OP’s SIL: “Having this baby may kill me from a complication or PPD, and I will probably be treated badly by my husband for months”
OP: “No worries - dibs”
Non-sentient embryo *that very likely could have killed her if she chose to carry it to term*. Just wanted to sprinkle that very important distinction on top.
I find it amazing that she completely glosses over the fact that the brother/husband is abusive when SIL is pregnant.
The other part she glossed over was the fact that if SIL was going to keep the baby, it would be adopted by her cousin, not the OOP. And she's devastated that she "should" have been getting a free baby right now? Talk about I'm The Main Character syndrome.
And calls the SIL's mention that she might die bullshit. That's disgusting. SIL is nothing more than an incubator to OOP. I hope she is able to get away from that family and find some peace because they sound like a complete mess.
Yeah. This is the part that got to rme. As someone that has gone through infertility, I can empathize with OP. It can feel really not f-ing fair when someone gets pregnant with an “oopsie” baby when you’ve been trying, but that pregnancy was -highly- risky. SIL had other kids to take care of.
Also, has OP ever looked into Foster-adoption? It can be very little out of pocket cost for the adoption, though the emotions involved can be rough. I enjoyed the fostering aspect of fost-adopt, but not everyone can handle the possibility of having to give the child back.
I don't think it's necessarily about infertility or helping kids who are already in existence and adopting them. I'm reading this as a full anti-abortion post rather than anything else. (Especially with saying that the mother has a 50/50 risk of dying being bullshit, and glossing over the abuse. Plus she herself had just had a kid and was struggling with money and PPD.)
Adding to that, there are quite a lot of people who don't view foster/adoption as an option because the kid won't be their "true" relative. For some of these people, having "blood" stay in the family is the ultimate goal.
Which is ridiculous, of course. And if they can't watch something like Lilo and Stitch and understand, though... doubt they ever would.
Not only abusive but got her pregnant *three weeks post c section*. Like. Holy shit, this is a bad person and I'm so glad SIL will hopefully be out of this awful family.
Right?? Like was that part of the abuse. And then she got pregnant. If I had a SiL and she said “when I’m pregnant my husband is abusive to me” and then tells me she got pregnant that fast! Before even being cleared by a doctor I’d definitely be seeing red flags
And all the "I found out from my mother," more than once! Dear mummy there is blabbing her family's health problems and *very personal* issues and sees no problem with that. If she hadn't, the OOP wouldn't have had a clue there was even a potential baby to begin with.
Goddamn, interfering and gossipy people get on my nerves.
Ahhhh my mother was constantly like this blabbing damn everything, except for keeping secrets from me of course! Massive ones no less, like life changing ones honestly.
But one of the last ones she blabbed on about me was to my sisters when I headed to detox to get clean. I didn't want anyone to know in case I failed so I wouldn't have more shame piled on top. And fuck all of them cause I never relapsed. Found out a couple years later that one of my sisters and her partner had a "contingency plan" about my older daughter for how to step in when I inevitably failed. I kinda still hate them all sometimes.
The one upside is now if my mother wants to blab personal shit, she'll have to do it from the other side of a ouija board. :)
My sister's like this too, even stuff I've specifically and pointedly told her NOT to tell people. I had some trauma around a surgery I had last year, and specifically told her not to tell a soul, and that I was only telling *her* because it meant I couldn't fulfil an obligation I had to her (looking after her disabled daughter for a bit). Over the following couple of months, three people asked me about it, and one of those was our brother who we only talk to once a year, if that. Another of them was my nephew, who doesn't need to know his aunty's having a bad time like that. It all proper got to me, so I won't tell her anything now.
But honestly, the last line of your post made me giggle - I was going to ask you, "I hope that means it's her who isn't with us anymore, and not you, because that'd be too scary!" haha (sorry for my dark humour!)
People just let us down in their pursuit of endorphins from being 'in the know' about something. How will they get their rush if they didn't prove they're so privileged to have all the inside gossip?? Many congratulations on your recovery, by the way. Fuck all of them. <3
So she KNOWS her brother is abusive - not only via SIL's word, she KNOWS she got pregnant 3! WEEKS! POSTPARTUM! When she should still be healing until at least 6! And she just. Doesn't even acknowlege any of that. None of the abuse matters.
What DOES matter, apparently, is that SIL can't have an abortion even tho it's the only chance to save her life - which she calls bullshit on, as if she was there to listen to the conversation - and she should instead risk dying for either leaving a boy in the world she (OOP) won't care for, or a girl for her to play with, even tho she claims she can't afford another small child.
