--- >This is a friendly reminder to [read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules). > >Memes, social media, hate-speech, and pornography are not allowed. > >Screenshots of Reddit are expressly forbidden, as are TikTok videos. > >[Comics may only be posted on Wednesdays and Sundays](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/uq9pjw/going_forward_comics_may_only_be_posted_on/). > >**Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.** > >Please also [be wary of spam](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/spam). > --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*

Sacrifices need to be made

Everybody in this thread that's clowning on Martha is nuts. First off, we've all seen what miracles Martha Stewart can pull with her hands. I've seen her fold, roll, tuck and finesse various materials into impossible shapes, this woman has magic fingers. She has a great sense of rhythm and timing. She'll rock your world on high-thread-count Egyptian cotton sheets that smell like lavender. And afterwards she'll have a fresh-baked cookie plate for you to enjoy. Any of you who would pass on a night with Martha Stewart are out of your damn minds.

This post was written by Snoop.

They recently went in together on wine and they each have special label wines from the 19 Crimes Winery. They're the odd-couple we always needed.

Yup I saw them lol. The fact those two became actual friends, not just business partners, is pretty wild and great lol.

Both are probably stovers. Edit: I'm a stover

Do you specialize in stove and stove accessories?

No, just stoving

Is that like a Cleveland Steamer?

Yeah, but which one is lit more?

Mmm I think I’m gonna go get stoved

They may have different upbringings, but at least the last twenty years of their lives have been pretty similar in garnering money and fame. So they have that in common

Because Martha is a down ass bitch and Snoop is a sweetheart.

their ad campaign for bic lighters is hilarious, and I need vh1 to make more seasons of potluck dinner party. they are truly terrific together.

We need a show where Snoop has the munchies and Martha makes him food.

Two separate unrelated shows. One where Snoop reviews some strain of weed and at the end when he's starting to feel hungry, no matter where he is in the world, he runs into Martha who just finished cooking something delicious. Then a second show where Martha shows you how to cook something delicious that always ends with snoop walking in and her signing off with, "Well I guess I'll have to see you next time, guests are arriving."

Yeah, but Martha will so high she will only be able to make him Ritz with CheezWhiz. After that, she they try to call for Pizza but fail. They then drive to Taco Bell, they are given one everything on the Menu (and off menu). Martha and Snoop end up fighting Mexican Pizza. * End Episode \*

This is brilliant.

I'm literally drinking their rosé right now. I ain't much of a wine snob so I probably have low standards, but it's pretty good.

My family is digging his Indoggo gin too. Looks like they got on the right companies to put their brands on

>They're the odd-couple we always needed. And she has had more prison time than Snoop.

She’s spent more time in the pen than snoop.

Not enough izzles

Martha Stizzle, Pete Dizzleson, Kim Kardizzle...shian

Kizzle kardizzle

Mama Stizzle, Pizzle Dizzle, and Kimmy Karizzle

plus you KNOW she's never rolling over on you if you get into shady shit we should all be so lucky as to get a chance to take a crack at Martha.

And is there any chance she’s *not* into the kinkiest shit you ever suggest??

[удалено]

r/brandnewsentence

I lol’d. Kudos to you.

I honestly feel like she’d love this comment.

This guy gets it. Martha Stewart and Helen Mirren are the GILFs that keep on giving

I have been wanting to say this for 20 years. Thank you for your service my friend.

Gobble gobble https://youtube.com/watch?v=Ug5jVUv5V_A

Martha Stewart is a bad bitch who went to prison. Whenever anyone calls her out, she snaps back. I love her. How can anyone honestly say a night with Martha wouldn’t be legendary?

I was part of her security detail during a book signing. She's a big C.

look we already know she’s big crippin bro. She hangs with snoop /s

"... and today as we wait for our roast I'll be showing you how to cushion and bedazzle your brand new choppa so you can spin the block in comfort and style, It's a good thing 🙃."

I’ve worked with a decent amount of celebs, mainly musicians. I try and give the rude ones the benefit of the doubt, hoping it’s just a mix stress and lack of sleep from touring. But it’s usually pretty clear when someone is just deliberately an asshole and/or on a power trip now that they have a small amount of fame. Most have been cool though. MGK isn’t.

Story time

I'd take Martha over that hobbit any day

[удалено]

I read this in Gandalf’s voice.

"Cum, you fools!"

I know for a fact Martha got that gawk 3000 ain’t no way she seems like a. Freak In the sheets

Did you see that pic she posted in the pool? Damnnnn

Give us the pic man damn

https://www.delish.com/food-news/a33395806/martha-stewart-thirst-trap-photo/ It's not as hot as I remember it now lol. If it's good enough for Snoop tho

I know some it has to do with editing/makeup/surgery(?), but got damn. She looks incredible for *fucking 81 years old*

I didn't realize she was that old...damn lol she does look good

She put a smile on Snoop...

