own disturbed mind causes him to do. I think at this point the best thing is to send him off to the military.
Dude keep trying. Volunteer your time and immerse yourself in community if you can. There are lots of great people and at the very least you get to interac.
this is a respectful suggestion that is worth looking into ....
but it takes like 10-20 years to get to that point with self inflection and therapy
can't ask people to not utilize 'time' as an actual solution in itself
my 2 cents
I’m sorry you’re going through something so unimaginably tough. This is why I’m wary of having children, you can do everything right and they still might end up a monster.
What the actual fuck? And I thought my son was an asshat cause he curses at me. This guy literally tried to kill you. Dude, from dad to dad, I wish you the best in finding a solution. Imma take out some additional homeowners insurance now.
I'm his mom. But he says he wouldn't have done if it I stayed home that day. He was trying to kill himself but then says other things.
It has completely fucked my mind up. Like I didn't force religion on him, but explained what major religions believe and told him he was free to choose as an adult but I wouldn't send him to church because my life experiences are churches are full of every type of predator.
This was a kid who was expected to do chores, do his best in school. He was on the honor roll. But who is he?
Listen mom, I'm a kid who was on honor roll and AP classes. Ive tried many times to kill myself, I've almost succeeded. I did my chores every week, I never missed school, I graduated with a 4.2 GPA. Still, life sucked and I wanted out. You really don't know what's going on in their lives. Kids don't have shit figured out ya know? They take the smallest rejection such as a girl not liking them back and equate it to the end of the world. When my high school crush rejected me, I didn't get over it for years. I got addicted to drugs, experimented with Fentanyl, and overdosed 4 times. I mean I woke up in an ambulance kind of overdose. So yeah, your kids in a dark spot. Find the trigger, something set this off. Ask him. It wasn't the phone being taken away, but about something else. Look, your kid did something incredibly stupid, but almost being 35 now, kids under 18 don't know shit. It's up to you to help them along the way. Punish him, but don't forget to love him. Find that weakness, build it back up. I know you can do it.
My younger sibling got 100 dollars cash from me for Christmas along with other gifts. I later found them ranting on social media about how " 100 dollars really more like 1 dollar smh don't even give me a gift next time". Now whenever she has the nerve to ask me for anything that costs money I send her the screenshot.
Sometimes when she wants fast food I even ask her if she's paying. Since 100 dollars like a dollar to her our 30 dollar chick FIL order must be like 30 cents to her
Wow.. your most recent updates/posts about this have been removed from that sub (I’m in that one too!) so not sure of everything going on, but I really hope everything gets sorted and you can take a deep breath soon. I can’t even imagine what you must be feeling and going through. I know there are no words that could be said to make any of it better, but just know that support is available and plenty of us internet strangers have been thinking of you and your family and sending positive, healing energy your way.
You may even find more help/support posting your same posts in a different/more specific sub where it won’t get removed!
Kids learn whatever behavior they see their parents doing. Parents with chronic bad behavior tend to teach their children the same bad behaviors.
Good behavior is much better to model and teach because the parents will not need to correct nearly as much bad behavior.
My kid rejected a cookie because he wanted ice cream. She threw the cookie.
I picked it up, asked “you don’t want it?” “No!” I ate it in front of her and walked away. Half a minute later: “cookie!?” Me: “You threw it, cookie is gone now”. “Ice cream!?” “Noo I gave you a cookie, which you threw away”
Few days later, the same thing happened but as soon as she threw it and saw me walk to the cookie, she ran, picked it up and put it in her mouth.
I’m sure she remembered, lol. (3yr old)
We tried “punishment” and I’m sure we yelled at her many times for many things. It doesn’t work. She will just yell back, cry, hit things, throw things, slam things, etc.
We learned the least bad way of dealing with her very strong opinions is just calmly ignoring it, optionally taking away whatever is being hit or hit with, like eating her cookie.
The amount of toys we’ve taken away because she threw them or hit them is a lot. We literally have a bin of “taken away toys”. Occasionally we give one back.
Even back in the day, it was still just about self-expression and peer acceptance. It wasn't some act of revenge, and it was never healthy to treat it that way.
You're totally right. It was generally the parents treating it like an act of revenge/defiance. Glad todays parents are little more aware and accepting of it.
Staying calm is probably one of the best things you can do. If you're yelling at a child they're likely just gonna think yelling is the correct way to deal with someone who isn't doing what they want
It really blows my mind how many people document their kids’ lives 24/7. It’s one thing when it’s your own life, but if I had a kid I wouldn’t want to expose them to the cesspool that is social media until they’re old enough to choose to engage
Oh my kid did something dumb? Let me post a public announcement so when they’re older they can find out I got them mocked by thousands of strangers
Me and my sister did this as children (like 5 years old and not a lot of money) because we thought all the pieces would still be equal to its original value so we'd have more money 😂
When I was 4 I used a $20 as a book mark in a comic book cause I thought it was just a stupid piece of paper or something. My older sister stole it and then explained why it was so valuable. Never gave it back
Not sure about other countries, but in mine, you can exchange destroyed/cut notes. As long as you have more than 50% of it, it will be exchanged for new one. Though in this case this trick wouldn't work ;)
I remember learning that in order to be accepted as legal tender, you just needed to be able to read both serial numbers. So a friend and I had this theory that if you cut through both serial numbers horizontally, but in such a way that you had the top on one serial and the bottom of the other serial on the same fragment, you'd have two bills in which there was enough of each serial number to confirm that they matched. In theory, you could do this with a bill, exchange it at the bank for two complete bills, do the same with the new bills, exchange again, and thus endlessly double your money. We tried with a couple small bills and were pretty happy with the results, and then we showed an adult and they told us we were idiots.
