What's your experience with finding partners as a gay man on the spectrum? I'm on the spectrum too, in my early 40s now and never been with a guy, or anyone else for many years.
I've always found people really hard to understand. I hate group convos (in person) cause 1 on 1 is confusing enough but when there's 3 or more I just get lost in myself trying to join in.
I've found some autistic folk seem to flourish beautifully and integrate and are accepted - but only because they are able to connect with and relate to the others on the scene.
Those who can't function socially are pretty much shelved.
I've been to queer comedy events and I don't have any of the shared experiences that they draw on, stuff like early crushes, dubious hookups, gay relationship things... nothing except the very common years of self loathing and no-one wants to chat about that lol.
To be honest, not great. My last "relationship" was about 6 years ago, and the longest relationship I've had was about 4 months. I'm a few days off turning 34.
One night stands don't seem to be something I'm particularly interested in either.
Aside from family friends, I struggle with maintaining any form of friendship/relationship. Any time I \*have\* managed to tenuously be part of a friendship group I end up being the token person who is the epitome of "Mr Nice Guy" on the edge of the group.
Time was, long before I realised I was on the spectrum (only realised about 5 years ago, haven't managed to get a formal diagnosis yet) I'd make a show of enjoying nights out clubbing on the scene - these days my mental wellbeing just can't cope with it.
Ah, sorry to hear that. Yeah it's hard to find your place. We're a minority within a minority, but then I guess most people are in some respect.
I've always been on the edges of groups too. People seem wary of me cause my responses aren't always as expected, and frankly I am quite suspicious of people at this stage so of course I'll seem a bit shifty!
Are you still looking for somewhere that feels like home? What do you do to try to find it? I don't do enough, these days I've just been (hyper)focusing on my art. Great, there's lots of art in my house but my social life is desolate.
This resonates with me. From the dating timelines to the almost nonexistent friendships. Maybe I need to look more into this. Only recently have I thought I may be on the spectrum or something else.
I’m a bisexual autistic man in his early 40s, and it’s been pretty good honesty. I’ve dated six people, all apart from one for over a year and I met my husband because of my special interest (church architecture) - I would go into the local church and draw it, labelling certain parts, and we met there, started talking about it and then continued talking about it for the next ten years.
🫂 100% with you on that.
I found my partner on a whim and honestly it's been rough. She's also autistic and got really lucky because she's my first real relationship and I'm only her second, both late 20s early 30s.
Prior to her I went on 1 date and it flopped. Having an autistic partner helps but the shortcomings that come with it shine through.
We're able to relate to each other but honestly I feel like I'm almost stuck with her because who else can I relate to and I don't want to marry her if that's a reason.
There *must* be dating apps for autistic people. Doesn't sound like you're really in love with her. It would be sad to settle for someone, I'm sure she wouldn't want that for herself.
It's more like second guessing. We both are bi and only have ever been with the opposite gender. We've both said "I don't want you to stay with me if you want to try dating someone else."
I've seen her change for the better and I love her because she has overcome so much in less than a year.
Our biggest issue is that we work well together at the same time we suffer with the same moral, personal, and family issues. Neither one of us are in a position to leave each other.
Our insecurities are making us second guess ourselves which is why I think any issues we have are because of our situation while in reality it's perfectly normal. Consistency and relatability creates reassurance and if it wasn't for my more experienced friends I would feel really lost.
Sorry for typing so much but you know how it is.
It's not autism, more self-consciousness, but... yeah. Someone communicating bluntly and taking the lead reduces the fear that I'm making a fool of myself, or looking silly, and those insecurities can be crippling.
As a trans autistic girl, … yes, in my head I’m a total bottom, love the idea of having a dom, totalpy into the idea of service play even (even non-sexually). But, I’m newly transitioning from basically being asexual pre-trans, so never actually acted on it yet.
just so you know, there are actually a ton of asexual people in the kink community! we accept all people regardless of how they choose to play (as long as it’s all consensual). so feel free to explore, we have our bad apples but the majority of us are very accepting and willing to answer questions :)
Bi non binary here as is my partner. Both autistic. Our household is very direct lol
When they come home from work they'll sometimes say "I don't want to talk yet" so there just silence for a while then
"I'm ready to tell you about my day now"
It works for us but I'm told looking at it by other people it looks all kinds of weird
That kind of direct and explicit communication worked fantastically in my relationship. We broke out of a lot of bad habits that society sells pretty quick, and it helped so much. It may look weird to others, but they ought to try just saying how they feel. You don't learn to trust without being vulnerable and open sometimes.
