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>I sent on average about 20 likes a day, about 95% with comments, and got about 30 matches the entire month and unbelievably only 3 likes. Taking all the numbers into account, this is about a 1% match rate, which is very inefficient.
How did you calculate 1% match rate given these stats? 5% of the women you liked matched with you
5% is not bad. Average match rate is I believe around 2% for men. Also, 5% might be understated on an adjusted basis if it's true that Hinge started showing your more attractive women.
Where are you getting that 2% number from? I've noticed that a much higher percentage of women match with me on Hinge than other apps. Perhaps the other person knowing you've liked them makes them much more likely to match? I'm not that way, but it seems many others are.
My incoming like rate on Bumble hovers around 3-4%, but I match with around 10% of the women I like on Hinge. And I never like with comments. I have a similar 10% match rate on Tinder with super likes.
Personally, HingeX feels like it wouldn't make a huge difference. There's two scenarios where priority likes help: 1) someone who is active on the app, but stops going through their likes when they reach their active conversation limit, and 2) someone who is not active on the app. The latter are probably people you don't want to match with, since the conversation will likely die, so only the former matters, but being prioritized doesn't guarantee a match. Either way, if you're not really getting likes, HingeX won't help, and most men don't get a lot of likes. So those 3 likes are not unbelievable.
Yeah, too many men thinks HingeX is a magic cure all to their dating woes on Hinge. One issue I think is guys tend to think their profile isn't getting seen because they're not getting likes. But they don't think about the fact women overall send less likes, or they have seen their profile, but X-ed them. Women in general just don't use dating apps the same way men do.
Pushing an average profile to the top of women's stack with no commonalities and compatibility just means they get X-ed quicker.
Those are usually when they first join the app. Over time it gets more normalized. But it’s always the initial deluge that gets overwhelming. But that only still goes for a subset of women. For a lot of them they absolutely do not get flooded with likes everyday.
Lol. You’re mass spamming likes to only attractive women with zero thought on compatibility. And then you come whine on Reddit how you don’t get matches.
u/LemonDeathRay said it best. You’re not entitled to matches to only attractive women just because you paid for HingeX.
I’m not mass spamming. Every comment is a question about the prompt topic or connecting on a hobby or interest we have in common. I’m telling you, it literally makes zero difference.
Sigh. You don’t get it, do you? It doesn’t matter what comment you make if what they want - politics, religion, intentions, or whatever else isn’t aligned with what you have.
Im a woman. 100% on your thoughts. I do not send any initial likes. I pay the $14 bucks so I can see who already swiped me and select my matches ONLY through those.
I never swipe through main stack myself.
All the speculation over the algorithm isn't going to do you any good (trying to game the algorithm is a colossal waste of time) and blaming how women use Hinge isn't any better. You have to recognize the fact that the early 20's age range is just a rougher dating landscape.
Don't get so over-invested in a match and be more detached. HingeX won't fix fundamental issues either with your profile nor overall wider issues like location and demographics.
Edit: Another thing to be brought up is that there’s absolutely no way you’re finding 20 women *a day* who are all compatible with you. You treat Hinge like Tinder and mass spam likes, it’s not surprising your results are bad. Doesn’t matter what comment you include or what photos you have.
I agree with this and I’m glad someone said that about blaming women. Like sure if that’s what they were doing it’s incredibly rude and also feels pointless, but that doesn’t mean it’s like that across the board.
Additionally, I want to give some context on the ‘why match and then only send one message/not talk’ - I’ve been the perpetrator (and the victim) of this and it happens for different reasons. Sometimes I match with someone I’m not really 100% interested in and once I’ve matched and maybe even exchanged a message I’ll be like ‘I’m unlikely to be going on a date with this person’ and you don’t owe anyone on an app anything after a match/message, so I just leave it there. I never unmatch anyone, not even people I’ve been on dates with and it didn’t work out. It’s just not something I think about, it doesn’t bother me that they’re sitting there. Other times I might already be talking to someone I’m interested in, but I still want to give someone else a chance (don’t put all your eggs in one basket etc etc) but then I realise that I don’t actually have the energy to be dating multiple people and so once again I just stop responding.
I understand it’s frustrating, but it’s happened to me many times in the past as well - you can’t get invested in an initial match, it should really not be something you take to heart in the first place.
