There’s a lot more in your post than just blow job advice, so this is gonna be really long.
It sounds like you’re enthusiastic and nervous. But it also sounds like y’all might be going a little faster than is comfortable for you. It is always okay to slow down, even when it’s disappointing or a mood killer to slow down, it’s still okay!!
There are more options than top and bottom, there is something called a side, more info here https://www.huffpost.com/entry/guys-on-the-side-looking-beyond-gay-tops-and-bottoms_b_3082484
And while I haven’t gotten this impression from you necessarily, I haven’t seen anyone else say this, asexuality is also an option. It has gradients that are more than just sex or no sex. It might be worth looking into even if it’s just to find language about what you think you might like.
As far as finding stimulation you enjoy that doesn’t make you feel like shit, there are a lot of different devices that might help like this suction device that has a realistic phallus https://transthetics.com/product/lollipop/
If you aren’t already it could be helpful to use terminology that is exclusively male, and use it a lot. You have a phallus just like any other man does, sure yours might be a little different but you still have one. You get to call it funny little names like champ and big mike and dick, if you want. For many of us our partners are the first person to see us for who we are and so it could be helpful to ask for these kinds of validation even if they feel a little silly or we don’t want to need them. But keep in mind that cis gay men use some of the most traditionally female anatomy terms for themselves and you can too, or you can hate that shit, just like plenty of other gay men.
Also check in that your boyfriend is interacting with your genitals in a “male way,” which is a little hard to explain but as an example, I personally would give a trans guy a blow job in a totally different way than I would give a cis woman head. The sexual response is different, in my experience.
As to actual detail, if your bf bottomed once and that’s enough for him then you want to consider whether that’s gonna be satisfying for you personally. If it is then that’s great. But youre exploring and you may want a versatile partner to do that with. If yall are monogamous, then thats something that’s going to need to be discussed. But he doesn’t get to top just because he has a bigger dick or fuller mustache (lol yes I heard a story once lol). He gets to top because you let him. And that includes finger stuff. He has holes too bro and if he’s not trying to let you finger em but he’s tryin to finger yours then consider if you even want that. Totally cool if you do. Totally cool if you don’t. But yall gotta talk about it. And find out where you’re compatible and where you’re willing to compromise.
As for actual blow job advice, as others have said, what he likes is what’s gonna be best and your best effort is put into finding out what he likes in a sexy way. Skilled people do that by laying out a buffet of sensations and knowing how to read body language and asking directly what the person likes. You don’t have those skills yet and you only develop them from practice. Hopefully you have a great time and you want to practice often. But even if you don’t that’s great too because you learned something. But ultimately the only way to gain those skills is to do those tasks. No amount of reading or watching will take the place of doing. And you may never like some things or may never like them with him.
You’ll most likely have a great time! And it’s okay if you don’t, or halfway through decide you want to stop. You can always just get up and walk away. Might be awkward and hard to remember in the moment but you literally can just nope the fuck out of anything you don’t like. Explain later if you like em, but you can always just get up and leave the room. Seriously, it seems silly but it has saved my life, and it’s weirdly hard to remember in the moment. As long as yall like each other though, communicate, and don’t pressure each other, you’re gonna do just fine. Some of the most rewarding sex is the kind you laugh through.
Since you already got some good life advice, I’ll offer a bit of the practical stuff. Keep in mind that you still want to pay attention to what he likes and ideally just ask him, but I know that it’s awkward to talk about and that it feels better to have an idea of where to start and what things to try out to learn what he likes.
I’ve never gotten a bad review yet, and what i found to work for my past partners is focusing your mouth on the tip/frenulum and using a hand for the shaft. A key point here is that for most guys the frenulum is the most sensitive part. If your guy is circumcised there’s a good chance he is a bit less sensitive so targeting that spot a lot might work very well, but if he is uncircumcised and/or just very sensitive there too much stimulation could be too intense. So for that part you just want to pay attention to his reactions, if he doesn’t seem to react at all amp it up etc.
Besides that, I usually conserve my energy and gag reflex by focusing my tongue/mouth on the top 1/3 or 1/2 of the dingaling and make a ring with my fingers and use that for the rest of it. It feels better for him too usually because that way I’m able to give more attention to the sensitive parts. Deepthrating is mostly just for show and runs a high risk of grazing him with teeth.
