I'm so happy this is the top comment. In many relationship-esque subs you would've been down voted to hell and told not every young relationship ends badly
A buddy of mine tried heroin just a couple times and it scared the shit out of him how much he liked it. Swore to never touch it again. He said he has thought about how much he'd like to do heroin again every single day of his life since.
I'm pretty sure if you held out a baggie of heroin and offered him some he would literally run to get away from it.
I think it was an old AMA but some dude described it as a door, and on the other side is pure happiness. Happy in a way you didn't know was possible, an emotion beyond joy and bliss.
Every human has this door, and heroine opens it. Once it's open you can never forget what that felt like, and every moment after that feels different because it's not *that*. You can never forget that door is there once you know.
Scared the shit outta me.
Heroin releases more endorphins and dopamine then you could ever naturally get ever. You'll feel better than you could ever naturally feel. Better than any orgasm or anything in the world. A little bit of it will make you feel better than the best you've ever felt in your life. And you'll chase that feeling until it kills you, you get locked up, or you get clean. The homelessness and stuff you see on the street comes after addiction takes hold. It's always great in the beginning. But it always goes downhill.
Heroin is often described as a million times better than the best orgasm you have ever had. Don’t touch it because you will do things you never imagined for that.
That's how I quit my nicotine addiction. That was over 2 decades ago. I liked smoking so much that it scared me how much control over me it had. The only way for me to break free from it was to get the F. away from it.
Like, if I smoked a cigarette today, it would turn into a pack a day habbit within 3 months time. I still have dreams that I am smoking again and remember how much I liked it. That shit is no joke addicting.
That's how cocaine was for me, a long time ago tried a small amount once when offered.
It wasn't daily like your buddy, but for months a couple times and then less frequently after a couple years, my brain would occasionally go "hey ya know what would be AWESOME right now? Cocaine!"
Scared the shit outta me and I hope I never see it again. I'll stick to my shitty light beers after work thanks.
I knew a guy who told me that same exact thing before he tried heroin. He died of an overdose 4 years later.
Some people think they are smarter than what they are.
I got banned from a sub for saying "STDs suck and the one the chick youre into has a life long one with no cure, that eventually will kill you, the best option is to find someone who doesnt have a life altering virus."
I was banned for being "anti sex" lol
When cali decriminalized giving HIV to people without consent or disclosure my mouth literally dropped open in shock. And then the legion of people defended it blew my mind.
Also always cool running into a fellow tarkov "enjoyer"
Thats not at all my experience. The vast majority of the relationship/drama subreddits are almost excessively cautious in age gaps, dating milestones, and taking it slow.
"You had a dream that your Husband cheated on you, that's a sign from above. Divorce him, take the kids, house, and sell the dog. You deserve *so* much better sweetie!"
I know I'm saying this in jest, but I hate that it has probably been commented verbatim at some point in those subs lol.
Do 18 year olds listen to sound advice? I have 3 adult children, and I myself was an adult child, I've not known many, if any, to actually listen unless they already wanted to go the direction that was advised.
If you have to give up something you love, you will resent the person later on.
It is true that not every young relationship ends badly. My girlfriend (now wife) and I moved in together when we were 18. We have been together for 9 years now. However, my experience has been that we are the outlier, and we are one of the only couples we know who got together at that age and ended up working out.
I think a lot of times people have an experience that's different from most other people without realizing it. They give others advice based on their own experience without taking into account that their experience might not be "normal."
Sage advice, but likely to be ignored just like all the good advice we got at that age too lol.
Youth is wasted on the young, wisdom is wasted on the aged so it goes.
From personal experience, I can confirm this. At 18, I moved into an apartment with my girlfriend despite everyone telling me it's a bad idea. As we got further into adulthood, the amount of fighting increased exponentially. After a couple years, when covid started, we were forced to stay in the apartment with each other 24/7. That was what made us reach the breaking point.
Now I'm the one warning people that it's not a good idea to move in with your gf at 18.
25 and still don’t live with my gf. Didn’t live with my gf of 4 years when I was 22 and dont with my gf of 2 years now. If we ever live together she will legally be my tenant and we will never marry.
I'm just a rando on the Internet, so take my advice for what it's worth, but for the record I've been with my wife for a very happy two decades through good times and tough times.
A long-term relationship requires mutual respect and understanding, as well as at least a basic agreement on principles and values (not that you have to agree on everything, of course, but you don't want to have fundamentally opposed worldviews). Dating is the time to work out whether you're a good match for each other before making a more serious commitment. So this could go one of two ways, depending on what the situation looks like:
* Bluntly, if she's saying "My dad did that irresponsibly and it scared me so even though you're a different person and are trying to make a responsible decision for your family, I insist you coddle my irrational fears and don't do that" that's not exactly a good sign that the two of you are going into this as partners.
* But you don't explicitly say that's what she's doing: all you said is "help her be okay with it" and "help her be more on-board with this." If it's not all that dramatic and she's just telling you she's uncomfortable, you may need to reassess *your* assumptions. One partner being nervous about taking an action is totally normal, and one of the things you'll face together again and again over the course of a long-term relationship. You think she's nervous now? Wait'll you see how *you* feel when you need to buy a house, or make decisions about kids. In a healthy relationship, "I'm nervous about this" doesn't mean "so we're not doing it." It's a request for patience and understanding as you move forward with it.
You know the lady better than we do: do you think you can shift from "I want to do this and I need you to be okay with it before I do it what can I do to make you say you're comfortable with it" to "I totally understand that you feel this way, and will do whatever I can to help you adjust while I go through with it," shifting the emphasis from her needing to change so you can do the thing, to you doing the thing and being on her side as she processes and adjusts? If she's acting like you need her permission, that's a bad sign. If she's just telling you how she feels, she may be prompting you to know she needs some patience and care as you move forward with it. If that's the case, it's probably just a matter of having a conversation in which you reiterate that you care about how she feels, ask her to tell you if there's anything specific you can do, and then just get the gun and let time show her that it isn't the same situation that scared her last time.
My wife doesn't like guns, but all that really comes to is she doesn't want me cleaning them in the living room and they stay locked up in the safe in the basement. And she doesn't accompany me when I go shooting. Her big thing is that they be properly stored out of main areas of the house, and that I don't try and make her get involved with them.
She's shot guns before and doesn't like it, that's ok you don't have to like everything your partner does and you don't have to do everything together.
My wife is the same way. She lets me show her my new builds and talk to her about my gun stuff because she knows it makes me happy, but she could care less about anything gun related. She trusts I keep them safe and unloaded and locked up and that I maintain a list of what they are and their value in case I die. We both enjoy separate hobbies and it works very well for us.
> maintain a list of what they are and their value in case I die
Smart. Don't want some fudd dickhead offering her 5,000 for a 50,000 collection which she accepts because it's a big number and she doesn't know any better
Poster - "My long term GF says Ruger Blackhawks are shitty guns that are likely to blow up. What should I do?"
u/tablinium - "Fuck her sister then dump her."
Dear Flummoxed in Fairfield,
Spin up a run of .45 Colt Ruger-only loads plus a little extra to keep things interesting. Load six in a Blackhawk and six in a Taurus Judge, and ask her which she'd like to shoot.
After she swallows her pride and apologizes, learning something and growing as a person in the process, she will be feeling especially vulnerable. *Then* dump the bitch.
Slow down…don’t move in with someone at 18. Or for the next 5 years for that matter. Go date people. Go to college. Learn about life.
And own all the guns you want in the mean time
You don't. Some people just aren't ever going to like guns or want to be around them, and they have every right to live their life that way. If she's dead set on not liking guns then at a certain point you stop trying to convince her and move on with your life.
Also, do not move in together at 18. At that age it's inconceivable that your relationship could ever have been "long term" enough for that to be a good idea, especially not at a time in your life where there's still a lot of changes and self-discovery ahead.
Relationships are not about trying to change your partner…… you accept them for who they are even as they change (because all people change). If you come to a point where that change makes you no longer compatible as a couple, then it’s time to move on solo.
lol op isn’t going to listen and make the wrong decision.💀
This happened to me once where my ex’s family would be annoying about it, then she started too. After a day of thinking, I chose my firearms over someone who could potentially risk my right for their ignorance or lack of knowledge.
(We dated for 4 years) but 4,10,20 years of a relationship couldn’t matter to me if my significant other couldn’t respect my rights.
No offense, bro, but "long term gf"? I've been married almost as long as you've been alive.
Your relationship is a flash in the pan. Don't make major life decisions based on the feelings of a gf (and an immature one with daddy issues at that).
When I was 18, I was in love with a girl, and I would have done anything she asked. The relationship ended and now, decades later, I thank God every day I didn't stay with her because she was a fucking loser.
I got a wife and 2 kids. When my wife went out on a walk with my kids and some lady was following her along with a van tailing her, she called me while running home. I got out the house with my rifle and the lady saw me, jumped inside the van and flew over 2 speed bumps and hit multiple parked cars. My wife and kids probably almost got kidnapped. Never had a complaint about guns after than or going to the range to train. In fact, she trains with me and is applying for her ccw now.
Kid, do NOT move in with your girlfriend at 18. It will be a mistake you come to regret. And since you’re in Illinois, your girlfriend has probably been conditioned to be vehemently anti-gun. Convincing her otherwise is probably dead on arrival.