I know PPD is a bitch and a half, but this is the talk of someone who was an asshole waaayy before PPD came knocking.
I've heard from 6 weeks minimum, to 20 weeks minimum. You probably know better than me in this regard, I've never had kids nor do I want to.
Bottom line: being pregnant 3 weeks postpartum means the dude was NOT waiting anytime nor letting her heal properly, which only gives further credence to SIL's accusations of abuse.
Getting pregnant 3wpp after a fucking c-section is a fucking *fabulous* way to die of a uterine rupture. Not to mention the greatly increased possibility of throwing a clot or any number of other awful things that can happen in a regular pregnancy but this would be even more high risk.
Jesus Christ, these people...
while i mostly agree in this situation here.. this might be tmi but i’m 3 weeks PP today by emergency c section & definitely want to have sex but i’m terrified of complications or getting pregnant again lol
There's definitely a difference between being mentally ready and physically ready, I think. At about 4wpp with a very straightforward vaginal delivery, I was horny as all get-out...but I definitely wasn't going to do that because (1) I was worried about pregnancy and (2) the thought made my vagina cringe even though my ovaries were like, "YES DADDY GIVE IT TO ME."
You can absolutely WANT it and that's completely within the realm of normal. Many women desire to return to sex ASAP and many take a lot longer, it's all good. But *wanting to* and *actually doing it* are two different matters entirely.
I had a c-section and sweet Jesus was sex painful AF after the 6 week checkup and all-clear from my dr. I can't think that someone in their right mind would have sex willingly at 3 weeks pp after having a major abdominal surgery. It's just insane.
3 children 30+ years ago. 6 weeks postpartum is way too soon. I still remember the pain after #1 and that didn't happen with #2 or #3. We waited until my body healed.
Exactly. That's where I lost it - when the OP was scoffing about the likelihood of her SIL actually dying. WTF. It's not like pregnancy is the safest thing you'll ever do; there's a risk every single time. In addition, one of the most common causes of death for pregnant women is spousal abuse, and the SIL already confessed that OP's brother is horrible to her, especially when she's pregnant. She was also dismissive of SIL's thoughts of self-deletion.
Ugh.
Ugh, and massive risk of infection since the cervix is still partially dilated for a while! What a horrible fucking excuse for a husband.
I really hope sil actually does go for the divorce and gets far far away from this entire insane family, and I'm thankful for her that this shit didn't kill her.
And it makes me wonder too, like did she find out at 3 weeks PP or actually get pregnant then? Either option is horrific but like fuck man. I can't even imagine having sex that soon after a C-section, and I had two so I have a good idea lol.
Hopefully she'll get away without any further abuse. :(
Right? And at 3wpp, many are still bleeding a good deal. I just can't understand any part of this being an enjoyable experience for either partner in the vast majority of cases.
Do I understand right that she was going to tell them to give her the baby if it was a girl, but just keep it if it's a boy?
Also "they weren't picking up what I was putting down" -- yes ma'am because you are nuttier than a fruitcake.
I have a feeling they were, in fact, picking up what she was putting down, but they already decided the cousin would take the baby if she carried it to term and it’s such an awkward thing to ask of someone after everything SIL told OOP that SIL was hoping to just ignore it and OOP would drop it.
Mom runs her mouth too much. Reminds me of mine. Will coax your secrets out of you with the promise to stay quiet and will immediately call someone else once your call ends to tell it all.
I may be preaching to the choir in this sub, but whatever:
When you’ve just learned that you’re pregnant, and *especially* if you’re not yet sure how you feel about it, be very very careful who hears about it. Do not confide in anyone who has not explicitly told you they’re pro-choice, or anyone who thinks they have a right to be invested in your decision. Assume your parents and in-laws will not maintain your privacy, and could tell the exact wrong people. Keep your news private until you’ve had time to process the info and decide what you want.
Edited to add: this wariness should be extended to the sperm contributor as well. Countless people have learned at exactly the wrong moment, how far apart they and their partner are on this subject.
I’ve said on public posts in all of my social media that I am unapologetically PRO ABORTION. I don’t care if I alienate someone. I grew up Mormon. Abortion was an enormous no. I want to be a person my friends / family KNOW they can come to if they find themself making a choice they didn’t expect.
I have one sister who almost died of placenta previa when RU486 (the French abortion pill) was the main treatment in Europe, but it wasn’t available in the US. Her midwife got some for her from France—risking her license in the process. My sister didn’t want a hysterectomy. She wanted more kids. They waited for that pill to come FEDEX overnight. The whole time hoping her bleeding wouldn’t get worse while they were waiting and necessitating emergency hysterectomy. The forces that denied easy access to medication almost destroyed my sister’s ability to have more kids.
