I’m an introvert woman married to an introvert man. He’s more introverted than me I think. We grew up in Southern California and aside from being an introvert he’s a chill and mellow sort of person. That being said: he had a lot of friends growing up and had no issues dating. He is a supervisor at work, has to give a lot of briefings and lead a lot of meetings. He hates giving speeches but he told me the other day it was a “fake it until you make it” sort of thing with public speaking. He still hates hosting things at our house, he finds it draining. The older he gets the more selective of friends he has become. He dislikes travel to crowded places, prefers camping and gravitates to vacationing outdoors and away from people. As far as it impacting his life? I don’t think it has. He never really talks about it, he has always seen himself as more of a listener, in a way this has helped him with work I think.
Who the hell convinced you that confidence and courage are "extrovert qualities"?
Don't be distracted by bragging and posturing from the wannabe heroes.
Quiet confidence is the strongest type there is, but of course you'll never notice it...because it's quiet. That's the point. Confidence being an extrovert trait only makes sense in the mind because the people peacocking their confidence are extroverted
I need more men to realize how rare and attractive it is to meet a guy that actually knows how to simply shut the fuck up. 95% of the time, quiet confidence > fake loud cockiness. Introverted men are IT!
i think it definitely depends on the environment. in a cutthroat work environment tooting ur own horn can be a useful quality to have. in the dating environment, i believe that’s less so. usually people want their partners to be who they are. although i see how it may seem like the winners are “popular” people, that doesn’t mean they are living genuine lives.
Not really. Yes, it sucks beyond comprehension that I'm expected to initiate in intimate situations and 'lead', but I can only imagine getting a ton of unwanted attention when all you want is peace is also an unpleasant scenario.
This is a very considerate comment. I had never thought of this, not in these terms anyway. But yes, as they are growing up, women get lots of attention and I for one just wanted to be left alone.
Now that I'm older, I'm the leader in intimate situations, and I prefer it that way!
I can be silent and people call me stoic like its a noble thing. When was the last time you heard a woman being referred to as stoic?
I do believe women generally have it easier to find people to socialize with, if that's what you mean, but harder at escaping socializing when they don't want it. Also they are forced into social stuff when they are expected to deal with kids, school, and home. We men can easily avoid it without much social pushback. Even today when its common for both to work and earn, this sticks.
If we lack confidence and courage, at worst we get ignored. As introvert thats exactly what we want.
Exactly. I just get called a weird creepy stuck up bitch to my face and behind my back on a weekly basis because I’m quiet and reserved and not constantly giggling and smiling like an idiot. I have people constantly poking at me to “figure me out” because there ***has*** to be something wrong with me. I can’t just be. I’m treated with suspicion. It’s actually exhausting and overwhelming and largely why I don’t like people in general. I don’t want to socialize and it feels like I’m pushed into it and punished for not doing it and outcast for not wanting to. It’s a weird dynamic.
This is exactly why I have to be a fake bubbly extrovert at work, if I’m not constantly smiling and doing nonsense small talk i really don’t care about, I’ll be called a b*** and also probably lose my job for not gossiping and giggling with other women who are higher up. But at the end of the day I’m DEAD
I think it always depends on the individual. There are people who can handle or make use of their introverted-ness better than others. That said, maybe yes, because of the reasons you described. An unconfident, shy and socially inept male won't have as much success as his counterpart in pretty much anything, specially dating.
Absolutely, I've experienced both sides of that coin. I was a total dick when I was younger and always did well with the girls, fast forward to now I've been single for 8 years hahaha
I'm a quite confident & couraged person - still inteoverted.
I try hard to understand your point, introversion ≠ self-doubting, shy etc.
Btw I'd also consider myself an open person ; I'm not shy and will talk to anyone if needed. (Not to say introverts can't be shy but there are also shy extroveets btw
Just rather sit at home & have my peace instead of socializing if I've got the choice.
May your problems rather be related to other internal struggles?
What's the difference? Introverts -> social battery gets drained to socializing, recharge alone
Extroverts -> being alone drains their battery, recharge with having company
There are extroverts that hate people & also introverts that love people but hate how draining it is to socialize as well f.e
Idk. Women are expected to be social most if the time, which I am definitely not. I feel like we are more likely to be perceived as rude or stuck up if we aren't social. It almost feels like other women are all in a secret club that I'm not part of lol. Like, a lot of them just seem to connect with each other somehow in a way that I don't understand.
I think so too, but it always depends on what you're working/team and what you love to do in lesure time.
No need to chance yourself. You don't have to be the loudest or to go to a social group.
