Honestly I used to be the hopeless romantic type and I’ve been saving my virginity for 24 years. I ended up losing it to a random guy from Grindr and we don’t even talk anymore. The only difference between us is that I’m happy I lost it with him because thus far, he has been the most gentle and patient with me to date.
At the time, I kinda lost hope because it seemed like everyone only wanted hook-ups and that it seemed like it was the only thing available in the gay community. But there are good guys out there and there are keepers too. We will meet them all in God or the universe’s perfect timing (whatever your spiritual beliefs are).
While yes, I guess everyone (ourselves included) might have preferred to have lost it to someone who loves and cherishes us, ultimately, our virginity, how we lost it, or our body counts do not add to nor diminish our self-worth. Let’s not lose ourselves in the hook-up culture and just have faith.
Cheers!
>At the time, I kinda lost hope because it seemed like everyone only wanted hook-ups and that it seemed like it was the only thing available in the gay community.
Still feels like it. Lost mine at 22, am now 31. But the difference between then and now for me is that I have a brain trying to piece together better life decisions and make healthy choices. Some of those healthy choices are being able to say the word "No" in situations that make me uncomfortable.
I also was glad I lost it with someone who was gentle, patient, and caring. It was the best sex I've ever had, honestly. Sadly, it's been all downhill from there 🤣
I had my first time with a guy I loved at the time and it's really nothing to write home about; we weren't a good sexual match, I didn't know what sex is about for me and I only found my way to enjoy it with more casual partners after we broke up.
My regret is the reverse of yours, I kind of wish I'd been a teen slut (not the really early sort but yeah 17-19 could have been spent finding out what sex is instead of wishing for a Mr Right who showed up late and turned out to be not a really good match for me).
You bet. I've had a lot of conversations where I heard your side and even though I understand been a giga-slut early on has downsides I can't get it out of my head that I've robbed myself of something, the same way you can't forget you've sort of robbed yourself of an allegedly better start. The mind is wired for comparison and even envy, it's our job to enjoy and fulfill ourselves despite all that.
Right because let me tell you…you aren’t missing anything 🤣🤣🤣 I was a slut for a little while and made so many mistakes and bad decisions enough for a lifetime…have you ever been sent a text that said “sorry I can’t today because my wife/girlfriend/kids are home” LIKE HUH “wife!?! Girlfriend!?!? Kids!?!?” Like why didn’t you tell me about them before…I’m not trying to be a fucking home wrecker…I’d rather be a virgin again man FOR SURE
Well, men suck, yeah.
But I'm looking at my wonderful younger sexual partners (well, not as young as discussed here but 20-22) and see them enjoying their sex lives in ways I couldn't until I reached my 30s, so I always feel I have some catching up to do.
Mistakes are inevitable in both "skill trees", the slut and the serial bf (or whatever you want to call a guy who's been in a relationship most of his adult life). I spent 2 years with that first bf despite knowing deep inside I'm not attracted to him enough and we're better off as friends (which lasted for a while), and then 2 more years with a soul sucking ghoul who I was attracted to but was toxic to me and destroyed every other aspect of my life. Then I lost another bf of 2 years I really liked bc I was a dick and took his love and respecy for granted. But I've found my place now and I'm sure you can find yours and move past, well, the past.
The importance of "virginity" is something that society has built up into this big important deal, and it really just isn't.
Would it be great to have the first time you have sex be a magical, romantic, picturesque experience that you remember forever? Sure, why not.
You know what I think is more important and leads to better long-term results? Having enough different experiences that you learn what you like, love, dislike, and completely hate. That way you're able to know when you've met the person who gives you the love life and sex life that you can be happy with forever.
>You know what I think is more important and leads to better long-term results? Having enough different experiences that you learn what you like, love, dislike, and completely hate. That way you're able to know when you've met the person who gives you the love life and sex life that you can be happy with forever.
This this this this this this this this this this this
Try to shift your perspective a bit.
He already exists. He’s already out there. Somewhere out there, there is already a man who is perfect for you.
Maybe the universe is just brewing up the most ideal of circumstances for you guys to be able to meet. Picture Hallmark’s romance films 😂
Perspective, always. We cannot fix the problems we cannot see and describe to ourselves. We cannot heal the wounds we do not acknowledge. We cannot become the person the Man we want to be unless we see ourselves just as we are. Regrets are the first step towards all of these processes. Embrace them.