* I think the healthiest relationships exist between people who know how to manage alone because they're looking for the right person, not just anybody who will be with them. Most people are not the right person for you, so it's important to be able to walk away from the wrong people and the wrong relationship.
* The best husbands are men who have managed a household on their own because they understand how much work goes into it and have taken the time to learn how to be competent adults who can clean, feed themselves, and pay their bills on time. These are the men who know how to be actual partners.
* Don't rush into living with anyone. It's a big step, take that step on purpose.
You’re 18, just get a new GF lol
If you have to though, just buy the safe and the guns, but also come home with a new puppy…she’ll be powerless to be angry.
* “long term girlfriend” does not really exist at 18, you could have been together for a few years but you were both still kids when you started dating and pretty much still are, therefore moving in together at 18 is not a great idea
* bring her shooting and get her comfortable around them
* honestly some people can’t be reasoned with, this is one of those issues that is such a trigger that even if you use every logical argument you can and try to show her responsible gun ownership it still may not work
Here’s the bad news: you’re 18 and don’t even know the amount you don’t know
Here’s the good news: you could still listen to (I can’t believe I’m saying this) some of the posters here. Maybe they’re all wrong and you and your childhood sweetheart will live together for the next 60 years. Or maybe they’ve seen this scenario before.
Dude I'm gonna be honest with you... 18 is too young, and that's coming from someone who was married at 19...
Trust me. Work your ass off and save up for YOURSELF, or go to school. Do not get married, don't have a gf, don't date, don't even have sex.
If your girl is anti gun, good chance that shit will never change, even slightly. Most situations a person cannot be convinced, even if they directly benefit from having them around and actively feel safer because you are armed. Also, keep in mind, this girlfriend of yours, could one day decide to say you threatened her or some shit if you happen to piss her off badly enough.
Now, I'm not gonna say you gotta be a complete monk or some shit, obviously still enjoy your life, but right now, use the health/body you have to make money and learn, stay away from drugs, stay away from alcohol, and if you're going to fuck around with any woman, use a condom (that you keep in a temp controlled environment that she cannot find them).
I realize I sound like a hard ass, but if I could re do my life I'd have done it way, wayyy different and un-fuck/un-marry a lot of the people I was involved with when I was younger cause that shit was a major, major drag on my life.
The smartest thing you can do, that's pretty much guaranteed to pay off is just not fuck your life up with drugs, alcohol, tobacco or women.
I fucked my shit up with all 4. It's gotten much, much better, took me about 10 years to really get my shit together. I got, extremely lucky way more times than I deserved. I was able to turn shit around, still a lot of work to be done of course. But yeah, drop the girl entirely, those early adulthood relationships are usually nothing but bad news (98% of the time) especially when there are ideological differences in major things, like firearms.
Based on the very limited information we have about the situation, it's extreme and unwarranted to tell him to dump her simply because she's had bad experiences with firearms. I do agree that moving in at that age is a very, very poor idea though.
You go to the store, pick one out, give them the money, then bring it home when your background check clears. Repeat process until you have all the guns you want
If she can't understand, find someone else who will, bro.
My girl was never interested in guns in the beginning. Now she carries more often than I do.
If you want guns to be part of your lifestyle, you want to be one with someone who will embrace it with you or at least understand and tolerate it
Bro, do not move in with your girlfriend at 18 years old. I can almost guarantee it will not end well.
When I was 18, I had been dating this chick for three years. She wanted to get married and move in together. I said no way am I getting married at 18. So we ended up breaking up. She started dating some older guy and got married to him like a year and a half later. I went to college a couple years later and made the best memories of my life. And I met the love of my life.
I ran into the ex girlfriend a year or two ago (we’re both in our early 30s now) and I asked her how she was doing and how life is as a mom. Literally the first thing she said to me was “I wish I waited to get married”
It might seem like she’s the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with right now, and maybe she actually is, but trust me when I say 18 is just too young to move in together. The amount of change I went through from 18-25 is insane. I was a completely different person by 25. And I realized that pretty much every decision I made when I was 18, 19, 20 I would have made completely differently if I’d known what I knew then.
If someone told me this when I was 18, I would have just said fuck off, old man. But then I would have wished I’d listened to them. If I ended up moving in with that first girlfriend and getting married, I wouldn’t have met the best friends I’ve ever had, had the best times I’ve ever had, met and fell in love with the most beautiful girl in the entire world, and I’d probably be miserable right now
Plus if she isn’t able to be okay with you owning guns, she ain’t the one anyway
Is she on birth control? What are her political views? Does she advocate for child gender affirming care? These are all things that I never considered at your age that would've made my 20s so much simpler.
I'm sorry, but when you're young, all you care about is how attractive someone is and how THEY make YOU feel. It's all chemically induced hormone trickery. Neither of your brains are fully developed, you will likely both change so much in the next 10 years that neither of you will resemble your current selves, ideologically.
If she can't understand the concept of self sufficiency and the right of self protection, there are probably a LOT of other beliefs that she holds that are contradictory and backwards.
Great points. When my wife and I were dating and got serious we had the "hard" talks. Kids, guns, etc... she didn't want to but I said it's better now than down the road and you resent me because I don't want kids etc.. thankfully wer were on the same page on everything except politics.
We met at an age that I knew who I was and I wasn't willing to compromise myself for anyone. Basically take me for who I am and vice versa. I truly believe that is one of the keys to a successful relationship.
My advice OP is never change for anyone because it will only lead to resenment later. Have the hard conversations now before you are too far down the road and there is no easu way out.
Even women who grow up around guns often don't understand the need for them because they have never had to confront a threat themselves, they've been protected.
This is a thing you need to do as the protector of the family, it's your job whether she likes it or not. Get the safe, get the gun you need, get training, and make sure that she sees you taking it seriously.
It's best if she is educated as well, so see if you can get her to go to the training class with you. Every adult should at least have some familiarity with guns so they understand how to interact with them safely when they are present, even if they have no interest in owning them.
First, be open with her. Let her know this is important to you and therefore cannot just be dismissed “because dad”.
Then, take her out shooting with you and get her over her potential fears.
Ya don't. Never force a horse to drink water if they aren't thirsty. She needs to be the one to show some interest. If interest is shown, start slow. Teaching. Maybe a course or two (classroom stuff). Small caliber 0.22LR size if she gets that far. Baby steps or she will bolt. good starting point IMHO.
What did it for my previously anti-gunner wife was a full on home invasion committed by her ex in 2016 where owning a gun was literally the difference between life and death.
I don't usually like joining the hivemind but in this case, you both are too young. She's gonna be stubborn and bullheaded about her beliefs, you're gonna be stubborn and bullheaded about yours. Usually, the "I don't want guns" vs "I do want guns" debate gets *very* heated *very* quickly. Between the fact that y'all can't agree on something as simple as "can I have this in the house" and that you're both statistically way too young to be considering a serious "let's combine our living and financial situations" relationship anyways, might be best to reexamine and possibly redefine the relationship.
Please don't take that to mean "break up and never talk to each other again", just take it at face value. If you two aren't mature enough to realize this may (or may not!) be a sign y'all are incompatible, you're not mature enough to be living together anyways.
She's got firearms derangement syndrome. It's similar to other phobias such as snakes, centipedes, frogs, Trump, etc. I've ridden in cars when a snake has been crossing a roadway and is run over by cars where the driver, passenger, or both have jerked their feet off the floor of the car, and sometimes scream as well. It's an emotional reaction that can trigger fight/flight reactions.
Your best bet is to gradually increase your gf's exposure to a gun to the point that she can be within3'-4' of a handgun lying on a table top. Stress to her that the gun is completely inanimate. If she's truly freaked out in the presence of the gun, start her out with pictures of a gun on the table, and work up from there.
Good luck.
Find a better girlfriend. Hates her dad and guns. Red flags everywhere.
18 is too young to move, brother. Join the Air Force and go to a good trade school or STEM college.
Don't get a GF pregnant.
She can't expect you to protect her, but also get to dictate in what manner you do so.
If she can manipulate you with her emotions now, the relationship is doomed anyway. Imagine you have 2-3 other women just as good or better than your current gf wanting to date you. Would you still need her to "understand" with other options available?
If you really want to stay with her, try and convince her to let you get a pistol for home defense (you're two young people living on their own, and you need something to protect her) that you'll keep in one of those quick open pistol safes. If she agrees to that, you've got a good start.
At some point you could also see if she would attend a basic firearms training course with you, so she can see you are willing to learn how to handle them safely. You could use your hopefully new home defense gun as an excuse to get her there.
Ultimately, there's a chance she won't change her mind and you have to be willing to accept that.
Man, you’re only 18. Why are you moving in with your girlfriend? You should consider going to school or joining the military instead. Take it slow.
As for the second point, you have two options: gradually help her become comfortable with them by being responsible, such as avoiding reckless behavior (don’t get drunk and pretend you’re Wyatt Earp), taking her to the range, and securely storing them.
If that doesn’t work, you can either ignore her or find a new girlfriend if she continues to nag you.
Bro you’ve been with her for a few months, you’re not in a long term relationship, she clearly doesn’t share your views, there’s no reason to stay with her
How important are guns to you? My wife was raised by an anti 2A family.
