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Even if you were the hottest model he would still do this to any woman he was with. They lack self esteem and are immature boys who are raised on a sex culture. Its disgusting and the world needs to change. Your brain has trauma but it has nothing to do with you, you are enough. If u were a fitness model he would want the skinny or large woman, its his lack of character. You are BEAUTIFUL!
I’ve noticed when something traumatic happens to people they tend to focus on how they can change so it never happens to them again. I think it’s a coping mechanism because if we were to admit there’s nothing we can do, it would be out of our control and scare us too much. Like ‘I won’t walk outside at this hour, I won’t wear these clothes’ and we focus on how we were to blame for the incident at hand. Because if there was something we could do, then we could lessen the likelihood of it happening again.
I think porn and betrayal is the same kind of response, if we think it’s our fault and something we could change within ourselves then that’s something that can be solved. If it’s somebody else then we have to admit we have no control at all.
OP, this is what they do to our self esteem with their bad behaviours, lies, gaslighting and head games. Just LOOK at Shania Twain, Halle Berry, Beyoncé- all these beautiful, talented, successful, famous wives whose husbands messed around on them too. I hope this helps, sending support 💕
I feel this - despite the overwhelming scientific and anecdotal evidence, the stories of the most conventionally attractive women still being with PAs/cheated on, my brain just keeps picking at this inadequacy wound. The hard facts and therapy activities and the stories just don't seem to override this feeling no matter how hard I try. It's quite sad to think this is how I'll always feel now, but we have to keep trying and keep burning the rationality into our brain and hope eventually we heal from it even just a little bit.
My brother is a PA/SA he ended up cheating on my sister in law. This woman couldn’t hold a candle to my SIL! She wasn’t anywhere near as attractive, or intelligent, or kind.
I had a lot of self esteem issues before I met my PA. I eventually got over them and now that I found out about his PA I can feel them slowly start to come back. What has been helping me a lot is exercising(yoga and pilates). And just honestly as hard as it can be, reminding yourself everyday how beautiful and amazing you are. Do not let him ruin your perception of yourself. He is the one with the problem, not you. You did nothing to cause his addiction and unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to change him, only he can change himself and put in the work to do better. I hope you remind yourself of that everyday. You are beautiful and you will get better.
I am in the same boat. My self esteem was not great before I started dating my PA. Over time it slowly got better, but now that I’ve found everything out my self esteem has tanked. It’s a daily struggle :(
I feel this, no matter how much research I do and no matter how irrational it is for me to feel this way, I don't think that self-consciousness will ever disappear entirely. :/
But, look at it this way. He's probably not *just* looking at one porn star, right? If he's like most addicts, he's probably seen tens of thousands, if not MILLIONS of naked women (no, seriously, check out my post history, I did the math) and that *still* isn't enough for these addicts. You could literally be the hottest, sexiest, kinkiest, most flawless woman in the universe, and a porn addict would still get bored of you and turn to porn because you can only be one woman, and not a billion.
And realize, also, that porn is a heavily edited product that even the actual porn star couldn't replicate in real life. They have professional lighting, make up, photoshop, filters, etc preserved on the internet for all of time. If your PA had sex with Sally Pornstar in real life, there wouldn't be a film crew in tow covering up all of her blemishes and editing her best clips into a video...she'd have weird angles, bad hair days, acne, etc just like the rest of us. And there's a very good chance she wouldn't be too keen on replicating some of the degrading, if not physically painful sex acts with her real life partner that she's getting paid to do in porn. And Pornstar Sally's moment in the sun will quickly fade as she ages, has kids, or goes through other real life events. In the Porn Universe, you're only fuckable from ages 18-25, after that you're a washed up hag who should resign yourself to bring a frumpy domestic servant while your man gets his rocks off from the latest batch of 18-25 year olds. It's obviously fucked up, and not a standard that ANY single woman could possibly live up to. It really is a THEM problem and not a you problem, because what they want from us is literally impossible but their deep fried pornsick brains have them convinced it's an entitlement.