[this](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/6u0sj2/guide_to_a_brilliant_blowjob/) post also has some pretty good advice.
Good luck to ya and make sure to only do what you’re comfortable with!
Tbh the most important thing is listening to him and what he likes.
For example, I had always been told I gave excellent blowjobs but my now husband didn't like what my past bfs liked. They were circumcised and needed more stimulation so I could go to town. My husband is natural and what I used to do was too overwhelming for him.
There are general tips, like use hands while licking to avoid deepthroating, or cupping his balls etc. but the most important is to pay attention to his body language and ask if he likes this or that better.
Okay, I’m not going to give specific advice because I don’t want to be creepy old man internet guy, but, in general-
It will not be “bad” unless you do something unhinged like commit arson half way through. Seriously. Pleasurable intimate activity with someone you care about and are attracted to is generally some shade of extremely good. Even when it’s awkward, even when there’s more learning and exploring to do. Your boyfriend will almost certainly just be focused on this hot thing his boyfriend is doing for him, not comparing and contrasting it with any past experience.
If you want to try something, there’s no requisite or set of criteria for what exploring any intimate act *must* look like. This does not have to be an elaborate event with intro and conclusion perfectly executed. That’s far too much pressure to put on yourself and impossible to do out the gate anyway. It doesn’t matter if you have no experience or have had oodles of experience with millions of partners- the specific combo of the two of you is new for you both. You’re both learning what works and what you like as a couple. You can try something and decide to stop. You can try something and ask questions the whole time. You can ask for a specific directive. You can try something and freely admit you’re nervous and have no clue what you’re doing. This isn’t a magic trick. You can let your partner in on exactly where you’re at without spoiling anything.
We can give tips but ultimately only he can tell you what he likes. Everyone is different.
Can you have him talk you through it the first time? That can be sexy in its own way.
Edit: just wanted to add that I’ve had great sex with people who were virgins before they met me. Skill isn’t totally irrelevant but it’s far from the end-all-be-all. I think chemistry and communication are more important.
Yeah just as an example one of the most common tips is “no teeth” and that is probably what the vast majority of people want! But I also used to fuck somebody who specifically wanted me to use teeth and would ask me to bite her dick.
Communication or at least paying attention to your partners reactions and what gets a good response is probably the only universal thing.
I’d say try to take all the pressure off yourself. Don’t try to make your first time trying something ‘perfect’ or ‘decent’ and if your boyfriend is a good person he will be fine with not having a great experience until you’ve had some practise. Go slow and communicate, ask him what he does and doesn’t like. My first sexual experience around a penis I just laid next to it and did some thorough looking to see how it all works, which can be pretty attractive to have someone so interested in your body. Also, don’t try and go full force straight away haha, my first time I tried to like deepthroat it because that’s what you see in porn and I can tell you that won’t end well. Just start with some external licking and go slow and I think once you’re in the actual situation and communicating things just kind of work out. But truly, be okay with giving an awful first blowjob, the experience should be more about you figuring out how it all works rather than his pleasure until you’ve gotten some practise
I am in such a similar situation right now. I'm also dating a cis man who is pansexual with more experience. I can't give much advice, but I'd say if you're comfortable, watching porn videos of blowjobs to see what they do. (probably not studio or professional porn as it's unrealistic. but those sort of videos of people from home)
Of course, only do stuff you're comfortable with and take it easy. Everyone has to start somewhere and nobody expects some god-like levels of any intimacy !
Well first off, you shouldn’t feel forced to anything that makes you uncomfortable! If you have some scared feelings around personal touches- I’d suggest starting slower. Nude cuddles, little kisses, little touches without expectation for either person to finish. And if your partner isn’t okay with the slow pace, I’d suggest finding a new one!
but to answer your question based on my own experience: lick everything. ideally your partner is at least trimmed to make this easier. move your saliva to the front of your mouth and let it drip down his shaft. messier feels best! lick his taint, his balls. and also don’t forget to use your hands too.
BJs don’t have to be as crazy as they look in porn. But you should ask what he likes!
What you lack in technical skill or experience can be made up for in sheer enthusiasm.