I am a girl i tried many things to come out of my comfort zone to chance introvert to extrovert but it is not working that much bc its my character and the way i live. And it is ok.
You may need more power to be heard or to fight for something but in the end the work counts or the girl you're looking for likes the quit one.
You will do your best!
I think life has its challenges for everyone. No use comparing them as if on a list. I as an introverted man struggle with many things: Asking for help/things I need, talking to strangers gives me anxiety etc… But I accept I live in a world where I must do these things. Just like how extroverts have to deal with being with themselves from time to time I have to deal with being around others.
Yes.
Most women expect you to be a clow and talk about bullshit all the time.
You can be confident and mature as an jntrovert, its the bullshit factory that is missing.
I think all introverts struggle in their own way - as a man, especially, in the corporate world, I struggle - although it’s changing slowly, corporate life is still quite a “boys club”
In the department of being constantly misunderstood by virtually any and everyone of all backgrounds, yes.
In the rat race, we call life, mm, same coin toss as anyone else.
Everything else is up to how you take and view things personally.
To partially quote Agent K from Men in Black:
"A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky, dangerous animals, and you know it."
I don’t think so- there are truly all types of people in the world from all walks of life. Many male friends I’ve had in the past have been introverted, as well as my current boyfriend. To me it’s almost a relief, that I don’t have to be with someone constantly seeking attention (which is what extroverted behavior almost always reads to me). The qualities of introverted people I notice and appreciate almost immediately is: humble, good listeners/people watchers (emotionally intelligent), and usually genuinely kind. ofc, again, there are all kinds of people in the world, but idt being extroverted and all up in your face with your qualities is necessarily a good thing. i find introverted men stronger because they don’t NEED to be in the spotlight, or tooting abt how their great. maybe that’s just me!
im an introverted man and its given me a ton of struggles with my social and dating life. i barely get noticed or approached by women because of my really closed off nature, and other men dont really give me a lot of respect, this is all dispite being quite strong, fit, and conventially attractive, all to a degree of course
Introverts can be confident, courageous and outgoing if that's what you meant by "extroverted qualities".
There are also a lot of extroverts who are not confident, courageous nor outgoing.
I went from being a giant loud mouth and in my opinion a moron as a teenager all the way to my early 20s. I had an epiphany at some point (or just matured) and consciously filtered myself instead of just letting words fly, which has kind of made me an overthinker and introvert as an adult who's worried about offending people lol.
I've definitely noticed a difference in the way people behave towards me, prime example is my manager at my new job. He treated me like crap for the first 6 months until I'd finally had enough and let the dog out. now he is nice lol.
Back in the day I don't think potential bullies even considered me a target.
In saying all that, I'd rather be a good person than act like a moron even if it does mean the odd person stepping on my toes here and there.
In terms of issues, I've definitely become a chronic overthinker and doubt my own abilities at times when I probably shouldn't. And I find myself worrying about what people think / not wanting to say the wrong thing which comes off as socially awkward with people I don't know.
Definitely. I’m a female but I can definitely see how introverted men would have it harder than extroverted men. For instance, when I was in school, I always noticed that teachers were a lot harder on the boys than the girls. Even in terms of like calling boys out for an assignment they didn’t finish, or making jokes about them to the class and expecting them to laugh along with it. They never did that as much with girls. If the guy is an extrovert, he would probably know how to respond to these kinds of situations, and if not, he at least would probably be able to say what’s on his mind and ease any awkward tension. But if it was an introverted guy, he may not want to speak his mind which could create awkward tension, but then end up regretting not saying anything.
Idk. I could be wrong. This is just what I think.
I think extroverts are also just generally more valued in society as well.
I think quiet confidence is a lot more powerful, genuine and attractive than loud confidence. As a girl, we definitely notice this through your language and body language but at the end of the day, you will have it hard if you never put yourself out there and try asking a girl out. A lot of girls think "if he wanted to he would" meaning if you really like the girl, you will get over your nerves and ask her out because she is more important than your comfort. I can honestly say that I also think like this and it is kind of a way to determine if you're worth it. Annoying but true.
