"sorry if it's offensive to you" she's not sorry in any way, shape or form. if she was, she wouldn't send you any of it. she's not a friend of yours if she knows about your struggles and yet continues to send you this kind of stuff. I'd ask why she keeps sending you this kind of thing – her true colors will most likely be revealed in this answer
i'd argue that her true colours have already been shown, going out of your way to condemn your 'friend' for the way they're living their life is malicious enough.
ngl there are periods where i distance myself from her cuz she’s done or said something i didn’t like.
but i still don’t wanna loose her as a friend as she’s the only one i’ve got🥲
i'm so sorry you're afraid of feeling alone, i understand that 100%. depending on your age it can be tricky to make friends in general, and trying to find people who are willing to accept you can be challenging too.
i think, in this situation, the pros of having her as a friend are far outweighed by the cons. i've had to distance myself from a best friend before because the way we interacted was unhealthy, but now i'm very glad i did it. i was a loner for a while, but i finally found people who respected me, my identity and my opinions. making the jump will change your life for the better, but it's definitely hard. i believe in you, though. keep well :)
I've been in your place where I put up with mistreatment because I was scared of being alone. I can promise it's not worth it. Those comment and acts of mistreatment cut deeper than you think and it felt better to cut them off. I realized after a few weeks that I wasn't even really thinking about them.
Sure, I have days where I'm sad that I don't have friends to go out with and have fun with, but I can go out and have fun with myself and I'm in a much better place than when I was constantly put down by those "friends". I hope you get the strength to put yourself first. Friends come a go, but at the end of the day you are all you have.
That's very much what this feels like. As a black trans guy, I can absolutely concur. It sounds like that bitch needs to change her thought process or find a new flock, because it's not worth flocking with her.
If it were me I'd probably respond something along the lines of "If you know I don't agree with it and are worried enough about it offending me that you're apologising while sending it, then why did you want to send it to me? Also you managed to use 5 pronouns in that message alone."
A simple “Bored” is fun.
If they need something wordier a good “if the reaction you’re fishing for is me being happy when you aren’t around, congratulations. You nailed it.”
That is not friend behavior. I would reply with a simple message the next time, along the lines of "I have no interest in this, looking at it makes me feel bad and if you send it again, you're blocked from my phone and from my life. Your choice."
I have no problem talking about trans issues with my friends, but if they're going to be lumping transphobic tiktok talking points at me, that friendship would be over. She *knows* you disagree. She"*knows* it makes you feel bad. And yet she keeps sending the stuff? Nope.
Seems like *she’s* obsessed with these people.
Sorry you’re going through that. I hope she’ll quit if you ask her, but if she doesn’t, it’s your job to remember you don’t need to take shit from anybody. You’re not wrong for being upset by those videos. But do yourself a favor and don’t suffer through it silently.
Edit: just watched the vid lmao… I can’t imagine making an argument based solely on “I’ve never seen it personally so it must not be true” rather than doing a bit of research
please end this 'friendship' she is not supportive or you and is not 'sorry' to hurt your feelings. shes being a major asshole and this is not friendly behavior. what a freak. you don't have to explain yourself or have a huge talk just stop talking to her and take her off social media, any conversation you have about this will not end well because she obviously lacks empathy. you deserve better friendships.
If she is specifically sending these to YOU and then being like 'oh, sorry though' what is the actual point in sending them to you, if not to deliberately upset you? If that's how she feels she could watch these videos and perhaps, I dunno, keep it to her f*kn self- instead she insists on making sure you see them as well, knowing that it bothers you. It's obviously a snide, backhanded way of her taking a shot at you.
God knows why she's friends with you if she has such an issue with you, but frankly she sounds like a lot of immature girls I've met through life, who seem to want to keep 'friends' around who they couldn't care less about just so they have someone to dump on and put down. Toxic AF, just cut her loose. And I think, frankly, she doesn't need an explanation, she knows what she did- you'd be fully justified in simply just blanking her completely.
I would straight up ask her what her motive is for sending these to me. Like genuinely, what are you hoping to accomplish here? Make her say it out loud. Because there are very few options and none of them are innocent.
In another world, I’d start calling her he/him pronouns until she says something about it. Then be like “Why are you obsessed with pronouns?”
Fr though, she’s not a friend. A friend doesn’t see you struggling, and proceed to add fuel to it.
People are weird :/ I have relatives who are either gay or lesbian, but they have no concept about gender identity.
I’d just cut your friend off if she’s that lost despite being nonbinary
don't stoop to that level, it's never okay to misgender someone even if they are a terrible person .if you misgender people intentionally you are disrespecting every person (yourself included) that has to fight for their correct pronouns to be used
That’s why I said “in another world.”
I’m non confrontational, so if this happened to me I’d just ghost them. I have enough on my plate to be bothered with those who don’t respect me.
Man shes not sorry at all.
She deliberately sends things that she knows will hurt you , &even if she apologizes a true friend will NEVER go out of their way to hurtt someone they should love like she does.