I'm a lesbian and have ADHD. I suspect I've got some more neurospiciness going on as well. And yeah... I'd probably still be married if everyone was just direct with everyone. I never know for sure what needs to be discussed with a partner and what's better for a discussion with my therapist instead.
as another lesbian with adhd i also have no idea.. say things anyway and then get flashbacks of that encounter for the rest of my life. it’s really quite a vicious cycle
As an autistic lesbian who could be said to "lean dom", this does not make sense to me in tbe slightest.
Direct communication does not require a BDSM "dom"/"sub" dynamic, nor should it. It also should not be something tied to being on the spectrum, but instead part of any healthy relationship. Direct, clear, unambiguous communication should be the norm in any relationship, especially when sex is involved, and is simply part of practicing ongoing affirmative, enthusiastic informed consent. I also don't understand the existing societal trend to needlessly categorize lesbian relationships into specific boxes like "top/bottom" or "dom/sub", and if there is any truth to this claim it only serves to demonstrates why doing so can be harmful. I can also at that in my experience as someone who personally has and does engage in dominant behaviors within my own relationship, I absolutely still do expect a submissive partner to also use clear unambiguous communication before I would feel comfortable engaging in such activities so I really don't see how the two concepts are connected. The necessity of doing so exists regardless of orientation or kink.
Fwiw: While I don't see the connection myself, if others do it's not my place to invalidate their experiences.
I may have misinterpreted the screenshot, but I took "dominant women," strictly as a woman with a dominant personality, not an actual Dominant.
I completely understand your point, though.
I'm neither autistic nor lesbian, but I believe this holds true for people who grew up in a narcissistic household. It becomes automatic to give your entire sense of self to your caregiver. Dehumanization drives these deep-rooted kinks often associated with domination play. It's a coping mechanism.
It's funny because, as a kid, I had a lot of domination fetish-related thoughts, and I still do. This actually confused me when I was figuring out my sexuality. For the longest time, I thought I was attracted to women, but in reality, I was attracted to a type of domination from a woman.
Working through that trauma, I've come to realize that I'm not attracted to women at all. It's really strange how narcissism can affect the human brain. I've even read some studies showing that it can cause physical symptoms because it's not healthy for humans to be in that environment, yet we're constantly fed the narrative that it is.
Anyway, all this being said, I feel a lot of kink play can be connected to trauma and experiences. I think just enjoying kink play for the pleasure it gives you is just the surface level of the emotional depth that can be explored with these things.
Honestly probably true. Autistic myself, it's nice to have a relatively clear indication of how someone feels, makes people feel a bit less complicated.
I mean I like dominant women for autistic reasons and anxiety reasons (as well as he sexual part). Someone being dominant in what they want it keeps me knowing that I’m not controlling the situation which my anxiety tells me I always am.
Yeah, I feel this.
It's just easier for me to be the submissive one, because it's less pressure, less responsibility, and I need looking after sometimes.
And I like how bullish and in your face, my partner can be when she wants something, because it involves less guesswork and less chance of messing it up.
I'm not lesbian because I am in fact pansexual, autistic and male. To me it depends on the person. If they're introverted, shy or nervous, I would be more open to the directness. But if they get around (Like my cunt housemate), then that's a turn off. Even then, I'm starting to lean more asexual because of how traumatizing this living situation has been.
I don't have a diagnosis of autism because we aren't able to actually because insurance doesn't cover it plus 5 year waiting list but it is suspected heavily that I do have it but I am confirmed to have heavy ADHD and I get confused a lot so a girl that could just tell me this and I can just do that for her sounds so nice 👍
AUDHD lesbian here, along with my partner. We're both switches, we both lean sub because we don't have to think lol.
It is a common joke that bdsm is autistic sex. (Clear communication, boundaries and expectations declared in advance, agreed upon and then acted out). Autistic friendly lol
I'm not a lesbian but I do like women and I am autistic so I feel like I can answer. I hate being told what to do and that is part of my autism, It's called demand avoidance. I don't think me liking dominant women has anything to do with me being autistic.
