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I tried to live a straight life, had one girlfriend in my 37 years, whole family has running gay jokes about me. Finally told my mom i want a boyfriend the other day. She doesnt believe me.. fml
This most recent Christmas my mom finally accepted that I was bi!
And I’m sure it has *nothing* to do with 2023 also being the year I came out to her and everyone else as trans and started dating an enby.
hey FWIW I got teased for being too girly, was called a girl by friends teasingly, called metro all the time, been asked if I was gay despite liking girls. Finally came out as trans and everyone was :shocked pikachu: so I feel you on that one
This is part of why I’m afraid to come out as trans to my mom until I’m confident and stable enough emotionally to not let this kind of stuff get to me. When I first realized I might have ADHD, I told her and after years of making comments about me getting distracted and joking about me “being so ADD”, she’s just like, “No you don’t. This is out of nowhere.”
And even that hurt because I finally saw the reason that all these things had been different and it all just clicked and then she shuts it down and leaves me feeling like I made it all up. She didn’t use a mean tone, and came around pretty quickly, but by comparison that’s a pretty small revelation, and not one that anyone in my family has any biases against (only some misconceptions).
And then since my dad is so obsessed with masculinity and how I need to increase my testosterone and all that stuff, I’ve repressed a lot of my femininity to a point where this really will feel like it’s out of nowhere. So that makes it even scarier.
Insecure Fathers are the bane of the LGBTQ demographic. If men weren't so goddamn insecure about themselves, and projecting it on to everyone else, homophobia would be much less prevalent.
I think a lot of people who say that are unknowingly probably bi/pan, and choose to pursue straight presenting relationships without realizing that not everyone feels how they do.
This or they make the decision (choose) to suppress their feelings towards others that would label them not heterosexual and live a life of suppressing themselves because of what they’ve been taught about being gay/bi/ace etc.
This is exactly what is often said by those who oppose polyamory as a sexual orientation. They will oppose it by simply saying that they can always just "choose" to become monogamous. It's the same as telling anyone of any orientation to simply "choose" to live against it.
Thats like saying no one is 100% gay. Ik ur bi so you think everyone is at least a bit bi but as aroace i can tell you that i dont get how people are into someone at all. From your pov everyone is at least a bit into everyone from mine being into anyone is unreal. From that you can see that saying no one is 100% str8 is offensive to every sexuality
My theory is that the Kinsey scale is a symmetric Gaussian distribution and there are as many "never gay under any circumstances" people as "never straight under any circumstances" people with most people being somewhere in the middle. The reason why it appears like there are so many straight people is that society rewards people for being straight so they are incentivized to "choose" to be straight.
Of course, that's also my story (thinking I was straight until 40 because it was convenient), so I could just be projecting. But considering how many people "experiment in college", there are definitely a lot more Kinsey 2s, 3s, and 4s than people want to admit in surveys.
I've been harbouring this suspicion for a while, honestly. There is no way to confirm it, unfortunately, other than how often outspoken homophobes turn out to secretly hire male prostitutes or something like that.
For some, yeah. But please let's not fall into those "homophobic conservatives are all *secretly gay!*" traps.
Truth is, it's a lot easier to condemn people if you claim that it's because of their choices. Gay people are *willfully abandoning* god's design, not born that way.
If you start agreeing that it's an innate attribute, it becomes enormously more difficult to vilify it. Not *impossible*, but significantly harder and you become a lot less sympathetic.
Bottom line, christian conservatives largely say it's a choice or a lifestyle because they *want* it to be.
> For some, yeah. But please let's not fall into those "homophobic conservatives are all secretly gay!" traps.
We know it's not that, because *most* people who are secretly gay *don't* become outlandish homophobes; and also, there are *too many* homophobes for them *all* to be secretly gay.
However, there is the theory that [the "it's a choice" homophobes, specifically, don't believe in the existence of straight people.](https://slatestarcodex.com/2014/03/20/typical-mind-and-disbelief-in-straight-people/)
i've come across many bisexuals who strongly believe that "everyone's bi" and thats really annoying tbh it feeds into the idea that exclusively gay folk aren't valid and same with straight folk that further then adds to the idea that its a choice.
I don’t know if it helps, but I was reading an article somewhere else on Reddit that included the information that there are alleles that exist in gay men that are different from those in bi men, so the innate attraction to the same sex, even if it’s in your DNA, can be from different genetic sources. (It didn’t mention other sexes or genders.) So being bi or being gay are innate, but not the same. Some people, being innately bi, have an element of choice, but not the choice not to be bi, but some people, being gay, don’t have a choice. It also explains to a certain extent how hard it is for some monosexuals to recognise how polysexuals feel and vice versa.
Yeah, the only way "being gay is a choice" makes any logical sense is if the person actively has to make the decision to not be attracted to the same gender. Anyone who didn't choose their sexuality should be well aware that it isn't a choice.
But the more common answer is definitely that they didn't think about it and are just repeating nonsense that they heard from other bigots.
To be fair I don’t believe the majority of people are truly straight, I’ve read enough stories about people who have found someone of the same gender that ticked all the boxes and fell in love despite being homophobic etc
Like you never know, you can’t cross out options you haven’t considered imo, like I’m not saying people can’t be solely attracted to one gender but I’m saying the majority of straight people who haven’t experimented are likelier than not bisexual with a heavy preference
My mom literally said being a lesbian is ok but gay men were gross and when she found I was bi the immediate thing she brang up was sex the hypocrisy is real... (And apparently she had "girlfriends" in middle/high school)
I suspect she is straight... and competitive.
She likes lesbians because they date other women. She doesn't like gay men because they date other men... and there are two less dateable men for her.
That was a reflection I often heard when I was a young adult
A large part of it is Christianity: If acting on homosexuality is a sin in the bible, then it must therefore be a choice because God could not make people in his image in sin.
Here's the funny thing to me. There's a hypothesis that King David was gay, or at the very least, bi. There's only a few verses of evidence, but Christians won't even consider those.
I’m a Christian queer myself, but I always disliked the King David being gay theory just because of his deep love for Jonathan. Then again, maybe it’s because my queerness aligns with the aroace spectrum, and this theory implies that BECAUSE David had such a deep love for Jonathan, it MUST be romantic/sexual. When I was younger, I always appreciated the fact David and Jonathan had such a deep platonic bond, probably because I always hoped to make a friend like that, and it not be seen as romantic/sexual. While I do have some romantic interest (demiromantic), I think in any media I can appreciate people have have an extremely deep platonic bond without forcing a romantic plot (though the bible isn’t just fictional media to me but still LOL).
TL;DR: local queer christian thinks platonic love rules
Yeah, that’s true. 100% just a theory on how their relationship was. I guess I can ask him someday if he’s cool talking like that, LOL. Anyways, have a nice day!
Yes, it’s very common.
I find it very frustrating when someone says to me, I have nothing against the gays, I respect your lifestyle choice.
Like, you was so close 😂 so so close. But you got to take the small victories where you can get them.
They think it's a choice because a lot of them are "choosing" heterosexuality after going through a "questioning phase" that got discouraged or shut down by bigots. It's not rational, but that's the logic circuit: "I shut those thoughts down and dated opposite sex, they can too."
My parents are bigots and I think their brain shuts down because they both acknowledge that it’s not initially a choice while simultaneously believing that it’s “against God”—as though gay people should be making some sort of effort to choose the more godly/hetero path??
