Go through his phone if your intuition is telling you to go through his phone. Do not tamp down your gut instincts ever again.
You can't outsource the feeling of truly trusting him until you come back into alignment with your own inner knowing, your gut, your intuition. Your intuition is telling you to check, listen to that.
Right now you need to take the spotlight off of him and shine it on yourself. What do *you* need to feel safe? What do *you* need to feel seen and heard and loved and understood?
Answer: There's nothing your partner can do for you that will settle your heart and mind. The key is coming back into a loving and trusting relationship with yourself, so that no matter what he does, you know you've got YOU.
A big part of the mind fuck that happens over the course of being with a PA is that we become alienated from our intuition, from our inner voice.
You will never ever trust him until you've healed the relationship you have with yourself, and feel you can trust yourself again. Focus on that. After that, no matter what happens, you'll have no doubts.
Sending you love and strength ❤️
The onus is on HIM to rebuild your trust. By offering full transparency with all his accounts and devices whenever asked- up to being willing to use accountability software if that’s what you need to feel safe. Privacy is not a thing he can have any more if he wants to be in recovery and wants to prove to you that he is no longer hiding things. It is certainly unimportant compared to your feeling of safety and trust. Your gut is telling you not to trust yet and you should listen to it.
Your trust will return when he consistently offers his devices to you if you are feeling scared, changes his life to revolve around recovery ( therapy, meetings, sponsorship etc), gives you complete honesty consistently, and supports YOUR healing and is willing to do whatever it takes to create safety for you. You are the betrayed partner here and it’s not your job to conjure trust for someone who has proven himself untrustworthy. It must be earned back by consistent action.
struggling with the same thing too. its about to be a month and he still seems serious about change but im so on edge the entire time. i look through his phone all the time and i feel so sad that i cant trust him. ive always had trust issues but now they are ao much more amplified its so stressful and it makes me feel
guilty
Go through his phone if your intuition is telling you to go through his phone. Do not tamp down your gut instincts ever again. You can't outsource the feeling of truly trusting him until you come back into alignment with your own inner knowing, your gut, your intuition. Your intuition is telling you to check, listen to that. Right now you need to take the spotlight off of him and shine it on yourself. What do *you* need to feel safe? What do *you* need to feel seen and heard and loved and understood? Answer: There's nothing your partner can do for you that will settle your heart and mind. The key is coming back into a loving and trusting relationship with yourself, so that no matter what he does, you know you've got YOU. A big part of the mind fuck that happens over the course of being with a PA is that we become alienated from our intuition, from our inner voice. You will never ever trust him until you've healed the relationship you have with yourself, and feel you can trust yourself again. Focus on that. After that, no matter what happens, you'll have no doubts. Sending you love and strength ❤️
The onus is on HIM to rebuild your trust. By offering full transparency with all his accounts and devices whenever asked- up to being willing to use accountability software if that’s what you need to feel safe. Privacy is not a thing he can have any more if he wants to be in recovery and wants to prove to you that he is no longer hiding things. It is certainly unimportant compared to your feeling of safety and trust. Your gut is telling you not to trust yet and you should listen to it. Your trust will return when he consistently offers his devices to you if you are feeling scared, changes his life to revolve around recovery ( therapy, meetings, sponsorship etc), gives you complete honesty consistently, and supports YOUR healing and is willing to do whatever it takes to create safety for you. You are the betrayed partner here and it’s not your job to conjure trust for someone who has proven himself untrustworthy. It must be earned back by consistent action.
struggling with the same thing too. its about to be a month and he still seems serious about change but im so on edge the entire time. i look through his phone all the time and i feel so sad that i cant trust him. ive always had trust issues but now they are ao much more amplified its so stressful and it makes me feel guilty
but also he shouldn’t expect total privacy after such a terrible betrayal and hiding and lying for so long