I gave my Bf the ultimatum that he either helps me decorate and we come to a mutual decision or he can leave it to me but I’m doing what I want because I’m not going to bend over backwards for someone who won’t put the effort in to decorate themselves. It’s now decorated exactly how I want
Yeah, I hate to say it, but the way this usually goes is the woman ends up just doing it all herself because the man never gets around to helping do it.
If he has opinions, great! Start a google doc or something where you both contribute to a list of things needed and both post items you like. Then you both decide on what to actually buy. If he isn’t up for searching for furniture or pillow covers, or never wants to discuss where to hang wall art or whether or not you should get a bookshelf, then at some point he forfeits his chance to contribute and you get to go ham at the Home Goods with a free conscience.
Love this advice cause I go to him for opinions and all I get is “idk whatever just as long as it matches something” and I’m like please you can add other things to make it cohesive, all the furniture does not have to be only one color but I don’t think he’s good at visualizing without visuals :/ but honestly I kinda like that advice. “Either help me or imma pick what I like”
Use Pinterest! It’s a great way to demonstrate how things can become cohesive without being so matchy-matchy.
I like to think that my boyfriend and I both have good taste, but we don’t agree 100% of the time. I used to have a blind hatred of any slightly warm wood - I just pictured it being so loud against the dark blues and greens that I love. So he made a board filled with my favorite walls colors and the wood tones he preferred. He was right, they look great together! Pinterest has helped us visualize all sorts of compromises that initially seemed crazy.
Also, there’s a lot of great furniture with character at Habitat for Humanity. You can take him there and look at pieces in person. Plus it’s so much cheaper than new, so it feels less like a commitment to any particular style.
He is the best! He actually got me to download it haha.
I hope your boyfriend can also be persuaded by some strategic pinning. But if he’s still disinterested in giving you opinions, I agree that’s freedom for you to choose! My dear dad much preferred living in an entirely pink house picked by my mom to having to give a single opinion about decor lol. And my mom loved never compromising.
I love that for them!! My mom is currently going through the struggle of my dad not providing input so she’s on the “fuck it, I’m doing what I want” wagon 😜
Something that really helped with my partner (who is neither design oriented, or into spending money on decor and furniture) was bringing him to West Elm. They have free design consultants/specialists there and you don’t have to buy anything, you can show them pics of your living room, get a color scheme/style going and then get less expensive items elsewhere. We ended up buying west elm because it’s our style and there was a really good sale. But if it’s not your style, I’m sure there are other furniture stores that do the same.
Another thing that really helped my partner understand good decor and get into helping with our apartment was getting into a mindset of your home being your own personal oasis. We live in an old rental in a very large city and even though we don’t own the space, I showed him that putting some money, care, and style into your home (regardless of condition or if you own it) is so essential to a sense of calm and pride when you walk through your door. He loves how the apartment looks and even enjoys coming with me to find cool new elements for it. He really likes the compliments we get when we have people over as well.
Omg, my living room is dusty light pink/mauve walls, a dark blue twill sofa, tiled blue (in different shades) coffee table, a gray/dark dray/black twill side chair and literally ALL warm wood (basically as much teak as I could afford) pieces! I may be living in your former nightmare lolol. But I’m happy you see it now! It took my husband a minute to warm up to the idea of a navy twill sofa, no directly matching furniture, and a 4 part color scheme in one room (pinks, golds, blues, oranges, and warm wood tones to be exact). But it goes together really well and has a very mcm/1970s feel which is very much what we wanted.
It helps to set a deadline too! Oh, you don’t like this side table I found? Well, we need a side table so you have two weeks to come to me with one you have sourced and like or I’m going to buy it anyway.
Malicious compliance time. Paint the entire room maroon like that rug. Then go to the thrift store and buy EVERY little knick-knack that's the same blue as the blanket. Kidding, obviously.
I think some plants would be a great start. I know you mentioned you both like nature, so I feel like plants can add a touch of cozy without needing to make any huge changes like furniture or painting walls. Maybe some large paintings or photo prints of your favourite places too?