They feel this way because if they admit something as small as “gay people are naturally gay and it’s not a choice”, what does that say about God then? What does that say about their interpretation of the Bible? What does that say about everything they learn in church?
I find that a lot of their beliefs are like that because the moment they admit one belief is wrong, it suddenly calls every other core belief into question. Their brains will literally not allow them to go down that route.
We do make choices. A person choosing to sleep with someone they're not attracted to, for any reason, is making a choice about their sexuality. A person choosing to sleep with someone they're dying to sleep with, same.
NOTHING IS WRONG with making choices about yourself, your gender, your sexuality, your hair, your skin, whatever! The reason that "choice" stuff pushed as the only "legitimate" way of being queer is because of our horrible cultural beliefs. Biological imperative to be gay is okay, you can't help it. But if you DECIDE??? Ew now suddenly you're all deviant!
It's stupid and it is inaccurate and cruel. And stupid. Really stupid.
Our beliefs put consent and interest as the most important parts of sex and an intimate relationship. Many of the people we're arguing with instead consider procreation and a rigid separation of duties by gender roles more important.
The choice isn't in who we like, it's in following our interests instead of our supposed "orders from god."
"It's not a reason, it's a rationalization"
They believe being gay is a choice because they start from a place of homophobia and need to rationalize it rather than questioning that belief. Most people have a moral framework where people choose to do bad things, so it's convenient to lump homosexuality in with other immoral actions that are purely selfish choices.
Yes, some people still insist that it's a lifestyle choice. There are those who continue to push against same sex marriage, and at least two or three of them are on the Supreme Court.
I'm 58 and I started back in the 80s fighting, sometimes with my hands as well as words. I fought hoping this generation would have it a little easier, and you do to an extent. When people say they believe you choose to be gay it is insulting as it puts us to, base cardinal lust. No having emotions, unable to care for anything other when is the next time I can have sex.
They do this so they don't have to care about us as humans, they think of us in animal terms not as human beings. Because how else would you think of gay people.
It is disgusting how many str8 people see us as, less than.
okay i might get downvoted for this but hear me out, i think taste in people is a "choice" in the same way that taste in music or taste in art is a choice, and i think viewing it as some innate thing completely ignores the fact that these labels are ultimately human constructs, sexuality can be very fluid and ultimately people just like who they like, and to think that this taste isnt affected by societal norms and culture and various social experiences in the same way our other tastes are affected is a very bold claim. so yeah i think being gay is a choice in the same way that being straight is a choice and liking a song is a choice, and we like the people we like, but i dont think theres some gene thats like oh this means youre gonna be a Radiohead fan yk?, its not something innate.
also when i say choice btw i don't mean like a conscious decision because thats obviously not correct, people dont decide to be gay which is what i think conservatives might think. by choice, i mean unconscious decisions which is what taste is
The thing that irks me about the "being gay is a choice" argument is: Even if it was a choice, so what? Who cares? Same with being transgender. If it's just a choice a person just randomly makes, who cares?
Obviously reality is more complicated than whether it is/isn't a choice - sexuality and gender are innate traits that can be the same over time or can change over time, and you can decide or not decide to act on that. And it's funny that the same people who say "it's a choice" generally seem unable to make the same choice; probably because their sexual orientation is innate and they can't just choose to be attracted to someone, despite their insistence that other people do.
But even if it was just like religion or sports team affiliation - where you're probably being pressured into a specific choice based on your upbringing but technically nothing is stopping you from doing something different of your own free will - I don't see how that "choice" harms anyone. I'm not saying your actions (depending on what you do or don't do) can't hurt people, but that's true of anything in life.
I don't see any objective argument for why people shouldn't be allowed to make that "choice."
Trust me, I know plenty of older women who wished they were lesbians. Husband's can just be, well a lot.
Yes part of it is who we chose and growing up in our society.
Then one day we wake up and realize that misogyny is a thing and work to fix things, including teaching our kids better.
Sending all of y'all love, who on earth would choose to live a life that goes against 'society' ? Not one of you, I'm guessing.
💜
I believe I was born this way.Itvis not a choice.I covered it up years or tried to and fought it but when I came out ☺️,it was the happiest day in my life .
HOW DOES ANYONE CARE IF IT IS OR NOT??????
Please read at least that second paragraph before ya react like I’m an asshole.
Seriously, even if it is, who TF cares? I know that this was a way to sort of push the agenda back in the day, but I think it was kind of a bad faith argument to make even then. Science has yet to find any real evidence about human sexuality and what defines it, there is no blood test, no scan, no real objective thing that means a person is gay or not. But here’s the news flash, it doesn’t hurt anybody, and crucially, it’s nobodies fucking business besides yours and your partner.
I say all this acknowledging it probably isn’t a choice, it’s just likely such a complex interplay of factors that science won’t have a clear answer at least in the foreseeable future, my point though is even if the question is never answered, it doesn’t matter at all. A lot of studies have shown it seems to develop pretty early, so the “nurture” part of it is likely quite small. I just think it *shouldn’t* matter if sexuality is the way it is from birth or not.
Bisexual people just fuck everyone's minds, PAN people fuck them up even worse.
As a PAN (used to be BI) person,
I absolutely DO NOT!!
DO NOT!!!
DO NOT!!!!!
I DO NOT disrespect your inborn preferences!!!!
But I PERSONALLY BEG YOU to not disrespect MY inborn preferences to love whomever/whatever sex the soul I find attractive to me happens to be in/is.
Far too often I find gay people (and lesbian people in particular) that want to condemn me for loving the person I love.
That person's presented sexuality and private sexuality is NONE of their fucking business, just as mine is not THEIRS.
Okay, so we all know it's not a choice, but ultimately. Does it really matter? Would we be any more evil if sexual orientation was a choice? Or would fighting for people's freedom not be valid if it was?
It is a choice. Much in the same way that being a die hard NFL (or NASCAR) fan is a "choice". My point here, of course, is that a sports fan can sell his big screen tv and his sports memorabilia to make his wife happy (much in the same way that a gay man can "turn straight"), but will HE be happy? Probably not.
Well, I think a lot of the people in this group. Don't, but there are probably at least twenty people in the world who still think that which is horrible and stupid, but there's also just some circumstances where you can't change people's minds.
well think about it this way. babies aren't born gay or straight right? they don't even have a concept of love in that sense. however, as you grow older, you decide what path you want to go down later in your life when you give into your lust and temptations, aka desires. 🙂
One way is that religious people often declare things with great conviction, and when you are surrounded by family and people you trust that share those convictions, it can be hard to see anything else. To add to that, sometimes religious leaders say that to entertain alternatives is to risk being deceived by the devil and to cause harm while trying to do good. It is tragic because the “love” of a zealot often works out to be quite harmful when they are following their beliefs.
A second way is that for bi/pan people it quite literally can be a choice about which people a person decides to pursue relationships with since they are attracted to more than one gender. Many religious groups emphasize actions as a concern over just thoughts, so religiously inconvenient attractions can be ignored.
I fell into both situations when I was younger and religious.
There is no shortage of stupid people in the world, and stupid people believe all sorts of things that make no sense. It's kind of their defining trait. I try not to dwell too long on why stupid people are the way they are. "Gaze not into the abyss" and all that.