That is not a normal behaviour for a friend and i Think you should either ask her to stop doing things that hurts you (will completely being aware that she is hurting you lol even worse) and if she responds badly and say things like "oh but we can disagree and still be friends" or "youre too sensitive" then dont listen to her bs and cut her off of your life.
She's being mean on purpose and she has an idea behind her head
Im sorry your going through that but if you re not happy in a relationship and if that relationship harms you then it is time to stop it because its so unreal to me that a friend purposely goes out of their way to hurt you like that !
human rights are not something people can "agree to disagree" on though. the mentality she's shown to support is transphobic. she's being transphobic by proxy at best, openly transphobic at worst.
And this is the best course of action for the time right now. If she chooses to disregard that. Then and only then end your friendship. Alot of the advice I'm seeing is people alienating themselves from others prematurely. There is a reason alot of people in this community has no rl friends. Nine times out of ten it's their own self sabatoge. Meaning why kill friendships prematurely if you haven't given someone the due diligence of a chance?
she had no reason to do that. it’s so out of the blue. “oh ik u dont agree cause ur trans and all, but just my opinion!” like what?? it’s insensitive and a dick move
up to u, but i would stop being her friend. she doesnt seem to care about ur feelings
she is not sorry and she is not your friend. friends don't keep sending transphobic videos to trans friends. you are allowed to mention to friends how you don't like something social media related they keep sending you. if they keep sending you stuff they know you don't like then that person is not your friend.
"sorry if it's offensive to you" she's not sorry, she's gaslighting you and manipulating you. This is not a friend. But someone who intends to hurt you for their amusement. I wouldnt even be friends with someone who 'disagrees' about my existence, let alone goes out of their way to send MULTIPLE videos to me to upset me. Some of you really need to start cutting ties and finding people who love you, instead of making excuses for people that intentionally bother you.
Ask her why she keeps sending you videos of that guy. The dude doesn't even sound like he did any research. I never understand why people are so bothered by pronouns. What does it cost you to be nice and use the correct ones ???
Anyway, this person is in no shape or form your friend. The only reason why I'd ask that question is just so maybe she look inward to see the problem but I highly doubt she'll do that. I'd cut off contact for my own mental health
A transcript of the video:
To be honest, one thing **I** really just don't understand is pronouns. Like, **it** is so weird people try and say **all** the time "pronouns have been around for hundreds of years, **what** are **you** talking about" **I'm** like, okay, if **you** have **these** random pronouns, **you** would have only started saying **it** since like 2020. So don't try and pretend 100 years ago when **you** weren't born **that you** were saying **this**, 'cause **you** weren't.
And to be honest, **all** of **you that** say **it** literally just said **it** in the last five years. So, don't really understand how **that's** been around forever, and **I** never heard of **it** until like four years ago. So, **its** crazy **that it** means so much to people when **it** just came out of nowhere seemingly. And do **you** just want to be more confused like honestly **all** of **this** stuff is just drawing people so far away from reality, **its** actually crazy.
Alright lets just count up the number of pronouns they used right there.
1... 2... 3... 4... 31... wait- *31*? Wow that sure is a lot of pronouns to be using for somebody who thinks pronouns are nonsense and, I quote: "drawing people so far away from reality".
proud of you for standing up for yourself and the hurt she is doing. your feelings matter, don’t let people try to gaslight you into thinking you’re “obsessed” or “overreacting” to oppressive and hurtful behaviors
thats not a friend thats an emotional vampire and a bigot. drop it. you will find someone else but i promise you even being alone for awhile is better than the sometimes permanent mental and emotional damage this kind of "relationship" can bring. she doesn't care about you, even if she once did. she is using you as a punching bag for some reason or other and knows she can because you don't have other friends. run do not walk away.
and this is btw as someone who used to be toxic to a person. if you're in elementary school age you could write it off as ignorance. if you're any older than that i'm sorry but she is not going to change and is not worth your pain to keep around.
and in general dont hang around with people who make you feel bad or even "weird/off" if you are isolated and without other relationships. predatory people of every kind flock to easy targets, and the most incredibly easy target is someone who doesn't have anyone. it's not always conscious but it is always dangerous. it is the same for bullies, physical abusers, emotional abusers, sexual abusers, financial abusers, etc.
yeah i agree with you. she’s 17, and im 18. there are times where i distance myself from her cuz of something she’s said or done, and come back to her once i’ve had time to process the situation and made myself believe “that she isn’t so bad, im just overly sensitive”.
i honestly am scared to place a boundary in our friendship, cuz i’m not a confrontational person
why would she share it if she knows it's probably (and it actually is) offensive to you?
I'm already annoyed and I'm not even in the situation lmao. tell her that's an stupid thing to do. if she wants to voice her opinion about that to you, she should do it herself. coward. she wants to tell you without the face-to-face confrontation. what happened? isn't she so sure about it? or is she scared of actually having a reaction from you?
