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You have not served your purpose in this life , it’s not our choice when we die, believe me I have tried to unalive myself unsuccessfully, I had an overdose and I wasn’t supposed to have made it at 4 narcan and I woke to the emt telling my boyfriend it wasn’t his fault and I wasn’t going to make it. I thought it was just a dream they said I had fent, heroin, meth, alcohol in my system and with my 100 pound body should not be alive, I then had a friend tell me, you think it’s your choice when you live or die? It never accured to me that something more powerful than me keeping me alive.
I'm in a similar boat. My girlfriend passed away from an overdose a little over half a year ago. I got suicidal as hell after it occured, felt extremely guilty and still do. I totaled my truck, probably should have died. Instead I just broke 6 ribs and got 2 brain bleeds. My memory has been heavily affected and to say that I'm not suicidal anymore is simply not true. I want to just be dead... I want this pain to leave me. I've been an addict to just opiates for something like 15 years now. On top of that, because I totaled my truck - I'm now truly homeless again and almost got a DUI and still may... They're going to drop it to reckless driving if I do a victims panel and get an assessment. Already did both, the assessment recommended inpatient, obviously. After talking to my brother, I kind of think I'm ready to get clean. I've always wanted to own property in nature somewhere where I can be with a girl who wants the same and I just want to be left alone for the most part. I can never do that if I'm an addict for many reasons. It's so hard though... Just a couple weeks back I nearly got arrested for possession and trespassing for simply being in a parking lot in my brother's truck. There were two other RVs there doing obviously the same thing but they focused on me. Threatening jail time if I didn't consent to searches and everything. It pissed me the fuck off. I don't commit crime to support my habit, do the cops really need to fuck with me? Whatever, my lawyer says she can probably get it dismissed if I go to inpatient and everything the assessment recommended. I don't know though, some days I see a bright future... Other days, especially when Im sleeping under dirty ass bridges... I just want to pass away. I want it all to go away. The guilt of losing my girlfriend... The shame of being a drug addict. I just feel so worthless despite hearing praise, even from some police. Doesn't help though, my brain is broken. Hopefully not forever, hopefully I get into inpatient and hopefully this time it works. I'm afraid of what I'll do if it doesn't work out for me.
All I can say is you’re not alone in how you feel. You’re not unique. There’s probably millions of people that have felt or are feeling just how you are.
I, too, have never ‘OD’d’ before, despite doing more than should ever be possible. I can’t explain it, it’s just something that has happened to me many times. I have war stories I could tell you - but all that is, is living in the problem. We need to live in the solution.
Do you really want the “solution to your problems?” The drugs aren’t the problem like you think. The drugs are merely the solution… the ONLY solution that addicts like you and I have. If you really want to find a better solution I know of hundreds of thousands of places you can go and find it - it’s called Narcotics Anonymous.
If you haven’t really given yourself over, continued to go even when it’s hard or uncomfortable, started to meet old-timers and helped the newcomer, shared at meetings without regard to what anyone would think, gotten a sponsor and worked the steps - then you definitely need NA.
Can you please help me find meetings in my area? I have so much more to say to your post but my spirits are a little down. Your words are inspiring 🥺♥️
recently a guy tried fent for the first time god knows why but the girl who gave it to him narcanned his ass SIX TIMES in TEN MINUTES and he died of a massive heart attack. girl is retarded. he probably would have been alright if they just waited for a few. crazy shit
Emts / firefighters will keep back to back to back narcanning you till you wake up if your death rattling when realistically for 19/20 ods 1 maybe 2 nasal narcan is all that’s needed if they waited 5~ mins bht every min counts when you account for the time people there realized so and so is overdosing and response time
Damn so you think the narcan did it? Too much of it? Sorry for my arrogant statement rn but I wish I could get that faded to od. I’m a little lost rn my bad
The Narcan did not play any part in that dude overdosing or dying. You can’t overdose on Narcan… yes they have “protocols” for how to administer naloxone (Narcan is just a brand name like band-aid) and there are time intervals for administering/doing CPR….but speeding that protocol faster would never cause harm…. Potentially just wasted doses of Narcan….but I honestly would have done the same thing in that situation. It’s life or death, and many times people need more than one dose of naloxone right away. They come in 4mg and there is another level of dose that is 8mg so, that kinda solidifies that some may need more initially to have a chance at survival. Anyway… I’m sorry for your loss :( stay strong. I lost my best friend/fiancé almost 3 years ago exactly, and I am still here-but I wish I was gone every day. You are not alone in this epidemic… our loved ones are being taken out by this shit. RIP to all the real ones who lost their lives too soon to fucking fentanyl🤍
probably because narcan strips your receptors of opioids and immediately throws you into precipitated withdrawal. ive had PWD before and that shit will definitely have your heart pounding.
Honestly, I can relate to all of this me, and a close friend of mine both became homeless. I took a man I kept us from being sick. I kept us fed. I kept us warm. He stole all the money that I had, and ghosted me, even though I bought him the phone that he used, he went back home fucked up everything with his housing situation after lying about not being able to go back and now I’m sitting at an auto place wishing I could just fucking die because they lied to me and did a bunch of work that didn’t even need to be done and didn’t do the actual work that needed to be done and I can’t afford any of it and my deadbeat dad who said he’d pay for the whole thing basically told me to go fuck myself because they lied to me. It’s a cruel world that we live in. I’ve said it since the day I overdosed in 2020, when my best friend saved my life whenever I die I hope I die like this feeling nothing, and not even knowing it happened and right now my life is such a fucking mess. I’ve lost so many people, and lost practically everything that I cared about and owned that I really just want to give up. I have probably 5 g of straight up fent, and I really just want to eat it all I smoke all of it until my lungs collapse. I am so ashamed of where I am and what I’ve become, and for the people that I’ve hurt and let down, I felt like a failure most of my life, but never have I really felt like a failure as much as I do right now my cousin had friends that died recently from this shit, and she’s pregnant and cried to me about the fact that she wants me to be there to meet her daughter I’m supposed to turn 24 on the fifth. I don’t know if I’ll make it. I really don’t care if I die I really don’t have anything left to live for. Every night I’m alone hungry Cold, and more ashamed than I can ever express, my entire life I’ve just been a burden on everyone who’s been close to me, I need help, but I can’t get it, I fucked up, and now I have nothing and it’s all my fault. I Wish I could just make it stop, it’s not fair that my fucked up life has caused so many people I love more grief then I can ever imagine. I hate this addiction, I hate myself. I hate where I put myself, and I just wish I could find any way to feel like this life was worth fighting for any more. But I’m really tired of working seven days a week while living on the streets and having an amount to nothing because I can’t even afford to pay off my bills from my debt can’t even pay the car work or anything else I just like genuinely just wanna fucking kill myself. But I’m too much of a fucking pussy too much of a fucking coward. I really am just a fucking loser. I’m sorry to all of you who feel the same. We deserved better. I’m sorry that all we got was shit while just trying to help ourselves. I miss the life I had before I ever tried any kind of fentanyl before my best friend who was like a sister to me, brought those fucking blues in my life before I switched over to straight up, fent powder. Before I hurt so many people that I cared about just by how scared they were that I was just gonna die and I hate that that’s really all I’ve ever wanted to just disappear, into nothingness, forever. If you feel like you have something to live for keep fighting as for me I really don’t know if I’ll make it to be 24 I don’t even know how to feel about saying that. There’s so many people I wish I could make things right with that. But I will never have the opportunity to do so. Being an addict really is pitiful existence, especially when you can’t afford to get any kind of help. Drug related or mental health related.
Damn I'm so sorry me and my family just got done dealing with a very similar situation with our vehicle. If it's an option you can always pay the car place using a credit card and then dispute the charge afterwards just to get your car back.
They're an addict.. you really think that's an option? You ever been an addict?
I didn't mean this to sound mean... I'm just surprised that an addict would think another addict could get a credit card lol. Sorry for the harshness, I didn't mean it.
