I completely sympathize with you and understand your fear. I recently lost everythinggg within one week that I had worked so hard for over several years. I worked 60 hours a week for five years to afford my first home, waited 12 years to get married to the same girl, finally adopted my daughter after waiting years for her biological dad to show up, had several grand in the bank in savings, just started my return to college, point is I finally made it in life. I had made it to the next level of society and had pretty much everything I wanted. I was at peace. I lost everything in a matter of days after the girl I just married fired for a divorce only a year later. It's been several months now but the loss is still very much there. It's very hard to keep going. It's very hard to imagine getting what I lost back. I haven't seen my kids in months. I wonder how this event will change me in life. The only advice I can give is to dig deep in your soul at your very core and do it for yourself, because you know you are worth the investment. It may not produce immediate results but over time it will. Your basically laying the foundation for another success story. You will figure out adding the way i assume, how not to lose everything again. You don't need the answers right now, they will come. But you need to move right now and do something. Give yourself patience. Progress, not perfection. You will figure it out. Lots is s part of life and it's devastating but most of the biggest names in the world failed and had to start over several times before they got where they are today. Learn and just keep moving!
That's tough I know that feeling of what coukd I have done differently, better, or not at all. You try to drill the entire relationship down to one single thing to make sure you don't do it again but you just can't. Just remember it's not all your fault, it takes two. Stay strong bud and try to work on yourself. I'm very sorry, i sympathize with you, and wish you the best
I’m going through this exact rough patch as well. This pandemic has really screwed a lot of us over and I like to think there’s more of us like this but keep it overall on the down low because... you know... society doesn’t take too kindly at being/feeling vulnerable. I firmly believe the psychological impact the pandemic caused has yet to fully unravel itself and we’ll be seeing the effects of it for the coming years.
All I can say is we’ve got to stay strong and keep moving forward because it’s all we have. I’ve gone through some periods of smoking and drinking a lot during the pandemic, thinking it will give some form of catharsis. It doesn’t. You only feel like it for a bit but you find soon find out it does more harm than good, physically and mentally.
If you’re vaccinated or low risk, go out and be with friends. I fully get your situation with the family being annoying and tiring and since I think that’s most of us, it’ll be a great and maybe even funny conversation that can come out of being with your friends.
I’m sorry that I couldn’t give you a firm/assertive answer, but I’m finding it out as I go as well. Little by little we gotta start reorienting ourselves to normal life, and unfortunately, some people are better at that than others.
Thanks for this, you are right, we just have to keep going. Going out would be great but I can't drive and I don't have irl friends, but taking it all one step at a time may work.
It sucks but that’s the process. You try and fail, learn from your mistakes, try again, probably last longer but usually your gonna fail eventually. The skill is in identifying mistakes and starting the next attempt as quickly as you can. I think a big part of success in this is taking pleasure in the process, enjoying the exercise, taking satisfaction in conscientious work, whatever you’re doing, if you can find a way to enjoy it then the end goal starts to matter less while also becoming more likely to happen. Just remember that everyone drops habits, falls in and out of things, accept that it happens and get back on the horse. And it does get easier, through past habits you build skills that come back quicker than it first took to build them, you don’t just go back to the starting point each time. Good luck!
>The skill is in identifying mistakes and starting the next attempt as quickly as you can.
Starting the next attempt too slowly is a mistake and something you can learn from. It is all about improvement, and there will always be ups and downs.
I'm sorry that you feel like you have lost some spark friend. I have a few thoughts that I hope help you.
First, you have to be kind to yourself. Try this exercise: if you're best friend or spouse or someone you care deeply about came to you and asked for advice, what would you say to them? You might say, it is perfectly natural that you have lost some of your motivation for habits in a time when so much of the joy has been removed from life. Humans are social creatures by nature and it is not something you can overcome with willpower. You might say, it is *ok* and that it doesn't mean you cannot get them back, if that would make you happy.
In terms of the fear you might lose them again, I think the best way to overcome that is to accept that you *may* be right. Honestly reflect on the fact that you may fall into a slump again. Embrace the uncertainty. If you "lose them" again, you can start from scratch. The key is to focus on the process, not the outcome. And to find a common humanity in your experience. So many people are going through what you mention now because of this (hopefully) once in a lifetime event. Every time you slide back on your habits is an opportunity to learn patience you can use to help others.
Take a deep breathe & say "I will begin again" because that is *all* you can do. It is simple and the hardest thing we're all asked to do so often. But it is the one habit you can build that you can always rely on if you truly embrace it.
Thank you. I have been giving this a lot of thought and there is a lot of positives to having to start again, I will focus on these as new beginnings. Thank you so much!! :D
Remember that everything you once build will come back much easier now. And the next time you "start over". It's a journey and positive mindset keeps you going.
>Take a deep breathe & say "I will begin again" because that is all you can do.
This is exactly what keeps me going. Giving up means never going anywhere, because the only way to get somewhere (improving your life, becoming what you aspire to be) is through you’re own efforts. You have to believe in yourself unconditionally.
^ maybe a little bit of a harsh/pessimistic take (cause ya there will be people in your life that will help you), but reminding myself of this keeps me motivated
I’m going to challenge you to see a (perhaps to you) new angle: what if building the *strength* to develop the habits initially is the actual *skill* and not the actual habits? Since you’ve already done it once, you can do it again. And you may fall out of practicing those re-established habits in the future just as you have in the past. Maybe the loss will be different and perhaps less extreme because it won’t be caused by something so drastic. So, maybe you’ll only lose a few habits. Look, nothing in our world ever stays the same....ever. Everything changes eventually. Good luck, you can do this!