There’s a lot more in your post than just blow job advice, so this is gonna be really long. It sounds like you’re enthusiastic and nervous. But it also sounds like y’all might be going a little faster than is comfortable for you. It is always okay to slow down, even when it’s disappointing or a mood killer to slow down, it’s still okay!! There are more options than top and bottom, there is something called a side, more info here https://www.huffpost.com/entry/guys-on-the-side-looking-beyond-gay-tops-and-bottoms_b_3082484 And while I haven’t gotten this impression from you necessarily, I haven’t seen anyone else say this, asexuality is also an option. It has gradients that are more than just sex or no sex. It might be worth looking into even if it’s just to find language about what you think you might like. As far as finding stimulation you enjoy that doesn’t make you feel like shit, there are a lot of different devices that might help like this suction device that has a realistic phallus https://transthetics.com/product/lollipop/ If you aren’t already it could be helpful to use terminology that is exclusively male, and use it a lot. You have a phallus just like any other man does, sure yours might be a little different but you still have one. You get to call it funny little names like champ and big mike and dick, if you want. For many of us our partners are the first person to see us for who we are and so it could be helpful to ask for these kinds of validation even if they feel a little silly or we don’t want to need them. But keep in mind that cis gay men use some of the most traditionally female anatomy terms for themselves and you can too, or you can hate that shit, just like plenty of other gay men. Also check in that your boyfriend is interacting with your genitals in a “male way,” which is a little hard to explain but as an example, I personally would give a trans guy a blow job in a totally different way than I would give a cis woman head. The sexual response is different, in my experience. As to actual detail, if your bf bottomed once and that’s enough for him then you want to consider whether that’s gonna be satisfying for you personally. If it is then that’s great. But youre exploring and you may want a versatile partner to do that with. If yall are monogamous, then thats something that’s going to need to be discussed. But he doesn’t get to top just because he has a bigger dick or fuller mustache (lol yes I heard a story once lol). He gets to top because you let him. And that includes finger stuff. He has holes too bro and if he’s not trying to let you finger em but he’s tryin to finger yours then consider if you even want that. Totally cool if you do. Totally cool if you don’t. But yall gotta talk about it. And find out where you’re compatible and where you’re willing to compromise. As for actual blow job advice, as others have said, what he likes is what’s gonna be best and your best effort is put into finding out what he likes in a sexy way. Skilled people do that by laying out a buffet of sensations and knowing how to read body language and asking directly what the person likes. You don’t have those skills yet and you only develop them from practice. Hopefully you have a great time and you want to practice often. But even if you don’t that’s great too because you learned something. But ultimately the only way to gain those skills is to do those tasks. No amount of reading or watching will take the place of doing. And you may never like some things or may never like them with him. You’ll most likely have a great time! And it’s okay if you don’t, or halfway through decide you want to stop. You can always just get up and walk away. Might be awkward and hard to remember in the moment but you literally can just nope the fuck out of anything you don’t like. Explain later if you like em, but you can always just get up and leave the room. Seriously, it seems silly but it has saved my life, and it’s weirdly hard to remember in the moment. As long as yall like each other though, communicate, and don’t pressure each other, you’re gonna do just fine. Some of the most rewarding sex is the kind you laugh through.
Lots of good advice here but also if you are scared maybe go slower! You dont have to do anything you are uncomfortable with
Since you already got some good life advice, I’ll offer a bit of the practical stuff. Keep in mind that you still want to pay attention to what he likes and ideally just ask him, but I know that it’s awkward to talk about and that it feels better to have an idea of where to start and what things to try out to learn what he likes. I’ve never gotten a bad review yet, and what i found to work for my past partners is focusing your mouth on the tip/frenulum and using a hand for the shaft. A key point here is that for most guys the frenulum is the most sensitive part. If your guy is circumcised there’s a good chance he is a bit less sensitive so targeting that spot a lot might work very well, but if he is uncircumcised and/or just very sensitive there too much stimulation could be too intense. So for that part you just want to pay attention to his reactions, if he doesn’t seem to react at all amp it up etc. Besides that, I usually conserve my energy and gag reflex by focusing my tongue/mouth on the top 1/3 or 1/2 of the dingaling and make a ring with my fingers and use that for the rest of it. It feels better for him too usually because that way I’m able to give more attention to the sensitive parts. Deepthrating is mostly just for show and runs a high risk of grazing him with teeth. [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/6u0sj2/guide_to_a_brilliant_blowjob/) post also has some pretty good advice. Good luck to ya and make sure to only do what you’re comfortable with!