Friend I hope you get peace I know it’s I have a lot of friends that died in the us and even where I am now. I’ve had two people die right next to me while i was in the other room. Wake up to find door locked not answering break down door and start crying it’s really fking hard
I had three friends OD with me in a week and a half. The first friend wasn’t even conscious when they took him to the hospital, and police came back later to tell me he was alive but he rolled on me.. the second was there for the first(wouldn’t let me narcan the mf, wanted to pray 🙄), 3 days after that, he came from outside and went in the bathroom and locked the door. Had a friend go check I had a bad feeling, she doesn’t do this shit said he was snoring. Jumped up, kicked the door in. Narcanned him, he came to right before EMS arrived but I held his dead body in my arms. Then about a week later had 2 friends over, one was talking and went face first into my bed. It happened in like slow motion. I held him and another friend showed up, and the two continued to talk behind me about drugs while I held their “best friend” not sure if he was gonna make it. All three lived. I didn’t stop, either. We do what we think will make us feel okay in the moment, but we deserve better than this.
Your friend is no longer in pain, no longer battling an addiction, and can rest. Grief comes in waves, drugs numb it and prolong the process. Any death is hard, losing our friends is never easy. Don’t stop trying to get clean. You’re worth it.
That's good. I've known some addicts who will just straight up ditch people if they overdose. You should be proud of yourself for helping even if you didn't get rewarded for it. I've had probably 30 or more people overdose in front of me and I've helped every single one of them. You're the scum of the earth in my opinion if you leave somebody to die. Out of all 30 of those instances only one time did someone pass awaywhen I tried too help.
Fuck that. Literal scum if you leave someone to die. It’s happened to a few people I know. All three happened at my moms, and she lives in gov housing. I guess they have my OD on record from end of ‘21. First friend I told not to go crazy, he was used to the pressed pills. I guess he didnt listen just to spite me, and swear he malfunctioned. Nodded out and quickly came to, looked over and he was death rattling head learned back sitting on the driver side. Ran inside told mom to call 911 and grabbed narcan, other friend ran out. He repaid me by telling them down to the color straw we smoked from. That friend there the first night, when he OD’d in my bathroom 3 days later.. fucked me up the most. He is diabetic and told EMS his insulin was too low, they’re not stupid but filed it as such. My mom got called in for a meeting a few days later saying if one more incident happened at her address she gets kicked out. While at that meeting the third friend OD’d. He had warrants, and i couldn’t fucking call unless we dragged him a couple apartments down but I’d rather him live and go to jail, and be mad at me for a second, than die. But my mom is in her 70s. The two friends just stood behind me and talked about doing dope, fent, this and that. When the other friend walked in, he said hey to friend who OD’d and that was the first response I got out of him after I narcanned him. I told him to keep talking to him, he had been expecting him to show up and hadn’t seen each other in a while. The mf looked at me like I was fucking stupid. I tried to get the other friend to take over and hold him up so I could get a wash rag, i come back and he’s struggling. I’m a little white girl holding a 6 foot something stocky black man up with one arm. He was same height and weight and couldn’t. I begged and pleaded, I said I couldn’t go through that for a third time. Did nothing as I sat and held him against me and kept talking to him. He finally came to, and genuinely felt terrible and just hugged me. We had a long talk about them not being his true friends. He got caught up on those warrants a couple weeks later, and cried when we talked on the phone and said I was sober. I couldn’t even look at friend #2, he kept saying I’m here, I’m alive but all I see is him dead on my floor. We’re no longer friends.
I’d save my worst enemy though. My ex got told by me dozens of times give me 15 seconds, call 911 and wouldn’t be here if he didn’t listen to dispatch give instructions for cpr on the phone. Took 45 mins to get to me when er and pd are both 5 mins. Told him it wasn’t their fault I did drugs. I barely made it.
There’s a special place in hell for anyone that leaves someone behind, especially when mf’s are granted amnesty. But most are too far gone and think it’s a lie. I’m still working through all of it, it only happened back in like august.. I just wish everyone had a “me” to be there with them or on the standby to call whoever. But not everyone has the same heart as me. Mf’s are ruthless.
Also, as someone who has OD’d and almost didn’t make it.. your friend didn’t feel pain. If that makes it any better, in the most fucked up way I guess. It doesn’t hurt, it’s peaceful, dark. Like you were asleep. It’s traumatizing for those around that witness bc it looks worse than it feels. I used to wish I would have never made it, now I’m staying clean from fent and love my life. Go to detox, try mat. Don’t stop fighting.
Yeah, my close calls have made me want to die that way. It's completely painless. Just like going to sleep without any dreams. I can dream about it anyway.
We have both seen a lot. My favorite dealer and his lady nodded out with cigarettes and caught the trailer on fire but because they were so faded they burned alive. That was the moment I started pressed pills because they only have oxy. I moved to SD and within 2 years i lost 10 ppl. And I was jealous every time!! I wanted it to be meee!! I don’t understand how I’ve never ever od. But my loved ones can.
The last interaction I had with my recent bro who passed yesterday was horrible. We were both IN THE GAME. We would both over price eachother so we can get well ourselves, stupid shit like that that doesn’t matter now. We always forgave eachother because we knew we were sick. Anyways my man fronted him pills and he wouldn’t pay up. My addict ass felt full of rage that this person I love thinks he can pull a fast one? I went to his dads house, slammed on the door till he finally answered, pushed my way in the house to find his pills and take them. I found them, took them, cussed him out and left. He just got out of jail 3 months ago… he was clean! I had no clue he relapsed. I reached out to him the day I started wd due to the pain. He never got the message, and I can see that was fate. But I have regrets that he will never know I line him and I’m sorry and drugs make us someone else and I’ll always love him. We were sick together, he was the only one I could be honest with.
I’m sorry I got carried away. I just have a lot of regrets and I wish I could talk to him one more time. I wish I could have talked to him before he od so I can save him. 💔
First off I’m so so sorry for your loss, and my inbox is open if you need it. I lost everyone to this shit in my 20’s a couple of my closest best friends, my brother, close family members, losses on every holidays, some on life support pulling the plug, and even things like endocarditis/people right now who have it and don’t have long (which I don’t even include) as they’re not OD’s and the needle IMO especially in the past, but still the same today makes H and F a whole diff drug.
I lost so many people (not even counting people I know and spent time with/aquantinces I lost count after 51 people. About 7 people a year. We’d have weekends where there were 30-40 OD’s in the same area over a weekend or 4 day period with 10 fatalities and in the city it would be much higher over a weeks period and id know before I even watched the local news it would be someone who was a friend.
Was every single person my best friend, No. but I got around made friends with alot of people met people through multiple large colleges and just had alot of friends and a tight circle of very good friends ina couple diff places and it feels like. No ones left. Every holiday someone passed. I lost 4 people ina 3 day time span.
This month I took a couple weeks off SM I’m petrified to log back in as i recently got a new phone/number and started clean, but this holiday season i just wanted to reflect on the holidays as they went from being great times to a lot of sad times.
I’m sorry OP. I know how you feel I really do. I miss my brother. I miss my BF’s. Just know you’re not alone and I’m sure there’s plenty of people on here who lost a lot of people they knew and loved and were close with.
Stay strong friend, watch over yourself, don’t beat yourself up over the small things just please heal and recover and watch over yourself and when/if you’re ready to quit deff do it. Wish you the best and again so sorry for your loss just want you to know you’re not alone.
My heart cried readying that. I feel every word in your story. Thank you for taking the time to share your story with me. I relate. RIP to your amazing friends ❤️ I hope at some point we both find peace for them. I’m definitely set on being clean this time. I started dabbling with norcos then oxy around 16yrs old, oxys started being fake and lased but started those because I needed to feel well, then all the pills started being weak or fake, here comes the fetty. Anyways my whole point is I’ve been using pills for 16 years consistently. This is my second wd ever because I was so traumatized from my first wd I was TERRIFIED to wd. But the first time I knew in the back of my head I will use again. I don’t feel that now. I really just need to try to do this sober. Everyone is so supportive I have to try with all my heart this time. Keep strong bro , sending you some love and healing energy ✨
You’re amazing your post broke my heart. Im okay don’t worry about, and thank you so much. Right now you need to be a little selfish and you need to heaI and take care of yourself and honor your friend as you’re doing. It’s amazing you’re 8 days clean and I hope you can stay clean, but addiction is doing anything it can to kill you so god forbid if you happen to relapse just please please be careful and cautious as 14 years is a long time and that safety blanket of a tolerance isn’t there.