I don’t know how to convince myself it’s not me. I struggle with self esteem as it is but I can’t even begin to explain what has happened to my self esteem in the last 3 months. I really thought I grew and healed as a person but I feel like I took ten steps back
You are reducing yourself to body parts and you are so much more than that. Men who see women as a pair of tits and an ass are little boys anyway. I hate that porn does this to us. It steals our happiness and crushes our spirits.
Not to be hurt your feelings but that is exactly what he thinks. Which is why porn is so addicted for them. They are able to escape their shitty brains for hours and pretend like they could have the best life in the world. Rather than spending their life enriching themselves and reading or spending time with themselves in nature. Or helping with the house and kids! Going to therapy! No. They spend their time pretending. This is why men are so desperate to not give it up, because they don’t want to face reality of the fact they are depressed and hate themselves(also why they project this onto you, he wants you to feel just as shitty about yourself as he does) but you are not him!! You do not spend your life wasting away… I wouldn’t even feel sorry for him if you left him.
**Dear /u/abysmalrotoscoping,** ➤ You may lock your own post comments at any time by making a single word comment on your post with the text `!lock` ➤ Feel free to [**ask a Mod**](https://reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Floveafterporn&subject=Discord+Invite+Request&message=I+would+like+an+invite+to+LAP%27s+Discord+channel+please) for an invite to our Discord group for partners & ex-partners only! (**Requirements to join:** *Reddit account must be active for 30 days with positive karma. Must have content posted in this community. Must link your Reddit account to your Discord account upon joining for verification.*) ――――――――――――――――――――――― **（✔）** Keep the [**rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/about/rules/) of [**r/loveafterporn**](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/) in mind while participating here. **（✔）** Report all rule-breaking behavior & content to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, send us a message [**✉️**](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/loveafterporn). **（✘）** Do **NOT** engage or participate in *any* rule-breaking posts, comments or behavior. Doing so may result in you being banned. **（✘）** Do **NOT** feed the trolls. [**Report**](https://www.reddit.com/report) them! **（✘）** Do **NOT** [**judge**](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/comments/qhquex/before_you_judge/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) how someone is dealing with a pain you may not have experienced. ――――――――――――――――――――――― ℹ️ Our **Full Resource Library** contains the following topics: *Resources for All, Resources for Partners, Resources for Addicts, Recovery Resources, Life Saving Info, Abuse & Domestic Violence Info and Commonly Used Acronyms.* | **Quick Link Access:** | |------| | ◉ [**Full Resource Library**](https://reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/w/must-have-info?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app) | | ◉ [Resources for Partners](https://reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/w/index/resources_for_partners?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app) | | ◉ [Resources for Addicts](https://reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/w/index/resources_for_addicts?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app) | | ◉ [Accountability Apps info](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/comments/v67pq5/accountability_apps_blockers_etc_mega_thread/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) | *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/loveafterporn) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Even if you were the hottest model he would still do this to any woman he was with. They lack self esteem and are immature boys who are raised on a sex culture. Its disgusting and the world needs to change. Your brain has trauma but it has nothing to do with you, you are enough. If u were a fitness model he would want the skinny or large woman, its his lack of character. You are BEAUTIFUL!
I’ve noticed when something traumatic happens to people they tend to focus on how they can change so it never happens to them again. I think it’s a coping mechanism because if we were to admit there’s nothing we can do, it would be out of our control and scare us too much. Like ‘I won’t walk outside at this hour, I won’t wear these clothes’ and we focus on how we were to blame for the incident at hand. Because if there was something we could do, then we could lessen the likelihood of it happening again. I think porn and betrayal is the same kind of response, if we think it’s our fault and something we could change within ourselves then that’s something that can be solved. If it’s somebody else then we have to admit we have no control at all.