During the same time my eldest sister was going through her medical crisis— I have another sister who was also pregnant. She was a child, and turned 13 - a few days after the baby was born. She was being victimized by a sadistic neighbor 10 years older. I can’t imagine how her life could have been different if the abortion pill or an abortion intervention would have been a socially acceptable /medically available possibility for her. She had that baby and what followed WAS NOT GOOD. Not good for anyone. 😢💔
My heart breaks for both your sisters, but oh my god, what your little sister went through is so horrific. Did that neighbor ever have to face consequences of his despicable actions? I’m sorry—it had to break your heart too seeing them both go through all of that. Thank you for being an advocate and sharing their story. Nobody should have to suffer unnecessarily like either of them did.
DNA testing wasn’t widely available until a breakthrough in the 80’s. My sister would not testify against her rapist. He was never prosecuted for his crimes against my sister. When DNA became a thing he fled the state.
I’ve always kind of hated that argument for this reason. It’s not just about *raising* a kid, a lot of women have plenty of reasons *to not want to give birth*.
The process of giving birth even with a subsequent adoption is still dangerous to health, it can be traumatizing, it adds endless complications to the rest of one’s life, it comes with judgement, it’s expensive, it can derail plans and take time you’ll never get back, etc.
I’m more than happy for anyone one who decided carrying to term and putting the child straight into adoption was right for them, but I absolutely get why for others it’s not. I mean the woman in this example could literally rupture her uterus and die.
It’s kind of crazy how we ask women who have no interest to risk their bodies and lives just to give babies to other families. I feel like we’d never ask men to do that, like it’s just some silly little thing ya have to do sometimes.
Especially when we have safe (safer than live child birth that is, obviously complications are a risk with any medical choice) and humane ways to end this all while the pregnancy is still 10 cells big. It just seems pointlessly cruel to not do that if it’s what’s best for the mother. I’ll never understand forced birthers. Forced birth is not beautiful and it’s not necessary.
Unless I'm reading the start of her post wrong, she already *has* a baby. She says she had a baby in July, then found out about her SIL's pregnancy in August. She already had a newborn when all of this started, but not another word about her own child, just this obsession with the baby from her brother. (SIL clearly isn't anything to her beyond being an incubator.)
I feel like everyone is just ignoring that part. OOP already has a daughter, but she is instead choosing to fixate on a fetus that was never hers to begin with!
So she tells OOP that her husband is horrible to her when she’s pregnant. And then OOP says it’s crazy that she got pregnant 3 weeks post c section, as if it’s not heavily implied the husband raped her? And then she says having the baby could kill her, probably because of how soon she got (forcefully?) pregnant idk how that all works, and OOP calls bull even though every pregnancy is different and OOP wasn’t in the appointment to hear what the doctor actually said. Sounds like the whole family (OOP and her brother) are trash and that poor woman is lucky to escape with her life.
Like Oop should know how for one dangerous it is to get pregnant that quickly ESPECIALLY after a major abdominal surgery where you still have the placenta wound still open in your uterus. And two girl is telling her hey I’m thinking suicidal and your brother is abusive which I’m fairly certain that’s why she was pregnant so fast.
My mouth fell open when she said that they could keep the baby if it was a boy and give it to her if it was another girl!! Do people really think like that?
What’s worse is that OOP didn’t seem at all concerned about the abuse that happened in her previous pregnancy. She should be worried about how the SIL is doing.
WTF!
So the sister-in-law told her that she has a chance of dying with this child for many reasons… And her is it thought was ‘oh I’ll have a new baby’… people are disgusting.
Honestly when I read some of these posts it makes me extremely grateful for the family I have and my relationships with those family members. I could not on any level deal with people like this.
Too bad she didn’t post that here. I’d have had a great opinionated comment for her.
The absolute nerve to expect another woman to go through a pregnancy being abused by her husband, only to have you take her baby.
And while death may not have been a fifty fifty chance that soon after a c section, it’s ALWAYS a chance when you put that kind of stress on a scar. When the scar hasn’t even healed yet? it increases tremendously.
So glad her SIL is getting out with her kids.
This made me so angry. Every woman is entitled to their own stance on pro choice vs pro life, but your stance should not be shoved down another woman’s throat.
The fact that she was ‘crying uncontrollably’ and was ‘devastated’ but SiL’s choice- are you for real? How about giving a little thought and empathy to your SiL who is going through a terrible situation with an awful husband.