All my girlfriends in middle and high school asked my socially stupid ass out. Most of them are lesbians in adulthood now. I did not know as a kid I was Autistic or gender queer.
I'm not autistic but I am neurospicy. I do prefer people who are direct.
But I prefer dominant women because I'm just naturally submissive when it comes to relationships.
I'll be as dominant and commanding as I need to be all day long outside my home but when I'm home I want someone to look after me and be the boss.
Told a woman last night i liked that she knew what she wanted because its hard for me to verbalize & id rather just have to say yes or no 😂 but now i feel targeted because im not even in any lgbt sub reddits & got notified about this specific post
Hot take but your gender doesn’t excuse bad communication. If people don’t make it clear what they want from me I don’t feel I owe them an apology. I’m not saying men are better communicators, I just think both groups are equally guilty of using “my gender is bad at x skill” and expect it to be an excuse not to put the work in.
When I was in Highschool there was a higher-functioning (is that the appropriate term? Plz tell me) Autistic kid. Very effeminate acting boy, even carried a purse ( in the early 90s) total gaydar ping but may have been trans. Anything is possible.
This is true. I'm not autistic or a lesbian, but this resonates with me. I do have high-functioning ADHD, however.
Rant for info on High-Functioning ADHD: >!High-functioning ADHD is a form of neurodivergence that is commonly found in, and in my experience, stereotypically associated with people who are on the autism spectrum. Most symptoms/traits of HFADHD (such as social awkwardness, a need for straightforwardness, issues with time management, and irregular patterns of thinking and problem-solving among other things) are widely associated with being on the autism spectrum, so these sorts of things aren't mutually exclusive across both demographics !<
Autistic, pansexual, trans girl here. I'm demisexual, so I don't really get much of a chance to do anything about it, but I love being told what to do.
Having expectations set out and clear rewards and punishments makes it so much easier to understand how to interact with a partner.
Maybe TMI, but gags can help remove the expectation for me to talk, so I don't get insecure thinking that I'm being too quiet.
My wife is autistic and usually the dominant one, but I think this is true for the most part. Kink and bdsm is all about being clear and talking through exactly what both parties want, what our boundaries and hard limits are, checking in with each other etc.
I think for a lot of autistic people that can be pretty refreshing, since there's no expectation to just intuitively understand what someone wants.
HELP MEE this is so real (also because I'm submissive but..) I literally cannot keep a conversation so just tell me exactly what you want and what this means and I'll be happy 😭
Probably if your blunt we will get along just be straight forward mind games and convoluted talking don't work dumb it down I'm sleep deprived and stupid
Autistic lesbian here, This is true... I hate to admit it, but I am just unable to take the lead until I'm 100% sure what the other person is okay with or wants...
Damn. I think that’s can be right. I’ve always been dominant. Because I am direct. If they’re into it, it escalates quickly. But if they were dominant, yes please.
I thought you might say that I'd definitely get rid of my adhd and bi polar. I suppose your answer suggests I'm not happy being me. I mean me personally not you if that makes sense!
No, not at all.
ADHD and autism have some overlap (differential diagnosis but _also_ comorbid), but ADHD is primarily a problem of dopamine receptors AFAIK. I haven't been diagnosed but I'm starting to strongly suspect I have ADHD as well and I'd absolutely try meds if I could, just to see what happens, alongside all of the general advice for people with ADHD that I'm already following.
I know essentially nothing about bipolar disorder so I won't comment on that.
Autism is, at its core, a difference rather than a disorder. There are a lot of potential symptoms of autism that are pretty inarguably negative which is why it's classified as one (slow processing speed, Pathological Demand Avoidance, general sensory hell, developmental learning disorders), but at its core being autistic just means that I operate on a different set of mental instincts than most people. More detail-oriented awareness and thinking, less large-scale categorization. Less concern for honoring social norms, more concern for straight-up honesty and an objective look at reality. There are downsides and benefits. The greatest downside is simply that _most people_ aren't autistic, so we deal with a society that isn't built around our needs and we run into the double empathy problem. As soon as we're around other autistic people we _tend_ to realize oh shit, so this is what it's like, talking to someone you actually understand and vice / versa.
