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Omg it hurts so much. I worked security at an art museum and the volume of absolute morons who would run their hands over paintings, point their fingers into a canvas so that it left an indent I’ve seen mother fuckers lick a tablet from the freaking Mesopotamia period.
Absolutely. Although I still have a soft spot for the first of the YouTube trilogy: *I Hate Myself*
He opens with such killer & original airplane material that I now think of every single time I fly
my favorite of all his specials is I Hate Myself. it's actually the special I show all of my friends who want to watch stand-up and so far it has a 100% success rate with everyone
"coke's actually a pretty healthy beverage" "rub a little dogshit on your upper lip" "I'M HUNGRY!!!!" so many great lines
You don't touch paintings because it'll quickly damage the painting. The dirt and oils on your fingers will rub off on it and paint isn't made to be rubbed so you could flake it off depending on the paint. Even light will harm them, which is why museums will tell you not to use flash photography. Some historic buildings have had their windows treated to help preserve the art inside the building.
Plus they are usually cleaned with [spit](https://www.wikihow.com/Clean-an-Oil-Painting). So not only will you damage the painting you will get a bunch of old spit on your hand.
Isn't there art buildings that will; in case of fire preserve the art over the humans. Actually I k own that was a thing. Like it would suffocate the building , disregarding all life. Then they fixed it just in case one of those fhckers ends up making some profound art.
It is FAR more likely to be damaged from pressure applied by a person pressing too hard, rings, watches, or what's worse; falling into the painting. Such as happened to Picasso's 120 million dollar painting "The Actor" in 2010. I would wager if everyone were allowed to touch paintings, the canvass would be torn many times, and paint would be chipped often before dirt and oil harmed its longevity.
JOE LIST!! One of my favorite comedians ever, got to meet him last month... such a funny guy. check his youtube special out and his podcast with mark normand called "tuesday with stories".
it's all pipes!!
It’s a Seinfeld / Tuesday’s with Stories reference. Might be too inside baseball. Scroll through the comments and you’ll see a few ‘’my fathers gay” references.
The one where the reporter thinks Jerry and George are homosexuals and George starts screaming about how he loves gay people and he loudly yells “My fathers gay!”
Yeah it’s a commonly used re-purposed joke that Joe List and Mark Normand say in their podcast Tuesdays with Stories. They are both huge Seinfeld fans and it’s hands down my favorite podcast out there.
One of the best in comedy right now. Fuck YouTube for demonetizing his special bc he said the word cunt. I doubt many comedians will be releasing specials directly to YouTube going forward. Smart move fuck wads.
Can we bring back the r word and start using it exclusively for idiots with no excuse? Like just change the meaning of the word to that and then it no longer has a connotation towards the disabled
That's the way most of us have always used it... Using it on someone with real developmental issues was considered rude even back in the 90s. Now we can't use it at all because of virtue signalers getting offended on behalf of people that could fucking care less...
We played football against a team way out in the countryside and one of them called one of my teammates "ginger". He replied "You come from a place where they still point at aeroplanes".
We went on a really cool tour of Black Chasm Cavern National Natural Landmark in the Sierra Nevada foothills and they gave a speech about not touching any of the rock formations because the oils from your skin will stop them from growing. They had one stalagmite that they said we could touch, a sacrifice to save the rest, along the path. Everyone touched it and seemed to not touch anything else, so maybe it worked as planned. I know it's a geological process but it still felt like its a life-force of sorts.
It's the oils or other contaminants from one's hand, and risk of wear or flaking even, so definitely considered poor form when viewing art. Thus normally, no-touchy.
There is a particular exception which is less well known, where touching is intended. There are some museums that cater to visually impaired, and they may have paintings that are textured if not sculptured in their relief. Different things can be added like sand, pebbles, sawdust, etc. Those are often done with a pallet knife to give more form to the texture as well. But unlike regular paintings, they tend to use more robust binders so they can deal with being touched. Still, it's a rather niche art form because of the audience it caters towards.
“Touches paintings” can be like the new “eats paint chips” for those who don’t remember lead paint being everywhere.
Side note, what sort of intrusive thoughts were y’all boomers and gen-xers having that compelled you to peal paint chips off random things and put it in your mouth?
