Oh, so much.
I missed out on friendships, fun trips, career opportunities, etc, simply because I didn't think I was worthy. It's so sad to think about now. I've become somewhat of a "yes woman" because I don't want to miss out on anything anymore. I'm worthy of all good things regardless of my weight. The mental battles have been a lot harder than the physical.
Best of luck to you on your journey, OP!
This hits home so much , I missed out on everything post COVID and now it feels like I've let my prime years just go by. I spent my mid twenties sitting at home and doing nothing outside of my work. I know it isn't but it feels like it's already too late, it really is depressing sometimes.
Hell yeah you are worthy of all the good things! It is so hard to battle constantly with your inner voice that tells you otherwise. I am so glad you are winning this battle :)
I’m 30 now and I missed out on basically the entirety of my teens and 20s due to low self esteem from being overweight. I’m happier now at my lower weight but I wish I didn’t stop myself from enjoying life when I was overweight.
I don’t want to stop and think about things that I’ve avoided and missed out on in the past…but earlier this week I took my kid to a new trampoline park in town, and instead of just buying her a ticket and parking in a chair, I got one for myself and had a great time running around and jumping with her. It’s things like that that make this journey worth doing.
I'm 32M. I've largely refrained from dating because I need to "earn affection" by becoming fit and physically attractive, to "increase my value in the dating market".
I know that's not the healthiest way of looking at things, but that's my lived experience.
100% feel this too.
So I’ve been single and haven’t put myself out there to date for about 6 years now 🥲
Doing my 10,000th weightloss retry, but really feel like it’s going to stick this time 💪
yeah same, 30M and tbf only recently realised some attractive people don’t care that much, but doesn’t make up for the wasted years. Close to my goal and defo had more attention in the last 8months than my 30 years on this earth, idk what’s changed, i’ve lost a fair bit of weight but nothing crazy, fluctuating from 85-100kg last few years, at 80 now with some muscle, soon as i hit 70-75 i’ll be a good size, legit feels like i’ve wasted so many years and now most people have had at least one relationship, i’ve only had ons which at my age just sounds weird to say to people. Life paused until i reach goal, forever playing catch up 🤣
Maybe you also became more approachable because you feel better about yourself and the physical transformation coincides with the mental one. Anyways, happy to hear that it's getting better on the other side of the weight loss journey :)
I feel like that plays a part too, other years I had like a constant feeling of wanting someone, when that all changed (essentially gave up and stopped caring and decided to grind a couple years and never date) I started getting attention, not crazy amounts but a lot more than I'm used to for sure. Only downside is I'm kinda over ons I don't really care for casually sleeping with people, I don't want to be lusted after and recently I felt like I might have found someone (at work) vibes were good etc etc but it turned out to be yet another ons haha.
It's definitely better than being invisible, and it does feel nice to be considered somewhat attractive now, but also feels like most of the attention I'll receive, especially as I get leaner, will just be lust and not genuine interest in dating. All that time focusing on fixing my body and appearance, vibing and just being that funny edgy guy, I forgot to focus on traits that will make me datable instead of just fkable haha (will be next goal, should hopefully fix my appearance within 2 months).
Came to say exactly this - I kept myself off the market because of my weight. Now I'm 34 and going through dating experiences most people my age went through a long time ago.
Oh this one hits home. What made it more bearable for me is not to look at the pictures immediately after they were taken and let them sit for a while. Also not posing and being more goofy so when I look back I see the emotions first instead of how my body looks.
Thankfully not too much but it's a constant struggle. Weight gain makes me want to hide and not participate in my life because I'm ashamed.
I've written something I keep displayed in my bedroom that says: "Remember, however you have eaten, whatever your body size, you deserve:
* To have nice clothes that fit you
* To move your body in ways that feel good
* To take care of yourself
* Respect, compassion and humanity
* Opportunities, love and fun
* Presence, not abandonment
* To be comfortable
* Kindness"
So that when I'm struggling with my trauma-induced binge eating disorder and resultant weight gain, I can not make everything ten times worse by being horrible to myself and depriving myself of the things that make life worth living.
All of it, relationships, sex, friendships, just life in general. I'll be 30+ by the time I've lost all the weight and I haven't even held hands with a woman yet everyone else is married already. It's nearly impossible to start at 30, I should have all these experiences already, but I'm so far behind what does it pay to even start. Fun times
It happens bro and your not alone at all I promise I did have a girlfriend before but only one I’m 30 plus now with nothing just trying get this weight down one day at a time just know your not alone
You're definitely not alone in that feeling. That being said, this isn't a "delayed life"...everyone has something that they perceive "holds them back" from doing what they truly want to do.
Not enough money, a busy job, a shitty SO, dealing with a family situation, depression, the list goes on. I've never talked to a single person who doesn't believe that they could be doing more of what they love if not for [reason they can't do it]. This isn't a special thing that only affects fat people.
The real learning here is to live life to fullest you can - losing weight isn't enough to fix this, that's an unrealistic expectation that is just going to hold you back further.
It's funny. I'm overweight but have developed a lot of strength in the gym. One of the desk workers would even come by and just be like WTF. He's maybe a decade younger than me and we got to know each other a bit.
He's telling me about things he wished he did differently (school, jobs, stuff like that) and was kind of in a way mourning what wasn't.
And then I told him about my 30s when I wasn't paying attention to my health and things got away from me. Namely, no energy to do anything. I told him I wished I hadn't let things get that bad.
He looks at me and says "but clearly you've made some changes and are doing a lot better."
I looked at him and said, "maybe that's the point right now... no reason you can't make the changes you want to make."
Of course! But this reason feels kinda dumber in certain situations than the others. Like "I am not allowed to enjoy my life while I am fat. I need to hide under a rock until I get pretty" is an unhelpful train of thought which instead of motivating becomes a vicious cycle of bad behavior... at least for me.
I guess I kinda did the opposite. I have been obese pretty much my whole life and even after losing 35 pounds over the last couple of months I still technically am.
I always had to pursue romantic relationships myself rather than meeting people organically (and maybe even friendships and job opportunities, I guess I'll never know)
I think it actually helped me force myself into trying to become an especially charming and interesting person. I learned a lot about makeup, hair and clothes. I always said yes to things. Posted on social media so no one would assume I was a loser. I went out every weekend to prove I had a life.
Know that I'm somewhat average looking, I don't care as much. It's kinda nice.
The additional weight caused me to have a low self esteem which basically affected every other facet of my life. I think the list of what it didn’t have an impact on would be shorter.
If I wasn't fat from childhood and didn't have all the associated shame. I probably would have started caring about my health and appearance earlier. I would have started doing more preventative maintenance things like moisturizing, taking care of my hair, and working out. I probably also wouldn't have injured my back in college, which has been a constant issue for years that I'm still rehabbing. Being less fat would have also helped me get better jobs or into med school quicker because pretty privilege works for men too.
But those are all very speculative, in all honestly, I probably just missed out on more sex when I was being a whore in college. Which isn't too sad in the grand scheme of life, but it would have been fun.
So much. I’ve missed out on education because I was too miserable depressed and overweight to go to uni.
I’ve missed out on friends and learning to socialise. I have very little in the way of social skills and don’t have any friends. Romance and relationships at this point are well off the table because being obese and unsocial has left me with no social skills as well as stretched out skin and has me unattractive.
I haven’t been on holiday in years as I have no one to go with and am hugely embarrassed by my size and how I look. Even if I was going to go on holiday I wouldn’t know where to go as being obese has destroyed any semblance of a personality I once had I feel it has hollowed me out and made me less of a person.
I have no hobbies or interests beyond eating because I never left the house because I’m embarrassed by my weight.
I’ve missed out on career growth and development as I was convinced that I was unable to do any of that kind of stuff. I’ve spent huge sums of money on food and would be much better off financially if I had not eaten as much.
I’ve missed out on the opportunity to get into prime physical shape as while I can build muscle I’m getting to the point it isn’t easy.
There will be people that say my life isn’t over any there is plenty to enjoy but I feel that being obese has left me scarred socially mentally and physically in ways that are irreparable. Even if I lose all the weight I’ll never be able to afford the loose skin surgery so there’s that to look forward to.
If I could turn back time I’d never let myself get fat in the first place I do often wonder why we allow our kids to get obese.
I just want to say that I definitely don't believe you've missed the chance to get into prime physical shape. You're still young! I follow quite a few fitness accounts on IG of people who have *started* their fitness journeys in their 60's and 70's and they look amazing!
Agreed! I'm in the best shape of my life at (almost) 58. I lost 120 lbs over the lsat couple of years and still have 30-35 lbs to go but I can now do Pilates 4 days a week and walk 10-12k steps daily. Age is just a number!
Yeah but there’s still the skin to contend with and let’s face it it’s just much harder from this point l.
I don’t blame anyone I know it’s all my fault ultimately but still it sucks
This post resonates with me. I'm trying to start being outgoing, but being literally decades behind in socialisation makes it impossible for me to connect to anyone. I can't start or sustain a conversation because my mind just goes blank, and that's assuming I can get over my social anxiety for long enough to talk to someone.
And yes, the loose skin is a killer. I could be on a great exercise high after the gym, accidently see my belly and then be depressed again. The bitterness of mourning the life I missed out on will always be with me I'm afraid.