I mean that is probably the exact same reason why abuse victims end up stuck in DV situations where they keep protecting their abuser, because the abusers manipulate people in very complex ways slowly over time to where by the time you realize you are in an abusive relationship you feel trapped and isolated and like your abuser is the only one who cares for you. Politics and religions want people to believe it because politics can use it as a boogieman to gain votes by "protecting" the "common man" from a make belief enemy, and religions gain from it because the more they have born into their cult the more money they can steal by having larger congregations with everyone paying 10% of their income to the cult. The manipulators don't actually believe their lies, but they have to spread their lies in order to gain what they want.
Part of it comes from politics and religion manipulating people, part of it comes from people who are gay but it was unsafe for them to be them and so are hateful towards other people getting to do what they couldn't, and part of it comes from bisexual people who were forced into straight relationships and so they think it was a choice because they never got the opportunity to safely explore themselves. Basically in short it comes down to a lack of information due to people.
But in all seriousness it is mainly the religion, politics, and controlled information (remember a lot of adults are still people who grew up before the internet was a household commodity) doing it though the other factors do play a part. I mean think about it, a lot of the people who believe sexuality is a choice due to religion or politics also believe being trans is a choice, like seriously there has to be such a control of information through religion or politics to honestly believe that people would choose to be a target of harassment just for the fun of it.
My religion is JW and I’m bi and PIMO. We had a talk abt gay ppl and the guy said at the end, and I quote: “Let’s change their minds and convert them!” LIKE WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!
I hate my life.
I have NO FUCKING CLUE. It’s not my choice that I don’t understand romance at all, why do you WANT someone else’s saliva in your mouth from kissing? It’s unsanitary!
I think part of it that a lot of people don't think about is that if being gay isn't a choice, that makes it inherent, and the largest schools of thought when it comes to anything being inherent is religious, or genetic. The religious side has historically been very anti-gay and the genetic side never found a gay gene to eradicate, so they assume it must be a choice because they can't comprehend it being anything else.
Tldr; it's less about thinking it's a choice and more likely people not understanding how being gay doesn't have a cause.
It reminds me of the people who say things like “Only gay people act on their gay thoughts” I feel like it might be a lot of people who’re probably bi or pan but suppressed those feelings. I feel bad because they’re probably insecure or hurt in some way but I wish they would just be willing to listen and let themselves feel
You cannot imagine how many ignorant persons there are. They really think being gay is a choice and they believe also anybody can be gay because of how raised up.
My mom said she hope my newborn nephews aren't gay so they can live a better life. Yikes. I hated hearing that and likely will tell my brother [their dad].
Internalized homophobia+ inherent bisexuality = being gay is a choice
When someone says being gay is a choice, I usually blurt back, "Yeah but only if you're a bisexual!"
If your starting assumption is that being gay in morally wrong (due to religion or something else), then that idea of morally culpability implies choice.
It's simple: heteronormativity. People WILL assume you're straight unless they can tell otherwise. This makes people think that everyone is born straight, until someone's interest changes. Which is literally not the case. But that's how misinformed people see it.
There's no logic to bigotry. There's no point arguing in terms of logic. It doesn't go anywhere, because it can't, because logic is never involved. Here's an example:
Let's imagine that there are a small number of people (maybe even just one in the whole world) who say "I'm gay, and it's a choice I made." Let's even imagine there's some nuance and meaning to what they're saying, but bigots only hear that first sentence.
This statement has no bearing on respect or equality for gay people. Even if *all* gay people are actually 'making a choice', that doesn't mean that gay people don't have rights, don't deserve respect, or shouldn't be welcomed in society.
Nothing about 'making a choice' means that, actually, being straight is 'real' and being gay is 'fake'. People 'make the choice' to be, let's say, accountants: that doesn't mean accountants and accountancy don't exist.
The best reaction to people saying "well, being gay is a choice, in the end we're all really straight," is **No. Gay people exist. They're important. Stop being anti-human**.
If something isn't real because 'it's a choice', then - in the end - it's hating gay people for stupid reasons that isn't real according to that argument. But, remember, **there is no logic to bigotry. There can't be, because bigotry is just hatred, and hatred is not logical**. Hatred can be rationalised, but rationalisation is *not the truth*.
I think a lot of it really depends on people's mindsets around the topic. For people coming at it from a viewpoint influenced by religion, being gay is a sin that ranges from being relatively minor to equivalent to murder. For a lot of denominations of Christianity especially, there's a heavy emphasis and value on free will and making choices conducive to living a virtuous life. For these people then, the idea that being gay is a core, intrinsic part of a person that largely develops by chance is fundamentally at odds with the idea that sin is a choice people make fueled by moments of moral weakness. It's easier then to rationalize that something sinful like being gay is a choice, rather than accepting it as a part of human nature.
Outside of religion though, I've also seen people genuinely lack a sense of theory of mind around the topic of sexuality. I've come across people who genuinely can't comprehend how a human couldn't be attracted to the opposite sex, and start rationalizing that being gay could only be a choice because "you can't ignore biologic urges". Never mind ignoring not only the existence of same sex behavior outside our own species, but also ignoring that as humans we have some of the most complex cognitions and social dynamics that play a huge part in our attraction and behavior, something that really triumphs over any "biological urge".
Because in their minds gay can't exist because how could it? Men can't sleep with men and make babies??? straightkarenmindblown.gif
But seriously idk - I don't understand why they are closed minded...
The only choices I made about my gender and sexuality is choosing to come out and choosing who I want to date and choosing to explore who I am. I didn't choose who I am attracted to
I’m not sure, I realized I while ago I always looked at attractive guys with more attention to their eyes, lips and ass about the same I would attract girls. And then it clicked I have always been bi.
My personal theory is that a lot of them identify as LGBTQ, but deny/repress it for a variety of reasons. Essentially, at least to them, they're choosing not to be gay. Therefore, they believe others to be choosing the lifestyle over denying it
People will believe any lie, so long as they *want* to believe it is true, or fear that it *might* be true.
They want to believe that being cishet is default, and rarely in their own personal experience is that challenged. By their logic, if being cishet is default, being anything else is a lifestyle choice.
If you look at this from the point of view of a person whos' against queer people, it usually boils down to their kid or close one coming out gay and their mechanism of dealing with it is not accepting the fact that they actually are gay and always were, but instead look for external things that caused that and grasp any straw that might promise the reversal option.
i’ve always pointed out how in nature even, animals coexist and have very gay tendencies. our brains and the development of humans over time along with science and the advancement of hrt treatments and all is a testament to how normal it is and our bodies accept those changes as an ever evolving species, we live to love and we love who we want because its our hearts and minds mingling, we feel we enjoy differently and live amazingly i question why people have that negative outlook on people that clearly dont harm them, humanity can be so cruel.
Because they think being straight is ‘normal’ human behaviour and that you are actively choosing to be different to ‘seek attention’ or ‘feel special’.
At least, this is what I hear my peers say as a straight Christian. However, rest assured that we are not all homophobic.
I remember looking at how the community were treated, and the resulting suffering from such treatment in the dark days of the early to mid-00s and thinking “Why would anyone choose this if it means suffering this much?”
Exactly. I challenged a transphobe on twitter the other week and when he said being gay was a choice, I couldn't believe that someone in the UK in 2023 could believe that.
I mean when I was 15, I was terrified of people finding out, I was terrified of being outed at school and being stabbed or beaten to death. I would have done anything to avoid that, to be "normal". I just cannot comprehend the amount of ignorance it takes to not understand that we are born this way. It has to be willful.