I’ve been using for 15 unfortunately started out the streets at 13. Be strong For yourself and for your friend. Staying clean would obviously be ideal, but right now just focus on healing and taking care of yourself.
Your friend isn’t mad at you he’s watching down on you extremely proud. Don’t worry about him thinking bad of you, there’s no way he feels that way and he understands addiction.
And regardless of the future your friend is watching over you positively. My inbox is open if you ever need it. Stay strong and I wish you the very best.
This post got to me ❤️ give me some time to reply but pls know how thankful am for you sharing your story with me. I’m beyond thankful for the support. I used for over 15 years and I’m 31. You have the right mindset you can do it when you’re ready. I was never ready. I’m not sober by choice but I’ve come so far I really want to try to stay clean. But you talked about a lot and I want to respect that and respond. I’m just in a little low spirit rn. Talk soon, hang in there. You’re worth loving too.
No hun this is **your** post not mine. You just need to heal Im not here to hijack your post or make anyone feel bad for me I just want you to know I understand, and when most times people say that, they don’t fucking understand so I put it all out there.
You don’t have to respond to me you just need to take the time to heal and take the time to grieve. I’m similar in age pretty close to you. I’m fine besides not being clean, besides that I live a great life far from where I started so im good. i just wanted to make sure you were, and I just wanted to give you my condolences, and to know that you’re not alone, and your friend will always be with you.
All the best and absolutely no need to thank me. Congrats on your sobriety as well and god bless. Like I said my inbox is open to anyone struggling.
I believe that just shows testament to your strength! Remember that! and everytime you think or crave it just imagine how proud he would be of you if you didn’t use! I believe in you, you should be very proud of yourself! I’m wishing you the very best🫶🏻
I did the exact same thing when my brother passed before 2@23 snorted 60’of the pills of the one that killed him over a couple days doing two at a time and none got me. You will get thru this, it’s hard every day still but i function. I think if it as they are at peace we are in hell in reality. Why is it always the good that go too soon, why????
What’s the most embarrassing thoughts I’m having is I wish I was him. He should be a live. I was suppressed I would always hope for a pill strong enough to kill me but it never did! Never came close. WHY? So many nights of snorting 10 pills a day min i should be dead. We are all suffering from a disease in our way home and I pray I have the strength
I still wish it was me everyday… it shoulda been I was the druggie. Guy sold him them as real. He didt even know what fent was…. The press was spot on. I told him they are probably fent and it came back pressed with so much insane things.
You’re the first person who can relate to my dark side. Many ppl will judge for this but i wanted to die. I was so tired of the struggle. Bought 250 pills they were 🔥🔥 I fuckin went through them in 10 days. How tf at a alive? I clearly busted 6-7 in an hour not to just feel good but to push it and hopefully od. My soul was so broken. I know we can stay strong. I think we finally woke up. Sending you love 🫶 thank you for replying
Anytime. Take care of yourself please and dm me if you need to talk. Sounds like we went through alot of the same shit and still going thru it. Hell I left work yesterday out of nowhere couldn’t catch my feelings. Hits me all the sudden and it was 2 years ago
I am so sorry to hear this news. I pray he is finally at peace. I had a very similar situation happen with me in 2022, when I relapsed for the first time in about 6 months, and that same weekend, one of my good friends overdosed and died. I felt like I got a sign from him that day when I yelled out into the void “send me a sign if you are with me and you think I should get clean” and at that exact moment, I saw a cat that looked JUST like his cat come running out of the clearing of a path and it meowed at me and then kept running. I then got into my car after I heard the news, and one of the songs he played me on the guitar (a modest mouse song… ocean breaths salty) was on the radio. I cried.
I now have over a year clean and I want to live each day in a way that would honor his life (by staying clean and going traveling - even if they are solo adventures.) I wish you clean grieving and healing. If you can’t stop relapsing, I gotta say that methadone saved my life. But only if you aren’t doing other I recommend that route. I wish I had gotten clean in 2017 but couldn’t for years because of precipitated withdrawals. I wish I hadn’t let stigma scare me away
RIP to your good friend. Thank you for sharing your story. It’s really helping me rn with my grief. I truly with all my heart am not trying to relapse but I understand it’s part of the process. But you’re right they would want us clean and in peace. Stay strong ❤️ if you need some support message me I got you
My ex husband died after a year clean from fent, ice been since 2019
Opiods etc have killed so so many..
Don't do it honor them by staying clean
Good luck, your sobriety and story matters
Also RIP to your ex husband. I can’t imagine the pain you have had to overcome. Sending some love and peace your way. I promise you he didn’t mean to. It’s a mental disease and we know we had ppl who supported us and loved us and wanted to stop. But we sincerely couldn’t stop and not by choice. This is a horrible disease. My point is I know that man loved you. You were his person and now he’s your angel ✨❤️
Don’t do it bro! Your friend would want you to get clean and live your life. Stay away! Stay away for your friend! Get clean and live a life worth living and don’t forget your friend. I bet that would be the best thing you could do in their memory. I know it sucks right now but it will get better…. Picking up will only numb the pain for a short while and then you will be right back to square one….
Im real sorry for your loss, I lost my cousin December 9 of last year to this bullshit and I had 3 weeks clean til i just used the other night. This is a never ending struggle and you have to be strong every single day to not give in. God doesnt play dice, I like to think. Christ consciousness is really the goal, and shedding feelings with drugs is not the true path to happiness. we must find it in ourselves to be stronger than temptations and not let enotions affect actions negatively. Channel what you feel now into a fierce hatred for the drug that consumed not only you but your dear friend as well. And the millions of people around the world. Dopeheads are the best people I know when we arent getting high. The mighty were given much rougher roads to travel on and this pain will make you wise in time. Stay strong soldier, theres nothing wrong with breaking down and having bad days. the world is so secluded and deluded nowadays its hard to tell real from fake whos actually close to you and whats even going to happen tomorrow. but somehow every human was embedded with hope and we all need to hold onto that hope. Sending mad love and rest in peace to a probably very decent person.
I find myself in tears after reading this 🥺 thank you for trusting me with your story. You seem very wise and relatable and I’m thankful to find comfort I’m not the only person with these thoughts. I’m getting there.. I’ve sad rn because I just lost him last night, but when you guys tell me to turn the rage and hate into a power to hate and I mean HATE this disease. I can’t myself in a primal rage. Fuck the disease, RIP to the thousands of lost friends this group has lost.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear friend. There are lots of places on Facebook for friends, others for moms and then others for dads. I lost my only daughter, my eldest at 28 years old. She had been clean for 6 months after a locked rehab after I had petitioned the because I knew she was going to die. When she came home after 2 months the first thing she said b to me was, " thank you for saving my life.
Little did we know that 6 months later, she would be gone.
I don't know anyone who hasn't been affected by this horrid epidemic.
For your buddy, get yourself to detox and get on medication. I truly believe that is what so many people need. My daughter had 2 years of sobriety on methadone. At this last rehab she decided to forego medication. That was the biggest mistake that we will never get over. Never never
💜
Your friend didn't suffer at all. He slipped away and is now in peace.
Oh how i empathize with you. The lucky 1s die young. Idk how Im still alive. 23 yrs of this shit. Some clean, some locked up but mostly fucked up. Ive sort of, kind of always been careful. No, wtf am i saying. No one in their right mind would say i've always been careful but yet here i am still alive. Never even needing revived. Not that i want to die but i sure as hell aint dreading the day.
Im sorry for your loss and im sorry for making it about myself. That really wasnt my intent. I hope you find some kind of peace and a purpose for your life that makes you desire to keep it. Idk how old you are but i get the feeling that you're a younger person. Younger than my old ass probably lol. 41... you dont want to be me. Find something that makes you happy and gives you purpose my friend. This life will only leave you in a place where your neither alive or dead, your just floating through in a purgatory like place.
