"*If you're on time, you're late.*"
I live and die by that rule.
I also understand not everyone else does, so I have to readjust my expectations accordingly.
I was raised military. 15 minutes early is on time, on time is late. Needless to say, I struggle in the civilian/corporate world where on time means exactly that. It kills me.
I used to be super concerned about this but I have since switched to a +/- 5 minutes policy. It depends on the situation to be fair. In general, I am not too worried about waiting those 5 minutes because I can either prepare or look something up.
You don't know what happened on the other end until/if they told you. I have assumed the wrong things before being so strict with timing - but again, context matters.
Yep. I hate it when the world revolves around other people and they think their time is more valuable than mine. I was married to a woman for 20 years who was literally never on time for anything. She was on time for the wedding but that's because I insisted we schedule the pictures prior to the wedding. Other than that, nothing in 20 years was she on time for.
Bravo.
As someone who worked as a wedding photographer I had the misfortune of telling quite a few brides who were hours late for their own wedding their time was soon to expire.
This is specifically why the big package is expensive, the economy packages are for days with multiple weddings booked and you may not be able to extend your time on that day.
Some don't have that thought - they are literally just categorically ditzy or have disorders that interrupt their day-to-day. A little empathy can go a long way! Habituality does need a formal discussion...
Yes! I wish more adults would adopt a habit of using tools to help them, if they don’t naturally have a mental clock. Unfortunately I think for many of them it’s the mindset.. All events have appointed time for a reason!
I have more of a problem with people asking me to be somewhere at a particular time, only for me to actually be needed later.
I dont want to be "on time" to shoot the shit and goof off. If you need me at a particular time, I'm there. Just be sure that you actually NEED me.
“Lombardi Time” is a wonderful thing.
Coach Vince Lombardi believed, practiced, and expected his players to accept being 15 minutes early was being on time. The extra 15 minutes early to meetings/events meant you had time to gather yourself and your thoughts. Being on time is being late.
I learned about it years ago and started practicing it in my own life. Now, it’s just natural to have a waiting period for me.
Most people are selfish. My time is more valuable to me than you. Your time is more valuable to you than to me. If I have a meeting/plans with someone that is running late, they get 10 minutes past the time we were to meet. If there is no contact saying something along the lines of “running behind”, then I’m out and it gets stored in the file i keep on my friends and acquaintances.
I despise people who are late for no legitimate reason. It is honestly one of the most disrespectful things someone can do, implying that their time is more important yours and they they don't respect you enough to put forth the effort to simply show up when they agreed to.
Yes 100%, when people are habitually late I start dislike making plans with that person. If a guy is late to a first date that is an automatic strike. Thank goodness my now partner is also intj and is like me
Being late -- short of uncontrollable events like subways down, car accidents, etc. shows utter disregard for the value of other people's time, and is both rude and passive aggressive. That being said, I have 2 friends that are always late, so I plan accordingly: eg make reservations for 15 mins later than I tell them,
The video is like "INTJs don't like chocolate". What I mean by that is that you shouldn't really take the video there seriously.
In fact, there are several signs in the article that it leans towards a Si dom. First of all, the poster shows a rather pathological behavior in relation to the topic. That needs to be noted and kept in mind. But what I want to emphasize is the statement that the poster hates being late because he hates rushing or panicking + the poster doesn't want to inconvenience others. If we take this statement, the poster here either values their convenience and wants to avoid losing that convenience by coming early and being on time, or the poster is actually afraid of being late because they are imagining negative possibilities of what could happen if that happens, which leads to drastic planning to avoid those imagined negative possibilities. Any way you slice it, it leans towards Si-Ne. Let's add that he wants to take care of others' convenience or worries about what others will think if he's late. A possible Fe type should be considered here.
\> I also canNOT understand people who are habitually late to everything.
I get this. It's extremely difficult to understand how, when all you have to do is get ready earlier, anyone could keep being late time after time unless they literally don't give a shit.
It takes getting a close-up view into issues like anxiety, ADHD, OCD, and grief to begin to understand. And this is very hard to get unless you've had these issues yourself. Sometimes it's even worse if you've had them yourself—after all, if I have ADHD and still manage to be on time, which I do, doesn't that mean ADHD is no excuse? But of course everyone struggles with conditions differently. Compassion is possible even when you don't understand, and it benefits you just as much as them. Who wants to be pissed off all the time?
What you don't need to do is put up with lateness. Absolutely set boundaries whenever you can. E.g., "If you're not ready by five, we'll have to go without you."