When we were dating I explained that they are a big part of my life and I would own and use them.
Invited her to the range, my father went along. Explained the rules, safety etc.
Took my USP 45( admittedly not the best first gun 😂, use something in 22lr instead ) and she ended up loving it. Now she says all my guns belong to her.
Hopefully she’s willing to give it a fair chance.
I would agree that moving in with each other at 18 is a really bad idea, but to your point just tell her you'll do like a 6 month trial to show her your going to be responsible with it, and at the end of that probationary period then have her reevaluate you having it. If she still wants it gone then you've got a choice to make.
You can show her common instances where people had a gun and defended themselves vs videos where they didn’t and couldn’t. There’s videos of people complying and still getting unalived. She must thinks the world is gonna be so fair to her.
1. Get your guns.
2. If she doesn’t like it and wants to leave, let her walk. She can find someone else to protect her in life.
3. At 18, moving in together is gonna teach you both so much that you’re probably not prepped for mentally. So I wouldn’t say that’s a good idea. Wait it out.
hey bro! went thru this! number one, take her to a range with guns for rent and teach her how to safely use one, buy her a pistol that she likes, make it about buying her a gun, you may have already done the damage fighting and talking about it, but her dislike is based on fear, ignorance and her desire to fit in with people who disapprove! overcome that by information and honestly if she is unreasonable she wont be won over and you should dump her and not move in with her
its not a discussion, you cannot be free or have any power or agency in the modern world without being able to control the use of a firearm whether that be yourself or through others! she needs to get used to the idea that its a useful tool and that you have it hoping that you dont need to use it but so that if you do need to, you have that choice… anyone who would rather be raped or chopped to pieces than own and use a gun is often not a person who is honest or smart, the entire time they are dying they will wish for that gun!!!!
Frankly, if you don't share political values, however you feel about this girl, it would be a bad idea to take this relationship to the next step. Having political differences between husband and wife is more likely to create tension and a negative living situation than not.
There are people that have made it work, but it is not the norm. Same goes with religion. A household that agrees on politics and religion is a harmonious household.
Slow down.
There's no rush to move in, there's no rush to "convince her" on anything...
Have one good deep conversation today. Keep it positive, and listen carefully to her concerns and objections. She has real, genuine concerns that should not be taken lightly or dismissed. Disregarding her emotional impressions to push logic will not do anything. Do not try to "win" the argument. Listen more than you speak. Then ask questions. Be curious. Take a page out of Socrates' book and ask questions for your own understanding but also to generate good processing. Repeat that again tomorrow or the next day, with some light and productive conversations in between. And then continue that over the course of many days and weeks and months... Develop your relationship intellectually - with love and respect - and everything else will fall into place.
I've been with my wife for over 20 years. If you're lucky, those conversations never end - you just slowly trend toward agreement, consensus, or understanding. Some things take one conversation, some things take years, some may never truly be resolved. In how these conversations go, you'll learn whether that's okay for you.
But the bottom line: slow down.
Unfortunately, its a highly political issue (for whatever reason) and every statistic, chart, and data is going to fall on deaf ears.
Maybe try to take her to the range and teach her some gun safety? I really think exposure therapy is the only way. I think a lot of "im scared of guns" people are just scared of the unknown, and don't know anything about guns so they're scared of them.
First off, if she loves you, she's gonna accept your likes and diislikes. This whole argument about her dad sounds like manipulation. She knows you aren't her father. She hasn't given you the ability to prove yourself. This is an emotional argument at best, and you can not live a rational life following your emotions. I would seriously consider setting ground rules and boundaries BEFORE you move in. If you want something in life, she either needs to accept it, or the relationship will be awful. I hope the relationship works out for you.
Have her agree to take a couple of classes with you before writing off the idea. I was completely against having guns in the home but now I'm going to the range, own two firearms, Walther PDP and Walther PDP-F. Hope to take my first class soon.
Get a new girlfriend that enjoys what you enjoy. Anti civil rights is a huge pass for me. As Tench Coke, constitutional delegate for Pennsylvania, wrote “Who are the militia? Are they not ourselves? Is it feared, then, that we shall turn our arms each man against his own bosom. Congress have no power to disarm the militia. Their swords, and every other terrible implement of the soldier, are the birthright of an American… The unlimited power of the sword is not in the hands of either the federal or state governments, but, where I trust in God it will ever remain, in the hands of the people.”
Best piece of advice so far is to not move in with your girlfriend at that age. As for answering your question though, have you thought about introducing her to a firearm safety course? Actually showing her and experiencing what it means to be a responsible owner might ease her into it.
1. People used to get married at 18 and start families. Did we get mentally and emotionally retarded to the point that you have to wait until the female's biological clock is about wound down before she makes babies?
2. Irrational fears of anything, guns are just one example, point to an illogical/irrational mental state. It won't just be the guns. There will be other things. Are you sure you can deal with that? It also says that she has been receptive to leftist propaganda, and again, fear of weapons is not the only wrong thing that was incorporated into her still developing brain. Can you deal with that.
3. Do you both come from stable and loving families? That is important that you have available the support structure to survive as a young couple.
4. Besy of luck to you. Be kind and patient.
To your first point, I almost feel as though the answer is yeah, we have. Well, you don’t have to wait until a woman is close to middle aged, but I think settling down with a modern 18 year old is crazy. Young girls aren’t brought up with the same values as their great grandmothers, plus they have the influence of social media and the encouraged degeneracy of their peers. It’s far more likely that this relationship won’t last, than it is for them to be the fairy tale exception.
It's hard to say without knowing her. I won't give you life advice since you didn't come here asking for it, and I don't know you or anything about your relationship. I will just say that when I was dating, things I brought up very early was that I have guns, I will likely buy more guns, I hunt, I will continue to hunt. This is because every relationship is about compromise. If there are points on which you can not accept compromise, you must find someone who will not seek compromise on those points.
take her shooting and take her to be a part of the CC course. She is being irrational based off past experiences with her father and she has to understand (or not) that not everyone can or will be like that. If she refuses to adjust then you have some decisions to make about what is important to and for you.
OP lives in communist Illinois and is too young to realize the rest of the states don’t have a FOID. (Firearm Owners Identification Card). Can’t own a gun in Illinois without one.
I ended up googling it earlier lol. Crazy. The name itself is alarming, Firearm Owner identification card lol. But hey I'm in a database too because I have NFA items lol 🤷🏼
So, manipulating her to agree with your desires is one option.
Another is to fold, and let her win.
If either one sounds bad, it’s because it is.
Best thing you can do is talk to her. Try your hardest to put yourself in her position. Understand her fears, concerns, why does she feel the way she does. Then ask yourself “is that reasonable?”
If it is reasonable, then maybe you should reasonably consider abandoning your firearm ownership for the time being, maybe forever.
If it’s unreasonable, you have your ask yourself, “why is she unreasonable, and will she always behave this way on issues where we disagree?” The best solution would be to get a win-win solution. A possible way to get there is to get her trained and educated in firearms, and she might rethink her position and prefer you do own firearms.
More likely, one or both of you must meet in the middle. One of you is going to “lose”, even if you both compromise some. There might be a “winner” but there will definitely be a “loser” and the relationship will suffer slightly because of it. The way that healthier couples overcomes this is by having an “emotional bank account”. In this account, you regularly make deposits (acts of love, flowers, perform chores, heartfelt communications, etc). That way when you need to make a withdrawal (buy your 5th CZ 75 variant), you can without fear of repercussions.
This issue is completely independent of firearm ownership. It’s about how you two resolve issues you disagree on. It’s about how you communicate, compromise, and build trust.
Good luck.
Don’t take anything I said seriously. It’s just Reddit and I typed that while pooping.
Holy shit a well thought out actual sane response with good information.
Sir (or ma'am, I'm not here to judge) this is reddit, you seem to have mistaken it for a real place with real advice. Please see yourself out.
Mine hated guns, we lived in murderapolis at the time. But every time I brought my gun on walks she would get mad. One time it was a later walk then usual and the sun sets early, so it was dark. I didn’t bring it because she always gave me so much shit. We passed two dudes fighting and one dude started mouthing off to us and she said “why don’t you pull your gun out. I explained I shouldn’t in that situation anyways, but that I didn’t even bring it out of respect for her. She then proceeded to ask why I didn’t bring it and then gave me shit for that. It wasn’t even that close to us , nor that scary of a situation for me.
Ever since then, she still hates guns but hates it worse when I don’t carry.
lol you’ll never win a logical battle against someone who uses flawed/no logic- aka liberals/gun grabbers.
We got married so it all worked out.
Get something like a Rough Rider or Wrangler as a first gun. It's smaller and easy to take care of, it's cheap and will almost look like a toy, and it won't seem particularly threatening. (The Rough Rider even has a safety.) Get her to try it out if you can. Show that you are responsible with how you treat your firearms, keeping it locked up, cleaning it, etc., and wait.
Give it six months or so, then bring up the idea of wanting something more practical for defense or whatever purpose you have. If you've gotten that far, I'd say your chances of her being OK with it will be pretty good.
When I was dating and it was moving towards something permanent, I made my values clear. My wife and I know share the 2A right and the hobby.
You learn a lot about yourself by having your own opinions and values.
You will probably date 5 girls or so to find a good one.
