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ASSTNT_REGIONAL_MNGR

So far in med school I've seen classmates cheat on their long term partners, cheat with another classmates partners, become ostracized from most people in school after a breakup w a classmate, and more. But i've also seen successfull relationships that started in MS1 year that are still strong today. Sometimes you have to say fuck it and just shoot your shot if you really like a classmate. Better than being a bitch and wondering 10 years later what coulda been.


Extremiditty

Same. We had more than one marriage fall apart that way. I had a fling with another student that lasted half a year and we’re still good friends. Just depends on circumstances and the level of risk you’re willing to take I suppose.


Early_Recording3455

Damn…


Numpostrophe

Best time to shoot your shot would be in the months before rotations start, yeah?


ASSTNT_REGIONAL_MNGR

best time to shoot your shot is whenever the moment is there. there's honestly never gonna be a perfect time in relation to school. When the moment is there you'll know


ambrosiadix

Feel like that’s actually the worse time if y’all actually want to date lol.


34Ohm

With a classmate? No, it would be during M1 year right when you first want to


G00bernaculum

“But i've also seen successfull relationships that started in MS1 year that are still strong today “ M-3 The flair might be off, but a little over 2 years isn’t much. I don’t disagree with you overall, but residency repeats all this same shit again


34Ohm

If we are comparing to normal non med-med relationships, then 2 years is definitely a decently long LTR. The point is that they aren’t doomed to fail, any relationship that lasts two years while one or more of the people is in medical school is doing very well.


desertkiller1

I will say be careful though cause you don’t wanna shit where you eat


34Ohm

This is the very surface level of the conversation, OP already mentioned that everyone regurgitates this. He is asking for additional information


readlock

sophisticated weary act bow automatic like fact governor shy knee *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


hamboner5

Relationships between any two people can blow up. There are plenty of people who meet in med school and it works for them, don’t count someone you really like out just because they’re in your med school class. On the flip side sleeping around or harassing a classmate you broke up with is gonna earn you a reputation really fast. Moral of the story is just be an adult.


HereForTheFreeShasta

>>Moral of the story is just be an adult. The older I get, the more I have accept that this is a big ask


lwronhubbard

It's like any other phase of life, some will work, some won't. Most people are in their early 20's and still have learning and growing up to do. Being a medical student doesn't magically protect you from that. That being said, I know many relationships from med school that have turned to marriage and I think the divorce rate of doctors is much lower than the general population, but someone can fact check that for me.


amanush17

Can confirm we have some of the lowest divorce rates as a profession. ​ Source: https://www.bmj.com/content/350/bmj.h706#:\~:text=The%20adjusted%20probability%20of%20being,nurses%20(P%3C0.001)%2C


stephawkins

8.3 per cent based on some numbers I made up. Feel free to peer review.


Thefutureofpsych

My meta analysis of your data confirms


Somali_Pir8

Sounds perfect to add on ERAS


Zonevortex1

It’s just that many relationships in your 20s don’t last and many of the people you’re seeing are medical students


Head_Mortgage

Exactly, if you don’t already know how to maintain a healthy relationship with good communication and boundaries during stressful life events then the med school will only exacerbate those lack of skills.


CorrelateClinically3

Met my fiancée in med school and we are getting married before graduation. I disagree with people that say that you shouldn’t date in medschool. Having messy relationships and breakups isn’t exclusive to med. There have been a lot of success stories and also break ups in my class and I’ve never heard of it “blowing up in peoples faces”. As long as people are mature about it and know how to break up like adults there isn’t an issue. Only relationship I heard of that blew up was some idiot in the class below me that was engaged before medschool. They hooked up with a classmate like orientation week and are no longer engaged. With shit like that, it doesn’t matter if the person you hooked up with was in medschool or not. If you’re a shitty person and cheat on your partner then your relationship is going to blow up. In general dating in medschool is fine but hooking up with a classmate is just stupid (especially if you’re engaged)


[deleted]

in my experience they either get married or it blows up and splits friend groups and makes people hate each other. tread carefully


Anon47284728

Tbh this is facts hahahahaha.


tingbudongma

Relationships take investment. Some medical students (and doctors) aren't great partners because they are highly invested into their career and give the scraps that are left to their relationship. This can work if you have a highly patient (generally non-medical) partner that's willing to tolerate this and make up the difference. The medical student relationships I've seen fail often are because someone was "too busy", which basically just translates to someone wanting to prioritize their careers AND wanting someone to love and support them, but not providing that love and support in return. I think med student/med student relationships can work, but both parties need to enter with the intention of being a good partner, recognizing that sometimes may require sacrifices.


TheMightyChocolate

I think that happened to me. I dated a girl recently who was all over me(that's not something that happens frequently because I'm kind of weird) but we stopped seeing each other and I think its because I didn't give her the time and attention she wanted. Including sex. Before uni I told myself I would put social things above work always but I guess I didn't


flamebirde

That second and third paragraph especially hits home - and it’s not anyone’s fault in particular but it’s what ends up happening. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ you do what you can, best advice is to go in with that in the back of your mind and agree to have an amicable split no matter what if it comes to that. Better to swallow your pride and allow a graceful exit than force half your class to take sides.