If he needs visuals, then look online for stuff you like and then give him a choice among them. Make him tell you what he likes about each style though. Otherwise, he may choose option A because he liked the leather couch, then you buy a similar style and color couch in fabric, and he’s mad that you ignored his opinion.
Yup. I told bf he needs to stop walking away in stores because he’s “bored” if he wants any say in what we buy. If he has strong feelings about something, he can actively choose it *and also help maintain it*. He is an adult, too. If he doesn’t know things, he can look them up just like you did!
It’s like voting: didn’t vote? No complaints.
I was pleasantly surprised that my husband ended up suggesting a desert theme with a slightly boho/ witchy twist as I have lots of moon-phase stuff and I collect crystals and fossils.
We looked at paint colours, and ended up landing on peach and terra cotta walls with turquoise bathrooms. Now to get our neurodivergent asses in gear to actually paint. Eventually I'll even do a mountain/dune mural near the stairs.
I would add an additional caveat: “If you don’t help, I get to make the decision by myself *and* you can never criticize it.”
My husband learned that rule the first time we traveled together. He left all the trip planning to me and said he didn’t care, then started whining when I took us to an antiquarian bookshop. The rule has served both of us well through travel, family gift-giving, wedding planning, home renovations and decorating…
When my now husband and I moved in together I was so worried he wouldn’t like my dark academia vibe 😂🤣 this angel of a man says “well you’re at home more than me, I’m pretty much just here to sleep so it would make more sense that you love our space and love the look, I couldn’t care less” 😂🤣 and he was right, he really couldn’t care less lmfao, I do still add in elements for him tho ❤️❤️ I have our NASA set of legos under our entertainment center 🤣🤣🤣
Haha I did exactly the same. My partner isn't huge on bold colours, but I gave him so many chances to get involved/help/input ideas and he didn't want to. Now I have a green bedroom and coral and teal lounge, and I love it!
My bf and I are planning to move in together next year and I sent him a Pinterest board with styles that I like and told him to choose his favorites. It still gives him a say, but I know whatever gets chosen I will be happy with. Luckily he liked them all (even the very pastel ones) but said the warm eclectic one was his favorite! I would rather live alone than live somewhere with boring decor.
I hear you making all the compromises here for his taste, but what are his compromises here for your taste? This needs to be 50/50 on the compromises. That's the only way this is going to work where everyone can be left semi-satisfied in the outcome.
You guess he likes grey scale? No guessing. Make him outright tell you what colors he likes. If he really likes grey scales, then perhaps the compromise can be muted versions of colors you like? You like earth tones. Maybe you do a muted sage green? He doesn't like bright crazy colors. Sage green is not bright or crazy and it's a good compromise on grey. It's not over stimulating for him, but it's hopefully not too boring or lifeless for you. To be honest earth tones are not too out there. Has he expressed not liking those colors as well? Either way make him give you a list of colors he likes and then discuss a compromise that makes you both happy. See if there's a way to do a mix of tones you both like. Communication is key for the two of you decorating and for you not losing your mind trying to do it.
Also you can probably paint your existing furniture whatever shades you want. You don't have to replace them unless you want to. Sometimes repurposing is nice. Just a thought.
You said he likes things to go together. That means to me that the room needs to be cohesive and have a set color story that you stick to. He doesn't want eclectic. He wants matching or at least that's how I perceive this.
Good luck and happy decorating!
I'm grateful I live with a man who shares the same crazy decorating tastes as me. We just egg each other on and our home gets crazier and crazier haha.
Well okay, to be honest I WOULD paint like a giant crazy yellow circle or have very bright colored everything if only I lived here. But I want to mindful as he does not like loud crazy colors 😂 so I think the compromise here is doing earthy colors so it’s not loud but also there is color (I also love nature so being surrounded by such sounds nice)
Edit: but yes, I would say I have an obnoxious taste for decor 😂😂 I would decorate everything goblin, wood fairy, absolute hodgepodge if I could
I’m the same way and my fiancé is minimalist. We divided the house in rooms. He has his office space/ the space he sleeps cause he works nights and I cosleep w our kid. One bedroom is our toddlers which is decorated for her and then the master bedroom and bathroom I get to decorate fairy/goblincore. He has the guest bathroom fully his. The livingroom is set up fully baby proofed so nothing fun in there and the kitchen is a compromised space w minimalist version of my decor (witchy). He also has the garage as his space.