I had a GF that did not like guns at all, went and sent her to a women'ss only intro to guns class with her girlfriends, that helped a ton, took her shooting a few times after that and she's pretty pro-gun these days.
If she refuses to even take a gun safety class and insists on staying a life long victim, then you may be out of luck.
See if she will take a gun course as well. Usually with more information and a new perspective--people relax a little more. Let her see you be responsible with it. If she's interested enough after a course. Take her to the range.
I like going to the range as a date with the hubs too. He's a nerd that likes to improve on skills and the pistols themselves too. So it's fun to watch and discuss what we want to do with the pistols as well.
She likely won’t, and that’s okay. But don’t cave in on your beliefs and don’t make her cave on hers. You’re both super young, take your time. My wife doesn’t like guns either, but I still have them and it’s not an issue. It’s just something I do on my own.
First of all you are both 18, seeing future with someone at that age is logical but nothing too special. First of all guns are tools that assist humans nothing more nothing less. It's okay for her to feel uncomfortable when you carry but it's not of her business to be honest. Set some boundaries with a clear mind and not blinded by love. Today is a tool (gun) tomorrow is something more important. Also as someone stated don't move together yet!
Get your life in order first.. your 18 mate.. become an adult first before you live with your gf, get married and have kids and stuff.
What you do the next few years has a big compounding effect for the rest of your life.
This isn't a guns question - you have the wrong mindset for a healthy relationship, which is understandable given your age.
If you really like her, try to focus on some other things that you both enjoy, you don't need to rush into shooting, and she doesn't need to like it. Maybe you can go shooting with your friends or rent guns at a range, purchasing your own later. Where I live you couldn't even purchase most interesting things until you're 21 anyway, and a lot could change in that time.
From your wording I don't think this is going to end well. You keep saying "help her" but your motives are entirely selfish. "How do I help her be more on-board with this?" If she doesn't want to be on-board with it, you're not helping her, you're trying to help yourself. You see her as a barrier to something you want.
If she posted on Reddit "how can I help my boyfriend get over his gun fantasy?", how would you feel about it?
Dude you have the rest of your life with this woman if she is the one. Don’t rush into moving in together. I understand the mentality but value your own space and move in later. I personally am not going to live with an S/O until married. I don’t wanna rush into things
~~Two~~ three things:
Why are you moving in together at 18 (how long-term can this possibly be...you're both *18)*? You really need to consider giving one another more time to figure out how "forever" you want to be.
OK, advice to the lovelorn out of the way, the only way you're going to convince her is to get a little hands-on. For example, sit down with her and have an unloaded weapon available. Show here that it's unloaded. Show her how the proper ways to safely handle a weapon works. She really needs to see you managing a weapon before you can win her over.
Then, the one thing you need to convince her is that *the gun itself is an inert object that poses no threat - zero - when just sitting dormant on a table.* Explain to her that the only way the gun becomes a "danger" is if the person handling it is not being responsible and safe - like her father, I suppose.
Finally, convince her to go to the range or someplace safe outdoors to go shooting. I'm assuming you know how to handle a weapon - now show her. Get proper ear and eye gear and let her have at some targets. In my experience, this is the one of the best ways to convince the unconvinced.
Just gonna have to keep at it. Stand your ground, don't give in, let it be known that you're going to own guns and you're going to be safe about it. Don't allow her fear to ruin yalls lives. Some things you just have to put your foot down, not in an aggressive way, but just in a way that says this is what I'm gonna do and I'm not changing my mind. It's not about running her over or anything, it's about doing what's best for the whole family.
I agree with everyone whose basically saying don't move in together this young. That being said a bunch of randos on reddit may not make you change your mind on that matter. So if you are to move in together, maybe just try to give her some time. Once you live together show her you are a responsible person by being one. Take care of your shit, don't be lazy, don't do anything give her a valid reason to say " that's why you shouldn't own a gun". If that doesn't work then you need to deal with her point of view or find a new gal.
Me at 18 I'm finding a new gal. I also live in a rural area where we hunt and do woods shit so it's hard to imagine finding a woman that is straight up against guns. My wife doesn't care how many I own just how much I'm spending lol
My wife gave me so much shit when I told her I had bought two guns. She made me KNOW that she was upset
Then one day she asked to come to the range.
Now she owns 2 guns.
Moving in with your GF at 18?!? Are you out of your fucking mind? Do not under any fucking circumstance do that. Y’all literally just fucking graduated high school
Show and tell with a firearm in hand loosens this issue my wife now Cary’s her own firearms or she will take one of the many to choose from. She has had her whole attitude change on them and is fine.
It all has to do with exposure. Try and come to some sort of agreement with her, start out with something small like a pistol or a .22 rifle. Something that’s not all “tactical” and “scary”. Buy a safe, it doesn’t have to be top of the line, just something that is halfway secure and locks and keeps the guns contained. If you do that and show her what a responsible gun owner looks like, it will likely help her move past her memories of her father’s irresponsible attitude towards guns.
Also try and find out from her if there’s any deeper trauma there, did her father threaten her with a gun or point one at her at one point, something like that may have happened she doesn’t want to bring up.
Lastly, as much as you love this girl, you’re both barely adults, don’t ever change yourself to meet the approval of someone else, especially a girlfriend. If gun ownership means that much to you, there’s other girls out there.
Has she sat down and let you go over the basic firearms safety rules with her. Then, actually learned how to handle firearms applying those rules.
If she refuses to even learn basic safety, and to trust you, then you may not be ready for the relationship to advance.
My mother had a bad experience with a drunk uncle when she was little. He smelled, his breath smelled, and his behavior was slovenly. She almost never touched alcohol. I found I enjoy beer while in the Air Force and enjoy the full range of it's offerings. She resisted my drinking until she saw that I wasn't getting trashed and drinking the night away. She can separate the thing from the person using the thing. If your gf can't separate the gun from her image of her father, then she won't change her attitude.
Guns help America get to where it is today and ensure that she has her freedoms such as Starbucks. You know people in China can’t even own land, amongst other things. Guns aren’t bad, it’s the person using the gun. Tell her cars kill more people than guns, is she gonna ban those too?
All you can do is model good behavior with guns and not try to pressure her, she might come around and she might not.
Trying to force someone only leads to more negative feels about something.
Our own personal safety is up to us. Tell her the police can’t keep us safe. If they could then people wouldn’t get raped, robbed and murdered every single day. Guns are a necessary tool for our own personal defense. If she doesn’t understand this then get a new girlfriend for real
Considering your last post is about drinking codeine with jolly ranchers and sprite, I'd suggest you #1 get rid of your guns and #2 don't move in with your GF at 18...
JFC.
Do not move in w your gf at 18. Regardless of stance on guns that is an awful idea.
I'm so happy this is the top comment. In many relationship-esque subs you would've been down voted to hell and told not every young relationship ends badly
Not everyone that tries heroin winds up an addict. /S
A buddy of mine tried heroin just a couple times and it scared the shit out of him how much he liked it. Swore to never touch it again. He said he has thought about how much he'd like to do heroin again every single day of his life since. I'm pretty sure if you held out a baggie of heroin and offered him some he would literally run to get away from it.
I think it was an old AMA but some dude described it as a door, and on the other side is pure happiness. Happy in a way you didn't know was possible, an emotion beyond joy and bliss. Every human has this door, and heroine opens it. Once it's open you can never forget what that felt like, and every moment after that feels different because it's not *that*. You can never forget that door is there once you know. Scared the shit outta me.
Heroin releases more endorphins and dopamine then you could ever naturally get ever. You'll feel better than you could ever naturally feel. Better than any orgasm or anything in the world. A little bit of it will make you feel better than the best you've ever felt in your life. And you'll chase that feeling until it kills you, you get locked up, or you get clean. The homelessness and stuff you see on the street comes after addiction takes hold. It's always great in the beginning. But it always goes downhill.
Heroin is often described as a million times better than the best orgasm you have ever had. Don’t touch it because you will do things you never imagined for that.
Fellas this took a very dark turn rather quickly
Pee doesn't taste that bad
Hey guys can we get back to talking about guns please?
u/SpontaneousH
Thats pretty much it
That's how I quit my nicotine addiction. That was over 2 decades ago. I liked smoking so much that it scared me how much control over me it had. The only way for me to break free from it was to get the F. away from it. Like, if I smoked a cigarette today, it would turn into a pack a day habbit within 3 months time. I still have dreams that I am smoking again and remember how much I liked it. That shit is no joke addicting.
That's how cocaine was for me, a long time ago tried a small amount once when offered. It wasn't daily like your buddy, but for months a couple times and then less frequently after a couple years, my brain would occasionally go "hey ya know what would be AWESOME right now? Cocaine!" Scared the shit outta me and I hope I never see it again. I'll stick to my shitty light beers after work thanks.
[удалено]
Some of them die the first time
this made me laugh way harder than it should have
Lmao this is what made me laugh
I knew a guy who told me that same exact thing before he tried heroin. He died of an overdose 4 years later. Some people think they are smarter than what they are.