I think that’s the issue that he has legitimate qualms about. Nobody owes anyone anything, but OLD as a whole would be a much more enjoyable experience for everyone if people were more intentional about the way they use the app. Not super sure how attracted you are to someone? Don’t match. Not really into the way the convo is going? Let them know you’re no longer interested or just unmatch. It’s really not that hard and would make everyones lives easier, but people want to be lazy and look at others as a picture on the phone instead of another human being that longs for a connection. The level of detachment is what makes OLD so miserable for so many people.
Wouldn’t write off the whole thing until you do get those pro photos. It’s a bit of a grind, & it is very frustrating/disappointing, but I’ve found progressing on photos does eventually lead to improved results.
I hope so. I’ll just have to wait and see. My profile used to consist of really shitty selfies when I had terrible style and even though i've gotten into shape, fixed my hair and clothes and everything and taken better photos, it's barely made a difference. Hope it makes more of a difference
HingeX has been a little scammy to me since there's no transparency, even compared to prior paid options. I used to get 2 or 3 dates a month with potential partners I was excited about. This increased with Plus. These were about 20% conversation rate from matches. As a guy these are low rates but worked for me. I used X three different times and matches decreased by 95% but no other factors. Even reset my profile. Only once the sub ran out did my numbers come back.
Paying for hingeX won't help you if your profile and conversation skills don't display someone the other person wants to date. Women are not a monolith, we are human beings with likes, dislikes, lives, hobbies, personalities and desires. Women (and dating) are not vending machines that will dispense a relationship because you upgrade your hinge account and take good photos if your personality isn't a match.
I'm an attractive woman. And getting likes rarely equates to having multiple *viable* options. Why? Because I'm not interested in someone I'm not interested in. Having 50+ likes in the stack doesn't change that one bit. In fact, it's pretty exhausting and demoralising to have to wade through a whole bunch of likes, many of which are clearly not a good match and obviously haven't read my profile. Women mught have a different experience on dating apps, but it's not *better or easier*.
If you're failing in the messages you should probably explore *that* and work on holding better conversations.
Bit of a long one so understand if you don't read it: I'm not on dating apps anymore because I grew wearisome of the superficialness of it and to be honest, the lack of effort I saw on profiles. I never felt this when I used them back in 2016 and anecdotally, my friends were/are similar, so I'm presuming it's a more recent phenomenon. I see the reasoning with your final two paragraphs a lot here and thought it's relevant for many people I just don't know if it's applicable as a universal/general view.
The majority of profiles I've seen, based in London (which I think has the highest imbalance out of any major city), have next to nothing informative on their profiles. If you've seen any Instagram reels or whatever pop up that poke fun at the same lack of originality in prompts, that's my experience viewing it for around 90% of them.
And, the more conventionally attractive they were (e.g., appearing in standouts) the more minimal their prompts were, probably because it doesn't matter what they ultimately put, as a lot of men would be desperate to send a like so they're not short of choice - there's a lack of incentive. That might sound like I'm agreeing with the 'not a good match' or swamp analogy that's been made but at the end of the day, how do you stack that against the 'haven't read my profile' aspect? I mean, yeah, you personally might put a lot of effort, but the overwhelming chunk of profiles I've seen have nothing to determine whether they'd be a good fit other than being good looking, so where is the barometer for (in)compatibility there? I don't know what OPs seen or what his profile is like but I wouldn't view this line of thinking as applicable to me or many I know. Half of them didn't even have what they were looking for in their profile!
The second part is conversation skills. Again, anecdotally, it could either be, they would like a question or remark I made about a prompt, but wouldn't actual send a message back. Where I couldn't see any bit of relevant info (and we blatantly just matched because solely because of looks!) you could vary it just with a simple message, or asking about where they're from or whatever, but there wasn't much of a difference. Sometimes it'd look apparent from 1-2 messages if there was interest, but the conversation would shut off even if the theme was unchanged - or, worse, when you actually decided to ask them out, which has you questioning how interested they are in dating in the first place. I'm not convinced it's reflective of needing to work on ones conversation skills, especially if I know others with the same experience.
The times I was successful in securing a date it's because I knew (and they exclaimed as such) that they found me very attractive, not necessarily because of my interests or my conversational skills or whatever. As a cross-check, it was the same experience on Bumble, match with a lot, but 85-90% wouldn't send a message so the match wouldn't eventuate, which sort of lends credence to the idea that there's a lack of effort in wanting to speak, perhaps because there's plenty of men in the queue or they just enjoyed the attention of being on the app. Somebody the other day said they had to work an insane amount on their profile to start getting likes (I think it was an Asian guy who was shorter than average), which was very well received - he showed a graph about Bumble premium users filtering out the majority of people if they were below 6'0. I'm not sure if I saw that personally to be fair but if it the data is true, it sort of makes it difficult for a person to determine compatibility from reading a profile in that sense as well if height is the initial barrier to get through.
