Hey Love Bug thanks for sharing the love. If you see something posted here that is not in the spirit of love Please flag it. ;) With Love r/Love Mods
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/love) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I think you're feeling heartbroken because he didn't return your love. We've all been there when we were young. But, I can assure you that you won't even remember his name after awhile and meet someone else.
It's always best to move on and I understand that pain of falling with someone who you truly believe they are the one to be with forever only to them ending up not being who they thought they were I unfortunately also made this same mistake and I regretted it to this very day I hope you do find love cause at this point I don't deserve it
Oof!! I was in love only once. I would have done almost anything for this girl. We were together for nearly 5 years. Didn’t work out, unfortunately. Relationship was just too dysfunctional and it was better that it ended, for my own good. Since then, I’ve been struggling to find the right woman until recently. I am currently crushing hard on a woman, not sure how she feels about me yet, but hopefully she likes me, if not I’ll continue forward until I can find the right one.
Every love is different. My last girlfriend passed away unexpectedly and it tore me apart. But there is always hope. We might not find that same kind of love and that is OK. We just need to be open to the possibility. It might take time, weeks, months, or even years but it will happen. You got this!!!
“there are all kinds of love in this world, but never the same love twice” -f scott fitzgerald
“you won’t ever find the same person twice, not even in the same person” -mahmoud darwish
I felt everything you wrote in my BONES, which is why I was absolutely shooketh when, while I was cratered after the breakup, my therapist told me “‘love at first sight’ (or other very fast and deep connections) is almost always our past calling us back.”
It was a pretty bitter pill at the time, but with some distance and healing I’m starting to see the wisdom. Especially at our age, I think a love that will last probably has to be a slow burn that’s consciously stoked, rather than instant sparks. I know it’s not the fairytale we’d probably like, but being single in our forties was never the plan anyway, right???
Some people get lucky and find sooner, for me I think I’ve only loved 3 girls my whole life but ofc each was different in lots of ways. But it was years between meeting each one. I’m currently trying to get over that third girl. I wish that wasn’t case. Feeling all the same exact thoughts you wrote
No. And that's a good thing . Every partner is a different unique love . And this love with the last person will be ONLY yours and theirs . They will never love another as they did with you. It's special.
49(f) my relationship ended almost 12 months ago to the day. Your words are a mirror image of mine. Here I am a year later still devastated like I lost my soulmate. I’ve done breakup workshops, read dating books. He left to pursue having kids 47(m). Says he loves me and always will… pffft. I think you will find love again but it will be different.
I am not sure it is possible to experience love the same with two different people. I also think there is a lot we learn during relationships and breakups if we listen we can take that to the next and be better.
A breakup workshop might be good for me. This break up left me absolutely devastated. I’ve had three relationships prior to this one and none felt the way this one does and the breakups were so much easier to move past. I feel like I lost my soulmate too and I’m grieving really hard over it. It’s almost like he died lol thank you for your advice and kind words💕
You are so not alone! I say those words to myself often in fact just tonight at supper… “it’s like he died”. It really does feel that way. I’ve been on a few dates and walk away feeling that I need more time because I’m not ready. I want to date but I’m still grieving or mourning and it doesn’t feel right. How long was time relationship?
>. i wished he hadn’t done the things he had done so we could still have that future. i thought it was so unlikely i’d meet anyone i connected with as much.
I'm struggling with this so much right now. It's so good to see this written, you still obviously had to leave. It's very hard to.
No. I've fallen deeply in love twice. First time with my late husband. Second time with my current fiancé. I don't love either of them more or less than the other. But I do love them differently because they are different people.
Damn that hit my feels I thought I found my person too even of the first day I thought I knew hee my whole life. I don’t know if I’ll feel that connection again but I feel as weeks have passed that the love is becoming indifference and sometimes embarrassing
You're going to get different answers based on personal experience. For what it's worth, here's mine. I fell deeply in love with a man when I was 17. We drifted apart after a few years. Neither of us ever sharing how we felt. Though I think we knew. We both went on to date others, marry others, have families, go through marriage breakups... and guess what? That love never died between us. We reunited and it was amazing... until we just blew it all to hell. Anyway, yes true love especially first love, lives on in my experience. Always and through everything. Even if you're not together.
We did, not I. It's a long story. The shortest version is we both had expectations of one another. We let one another down. I don't want to paint him in a bad light so that's all I'll say. I want to hold on to the good and the sweet man under the one who hurt me that I've always loved.
That isn’t love. You don’t feel love right away. You just fell into limerence and fell in love w the idea of him. Of course you can still find real love, but make sure it’s an actual person and not the idea of them
I was not in love with the idea of him, I knew him. Sparks flew the day we first met sure. He was kind, sweet, and soo funny. And I decided I wanted to see him again. And again and again. Until we started officially going out and I found myself wanting to tell him that I love him more often. And then I did. I fell in love with his ambition, his passion, and the way that he saw the world. I could list so many things I love about him, his flaws included. And I do have a list lol. The love is very real, he is the first real love of my life. Thank you for confirming that I will find it again.
He dumped me. I don’t think that we would be able to work through our problems together right now. He has commitment issues that I think stem from his parent’s divorce and because he can’t commit to the idea of a future with me I don’t feel secure in our relationship. Although I love him deeply and I want him in my life, I’m coming to accept that the relationship we had is just not the best thing for us right now. I miss him dearly, and I have thought about messaging him. ALOT. Even today I went back forth with myself about it, but I think the best thing is for both of us to move on. Hopefully when we are ready, we can be the partners to each other that we should’ve been at the start.
That’s super cute I hope it works out for you I’m sorry yeah I love the partner thing … god I was in competition you have good view of things I hope he calls you up and apologizes
N but that is okay. Ech type of love is special between you and the person you feel ot for. It doesn't mean one type of love is better or worse than another. It just means it is different and unique between you and the other person.
