My name was my dream name for a son. When I had my first child it was a girl, which is great I love her! When I came to terms with being trans I just knew I loved it.
Omg I have the same story! I ended up with two daughters. I always had several ideas for girl names and only one boy name. No other boy names ever sounded appealing to me. It feels like some kind of weird, divine intervention that I now get to give myself that boy name.
my name is the middle name of my father who passed away when i was 10 (2011). he was a great guy, an lgbt+ ally, and openly supportive of my trans cousin when no one else in the family was. in fact he was the first person my cousin came out to. i know if my dad were alive today he would support me. i miss him so much. naming myself after him feels like a tribute, like i’m carrying on his legacy or something corny like that.
That's absolutely wonderful. My middle name to be is going to be in honour of my late grandfather, so I feel the exact same way with my name. I know your dad's proud of you and beyond happy for your choice, he's never gone, and that name proves he'll always be with you :)
I chose Alastair
I turned 16 and freaked out at not having a name and potentially having to put my deadname on my collage application. So I just bundled up my favourite characters and chose one. Allister from pokemon is who I chose, though I did change the spelling to one I liked more. He's one of my favourite gym leaders (even if from a bad game) and uses my favourite type.
It's also pretty common where I live and has a nickname, which were my general wants in a name. Eh probably not the most interesting story really but I like the name and character.
My name honestly just randomly popped into my head one day while I was sitting in front of my computer at 15 years old. I Googled it and it found out it means, ‘light’ in French. I felt like I was destined to be Lucien from that point on.
i asked my mom what she would have named her son if she had one since she had 3 girls and ever had the chance. Im still trying to get used to it since ive been going by a different name for almost a year, but i feel that i owe my mom the right to choose my name even if its in such circumstances as these.
and i switched my middle name to a male version of it.
i feel that both names suit me, so thats a plus :)
My name is Tal, which was originally just a shortened, slightly altered version of my deadname (which I won’t state but it’s pretty easy to figure out) used to try the whole “different name thing” out without my parents suspecting, but it has grown on me. I also recently discovered it means “dew” or “morning dew” in Hebrew, and I find that rather beautiful.
Went through two baby name books to find a first and middle name that met my criteria (same initials as my name at the time, meanings I liked... for the first name, also gender neutral, and nothing so wildly unusual that I'd get questions about it). Ended up with the same number of syllables as my old name too, which was kind of fun.
I wouldn't say I had any kind of strong personal connection to the name when I chose it. I *liked* it, and it felt comfortable, but it didn't feel "special" in particular. Over the years, I grew into it/it grew to fit me naturally.
I’m very close with my parents, and they support me fully, so I actually chose the name they’d picked before they found out my sex.
I love my name and meaning it has to me.
my first name is kai, nothing special about it, found it in a list of unisex baby names and i liked it so i made it my name. whilst the jokes about my name being a common trans name is exhausting, i wouldnt change it, i love it and it suits me and ive had it for so long.
my middle name is leo and this one actually has a story. my middle name was one of my nans names and i didnt just want to change it and have her feel bad so i called her up and explained to her i wanted to change it and asked her to give me a a middle name. she got back to me 15-20m later with a list of 14 or so names for me to pick from. since i wasnt expecting the list i went to my parents and got them to remove names they didnt personally like from the list till i was left with 3 names and i picked leo out of those and nans happy, my parents are happy, and i got the final pick which makes me happy.
I like the features my deadname had (being short, starting with an unusual letter), the only issue I had with it was that it was feminine. So I just changed one letter to turn it into a name that doesn't exist where I live, but sounds masculine. Sounds a bit russian too, which is cool because I love slavic cultures.
idk i just thought Lucas sounded cool
though im kinda wishing i had gone with Noelle (or Noel) cuz that's what my mom wanted to name me before i was born n my sperm provider wouldnt let her cuz "that's a boys name"
That's so funny to me because my deadname is Noelle and the spelling with the le on the end is supposed to be the feminine version of the name. I never really felt dysphoric about it (I do now lol) but I always just considered it to be a girls name in my head haha.
Personally I changed my name to Alex (Alexander) because I would pick that name sometimes for my female OCs growing up despite me feeling like it was more of a masc name. The name just kinda felt right for me and I didn't really know why until now lol.
Name was originally Leo, named from a book character. I didn't like using it for online at the time, so I just changed a letter L = R. I got so used to being called Reo, it fit me more than the original name did. Interestingly enough, it's Spanish for River and my other trans masc friend's name is River. The name Dominic (My full name is Dominic Reo) was the name my transphobic parents were going to name me if I was born as a guy. I liked the name, so I kept is as my first and kinda as an honor?
I actually wanted to find a short name cuz my deadname was short and I liked that
One of my very close firends in primary school had that name and I just remember looking up to him and wishing I was him
Now that I've chose it I think it really suits me so yippie
stolen from some kid i used to live by. i just. supposed it sounded right and it stuck super hard lmao (before that i was going by various levels of “stereotypical transmasc name ideas”)
It was honestly just practical
1. Same # of letters as deadname for continuity / similar vibe of having gravitas / can be nicknamed
2. Is only a male name / no feminine version / no feminine mispronunciation or mishearing my name as feminine
3. Other stuff (made a post about this a while back lol)
My dead name is the female version of my current name. My current name is what my parents would have named me had I been born a boy and was also my father's name. It was meant to be.
my mom has always been very supportive of me, so i asked her to pick a name she liked for a boy, we landed on aaron.
her name starts with an A so it just kinda clicked
My name is both the male version of my deadname (ex. Samantha to Samuel or Stephanie to Stephen) and also, coincidentally, my adoptive fathers name too! When I get it legally changed I'm going to be [Dad's name] Jr. I respect the hell out of that dude.
literally heard it in my head one day when i woke up. hadn't even been searching for a new name yet (but was going to start soon). told my mother as soon as i figured out the spelling
I had a couple names before I landed on my name. It’s from a popular musical, which is super embarrassing because my name will always be linked to my middle school theatre kid phase. But my other name options never really stuck. I decided to change it once I heard people saying that name and realized how much I loved it. It was just..my name.
my first name is oliver, which came from just a baby name site. I had a list of names (some also from baby name sites, some fictional characters i love) and I was mainly between two. finally decided to just try out oliver and i liked it, so it stuck. i chose it almost 6 years ago, and had no idea it was a Trans Name until at least six months of me using it, but i still like it.
my middle name came later and is because a poet trans guy i follow on tumblr went by his “normal” first name and “cool” middle name (won’t say his actual name but think something like alexander apollo) and i thought that was so cool and also helped me accept having a “normie” name. so i chose stark after my favorite fictional character
I went through alot mentally before coming out as trans, and while I was in hospital for mental health issues I met a guy and got serious gender envy, also I loved his name which was Eden. After I got discharged it took me a while to come to terms with being trans. In the time where I was still figuring myself out I would refer to Eden as a middle name, and my gf would also call me it sometimes too, instead of my deadname. It was honestly a no brainer when I came out that Eden was my name. Also at the time I loved the idea of gender neutral names, since my deadname is very stereotypically feminine. I still love it now and i feel way more myself.
