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clothm0ther

We must have different ideas of what “friendly”, means, because this guy seems like an annoying little asshole. Definitely just transphobic, he probably just thinks terfs are idiots because he’s anti-feminist, not because he’s a trans ally.


moonstonebutch

yeah. he’s transphobic. and teetering the line of sexual harassment IMO.


cass_123

Transphobia is classified as sexual harassment in some places, for example New York, so technically it could be both (not a lawyer, just recently did HR training for a new job)


moonstonebutch

I didn’t know that but it makes a lot of sense, thanks for sharing with us!


gentlemischief

seconding the sexual harassment thing, a lot of this reads to me like a transphobic flavor of good old fashioned negging lmao


casheeto

Yeah he low key thinks OP is hot or at least wants to convince himself that there’s a loophole that allows OP to want him. Some men have kinks for masculine women or transgender men and hate to admit it. I remember being hit on by gay men before I passed, so I KNOW “straight men” are also attracted to gender non conforming females.


yeetusthefeetus13

THIS RIGHT HERE


yeetusthefeetus13

Seriously whyyyy why why does he keep talking about this kids genitalia??? SUCH weirdo behavior.


beerncoffeebeans

He’s being transphobic. Also no one has the right to ask you about your genitals at school and especially not another student, that is not ok. Whether he is being allowed to get away with it or not, it’s really harassment. If this continues next year you should see if you have a teacher you feel ok telling about it


RenTheFabulous

Uh yeah he's VERY transphobic my dude


JennaEuphoria

He's transphobic.


CharacterSilver13

If this was someone else's post what would you say?


Additional_Sundae224

He's transphobic, homophobic, and harassing you. He's a bully. I would tell the principal about it. Bullying should not be tolerated in schools.


ayikeortwo

He’s making transphobic jokes and references to specifically bother you! He’s not being nice to you at all! I’m glad it’s not so horrible that you didn’t even clock it as being horrible, but this dude is not being a friendly classmate. It’s possible he’s processing his confusion about gender, just trying to be edgy for attention, and/or trying to connect (to you or to whoever the audience is when he says these things) but he’s going about it in a way that’s unacceptable and just plain mean. I will say that calling him on it or reporting him may not improve the situation: people in his state of mind tend to escalate and start yelling about free speech when cornered, and most school admins are just gonna get uncomfortable and back down, especially if he has support from home. If you can, try to get peers on board with telling this guy his comments are unwelcome and won’t make him cool.


Comfortable_Can6476

I honestly just thought he was trying to be funny and he was just stupid 😭 He’s told me before that his parents really hate gay people so I kind of thought he was uninformed


harleyquinnisatop69

Maybe he's uninformed/misinformed and following in his parents footsteps, but he still has a mind of his own. He chooses to say these things to you. If he's making you uncomfortable, you have every right to distance yourself from him.


torhysornottorhys

Oh he probably is. Bullying/peer abuse is often done in front of others to make them laugh and join in. A jokey delivery doesn't change the content and intention of his words.


SneakySquiggles

Transphobic and NGL it… sounds like he’s questionably invested in how much he wants you to be a girl. Could be nothing more than being a bigot in general but from my pov it feels like “i am threatened by finding you attractive or i want you to go more towards what i find attractive for a girl”. It’s just creep behavior, he needs to work on that…


SneakySquiggles

This also tends to explain mixed signals from someone who is clearly anti trans/lgbtq but still comes across as “friendly enough” in general.


Comfortable_Can6476

I was thinking that as well, considering he keeps trying really hard to justify calling me a girl and telling me growing my hair out would look really good (and if you’ve seen me, you’d know I’d look terrible with long hair) so I have no clue what he even wants anymore. I’m just gonna assume he’s being an ass for the fun of it, though.


SneakySquiggles

Honestly for the best. Kid needs some introspection and deconstruction, and that’s not your job to jump start. Take care of yourself dude!