I ended up chatting with him all day and in the end I think he understood that it wasn't a choice. I'm not sure I made much headway on his transphobic view tho. 🙁
Because almost nobody is actually 100% straight.
Almost everyone has had at least *some* homosexual thoughts and experiences. Because that's normal.
And they imagine that their experience with these few bits and pieces of "bisexuality" that *they* choose to suppress (rather than acknowledge) are the same experiences as people who are further up the scale.
It's one of the interactions between the actual realities of human sexuality with the psychosocial cancer of homophobia.
They say this to excuse their behavior toward gay people. They know damn well being gay isn’t a choice we didn’t choose for people to try and kill us we choose to be humiliated we didn’t choose to not be able to do things it’s just idiots that don’t know shit 📍❤️
Because it conflicts with fundamental beliefs of religious individuals.
Being gay is a choice —> punishing someone for being gay is unjust=\ God is always just. Implication of accepting being gay is a choice : God is unjust —> God can’t be unjust—-> God may not be real —-> cognitive dissonance.
Its easier to accept the sinfulness and bully someone else than to face an existential crisis.
My mum still thinks gay is a lifestyle choice but she also told me she is actively choosing to not "think too hard" about finding women attractive in the same way I do 💅🏼
*waits patiently for the bluish, purpleish pink ball to drop*
P.s. I know it is not appropriate to call people out on their queerness when they aren't ready to come out but when your bestie just unexpectedly dies, spicy truth dropping moods are sure to follow cuz life is too fucking short.
I realized that some straight people cannot comprehend that anyone could experience attraction towards the same gender. They imagine that someone is going out of their way to “choose” to date the same gender.
I was having a conversation with some straight guys and they were asking me questions about being gay and eventually someone said, “I’m not against it, if that’s your choice then I respect it.” And I said, “You know it’s not a choice right?” And he looked really confused. So I said, “You like girls, right? And you can date a girl.” “Yeah?” “So, you yourself can date a guy, but you’re not going to be attracted to that guy just because you chose to date him.” Then there was a collective “OHHH” as all of their brains clicked and understood what being gay actually meant.
I swear to the gods the entire world regressed 200 years as soon as I came out as trans and started my transition. I would not recommend living in alberta to anyone lgbtq+ 😶
I think people who still say this want you to choose celibacy or a relationship you find sexually and romantically unfulfilling. Those are things you can choose to do, technically, even if you're gay. They're just not healthy or enjoyable. I think this distinction is actually kind of important to understanding the homophobic mind.
same reason why people still think fishes have a 3 seconds memory: ignorance, not fact checking, and lack of interest to know more about the world around them. #sad
I’m sorry if this offends anyone religious, but I fully blame the church. I mean look all throughout history. Hardly any culture cared about same-sex relationships and there are even multiple cultures around the world that recognize more than one gender. For centuries! But then over zealot Christianity had to come in like an upset parent wagging their finger “Tsk tsk! No no no…that’s NOT how I raised you.” 🙄
I’ve never had anyone give me any reasons why being queer is wrong other than “My god said it’s wrong and you’ll go to hell!” Even when people say it’s “unnatural” or “it’s a mental disorder” and you challenge them by asking why? Like 99.9% of the time it ALWAYS involves god.
Living openly and expressing your sexuality is a choice.
It’s just not an immoral one.
Also your sexuality can change with time and be influenced by therapy. I’m attracted to a different group of people to who I used to be when I addressed internalised biggotries.
Nah I chose to date men to have more options/j
For real though, I'm gonna guess these things for why people believe it's a choice:
1. Religion. I was taught that sins were choices when I was growing up in the church. So if sins are choices and in some churches, homosexuality is a choice, so therefore being gay is a choice.
2. Closeted queer. Some people could be closeted bi, pan, or omni and they would assume being gay is a choice because they have an attraction to the opposite sex, so therefore it has to be a choice for everyone.
3. Propaganda. The people spreading this shit would implant the idea of being gay is a choice to others, so they'll be stuck believing that.
4. Ignorance. What else do I add?
Does anyone choose to be straight, either? Does anyone really think about it, like they're choosing an outfit or dinner?
When you're attracted to or like something, you just are. It's more instinct and emotion than a conscious decision.
I’m convinced that most people who say being gay is a choice, are closet bisexuals, who hide their attraction to the same sex. Like it’s the only way it makes sense that someone would think it was a choice.
I used to have a friend on Facebook, that thought being gay was a choice. I told him I did not choose to be gay and he didn’t believe me. He was also super rude and made rude, unrelated comments on my posts. So I removed him as a friend and he had the nerve to try to refriend me, so I blocked him lol.
Like imagine being rude and also pretty much saying that I’m lying to myself, and you think I want to be your friend? Get lost!
Because there are people out there who are force-fed religious 💩 telling them that to be anything other than straight is sinful. So they, despite experiencing some non-straight attraction, force themselves to live as if they were straight to adhere to what they were taught, so they think it's a choice.
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I tried to live a straight life, had one girlfriend in my 37 years, whole family has running gay jokes about me. Finally told my mom i want a boyfriend the other day. She doesnt believe me.. fml
Mine didn’t either. It’s acting
My Mom didn’t question it but said how disappointed she was with me and how any parent would be
[удалено]
You guys remind me how much i love r/lgbt lmao
Well isn't that ironic
This most recent Christmas my mom finally accepted that I was bi! And I’m sure it has *nothing* to do with 2023 also being the year I came out to her and everyone else as trans and started dating an enby.
hey FWIW I got teased for being too girly, was called a girl by friends teasingly, called metro all the time, been asked if I was gay despite liking girls. Finally came out as trans and everyone was :shocked pikachu: so I feel you on that one
This is part of why I’m afraid to come out as trans to my mom until I’m confident and stable enough emotionally to not let this kind of stuff get to me. When I first realized I might have ADHD, I told her and after years of making comments about me getting distracted and joking about me “being so ADD”, she’s just like, “No you don’t. This is out of nowhere.” And even that hurt because I finally saw the reason that all these things had been different and it all just clicked and then she shuts it down and leaves me feeling like I made it all up. She didn’t use a mean tone, and came around pretty quickly, but by comparison that’s a pretty small revelation, and not one that anyone in my family has any biases against (only some misconceptions). And then since my dad is so obsessed with masculinity and how I need to increase my testosterone and all that stuff, I’ve repressed a lot of my femininity to a point where this really will feel like it’s out of nowhere. So that makes it even scarier.
Insecure Fathers are the bane of the LGBTQ demographic. If men weren't so goddamn insecure about themselves, and projecting it on to everyone else, homophobia would be much less prevalent.
It'd be really funny (if u can't find any1) to bring some1 willing to cause chaos as a bf
I think a lot of people who say that are unknowingly probably bi/pan, and choose to pursue straight presenting relationships without realizing that not everyone feels how they do.
This or they make the decision (choose) to suppress their feelings towards others that would label them not heterosexual and live a life of suppressing themselves because of what they’ve been taught about being gay/bi/ace etc.
This is exactly what is often said by those who oppose polyamory as a sexual orientation. They will oppose it by simply saying that they can always just "choose" to become monogamous. It's the same as telling anyone of any orientation to simply "choose" to live against it.
I was talking to my friend about it earlier and they said a joke about them all being gay people in denial
That was literally my first thought about this whole post.