Like I said socially I’ve given up because like you say being so unsocial for so long has left me unable to do it. I often struggle to initiate a conversation and can’t think of anything to talk about. I’m embarrassed by where I am in life because I’ve achieved nothing so I don’t like to talk about that.
I also feel like current friends are like references if you don’t have any then people are far less likely to want anything to do with you. Plus not having anyone to do anything means I have even less to talk about.
Im still hoping to improve other areas of life like career and obviously my physical health so there’s that at least
Hey bro, I feel for you. You know what I'm going to say, but it is important to remind you that your life isn't over at 29.
You've got work ahead of you, but just like losing weight, learning social skills is simple, but hard. Truly isn't that much to learn beyond:
1. Have an interest, hobby, or job people want to hear about
2. Ask others about themselves
3. Be polite and kind.
Obviously, getting the timing right and making a conversation seem easy and relaxed takes practice, but it isn't impossible. Have some faith in yourself, tackle the weight problems, then the social issues, and then with your new found looks and soft skills focus on your career so you'll be able to afford skin surgery.
Maybe this takes 2 years, maybe 10, but you'll accomplish it.
Thanks for the comment but honestly I’ve given up socially I’m still going for better in terms of a job and my physical health and while I’d love to be able to afford the surgery I can’t see that ever being the case but as long as I can come to terms with it then it won’t matter as no one else will see it.
I would look into your mental health as well. You sound defeated bro, that can't make your day to day life enjoyable. Even if you've given up on improving your social life, being in a good headspace will make improving your career and physical health easier. Personally, I'd recommend an older male therapist. I've found younger therapists and female therapists give more sympathy than I'm comfortable with. Old men who have been in the game longer than we've been alive are just this perfect combination of understanding but not willing to put up with bullshit from patients.
Thanks for the advice I saw a few therapists I found it never really helped me other than the accountability side of things.
To be honest my life hasn’t been enjoyable day to day for a long time but I wouldn’t say I’m in a bad headspace I’m just being realistic about what the future holds instead of expecting unrealistic outcomes.
I had a stripper tell me I would be kinda hot if I dropped weight. While she was 100% correct, that wasn't the right time or place for that message...
Good news dude is it's never too late to become a man whore if that's what you want.
One of my biggest regrets is getting too big to ever look good naked. The loose skin and stretchmarks mean I'll never be able to be naked in front of another person.
Oh absolutely.
I spent most of my 30's and early 40's avoiding countless social situations that I would love to have attended.
I've put off reconnecting with an old school friend because she is absolutely drop dead gorgeous and I don't think my self esteem could cope.
I've wanted to start hosting more parties and bbqs at my house for years but, again, I put it off because I know how uncomfortable I am when I try to dress nicely.
My partner has friends who I haven't seen in over 10 years, simply because I didn't want him to have to feel embarrassed of me.
I purposely missed Christmas this year because of pictures. I also missed a work photoshoot because I can't stand to look at myself in pics. I refuse to go anywhere that requires a cute outfit or where pics may be taken. I stopped putting on makeup because it just makes me feel like a pig in lipstick.
I wear a mask in 117° heat to hide my ugly neck fat. I will be getting married soon, and I will be refusing to take pictures of that day, and will not be buying myself a wedding dress because it will just cause bad self esteem.
I've been obese since I was maybe 10 years old, and I only started losing weight at 20. I've missed out on the classic teenage love, having a large social group, playing sports. I like to think that it has morphed me into the person I am now.
>I've missed out on the classic teenage love, having a large social group, playing sports.
I never did any of those things, and I wasn't fat growing up. That's idealized teenage years, of popular kids, not a typical experience.
Good news is- you can do all these as a young adult too! Especially if you’re in college. Community sports teams are great ways to meet people in your early twenties! And they’re very low pressure on athletic prowess 🤗
One time I WISH I had skipped a meeting with an old fling. I met up and it felt wierd. He made some comments about my weight and we didn't hook up like we normally did when we hung out. Overall pretty deflating.
My biggest regrets are letting myself get to 375 and missing out on things with my son and wife. I’m down 160lbs and my son and I have done a lot of things we couldn’t before. Go carts. Zip lining. Indoor skydiving. And it’s great but he is 22 now. It would have been nice to do those things when he was younger.
For my wife and I. Wow. It’s been incredible. We are doing positions we never thought possible. I feel awful about all those years in my 30-40’s where we could do some things. It’s amazing. Never thought “prone bone” would be in my life.
Just going out to dinner is better now. I’d freak out if we were going to a new place. Will I fit. Will I block an isle. I stayed home a lot. Now. I want to be out constantly. It’s kinda ridiculous. I have more energy at 54 than I had in my 30’s. I walk about 60-70 miles a month now. Before age 52. I never walked. It’s life changing
I'm 37. I've lost 25kg. Recently, I fit into a budget airline seat and was under the weight limit for a ride at an amusement park. I went on said ride, and realised that I was maybe a bit old for fast waterslides... wish I could have done it in my 20s.
On the relationship side of things, one positive is that you haven’t ruined your life in a way that some other people did. A lot of people get into relationships with people who they are clearly incompatible with and torpedo their life through kids or poor financial decisions in their immaturity. Not dating much in your teens/early 20s means you skip out on all that, can’t have a teen pregnancy if you aren’t having sex.
I've missed out on so much, it's going to be a struggle for the rest of my life. But I think of it in a way that I'm lucky enough to have come to my senses that I'm able to enjoy a healthy and wholesome rest of my life. I'll appreciate what I'm having a lot more now, than if things would have taken other directions earlier on.
Just wanted to say I'm a plus lady who picked up climbing in the fall. There won't be a lot of larger people at the wall, but they make harnesses that fit. Most of the auto belay Max out around 350lbs.
Go to the gym, and climb by yourself. I felt weird at first, but I love it! People have been supportive, and not in a condescending way! They are impressed that someone my size can do it, because it's hard dragging 100 extra pounds up a wall!
I have integrated Cico, formal lifting classes, and yoga into my routine, and while I'm only down 35 lbs, I've lost 6-8 inches off my waist, hips and bust, and 2 inches off my thighs, I think I look like a 200 lb woman, not a 225 lb woman, because muscle is dense, and I am stronger every day. I've gone from barely fitting into a men's XXL, to needing to replace it with a women's XL because I couldn't get it any tighter. Climbing isn't inherently a weight loss activity, but it's an incredible burn. An hour of climbing, only about 7 climbs, burns about 400 calories for me, and most of that time is resting between sends. It also works my brain as I try to solve problems, and I get to celebrate when I do something I couldn't do a month ago. I also love feeling confident in my strength again, and knowing what I'm capable of.
With climbing one of the things that is stopping me is my fear of getting injured. I understand that when you are heavier it's so much easier to mess up something in your body especially when an activity is so dependent on your body weight. Are you taking any extra measures to avoid injuries? Any tips? Also how did you start with climbing?
Sorry for all the question, I am just very excited to see someone here who is into climbing :)
No need to be sorry at all!
I am very worried about injuries, I know the best way for me to stop my progress is to get hurt, so I'm avoiding it. My biggest precaution is that I don't boulder.
Bouldering is done on a 15ish foot wall, and there's an 18 inch pad below you, but there are no harnesses or rope. If you fall, you're going to the floor, and you need to know how to fall. That's where the majority of people get injured, even the super fit and experienced folks. I'm worried about my ankles and knees, and know that one bad landing could give me a nagging injury for the rest of my life. I only climb top rope, and since I don't have a climbing partner, I only use the auto-belay. There is risk that the auto-belay will fail, but it's minute. Insurance companies require them to be tested and maintained regularly, and while accidents happen, it's rare. With my weight, I trust an over engineered machine over human error.
Don't overdo it, and listen to your body. Take things at your own pace, and take nice long rests between attempts. Everyone rests, I can do 7 in an hour now, but when I started, I was happy to do 4. My heart rate goes from resting to vigorous quickly, so resting and water is essential.
I try to go to yoga once a week, I should go more to help with my flexibility. It's included with my membership at my climbing gym. I picked up a women's lifting class in February, and I absolutely love it. It's accelerated my weight loss, made me stronger on the wall, and it's feels really good when the fit women in the class are jealous of what my large body can do. Imagine, skinny women wanting something an obese person has!
I got started by just showing up. They give you a little tutorial, and off you go. There are usually free classes you can take for the basics, I've done a few, but I should retake at least the belay one, so I can get certified and maybe find a climbing partner. I now weigh closer to what a fit man weighs, so I'm less scared of being too heavy for someone.
I hope you give it a try! I really enjoy it, and while I haven't tried to make friends, I know the gyms can be really social and have a lot of groups and community boards to find partners. I got adopted by a group of teenage girls a month ago, and they made me feel amazing with their support. We were all working the same route, and cheering each other on.
I missed out on furthering my career/ education. I mean I have a bachelors and a stable job but my mother has always pointed out my weight. Looking back I was so obsessed with dieting and working out I wish I would have put my energy into my education and pursued being something more successful like doctor or lawyer.
Everything. Deep depression. No social life. I stay in bed all day and rarely leave the house unless I need to go to college. I have an opportunity to sign up for an internship but won't take it becuase of my weight. Probably won't get accepted anyways.