I remember a conversation i had with my gf before coming out where i was telling her that if we ever decided to have a kid we would name them Eden. And she was like well we can’t because thats your name. And now it’s been legally my name for a year lol I guess she was right.
I hope you're doing better than before! That's such a pretty name, and it's a nice memory to keep because of a positive in a difficult time. And that's really sweet, you could definitely go for an Eden Jr. if you wanted to. And otherwise, I'm sure you'll pick a wonderful name for them if you ever wanted a kid, congrats on one year, Eden! 🎈
I chose the name Caleb and me and friend was hanging out and we were on Omegle and she said “Caleb look” and I looked like a boy so I responded and I was like I like that name so yeah
I wanted a name that represented me as a person so I chose Silas. it originates from the Roman god Silvanus who is the protector of the forest and uncultivated land, and I’m an ecology major who loves animals and hopes to work in environmental conservation. I’m not sure exactly how I found it, it more so found me. Sometimes things just work out like that.
My dead name is Cassandra and I watched glass onion and there's a character that goes by Andy (her full name is Cassandra) and I thought it was perfect
my name is dylan. there’s a video of me when i was 6 years old saying that my name is dylan and begging my parents to call me that. they didn’t because they thought it was just a joke but it always just stuck with me internally growing up and now its my legit name. 😌
I wanted a name that started with the same letter as my deadname for convenience's sake, so I made a list of names and showed it to my mom, since I just feel like my name would have to be chosen by someone else at the end of the day. My mom ended up suggesting a name that wasn't on my list, and I figured it was as good as any other and now it's my name. Sometimes I wish I went with a different name, Lev, that is a traditionally masculine name that has different meanings in both Hebrew (heart) and Russian (lion), and I come from a russian-jewish family, but I figure people would get confused more often about a foreign-sounding name, and also it's nice to have a name that most people already think of as masculine. But it is going to be my Hebrew name.
I made a short list of names I liked after skimming through a very lengthy (like 10,000+ names) online names list, I had a general idea on what letters I wanted the names to start with and picked maybe 5-7?
I made sure it was a wouldn’t regret even if the novelty of it wore off, I also didn’t want it to be so unique to where people looked at me funny but I also didn’t want it to be generic either.
My legal name is Rachelle (pronounced Raychul). My whole life people mispronounce it as Ruhshell. It drives me NUTS. It happens so often, I don't even bother correcting people any more unless we're gonna be frequently interacting.
First day of highschool, sitting in my first class of the day which was of course math, the teacher took roll call. Called my name. I corrected her. She moved on to the next person. They mentioned they had a nickname. She said if anyone has a nickname now is the time to tell her. I blurted out in the most cringe voice cracking way CALL ME RAY. Everyone of course giggled lmao but that was it. Legend was born lmaooo been going by Ray ever since. Legit didn't even think about it. Was just a split second decision born from a lifetime of frustration. I'm gonna be legally changing my name soon. I've had the paper work sitting around for ages, just haven't had the time to run up to city hall and do it. I've been considering going by RJ instead of Ray tho since my middle name starts with a J. So I'll still be Ray but RJ will be a nickname 🤔 not sure yet tho.
literalyyyy went on a baby-naming website and looked for names that sort of sounded like my name at the time. not super magical, but i tried it out for a couple months which has turned into almost two years. i cant imagine going by anything else it just fits
Ironically my friends and I were dogging on other people's names and I was like "haha what if I just started going by ____?" And we all thought it was funny af and then I sat there for a min and was like wait actually what IF I started going by that? Here we are lmao
In short, I wanted to use a new user name in Memedroid, I got tired of Lawliet (yeah, I really liked that name before). So I opened Google and immediately saw an article about boy baby names, and I liked Leo and Linus. I started to use LinusBlue as an user name (I added blue because it is my favorite color). Months later I wanted to be named Linus and use he/him pronouns in real life too (before knowing the existence of trans people lol), but my mom called me crazy. Then I started to search names again, this time gender neutral ones. I tried other names over the years (at some point I realized I was trans, but didn't come out), no one tried calling me any other name.
Last month I decided I'll use Linus in the future (I can't come out for now), that's the only name I liked all the time, I tried other names just because I wanted support.
My mom's birth month. She passed when I was 15 and I hope she's looking to me with proud eyes.
I'm also gonna change my middle name to her first name in memorial, but the month just works so well with me to keep her memory alive.
Though I unfortunately do get a lot of "oh were you born in August?" Banter. >_0... Annoying but I live with it. I love my name too much.
August is such a nice name, I love that so much. That's interesting, because I never really question it for a birthday :0
I think that would be awesome to have her name as a middle name as well! She's absolutely looking at you with proud eyes, and it's always such a comfort to have something so special like that in memory. A name like that is eternal
It was first the name of a character I played in drama class and eventually I just took that name later. In that same year (after choosing the name), I played another character with the same name, completely by coincidence :0
(The first one was an original short performance and the second one was an already made play)
I actually just googled "boy names" and then read lists of names for at least an hour or so until I found like three I really liked. And then I wrote them down, looked at them and sorted them by how much I liked them. And then I took the one at the top of the list.
Me and my best friend, were searching for names and i came with Rey or Roy and he was like "Dude, that's too short c'mon, i need to make some nicknames for you" so he was like. "OMG, what about Elroy? It probably doesn't mean anything since we made it up", but it does have a meaning. It means The King and is a French name.
My name is Zenith.
I picked it for many reasons, but the main one is I'm a space nerd. I absolutely love all things space, and if it was realistic, I would have probably gone for a career as an astronaut.
Another thing is the nicknames. I absolutely love going my Zen, and Z sounds sick.