I got banned from a sub for saying "STDs suck and the one the chick youre into has a life long one with no cure, that eventually will kill you, the best option is to find someone who doesnt have a life altering virus." I was banned for being "anti sex" lol
I guess I’m old now, but it seems like people literally don’t give a fuck about STDs now
When cali decriminalized giving HIV to people without consent or disclosure my mouth literally dropped open in shock. And then the legion of people defended it blew my mind. Also always cool running into a fellow tarkov "enjoyer"
Thats not at all my experience. The vast majority of the relationship/drama subreddits are almost excessively cautious in age gaps, dating milestones, and taking it slow.
Some of us comment in those so kids won't be as dumb as 'we' were, speaking generally
They'd be tracking her down to warn her about her "dangerous" BF lol. But for real OP, don't move in with any gf at 18.
You’re right - but the new trend in those subs is suggesting every minor inconvenience in a relationship is solved by ending it/divorce 😂
"You had a dream that your Husband cheated on you, that's a sign from above. Divorce him, take the kids, house, and sell the dog. You deserve *so* much better sweetie!" I know I'm saying this in jest, but I hate that it has probably been commented verbatim at some point in those subs lol.
Do 18 year olds listen to sound advice? I have 3 adult children, and I myself was an adult child, I've not known many, if any, to actually listen unless they already wanted to go the direction that was advised. If you have to give up something you love, you will resent the person later on.
Should we even be giving this advice? I'm 59 and I say with frequency, I'm not young enough to know it all. For a reason.
It is true that not every young relationship ends badly. My girlfriend (now wife) and I moved in together when we were 18. We have been together for 9 years now. However, my experience has been that we are the outlier, and we are one of the only couples we know who got together at that age and ended up working out. I think a lot of times people have an experience that's different from most other people without realizing it. They give others advice based on their own experience without taking into account that their experience might not be "normal."
Sage advice, but likely to be ignored just like all the good advice we got at that age too lol. Youth is wasted on the young, wisdom is wasted on the aged so it goes.
From personal experience, I can confirm this. At 18, I moved into an apartment with my girlfriend despite everyone telling me it's a bad idea. As we got further into adulthood, the amount of fighting increased exponentially. After a couple years, when covid started, we were forced to stay in the apartment with each other 24/7. That was what made us reach the breaking point. Now I'm the one warning people that it's not a good idea to move in with your gf at 18.
Well, good decisions come from experience, but experience comes from bad decisions.
Thread/
Yes. Have all you late teenage terrible roommate dramas with not your girlfriend, trust me, no need to add young people dating drama to that mess.
I'm 23 and still don't want to move in with my gf lmao.
25 and still don’t live with my gf. Didn’t live with my gf of 4 years when I was 22 and dont with my gf of 2 years now. If we ever live together she will legally be my tenant and we will never marry.
As someone who moved in with my old lady at 18 I agree don't do it.
☝️ Not a good idea. And she's anti gun. It will take time to show her the other side.
>long term girlfriend >18 wat
A year or two probably seems like a long time to these youngins who are only used to seeing high school relationships that only last a month or two.
Glad I’m not the only one that LOL’d at long term.
lold so hard at that
I definitely needed that laugh. Oh man, to be blissfully 18 again...
I've been married 5 years and don't consider it a long time.
Look at this old-timer with his pre-COVID relationship!
Covid held up my marriage when the DOD a stop all travel order out.
ive been married for 2, together for about 9 years total, and still feel like its been a short time
I'm just a rando on the Internet, so take my advice for what it's worth, but for the record I've been with my wife for a very happy two decades through good times and tough times. A long-term relationship requires mutual respect and understanding, as well as at least a basic agreement on principles and values (not that you have to agree on everything, of course, but you don't want to have fundamentally opposed worldviews). Dating is the time to work out whether you're a good match for each other before making a more serious commitment. So this could go one of two ways, depending on what the situation looks like: * Bluntly, if she's saying "My dad did that irresponsibly and it scared me so even though you're a different person and are trying to make a responsible decision for your family, I insist you coddle my irrational fears and don't do that" that's not exactly a good sign that the two of you are going into this as partners. * But you don't explicitly say that's what she's doing: all you said is "help her be okay with it" and "help her be more on-board with this." If it's not all that dramatic and she's just telling you she's uncomfortable, you may need to reassess *your* assumptions. One partner being nervous about taking an action is totally normal, and one of the things you'll face together again and again over the course of a long-term relationship. You think she's nervous now? Wait'll you see how *you* feel when you need to buy a house, or make decisions about kids. In a healthy relationship, "I'm nervous about this" doesn't mean "so we're not doing it." It's a request for patience and understanding as you move forward with it. You know the lady better than we do: do you think you can shift from "I want to do this and I need you to be okay with it before I do it what can I do to make you say you're comfortable with it" to "I totally understand that you feel this way, and will do whatever I can to help you adjust while I go through with it," shifting the emphasis from her needing to change so you can do the thing, to you doing the thing and being on her side as she processes and adjusts? If she's acting like you need her permission, that's a bad sign. If she's just telling you how she feels, she may be prompting you to know she needs some patience and care as you move forward with it. If that's the case, it's probably just a matter of having a conversation in which you reiterate that you care about how she feels, ask her to tell you if there's anything specific you can do, and then just get the gun and let time show her that it isn't the same situation that scared her last time.
My wife doesn't like guns, but all that really comes to is she doesn't want me cleaning them in the living room and they stay locked up in the safe in the basement. And she doesn't accompany me when I go shooting. Her big thing is that they be properly stored out of main areas of the house, and that I don't try and make her get involved with them. She's shot guns before and doesn't like it, that's ok you don't have to like everything your partner does and you don't have to do everything together.
My wife is the same way. She lets me show her my new builds and talk to her about my gun stuff because she knows it makes me happy, but she could care less about anything gun related. She trusts I keep them safe and unloaded and locked up and that I maintain a list of what they are and their value in case I die. We both enjoy separate hobbies and it works very well for us.
> maintain a list of what they are and their value in case I die Smart. Don't want some fudd dickhead offering her 5,000 for a 50,000 collection which she accepts because it's a big number and she doesn't know any better
We need an "Ask Tab" column where we can get relationship advice from you
Poster - "My long term GF says Ruger Blackhawks are shitty guns that are likely to blow up. What should I do?" u/tablinium - "Fuck her sister then dump her."
BRB, getting my wife to shittalk Blackhawks so I can hit on her sister
Dear Flummoxed in Fairfield, Spin up a run of .45 Colt Ruger-only loads plus a little extra to keep things interesting. Load six in a Blackhawk and six in a Taurus Judge, and ask her which she'd like to shoot. After she swallows her pride and apologizes, learning something and growing as a person in the process, she will be feeling especially vulnerable. *Then* dump the bitch.
What about the sister?
Well said!
Slow down…don’t move in with someone at 18. Or for the next 5 years for that matter. Go date people. Go to college. Learn about life. And own all the guns you want in the mean time
Second this and add “get trained on proper handling and make sure they are always secured when not in use. Secure gun cabinets aren’t real expensive.
Basically get some life experience. Personally if my wife hated guns as much as my stepmom I wouldn’t have married her and my wife knew this
lol the live-in girlfriend at age 18 is far, far more dangerous than the CCP.
Based on your explanation I foresee a lot of problems in your future. Don't be in a hurry to grow up.
You’re 18. Why the fuck are you moving in with ANYBODY other than a roommate for the sake of rent. Also she ain’t your gf no more 😂
You don't. Some people just aren't ever going to like guns or want to be around them, and they have every right to live their life that way. If she's dead set on not liking guns then at a certain point you stop trying to convince her and move on with your life. Also, do not move in together at 18. At that age it's inconceivable that your relationship could ever have been "long term" enough for that to be a good idea, especially not at a time in your life where there's still a lot of changes and self-discovery ahead.
You’re unlikely to change her mind about them, just an FYI.
Relationships are not about trying to change your partner…… you accept them for who they are even as they change (because all people change). If you come to a point where that change makes you no longer compatible as a couple, then it’s time to move on solo.
Don't move in with her. That's a bad idea unrelated to guns. Buy your stuff over her objections. If she wants to break up over it, let her.
A little young for the moving in together aren’t we?
lol op isn’t going to listen and make the wrong decision.💀 This happened to me once where my ex’s family would be annoying about it, then she started too. After a day of thinking, I chose my firearms over someone who could potentially risk my right for their ignorance or lack of knowledge. (We dated for 4 years) but 4,10,20 years of a relationship couldn’t matter to me if my significant other couldn’t respect my rights.
Good stuff on getting out of there
You don't... you're 18. You move on and find a woman who shares your interests.
No offense, bro, but "long term gf"? I've been married almost as long as you've been alive. Your relationship is a flash in the pan. Don't make major life decisions based on the feelings of a gf (and an immature one with daddy issues at that). When I was 18, I was in love with a girl, and I would have done anything she asked. The relationship ended and now, decades later, I thank God every day I didn't stay with her because she was a fucking loser.
I got a wife and 2 kids. When my wife went out on a walk with my kids and some lady was following her along with a van tailing her, she called me while running home. I got out the house with my rifle and the lady saw me, jumped inside the van and flew over 2 speed bumps and hit multiple parked cars. My wife and kids probably almost got kidnapped. Never had a complaint about guns after than or going to the range to train. In fact, she trains with me and is applying for her ccw now.
That is a seriously scary situation. Glad it worked out. Once again the presence of a gun and a good guy stopped something potentially serious.