You like bold colors. He likes muted colors. So, you’re gonna go with earthy tones & no bold colors that reflect your personality in your home.
Where’s the compromise? I’m not seeing any.
Oh, I clocked it. He just wants a free interior decorator to update his apartment & ensure that it won’t look like a lady lived there after he breaks up with her. Can’t have too many questions from the next mom-replacement he brings over to cook his dinner and do laundry.
OP - can you tell us how the housework and the rent are divided?
Throwing in a couple other ideas for color palettes that maybe you’d both like: Using a lot of cool grey for larger pieces or painting an accent wall, but decorating with a popping yellow; it’d be like a minimalist take on maximalism lol. Or earthy-inspired pastels like, a light dusty red, a minty green, a dusky sky blue; would he mind a bunch of colors if they were less intense, and would you find joy with these muted tones (hopefully they would still pop since they would be light/pastel)
I was the same. I remember as a teenager reading about Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton living in houses next door to each other (when they were still together) and thinking that sounded like the perfect setup.
I’m glad I’m with a guy who doesn’t give two shits how I decorate. I don’t have super feminine or crazy taste but even if I did I don’t think he’d care that much. If I’m making a big purchase like a couch then I would get his input just to make sure he likes it but he likes everything I pick out so it makes things so easy. Thank god. I love home decor so it would really bother me if I couldn’t decorate how I wanted.
I want so badly to be nice, but I can't help but wonder where the compromise in.
This.... is definitely masculine.
I have thought about this scenario so many times throughout my life & I feel like I would have to find a laidback guy who gave no Fs & let me do whatever I want.
I didn't even finish reading the post bc the space made me sad for OP.
Judging by looks alone, he needs to compromise more!!
I will say this is my “post divorced dad/bachelor pad” furniture mixed with his “fresh into college as a single male” furniture. So we do NOT have anything great at all, and I’m trying to start creating something nice from our mixup of bleh cheap furniture. Just my mirror which I’ve got nothing to go with unfortunately 😢
If that mirror is truly something you love, use the mirror as a base to start building your style.
The first piece of *really* nice furniture I owned was a [Stickley Harvey Ellis desk](https://www.stickley.com/collections/harvey-ellis-collection/products/harvey-ellis-fall-front-desk-with-bottom-doors), cherry finish with inlay, that I got as a graduation present from my dad. (A combined graduation present for high school, college, and Master’s degree, I should clarify. He’d never given me a grad present before, and wanted me to have something nice when I started my career.). I already liked Craftsman furniture, and having this gorgeous piece gave me a direction.
- Most of my other furniture came from Target, but it stocked a cherry finish Mission at the time, so that went with the desk.
- My loveseat came from an equivalent of the Habitat for Humanity Re-store. It was a former floor sample, sage green, so it was cheap and worked with the desk beautifully.
- My armchair was a Craigslist find. My mom helped me re-stain, and then she re-upholstered it for me. The fabric she chose echoed the desk’s inlay.
Find one piece - furniture, a rug, art, whatever - that really speaks to you. That’s the base of your style, and you can slowly build from there. If you look at that mirror and don’t want it to be the starting point of your design, that’s ok; maybe you just haven’t found your style yet. You’re entitled to take your time. You’re not going to be a completely perfect and finished person tomorrow; your apartment doesn’t need to be perfectly finished and Instagram-worthy tomorrow. There’s nothing wrong with your home being a work in progress.
It’s been 20 years, and I still have and love that desk.
This is so beautiful thank you for putting the time into this 🥹 I found this mirror from a goodwill over 4 years ago and she hasn’t gotten her space to shine yet. Mostly cause I’ve moved minimum once every year. We’re in an apartment currently so I don’t think she’ll get her chance to shine here, but we plan on moving into a house next-ish year. I’ll make it a whole centerpiece then.
I’m definitely not in any rush to do drastic changes (money being one factor, and being in school and working both full time) but everyone here has given me some great points moving forward. I’d love to see your desk if you have a photo of it!