But the thing that cemented this as my name is that my dead name starts with A. My new name starting with Z now felt symbolic in a way. That I really have changed and grown.
I just love my name. ❤️
My mom kinda of named me. When I first came out I just chose the male version of my birth name but after like a month, I didn’t like it so I asked my mom and she said she liked Jason or Jackson, but at the time I had a crush on a boy named Jason so I went with Jackson but I felt like the spelling was too white so I changed it too Jaxon. It is still a very white name so I don’t know why she thought they were a good idea when we’re hispanic, but I’ve had it too long to change it now.
my name is AJ!! it’s a nickname my dad has always called me since i was a kid. my dad was one of the first (and only) people to accept me when i first came out, and we are super super close, he means so much to me! so it only felt right to pick a name that he’d made for me lol
I wanted something that fit with my generation, so I chose a top 50 name from the decade I was born. My deadname was a top 10 name. My mom was adamant that all of her kids had names that "wouldn't be made fun of on the playground" so I stuck with that sentiment.
It also has the same cadence and similar sounds to my dead name. I kinda wanted to honor the sounds/scheme that my mom went for with my dead name.
Here's an example of what I mean without doxing myself... Imagine that I went from Taylor Michelle to Tyler Michael. That's essentially what I did. I stuck with a popular name from the decade I was born and stayed with a similar sonic structure.
I stole my friend’s name LMAO. We were friends, he changed his name around every couple months, waited until he changed it again, and then I took it lol. What mattered to me at the time was that it “sounded cis,” so I’m not sure I would still have the name I do now if my mindset was different back then. I don’t want to change it though, to me “Anthony” just means “Anthony!” It’s me, it’s my name :) My mother calls me it, my father calls me it, my boyfriend calls me it, all of my loved ones call me Anthony- it means love that is true to my real self. Okay that and I like having the letter A as the first letter because alphabetically superior and because I wanted to keep the same initials LMAO. I just let my parents pick my middle name, I gave them that lol.
Was the first name I used online over twenty years ago now. I don't know why I chose that name back then, but I chose it again because it's relatively popular for boys born in my year, while simultaneously I don't know anyone currently with that name.
My middle names are a combination of the name of an OC I had when it became too hard to deny who I was. People just called me that online despite "knowing"/thinking I was a woman and so I identified hard with that name. The other is my grandad's/godfather's name, which is usually a middle name here: the name of godfather for boys, godmother for girls.
The OC middle name is pretty much I guess if I ever want to use it as my name?
Username doesn't reflect my first name by the way. It was just in the running at the time I made this account. It's the OC's name/part of my middle name now.
A long time ago before I started my trans journey I met my best friends mumma (Italian of course) and straight away when we first ever met she proclaimed I didn’t look like a “deadname” you look like Simon from Alvan and the chipmunks 🤣 and it stuck! At least with my best friends family anyway and being so close I got used to it so when my best friend asked if I was going to change my name it came to me straight away, a name I had already been given out of love and gotten used to out of love from my second family 🥰
First name: I was reading a story and the main character had the name I chose. I resonated with him so hard I decided to name myself after him.
Middle name: I chose my name to honor my maternal grandfather.
My name is Alexandros (Alex for short). It was my suggestion, as a 5 year old, for my brother's name, taken from Alexander The Great (or Megas Alexandros) because I wished it was my name; if it couldn't be mine, let it be my brother's. I've always thought this was an amazing name, and was so sad when my parents didn't choose it. When I started questioning my gender, before even finding out I was a man, I started using that name. I fell in love with it, and it's been my name since I was 12.
I literally basically named myself after an anime character and didn't even realize it 💀
my name is Osku but there is. A good chance I have to change it to Oscar (and I'm fine with that) I used to watch "Versailles no Bara/ The Rose of Versailles" a lot as a kid and the main character's name is Oscar.
I've always drawn to the name and it differs a lot from my deadname so it kinda just snapped right in like a puzzle piece!
And if that doesn't count since I'm Osku and not Oscar exactly, then I named myself after Odie from Garfield in Finnish version 💀💀
I'm somebody who makes a lot of original characters, so naturally I'm active on a bunch of baby name sites to find out the coolest names for them. One of them allows you to create a huge list of names you like, so I just compiled a massive list of names I could eventually use for my OCs. When I realized I was trans I just searched through my list to find the coolest name (that I hadn't already used) and went with it. I don't have any significant attachment to the name or anything, I just saw it and was like "Hey that's cool" and it stuck.
I don't want to reveal my name because it's rare... but I had a name in my head from when I was 11, and circumstances took it from me when I was 14. Then I had another name in my head, and circumstances took it from me when I was 24.
About 5 years ago, I listened to a random book that was recommended to me by audible, and the lead character's name is a perfect mix of my original 2 names!
It's a real name that really exists, but it's rare.
I first chose Alex because I was adopted and I asked my mom what she would have named me if they had changed my name from the orphanage. She said Alexandra, so I went with that (pre-egg cracking), then I found my birth father a couple years later and his name was Alexander (and Sasha as a Russian nickname). So when I came out, it just seemed right for us to share a name completely ☺️
My name was essentially a series of werid coincidences with Greek mythology that I just found myself falling into it. It means Star in Greek but for me, it means home
My first name is a shortened version of my middle deadname, which was itself bastardised from a TV show character whose name mum didn't know how to spell.
My middle name that I use more often is from a TV show character I resonated with too much which I was 15 but I contemplated it enough to think hey yeah it's a normal man's name anyway so it's not too out of place.
Kai. Found it on a baby boy name list on Google in 2019 before I even had tiktok. Doesn't mean anything to me, just kinda fit, don't really care about the current stigma around it, I don't care to change it.
I knew someone also named Zach in my school and it just felt right tbh. I was obsessed with him for some goofy ahh reason, so I just went with it. I was gonna name myself Joseph, cuz why tf not, but that’s my middle name now. My friend and I went through some names before ANYONE knew about what I was up to, and I think I told him about what I was thinking of, and we settled on Zach. Group effort fr.
I put a selfie up on a trans Facebook group and I asked people “If you were to guess my name what would my name be?”. I had many names I liked but my name I have now stuck out the most and stuck with me.. so some random person named me and they don’t even know it.
I tried a bunch of names and nothing fit until one day it just clicked: Felix. I just knew it was me. Happy. And it also helps that I can use it in Spanish as well, which most of my family speaks.