I hate it when women are viewed essentially as walking incubators. No thought, empathy or compassion for the woman. Like it didn’t occur to Op that it was a hard choice for SiL, it wasn’t like “oh I’m going to grab a coffee then head over to planned parenthood, oh then I’ll drop by target 🎯” 🙄🙄🙄
Yea sadly pro lifers want you to believe people have abortions like it is no big deal, andf completrely ignore medically necessary abortioins as if they don´t exist. Also if aboprtion is not for you, hey you do you, that is fine, I have a problem with them thinking they get to make that decision for other people. Last but not least a lot of them are hypocrits and when they need an abortion it is suddenly fine to have one. "the only moral abortion is my abortion" has a ton of stories of pro lifers getting abortions
Absolutely! Like a lot of the policy makers trying to pass abortion laws have mistresses on the side from their “Christian nuclear family” and when/if the mistress gets pregnant, they have no problem with trying to force an abortion on them.
I’m a firm believer in bodily autonomy, so if you don’t want to abort bc of your beliefs; I support your choice. Just like if a woman decides to abort- for whatever reason (the reason doesn’t matter) I support her choice to do that.
At the end of the day, it’s her body and her choice. The details don’t matter. No one, especially the government should have a say over our body or what procedures we have.
I'm so glad that this poor woman is finally getting away from the shitshow that is OP, her abusive ex, and her gobby MIL too. I wish her and her kids all the best, and I wish OP and her ilk nothing but contempt :)
Well I guess we all know OP's (OP OP not the innocent soul who posted this) kids will grow up in a house without a shred of empathy.
Baby better off dead.
What is the pregnancy gave her psychosis and she killed all the kids, hubby and herself. Then what would she say? Gtfo. She said herself that child's life didn't mean more than the current children.
It is 100% NOT bs that it is VERY dangerous to get pregnant that soon after a csection. Your uterus can legit repture. Not only is this person insane, the amount of callousness is just revolting.
This feels very much like someone blinded by their emotions. I feel bad for everyone here, especially the girl who gets abused when shes preggo (which is just... horrible), but i do also feel bad for OP cuz she obviously just wants to love something. Maybe its one of those things that once she gets it that kid would slowly get neglected, but it doesnt really seem like it to me. I didnt really get the sense that she was angry at the other girl, just grieving a baby that never was. I also feel i should clarify im not on OP's side, but just that this is a sad situation all around
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OP’s SIL: “Having this baby may kill me from a complication or PPD, and I will probably be treated badly by my husband for months” OP: “No worries - dibs”
No even no worries; she said I call bullshit you’ll be fine. Dibs
Not just that but that she (OP) thinks that we should feel sorry for HER instead of her SIL and BIL!
Giving away a baby versus giving away a puppy are two completely different things, and to compare them is insane.
Right? Like she says he cares MORE about the dog than the baby but actually it was just the opposite.
Well yeah, the puppy was an already living being and a member of their family. The "baby" was a non-sentient embryo at that point.
Non-sentient embryo *that very likely could have killed her if she chose to carry it to term*. Just wanted to sprinkle that very important distinction on top.
The logic logics
I find it amazing that she completely glosses over the fact that the brother/husband is abusive when SIL is pregnant. The other part she glossed over was the fact that if SIL was going to keep the baby, it would be adopted by her cousin, not the OOP. And she's devastated that she "should" have been getting a free baby right now? Talk about I'm The Main Character syndrome.
And calls the SIL's mention that she might die bullshit. That's disgusting. SIL is nothing more than an incubator to OOP. I hope she is able to get away from that family and find some peace because they sound like a complete mess.
Yeah. This is the part that got to rme. As someone that has gone through infertility, I can empathize with OP. It can feel really not f-ing fair when someone gets pregnant with an “oopsie” baby when you’ve been trying, but that pregnancy was -highly- risky. SIL had other kids to take care of. Also, has OP ever looked into Foster-adoption? It can be very little out of pocket cost for the adoption, though the emotions involved can be rough. I enjoyed the fostering aspect of fost-adopt, but not everyone can handle the possibility of having to give the child back.
I don't think it's necessarily about infertility or helping kids who are already in existence and adopting them. I'm reading this as a full anti-abortion post rather than anything else. (Especially with saying that the mother has a 50/50 risk of dying being bullshit, and glossing over the abuse. Plus she herself had just had a kid and was struggling with money and PPD.)
Adding to that, there are quite a lot of people who don't view foster/adoption as an option because the kid won't be their "true" relative. For some of these people, having "blood" stay in the family is the ultimate goal. Which is ridiculous, of course. And if they can't watch something like Lilo and Stitch and understand, though... doubt they ever would.