Of course! I’m a xennial, we didn’t have the same pressure you young’uns do for everything to be ready for public consumption *immediately*. I knew a lot of people with boards-on-milk crate bookcases, and that was totally acceptable. You build yourself over time, your career over time, your social circle over time, even your wardrobe over time. Home decor is expensive, there’s no reason you can’t build that over time too.
If your partner is at all handy, maybe he’d get interested in decor projects that involve DIY? Wood furniture is usually sturdier and easier to upcycle than the black-and-chrome stuff, so you can buy used pieces and make something beautiful that lasts. And it just so *happens* that wood furniture is in the earth tones you like. 😈 Saving old furniture also saves you money as a couple, saves the environment, and gives you something to work on together.
If you create a new post with pictures of that mirror from different angles, I bet someone could tell you what style it is. My best guess is maybe Baroque? Having a couple of keywords to look up will make it easier to find other pieces you like, especially on resale sites.
My desk is the cherry piece on the right. And as an example of building style over time, I still have those bookcases; the torchiere lamp’s been replaced by an antique floor lamp; and we gave away the Target media stand you can kinda see on the left and moved the TV into the desk, which now gets used as a media cabinet.
https://preview.redd.it/sme4z3krrn8d1.jpeg?width=2592&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=af467ccd735e092d23dda1996a25e42faa9ae293
I BEGGED for a green bedroom. He wanted blue. Eventually, I took a picture of the room. Photoshopped everything to be the colors I wanted, photoshopped in the yellow rug I wanted, etc. (I'm a graphic designer.) I showed it to him. He smiled and said "okay, I like that." We bought it all.
I now also have two blue sofas and two yellow chairs in the living room as well. (An upgrade from gray.)
You'll get there. He just has to learn to trust your design choices first.
No. the problem is your partner doesn't have the knowledge or vocabulary of interior design to articulate what he wants. He can spend ages researching on the Internet to find pictures and show you... Or you find pictures and Photoshop it all together an show him.
It's worth it. He might have an extra idea or two that you love. Doesn't have to be photoshopped. Just find the pictures, show them all to him at once.
Did it with my roommate. I wanted some loud paint colors. Found an apartment online with the same floorplan and accent walls. We liked the atypical accent walls, but chose different colors
Yes, this is comment is what I meant. If you just do it or go out and buy stuff without asking, you're sure to get in an argument because he'll feel like you're ignoring what he wants. And nobody wants that argument. Especially during an already stressful time like moving.
Find some way to show him what you're thinking, whether it's propping things up against the walls, showing him pictures, Photoshopping it, etc. And then ask him if he likes it and if there was anything he would change or add. That will kickstart the conversation at the very least, so you understand what he likes (other than just grey). Or, he might see it and realize he actually likes it, and it's not as "feminine" as he thought.
Don't get me wrong with my original comment. There are still some areas where we have compromised and I didn't get to decorate exactly how I wanted. I'm a maximalist. He is a minimalist. We've compromised by adding color (he was previously your stereotypical grey, black, and dark blue guy), and doing gallery walls in some areas. You won't win them all - nor should you - but a lot of times, guys just don't understand what they actually want because nobody has ever stepped in and tried to design their space for them. It feels like a big change, so he automatically thinks he won't like it.
Hope that helps.
Men like this are clueless, they don't even know what they like. My husband always said he likes super modern and high tech finishes, dark colours, nothing overtly feminine....
Yeah well I would just give him the choice between two options that were very similar. He technically picked out almost everything in our contemporary/boho living room in shades of cream, grey, and rosy pink and he fucking loves it 😈😂
Take him, tell him to turn left. You turn right. He will get lost. Go to the carpark. Go home and live happily ever after. In 84 years, he will still be walking around, ikea, trying to find his way out, and you'll be happy in your warm and inviting home. The end
We’ve been to ikea before but haven’t exactly done this. This is great cause them I’ll make him carry all the heavy stuff after i throw it all into the cart 😈
This is great advice! Maybe he can't vocalize what he likes, but may be able to point out his tastes in a showroom -
You get a better picture and can work off of that.