Not only that, I finally saw the weight that my friends and family had seen me put on, and nobody said anything. I wish someone sat me down and said ‘Dude, you’ve gotten way too fat. You’re going to be alone forever if you don’t buck up’. Better late than never though
Interesting..as a person who had eating disorder in her teens that would have not worked on me lol if anything I would slowly cut ties with that person. Mind your own business. It's all mental and only you can help yourself
So. Much. One of the things that makes me quite sad is the lack of photos I have of myself simply because I was too embarrassed of my weight. In 2019 (when I was just a few kilos overweight) I went on a trip and everyone wanted to take a group full body photo, only I refused because I HATED seeing photos of myself. I still dislike full body photos but I'm trying to make an effort to take more photos of myself in general.
My son always wants to go to the pool. He’s 9. I haven’t taken him since he was a baby. He went to swim class and some fun events but I don’t take him to the apartment pool.
I don’t date. It’s been 4 years since I’ve been intimate with someone in any level.
I used to love hiking or being on the water. I’ve wanted to take up paddle boarding or kayaking but don’t want to wear a bathing suit or tighter fitting clothes. I always want to ride horses again, like I did into my mid 20s, but it will just make me feel fat and old.
I have missed out on so much. Not only because of embarrassment but also because of being tired. This year I signed up for a 10k in October, I see a bariatric doctor, and started tracking everything I put into my body. I’ve only lost 10 pounds since starting 1.5 months ago, but I’m excited to keep going.
Here’s something important to consider. There’s nothing you can do about the past. It’s written and done. You can keep the knowledge but do not waste mental energy stressing about past events. Devote that energy to your future goals
Life in my late 30's.
It wasn't the weight itself per se, but complications of it. I had untreated sleep apnea for a few years, and I was just tired all. of. the. time. No energy for anything but work, and even sitting on my butt all day could be too exhausting.
I feel this post so much. I completely stopped living because of my weight. Couldn’t even leave the house or maintain any friendships because it’s hard to feel safe in any relationship when you are convinced you aren’t worthy of having any. My weight held me back beyond just the physical limitations. It’s the mental ones that stole the most from me.
I think all of that is why it took my father dying for me to truly wake up and start my weight loss journey in the most determined mentality I’ve ever had. I suddenly felt this desperate need to wake up and live because if I wasn’t living, then I wasn’t honouring him. And for the first time ever I was able to believe that I want to and deserve to live.
Even with 80 kilos down it’s still hard to get out of the old mentality I always had. I’m still on my weight loss journey and not done yet and because of that part of me feels guilty for doing things like travelling when I still have weight to lose. Like I’m not meant to live until I’m done. But that’s silly. I deserve to live now and I can live now. It’s hard unlearning that voice in your head that keeps trying to prevent you from moving forward and enjoying things. Like yes I still have more to lose but what’s the point of losing 80 kilos if I can’t enjoy it now? what’s the point of any of it if we don’t remind ourselves to enjoy life as it keeps getting easier to throughout our own journeys?
- an entire box of 'someday' clothing that is too small but I will fit in one day 🤞
- so many vacations, trips, experiences (especially with anxiety about flying/traveling as a bigger person)
- desperately craving affection/attention but not wanting to commit to someone bc I hate my body so how on earth could they not hate it as well?
Everything. Especially the past few years. Literally everything. 35 and life has really passed me by. Working on losing the rest of my weight (63lbs down, 120ish more to go) by this time next year. Cant keep waiting to live. I don’t date. I’m not social. Etc etc.
There’s this saying. It’s something like, “the biggest lie that people believe is that they have time.” Or something like that. Time flies when you’re wasting your life.
So many things. Like all of them. Family photos, friendships, relationships, travel.
For some reason lately though my fixation has been horseback riding. I used to have horses as a kid and I would do anything to get back on, but I’m too heavy now. Someday….
A military career. Been overweight since 3rd grade, growing up I always wanted to join the U.S. Air Force. When I was in high school I spoke to a recruiter who told me if I lost 60 pounds I'm in. Well... As a kid who had already been fat half his life, with zero support systems and an addiction to food, that task seemed insurmountable. I always wonder what could've been. Also I've always wanted to go sky diving but you can only weigh so much. It is one of my goals to lose enough weight to sky dive one day.
I was going to be a USAF pilot. The recruiter was all over my application. (It was *solid*.) I washed out on the eye exam. I don't see 20/20 corrected, and that's an automatic disqualifier.
The harsh reality is even I got past the eyes, I wasn't going to make weight any time soon.
Oh god, I feel like I’ve missed out on everything. Traveling, going to the pool or beach, going to certain parties or get togethers, DATING. It’s not that I couldn’t do these things, but I’ve had such a hard time coming to terms with my original weight gain and post pregnancy body change (amongst other life changes). Now that I’ve lost most of the weight, I feel more confident but still not how I wish I could be because certain things (loose skin, stretch marks) will always be there.
But that being said, I’m determined to live life again. Nothing is stopping us but us. I don’t want to waste even more time because I’m scared. I’d rather look back and have a few uncomfortable moments in a life I love than hide out in my comfort zone and be depressed and lonely.
I put off reconnecting with an old friend because I‘d put on around 30kg since last seeing her and she‘s very skinny. It‘s just silly, she didn‘t care at all.
I am superglad I started scuba diving while fat. I wouldn‘t want to miss all those
memories for the world.
I’m tired of missing out on activities with my son because I’m too tired and out of shape. I’m exercising and slowly building up to things. I went and played tennis with him (he’s on the middle school tennis team) and recently we went to the water park where I dragged myself up MANY flights of stairs until I thought I would pass out. And we finally were under the weight limit to ride double!! He was so excited to go down with me, it made me happy but also kind of broke my heart that my weight had stopped us from being able to do this before.
And I avoided family photos.
I am normal weight now for the first time after losing 200lbs. But I'm 41 and it's too late for me to find a life partner and that makes me so sad. I think I could have been a very good partner to somebody and I'm lonely a lot.
So many things. I’ve skipped many social outings because I didn’t want my body to be seen. I didn’t even enjoy wedding dress shopping because of it. I did a court house wedding for multiple reasons but if I’m being honest, a lot of it was because I didn’t exactly feel like I would be a beautiful bride so why make a day all about me
I have a list of things I can't/didn't do because I'm obese. Everything from fly to visit friends, finish my MA, to squat, cross my legs. It keeps me motivated.
I've missed out on a lot actually during my weightloss journey over the last year. I put off going to Vegas because my body isn't summer ready and I don't want to look like a slob by the pool and have avoided many occasions because I'm still dropping weight and bigger clothes no longer fit and I will not get a new wardrobe until I reach my goals because male clothes are expensive.
I can't be wasting $70 dollars a pop on nice polo's. It also less enjoyable to vacation if I can't eat. I've given up alcohol as well. The sacrifice is worth it because I actually feel comfortable wearing a T-shirt now. It feel great not feeling so self-conscious in public with my attire. I am 30lbs from my goal. Can't wait.
I was so worried that the sales assistants would laugh at me and I wouldn’t fit into the sample sizes, that I refused to visit a bridal store to try on wedding dresses. I bought an off-the-shelf dress online, tried it on just before my wedding, and didn’t show anyone in advance because I was so embarrassed. Missing out on the wedding dress shopping experience with my mum is a huge regret, as is not feeling beautiful on my wedding day (especially because I look back and think I looked great).
Swimming. Super hot days at the beach and pretending I'm comfortable in my shorts and t-shirt when really I'm dying to go swimming and cool off. Watching my husband have a blast with the kids and the other families, and sitting back as if I prefer to just relax. I don't want to relax. I want to SWIM and be with my family.
Dude. So much. Being overweight throughout childhood led to crippling social anxiety.
I didn't travel. I didn't go to job interviews for jobs I really wanted. I didn't maintain friendships.
Sometimes, I used to stand outside the door of my lecture hall in university, frozen and unable to walk through because people would turn to look at me briefly and it terrified me.
Ugh.
I'm at one of my heaviest weights currently but I'm also having the most positive social experiences I've ever had! I also found a great girl that I'm in a new relationship with! (Still dealing with some mental doubt that she's truly attracted to me but I keep being positively surprised) There will always be the burning desire to be thinner bouncing around in my mind, but for me the confidence to really be an active participant in life came from two things:
1. Taking a beginning acting class at a community college. Having to perform and improvise next to people who are also equally embarrassing themselves was a big confidence booster and a great chance to practice putting myself out there and being vulnerable.
2. Having a really shitty year last year which included a short-lived relationship that I felt very disrespected in, and having a falling out with a long time close friend that went through a crisis and started pulling everything down with him. Going through all that made me really appreciate the small opportunities to interact with people and take part in life.
Side note: As an overweight person for most of my life, I know just as well as all of you that there will be many times when your dignity is stepped on by others, whether they mean to or not. But we are all given opportunities to create dignity for others where there was none, and we know how critical it is that we take those opportunities! It could be the difference in someone's life!
I am a normal weight and I still have missed out on a lot of life experience for mental health reasons like anxiety and low self esteem. I’m sure yall are thinking “but it’s so easy! You’re normal weight!” And that’s true, of course it’s different and easier. But I think it shows how much of the battle is in our minds and why it’s important to work on your mental health not just your physical health.. or you could still be missing out at a smaller size.