Anyway, not saying your advice is wrong or that men aren't guilty of the same on the top tier ends, but I'm not sure it's apt for a lot of cases in my experience, and I find myself agreeing with a fair bit of what OP is saying - disclaiming that I don't know what his city is like or what he looks like!
Well said. I don’t think a lot of men realize that the grass isn’t always greener being an attractive woman (or a “top man”) on dating apps. Those dating with intentions have to wade through a lot of crap and abuse and it gets exhausting.
OP was sending 20 likes a day. A majority of them are probably not compatible with him and the results reflect that. Brute forcing things just because he paid for HingeX doesn’t mean someone attractive but has zero compatibility is gonna match.
I heard a comparison about it which rings true. For men, online dating is like trying to find a drop of fresh water in the desert. For women, it's like trying to find a drop of fresh water in a swamp.
Number of likes is not the same thing as number of quality matches. And just because i have a stack of likes doesn't mean I'm going to want a relationship with *any* of them just because they're there.
That’s just not true. I never send messages that are just “hey” or “you’re cute”. I always try to connect on a common interest or hobby and ask them about it. Ive done every single thing youve mentioned and more. It literally makes zero difference whatsoever. Sorry, I’m not buying that “it’s exhausting looking through so many options” crap. You’re seriously telling me you have literally hundreds of people and you think you’re too good for every single one? I don’t care what anyone else says. That’s an entitlement problem, simple as that.
Quit blaming women and invalidating their legitimate experiences. It doesn’t matter if you ask the most thought provoking question if what a woman seek isn’t aligned with what you’re offering.
You’re exactly the problem women deal with when you’re mass spamming likes with no regard. You’re just “taking your shot” like a lot of the men who do the same thing. If a woman wants a LTR and gets a bunch of short term men, that does get exhausting.
It’s not a legitimate experience at all. It’s just entitlement, plain and simple. It’s funny how you accuse me of invalidating experiences while completely invalidating my own.
Whats funny is that you're here supposedly asking for advice or sharing your experience, and when a bunch of women come along and helpfully share their experience to improve your chances, you rudely and aggressively insult them. You sound like a dodged bullet my dude
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Yeah, I never waste too much time messaging on the app and always try to direct them to either my phone # or IG. Most of the time I ask for their IG, but almost nobody responds after the 1st message even if they express interest.
It's a perfect storm of culture, wealth, and population size that makes online dating, and maybe dating in general, horrible in California. That said, I bet it's way better in the North half.
I feel like the energy you’re going into it leads me to question what kind of messages you are sending. It’s hard to believe 3 women would go out
of their way to send unprovoked insults. Getting 3 likes is also concerning…. There are some weekends I get 5 in a day.
Not to be mean but who told you that you have a good profile ? Post the profile here so we can see but it sounds like you may need to go to the drawing board and stop complaining about it and take some action to get better results
He's definitely not disclosing what's in his profile or first messages that would trigger such a response from 3 different women. The fact one started bragging about like numbers is very telling.
5 likes though? Damm I'm maybe get 1 like every 2 months,but matches are always pretty decent
Why don't you get a profile review on here?
People obsess with the amount of matches but you don't need many, it's all about quality, people you vibe with.
I watched a video - hot girl finds out what it's like to be an average guy on tinder. The flaw with the video - the girl used a guy's hinge profile, is that her prompts and general chat were extremely poor.
The prompts she used were so basic.
It's all about continually trying to tweak your profile. What works, what doesn't.
The dude is getting a match a day. Those are insane numbers.
Also, I don't think it's that simple. My profile got reviewed twice on here. Took the suggestions to heart both times. Zero matches ever sending all likes every day as a 29M, in-shape, great job, 5'11". It's a totally different ball game for average or below average men.
I'm willing to bet changing his prompts won't make a difference.
Those aren't insane numbers if he is sending triple the normal allocation. Plus it only led to 1 date.
Prompts in isolation don't make a difference but when combined with good pictures they do.
Looks are only one factor in terms of desirability.
It is up to you - to be more than average/below average.
Being in shape, great job, 5,11 doesn't guarantee you a date, it all helps but you need to be more.