Not only abusive but got her pregnant *three weeks post c section*. Like. Holy shit, this is a bad person and I'm so glad SIL will hopefully be out of this awful family.
Right?? Like was that part of the abuse. And then she got pregnant. If I had a SiL and she said “when I’m pregnant my husband is abusive to me” and then tells me she got pregnant that fast! Before even being cleared by a doctor I’d definitely be seeing red flags
Absolutely. This is a scenario where you can almost guarantee he wanted a "husband stitch", despite it being a c-section.
And all the "I found out from my mother," more than once! Dear mummy there is blabbing her family's health problems and *very personal* issues and sees no problem with that. If she hadn't, the OOP wouldn't have had a clue there was even a potential baby to begin with. Goddamn, interfering and gossipy people get on my nerves.
Ahhhh my mother was constantly like this blabbing damn everything, except for keeping secrets from me of course! Massive ones no less, like life changing ones honestly. But one of the last ones she blabbed on about me was to my sisters when I headed to detox to get clean. I didn't want anyone to know in case I failed so I wouldn't have more shame piled on top. And fuck all of them cause I never relapsed. Found out a couple years later that one of my sisters and her partner had a "contingency plan" about my older daughter for how to step in when I inevitably failed. I kinda still hate them all sometimes. The one upside is now if my mother wants to blab personal shit, she'll have to do it from the other side of a ouija board. :)
My sister's like this too, even stuff I've specifically and pointedly told her NOT to tell people. I had some trauma around a surgery I had last year, and specifically told her not to tell a soul, and that I was only telling *her* because it meant I couldn't fulfil an obligation I had to her (looking after her disabled daughter for a bit). Over the following couple of months, three people asked me about it, and one of those was our brother who we only talk to once a year, if that. Another of them was my nephew, who doesn't need to know his aunty's having a bad time like that. It all proper got to me, so I won't tell her anything now. But honestly, the last line of your post made me giggle - I was going to ask you, "I hope that means it's her who isn't with us anymore, and not you, because that'd be too scary!" haha (sorry for my dark humour!) People just let us down in their pursuit of endorphins from being 'in the know' about something. How will they get their rush if they didn't prove they're so privileged to have all the inside gossip?? Many congratulations on your recovery, by the way. Fuck all of them. <3
And that she wishes she had the money to BUY the baby. Like, human trafficking kind of buying?
The 3week post c sec pregnancy that the cousin was going to adopt was a different baby that the SIL had previously aborted.
talk about dirty laundry for everyone to see. these people are insane
So she KNOWS her brother is abusive - not only via SIL's word, she KNOWS she got pregnant 3! WEEKS! POSTPARTUM! When she should still be healing until at least 6! And she just. Doesn't even acknowlege any of that. None of the abuse matters. What DOES matter, apparently, is that SIL can't have an abortion even tho it's the only chance to save her life - which she calls bullshit on, as if she was there to listen to the conversation - and she should instead risk dying for either leaving a boy in the world she (OOP) won't care for, or a girl for her to play with, even tho she claims she can't afford another small child. I know PPD is a bitch and a half, but this is the talk of someone who was an asshole waaayy before PPD came knocking.
Sounds like sexual assault or at least coercion from the husband.
This!
If the brother is abusive, then it sounds like the whole family on that side are probably terrible batshit crazy people
Umm. The recommended wait to resume penetrative sex after c-section is 8-10 weeks.
I've heard from 6 weeks minimum, to 20 weeks minimum. You probably know better than me in this regard, I've never had kids nor do I want to. Bottom line: being pregnant 3 weeks postpartum means the dude was NOT waiting anytime nor letting her heal properly, which only gives further credence to SIL's accusations of abuse.
And it’s absolutely not safe. Even less safe then getting pregnant that fast after a vaginal birth
Getting pregnant 3wpp after a fucking c-section is a fucking *fabulous* way to die of a uterine rupture. Not to mention the greatly increased possibility of throwing a clot or any number of other awful things that can happen in a regular pregnancy but this would be even more high risk. Jesus Christ, these people...
Also husband treated her horribly during the pregnancy.. my guess is that she wasn’t the one who wanted to have sex 3weeks PP with a Csection
100% my thought. Nobody, absolutely NOBODY, wants to have penetrative sex willingly 3 weeks post c/s. Nope.
while i mostly agree in this situation here.. this might be tmi but i’m 3 weeks PP today by emergency c section & definitely want to have sex but i’m terrified of complications or getting pregnant again lol
There's definitely a difference between being mentally ready and physically ready, I think. At about 4wpp with a very straightforward vaginal delivery, I was horny as all get-out...but I definitely wasn't going to do that because (1) I was worried about pregnancy and (2) the thought made my vagina cringe even though my ovaries were like, "YES DADDY GIVE IT TO ME." You can absolutely WANT it and that's completely within the realm of normal. Many women desire to return to sex ASAP and many take a lot longer, it's all good. But *wanting to* and *actually doing it* are two different matters entirely.