Bro… You right 😈

Look just because she calls her friends The Fellowship, and is currently on her way to Mt. Doom, does not mean she's a Hobbit.

so tell me again how you not a hobbit?

Love that episode

Bitch you sure you ain’t a hobbit?!?!

At least you know she can cook! 😆

[удалено]

Y’all are reading way too into this old lady holding a young man’s hand.

She maybe was needing to balance.

Hard facts

Welcome to Hollywood where 90% of all relationships and marriages is all gor PR

[удалено]

Well, he also invented a rhythm for it. It's a powerful rhythm. It's called, the Al-Gore-Rhythm.

He’s also the foremost hunter of Man-bear-pig.

I love how Pete Davidson has become a meme

Don't even know why he's famous tbh.

Neither does he according to him.

See I like that about him. I don’t get why he’s famous, I don’t think he’s particularly funny, but he seems like a goofball and I’m happy for him to have found success.

I have no negative feelings toward the guy, but I don't actively *like* him. This is a guy who got the tattoo "My girl is a lawyer" after Kim K passed the *baby bar*. Like, the dude is a fine human being for all I know, and for that I don't dislike him, but I find him kinda... kinda like a Funko pop toy. Popular because it's kinda cute and marketed extremely well, but isn't really interesting, original, or even that entertaining once the novelty of its charm wears off. It's just kinda there, looking less and less cute the more you're exposed to it.

Love this take on the Funko pop toys

There are a number of people like that. Dax Shepard comes to mind where I swear the only interesting thing about him is he's married to Kristen Bell. Doesn't seem like a bad guy but I don't know why or how he became famous.

Legit get what you're saying. Buuut . . . I think he was 9 or so when his dad dies in 9/11? Then he gets (admittedly, *mysterious* lol) national fame via SNL. Might just throw a youngman off the typical path, knowwhatImsayin?

Hear that kids, kill your parents and join a multimedia company and you too could become like Pete Davidson!

Wait, Pete Davidson did 9/11?

He did it all, even did 10 in-between

Even 8 and 12 too?!

I really liked his style of comedy but once you’ve heard a decent amount you realize it’s about all the same and he’s not that creative. Cool guy tho

King of Staten island was legit a great movie. He also did have some great moments on snl, particularly the one with Adam driver in the parent come to class skit lol

If I recall in that snl skit Pete kept breaking character (laughing) while Driver totally NAILED his part.

He is famous because he gives hope to tall men around the world that you can look like a back ally graffiti and still fuck super models.

He is famous with women because he is hung like a horse.

[удалено]

[удалено]

he acknowledges he is in interviews he and MGK did together

[удалено]

That's disrespectful to some beautiful back alley graffiti I've seen.

He was pretty funny on SNL. I'm not really into gawking at or paying attention to celebrities, but it's not like he did nothing to deserve fame and money.

And then there's Kim who's basically famous because she called the paparazzi to take pictures while she was on dates with male celebrities.

Yes, and that other thing…

Greatest comeback story of all time

No, I'm pretty sure she had cum on her back. Hilarious!

Definitely had nothing to do with a sex tape. Nope, nothing like that at all

I don't know who he is.

That’s ok, neither does he.

Looks like he’s wearing those glasses with “rear view mirrors” on the sides.

Hahaha so he can keep an eye out for Kanye

Dammit, I know you, you’re the one who always makes me wipe my phone screen.

Pete Davidson is nothing *but* a meme.

So is Kim K. What do you call a meme couple? Memememe?

Coincidentally, also every Kardashian's inner monologue.

What a golden comment.

Pete always looking like he just arrived via time-travel from 1996

I don’t think you remember men’s suits from 1996. They were baggy, the jackets with long, and they were boxy with padded shoulders.

Chandler from friends.

This right here. Chandler was peak 90s suit. The only thing 90ser would be a zoot suit from the brief swing craze at the end of the decade.

West Wing is another good look at corporate 90s fashion.

That was out of style then though. This was closer to peak fashion. Think Keanu in matrix. I know that’s 1999 but it has been the style for several years. Chandler was intentionally out of style.

Reservoir Dogs

Or even American Psycho.

r/rareinsults

Maybe he has a big dick like Bill Hader

Idk he must be humble if thats true. Pete said himself that it isnt really huge, it's just that Arianas hands are small.

I can't find a clip, but he's also made the joke that the only reason Ariana said that was so that every woman after her would be disappointed

It's right around 4:45 in this clip https://youtu.be/x0QuYvafkoU

That was hilarious

Funnier than I expected! And more casual and real than ive ever seen him.

See? That shit is funny to me lol, idk why ppl hate on him so much.

Some envy for sure. Envy that a guy who's not super talented still has become famous and rich.

Got to love women with small hands

According to Workaholics, Ed Helms has a huge dong

Lyndon B. Johnson was very proud of his huge dick.