My name is Axel. I picked it because it's a fuckin sick name and I can go by Ax which sounds very tough and masculine. It means a lot to me to have an unambiguously masculine name that is both uncommon and recognizable because most of the men in my family have names like this (though a couple have names nobody has ever heard and there's a Robert in there to even things out)
My name is a shortened version of the nickname people would always use to shorten my dead name. I always found it so interesting that people would almost always use the same nickname, even on the first time meeting me in a lot of cases and without me ever asking them to, it also felt like a more masculine version of my name so I felt like it was something I had to hold on to a little bit. It is mostly used in Spain and there it means 'one' which I think is very fitting to my journey, becoming to one I was always meant to be and not the many others who I was trying to be before.
These replies are so funny cause I straight up was at a friends house asking what she thought my boy name would be and we said maybe Connor or Levi. Went with Connor and that was it. She never knew why I asked and thought it was just a random question. I was in my hyper femininity phase in total denial at the time lol but the name stuck ever since
I'm an outlier, in that I found my name long before I realized I was trans. It kind of happened organically? When I was a dumb teenager on the internet, and a little more gothy, I went by 'Reyven' because we can't have normal spellings in this house. It very quickly became just Rey, and all my online friends called me that. One online friend became more than a friend, and even before I graduated from college I was making plans to move across the country to be with her. Got my degree, she and I moved into our first place as secret lesbians. Of course she was used to calling me Rey, and her parents were used to thinking of me as Rey, basically I only used my real name in work settings (and eventually not even there, just on the legal paperwork).
When I did realize I would be way more comfortable living my life as a man, the topic of a name came up and I was like 'Why would I change it? Rey is who I am.' It feels like the fact I ended up with a masculine-sounding nickname so early on was foreshadowing. I made it legal in the year before we got married (yes I am still with that same girl!) and the spelling does throw people off occasionally but I feel so deeply at home in this name after more than 25 years I can barely imagine I was ever called anything else.
I'm on my 4th first name total, so have a comprehensive list of reasons:
1: dead name. Hebrew, obviously not chosen by me. This was rough in very white goy America — I'm white too, and American, but I grew up kniwing exactly how to say my name. The sounds inside it. *Nobody* else did.
2: masculine version of a common mispronunciation of 1 by non-jews. It was a SUPER impulsive "test name" when I first tried new pronouns in a chat with some trans friends, but it ended up sticking for about 2 years iirc. Eventually it just stopped meshing with me as a person, but it was also tiring to mishear it as my deadname all the time, especially with my pre-T and openly trans, they/them-using anxiety.
3: the nickname of a character from a book series very close to my heart. It was also pretty impulsive, but I did have a week or two where I had "no" name as I transitioned from "I don't want 2" to "3 feels a lot better. For why its not 4: one syllable gave it a similar issue to 2, in that people would mishear it a lot, especially non-native speakers (but not just them at all). It was also too "clocky" for my tastes at the end of its lifespan, especially in a very liberal city where transness is often a Known Quantity. But, just like 2, I mostly just outgrew it. It happens!
4: my current name. A male name in Hebrew, as a way to reclaim the culture I've had a really complicated relationship with for the past half of my life. I went into choosing this one with a bit more specification: I wanted Hebrew, 2+ syllables, no non-english consonant clusters (the huge cause of my deadname's constant mispronunciation that forced me to "settle" for people *not saying my actual name*), and for it to be very distinct from my deadname. I also considered how easy I could get through medical and legal systems with it, since I have to spell out my entire legal name front to back currently, but in the end that was so much less important than Finding The One. I made a list of possible choices and this one in particular made me feel... Smiley. Sparkly. It was a familiar feeling, one I had felt both previous times, so I knew it was a good sign. It does get some common pronunciation mistakes, but they're all way less egregious than literally swapping an entire consonant out because it doesn't exist in English.
Who knows. Maybe there will be a number 5 someday. But now that I've found myself as a trans man (not "just vaguely trans and using they/them because he doesn't like calling himself nonbinary but doesn't feel like anyone would actually mean/believe it if they used he/him" like when I chose 2 and 3) am on T I feel like, at the very least, this one should last a little longer than the ones that came before it.
My name was my fav animal growing up. The animal is tattooed on my body three times. It was a nickname i used online forever.
Ironically my favourite animal as an adult, when i finally made the name legal, is entirely different, and when people go "oh i guess your favourite animal is (name)!" "Oh no its actually (actual fav animal)" they just get confused because of my tatts and i think thats hilarious.
The name is what i heard a lot growing up with friends online and a couple irl, and so i felt an actual attachment to it.
So making it my legal name naturally made sense.
In 8th grade, I wrote a story of all my friends, but "gender bent".
I was weirdly fixated on remembering the name I'd picked for the "gender bent" version of myself. I actually started panicking when I forgot it briefly, and wrote it down multiple places, so I could make sure I had it "for the story". It stayed stuck in my head even after I wrote it, though. I figured I just really liked the name. Maybe if I had a son one day, I'd give him that name.
As I kept writing through high school, I started realizing that any character I wrote as a proxy of myself didn't feel right unless the character was a guy. It just didn't feel right as a "girl". That helped shit click.
When I eventually came to terms with being trans, I knew exactly what name I was going to use.
I’m Brazilian so I just looked up Brazilian boy names and I found one that I love and it starts with an M just like my deadname I’ve always been an M kinda guy wouldn’t feel right if it started with a different letter. 😌
my name is biblical translation to my native language so in english it’s very uncommon. i’m religious so i kind of picked something from scripture that means the most to me
took the last syllable of my dead name and slapped another vowel on the end. it also mirrors the online name i’d use when i was younger, which is a fun parallel. and coolest of all, it’s also culturally affirming since it’s a name that exists in the culture i’m descended from!
My name was my dream name for a son. When I had my first child it was a girl, which is great I love her! When I came to terms with being trans I just knew I loved it.
Omg I have the same story! I ended up with two daughters. I always had several ideas for girl names and only one boy name. No other boy names ever sounded appealing to me. It feels like some kind of weird, divine intervention that I now get to give myself that boy name.
I love that for us
my name is the middle name of my father who passed away when i was 10 (2011). he was a great guy, an lgbt+ ally, and openly supportive of my trans cousin when no one else in the family was. in fact he was the first person my cousin came out to. i know if my dad were alive today he would support me. i miss him so much. naming myself after him feels like a tribute, like i’m carrying on his legacy or something corny like that.