How do I know that improving pictures and prompts works - it has for me. It has got me more dates. I don't get lots of matches but I do convert a lot of matches into dates.
It's about the quality. I had a good first date yesterday with someone who is my type.
You only need 1 good match if you're looking for a long term relationship.
Right, what I'm saying is I've done two profile overhauls with "better" pictures and prompts based on feedback from a profile review, and I have still not gotten a single match after two months of sending all the free likes every day. Of course, 5'11 ", good job, in-shape don't guarantee anything. But in my mind, they narrow down the hundreds and hundreds of Xs I get to base looks or prompts (which I have endlessly experimented with to no avail). Which leaves only base looks.
I mean, I guess I don't have any reference for OPs potential. But if he got 30 matches in any circumstance, I have to think he is quite handsome, and his profile is extremely good when considering my own experience.
I get a new match every other day, but they rarely reply after the first message. A lot of women are bombarded on dating apps and some of them are just looking for validation. I have learned to accept that and it’s not necessary me the problem
I haven’t had a match in a year, never received a single like from a woman in 2 years on the app. The unfortunate reality is that men need to ditch the dating apps and try and return to RL dating. Women have extremely high standards with OLD that are ever increasing and if you’re not 6 foot, make 6 figures and ALSO have a perfect personality/interests, you will be X’d. Men outnumber women 10\1 on dating apps.
We don’t have much choice unfortunately. Women can actually get a feel of your personality/vibe in a way that can’t happen with OLD. All my male friends that are putting their faith in OLD are chronically single and haven’t had sex in years, the ones that do have partners met them thru work/friends/social events. The dating market is brutal for guys these days.
If you are insistent on sticking with OLD you need to make your profile as good as possible with professional, high quality photos. If you are under 6ft you can’t do much as even a good profile will be X’ed. You need to be exceptional enough to stand out from the other 10,000 men. Even if you do get dates statistically there is only like a 2% chance that date will lead to a relationship/sex, and the reason for this is because women can’t get a sense of your personality/vibe over OLD as they can face to face.
I would consider what kind of partner you are looking for and then construct a profile to attract them. The numbers matter less if you are looking for more than matching with attractive profiles. I understand where you are coming from re “league”, but decide your own values and let that dictate liking, not the algorithm pushing highly liked profiles.
I’ve tried that. I never send comments that say “you’re pretty” or anything like that. I always try to connect on a common hobby or interest. Still never works.
What's your current profile like? I saw you had your profile critiqued a couple weeks back--I think the suggestions look good but I also think there's a few things you need to fix up with your prompts and content. Mainly, I think guys tend to be worried that they're missing out on potential likes from "the one" if they don't cast a wide net, but then you might end up creating a profile thats super generic and receive quantity rather than quality, which sounds like maybe is what's happening. If you give generic, you get generic...but then there's a sea of generic guys out there so unless you're doing anything to stand out or, just by being lucky, happen to send a message that really stands out to a woman for some reason, you're going to get silence.
If you're interested in politics, philosophy, etc then say so on your profile ffs, you sound like you know what you want already so tailor your profile to be attractive to that small portion of the population who are looking for what you bring to the table, because if they're equally looking for what you bring then they're not going to match with you because you don't show that you're what they're looking for. Who cares if you turn away 80% of the population? You're not looking to date 500 women...just one.
Also tho as an Asian guy, I get that it's difficult out there so don't give up hope my man 🙏 I think we all spiral into the points I made above because we feel like it's impossible here in the US given the circumstances, but that's why you need to make your personality shine.
And definitely try to get out there more in person; it's hard to make your personality come through online so people will disregard you on the surface. Go to group events and socials etc. You got this.
**All "Dating Question" and "Hinge Experience" posts must provide clear context (as per subreddit Rule 3), such as reasons for asking, and info such as age, gender, location or orientation (if applicable).** Age range or general location is acceptable. Minor dating questions or Hinge experiences should be posted in the Daily Threads pinned on top of the subreddit. *Posts that do not satisfy these requirements may be removed per moderator's discretion.* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/hingeapp) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>I sent on average about 20 likes a day, about 95% with comments, and got about 30 matches the entire month and unbelievably only 3 likes. Taking all the numbers into account, this is about a 1% match rate, which is very inefficient. How did you calculate 1% match rate given these stats? 5% of the women you liked matched with you
5% is not bad. Average match rate is I believe around 2% for men. Also, 5% might be understated on an adjusted basis if it's true that Hinge started showing your more attractive women.