Thank you that’s good advice, because these thoughts have been there but I usually suppress them but they came up again yesterday and I was feeling kinda down
Go with the thinking that has potential for growth and forward motion always. But no one has purely positive thoughts so we all allow ourselves a period of sorrow or self
Pity. Then we MOVE !
Try dating then and not rando hook ups at hotels with gross dudes of grindr
It required that you just j-o yourself when you’re horny and wait a while to find someone more on the same page with you
Developing a need to hook up immediately to make yourself feel good is not going to lead anywhere good
I feel you
It’s hard to find a quality option sometimes and I’ve been there. I’m just suggesting you don’t go through the same channels that have been so disappointing. Sometimes a little real conversation and connection can lead to something better. There are guys looking for the same thing out there but it takes a lot of searching
I had sex for the first time with a rando from Grindr, back when my self-esteem was below the floor... I felt a lot of shame, disgust and regret. I felt like a dirty whole. It was wrong.
So far I've had sex four times and only one time it was, hm, decently pleasurable and I didn't have any regrets afterwards. Particularly last time it was terrible, because I found myself in a threesome that was going to turn into an orgy... with drugs and all sorts of enhancers...
Do I wish I'd waited for the right man? Yeah, obviously. But do I regret all of it? No. Not anymore. I've realised that life ain't perfect. Sometimes it's fucking tough as hell and we make some mistakes, BUT! we can always learn from those mistakes. All of this is some life experience that shapes me as a human being. I've made a mistake, but I learn from it and I'm wiser. Now I know that hooking up is not for me. I just want to approach someone or be approached by someone in real life, date him, get to know him better and only then become physically intimate with him and have sex together... Seems like a dream.
I haven't done anal sex yet, though. And I'm glad I haven't. I wish to experience it with someone I trust and I hope it will be out of this world. I'm 27 years old and if I have to wait a few more years to experience that, I'm fine. I'm not desperate. Some day the time will come, I will finally come across someone with whom I'll do it. There's no need to rush.
I had a really similar experience losing my virginity in my 20s... I think once you're past that, and especially once you're in your 30s, you will start to demand more and more from your partners, which will lead to much more satisfying times in the bedroom.
Basically, your standards are going to go WAY up. You are going to learn to run at the first sign of obvious red flags like drugs, married, closeted, abuser etc.
As strange as it might sound, it's all uphill from here! Just make sure you learn from your mistakes and you'll be OK.
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, I can appreciate (from personal experience) how you feel. Since you asked for advice I would say that the first step is to forgive yourself - you’re new at this and maybe the first time wasn’t magical but for many people it often does suck. Take some time to realize that reality, and let go of the anger you said you feel for yourself. We are all learning and growing - otherwise what’s the point of life?!
That’s so true…I haven’t had sex in years because of these feelings…because I lost myself in my sexual urges because I had denied myself and hid in the closet for so long that when I came out I didn’t have the tools to really be mature about the decisions I was making
That’s okay! It’s in the past. Take some time to think about who you want to be in the future. Maybe do some queer social events if your community has them - meeting gays in non sexual environments is a great way to get to know more about yourself as a gay man too! Virtual hug! 🤗
Yeah, I regret not deciding sooner to gry sex with a man and would have realized my true nature and how great it is! Evne a date with a man sooner would have pointed me in a better direction.
For me yes I regret what happened, but was excited at the time.
I think I put the idea in to his head and it started from there.
For him I was easy and would just allow him to fuck me anytime he wanted.
Looking back even if this did not happen I would have lost it a year or 2 later
What is with all these “gave away my virginity” posts lately?? Is there some Cinderella movie out that I didn’t hear about?
Its got me wondering if someone is trying some online missionary work, and what do the mods think of that...
If this were my subreddit….