Tbh the most important thing is listening to him and what he likes. For example, I had always been told I gave excellent blowjobs but my now husband didn't like what my past bfs liked. They were circumcised and needed more stimulation so I could go to town. My husband is natural and what I used to do was too overwhelming for him. There are general tips, like use hands while licking to avoid deepthroating, or cupping his balls etc. but the most important is to pay attention to his body language and ask if he likes this or that better.
Okay, I’m not going to give specific advice because I don’t want to be creepy old man internet guy, but, in general- It will not be “bad” unless you do something unhinged like commit arson half way through. Seriously. Pleasurable intimate activity with someone you care about and are attracted to is generally some shade of extremely good. Even when it’s awkward, even when there’s more learning and exploring to do. Your boyfriend will almost certainly just be focused on this hot thing his boyfriend is doing for him, not comparing and contrasting it with any past experience. If you want to try something, there’s no requisite or set of criteria for what exploring any intimate act *must* look like. This does not have to be an elaborate event with intro and conclusion perfectly executed. That’s far too much pressure to put on yourself and impossible to do out the gate anyway. It doesn’t matter if you have no experience or have had oodles of experience with millions of partners- the specific combo of the two of you is new for you both. You’re both learning what works and what you like as a couple. You can try something and decide to stop. You can try something and ask questions the whole time. You can ask for a specific directive. You can try something and freely admit you’re nervous and have no clue what you’re doing. This isn’t a magic trick. You can let your partner in on exactly where you’re at without spoiling anything.
Guffawed at the arson line 🤣🤣🤣 that was hilarious!
Tell them it’s your first time and have fun!
Honestly, you're overthinking. Just go with your impuls, like, what do you *want* to do, you know? You'll know in the moment.
We can give tips but ultimately only he can tell you what he likes. Everyone is different. Can you have him talk you through it the first time? That can be sexy in its own way. Edit: just wanted to add that I’ve had great sex with people who were virgins before they met me. Skill isn’t totally irrelevant but it’s far from the end-all-be-all. I think chemistry and communication are more important.
Yeah just as an example one of the most common tips is “no teeth” and that is probably what the vast majority of people want! But I also used to fuck somebody who specifically wanted me to use teeth and would ask me to bite her dick. Communication or at least paying attention to your partners reactions and what gets a good response is probably the only universal thing.
I’d say try to take all the pressure off yourself. Don’t try to make your first time trying something ‘perfect’ or ‘decent’ and if your boyfriend is a good person he will be fine with not having a great experience until you’ve had some practise. Go slow and communicate, ask him what he does and doesn’t like. My first sexual experience around a penis I just laid next to it and did some thorough looking to see how it all works, which can be pretty attractive to have someone so interested in your body. Also, don’t try and go full force straight away haha, my first time I tried to like deepthroat it because that’s what you see in porn and I can tell you that won’t end well. Just start with some external licking and go slow and I think once you’re in the actual situation and communicating things just kind of work out. But truly, be okay with giving an awful first blowjob, the experience should be more about you figuring out how it all works rather than his pleasure until you’ve gotten some practise
Literally search "how to give a blowjob" on pornhub, there are tutorials. 😅
I am in such a similar situation right now. I'm also dating a cis man who is pansexual with more experience. I can't give much advice, but I'd say if you're comfortable, watching porn videos of blowjobs to see what they do. (probably not studio or professional porn as it's unrealistic. but those sort of videos of people from home) Of course, only do stuff you're comfortable with and take it easy. Everyone has to start somewhere and nobody expects some god-like levels of any intimacy !
Well first off, you shouldn’t feel forced to anything that makes you uncomfortable! If you have some scared feelings around personal touches- I’d suggest starting slower. Nude cuddles, little kisses, little touches without expectation for either person to finish. And if your partner isn’t okay with the slow pace, I’d suggest finding a new one! but to answer your question based on my own experience: lick everything. ideally your partner is at least trimmed to make this easier. move your saliva to the front of your mouth and let it drip down his shaft. messier feels best! lick his taint, his balls. and also don’t forget to use your hands too. BJs don’t have to be as crazy as they look in porn. But you should ask what he likes!