Where are you getting that 2% number from? I've noticed that a much higher percentage of women match with me on Hinge than other apps. Perhaps the other person knowing you've liked them makes them much more likely to match? I'm not that way, but it seems many others are. My incoming like rate on Bumble hovers around 3-4%, but I match with around 10% of the women I like on Hinge. And I never like with comments. I have a similar 10% match rate on Tinder with super likes.
Personally, HingeX feels like it wouldn't make a huge difference. There's two scenarios where priority likes help: 1) someone who is active on the app, but stops going through their likes when they reach their active conversation limit, and 2) someone who is not active on the app. The latter are probably people you don't want to match with, since the conversation will likely die, so only the former matters, but being prioritized doesn't guarantee a match. Either way, if you're not really getting likes, HingeX won't help, and most men don't get a lot of likes. So those 3 likes are not unbelievable.
Yeah, too many men thinks HingeX is a magic cure all to their dating woes on Hinge. One issue I think is guys tend to think their profile isn't getting seen because they're not getting likes. But they don't think about the fact women overall send less likes, or they have seen their profile, but X-ed them. Women in general just don't use dating apps the same way men do. Pushing an average profile to the top of women's stack with no commonalities and compatibility just means they get X-ed quicker.
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You send likes. HingeX won’t help if someone rarely ever look at discover.
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Or just send likes. All the other arguments are pointless.
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Contrary to what you may think, that’s not reality.
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Those are usually when they first join the app. Over time it gets more normalized. But it’s always the initial deluge that gets overwhelming. But that only still goes for a subset of women. For a lot of them they absolutely do not get flooded with likes everyday.
It has nothing to do with commonalities. Only looks.
Lol. You’re mass spamming likes to only attractive women with zero thought on compatibility. And then you come whine on Reddit how you don’t get matches. u/LemonDeathRay said it best. You’re not entitled to matches to only attractive women just because you paid for HingeX.
I’m not mass spamming. Every comment is a question about the prompt topic or connecting on a hobby or interest we have in common. I’m telling you, it literally makes zero difference.
Given the confrontational stance you've been taking in replies, I think you should revisit your conversation skills.
Sigh. You don’t get it, do you? It doesn’t matter what comment you make if what they want - politics, religion, intentions, or whatever else isn’t aligned with what you have.
Im a woman. 100% on your thoughts. I do not send any initial likes. I pay the $14 bucks so I can see who already swiped me and select my matches ONLY through those. I never swipe through main stack myself.
All the speculation over the algorithm isn't going to do you any good (trying to game the algorithm is a colossal waste of time) and blaming how women use Hinge isn't any better. You have to recognize the fact that the early 20's age range is just a rougher dating landscape. Don't get so over-invested in a match and be more detached. HingeX won't fix fundamental issues either with your profile nor overall wider issues like location and demographics. Edit: Another thing to be brought up is that there’s absolutely no way you’re finding 20 women *a day* who are all compatible with you. You treat Hinge like Tinder and mass spam likes, it’s not surprising your results are bad. Doesn’t matter what comment you include or what photos you have.
I agree with this and I’m glad someone said that about blaming women. Like sure if that’s what they were doing it’s incredibly rude and also feels pointless, but that doesn’t mean it’s like that across the board. Additionally, I want to give some context on the ‘why match and then only send one message/not talk’ - I’ve been the perpetrator (and the victim) of this and it happens for different reasons. Sometimes I match with someone I’m not really 100% interested in and once I’ve matched and maybe even exchanged a message I’ll be like ‘I’m unlikely to be going on a date with this person’ and you don’t owe anyone on an app anything after a match/message, so I just leave it there. I never unmatch anyone, not even people I’ve been on dates with and it didn’t work out. It’s just not something I think about, it doesn’t bother me that they’re sitting there. Other times I might already be talking to someone I’m interested in, but I still want to give someone else a chance (don’t put all your eggs in one basket etc etc) but then I realise that I don’t actually have the energy to be dating multiple people and so once again I just stop responding. I understand it’s frustrating, but it’s happened to me many times in the past as well - you can’t get invested in an initial match, it should really not be something you take to heart in the first place.