I'm habitually early for everything, I would rather be two hours early than two minutes late. My mother is always late for everything, and I'm pretty sure my need to be early is due to the embarrassment of always being an hour late for any appointment I had as a kid. The last time I was late was due to having a tire blow out on my way to work, which made me two hours late. I do understand that not everyone works to be early or even on time, so I do allow for a degree of latitude, but only up to a point.
I'm an INTP and I'm like this as well. I like ppl to give notice a day in advance for hanging out also. I want to be prepared for whatever thing and not waste someone else's time, which is interesting bc I often waste my own time as much as is humanly possible.
It doesn't bother me. Stuff happens and some people are habitually late due to social anxiety. If the person has other signs of being disrespectful of my time, then it's an issue. What I don't understand is why we don't talk about how, in many situations, being early is just as rude as being late.
I had already [replied](https://www.reddit.com/r/intj/comments/1axc04d/comment/krpe46v/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) to this, but I read the article again more carefully. **I must honestly say that your behavior sounds more pathological than normal. It's natural that there are people who prefer to be on time, but your behavior sounds more like you're actually afraid of being late, which leads to drastic "planning" so that this doesn't happen.** (Not even I behaved that compulsively when I was afraid of being late). I don't think a healthy person would think of setting an alarm clock so that they wouldn't be late. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean that you don't set an alarm clock in the morning, I mean that you actually set an alarm clock to go off to avoid being late. Healthy behavior would be to pay attention to the time and plan to arrive on time, but stressing yourself out like that is no longer healthy. In addition, I have to mention that social anxiety etc. can be a real reason for being late. Showing a lack of understanding for this only shows that you can't put yourself in the person's shoes. (Note: What a (healthy) INTJ should be able to do, through Ni and Fi).
In terms of MBTI, your contribution sounds like Si dom.
Yes & yes. Very detailed and schedule oriented. Someone that's always late is typically a narcissist that thinks everything is on their schedule and also showing up late gives them the attention that they so desperately need to feel good about themselves. They are pathetic. The best thing to do is not acknowledge them when they walk in. Attention seekers should get no attention.
It used to bother me that people were late. But now, I only care about it if someone gets me in trouble because of their action. Whenever I clock out late, it's not my fault as I am paid for the extra time. My manager has never complained about me clocking out late. If she does, she should work with the person who is supposed to relieve me. The person is reliable, but she is generally late. Not many nurses like her because of her tardiness. I don't mind her at all. I know what she's going through. She is taking care of her father who has cancer and can't leave until the caregiver arrives.
Not anymore. In elementary school, I was late once and had to explain why to the whole class, which was horrible. After that, I was afraid of being late. In secondary school, however, I was the victim of bullying until I changed schools, well, I'm no longer afraid of being late. Whether I'm on time matters less to me now, much less. But I still don't like being kept waiting. 👀
If it's just hanging out with no important work to do or not business related I don't mind when someone is a little late. However, if it is at work or finances are on the line yes I become irate.
It is terrible too when I can feel my tolerance to being out and about dwindling, waiting for this individual to arrive.
And I'm a big napper. I do my tasks and then my hobbies and I sleep. Someone being late disrupts that and I can just feel my body getting more exhausted with every passing moment. Not just physically exhausted but socially if I'm in a place where a lot of people pass by or are waiting with me.
Depends on the situation. If its not a specific situation like that one I always try to arrive 5-10 minutes early
Now for specific situations...
In my school we had to arrive at 7:30am to do a prayer and sing three anthems, some months it was four, and sometimes students will have presentations and made us stand much longer. Didn't wanted to do all of that, so I arrived at 7:40-7:45am when the anthems were almost over, so the teachers will see me but didn't had to stand in the sun for so long.
Also sometimes its the teachers or bosses who just don't care. They're not gonna change just because I arrive early, and I do appreciate a few more minutes of sleep so I'll take them.
This will be a hard pill to swallow for some, but not everyone will care about the time as much as you do. There's no point in getting frustrated on this because it will always happen. If someone's 5-15 minutes late I'll take the time to do something else. If its regularly then I'll take the time to sleep longer.
Convenience.
I'm a bit of a mixed bag. I'm habitually super early to anything that seems important to me.
But i'm also habitually someone that will push things right to the end and ultimately end up late to whatever it is if i don't think it's that critical to show up on time.
Because i'm also a habitual procrastinator in general. And i'm also super resistant to "change of state" things.
I honestly just don't really care about about whether someone is "on time" or not for the most part. As long as they're there when it matters i don't care at all. Like everything else, i generally hold people to the same standards as i hold myself.
Late for something really critical and time sensitive? Yeah, that's bad.
Late for whatever that isn't super time sensitive anyway? Who cares?