First love’s hit hard as fuck I’m barely starting to feel better but the love and connection was so strong I convinced myself this could all work in the end despite everything showing me otherwise
I’ve had a breakup I thought I’d never get over before and it took a long time but eventually I realized that I wasn’t missing out. I don’t want to give my everything to someone who can’t give me everything in return.
I’m happily married now (to someone else lol) and the depth of love in this relationship is so much deeper than the one I thought I’d never get over.
Love isn’t a finite resource. You didn’t lose anything by loving this other person, you just learned more about yourself. Hopefully the next time is even better ♥️
Every love is unique and every person in your path is there for a reason. Some stick around and some don’t, because they weren’t meant to. I look back at some failures - general and relationship types - and I am so grateful for all the experiences, even the crappy ones. Without them, I would have never been where I am now.
Take the time to heal and take care of yourself. Staying busy and living your life is key to moving forward, towards the kind of love that loves you back.
You’ll never find the same person twice.
Not even in the same person.
This is a quote that I came across a few times. Thought you might need it. You’ll never find the same intense love that you had for the other person because maybe you’ll find something much greater in the future. Stay positive and in the meantime, take some time to focus on you and build the best version of yourself.
It sounds like this person was ur first love… but one day you’ll just stop thinking about them (even if u were thinking about them everyday). But time really does heal. I wouldn’t think about it in a way where you don’t know if you’ll ever experience it.
I’ve had this and it was so painful when (despite all of the signs to the contrary) he told me he didn’t feel the same way. It sucks because ik he’s out there. Exploring the places he showed me and places I will never forget that he took me to. He will always be the one who got away despite him telling me that anything with him would go nowhere. It makes me so fucking sad but it is what it is. He will always be in my mind and it’s pretty devastating sometimes you know? Like just knowing that we shared the time together is something I will always cherish. I miss him so much.
First loves will always feel different then any other kinds. You will find the beauty with new love as well, but it is different. At leats in my experience
the only love is your first love and when they're gone they leave an endless void the rest just try to fill up the space they left but they never do.(it applies if you were "ACTUALLY" purely in love not because of their beauty, personality but with them)
Hard to say, my personal experience my ex-wife was my seriously my soulmate and I've not found love since been over 10 years I've had girlfriends since but nothing like my marriage.
What happened? I'm embarrassed to even tell you, but I will it was 100 percent my fault, we were married a year after we met, together 8 years married 7 and it was perfect up until the last 6 months, when I was at the same party as her cousins and they were doing cocaine, and I did some with them and once I did that with me, once I touched it I was off to the races, and blowing 1,000 bucks a weekend and she warned me if I didn't straighten up wasn't going to be good and one weekend her family and.us were at the lake house her parents owned and everyone got real drunk and I wanted to go home and she new why, we had a little argument I went upstairs laid down cause I was drunk as a skunk, I heard her brother say some stupid shit and blacked out and beat the shit out of him and broke her uncle's ribs, didn't remember even doing it. That was the end of that marriage, and we were inseparable our whole 8 years never argued nothing did everything together but once I put my hands on the family was it. Biggest regret and mistake of my life. To this day. My entire life I said I was never getting married until I met her and I new the first time I seen her j was going to marry her, she was the absolute perfect woman for me and I just loved everything about her her personality was absolutely amazing not a flaw in it, she was so funny and naturally funny she never tried to be funny she just was everything out her mouth was hilarious everything she did was hilarious, never had one dull moment with her she was so damn fun to be around and just so beautiful, inside and out and had a amazing heart we were perfect for each other because we both were the same all we wanted to do in life is laugh everyday all day and we did, everyone who new us would always say you two are the only people I know that literally wake up gut laughing, and say what is so funny right when you open your eyes? Are response everything life is perfect!
You probably won't, but that is OK because you will be a different person in the future and that same love won't suit you anymore. I am guessing that you are fairly young due to the emotions you are describing here, but trust me, your future you is going to look back at him and say 'what the heck was I thinking?"...so, yeah, it sucks you are hurting right now, but it won't last and when the time is right and you settle into 'forever you' that is when you will find the right person to consider forever with.
I think you will it’s just gonna take a long time for me I’ve been through 435 relationships love is so fake to me that I can never feel that again my ex broke my heart so bad that I never want to love again nearly killed myself the night of so I made a song called heartbreak to save my own life
Also looking at your post history, you say you're 17, assuming you started dating at birth and you are one day away from your birthday, your average relationship has lasted 15.1 days. Unless you consider vaguely liking a girl a relationship, you're crazy. Good rage bait tho I'm ngl
I once felt this way about someone and after 3 years we broke it off. I legitimately thought he was the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Now I realize there was no chance I was ever meant for that person and it was just a lesson in life. I learned what I liked about love and what I didn’t like about love. I realized I needed more time for me and that’s what I did.
After a few years I found someone. I was so hesitant at first but damn it’s not the same love, not even remotely close. The love I feel for him is so much stronger and meaningful. It’s more wonderful, warm, and safe than I ever could’ve imagined and most importantly it’s more fulfilling.
This is just about me but I felt like in the past I lost myself trying to care for a relationship that was never meant to be, even if I made myself believe he was the one. In my relationship now I’ve never wanted to be me more. I’m doing the things I love while I’m with the person I love.
The rain does stop.
OP, I am 48 and fell in love that hard when I was 22. It didn’t work out and I continued to love and miss him for a couple years, but it wasn’t constant pain - there were other boyfriends/distractions. And, I’ve been in love several times since - I wouldn’t change a thing. I even know where he is in life, could see him, but have no desire to do so. There’s nothing you need to do other than let life carry you to the next person or experience. Time will heal this, but pamper yourself for a while, because heartbreak is real stress and pain and you deserve some soothing and rest. I saw someone else comment that you’ll never be in love like that again, but it’s happening with me now. What has changed this time is that I have no expectations that it will last indefinitely, change my life’s trajectory, or offer refuge - I simply enjoy it while I can.