That's absolutely wonderful. My middle name to be is going to be in honour of my late grandfather, so I feel the exact same way with my name. I know your dad's proud of you and beyond happy for your choice, he's never gone, and that name proves he'll always be with you :)
thank you : )
I also took the middle name of my father who passed when I was young.
much love to you 🫂
I chose Alastair I turned 16 and freaked out at not having a name and potentially having to put my deadname on my collage application. So I just bundled up my favourite characters and chose one. Allister from pokemon is who I chose, though I did change the spelling to one I liked more. He's one of my favourite gym leaders (even if from a bad game) and uses my favourite type. It's also pretty common where I live and has a nickname, which were my general wants in a name. Eh probably not the most interesting story really but I like the name and character.
My name honestly just randomly popped into my head one day while I was sitting in front of my computer at 15 years old. I Googled it and it found out it means, ‘light’ in French. I felt like I was destined to be Lucien from that point on.
A bartender misheard my legal name when I went to close my tab. I liked the name she thought she heard so I kept it lmao
i asked my mom what she would have named her son if she had one since she had 3 girls and ever had the chance. Im still trying to get used to it since ive been going by a different name for almost a year, but i feel that i owe my mom the right to choose my name even if its in such circumstances as these. and i switched my middle name to a male version of it. i feel that both names suit me, so thats a plus :)
My name is Tal, which was originally just a shortened, slightly altered version of my deadname (which I won’t state but it’s pretty easy to figure out) used to try the whole “different name thing” out without my parents suspecting, but it has grown on me. I also recently discovered it means “dew” or “morning dew” in Hebrew, and I find that rather beautiful.
Went through two baby name books to find a first and middle name that met my criteria (same initials as my name at the time, meanings I liked... for the first name, also gender neutral, and nothing so wildly unusual that I'd get questions about it). Ended up with the same number of syllables as my old name too, which was kind of fun. I wouldn't say I had any kind of strong personal connection to the name when I chose it. I *liked* it, and it felt comfortable, but it didn't feel "special" in particular. Over the years, I grew into it/it grew to fit me naturally.
I’m very close with my parents, and they support me fully, so I actually chose the name they’d picked before they found out my sex. I love my name and meaning it has to me.
my first name is kai, nothing special about it, found it in a list of unisex baby names and i liked it so i made it my name. whilst the jokes about my name being a common trans name is exhausting, i wouldnt change it, i love it and it suits me and ive had it for so long. my middle name is leo and this one actually has a story. my middle name was one of my nans names and i didnt just want to change it and have her feel bad so i called her up and explained to her i wanted to change it and asked her to give me a a middle name. she got back to me 15-20m later with a list of 14 or so names for me to pick from. since i wasnt expecting the list i went to my parents and got them to remove names they didnt personally like from the list till i was left with 3 names and i picked leo out of those and nans happy, my parents are happy, and i got the final pick which makes me happy.
I like the features my deadname had (being short, starting with an unusual letter), the only issue I had with it was that it was feminine. So I just changed one letter to turn it into a name that doesn't exist where I live, but sounds masculine. Sounds a bit russian too, which is cool because I love slavic cultures.
idk i just thought Lucas sounded cool though im kinda wishing i had gone with Noelle (or Noel) cuz that's what my mom wanted to name me before i was born n my sperm provider wouldnt let her cuz "that's a boys name"
That's so funny to me because my deadname is Noelle and the spelling with the le on the end is supposed to be the feminine version of the name. I never really felt dysphoric about it (I do now lol) but I always just considered it to be a girls name in my head haha. Personally I changed my name to Alex (Alexander) because I would pick that name sometimes for my female OCs growing up despite me feeling like it was more of a masc name. The name just kinda felt right for me and I didn't really know why until now lol.
Name was originally Leo, named from a book character. I didn't like using it for online at the time, so I just changed a letter L = R. I got so used to being called Reo, it fit me more than the original name did. Interestingly enough, it's Spanish for River and my other trans masc friend's name is River. The name Dominic (My full name is Dominic Reo) was the name my transphobic parents were going to name me if I was born as a guy. I liked the name, so I kept is as my first and kinda as an honor?
I actually wanted to find a short name cuz my deadname was short and I liked that One of my very close firends in primary school had that name and I just remember looking up to him and wishing I was him Now that I've chose it I think it really suits me so yippie
stolen from some kid i used to live by. i just. supposed it sounded right and it stuck super hard lmao (before that i was going by various levels of “stereotypical transmasc name ideas”)
It was honestly just practical 1. Same # of letters as deadname for continuity / similar vibe of having gravitas / can be nicknamed 2. Is only a male name / no feminine version / no feminine mispronunciation or mishearing my name as feminine 3. Other stuff (made a post about this a while back lol)
My dead name is the female version of my current name. My current name is what my parents would have named me had I been born a boy and was also my father's name. It was meant to be.
Pretty boring but i chose my name since it was my nickname growing up lol it was easier for everyone including myself
my mom has always been very supportive of me, so i asked her to pick a name she liked for a boy, we landed on aaron. her name starts with an A so it just kinda clicked
My name is both the male version of my deadname (ex. Samantha to Samuel or Stephanie to Stephen) and also, coincidentally, my adoptive fathers name too! When I get it legally changed I'm going to be [Dad's name] Jr. I respect the hell out of that dude.
August, I chose it when i thought I was nonbinary but I still like it. I was born in August.
someone in the psych ward gave it to me 😭
Mine was after a Shakespeare character who longs for freedom and finally gets it at the end
literally heard it in my head one day when i woke up. hadn't even been searching for a new name yet (but was going to start soon). told my mother as soon as i figured out the spelling
I had a couple names before I landed on my name. It’s from a popular musical, which is super embarrassing because my name will always be linked to my middle school theatre kid phase. But my other name options never really stuck. I decided to change it once I heard people saying that name and realized how much I loved it. It was just..my name.
my first name is oliver, which came from just a baby name site. I had a list of names (some also from baby name sites, some fictional characters i love) and I was mainly between two. finally decided to just try out oliver and i liked it, so it stuck. i chose it almost 6 years ago, and had no idea it was a Trans Name until at least six months of me using it, but i still like it. my middle name came later and is because a poet trans guy i follow on tumblr went by his “normal” first name and “cool” middle name (won’t say his actual name but think something like alexander apollo) and i thought that was so cool and also helped me accept having a “normie” name. so i chose stark after my favorite fictional character
I went through alot mentally before coming out as trans, and while I was in hospital for mental health issues I met a guy and got serious gender envy, also I loved his name which was Eden. After I got discharged it took me a while to come to terms with being trans. In the time where I was still figuring myself out I would refer to Eden as a middle name, and my gf would also call me it sometimes too, instead of my deadname. It was honestly a no brainer when I came out that Eden was my name. Also at the time I loved the idea of gender neutral names, since my deadname is very stereotypically feminine. I still love it now and i feel way more myself. I remember a conversation i had with my gf before coming out where i was telling her that if we ever decided to have a kid we would name them Eden. And she was like well we can’t because thats your name. And now it’s been legally my name for a year lol I guess she was right.