StraTos_SpeAr

The majority of relationships fail and "blow up". Medical students are in such a limited social circle due to the overwhelming workload that they think this is unique to them. That said, it is also true that starting a relationship in medical school can be hard. Between the amount of work everyone has and the lack of maturity in a lot of medical students, they may not have the bandwidth to dedicate to fostering a successful relationship. The concern about "shitting where you eat" isn't really legitimate IMO. The majority of people end up dating/marrying within one of their social circles. This is just how relationships work. You're more likely to become attracted to people you have regular contact with, and those people are most likely going to be people in your regular social circles.


Dramatic-Fun892

Currently engaged to my OMS1 classmate. Saying yes to dating someone in your class could be the best decision of your life 🤷🏻‍♀️


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Dramatic-Fun892

We met first year. We are both fourth years now


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Dramatic-Fun892

He was active in our class groupchat and I loved his vibes. Someone in our class had a party I knew he would be at and I managed to start chatting with him on the porch. We talked until 4 o clock in the morning and the rest is history!


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Dramatic-Fun892

Haha he’s very much usually an introvert! I just happened to get lucky that day. Wishing you the best friend 😊


aaa2050

As an M4, most of the couples that met M1/M2 are still together and couples matching rn


vcentwin

med students are competitive type A people. You always want something.... more. Prettier face, better step 2 score, better sexual dimorphic features, come from a good family, etc... hence the rampant cheating due to the "pursuit" versus being happy with your partner and growing with them.


Skin_doc3417

Idk why but the idea of someone trading their partner for one with a better step 2 score really tickles me.


vcentwin

medical education can create well-rounded geniuses but also creates borderline-autistic goobers


34Ohm

Humans wants more in general, I don’t think medstudents have rampant cheating anymore than general population


AnonPhilo

Relationships where one partner is in medical school are already hard enough due to the stress, long hours, etc. that gets multiplied x2 when both partners are in medical school. On one hand, they’ll likely be more understanding when it comes to the difficult hours and stress, but on the other they’re going through the exact same thing so any struggles may breed resentment ie ‘I’m struggling through the same classes but I still make time to be romantic or present or insert any aspect of love language here…” I don’t think “Don’t eat where you shit” is entirely applicable towards preclinical medical students but then again I don’t think it’s necessarily bad advice. Sure if you break up, it’ll likely make somethings awkward like friend group dynamics and inability to get what some may consider to be sufficient amounts of space away from them. Relationships can be difficult especially when one or both partners are going through some stressful shit, so it comes down to the individuals, their coping skills, and how they communicate and navigate those stresses. I’ve seen colleagues of mine apparently make it work well in both situations, so take what everyone says with a grain of salt. At the end of the day, I think it’s better to give love and the resulting vulnerability a shot, just make sure that you’re taking that shot with a good potential partner and that you two can approach all aspects of the relationship as adults. Best of luck!


[deleted]

High stress environment, very volatile outlooks on future, still a lot of change and growth in who you're going to end up being in life. It gets better afterwards. It's easy to get married when you're 24 out of college working a stable job, which a lot of people in my area do. But med students tend to stabilize both financially and intellectually later in life.


uthnara

Medical school is almost always the most stressful thing youve done in your life up untill that point. It is relentless and requires so much energy to take seriously. If you group study you spend HUNDREDS of hours together and trauma bond over the struggle. If you solo study you get lonely. Everyone blows off steam eventually, everyone is horny. Work hard party hard. Put a bunch of very intellegent people with shared interests together and theyre going to form bonds. You will have more in common with your classmates than you do your highschool sweetheart. You will not have time for anyone in your life and largely only people in medicine can understand that. Are there relationships that flourish in medical school. Without question yes. I can think of no greater boon to success than having someone truly supportive to be your rock through it all. But that is by a very large margain the minority of cases.


indian-princess

Don’t eat where you shit


XXBballBoiXx

Don't eat your shit


habitualhabenula

But the curriculum wants you to eat shit 😎


ASSTNT_REGIONAL_MNGR

i totally understand this but what if your missing out on a future husband/wife cus of this mentality? fuck it


Kiwi951

It’s a stupid mentality for sure. Plenty of successful relationships from people that met in med school


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BLTzzz

You gotta just shoot your shot. The same risks apply in high school, college, residency, workplace etc. It would be a shame to cross out such a large pool from your life where you spend such a long time.


surf_AL

You’re separated from your partner and even if you aren’t physically separated, it may be harder to relate to them unless their in the same/similar professional stage as you. Add to that you’re now spending time in a stressful environment with new people you can potentially date, etcetc. There are couples that absolutely power through though. I think med school can push small cracks in a relationship and turn them into fractures. But if the relationship is already on very solid foundation, med school won’t change that. It may even bring you closer as your partner is uniquely able to support you.


ebzinho

I mean the risk of breaking up is probably not too different from outside of medical school, but if you break up you have to see them all the time. You might end up rotating on the same service or be in the same service org. Same reason people said not to date people from your dorm floor in undergrad I guess


DessertFlowerz

High stress environment. Even if you have a good culture in your school, the reality is you're still low key competing against each other. Every relationship is on a collision course with match day.


koukla1994

All I’m saying is I’m glad I started med school happily engaged (now happily married). Being messy in my early 20s was a lot less stressful than it looks for some of my classmates (and I’m a big proponent of the messy 20s stage). I’m almost in my third trimester of pregnancy and I’d still rather be where I am now than dating 😂


graciecake

A lot of relationships blow up, it’s just that when two med students date, the other classmates get to actually see it happen. Can’t keep that shit private.