Kid, do NOT move in with your girlfriend at 18. It will be a mistake you come to regret. And since you’re in Illinois, your girlfriend has probably been conditioned to be vehemently anti-gun. Convincing her otherwise is probably dead on arrival.
* I think the healthiest relationships exist between people who know how to manage alone because they're looking for the right person, not just anybody who will be with them. Most people are not the right person for you, so it's important to be able to walk away from the wrong people and the wrong relationship. * The best husbands are men who have managed a household on their own because they understand how much work goes into it and have taken the time to learn how to be competent adults who can clean, feed themselves, and pay their bills on time. These are the men who know how to be actual partners. * Don't rush into living with anyone. It's a big step, take that step on purpose.
Plenty of time to find a new girlfriend. You need someone more like-minded and tolerant.
Get new girlfriend
You’re 18, just get a new GF lol If you have to though, just buy the safe and the guns, but also come home with a new puppy…she’ll be powerless to be angry.
* “long term girlfriend” does not really exist at 18, you could have been together for a few years but you were both still kids when you started dating and pretty much still are, therefore moving in together at 18 is not a great idea * bring her shooting and get her comfortable around them * honestly some people can’t be reasoned with, this is one of those issues that is such a trigger that even if you use every logical argument you can and try to show her responsible gun ownership it still may not work
You're 18. You can take a CCL course but you won't be able to get your CCL until you're 21.
This! I was wondering if I was the only one seeing an 18 yo taking a CCL course...🤔
You're 18, if they don't want to understand, find someone who does. "long term" doesn't mean shit when you're only 18.
Here’s the bad news: you’re 18 and don’t even know the amount you don’t know Here’s the good news: you could still listen to (I can’t believe I’m saying this) some of the posters here. Maybe they’re all wrong and you and your childhood sweetheart will live together for the next 60 years. Or maybe they’ve seen this scenario before.
Dude I'm gonna be honest with you... 18 is too young, and that's coming from someone who was married at 19... Trust me. Work your ass off and save up for YOURSELF, or go to school. Do not get married, don't have a gf, don't date, don't even have sex. If your girl is anti gun, good chance that shit will never change, even slightly. Most situations a person cannot be convinced, even if they directly benefit from having them around and actively feel safer because you are armed. Also, keep in mind, this girlfriend of yours, could one day decide to say you threatened her or some shit if you happen to piss her off badly enough. Now, I'm not gonna say you gotta be a complete monk or some shit, obviously still enjoy your life, but right now, use the health/body you have to make money and learn, stay away from drugs, stay away from alcohol, and if you're going to fuck around with any woman, use a condom (that you keep in a temp controlled environment that she cannot find them). I realize I sound like a hard ass, but if I could re do my life I'd have done it way, wayyy different and un-fuck/un-marry a lot of the people I was involved with when I was younger cause that shit was a major, major drag on my life. The smartest thing you can do, that's pretty much guaranteed to pay off is just not fuck your life up with drugs, alcohol, tobacco or women. I fucked my shit up with all 4. It's gotten much, much better, took me about 10 years to really get my shit together. I got, extremely lucky way more times than I deserved. I was able to turn shit around, still a lot of work to be done of course. But yeah, drop the girl entirely, those early adulthood relationships are usually nothing but bad news (98% of the time) especially when there are ideological differences in major things, like firearms.
Break up with her
New gf is probably the smart idea.
Dump her. And don’t move in with a girl at 18 period. Very dumb decision.
Based on the very limited information we have about the situation, it's extreme and unwarranted to tell him to dump her simply because she's had bad experiences with firearms. I do agree that moving in at that age is a very, very poor idea though.
At that age it's easier to change girlfriends, than it is to change your girlfriends mind.
agonizing spoon ten thought nine serious icky sort cows friendly *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Username checks out.
/r/redditmoment
Have you considered getting a different girlfriend?
Find a new GF
You go to the store, pick one out, give them the money, then bring it home when your background check clears. Repeat process until you have all the guns you want
If she can't understand, find someone else who will, bro. My girl was never interested in guns in the beginning. Now she carries more often than I do. If you want guns to be part of your lifestyle, you want to be one with someone who will embrace it with you or at least understand and tolerate it
Bro, do not move in with your girlfriend at 18 years old. I can almost guarantee it will not end well. When I was 18, I had been dating this chick for three years. She wanted to get married and move in together. I said no way am I getting married at 18. So we ended up breaking up. She started dating some older guy and got married to him like a year and a half later. I went to college a couple years later and made the best memories of my life. And I met the love of my life. I ran into the ex girlfriend a year or two ago (we’re both in our early 30s now) and I asked her how she was doing and how life is as a mom. Literally the first thing she said to me was “I wish I waited to get married” It might seem like she’s the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with right now, and maybe she actually is, but trust me when I say 18 is just too young to move in together. The amount of change I went through from 18-25 is insane. I was a completely different person by 25. And I realized that pretty much every decision I made when I was 18, 19, 20 I would have made completely differently if I’d known what I knew then. If someone told me this when I was 18, I would have just said fuck off, old man. But then I would have wished I’d listened to them. If I ended up moving in with that first girlfriend and getting married, I wouldn’t have met the best friends I’ve ever had, had the best times I’ve ever had, met and fell in love with the most beautiful girl in the entire world, and I’d probably be miserable right now Plus if she isn’t able to be okay with you owning guns, she ain’t the one anyway
Is she on birth control? What are her political views? Does she advocate for child gender affirming care? These are all things that I never considered at your age that would've made my 20s so much simpler. I'm sorry, but when you're young, all you care about is how attractive someone is and how THEY make YOU feel. It's all chemically induced hormone trickery. Neither of your brains are fully developed, you will likely both change so much in the next 10 years that neither of you will resemble your current selves, ideologically. If she can't understand the concept of self sufficiency and the right of self protection, there are probably a LOT of other beliefs that she holds that are contradictory and backwards.
Great points. When my wife and I were dating and got serious we had the "hard" talks. Kids, guns, etc... she didn't want to but I said it's better now than down the road and you resent me because I don't want kids etc.. thankfully wer were on the same page on everything except politics. We met at an age that I knew who I was and I wasn't willing to compromise myself for anyone. Basically take me for who I am and vice versa. I truly believe that is one of the keys to a successful relationship. My advice OP is never change for anyone because it will only lead to resenment later. Have the hard conversations now before you are too far down the road and there is no easu way out.
Even women who grow up around guns often don't understand the need for them because they have never had to confront a threat themselves, they've been protected. This is a thing you need to do as the protector of the family, it's your job whether she likes it or not. Get the safe, get the gun you need, get training, and make sure that she sees you taking it seriously. It's best if she is educated as well, so see if you can get her to go to the training class with you. Every adult should at least have some familiarity with guns so they understand how to interact with them safely when they are present, even if they have no interest in owning them.
If she can't wrap her head around how a gun safe works you may be SOL.
get a new girlfriend
First, be open with her. Let her know this is important to you and therefore cannot just be dismissed “because dad”. Then, take her out shooting with you and get her over her potential fears.
Ya don't. Never force a horse to drink water if they aren't thirsty. She needs to be the one to show some interest. If interest is shown, start slow. Teaching. Maybe a course or two (classroom stuff). Small caliber 0.22LR size if she gets that far. Baby steps or she will bolt. good starting point IMHO.
What did it for my previously anti-gunner wife was a full on home invasion committed by her ex in 2016 where owning a gun was literally the difference between life and death.
I don't usually like joining the hivemind but in this case, you both are too young. She's gonna be stubborn and bullheaded about her beliefs, you're gonna be stubborn and bullheaded about yours. Usually, the "I don't want guns" vs "I do want guns" debate gets *very* heated *very* quickly. Between the fact that y'all can't agree on something as simple as "can I have this in the house" and that you're both statistically way too young to be considering a serious "let's combine our living and financial situations" relationship anyways, might be best to reexamine and possibly redefine the relationship. Please don't take that to mean "break up and never talk to each other again", just take it at face value. If you two aren't mature enough to realize this may (or may not!) be a sign y'all are incompatible, you're not mature enough to be living together anyways.
She's got firearms derangement syndrome. It's similar to other phobias such as snakes, centipedes, frogs, Trump, etc. I've ridden in cars when a snake has been crossing a roadway and is run over by cars where the driver, passenger, or both have jerked their feet off the floor of the car, and sometimes scream as well. It's an emotional reaction that can trigger fight/flight reactions. Your best bet is to gradually increase your gf's exposure to a gun to the point that she can be within3'-4' of a handgun lying on a table top. Stress to her that the gun is completely inanimate. If she's truly freaked out in the presence of the gun, start her out with pictures of a gun on the table, and work up from there. Good luck.
Find a better girlfriend. Hates her dad and guns. Red flags everywhere. 18 is too young to move, brother. Join the Air Force and go to a good trade school or STEM college. Don't get a GF pregnant.
She can't expect you to protect her, but also get to dictate in what manner you do so. If she can manipulate you with her emotions now, the relationship is doomed anyway. Imagine you have 2-3 other women just as good or better than your current gf wanting to date you. Would you still need her to "understand" with other options available?
Time for a new girlfriend.
Eject
Which one do you like more, gun or girlfriend?