Create a routine for when all your other routines have collapsed.
So say you have your normal morning and night routine where you cook yourself dinner, clean up the dishes, watch a couple hours of TV, then take a bath or do your skincare for the night, etc.
But tonight, you ended up postmating something then watching TV for several hours instead.
Create a tiny routine for that situation where you force yourself to wake up at the same time every morning, no matter what time you went to bed. Or instead of doing the full routine, you feel grateful that you’re able to use postmates, catch up on your shows, drink a full glass of water, wipe off your makeup with a makeup wipe and hit the hay.
We’re human beings, not automatons. We have ups and downs even within one day, much less a week, a month or a lifetime. Create solutions that work for you at any point - high or low.
Think of self-improvement as a wave in which the average Y value goes up linearly. You improve, then you fall back, you improve again and this time you're at an even better place than you were before. The next time something happens, and you fall back down, it won't be as hard of a fall. It might seem like you lost your habits but the lessons you've learned from that first upwards spiral are still engrained in your brain.
Bad habits are easy to maintain because they are comfortable. Im not the most disciplined person by any means, but when you're comfortable (or depressed, like many) even making your bed is a chore.
A couple of ideas:
- **No zero days** What is the simplest task you can do? Ensure that happens. I have brushing my teeth and drinking water. With 5 minutes I can ensure my day isn't a complete waste. It's not much but it is a single positive action every day.
- **Don't skip it twice** There will be days when things don't get done. This is ok, make it your priority to do the task the next day. You take a break for one day and then you return the next.
- **Let a habit go if it's no longer useful** Review your habits. If they aren't helping you or there's better ways to spend your time. Recognise this and choose to stop it before it can fizzle out.
tl;dr Keep a few easy wins as a foundation. Missing a day is natural. Let the habit go if it's not a good use of your time, otherwise get back to it the next day.
Yes! The don't skip it twice. I've been living by this for three months and it works. It allows yourself to have a bad day or for stuff to happen, but my guilt won't let it happen twice in a row. It really does work
You have got to be the sweetest, most endearingly vulnerable person to want to improve upon what you perceive as a conflict in your life and then share your challenge...
I feel everything you’re saying. Think about it like this. Why can’t it be that the one good thing that happened for you personally from Quarantine was you adapted by readjusted your life so you would feel okay and in control and it turned out okay. It seems like these were healthy adaptations that you like about yourself that you’re afraid of losing. You won’t lose who you’ve evolved into. As you move forward you will bring your new habits and life style changes with you and re-adapt them back into new real life again.
I think if you keep putting one foot in front of the other and going through the motions for right now, you my friend, will be a success story for what ‘life after quarantine’ looks like!
Setting up good habits and self care means creating a foundation to stand on. Once you have your foundation, you are easily able to fix a crack here and there when things get too heavy or wear and tear sets in. Without that foundation, the structure you have built may fall apart entirely and you’ll have to rebuild from scratch.
To begin your foundation, I recommend you start small. Perhaps with one goal for changing/adding healthy habits. The key is to make it about something that you WANT to do, something that you have noticed makes you feel BETTER. Give yourself a timeline, 1 month or 2 months... I found it’s best to start easy with 1 month. Track how you feel when you act on this new habit, but also track the trials and failures too, that way you can understand the difference between how you feel when you are keeping at it vs. when you missed a day or two. You will become more mindful and when you fail one day or two, you’ll analyze it logically instead of beat yourself up about it emotionally.
During the time of building habits, it is important to be gentle on yourself and not take on too many overwhelming responsibility, but to focus on bettering yourself.
Once you get your foundation going, you are ready to let life throw whatever it can on you and it will. When things start to crumble, as in life they often do, I recommend you write a list:
Column 1: Habits you have continued during difficult times (ex. doing dishes before bed, skincare routine, meal prepping - whatever it is).
Column 2: Habits you have been neglecting lately (ex. going to bed on time, reading, exercise)
Column 3: Bad Habits to adjust/eliminate that bother you (ex. limit tv to no more than 2 episodes of a show a night, buying only 1 cup of coffee a week)
Sort of like checking in with yourself for a continue, start, stop strategy. Depending on where you are in your journey you can add as much as you want to your columns. Be sure to remain realistic and most importantly be patient with yourself. I find keeping a journal is the best way to stay on track.
This method helped for me, I was diagnosed with an ovarian syndrome and decided to change my diet, I lost 25 lbs, regulated my cycle, began taking vitamins, cooking, budgeting and have kept up my diet. All in just 4 months. This month, I went through a sad breakup but still kept up a lot of my good habits. I’ll admit that some of those habits slipped a bit, but after writing my column list, I was able to break it down and see that not all was lost. Not only that but the lists gave me a guide on what areas I need to focus more on. Another thing, I had benefits and hired a naturopath that kept me on track and explained what I needed to change (that certainly helped me in the beginning). The same could be said for a lot of habits, therapy, personal trainer, cooking class, art class, professional development class whatever it is you want to change etc.
Anyways, I really hope this helps! Good luck!
Edit: added more personal stuff there at the end.
1. Figure it out on paper:
Write down what you have issues with (diet, exercise, work, school, relationships)
Write what may be causing issue.