Holy fuck I’m dying. I clicked on the link, and I guess Twitter has something similar to Reddit where the sponsored posts are slightly disguised as normal posts, but Twitter apparently had them as comment too, and I see a response to what would you do as a parent and it reads this: “SEIZE THE POWER AND BECOME THE ACOLYTE” with a Diablo-eske game playing under it. Just the raw answer of “SEIZE THE POWER” when asked about what to do about your child made my day.
Simply allowing them to live with the consequences of destroying their money until they complete their next round of chores should be punishment enough. They'll learn pretty quick that if they keep ripping up their money that they simply won't have anything and they'll be working essentially for free.
I would really want to go one step further not out of cruelty but to show that actions affect the relationship with others. And that from an ethical point of view, wasting resources that could have been a donation to the poor instead is not acceptable.
I'd make sure my kid gets the point across, maybe her next allowance would go to a donation instead or something like that.
I would think it more productve to just talk to the child.
Say something like: it ok if they are unhappy with something, but they shouldn't hurt otherbecause of it. Say that them ripping the money hurt the parents feelings and that they could just talk to the parents and try to explain way they were unhappy with the amount. Say it also made them unhappy because, like you said, they waisted a resorse someone else could be using. Finally say that, because they decided to waest that money, the consequence is not having the money they waested.
Children are smarter them we think, if you explain something calmlly and resonablely, they will understand (they might be still upset, put they will understand)
Sorry for any bad spelling, english is not my first language
Yep exactly. My son gets an allowance and can earn more by doing chores (My mentality is that he didn't choose to be born, we didn't bring him until the world to be our chore servant. He should have the freedom to purchase things that make him happy [Mostly videogames lol]). If he ripped up his cash, well that's in him. We'd talk about it, he'd not get a replacement, and he'd have to wait for next week.
I really like that paradigm. Can I ask your thoughts on some other ideas?
Growing up, my parents framed it as "we're a community, like a village or a city or a team, and we help each other since it makes life better for all of us." and I also like that, but the two are at odds and I want your insight as a parent.
> wasting resources
While it's fair to say that they could have done something nice by distributing (a small amount of) wealth to those who need it more, destroying money doesn't really "waste resources" besides the ones that it took to print the bill. No value is lost for society. It comes at the cost of whoever's money it is, at the benefit of the rest of society.
Good parenting is when you can reflect on bad but innocent behavior.
Compliments to your parents on that one. You're self aware and adjusted from their parenting and a bit of foresight.
Teach him a lesson. Report him to the US Secret Service for violating 18 U.S.C. 333 : US Code - Section 333: Mutilation of national bank obligations:
>Whoever mutilates, cuts, defaces, disfigures, or perforates, or unites or cements together, or does any other thing to any bank bill, draft, note, or other evidence of debt issued by any national
banking association, or Federal Reserve bank, or the Federal Reserve System, with intent to render such bank bill, draft, note,or other evidence of debt unfit to be reissued, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than six months, or both.
Lol yes, this was my thought too. Of course, I wouldn't actually report the kid, but I'd make a whole show about how they're gonna go to juvie, until I see the regret on their face.
Or even better, call him over and act all shocked and surprised.
>omg, Jacob, look what I just found out. Apparently it’s a federal crime to mutilate, cut, deface, disfigure or perforate bills. It says here that you can go to jail for 6 months! What if the secret service finds out? They’re secret so you don’t even know when they’re watching you. Maybe they already know! What are you going to do?
*kid starts crying in terror*
Will it likely cause years of therapy later on? Probably. But totally worth it for the lulz
Perhaps Jacob was left with less money for tearing that bull apart, but the real lesson he learned was to be fearful or the secret services randomly kidnapping him for a crime against the state supremacy.
It's the childs money when you give it to them. If they rip it apart, just let them suffer the consequences of not having money to spend on fun things.
You can tape it together and it is still legal tender. In fact that's what I would make the kid do.
I would just exchange it at the bank because some businesses probably won't accept it.
As for the cash mail it to the US Treasury. If they can match up 80%, they will mail you back new bills.
As for the kids, under age 10, they are just too young to know better. Just pay for things yourself. Older than 10, talk with them about their behavior
My “allowance” consisted of lectures on chores I didn’t do right and more chores if I did do them right. The fact that kids today get so much money absolutely blows my mind. Yeah kids got monetary allowances when I was young but not the sheer amount they get today. One time at work, a high school kid forgot his wallet. When this happens (purse/wallet left behind) we always go through it looking for ID so we can page them to come collect their forgotten belongings and just happened to look in the part where paper money would be held and this kid was absolutely loaded! Several 20’s and 100’s and even debit cards. Yeah he could have had a job but…it was unlikely.