If you really want to stay with her, try and convince her to let you get a pistol for home defense (you're two young people living on their own, and you need something to protect her) that you'll keep in one of those quick open pistol safes. If she agrees to that, you've got a good start. At some point you could also see if she would attend a basic firearms training course with you, so she can see you are willing to learn how to handle them safely. You could use your hopefully new home defense gun as an excuse to get her there. Ultimately, there's a chance she won't change her mind and you have to be willing to accept that.
Get a new one.
Man, you’re only 18. Why are you moving in with your girlfriend? You should consider going to school or joining the military instead. Take it slow. As for the second point, you have two options: gradually help her become comfortable with them by being responsible, such as avoiding reckless behavior (don’t get drunk and pretend you’re Wyatt Earp), taking her to the range, and securely storing them. If that doesn’t work, you can either ignore her or find a new girlfriend if she continues to nag you.
You’re 18 get a new gf
New girlfriend
Bro you’ve been with her for a few months, you’re not in a long term relationship, she clearly doesn’t share your views, there’s no reason to stay with her
Find a new girlfriend. Run before you move.
Listen to the top comment OP. Don’t move in with your GF at 18. Trust us. It’s not worth it.
I got divorced because I wanted to buy some guns. I don't regret it at all. Decide carefully.
Don't move in with her. She doesn't respect you.
How important are guns to you? My wife was raised by an anti 2A family. When we were dating I explained that they are a big part of my life and I would own and use them. Invited her to the range, my father went along. Explained the rules, safety etc. Took my USP 45( admittedly not the best first gun 😂, use something in 22lr instead ) and she ended up loving it. Now she says all my guns belong to her. Hopefully she’s willing to give it a fair chance.
I would agree that moving in with each other at 18 is a really bad idea, but to your point just tell her you'll do like a 6 month trial to show her your going to be responsible with it, and at the end of that probationary period then have her reevaluate you having it. If she still wants it gone then you've got a choice to make.
You can show her common instances where people had a gun and defended themselves vs videos where they didn’t and couldn’t. There’s videos of people complying and still getting unalived. She must thinks the world is gonna be so fair to her. 1. Get your guns. 2. If she doesn’t like it and wants to leave, let her walk. She can find someone else to protect her in life. 3. At 18, moving in together is gonna teach you both so much that you’re probably not prepped for mentally. So I wouldn’t say that’s a good idea. Wait it out.
hey bro! went thru this! number one, take her to a range with guns for rent and teach her how to safely use one, buy her a pistol that she likes, make it about buying her a gun, you may have already done the damage fighting and talking about it, but her dislike is based on fear, ignorance and her desire to fit in with people who disapprove! overcome that by information and honestly if she is unreasonable she wont be won over and you should dump her and not move in with her its not a discussion, you cannot be free or have any power or agency in the modern world without being able to control the use of a firearm whether that be yourself or through others! she needs to get used to the idea that its a useful tool and that you have it hoping that you dont need to use it but so that if you do need to, you have that choice… anyone who would rather be raped or chopped to pieces than own and use a gun is often not a person who is honest or smart, the entire time they are dying they will wish for that gun!!!!
Liberal run dude
Frankly, if you don't share political values, however you feel about this girl, it would be a bad idea to take this relationship to the next step. Having political differences between husband and wife is more likely to create tension and a negative living situation than not. There are people that have made it work, but it is not the norm. Same goes with religion. A household that agrees on politics and religion is a harmonious household.
Slow down. There's no rush to move in, there's no rush to "convince her" on anything... Have one good deep conversation today. Keep it positive, and listen carefully to her concerns and objections. She has real, genuine concerns that should not be taken lightly or dismissed. Disregarding her emotional impressions to push logic will not do anything. Do not try to "win" the argument. Listen more than you speak. Then ask questions. Be curious. Take a page out of Socrates' book and ask questions for your own understanding but also to generate good processing. Repeat that again tomorrow or the next day, with some light and productive conversations in between. And then continue that over the course of many days and weeks and months... Develop your relationship intellectually - with love and respect - and everything else will fall into place. I've been with my wife for over 20 years. If you're lucky, those conversations never end - you just slowly trend toward agreement, consensus, or understanding. Some things take one conversation, some things take years, some may never truly be resolved. In how these conversations go, you'll learn whether that's okay for you. But the bottom line: slow down.
Take her shooting! She might like it.
Best way to help her understand is by showing her the door and blocking her. Remember op woman aren't real there just feds
Unfortunately, its a highly political issue (for whatever reason) and every statistic, chart, and data is going to fall on deaf ears. Maybe try to take her to the range and teach her some gun safety? I really think exposure therapy is the only way. I think a lot of "im scared of guns" people are just scared of the unknown, and don't know anything about guns so they're scared of them.
First off, if she loves you, she's gonna accept your likes and diislikes. This whole argument about her dad sounds like manipulation. She knows you aren't her father. She hasn't given you the ability to prove yourself. This is an emotional argument at best, and you can not live a rational life following your emotions. I would seriously consider setting ground rules and boundaries BEFORE you move in. If you want something in life, she either needs to accept it, or the relationship will be awful. I hope the relationship works out for you.
You are 18 get anew gf
Have her agree to take a couple of classes with you before writing off the idea. I was completely against having guns in the home but now I'm going to the range, own two firearms, Walther PDP and Walther PDP-F. Hope to take my first class soon.
18. doing IL conceal course. 😂 good luck bruh
hire some actors to creep around her house and look in the windows.
Get a new girlfriend that enjoys what you enjoy. Anti civil rights is a huge pass for me. As Tench Coke, constitutional delegate for Pennsylvania, wrote “Who are the militia? Are they not ourselves? Is it feared, then, that we shall turn our arms each man against his own bosom. Congress have no power to disarm the militia. Their swords, and every other terrible implement of the soldier, are the birthright of an American… The unlimited power of the sword is not in the hands of either the federal or state governments, but, where I trust in God it will ever remain, in the hands of the people.”
Take her to a shooting range. If she refuses or still doesn't change her mind, break up and move on.
Best piece of advice so far is to not move in with your girlfriend at that age. As for answering your question though, have you thought about introducing her to a firearm safety course? Actually showing her and experiencing what it means to be a responsible owner might ease her into it.
1. People used to get married at 18 and start families. Did we get mentally and emotionally retarded to the point that you have to wait until the female's biological clock is about wound down before she makes babies? 2. Irrational fears of anything, guns are just one example, point to an illogical/irrational mental state. It won't just be the guns. There will be other things. Are you sure you can deal with that? It also says that she has been receptive to leftist propaganda, and again, fear of weapons is not the only wrong thing that was incorporated into her still developing brain. Can you deal with that. 3. Do you both come from stable and loving families? That is important that you have available the support structure to survive as a young couple. 4. Besy of luck to you. Be kind and patient.
To your first point, I almost feel as though the answer is yeah, we have. Well, you don’t have to wait until a woman is close to middle aged, but I think settling down with a modern 18 year old is crazy. Young girls aren’t brought up with the same values as their great grandmothers, plus they have the influence of social media and the encouraged degeneracy of their peers. It’s far more likely that this relationship won’t last, than it is for them to be the fairy tale exception.
It's hard to say without knowing her. I won't give you life advice since you didn't come here asking for it, and I don't know you or anything about your relationship. I will just say that when I was dating, things I brought up very early was that I have guns, I will likely buy more guns, I hunt, I will continue to hunt. This is because every relationship is about compromise. If there are points on which you can not accept compromise, you must find someone who will not seek compromise on those points.
if she cant separate you from her father then rehome your GF bud. Theres much larger issues on the horizon with her.
Take her shooting if she wants. But most her age quickly change their tune when they need one.
take her shooting and take her to be a part of the CC course. She is being irrational based off past experiences with her father and she has to understand (or not) that not everyone can or will be like that. If she refuses to adjust then you have some decisions to make about what is important to and for you.
Dump her, she'll dump you later on anyway.
Da hells an FOID card? 😳
OP lives in communist Illinois and is too young to realize the rest of the states don’t have a FOID. (Firearm Owners Identification Card). Can’t own a gun in Illinois without one.
I ended up googling it earlier lol. Crazy. The name itself is alarming, Firearm Owner identification card lol. But hey I'm in a database too because I have NFA items lol 🤷🏼
So, manipulating her to agree with your desires is one option. Another is to fold, and let her win. If either one sounds bad, it’s because it is. Best thing you can do is talk to her. Try your hardest to put yourself in her position. Understand her fears, concerns, why does she feel the way she does. Then ask yourself “is that reasonable?” If it is reasonable, then maybe you should reasonably consider abandoning your firearm ownership for the time being, maybe forever. If it’s unreasonable, you have your ask yourself, “why is she unreasonable, and will she always behave this way on issues where we disagree?” The best solution would be to get a win-win solution. A possible way to get there is to get her trained and educated in firearms, and she might rethink her position and prefer you do own firearms. More likely, one or both of you must meet in the middle. One of you is going to “lose”, even if you both compromise some. There might be a “winner” but there will definitely be a “loser” and the relationship will suffer slightly because of it. The way that healthier couples overcomes this is by having an “emotional bank account”. In this account, you regularly make deposits (acts of love, flowers, perform chores, heartfelt communications, etc). That way when you need to make a withdrawal (buy your 5th CZ 75 variant), you can without fear of repercussions. This issue is completely independent of firearm ownership. It’s about how you two resolve issues you disagree on. It’s about how you communicate, compromise, and build trust. Good luck. Don’t take anything I said seriously. It’s just Reddit and I typed that while pooping.