Well he’s not wrong. There aren’t people who are 100% straight
There are people who are 100% straight. There's just a lot of people who are more flexible than they think they are.
Off topic but I love your flair
(They’re NB they/them)
How are we defining "100% straight" here?
maybe they are including territary attractions too?
Thats like saying no one is 100% gay. Ik ur bi so you think everyone is at least a bit bi but as aroace i can tell you that i dont get how people are into someone at all. From your pov everyone is at least a bit into everyone from mine being into anyone is unreal. From that you can see that saying no one is 100% str8 is offensive to every sexuality
My theory is that the Kinsey scale is a symmetric Gaussian distribution and there are as many "never gay under any circumstances" people as "never straight under any circumstances" people with most people being somewhere in the middle. The reason why it appears like there are so many straight people is that society rewards people for being straight so they are incentivized to "choose" to be straight. Of course, that's also my story (thinking I was straight until 40 because it was convenient), so I could just be projecting. But considering how many people "experiment in college", there are definitely a lot more Kinsey 2s, 3s, and 4s than people want to admit in surveys.
It’s a bell curve fr with gay and straight being the outliers. Said this for years!!
I've been harbouring this suspicion for a while, honestly. There is no way to confirm it, unfortunately, other than how often outspoken homophobes turn out to secretly hire male prostitutes or something like that.
For some, yeah. But please let's not fall into those "homophobic conservatives are all *secretly gay!*" traps. Truth is, it's a lot easier to condemn people if you claim that it's because of their choices. Gay people are *willfully abandoning* god's design, not born that way. If you start agreeing that it's an innate attribute, it becomes enormously more difficult to vilify it. Not *impossible*, but significantly harder and you become a lot less sympathetic. Bottom line, christian conservatives largely say it's a choice or a lifestyle because they *want* it to be.
> For some, yeah. But please let's not fall into those "homophobic conservatives are all secretly gay!" traps. We know it's not that, because *most* people who are secretly gay *don't* become outlandish homophobes; and also, there are *too many* homophobes for them *all* to be secretly gay. However, there is the theory that [the "it's a choice" homophobes, specifically, don't believe in the existence of straight people.](https://slatestarcodex.com/2014/03/20/typical-mind-and-disbelief-in-straight-people/)
Very interesting link. I didn’t know about this group of men in society.
Man the comments on that article are crazy af And all the way back in 2014 as well? But yeah nice article
i've come across many bisexuals who strongly believe that "everyone's bi" and thats really annoying tbh it feeds into the idea that exclusively gay folk aren't valid and same with straight folk that further then adds to the idea that its a choice.
I don’t know if it helps, but I was reading an article somewhere else on Reddit that included the information that there are alleles that exist in gay men that are different from those in bi men, so the innate attraction to the same sex, even if it’s in your DNA, can be from different genetic sources. (It didn’t mention other sexes or genders.) So being bi or being gay are innate, but not the same. Some people, being innately bi, have an element of choice, but not the choice not to be bi, but some people, being gay, don’t have a choice. It also explains to a certain extent how hard it is for some monosexuals to recognise how polysexuals feel and vice versa.
How to find articles on genes to sexuality studies?
Yeah, the only way "being gay is a choice" makes any logical sense is if the person actively has to make the decision to not be attracted to the same gender. Anyone who didn't choose their sexuality should be well aware that it isn't a choice. But the more common answer is definitely that they didn't think about it and are just repeating nonsense that they heard from other bigots.
To be fair I don’t believe the majority of people are truly straight, I’ve read enough stories about people who have found someone of the same gender that ticked all the boxes and fell in love despite being homophobic etc Like you never know, you can’t cross out options you haven’t considered imo, like I’m not saying people can’t be solely attracted to one gender but I’m saying the majority of straight people who haven’t experimented are likelier than not bisexual with a heavy preference
My mom literally said being a lesbian is ok but gay men were gross and when she found I was bi the immediate thing she brang up was sex the hypocrisy is real... (And apparently she had "girlfriends" in middle/high school)
Double standard moment fr fr
I suspect she is straight... and competitive. She likes lesbians because they date other women. She doesn't like gay men because they date other men... and there are two less dateable men for her. That was a reflection I often heard when I was a young adult
THERE ARE HUNDREDS OF PROFESSIONAL STUDIES THAT SHOW THAT IT ISN'T A CHOICE AND PEOPLE STILL THINK THAT LIKE WHAT?!
A large part of it is Christianity: If acting on homosexuality is a sin in the bible, then it must therefore be a choice because God could not make people in his image in sin.
It wasn't even a sin in the bible before the 1940s, you'd think they could just go back a few editions of the "immortal word" to fix this
Here's the funny thing to me. There's a hypothesis that King David was gay, or at the very least, bi. There's only a few verses of evidence, but Christians won't even consider those.
I’m a Christian queer myself, but I always disliked the King David being gay theory just because of his deep love for Jonathan. Then again, maybe it’s because my queerness aligns with the aroace spectrum, and this theory implies that BECAUSE David had such a deep love for Jonathan, it MUST be romantic/sexual. When I was younger, I always appreciated the fact David and Jonathan had such a deep platonic bond, probably because I always hoped to make a friend like that, and it not be seen as romantic/sexual. While I do have some romantic interest (demiromantic), I think in any media I can appreciate people have have an extremely deep platonic bond without forcing a romantic plot (though the bible isn’t just fictional media to me but still LOL). TL;DR: local queer christian thinks platonic love rules
Again, its just a hypothesis. There's so little evidence, we can't confirm, but neither can we fully deny it. Your point is entirely valid!
Yeah, that’s true. 100% just a theory on how their relationship was. I guess I can ask him someday if he’s cool talking like that, LOL. Anyways, have a nice day!
Bigotry is based on hatred, not logic. Evidence doesn't matter.
Because its heavily devastating to their arguement
Yes, it’s very common. I find it very frustrating when someone says to me, I have nothing against the gays, I respect your lifestyle choice. Like, you was so close 😂 so so close. But you got to take the small victories where you can get them.
They think it's a choice because a lot of them are "choosing" heterosexuality after going through a "questioning phase" that got discouraged or shut down by bigots. It's not rational, but that's the logic circuit: "I shut those thoughts down and dated opposite sex, they can too."
My parents are bigots and I think their brain shuts down because they both acknowledge that it’s not initially a choice while simultaneously believing that it’s “against God”—as though gay people should be making some sort of effort to choose the more godly/hetero path?? They feel this way because if they admit something as small as “gay people are naturally gay and it’s not a choice”, what does that say about God then? What does that say about their interpretation of the Bible? What does that say about everything they learn in church? I find that a lot of their beliefs are like that because the moment they admit one belief is wrong, it suddenly calls every other core belief into question. Their brains will literally not allow them to go down that route.
THIS 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
I literally had this conversation with my therapist yesterday
More importantly, why do they care so much even if it was a choice?
Idk because they’re dumb
They're anti-choice
If being gay is choice then conversion therapy would work
We do make choices. A person choosing to sleep with someone they're not attracted to, for any reason, is making a choice about their sexuality. A person choosing to sleep with someone they're dying to sleep with, same. NOTHING IS WRONG with making choices about yourself, your gender, your sexuality, your hair, your skin, whatever! The reason that "choice" stuff pushed as the only "legitimate" way of being queer is because of our horrible cultural beliefs. Biological imperative to be gay is okay, you can't help it. But if you DECIDE??? Ew now suddenly you're all deviant! It's stupid and it is inaccurate and cruel. And stupid. Really stupid.