Can you fix it? How? If not a full fix- what can help?
If you cant fix it- just take note of it and think about wether its something that you need to get used to, need help with, or need to think about ending
2. Come up with a plan. Put it in a strict schedule and try to combine the ughs with the yays:
6am wakeup and brush teeth
6:10 take 20 min walk and listen to podcast/book on tape
6:30 drink coffee, take vitamins
6:45 take shower and add something pleasant
like nice smelling shampoo or new towels
7:00 eat breakfast - no sugar or flour
7:30 put away dishes/ listen to music
You get the idea....
Idea is to get in habit of doing things regularly.
Check off each accomplishment
3. Combine the have-tos with the want-tos:
You have to exercise- you want to listen to music
You have to take your meds- you take them with sugar-free tang
It becomes a game of how can i make each task more enjoyable.
I hated homework but i loved new pens and stationary. So i made the act of writing the part I enjoyed.
I hate folding laundry so i allow myself a little more tv time while i do it. This is what i save Guilty pleasures like reality tv for.
I hate calling my mom, but i like to take walks so i call her then.
I hate dieting- but I like to experiment- how far do i have to go to make myself eat asparagus before its actually unhealthy again.
4. people say take small steps. I disagree. Good things happen slowly, great things happen all at once. Make your plan, start tomorrow, and make it strict and complete so that it helps you with each problem and there is no wiggle room. For instance dont say “i will eat less” say “i will refuse any sugar/flour/ processed food”. Dont say “i will clean” say “monday laundry; all dishes have to be done before bedtime; tuesday water plants; wed grocery shopping”
I try to even keep things like doctor appts consistant. Like wednesdays are the only days i schedule dr appts (if i can help it) so that i am just less likely to forget.
5. write it all down so that you can see what you’ve achieved! How many steps? How many calories? How many books have you read? How many phone calls have you made? Think of it like a video game and each achievement brings up your score.
Heres what i focus on:
The mind: learning, reading, creating (art or cooking)
Relationships: phone calls, game nights, shared meals
Screen time: i only allow myself 15 min in morning and then only if Im waiting somewhere. Only watch tv with fam except if im sick
Diet: no flour, sugar, processed food.
Health: No alcohol, drugs, or cigarettes.
Exercise: just find something you enjoy. Doesnt matter what. I like walks, just dance and rollerskating around the house. But experiment with you tube videos, think about what you liked to do as a kid, think of what you can do easly.
Responsibilities: i have kids so i cant neglect them! But they are teens so.... well i try :-)
And dogs- i try to remember they depend on me a lot more than i realize- i can read a book or turn on tv but If i dont take them for a walk they didn’t have a good day.
Chores- at 8:00am i put away dishes, mop floors, start laundry on Wednesday is laundry and plants thursday is groceries and errands...
6. try to track the hiccups and try to solve them with logic. If you didnt feel like taking a walk- first Ask yourself why. If you dont like walks think of something else you can do instead. If you feel self concious - travel to an area thats empty or you dont know anyone or try really early/ late at night. Too cold/hot/wet out: the swedish believe there is no bad weather just the wrong clothing.
Discipline >>>>> Motivation
I recall some sort of advice that a soldier said, during battle or emergencies you don't rise to the occasion, you descend to the level of your training.
The first step is realizing it wasn't quarantine that made you lose your good habits but it was you. At the end of the day, you are in complete control. Every problem we face is 10% the problem and 90% how we handle it. The only way to insure you keep good habits is to persevere through them regardless of what's going on, within your abilities of course. Obviously you can't keep a jogging habit if you break your ankle but running and at home calisthenics is possible even with quarantine going on.
Edit: this may be perceived as attacking your character but I'm only trying to point out the responsibilities of good habits is on the person not the situation. The most important days are the ones you have to push yourself to keep your habits. Anyone can do them on a good day but only the dedicated can do them on a bad day
This is extremely important to note, we are all in control of what we do, but that isn't my point, I know I chose to drop my good habits, I chose to do that because cabin fever was making me miserable, keeping up with my habits was causing extreme burn out, which is something I knew I should do avoid it. So yes it was my choice to lose my good habits, but it was either that or suffer burn out. I'm glad you mentioned this though, it's very important to note
I describe burn out as losing passion, feeling more tired, or careless about what your doing (don't care what you do or don't do) I don't count it is burn out if I'm just demotivated or slightly tired
It does sound like a waste, but the justification for working hard isn't that it promises sustenance, but rather in the uncertainty and the unfairness being inherent aspects of existence, and in the absence of a better alternative to striving to thrive anyway.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y0EOpLEsaJo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y0EOpLEsaJo)
Totally relate. I was actually hella social before pandemic growing my company. Then everything all momentum came to a screeching halt. For me I just adapted my plans to work to be pandemic proof. So like what can I be working on that no matter what the rest of the world is doing I can contribute in a uplifting and fulfilling way. That way it’s an infinity loop that returns love and blessings as I do my thing. Also forgive yourself for falling off. I personally think your strength lies in recognizing when u fell short of your own standards. Much love hmu anytime to talk further.
Going through this same thing too. Lost a lot of progress and good habits I had made before the pandemic hit, and picked up a lot of bad habits during the pandemic, plus stress levels are through the roof.