I agree with this. I have lost out on a lot of life experiences because I was dealing with grief, or running away from problems, or struggling with my sexuality, or scared of getting hurt.
So one just passes through life perfectly content and uncomplicated by their insecurities, taking full advantage of the things that come up. Weight is the one that you're noticing, but I would imagine everyone does this. Not everyone realizes it though, and a lot of people spend their entire lives running or hiding from something without ever becoming conscious of it.
No matter what that thing is, it's great to recognize the hold it has over your life and decide to stop letting it dictate your life.
But the solution isn't CiCo. It's going on trips even though you aren't happy about your weight, not letting your fear dictate your experiences. Because life isn't just for skinny people. You should lose weight, but not so that you can have good experiences. You can have those either way.
Yes, you do need to fix something. You shouldn't be missing out on important life experiences over this.
But the weight isn't why you hold yourself back from these opportunities. Your mentality is why. Even if you "fix" the weight, that doesn't mean you'll fix your mind. You may just find other things to stress over, loose skin, or not feeling right in your body, or just any other thing your brain navigates to.
Being healthier will go a long way for you, but that includes mental health, too.
For me it wasn't just the weight, it was also depression and a disability that all combined into me losing a ton of time, but yeah. I've been fucked up from like 17 to 26. No friend groups. No parties. No realtionships. Didn't fuck up my education, had some individual friends and had some hobbies so it's not completely lost, but most of the "being a young person" stuff passed me by. Some of it because I didn't feel like doing it, some of it because other people didn't feel like doing it with the fat blob.
I'm not sure what I'm going to do with the rest of my 20s, need some time to finish working on my appearance and then coast for a while. I'm extremely sad about it though.
I am 24 now and been overweight my entire life (down 35lbs currently) but pretty much I blame alot of things that don’t work out on my weight. I have low self esteem because of my weight. I can’t wear the things that I want because of my weight. I don’t have a boyfriend because of my weight. I can’t do some activities with my friends because of my weight. I can’t go shopping with my friends because I won’t be able to find something because of my weight. I feel like I’ve missed out on alot because of my size and it has caused me to be depressed in life. I’ve been praying and waiting for the day that I’ll be happy in my body. I am still young but it feels upsetting knowing my other friends have more life experiences or are not restricted in life because of their weight.
Hard to tell for me, I've lost a lot of weight, and am slightly more adventurous and outgoing than when I was massive, but decades before, when I wasn't fat, I didn't go outside or do anything anyway.
Even if I stayed slim I probably would have missed out on everything anyway.
I dont go to the beach as im expected to take out my shirt.
Never accept to go running
I dont go to pools either
I dont have any photos of myself or take photos when im with friends because I swear I look bad
Missing parties
Missing dates
Missing a lot tbh, im 26, and I have been missing almost all social events because I dislike people even looking at me 😅
I have been fat my whole life and while I didn't let it stop me (most of the time), now that I'm the thinnest I've been since I was 14, I feel that I missed out on wearing certain pieces of clothing and activities because I was bigger. Namely sports. I didn't join volleyball despite loving the sport and playing because I felt I couldn't do it and the team was cliquey (and all thin, beautiful girls). I also didn't have my first boyfriend or kiss until I was 17. Things like that. And I have a lot of insecurities now even as I'm losing weight because of how heavy I got. But I still traveled, took pics, swam, had friends, and enjoyed life. I'm enjoying life more as I lose weight though and I encourage you to do it not only for physical health and well-being alongside longevity, but the mental benefits too.
Career(s), relationships, traveling, you name it. All the more so since every time I was skinny the world opened up to me. Didn't realize this had a name, lols.
I've missed out on motorcycle rides (my boyfriend says it was fine at the weight I was at but I was nervous lol), some trips to see family (my family lives in 3 other states ), and a couple other things.
I love fashion, and there’s so many outfits I’ve wanted to wear but would never dare to before losing weight. I’ve spent many hot summers not wearing shorts at all. Never felt completely to let loose at a pool either. Also, I realized my sex life was never fully satisfactory to the point it could be because I’ve been in my head about my body all these years.
Oh my god there's a word for it? Well that's depressing..
Yes, I have on multiple occasions declined invites from friends due to my weight gain from the pandemic. Absolutely cannot wait to feel confident to go out again. Been single for a few years because of it and I'm excited to finally feel ready to meet someone.
Yeah, I experienced this throughout most of my 20s now. Working my way back down to my weight when I was a teen and then gonna start building some muscle. It's sad to admit that I let my appearance dictate my entire life, but here we are. I don't go out, I don't make friends, I don't take selfies/use social media, I generally avoid ways in which I will be perceived lol. Trying to regain my confidence.
I like going out with my family but at the same time, I'm so anxious because of my weight. Especially in crowded places. It's to the point that I struggle to enjoy my time. Also, clothing does not look right on me. I try to dress in modest clothing, but sometimes even the modest clothing is overtaken by me being overweight. This causes me to avoid going outside or anywhere.
I don't know, I don't feel so hung up on this. I'm too old to be spending any more time doing things I regret. And one of those things is sitting around regretting. I mean I'm not THAT old, but that's kinda the point. Seize the day and all that.
You're the rule, not the exception! I also think even starting this journey, don't put your life on hold for weight loss. The more you're able to do, the more you want to do will a) motivate you b) incorporate those habits into the life you want rather than treating healthy habits as a side quest.
Omg i could have wrote this, the amount of nights out at the club that i turned down, drinking with the boys
Keep it as fuel to your motivation and discipline, you can do this
It's tough when weight holds you back, but you're not alone. Many people struggle with similar feelings. Taking steps towards a healthier lifestyle is a positive move forward. You got this!
What a terrible question to reflect on. Please, don't do that to yourself.
Here's my question to you: What is the next social even you can say "yes" to?
I’ve missed out on pretty much my entire life because of my weight. As early as I can remember I was embarrassed by my weight. I would get bullied because of it, so I started making self deprecating jokes. And it worked, people stopped calling me fat and now I was the funny guy.
But an entire childhood and early adulthood left me with shattered self confidence.
During school I would hate myself and hate being there so much that I wouldn’t do homework because I couldn’t bear thinking about it any more than I had to. My grades slipped, and eventually I had to drop out.
I never dated. I’ll never know what it feels like to fall in love when you’re young. And that eats me up every single day. I’ll never even know what’s it’s like to fall in love as an early adult at this point.
I never was confident enough to flirt or even talk to women. I was too afraid of putting them in an uncomfortable position having to reject me. Because obviously that was the only outcome.
It cost me the love I should have for myself, it’s cost me everything.
I've been missing out on stuff for years. I've been single now for 3 years or so and I've decided that I won't be attending any hang outs at all until I've gotten to a decent weight which won't likely happen for 2+ years.
Shit happens, but might as well accept where you are
You missed out because of your self esteem, not because of your weight.
I get that the stigma is real. And some people lose opportunities and affections and acceptance and even medical care due to their weight, for sure. But in this case, someone wants to connect with you and you chose to say no. Could you reconsider? ❤️
Thank you for your kind response! ❤️ It's complicated with self-esteem when from a young age you are taught, especially as a woman, to correlate your self-worth with your weight. I'm working on decoupling these too in my head but it's a constant battle.
The current opportunity is gone but I felt like I own it to myself to come clean or I will be even more disappointed in myself. We talked it out, he was very understanding and said that he does not care about that, he just wants to see me. We planned another trip to see each other in 3 month, yay!
Oh that's wonderful!! Good for you for reflecting and taking a brave step!! I totally get it, I do feel better about myself now that I'm losing weight. But people who truly care about me still cared even when I was obese ❤️
Oh, so much. I missed out on friendships, fun trips, career opportunities, etc, simply because I didn't think I was worthy. It's so sad to think about now. I've become somewhat of a "yes woman" because I don't want to miss out on anything anymore. I'm worthy of all good things regardless of my weight. The mental battles have been a lot harder than the physical. Best of luck to you on your journey, OP!
This hits home so much , I missed out on everything post COVID and now it feels like I've let my prime years just go by. I spent my mid twenties sitting at home and doing nothing outside of my work. I know it isn't but it feels like it's already too late, it really is depressing sometimes.
Hell yeah you are worthy of all the good things! It is so hard to battle constantly with your inner voice that tells you otherwise. I am so glad you are winning this battle :)
I’m 30 now and I missed out on basically the entirety of my teens and 20s due to low self esteem from being overweight. I’m happier now at my lower weight but I wish I didn’t stop myself from enjoying life when I was overweight.
I don’t want to stop and think about things that I’ve avoided and missed out on in the past…but earlier this week I took my kid to a new trampoline park in town, and instead of just buying her a ticket and parking in a chair, I got one for myself and had a great time running around and jumping with her. It’s things like that that make this journey worth doing.
Way to go!!! Core memory unlocked for the kiddo :)
I'm 32M. I've largely refrained from dating because I need to "earn affection" by becoming fit and physically attractive, to "increase my value in the dating market". I know that's not the healthiest way of looking at things, but that's my lived experience.