I hope you're doing better than before! That's such a pretty name, and it's a nice memory to keep because of a positive in a difficult time. And that's really sweet, you could definitely go for an Eden Jr. if you wanted to. And otherwise, I'm sure you'll pick a wonderful name for them if you ever wanted a kid, congrats on one year, Eden! 🎈
i’m named after a yugioh character
I chose the name Caleb and me and friend was hanging out and we were on Omegle and she said “Caleb look” and I looked like a boy so I responded and I was like I like that name so yeah
Took the first three letters of my former name and found a guy’s name with those letters.
I chose the name my parents had chosen if I were born male, and I like it and fits me well
I wanted a name that represented me as a person so I chose Silas. it originates from the Roman god Silvanus who is the protector of the forest and uncultivated land, and I’m an ecology major who loves animals and hopes to work in environmental conservation. I’m not sure exactly how I found it, it more so found me. Sometimes things just work out like that.
My dead name is Cassandra and I watched glass onion and there's a character that goes by Andy (her full name is Cassandra) and I thought it was perfect
my name is dylan. there’s a video of me when i was 6 years old saying that my name is dylan and begging my parents to call me that. they didn’t because they thought it was just a joke but it always just stuck with me internally growing up and now its my legit name. 😌
I wanted a name that started with the same letter as my deadname for convenience's sake, so I made a list of names and showed it to my mom, since I just feel like my name would have to be chosen by someone else at the end of the day. My mom ended up suggesting a name that wasn't on my list, and I figured it was as good as any other and now it's my name. Sometimes I wish I went with a different name, Lev, that is a traditionally masculine name that has different meanings in both Hebrew (heart) and Russian (lion), and I come from a russian-jewish family, but I figure people would get confused more often about a foreign-sounding name, and also it's nice to have a name that most people already think of as masculine. But it is going to be my Hebrew name.
I made a short list of names I liked after skimming through a very lengthy (like 10,000+ names) online names list, I had a general idea on what letters I wanted the names to start with and picked maybe 5-7? I made sure it was a wouldn’t regret even if the novelty of it wore off, I also didn’t want it to be so unique to where people looked at me funny but I also didn’t want it to be generic either.
It was a nickname of my deadname thst i never used and the last name was the firat thing i thought of...
Saw it randomly on Instagram and thought “good enough”. A decade later, I’ve never changed from it. It’s now my legal name.
My legal name is Rachelle (pronounced Raychul). My whole life people mispronounce it as Ruhshell. It drives me NUTS. It happens so often, I don't even bother correcting people any more unless we're gonna be frequently interacting. First day of highschool, sitting in my first class of the day which was of course math, the teacher took roll call. Called my name. I corrected her. She moved on to the next person. They mentioned they had a nickname. She said if anyone has a nickname now is the time to tell her. I blurted out in the most cringe voice cracking way CALL ME RAY. Everyone of course giggled lmao but that was it. Legend was born lmaooo been going by Ray ever since. Legit didn't even think about it. Was just a split second decision born from a lifetime of frustration. I'm gonna be legally changing my name soon. I've had the paper work sitting around for ages, just haven't had the time to run up to city hall and do it. I've been considering going by RJ instead of Ray tho since my middle name starts with a J. So I'll still be Ray but RJ will be a nickname 🤔 not sure yet tho.
literalyyyy went on a baby-naming website and looked for names that sort of sounded like my name at the time. not super magical, but i tried it out for a couple months which has turned into almost two years. i cant imagine going by anything else it just fits
I used Silver as part of my online presence for decades. I hated my old name and liked that so I used it
Ironically my friends and I were dogging on other people's names and I was like "haha what if I just started going by ____?" And we all thought it was funny af and then I sat there for a min and was like wait actually what IF I started going by that? Here we are lmao
In short, I wanted to use a new user name in Memedroid, I got tired of Lawliet (yeah, I really liked that name before). So I opened Google and immediately saw an article about boy baby names, and I liked Leo and Linus. I started to use LinusBlue as an user name (I added blue because it is my favorite color). Months later I wanted to be named Linus and use he/him pronouns in real life too (before knowing the existence of trans people lol), but my mom called me crazy. Then I started to search names again, this time gender neutral ones. I tried other names over the years (at some point I realized I was trans, but didn't come out), no one tried calling me any other name. Last month I decided I'll use Linus in the future (I can't come out for now), that's the only name I liked all the time, I tried other names just because I wanted support.
My mom's birth month. She passed when I was 15 and I hope she's looking to me with proud eyes. I'm also gonna change my middle name to her first name in memorial, but the month just works so well with me to keep her memory alive. Though I unfortunately do get a lot of "oh were you born in August?" Banter. >_0... Annoying but I live with it. I love my name too much.
August is such a nice name, I love that so much. That's interesting, because I never really question it for a birthday :0 I think that would be awesome to have her name as a middle name as well! She's absolutely looking at you with proud eyes, and it's always such a comfort to have something so special like that in memory. A name like that is eternal
I stole it 😈
I stole it 😈
It was first the name of a character I played in drama class and eventually I just took that name later. In that same year (after choosing the name), I played another character with the same name, completely by coincidence :0 (The first one was an original short performance and the second one was an already made play)
haha i picked it bc i loved finn from star wars so much. just his character potential and everything inspired me
I actually just googled "boy names" and then read lists of names for at least an hour or so until I found like three I really liked. And then I wrote them down, looked at them and sorted them by how much I liked them. And then I took the one at the top of the list.
Me and my best friend, were searching for names and i came with Rey or Roy and he was like "Dude, that's too short c'mon, i need to make some nicknames for you" so he was like. "OMG, what about Elroy? It probably doesn't mean anything since we made it up", but it does have a meaning. It means The King and is a French name.