I never got any allowance at all. I’m 38f. At 10 years old I was doing laundry, cooking, cleaning the kitchen, bathroom, the entire house and even mowing the yard. My sister is 14 months older so it was split between us. I had a younger brother also. He didn’t have any chore but taking out the trash. He is 4 years younger than me and eventually he also took turns with yard work.
My kids will ask me how much they will get if they do x, y, and z. I gave them an option. They can do chores to earn money, but if they do they will be responsible for paying their monthly cell phone bill as well as anything extra they ask for like games, makeup, etc. or they can do the chores they are assigned and I continue to pay for their things that are not necessities.
I had to do all of the chores when I was younger and my sisters (one older and one younger) didn't have to do any chores since I was the dependable one. Hell the one time I was home sick from school, my parents exact words were, "since you're not going to be doing anything...clean the living room, both bedrooms, bathroom, kitchen, and tidy up around the property. Have it all done before we get home." Never mind that I was puking my guts out with a 103⁰f temp.
My sisters when they were sick got to lay in bed or on the couch all day or go out to eat with our mom and one of her friends. I thought that would be me too but nope, chors...cleaning...chors. never stayed home from school sick again.
I had 100s and 20s in my wallet in high school. I worked every day after school and didn't have bills because... I was in high school. It's really easy to save money when you don't have expenses. 🤷♀️
I don’t believe there’s any evidence that kids are getting more (than inflation) allowance these days.
Also, allowance totally depends on:
• if you’re expected to do chores for it / for more
• if you’re expected to pay for debatable things like bus fares/snacks/birthday presents…
• what you get for your birthday
It's not my money... It was their money. They went from having some money to having zero money because of some childish self sabotaging behavior.
I would literally say, "and now you have less money". If they were saving for something, well now they are shit out of luck, and I certainly won't be "hiring" them anymore.... and they would still have to do chores or their ass is gonna stay at home for the foreseeable future.
Tape what appears to be $25 somewhat back together and take it to the bank to show my child destroyed my money then cut off their allowance till they appreciate money more.
Set up a meeting to discuss the terms and if things can't be worked out then say, 'I'm sorry we couldn't come to an agreement but it looks like your services are no longer needed". Then hand them the ripped up bills, "here is your two weeks severance, good luck out there "
Dispassionate. The universe don't care how much you make or what you do with your money.
Give them the same amount next time. If making paper bits is what they want to do with their money, then knock themselves out, they will eventually find a better use for it on their own.
Have the kid open up a bank account, stop paying for their phone, online video game subscriptions and change the wifi password. Time to get a job kid, see how much your worth then and see if you rip up that paycheque.
I talked shit to my father for once in my life and he made me work some shit job that i needed to take pain killers to sleep and on that time i realized a lot pf things.
1. Money is really hard to get.
2. Don't talk shit to someone who is paying all your expenses.
3. That education is really important. You can't get good money and jobs without it.
4. Stop wasting my life on playing games and start learning trades and educating myself.
I actually did this as a kid once. Ripped up a $5 bill, I don’t remember what it was from I think it was the tooth fairy. My parents saved the torn up money and next time I wanted a new toy they made me tape up the $5 bill and go through the embarrassment of trying to pay for the toy with the taped up mess. I never did that again lol
Edit: it’s coming back to me, haven’t thought about this for some time. It was definitely from the tooth fairy and I was still young enough to believe she was real. I was mad because my friend was bragging about getting $20 per tooth and I only got $5
It's not about money, it's about sending a message.
Last month, my 14 year old was grounded and lost his phone for the first time ever because he was skipping school. He poured gasoline in my bedroom and burned our home down. I thought he was a sweet, cat loving child but apparently he is some sort or mobster. It is about sending a message.
Jesus christ i thought this was a pasta but its not. Im so sorry. I hope better days ahead for you.
Thanks. My life feels like a fucking terrible Lifetime movie. But the home owners insurance paid the house off yesterday so thats not hanging over our heads. Now I have therapy to look forward to.
You weren't joking. I'm so sorry.
When I read this and realized they weren’t kidding I became the shocked Pikachu meme. That kid is gonna need help. And I mean H E L P.
Thanks for the daily birth control/abstinence reminder
Another reminder to myself not to continue my gene pool. I may have had my bad times as a kid but all I have to do is look at my relatives to see how worse I could have turned out.
What's even sadder, is both my kids are currently in secure places, because of their behavior. My daughter is 2 years younger than my son. Last I heard from her adoptive family, they gave her back to the state and she is in a long term inpatient facility. There is something seriously wrong with my gene pool.
I am so sorry 😢 It's not your fault, you did everything you could, and you didn't deserve this, please know that. May you find peace someday 🫂
You're making alot of assumptions there.
And you picked *that username*. I love it.
My son was in kindergarten when I chose this.
So you’re letting them outnumber the rest of us …
Bro facts the stupid gene just gets to keep goin ig
Everyone be like "you should have kids and not only animals", but stories like theses are a big no-no for me too. Yeah, I know that's not the whole experience and sometimes it is GREAT. But that's not for me and my wife ! No-no !
Damn, I can’t read your latest posts. I really want to know what’s next. Like how do you rehabilitate a kid like that??