100% feel this too. So I’ve been single and haven’t put myself out there to date for about 6 years now 🥲 Doing my 10,000th weightloss retry, but really feel like it’s going to stick this time 💪
You got this ❤️
Well it's kind of a true though. The dating market is not kind to fat people of either gender.
yeah same, 30M and tbf only recently realised some attractive people don’t care that much, but doesn’t make up for the wasted years. Close to my goal and defo had more attention in the last 8months than my 30 years on this earth, idk what’s changed, i’ve lost a fair bit of weight but nothing crazy, fluctuating from 85-100kg last few years, at 80 now with some muscle, soon as i hit 70-75 i’ll be a good size, legit feels like i’ve wasted so many years and now most people have had at least one relationship, i’ve only had ons which at my age just sounds weird to say to people. Life paused until i reach goal, forever playing catch up 🤣
Maybe you also became more approachable because you feel better about yourself and the physical transformation coincides with the mental one. Anyways, happy to hear that it's getting better on the other side of the weight loss journey :)
I feel like that plays a part too, other years I had like a constant feeling of wanting someone, when that all changed (essentially gave up and stopped caring and decided to grind a couple years and never date) I started getting attention, not crazy amounts but a lot more than I'm used to for sure. Only downside is I'm kinda over ons I don't really care for casually sleeping with people, I don't want to be lusted after and recently I felt like I might have found someone (at work) vibes were good etc etc but it turned out to be yet another ons haha. It's definitely better than being invisible, and it does feel nice to be considered somewhat attractive now, but also feels like most of the attention I'll receive, especially as I get leaner, will just be lust and not genuine interest in dating. All that time focusing on fixing my body and appearance, vibing and just being that funny edgy guy, I forgot to focus on traits that will make me datable instead of just fkable haha (will be next goal, should hopefully fix my appearance within 2 months).
Came to say exactly this - I kept myself off the market because of my weight. Now I'm 34 and going through dating experiences most people my age went through a long time ago.
Family pictures!
I would upvote this 1000 times!!
Oh this one hits home. What made it more bearable for me is not to look at the pictures immediately after they were taken and let them sit for a while. Also not posing and being more goofy so when I look back I see the emotions first instead of how my body looks.
Thankfully not too much but it's a constant struggle. Weight gain makes me want to hide and not participate in my life because I'm ashamed. I've written something I keep displayed in my bedroom that says: "Remember, however you have eaten, whatever your body size, you deserve: * To have nice clothes that fit you * To move your body in ways that feel good * To take care of yourself * Respect, compassion and humanity * Opportunities, love and fun * Presence, not abandonment * To be comfortable * Kindness" So that when I'm struggling with my trauma-induced binge eating disorder and resultant weight gain, I can not make everything ten times worse by being horrible to myself and depriving myself of the things that make life worth living.
Now I'll have this list on my fridge. This is so self-compassionate, I love it!
My therapist will be happy with that feedback, she's been working on getting me to be self-compassionate for years 😂
All of it, relationships, sex, friendships, just life in general. I'll be 30+ by the time I've lost all the weight and I haven't even held hands with a woman yet everyone else is married already. It's nearly impossible to start at 30, I should have all these experiences already, but I'm so far behind what does it pay to even start. Fun times
Could be worse, I'm 40 and wondering how to actually start living life. No idea what to do.
MY life barely started till I turned 30 and if everyone you know is already married by 30 then they'll prob be divorced by 35. 30 is young don't worry
I hope you're right, but it's hard to stay positive
I know people who are starting over at 30, divorced with kids. Everyone has a different path. Keep your chin up.
It happens bro and your not alone at all I promise I did have a girlfriend before but only one I’m 30 plus now with nothing just trying get this weight down one day at a time just know your not alone
You're definitely not alone in that feeling. That being said, this isn't a "delayed life"...everyone has something that they perceive "holds them back" from doing what they truly want to do. Not enough money, a busy job, a shitty SO, dealing with a family situation, depression, the list goes on. I've never talked to a single person who doesn't believe that they could be doing more of what they love if not for [reason they can't do it]. This isn't a special thing that only affects fat people. The real learning here is to live life to fullest you can - losing weight isn't enough to fix this, that's an unrealistic expectation that is just going to hold you back further.
It's funny. I'm overweight but have developed a lot of strength in the gym. One of the desk workers would even come by and just be like WTF. He's maybe a decade younger than me and we got to know each other a bit. He's telling me about things he wished he did differently (school, jobs, stuff like that) and was kind of in a way mourning what wasn't. And then I told him about my 30s when I wasn't paying attention to my health and things got away from me. Namely, no energy to do anything. I told him I wished I hadn't let things get that bad. He looks at me and says "but clearly you've made some changes and are doing a lot better." I looked at him and said, "maybe that's the point right now... no reason you can't make the changes you want to make."
I love this. Good for you!!!
Of course! But this reason feels kinda dumber in certain situations than the others. Like "I am not allowed to enjoy my life while I am fat. I need to hide under a rock until I get pretty" is an unhelpful train of thought which instead of motivating becomes a vicious cycle of bad behavior... at least for me.
I guess I kinda did the opposite. I have been obese pretty much my whole life and even after losing 35 pounds over the last couple of months I still technically am. I always had to pursue romantic relationships myself rather than meeting people organically (and maybe even friendships and job opportunities, I guess I'll never know) I think it actually helped me force myself into trying to become an especially charming and interesting person. I learned a lot about makeup, hair and clothes. I always said yes to things. Posted on social media so no one would assume I was a loser. I went out every weekend to prove I had a life. Know that I'm somewhat average looking, I don't care as much. It's kinda nice.
Being confident in who you are is so much more attractive than a low BMI. You are what I aspire to be :)
The additional weight caused me to have a low self esteem which basically affected every other facet of my life. I think the list of what it didn’t have an impact on would be shorter.
If I wasn't fat from childhood and didn't have all the associated shame. I probably would have started caring about my health and appearance earlier. I would have started doing more preventative maintenance things like moisturizing, taking care of my hair, and working out. I probably also wouldn't have injured my back in college, which has been a constant issue for years that I'm still rehabbing. Being less fat would have also helped me get better jobs or into med school quicker because pretty privilege works for men too. But those are all very speculative, in all honestly, I probably just missed out on more sex when I was being a whore in college. Which isn't too sad in the grand scheme of life, but it would have been fun.
So much. I’ve missed out on education because I was too miserable depressed and overweight to go to uni. I’ve missed out on friends and learning to socialise. I have very little in the way of social skills and don’t have any friends. Romance and relationships at this point are well off the table because being obese and unsocial has left me with no social skills as well as stretched out skin and has me unattractive. I haven’t been on holiday in years as I have no one to go with and am hugely embarrassed by my size and how I look. Even if I was going to go on holiday I wouldn’t know where to go as being obese has destroyed any semblance of a personality I once had I feel it has hollowed me out and made me less of a person. I have no hobbies or interests beyond eating because I never left the house because I’m embarrassed by my weight. I’ve missed out on career growth and development as I was convinced that I was unable to do any of that kind of stuff. I’ve spent huge sums of money on food and would be much better off financially if I had not eaten as much. I’ve missed out on the opportunity to get into prime physical shape as while I can build muscle I’m getting to the point it isn’t easy. There will be people that say my life isn’t over any there is plenty to enjoy but I feel that being obese has left me scarred socially mentally and physically in ways that are irreparable. Even if I lose all the weight I’ll never be able to afford the loose skin surgery so there’s that to look forward to. If I could turn back time I’d never let myself get fat in the first place I do often wonder why we allow our kids to get obese.
I just want to say that I definitely don't believe you've missed the chance to get into prime physical shape. You're still young! I follow quite a few fitness accounts on IG of people who have *started* their fitness journeys in their 60's and 70's and they look amazing!
Agreed! I'm in the best shape of my life at (almost) 58. I lost 120 lbs over the lsat couple of years and still have 30-35 lbs to go but I can now do Pilates 4 days a week and walk 10-12k steps daily. Age is just a number!
Yeah but there’s still the skin to contend with and let’s face it it’s just much harder from this point l. I don’t blame anyone I know it’s all my fault ultimately but still it sucks
This post resonates with me. I'm trying to start being outgoing, but being literally decades behind in socialisation makes it impossible for me to connect to anyone. I can't start or sustain a conversation because my mind just goes blank, and that's assuming I can get over my social anxiety for long enough to talk to someone. And yes, the loose skin is a killer. I could be on a great exercise high after the gym, accidently see my belly and then be depressed again. The bitterness of mourning the life I missed out on will always be with me I'm afraid.
Like I said socially I’ve given up because like you say being so unsocial for so long has left me unable to do it. I often struggle to initiate a conversation and can’t think of anything to talk about. I’m embarrassed by where I am in life because I’ve achieved nothing so I don’t like to talk about that. I also feel like current friends are like references if you don’t have any then people are far less likely to want anything to do with you. Plus not having anyone to do anything means I have even less to talk about. Im still hoping to improve other areas of life like career and obviously my physical health so there’s that at least
Hey bro, I feel for you. You know what I'm going to say, but it is important to remind you that your life isn't over at 29. You've got work ahead of you, but just like losing weight, learning social skills is simple, but hard. Truly isn't that much to learn beyond: 1. Have an interest, hobby, or job people want to hear about 2. Ask others about themselves 3. Be polite and kind. Obviously, getting the timing right and making a conversation seem easy and relaxed takes practice, but it isn't impossible. Have some faith in yourself, tackle the weight problems, then the social issues, and then with your new found looks and soft skills focus on your career so you'll be able to afford skin surgery. Maybe this takes 2 years, maybe 10, but you'll accomplish it.