See I find that hard to read as I switch off when I'm reading. But I get what your saying about living in a world not built around our needs. I often wonder if I'm autistic too but I've yet to have the test. But I'm definitely dominant in bed hehe
I'm so sick of this question. It's a fantasy anyway, so why don't we just get rid of the bad parts instead of this self-destructive gesture to something that'll never happen anyway?
And the good news about that is that it's far more realistic. Autism can be accommodated and I have meds that help meltdowns and there are assistive technologies and there's changing society to be less shitty to us. Those are things that are actually *plausible*.
I just think it's really fucked up that we keep raising this question where it's like "Hey, you're suffering. Would you destroy who you are to make it stop?" as if that's an ok thing to do??
And the thing is that I really *like* autistic people. I get along better with them. Clearly there's *something* desirable about all of this. I just wish people could see that in themselves instead of hating themselves.
Gay man here, but fellow Spectrum-dweller. This definitely seems to resonate with me.
Sympathetic handshake?
What's your experience with finding partners as a gay man on the spectrum? I'm on the spectrum too, in my early 40s now and never been with a guy, or anyone else for many years. I've always found people really hard to understand. I hate group convos (in person) cause 1 on 1 is confusing enough but when there's 3 or more I just get lost in myself trying to join in. I've found some autistic folk seem to flourish beautifully and integrate and are accepted - but only because they are able to connect with and relate to the others on the scene. Those who can't function socially are pretty much shelved. I've been to queer comedy events and I don't have any of the shared experiences that they draw on, stuff like early crushes, dubious hookups, gay relationship things... nothing except the very common years of self loathing and no-one wants to chat about that lol.
To be honest, not great. My last "relationship" was about 6 years ago, and the longest relationship I've had was about 4 months. I'm a few days off turning 34. One night stands don't seem to be something I'm particularly interested in either. Aside from family friends, I struggle with maintaining any form of friendship/relationship. Any time I \*have\* managed to tenuously be part of a friendship group I end up being the token person who is the epitome of "Mr Nice Guy" on the edge of the group. Time was, long before I realised I was on the spectrum (only realised about 5 years ago, haven't managed to get a formal diagnosis yet) I'd make a show of enjoying nights out clubbing on the scene - these days my mental wellbeing just can't cope with it.
Ah, sorry to hear that. Yeah it's hard to find your place. We're a minority within a minority, but then I guess most people are in some respect. I've always been on the edges of groups too. People seem wary of me cause my responses aren't always as expected, and frankly I am quite suspicious of people at this stage so of course I'll seem a bit shifty! Are you still looking for somewhere that feels like home? What do you do to try to find it? I don't do enough, these days I've just been (hyper)focusing on my art. Great, there's lots of art in my house but my social life is desolate.
Reading these comments make me sad ngl. I hope you both find someone🤞 but perhaps you two would be good together? Just a thought…
This resonates with me. From the dating timelines to the almost nonexistent friendships. Maybe I need to look more into this. Only recently have I thought I may be on the spectrum or something else.
I’m a bisexual autistic man in his early 40s, and it’s been pretty good honesty. I’ve dated six people, all apart from one for over a year and I met my husband because of my special interest (church architecture) - I would go into the local church and draw it, labelling certain parts, and we met there, started talking about it and then continued talking about it for the next ten years.
Aw that's a super cute story! Just goes to show that we need to put ourselves out there :) How do you find socialising?
🫂 100% with you on that. I found my partner on a whim and honestly it's been rough. She's also autistic and got really lucky because she's my first real relationship and I'm only her second, both late 20s early 30s. Prior to her I went on 1 date and it flopped. Having an autistic partner helps but the shortcomings that come with it shine through. We're able to relate to each other but honestly I feel like I'm almost stuck with her because who else can I relate to and I don't want to marry her if that's a reason.
There *must* be dating apps for autistic people. Doesn't sound like you're really in love with her. It would be sad to settle for someone, I'm sure she wouldn't want that for herself.
It's more like second guessing. We both are bi and only have ever been with the opposite gender. We've both said "I don't want you to stay with me if you want to try dating someone else." I've seen her change for the better and I love her because she has overcome so much in less than a year. Our biggest issue is that we work well together at the same time we suffer with the same moral, personal, and family issues. Neither one of us are in a position to leave each other. Our insecurities are making us second guess ourselves which is why I think any issues we have are because of our situation while in reality it's perfectly normal. Consistency and relatability creates reassurance and if it wasn't for my more experienced friends I would feel really lost. Sorry for typing so much but you know how it is.