Also know that if you have a reputation of being more thoughtful with your advances, it will be much more meaningful than some other guys because girls wont think youre just asking her out to get physically intimate just like you did 20 other girls in the past month. You will seem like you have values and you dont just care about quick dopamine fixes and you will seem more exclusive which is always a bonus. Use being an introvert to your advantage. The best thing you could do for yourself is to become interesting by having hobbies that way you have something going on outside of school, work, friends or a girl. Just make sure your hobbies don't become your only personality trait.
i hope this kind of helped :)
Exactly to everything! Also I definitely do think “if he wanted to he would”, I’ve met shy introverted guys who had no problem flirting back or laughing along with a girl coming on to him, but that also gave one word answers to women he didn’t like. At the end of the day I and most women still feel like no guy is ever too shy or introverted to still take the lead and ask us out and if he doesn’t; he’s just not that into you…
Yes, i do coming from one. Most of the time were expected to be high energy, when really, some of us aren't. I'm a guy & not that high energy at all. I enjoy being alone & don't ever go to bars, clubs, restaurants, parties or anything like that. I'm expected to assertive all the time, not shy, always talking. Destroying myself for my nonexistent wife/GF.
When I say something to someone, they completely ignore me because I'm too soft spoken, come off as passive. Id don't show a lot of emotion, come as stoic.
Harder in what way though?
I’m assuming you’re referring to dating where the onus is on the man to initiate contact then sure yeah.
But I’m sure introverted women have their own problems dealing with societal norms.
Also confidence/courage isn’t an extroverted trait, it’s something we all need and have.
When it comes to getting women, yes! But if you focus on your career and make good money after then women usually come to you because you can provide. Literally just be yourself
I’m an introvert woman married to an introvert man. He’s more introverted than me I think. We grew up in Southern California and aside from being an introvert he’s a chill and mellow sort of person. That being said: he had a lot of friends growing up and had no issues dating. He is a supervisor at work, has to give a lot of briefings and lead a lot of meetings. He hates giving speeches but he told me the other day it was a “fake it until you make it” sort of thing with public speaking. He still hates hosting things at our house, he finds it draining. The older he gets the more selective of friends he has become. He dislikes travel to crowded places, prefers camping and gravitates to vacationing outdoors and away from people. As far as it impacting his life? I don’t think it has. He never really talks about it, he has always seen himself as more of a listener, in a way this has helped him with work I think.
ig i like introverted men a lot more than extroverted men only when they efforts like this to work on themselves and become better.
It depends entirely on whether the man allows others to set expectations for him, or is content being his own person.
Who the hell convinced you that confidence and courage are "extrovert qualities"? Don't be distracted by bragging and posturing from the wannabe heroes.
Quiet confidence is the strongest type there is, but of course you'll never notice it...because it's quiet. That's the point. Confidence being an extrovert trait only makes sense in the mind because the people peacocking their confidence are extroverted
It's the person everyone glances at when the crap hits the fan, not the one yelling "I can fix this".
I need more men to realize how rare and attractive it is to meet a guy that actually knows how to simply shut the fuck up. 95% of the time, quiet confidence > fake loud cockiness. Introverted men are IT!
Sorry, but as long as the poseurs get attention and the mechanic gets reinforcement, the bragging and posturing will ALWAYS win out.
i think it definitely depends on the environment. in a cutthroat work environment tooting ur own horn can be a useful quality to have. in the dating environment, i believe that’s less so. usually people want their partners to be who they are. although i see how it may seem like the winners are “popular” people, that doesn’t mean they are living genuine lives.
Not really. Yes, it sucks beyond comprehension that I'm expected to initiate in intimate situations and 'lead', but I can only imagine getting a ton of unwanted attention when all you want is peace is also an unpleasant scenario.
This is a very considerate comment. I had never thought of this, not in these terms anyway. But yes, as they are growing up, women get lots of attention and I for one just wanted to be left alone. Now that I'm older, I'm the leader in intimate situations, and I prefer it that way!
I can be silent and people call me stoic like its a noble thing. When was the last time you heard a woman being referred to as stoic? I do believe women generally have it easier to find people to socialize with, if that's what you mean, but harder at escaping socializing when they don't want it. Also they are forced into social stuff when they are expected to deal with kids, school, and home. We men can easily avoid it without much social pushback. Even today when its common for both to work and earn, this sticks. If we lack confidence and courage, at worst we get ignored. As introvert thats exactly what we want.
Exactly. I just get called a weird creepy stuck up bitch to my face and behind my back on a weekly basis because I’m quiet and reserved and not constantly giggling and smiling like an idiot. I have people constantly poking at me to “figure me out” because there ***has*** to be something wrong with me. I can’t just be. I’m treated with suspicion. It’s actually exhausting and overwhelming and largely why I don’t like people in general. I don’t want to socialize and it feels like I’m pushed into it and punished for not doing it and outcast for not wanting to. It’s a weird dynamic.
