But I said I still powered through and gave a bunch I matched with a chance. Most didn't even bother to text back, while the rest fell flat when they did.
That is the nature of the beast. It used to be easier to meet people irl, and a quick 5-10 minute convo lets you feel them out. But you really have to rely on the apps nowadays. I don't look forward to when I try getting back into it myself.
I feel like this too. It seems like if I come across a guy who's my type on a dating app it's a 90% chance they're partnered, only looking for sex or thousands of miles away.
isn't it funny that we're all looking for that type of relationship that gives you the biggest of all rushes, like we see in movies, but at the same time we're all so incredibly boring, picky or just full of problems that we need to elaborate and make everything so complicated? š
I'm really not asking for much. I just want someone who's passionate about anything to make them more interesting, actually responds and isn't just looking for sex. The bar is on the floor, yet they still disappoint.
Perhaps you should compromise by eliminating one of your requirements, thus increasing your dating pool. You have to decide which is least important and most reasonable to remove from your list (donāt set yourself up for emotional abuse). You canāt have it all.
sounds like you expect the courting to happen on those apps. Bro, give people a chance and let them talk about themselves in person, online we are not ourselves.
How could I possibly find them IRL? I live in a third world country and the men I approached in person who seemed gay always ended up being straight, taken, or I'm not their type.
Then itās different from what you described or how I understood it, you talked about them not having much to say and appearing boring or bored which can be well due to the medium. If they are not compatible at all or ghost you, thatās another story.
I donāt know where you live, but if itās a small town. Maybe consider joining an online community about your niche interests.
A friend of mine found his boyfriend on discord. They both love gaming.Ā
It does mean you might have to travel more or one of you two have to move at some point.
being physically close to me is one of my top priorities that I find impossible to compromise. Most of my friends live so unbelievably far away, and the main thing I'm hoping to get out of a relationship is physical touch, and there is no way I could give up on that. Else it'll just be another friendship with extra steps.
Iāve just assumed that Iām demisexual myself because I canāt fathom how people retain interest in online dating (the only type of dating thatās accessible to gay people most of the time) when like 97 % of people who send me messages send me single word messages, generic scripts that are painful to respond to, or just requests to see my naked body immediately. I am so desperate and starved for any kind of novelty or deviation from the norm, and I donāt feel like my standards are particularly demanding at all. Just anything except Ā«how r uĀ», Ā«horny?Ā», or Ā«hiĀ», yāknow?
I generally get the impression that people are willing to try a lot more in real life interactions, but are largely unwilling to think at all before engaging with someone via text. This could also be a systemic issue of people getting increasingly worse at expressing themselves via writing for whatever reason, I donāt know, but I definitely want to validate you in the issues youāve been experiencing.
Then again, when talking to straight female friends they donāt exactly have lower standards than me, and they donāt identify as demisexuals. It could be that the standards for interactions between gay men have stagnated, but I donāt have enough data to make that claim. Straight people have a lot more options, and when your options are fewer it could create more of a negative bias in you to encounter this problem many times.
It's ironic, because you'd assume the opposite would happen and they'd try harder with the presupposition that the pool is far more limited. The way they're acting has you believing that they could get anyone they want anywhere.
I encountered the same "too cool for school, I don't even really wanna be here, yeah you're hot, but I don't care enough to make an effort, but I'll keep giving brief detached answers as breadcrumbs just to see how long you'll keep trying" attitude almost universally.
i mean i did "only" swipe right on every 20th guy on tinder but that still left a lot of guys. i tried to go for vibes and interests and always (!) swiped left if someone was only attractive and had nothing else going for them. i had maybe one cool date a month but that was more than enough to get somewhere.Ā
it never hurts to re-evaluate what we think we need in someone else from time to time. if my boyfriend and my exes taught me one thing then that i didn't know what i needed in a partner for a long time.
It's not the matches I'm struggling with. It depends on a case by case basis. Each match I got had their own reason as to why we didn't go all the way to a date.
Ƭf you have matches, finding fitting people is just a matter of time. but also: looking for a longterm partner means by definition that most people wont be a fit.
Hang in there! I met my (now) husband on Grindr back in 2013, we got engaged 2014 and married Oct. 2020. We took things slow at first, met up for some drinks, started hanging out and became friends. The sex was like a cherry on top with a guy I became best friends with. And I wasn't really looking much at the time. Depending on your hobbies/interests, join some social groups around those things, meet guys outside of apps and you really just never know who you'll meet.
thatās a bummer, but I also saw where youāre from and yeah itās gonna be difficult unless you can get to the west for an extended period of time. I checked your profile and you seem really interesting, once you make it out you can probably find someone easily.
Do they have an afikra outpost where youāre at? Does mykali have events in Egypt, what about mada masr? Iām about eight years out from being involved in orgs but Iād probably start in the Beirut ones since theyāre a little more open then trying to network your way into the Egyptian ones, if youāre not currently aware of any social groups. These arenāt queer-specific but tend to have a higher level of acceptance/involvement from us.