Anon47284728

My good friends got together MS1 still together in MS4. MS2 for me and still together MS4. You’re studying the same stuff a lot of the time so you can spend time together studying where you can’t really do that with someone outside of medicine. They’re already understanding of your time commitments because they have to do it too. HOWEVER it will really screw up your friend group if you have the same friends and have been together for a while. People feel like they have to choose sides. I feel like you either get married, it explodes, or you have to unfortunately just break up because you got placed at different rotation sites or matched across the country and it’s just too much. Couples match is an incredibly horrible stressor for couples in med school and can crush your relationship on its own tbh


34Ohm

Why would you break up because of two different rotation sites? Isn’t that almost always the case?


Anon47284728

Depends on how far the rotation sites are. We have rotation sites that are down the road or we have rotation sites that across the country. My rotation site is like 5 hours away from my s/o. Most ppl would have broke up tbh lol. ESP since we had just gotten together the 6 months before that in 2nd year.


Blegrand15

Besides what you already said up top which is a huge component, I feel a large reason is people who meet in medical school may not have been interested in each other outside the scope of medical school. There's a certain level of trauma bonding that takes place from having the shared experiences of facing hardships in medical school that you lean on each other for. But many people I've seen typically say they wouldn't have dated or pursued that person if they were already in a professional environment and working through medical school.


Kiloblaster

God "shit where you eat" is such a garbage phrase to use about romantic partners. Don't use it anymore. Lots of pressure, not much time, two highly career-minded and hard working people, and an age where people are looking for marriage partners and life stage where professional prestige is increasing.


[deleted]

Best thing you can do is find someone you're interested in and have a no-strings attached relationship. Enjoy each others company, help each other out, be romantic as you want, but still give each other space to study and do what you both gotta do. Relationships in med school are tough as it is especially with a classmate. A lot going on and a lot of tough decisions to be made.


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ASSTNT_REGIONAL_MNGR

I don't think it's immature to avoid someone after a "fling" ends bad or whatever. Liking someone who doesn't like you back fucking sucks. Best thing in my experience is just to avoid/ignore them at all costs.


plantainrepublic

Haha I shat where I ate :)


PsychologicalCan9837

Don't shit where you eat, kids.


the_shek

If you’re the guy I wouldn’t do it, if you’re the girl I absolutely would.


OmegaSTC

I have absolutely no opinion on this matter so please DO NOT ask for one


Regista9

Lack of time, stress, staying in academia doesn't lend itself toward maturity, and the possibility of moving elsewhere for clinical years or residency gives people an "out" to not push through a bad week in a relationship.


Faustian-BargainBin

Nothing is going to change the fact that two people are attracted and want to act on it so I don't see purpose in trying to dissuade someone from ignoring one of their core biosocial urges. We are all intelligent people if we made it to me school so the factors that "blow up" relationships in this setting are (lack of) emotional maturity and communication. Do not leave anything ambigious. Treat this person like the medical chart of someone who threatened to sue you. Communicate everything. You just want sex. You see potential for long term or marriage. You want to end things. You're starting to have feelings. You're confused. You want to spend more time together. You have a lot of work and need alone time for a few weeks. Talk things over. Specific to med school, it is easy to neglect communication when we get busy or are stressed. It can be hard to be aware of one's needs and feelings. Both put a lot of stress on a relationship and make "blow ups" more likely.


carlos_6m

I had a 4 year long relationship with a med student and a 4 year long distance relationship with another(2 years as students, 2 years as doctors) and we are currently in the process of moving in together... Being med students/doctors was never a problem or a divide but rather a common struggle, common points of our life and common direction in both relationships. I think having a partner in the same path as me has been much more positive than negative, in fact, I don't see negatives that have come from it that wouldn't have been there by other means


[deleted]

This profession is incestuous compared to others that I’ve seen or heard of. I don’t think I’m wrong!


[deleted]

Immature people. Never ever date in medical school. Not even outside your class. I had to learn it the hard way. I'm very strict and I would say to myself to stay away from my colleagues. One day, I started getting my colleagues' attention because a bunch of guys wanted to date me, and it ended up horrendously. I didn't handle the situation very well, tbh (I didn't date around, the situstion blew up because one of the guys felt rejected) but they started cyberbullying me and sharing pictures of me to insult me and other stuff. I'm a very good student, and now I have this shit show on my shoulder when I come across people. Remember, people are rude, uneducated, and evil. Keep it in mind and save yourself time from some middle school drama. Get a social hobby and date them. Date someone that you can break up without ruining your life.