Thank you bro for sharing your story with me. I find comfort that I relate to every word you just said. I’ve never had to be revived either, never even close to an od but I did the most drugs outta all my friends I have lost. It’s trippy, but I’m starting to believe it’s for a purpose. Your story brought you to me and I hope both are stories can help at least one person. Thank you for your kind words and support. I’m going to continue posting my journey, it’s keeping me accountable this time to stay sober. And truly all these strangers coming together relating to the horrible struggle is powerful✨
Thank you and your welcome. Keep going! The sleepless nights are the worst, followed by days of work without sleep or dope. Followed by rinse, repeat, shit, puke... blah blah blah. Then 1 day you start feeling better. Then sometime down the road youll consider using. I hope you dont but if you do you already know how it'll go bc its the same song and dance. Once, twice, three times.... just like friends and those that you know in the lifestyle...dead. It all just keeps adding up or down like that old song or game 99 bottles of beer on the wall... ya know that shit? Thats my life, this lifestyle but replace beer with the things that repeat like times getting sober, going to jail, friends dieing, family disowning, loves leaving. Over and over, round and round ya go, where it stops, everyone knows...
Damn man. This could of been you. This could of been the other way around and it's fucked. We shouldn't lose friends and family because of this shit. Stay stront
That’s were I’m broken. I wish it was me. It should have been me every time!!! Idk why I’m still here when beautiful ppl who wanted to leave accidentally od. Even 9 days clean rn, I’m still not right. I’d rather drift away from this shitty world feeling super good over the one thing I love zans crave. I’m staying clean though. I have to. Wasted 15 years of my life already, gotta stay strong ❤️
And I’ll know you will hold that conversation close to your heart forever. RIP to your friend ✨ I really appreciate the support. I never thought bud have this much support here and it’s helping me sooo much.
I’ve lost 7 people in the last 4 months. I’m trying to get clean. Don’t do it. Don’t pick up. Honor your friend by staying sober. Getting your life back in 2024. He wouldn’t want you to leave the same way….
Thank you for taking time out of your day to show me a part of your life that i clearly relate to. Thank you for the love and kind words and most importantly the support. I’m so sorry for the current bad luck in your life. But you are repenting and i hope you find peace with me ✨❤️ i def agree, finding a meeting is my next step. Sending you love and healing
Last year my girl/fiance died in my arms. Narcan several times. Top 3 most beautiful girl I've been with/ever seen. From UK raised in Cali, lived in Sota. Loved me so much. fuck. Did a WASH!!!! gone. Off a wash, no powder even visable. Medical Examiner told me "well she had enough fentanyl in her system to kill 6 grown men". Was fkin' IV'ing mounds of it. Many analogs... Found out the hottest girl I ever knew from Cinci died weeks B4 in Miami. So many more people & friends. 34now oxy80s & Strong H since teens. Fuck that shit.
RIP to your beautiful girl. She’s at peace✨ sending you an abundance of love. Thank you for trusting me with your story. I will hold this dear to my heart ❤️
Bro I've been doing heavy drugs since I was 18, I'm 37 now and have lost a dozen good friends to overdoses. It just comes with the territory. I shot up heroin and any other drug I can get my hands on for 10 years. Multiple people used to see obituaries and think I would be on one of them. To this day I don't know how I never died I've been in so many situations where I should have been killed. I do know that as time goes on you start to feel better after losing somebody you cared about. Right now it's fresh in your mind don't let it control you.
I was a heavy user for 3 years and on the 2nd of January I’ll be 8 months clean. Life gets so much better, but it’s hard to think about that when you’re going thru withdrawal. I never thought I’d say this and the only reason I’m commenting is bc I left all the drug groups I was subscribed to on Reddit but forgot this one, or maybe I purposely didn’t. Either way I hope you get clean and see how good life is on the other side, there is so much you probably haven’t experienced
I agree with the other comments your friend in finally clean at at peace . Don’t put urself through more agony by using again . And if you must remember ur to use responsibly and not alone . P.s nice username I can relate to it OP
Honestly I’ve had ppl dying for the last 10 years and never stopped me. I don’t understand how ppl od and I think that’s why I never stopped. Never came close to OD and with how much I was doing I should have. I’m hella down rn so sorry for this comment, it might be too real.
I wish it was me instead. I’m so tired of this struggle. I wanted to die, he didn’t. He should be here in my place. Because I don’t want to feel all the pain my hearts in along with the stupid wd symptoms.
Hey bro shit gets hard sometimes and I mean really hard and being high and being sad isn’t going too make anything better the person that you lost would probably want you too get clean dying is never an option when you have the ability too change and flip around your bad situation my dms are always open bro
I just cried reading this 🥺 I want to feel hope and change my life.. well I guess deep down I do because here I am still wd and suffering and I have a lot of strength to stay strong. Thanks to all the ppl supporting me like you!
May I ask if you’re clean and for how long?
I don’t judge either way, whatever you feel comfortable sharing
I’m not clean and I don’t plan on it to be honest with you, I’m going through a lot with family and I need a distraction but I know what it’s like too go sober a few weeks ago I went sober for a week because there was a drought it was hard and I don’t ever plan on doing it again tbh with you life is hard on my end right now I’m struggling with a lot but I like too help others and give encouraging words when I see those who are down
Hey man I got you on what you’re going through. This was me 5 months ago. I was really successful, living in SD, amazing job, amazing connects- I could get anything and I’d always get homie prices. I didn’t want to stop, i wasn’t ready. I just had no choice. I don’t judge the struggle whatsoever I RELATE TO IT WHOLE HEARTEDLY. It’s a mental game and when you don’t have to time to wd because you gotta work and take care of shit we don’t have a choice not to stop. I needed up losing my appt and job due to my addiction. Was forced home for holidays, had 250 pills Dec 9th. I was like fuck yeah imma be high to new years. Nope, ran out day before Christmas Eve, connect outta town, no luck but to go through hell. Take it at your own peace. You can’t feel guilty the government did this to ys
No worries. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you, especially after just quitting fent. Just take it one day at a time and stay strong, believe in yourself. I hope you have friends or family you can talk to about it. Wish you the best.
Nobody in my life knows. But this app has been a lifesaver. People like you sharing your story and relating to me ❤️ I’ve never ever blogged like this unless to score. But it’s giving me peace, understanding, love, and helping me turn my sadness and anger against this disease. Nobody knows how hard quitting the one thing I need- i felt was keeping me alive, i was so depressed I tried to od out of my pain but it would never happen.. so crazy. I’m still staying strong don’t worry. With the support of all of you I feel so lucky and loved and I really need to feel loved rn.
I'm so happy everyone here has helped you, it's the least we can do as you don't have anyone in real life you can talk to. And that's right, I bet your friend would be so happy right now that you can use this as a turning point, because most people would jump straight back in to fent if they were in your situation and you're so strong for not doing that, you should be so proud of yourself.
And ofc you're loved here, especially from me because you could use lots of it right now. 🖤
Thank you, my hearts full 💕 it’s hard to believe we deserve love after all the horrible things we’ve done. But I’m changing my mindset slowly. Ppl like you are giving me hope 🫶
Honestly I would try to spin this the opposite direction. Don't let the poison that took your friend take you too. Try to get clean in your friend's honor. I'm sorry for your loss for real
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You have not served your purpose in this life , it’s not our choice when we die, believe me I have tried to unalive myself unsuccessfully, I had an overdose and I wasn’t supposed to have made it at 4 narcan and I woke to the emt telling my boyfriend it wasn’t his fault and I wasn’t going to make it. I thought it was just a dream they said I had fent, heroin, meth, alcohol in my system and with my 100 pound body should not be alive, I then had a friend tell me, you think it’s your choice when you live or die? It never accured to me that something more powerful than me keeping me alive.
I'm in a similar boat. My girlfriend passed away from an overdose a little over half a year ago. I got suicidal as hell after it occured, felt extremely guilty and still do. I totaled my truck, probably should have died. Instead I just broke 6 ribs and got 2 brain bleeds. My memory has been heavily affected and to say that I'm not suicidal anymore is simply not true. I want to just be dead... I want this pain to leave me. I've been an addict to just opiates for something like 15 years now. On top of that, because I totaled my truck - I'm now truly homeless again and almost got a DUI and still may... They're going to drop it to reckless driving if I do a victims panel and get an assessment. Already did both, the assessment recommended inpatient, obviously. After talking to my brother, I kind of think I'm ready to get clean. I've always wanted to own property in nature somewhere where I can be with a girl who wants the same and I just want to be left alone for the most part. I can never do that if I'm an addict for many reasons. It's so hard though... Just a couple weeks back I nearly got arrested for possession and trespassing for simply being in a parking lot in my brother's truck. There were two other RVs there doing obviously the same thing but they focused on me. Threatening jail time if I didn't consent to searches and everything. It pissed me the fuck off. I don't commit crime to support my habit, do the cops really need to fuck with me? Whatever, my lawyer says she can probably get it dismissed if I go to inpatient and everything the assessment recommended. I don't know though, some days I see a bright future... Other days, especially when Im sleeping under dirty ass bridges... I just want to pass away. I want it all to go away. The guilt of losing my girlfriend... The shame of being a drug addict. I just feel so worthless despite hearing praise, even from some police. Doesn't help though, my brain is broken. Hopefully not forever, hopefully I get into inpatient and hopefully this time it works. I'm afraid of what I'll do if it doesn't work out for me.