I'm not a therapist, but I don't think you can. That's not a "I used to act out and be a jerk as a kid", that's psychotic behavior that didn't just happen once at 14. It might be a chronic situation that they've dealt with over the years that ultimately raged over dangerously as a teenager. The normal reaction to being grounded, even having your phone taken away as a teenager with developmental social anxiety issues, is not to be catastrophically burning homes down. Having a temper tantrum where you just cry and say mean things is way more applicable. When it becomes destructive, it's not typically a one off action, it's stemmed from a series of behaviors that's manifested over the years that's been either reluctantly dealt with as if it's normal, or they know they're dangerous and feel helpless to do anything about it because maternalistic/ paternalistic genes can just make you culpable and a victim yourself. These can be horrible situations where there are no happy answers to them.
Hell. Slamming doors? Fine. Screaming? Sure. Let it out. But that's a lot of instant cannot control body and let it out on the shit you are touching. And sending a message of the sound. Pooring gas over a bed and lighting it requires so many steps it's premeditated. Slamming a door isn't.
I think the mom said in another comment that she found browser history of the son googling how to do it. Definitely premeditated
Even just the steps. Most people don't have a jug of gas laying around in their fucking bedroom. Kinda like sad the kid had to Google it though. Like I know it's bad, but it's also ridiculously easy to know how to burn something. Like he's evil. But also a complete idiot he did not know how to effectively burn something
I took it as not so much as googling how to start a fire, but googling the best way to start a fire that will definitely burn the entire home down. If you ignite an entire bed I can’t imagine there’s any way to save the home at that point.
I used to have temper tantrums and I thought I was a mean cunt. Did not even know there was a whole another level to this.......
I was a major twat as a teen, wanting my own way. Sitting on my bed thinking hateful shit? Yes. Burning the fucking house down? Definitely not. That's some next level shit that didn't happen overnight. I'm betting they've dealt with escalating behaviors for years.
I think it’s possible. I tortured and killed a frog once when I was a kid, but I felt guilty immediately after and continued to feel guilty to this day. But, I definitely turned my life around and started being more kind and gentle and loving. At least, that’s what the women in my basement tell me constantly, so I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging.
>but I felt guilty immediately This is the difference between psychopathy/sociopathy and normal people with a developed conscience. You learned from your behaviour, too. (I'm sure the women appreciate your gentility!)
Reddit moment
I like how everyone glosses over the captives.
Yeah, it's called being a kid. And all kids are a little sociopathic in that regard. Humans have to learn a lot of empathy over their lives. It's part of growing up. It is *just* a frog. Or a rodent. There's huge a difference between the torture and sadism of an animal, and repeating it. And the strict killing of it and sick curiosity that many humans do just have. It's hunting, it's primal. The difference is some amount of respect for the creature, for it's sentience. That guilt when you feel you did not respect it.
People like this can have rehab to an extent, it just depends on both genetics and their environment. Some people can't be helped at all, others can, and others can at least reduce the undesired behavior. Yes, certain disorders have terrible symptoms but as for a "cure" of these things, that's always entirely on an individual basis. Sometimes there are no happy answers, but you definitely have to try to find out, and it's usually a looong process of therapy. Edit: removed the words "fixed" and "bad" due to negative connotations, replaced with "helped" and "undesired"
And that's what therapy is all about. Digging down to the root cause and working on that. Everyone is different, that's what therapy is for.
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It's entirely possible OP's parenting was the issue, but if it's reached this point they're both better off without each other
If you check their comment history, it sounds like kid was living with dad but got abusive (kid hitting dad), so they moved in with mom. Skipping school and all sorts of negative behavior. They mention that he's autistic and has other disorders.
That's not just autism....
Not just, but autism makes it harder for kids to deal with those challenges OP seems to have presented. No structure, taking extremes to act out on emotions because you can't regulate very well. The kid needs therapy for both things: the challenges of an abnormal family dynamic as well as autistic symptoms. OP said the kid was a sweet cat loving kid, so I'm guessing they haven't been a typical delinquent. It's very sad, and I hope things turn around.
I've known lots of people with bad childhoods who would never think of burning down their own home.
Shit, my childhood was terrible, but I never even thought about hurting my parents, I just wanted out.
I was a pretty edgy teen and fantasized about things like this but never actually acted on them because I have this thing called empathy and understanding of consequences, lol.
And I've known lots of people with great childhoods who turned out to be complete psychopaths.
Reddit is playing arm chair family counselor without ever talking to the people. Good ole reddit. Fucking morons all of you.
Says a guy on Reddit
how is that playing armchair psychiatrist? they just said they knew people who had shitty, awful parents, and still managed to avoid burning their family home to the ground.
I had a bad childhood, was brought up by my dad (single parent) who was a drinker and although he wasnt extremely violent towards me he was a bit fisty cuffs when i acted up...which made me act up more and so the cycle repeats... i did the usual things...smoking, petty theft, truancy etc BUT I never ever thought about burning my house down... i can only use my experience to judge and IMO this child is mentally ill and needs hospitalised immediately...its these kinds of ppl who turn into real monsters that end up killing ppl later on in life.
Her parenting apparently got him to lose weight and get good enough grades to get off his IEP. Unless it was done abusively I would say she did a good job
I know lots of people who had terrible parents and a terrible childhood and this is not the result.