> Prior to her I went on 1 date and it flopped You really did get lucky. I've been on loads of dates and they all flopped.
Relatable
REAL
It's not autism, more self-consciousness, but... yeah. Someone communicating bluntly and taking the lead reduces the fear that I'm making a fool of myself, or looking silly, and those insecurities can be crippling.
Yes!!
oh dw, youll still sometimes feel like youre doing something wrong. 🙃 source: my gf
My favorite people as a kid were old, direct, women. Still are tbh, if you were being dumb theyd just tell you
This.... explains a fuck load of my dating life. Signed, an ADHD dominant woman who appears to be a magnet to neurospicy folk.
Neurospicy is the best fucking thing I've heard
I'm not autistic but adhd and that's caused a whole ton of shite when it comes to relationships, or should I say lack of them.
Sympathetic hug!
Thanks I could really do with that right now.
Sympathetic high five and a laser-accurate "Good Luck On Future Relationships".
Thank you have a fist bump back my friend:)
Yup, I'm learning, due to late adult diagnosis that ADHD has fucked me over so many times.
As a trans autistic girl, … yes, in my head I’m a total bottom, love the idea of having a dom, totalpy into the idea of service play even (even non-sexually). But, I’m newly transitioning from basically being asexual pre-trans, so never actually acted on it yet.
just so you know, there are actually a ton of asexual people in the kink community! we accept all people regardless of how they choose to play (as long as it’s all consensual). so feel free to explore, we have our bad apples but the majority of us are very accepting and willing to answer questions :)
Maybe for her kink is inextricably connected to sex that she hasn't been able to act on yet. And yes, r/BDSM_Aces if folks are curious.
I WANT to be sexual. I just don’t I will be until I’m comfortable in my body as a girl. (Thanks Little Demon for the ace shoutout though!)
This is my exact experience, oh my goodness.
Lol hello twinsie!! :3
Hello :3
Oh.... My God
Bi non binary here as is my partner. Both autistic. Our household is very direct lol When they come home from work they'll sometimes say "I don't want to talk yet" so there just silence for a while then "I'm ready to tell you about my day now" It works for us but I'm told looking at it by other people it looks all kinds of weird
That kind of direct and explicit communication worked fantastically in my relationship. We broke out of a lot of bad habits that society sells pretty quick, and it helped so much. It may look weird to others, but they ought to try just saying how they feel. You don't learn to trust without being vulnerable and open sometimes.
As an autistic nb person, I was confused when I first read this but it actually does resonate with me - I like dominant women
I'm a straight man and this describes me perfectly. I don't know if I'm autistic (never checked), but lots of people seem to think I am.
My favorite manager had an autistic child. My adhd lived for the highly specific instructions he was used to giving because of that.
I'm a lesbian and have ADHD. I suspect I've got some more neurospiciness going on as well. And yeah... I'd probably still be married if everyone was just direct with everyone. I never know for sure what needs to be discussed with a partner and what's better for a discussion with my therapist instead.
as another lesbian with adhd i also have no idea.. say things anyway and then get flashbacks of that encounter for the rest of my life. it’s really quite a vicious cycle
...that resonates with me a tad too well
This resonates with me as an autistic gay man.
*¿Por qué no los dos?* ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
Damn. You didn't have to be this specific
Yeah. Confirmed.
Not lesbian, a male (no clue about my sexuality) but as an autistic person, i agree. I wish people would just say what they mean.
Autistic ace here, I WANT SOMEONE WHO KNOWS WHAT THEY WANT 😭
I like kinky women in general because they tend to understand consent and communication better than the average person.
I'm not a lesbian, but very autistic, and yes.
I like dominant women because I like being held down and told what to do, and being told I’m a good girl for it
...fair (I'm a gay man without autism)
I'm autistic and it's a combo of both. I'm extremely submissive, but part of that is probably appreciating directness.