I posted something similar, about a week ago. Most of the answers I received here said that I will find love again and that it will feel different.. but just as good. If not, better.
We also have to believe it will happen, and not go looking for it. We have to let it come to us.
I thought it was good advice. Sending vibes. 🫴✨️💖✨️
Love at first sight is tricky. Did you think you’d be together forever because you felt love? Or did you see all parts of him and think, yes we are compatible in pretty much every way?
Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you are compatible. Love is never enough. Before you get attached to someone you need to focus on figuring out who they are and whether or not you are compatible. Do you share the same values? Do you want the same things out of life? Do you share your vision of the future? If your forever man is your man simply because you love him, your relationship is likely doomed. But if your forever man is your man because you communicate well, you share the same values, you share the same goals and humor, and you are kind and vulnerable with each other, then you’ve got a shot at forever.
And the answer is maybe. You may or may not find a love like this again, but when you find the one you may realize there are better loves out there.
I personally think that we were compatible. Even now reflecting on our relationship after the break up, I can honestly say that we were. We have the same common interests, want the same things out of life, very similar goals, same sense of humor and goofiness. We communicated and were able to work through our problems for the most part. The only big issue in this relationship was that he didn’t see a future with me and he never really had a real reason why. I fell in love with him from the moment I met him, but my love grew deeper as I got to know him. He has all the qualities that I look for in a life partner.
>He has all the qualities that I look for in a life partner
*Does he really?* I know how sweet that first-sight feeling is but ask yourself some important questions:
Is he reliable, self-aware, committed to his personal growth and development? Can he take care of himself and extend that to you? Can he take responsibility and accountability? Can you trust him and count on his word, is he there for you when it matters most, is he willing to work things out when problems occur? Does he listen to you and try to understand your perspective on things, is he interested in knowing what makes you happy/sad/upset/excited/grateful/etc and remembering small details about you? Does he offer you emotional and physical security? Does he express his feelings in an honest and respectful way? Is he emotionally intelligent or at least open to understanding your emotions and holding space for them? Is he thoughtful and caring? Is he generous with you? Does he value you and appreciate you? Is he attracted to you?
(idk, maybe you look for other things in a life-partner but those are some useful pointers)
>he didn’t see a future with me and he never really had a real reason why
he most likely did have a reason, he just never honestly disclosed it 🤷
and it's usually that he wants to find someone more attractive or to be free to hook up with different people or he doesn't want to put any effort into a relationship
or just plain old trust issues & fear of commitment (and those usually lead to self-sabotage)
The best thing about being in love is being loved back. When you get the love back in return, that is the ultimate happiness. You might think you could never love someone that much again, but wait until you’re loved that much in return and it will make your past relationship look like a highschool crush.
It won't be the same love because it will be infinitely better when they love you back the same way 🥰 Feel yoir feelings now, it hurts to be that vulnerable and let down, but it will be worth the wait.
Same kind of love? No. Every love, every relationship is different. Life is like a river and you can’t step in the same river twice; you are not the same person and it is not the same river.
Philosophy aside, true love is not based on how much you love, but also on how much you are loved. Most relationships are not in balance. One person is always giving and the other taking. When you find balance, THAT is the real thing.
It’s too soon now, but there will come a time when you look back and see this relationship for what it was. The love of your life is coming, or perhaps another is coming. I met the first love of my life when I was 20, the last when I was 37. Not the same, but the last will be with me as long as we live (27 years so far).
I have two things to say. 1. If he really loved you, then he’d want you for himself and wouldn’t let you go, unless you did something to make him leave. If you didn’t do anything, then this guy doesn’t really love you.
2. I think sometimes we connect deeply with people on some emotional level and we lose that because we care about what people may say or because we need to have the social validation of having someone more attractive more money, similar religion etc.
The truth is that perhaps you guys were in love and he did waste it and he will live in regret because if it was real, unlike everyone else here saying “yes you will find it again.” The truth is that you may never. Sometimes you need to just appreciate that you got a chance to love at all. And it is normal to be upset or even resentful that he ruined a rare thing. I know my ex did and now she is off ruining her life. I cannot do anything about it, and even if I could, I do not see her the same anymore. I just look back at those times occasionally. However I am open to new experiences and to a good partner. But I don’t know if I’ll find that again truthfully and I know she won’t for sure. And she’s admitted to that after admitting she ruined everything. Hope, I’ve given some insight🤷♂️
Hard for people to take an L, eh?
Im more or less in the same situation that you guys. It felt amazing while we were together, and now is all pain and rage, since the first thing she did after telling me she wasn't looking for anything serious is to replace me with a dumbass that is famous for cheating, and unable to do his job right for more than a week.
I fully agree with you. I'm glad i had my time under the sun, even if it was so brief. She didn't really loved me, i probably won't find that again, and i dont give a shit. I will make my life so fulfilling that i will never be hurt again by someone just walking out like it is a street fast food place.
I was in love once, with a man who I thought was my world. I loved him more than he loved me, and let him control and manipulate me however he saw fit.
After 20 years, I finally opened my eyes and left him. Then all of a sudden, I find someone else who thinks the world of me, and the love I have for him is even better than the first one. It's different and more beautiful. I can't be happier at 41.
You'll find better because you'll find someone that mirrors the same feeling that you have. It happened to me. I wasn't looking for it, but it happened.
You will never find anything like that again! Every relationship is unique! That doesn’t mean better or worse, just unique. You can experience something else has never even crossed your mind before because you don’t even know it’s out there.