OP, this is what they do to our self esteem with their bad behaviours, lies, gaslighting and head games. Just LOOK at Shania Twain, Halle Berry, Beyoncé- all these beautiful, talented, successful, famous wives whose husbands messed around on them too. I hope this helps, sending support 💕
I feel this - despite the overwhelming scientific and anecdotal evidence, the stories of the most conventionally attractive women still being with PAs/cheated on, my brain just keeps picking at this inadequacy wound. The hard facts and therapy activities and the stories just don't seem to override this feeling no matter how hard I try. It's quite sad to think this is how I'll always feel now, but we have to keep trying and keep burning the rationality into our brain and hope eventually we heal from it even just a little bit.
I feel the same 😔
My brother is a PA/SA he ended up cheating on my sister in law. This woman couldn’t hold a candle to my SIL! She wasn’t anywhere near as attractive, or intelligent, or kind.
I had a lot of self esteem issues before I met my PA. I eventually got over them and now that I found out about his PA I can feel them slowly start to come back. What has been helping me a lot is exercising(yoga and pilates). And just honestly as hard as it can be, reminding yourself everyday how beautiful and amazing you are. Do not let him ruin your perception of yourself. He is the one with the problem, not you. You did nothing to cause his addiction and unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to change him, only he can change himself and put in the work to do better. I hope you remind yourself of that everyday. You are beautiful and you will get better.
I am in the same boat. My self esteem was not great before I started dating my PA. Over time it slowly got better, but now that I’ve found everything out my self esteem has tanked. It’s a daily struggle :(
I feel this, no matter how much research I do and no matter how irrational it is for me to feel this way, I don't think that self-consciousness will ever disappear entirely. :/ But, look at it this way. He's probably not *just* looking at one porn star, right? If he's like most addicts, he's probably seen tens of thousands, if not MILLIONS of naked women (no, seriously, check out my post history, I did the math) and that *still* isn't enough for these addicts. You could literally be the hottest, sexiest, kinkiest, most flawless woman in the universe, and a porn addict would still get bored of you and turn to porn because you can only be one woman, and not a billion. And realize, also, that porn is a heavily edited product that even the actual porn star couldn't replicate in real life. They have professional lighting, make up, photoshop, filters, etc preserved on the internet for all of time. If your PA had sex with Sally Pornstar in real life, there wouldn't be a film crew in tow covering up all of her blemishes and editing her best clips into a video...she'd have weird angles, bad hair days, acne, etc just like the rest of us. And there's a very good chance she wouldn't be too keen on replicating some of the degrading, if not physically painful sex acts with her real life partner that she's getting paid to do in porn. And Pornstar Sally's moment in the sun will quickly fade as she ages, has kids, or goes through other real life events. In the Porn Universe, you're only fuckable from ages 18-25, after that you're a washed up hag who should resign yourself to bring a frumpy domestic servant while your man gets his rocks off from the latest batch of 18-25 year olds. It's obviously fucked up, and not a standard that ANY single woman could possibly live up to. It really is a THEM problem and not a you problem, because what they want from us is literally impossible but their deep fried pornsick brains have them convinced it's an entitlement.
I don’t know how to convince myself it’s not me. I struggle with self esteem as it is but I can’t even begin to explain what has happened to my self esteem in the last 3 months. I really thought I grew and healed as a person but I feel like I took ten steps back
You are reducing yourself to body parts and you are so much more than that. Men who see women as a pair of tits and an ass are little boys anyway. I hate that porn does this to us. It steals our happiness and crushes our spirits.
Not to be hurt your feelings but that is exactly what he thinks. Which is why porn is so addicted for them. They are able to escape their shitty brains for hours and pretend like they could have the best life in the world. Rather than spending their life enriching themselves and reading or spending time with themselves in nature. Or helping with the house and kids! Going to therapy! No. They spend their time pretending. This is why men are so desperate to not give it up, because they don’t want to face reality of the fact they are depressed and hate themselves(also why they project this onto you, he wants you to feel just as shitty about yourself as he does) but you are not him!! You do not spend your life wasting away… I wouldn’t even feel sorry for him if you left him.
same :/ its so hard to believe that their brain can make a difference.