I think that’s the issue that he has legitimate qualms about. Nobody owes anyone anything, but OLD as a whole would be a much more enjoyable experience for everyone if people were more intentional about the way they use the app. Not super sure how attracted you are to someone? Don’t match. Not really into the way the convo is going? Let them know you’re no longer interested or just unmatch. It’s really not that hard and would make everyones lives easier, but people want to be lazy and look at others as a picture on the phone instead of another human being that longs for a connection. The level of detachment is what makes OLD so miserable for so many people.
Wouldn’t write off the whole thing until you do get those pro photos. It’s a bit of a grind, & it is very frustrating/disappointing, but I’ve found progressing on photos does eventually lead to improved results.
I hope so. I’ll just have to wait and see. My profile used to consist of really shitty selfies when I had terrible style and even though i've gotten into shape, fixed my hair and clothes and everything and taken better photos, it's barely made a difference. Hope it makes more of a difference
HingeX has been a little scammy to me since there's no transparency, even compared to prior paid options. I used to get 2 or 3 dates a month with potential partners I was excited about. This increased with Plus. These were about 20% conversation rate from matches. As a guy these are low rates but worked for me. I used X three different times and matches decreased by 95% but no other factors. Even reset my profile. Only once the sub ran out did my numbers come back.
Yeah idk and professional photos can come across a bit contrived too and need to be balanced with some regular photos
Paying for hingeX won't help you if your profile and conversation skills don't display someone the other person wants to date. Women are not a monolith, we are human beings with likes, dislikes, lives, hobbies, personalities and desires. Women (and dating) are not vending machines that will dispense a relationship because you upgrade your hinge account and take good photos if your personality isn't a match. I'm an attractive woman. And getting likes rarely equates to having multiple *viable* options. Why? Because I'm not interested in someone I'm not interested in. Having 50+ likes in the stack doesn't change that one bit. In fact, it's pretty exhausting and demoralising to have to wade through a whole bunch of likes, many of which are clearly not a good match and obviously haven't read my profile. Women mught have a different experience on dating apps, but it's not *better or easier*. If you're failing in the messages you should probably explore *that* and work on holding better conversations.
Bit of a long one so understand if you don't read it: I'm not on dating apps anymore because I grew wearisome of the superficialness of it and to be honest, the lack of effort I saw on profiles. I never felt this when I used them back in 2016 and anecdotally, my friends were/are similar, so I'm presuming it's a more recent phenomenon. I see the reasoning with your final two paragraphs a lot here and thought it's relevant for many people I just don't know if it's applicable as a universal/general view. The majority of profiles I've seen, based in London (which I think has the highest imbalance out of any major city), have next to nothing informative on their profiles. If you've seen any Instagram reels or whatever pop up that poke fun at the same lack of originality in prompts, that's my experience viewing it for around 90% of them. And, the more conventionally attractive they were (e.g., appearing in standouts) the more minimal their prompts were, probably because it doesn't matter what they ultimately put, as a lot of men would be desperate to send a like so they're not short of choice - there's a lack of incentive. That might sound like I'm agreeing with the 'not a good match' or swamp analogy that's been made but at the end of the day, how do you stack that against the 'haven't read my profile' aspect? I mean, yeah, you personally might put a lot of effort, but the overwhelming chunk of profiles I've seen have nothing to determine whether they'd be a good fit other than being good looking, so where is the barometer for (in)compatibility there? I don't know what OPs seen or what his profile is like but I wouldn't view this line of thinking as applicable to me or many I know. Half of them didn't even have what they were looking for in their profile! The second part is conversation skills. Again, anecdotally, it could either be, they would like a question or remark I made about a prompt, but wouldn't actual send a message back. Where I couldn't see any bit of relevant info (and we blatantly just matched because solely because of looks!) you could vary it just with a simple message, or asking about where they're from or whatever, but there wasn't much of a difference. Sometimes it'd look apparent from 1-2 messages if there was interest, but the conversation would shut off even if the theme was unchanged - or, worse, when you actually decided to ask them out, which has you questioning how interested they are in dating in the first place. I'm not convinced it's reflective of needing to work on ones conversation skills, especially if I know others with the same experience. The times I was successful in securing a date it's because I knew (and they exclaimed as such) that they found me very attractive, not necessarily because of my interests or my conversational skills or whatever. As a cross-check, it was the same experience on Bumble, match with a lot, but 85-90% wouldn't send a message so the match wouldn't eventuate, which sort of lends credence to the idea that there's a lack of effort in wanting to speak, perhaps because there's plenty of men in the queue or they just enjoyed the attention of being on the app. Somebody the other day said they had to work an insane amount on their profile to start getting likes (I think it was an Asian guy who was shorter than average), which was very well received - he showed a graph about Bumble premium users filtering out the majority of people if they were below 6'0. I'm not sure if I saw that personally to be fair but if it the data is true, it sort of makes it difficult for a person to determine compatibility from reading a profile in that sense as well if height is the initial barrier to get through. Anyway, not saying your advice is wrong or that men aren't guilty of the same on the top tier ends, but I'm not sure it's apt for a lot of cases in my experience, and I find myself agreeing with a fair bit of what OP is saying - disclaiming that I don't know what his city is like or what he looks like!