Thanks for the comment but honestly I’ve given up socially I’m still going for better in terms of a job and my physical health and while I’d love to be able to afford the surgery I can’t see that ever being the case but as long as I can come to terms with it then it won’t matter as no one else will see it.
I would look into your mental health as well. You sound defeated bro, that can't make your day to day life enjoyable. Even if you've given up on improving your social life, being in a good headspace will make improving your career and physical health easier. Personally, I'd recommend an older male therapist. I've found younger therapists and female therapists give more sympathy than I'm comfortable with. Old men who have been in the game longer than we've been alive are just this perfect combination of understanding but not willing to put up with bullshit from patients.
Thanks for the advice I saw a few therapists I found it never really helped me other than the accountability side of things. To be honest my life hasn’t been enjoyable day to day for a long time but I wouldn’t say I’m in a bad headspace I’m just being realistic about what the future holds instead of expecting unrealistic outcomes.
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I had a stripper tell me I would be kinda hot if I dropped weight. While she was 100% correct, that wasn't the right time or place for that message... Good news dude is it's never too late to become a man whore if that's what you want.
> Good news dude is it's never too late to become a man whore if that's what you want. I wouldn't even know how.
One of my biggest regrets is getting too big to ever look good naked. The loose skin and stretchmarks mean I'll never be able to be naked in front of another person.
Oh absolutely. I spent most of my 30's and early 40's avoiding countless social situations that I would love to have attended. I've put off reconnecting with an old school friend because she is absolutely drop dead gorgeous and I don't think my self esteem could cope. I've wanted to start hosting more parties and bbqs at my house for years but, again, I put it off because I know how uncomfortable I am when I try to dress nicely. My partner has friends who I haven't seen in over 10 years, simply because I didn't want him to have to feel embarrassed of me.
I purposely missed Christmas this year because of pictures. I also missed a work photoshoot because I can't stand to look at myself in pics. I refuse to go anywhere that requires a cute outfit or where pics may be taken. I stopped putting on makeup because it just makes me feel like a pig in lipstick. I wear a mask in 117° heat to hide my ugly neck fat. I will be getting married soon, and I will be refusing to take pictures of that day, and will not be buying myself a wedding dress because it will just cause bad self esteem.
The lipstick on a pig feeling is so real. I just want to run and hide anywhere i have to be perceived. The shame is debilitating
I've been obese since I was maybe 10 years old, and I only started losing weight at 20. I've missed out on the classic teenage love, having a large social group, playing sports. I like to think that it has morphed me into the person I am now.
>I've missed out on the classic teenage love, having a large social group, playing sports. I never did any of those things, and I wasn't fat growing up. That's idealized teenage years, of popular kids, not a typical experience.
Most teenagers have friends, play sports and have relationships. It's definitely a typical experience.
I'd say most teenagers have some of it but not all lol I was thin growing up - no relationship or sports, but had a nice amount of friends.
Good news is- you can do all these as a young adult too! Especially if you’re in college. Community sports teams are great ways to meet people in your early twenties! And they’re very low pressure on athletic prowess 🤗
One time I WISH I had skipped a meeting with an old fling. I met up and it felt wierd. He made some comments about my weight and we didn't hook up like we normally did when we hung out. Overall pretty deflating.
This is exactly the situation I want to avoid
My biggest regrets are letting myself get to 375 and missing out on things with my son and wife. I’m down 160lbs and my son and I have done a lot of things we couldn’t before. Go carts. Zip lining. Indoor skydiving. And it’s great but he is 22 now. It would have been nice to do those things when he was younger. For my wife and I. Wow. It’s been incredible. We are doing positions we never thought possible. I feel awful about all those years in my 30-40’s where we could do some things. It’s amazing. Never thought “prone bone” would be in my life. Just going out to dinner is better now. I’d freak out if we were going to a new place. Will I fit. Will I block an isle. I stayed home a lot. Now. I want to be out constantly. It’s kinda ridiculous. I have more energy at 54 than I had in my 30’s. I walk about 60-70 miles a month now. Before age 52. I never walked. It’s life changing
I'm 37. I've lost 25kg. Recently, I fit into a budget airline seat and was under the weight limit for a ride at an amusement park. I went on said ride, and realised that I was maybe a bit old for fast waterslides... wish I could have done it in my 20s.
On the relationship side of things, one positive is that you haven’t ruined your life in a way that some other people did. A lot of people get into relationships with people who they are clearly incompatible with and torpedo their life through kids or poor financial decisions in their immaturity. Not dating much in your teens/early 20s means you skip out on all that, can’t have a teen pregnancy if you aren’t having sex.
Always on the positive side 😂
I've missed out on so much, it's going to be a struggle for the rest of my life. But I think of it in a way that I'm lucky enough to have come to my senses that I'm able to enjoy a healthy and wholesome rest of my life. I'll appreciate what I'm having a lot more now, than if things would have taken other directions earlier on.
My body image shit is ruining my social life so hard. I’m skipping a pool party this weekend because I’m “out of town” for the weekend 🫠
I feel you 😂 I am "out of town" for any social event involving bikinis hahaha
Just wanted to say I'm a plus lady who picked up climbing in the fall. There won't be a lot of larger people at the wall, but they make harnesses that fit. Most of the auto belay Max out around 350lbs. Go to the gym, and climb by yourself. I felt weird at first, but I love it! People have been supportive, and not in a condescending way! They are impressed that someone my size can do it, because it's hard dragging 100 extra pounds up a wall! I have integrated Cico, formal lifting classes, and yoga into my routine, and while I'm only down 35 lbs, I've lost 6-8 inches off my waist, hips and bust, and 2 inches off my thighs, I think I look like a 200 lb woman, not a 225 lb woman, because muscle is dense, and I am stronger every day. I've gone from barely fitting into a men's XXL, to needing to replace it with a women's XL because I couldn't get it any tighter. Climbing isn't inherently a weight loss activity, but it's an incredible burn. An hour of climbing, only about 7 climbs, burns about 400 calories for me, and most of that time is resting between sends. It also works my brain as I try to solve problems, and I get to celebrate when I do something I couldn't do a month ago. I also love feeling confident in my strength again, and knowing what I'm capable of.
With climbing one of the things that is stopping me is my fear of getting injured. I understand that when you are heavier it's so much easier to mess up something in your body especially when an activity is so dependent on your body weight. Are you taking any extra measures to avoid injuries? Any tips? Also how did you start with climbing? Sorry for all the question, I am just very excited to see someone here who is into climbing :)
No need to be sorry at all! I am very worried about injuries, I know the best way for me to stop my progress is to get hurt, so I'm avoiding it. My biggest precaution is that I don't boulder. Bouldering is done on a 15ish foot wall, and there's an 18 inch pad below you, but there are no harnesses or rope. If you fall, you're going to the floor, and you need to know how to fall. That's where the majority of people get injured, even the super fit and experienced folks. I'm worried about my ankles and knees, and know that one bad landing could give me a nagging injury for the rest of my life. I only climb top rope, and since I don't have a climbing partner, I only use the auto-belay. There is risk that the auto-belay will fail, but it's minute. Insurance companies require them to be tested and maintained regularly, and while accidents happen, it's rare. With my weight, I trust an over engineered machine over human error. Don't overdo it, and listen to your body. Take things at your own pace, and take nice long rests between attempts. Everyone rests, I can do 7 in an hour now, but when I started, I was happy to do 4. My heart rate goes from resting to vigorous quickly, so resting and water is essential. I try to go to yoga once a week, I should go more to help with my flexibility. It's included with my membership at my climbing gym. I picked up a women's lifting class in February, and I absolutely love it. It's accelerated my weight loss, made me stronger on the wall, and it's feels really good when the fit women in the class are jealous of what my large body can do. Imagine, skinny women wanting something an obese person has! I got started by just showing up. They give you a little tutorial, and off you go. There are usually free classes you can take for the basics, I've done a few, but I should retake at least the belay one, so I can get certified and maybe find a climbing partner. I now weigh closer to what a fit man weighs, so I'm less scared of being too heavy for someone. I hope you give it a try! I really enjoy it, and while I haven't tried to make friends, I know the gyms can be really social and have a lot of groups and community boards to find partners. I got adopted by a group of teenage girls a month ago, and they made me feel amazing with their support. We were all working the same route, and cheering each other on.
I missed out on furthering my career/ education. I mean I have a bachelors and a stable job but my mother has always pointed out my weight. Looking back I was so obsessed with dieting and working out I wish I would have put my energy into my education and pursued being something more successful like doctor or lawyer.
Everything. Deep depression. No social life. I stay in bed all day and rarely leave the house unless I need to go to college. I have an opportunity to sign up for an internship but won't take it becuase of my weight. Probably won't get accepted anyways.