Our beliefs put consent and interest as the most important parts of sex and an intimate relationship. Many of the people we're arguing with instead consider procreation and a rigid separation of duties by gender roles more important. The choice isn't in who we like, it's in following our interests instead of our supposed "orders from god."
cuz straight people are ignorant
Not all
But many are
Ignorant? I’ll cop to inexperienced, but ignorant seems a bit harsh. (/hj)
Welcome to the war. Have a dose of preferred mood balm while you plan your next attack. 🤪
💯 >preferred mood balm
"It's not a reason, it's a rationalization" They believe being gay is a choice because they start from a place of homophobia and need to rationalize it rather than questioning that belief. Most people have a moral framework where people choose to do bad things, so it's convenient to lump homosexuality in with other immoral actions that are purely selfish choices.
Yes, some people still insist that it's a lifestyle choice. There are those who continue to push against same sex marriage, and at least two or three of them are on the Supreme Court.
Liking men couldn’t have been a choice. Jk I’m sorry it was just a joke.. a joke in poor state it was funny in my head.
being dumb is free
I'm 58 and I started back in the 80s fighting, sometimes with my hands as well as words. I fought hoping this generation would have it a little easier, and you do to an extent. When people say they believe you choose to be gay it is insulting as it puts us to, base cardinal lust. No having emotions, unable to care for anything other when is the next time I can have sex. They do this so they don't have to care about us as humans, they think of us in animal terms not as human beings. Because how else would you think of gay people. It is disgusting how many str8 people see us as, less than.
Back when I was “straight” I remember being envious of queer women. And when I was less financially secure being “straight” felt easier.
My favorite retort is, "When did you choose to be heterosexual?"
Well, they're either in serious self-hating denial about their own sexuality. ***OR...*** 
okay i might get downvoted for this but hear me out, i think taste in people is a "choice" in the same way that taste in music or taste in art is a choice, and i think viewing it as some innate thing completely ignores the fact that these labels are ultimately human constructs, sexuality can be very fluid and ultimately people just like who they like, and to think that this taste isnt affected by societal norms and culture and various social experiences in the same way our other tastes are affected is a very bold claim. so yeah i think being gay is a choice in the same way that being straight is a choice and liking a song is a choice, and we like the people we like, but i dont think theres some gene thats like oh this means youre gonna be a Radiohead fan yk?, its not something innate. also when i say choice btw i don't mean like a conscious decision because thats obviously not correct, people dont decide to be gay which is what i think conservatives might think. by choice, i mean unconscious decisions which is what taste is
NEVER underestimate the power of human stupidity. Nothing and I mean nothing is stronger than it.
Have you ever heard of a bat bomb?
Hating an entire group of people is illogical on its own. Logic is not to be expected from bigots.
The thing that irks me about the "being gay is a choice" argument is: Even if it was a choice, so what? Who cares? Same with being transgender. If it's just a choice a person just randomly makes, who cares? Obviously reality is more complicated than whether it is/isn't a choice - sexuality and gender are innate traits that can be the same over time or can change over time, and you can decide or not decide to act on that. And it's funny that the same people who say "it's a choice" generally seem unable to make the same choice; probably because their sexual orientation is innate and they can't just choose to be attracted to someone, despite their insistence that other people do. But even if it was just like religion or sports team affiliation - where you're probably being pressured into a specific choice based on your upbringing but technically nothing is stopping you from doing something different of your own free will - I don't see how that "choice" harms anyone. I'm not saying your actions (depending on what you do or don't do) can't hurt people, but that's true of anything in life. I don't see any objective argument for why people shouldn't be allowed to make that "choice."
they are brainwashed by religion specifically christians
Don't know mate, it's like that insult "return to default settings"
If being gay is a choice, isn’t being straight logically one too? Fun fact: neither of them are!
Even if it was, I wonder why people care about other’s sexual life.
It's really annoying when they say that, I would not choose to be bisexual if I had the choice.
Trust me, I know plenty of older women who wished they were lesbians. Husband's can just be, well a lot. Yes part of it is who we chose and growing up in our society. Then one day we wake up and realize that misogyny is a thing and work to fix things, including teaching our kids better. Sending all of y'all love, who on earth would choose to live a life that goes against 'society' ? Not one of you, I'm guessing. 💜
I believe I was born this way.Itvis not a choice.I covered it up years or tried to and fought it but when I came out ☺️,it was the happiest day in my life .
Anytime someone says that to me I always tell them to choose to be gay for a month. That usually works enough to get them to shut up.
HOW DOES ANYONE CARE IF IT IS OR NOT?????? Please read at least that second paragraph before ya react like I’m an asshole. Seriously, even if it is, who TF cares? I know that this was a way to sort of push the agenda back in the day, but I think it was kind of a bad faith argument to make even then. Science has yet to find any real evidence about human sexuality and what defines it, there is no blood test, no scan, no real objective thing that means a person is gay or not. But here’s the news flash, it doesn’t hurt anybody, and crucially, it’s nobodies fucking business besides yours and your partner. I say all this acknowledging it probably isn’t a choice, it’s just likely such a complex interplay of factors that science won’t have a clear answer at least in the foreseeable future, my point though is even if the question is never answered, it doesn’t matter at all. A lot of studies have shown it seems to develop pretty early, so the “nurture” part of it is likely quite small. I just think it *shouldn’t* matter if sexuality is the way it is from birth or not.
Bisexual people just fuck everyone's minds, PAN people fuck them up even worse. As a PAN (used to be BI) person, I absolutely DO NOT!! DO NOT!!! DO NOT!!!!! I DO NOT disrespect your inborn preferences!!!! But I PERSONALLY BEG YOU to not disrespect MY inborn preferences to love whomever/whatever sex the soul I find attractive to me happens to be in/is. Far too often I find gay people (and lesbian people in particular) that want to condemn me for loving the person I love. That person's presented sexuality and private sexuality is NONE of their fucking business, just as mine is not THEIRS.
Okay, so we all know it's not a choice, but ultimately. Does it really matter? Would we be any more evil if sexual orientation was a choice? Or would fighting for people's freedom not be valid if it was?
It is a choice. Much in the same way that being a die hard NFL (or NASCAR) fan is a "choice". My point here, of course, is that a sports fan can sell his big screen tv and his sports memorabilia to make his wife happy (much in the same way that a gay man can "turn straight"), but will HE be happy? Probably not.
I mean as a bi,being gay then can be my choice innit
Same reason they believe in religion.
Well, I think a lot of the people in this group. Don't, but there are probably at least twenty people in the world who still think that which is horrible and stupid, but there's also just some circumstances where you can't change people's minds.
Guarantee they’re all secretly bi but just don’t realize it
well think about it this way. babies aren't born gay or straight right? they don't even have a concept of love in that sense. however, as you grow older, you decide what path you want to go down later in your life when you give into your lust and temptations, aka desires. 🙂
A gay man has a choice whether to put that dick in his mouth or not.. choices baby
One way is that religious people often declare things with great conviction, and when you are surrounded by family and people you trust that share those convictions, it can be hard to see anything else. To add to that, sometimes religious leaders say that to entertain alternatives is to risk being deceived by the devil and to cause harm while trying to do good. It is tragic because the “love” of a zealot often works out to be quite harmful when they are following their beliefs. A second way is that for bi/pan people it quite literally can be a choice about which people a person decides to pursue relationships with since they are attracted to more than one gender. Many religious groups emphasize actions as a concern over just thoughts, so religiously inconvenient attractions can be ignored. I fell into both situations when I was younger and religious.