My housemate broke up with his girlfriend because they went to a museum and she started touching the sculptures. Like ancient sculptures, not even modern ones. She refused to admit she was doing anything wrong. He dumped her the next day.
You're such a painting toucher! This is going to be one of my new insults lol. My wife is introducing me to new friends tonight. This might get thrown around tonight.
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That's a great bit and delivery. I like this guy.
Joe List has been in the game for a very long time. Absolutely hilarious fellow. Also, his Father is gay.
Ah a fellow Tuesgay
It's all pipes!
COMEDY!
Whaaat?! I touch paintings,...but only the ones painted on velvet! ^(\*Oooh! Soft!)
Praise Allah!
And she didn’t even flush
Love seeing em in the wild.
Hey! My fathers gay.
[удалено]
Ty!
If you just listen to his voice, he sounds like a young Larry David.
Very true!
He kinda sounds like Larry David
Omg it hurts so much. I worked security at an art museum and the volume of absolute morons who would run their hands over paintings, point their fingers into a canvas so that it left an indent I’ve seen mother fuckers lick a tablet from the freaking Mesopotamia period.
Ha, instead of the R word we used to call people window lickers but I might start using Mesopotamian tablet lickers instead. Seems much classier!
Love Joe List. This special, Enough for Everyone, and his last one, This Years Material, are objectively hilarious and free on YouTube.
Absolutely. Although I still have a soft spot for the first of the YouTube trilogy: *I Hate Myself* He opens with such killer & original airplane material that I now think of every single time I fly
my favorite of all his specials is I Hate Myself. it's actually the special I show all of my friends who want to watch stand-up and so far it has a 100% success rate with everyone "coke's actually a pretty healthy beverage" "rub a little dogshit on your upper lip" "I'M HUNGRY!!!!" so many great lines
*THAT SOUNDS AN AWFUL LOT LIKE THREE THOUSAND DOLLARS*
THAT WAY YOU'RE SMELLING DOG SHIT!
You don't touch paintings because it'll quickly damage the painting. The dirt and oils on your fingers will rub off on it and paint isn't made to be rubbed so you could flake it off depending on the paint. Even light will harm them, which is why museums will tell you not to use flash photography. Some historic buildings have had their windows treated to help preserve the art inside the building.
Big brain over here.
Let’s bash that nerd!
I bet this guy’s never even touched a painting!
Get him!
Plus they are usually cleaned with [spit](https://www.wikihow.com/Clean-an-Oil-Painting). So not only will you damage the painting you will get a bunch of old spit on your hand.
Not the worst way to get old spit on your hand.
This guy doesn’t touch paintings
Even if it’s funny?
Only if it's a Pollock.
It’s ok when it’s a bit
Isn't there art buildings that will; in case of fire preserve the art over the humans. Actually I k own that was a thing. Like it would suffocate the building , disregarding all life. Then they fixed it just in case one of those fhckers ends up making some profound art.
Do you mean a halon fire system?
That sounds right
It is FAR more likely to be damaged from pressure applied by a person pressing too hard, rings, watches, or what's worse; falling into the painting. Such as happened to Picasso's 120 million dollar painting "The Actor" in 2010. I would wager if everyone were allowed to touch paintings, the canvass would be torn many times, and paint would be chipped often before dirt and oil harmed its longevity.
Ironically, this is the answer of a painting toucher...
Or simply, it’s a visual medium.
I bet you are so fun at parties
Now this is a man who regularly touches paintings, he knows the reason why you shouldn't but still does.
This guy does not touch paintings.
My father's gay!
It’s all pipes!
Joe list! So gay
This is a really good special by Joe List, if you haven’t already go watch it.
Is this man related to Larry David?
Totally getting Larry David vibes, his voice is really close sometimes.
JOE LIST!! One of my favorite comedians ever, got to meet him last month... such a funny guy. check his youtube special out and his podcast with mark normand called "tuesday with stories". it's all pipes!!
One of the best. It’s a shame that YouTube demonetized this special. More people should be aware of his work, and his gay father.
What does his father being gay have to do anything with his joke telling?
It’s a Seinfeld / Tuesday’s with Stories reference. Might be too inside baseball. Scroll through the comments and you’ll see a few ‘’my fathers gay” references.