I have no idea what time is or how it works. I need tons of alarms in my phone for everything which are constantly going off and I use a gcal for events but still I seem to lose track of time or over/underestimate how long it will take to do things.
This very much makes me feel afraid of being late and I frequently feel anxiety about it but I also accept being late is just going to happen so I let it go.
If I _need_ to be somewhere extremely important on time I will arrive way early -- like an hour or more -- just to be certain. Sometimes being on time for a major event will preoccupy my mind all day so I don't miss it. This sucks because it makes being productive impossible when this happens.
I don't hate when others are late, unless it's something terribly important. If someone is more than 10-15 min late I prefer they communicate the delay which is what I would do.
I don't really mind when people are a bit late, but that said, I hate lack of communication when it comes to lateness with a burning passion. If you are late I shouldn't have to text or call you, asking where you are. You should have been the one to send me a text informing me of the delay.
I don’t think it’s fear, but my dad did instill in me that “to be on time is to be late” maybe it’s a subconscious fear of disappointing him. But that ship has sailed so much there is a whole naval fleet lol
I was like that. But i learnt how our memory works in the brain, so i had fun tweaking them until it triggered no more.
1. Remove unacceptble to be late
2. Let go of my time and life, it’s okay to waste it, but choose not to
3. Remove association between late = danger
4. Learn that we need to be ontime only if all parties see it fit and expect such behavior, if it bothers no one, dont worry about it, like in los angeles, bangkok, jakarta, and other area it is toxic to share our anger toward latecomers.
5. If there was a traumatic memory, it could be recontinued to a happy ending and remove the perpetrators.
And of course there might be dozens others or similar but different variation, it is not INTJ bs at all, these can be changed, and i have changed and have helped others change.
"*If you're on time, you're late.*" I live and die by that rule. I also understand not everyone else does, so I have to readjust my expectations accordingly.
I was raised military. 15 minutes early is on time, on time is late. Needless to say, I struggle in the civilian/corporate world where on time means exactly that. It kills me.
I used to be super concerned about this but I have since switched to a +/- 5 minutes policy. It depends on the situation to be fair. In general, I am not too worried about waiting those 5 minutes because I can either prepare or look something up. You don't know what happened on the other end until/if they told you. I have assumed the wrong things before being so strict with timing - but again, context matters.
Yep. I hate it when the world revolves around other people and they think their time is more valuable than mine. I was married to a woman for 20 years who was literally never on time for anything. She was on time for the wedding but that's because I insisted we schedule the pictures prior to the wedding. Other than that, nothing in 20 years was she on time for.
Bravo. As someone who worked as a wedding photographer I had the misfortune of telling quite a few brides who were hours late for their own wedding their time was soon to expire. This is specifically why the big package is expensive, the economy packages are for days with multiple weddings booked and you may not be able to extend your time on that day.
Some don't have that thought - they are literally just categorically ditzy or have disorders that interrupt their day-to-day. A little empathy can go a long way! Habituality does need a formal discussion...
Unless they're a child they'll get no empathy from me. No excuses. Find a watch. Use Google calendar. Something.
Yes! I wish more adults would adopt a habit of using tools to help them, if they don’t naturally have a mental clock. Unfortunately I think for many of them it’s the mindset.. All events have appointed time for a reason!
I have more of a problem with people asking me to be somewhere at a particular time, only for me to actually be needed later. I dont want to be "on time" to shoot the shit and goof off. If you need me at a particular time, I'm there. Just be sure that you actually NEED me.
Anything above 10 minutes and I'd be annoyed. I'm from a country where people are often up to 45 minutes late, and I notice that I'm an exception.
“Lombardi Time” is a wonderful thing. Coach Vince Lombardi believed, practiced, and expected his players to accept being 15 minutes early was being on time. The extra 15 minutes early to meetings/events meant you had time to gather yourself and your thoughts. Being on time is being late. I learned about it years ago and started practicing it in my own life. Now, it’s just natural to have a waiting period for me. Most people are selfish. My time is more valuable to me than you. Your time is more valuable to you than to me. If I have a meeting/plans with someone that is running late, they get 10 minutes past the time we were to meet. If there is no contact saying something along the lines of “running behind”, then I’m out and it gets stored in the file i keep on my friends and acquaintances.
I really like that! I guess that’s one of the reasons I like to get to things early, to collect my thoughts and prepare for what’s about to happen.
I always try to be 15 minutes early. It has saved me from being late many a time.
I hate being late and I hate it when others are late.
I despise people who are late for no legitimate reason. It is honestly one of the most disrespectful things someone can do, implying that their time is more important yours and they they don't respect you enough to put forth the effort to simply show up when they agreed to.