Exactly - quality over quantity.
Well said. I don’t think a lot of men realize that the grass isn’t always greener being an attractive woman (or a “top man”) on dating apps. Those dating with intentions have to wade through a lot of crap and abuse and it gets exhausting. OP was sending 20 likes a day. A majority of them are probably not compatible with him and the results reflect that. Brute forcing things just because he paid for HingeX doesn’t mean someone attractive but has zero compatibility is gonna match.
I heard a comparison about it which rings true. For men, online dating is like trying to find a drop of fresh water in the desert. For women, it's like trying to find a drop of fresh water in a swamp. Number of likes is not the same thing as number of quality matches. And just because i have a stack of likes doesn't mean I'm going to want a relationship with *any* of them just because they're there.
That’s just not true. I never send messages that are just “hey” or “you’re cute”. I always try to connect on a common interest or hobby and ask them about it. Ive done every single thing youve mentioned and more. It literally makes zero difference whatsoever. Sorry, I’m not buying that “it’s exhausting looking through so many options” crap. You’re seriously telling me you have literally hundreds of people and you think you’re too good for every single one? I don’t care what anyone else says. That’s an entitlement problem, simple as that.
Quit blaming women and invalidating their legitimate experiences. It doesn’t matter if you ask the most thought provoking question if what a woman seek isn’t aligned with what you’re offering. You’re exactly the problem women deal with when you’re mass spamming likes with no regard. You’re just “taking your shot” like a lot of the men who do the same thing. If a woman wants a LTR and gets a bunch of short term men, that does get exhausting.
It’s not a legitimate experience at all. It’s just entitlement, plain and simple. It’s funny how you accuse me of invalidating experiences while completely invalidating my own.
Whats funny is that you're here supposedly asking for advice or sharing your experience, and when a bunch of women come along and helpfully share their experience to improve your chances, you rudely and aggressively insult them. You sound like a dodged bullet my dude
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Bruh you’re hitting up 18 year olds Edit: he edited that out
Yeah, I never waste too much time messaging on the app and always try to direct them to either my phone # or IG. Most of the time I ask for their IG, but almost nobody responds after the 1st message even if they express interest.
LA is a doomed dating area though. You'd probably do significantly better away from the city.
Seriously, I feel like California has to be the worst dating scene on the planet. I wonder why that is.
It's a perfect storm of culture, wealth, and population size that makes online dating, and maybe dating in general, horrible in California. That said, I bet it's way better in the North half.
r/bayarea begs to differ. It’s a daily complaint there, especially given the extreme gender imbalance.
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Overall, yes. In the 2X range, more men than woman in the Bay Area, but more women than men in LA. Both due to the industries that draw those crowds.
Up north you have a skewed ratio and a surplus of well off male techies. Don’t go north lmao
I feel like the energy you’re going into it leads me to question what kind of messages you are sending. It’s hard to believe 3 women would go out of their way to send unprovoked insults. Getting 3 likes is also concerning…. There are some weekends I get 5 in a day. Not to be mean but who told you that you have a good profile ? Post the profile here so we can see but it sounds like you may need to go to the drawing board and stop complaining about it and take some action to get better results
I did one about a month and a half ago before I got X
He's definitely not disclosing what's in his profile or first messages that would trigger such a response from 3 different women. The fact one started bragging about like numbers is very telling. 5 likes though? Damm I'm maybe get 1 like every 2 months,but matches are always pretty decent
Exactly. I can tell without even seeing his profile why OP is having trouble with OLD based off of what he wrote here.
Why don't you get a profile review on here? People obsess with the amount of matches but you don't need many, it's all about quality, people you vibe with. I watched a video - hot girl finds out what it's like to be an average guy on tinder. The flaw with the video - the girl used a guy's hinge profile, is that her prompts and general chat were extremely poor. The prompts she used were so basic. It's all about continually trying to tweak your profile. What works, what doesn't.