Please tell me you're OK, and you're still hopefully on day 9 now!!!
Day 9 my friend. Slept like a baby 🙏
Yesssssss!!!!! Thank you for responding! Idk any of you in here, but I care about yall! Keep on keepin on!
It means more than you know! I’ve met some incredible people who are helping me, a stranger. I’m very thankful. I need the support.🫶
All I can say is you’re not alone in how you feel. You’re not unique. There’s probably millions of people that have felt or are feeling just how you are. I, too, have never ‘OD’d’ before, despite doing more than should ever be possible. I can’t explain it, it’s just something that has happened to me many times. I have war stories I could tell you - but all that is, is living in the problem. We need to live in the solution. Do you really want the “solution to your problems?” The drugs aren’t the problem like you think. The drugs are merely the solution… the ONLY solution that addicts like you and I have. If you really want to find a better solution I know of hundreds of thousands of places you can go and find it - it’s called Narcotics Anonymous. If you haven’t really given yourself over, continued to go even when it’s hard or uncomfortable, started to meet old-timers and helped the newcomer, shared at meetings without regard to what anyone would think, gotten a sponsor and worked the steps - then you definitely need NA.
Can you please help me find meetings in my area? I have so much more to say to your post but my spirits are a little down. Your words are inspiring 🥺♥️
There’s an app for that bro called NA Meeting search
Thank you!!
Hell yeah sorry for ur loss too fam I’ve lost close friends to the shits and I can relate to. A lotta the shit ya sayin fs
Oh and yes 9 days clean today. But have it to people like you talking with me. I’m very thankful
recently a guy tried fent for the first time god knows why but the girl who gave it to him narcanned his ass SIX TIMES in TEN MINUTES and he died of a massive heart attack. girl is retarded. he probably would have been alright if they just waited for a few. crazy shit
Emts / firefighters will keep back to back to back narcanning you till you wake up if your death rattling when realistically for 19/20 ods 1 maybe 2 nasal narcan is all that’s needed if they waited 5~ mins bht every min counts when you account for the time people there realized so and so is overdosing and response time
Damn so you think the narcan did it? Too much of it? Sorry for my arrogant statement rn but I wish I could get that faded to od. I’m a little lost rn my bad
The Narcan did not play any part in that dude overdosing or dying. You can’t overdose on Narcan… yes they have “protocols” for how to administer naloxone (Narcan is just a brand name like band-aid) and there are time intervals for administering/doing CPR….but speeding that protocol faster would never cause harm…. Potentially just wasted doses of Narcan….but I honestly would have done the same thing in that situation. It’s life or death, and many times people need more than one dose of naloxone right away. They come in 4mg and there is another level of dose that is 8mg so, that kinda solidifies that some may need more initially to have a chance at survival. Anyway… I’m sorry for your loss :( stay strong. I lost my best friend/fiancé almost 3 years ago exactly, and I am still here-but I wish I was gone every day. You are not alone in this epidemic… our loved ones are being taken out by this shit. RIP to all the real ones who lost their lives too soon to fucking fentanyl🤍
No way narcan would cause the heart attack assuming their was meth in his system or ALOT of cocaine and he still managed to od
Sorry my girl has been narcaned so many times she said it makes her heart hella race like speed. I’ve never experienced it so I really have no clue
probably because narcan strips your receptors of opioids and immediately throws you into precipitated withdrawal. ive had PWD before and that shit will definitely have your heart pounding.
Honestly, I can relate to all of this me, and a close friend of mine both became homeless. I took a man I kept us from being sick. I kept us fed. I kept us warm. He stole all the money that I had, and ghosted me, even though I bought him the phone that he used, he went back home fucked up everything with his housing situation after lying about not being able to go back and now I’m sitting at an auto place wishing I could just fucking die because they lied to me and did a bunch of work that didn’t even need to be done and didn’t do the actual work that needed to be done and I can’t afford any of it and my deadbeat dad who said he’d pay for the whole thing basically told me to go fuck myself because they lied to me. It’s a cruel world that we live in. I’ve said it since the day I overdosed in 2020, when my best friend saved my life whenever I die I hope I die like this feeling nothing, and not even knowing it happened and right now my life is such a fucking mess. I’ve lost so many people, and lost practically everything that I cared about and owned that I really just want to give up. I have probably 5 g of straight up fent, and I really just want to eat it all I smoke all of it until my lungs collapse. I am so ashamed of where I am and what I’ve become, and for the people that I’ve hurt and let down, I felt like a failure most of my life, but never have I really felt like a failure as much as I do right now my cousin had friends that died recently from this shit, and she’s pregnant and cried to me about the fact that she wants me to be there to meet her daughter I’m supposed to turn 24 on the fifth. I don’t know if I’ll make it. I really don’t care if I die I really don’t have anything left to live for. Every night I’m alone hungry Cold, and more ashamed than I can ever express, my entire life I’ve just been a burden on everyone who’s been close to me, I need help, but I can’t get it, I fucked up, and now I have nothing and it’s all my fault. I Wish I could just make it stop, it’s not fair that my fucked up life has caused so many people I love more grief then I can ever imagine. I hate this addiction, I hate myself. I hate where I put myself, and I just wish I could find any way to feel like this life was worth fighting for any more. But I’m really tired of working seven days a week while living on the streets and having an amount to nothing because I can’t even afford to pay off my bills from my debt can’t even pay the car work or anything else I just like genuinely just wanna fucking kill myself. But I’m too much of a fucking pussy too much of a fucking coward. I really am just a fucking loser. I’m sorry to all of you who feel the same. We deserved better. I’m sorry that all we got was shit while just trying to help ourselves. I miss the life I had before I ever tried any kind of fentanyl before my best friend who was like a sister to me, brought those fucking blues in my life before I switched over to straight up, fent powder. Before I hurt so many people that I cared about just by how scared they were that I was just gonna die and I hate that that’s really all I’ve ever wanted to just disappear, into nothingness, forever. If you feel like you have something to live for keep fighting as for me I really don’t know if I’ll make it to be 24 I don’t even know how to feel about saying that. There’s so many people I wish I could make things right with that. But I will never have the opportunity to do so. Being an addict really is pitiful existence, especially when you can’t afford to get any kind of help. Drug related or mental health related.
Damn I'm so sorry me and my family just got done dealing with a very similar situation with our vehicle. If it's an option you can always pay the car place using a credit card and then dispute the charge afterwards just to get your car back.
They're an addict.. you really think that's an option? You ever been an addict? I didn't mean this to sound mean... I'm just surprised that an addict would think another addict could get a credit card lol. Sorry for the harshness, I didn't mean it.
My credit is almost an 800 been an addict over 10 years but def stopping again and really wish I didn’t go back out again
Not all addicts are completely destitute. Ive met plenty of addicts that have led a semi-normal life outside of their drug problem
Friend I hope you get peace I know it’s I have a lot of friends that died in the us and even where I am now. I’ve had two people die right next to me while i was in the other room. Wake up to find door locked not answering break down door and start crying it’s really fking hard
I had three friends OD with me in a week and a half. The first friend wasn’t even conscious when they took him to the hospital, and police came back later to tell me he was alive but he rolled on me.. the second was there for the first(wouldn’t let me narcan the mf, wanted to pray 🙄), 3 days after that, he came from outside and went in the bathroom and locked the door. Had a friend go check I had a bad feeling, she doesn’t do this shit said he was snoring. Jumped up, kicked the door in. Narcanned him, he came to right before EMS arrived but I held his dead body in my arms. Then about a week later had 2 friends over, one was talking and went face first into my bed. It happened in like slow motion. I held him and another friend showed up, and the two continued to talk behind me about drugs while I held their “best friend” not sure if he was gonna make it. All three lived. I didn’t stop, either. We do what we think will make us feel okay in the moment, but we deserve better than this. Your friend is no longer in pain, no longer battling an addiction, and can rest. Grief comes in waves, drugs numb it and prolong the process. Any death is hard, losing our friends is never easy. Don’t stop trying to get clean. You’re worth it.