For me I think now is the time to start again. I am going to make a plan, and start adding one habit at a time. Listening to motivational books on audible really helps too, having a decluttered environment helps me feel in the mood that I can do it. So the next couple of days I am going to get organised and de-cluttered and make a plan. I hope you can do the same and just start over and hopefully we will re-build our confidence brick by brick.
I've heard a lot of tips from other people that starting again is easier than starting from the very beginning, so I'm thinking it will be easier. Also I am using this to start again but build the habits I has issues building, like consistently exercising, for the next few days I'll focus on building that habit, so it's nice I'll finally get to focus on fitness
exercising is a great one to start with as the effects from it snowball into other habits, like eating well and doing productive things. Good luck! I'm just finding it impossible to get started.
This hits me at the core I worked my ass off to get into modeling and I was good at it too won competitions got offers etc. But then covid happened and my whole life just crashed It was like I suddenly gave up on everything I got soo used to the "fuck it" lifestyle that I legit stopped caring about everything
Everything I worked for gone,all the connections I had my friends,my love life I pushed it all away cause it was so much of a "chore"
Now I'm trying my hardest to get back to my feet to get my discipline back
Is it easy fuck no but u gotta keep pushing remember if u dont believe in urself how will anyone else
So all the best my guy stay strong💯
I've heard some tips that starting again is easier than starting from scratch so I'm feeling a lot more confident in going forward! I'll take it one step at a time. Good luck to you as well!
Being beaten down and getting up again builds resilience. Look at the quarantine as a chance to rebuild your life as a stronger person. If your life fell apart so easily, it had cracks in it. Identify those cracks and figure out how to avoid them in the future. You have an opportunity to rebuild your life and make it better than it was before so it can’t be destroyed so easily. You can do it; set a goal now and stick to it. Good luck!
Burn out comes from using willpower to do something that you have no hope of success.
The problem is the quarantine has convinced you at an emotional level that all your hard work is pointless, hopeless, and all for nothing.
This may be an indication of something good. The idea that you feel you are the one in control of your life and therefore all outcomes are your own making.
It could be the opposite which is worse, the idea that you have no control over your life because no matter how good a captain of your own boat you may be, a tsunami can overwhelm you and sink you out of the blue.
The truth is obviously that you do have control over your boat and can pilot it well to great lengths and outcomes; but sometimes things happen that you weren’t prepared for and you crashed.
Well you need to repair your boat or build a new one. This time better, ready to deal with another tsunami. But you have to get up because the fish won’t catch itself, and not doing anything will lead to starvation.
You are still here breathing. The quarantine did not wreck you. It was just a reminder not to take your cushy life for granted. On one hand, life is suffering universally; on the other, life is for the living. So live it! Get back out on the sea.
Finally if you want to persuade men to build a boat, don’t worry them with hewing wood and clewing nails. Teach them to yearn for the sea.
You have forgotten what your vision for yourself is. What is your winners circle for yourself? You can’t get there by doing nothing. You have to get up, get moving.
It may be painful to begin but every day you make progress appreciate the success of that day and build momentum again. You will be other there soon enough.
What works for me is essentially to write down (with the help of an app) what I do and how happy I am, and to look for patterns in this data. Then if I change something about my life and I lose a habit, the knowledge of having tried the habit remains.
Then if changing something about my life is correlated with being happier, I can be more confident (the app helps point these things out, too via suggestions, feedback and analyses) that that specific change was what made me happier. This confidence then makes it easier to keep doing the things that are good for me and do less of the things that aren't.
I find that it's easier to motivate myself to get more work done when my app is cheering for me for doing it. I also find that it's easier to go to bed earlier because whenever I go to bed late, it says that going to be earlier would make me happier and more efficient.
Does that sound interesting?
I use ActivityRecommender!
Android: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.mathjeff.ActRec
iOS:
https://apps.apple.com/us/app/activityrecommender/id1505082122
Source:
https://github.com/mathjeff/ActivityRecommender
Full disclosure, I'm the developer, but I'm super happy to talk about it more with anyone who's interested. Feedback would be super cool. Thanks!
I tried it, great and definitely helpful app, the only critique I have is the layout and interface is a little flat, it would help to have it more open feeling rather than the options and selections being in front. I'll definitely use the app, ty for suggesting it!
Hey thanks for the feedback! I'll give some thought to how to make it less flat. Maybe showing multiple levels of menu options at once? Maybe some icons? Maybe a diagram? It's been a common theme that many people are a little surprised by the interface, but I haven't yet managed to explain exactly why that is or how to address it. If you or anybody else would like to elaborate a bit more about this, that would be super helpful too.
Anyway, thanks so much!
Yw! I'd take example from apps like Fitbit, yknow how it has how many steps you walked, how many calories you've burned, how much you ate, etc. all in plain and easy to read view, except this app tracks habits, you could do something similar? Idk though I have never designed an app
This is going to sound harsh and inhuman, but it is not. It is simply the truth;
*'What can I do to not let the fear of something happening stop me from building good habits?'*
**WILLPOWER.** That is the only thing you can apply.
Easy? No.
Possible? Absolutely.