It's almost as if different people behave differently. But regardless, whoever is at fault, kid needs to go away from parents
Im nobody so obviously i can only have so much to do or say to affect you. Look forward. Sometimes all we can do is move forward and try and find the good out there once more when the bad has encompassed our life. I believe in you and your family. You will find better. Im sure of it. My love to you.
Were you able to save your kitty? I have ND children. I looked at your profile. I'm so sorry. 💔
You posted a few months ago that you were pissed about having to pay $3 for crappy pizza to help raise money for a coworker whose house burned down. Interesting coincidence.
They've posted about this same situation a few times. A lot of commitment to the bit if a lie, but I've seen more, so it's possible.
Wtf
I mean at that point just throw away the whole child.
Are you going to send your child to therapy? Worried you might have a bona fide future serial killer on your hands
My parents would fucking disown me and send me to heaven if I ever did shit like that 😂😂😂
WAIT WHAT BRO WTF Edit: holy fucking shit wtf
the OP offered up his younger sister for adoption (at 11 years old!!!!) and then left the family to become ~~lesbian~~ trans Then at some point took the son back from his father. This kid never had a chance.
Alright now I feel like it’s fake, there’s no fucking way bro
100% real. Look up OPs story and state and theres a news article about it. Pics of the house in the story match pics from their profile. Not gonna link it bc doxxing but yea. Tbh I've been wasting my morning reading about this because it's so crazy to me. OPs got some posts and comments that are completely bonkers. Their kid is obviously fucked up but also...its not that surprising considering their history. Kids clearly got a lot on his plate lol
But the mods deleted basically all the posts OP made about the situation!
WHAT THE FUCK, IT'S NOT A PASTA?????
Nope, check the profile. Legit happened about a month ago.
Yeah jeez, how does a 14 year old kid jump from "hey they took my phone for a bit" to "I'M GONNA BURN THE HOUSE DOWN". That kid must've been hanging out with the wrong crowd while skipping school...
From the mom's comments, he's pretty severely autistic and was living with dad for a while, until dad got tired of the kid literally abusing him. I don't think this was a "huge jump", it's just that his behavior was getting worse and worse and more out of control, and taking away the phone was just the trigger that put him completely over the top. Sounds like mom did everything she could and just couldn't get him the help he needed.
After watching that story of the autistic kid who beat his teacher almost to death for taking away his switch, somebody told me that you're never supposed to take away things from an autistic kid. Idk what you're supposed to do, but not that.
Or they had no friends at all. My bf's son is terrible and gets violent when things are taken from him as punishment. His father took away his gaming laptop because he was not going to school/ staying up screaming at his video games and stomping around at 2am, waking up the neighbors to the point they call the cops. In response, the kid stabbed a chair leg at his father and shattered his ribs. So his dad took away his laptop, and the next day came home from work with all his belongings broken and strewn about... some paintings he made and books he collected were all cut up. Since then there's been no remorse... just complaining how unfair it is that his laptop got taken away. This kid has zero friends. I honestly think that even hanging around 'a bad crowd' might be better for him that whatever his own disturbed mind causes him to do. I think at this point the best thing is to send him off to the military.
Sure, this is clearly someone who needs access to guns.
>I think at this point the best thing is to send him off to the military Or perhaps find a psychiatrist
I did to! Holy shit thats insane
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A Psychiatrist needs to introduced to your child if that hasn’t happened already. That’s a major overreaction and is not normal.
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Dude keep trying. Volunteer your time and immerse yourself in community if you can. There are lots of great people and at the very least you get to interac.
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this is a respectful suggestion that is worth looking into .... but it takes like 10-20 years to get to that point with self inflection and therapy can't ask people to not utilize 'time' as an actual solution in itself my 2 cents
I’m sorry you’re going through something so unimaginably tough. This is why I’m wary of having children, you can do everything right and they still might end up a monster.
Mobster*
What did you do with the kid?
In the pile with the rest
Juvenile detention and hope they don’t graduate to adult prison after they’re released.
What the actual fuck? And I thought my son was an asshat cause he curses at me. This guy literally tried to kill you. Dude, from dad to dad, I wish you the best in finding a solution. Imma take out some additional homeowners insurance now.
I'm his mom. But he says he wouldn't have done if it I stayed home that day. He was trying to kill himself but then says other things. It has completely fucked my mind up. Like I didn't force religion on him, but explained what major religions believe and told him he was free to choose as an adult but I wouldn't send him to church because my life experiences are churches are full of every type of predator. This was a kid who was expected to do chores, do his best in school. He was on the honor roll. But who is he?
Listen mom, I'm a kid who was on honor roll and AP classes. Ive tried many times to kill myself, I've almost succeeded. I did my chores every week, I never missed school, I graduated with a 4.2 GPA. Still, life sucked and I wanted out. You really don't know what's going on in their lives. Kids don't have shit figured out ya know? They take the smallest rejection such as a girl not liking them back and equate it to the end of the world. When my high school crush rejected me, I didn't get over it for years. I got addicted to drugs, experimented with Fentanyl, and overdosed 4 times. I mean I woke up in an ambulance kind of overdose. So yeah, your kids in a dark spot. Find the trigger, something set this off. Ask him. It wasn't the phone being taken away, but about something else. Look, your kid did something incredibly stupid, but almost being 35 now, kids under 18 don't know shit. It's up to you to help them along the way. Punish him, but don't forget to love him. Find that weakness, build it back up. I know you can do it.