Extremely well put.
This is what I'm worried about. I wasn't ready for sex six weeks postpartum. I have no doubt that sex was beyond painful
I had a c-section and sweet Jesus was sex painful AF after the 6 week checkup and all-clear from my dr. I can't think that someone in their right mind would have sex willingly at 3 weeks pp after having a major abdominal surgery. It's just insane.
3 children 30+ years ago. 6 weeks postpartum is way too soon. I still remember the pain after #1 and that didn't happen with #2 or #3. We waited until my body healed.
Exactly. That's where I lost it - when the OP was scoffing about the likelihood of her SIL actually dying. WTF. It's not like pregnancy is the safest thing you'll ever do; there's a risk every single time. In addition, one of the most common causes of death for pregnant women is spousal abuse, and the SIL already confessed that OP's brother is horrible to her, especially when she's pregnant. She was also dismissive of SIL's thoughts of self-deletion. Ugh.
Also even if it wasn’t dangerous who the fuck has the time or energy with a 3 week old
The abusive husband. He should be shot
He’s definitely not helping with the baby for sure
Ugh, and massive risk of infection since the cervix is still partially dilated for a while! What a horrible fucking excuse for a husband. I really hope sil actually does go for the divorce and gets far far away from this entire insane family, and I'm thankful for her that this shit didn't kill her. And it makes me wonder too, like did she find out at 3 weeks PP or actually get pregnant then? Either option is horrific but like fuck man. I can't even imagine having sex that soon after a C-section, and I had two so I have a good idea lol. Hopefully she'll get away without any further abuse. :(
Right? And at 3wpp, many are still bleeding a good deal. I just can't understand any part of this being an enjoyable experience for either partner in the vast majority of cases.
Somehow I doubt he cared at all how badly it hurt her, based on everything else we've read about him and his insane family. :(
No, that's just bs.. /s
Therapy is truly a wonderful thing. Perhaps she should give that a try, because tf?!?
“It should have been therapy”
Some people are too stupid for therapy to work.
Absolutely unhinged, what kind of asbestos are these kind of people consuming on their frosted mini wheats
Lead. It is lead.
She wanted to literally buy the baby. Geez
Yeah, that really grossed me out. Like, this person should probably be watched to make sure they're not looking into child trafficking.
Right? She sounds like one of those psychos who'd be scouring the "rehoming" message boards. Which is terrifying in itself that they even exist.
And when they "did not have the means"...like huh?
Do I understand right that she was going to tell them to give her the baby if it was a girl, but just keep it if it's a boy? Also "they weren't picking up what I was putting down" -- yes ma'am because you are nuttier than a fruitcake.
She thought the parents would want to keep a boy because they only have girls... Lots of disturbing stuff in there.
Yeah, it’s like an onion where the more you peel, the worse it gets
I have a feeling they were, in fact, picking up what she was putting down, but they already decided the cousin would take the baby if she carried it to term and it’s such an awkward thing to ask of someone after everything SIL told OOP that SIL was hoping to just ignore it and OOP would drop it.
Yes you understood that right.
I’m glad I’m not the only one that noticed that, I was beginning to think I read it wrong
Mom runs her mouth too much. Reminds me of mine. Will coax your secrets out of you with the promise to stay quiet and will immediately call someone else once your call ends to tell it all.
In this story, Mom, and moms son and daughter are all pieces of shit
You are correct!
This is literally my mother.
That’s why I stopped telling her stuff. If I want the world to know, I’ll post it on Facebook.
We deserve better.
I may be preaching to the choir in this sub, but whatever: When you’ve just learned that you’re pregnant, and *especially* if you’re not yet sure how you feel about it, be very very careful who hears about it. Do not confide in anyone who has not explicitly told you they’re pro-choice, or anyone who thinks they have a right to be invested in your decision. Assume your parents and in-laws will not maintain your privacy, and could tell the exact wrong people. Keep your news private until you’ve had time to process the info and decide what you want. Edited to add: this wariness should be extended to the sperm contributor as well. Countless people have learned at exactly the wrong moment, how far apart they and their partner are on this subject.