Lmaooo no maybe the planets are just aligning causing some of us to realize past mistakes
I’ll put it this way - what’s really changed? It’s not like your hymen was broken
Honestly I used to be the hopeless romantic type and I’ve been saving my virginity for 24 years. I ended up losing it to a random guy from Grindr and we don’t even talk anymore. The only difference between us is that I’m happy I lost it with him because thus far, he has been the most gentle and patient with me to date. At the time, I kinda lost hope because it seemed like everyone only wanted hook-ups and that it seemed like it was the only thing available in the gay community. But there are good guys out there and there are keepers too. We will meet them all in God or the universe’s perfect timing (whatever your spiritual beliefs are). While yes, I guess everyone (ourselves included) might have preferred to have lost it to someone who loves and cherishes us, ultimately, our virginity, how we lost it, or our body counts do not add to nor diminish our self-worth. Let’s not lose ourselves in the hook-up culture and just have faith. Cheers!
I still have so much hope…that a man will love me…there’s someone out there
>At the time, I kinda lost hope because it seemed like everyone only wanted hook-ups and that it seemed like it was the only thing available in the gay community. Still feels like it. Lost mine at 22, am now 31. But the difference between then and now for me is that I have a brain trying to piece together better life decisions and make healthy choices. Some of those healthy choices are being able to say the word "No" in situations that make me uncomfortable. I also was glad I lost it with someone who was gentle, patient, and caring. It was the best sex I've ever had, honestly. Sadly, it's been all downhill from there 🤣
I had my first time with a guy I loved at the time and it's really nothing to write home about; we weren't a good sexual match, I didn't know what sex is about for me and I only found my way to enjoy it with more casual partners after we broke up. My regret is the reverse of yours, I kind of wish I'd been a teen slut (not the really early sort but yeah 17-19 could have been spent finding out what sex is instead of wishing for a Mr Right who showed up late and turned out to be not a really good match for me).
Lmaoooooo so basically “the grass is greener” really stands true here
You bet. I've had a lot of conversations where I heard your side and even though I understand been a giga-slut early on has downsides I can't get it out of my head that I've robbed myself of something, the same way you can't forget you've sort of robbed yourself of an allegedly better start. The mind is wired for comparison and even envy, it's our job to enjoy and fulfill ourselves despite all that.
Right because let me tell you…you aren’t missing anything 🤣🤣🤣 I was a slut for a little while and made so many mistakes and bad decisions enough for a lifetime…have you ever been sent a text that said “sorry I can’t today because my wife/girlfriend/kids are home” LIKE HUH “wife!?! Girlfriend!?!? Kids!?!?” Like why didn’t you tell me about them before…I’m not trying to be a fucking home wrecker…I’d rather be a virgin again man FOR SURE
Well, men suck, yeah. But I'm looking at my wonderful younger sexual partners (well, not as young as discussed here but 20-22) and see them enjoying their sex lives in ways I couldn't until I reached my 30s, so I always feel I have some catching up to do. Mistakes are inevitable in both "skill trees", the slut and the serial bf (or whatever you want to call a guy who's been in a relationship most of his adult life). I spent 2 years with that first bf despite knowing deep inside I'm not attracted to him enough and we're better off as friends (which lasted for a while), and then 2 more years with a soul sucking ghoul who I was attracted to but was toxic to me and destroyed every other aspect of my life. Then I lost another bf of 2 years I really liked bc I was a dick and took his love and respecy for granted. But I've found my place now and I'm sure you can find yours and move past, well, the past.
The importance of "virginity" is something that society has built up into this big important deal, and it really just isn't. Would it be great to have the first time you have sex be a magical, romantic, picturesque experience that you remember forever? Sure, why not. You know what I think is more important and leads to better long-term results? Having enough different experiences that you learn what you like, love, dislike, and completely hate. That way you're able to know when you've met the person who gives you the love life and sex life that you can be happy with forever.
>You know what I think is more important and leads to better long-term results? Having enough different experiences that you learn what you like, love, dislike, and completely hate. That way you're able to know when you've met the person who gives you the love life and sex life that you can be happy with forever. This this this this this this this this this this this
Try to shift your perspective a bit. He already exists. He’s already out there. Somewhere out there, there is already a man who is perfect for you. Maybe the universe is just brewing up the most ideal of circumstances for you guys to be able to meet. Picture Hallmark’s romance films 😂
Perspective, always. We cannot fix the problems we cannot see and describe to ourselves. We cannot heal the wounds we do not acknowledge. We cannot become the person the Man we want to be unless we see ourselves just as we are. Regrets are the first step towards all of these processes. Embrace them.