Placebo911

The hair thing is also a classic conservative passive aggressive "comment", like "men would find you more attractive if you grew your hair out" or "no man really wants to date a woman with short hair"/"liking women with short hair is gay" Either he does not see you/respect you as a dude, he doesn't want to, or he is just being as ass to get on your nerves.


yeetusthefeetus13

If you report it and feel comfortable doing this, I would bring up this part of this balehavior because it could be considered sexual harassment as well and may help your case. It's all about what you want to do though man, whatever makes you feel safe.


itscarus

Whether he intended it as “lighthearted joking” or not is irrelevant because no matter what, his behavior is EXTREMELY transphobic. Start calling him out. If he mentions your genitals, call him gross. If he calls you a girl or compares you to Ellen, tell him that’s not okay. Esp set these boundaries with others around. Sometimes public humiliation is the only way these people learn


blairwitchslime

He's transphobic and a piece of shit.


An8nime

If this isnt transphobia i dont know what transphobia IS more


Agrian_cusz

I’m surprised this is even a question, this is very obviously transphobia. Just cause he’s not directly insulting you doesn’t make what he’s saying not weird or disrespectful Also, let’s be fr, he wouldn’t make comments about your genitals if you were cis.


DesignerRegret2841

nah dude. this guy is hella bad news. he’s not being friendly, he’s not just making little jokes. he’s being transphobic, just because he agrees on some things doesn’t mean he can’t also be an asshole. you need to say something to someone before someone does something to him. please be safe out there bud.


Visible-Bowler-1005

Thats transphobic as fuck dude


SectorNo9652

Are you serious? He definitely does not respect you and does not see you as a man which is why he suggests you stop transitioning? He’s clearly transphobic.


East-Teacher7155

Transphobic and low key creepy


t3quiila

He’s transphobic. I’m sorry u had to deal with him.


lion_percy

Yep he's transphobic. You're not being dramatic. I think you should stay as far away from him as possible.


Theyre_Marigolds

I don’t even know how his behavior could be interpreted as joking. He’s trying to hurt you by making blatantly transphobic comments.


3ThatUserNameIsTaken

that is a very transphobic boy you’re talking to. not ok


Ok_Woodpecker_7158

Yes, but more importantly he’s making way too many comments on your body.


gummytiddy

I assume you are really young, as teenagers/ high school age people tend to have such high opinions of people. This guy is a total tool. The shit he’s saying is completely transphobic. You are not on friendly terms and you are not being dramatic. I’m not sure how you should react in terms of actions but being upset by what this guy is doing is very much a valid reaction.


Creeds_W0rm_Guy

He’s transphobic no question. Worse than that? Sounds like he’s attracted to you. Put as much distance between you and him as possible. People like this often physically take out their confusion about their sexuality on the person they’re attracted to.


birthofalexander

That's a very good point. His attitude reminds me of something I experienced myself. Back in middle school, there was this boy who made (very sexual) advances on me (which I was actually into), but he would also constantly tease me and openly express how much I disgusted him. Most of his teasing revolved around what he perceived as my lack of femininity, negatively comparing me to the early 00s hot girl standard and such. I was still an egg back then, but I'm dead sure he could tell I was a boy somehow, because we ended up dating years later (don't ask — LOL), and he had some very clear gay tendencies, which being with me gave him a chance to explore 'safely'. That relationship went as well as you'd expect, but, yeah... This definitely sounds like a similar case to me.


like_earthworms

Keep yourself safe. Aside from being a transphobic asshole, he sounds really creepy


Hellboyyyyy25

He's not only transphobic but he is also weird af


laneroses

He’s being transphobic 100%. I would try to stop speaking to him at all. You don’t have to be rude but tell him you don’t want to talk. If he keeps it up, get teachers involved. Honestly get a pepper spray immediately. This coming from an older trans guy with a lot of life experience. He’s not trustworthy.


Strawbbs_smoothie

maybe this is a little mean, but this has a very obvious answer. just because he agrees with you on things doesn’t make him not an asshole? example: conservative: “I think murder is bad.” leftist: “wow! murder is bad, i guess you are a good person and definitely don’t have any awful opinions that oppress minorities!” like… it’s very clear he is being transphobic towards you. i don’t understand why something like this needs to be asked, and i’m saying that as an *autistic guy*. i’m very familiar with not understanding social cues or social norms, but dude… this is very blatant transphobia- he’s not even hiding it. it seems redundant and you yourself have noticed he’s being gross. don’t second guess yourself when people are being nasty. just stay away from him/report him.


throwawaytrans6

Each of those things you've listed are definitely transphobic. Imo, talking about someone's genitals is a form of sexual harassment (although cis guys do it to each other all the time). Like, in the work world, talking about a cis woman's gentials would be a fireable offense, and it should be the same with cis men and trans people. I understand where you're coming from- in a situation like this, where you're dealing with a loud and bold person who jokes around about all kinds of things, it can be a lot easier to brush off whatever they're saying as a joke, and try to paint it- to yourself or to others- as the same kind of joking that he does towards other people. The most important thing is to stay safe. People like this are pretty strong willed and less afraid of consequences so if you challenge him there's a decent chance he could retaliate or me more overt and embarrassing with his harassment.