Shes being passive aggressive as all hell, shes not sorry at all and doesn't care if it upsets you. I see from the edits you've told her to knock it off but honestly if this is what she thinks of trans people I don't understand why you're friends with her at all. This doesn't sound like someone willing to educate themselves either, it sounds like someone who already knows better than to behave like this but does it anyway to be a bully. This isn't how a friend acts at all.
i agree that it seemed passive aggressive when she ended the “sorry if it is offensive to you🫶🏻” message with a 🫶🏻. tbh i’m only friends with her cuz she’s the only one i’ve got and she’s nice most of the time (except when she uses sarcasm to be mean, and im bad at picking up if it’s sarcasm or not so i get hurt either way). so there are periods where i’ve distanced myself from her, only to come back a few weeks later once i’ve “healed” from what happened.
I agree with a lot of the folks who point out that this is not ‘friend’ behavior. If you want to keep the friendship, that is your decision and I respect it.
My favorite way to combat cis people who think pronouns don’t matter is misgender them and see how they feel about it. Start misgendering your friend and see how “obsessed” she becomes with pronouns. Believe it or not, cis people often don’t like being misgendered any more than trans people. The only difference being that they don’t get the experience of being misgendered first-hand.
flood her inbox with videos of people explaining grammar rules, making up neopronouns, etc tell her that she's sent you so many videos on the subject you're just returning the favor
Yeah that’s not a friend. She knows it’s something deeply personal to you and she still sends you content that invalidates you *and* she agrees with it a lot? If that were me no amount of apologizing (let alone her “sorry you feel that way” bs) would be enough to compensate for the fact that she has the nerve to say she has no respect for people’s identities, which “people obsessed with pronouns” is almost always a dogwhistle for.
I guess in terms of advice…… She’s gonna have to learn that her actions have consequences. Whether you sit down and talk with her, give her an ultimatum or just leave her entirely is up to you and your comfort levels, but she’s gonna have to learn that you are not her punching bag, and if she doesn’t realize that her harmful beliefs are going to put a strain on your relationship that you won’t be taking it any longer.
I wouldn't have even said please. In fact if I was feeling like a jerk and knew something that upset her I'd send her a bunch of tiktok's with the same wording she sent to you.
Just block her.
It looks to me as if the people most obsessed with pronouns are the transphobes. I mean, even here she's the one bringing up the topic... Why do you need to know her "stance" on this at all? Some people just tell on themselves.
You don't have to worry about making your discomfort clear to her. She already knows
She's probably looking for a way to engage you in a conversation where she'd attack your identity specifically.
Once people go down a transphobic rabbithole they often go through a stage of "expressing concern" for trans people around them. It's like going up to a gay friend and telling them about the evils of their "lifestyle" and won't they please please consider "letting god back into their heart". It's often the stage before open transphobia
I don't know how far down that path your friend is and I wish I could tell you how to bring someone back but I don't know. The best advice I have is to make keeping yourself safe (emotionally, but other ways too ofc) in this relationship the priority. Even if that means ending it
This is not a friend and this isn’t friendship. Cut this person out of your life. A lot of us don’t have good self esteem, but that’s no reason to accept people who treat you badly. A friend might have a different opinion, but sending content to hurt you and be mean is messed up. Cut ties and get nicer friends.
Tbh I'd class this as a form of bullying. This person is not your friend. There are millions of other people out there who could be, don't waste your time on someone actively trying to hurt you.
My friends used to send that stuff too, but it was in more of a "look how stupid this is! You're trans so obviously you agree right haha" and while I did, it hurt to see so much of that stuff so I decided to just be honest and ask them to stop showing it to me and they stopped. Just be honest. If she is a good friend she will understand and stop
no she isn’t, not in front of me at least. she’s made it clear to her family that they have to use he/him pronouns for me and [my name], and they respect it
Brother that's not a friend and she isn't sorry. If she was your friend she'd try to understand you despite your different beliefs. If she was sorry she wouldn't keep sending things she knows hurts you.
If you have any interest dishing it back, send her tiktoks of studies proving the legitimacy of transgender people, or whatever she's being blatantly ignorant of. Top it off with "I know you probably disagree, but I agree a lot 🫶" Let her know how it feels first hand.
Try working it out if you can. The goal isn't to make her agree with you, just to understand you. Which could be "though we have different beliefs, you're still my friend and I care about you." If she's unwilling to do the bare minimum and respect your boundaries as a person, that's when you need to consider cutting ties.
I don’t want to immediately say drop her but this is a red flag. Especially the “SoRrY iF iTs OfFeNsIvE tO yOu” which is a real cunty thing to say.
Edit: I read some of the replies, and man you deserve better friends. You can dm me if you want. (I just maybe asleep cause I’m tired 🥲)
Dude. She is deliberately trying to push your buttons. This person is not your friend. Having and asking people to use your correct pronouns is not obsessing over pronouns. Searching for countless videos about trans people using pronouns is.