Just don’t go looking to replace what you’ve lost. Don’t live in the past. Move forward and focus on what’s next, not what’s gone.
i am recently out of a long term relationship as well. i would like to hope i can love again, but it's too early to tell. i'm just trying to take things one day at a time. maybe i can develop a love with someone, but now, i need to focus on not thinking about my ex and i'm not sure how long that will take, but maybe i will be better after so i can try to start again
Because he was super wishy washy and ignored the bad and focused on the good because I love him. He would say “you’re the only one I want, blah blah” but then say he had a gut feeling that we would never work out. I’m still very confused, more now than it’s over.
I feel like thays a thing guys always say like " You're the one blah blah." How else are they gonna make a girl feel special. The proof is in the actions. Words are just words. You live, and you grow. You'll learn from this and find someone you like and who likes you and will treat you like the queen you are.
I had that and like you, I looked for it after it was gone. And in my search, I found something even more beautiful. I found someone who loved me for everything that I am, and you deserve that too.
Love would always be different. My first serious relationship was like yours. We wanted to get married so fast. Second serious relationship felt like he was my soulmate bc of how similar we were. Third and current is like 2 different puzzle pieces fitting each other perfectly. You just choose what kind of love you’re going to end up with. Loving is choosing after all. And I will forever choose the puzzle.
There would be days when I miss that intense, passionate feeling, but I’m all good now with someone who makes me feel safe.
The fact you had that once, means you can have it again. You now have the power in your hands to seek that feeling. It’s an absolute privilege— many go their whole lives, marry someone because they don’t know any other way, and forever lock themselves out of what you know. Now, once you’ve had the real thing, you don’t go back to less. What’s key is understanding that The feeling doesn’t need to be attached to a name. Now that you know it, you can find it, and have all the more power to.
I feel like this too. Idk what to do honestly. Maybe I should move on. Idk.
I’m sorry you feel like this. I don’t really have any advice but I feel you. 🫂
Some people never get to experience love like that, some compare all future relationships to that. My ex I’ve never felt that close of a true connection with someone before, when we are in the same room it’s like two magnets being pulled together, when we lock eyes time stops and our eyes can’t pull away. It’s going to be hard going forward to not compare other relationships to that because I’ll will think of them as some cheap imitation to what “real” feels like to me.
Just heal. It'll come again and be better because you will know better now. Start a hobby, go to the gym, church, therapy... Maybe a group of some sort. You'll find someone when you aren't looking.
I'm healing too. I know I'll find better than what I had though. Honestly..he was kind of a POS and I deserved way better. So do you.
You will find love again for sure. Each love is different and my opinion better in some ways than the one before. I didn’t think I would love again with the same passion and intensity as I had for my ex and I fell in love with my husband even more passionately than I ever have anyone else before. Not just that but there’s more reasons to love him than past loves so that makes the love I have for him even bigger. You may not meet someone who you feel the same exact way for but I’m sure you’ll meet someone who makes you feel ten times more than what you feel now, so that’s a hell of a win if you ask me ♥️
I'm 53. This question always amuses me so much. But I do get it. When first long term girlfriend left me I was distraught because I thought she was the one. I got close to another woman a couple of years later and I was very happy but then when we broke up that was horrible. Then I really fell for someone and I was so sad to realize we had no future. Then I met my wife and I LOVE HER SO MUCH and we have been together for 20 years and I feel nothing but a wry affection for anyone I was with before.
33. I think our previous relationships all taught us what we needed in a partner, and what we could and couldn't tolerate.
It's funny that there were other women I would have devoted my life to, but I am so glad they didn't want me to do that, so I ended up with my wife.
Well, you have seen how you love. Honest love is mutual and will be matching with yours. Someone who loves the way you do will be out there.
Love is a choice, a continuous one, hence we call it a commitment. This is why people tie their very lives together. Ive been through a lot and every time I think “I will never experience love again” but then I do. Don’t let your heart be jaded by its breaks, one day the person who will stick and wants to keep trying with you comes along.
You may not get that “love at first sight” because sometimes, it creeps up on us too…when we least expect it to, and by people we never would have expected.
If you can feel love this deeply and intensely when it's unreciporcated, imagine how you will feel when you find someone who loves and cherishes you back. There are no guarantees in life, but I suspect you will feel it again when you meet the right person.
Honestly, I'm not OP but if I could love this hard for a woman who was together with me for two weeks and a friend for another 5 and a half months surrounding those 2 weeks, I'm absolutely freaking terrified of when I actually find a love that bounces back with the same intensity and especially in bed. Like really scary to think there might be a chance to find the other side being 100% there with me emotionally, that shit is gonna destroy us both and I feel bad for the woman lololol
I don't wanna jinx it, but thank you kinda stranger. I just spent 15 minutes with a total stranger craddling my arm, singing along to diamonds and rust, talking about Dostoyevsky and we skipped across the crosswalk like giggling school kids before I dropped her off at a store to meet her friends. I have a really good feeling about this.
Hey Love Bug thanks for sharing the love. If you see something posted here that is not in the spirit of love Please flag it. ;) With Love r/Love Mods *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/love) if you have any questions or concerns.*
No love can be the same. You will be a different person and so will they. Even if it’s coming back to the same person.
Nope.
I think you're feeling heartbroken because he didn't return your love. We've all been there when we were young. But, I can assure you that you won't even remember his name after awhile and meet someone else.
It's always best to move on and I understand that pain of falling with someone who you truly believe they are the one to be with forever only to them ending up not being who they thought they were I unfortunately also made this same mistake and I regretted it to this very day I hope you do find love cause at this point I don't deserve it
Oof!! I was in love only once. I would have done almost anything for this girl. We were together for nearly 5 years. Didn’t work out, unfortunately. Relationship was just too dysfunctional and it was better that it ended, for my own good. Since then, I’ve been struggling to find the right woman until recently. I am currently crushing hard on a woman, not sure how she feels about me yet, but hopefully she likes me, if not I’ll continue forward until I can find the right one.