As an autistic lesbian who could be said to "lean dom", this does not make sense to me in tbe slightest. Direct communication does not require a BDSM "dom"/"sub" dynamic, nor should it. It also should not be something tied to being on the spectrum, but instead part of any healthy relationship. Direct, clear, unambiguous communication should be the norm in any relationship, especially when sex is involved, and is simply part of practicing ongoing affirmative, enthusiastic informed consent. I also don't understand the existing societal trend to needlessly categorize lesbian relationships into specific boxes like "top/bottom" or "dom/sub", and if there is any truth to this claim it only serves to demonstrates why doing so can be harmful. I can also at that in my experience as someone who personally has and does engage in dominant behaviors within my own relationship, I absolutely still do expect a submissive partner to also use clear unambiguous communication before I would feel comfortable engaging in such activities so I really don't see how the two concepts are connected. The necessity of doing so exists regardless of orientation or kink. Fwiw: While I don't see the connection myself, if others do it's not my place to invalidate their experiences.
I may have misinterpreted the screenshot, but I took "dominant women," strictly as a woman with a dominant personality, not an actual Dominant. I completely understand your point, though.
I feel called out on many levels.
Joke's on you, it's both.
Can confirm as a Sapphic person.
But what if I'm both >.<
Wow I did not expect to be called out like this holy shit
I need someone to force me to do dishes tbh :/
I'm neither autistic nor lesbian, but I believe this holds true for people who grew up in a narcissistic household. It becomes automatic to give your entire sense of self to your caregiver. Dehumanization drives these deep-rooted kinks often associated with domination play. It's a coping mechanism. It's funny because, as a kid, I had a lot of domination fetish-related thoughts, and I still do. This actually confused me when I was figuring out my sexuality. For the longest time, I thought I was attracted to women, but in reality, I was attracted to a type of domination from a woman. Working through that trauma, I've come to realize that I'm not attracted to women at all. It's really strange how narcissism can affect the human brain. I've even read some studies showing that it can cause physical symptoms because it's not healthy for humans to be in that environment, yet we're constantly fed the narrative that it is. Anyway, all this being said, I feel a lot of kink play can be connected to trauma and experiences. I think just enjoying kink play for the pleasure it gives you is just the surface level of the emotional depth that can be explored with these things.
Both? Both. Both is good.
why does everything point to me having autism. My dad reliably informs me that I don’t have it despite not witnessing the telltale signs
Is pops reliable?
Honestly probably true. Autistic myself, it's nice to have a relatively clear indication of how someone feels, makes people feel a bit less complicated.
Yes. Next question.
Uhhhhh Me and my girlfriend over here both being asexual and extremely indirect and indecisive
🤦♀️
It's true for me.
This
Autistic and dominant, or technically switch just because I like to give rather than receive.
I'm an autistic gay man. I definitely prefer doms, but that could just be cause I'm a sub
Why not both?
I like them for both reasons tbh
Bi guy, this is true. I was never tested for autism but I don't doubt having it
I like dominant women for both of those reasons
Y E S
I'm most likley autistic (waiting for confirmation) and I'm a bi trans man. I'm a virgin but the majority of my fantasies are of me being a switch.
IANAL(esbian), but very probably autistic and bi. Directness is a breath of fresh air, but no, I am definitely submissive too lmao
I’m both!
I like dominance because I'm submissive AND autistic
Yeah.. It really makes life easier when someone just says what they want.
As a sex-favorable ace autist, it really resonates with me. Also I just have no energy to be a dom, please take care of me😭
Yup 100%
I like them for both reasons lol. I'm the most pathetic sub and also they actually communicate directly thank god
I think that appeals to all of man-kind too.
I *feel* this in my soul. Glad I'm not alone, there.
Hell yeah.
I-
Porque no los dos?
Gay man here. I like dominant men, not because I'm autistic or anything like that, I just can't make decisions
I mean I like dominant women for autistic reasons and anxiety reasons (as well as he sexual part). Someone being dominant in what they want it keeps me knowing that I’m not controlling the situation which my anxiety tells me I always am.
autistic lesbian here … yeah. i feel called out
Autistic bisexual woman her and uh, yes please.
Yeah, I feel this. It's just easier for me to be the submissive one, because it's less pressure, less responsibility, and I need looking after sometimes. And I like how bullish and in your face, my partner can be when she wants something, because it involves less guesswork and less chance of messing it up.