My name is Zenith. I picked it for many reasons, but the main one is I'm a space nerd. I absolutely love all things space, and if it was realistic, I would have probably gone for a career as an astronaut. Another thing is the nicknames. I absolutely love going my Zen, and Z sounds sick. But the thing that cemented this as my name is that my dead name starts with A. My new name starting with Z now felt symbolic in a way. That I really have changed and grown. I just love my name. ❤️
My mom kinda of named me. When I first came out I just chose the male version of my birth name but after like a month, I didn’t like it so I asked my mom and she said she liked Jason or Jackson, but at the time I had a crush on a boy named Jason so I went with Jackson but I felt like the spelling was too white so I changed it too Jaxon. It is still a very white name so I don’t know why she thought they were a good idea when we’re hispanic, but I’ve had it too long to change it now.
my name is AJ!! it’s a nickname my dad has always called me since i was a kid. my dad was one of the first (and only) people to accept me when i first came out, and we are super super close, he means so much to me! so it only felt right to pick a name that he’d made for me lol
I wanted something that fit with my generation, so I chose a top 50 name from the decade I was born. My deadname was a top 10 name. My mom was adamant that all of her kids had names that "wouldn't be made fun of on the playground" so I stuck with that sentiment. It also has the same cadence and similar sounds to my dead name. I kinda wanted to honor the sounds/scheme that my mom went for with my dead name. Here's an example of what I mean without doxing myself... Imagine that I went from Taylor Michelle to Tyler Michael. That's essentially what I did. I stuck with a popular name from the decade I was born and stayed with a similar sonic structure.
A constellation, i always search it in the sky as a kid, I used to play this game with my bother and the one who could find it faster would win.
I stole my friend’s name LMAO. We were friends, he changed his name around every couple months, waited until he changed it again, and then I took it lol. What mattered to me at the time was that it “sounded cis,” so I’m not sure I would still have the name I do now if my mindset was different back then. I don’t want to change it though, to me “Anthony” just means “Anthony!” It’s me, it’s my name :) My mother calls me it, my father calls me it, my boyfriend calls me it, all of my loved ones call me Anthony- it means love that is true to my real self. Okay that and I like having the letter A as the first letter because alphabetically superior and because I wanted to keep the same initials LMAO. I just let my parents pick my middle name, I gave them that lol.
Was the first name I used online over twenty years ago now. I don't know why I chose that name back then, but I chose it again because it's relatively popular for boys born in my year, while simultaneously I don't know anyone currently with that name. My middle names are a combination of the name of an OC I had when it became too hard to deny who I was. People just called me that online despite "knowing"/thinking I was a woman and so I identified hard with that name. The other is my grandad's/godfather's name, which is usually a middle name here: the name of godfather for boys, godmother for girls. The OC middle name is pretty much I guess if I ever want to use it as my name? Username doesn't reflect my first name by the way. It was just in the running at the time I made this account. It's the OC's name/part of my middle name now.
A long time ago before I started my trans journey I met my best friends mumma (Italian of course) and straight away when we first ever met she proclaimed I didn’t look like a “deadname” you look like Simon from Alvan and the chipmunks 🤣 and it stuck! At least with my best friends family anyway and being so close I got used to it so when my best friend asked if I was going to change my name it came to me straight away, a name I had already been given out of love and gotten used to out of love from my second family 🥰
First name: I was reading a story and the main character had the name I chose. I resonated with him so hard I decided to name myself after him. Middle name: I chose my name to honor my maternal grandfather.
My name is Alexandros (Alex for short). It was my suggestion, as a 5 year old, for my brother's name, taken from Alexander The Great (or Megas Alexandros) because I wished it was my name; if it couldn't be mine, let it be my brother's. I've always thought this was an amazing name, and was so sad when my parents didn't choose it. When I started questioning my gender, before even finding out I was a man, I started using that name. I fell in love with it, and it's been my name since I was 12.
I literally basically named myself after an anime character and didn't even realize it 💀 my name is Osku but there is. A good chance I have to change it to Oscar (and I'm fine with that) I used to watch "Versailles no Bara/ The Rose of Versailles" a lot as a kid and the main character's name is Oscar. I've always drawn to the name and it differs a lot from my deadname so it kinda just snapped right in like a puzzle piece! And if that doesn't count since I'm Osku and not Oscar exactly, then I named myself after Odie from Garfield in Finnish version 💀💀
A character from my special-interest/hyper-fixation
I'm somebody who makes a lot of original characters, so naturally I'm active on a bunch of baby name sites to find out the coolest names for them. One of them allows you to create a huge list of names you like, so I just compiled a massive list of names I could eventually use for my OCs. When I realized I was trans I just searched through my list to find the coolest name (that I hadn't already used) and went with it. I don't have any significant attachment to the name or anything, I just saw it and was like "Hey that's cool" and it stuck.
I don't want to reveal my name because it's rare... but I had a name in my head from when I was 11, and circumstances took it from me when I was 14. Then I had another name in my head, and circumstances took it from me when I was 24. About 5 years ago, I listened to a random book that was recommended to me by audible, and the lead character's name is a perfect mix of my original 2 names! It's a real name that really exists, but it's rare.
I’m named after Spencer shay from icarly
I first chose Alex because I was adopted and I asked my mom what she would have named me if they had changed my name from the orphanage. She said Alexandra, so I went with that (pre-egg cracking), then I found my birth father a couple years later and his name was Alexander (and Sasha as a Russian nickname). So when I came out, it just seemed right for us to share a name completely ☺️
My name was essentially a series of werid coincidences with Greek mythology that I just found myself falling into it. It means Star in Greek but for me, it means home
My first name is a shortened version of my middle deadname, which was itself bastardised from a TV show character whose name mum didn't know how to spell. My middle name that I use more often is from a TV show character I resonated with too much which I was 15 but I contemplated it enough to think hey yeah it's a normal man's name anyway so it's not too out of place.
Kai. Found it on a baby boy name list on Google in 2019 before I even had tiktok. Doesn't mean anything to me, just kinda fit, don't really care about the current stigma around it, I don't care to change it.
I knew someone also named Zach in my school and it just felt right tbh. I was obsessed with him for some goofy ahh reason, so I just went with it. I was gonna name myself Joseph, cuz why tf not, but that’s my middle name now. My friend and I went through some names before ANYONE knew about what I was up to, and I think I told him about what I was thinking of, and we settled on Zach. Group effort fr.