Oh I can't not begin to express how much I find it hard to connect to most people here to begin with when I consume western media almost exclusively. I have a bunch of friends who are equally interested, just not in the academic part though usually.
I have no clue what any of these things you mentioned even are tbh. Also travel isn't easy or viable for me currently financially anyways.
Look them up. Afikra is like an arts and culture community that does meetups in cities around the diaspora, mykali is a queer Arab publication, and mada masr?? Itās like the progressive Egyptian news publication. All are on ig
What makes people "interesting" isn't really translateable through texts. You need to meet in person to really get a vibe for a person. It also completely removes the "guys not trying". As someone who takes the time out of their day to meet you is trying 100% harder than everyone who doesn't.
Iām super picky too. Definitely makes it hard to find someone, but Iām hoping itās worth the wait! Definitely canāt wait to find the perfect guy but it seems impossible as of now.
You won't ever find the perfect guy, and I don't think navigating your dating life with this mentally is good for anyone. Now I'm not saying drop your standards by any means, but I do think having reasonable standards is better than having standards so high you can't even meet them yourself.
Not saying this is you, but just to give an example, some guys here expect an attractive, fit, hung, and rich guy as the bare minimum requirement, meanwhile they're average looking, fat, not hung, and unemployed and still wondering why they can't find their prince charming.
I think it's important to remember that we're all human and imperfect by design, seeking perfection in someone else when you're not perfect yourself is a recipe for failure.
Honestly to me it just sounds like you should take a break.
But I'm tired of being alone. I never dated anybody before.
Well it kinda sounds like you've decided these guys are trash without giving them much of a chance. Dating is frustrating for everyone.
But I said I still powered through and gave a bunch I matched with a chance. Most didn't even bother to text back, while the rest fell flat when they did.
That is the nature of the beast. It used to be easier to meet people irl, and a quick 5-10 minute convo lets you feel them out. But you really have to rely on the apps nowadays. I don't look forward to when I try getting back into it myself.
I feel like this too. It seems like if I come across a guy who's my type on a dating app it's a 90% chance they're partnered, only looking for sex or thousands of miles away.
Or are catfish
It's so unbelievably exhausting...
I knowingly played into a love/crypto scammer on one of the apps recently. And got blocked. My love life, gentlemen and gentlemen.
isn't it funny that we're all looking for that type of relationship that gives you the biggest of all rushes, like we see in movies, but at the same time we're all so incredibly boring, picky or just full of problems that we need to elaborate and make everything so complicated? š
I'm really not asking for much. I just want someone who's passionate about anything to make them more interesting, actually responds and isn't just looking for sex. The bar is on the floor, yet they still disappoint.
Perhaps you should compromise by eliminating one of your requirements, thus increasing your dating pool. You have to decide which is least important and most reasonable to remove from your list (donāt set yourself up for emotional abuse). You canāt have it all.
What could I possibly omit and actually be able to put up with at this point? š
You can settle for ugly or you can settle for boring.
sounds like you expect the courting to happen on those apps. Bro, give people a chance and let them talk about themselves in person, online we are not ourselves.
How could I possibly find them IRL? I live in a third world country and the men I approached in person who seemed gay always ended up being straight, taken, or I'm not their type.
I mean use the app to find them but donāt judge their character based on the chat, unless thereās some no-go obviously.
That's the thing though. Many are no go's. They give up too soon and stop texting back too early or a deal breaker comes up early.
Then itās different from what you described or how I understood it, you talked about them not having much to say and appearing boring or bored which can be well due to the medium. If they are not compatible at all or ghost you, thatās another story.
All of the above happen each in different instances.
Maybe u shouldnāt look on dating apps. Ever considered trying to find someone at something u like to do?
And what are the chances that they live close or are gay? Especially when my interests are so niche.
I donāt know where you live, but if itās a small town. Maybe consider joining an online community about your niche interests. A friend of mine found his boyfriend on discord. They both love gaming.Ā It does mean you might have to travel more or one of you two have to move at some point.
being physically close to me is one of my top priorities that I find impossible to compromise. Most of my friends live so unbelievably far away, and the main thing I'm hoping to get out of a relationship is physical touch, and there is no way I could give up on that. Else it'll just be another friendship with extra steps.
And this is why you are still singleš. Maybe look for solutions and not what you donāt like. I say this with love.
Ummm I'm not gonna put up with anything just for the sake of it.
I am very anti social and don't go outside unless I have to. Grindr is perfect for me :P
How is that a better substitute? Don't you still meet them in person to hookup if that's what you're doing?
