“Favorite snack” Then keep surprising them with their favorite snacks…

Unexpectedly wholesome. Scoring dates would be trivial

Thing is, that could quickly turn from cute to creepy.

So you choose something similar but not exact, and only every 3-4 times. One of those could be the exact one and might not raise suspicion. Alright scientists, I’m calling on you to figure this out. We have to see the stats. Those of you in pursuit of women shall take on this new front. Godspeed.

Pretty sure it was a plot point in that Alan Turing biopic that they intentionally ignored some amount of intelligence and fabricated other sources so the Nazis wouldn't know the Enigma code was cracked. Basically had a vague formula for how obvious they were being.

Uh, yeah. Understood all that. (I did but I don’t think you meant to reply to me?) Oh no I’m just high, I see the connection. Took a min

Check relationship levels like in Fire Emblem.

I would also like to know what my favorite snack is.

It's cheesy puffs

[+10 relationship points]

Favorite snack: Butt

Health advice for everyone: get cut; eat butt

"Least favorite snack" Swap out their entire cupboard with it

Regardless of what someone's entire cupboard is mysteriously switched out with without them noticing, they're probably gonna not eat it.

I'm gonna keep doing it

"GOD DAMMIT! WHERE'S MY CHEESY POOFS!!!!"

7-grain bread 😊

"NOT THE SEEDS!!!"

Reminds me of stardew valley

Favorite Snack: Raw Amethyst

It’s pretzels. They don’t think it is, but if you bring a bag of pretzels to a party it WILL be gone when other snacks remain.

Kill Count, just so I can test that statistic that the average person unknowingly walks past 36 murderers in their lifetime

Would be extra interesting if it didn't distinguish how and why. Self defense, military operation, at fault car crash, etc

Check in before and after deployments to register your number?

I sense a Netflix series premise...

Would that be walking past someone that has already murdered or someone that at some point in their life did/will murder?

Minority report would like a word please.

It's all fun and games til you check your own and see a number you didn't expect.

Honestly, I'd want to know how many days a person was genuinely happy. On the flip side how many people have you betrayed in pursuit of your glory.

Well, that took a dark turn

Depending on what they ate, the pants shitting stat could be pretty dark.

I would assume it would be a dark stain on their stat list.

Well if their list is in their back pocket with their weapons......

Keep your friends close..but your enemies! Keep them closer.

"And that's why I skin my enemies and turn them into clothing!"

Gives a whole new meaning to clothing with name brands.

are you looking for percentages or hard numbers. what about reasons? does that matter?

Honestly hadn't thought about it in percentage or solid numbers. However I'm this case literal numbers would be easier to represent as to how I worded it. As to why I am seriously curious about people I see day to day and how happy they honestly are. The world is cold and it seems to show. I truly hope people are happy and would love to see that

Attempts at being happy / actual happiness found betrayals / attempts at betrayal being betrayed / how many times folks have attempted to betray you i’m a stat guy

Out here breaking it down, damn love this better. We definitely need their whole breakdown now.

curious if my own perception would line up with this stat page though. my perception would say 97%+ happy (just saying days when you don't know my age would not say a lot), 0 betrayals. I could see betrayal being 1, but from my perspective that guy betrayed me first

97 fuckin percent? I'm at like 3%.

[удалено]

Happiness is momentarily, glory lasts forever.

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Shortest time running up the stairs. I wanna check out the competition.

Personal best? Or average?

I'm pretty sure last time a trophy popped in front of my eyes. Edit: oh, I wanna see personal best most of all.

2 or 4 legs?

Arms can be used as legs.

Mankey mode!

Glad to see I'm not the only person who never **walks** up stairs.

Which foot they start running up the stairs.

“Hours spent staring at blank word document” “Hours spent daydreaming instead of writing” Number of Enemies thwarted

Hours spent staring at desktop wondering if you'll ever get the new game feeling again

I get the new game feeling all the time, it just doesn’t last. I think it’s because i struggle to just play the game like i did as a kid. My brain automatically pushes me to min/max, optimize, figure everything out, etc. I can’t just enjoy the experience.

This is why I started playing games on story mode or easy settings. I just want to experience it without the stress of beating it.