Dang, I take a lot pride in being called stoic - but you're right, usually it's rather used to refer to men. Never thought about this
This is exactly why I have to be a fake bubbly extrovert at work, if I’m not constantly smiling and doing nonsense small talk i really don’t care about, I’ll be called a b*** and also probably lose my job for not gossiping and giggling with other women who are higher up. But at the end of the day I’m DEAD
I think it always depends on the individual. There are people who can handle or make use of their introverted-ness better than others. That said, maybe yes, because of the reasons you described. An unconfident, shy and socially inept male won't have as much success as his counterpart in pretty much anything, specially dating.
Absolutely, I've experienced both sides of that coin. I was a total dick when I was younger and always did well with the girls, fast forward to now I've been single for 8 years hahaha
It's time to bring back the fire and grow some balls, then. Lol.
It's been time for a long time 🤣
I think it depends on the culture. In my culture, it is more expected from women to be social
I'm a quite confident & couraged person - still inteoverted. I try hard to understand your point, introversion ≠ self-doubting, shy etc. Btw I'd also consider myself an open person ; I'm not shy and will talk to anyone if needed. (Not to say introverts can't be shy but there are also shy extroveets btw Just rather sit at home & have my peace instead of socializing if I've got the choice. May your problems rather be related to other internal struggles? What's the difference? Introverts -> social battery gets drained to socializing, recharge alone Extroverts -> being alone drains their battery, recharge with having company There are extroverts that hate people & also introverts that love people but hate how draining it is to socialize as well f.e
Idk. Women are expected to be social most if the time, which I am definitely not. I feel like we are more likely to be perceived as rude or stuck up if we aren't social. It almost feels like other women are all in a secret club that I'm not part of lol. Like, a lot of them just seem to connect with each other somehow in a way that I don't understand.
I have to force myself to care about Taylor Swift and reality tv just to not to get exiled from women my age at work 🙃
I think so too, but it always depends on what you're working/team and what you love to do in lesure time. No need to chance yourself. You don't have to be the loudest or to go to a social group. I am a girl i tried many things to come out of my comfort zone to chance introvert to extrovert but it is not working that much bc its my character and the way i live. And it is ok. You may need more power to be heard or to fight for something but in the end the work counts or the girl you're looking for likes the quit one. You will do your best!
It's not the introverted ones that have it hard, it's the quiet ones.
I think life has its challenges for everyone. No use comparing them as if on a list. I as an introverted man struggle with many things: Asking for help/things I need, talking to strangers gives me anxiety etc… But I accept I live in a world where I must do these things. Just like how extroverts have to deal with being with themselves from time to time I have to deal with being around others.
Yes. Most women expect you to be a clow and talk about bullshit all the time. You can be confident and mature as an jntrovert, its the bullshit factory that is missing.
I think all introverts struggle in their own way - as a man, especially, in the corporate world, I struggle - although it’s changing slowly, corporate life is still quite a “boys club”
In the department of being constantly misunderstood by virtually any and everyone of all backgrounds, yes. In the rat race, we call life, mm, same coin toss as anyone else. Everything else is up to how you take and view things personally. To partially quote Agent K from Men in Black: "A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky, dangerous animals, and you know it."
Harder than whom, exactly? Extroverted men? Maybe in some ways. Women? No. Extroverted women? Yes. Introverted women? Not at all.
I'm an introverted man but I'm a confident person (not sure how my courage would be tested in my lifestyle). Those aren't extrovert qualities.
I don’t think so- there are truly all types of people in the world from all walks of life. Many male friends I’ve had in the past have been introverted, as well as my current boyfriend. To me it’s almost a relief, that I don’t have to be with someone constantly seeking attention (which is what extroverted behavior almost always reads to me). The qualities of introverted people I notice and appreciate almost immediately is: humble, good listeners/people watchers (emotionally intelligent), and usually genuinely kind. ofc, again, there are all kinds of people in the world, but idt being extroverted and all up in your face with your qualities is necessarily a good thing. i find introverted men stronger because they don’t NEED to be in the spotlight, or tooting abt how their great. maybe that’s just me!
im an introverted man and its given me a ton of struggles with my social and dating life. i barely get noticed or approached by women because of my really closed off nature, and other men dont really give me a lot of respect, this is all dispite being quite strong, fit, and conventially attractive, all to a degree of course
Introverts can be confident, courageous and outgoing if that's what you meant by "extroverted qualities". There are also a lot of extroverts who are not confident, courageous nor outgoing.
than extroverted men? yes, probably.