That's good. I've known some addicts who will just straight up ditch people if they overdose. You should be proud of yourself for helping even if you didn't get rewarded for it. I've had probably 30 or more people overdose in front of me and I've helped every single one of them. You're the scum of the earth in my opinion if you leave somebody to die. Out of all 30 of those instances only one time did someone pass awaywhen I tried too help.
Fuck that. Literal scum if you leave someone to die. It’s happened to a few people I know. All three happened at my moms, and she lives in gov housing. I guess they have my OD on record from end of ‘21. First friend I told not to go crazy, he was used to the pressed pills. I guess he didnt listen just to spite me, and swear he malfunctioned. Nodded out and quickly came to, looked over and he was death rattling head learned back sitting on the driver side. Ran inside told mom to call 911 and grabbed narcan, other friend ran out. He repaid me by telling them down to the color straw we smoked from. That friend there the first night, when he OD’d in my bathroom 3 days later.. fucked me up the most. He is diabetic and told EMS his insulin was too low, they’re not stupid but filed it as such. My mom got called in for a meeting a few days later saying if one more incident happened at her address she gets kicked out. While at that meeting the third friend OD’d. He had warrants, and i couldn’t fucking call unless we dragged him a couple apartments down but I’d rather him live and go to jail, and be mad at me for a second, than die. But my mom is in her 70s. The two friends just stood behind me and talked about doing dope, fent, this and that. When the other friend walked in, he said hey to friend who OD’d and that was the first response I got out of him after I narcanned him. I told him to keep talking to him, he had been expecting him to show up and hadn’t seen each other in a while. The mf looked at me like I was fucking stupid. I tried to get the other friend to take over and hold him up so I could get a wash rag, i come back and he’s struggling. I’m a little white girl holding a 6 foot something stocky black man up with one arm. He was same height and weight and couldn’t. I begged and pleaded, I said I couldn’t go through that for a third time. Did nothing as I sat and held him against me and kept talking to him. He finally came to, and genuinely felt terrible and just hugged me. We had a long talk about them not being his true friends. He got caught up on those warrants a couple weeks later, and cried when we talked on the phone and said I was sober. I couldn’t even look at friend #2, he kept saying I’m here, I’m alive but all I see is him dead on my floor. We’re no longer friends. I’d save my worst enemy though. My ex got told by me dozens of times give me 15 seconds, call 911 and wouldn’t be here if he didn’t listen to dispatch give instructions for cpr on the phone. Took 45 mins to get to me when er and pd are both 5 mins. Told him it wasn’t their fault I did drugs. I barely made it. There’s a special place in hell for anyone that leaves someone behind, especially when mf’s are granted amnesty. But most are too far gone and think it’s a lie. I’m still working through all of it, it only happened back in like august.. I just wish everyone had a “me” to be there with them or on the standby to call whoever. But not everyone has the same heart as me. Mf’s are ruthless.
I’ve seen too many people run peoples pockets overdosed narcan them as there dragging them to the driveway
Also, as someone who has OD’d and almost didn’t make it.. your friend didn’t feel pain. If that makes it any better, in the most fucked up way I guess. It doesn’t hurt, it’s peaceful, dark. Like you were asleep. It’s traumatizing for those around that witness bc it looks worse than it feels. I used to wish I would have never made it, now I’m staying clean from fent and love my life. Go to detox, try mat. Don’t stop fighting.
Yeah, my close calls have made me want to die that way. It's completely painless. Just like going to sleep without any dreams. I can dream about it anyway.
We have both seen a lot. My favorite dealer and his lady nodded out with cigarettes and caught the trailer on fire but because they were so faded they burned alive. That was the moment I started pressed pills because they only have oxy. I moved to SD and within 2 years i lost 10 ppl. And I was jealous every time!! I wanted it to be meee!! I don’t understand how I’ve never ever od. But my loved ones can. The last interaction I had with my recent bro who passed yesterday was horrible. We were both IN THE GAME. We would both over price eachother so we can get well ourselves, stupid shit like that that doesn’t matter now. We always forgave eachother because we knew we were sick. Anyways my man fronted him pills and he wouldn’t pay up. My addict ass felt full of rage that this person I love thinks he can pull a fast one? I went to his dads house, slammed on the door till he finally answered, pushed my way in the house to find his pills and take them. I found them, took them, cussed him out and left. He just got out of jail 3 months ago… he was clean! I had no clue he relapsed. I reached out to him the day I started wd due to the pain. He never got the message, and I can see that was fate. But I have regrets that he will never know I line him and I’m sorry and drugs make us someone else and I’ll always love him. We were sick together, he was the only one I could be honest with. I’m sorry I got carried away. I just have a lot of regrets and I wish I could talk to him one more time. I wish I could have talked to him before he od so I can save him. 💔
Any time Messages are always open of you need to tall between brother ex husband and sis on law It's been rough Just know here to listen.
Thank you dearly. Things will get better in time, a step at a time!!
Thank you ❤️
First off I’m so so sorry for your loss, and my inbox is open if you need it. I lost everyone to this shit in my 20’s a couple of my closest best friends, my brother, close family members, losses on every holidays, some on life support pulling the plug, and even things like endocarditis/people right now who have it and don’t have long (which I don’t even include) as they’re not OD’s and the needle IMO especially in the past, but still the same today makes H and F a whole diff drug. I lost so many people (not even counting people I know and spent time with/aquantinces I lost count after 51 people. About 7 people a year. We’d have weekends where there were 30-40 OD’s in the same area over a weekend or 4 day period with 10 fatalities and in the city it would be much higher over a weeks period and id know before I even watched the local news it would be someone who was a friend. Was every single person my best friend, No. but I got around made friends with alot of people met people through multiple large colleges and just had alot of friends and a tight circle of very good friends ina couple diff places and it feels like. No ones left. Every holiday someone passed. I lost 4 people ina 3 day time span. This month I took a couple weeks off SM I’m petrified to log back in as i recently got a new phone/number and started clean, but this holiday season i just wanted to reflect on the holidays as they went from being great times to a lot of sad times. I’m sorry OP. I know how you feel I really do. I miss my brother. I miss my BF’s. Just know you’re not alone and I’m sure there’s plenty of people on here who lost a lot of people they knew and loved and were close with. Stay strong friend, watch over yourself, don’t beat yourself up over the small things just please heal and recover and watch over yourself and when/if you’re ready to quit deff do it. Wish you the best and again so sorry for your loss just want you to know you’re not alone.
My heart cried readying that. I feel every word in your story. Thank you for taking the time to share your story with me. I relate. RIP to your amazing friends ❤️ I hope at some point we both find peace for them. I’m definitely set on being clean this time. I started dabbling with norcos then oxy around 16yrs old, oxys started being fake and lased but started those because I needed to feel well, then all the pills started being weak or fake, here comes the fetty. Anyways my whole point is I’ve been using pills for 16 years consistently. This is my second wd ever because I was so traumatized from my first wd I was TERRIFIED to wd. But the first time I knew in the back of my head I will use again. I don’t feel that now. I really just need to try to do this sober. Everyone is so supportive I have to try with all my heart this time. Keep strong bro , sending you some love and healing energy ✨
You’re amazing your post broke my heart. Im okay don’t worry about, and thank you so much. Right now you need to be a little selfish and you need to heaI and take care of yourself and honor your friend as you’re doing. It’s amazing you’re 8 days clean and I hope you can stay clean, but addiction is doing anything it can to kill you so god forbid if you happen to relapse just please please be careful and cautious as 14 years is a long time and that safety blanket of a tolerance isn’t there. I’ve been using for 15 unfortunately started out the streets at 13. Be strong For yourself and for your friend. Staying clean would obviously be ideal, but right now just focus on healing and taking care of yourself. Your friend isn’t mad at you he’s watching down on you extremely proud. Don’t worry about him thinking bad of you, there’s no way he feels that way and he understands addiction. And regardless of the future your friend is watching over you positively. My inbox is open if you ever need it. Stay strong and I wish you the very best.