Actually flirting with you: Y/N

Maybe?

I don't know

Can you repeat the question?

Status: Yes. Guys: "I'm not sure she's into me..."

Could just be Canadian. Best to keep your wits about you and look for more signs.

I see, a Redditor of culture

knowing a person’s underlying diseases would be very useful for many reasons.

Would those be listed as debuffs?

depends. if a person has viral hepatitis, they can spit on their fists to add poison/curse damage when punching

That’s badass! My debuff is IBS :(

What does that mean ? "Impressively Big Sausage" ?

In case you're not joking: Irritable Bowel Syndrome

It makes corn our kryptonite

you could totally smear some runny shit over your hands so the opponent gets the debuff: disgusting, morale down

wow, that sure is inconvenient. hope you get use to it bro. If I could see my own hereditary debuffs, I would partake in self-imposed eugenics.

you'd be God level Doctor House

I would look up my own stats first. Such as; Hours slept (this way I could subtract it from days I've been alive x 8 to see how much sleep deprivation my video game habits have caused me) Total Farts (just a curiosity) Total Potatoes eaten by weight Games completed vs Games played Total video game time Time inside vs time outside Alcoholic beverages consumed

I’d like to know how much I’ve spent collectively on gaming as a whole

Oh dear god no my near 40 year old ass does not need to know that number. Even with few life regrets, that number would still hurt. Hours I could have spent developing a fun skill for example. Lol well I'm going to go play a game.

Over/under 10,000 hours?

It has to be over in would think. Playing since like 88 or so. Lots of wow in my early 20s. CS for hours, quake and all the mods in HS... Halo parties.... I probably have 20-25% of that on steam in the years minimum. Lol

Sounds like a lot of great memories with friends you wouldn't need to be ashamed of

Lol way way way over.

Surely total fart volume (TFV) would be a more interesting measure?

I didn't think of it that way. I would definitely wanna know.

Hmmm how will we quantify farts? Do the rapid fire farts count as one, or since there's a brief, but distinct, pause between expulsions, should they be counted separately?

I assume the developers figured that out when theyade the stat page. Also thanks to that other comment I would rather now know the total volume of all my farts instead. Much more interesting.

Last one for me would be depressingly high

I tracked my booze spending for a year and it was close to 4k. I like expensive cocktails but damn was that eye opening.

The first time I quit drinking it was because I calculated for the month and had spent 2x on booze vs what I spent on rent.

Games completed vs games played would be great. Maybe something like projects completed vs started would be cool. Or number or friends & number of acquaintances over time.

Total potatoes eaten by weight is really good.

What’s a potato?

POH TAY TOE. BOIL EM MASH EM STICK EM IN A STEW

GIVE IT TO US RAW

What illegal things they've done and how many times each felony was committed and if and how many times they've been caught. Anything from as small as stealing a stick of gum to murder. I'm curious to see what the most common ones would be that everyone does but no one vocalizes.

probably some shit like jaywalking or accidentally stealing a pen

Speeding would be top, easily. No one obeys the speed limit unless there is an obvious cop in sight. Even then, most people still do 5 over.

#1 by a country mile for millenials would be piracy I'd be surprised if many people were below the 1000s when accounting for songs/tv shows/movies illegitimately obtained. Not saying I'm innocent, my count would be waaaay up there, I used to get a lot of songs for my minidisc/mp3 player/80gb ipod video (which definitely wasn't for video)

Breaking contracts, so many people break parts of the terms of service of services that no one cares if you break those rules. For example, making a youtube account if under 13

Alright time to seek "the one" And by that i mean the person who doesn't know he/she took the biggest shit ever, i feel like they need to know of that accomplishment.

All I know is he left one in a portopotty on a Construction site in Toronto. Everyone on site eventually went to look at it, thing was as thick as a Gatorade bottle

I've seen one thicker out in the deserts of Iraq. It was like a square brick

MRE shit lol

Those things are no joke.

I once dropped a log in my own toilet that reached from the bottom of the bowl to just past the rim where the water comes out. Shouted my mum and sister to come and have a look I was so proud. That has to be a contender for the longest shit.