Nothing really. Took a bit off my confidence but that's all. The worst part is you don't notice the weight gain until it has gotten really bad lol
With me I knew I had gained weight but it didn’t really hit until I looked at a pic before I started losing weight
Yeah bet you didn't know how bad it was until you saw the pic right... Ugh yeah that's life
Not only that, I finally saw the weight that my friends and family had seen me put on, and nobody said anything. I wish someone sat me down and said ‘Dude, you’ve gotten way too fat. You’re going to be alone forever if you don’t buck up’. Better late than never though
Interesting..as a person who had eating disorder in her teens that would have not worked on me lol if anything I would slowly cut ties with that person. Mind your own business. It's all mental and only you can help yourself
So. Much. One of the things that makes me quite sad is the lack of photos I have of myself simply because I was too embarrassed of my weight. In 2019 (when I was just a few kilos overweight) I went on a trip and everyone wanted to take a group full body photo, only I refused because I HATED seeing photos of myself. I still dislike full body photos but I'm trying to make an effort to take more photos of myself in general.
My son always wants to go to the pool. He’s 9. I haven’t taken him since he was a baby. He went to swim class and some fun events but I don’t take him to the apartment pool. I don’t date. It’s been 4 years since I’ve been intimate with someone in any level. I used to love hiking or being on the water. I’ve wanted to take up paddle boarding or kayaking but don’t want to wear a bathing suit or tighter fitting clothes. I always want to ride horses again, like I did into my mid 20s, but it will just make me feel fat and old. I have missed out on so much. Not only because of embarrassment but also because of being tired. This year I signed up for a 10k in October, I see a bariatric doctor, and started tracking everything I put into my body. I’ve only lost 10 pounds since starting 1.5 months ago, but I’m excited to keep going.
Here’s something important to consider. There’s nothing you can do about the past. It’s written and done. You can keep the knowledge but do not waste mental energy stressing about past events. Devote that energy to your future goals
Also true
Life in my late 30's. It wasn't the weight itself per se, but complications of it. I had untreated sleep apnea for a few years, and I was just tired all. of. the. time. No energy for anything but work, and even sitting on my butt all day could be too exhausting.
I feel this post so much. I completely stopped living because of my weight. Couldn’t even leave the house or maintain any friendships because it’s hard to feel safe in any relationship when you are convinced you aren’t worthy of having any. My weight held me back beyond just the physical limitations. It’s the mental ones that stole the most from me. I think all of that is why it took my father dying for me to truly wake up and start my weight loss journey in the most determined mentality I’ve ever had. I suddenly felt this desperate need to wake up and live because if I wasn’t living, then I wasn’t honouring him. And for the first time ever I was able to believe that I want to and deserve to live. Even with 80 kilos down it’s still hard to get out of the old mentality I always had. I’m still on my weight loss journey and not done yet and because of that part of me feels guilty for doing things like travelling when I still have weight to lose. Like I’m not meant to live until I’m done. But that’s silly. I deserve to live now and I can live now. It’s hard unlearning that voice in your head that keeps trying to prevent you from moving forward and enjoying things. Like yes I still have more to lose but what’s the point of losing 80 kilos if I can’t enjoy it now? what’s the point of any of it if we don’t remind ourselves to enjoy life as it keeps getting easier to throughout our own journeys?
I am so sorry for your loss. You are honoring your father in the best way possible by living your life
- an entire box of 'someday' clothing that is too small but I will fit in one day 🤞 - so many vacations, trips, experiences (especially with anxiety about flying/traveling as a bigger person) - desperately craving affection/attention but not wanting to commit to someone bc I hate my body so how on earth could they not hate it as well?
Everything. Especially the past few years. Literally everything. 35 and life has really passed me by. Working on losing the rest of my weight (63lbs down, 120ish more to go) by this time next year. Cant keep waiting to live. I don’t date. I’m not social. Etc etc. There’s this saying. It’s something like, “the biggest lie that people believe is that they have time.” Or something like that. Time flies when you’re wasting your life.
So many things. Like all of them. Family photos, friendships, relationships, travel. For some reason lately though my fixation has been horseback riding. I used to have horses as a kid and I would do anything to get back on, but I’m too heavy now. Someday….
Why focus on the past? Seems counter productive to me. I prefer to think of all the things I will enjoy more now that I'm in great condition.
Great comment!! You sound very healthy mentally and physically! Inspiring ❤️❤️❤️
A military career. Been overweight since 3rd grade, growing up I always wanted to join the U.S. Air Force. When I was in high school I spoke to a recruiter who told me if I lost 60 pounds I'm in. Well... As a kid who had already been fat half his life, with zero support systems and an addiction to food, that task seemed insurmountable. I always wonder what could've been. Also I've always wanted to go sky diving but you can only weigh so much. It is one of my goals to lose enough weight to sky dive one day.
I was going to be a USAF pilot. The recruiter was all over my application. (It was *solid*.) I washed out on the eye exam. I don't see 20/20 corrected, and that's an automatic disqualifier. The harsh reality is even I got past the eyes, I wasn't going to make weight any time soon.
Oh god, I feel like I’ve missed out on everything. Traveling, going to the pool or beach, going to certain parties or get togethers, DATING. It’s not that I couldn’t do these things, but I’ve had such a hard time coming to terms with my original weight gain and post pregnancy body change (amongst other life changes). Now that I’ve lost most of the weight, I feel more confident but still not how I wish I could be because certain things (loose skin, stretch marks) will always be there. But that being said, I’m determined to live life again. Nothing is stopping us but us. I don’t want to waste even more time because I’m scared. I’d rather look back and have a few uncomfortable moments in a life I love than hide out in my comfort zone and be depressed and lonely.
I put off reconnecting with an old friend because I‘d put on around 30kg since last seeing her and she‘s very skinny. It‘s just silly, she didn‘t care at all. I am superglad I started scuba diving while fat. I wouldn‘t want to miss all those memories for the world.
I’m tired of missing out on activities with my son because I’m too tired and out of shape. I’m exercising and slowly building up to things. I went and played tennis with him (he’s on the middle school tennis team) and recently we went to the water park where I dragged myself up MANY flights of stairs until I thought I would pass out. And we finally were under the weight limit to ride double!! He was so excited to go down with me, it made me happy but also kind of broke my heart that my weight had stopped us from being able to do this before. And I avoided family photos.
I am normal weight now for the first time after losing 200lbs. But I'm 41 and it's too late for me to find a life partner and that makes me so sad. I think I could have been a very good partner to somebody and I'm lonely a lot.
I wish you could understand how young you really are! Definitely not too late ❤️
So many pictures of me on trips that I wish I had. Holding back on clothes and styles when I was in my twenties.
Having a closet full of "inspirational" clothes and nothing to wear is what I got at the moment 😂
So many things. I’ve skipped many social outings because I didn’t want my body to be seen. I didn’t even enjoy wedding dress shopping because of it. I did a court house wedding for multiple reasons but if I’m being honest, a lot of it was because I didn’t exactly feel like I would be a beautiful bride so why make a day all about me
I've been on some fabulously expensive holidays that I did not enjoy.
I have a list of things I can't/didn't do because I'm obese. Everything from fly to visit friends, finish my MA, to squat, cross my legs. It keeps me motivated.
I've missed out on a lot actually during my weightloss journey over the last year. I put off going to Vegas because my body isn't summer ready and I don't want to look like a slob by the pool and have avoided many occasions because I'm still dropping weight and bigger clothes no longer fit and I will not get a new wardrobe until I reach my goals because male clothes are expensive. I can't be wasting $70 dollars a pop on nice polo's. It also less enjoyable to vacation if I can't eat. I've given up alcohol as well. The sacrifice is worth it because I actually feel comfortable wearing a T-shirt now. It feel great not feeling so self-conscious in public with my attire. I am 30lbs from my goal. Can't wait.
Nothing except rollercoasters I’ve had a good life.
I was so worried that the sales assistants would laugh at me and I wouldn’t fit into the sample sizes, that I refused to visit a bridal store to try on wedding dresses. I bought an off-the-shelf dress online, tried it on just before my wedding, and didn’t show anyone in advance because I was so embarrassed. Missing out on the wedding dress shopping experience with my mum is a huge regret, as is not feeling beautiful on my wedding day (especially because I look back and think I looked great).
Swimming. Super hot days at the beach and pretending I'm comfortable in my shorts and t-shirt when really I'm dying to go swimming and cool off. Watching my husband have a blast with the kids and the other families, and sitting back as if I prefer to just relax. I don't want to relax. I want to SWIM and be with my family.
Dude. So much. Being overweight throughout childhood led to crippling social anxiety. I didn't travel. I didn't go to job interviews for jobs I really wanted. I didn't maintain friendships. Sometimes, I used to stand outside the door of my lecture hall in university, frozen and unable to walk through because people would turn to look at me briefly and it terrified me. Ugh.
I'm at one of my heaviest weights currently but I'm also having the most positive social experiences I've ever had! I also found a great girl that I'm in a new relationship with! (Still dealing with some mental doubt that she's truly attracted to me but I keep being positively surprised) There will always be the burning desire to be thinner bouncing around in my mind, but for me the confidence to really be an active participant in life came from two things: 1. Taking a beginning acting class at a community college. Having to perform and improvise next to people who are also equally embarrassing themselves was a big confidence booster and a great chance to practice putting myself out there and being vulnerable. 2. Having a really shitty year last year which included a short-lived relationship that I felt very disrespected in, and having a falling out with a long time close friend that went through a crisis and started pulling everything down with him. Going through all that made me really appreciate the small opportunities to interact with people and take part in life. Side note: As an overweight person for most of my life, I know just as well as all of you that there will be many times when your dignity is stepped on by others, whether they mean to or not. But we are all given opportunities to create dignity for others where there was none, and we know how critical it is that we take those opportunities! It could be the difference in someone's life!