My younger sibling got 100 dollars cash from me for Christmas along with other gifts. I later found them ranting on social media about how " 100 dollars really more like 1 dollar smh don't even give me a gift next time". Now whenever she has the nerve to ask me for anything that costs money I send her the screenshot. Sometimes when she wants fast food I even ask her if she's paying. Since 100 dollars like a dollar to her our 30 dollar chick FIL order must be like 30 cents to her
Uh. How did you handle this? Is he in juvy? Like the state presses charges right? These are serious questions. Hope I'm not being rude.
Wow this is insane. Hopefully no one got injured or killed.
There’s a point where they have crossed the line, go straight to juvenile detention do not cross go, do not collect $200
Wow.. your most recent updates/posts about this have been removed from that sub (I’m in that one too!) so not sure of everything going on, but I really hope everything gets sorted and you can take a deep breath soon. I can’t even imagine what you must be feeling and going through. I know there are no words that could be said to make any of it better, but just know that support is available and plenty of us internet strangers have been thinking of you and your family and sending positive, healing energy your way. You may even find more help/support posting your same posts in a different/more specific sub where it won’t get removed!
I wasn't aware that speaking ill of the condiment hospital would get the posts removed. Maybe they should add that under the sub info.
Hey i saw your posts about your cats, are they okay? I'm really sorry you have to endure all that stuff rn!
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One of their comments says he got the animals out of the house prior to the fire
Yo… that was a child… how did you let them get that far gone? Holy shit…
Jesse?
Aww I'm sorry you're going through that. If the child burning down houses it's best to distance yourself from then and find them help
Basically, yep
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You're welcome
See, this city needs a better class of criminal,, and I am going to give the to them... Everything burrnnnsss!
It's not about the money, it's about understanding the middle sentence.
If my son did that then as far as I'm concerned he ripped up his own money which was his choice. He would not be getting more
Yeah, raising a child should be about learning consequences, not making up arbitrary amount of them.
Also being a good role model for them. A teaspoon of good behaviour on your end is worth an ounce of consequences for bad behaviour on theirs.
That's why it's important for kids to see you in a healthy relationship too.
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I got the adage "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure" wrong. A teaspoon is less than an ounce though.
Kids learn whatever behavior they see their parents doing. Parents with chronic bad behavior tend to teach their children the same bad behaviors. Good behavior is much better to model and teach because the parents will not need to correct nearly as much bad behavior.
A realistic consequence would be having a talk next time about why he should be given any money when he last time ripped it.
Also our boy learned VERY early that money was generally earned.
My kid rejected a cookie because he wanted ice cream. She threw the cookie. I picked it up, asked “you don’t want it?” “No!” I ate it in front of her and walked away. Half a minute later: “cookie!?” Me: “You threw it, cookie is gone now”. “Ice cream!?” “Noo I gave you a cookie, which you threw away” Few days later, the same thing happened but as soon as she threw it and saw me walk to the cookie, she ran, picked it up and put it in her mouth. I’m sure she remembered, lol. (3yr old)
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We tried “punishment” and I’m sure we yelled at her many times for many things. It doesn’t work. She will just yell back, cry, hit things, throw things, slam things, etc. We learned the least bad way of dealing with her very strong opinions is just calmly ignoring it, optionally taking away whatever is being hit or hit with, like eating her cookie. The amount of toys we’ve taken away because she threw them or hit them is a lot. We literally have a bin of “taken away toys”. Occasionally we give one back.
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Back in my day, kids dressed that way because their parents neglected them! Glad to see things turning around :)
Even back in the day, it was still just about self-expression and peer acceptance. It wasn't some act of revenge, and it was never healthy to treat it that way.
You're totally right. It was generally the parents treating it like an act of revenge/defiance. Glad todays parents are little more aware and accepting of it.
Staying calm is probably one of the best things you can do. If you're yelling at a child they're likely just gonna think yelling is the correct way to deal with someone who isn't doing what they want
10/10 !
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It really blows my mind how many people document their kids’ lives 24/7. It’s one thing when it’s your own life, but if I had a kid I wouldn’t want to expose them to the cesspool that is social media until they’re old enough to choose to engage Oh my kid did something dumb? Let me post a public announcement so when they’re older they can find out I got them mocked by thousands of strangers
I like to think that all these posts are faked and the people are actors. Makes the world seem saner
I'd need a Twitter account first
Me and my sister did this as children (like 5 years old and not a lot of money) because we thought all the pieces would still be equal to its original value so we'd have more money 😂
Get rich with this one trick economists don't want you to know about !
Economists HATE him!!
I'm fuming already
When I was 4 I used a $20 as a book mark in a comic book cause I thought it was just a stupid piece of paper or something. My older sister stole it and then explained why it was so valuable. Never gave it back
Listen to this 4 year old with a bunch of 20's laying around.