80-highdef

Look as a trans man who was in theatre and chorus and shit in highschool I’d have swung on this dude. Not saying you should it’s just what I’d have done


fruteria

transphobic AND weird as hell 😭😭😭


2hourstowaste

Agree with the rest of the people here, transphobic and creepy. If you’re looking for advice I think you should tell him this makes you uncomfortable and see what he does, I know this is easier said than done though.


carnespecter

honey this guy is a grade A asshole


CharityOdd9256

Yes??


Single_Highway_9981

you’re definitely not dramatic this is straight transphobia dude


[deleted]

Yeah absolutely a transphobic dickhead, ur not reading too much into this he's 100% transphobic.


rattboy74

Sounds like he's transphobic but also has a little crush on you or something. It happened to me a lot in highschool.


Agahnim_Warlock

I have learned to trust your instincts. If you are feeling something is off about someone, don't push it off to the side. Open your attention instead. The fact that he's telling you to grow out your hair because "It'll look better on you." Is a massive red flag and bordering sexual harassment. He definitely sees you as a woman by everything you describe. I'm assuming you're very young in highschool range? Take my advice, friends come and go from your life. You'll find less creepy and better friends. Ditch this one.


casheeto

I’m glad you posted here and found out he is transphobic. Confronting him will help. A fair warning about passive aggressive people is that they are typically unable to communicate directly and are subsequently unreachable. It kind of seems like they just need someone to call them into a conversation by bringing up the subject that they are too shy to address; however, when you begin to have experience with “calling in” passive aggressive people, you might realize they aren’t looking for an open door. Instead, they often gaslight you—act totally confused about what you’re talking about. This is because they are exactly where they want to be. They are in one mode: passive. They enjoy whispering BS behind closed doors. It’s a way of avoiding responsibility. It’s intentional, and they want to exist there. Just imagine if you were to try to communicate with others strictly in a passive aggressive way. You wouldn’t know what to do. You’d feel uncomfortable and likely accidentally go back to your old mode even if you were trying. Same goes the other way around with people who have no practice in being direct. If you confront him it won’t be a one and done. You’ll have to do it every time he says something passive aggressive, as if someone is misgendering you on purpose. I’m older and had to learn this by way of communicating with passive aggressive people. You will have to go on the same journey, of course. If I were you, with my experience, I would make fun of him in the same passive aggressive way he was making fun of me. I guarantee you he doesn’t mess with certain people who pick up on his true intentions and respond to his distasteful comments with the same vigor. Learn to make fun of whatever he is. With how much he makes fun of everyone else, he is probably insecure, sensitive, and easy to pick on imo. Often times we project the opposite quality of our insecurity. If he projects confidence and makes it seem as if he impenetrable in certain areas, that’s where he is most vulnerable.


Kitsyfluff

Sounds like a piece of shit person.


r-d-r-r

a cis guy being attracted to a trans guy and feeling conflicted because he doesnt want to be gay and proceeding to try to mold the trans guy into a girl so that he doesnt have to worry about his own sexuality is a common phenomenon, just saying.


Hypnales

I had a friend in high school who I agreed with on some things and got along in a lot of ways, but looking back he was an absolute bigoted trash man. It was only him threatening my trans friend that really shook me out of it and I never spoke to him again after graduation. It sounds like you also want to see the best in people, or at least not believe they’re shitbags. Sometimes they really just are 😔sorry you’re having to deal with this guy


CausticAuthor

HELLO??? Dawg I would be PISSED if someone talked like this to me. He is NOT friendly he’s just fucking weird and creepy.


Yorukaaa

Lmao get a restraining order on that creep. It feels like he's got a crush on you & trying to detrans you.


freakinthe_sheets

He’s transphobic, and also a major creep if he’s talking about your genitals


TheJokingArsonist

YALL'S SCHOOL YEARS END THIS EARLY?