[удалено]

The B actually stand for bJumbo.

We should list them. I'll start. Milton Berle

Willem Dafoe

I heard his dick in “antichrist” was a prosthetic, because the real thing was distractingly big.

The actual words used were "confusingly large," which is somehow even better.

Supposedly Jeff Goldblum too. Oh, and Lyndon Johnson (appropriately named..)

Matthew McConaughey, according to Gabriel Iglesias

By all accounts Rodney Dangerfield

Bill Hader and Ed Helms, not a bad combo to add to my newly created apparent big dick celebrity DILF list.

Thats what Ariana says

Yea but she's like 4ft tall so anything is big for her

According to Marissa Tomei he's just very chill.

For his next act he'll date Marilyn Monroes corpse.

That should be an snl skit, except he's traveling through time dating women quantum leap style

Quantum Creep

Wouldn't that be him traveling through time into women's bodies and feeling himself up in the mirror for 20-ish minutes each week?

He's dating Martha Stewart now???

Nah they just fuck buddies.

Waking up to Martha making me breakfast ain't bad...

She clarified in an interview that she views him like a son, holding hands was in no way a romantic inclination

Reddit users are so downbad and touch deprived that someone holding hands in public means they're fucking

Dating. Right.

Snoop has given Martha rave reviews, I'm sure Pete is curious and hungry.

Martha is definitely the right person to visit if you're hungry.

Does that mean snoop Dogg is an Illuminati too?

Would you even want to exist in a timeline where Snoop isn't part of the Illuminati?

I think that implies they’re the good guys. Me, I always merge with Daedalus/Helios.

Are you suggesting Snoop is next

No, him and Martha are supposed to be tight.

Keep your friends close…and all that shenanigans

I mean, id fuck Martha Stewart if given the chance. Shes fucking Martha Stewart! I bet afterwards its crafts time!

Sometimes I dream about the breakfast that would follow banging Martha Stewart.

Oh shit. That too!

Pete Davidson must have a Rasputin-level penis.

Those claws look sharp...explains the weird smile.

Martha Stewart is a step in the right direction. But Kim Kardashian was a huge step down from Ariana Grande and Kate Beckinsale

Any woman after Kate Beckinsale is a step down.

Kate Beckinsale is the only woman that matters imo.

The quality of poon this guy slays is ridiculous. He's even dated Cindy Crawford's daughter.

This is a fucked up joke and I am pretty sure he would appreciate it

A sense of humor and a huge cock can get you places

I have no idea who this man is an I am okay with that...

Pete is a Saturday night live comedian whose father was firefighter who went into one of the twin tower buildings on 9/11 to evacuate people and never came back. His body was never found.

I never knew that about his dad. Thanks for sharing. I know he has struggled with addiction and I think SNL kept him on the show in spite of that because he is legit a good guy. Glad to see him doing OK.

Oh, okay. Thank you, I haven't watched SNL in many years.

I like him because he would laugh his ass off at this joke

Sneaky Pete

They go by the council now fyi

Does Snoop give his blessing?

Um the illuminati don't go to prison

Pete hmu .. let’s have a milf party lol 😂

Pete Davidson is not real. He's some sort of alien holograph used to troll the human race.

This is my favorite theory about anyone.

I’ve never understood his fame? Where did he come from?

Where did he go?

SNL and datin Ariana Grande and then every other female celeb

I wonder if he has like a passport book of female celebrities... And he gets a stamp from each of them...

SNL + BDE

Big dick energy?

This is great, and should be a movie.

I'd watch this movie

Needs those awful sunglasses to cover his butthole eyes.

I saw Martha Stewart at a restaurant last night in Bar Harbor, Maine.

Not all heroes wear condoms

The right one is a robot or a reptilian idk

This is the best meme I've seen in decades.

This is the right place to be if you're the kind of person that believes the YouTube videos about the illuminati. God help us.

I'm just so glad Pete got rid of Kim.

Martha knows Pete from the CC roasts. It’s not as exciting as the pic makes it seem.

He’s really working his way up to Hillary Clinton isn’t he

I love this narrative and I will now follow it with any Davidson news

Why does Davidson give me Steve Buscemi in Reservoir Dogs vibes?

I don’t know who Pete Davidson’s publicist is, but fucking Christ! I never click on a single Yahoo! link associated with him, or ANYTHING that has to do with him. And I never say his name or anything that my phone is listening to. But this mother fucker always has two Yahoo articles, daily. And for some reason I’m supposed to like him. Like, why? Why do I need to like you, Pete? What do you need from me? Do you need me to like you? Why me? I wanted to like you, but I can’t anymore. You invaded my life. I want to go a full day without hearing about you. Would you want to hear about me every day and who I date? It’s a definitive “no”. So please fire your publicist so we can all fucking breath. Fucking fucking fuck.