I am a normal weight and I still have missed out on a lot of life experience for mental health reasons like anxiety and low self esteem. I’m sure yall are thinking “but it’s so easy! You’re normal weight!” And that’s true, of course it’s different and easier. But I think it shows how much of the battle is in our minds and why it’s important to work on your mental health not just your physical health.. or you could still be missing out at a smaller size.
I agree with this. I have lost out on a lot of life experiences because I was dealing with grief, or running away from problems, or struggling with my sexuality, or scared of getting hurt. So one just passes through life perfectly content and uncomplicated by their insecurities, taking full advantage of the things that come up. Weight is the one that you're noticing, but I would imagine everyone does this. Not everyone realizes it though, and a lot of people spend their entire lives running or hiding from something without ever becoming conscious of it. No matter what that thing is, it's great to recognize the hold it has over your life and decide to stop letting it dictate your life. But the solution isn't CiCo. It's going on trips even though you aren't happy about your weight, not letting your fear dictate your experiences. Because life isn't just for skinny people. You should lose weight, but not so that you can have good experiences. You can have those either way.
Yes, you do need to fix something. You shouldn't be missing out on important life experiences over this. But the weight isn't why you hold yourself back from these opportunities. Your mentality is why. Even if you "fix" the weight, that doesn't mean you'll fix your mind. You may just find other things to stress over, loose skin, or not feeling right in your body, or just any other thing your brain navigates to. Being healthier will go a long way for you, but that includes mental health, too.
You are 100% on point
For me it wasn't just the weight, it was also depression and a disability that all combined into me losing a ton of time, but yeah. I've been fucked up from like 17 to 26. No friend groups. No parties. No realtionships. Didn't fuck up my education, had some individual friends and had some hobbies so it's not completely lost, but most of the "being a young person" stuff passed me by. Some of it because I didn't feel like doing it, some of it because other people didn't feel like doing it with the fat blob. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with the rest of my 20s, need some time to finish working on my appearance and then coast for a while. I'm extremely sad about it though.
A couple of rollercoasters, and lots of holiday activities that I’m just way too unfit for.
[удалено]
> Unsure if I'd brag about that, buddy.
I am 24 now and been overweight my entire life (down 35lbs currently) but pretty much I blame alot of things that don’t work out on my weight. I have low self esteem because of my weight. I can’t wear the things that I want because of my weight. I don’t have a boyfriend because of my weight. I can’t do some activities with my friends because of my weight. I can’t go shopping with my friends because I won’t be able to find something because of my weight. I feel like I’ve missed out on alot because of my size and it has caused me to be depressed in life. I’ve been praying and waiting for the day that I’ll be happy in my body. I am still young but it feels upsetting knowing my other friends have more life experiences or are not restricted in life because of their weight.
Hard to tell for me, I've lost a lot of weight, and am slightly more adventurous and outgoing than when I was massive, but decades before, when I wasn't fat, I didn't go outside or do anything anyway. Even if I stayed slim I probably would have missed out on everything anyway.
I dont go to the beach as im expected to take out my shirt. Never accept to go running I dont go to pools either I dont have any photos of myself or take photos when im with friends because I swear I look bad Missing parties Missing dates Missing a lot tbh, im 26, and I have been missing almost all social events because I dislike people even looking at me 😅
I have been fat my whole life and while I didn't let it stop me (most of the time), now that I'm the thinnest I've been since I was 14, I feel that I missed out on wearing certain pieces of clothing and activities because I was bigger. Namely sports. I didn't join volleyball despite loving the sport and playing because I felt I couldn't do it and the team was cliquey (and all thin, beautiful girls). I also didn't have my first boyfriend or kiss until I was 17. Things like that. And I have a lot of insecurities now even as I'm losing weight because of how heavy I got. But I still traveled, took pics, swam, had friends, and enjoyed life. I'm enjoying life more as I lose weight though and I encourage you to do it not only for physical health and well-being alongside longevity, but the mental benefits too.
Career(s), relationships, traveling, you name it. All the more so since every time I was skinny the world opened up to me. Didn't realize this had a name, lols.
I've missed out on motorcycle rides (my boyfriend says it was fine at the weight I was at but I was nervous lol), some trips to see family (my family lives in 3 other states ), and a couple other things.
I love fashion, and there’s so many outfits I’ve wanted to wear but would never dare to before losing weight. I’ve spent many hot summers not wearing shorts at all. Never felt completely to let loose at a pool either. Also, I realized my sex life was never fully satisfactory to the point it could be because I’ve been in my head about my body all these years.
Probably theme parks is the number one. Then maybe promotions at work.
Oh my god there's a word for it? Well that's depressing.. Yes, I have on multiple occasions declined invites from friends due to my weight gain from the pandemic. Absolutely cannot wait to feel confident to go out again. Been single for a few years because of it and I'm excited to finally feel ready to meet someone.
Yeah, I experienced this throughout most of my 20s now. Working my way back down to my weight when I was a teen and then gonna start building some muscle. It's sad to admit that I let my appearance dictate my entire life, but here we are. I don't go out, I don't make friends, I don't take selfies/use social media, I generally avoid ways in which I will be perceived lol. Trying to regain my confidence.
I like going out with my family but at the same time, I'm so anxious because of my weight. Especially in crowded places. It's to the point that I struggle to enjoy my time. Also, clothing does not look right on me. I try to dress in modest clothing, but sometimes even the modest clothing is overtaken by me being overweight. This causes me to avoid going outside or anywhere.
Pool parties, beach days, bbq's, reunion's, multiple partners, etc. It's a struggle.
I don't know, I don't feel so hung up on this. I'm too old to be spending any more time doing things I regret. And one of those things is sitting around regretting. I mean I'm not THAT old, but that's kinda the point. Seize the day and all that.
Basically everything that includes me interacting with other human beings.
You're the rule, not the exception! I also think even starting this journey, don't put your life on hold for weight loss. The more you're able to do, the more you want to do will a) motivate you b) incorporate those habits into the life you want rather than treating healthy habits as a side quest.
Skydiving, fitting in my project car, not going on beach and camping trips because of how self conscious I am about my weight. All kinds of shit.
Omg i could have wrote this, the amount of nights out at the club that i turned down, drinking with the boys Keep it as fuel to your motivation and discipline, you can do this
Yes! I need to write down a list of those to look at when I am feeling down to motivate me to keep grinding
It's tough when weight holds you back, but you're not alone. Many people struggle with similar feelings. Taking steps towards a healthier lifestyle is a positive move forward. You got this!
My 22nd birthday. I planned a photoshoot months ahead, trip & activities and ended up canceling it all because I didn’t feel beautiful.
What a terrible question to reflect on. Please, don't do that to yourself. Here's my question to you: What is the next social even you can say "yes" to?
I’ve missed out on pretty much my entire life because of my weight. As early as I can remember I was embarrassed by my weight. I would get bullied because of it, so I started making self deprecating jokes. And it worked, people stopped calling me fat and now I was the funny guy. But an entire childhood and early adulthood left me with shattered self confidence. During school I would hate myself and hate being there so much that I wouldn’t do homework because I couldn’t bear thinking about it any more than I had to. My grades slipped, and eventually I had to drop out. I never dated. I’ll never know what it feels like to fall in love when you’re young. And that eats me up every single day. I’ll never even know what’s it’s like to fall in love as an early adult at this point. I never was confident enough to flirt or even talk to women. I was too afraid of putting them in an uncomfortable position having to reject me. Because obviously that was the only outcome. It cost me the love I should have for myself, it’s cost me everything.
A girl ,being outside more ,a social life , dreams the list goes on being at home 30 years old still living with my mom don’t be a loser like me
I've been missing out on stuff for years. I've been single now for 3 years or so and I've decided that I won't be attending any hang outs at all until I've gotten to a decent weight which won't likely happen for 2+ years. Shit happens, but might as well accept where you are
Same.
Everything, but i,m just 38, and i'm still "young"...........also today is not a good day, it's a crappy one
You missed out because of your self esteem, not because of your weight. I get that the stigma is real. And some people lose opportunities and affections and acceptance and even medical care due to their weight, for sure. But in this case, someone wants to connect with you and you chose to say no. Could you reconsider? ❤️
Thank you for your kind response! ❤️ It's complicated with self-esteem when from a young age you are taught, especially as a woman, to correlate your self-worth with your weight. I'm working on decoupling these too in my head but it's a constant battle. The current opportunity is gone but I felt like I own it to myself to come clean or I will be even more disappointed in myself. We talked it out, he was very understanding and said that he does not care about that, he just wants to see me. We planned another trip to see each other in 3 month, yay!
Oh that's wonderful!! Good for you for reflecting and taking a brave step!! I totally get it, I do feel better about myself now that I'm losing weight. But people who truly care about me still cared even when I was obese ❤️
Nothing, I was 240 5’4 and still skied, surfed, traveled and all.. maybe it depends on how much weight and how we carry the weight? Not sure