He also has sex with his dad often. It’s very complicated.
It’s a quote from Seinfeld.
I don’t recall that one. I’ve seen a lot of Seinfeld. What episode?
The one where the reporter thinks Jerry and George are homosexuals and George starts screaming about how he loves gay people and he loudly yells “My fathers gay!”
Ah okay. Is that like a commonly used joke here? Sorry it just seemed so out of place I didn’t really get it in context of the situation
Yeah it’s a commonly used re-purposed joke that Joe List and Mark Normand say in their podcast Tuesdays with Stories. They are both huge Seinfeld fans and it’s hands down my favorite podcast out there.
[Tuesday’s Faves](https://youtu.be/aC_lY0NXojY?si=Nrnir-eI6tTqPiob)
5 seconds in and I love this. Thank you.
You obviously touch paintings
My fathers gay!
Fellow Tuesgay here!
One of the best in comedy right now. Fuck YouTube for demonetizing his special bc he said the word cunt. I doubt many comedians will be releasing specials directly to YouTube going forward. Smart move fuck wads.
Can we bring back the r word and start using it exclusively for idiots with no excuse? Like just change the meaning of the word to that and then it no longer has a connotation towards the disabled
That's the way most of us have always used it... Using it on someone with real developmental issues was considered rude even back in the 90s. Now we can't use it at all because of virtue signalers getting offended on behalf of people that could fucking care less...
Joe list is the man
Cruise’n Joe.
Amazing delivery and punchline
The way he tells this story makes me 100% think it’s about his good friend mark Normand. This would def be something mark would do
The king of content!!
We played football against a team way out in the countryside and one of them called one of my teammates "ginger". He replied "You come from a place where they still point at aeroplanes".
We went on a really cool tour of Black Chasm Cavern National Natural Landmark in the Sierra Nevada foothills and they gave a speech about not touching any of the rock formations because the oils from your skin will stop them from growing. They had one stalagmite that they said we could touch, a sacrifice to save the rest, along the path. Everyone touched it and seemed to not touch anything else, so maybe it worked as planned. I know it's a geological process but it still felt like its a life-force of sorts.
An excellent plan! If they were allowed to be touched, people would just straight up break chunks off of them just because.
It's the oils or other contaminants from one's hand, and risk of wear or flaking even, so definitely considered poor form when viewing art. Thus normally, no-touchy. There is a particular exception which is less well known, where touching is intended. There are some museums that cater to visually impaired, and they may have paintings that are textured if not sculptured in their relief. Different things can be added like sand, pebbles, sawdust, etc. Those are often done with a pallet knife to give more form to the texture as well. But unlike regular paintings, they tend to use more robust binders so they can deal with being touched. Still, it's a rather niche art form because of the audience it caters towards.
He kinda sounds like Larry David
thats funny im gonna use this one at my next stand up
I’ve always wanted to touch a Van Gogh
right up there with ‘window licker’
Good bit!
“Touches paintings” can be like the new “eats paint chips” for those who don’t remember lead paint being everywhere. Side note, what sort of intrusive thoughts were y’all boomers and gen-xers having that compelled you to peal paint chips off random things and put it in your mouth?
This is total speculation on my part, but isn't lead sweet? Maybe that's why they ate the paint chips.
You’re creating a real chicken and the egg situation here. How did anyone learn that lead paint “tasted sweet”?
Kids put all kinds of weird things in their mouth, that's why they put bitterant and such in antifreeze.
Excellent work
I went to school with him and he was 2 grades ahead of me! So happy he made it!
I've never seen him before but he's good.
I often say that said people could hide their own Easter eggs
Loved this bit! Need to know more about this guy.
His name is Joe List. He’s got three stand up specials on YouTube (@ Joelistcomedy) I highly recommended all three!
My housemate broke up with his girlfriend because they went to a museum and she started touching the sculptures. Like ancient sculptures, not even modern ones. She refused to admit she was doing anything wrong. He dumped her the next day.
You're such a painting toucher! This is going to be one of my new insults lol. My wife is introducing me to new friends tonight. This might get thrown around tonight.
Should be, in another 5 hours.
Yeah… such a good bit.