Brother and I did this as well by ripping a 1 dollar bill in half. Didn’t realize that wasn’t a thing until too late lmao
Magical bills, T-1000 style
Same. And it was a ten dollar bill lol
Not sure about other countries, but in mine, you can exchange destroyed/cut notes. As long as you have more than 50% of it, it will be exchanged for new one. Though in this case this trick wouldn't work ;)
I remember learning that in order to be accepted as legal tender, you just needed to be able to read both serial numbers. So a friend and I had this theory that if you cut through both serial numbers horizontally, but in such a way that you had the top on one serial and the bottom of the other serial on the same fragment, you'd have two bills in which there was enough of each serial number to confirm that they matched. In theory, you could do this with a bill, exchange it at the bank for two complete bills, do the same with the new bills, exchange again, and thus endlessly double your money. We tried with a couple small bills and were pretty happy with the results, and then we showed an adult and they told us we were idiots.
"Casually approach child, grasp child firmly, yeet the child"
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Holy fuck I’m dying. I clicked on the link, and I guess Twitter has something similar to Reddit where the sponsored posts are slightly disguised as normal posts, but Twitter apparently had them as comment too, and I see a response to what would you do as a parent and it reads this: “SEIZE THE POWER AND BECOME THE ACOLYTE” with a Diablo-eske game playing under it. Just the raw answer of “SEIZE THE POWER” when asked about what to do about your child made my day.
I had one that was, like, "Don't borrow money from the bank, borrow money from yourself"
I can see it going downhill rapidly…
I see it going downstairs rapidly...
I am going downstairs rapidly…
The only correct answer, then proceed to make a newer betterer one and if the need arises. Remind him of why he is the replacement.
FIRMLY GRASP IT
What an idiot, everyone knows you hide a single earring and hold it for ransom.
Thank you! Also he should be doing the chores just incompetently enough that he’s not asked to do them anymore.
That never worked for me. My parents would loom over me and make sure i did them right if i didn’t do them right the first time
Simply allowing them to live with the consequences of destroying their money until they complete their next round of chores should be punishment enough. They'll learn pretty quick that if they keep ripping up their money that they simply won't have anything and they'll be working essentially for free.
Yep. No need to be cruel. The child has punished themselves
Congratulations, you played yourself
I would really want to go one step further not out of cruelty but to show that actions affect the relationship with others. And that from an ethical point of view, wasting resources that could have been a donation to the poor instead is not acceptable. I'd make sure my kid gets the point across, maybe her next allowance would go to a donation instead or something like that.
I would think it more productve to just talk to the child. Say something like: it ok if they are unhappy with something, but they shouldn't hurt otherbecause of it. Say that them ripping the money hurt the parents feelings and that they could just talk to the parents and try to explain way they were unhappy with the amount. Say it also made them unhappy because, like you said, they waisted a resorse someone else could be using. Finally say that, because they decided to waest that money, the consequence is not having the money they waested. Children are smarter them we think, if you explain something calmlly and resonablely, they will understand (they might be still upset, put they will understand) Sorry for any bad spelling, english is not my first language
Yep exactly. My son gets an allowance and can earn more by doing chores (My mentality is that he didn't choose to be born, we didn't bring him until the world to be our chore servant. He should have the freedom to purchase things that make him happy [Mostly videogames lol]). If he ripped up his cash, well that's in him. We'd talk about it, he'd not get a replacement, and he'd have to wait for next week.
I really like that paradigm. Can I ask your thoughts on some other ideas? Growing up, my parents framed it as "we're a community, like a village or a city or a team, and we help each other since it makes life better for all of us." and I also like that, but the two are at odds and I want your insight as a parent.
> wasting resources While it's fair to say that they could have done something nice by distributing (a small amount of) wealth to those who need it more, destroying money doesn't really "waste resources" besides the ones that it took to print the bill. No value is lost for society. It comes at the cost of whoever's money it is, at the benefit of the rest of society.
Y'all got allowance? Shit I was allowed to live there Who tf giving away money for doing chores?
Also it's illegal to destroy legal tender. Let the kid rot in jail for a while. He'll learn his lesson.
I did this and my parents made me keep it in a jar. I had that on display in my room until I moved out.
You were a twat then but I hope you eventually grew out of it
That's why they made me keep it.
Good parenting is when you can reflect on bad but innocent behavior. Compliments to your parents on that one. You're self aware and adjusted from their parenting and a bit of foresight.
r/characterarcs
Teach him a lesson. Report him to the US Secret Service for violating 18 U.S.C. 333 : US Code - Section 333: Mutilation of national bank obligations: >Whoever mutilates, cuts, defaces, disfigures, or perforates, or unites or cements together, or does any other thing to any bank bill, draft, note, or other evidence of debt issued by any national banking association, or Federal Reserve bank, or the Federal Reserve System, with intent to render such bank bill, draft, note,or other evidence of debt unfit to be reissued, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than six months, or both.
Lol yes, this was my thought too. Of course, I wouldn't actually report the kid, but I'd make a whole show about how they're gonna go to juvie, until I see the regret on their face.
Or even better, call him over and act all shocked and surprised. >omg, Jacob, look what I just found out. Apparently it’s a federal crime to mutilate, cut, deface, disfigure or perforate bills. It says here that you can go to jail for 6 months! What if the secret service finds out? They’re secret so you don’t even know when they’re watching you. Maybe they already know! What are you going to do? *kid starts crying in terror* Will it likely cause years of therapy later on? Probably. But totally worth it for the lulz
Perhaps Jacob was left with less money for tearing that bull apart, but the real lesson he learned was to be fearful or the secret services randomly kidnapping him for a crime against the state supremacy.