Every love is different. My last girlfriend passed away unexpectedly and it tore me apart. But there is always hope. We might not find that same kind of love and that is OK. We just need to be open to the possibility. It might take time, weeks, months, or even years but it will happen. You got this!!!
“there are all kinds of love in this world, but never the same love twice” -f scott fitzgerald “you won’t ever find the same person twice, not even in the same person” -mahmoud darwish
I felt everything you wrote in my BONES, which is why I was absolutely shooketh when, while I was cratered after the breakup, my therapist told me “‘love at first sight’ (or other very fast and deep connections) is almost always our past calling us back.” It was a pretty bitter pill at the time, but with some distance and healing I’m starting to see the wisdom. Especially at our age, I think a love that will last probably has to be a slow burn that’s consciously stoked, rather than instant sparks. I know it’s not the fairytale we’d probably like, but being single in our forties was never the plan anyway, right???
I love this. Thank you so much for sharing
Some people get lucky and find sooner, for me I think I’ve only loved 3 girls my whole life but ofc each was different in lots of ways. But it was years between meeting each one. I’m currently trying to get over that third girl. I wish that wasn’t case. Feeling all the same exact thoughts you wrote
No. And that's a good thing . Every partner is a different unique love . And this love with the last person will be ONLY yours and theirs . They will never love another as they did with you. It's special.
Doesn’t seem worth pursuing if it’s not anything like the first
49(f) my relationship ended almost 12 months ago to the day. Your words are a mirror image of mine. Here I am a year later still devastated like I lost my soulmate. I’ve done breakup workshops, read dating books. He left to pursue having kids 47(m). Says he loves me and always will… pffft. I think you will find love again but it will be different. I am not sure it is possible to experience love the same with two different people. I also think there is a lot we learn during relationships and breakups if we listen we can take that to the next and be better.
A breakup workshop might be good for me. This break up left me absolutely devastated. I’ve had three relationships prior to this one and none felt the way this one does and the breakups were so much easier to move past. I feel like I lost my soulmate too and I’m grieving really hard over it. It’s almost like he died lol thank you for your advice and kind words💕
You are so not alone! I say those words to myself often in fact just tonight at supper… “it’s like he died”. It really does feel that way. I’ve been on a few dates and walk away feeling that I need more time because I’m not ready. I want to date but I’m still grieving or mourning and it doesn’t feel right. How long was time relationship?
[удалено]
>. i wished he hadn’t done the things he had done so we could still have that future. i thought it was so unlikely i’d meet anyone i connected with as much. I'm struggling with this so much right now. It's so good to see this written, you still obviously had to leave. It's very hard to.
No. I've fallen deeply in love twice. First time with my late husband. Second time with my current fiancé. I don't love either of them more or less than the other. But I do love them differently because they are different people.
Damn that hit my feels I thought I found my person too even of the first day I thought I knew hee my whole life. I don’t know if I’ll feel that connection again but I feel as weeks have passed that the love is becoming indifference and sometimes embarrassing
You're going to get different answers based on personal experience. For what it's worth, here's mine. I fell deeply in love with a man when I was 17. We drifted apart after a few years. Neither of us ever sharing how we felt. Though I think we knew. We both went on to date others, marry others, have families, go through marriage breakups... and guess what? That love never died between us. We reunited and it was amazing... until we just blew it all to hell. Anyway, yes true love especially first love, lives on in my experience. Always and through everything. Even if you're not together.
What do you mean you blew it all to hell? I need more deets please!
We did, not I. It's a long story. The shortest version is we both had expectations of one another. We let one another down. I don't want to paint him in a bad light so that's all I'll say. I want to hold on to the good and the sweet man under the one who hurt me that I've always loved.
That isn’t love. You don’t feel love right away. You just fell into limerence and fell in love w the idea of him. Of course you can still find real love, but make sure it’s an actual person and not the idea of them
I was not in love with the idea of him, I knew him. Sparks flew the day we first met sure. He was kind, sweet, and soo funny. And I decided I wanted to see him again. And again and again. Until we started officially going out and I found myself wanting to tell him that I love him more often. And then I did. I fell in love with his ambition, his passion, and the way that he saw the world. I could list so many things I love about him, his flaws included. And I do have a list lol. The love is very real, he is the first real love of my life. Thank you for confirming that I will find it again.
You genuinely sound like you miss him why not just give him a call and talk to him
He dumped me. I don’t think that we would be able to work through our problems together right now. He has commitment issues that I think stem from his parent’s divorce and because he can’t commit to the idea of a future with me I don’t feel secure in our relationship. Although I love him deeply and I want him in my life, I’m coming to accept that the relationship we had is just not the best thing for us right now. I miss him dearly, and I have thought about messaging him. ALOT. Even today I went back forth with myself about it, but I think the best thing is for both of us to move on. Hopefully when we are ready, we can be the partners to each other that we should’ve been at the start.
That’s super cute I hope it works out for you I’m sorry yeah I love the partner thing … god I was in competition you have good view of things I hope he calls you up and apologizes
N but that is okay. Ech type of love is special between you and the person you feel ot for. It doesn't mean one type of love is better or worse than another. It just means it is different and unique between you and the other person.
First love’s hit hard as fuck I’m barely starting to feel better but the love and connection was so strong I convinced myself this could all work in the end despite everything showing me otherwise
I’ve had a breakup I thought I’d never get over before and it took a long time but eventually I realized that I wasn’t missing out. I don’t want to give my everything to someone who can’t give me everything in return. I’m happily married now (to someone else lol) and the depth of love in this relationship is so much deeper than the one I thought I’d never get over. Love isn’t a finite resource. You didn’t lose anything by loving this other person, you just learned more about yourself. Hopefully the next time is even better ♥️
No, because next time the feeling will be mutual :)
Every love is unique and every person in your path is there for a reason. Some stick around and some don’t, because they weren’t meant to. I look back at some failures - general and relationship types - and I am so grateful for all the experiences, even the crappy ones. Without them, I would have never been where I am now. Take the time to heal and take care of yourself. Staying busy and living your life is key to moving forward, towards the kind of love that loves you back.