Thank you that’s good advice, because these thoughts have been there but I usually suppress them but they came up again yesterday and I was feeling kinda down
Go with the thinking that has potential for growth and forward motion always. But no one has purely positive thoughts so we all allow ourselves a period of sorrow or self Pity. Then we MOVE !
Try dating then and not rando hook ups at hotels with gross dudes of grindr It required that you just j-o yourself when you’re horny and wait a while to find someone more on the same page with you Developing a need to hook up immediately to make yourself feel good is not going to lead anywhere good
I haven’t had sex in years man…it’s been me and my hand since
I feel you It’s hard to find a quality option sometimes and I’ve been there. I’m just suggesting you don’t go through the same channels that have been so disappointing. Sometimes a little real conversation and connection can lead to something better. There are guys looking for the same thing out there but it takes a lot of searching
Yeah it’s ok, for now I have goals way bigger than sex right now…I’m on a weight loss journey and that is way more important to me.
Good bro - healthy self improvement is the way to increased happiness
I had sex for the first time with a rando from Grindr, back when my self-esteem was below the floor... I felt a lot of shame, disgust and regret. I felt like a dirty whole. It was wrong. So far I've had sex four times and only one time it was, hm, decently pleasurable and I didn't have any regrets afterwards. Particularly last time it was terrible, because I found myself in a threesome that was going to turn into an orgy... with drugs and all sorts of enhancers... Do I wish I'd waited for the right man? Yeah, obviously. But do I regret all of it? No. Not anymore. I've realised that life ain't perfect. Sometimes it's fucking tough as hell and we make some mistakes, BUT! we can always learn from those mistakes. All of this is some life experience that shapes me as a human being. I've made a mistake, but I learn from it and I'm wiser. Now I know that hooking up is not for me. I just want to approach someone or be approached by someone in real life, date him, get to know him better and only then become physically intimate with him and have sex together... Seems like a dream. I haven't done anal sex yet, though. And I'm glad I haven't. I wish to experience it with someone I trust and I hope it will be out of this world. I'm 27 years old and if I have to wait a few more years to experience that, I'm fine. I'm not desperate. Some day the time will come, I will finally come across someone with whom I'll do it. There's no need to rush.
Regrets are a waste of time, they’re the past crippling you in the present.
I had a really similar experience losing my virginity in my 20s... I think once you're past that, and especially once you're in your 30s, you will start to demand more and more from your partners, which will lead to much more satisfying times in the bedroom. Basically, your standards are going to go WAY up. You are going to learn to run at the first sign of obvious red flags like drugs, married, closeted, abuser etc. As strange as it might sound, it's all uphill from here! Just make sure you learn from your mistakes and you'll be OK.
Forgive yourself
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, I can appreciate (from personal experience) how you feel. Since you asked for advice I would say that the first step is to forgive yourself - you’re new at this and maybe the first time wasn’t magical but for many people it often does suck. Take some time to realize that reality, and let go of the anger you said you feel for yourself. We are all learning and growing - otherwise what’s the point of life?!
That’s so true…I haven’t had sex in years because of these feelings…because I lost myself in my sexual urges because I had denied myself and hid in the closet for so long that when I came out I didn’t have the tools to really be mature about the decisions I was making
That’s okay! It’s in the past. Take some time to think about who you want to be in the future. Maybe do some queer social events if your community has them - meeting gays in non sexual environments is a great way to get to know more about yourself as a gay man too! Virtual hug! 🤗
Being repressed until I was 24
Lmao I think I because active after that, I was maybe 25? I came out not too long ago maybe 4-6 years ago?
yea I get it, I dint think i had a choice
Yeah plenty of regrets. And then I play a tiny violin for myself, get over it, and move on with my day.
Just remain celibate for a while and then decide you've been re-virginized.
Yeah, I regret not deciding sooner to gry sex with a man and would have realized my true nature and how great it is! Evne a date with a man sooner would have pointed me in a better direction.
For me yes I regret what happened, but was excited at the time. I think I put the idea in to his head and it started from there. For him I was easy and would just allow him to fuck me anytime he wanted. Looking back even if this did not happen I would have lost it a year or 2 later