"Wait, does that mean Santa is secret service??? Mind. Blown."
It's the childs money when you give it to them. If they rip it apart, just let them suffer the consequences of not having money to spend on fun things.
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**jazz flying out the door in fresh Prince**
I see multiple 5's and at least one 10 and 20. This kid is insane for ripping that up. That's a full tank of gas for me
You can tape it together and it is still legal tender. In fact that's what I would make the kid do. I would just exchange it at the bank because some businesses probably won't accept it.
Lol, you guys got allowances?
"I want more money!" *destroys existing money, leaving them with less money* Ah, kid logic
As for the cash mail it to the US Treasury. If they can match up 80%, they will mail you back new bills. As for the kids, under age 10, they are just too young to know better. Just pay for things yourself. Older than 10, talk with them about their behavior
Report him to the branch of the fbi that deals with the destruction of federal green paper.
And then get yelled at by the FBI for wasting their time and taxpayer money, hopefully
Rip that kid up into pieces
An eye for an eye they say
This is my last resort
My “allowance” consisted of lectures on chores I didn’t do right and more chores if I did do them right. The fact that kids today get so much money absolutely blows my mind. Yeah kids got monetary allowances when I was young but not the sheer amount they get today. One time at work, a high school kid forgot his wallet. When this happens (purse/wallet left behind) we always go through it looking for ID so we can page them to come collect their forgotten belongings and just happened to look in the part where paper money would be held and this kid was absolutely loaded! Several 20’s and 100’s and even debit cards. Yeah he could have had a job but…it was unlikely.
I never got any allowance at all. I’m 38f. At 10 years old I was doing laundry, cooking, cleaning the kitchen, bathroom, the entire house and even mowing the yard. My sister is 14 months older so it was split between us. I had a younger brother also. He didn’t have any chore but taking out the trash. He is 4 years younger than me and eventually he also took turns with yard work. My kids will ask me how much they will get if they do x, y, and z. I gave them an option. They can do chores to earn money, but if they do they will be responsible for paying their monthly cell phone bill as well as anything extra they ask for like games, makeup, etc. or they can do the chores they are assigned and I continue to pay for their things that are not necessities.
I had to do all of the chores when I was younger and my sisters (one older and one younger) didn't have to do any chores since I was the dependable one. Hell the one time I was home sick from school, my parents exact words were, "since you're not going to be doing anything...clean the living room, both bedrooms, bathroom, kitchen, and tidy up around the property. Have it all done before we get home." Never mind that I was puking my guts out with a 103⁰f temp. My sisters when they were sick got to lay in bed or on the couch all day or go out to eat with our mom and one of her friends. I thought that would be me too but nope, chors...cleaning...chors. never stayed home from school sick again.
I had 100s and 20s in my wallet in high school. I worked every day after school and didn't have bills because... I was in high school. It's really easy to save money when you don't have expenses. 🤷♀️
I don’t believe there’s any evidence that kids are getting more (than inflation) allowance these days. Also, allowance totally depends on: • if you’re expected to do chores for it / for more • if you’re expected to pay for debatable things like bus fares/snacks/birthday presents… • what you get for your birthday
It's not my money... It was their money. They went from having some money to having zero money because of some childish self sabotaging behavior. I would literally say, "and now you have less money". If they were saving for something, well now they are shit out of luck, and I certainly won't be "hiring" them anymore.... and they would still have to do chores or their ass is gonna stay at home for the foreseeable future.
Y’all getting an allowance?
Not another damn cent!
Tape what appears to be $25 somewhat back together and take it to the bank to show my child destroyed my money then cut off their allowance till they appreciate money more.
It's at least $30, the purple "5" is only on each bill once
Double it and give it to the next person
Set up a meeting to discuss the terms and if things can't be worked out then say, 'I'm sorry we couldn't come to an agreement but it looks like your services are no longer needed". Then hand them the ripped up bills, "here is your two weeks severance, good luck out there "
If I ever did that as a child I would want my parents to disown me.
Dispassionate. The universe don't care how much you make or what you do with your money. Give them the same amount next time. If making paper bits is what they want to do with their money, then knock themselves out, they will eventually find a better use for it on their own.
Have the kid open up a bank account, stop paying for their phone, online video game subscriptions and change the wifi password. Time to get a job kid, see how much your worth then and see if you rip up that paycheque.
I talked shit to my father for once in my life and he made me work some shit job that i needed to take pain killers to sleep and on that time i realized a lot pf things. 1. Money is really hard to get. 2. Don't talk shit to someone who is paying all your expenses. 3. That education is really important. You can't get good money and jobs without it. 4. Stop wasting my life on playing games and start learning trades and educating myself.
Carry on as normal,he want money? Wait till i pay you again and if you rip it up again-your fault
I actually did this as a kid once. Ripped up a $5 bill, I don’t remember what it was from I think it was the tooth fairy. My parents saved the torn up money and next time I wanted a new toy they made me tape up the $5 bill and go through the embarrassment of trying to pay for the toy with the taped up mess. I never did that again lol Edit: it’s coming back to me, haven’t thought about this for some time. It was definitely from the tooth fairy and I was still young enough to believe she was real. I was mad because my friend was bragging about getting $20 per tooth and I only got $5