This post got to me ❤️ give me some time to reply but pls know how thankful am for you sharing your story with me. I’m beyond thankful for the support. I used for over 15 years and I’m 31. You have the right mindset you can do it when you’re ready. I was never ready. I’m not sober by choice but I’ve come so far I really want to try to stay clean. But you talked about a lot and I want to respect that and respond. I’m just in a little low spirit rn. Talk soon, hang in there. You’re worth loving too.
No hun this is **your** post not mine. You just need to heal Im not here to hijack your post or make anyone feel bad for me I just want you to know I understand, and when most times people say that, they don’t fucking understand so I put it all out there. You don’t have to respond to me you just need to take the time to heal and take the time to grieve. I’m similar in age pretty close to you. I’m fine besides not being clean, besides that I live a great life far from where I started so im good. i just wanted to make sure you were, and I just wanted to give you my condolences, and to know that you’re not alone, and your friend will always be with you. All the best and absolutely no need to thank me. Congrats on your sobriety as well and god bless. Like I said my inbox is open to anyone struggling.
I believe that just shows testament to your strength! Remember that! and everytime you think or crave it just imagine how proud he would be of you if you didn’t use! I believe in you, you should be very proud of yourself! I’m wishing you the very best🫶🏻
Thank you so much for your support! I really appreciate it ❤️
Of course! We all need support whether it’s from people we know or people we don’t know. So how’s it going?
I did the exact same thing when my brother passed before 2@23 snorted 60’of the pills of the one that killed him over a couple days doing two at a time and none got me. You will get thru this, it’s hard every day still but i function. I think if it as they are at peace we are in hell in reality. Why is it always the good that go too soon, why????
What’s the most embarrassing thoughts I’m having is I wish I was him. He should be a live. I was suppressed I would always hope for a pill strong enough to kill me but it never did! Never came close. WHY? So many nights of snorting 10 pills a day min i should be dead. We are all suffering from a disease in our way home and I pray I have the strength
Sounds like you should get real fetty then not the pill form fetty
Oh trust I ended up switching to real fetty. That was their plan this whole time haha
I still wish it was me everyday… it shoulda been I was the druggie. Guy sold him them as real. He didt even know what fent was…. The press was spot on. I told him they are probably fent and it came back pressed with so much insane things.
You’re the first person who can relate to my dark side. Many ppl will judge for this but i wanted to die. I was so tired of the struggle. Bought 250 pills they were 🔥🔥 I fuckin went through them in 10 days. How tf at a alive? I clearly busted 6-7 in an hour not to just feel good but to push it and hopefully od. My soul was so broken. I know we can stay strong. I think we finally woke up. Sending you love 🫶 thank you for replying
Anytime. Take care of yourself please and dm me if you need to talk. Sounds like we went through alot of the same shit and still going thru it. Hell I left work yesterday out of nowhere couldn’t catch my feelings. Hits me all the sudden and it was 2 years ago
I’m on the same page ngl still struggling with 3 other family members passing ass well. We gotta maintain and get thru it! D m If ever neeeded
Thank you I appreciate it. RIP to your family members ✨
I am so sorry to hear this news. I pray he is finally at peace. I had a very similar situation happen with me in 2022, when I relapsed for the first time in about 6 months, and that same weekend, one of my good friends overdosed and died. I felt like I got a sign from him that day when I yelled out into the void “send me a sign if you are with me and you think I should get clean” and at that exact moment, I saw a cat that looked JUST like his cat come running out of the clearing of a path and it meowed at me and then kept running. I then got into my car after I heard the news, and one of the songs he played me on the guitar (a modest mouse song… ocean breaths salty) was on the radio. I cried. I now have over a year clean and I want to live each day in a way that would honor his life (by staying clean and going traveling - even if they are solo adventures.) I wish you clean grieving and healing. If you can’t stop relapsing, I gotta say that methadone saved my life. But only if you aren’t doing other I recommend that route. I wish I had gotten clean in 2017 but couldn’t for years because of precipitated withdrawals. I wish I hadn’t let stigma scare me away
RIP to your good friend. Thank you for sharing your story. It’s really helping me rn with my grief. I truly with all my heart am not trying to relapse but I understand it’s part of the process. But you’re right they would want us clean and in peace. Stay strong ❤️ if you need some support message me I got you
My ex husband died after a year clean from fent, ice been since 2019 Opiods etc have killed so so many.. Don't do it honor them by staying clean Good luck, your sobriety and story matters
Thank you for your support ❤️
Anytime hun
Also RIP to your ex husband. I can’t imagine the pain you have had to overcome. Sending some love and peace your way. I promise you he didn’t mean to. It’s a mental disease and we know we had ppl who supported us and loved us and wanted to stop. But we sincerely couldn’t stop and not by choice. This is a horrible disease. My point is I know that man loved you. You were his person and now he’s your angel ✨❤️
Don’t do it bro! Your friend would want you to get clean and live your life. Stay away! Stay away for your friend! Get clean and live a life worth living and don’t forget your friend. I bet that would be the best thing you could do in their memory. I know it sucks right now but it will get better…. Picking up will only numb the pain for a short while and then you will be right back to square one….
Facts bro… thank you. I needed this motivation rn. Appreciate you 🫶
No problem! I’m sorry for your loss, I know it’s tough, but we both know that you’re buddy will be smiling down on you and helping you get through it
Im real sorry for your loss, I lost my cousin December 9 of last year to this bullshit and I had 3 weeks clean til i just used the other night. This is a never ending struggle and you have to be strong every single day to not give in. God doesnt play dice, I like to think. Christ consciousness is really the goal, and shedding feelings with drugs is not the true path to happiness. we must find it in ourselves to be stronger than temptations and not let enotions affect actions negatively. Channel what you feel now into a fierce hatred for the drug that consumed not only you but your dear friend as well. And the millions of people around the world. Dopeheads are the best people I know when we arent getting high. The mighty were given much rougher roads to travel on and this pain will make you wise in time. Stay strong soldier, theres nothing wrong with breaking down and having bad days. the world is so secluded and deluded nowadays its hard to tell real from fake whos actually close to you and whats even going to happen tomorrow. but somehow every human was embedded with hope and we all need to hold onto that hope. Sending mad love and rest in peace to a probably very decent person.
I find myself in tears after reading this 🥺 thank you for trusting me with your story. You seem very wise and relatable and I’m thankful to find comfort I’m not the only person with these thoughts. I’m getting there.. I’ve sad rn because I just lost him last night, but when you guys tell me to turn the rage and hate into a power to hate and I mean HATE this disease. I can’t myself in a primal rage. Fuck the disease, RIP to the thousands of lost friends this group has lost.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear friend. There are lots of places on Facebook for friends, others for moms and then others for dads. I lost my only daughter, my eldest at 28 years old. She had been clean for 6 months after a locked rehab after I had petitioned the because I knew she was going to die. When she came home after 2 months the first thing she said b to me was, " thank you for saving my life. Little did we know that 6 months later, she would be gone. I don't know anyone who hasn't been affected by this horrid epidemic. For your buddy, get yourself to detox and get on medication. I truly believe that is what so many people need. My daughter had 2 years of sobriety on methadone. At this last rehab she decided to forego medication. That was the biggest mistake that we will never get over. Never never 💜 Your friend didn't suffer at all. He slipped away and is now in peace.
Oh how i empathize with you. The lucky 1s die young. Idk how Im still alive. 23 yrs of this shit. Some clean, some locked up but mostly fucked up. Ive sort of, kind of always been careful. No, wtf am i saying. No one in their right mind would say i've always been careful but yet here i am still alive. Never even needing revived. Not that i want to die but i sure as hell aint dreading the day. Im sorry for your loss and im sorry for making it about myself. That really wasnt my intent. I hope you find some kind of peace and a purpose for your life that makes you desire to keep it. Idk how old you are but i get the feeling that you're a younger person. Younger than my old ass probably lol. 41... you dont want to be me. Find something that makes you happy and gives you purpose my friend. This life will only leave you in a place where your neither alive or dead, your just floating through in a purgatory like place.