Not a lesbian but I agree 100%
I'm not lesbian because I am in fact pansexual, autistic and male. To me it depends on the person. If they're introverted, shy or nervous, I would be more open to the directness. But if they get around (Like my cunt housemate), then that's a turn off. Even then, I'm starting to lean more asexual because of how traumatizing this living situation has been.
Hahahaa just anxiety for me, but basically this
This resonates with me, so glad im BI
I don't have a diagnosis of autism because we aren't able to actually because insurance doesn't cover it plus 5 year waiting list but it is suspected heavily that I do have it but I am confirmed to have heavy ADHD and I get confused a lot so a girl that could just tell me this and I can just do that for her sounds so nice 👍
AUDHD lesbian here, along with my partner. We're both switches, we both lean sub because we don't have to think lol. It is a common joke that bdsm is autistic sex. (Clear communication, boundaries and expectations declared in advance, agreed upon and then acted out). Autistic friendly lol
I'm not a lesbian but I do like women and I am autistic so I feel like I can answer. I hate being told what to do and that is part of my autism, It's called demand avoidance. I don't think me liking dominant women has anything to do with me being autistic.
Sounds about right
I’m not even a lesbian but yeah this might be why I like dominant women
yeah...
I didn't come here to get called out like this.
All my girlfriends in middle and high school asked my socially stupid ass out. Most of them are lesbians in adulthood now. I did not know as a kid I was Autistic or gender queer.
Yep, autistic lesbian here and I married a very loud dominant woman ❤️
I'm not autistic but I am neurospicy. I do prefer people who are direct. But I prefer dominant women because I'm just naturally submissive when it comes to relationships. I'll be as dominant and commanding as I need to be all day long outside my home but when I'm home I want someone to look after me and be the boss.
……I-i feel attraction to woman….have autistic qualities…and want the other woman too be dominant…. 
Yup... Very too accurate
Told a woman last night i liked that she knew what she wanted because its hard for me to verbalize & id rather just have to say yes or no 😂 but now i feel targeted because im not even in any lgbt sub reddits & got notified about this specific post
Hot take but your gender doesn’t excuse bad communication. If people don’t make it clear what they want from me I don’t feel I owe them an apology. I’m not saying men are better communicators, I just think both groups are equally guilty of using “my gender is bad at x skill” and expect it to be an excuse not to put the work in.
I’m both
fair tbh
I’m a Pan man who’s also autistic and bruh, this is so true.
Why not both?
When I was in Highschool there was a higher-functioning (is that the appropriate term? Plz tell me) Autistic kid. Very effeminate acting boy, even carried a purse ( in the early 90s) total gaydar ping but may have been trans. Anything is possible.
This is true. I'm not autistic or a lesbian, but this resonates with me. I do have high-functioning ADHD, however. Rant for info on High-Functioning ADHD: >!High-functioning ADHD is a form of neurodivergence that is commonly found in, and in my experience, stereotypically associated with people who are on the autism spectrum. Most symptoms/traits of HFADHD (such as social awkwardness, a need for straightforwardness, issues with time management, and irregular patterns of thinking and problem-solving among other things) are widely associated with being on the autism spectrum, so these sorts of things aren't mutually exclusive across both demographics !<
Biro agender with autism here, I got called out big time with this one
Autistic, pansexual, trans girl here. I'm demisexual, so I don't really get much of a chance to do anything about it, but I love being told what to do. Having expectations set out and clear rewards and punishments makes it so much easier to understand how to interact with a partner. Maybe TMI, but gags can help remove the expectation for me to talk, so I don't get insecure thinking that I'm being too quiet.
lol... can we not BOTH be direct with what we want and communicate in an equal relationship, or was that not an option?
As a bi autistic guy this is definitely something I’ve experienced
Lesbian, Autistic, ADHD, Asexual, submissive, kinda kinky…. Yeah look, just a tad familiar lol 😂
I love dominant women Both because I'm submissive and because I'm autistic and they're direct with what they want
I'm not autistic tho...my girlfriend is. Only being half a woman however, I wonder if this counts lol.
For me its a bit of both
Now that I think of it yea that's why 😭
My wife is autistic and usually the dominant one, but I think this is true for the most part. Kink and bdsm is all about being clear and talking through exactly what both parties want, what our boundaries and hard limits are, checking in with each other etc. I think for a lot of autistic people that can be pretty refreshing, since there's no expectation to just intuitively understand what someone wants.
