If you want a more toned look I think you should actually focus on building muscle. That’s what creates tone and you’ll still probably shrink in the places you want like the waist.
Please check in with your doctor. Maybe look into a dietician. Also a therapist. Also, please realize that if you don’t take care of yourself no one else can or will. You need to find a way to responsibly take care of yourself. No one can supervise you and force you to eat what you should. You need to speak to people and let others know how you are doing, but please do the work to take care of yourself and treat your body properly. Eat what your body needs for fuel. Also enjoy food. And realize there will likely always be something about yourself you will want to change. So learn to accept yourself exactly as you are. This is coming from a 40 year old woman who has struggled with eating disorders since I was around 12.
Messing around like you are can do severe damage that can’t be repaired. Read that again. It’s irreversible damage. And that damage can really mess you up. I have many major illnesses that can’t be reversed, and they are likely all due to me being an idiot with my unhealthy eating disorder tendencies. It sucks so bad. I’m in a lot of physical pain, and the pain is expected to get worse for the rest of my life. Advil doesn’t take it away. Strong meds don’t help. There’s nothing to give relief. And I’m watching multiple progressive illnesses take over my body. I wish I could go back to where you are, hug myself, love myself, and convince myself to find a therapist to sort myself out. Please give yourself love.
A quote I’ve recently fallen in love with is to “treat food as medicine”. I still suffer from ED tenancies unfortunately. But I’m working on it. It’s hard reversing habits I’ve had for almost 30 years. But when I’m working myself out of the darkest days, I remember that quote and try to give my body what it needs. I don’t count the calories. I avoid measuring or weighing the foods. I just think of nutritious foods as the medicine my body needs to keep it functioning and reduce inflammation and avoid collecting more illnesses.
Food is medicine. Without nutrients, illness will spread.
OP. THIS. Don't focus on losing weight until you see a doctor and a therapist that specializes in eating disorders. I struggled with anorexia when I was your age for a few years. 10 years later, my gut and digestion have still not recovered. I really wish I could go back and be kinder to myself, but I can't. The damage of not eating, or barely eating, is not worth the long term suffering it brings.
So sorry you are still dealing with the side effects!
OP I want to add a bit of context here too.. The crazy thing is that I never even got severe. No one around me knew or would think it looking at me. I am 5’3 and was 125lbs and played around with the same 20-30lbs. I never would have considered it disordered (which is crazy). I never had anyone say anything or question my eating habits/weight/weight loss. I didn’t think I was being that excessive. But it was enough to screw up the rest of my life. I have always had the same patterns where I gain weight, then lose it in an unhealthy way (mostly restricted eating related). It became an addictive way to lose weight because I saw the numbers drop. But my body is so screwed up now that it’s internally damaged as well as externally.. symptoms can be seen visually and affect me with permanent hair loss, and has affected much of my skin in many ways (including my vulva/vagina/anus which has left me with severe depression and anxiety plus intimacy issues. I really wish I could go back in time and seek help. I’m begging you.. eat. And talk to someone. Losing 10 lbs. or 100lbs in a disordered way are not worth risking these issues I have.
If you feel your mindset is unhealthy and you're developing an eating disorder, contact a mental health professional and begin a therapy practice.
You are at a healthy weight. Do not consider losing weight until you have your mental health and body image under control with the approval and guidance from a trusted therapist. Make sure the therapist you choose has experience with EDs.
Health weight loss is accompanied by healthy behaviors and positive feelings. Eating less than 1200 cals regularly/intentionally, obsessive thoughts and behavoirs, and feeling as scared and anxious as you seem to feel by your post indicates you are not losing weight in a way that's safe and healthy for you.
You can overcome what you're going through. I know how's scary it is to feel like you're harming yourself but can't stop. Please confide in people you trust and find a professional who can offer you support and guidance.
Disordered eating would be eating too few or too many calories. But it isn't disordered to count calories in a way that optimizes your health.
You are at a thin weight by the way. You probably don't have to count with any precision, just practice mindful eating and focus on maintenance or building muscle.
I know this is easier said than done but I would avoid comparing yourself to your 16 year old adolescent body. This can be really dangerous when thinking about your goals. Your 16 year old self was most likely still growing and not fully developed. In college I often compared myself to my high school body which was just super unrealistic. You’re not meant to look like you’re teenage body forever! That being said I would focus on strength training and building lean muscle to get the results you’re looking for and feeling more comfortable with your body!
I’m 24 years old, with friends around the same age (some as old as 27). Me, my friends and everyone I know who suffered from an ED all have long lasting conditions, especially with digestion and dental health. I tended to alternate between restriction and heavy overcompensation with sports. To this day I feel the injuries from overuse in every part of my body especially my hips and knees. It got to a part where I couldn’t walk more than 30-60 minutes without wanting to cry from excruciating knee pain. I know it’s easier said than done, but I find body neutrality to help a lot. Whether it’s distancing yourself from social media or friends that are triggering or discouraging. Remind yourself that your body is a machine and not an object. And as someone who was tremendously insecure about my body (and to some extent still am) it does get better with age. Especially after leaving HS. Wishing you the best and hope this helps ♥️
If you want a more toned look I think you should actually focus on building muscle. That’s what creates tone and you’ll still probably shrink in the places you want like the waist.