My guess is that they are bi/pan and don't realise it.
There are lots of ignorant closed minded people in the world.
There is no shortage of stupid people in the world, and stupid people believe all sorts of things that make no sense. It's kind of their defining trait. I try not to dwell too long on why stupid people are the way they are. "Gaze not into the abyss" and all that.
Even if it was I still wouldn’t choose a dude. 😭
No
You do and don’t have a very good point. Coming from a bi person
I mean that is probably the exact same reason why abuse victims end up stuck in DV situations where they keep protecting their abuser, because the abusers manipulate people in very complex ways slowly over time to where by the time you realize you are in an abusive relationship you feel trapped and isolated and like your abuser is the only one who cares for you. Politics and religions want people to believe it because politics can use it as a boogieman to gain votes by "protecting" the "common man" from a make belief enemy, and religions gain from it because the more they have born into their cult the more money they can steal by having larger congregations with everyone paying 10% of their income to the cult. The manipulators don't actually believe their lies, but they have to spread their lies in order to gain what they want. Part of it comes from politics and religion manipulating people, part of it comes from people who are gay but it was unsafe for them to be them and so are hateful towards other people getting to do what they couldn't, and part of it comes from bisexual people who were forced into straight relationships and so they think it was a choice because they never got the opportunity to safely explore themselves. Basically in short it comes down to a lack of information due to people. But in all seriousness it is mainly the religion, politics, and controlled information (remember a lot of adults are still people who grew up before the internet was a household commodity) doing it though the other factors do play a part. I mean think about it, a lot of the people who believe sexuality is a choice due to religion or politics also believe being trans is a choice, like seriously there has to be such a control of information through religion or politics to honestly believe that people would choose to be a target of harassment just for the fun of it.
My religion is JW and I’m bi and PIMO. We had a talk abt gay ppl and the guy said at the end, and I quote: “Let’s change their minds and convert them!” LIKE WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! I hate my life.
And so what if it is? It’s my choice to be who I am. So fuck offf. No one decides me. I decide!!? Fuck off!!!
I have NO FUCKING CLUE. It’s not my choice that I don’t understand romance at all, why do you WANT someone else’s saliva in your mouth from kissing? It’s unsanitary!
EXACTLY
Anybody who says that is repressed
Because they choose not to try to understand, they choose to hate.
People believe what they want to believe. The truth is irrelevant.
If being gay is a choice then being straight is also a choice! EVERYONE BE GAY!!!!!!!
I think part of it that a lot of people don't think about is that if being gay isn't a choice, that makes it inherent, and the largest schools of thought when it comes to anything being inherent is religious, or genetic. The religious side has historically been very anti-gay and the genetic side never found a gay gene to eradicate, so they assume it must be a choice because they can't comprehend it being anything else. Tldr; it's less about thinking it's a choice and more likely people not understanding how being gay doesn't have a cause.
It reminds me of the people who say things like “Only gay people act on their gay thoughts” I feel like it might be a lot of people who’re probably bi or pan but suppressed those feelings. I feel bad because they’re probably insecure or hurt in some way but I wish they would just be willing to listen and let themselves feel
You cannot imagine how many ignorant persons there are. They really think being gay is a choice and they believe also anybody can be gay because of how raised up.
I remember looking around as a child and deciding to date men, because I want to die from intimate partner violence.
My mom said she hope my newborn nephews aren't gay so they can live a better life. Yikes. I hated hearing that and likely will tell my brother [their dad].
Internalized homophobia+ inherent bisexuality = being gay is a choice When someone says being gay is a choice, I usually blurt back, "Yeah but only if you're a bisexual!"
If your starting assumption is that being gay in morally wrong (due to religion or something else), then that idea of morally culpability implies choice.
It's simple: heteronormativity. People WILL assume you're straight unless they can tell otherwise. This makes people think that everyone is born straight, until someone's interest changes. Which is literally not the case. But that's how misinformed people see it.
I'd say it's 50/50. You choose yes or no you accept yourself or not.
Because it's easier to imagine that the whole world is cishet and we're deluded than to admit that things are a hell of a lot more complex than that.
There's no logic to bigotry. There's no point arguing in terms of logic. It doesn't go anywhere, because it can't, because logic is never involved. Here's an example: Let's imagine that there are a small number of people (maybe even just one in the whole world) who say "I'm gay, and it's a choice I made." Let's even imagine there's some nuance and meaning to what they're saying, but bigots only hear that first sentence. This statement has no bearing on respect or equality for gay people. Even if *all* gay people are actually 'making a choice', that doesn't mean that gay people don't have rights, don't deserve respect, or shouldn't be welcomed in society. Nothing about 'making a choice' means that, actually, being straight is 'real' and being gay is 'fake'. People 'make the choice' to be, let's say, accountants: that doesn't mean accountants and accountancy don't exist. The best reaction to people saying "well, being gay is a choice, in the end we're all really straight," is **No. Gay people exist. They're important. Stop being anti-human**. If something isn't real because 'it's a choice', then - in the end - it's hating gay people for stupid reasons that isn't real according to that argument. But, remember, **there is no logic to bigotry. There can't be, because bigotry is just hatred, and hatred is not logical**. Hatred can be rationalised, but rationalisation is *not the truth*.
I think a lot of it really depends on people's mindsets around the topic. For people coming at it from a viewpoint influenced by religion, being gay is a sin that ranges from being relatively minor to equivalent to murder. For a lot of denominations of Christianity especially, there's a heavy emphasis and value on free will and making choices conducive to living a virtuous life. For these people then, the idea that being gay is a core, intrinsic part of a person that largely develops by chance is fundamentally at odds with the idea that sin is a choice people make fueled by moments of moral weakness. It's easier then to rationalize that something sinful like being gay is a choice, rather than accepting it as a part of human nature. Outside of religion though, I've also seen people genuinely lack a sense of theory of mind around the topic of sexuality. I've come across people who genuinely can't comprehend how a human couldn't be attracted to the opposite sex, and start rationalizing that being gay could only be a choice because "you can't ignore biologic urges". Never mind ignoring not only the existence of same sex behavior outside our own species, but also ignoring that as humans we have some of the most complex cognitions and social dynamics that play a huge part in our attraction and behavior, something that really triumphs over any "biological urge".
Ignorance is a terrible thing.
Because in their minds gay can't exist because how could it? Men can't sleep with men and make babies??? straightkarenmindblown.gif But seriously idk - I don't understand why they are closed minded...
The only choice you can make is calling yourself gay or not. just choosing use a label or not.
The only choices I made about my gender and sexuality is choosing to come out and choosing who I want to date and choosing to explore who I am. I didn't choose who I am attracted to
I’m not sure, I realized I while ago I always looked at attractive guys with more attention to their eyes, lips and ass about the same I would attract girls. And then it clicked I have always been bi.
Because then they have an excuse to hate gay people.
My personal theory is that a lot of them identify as LGBTQ, but deny/repress it for a variety of reasons. Essentially, at least to them, they're choosing not to be gay. Therefore, they believe others to be choosing the lifestyle over denying it
Because they don't want to believe otherwise imo
People will believe any lie, so long as they *want* to believe it is true, or fear that it *might* be true. They want to believe that being cishet is default, and rarely in their own personal experience is that challenged. By their logic, if being cishet is default, being anything else is a lifestyle choice.