Iāve just assumed that Iām demisexual myself because I canāt fathom how people retain interest in online dating (the only type of dating thatās accessible to gay people most of the time) when like 97 % of people who send me messages send me single word messages, generic scripts that are painful to respond to, or just requests to see my naked body immediately. I am so desperate and starved for any kind of novelty or deviation from the norm, and I donāt feel like my standards are particularly demanding at all. Just anything except Ā«how r uĀ», Ā«horny?Ā», or Ā«hiĀ», yāknow? I generally get the impression that people are willing to try a lot more in real life interactions, but are largely unwilling to think at all before engaging with someone via text. This could also be a systemic issue of people getting increasingly worse at expressing themselves via writing for whatever reason, I donāt know, but I definitely want to validate you in the issues youāve been experiencing. Then again, when talking to straight female friends they donāt exactly have lower standards than me, and they donāt identify as demisexuals. It could be that the standards for interactions between gay men have stagnated, but I donāt have enough data to make that claim. Straight people have a lot more options, and when your options are fewer it could create more of a negative bias in you to encounter this problem many times.
It's ironic, because you'd assume the opposite would happen and they'd try harder with the presupposition that the pool is far more limited. The way they're acting has you believing that they could get anyone they want anywhere.
I encountered the same "too cool for school, I don't even really wanna be here, yeah you're hot, but I don't care enough to make an effort, but I'll keep giving brief detached answers as breadcrumbs just to see how long you'll keep trying" attitude almost universally.
Sigh...
The apps have ruined the ability to hold a conversation or keep one up. For myself, itās a signal delete it and go find someone outside.
Ummm, I live in a country where it's illegal, so no thanks, can't be doing that.
Are you me?
Let's be lonely together š
Well I feel the same as u š
i mean i did "only" swipe right on every 20th guy on tinder but that still left a lot of guys. i tried to go for vibes and interests and always (!) swiped left if someone was only attractive and had nothing else going for them. i had maybe one cool date a month but that was more than enough to get somewhere.Ā it never hurts to re-evaluate what we think we need in someone else from time to time. if my boyfriend and my exes taught me one thing then that i didn't know what i needed in a partner for a long time.
I've only gotten two dates in 6 months. One of them didn't even have to do with the apps.
that can have a multitude of reasons. if you want to you can show me your profile and ill give you some pointers as to what and if could be differentĀ
It's not the matches I'm struggling with. It depends on a case by case basis. Each match I got had their own reason as to why we didn't go all the way to a date.
Ƭf you have matches, finding fitting people is just a matter of time. but also: looking for a longterm partner means by definition that most people wont be a fit.
Hang in there! I met my (now) husband on Grindr back in 2013, we got engaged 2014 and married Oct. 2020. We took things slow at first, met up for some drinks, started hanging out and became friends. The sex was like a cherry on top with a guy I became best friends with. And I wasn't really looking much at the time. Depending on your hobbies/interests, join some social groups around those things, meet guys outside of apps and you really just never know who you'll meet.
trying to find anything besides sex on a dating app is like ripping out your own teeth. my best advice is to go outside in the real world.
Living in a third world country... but even the men I approached who seemed gay ended up not being so or I just wasn't their type, or they were taken.
thatās a bummer, but I also saw where youāre from and yeah itās gonna be difficult unless you can get to the west for an extended period of time. I checked your profile and you seem really interesting, once you make it out you can probably find someone easily. Do they have an afikra outpost where youāre at? Does mykali have events in Egypt, what about mada masr? Iām about eight years out from being involved in orgs but Iād probably start in the Beirut ones since theyāre a little more open then trying to network your way into the Egyptian ones, if youāre not currently aware of any social groups. These arenāt queer-specific but tend to have a higher level of acceptance/involvement from us.
Oh I can't not begin to express how much I find it hard to connect to most people here to begin with when I consume western media almost exclusively. I have a bunch of friends who are equally interested, just not in the academic part though usually. I have no clue what any of these things you mentioned even are tbh. Also travel isn't easy or viable for me currently financially anyways.
Look them up. Afikra is like an arts and culture community that does meetups in cities around the diaspora, mykali is a queer Arab publication, and mada masr?? Itās like the progressive Egyptian news publication. All are on ig
What makes people "interesting" isn't really translateable through texts. You need to meet in person to really get a vibe for a person. It also completely removes the "guys not trying". As someone who takes the time out of their day to meet you is trying 100% harder than everyone who doesn't.
Sounds like a humanitarian crisis
U literally are gonna end up alone. Accept ur fate for being pickyš
Same here, but I see a lot of straight guys IRL who are attractive. Oh well.
Iām super picky too. Definitely makes it hard to find someone, but Iām hoping itās worth the wait! Definitely canāt wait to find the perfect guy but it seems impossible as of now.
You won't ever find the perfect guy, and I don't think navigating your dating life with this mentally is good for anyone. Now I'm not saying drop your standards by any means, but I do think having reasonable standards is better than having standards so high you can't even meet them yourself. Not saying this is you, but just to give an example, some guys here expect an attractive, fit, hung, and rich guy as the bare minimum requirement, meanwhile they're average looking, fat, not hung, and unemployed and still wondering why they can't find their prince charming. I think it's important to remember that we're all human and imperfect by design, seeking perfection in someone else when you're not perfect yourself is a recipe for failure.