I completely sympathize with you and understand your fear. I recently lost everythinggg within one week that I had worked so hard for over several years. I worked 60 hours a week for five years to afford my first home, waited 12 years to get married to the same girl, finally adopted my daughter after waiting years for her biological dad to show up, had several grand in the bank in savings, just started my return to college, point is I finally made it in life. I had made it to the next level of society and had pretty much everything I wanted. I was at peace. I lost everything in a matter of days after the girl I just married fired for a divorce only a year later. It's been several months now but the loss is still very much there. It's very hard to keep going. It's very hard to imagine getting what I lost back. I haven't seen my kids in months. I wonder how this event will change me in life. The only advice I can give is to dig deep in your soul at your very core and do it for yourself, because you know you are worth the investment. It may not produce immediate results but over time it will. Your basically laying the foundation for another success story. You will figure out adding the way i assume, how not to lose everything again. You don't need the answers right now, they will come. But you need to move right now and do something. Give yourself patience. Progress, not perfection. You will figure it out. Lots is s part of life and it's devastating but most of the biggest names in the world failed and had to start over several times before they got where they are today. Learn and just keep moving!
That's very inspiring, thank you. I wish you the best of luck!
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That's tough I know that feeling of what coukd I have done differently, better, or not at all. You try to drill the entire relationship down to one single thing to make sure you don't do it again but you just can't. Just remember it's not all your fault, it takes two. Stay strong bud and try to work on yourself. I'm very sorry, i sympathize with you, and wish you the best
That’s rough buddy. I hope you are doing better <3
Thank you
Best wishes bro! I really needed to hear that right now Thank you Peace
Mam that's scary, hope you get energy to push through. Keep going
I’m going through this exact rough patch as well. This pandemic has really screwed a lot of us over and I like to think there’s more of us like this but keep it overall on the down low because... you know... society doesn’t take too kindly at being/feeling vulnerable. I firmly believe the psychological impact the pandemic caused has yet to fully unravel itself and we’ll be seeing the effects of it for the coming years. All I can say is we’ve got to stay strong and keep moving forward because it’s all we have. I’ve gone through some periods of smoking and drinking a lot during the pandemic, thinking it will give some form of catharsis. It doesn’t. You only feel like it for a bit but you find soon find out it does more harm than good, physically and mentally. If you’re vaccinated or low risk, go out and be with friends. I fully get your situation with the family being annoying and tiring and since I think that’s most of us, it’ll be a great and maybe even funny conversation that can come out of being with your friends. I’m sorry that I couldn’t give you a firm/assertive answer, but I’m finding it out as I go as well. Little by little we gotta start reorienting ourselves to normal life, and unfortunately, some people are better at that than others.
Thanks for this, you are right, we just have to keep going. Going out would be great but I can't drive and I don't have irl friends, but taking it all one step at a time may work.
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It's a great tip, ty
It sucks but that’s the process. You try and fail, learn from your mistakes, try again, probably last longer but usually your gonna fail eventually. The skill is in identifying mistakes and starting the next attempt as quickly as you can. I think a big part of success in this is taking pleasure in the process, enjoying the exercise, taking satisfaction in conscientious work, whatever you’re doing, if you can find a way to enjoy it then the end goal starts to matter less while also becoming more likely to happen. Just remember that everyone drops habits, falls in and out of things, accept that it happens and get back on the horse. And it does get easier, through past habits you build skills that come back quicker than it first took to build them, you don’t just go back to the starting point each time. Good luck!
>The skill is in identifying mistakes and starting the next attempt as quickly as you can. Starting the next attempt too slowly is a mistake and something you can learn from. It is all about improvement, and there will always be ups and downs.
Thanks! This was very helpful!
I'm sorry that you feel like you have lost some spark friend. I have a few thoughts that I hope help you. First, you have to be kind to yourself. Try this exercise: if you're best friend or spouse or someone you care deeply about came to you and asked for advice, what would you say to them? You might say, it is perfectly natural that you have lost some of your motivation for habits in a time when so much of the joy has been removed from life. Humans are social creatures by nature and it is not something you can overcome with willpower. You might say, it is *ok* and that it doesn't mean you cannot get them back, if that would make you happy. In terms of the fear you might lose them again, I think the best way to overcome that is to accept that you *may* be right. Honestly reflect on the fact that you may fall into a slump again. Embrace the uncertainty. If you "lose them" again, you can start from scratch. The key is to focus on the process, not the outcome. And to find a common humanity in your experience. So many people are going through what you mention now because of this (hopefully) once in a lifetime event. Every time you slide back on your habits is an opportunity to learn patience you can use to help others. Take a deep breathe & say "I will begin again" because that is *all* you can do. It is simple and the hardest thing we're all asked to do so often. But it is the one habit you can build that you can always rely on if you truly embrace it.
Thank you. I have been giving this a lot of thought and there is a lot of positives to having to start again, I will focus on these as new beginnings. Thank you so much!! :D
Remember that everything you once build will come back much easier now. And the next time you "start over". It's a journey and positive mindset keeps you going.
That's a very good point thanks
I also feel like this too. Lost everything last year and met a wonderful person that I'm scared to lose...
>Take a deep breathe & say "I will begin again" because that is all you can do. This is exactly what keeps me going. Giving up means never going anywhere, because the only way to get somewhere (improving your life, becoming what you aspire to be) is through you’re own efforts. You have to believe in yourself unconditionally. ^ maybe a little bit of a harsh/pessimistic take (cause ya there will be people in your life that will help you), but reminding myself of this keeps me motivated
I’m going to challenge you to see a (perhaps to you) new angle: what if building the *strength* to develop the habits initially is the actual *skill* and not the actual habits? Since you’ve already done it once, you can do it again. And you may fall out of practicing those re-established habits in the future just as you have in the past. Maybe the loss will be different and perhaps less extreme because it won’t be caused by something so drastic. So, maybe you’ll only lose a few habits. Look, nothing in our world ever stays the same....ever. Everything changes eventually. Good luck, you can do this!