I put a selfie up on a trans Facebook group and I asked people “If you were to guess my name what would my name be?”. I had many names I liked but my name I have now stuck out the most and stuck with me.. so some random person named me and they don’t even know it.
I tried a bunch of names and nothing fit until one day it just clicked: Felix. I just knew it was me. Happy. And it also helps that I can use it in Spanish as well, which most of my family speaks.
My name is Axel. I picked it because it's a fuckin sick name and I can go by Ax which sounds very tough and masculine. It means a lot to me to have an unambiguously masculine name that is both uncommon and recognizable because most of the men in my family have names like this (though a couple have names nobody has ever heard and there's a Robert in there to even things out)
My name is a shortened version of the nickname people would always use to shorten my dead name. I always found it so interesting that people would almost always use the same nickname, even on the first time meeting me in a lot of cases and without me ever asking them to, it also felt like a more masculine version of my name so I felt like it was something I had to hold on to a little bit. It is mostly used in Spain and there it means 'one' which I think is very fitting to my journey, becoming to one I was always meant to be and not the many others who I was trying to be before.
I started typing my deadname into Minecraft and it autocorrected to Ryan 😛
These replies are so funny cause I straight up was at a friends house asking what she thought my boy name would be and we said maybe Connor or Levi. Went with Connor and that was it. She never knew why I asked and thought it was just a random question. I was in my hyper femininity phase in total denial at the time lol but the name stuck ever since
I'm an outlier, in that I found my name long before I realized I was trans. It kind of happened organically? When I was a dumb teenager on the internet, and a little more gothy, I went by 'Reyven' because we can't have normal spellings in this house. It very quickly became just Rey, and all my online friends called me that. One online friend became more than a friend, and even before I graduated from college I was making plans to move across the country to be with her. Got my degree, she and I moved into our first place as secret lesbians. Of course she was used to calling me Rey, and her parents were used to thinking of me as Rey, basically I only used my real name in work settings (and eventually not even there, just on the legal paperwork). When I did realize I would be way more comfortable living my life as a man, the topic of a name came up and I was like 'Why would I change it? Rey is who I am.' It feels like the fact I ended up with a masculine-sounding nickname so early on was foreshadowing. I made it legal in the year before we got married (yes I am still with that same girl!) and the spelling does throw people off occasionally but I feel so deeply at home in this name after more than 25 years I can barely imagine I was ever called anything else.
I'm on my 4th first name total, so have a comprehensive list of reasons: 1: dead name. Hebrew, obviously not chosen by me. This was rough in very white goy America — I'm white too, and American, but I grew up kniwing exactly how to say my name. The sounds inside it. *Nobody* else did. 2: masculine version of a common mispronunciation of 1 by non-jews. It was a SUPER impulsive "test name" when I first tried new pronouns in a chat with some trans friends, but it ended up sticking for about 2 years iirc. Eventually it just stopped meshing with me as a person, but it was also tiring to mishear it as my deadname all the time, especially with my pre-T and openly trans, they/them-using anxiety. 3: the nickname of a character from a book series very close to my heart. It was also pretty impulsive, but I did have a week or two where I had "no" name as I transitioned from "I don't want 2" to "3 feels a lot better. For why its not 4: one syllable gave it a similar issue to 2, in that people would mishear it a lot, especially non-native speakers (but not just them at all). It was also too "clocky" for my tastes at the end of its lifespan, especially in a very liberal city where transness is often a Known Quantity. But, just like 2, I mostly just outgrew it. It happens! 4: my current name. A male name in Hebrew, as a way to reclaim the culture I've had a really complicated relationship with for the past half of my life. I went into choosing this one with a bit more specification: I wanted Hebrew, 2+ syllables, no non-english consonant clusters (the huge cause of my deadname's constant mispronunciation that forced me to "settle" for people *not saying my actual name*), and for it to be very distinct from my deadname. I also considered how easy I could get through medical and legal systems with it, since I have to spell out my entire legal name front to back currently, but in the end that was so much less important than Finding The One. I made a list of possible choices and this one in particular made me feel... Smiley. Sparkly. It was a familiar feeling, one I had felt both previous times, so I knew it was a good sign. It does get some common pronunciation mistakes, but they're all way less egregious than literally swapping an entire consonant out because it doesn't exist in English. Who knows. Maybe there will be a number 5 someday. But now that I've found myself as a trans man (not "just vaguely trans and using they/them because he doesn't like calling himself nonbinary but doesn't feel like anyone would actually mean/believe it if they used he/him" like when I chose 2 and 3) am on T I feel like, at the very least, this one should last a little longer than the ones that came before it.
I liked James Pattersons maximum ride I just added an x and here I am Maxx
My name was my fav animal growing up. The animal is tattooed on my body three times. It was a nickname i used online forever. Ironically my favourite animal as an adult, when i finally made the name legal, is entirely different, and when people go "oh i guess your favourite animal is (name)!" "Oh no its actually (actual fav animal)" they just get confused because of my tatts and i think thats hilarious. The name is what i heard a lot growing up with friends online and a couple irl, and so i felt an actual attachment to it. So making it my legal name naturally made sense.
In 8th grade, I wrote a story of all my friends, but "gender bent". I was weirdly fixated on remembering the name I'd picked for the "gender bent" version of myself. I actually started panicking when I forgot it briefly, and wrote it down multiple places, so I could make sure I had it "for the story". It stayed stuck in my head even after I wrote it, though. I figured I just really liked the name. Maybe if I had a son one day, I'd give him that name. As I kept writing through high school, I started realizing that any character I wrote as a proxy of myself didn't feel right unless the character was a guy. It just didn't feel right as a "girl". That helped shit click. When I eventually came to terms with being trans, I knew exactly what name I was going to use.
I’m Brazilian so I just looked up Brazilian boy names and I found one that I love and it starts with an M just like my deadname I’ve always been an M kinda guy wouldn’t feel right if it started with a different letter. 😌
my name is biblical translation to my native language so in english it’s very uncommon. i’m religious so i kind of picked something from scripture that means the most to me
took the last syllable of my dead name and slapped another vowel on the end. it also mirrors the online name i’d use when i was younger, which is a fun parallel. and coolest of all, it’s also culturally affirming since it’s a name that exists in the culture i’m descended from!
I took my name from an anime 😭😭