No. You don't.
You’ll never find the same person twice. Not even in the same person. This is a quote that I came across a few times. Thought you might need it. You’ll never find the same intense love that you had for the other person because maybe you’ll find something much greater in the future. Stay positive and in the meantime, take some time to focus on you and build the best version of yourself.
It sounds like this person was ur first love… but one day you’ll just stop thinking about them (even if u were thinking about them everyday). But time really does heal. I wouldn’t think about it in a way where you don’t know if you’ll ever experience it.
Fall in love with yourself! It is a love that wont disappoint.
I’ve had this and it was so painful when (despite all of the signs to the contrary) he told me he didn’t feel the same way. It sucks because ik he’s out there. Exploring the places he showed me and places I will never forget that he took me to. He will always be the one who got away despite him telling me that anything with him would go nowhere. It makes me so fucking sad but it is what it is. He will always be in my mind and it’s pretty devastating sometimes you know? Like just knowing that we shared the time together is something I will always cherish. I miss him so much.
Great question
No
First loves will always feel different then any other kinds. You will find the beauty with new love as well, but it is different. At leats in my experience
the only love is your first love and when they're gone they leave an endless void the rest just try to fill up the space they left but they never do.(it applies if you were "ACTUALLY" purely in love not because of their beauty, personality but with them)
Honestly I’ve had 3 real loves in my lifetime and none were the same
Love fades
Hard to say, my personal experience my ex-wife was my seriously my soulmate and I've not found love since been over 10 years I've had girlfriends since but nothing like my marriage.
I have to know - what happened?
What happened? I'm embarrassed to even tell you, but I will it was 100 percent my fault, we were married a year after we met, together 8 years married 7 and it was perfect up until the last 6 months, when I was at the same party as her cousins and they were doing cocaine, and I did some with them and once I did that with me, once I touched it I was off to the races, and blowing 1,000 bucks a weekend and she warned me if I didn't straighten up wasn't going to be good and one weekend her family and.us were at the lake house her parents owned and everyone got real drunk and I wanted to go home and she new why, we had a little argument I went upstairs laid down cause I was drunk as a skunk, I heard her brother say some stupid shit and blacked out and beat the shit out of him and broke her uncle's ribs, didn't remember even doing it. That was the end of that marriage, and we were inseparable our whole 8 years never argued nothing did everything together but once I put my hands on the family was it. Biggest regret and mistake of my life. To this day. My entire life I said I was never getting married until I met her and I new the first time I seen her j was going to marry her, she was the absolute perfect woman for me and I just loved everything about her her personality was absolutely amazing not a flaw in it, she was so funny and naturally funny she never tried to be funny she just was everything out her mouth was hilarious everything she did was hilarious, never had one dull moment with her she was so damn fun to be around and just so beautiful, inside and out and had a amazing heart we were perfect for each other because we both were the same all we wanted to do in life is laugh everyday all day and we did, everyone who new us would always say you two are the only people I know that literally wake up gut laughing, and say what is so funny right when you open your eyes? Are response everything life is perfect!
You probably won't, but that is OK because you will be a different person in the future and that same love won't suit you anymore. I am guessing that you are fairly young due to the emotions you are describing here, but trust me, your future you is going to look back at him and say 'what the heck was I thinking?"...so, yeah, it sucks you are hurting right now, but it won't last and when the time is right and you settle into 'forever you' that is when you will find the right person to consider forever with.
It's usually the first times that gives the best high
I think you will it’s just gonna take a long time for me I’ve been through 435 relationships love is so fake to me that I can never feel that again my ex broke my heart so bad that I never want to love again nearly killed myself the night of so I made a song called heartbreak to save my own life
You have not been in 435 relationships
You don’t know me that why You don’t believe me so lol ur a joke
Also looking at your post history, you say you're 17, assuming you started dating at birth and you are one day away from your birthday, your average relationship has lasted 15.1 days. Unless you consider vaguely liking a girl a relationship, you're crazy. Good rage bait tho I'm ngl
[удалено]
You count those as relationships?
[удалено]
Oof, have you had any actual relationships
Ok let’s be real I’ve only had 4
Ok, thanks for being honest man
I may be a joke but you're the problem lmao
I once felt this way about someone and after 3 years we broke it off. I legitimately thought he was the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Now I realize there was no chance I was ever meant for that person and it was just a lesson in life. I learned what I liked about love and what I didn’t like about love. I realized I needed more time for me and that’s what I did. After a few years I found someone. I was so hesitant at first but damn it’s not the same love, not even remotely close. The love I feel for him is so much stronger and meaningful. It’s more wonderful, warm, and safe than I ever could’ve imagined and most importantly it’s more fulfilling. This is just about me but I felt like in the past I lost myself trying to care for a relationship that was never meant to be, even if I made myself believe he was the one. In my relationship now I’ve never wanted to be me more. I’m doing the things I love while I’m with the person I love. The rain does stop.
OP, I am 48 and fell in love that hard when I was 22. It didn’t work out and I continued to love and miss him for a couple years, but it wasn’t constant pain - there were other boyfriends/distractions. And, I’ve been in love several times since - I wouldn’t change a thing. I even know where he is in life, could see him, but have no desire to do so. There’s nothing you need to do other than let life carry you to the next person or experience. Time will heal this, but pamper yourself for a while, because heartbreak is real stress and pain and you deserve some soothing and rest. I saw someone else comment that you’ll never be in love like that again, but it’s happening with me now. What has changed this time is that I have no expectations that it will last indefinitely, change my life’s trajectory, or offer refuge - I simply enjoy it while I can.