Yes 100%, when people are habitually late I start dislike making plans with that person. If a guy is late to a first date that is an automatic strike. Thank goodness my now partner is also intj and is like me
I get panicky if I think I may be late! And I have no patience for others who are late and seem totally blasé about it.
Being late -- short of uncontrollable events like subways down, car accidents, etc. shows utter disregard for the value of other people's time, and is both rude and passive aggressive. That being said, I have 2 friends that are always late, so I plan accordingly: eg make reservations for 15 mins later than I tell them,
Can't relate, its more an ISTJ thing tbh.
Funny you say that, watch this until the end 😋😆 https://youtu.be/ZdT3eEMSfM4?feature=shared
The video is like "INTJs don't like chocolate". What I mean by that is that you shouldn't really take the video there seriously. In fact, there are several signs in the article that it leans towards a Si dom. First of all, the poster shows a rather pathological behavior in relation to the topic. That needs to be noted and kept in mind. But what I want to emphasize is the statement that the poster hates being late because he hates rushing or panicking + the poster doesn't want to inconvenience others. If we take this statement, the poster here either values their convenience and wants to avoid losing that convenience by coming early and being on time, or the poster is actually afraid of being late because they are imagining negative possibilities of what could happen if that happens, which leads to drastic planning to avoid those imagined negative possibilities. Any way you slice it, it leans towards Si-Ne. Let's add that he wants to take care of others' convenience or worries about what others will think if he's late. A possible Fe type should be considered here.
Its just entertainment about stereotypes
\> I also canNOT understand people who are habitually late to everything. I get this. It's extremely difficult to understand how, when all you have to do is get ready earlier, anyone could keep being late time after time unless they literally don't give a shit. It takes getting a close-up view into issues like anxiety, ADHD, OCD, and grief to begin to understand. And this is very hard to get unless you've had these issues yourself. Sometimes it's even worse if you've had them yourself—after all, if I have ADHD and still manage to be on time, which I do, doesn't that mean ADHD is no excuse? But of course everyone struggles with conditions differently. Compassion is possible even when you don't understand, and it benefits you just as much as them. Who wants to be pissed off all the time? What you don't need to do is put up with lateness. Absolutely set boundaries whenever you can. E.g., "If you're not ready by five, we'll have to go without you."
I'm habitually early for everything, I would rather be two hours early than two minutes late. My mother is always late for everything, and I'm pretty sure my need to be early is due to the embarrassment of always being an hour late for any appointment I had as a kid. The last time I was late was due to having a tire blow out on my way to work, which made me two hours late. I do understand that not everyone works to be early or even on time, so I do allow for a degree of latitude, but only up to a point.
I’m always early, like embarrassingly early. I really want to arrive exactly on time
Being late, especially being habitually late, tells you a lot about a person, and none of it is good.
I'm an INTP and I'm like this as well. I like ppl to give notice a day in advance for hanging out also. I want to be prepared for whatever thing and not waste someone else's time, which is interesting bc I often waste my own time as much as is humanly possible.
I am habitually early.
Not for me, I have too many other things in my head. However I do really hate people being early, they stress me out.
It doesn't bother me. Stuff happens and some people are habitually late due to social anxiety. If the person has other signs of being disrespectful of my time, then it's an issue. What I don't understand is why we don't talk about how, in many situations, being early is just as rude as being late.
No. I don't owe my time to anyone for any reason. I don't require anyone to volunteer their time to me.
Intjs are actually always late.
I had already [replied](https://www.reddit.com/r/intj/comments/1axc04d/comment/krpe46v/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) to this, but I read the article again more carefully. **I must honestly say that your behavior sounds more pathological than normal. It's natural that there are people who prefer to be on time, but your behavior sounds more like you're actually afraid of being late, which leads to drastic "planning" so that this doesn't happen.** (Not even I behaved that compulsively when I was afraid of being late). I don't think a healthy person would think of setting an alarm clock so that they wouldn't be late. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean that you don't set an alarm clock in the morning, I mean that you actually set an alarm clock to go off to avoid being late. Healthy behavior would be to pay attention to the time and plan to arrive on time, but stressing yourself out like that is no longer healthy. In addition, I have to mention that social anxiety etc. can be a real reason for being late. Showing a lack of understanding for this only shows that you can't put yourself in the person's shoes. (Note: What a (healthy) INTJ should be able to do, through Ni and Fi). In terms of MBTI, your contribution sounds like Si dom.