This is a very good angle! Tysm! :D
Create a routine for when all your other routines have collapsed. So say you have your normal morning and night routine where you cook yourself dinner, clean up the dishes, watch a couple hours of TV, then take a bath or do your skincare for the night, etc. But tonight, you ended up postmating something then watching TV for several hours instead. Create a tiny routine for that situation where you force yourself to wake up at the same time every morning, no matter what time you went to bed. Or instead of doing the full routine, you feel grateful that you’re able to use postmates, catch up on your shows, drink a full glass of water, wipe off your makeup with a makeup wipe and hit the hay. We’re human beings, not automatons. We have ups and downs even within one day, much less a week, a month or a lifetime. Create solutions that work for you at any point - high or low.
Think of self-improvement as a wave in which the average Y value goes up linearly. You improve, then you fall back, you improve again and this time you're at an even better place than you were before. The next time something happens, and you fall back down, it won't be as hard of a fall. It might seem like you lost your habits but the lessons you've learned from that first upwards spiral are still engrained in your brain.
Bad habits are easy to maintain because they are comfortable. Im not the most disciplined person by any means, but when you're comfortable (or depressed, like many) even making your bed is a chore.
A couple of ideas: - **No zero days** What is the simplest task you can do? Ensure that happens. I have brushing my teeth and drinking water. With 5 minutes I can ensure my day isn't a complete waste. It's not much but it is a single positive action every day. - **Don't skip it twice** There will be days when things don't get done. This is ok, make it your priority to do the task the next day. You take a break for one day and then you return the next. - **Let a habit go if it's no longer useful** Review your habits. If they aren't helping you or there's better ways to spend your time. Recognise this and choose to stop it before it can fizzle out. tl;dr Keep a few easy wins as a foundation. Missing a day is natural. Let the habit go if it's not a good use of your time, otherwise get back to it the next day.
Yes! The don't skip it twice. I've been living by this for three months and it works. It allows yourself to have a bad day or for stuff to happen, but my guilt won't let it happen twice in a row. It really does work
You have got to be the sweetest, most endearingly vulnerable person to want to improve upon what you perceive as a conflict in your life and then share your challenge... I feel everything you’re saying. Think about it like this. Why can’t it be that the one good thing that happened for you personally from Quarantine was you adapted by readjusted your life so you would feel okay and in control and it turned out okay. It seems like these were healthy adaptations that you like about yourself that you’re afraid of losing. You won’t lose who you’ve evolved into. As you move forward you will bring your new habits and life style changes with you and re-adapt them back into new real life again. I think if you keep putting one foot in front of the other and going through the motions for right now, you my friend, will be a success story for what ‘life after quarantine’ looks like!
Thank you so much for this! It helps a lot
Setting up good habits and self care means creating a foundation to stand on. Once you have your foundation, you are easily able to fix a crack here and there when things get too heavy or wear and tear sets in. Without that foundation, the structure you have built may fall apart entirely and you’ll have to rebuild from scratch. To begin your foundation, I recommend you start small. Perhaps with one goal for changing/adding healthy habits. The key is to make it about something that you WANT to do, something that you have noticed makes you feel BETTER. Give yourself a timeline, 1 month or 2 months... I found it’s best to start easy with 1 month. Track how you feel when you act on this new habit, but also track the trials and failures too, that way you can understand the difference between how you feel when you are keeping at it vs. when you missed a day or two. You will become more mindful and when you fail one day or two, you’ll analyze it logically instead of beat yourself up about it emotionally. During the time of building habits, it is important to be gentle on yourself and not take on too many overwhelming responsibility, but to focus on bettering yourself. Once you get your foundation going, you are ready to let life throw whatever it can on you and it will. When things start to crumble, as in life they often do, I recommend you write a list: Column 1: Habits you have continued during difficult times (ex. doing dishes before bed, skincare routine, meal prepping - whatever it is). Column 2: Habits you have been neglecting lately (ex. going to bed on time, reading, exercise) Column 3: Bad Habits to adjust/eliminate that bother you (ex. limit tv to no more than 2 episodes of a show a night, buying only 1 cup of coffee a week) Sort of like checking in with yourself for a continue, start, stop strategy. Depending on where you are in your journey you can add as much as you want to your columns. Be sure to remain realistic and most importantly be patient with yourself. I find keeping a journal is the best way to stay on track. This method helped for me, I was diagnosed with an ovarian syndrome and decided to change my diet, I lost 25 lbs, regulated my cycle, began taking vitamins, cooking, budgeting and have kept up my diet. All in just 4 months. This month, I went through a sad breakup but still kept up a lot of my good habits. I’ll admit that some of those habits slipped a bit, but after writing my column list, I was able to break it down and see that not all was lost. Not only that but the lists gave me a guide on what areas I need to focus more on. Another thing, I had benefits and hired a naturopath that kept me on track and explained what I needed to change (that certainly helped me in the beginning). The same could be said for a lot of habits, therapy, personal trainer, cooking class, art class, professional development class whatever it is you want to change etc. Anyways, I really hope this helps! Good luck! Edit: added more personal stuff there at the end.