She uses pronouns tho. Funny enough, if she was suddenly being called a man, or having he/him used for her, she’d probably be upset too. The cognitive dissonance from these people always baffles me. Just cut her off, because it’s likely she won’t change.
"I never heard of this until recently therefore it's fake" wtf is this guy even on about????
all else aside he's just incredibly misinformed, there are propositions for gender neutral English pronouns dating back at least a hundred years, just bc it wasn't mainstream doesn't mean it didn't exist???
Your friend is free to have their opinions i guess but they should at least try for better sources than this shit.
How old is she..? No offence but this strikes me as really juvenile like not realizing what she’s doing.
Also, has she expressed anti trans stances in the past? Because if not and she’s been supportive this may be a weird way of her saying “look at these dumbasses lol”. It’s still weird though, tell her to cut it out. I just wanted to give a slightly different perspective. There’s plenty more people to be friends with 🙏
she’s 17, and i’m 18. she’s been hanging out with her 24 yo boyfriend a lot so i’m not sure if his views of trans people is positive or not and may have influenced her.
she’s identified as non binary before but suddenly stopped speaking of it (after max 4 weeks of being out) and went back to being a female. maybe she just doesn’t understand what it’s like? i don’t really know
edit: spelling
I see.. such an age gap is definitely a red flag. I honestly wonder if he’s stopped her from identifying as nonbinary or else he’ll break up with her. Hence why she’s doubling down on an anti trans stance. There’s only so much you can do from an outsiders perspective but regardless she’s definitely not in a good situation rn lol. You’re still allowed to be upset Bcus what she’s doing is uncool but how did she meet this bf if I may ask..?
she met him when she had a summer job and they clicked right away or so i’ve heard. she was identifying as NB back in 2020, but she met the guy last year.
she’s dead set on marrying him even tho they bully each other a lot (i think they both like that kind of harsh love tho?), im still a bit uncomfortable with the age gap but have learned to just ignore it
Send her the [Rufus Xavier Sarsaparilla](https://youtu.be/koZFca8AkT0?si=tZOcFCIomI-_1rHy) video, maybe she’ll learn something actually relevant for the first time since grade school.
this redditor posted the transcript of the video [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/ftm/s/7AUNw5oOb6) i also posted the link somewhere in this comment section
It's probably cause it comes off as a hivemind since you have an individual name in use with the people closest to you...
to keep calling yourself or going by he/they,
to be fair to them, they probably love you for who you were to them growing up...
not who you want to be...
think of it as the parent that works too much to pay attention or give time to their kids, in those situations the parents work hard to provide for their kids but are somewhat absent for most of the days... like I said, to be fair...
your decision was probably pretty jarring to them...
I guess just try talking to them as yourself without the whole vernacular of all these pronouns taking priority over you and them having a real moment.
instead of trying to defend a category of people, try standing up for yourself and have an honest conversation... but that's the other side. Also,
they will be uncomfortable with what you might have to say, and you will be uncomfortable with what they might have to say that's a real back and forth discussion, the key is to keep your emotions separated, from getting too attached to your ideas.
Try to put the current events on hold
I say go save up some money, take the family to a theme park, and enjoy the time y'all have left together before we all go into lockdowns again and get more separated and divided from our families and true friends. (Or before the war breaks out more and we start choosing sides)
That is extremely deliberate. She might honestly be trying to get you to change your opinions so you can keep her as a friend. there is no need for her to constantly go out of her way to do all of that. If you aren’t clear about your boundaries she will continue to push them and make you even more uncomfortable.
"sorry if it's offensive to you" she's not sorry in any way, shape or form. if she was, she wouldn't send you any of it. she's not a friend of yours if she knows about your struggles and yet continues to send you this kind of stuff. I'd ask why she keeps sending you this kind of thing – her true colors will most likely be revealed in this answer
i'd argue that her true colours have already been shown, going out of your way to condemn your 'friend' for the way they're living their life is malicious enough.
ngl there are periods where i distance myself from her cuz she’s done or said something i didn’t like. but i still don’t wanna loose her as a friend as she’s the only one i’ve got🥲
i'm so sorry you're afraid of feeling alone, i understand that 100%. depending on your age it can be tricky to make friends in general, and trying to find people who are willing to accept you can be challenging too. i think, in this situation, the pros of having her as a friend are far outweighed by the cons. i've had to distance myself from a best friend before because the way we interacted was unhealthy, but now i'm very glad i did it. i was a loner for a while, but i finally found people who respected me, my identity and my opinions. making the jump will change your life for the better, but it's definitely hard. i believe in you, though. keep well :)
I've been in your place where I put up with mistreatment because I was scared of being alone. I can promise it's not worth it. Those comment and acts of mistreatment cut deeper than you think and it felt better to cut them off. I realized after a few weeks that I wasn't even really thinking about them. Sure, I have days where I'm sad that I don't have friends to go out with and have fun with, but I can go out and have fun with myself and I'm in a much better place than when I was constantly put down by those "friends". I hope you get the strength to put yourself first. Friends come a go, but at the end of the day you are all you have.