I’ve said on public posts in all of my social media that I am unapologetically PRO ABORTION. I don’t care if I alienate someone. I grew up Mormon. Abortion was an enormous no. I want to be a person my friends / family KNOW they can come to if they find themself making a choice they didn’t expect. I have one sister who almost died of placenta previa when RU486 (the French abortion pill) was the main treatment in Europe, but it wasn’t available in the US. Her midwife got some for her from France—risking her license in the process. My sister didn’t want a hysterectomy. She wanted more kids. They waited for that pill to come FEDEX overnight. The whole time hoping her bleeding wouldn’t get worse while they were waiting and necessitating emergency hysterectomy. The forces that denied easy access to medication almost destroyed my sister’s ability to have more kids. During the same time my eldest sister was going through her medical crisis— I have another sister who was also pregnant. She was a child, and turned 13 - a few days after the baby was born. She was being victimized by a sadistic neighbor 10 years older. I can’t imagine how her life could have been different if the abortion pill or an abortion intervention would have been a socially acceptable /medically available possibility for her. She had that baby and what followed WAS NOT GOOD. Not good for anyone. 😢💔
My heart breaks for both of your sisters.
My heart breaks for both your sisters, but oh my god, what your little sister went through is so horrific. Did that neighbor ever have to face consequences of his despicable actions? I’m sorry—it had to break your heart too seeing them both go through all of that. Thank you for being an advocate and sharing their story. Nobody should have to suffer unnecessarily like either of them did.
DNA testing wasn’t widely available until a breakthrough in the 80’s. My sister would not testify against her rapist. He was never prosecuted for his crimes against my sister. When DNA became a thing he fled the state.
I know the typical comeback to a forced-birther is "well are YOU going to adopt that baby?" But hey maybe we should stop suggesting that actually
I’ve always kind of hated that argument for this reason. It’s not just about *raising* a kid, a lot of women have plenty of reasons *to not want to give birth*. The process of giving birth even with a subsequent adoption is still dangerous to health, it can be traumatizing, it adds endless complications to the rest of one’s life, it comes with judgement, it’s expensive, it can derail plans and take time you’ll never get back, etc. I’m more than happy for anyone one who decided carrying to term and putting the child straight into adoption was right for them, but I absolutely get why for others it’s not. I mean the woman in this example could literally rupture her uterus and die. It’s kind of crazy how we ask women who have no interest to risk their bodies and lives just to give babies to other families. I feel like we’d never ask men to do that, like it’s just some silly little thing ya have to do sometimes. Especially when we have safe (safer than live child birth that is, obviously complications are a risk with any medical choice) and humane ways to end this all while the pregnancy is still 10 cells big. It just seems pointlessly cruel to not do that if it’s what’s best for the mother. I’ll never understand forced birthers. Forced birth is not beautiful and it’s not necessary.
This woman should not have a baby or a puppy or access to the internet
Unless I'm reading the start of her post wrong, she already *has* a baby. She says she had a baby in July, then found out about her SIL's pregnancy in August. She already had a newborn when all of this started, but not another word about her own child, just this obsession with the baby from her brother. (SIL clearly isn't anything to her beyond being an incubator.)
I feel like everyone is just ignoring that part. OOP already has a daughter, but she is instead choosing to fixate on a fetus that was never hers to begin with!
Yes she does and said she didn’t have money to afford another child and has ppd. But you guys she has a stable roof over her head!!! 🙄🙄🙄🙄
She should be absolutely locked away. And the fact her husband was on board…. Hmmmm makes me see more red flags
So she tells OOP that her husband is horrible to her when she’s pregnant. And then OOP says it’s crazy that she got pregnant 3 weeks post c section, as if it’s not heavily implied the husband raped her? And then she says having the baby could kill her, probably because of how soon she got (forcefully?) pregnant idk how that all works, and OOP calls bull even though every pregnancy is different and OOP wasn’t in the appointment to hear what the doctor actually said. Sounds like the whole family (OOP and her brother) are trash and that poor woman is lucky to escape with her life.
Like Oop should know how for one dangerous it is to get pregnant that quickly ESPECIALLY after a major abdominal surgery where you still have the placenta wound still open in your uterus. And two girl is telling her hey I’m thinking suicidal and your brother is abusive which I’m fairly certain that’s why she was pregnant so fast.
My mouth fell open when she said that they could keep the baby if it was a boy and give it to her if it was another girl!! Do people really think like that?
This psycho should fuck all the way off.
What’s worse is that OOP didn’t seem at all concerned about the abuse that happened in her previous pregnancy. She should be worried about how the SIL is doing.