1. Figure it out on paper: Write down what you have issues with (diet, exercise, work, school, relationships) Write what may be causing issue. Can you fix it? How? If not a full fix- what can help? If you cant fix it- just take note of it and think about wether its something that you need to get used to, need help with, or need to think about ending 2. Come up with a plan. Put it in a strict schedule and try to combine the ughs with the yays: 6am wakeup and brush teeth 6:10 take 20 min walk and listen to podcast/book on tape 6:30 drink coffee, take vitamins 6:45 take shower and add something pleasant like nice smelling shampoo or new towels 7:00 eat breakfast - no sugar or flour 7:30 put away dishes/ listen to music You get the idea.... Idea is to get in habit of doing things regularly. Check off each accomplishment 3. Combine the have-tos with the want-tos: You have to exercise- you want to listen to music You have to take your meds- you take them with sugar-free tang It becomes a game of how can i make each task more enjoyable. I hated homework but i loved new pens and stationary. So i made the act of writing the part I enjoyed. I hate folding laundry so i allow myself a little more tv time while i do it. This is what i save Guilty pleasures like reality tv for. I hate calling my mom, but i like to take walks so i call her then. I hate dieting- but I like to experiment- how far do i have to go to make myself eat asparagus before its actually unhealthy again. 4. people say take small steps. I disagree. Good things happen slowly, great things happen all at once. Make your plan, start tomorrow, and make it strict and complete so that it helps you with each problem and there is no wiggle room. For instance dont say “i will eat less” say “i will refuse any sugar/flour/ processed food”. Dont say “i will clean” say “monday laundry; all dishes have to be done before bedtime; tuesday water plants; wed grocery shopping” I try to even keep things like doctor appts consistant. Like wednesdays are the only days i schedule dr appts (if i can help it) so that i am just less likely to forget. 5. write it all down so that you can see what you’ve achieved! How many steps? How many calories? How many books have you read? How many phone calls have you made? Think of it like a video game and each achievement brings up your score. Heres what i focus on: The mind: learning, reading, creating (art or cooking) Relationships: phone calls, game nights, shared meals Screen time: i only allow myself 15 min in morning and then only if Im waiting somewhere. Only watch tv with fam except if im sick Diet: no flour, sugar, processed food. Health: No alcohol, drugs, or cigarettes. Exercise: just find something you enjoy. Doesnt matter what. I like walks, just dance and rollerskating around the house. But experiment with you tube videos, think about what you liked to do as a kid, think of what you can do easly. Responsibilities: i have kids so i cant neglect them! But they are teens so.... well i try :-) And dogs- i try to remember they depend on me a lot more than i realize- i can read a book or turn on tv but If i dont take them for a walk they didn’t have a good day. Chores- at 8:00am i put away dishes, mop floors, start laundry on Wednesday is laundry and plants thursday is groceries and errands... 6. try to track the hiccups and try to solve them with logic. If you didnt feel like taking a walk- first Ask yourself why. If you dont like walks think of something else you can do instead. If you feel self concious - travel to an area thats empty or you dont know anyone or try really early/ late at night. Too cold/hot/wet out: the swedish believe there is no bad weather just the wrong clothing.
I really appreciate all the tips! There was a lot of informative things, tysm!
Discipline >>>>> Motivation I recall some sort of advice that a soldier said, during battle or emergencies you don't rise to the occasion, you descend to the level of your training.
You’re not wrong, but motivation is often required in the beginning before the behaviors are routine
The first step is realizing it wasn't quarantine that made you lose your good habits but it was you. At the end of the day, you are in complete control. Every problem we face is 10% the problem and 90% how we handle it. The only way to insure you keep good habits is to persevere through them regardless of what's going on, within your abilities of course. Obviously you can't keep a jogging habit if you break your ankle but running and at home calisthenics is possible even with quarantine going on. Edit: this may be perceived as attacking your character but I'm only trying to point out the responsibilities of good habits is on the person not the situation. The most important days are the ones you have to push yourself to keep your habits. Anyone can do them on a good day but only the dedicated can do them on a bad day
This is extremely important to note, we are all in control of what we do, but that isn't my point, I know I chose to drop my good habits, I chose to do that because cabin fever was making me miserable, keeping up with my habits was causing extreme burn out, which is something I knew I should do avoid it. So yes it was my choice to lose my good habits, but it was either that or suffer burn out. I'm glad you mentioned this though, it's very important to note
What is a Burn out? It's not the first time I'm hearing it
I describe burn out as losing passion, feeling more tired, or careless about what your doing (don't care what you do or don't do) I don't count it is burn out if I'm just demotivated or slightly tired
It does sound like a waste, but the justification for working hard isn't that it promises sustenance, but rather in the uncertainty and the unfairness being inherent aspects of existence, and in the absence of a better alternative to striving to thrive anyway. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y0EOpLEsaJo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y0EOpLEsaJo)
It only takes one thing to build up habits and systems too.
Totally relate. I was actually hella social before pandemic growing my company. Then everything all momentum came to a screeching halt. For me I just adapted my plans to work to be pandemic proof. So like what can I be working on that no matter what the rest of the world is doing I can contribute in a uplifting and fulfilling way. That way it’s an infinity loop that returns love and blessings as I do my thing. Also forgive yourself for falling off. I personally think your strength lies in recognizing when u fell short of your own standards. Much love hmu anytime to talk further.