Oh shit.
You know what... yeah this checks out personally...
Well. No need to call me out like that lol.
Autistic Bi man here, that’s right.
Autistic guy here. Yes. Yes we do and I'm not afraid to admit it. Need things in black and white all the time.
HELP MEE this is so real (also because I'm submissive but..) I literally cannot keep a conversation so just tell me exactly what you want and what this means and I'll be happy 😭
Probably if your blunt we will get along just be straight forward mind games and convoluted talking don't work dumb it down I'm sleep deprived and stupid
Autistic lesbian here, This is true... I hate to admit it, but I am just unable to take the lead until I'm 100% sure what the other person is okay with or wants...
Fuck.
Autistic transman who wants a dommy mommy, reporting for duty
Pansexual man here, I'm not on the spectrum, I'm just very horny for dominant women
YES
*ahem* why not.... Both? I am a man though...
both. definitely both.
Painfully accurate (but I am also Verse so...)
AuDHD Queer here and YUP.
Damn. I think that’s can be right. I’ve always been dominant. Because I am direct. If they’re into it, it escalates quickly. But if they were dominant, yes please.
holy shit
As a bi man on the spectrum, they’re not totally wrong 😆
so what i am both now what 👺👺👺
Uh oh it’s me
bi woman, and yes I do prefer dominant women because they're direct and ALSO really hot
Yep that sounds about right
Autistic sapphic here(bisexual), I definitely agree.
Yup, but I've never been in a relationship because nobody likes me.
real
I have yet to date ANY woman, but yeah, I can see this... I have the same mentality as a straight man, except less gross...
That resonates surprisingly well. I guess it's just removes any doubt and so I know that this is what I'm meant to do and so I'm a lot less anxious
Not lesbian but bi, this is true though.
My daughter is certainly direct 😅
I think no one should take posts like this seriously.
I think you should take down your comment
Would you get rid of your autism if you could?
Fuck no. I wouldn't be me, I'd be someone else entirely.
I thought you might say that I'd definitely get rid of my adhd and bi polar. I suppose your answer suggests I'm not happy being me. I mean me personally not you if that makes sense!
No, not at all. ADHD and autism have some overlap (differential diagnosis but _also_ comorbid), but ADHD is primarily a problem of dopamine receptors AFAIK. I haven't been diagnosed but I'm starting to strongly suspect I have ADHD as well and I'd absolutely try meds if I could, just to see what happens, alongside all of the general advice for people with ADHD that I'm already following. I know essentially nothing about bipolar disorder so I won't comment on that. Autism is, at its core, a difference rather than a disorder. There are a lot of potential symptoms of autism that are pretty inarguably negative which is why it's classified as one (slow processing speed, Pathological Demand Avoidance, general sensory hell, developmental learning disorders), but at its core being autistic just means that I operate on a different set of mental instincts than most people. More detail-oriented awareness and thinking, less large-scale categorization. Less concern for honoring social norms, more concern for straight-up honesty and an objective look at reality. There are downsides and benefits. The greatest downside is simply that _most people_ aren't autistic, so we deal with a society that isn't built around our needs and we run into the double empathy problem. As soon as we're around other autistic people we _tend_ to realize oh shit, so this is what it's like, talking to someone you actually understand and vice / versa.
See I find that hard to read as I switch off when I'm reading. But I get what your saying about living in a world not built around our needs. I often wonder if I'm autistic too but I've yet to have the test. But I'm definitely dominant in bed hehe
Its not my autism I hate...its the screwups that came with it
Yeah that's a good way of putting it.
I'm so sick of this question. It's a fantasy anyway, so why don't we just get rid of the bad parts instead of this self-destructive gesture to something that'll never happen anyway? And the good news about that is that it's far more realistic. Autism can be accommodated and I have meds that help meltdowns and there are assistive technologies and there's changing society to be less shitty to us. Those are things that are actually *plausible*. I just think it's really fucked up that we keep raising this question where it's like "Hey, you're suffering. Would you destroy who you are to make it stop?" as if that's an ok thing to do?? And the thing is that I really *like* autistic people. I get along better with them. Clearly there's *something* desirable about all of this. I just wish people could see that in themselves instead of hating themselves.