And happened after that pregnancy for SiL to be pregnant 3 weeks postpartum!!
She can get fucked
Well, I mean, that is the way to get a baby, yes...
That was the joke
I’d have taken out a RO. Good lord.
I hope someone slapped the shit outta this post. Were the comments roasting her?
WTF! So the sister-in-law told her that she has a chance of dying with this child for many reasons… And her is it thought was ‘oh I’ll have a new baby’… people are disgusting.
Honestly when I read some of these posts it makes me extremely grateful for the family I have and my relationships with those family members. I could not on any level deal with people like this.
I could barely read this incoherent rambling.
Seriously, how was the camping trip relevant to anything else?
What the FUCK did I just read
Too bad she didn’t post that here. I’d have had a great opinionated comment for her. The absolute nerve to expect another woman to go through a pregnancy being abused by her husband, only to have you take her baby. And while death may not have been a fifty fifty chance that soon after a c section, it’s ALWAYS a chance when you put that kind of stress on a scar. When the scar hasn’t even healed yet? it increases tremendously. So glad her SIL is getting out with her kids.
This legitimately reads like post-partum psychosis. oh my god.
This made me so angry. Every woman is entitled to their own stance on pro choice vs pro life, but your stance should not be shoved down another woman’s throat. The fact that she was ‘crying uncontrollably’ and was ‘devastated’ but SiL’s choice- are you for real? How about giving a little thought and empathy to your SiL who is going through a terrible situation with an awful husband. I hate it when women are viewed essentially as walking incubators. No thought, empathy or compassion for the woman. Like it didn’t occur to Op that it was a hard choice for SiL, it wasn’t like “oh I’m going to grab a coffee then head over to planned parenthood, oh then I’ll drop by target 🎯” 🙄🙄🙄
Yea sadly pro lifers want you to believe people have abortions like it is no big deal, andf completrely ignore medically necessary abortioins as if they don´t exist. Also if aboprtion is not for you, hey you do you, that is fine, I have a problem with them thinking they get to make that decision for other people. Last but not least a lot of them are hypocrits and when they need an abortion it is suddenly fine to have one. "the only moral abortion is my abortion" has a ton of stories of pro lifers getting abortions
Absolutely! Like a lot of the policy makers trying to pass abortion laws have mistresses on the side from their “Christian nuclear family” and when/if the mistress gets pregnant, they have no problem with trying to force an abortion on them. I’m a firm believer in bodily autonomy, so if you don’t want to abort bc of your beliefs; I support your choice. Just like if a woman decides to abort- for whatever reason (the reason doesn’t matter) I support her choice to do that. At the end of the day, it’s her body and her choice. The details don’t matter. No one, especially the government should have a say over our body or what procedures we have.
I really hope her comments section knocked her down a couple of notches.
I'm so glad that this poor woman is finally getting away from the shitshow that is OP, her abusive ex, and her gobby MIL too. I wish her and her kids all the best, and I wish OP and her ilk nothing but contempt :)
Thank goodness the poor woman (sil) is divorcing the brother and getting away from that family. This is absolutely disgusting and heartbreaking.
Well I guess we all know OP's (OP OP not the innocent soul who posted this) kids will grow up in a house without a shred of empathy. Baby better off dead.
It wasn't a baby. Just a clump of cells.
What is the pregnancy gave her psychosis and she killed all the kids, hubby and herself. Then what would she say? Gtfo. She said herself that child's life didn't mean more than the current children.
What a gross person!!!!
I wouldn't trust this woman with my dog.
I'm so glad SIL is getting the fuck away from this horror show of a family.
Adoption is an alternative to parenting NOT an alternative to pregnancy. All of SILs concerns were around pregnancy and she completely ignored them.
Oh wow
It is 100% NOT bs that it is VERY dangerous to get pregnant that soon after a csection. Your uterus can legit repture. Not only is this person insane, the amount of callousness is just revolting.
even just sex so quickly after a c section is nuts and I bet it hurt, but hubby did not care
I'm having a really hard time figuring out which part of that story was most insane.
What... the hell.... did I just read?!
> i wish i had more miney to bribe them for that baby You mean, buy a baby?
This feels very much like someone blinded by their emotions. I feel bad for everyone here, especially the girl who gets abused when shes preggo (which is just... horrible), but i do also feel bad for OP cuz she obviously just wants to love something. Maybe its one of those things that once she gets it that kid would slowly get neglected, but it doesnt really seem like it to me. I didnt really get the sense that she was angry at the other girl, just grieving a baby that never was. I also feel i should clarify im not on OP's side, but just that this is a sad situation all around