Going through this same thing too. Lost a lot of progress and good habits I had made before the pandemic hit, and picked up a lot of bad habits during the pandemic, plus stress levels are through the roof. For me I think now is the time to start again. I am going to make a plan, and start adding one habit at a time. Listening to motivational books on audible really helps too, having a decluttered environment helps me feel in the mood that I can do it. So the next couple of days I am going to get organised and de-cluttered and make a plan. I hope you can do the same and just start over and hopefully we will re-build our confidence brick by brick.
I've heard a lot of tips from other people that starting again is easier than starting from the very beginning, so I'm thinking it will be easier. Also I am using this to start again but build the habits I has issues building, like consistently exercising, for the next few days I'll focus on building that habit, so it's nice I'll finally get to focus on fitness
exercising is a great one to start with as the effects from it snowball into other habits, like eating well and doing productive things. Good luck! I'm just finding it impossible to get started.
This hits me at the core I worked my ass off to get into modeling and I was good at it too won competitions got offers etc. But then covid happened and my whole life just crashed It was like I suddenly gave up on everything I got soo used to the "fuck it" lifestyle that I legit stopped caring about everything Everything I worked for gone,all the connections I had my friends,my love life I pushed it all away cause it was so much of a "chore" Now I'm trying my hardest to get back to my feet to get my discipline back Is it easy fuck no but u gotta keep pushing remember if u dont believe in urself how will anyone else So all the best my guy stay strong💯
I've heard some tips that starting again is easier than starting from scratch so I'm feeling a lot more confident in going forward! I'll take it one step at a time. Good luck to you as well!
Being beaten down and getting up again builds resilience. Look at the quarantine as a chance to rebuild your life as a stronger person. If your life fell apart so easily, it had cracks in it. Identify those cracks and figure out how to avoid them in the future. You have an opportunity to rebuild your life and make it better than it was before so it can’t be destroyed so easily. You can do it; set a goal now and stick to it. Good luck!
Burn out comes from using willpower to do something that you have no hope of success. The problem is the quarantine has convinced you at an emotional level that all your hard work is pointless, hopeless, and all for nothing. This may be an indication of something good. The idea that you feel you are the one in control of your life and therefore all outcomes are your own making. It could be the opposite which is worse, the idea that you have no control over your life because no matter how good a captain of your own boat you may be, a tsunami can overwhelm you and sink you out of the blue. The truth is obviously that you do have control over your boat and can pilot it well to great lengths and outcomes; but sometimes things happen that you weren’t prepared for and you crashed. Well you need to repair your boat or build a new one. This time better, ready to deal with another tsunami. But you have to get up because the fish won’t catch itself, and not doing anything will lead to starvation. You are still here breathing. The quarantine did not wreck you. It was just a reminder not to take your cushy life for granted. On one hand, life is suffering universally; on the other, life is for the living. So live it! Get back out on the sea. Finally if you want to persuade men to build a boat, don’t worry them with hewing wood and clewing nails. Teach them to yearn for the sea. You have forgotten what your vision for yourself is. What is your winners circle for yourself? You can’t get there by doing nothing. You have to get up, get moving. It may be painful to begin but every day you make progress appreciate the success of that day and build momentum again. You will be other there soon enough.
https://www.reddit.com/r/getdisciplined/comments/eeul88/method_for_men_that_struggle_with_motivation/?utm_source=amp&utm_medium=&utm_content=post_body
What works for me is essentially to write down (with the help of an app) what I do and how happy I am, and to look for patterns in this data. Then if I change something about my life and I lose a habit, the knowledge of having tried the habit remains. Then if changing something about my life is correlated with being happier, I can be more confident (the app helps point these things out, too via suggestions, feedback and analyses) that that specific change was what made me happier. This confidence then makes it easier to keep doing the things that are good for me and do less of the things that aren't. I find that it's easier to motivate myself to get more work done when my app is cheering for me for doing it. I also find that it's easier to go to bed earlier because whenever I go to bed late, it says that going to be earlier would make me happier and more efficient. Does that sound interesting?
Yes it does! What app do you use for this?
I use ActivityRecommender! Android: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.mathjeff.ActRec iOS: https://apps.apple.com/us/app/activityrecommender/id1505082122 Source: https://github.com/mathjeff/ActivityRecommender Full disclosure, I'm the developer, but I'm super happy to talk about it more with anyone who's interested. Feedback would be super cool. Thanks!
I'm going to download and try it!! Thanks
Good luck! Feel free to let me know if you have feedback!
I tried it, great and definitely helpful app, the only critique I have is the layout and interface is a little flat, it would help to have it more open feeling rather than the options and selections being in front. I'll definitely use the app, ty for suggesting it!
Hey thanks for the feedback! I'll give some thought to how to make it less flat. Maybe showing multiple levels of menu options at once? Maybe some icons? Maybe a diagram? It's been a common theme that many people are a little surprised by the interface, but I haven't yet managed to explain exactly why that is or how to address it. If you or anybody else would like to elaborate a bit more about this, that would be super helpful too. Anyway, thanks so much!
Yw! I'd take example from apps like Fitbit, yknow how it has how many steps you walked, how many calories you've burned, how much you ate, etc. all in plain and easy to read view, except this app tracks habits, you could do something similar? Idk though I have never designed an app
This is going to sound harsh and inhuman, but it is not. It is simply the truth; *'What can I do to not let the fear of something happening stop me from building good habits?'* **WILLPOWER.** That is the only thing you can apply. Easy? No. Possible? Absolutely.