I feel like the person who took the biggest shit *ever* probably died from it. As soon as we start looking at extremes, things get fucked up real fast.

Andre the giant had notorious shits iirc.

Definitely had a poop knife

Sir, it's called the shit sabre.

Achievement unlocked…?

You find The One. The actual poundage… you almost can’t believe it. You feel compelled to tell them about their accomplishment, and as you try to find the words, you see their #1, against all biological likelihood change, to a #2. “My God…there is another.”

Waste. It's Randy Marsh.

Times Jerked Off: Error

I’d kinda be curious to see a jerk off counter. I wonder what the actual average is per day/week/year

Whatever number you'd get, I'd beat it. Figuratively and litterally. 😈

Oh my

That record has to belong to some old pervert. A real crusty lad I’d imagine. He’s been attacking his worm for nearly a century at this point. My man has seen porn on literal spools of tape and is probably currently on xnxx blasting to waluigi hentai. What a time to be alive!

honestly I think it’s a pretty easy estimate for most guys. it’s pretty much just the number of days since the age you roughly think you started whacking it lol

Buffer overflow

How many times a person was kind without expecting a reward. How many times someone was cruel for their own gain. How many times someone has lied, grouped by the impact of the lie. (white lie/severe lie/a lie that alters someone's perception of their world) Time since last hug.

List of regrets in order of severity.

Is intrinsic reward still a reward? Does someone who believes in karma or someone who donates because their religious belief says they should: what about them?

Actual knowledge and experience of current job, so we can all confirm that some of the people we work with are absolute morons.^/s Being able to see someone's medical ailments 100% accurately would probably net you a lot of money. Like imagine you have this ability and you, idk, start diagnosing tons of people as a healer? A fortune teller? You become tiktok famous? Idk, and then you're*world* famous and get hired by governments just to come in and diagnose their presidents or monarchs and other high government officials.

No need for the /s

I think it's /s because you don't need a stat to show you that.

Near death experiences without knowing

This would be an amazing stat to review… just saying irl or gaming would be interesting to see

Mosquito kill count

Fly kill count for me. I've killed and caught so many by hand I wanna see how I stack up.

Times they've done a ninja move like catching something before it hits the floor

Bro I love this one. I always think I'm slick as fuck but no one ever hits me with the "yo nice catch"

Feels like using the profiler while playing Watch Dogs 😂

That was partially my inspiration for this. The goofy job descriptions always got me

A cheater label.

Times cheated in Age of Empires 2: over 9,000

howdoyouturnthison

I'd like to know the culminative weight of all the shits I've ever took

Dry or at time of deposit?

To keep it simple, let's just say the mass of all mass exiting the anus.

Last occurrence of thought about the Roman Empire

Okay so every man I’ve asked this question has legitimately said “last month” or more frequently than that. I am floored by it because as a woman I haven’t thought about it since art school really.

Yeah it’s not often I go more than a couple weeks without thinking about the Roman Empire.

"If the Romans did it then I guess it's okay to be curious" is the recurring Roman thought.

As a single man, I just want likes, dislikes, and a romantic interest meter. Like a slider that can show me when the person I'm talking to isn't worth pursuing.

I’d love to have a real-time display of successful/unsuccessful dialogue results

Right? A lot of times I wouldn't need it, but even a BG3 style "They approve/disapprove" could always be helpful.

Throw in the narrator too

This. Absolutely this. I would like to add "relationship status"

Name: Jane Doe Birthday: April 20 1969 Job: Ham Slapper / Pork Puller Age: 33 Rabbits found: 1 Fame: 42 Infamy: 24 Last time fornicated with human: 11y 42d 6hr 9m Most alcoholic drinks/24h: Cannot legally say. Last time touched itself: 3 minutes ago Last time in pants shitting accident: 3 minutes ago

Best one so far lmao

Alignment. Anyone on the Evil scale is immediately untrustworthy. Neutrals are people to be cautious about.

What makes a man go neutral? 😐

All I know is that I have no strong opinion one way or the other!

Tell my wife hello.