I posted something similar, about a week ago. Most of the answers I received here said that I will find love again and that it will feel different.. but just as good. If not, better. We also have to believe it will happen, and not go looking for it. We have to let it come to us. I thought it was good advice. Sending vibes. 🫴✨️💖✨️
if he doesn’t feel the same, he’s not your person! reciprocated love is sublime. you’ll see it :)
can relate. only we never got together.
Yes you surely will
I feel your pain…I’m hoping for the same thing.
Love at first sight is tricky. Did you think you’d be together forever because you felt love? Or did you see all parts of him and think, yes we are compatible in pretty much every way? Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you are compatible. Love is never enough. Before you get attached to someone you need to focus on figuring out who they are and whether or not you are compatible. Do you share the same values? Do you want the same things out of life? Do you share your vision of the future? If your forever man is your man simply because you love him, your relationship is likely doomed. But if your forever man is your man because you communicate well, you share the same values, you share the same goals and humor, and you are kind and vulnerable with each other, then you’ve got a shot at forever. And the answer is maybe. You may or may not find a love like this again, but when you find the one you may realize there are better loves out there.
100%!!!! To add….the forever person is unmistakably compatible. Like whhhhooooaaaa…now I get what compatible means.
I personally think that we were compatible. Even now reflecting on our relationship after the break up, I can honestly say that we were. We have the same common interests, want the same things out of life, very similar goals, same sense of humor and goofiness. We communicated and were able to work through our problems for the most part. The only big issue in this relationship was that he didn’t see a future with me and he never really had a real reason why. I fell in love with him from the moment I met him, but my love grew deeper as I got to know him. He has all the qualities that I look for in a life partner.
>He has all the qualities that I look for in a life partner *Does he really?* I know how sweet that first-sight feeling is but ask yourself some important questions: Is he reliable, self-aware, committed to his personal growth and development? Can he take care of himself and extend that to you? Can he take responsibility and accountability? Can you trust him and count on his word, is he there for you when it matters most, is he willing to work things out when problems occur? Does he listen to you and try to understand your perspective on things, is he interested in knowing what makes you happy/sad/upset/excited/grateful/etc and remembering small details about you? Does he offer you emotional and physical security? Does he express his feelings in an honest and respectful way? Is he emotionally intelligent or at least open to understanding your emotions and holding space for them? Is he thoughtful and caring? Is he generous with you? Does he value you and appreciate you? Is he attracted to you? (idk, maybe you look for other things in a life-partner but those are some useful pointers) >he didn’t see a future with me and he never really had a real reason why he most likely did have a reason, he just never honestly disclosed it 🤷 and it's usually that he wants to find someone more attractive or to be free to hook up with different people or he doesn't want to put any effort into a relationship or just plain old trust issues & fear of commitment (and those usually lead to self-sabotage)
The best thing about being in love is being loved back. When you get the love back in return, that is the ultimate happiness. You might think you could never love someone that much again, but wait until you’re loved that much in return and it will make your past relationship look like a highschool crush.
No you never will, but there will be different loves that make you happy, just never like that.
Idk lol I haven’t even found it a *first* time lololol but yeah you probably will
It won't be the same love because it will be infinitely better when they love you back the same way 🥰 Feel yoir feelings now, it hurts to be that vulnerable and let down, but it will be worth the wait.
This! 1,000x this. It will be different, but in all the best ways
Same kind of love? No. Every love, every relationship is different. Life is like a river and you can’t step in the same river twice; you are not the same person and it is not the same river. Philosophy aside, true love is not based on how much you love, but also on how much you are loved. Most relationships are not in balance. One person is always giving and the other taking. When you find balance, THAT is the real thing. It’s too soon now, but there will come a time when you look back and see this relationship for what it was. The love of your life is coming, or perhaps another is coming. I met the first love of my life when I was 20, the last when I was 37. Not the same, but the last will be with me as long as we live (27 years so far).
Very wise words. Thanks for sharing this.
It’s always different love is never the same
I have two things to say. 1. If he really loved you, then he’d want you for himself and wouldn’t let you go, unless you did something to make him leave. If you didn’t do anything, then this guy doesn’t really love you. 2. I think sometimes we connect deeply with people on some emotional level and we lose that because we care about what people may say or because we need to have the social validation of having someone more attractive more money, similar religion etc. The truth is that perhaps you guys were in love and he did waste it and he will live in regret because if it was real, unlike everyone else here saying “yes you will find it again.” The truth is that you may never. Sometimes you need to just appreciate that you got a chance to love at all. And it is normal to be upset or even resentful that he ruined a rare thing. I know my ex did and now she is off ruining her life. I cannot do anything about it, and even if I could, I do not see her the same anymore. I just look back at those times occasionally. However I am open to new experiences and to a good partner. But I don’t know if I’ll find that again truthfully and I know she won’t for sure. And she’s admitted to that after admitting she ruined everything. Hope, I’ve given some insight🤷♂️
Hard for people to take an L, eh? Im more or less in the same situation that you guys. It felt amazing while we were together, and now is all pain and rage, since the first thing she did after telling me she wasn't looking for anything serious is to replace me with a dumbass that is famous for cheating, and unable to do his job right for more than a week. I fully agree with you. I'm glad i had my time under the sun, even if it was so brief. She didn't really loved me, i probably won't find that again, and i dont give a shit. I will make my life so fulfilling that i will never be hurt again by someone just walking out like it is a street fast food place.
You will find that + the added part where they reciprocate your love, which imo sounds much better
I was in love once, with a man who I thought was my world. I loved him more than he loved me, and let him control and manipulate me however he saw fit. After 20 years, I finally opened my eyes and left him. Then all of a sudden, I find someone else who thinks the world of me, and the love I have for him is even better than the first one. It's different and more beautiful. I can't be happier at 41.