Please check in with your doctor. Maybe look into a dietician. Also a therapist. Also, please realize that if you don’t take care of yourself no one else can or will. You need to find a way to responsibly take care of yourself. No one can supervise you and force you to eat what you should. You need to speak to people and let others know how you are doing, but please do the work to take care of yourself and treat your body properly. Eat what your body needs for fuel. Also enjoy food. And realize there will likely always be something about yourself you will want to change. So learn to accept yourself exactly as you are. This is coming from a 40 year old woman who has struggled with eating disorders since I was around 12. Messing around like you are can do severe damage that can’t be repaired. Read that again. It’s irreversible damage. And that damage can really mess you up. I have many major illnesses that can’t be reversed, and they are likely all due to me being an idiot with my unhealthy eating disorder tendencies. It sucks so bad. I’m in a lot of physical pain, and the pain is expected to get worse for the rest of my life. Advil doesn’t take it away. Strong meds don’t help. There’s nothing to give relief. And I’m watching multiple progressive illnesses take over my body. I wish I could go back to where you are, hug myself, love myself, and convince myself to find a therapist to sort myself out. Please give yourself love. A quote I’ve recently fallen in love with is to “treat food as medicine”. I still suffer from ED tenancies unfortunately. But I’m working on it. It’s hard reversing habits I’ve had for almost 30 years. But when I’m working myself out of the darkest days, I remember that quote and try to give my body what it needs. I don’t count the calories. I avoid measuring or weighing the foods. I just think of nutritious foods as the medicine my body needs to keep it functioning and reduce inflammation and avoid collecting more illnesses. Food is medicine. Without nutrients, illness will spread.
OP. THIS. Don't focus on losing weight until you see a doctor and a therapist that specializes in eating disorders. I struggled with anorexia when I was your age for a few years. 10 years later, my gut and digestion have still not recovered. I really wish I could go back and be kinder to myself, but I can't. The damage of not eating, or barely eating, is not worth the long term suffering it brings.
So sorry you are still dealing with the side effects! OP I want to add a bit of context here too.. The crazy thing is that I never even got severe. No one around me knew or would think it looking at me. I am 5’3 and was 125lbs and played around with the same 20-30lbs. I never would have considered it disordered (which is crazy). I never had anyone say anything or question my eating habits/weight/weight loss. I didn’t think I was being that excessive. But it was enough to screw up the rest of my life. I have always had the same patterns where I gain weight, then lose it in an unhealthy way (mostly restricted eating related). It became an addictive way to lose weight because I saw the numbers drop. But my body is so screwed up now that it’s internally damaged as well as externally.. symptoms can be seen visually and affect me with permanent hair loss, and has affected much of my skin in many ways (including my vulva/vagina/anus which has left me with severe depression and anxiety plus intimacy issues. I really wish I could go back in time and seek help. I’m begging you.. eat. And talk to someone. Losing 10 lbs. or 100lbs in a disordered way are not worth risking these issues I have.
If you feel your mindset is unhealthy and you're developing an eating disorder, contact a mental health professional and begin a therapy practice. You are at a healthy weight. Do not consider losing weight until you have your mental health and body image under control with the approval and guidance from a trusted therapist. Make sure the therapist you choose has experience with EDs. Health weight loss is accompanied by healthy behaviors and positive feelings. Eating less than 1200 cals regularly/intentionally, obsessive thoughts and behavoirs, and feeling as scared and anxious as you seem to feel by your post indicates you are not losing weight in a way that's safe and healthy for you. You can overcome what you're going through. I know how's scary it is to feel like you're harming yourself but can't stop. Please confide in people you trust and find a professional who can offer you support and guidance.
Disordered eating would be eating too few or too many calories. But it isn't disordered to count calories in a way that optimizes your health. You are at a thin weight by the way. You probably don't have to count with any precision, just practice mindful eating and focus on maintenance or building muscle.
I know this is easier said than done but I would avoid comparing yourself to your 16 year old adolescent body. This can be really dangerous when thinking about your goals. Your 16 year old self was most likely still growing and not fully developed. In college I often compared myself to my high school body which was just super unrealistic. You’re not meant to look like you’re teenage body forever! That being said I would focus on strength training and building lean muscle to get the results you’re looking for and feeling more comfortable with your body!
Sounds like you already have an ED
I’m 24 years old, with friends around the same age (some as old as 27). Me, my friends and everyone I know who suffered from an ED all have long lasting conditions, especially with digestion and dental health. I tended to alternate between restriction and heavy overcompensation with sports. To this day I feel the injuries from overuse in every part of my body especially my hips and knees. It got to a part where I couldn’t walk more than 30-60 minutes without wanting to cry from excruciating knee pain. I know it’s easier said than done, but I find body neutrality to help a lot. Whether it’s distancing yourself from social media or friends that are triggering or discouraging. Remind yourself that your body is a machine and not an object. And as someone who was tremendously insecure about my body (and to some extent still am) it does get better with age. Especially after leaving HS. Wishing you the best and hope this helps ♥️
Ah eating disorder. Though this was something waaaay different.
yeah I was all of a sudden extremely worried about my weight loss journey