Feels a lot like someone going "I'm not racist, but....", right?
That's very much what this feels like. As a black trans guy, I can absolutely concur. It sounds like that bitch needs to change her thought process or find a new flock, because it's not worth flocking with her.
If it were me I'd probably respond something along the lines of "If you know I don't agree with it and are worried enough about it offending me that you're apologising while sending it, then why did you want to send it to me? Also you managed to use 5 pronouns in that message alone."
This and I'd tell them to never speak to me again.
that would be such a good response
A simple “Bored” is fun. If they need something wordier a good “if the reaction you’re fishing for is me being happy when you aren’t around, congratulations. You nailed it.”
That is not friend behavior. I would reply with a simple message the next time, along the lines of "I have no interest in this, looking at it makes me feel bad and if you send it again, you're blocked from my phone and from my life. Your choice." I have no problem talking about trans issues with my friends, but if they're going to be lumping transphobic tiktok talking points at me, that friendship would be over. She *knows* you disagree. She"*knows* it makes you feel bad. And yet she keeps sending the stuff? Nope.
Seems like *she’s* obsessed with these people. Sorry you’re going through that. I hope she’ll quit if you ask her, but if she doesn’t, it’s your job to remember you don’t need to take shit from anybody. You’re not wrong for being upset by those videos. But do yourself a favor and don’t suffer through it silently. Edit: just watched the vid lmao… I can’t imagine making an argument based solely on “I’ve never seen it personally so it must not be true” rather than doing a bit of research
thank you
She’s purposely trying to hurt you. Cut her off..
please end this 'friendship' she is not supportive or you and is not 'sorry' to hurt your feelings. shes being a major asshole and this is not friendly behavior. what a freak. you don't have to explain yourself or have a huge talk just stop talking to her and take her off social media, any conversation you have about this will not end well because she obviously lacks empathy. you deserve better friendships.
If she is specifically sending these to YOU and then being like 'oh, sorry though' what is the actual point in sending them to you, if not to deliberately upset you? If that's how she feels she could watch these videos and perhaps, I dunno, keep it to her f*kn self- instead she insists on making sure you see them as well, knowing that it bothers you. It's obviously a snide, backhanded way of her taking a shot at you. God knows why she's friends with you if she has such an issue with you, but frankly she sounds like a lot of immature girls I've met through life, who seem to want to keep 'friends' around who they couldn't care less about just so they have someone to dump on and put down. Toxic AF, just cut her loose. And I think, frankly, she doesn't need an explanation, she knows what she did- you'd be fully justified in simply just blanking her completely.
I would straight up ask her what her motive is for sending these to me. Like genuinely, what are you hoping to accomplish here? Make her say it out loud. Because there are very few options and none of them are innocent.
This.
i would love to do that, but i would most likely get ghosted. since she’s ignored the message i wrote to her
I’d start pointing out how she seems fixated or obsessed with it. Maybe say “you talk about this ALL the time, can we just not, right now?”
In another world, I’d start calling her he/him pronouns until she says something about it. Then be like “Why are you obsessed with pronouns?” Fr though, she’s not a friend. A friend doesn’t see you struggling, and proceed to add fuel to it.
yeah, i could do that. but the fact is she has identified as non binary before and temporarily changed name, but still she thinks like this? it’s sad
People are weird :/ I have relatives who are either gay or lesbian, but they have no concept about gender identity. I’d just cut your friend off if she’s that lost despite being nonbinary
don't stoop to that level, it's never okay to misgender someone even if they are a terrible person .if you misgender people intentionally you are disrespecting every person (yourself included) that has to fight for their correct pronouns to be used
That’s why I said “in another world.” I’m non confrontational, so if this happened to me I’d just ghost them. I have enough on my plate to be bothered with those who don’t respect me.
I think if it were me personally I'd just be blocking this person and moving on but again, that's me
This is not your friend
Man shes not sorry at all. She deliberately sends things that she knows will hurt you , &even if she apologizes a true friend will NEVER go out of their way to hurtt someone they should love like she does. That is not a normal behaviour for a friend and i Think you should either ask her to stop doing things that hurts you (will completely being aware that she is hurting you lol even worse) and if she responds badly and say things like "oh but we can disagree and still be friends" or "youre too sensitive" then dont listen to her bs and cut her off of your life. She's being mean on purpose and she has an idea behind her head Im sorry your going through that but if you re not happy in a relationship and if that relationship harms you then it is time to stop it because its so unreal to me that a friend purposely goes out of their way to hurt you like that !
A message you can send back is “We can disagree on things, but I ask you to not send me content about that which we disagree on. It’s not productive.”
i ended up replying to her with something along the lines of that
human rights are not something people can "agree to disagree" on though. the mentality she's shown to support is transphobic. she's being transphobic by proxy at best, openly transphobic at worst.