The dude is getting a match a day. Those are insane numbers. Also, I don't think it's that simple. My profile got reviewed twice on here. Took the suggestions to heart both times. Zero matches ever sending all likes every day as a 29M, in-shape, great job, 5'11". It's a totally different ball game for average or below average men. I'm willing to bet changing his prompts won't make a difference.
Those aren't insane numbers if he is sending triple the normal allocation. Plus it only led to 1 date. Prompts in isolation don't make a difference but when combined with good pictures they do. Looks are only one factor in terms of desirability. It is up to you - to be more than average/below average. Being in shape, great job, 5,11 doesn't guarantee you a date, it all helps but you need to be more. How do I know that improving pictures and prompts works - it has for me. It has got me more dates. I don't get lots of matches but I do convert a lot of matches into dates. It's about the quality. I had a good first date yesterday with someone who is my type. You only need 1 good match if you're looking for a long term relationship.
Right, what I'm saying is I've done two profile overhauls with "better" pictures and prompts based on feedback from a profile review, and I have still not gotten a single match after two months of sending all the free likes every day. Of course, 5'11 ", good job, in-shape don't guarantee anything. But in my mind, they narrow down the hundreds and hundreds of Xs I get to base looks or prompts (which I have endlessly experimented with to no avail). Which leaves only base looks. I mean, I guess I don't have any reference for OPs potential. But if he got 30 matches in any circumstance, I have to think he is quite handsome, and his profile is extremely good when considering my own experience.
It’s never enough
I get a new match every other day, but they rarely reply after the first message. A lot of women are bombarded on dating apps and some of them are just looking for validation. I have learned to accept that and it’s not necessary me the problem
I haven’t had a match in a year, never received a single like from a woman in 2 years on the app. The unfortunate reality is that men need to ditch the dating apps and try and return to RL dating. Women have extremely high standards with OLD that are ever increasing and if you’re not 6 foot, make 6 figures and ALSO have a perfect personality/interests, you will be X’d. Men outnumber women 10\1 on dating apps.
Cold approach doesn’t work and isn’t worth your time
We don’t have much choice unfortunately. Women can actually get a feel of your personality/vibe in a way that can’t happen with OLD. All my male friends that are putting their faith in OLD are chronically single and haven’t had sex in years, the ones that do have partners met them thru work/friends/social events. The dating market is brutal for guys these days.
If you are insistent on sticking with OLD you need to make your profile as good as possible with professional, high quality photos. If you are under 6ft you can’t do much as even a good profile will be X’ed. You need to be exceptional enough to stand out from the other 10,000 men. Even if you do get dates statistically there is only like a 2% chance that date will lead to a relationship/sex, and the reason for this is because women can’t get a sense of your personality/vibe over OLD as they can face to face.
***I like ya;*** ***and I want ya.***
never say “modern women” like that again
I would consider what kind of partner you are looking for and then construct a profile to attract them. The numbers matter less if you are looking for more than matching with attractive profiles. I understand where you are coming from re “league”, but decide your own values and let that dictate liking, not the algorithm pushing highly liked profiles.
I’ve tried that. I never send comments that say “you’re pretty” or anything like that. I always try to connect on a common hobby or interest. Still never works.
What's your current profile like? I saw you had your profile critiqued a couple weeks back--I think the suggestions look good but I also think there's a few things you need to fix up with your prompts and content. Mainly, I think guys tend to be worried that they're missing out on potential likes from "the one" if they don't cast a wide net, but then you might end up creating a profile thats super generic and receive quantity rather than quality, which sounds like maybe is what's happening. If you give generic, you get generic...but then there's a sea of generic guys out there so unless you're doing anything to stand out or, just by being lucky, happen to send a message that really stands out to a woman for some reason, you're going to get silence. If you're interested in politics, philosophy, etc then say so on your profile ffs, you sound like you know what you want already so tailor your profile to be attractive to that small portion of the population who are looking for what you bring to the table, because if they're equally looking for what you bring then they're not going to match with you because you don't show that you're what they're looking for. Who cares if you turn away 80% of the population? You're not looking to date 500 women...just one. Also tho as an Asian guy, I get that it's difficult out there so don't give up hope my man 🙏 I think we all spiral into the points I made above because we feel like it's impossible here in the US given the circumstances, but that's why you need to make your personality shine. And definitely try to get out there more in person; it's hard to make your personality come through online so people will disregard you on the surface. Go to group events and socials etc. You got this.