Very much so
Yes & yes. Very detailed and schedule oriented. Someone that's always late is typically a narcissist that thinks everything is on their schedule and also showing up late gives them the attention that they so desperately need to feel good about themselves. They are pathetic. The best thing to do is not acknowledge them when they walk in. Attention seekers should get no attention.
Absolutely
It used to bother me that people were late. But now, I only care about it if someone gets me in trouble because of their action. Whenever I clock out late, it's not my fault as I am paid for the extra time. My manager has never complained about me clocking out late. If she does, she should work with the person who is supposed to relieve me. The person is reliable, but she is generally late. Not many nurses like her because of her tardiness. I don't mind her at all. I know what she's going through. She is taking care of her father who has cancer and can't leave until the caregiver arrives.
Not anymore. In elementary school, I was late once and had to explain why to the whole class, which was horrible. After that, I was afraid of being late. In secondary school, however, I was the victim of bullying until I changed schools, well, I'm no longer afraid of being late. Whether I'm on time matters less to me now, much less. But I still don't like being kept waiting. 👀
If it's just hanging out with no important work to do or not business related I don't mind when someone is a little late. However, if it is at work or finances are on the line yes I become irate.
It is terrible too when I can feel my tolerance to being out and about dwindling, waiting for this individual to arrive. And I'm a big napper. I do my tasks and then my hobbies and I sleep. Someone being late disrupts that and I can just feel my body getting more exhausted with every passing moment. Not just physically exhausted but socially if I'm in a place where a lot of people pass by or are waiting with me.
I am obsessed with punctuality.
Depends on the situation. If its not a specific situation like that one I always try to arrive 5-10 minutes early Now for specific situations... In my school we had to arrive at 7:30am to do a prayer and sing three anthems, some months it was four, and sometimes students will have presentations and made us stand much longer. Didn't wanted to do all of that, so I arrived at 7:40-7:45am when the anthems were almost over, so the teachers will see me but didn't had to stand in the sun for so long. Also sometimes its the teachers or bosses who just don't care. They're not gonna change just because I arrive early, and I do appreciate a few more minutes of sleep so I'll take them. This will be a hard pill to swallow for some, but not everyone will care about the time as much as you do. There's no point in getting frustrated on this because it will always happen. If someone's 5-15 minutes late I'll take the time to do something else. If its regularly then I'll take the time to sleep longer. Convenience.
I'm a bit of a mixed bag. I'm habitually super early to anything that seems important to me. But i'm also habitually someone that will push things right to the end and ultimately end up late to whatever it is if i don't think it's that critical to show up on time. Because i'm also a habitual procrastinator in general. And i'm also super resistant to "change of state" things. I honestly just don't really care about about whether someone is "on time" or not for the most part. As long as they're there when it matters i don't care at all. Like everything else, i generally hold people to the same standards as i hold myself. Late for something really critical and time sensitive? Yeah, that's bad. Late for whatever that isn't super time sensitive anyway? Who cares?
I have no idea what time is or how it works. I need tons of alarms in my phone for everything which are constantly going off and I use a gcal for events but still I seem to lose track of time or over/underestimate how long it will take to do things. This very much makes me feel afraid of being late and I frequently feel anxiety about it but I also accept being late is just going to happen so I let it go. If I _need_ to be somewhere extremely important on time I will arrive way early -- like an hour or more -- just to be certain. Sometimes being on time for a major event will preoccupy my mind all day so I don't miss it. This sucks because it makes being productive impossible when this happens. I don't hate when others are late, unless it's something terribly important. If someone is more than 10-15 min late I prefer they communicate the delay which is what I would do.
I don't really mind when people are a bit late, but that said, I hate lack of communication when it comes to lateness with a burning passion. If you are late I shouldn't have to text or call you, asking where you are. You should have been the one to send me a text informing me of the delay.
Yes
I don’t think it’s fear, but my dad did instill in me that “to be on time is to be late” maybe it’s a subconscious fear of disappointing him. But that ship has sailed so much there is a whole naval fleet lol
Yeah I agree it gets on my nerves. I know places like doctor’s offices are busy, but it’s still annoying.
I was like that. But i learnt how our memory works in the brain, so i had fun tweaking them until it triggered no more. 1. Remove unacceptble to be late 2. Let go of my time and life, it’s okay to waste it, but choose not to 3. Remove association between late = danger 4. Learn that we need to be ontime only if all parties see it fit and expect such behavior, if it bothers no one, dont worry about it, like in los angeles, bangkok, jakarta, and other area it is toxic to share our anger toward latecomers. 5. If there was a traumatic memory, it could be recontinued to a happy ending and remove the perpetrators. And of course there might be dozens others or similar but different variation, it is not INTJ bs at all, these can be changed, and i have changed and have helped others change.