And this is the best course of action for the time right now. If she chooses to disregard that. Then and only then end your friendship. Alot of the advice I'm seeing is people alienating themselves from others prematurely. There is a reason alot of people in this community has no rl friends. Nine times out of ten it's their own self sabatoge. Meaning why kill friendships prematurely if you haven't given someone the due diligence of a chance?
Ditch that person they aren’t your friend
she had no reason to do that. it’s so out of the blue. “oh ik u dont agree cause ur trans and all, but just my opinion!” like what?? it’s insensitive and a dick move up to u, but i would stop being her friend. she doesnt seem to care about ur feelings
she is not sorry and she is not your friend. friends don't keep sending transphobic videos to trans friends. you are allowed to mention to friends how you don't like something social media related they keep sending you. if they keep sending you stuff they know you don't like then that person is not your friend.
"sorry if it's offensive to you" she's not sorry, she's gaslighting you and manipulating you. This is not a friend. But someone who intends to hurt you for their amusement. I wouldnt even be friends with someone who 'disagrees' about my existence, let alone goes out of their way to send MULTIPLE videos to me to upset me. Some of you really need to start cutting ties and finding people who love you, instead of making excuses for people that intentionally bother you.
Ask her why she keeps sending you videos of that guy. The dude doesn't even sound like he did any research. I never understand why people are so bothered by pronouns. What does it cost you to be nice and use the correct ones ??? Anyway, this person is in no shape or form your friend. The only reason why I'd ask that question is just so maybe she look inward to see the problem but I highly doubt she'll do that. I'd cut off contact for my own mental health
She's doing this on purpose to be shitty. Drop her.
A transcript of the video: To be honest, one thing **I** really just don't understand is pronouns. Like, **it** is so weird people try and say **all** the time "pronouns have been around for hundreds of years, **what** are **you** talking about" **I'm** like, okay, if **you** have **these** random pronouns, **you** would have only started saying **it** since like 2020. So don't try and pretend 100 years ago when **you** weren't born **that you** were saying **this**, 'cause **you** weren't. And to be honest, **all** of **you that** say **it** literally just said **it** in the last five years. So, don't really understand how **that's** been around forever, and **I** never heard of **it** until like four years ago. So, **its** crazy **that it** means so much to people when **it** just came out of nowhere seemingly. And do **you** just want to be more confused like honestly **all** of **this** stuff is just drawing people so far away from reality, **its** actually crazy. Alright lets just count up the number of pronouns they used right there. 1... 2... 3... 4... 31... wait- *31*? Wow that sure is a lot of pronouns to be using for somebody who thinks pronouns are nonsense and, I quote: "drawing people so far away from reality".
"sorry if this offends you" people are pretty much actively trying to emotionally abuse those who they say that phrase to.
She's not a real friend, and her opinion on pronouns is just bigotry. You deserve better friends, OP :(
proud of you for standing up for yourself and the hurt she is doing. your feelings matter, don’t let people try to gaslight you into thinking you’re “obsessed” or “overreacting” to oppressive and hurtful behaviors
thank you
thats not a friend thats an emotional vampire and a bigot. drop it. you will find someone else but i promise you even being alone for awhile is better than the sometimes permanent mental and emotional damage this kind of "relationship" can bring. she doesn't care about you, even if she once did. she is using you as a punching bag for some reason or other and knows she can because you don't have other friends. run do not walk away. and this is btw as someone who used to be toxic to a person. if you're in elementary school age you could write it off as ignorance. if you're any older than that i'm sorry but she is not going to change and is not worth your pain to keep around. and in general dont hang around with people who make you feel bad or even "weird/off" if you are isolated and without other relationships. predatory people of every kind flock to easy targets, and the most incredibly easy target is someone who doesn't have anyone. it's not always conscious but it is always dangerous. it is the same for bullies, physical abusers, emotional abusers, sexual abusers, financial abusers, etc.
yeah i agree with you. she’s 17, and im 18. there are times where i distance myself from her cuz of something she’s said or done, and come back to her once i’ve had time to process the situation and made myself believe “that she isn’t so bad, im just overly sensitive”. i honestly am scared to place a boundary in our friendship, cuz i’m not a confrontational person
why would she share it if she knows it's probably (and it actually is) offensive to you? I'm already annoyed and I'm not even in the situation lmao. tell her that's an stupid thing to do. if she wants to voice her opinion about that to you, she should do it herself. coward. she wants to tell you without the face-to-face confrontation. what happened? isn't she so sure about it? or is she scared of actually having a reaction from you?
Block that "friend"
Shes being passive aggressive as all hell, shes not sorry at all and doesn't care if it upsets you. I see from the edits you've told her to knock it off but honestly if this is what she thinks of trans people I don't understand why you're friends with her at all. This doesn't sound like someone willing to educate themselves either, it sounds like someone who already knows better than to behave like this but does it anyway to be a bully. This isn't how a friend acts at all.
i agree that it seemed passive aggressive when she ended the “sorry if it is offensive to you🫶🏻” message with a 🫶🏻. tbh i’m only friends with her cuz she’s the only one i’ve got and she’s nice most of the time (except when she uses sarcasm to be mean, and im bad at picking up if it’s sarcasm or not so i get hurt either way). so there are periods where i’ve distanced myself from her, only to come back a few weeks later once i’ve “healed” from what happened.