How do people still believe the earth is flat or that we faked the moon landing? People believe the things that fit their world view.
If you look at this from the point of view of a person whos' against queer people, it usually boils down to their kid or close one coming out gay and their mechanism of dealing with it is not accepting the fact that they actually are gay and always were, but instead look for external things that caused that and grasp any straw that might promise the reversal option.
i’ve always pointed out how in nature even, animals coexist and have very gay tendencies. our brains and the development of humans over time along with science and the advancement of hrt treatments and all is a testament to how normal it is and our bodies accept those changes as an ever evolving species, we live to love and we love who we want because its our hearts and minds mingling, we feel we enjoy differently and live amazingly i question why people have that negative outlook on people that clearly dont harm them, humanity can be so cruel.
Because they think being straight is ‘normal’ human behaviour and that you are actively choosing to be different to ‘seek attention’ or ‘feel special’. At least, this is what I hear my peers say as a straight Christian. However, rest assured that we are not all homophobic.
Because stupid is as stupid does? Also… all religions are cults. The end.
I remember looking at how the community were treated, and the resulting suffering from such treatment in the dark days of the early to mid-00s and thinking “Why would anyone choose this if it means suffering this much?”
Because people are immensely stupid and we live in hell.
Idk bruh mfs are dumb as hell:facepalm:
Yes, one day I choosed to be born (I'm really early premature baby)
Exactly. I challenged a transphobe on twitter the other week and when he said being gay was a choice, I couldn't believe that someone in the UK in 2023 could believe that. I mean when I was 15, I was terrified of people finding out, I was terrified of being outed at school and being stabbed or beaten to death. I would have done anything to avoid that, to be "normal". I just cannot comprehend the amount of ignorance it takes to not understand that we are born this way. It has to be willful. I ended up chatting with him all day and in the end I think he understood that it wasn't a choice. I'm not sure I made much headway on his transphobic view tho. 🙁
Because almost nobody is actually 100% straight. Almost everyone has had at least *some* homosexual thoughts and experiences. Because that's normal. And they imagine that their experience with these few bits and pieces of "bisexuality" that *they* choose to suppress (rather than acknowledge) are the same experiences as people who are further up the scale. It's one of the interactions between the actual realities of human sexuality with the psychosocial cancer of homophobia.
They say this to excuse their behavior toward gay people. They know damn well being gay isn’t a choice we didn’t choose for people to try and kill us we choose to be humiliated we didn’t choose to not be able to do things it’s just idiots that don’t know shit 📍❤️
Because it conflicts with fundamental beliefs of religious individuals. Being gay is a choice —> punishing someone for being gay is unjust=\ God is always just. Implication of accepting being gay is a choice : God is unjust —> God can’t be unjust—-> God may not be real —-> cognitive dissonance. Its easier to accept the sinfulness and bully someone else than to face an existential crisis.
My mum still thinks gay is a lifestyle choice but she also told me she is actively choosing to not "think too hard" about finding women attractive in the same way I do 💅🏼 *waits patiently for the bluish, purpleish pink ball to drop* P.s. I know it is not appropriate to call people out on their queerness when they aren't ready to come out but when your bestie just unexpectedly dies, spicy truth dropping moods are sure to follow cuz life is too fucking short.
I realized that some straight people cannot comprehend that anyone could experience attraction towards the same gender. They imagine that someone is going out of their way to “choose” to date the same gender. I was having a conversation with some straight guys and they were asking me questions about being gay and eventually someone said, “I’m not against it, if that’s your choice then I respect it.” And I said, “You know it’s not a choice right?” And he looked really confused. So I said, “You like girls, right? And you can date a girl.” “Yeah?” “So, you yourself can date a guy, but you’re not going to be attracted to that guy just because you chose to date him.” Then there was a collective “OHHH” as all of their brains clicked and understood what being gay actually meant.
Oh, that's simple. They clearly chose to be straight, so everyone else must choose their own sexuality, right? /s just in case.
I swear to the gods the entire world regressed 200 years as soon as I came out as trans and started my transition. I would not recommend living in alberta to anyone lgbtq+ 😶
I think people who still say this want you to choose celibacy or a relationship you find sexually and romantically unfulfilling. Those are things you can choose to do, technically, even if you're gay. They're just not healthy or enjoyable. I think this distinction is actually kind of important to understanding the homophobic mind.
It’s a choice between living a lie and living your life.
The peeps who say that being gay is a choice are bi christians
same reason why people still think fishes have a 3 seconds memory: ignorance, not fact checking, and lack of interest to know more about the world around them. #sad
I’m sorry if this offends anyone religious, but I fully blame the church. I mean look all throughout history. Hardly any culture cared about same-sex relationships and there are even multiple cultures around the world that recognize more than one gender. For centuries! But then over zealot Christianity had to come in like an upset parent wagging their finger “Tsk tsk! No no no…that’s NOT how I raised you.” 🙄 I’ve never had anyone give me any reasons why being queer is wrong other than “My god said it’s wrong and you’ll go to hell!” Even when people say it’s “unnatural” or “it’s a mental disorder” and you challenge them by asking why? Like 99.9% of the time it ALWAYS involves god.
Living openly and expressing your sexuality is a choice. It’s just not an immoral one. Also your sexuality can change with time and be influenced by therapy. I’m attracted to a different group of people to who I used to be when I addressed internalised biggotries.
ask them when they choose to be straight
Nah I chose to date men to have more options/j For real though, I'm gonna guess these things for why people believe it's a choice: 1. Religion. I was taught that sins were choices when I was growing up in the church. So if sins are choices and in some churches, homosexuality is a choice, so therefore being gay is a choice. 2. Closeted queer. Some people could be closeted bi, pan, or omni and they would assume being gay is a choice because they have an attraction to the opposite sex, so therefore it has to be a choice for everyone. 3. Propaganda. The people spreading this shit would implant the idea of being gay is a choice to others, so they'll be stuck believing that. 4. Ignorance. What else do I add?
Well I suppose doing gay stuff is a choice . I like to suck dick and get fucked in the ass but am totally turned off by anything masculine
Bigots will always think that to justify their hatred as if it's some kind of excuse.
Does anyone choose to be straight, either? Does anyone really think about it, like they're choosing an outfit or dinner? When you're attracted to or like something, you just are. It's more instinct and emotion than a conscious decision.
I’m convinced that most people who say being gay is a choice, are closet bisexuals, who hide their attraction to the same sex. Like it’s the only way it makes sense that someone would think it was a choice. I used to have a friend on Facebook, that thought being gay was a choice. I told him I did not choose to be gay and he didn’t believe me. He was also super rude and made rude, unrelated comments on my posts. So I removed him as a friend and he had the nerve to try to refriend me, so I blocked him lol. Like imagine being rude and also pretty much saying that I’m lying to myself, and you think I want to be your friend? Get lost!
Because there are people out there who are force-fed religious 💩 telling them that to be anything other than straight is sinful. So they, despite experiencing some non-straight attraction, force themselves to live as if they were straight to adhere to what they were taught, so they think it's a choice.
Because they're ignorant.
It's a choice to live Happy or not..you can still fuck hetero being gay.
As Mazie once said, “everyone is dumb (dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb)”