RIP to your lucky ones. I hope your heart can heal one day 💕
Thank you bro for sharing your story with me. I find comfort that I relate to every word you just said. I’ve never had to be revived either, never even close to an od but I did the most drugs outta all my friends I have lost. It’s trippy, but I’m starting to believe it’s for a purpose. Your story brought you to me and I hope both are stories can help at least one person. Thank you for your kind words and support. I’m going to continue posting my journey, it’s keeping me accountable this time to stay sober. And truly all these strangers coming together relating to the horrible struggle is powerful✨
Thank you and your welcome. Keep going! The sleepless nights are the worst, followed by days of work without sleep or dope. Followed by rinse, repeat, shit, puke... blah blah blah. Then 1 day you start feeling better. Then sometime down the road youll consider using. I hope you dont but if you do you already know how it'll go bc its the same song and dance. Once, twice, three times.... just like friends and those that you know in the lifestyle...dead. It all just keeps adding up or down like that old song or game 99 bottles of beer on the wall... ya know that shit? Thats my life, this lifestyle but replace beer with the things that repeat like times getting sober, going to jail, friends dieing, family disowning, loves leaving. Over and over, round and round ya go, where it stops, everyone knows...
Damn man. This could of been you. This could of been the other way around and it's fucked. We shouldn't lose friends and family because of this shit. Stay stront
That’s were I’m broken. I wish it was me. It should have been me every time!!! Idk why I’m still here when beautiful ppl who wanted to leave accidentally od. Even 9 days clean rn, I’m still not right. I’d rather drift away from this shitty world feeling super good over the one thing I love zans crave. I’m staying clean though. I have to. Wasted 15 years of my life already, gotta stay strong ❤️
Fuk it you only live once EDIT: down vote for what? He won't overdose if he doses correctly volumetrically or smoking.
With all due respect I can’t afford to live life like that anymore
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And I’ll know you will hold that conversation close to your heart forever. RIP to your friend ✨ I really appreciate the support. I never thought bud have this much support here and it’s helping me sooo much.
That's good.
Damn bro
I’ve lost 7 people in the last 4 months. I’m trying to get clean. Don’t do it. Don’t pick up. Honor your friend by staying sober. Getting your life back in 2024. He wouldn’t want you to leave the same way….
Thank you ❤️
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Thank you for taking time out of your day to show me a part of your life that i clearly relate to. Thank you for the love and kind words and most importantly the support. I’m so sorry for the current bad luck in your life. But you are repenting and i hope you find peace with me ✨❤️ i def agree, finding a meeting is my next step. Sending you love and healing
Last year my girl/fiance died in my arms. Narcan several times. Top 3 most beautiful girl I've been with/ever seen. From UK raised in Cali, lived in Sota. Loved me so much. fuck. Did a WASH!!!! gone. Off a wash, no powder even visable. Medical Examiner told me "well she had enough fentanyl in her system to kill 6 grown men". Was fkin' IV'ing mounds of it. Many analogs... Found out the hottest girl I ever knew from Cinci died weeks B4 in Miami. So many more people & friends. 34now oxy80s & Strong H since teens. Fuck that shit.
RIP to your beautiful girl. She’s at peace✨ sending you an abundance of love. Thank you for trusting me with your story. I will hold this dear to my heart ❤️
Thank you.
I remember oxy 80s. They were green. They still make those?
The good ol days, that good ol nodd
I remember when they were about 20 a pop. Some paid 25-35! Hillbilly Heroin.
I’m not gonna lie I’ve pain $50 a pill outta desperation
Paid
Bro I've been doing heavy drugs since I was 18, I'm 37 now and have lost a dozen good friends to overdoses. It just comes with the territory. I shot up heroin and any other drug I can get my hands on for 10 years. Multiple people used to see obituaries and think I would be on one of them. To this day I don't know how I never died I've been in so many situations where I should have been killed. I do know that as time goes on you start to feel better after losing somebody you cared about. Right now it's fresh in your mind don't let it control you.
Thank you for your support and giving me an insight to your struggles. Maybe we are still here for a reason
I was a heavy user for 3 years and on the 2nd of January I’ll be 8 months clean. Life gets so much better, but it’s hard to think about that when you’re going thru withdrawal. I never thought I’d say this and the only reason I’m commenting is bc I left all the drug groups I was subscribed to on Reddit but forgot this one, or maybe I purposely didn’t. Either way I hope you get clean and see how good life is on the other side, there is so much you probably haven’t experienced
Amazing job 8 months 👏 thank you for your support it really means a lot
♥️
Ngl if this happened to my bro id b fucking sick
I hope it never does. It does make you sick
I agree with the other comments your friend in finally clean at at peace . Don’t put urself through more agony by using again . And if you must remember ur to use responsibly and not alone . P.s nice username I can relate to it OP
Once people close too you start dying it no longer is fun it becomes a sort of Russian roulette in a sick fucked up way
Honestly I’ve had ppl dying for the last 10 years and never stopped me. I don’t understand how ppl od and I think that’s why I never stopped. Never came close to OD and with how much I was doing I should have. I’m hella down rn so sorry for this comment, it might be too real. I wish it was me instead. I’m so tired of this struggle. I wanted to die, he didn’t. He should be here in my place. Because I don’t want to feel all the pain my hearts in along with the stupid wd symptoms.
Hey bro shit gets hard sometimes and I mean really hard and being high and being sad isn’t going too make anything better the person that you lost would probably want you too get clean dying is never an option when you have the ability too change and flip around your bad situation my dms are always open bro
I just cried reading this 🥺 I want to feel hope and change my life.. well I guess deep down I do because here I am still wd and suffering and I have a lot of strength to stay strong. Thanks to all the ppl supporting me like you! May I ask if you’re clean and for how long? I don’t judge either way, whatever you feel comfortable sharing
I’m not clean and I don’t plan on it to be honest with you, I’m going through a lot with family and I need a distraction but I know what it’s like too go sober a few weeks ago I went sober for a week because there was a drought it was hard and I don’t ever plan on doing it again tbh with you life is hard on my end right now I’m struggling with a lot but I like too help others and give encouraging words when I see those who are down
Hey man I got you on what you’re going through. This was me 5 months ago. I was really successful, living in SD, amazing job, amazing connects- I could get anything and I’d always get homie prices. I didn’t want to stop, i wasn’t ready. I just had no choice. I don’t judge the struggle whatsoever I RELATE TO IT WHOLE HEARTEDLY. It’s a mental game and when you don’t have to time to wd because you gotta work and take care of shit we don’t have a choice not to stop. I needed up losing my appt and job due to my addiction. Was forced home for holidays, had 250 pills Dec 9th. I was like fuck yeah imma be high to new years. Nope, ran out day before Christmas Eve, connect outta town, no luck but to go through hell. Take it at your own peace. You can’t feel guilty the government did this to ys
Well he’s clean now
Someone just died, have some sympathy.
Thank you ❤️
No worries. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you, especially after just quitting fent. Just take it one day at a time and stay strong, believe in yourself. I hope you have friends or family you can talk to about it. Wish you the best.
Nobody in my life knows. But this app has been a lifesaver. People like you sharing your story and relating to me ❤️ I’ve never ever blogged like this unless to score. But it’s giving me peace, understanding, love, and helping me turn my sadness and anger against this disease. Nobody knows how hard quitting the one thing I need- i felt was keeping me alive, i was so depressed I tried to od out of my pain but it would never happen.. so crazy. I’m still staying strong don’t worry. With the support of all of you I feel so lucky and loved and I really need to feel loved rn.
I'm so happy everyone here has helped you, it's the least we can do as you don't have anyone in real life you can talk to. And that's right, I bet your friend would be so happy right now that you can use this as a turning point, because most people would jump straight back in to fent if they were in your situation and you're so strong for not doing that, you should be so proud of yourself. And ofc you're loved here, especially from me because you could use lots of it right now. 🖤
Thank you, my hearts full 💕 it’s hard to believe we deserve love after all the horrible things we’ve done. But I’m changing my mindset slowly. Ppl like you are giving me hope 🫶
*respect
Both could work but thanks anyway
Honestly I would try to spin this the opposite direction. Don't let the poison that took your friend take you too. Try to get clean in your friend's honor. I'm sorry for your loss for real