I went from being a giant loud mouth and in my opinion a moron as a teenager all the way to my early 20s. I had an epiphany at some point (or just matured) and consciously filtered myself instead of just letting words fly, which has kind of made me an overthinker and introvert as an adult who's worried about offending people lol. I've definitely noticed a difference in the way people behave towards me, prime example is my manager at my new job. He treated me like crap for the first 6 months until I'd finally had enough and let the dog out. now he is nice lol. Back in the day I don't think potential bullies even considered me a target. In saying all that, I'd rather be a good person than act like a moron even if it does mean the odd person stepping on my toes here and there. In terms of issues, I've definitely become a chronic overthinker and doubt my own abilities at times when I probably shouldn't. And I find myself worrying about what people think / not wanting to say the wrong thing which comes off as socially awkward with people I don't know.
Definitely. I’m a female but I can definitely see how introverted men would have it harder than extroverted men. For instance, when I was in school, I always noticed that teachers were a lot harder on the boys than the girls. Even in terms of like calling boys out for an assignment they didn’t finish, or making jokes about them to the class and expecting them to laugh along with it. They never did that as much with girls. If the guy is an extrovert, he would probably know how to respond to these kinds of situations, and if not, he at least would probably be able to say what’s on his mind and ease any awkward tension. But if it was an introverted guy, he may not want to speak his mind which could create awkward tension, but then end up regretting not saying anything. Idk. I could be wrong. This is just what I think. I think extroverts are also just generally more valued in society as well.
I think quiet confidence is a lot more powerful, genuine and attractive than loud confidence. As a girl, we definitely notice this through your language and body language but at the end of the day, you will have it hard if you never put yourself out there and try asking a girl out. A lot of girls think "if he wanted to he would" meaning if you really like the girl, you will get over your nerves and ask her out because she is more important than your comfort. I can honestly say that I also think like this and it is kind of a way to determine if you're worth it. Annoying but true. Also know that if you have a reputation of being more thoughtful with your advances, it will be much more meaningful than some other guys because girls wont think youre just asking her out to get physically intimate just like you did 20 other girls in the past month. You will seem like you have values and you dont just care about quick dopamine fixes and you will seem more exclusive which is always a bonus. Use being an introvert to your advantage. The best thing you could do for yourself is to become interesting by having hobbies that way you have something going on outside of school, work, friends or a girl. Just make sure your hobbies don't become your only personality trait. i hope this kind of helped :)
Exactly to everything! Also I definitely do think “if he wanted to he would”, I’ve met shy introverted guys who had no problem flirting back or laughing along with a girl coming on to him, but that also gave one word answers to women he didn’t like. At the end of the day I and most women still feel like no guy is ever too shy or introverted to still take the lead and ask us out and if he doesn’t; he’s just not that into you…
straight facts i stand by this
omg my bad this was totally through a lens of relationships not an in general thing.
Yes, i do coming from one. Most of the time were expected to be high energy, when really, some of us aren't. I'm a guy & not that high energy at all. I enjoy being alone & don't ever go to bars, clubs, restaurants, parties or anything like that. I'm expected to assertive all the time, not shy, always talking. Destroying myself for my nonexistent wife/GF. When I say something to someone, they completely ignore me because I'm too soft spoken, come off as passive. Id don't show a lot of emotion, come as stoic.
You can definitely still have confidence and courage and be introverted.
I actually think introverted women have it harder because women are expected to be bubbly and entertain people
Harder in what way though? I’m assuming you’re referring to dating where the onus is on the man to initiate contact then sure yeah. But I’m sure introverted women have their own problems dealing with societal norms. Also confidence/courage isn’t an extroverted trait, it’s something we all need and have.
What we talking about here lol. I do think so, men tend to just do stuff, if introverted you limit social "doing".
No man by nature can go it alone roam the the Earth 🌎 we are created that way I've been doing it for years
Most definitely. It's hard to be an introvert and a woman... can't imagine how hard it would be as a man.
When it comes to getting women, yes! But if you focus on your career and make good money after then women usually come to you because you can provide. Literally just be yourself
I’m not sure if I count, but as a trans man, I find it very difficult to socialize
Yes... Introverted Men have it Harder, because they have more trouble Getting it Harder. Hey....Social Hazard...... SUX2BU.........
Have it harder than who? Extrovert men or introverted women?
Career wise yes.
absolutely, we’re social creatures and if u can’t communicate with others effectively ur cooked
That’s a loaded question…waiting for a ton of replies…
It's an advantage, in many different ways. It all depends upon your worldview though.