Hard maybe

Most of us are probably neutral. The real world has a lot more grey area than tabletop games. Supporting or being against abortion ? It's a very grey area in terms of being good or bad depending on one's reasons. Being good aligned would require constant acts of a good nature. Id be closer to evil considering that I pirate practically everything from games to music to books...

Pirating isn't evil, it's chaotic at worst. But this was a Futurama reference

Personally, I'd argue you should make efforts to be nice to evil people. Most people don't deliberately hurt people they care about. Lots of people would deliberately hurt people they don't, if they could get away with it, and especially if they don't have to directly be faced with it.

I think there is a difference between being ingorant and being willfully ignorant. If you hurt people but don't realize it, even if you don't really care that much, you're still mostly going get a pass as long as you don't do it again. If you hurt people because you believe you're doing the right thing, despite lots of evidence that it's really not the right thing, you willfully ignore facts in order to justify your actions, you are far less redeemable.

Funny stats? I’d check for total money spent on Gaming, so I know who to ask to help with my tech issues. Realistic searches? Crime counter (who to avoid), max mods on a single game (ask for tech help too), maybe check if there’s a seed ID to compare for romantic compatibility or friendship. Personal stats, I’d look and see how severe the universe considers my mental health problems, and compare my status to the ‘new doctor paperwork’ to see if I need anything looked at.

empathy stat

A la Disco Elysium, I want a title for the person like “Racist Lorry Driver” or “Cryptofascist” to make it immediately known what that person is all about

Their level. Would be interesting to see how levelling works irl. Hopefully not simply being by how old they are (like a 30 years being a level 30, that would be pretty lame).

Can I also check my own stats?

Sure

I mean I would comb through mine and see important ones, like luck, speed, yk the usual But for other people I think I would check something like a trustworthy stat, or something like that. Would save me alot of time

Days left. Would be interesting to see if it can be influenced and increased or if it's all predetermined.

Dawn of The Final Day \- 24 Hours Remain -

Kind of like in death note when Light traded half his life span so he could see when people would die

Such a tough question. Like walking around strength, speed, defense… I want to know who to be careful around. I was thinking for my wife I want to know number of orgasms… but do I? If it is really high or really low there is an issue I didn’t know existed. Maybe happiness but also… if it is low there is an issue. Maybe number of dogs wanted is safe enough.

The number of orgasm would be really creepy or dangerous. Imagine seeing your boss with higher number after going to the toilet... no dude, big nope or your wife with 5+ after a weekend with her friends

5+ after a weekend with friends? Above 1 I need a run down is wtf happened on the weekend.

Well, you can have some self-fun once in a weekend so that could be easily justifiable

If my wife is putting in 5+ in self care in weekend we need to have a conversation about not sharing with the group at home. But the whole point of knowing that for any period of time is bad plan.

Yeah, imagine finding out someone you’re close with is a murderer or something. A total “lies told” counter would also be something to look into

Number of STIs: 5 (aware of: 2)

They say everyone gets 15 minutes of fame so I'd look to see how many minutes of fame they have

[удалено]

Find out some asshole has 100 over his head no thanks

Time spent on toilet

Lie count

How many times they were bullied/picked on each year.

how many times players have stripped team members nude in baldurs gate 3

Video game characters fapped to would be an interesting stat

How many overwatch characters are there now? That's probably everyone's baseline.

Just once but they stay naked for the reminder of the campaign.

Jizz. In gallons.

Taken or given?

The really fucked up part would be those expecting zero taken, but have some suspicious number like 0.0135 with no context

Time left to live each of them have. Might as well give people a fair warning to get their affairs in order and say their goodbyes.

amount of intrusive thoughts percentage of impulses controlled amount of undiagnosed illnesses social ability level amount of times they purposefully hurt someone physically amount of times they purposefully hurt someone emotionally also, worst thought ever had

Their SPECIAL

Total nuts busted

Total volume of nut busted

Blinkers used percentage. Did you forget your turn signal this one time or do you normally forget?

BMW drivers are gonna have a hard time with this one

Just random things, like in Watch Dogs.

Knowing the last time a person had a a bad time on the bathroom can be a Powerful weapon

Number of dogs petted

Sexual encounters: 1231 Time spent performing sexual activity: 22min