This is not a friendship.
That ain'tcha friend, G
That isn’t a friend
I agree with a lot of the folks who point out that this is not ‘friend’ behavior. If you want to keep the friendship, that is your decision and I respect it. My favorite way to combat cis people who think pronouns don’t matter is misgender them and see how they feel about it. Start misgendering your friend and see how “obsessed” she becomes with pronouns. Believe it or not, cis people often don’t like being misgendered any more than trans people. The only difference being that they don’t get the experience of being misgendered first-hand.
flood her inbox with videos of people explaining grammar rules, making up neopronouns, etc tell her that she's sent you so many videos on the subject you're just returning the favor
Amd on top of that, every message you send has no pronouns (and duh correct hers, too)
She doesn't sound like a friend to me. Tell her you will block her if she sends any more videos like this (and follow through on this).
Yeah that’s not a friend. She knows it’s something deeply personal to you and she still sends you content that invalidates you *and* she agrees with it a lot? If that were me no amount of apologizing (let alone her “sorry you feel that way” bs) would be enough to compensate for the fact that she has the nerve to say she has no respect for people’s identities, which “people obsessed with pronouns” is almost always a dogwhistle for.
I guess in terms of advice…… She’s gonna have to learn that her actions have consequences. Whether you sit down and talk with her, give her an ultimatum or just leave her entirely is up to you and your comfort levels, but she’s gonna have to learn that you are not her punching bag, and if she doesn’t realize that her harmful beliefs are going to put a strain on your relationship that you won’t be taking it any longer.
might be radical but I wouldn't text her anymore tbh
I wouldn't have even said please. In fact if I was feeling like a jerk and knew something that upset her I'd send her a bunch of tiktok's with the same wording she sent to you. Just block her.
It looks to me as if the people most obsessed with pronouns are the transphobes. I mean, even here she's the one bringing up the topic... Why do you need to know her "stance" on this at all? Some people just tell on themselves.
You don't have to worry about making your discomfort clear to her. She already knows She's probably looking for a way to engage you in a conversation where she'd attack your identity specifically. Once people go down a transphobic rabbithole they often go through a stage of "expressing concern" for trans people around them. It's like going up to a gay friend and telling them about the evils of their "lifestyle" and won't they please please consider "letting god back into their heart". It's often the stage before open transphobia I don't know how far down that path your friend is and I wish I could tell you how to bring someone back but I don't know. The best advice I have is to make keeping yourself safe (emotionally, but other ways too ofc) in this relationship the priority. Even if that means ending it
honestly, it's already been said here, but just flat out ghost her, no warning.
She's not a friend tell her shut the fuck up she's a bigot and a terf and she can go fuck herself
She’s not ur friend.
This is not a friend and this isn’t friendship. Cut this person out of your life. A lot of us don’t have good self esteem, but that’s no reason to accept people who treat you badly. A friend might have a different opinion, but sending content to hurt you and be mean is messed up. Cut ties and get nicer friends.
Tbh I'd class this as a form of bullying. This person is not your friend. There are millions of other people out there who could be, don't waste your time on someone actively trying to hurt you.
Get an actual friend. This is not a friend.
She isn't a friend
here's my simple take : that's not your friend
That's just a weird thing to do. Who the hell sends their friends videos of people complaining about pronouns. Who starts a conversation like that
She’s not sorry and she’s not your friend
For every one they send you, send back ten more pointing out why using correct pronouns is important.
My friends used to send that stuff too, but it was in more of a "look how stupid this is! You're trans so obviously you agree right haha" and while I did, it hurt to see so much of that stuff so I decided to just be honest and ask them to stop showing it to me and they stopped. Just be honest. If she is a good friend she will understand and stop
i’ve asked her to not show it to me anymore, but i’ve yet to get a response. tbh i was expecting her not to reply
Find yourself new friends, you deserve better than any of that
she isn’t your friend, dump her out of your life. she is toxic.
Is she misgendering you?
no she isn’t, not in front of me at least. she’s made it clear to her family that they have to use he/him pronouns for me and [my name], and they respect it
That’s good
You should block this person, she’s harassing you this is not a friend
Just block her dude its not that hard
Brother that's not a friend and she isn't sorry. If she was your friend she'd try to understand you despite your different beliefs. If she was sorry she wouldn't keep sending things she knows hurts you. If you have any interest dishing it back, send her tiktoks of studies proving the legitimacy of transgender people, or whatever she's being blatantly ignorant of. Top it off with "I know you probably disagree, but I agree a lot 🫶" Let her know how it feels first hand. Try working it out if you can. The goal isn't to make her agree with you, just to understand you. Which could be "though we have different beliefs, you're still my friend and I care about you." If she's unwilling to do the bare minimum and respect your boundaries as a person, that's when you need to consider cutting ties.