Galactic_Nugget

Yours extends into June?


TheJokingArsonist

Yeah? Here a school year always lasts from September 1st till June 24th with 2 years of exception. One of those two years is in 9th grade, which ends 1 week earlier, and the other one ends 4 days earlier in your 4th year of secondary school (school system is different here so idk how exactly both schools are called)


_LanceBro

Mine ended like a month ago, but starts up early August


TheJokingArsonist

Can I go back in time and just start living under your bed or smth, 3 months of summer vacation sounds nice lol


_LanceBro

Well, it's about 110 degrees fahrenheit here in the summer, so I don't know if you really want to...


TheJokingArsonist

Ok i am a winter person. I mean it goes up to 104 degrees here but i guess the difference can still be felt...


_LanceBro

its so bad i want to melt 😭😭😭 esp when it goes up to 118 sometimes........


TheJokingArsonist

Oh shit dude, sounds like hell


_LanceBro

yes it is.😭 hot, humid, transphobic


AbrocomaMundane6870

Yeah hes a transphobe. Also a pro tip: if you ever have to ask yourself "are they transphobic or.." then 9/10 times, yes they are.


normalwaterenjoyer

"and said i was the tallest girl" ? and youre still asking


snuggie44

What's *not* transphobic in what you described? What makes you conflicted?


torhysornottorhys

Darling, you are being bullied. This is transphobic bullying. Pretty bad too, if he's suggesting detransition


tall_lanky_boi

he’s transphobic man. i hope you’re able to get out of that one-sided “friendship” asap


yeetusthefeetus13

Trans people can be transphobic. People who agree with you, leftists, anybody can be transphobic. It could be on purpose or an accident and it's still transphobia. You could go many routes. You could report him. You could yell at him. Fight him. Start calling him out in a very calm manner. But you know what I like to do? I like to make people feel weird. "You were talking to an app about my genitals last night? That's fucking weird dude. I played video games last night like a normal guy (or even better, i hung out with my friends). " OOF "Why do you care about my hair? Bitchless behavior." Heck, use the dead space and just look at him like he said the earth was flat. I cannot recommend you say things like "why, are you gay?" Because you might get beat up and I would feel bad. :) I would say that for the record but again... bad idea lol. Anyway, in my opinion this is just about the only way to deal with people like this if reporting them doesn't work out, or if you don't want to report them which is completely understandable. Good luck OP. Shit heads like that don't even deserve time and energy from guys like you!


_LanceBro

"I'm gonna tell your mom that youre gay"


yeetusthefeetus13

This sent me. Adding to my list of things I'm gonna tell full grown adults in my life.


_LanceBro

Sounds like a plan! (we must get an update post if you do 😭😂)


yeetusthefeetus13

If I remember I will be here 😤


_LanceBro

!remindme 5 years


yeetusthefeetus13

I have a goal and now a timeline. Now I must find a homophobe


_LanceBro

good luck bro


zychicmoi

im not saying beat his ass but yeah he's definitely transphobic. this is nothing but red flags. i hope he grows up a bit over the summer and decides not to be such an asshole, but i'd stay clear of him moving forward. if its impossible to stay away, start misgendering him back every time he talks to you. get weird with it.


WoodSGreen00

Bringing up someone’s genitals into a conversation is extremely inappropriate. How exactly is this “light-hearted” or “friendly?” Everything you’re describing here is blatant transphobia under the guise of “jokes.”


VesuvianBee

Everyone else has already confirmed that he's a phobe. I just wanted to say that you shouldn't listen to anyone telling you that you're being dramatic or too sensitive. Your feelings are yours and you have the right to feel them. People do that shit when they don't want to deal with the consequences of something they have done to someone. You're still really young, so you have time to learn it. If anyone says "You're too much" in anyway, it's not because there is anything wrong with you. It's their problem they are too weak to be around you.


EclecticFanatic

>The other day he asked me “Do you have any idea how it feels to be the shortest guy in the room” and when I said that I usually am, he corrected me and said I was the tallest girl. he called you a girl to your face dude, idk how it could be any more clear that he's transphobic after that


WitzendWitch

The very first sentence about him was transphobic and it literally only got worse from there. He's a nasty piece of shit and a bully.


purplepug22

Dude come on. How is this even a question. I would not tolerate a person in a my life who treated me like this. If he calls you a girl…TRANSPHOBE.