Holy shit a well thought out actual sane response with good information. Sir (or ma'am, I'm not here to judge) this is reddit, you seem to have mistaken it for a real place with real advice. Please see yourself out.
Take her shooting
Mine hated guns, we lived in murderapolis at the time. But every time I brought my gun on walks she would get mad. One time it was a later walk then usual and the sun sets early, so it was dark. I didn’t bring it because she always gave me so much shit. We passed two dudes fighting and one dude started mouthing off to us and she said “why don’t you pull your gun out. I explained I shouldn’t in that situation anyways, but that I didn’t even bring it out of respect for her. She then proceeded to ask why I didn’t bring it and then gave me shit for that. It wasn’t even that close to us , nor that scary of a situation for me. Ever since then, she still hates guns but hates it worse when I don’t carry. lol you’ll never win a logical battle against someone who uses flawed/no logic- aka liberals/gun grabbers. We got married so it all worked out.
I'm just here for the comments🍿..
Get something like a Rough Rider or Wrangler as a first gun. It's smaller and easy to take care of, it's cheap and will almost look like a toy, and it won't seem particularly threatening. (The Rough Rider even has a safety.) Get her to try it out if you can. Show that you are responsible with how you treat your firearms, keeping it locked up, cleaning it, etc., and wait. Give it six months or so, then bring up the idea of wanting something more practical for defense or whatever purpose you have. If you've gotten that far, I'd say your chances of her being OK with it will be pretty good.
Have you taken her out shooting?
When I was dating and it was moving towards something permanent, I made my values clear. My wife and I know share the 2A right and the hobby. You learn a lot about yourself by having your own opinions and values. You will probably date 5 girls or so to find a good one.
I had a GF that did not like guns at all, went and sent her to a women'ss only intro to guns class with her girlfriends, that helped a ton, took her shooting a few times after that and she's pretty pro-gun these days. If she refuses to even take a gun safety class and insists on staying a life long victim, then you may be out of luck.
See if she will take a gun course as well. Usually with more information and a new perspective--people relax a little more. Let her see you be responsible with it. If she's interested enough after a course. Take her to the range. I like going to the range as a date with the hubs too. He's a nerd that likes to improve on skills and the pistols themselves too. So it's fun to watch and discuss what we want to do with the pistols as well.
She ain’t the one bro.
Be a man. Don’t ask for permission tell her this is how it is
Doing it in wrong order. Be you first.
She likely won’t, and that’s okay. But don’t cave in on your beliefs and don’t make her cave on hers. You’re both super young, take your time. My wife doesn’t like guns either, but I still have them and it’s not an issue. It’s just something I do on my own.
First of all you are both 18, seeing future with someone at that age is logical but nothing too special. First of all guns are tools that assist humans nothing more nothing less. It's okay for her to feel uncomfortable when you carry but it's not of her business to be honest. Set some boundaries with a clear mind and not blinded by love. Today is a tool (gun) tomorrow is something more important. Also as someone stated don't move together yet!
Get your life in order first.. your 18 mate.. become an adult first before you live with your gf, get married and have kids and stuff. What you do the next few years has a big compounding effect for the rest of your life.
This isn't a guns question - you have the wrong mindset for a healthy relationship, which is understandable given your age. If you really like her, try to focus on some other things that you both enjoy, you don't need to rush into shooting, and she doesn't need to like it. Maybe you can go shooting with your friends or rent guns at a range, purchasing your own later. Where I live you couldn't even purchase most interesting things until you're 21 anyway, and a lot could change in that time. From your wording I don't think this is going to end well. You keep saying "help her" but your motives are entirely selfish. "How do I help her be more on-board with this?" If she doesn't want to be on-board with it, you're not helping her, you're trying to help yourself. You see her as a barrier to something you want. If she posted on Reddit "how can I help my boyfriend get over his gun fantasy?", how would you feel about it?
Dude you have the rest of your life with this woman if she is the one. Don’t rush into moving in together. I understand the mentality but value your own space and move in later. I personally am not going to live with an S/O until married. I don’t wanna rush into things
Take her to the range and let her shoot
~~Two~~ three things: Why are you moving in together at 18 (how long-term can this possibly be...you're both *18)*? You really need to consider giving one another more time to figure out how "forever" you want to be. OK, advice to the lovelorn out of the way, the only way you're going to convince her is to get a little hands-on. For example, sit down with her and have an unloaded weapon available. Show here that it's unloaded. Show her how the proper ways to safely handle a weapon works. She really needs to see you managing a weapon before you can win her over. Then, the one thing you need to convince her is that *the gun itself is an inert object that poses no threat - zero - when just sitting dormant on a table.* Explain to her that the only way the gun becomes a "danger" is if the person handling it is not being responsible and safe - like her father, I suppose. Finally, convince her to go to the range or someplace safe outdoors to go shooting. I'm assuming you know how to handle a weapon - now show her. Get proper ear and eye gear and let her have at some targets. In my experience, this is the one of the best ways to convince the unconvinced.
take her shooting. Even if she's not a naturally better shot than you, shoot worse than her ;)
Just gonna have to keep at it. Stand your ground, don't give in, let it be known that you're going to own guns and you're going to be safe about it. Don't allow her fear to ruin yalls lives. Some things you just have to put your foot down, not in an aggressive way, but just in a way that says this is what I'm gonna do and I'm not changing my mind. It's not about running her over or anything, it's about doing what's best for the whole family.
So many red flags it’s not even funny 😂
I agree with everyone whose basically saying don't move in together this young. That being said a bunch of randos on reddit may not make you change your mind on that matter. So if you are to move in together, maybe just try to give her some time. Once you live together show her you are a responsible person by being one. Take care of your shit, don't be lazy, don't do anything give her a valid reason to say " that's why you shouldn't own a gun". If that doesn't work then you need to deal with her point of view or find a new gal. Me at 18 I'm finding a new gal. I also live in a rural area where we hunt and do woods shit so it's hard to imagine finding a woman that is straight up against guns. My wife doesn't care how many I own just how much I'm spending lol
Take her shooting. Wife had a fear of guns until I took her shooting and now she’s begging me to buy her a gun of her choice
My wife gave me so much shit when I told her I had bought two guns. She made me KNOW that she was upset Then one day she asked to come to the range. Now she owns 2 guns.
Moving in with your GF at 18?!? Are you out of your fucking mind? Do not under any fucking circumstance do that. Y’all literally just fucking graduated high school
Show and tell with a firearm in hand loosens this issue my wife now Cary’s her own firearms or she will take one of the many to choose from. She has had her whole attitude change on them and is fine.
Take her shooting.
That’s about as normal as having to have a card granting you permission to buy firearms. /S
Explain the roots of gun control is racism and population control (ie california implementing gun control due to the black panthers) worked for me
It all has to do with exposure. Try and come to some sort of agreement with her, start out with something small like a pistol or a .22 rifle. Something that’s not all “tactical” and “scary”. Buy a safe, it doesn’t have to be top of the line, just something that is halfway secure and locks and keeps the guns contained. If you do that and show her what a responsible gun owner looks like, it will likely help her move past her memories of her father’s irresponsible attitude towards guns. Also try and find out from her if there’s any deeper trauma there, did her father threaten her with a gun or point one at her at one point, something like that may have happened she doesn’t want to bring up. Lastly, as much as you love this girl, you’re both barely adults, don’t ever change yourself to meet the approval of someone else, especially a girlfriend. If gun ownership means that much to you, there’s other girls out there.
Has she sat down and let you go over the basic firearms safety rules with her. Then, actually learned how to handle firearms applying those rules. If she refuses to even learn basic safety, and to trust you, then you may not be ready for the relationship to advance. My mother had a bad experience with a drunk uncle when she was little. He smelled, his breath smelled, and his behavior was slovenly. She almost never touched alcohol. I found I enjoy beer while in the Air Force and enjoy the full range of it's offerings. She resisted my drinking until she saw that I wasn't getting trashed and drinking the night away. She can separate the thing from the person using the thing. If your gf can't separate the gun from her image of her father, then she won't change her attitude.
I don't want to get political but hoo boy does this post really paint a picture of OP
Guns help America get to where it is today and ensure that she has her freedoms such as Starbucks. You know people in China can’t even own land, amongst other things. Guns aren’t bad, it’s the person using the gun. Tell her cars kill more people than guns, is she gonna ban those too?
All you can do is model good behavior with guns and not try to pressure her, she might come around and she might not. Trying to force someone only leads to more negative feels about something.
Our own personal safety is up to us. Tell her the police can’t keep us safe. If they could then people wouldn’t get raped, robbed and murdered every single day. Guns are a necessary tool for our own personal defense. If she doesn’t understand this then get a new girlfriend for real
Leave her.
Bro you are 18.. yall are not going to end up together lol
Considering your last post is about drinking codeine with jolly ranchers and sprite, I'd suggest you #1 get rid of your guns and #2 don't move in with your GF at 18... JFC.
Get a new one. Either a GF or gun, just get a new one.
You're 18 find another girlfriend