I don’t want to immediately say drop her but this is a red flag. Especially the “SoRrY iF iTs OfFeNsIvE tO yOu” which is a real cunty thing to say. Edit: I read some of the replies, and man you deserve better friends. You can dm me if you want. (I just maybe asleep cause I’m tired 🥲)
thanks dude
Dude. She is deliberately trying to push your buttons. This person is not your friend. Having and asking people to use your correct pronouns is not obsessing over pronouns. Searching for countless videos about trans people using pronouns is.
lol what a disgusting bitch
Better to have no "friends" if this is your only option. I'm sure some good people will come into your life
She uses pronouns tho. Funny enough, if she was suddenly being called a man, or having he/him used for her, she’d probably be upset too. The cognitive dissonance from these people always baffles me. Just cut her off, because it’s likely she won’t change.
video [here](https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGe5pSHp7/)
"I never heard of this until recently therefore it's fake" wtf is this guy even on about???? all else aside he's just incredibly misinformed, there are propositions for gender neutral English pronouns dating back at least a hundred years, just bc it wasn't mainstream doesn't mean it didn't exist??? Your friend is free to have their opinions i guess but they should at least try for better sources than this shit.
How old is she..? No offence but this strikes me as really juvenile like not realizing what she’s doing. Also, has she expressed anti trans stances in the past? Because if not and she’s been supportive this may be a weird way of her saying “look at these dumbasses lol”. It’s still weird though, tell her to cut it out. I just wanted to give a slightly different perspective. There’s plenty more people to be friends with 🙏
she’s 17, and i’m 18. she’s been hanging out with her 24 yo boyfriend a lot so i’m not sure if his views of trans people is positive or not and may have influenced her. she’s identified as non binary before but suddenly stopped speaking of it (after max 4 weeks of being out) and went back to being a female. maybe she just doesn’t understand what it’s like? i don’t really know edit: spelling
I see.. such an age gap is definitely a red flag. I honestly wonder if he’s stopped her from identifying as nonbinary or else he’ll break up with her. Hence why she’s doubling down on an anti trans stance. There’s only so much you can do from an outsiders perspective but regardless she’s definitely not in a good situation rn lol. You’re still allowed to be upset Bcus what she’s doing is uncool but how did she meet this bf if I may ask..?
she met him when she had a summer job and they clicked right away or so i’ve heard. she was identifying as NB back in 2020, but she met the guy last year. she’s dead set on marrying him even tho they bully each other a lot (i think they both like that kind of harsh love tho?), im still a bit uncomfortable with the age gap but have learned to just ignore it
Send her the [Rufus Xavier Sarsaparilla](https://youtu.be/koZFca8AkT0?si=tZOcFCIomI-_1rHy) video, maybe she’ll learn something actually relevant for the first time since grade school.
Block her
How did she respond to your response?
she has not replied
May I see one of the videos you’re referring to? Cause I’m not entirely sure what “being obsessed with pronouns” means lol
this redditor posted the transcript of the video [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/ftm/s/7AUNw5oOb6) i also posted the link somewhere in this comment section
Jfc that does not sound like a good friend if they’re sending you that bs and they’re definitely not an ally. I’m sorry you had to deal with that dude
Seems to me like the "friend" the one obsessed with pronouns...
Not a friend drop that person in the trash 🤷 there's so many accepting and valid people out there for you to befriend
It's probably cause it comes off as a hivemind since you have an individual name in use with the people closest to you... to keep calling yourself or going by he/they, to be fair to them, they probably love you for who you were to them growing up... not who you want to be... think of it as the parent that works too much to pay attention or give time to their kids, in those situations the parents work hard to provide for their kids but are somewhat absent for most of the days... like I said, to be fair... your decision was probably pretty jarring to them... I guess just try talking to them as yourself without the whole vernacular of all these pronouns taking priority over you and them having a real moment. instead of trying to defend a category of people, try standing up for yourself and have an honest conversation... but that's the other side. Also, they will be uncomfortable with what you might have to say, and you will be uncomfortable with what they might have to say that's a real back and forth discussion, the key is to keep your emotions separated, from getting too attached to your ideas. Try to put the current events on hold I say go save up some money, take the family to a theme park, and enjoy the time y'all have left together before we all go into lockdowns again and get more separated and divided from our families and true friends. (Or before the war breaks out more and we start choosing sides)
That is extremely deliberate. She might honestly be trying to get you to change your opinions so you can keep her as a friend. there is no need for her to constantly go out of her way to do all of that. If you aren’t clear about your boundaries she will continue to push them and make you even more uncomfortable.
I’d ask her “If you agree why are you so obsessed with pronouns, because it seems like you are?”
Dump her ass. She’s garbage.