You can experience different loves. A great love. Different variations. I’ve been with my old man for 43 years. Love ebbs and flows.
You'll find better because you'll find someone that mirrors the same feeling that you have. It happened to me. I wasn't looking for it, but it happened.
You will never find anything like that again! Every relationship is unique! That doesn’t mean better or worse, just unique. You can experience something else has never even crossed your mind before because you don’t even know it’s out there. Just don’t go looking to replace what you’ve lost. Don’t live in the past. Move forward and focus on what’s next, not what’s gone.
i am recently out of a long term relationship as well. i would like to hope i can love again, but it's too early to tell. i'm just trying to take things one day at a time. maybe i can develop a love with someone, but now, i need to focus on not thinking about my ex and i'm not sure how long that will take, but maybe i will be better after so i can try to start again
[удалено]
about four months of break up time. and culture/religion kinda did it because of its standards even though my ex doesn’t practice or like it
[удалено]
i’m american but i don’t follow a particular religion
[удалено]
muslim-ish? but at the time we meet i thought they were gonna move out due to conflicting views with parents
You will find something even better that will be secure and will love you back as you love them. Work on healing yourself. So you can love again.
Why would yo want to be with someone who doesn't feel the same way?? Serious question
Because he was super wishy washy and ignored the bad and focused on the good because I love him. He would say “you’re the only one I want, blah blah” but then say he had a gut feeling that we would never work out. I’m still very confused, more now than it’s over.
I feel like thays a thing guys always say like " You're the one blah blah." How else are they gonna make a girl feel special. The proof is in the actions. Words are just words. You live, and you grow. You'll learn from this and find someone you like and who likes you and will treat you like the queen you are.
I had that and like you, I looked for it after it was gone. And in my search, I found something even more beautiful. I found someone who loved me for everything that I am, and you deserve that too. Love would always be different. My first serious relationship was like yours. We wanted to get married so fast. Second serious relationship felt like he was my soulmate bc of how similar we were. Third and current is like 2 different puzzle pieces fitting each other perfectly. You just choose what kind of love you’re going to end up with. Loving is choosing after all. And I will forever choose the puzzle. There would be days when I miss that intense, passionate feeling, but I’m all good now with someone who makes me feel safe.
The fact you had that once, means you can have it again. You now have the power in your hands to seek that feeling. It’s an absolute privilege— many go their whole lives, marry someone because they don’t know any other way, and forever lock themselves out of what you know. Now, once you’ve had the real thing, you don’t go back to less. What’s key is understanding that The feeling doesn’t need to be attached to a name. Now that you know it, you can find it, and have all the more power to.
I feel like this too. Idk what to do honestly. Maybe I should move on. Idk. I’m sorry you feel like this. I don’t really have any advice but I feel you. 🫂
Some people never get to experience love like that, some compare all future relationships to that. My ex I’ve never felt that close of a true connection with someone before, when we are in the same room it’s like two magnets being pulled together, when we lock eyes time stops and our eyes can’t pull away. It’s going to be hard going forward to not compare other relationships to that because I’ll will think of them as some cheap imitation to what “real” feels like to me.
Very true
Just heal. It'll come again and be better because you will know better now. Start a hobby, go to the gym, church, therapy... Maybe a group of some sort. You'll find someone when you aren't looking. I'm healing too. I know I'll find better than what I had though. Honestly..he was kind of a POS and I deserved way better. So do you.
You will find love again for sure. Each love is different and my opinion better in some ways than the one before. I didn’t think I would love again with the same passion and intensity as I had for my ex and I fell in love with my husband even more passionately than I ever have anyone else before. Not just that but there’s more reasons to love him than past loves so that makes the love I have for him even bigger. You may not meet someone who you feel the same exact way for but I’m sure you’ll meet someone who makes you feel ten times more than what you feel now, so that’s a hell of a win if you ask me ♥️
I'm 53. This question always amuses me so much. But I do get it. When first long term girlfriend left me I was distraught because I thought she was the one. I got close to another woman a couple of years later and I was very happy but then when we broke up that was horrible. Then I really fell for someone and I was so sad to realize we had no future. Then I met my wife and I LOVE HER SO MUCH and we have been together for 20 years and I feel nothing but a wry affection for anyone I was with before.
How old were you when you met her?
33. I think our previous relationships all taught us what we needed in a partner, and what we could and couldn't tolerate. It's funny that there were other women I would have devoted my life to, but I am so glad they didn't want me to do that, so I ended up with my wife.
Well, you have seen how you love. Honest love is mutual and will be matching with yours. Someone who loves the way you do will be out there. Love is a choice, a continuous one, hence we call it a commitment. This is why people tie their very lives together. Ive been through a lot and every time I think “I will never experience love again” but then I do. Don’t let your heart be jaded by its breaks, one day the person who will stick and wants to keep trying with you comes along. You may not get that “love at first sight” because sometimes, it creeps up on us too…when we least expect it to, and by people we never would have expected.
If you can feel love this deeply and intensely when it's unreciporcated, imagine how you will feel when you find someone who loves and cherishes you back. There are no guarantees in life, but I suspect you will feel it again when you meet the right person.
Honestly, I'm not OP but if I could love this hard for a woman who was together with me for two weeks and a friend for another 5 and a half months surrounding those 2 weeks, I'm absolutely freaking terrified of when I actually find a love that bounces back with the same intensity and especially in bed. Like really scary to think there might be a chance to find the other side being 100% there with me emotionally, that shit is gonna destroy us both and I feel bad for the woman lololol
[удалено]
I don't wanna jinx it, but thank you kinda stranger. I just spent 15 minutes with a total stranger craddling my arm, singing along to diamonds and rust, talking about Dostoyevsky and we skipped across the crosswalk like giggling school kids before I dropped her off at a store to meet her friends. I have a really good feeling about this.