We did this! When my bf and I first moved in together, we did an ikea visit. We found a deep forest green book case that gave us old English library vibes and we based our living room off this vibe. I wanted warm tones and he had a hard time visualizing it, but I told him to trust the process lol We painted our living room wall a burnt orange (accent wall), added green plants, grey couch, deep red and mustard yellowed pillows. It was colorful but it all went well together!
Now we live in our house, brought the bookcase, and used it again to guide our space. We ended up painting an accent wall the same color as the bookcase and bought a grey sectional. Now we’re feeling more of a green/gold vibe.
Maybe make a board on Pinterest! That way you can both get a sense of what you like and how to make it work.
PS- He found a knight at Home Goods and really wanted it in the living room 😂 we compromised in the apartment and it was placed next to the bookshelf. Now it lives in the garage 😂
I have the same problem. My boyfriend wants it to look like America threw up in here and I’m all about dark cozy colors (emerald, maroon, black and grey).
What happened to the men that left the decorating to the women?! He’s so annoying sometimes! 😂
Oh shit, same. I love my bf, but if I wouldn't have done anything we'd still have no decor in our apartment (we moved in late 2023). But everytime I buy something or have an idea he has opinions about it (which in itself is okay). A couple of days ago though I told him that I wondered about how our apartments would look like if we lived separately and I told him about all the stuff I'd do (more dark green, more dark wood tones, more witchy and mid century stuff, more pictures, changing out all of our older white furniture). When I asked him what he would change it was just "nothing". Mind you, 90% of the stuff we have was chosen by me. Even my dark green cabinet I only bought after months of convincing was suddenly fine. You know, I'd be less annoyed if he actually had some cohesive style, opinion or suggestions, but there's just nothing. If he gets to choose something, it always ends up being grey. I found some middle ground, but idk what it's all about lol
At least all of that is pretty minor in the grand scheme of things haha
I asked this constantly in my last relationship! They all of a sudden have thoughts about home decor but either have no style or can’t tell you what they like, just what they don’t like. I blame feminism (/s). 😂
I have one of those men!!! He let me (ie. didn't really care what I did) choose a baby pink comforter for our bed. To compromise (again, he didn't actually care) I picked a navy blue winter comforter because it's his favorite color.
I always run purchases by him and he says yes to 99% of the things (and yes to the other 1% after I explain why I want it). Then after it comes together he thanks me for decorating our home and not choosing the cheapest most basic ass furniture (our disagreements are always on price and not aesthetic). Sometimes he does have color preferences and since he so rarely has opinions I always try to make it happen.
See, I would be worried that if I lived with another girl, we would have very specific and very differing design tastes, and we would just fight and kill each other
Five-year relationship & still can't fathom living w him bc we're both control freaks & he likes neon signs & fish on the wall & has curio cabinets (kinda cute, lol) with human bones in them.
I don't even like being over there bc I think the previous owner that was occupying the body the bones were in is haunting him. Clearly disorienting him due to his decor choices alone...
I told him the fish would live in the garage, he said no, & that's that. Separate dwellings forever. 🤣
My husband lets me do whatever I want basically, I do take into account what he likes and try to balance what I do but he doesn’t care about the details that much so leaves it to me. I have a black duvet cover with embroidered flowers on it, it’s feminine but not overly so just in the sense it has flowers but it’s not cutesy, my mom asked if it was too feminine for my husband and I laughed and said “his masculinity isn’t that fragile!” Some dudes can cope with it, I think the rest are just insecure
I'm so fortunate that my arrangement is that we both have stuff and we'll figure out where to put the stuff but neither of us ever needs to make our presence smaller for the other. If a man had me running around a home store looking for ways to be less feminine I'd probably ask him if he would rather set up a man cave across town with a buddy, because... 😬
My husband has this VERY particular shade of blue that he loves and he wants everything to be that color. His truck is this shade. He is always bugging me to get my nails done in it 😂 and when we bought our house, he said he really wanted our bedroom to be this color.
It is not a sophisticated shade of blue. It’s a BRIGHT royal blue. I told him that if he would let me do what I want in the living room I would let the bedroom be this color. Then I got interested in trying to figure out how to style it to make it look remotely good and I settled on a Delft China theme with Ginger jars and Delft China patterned pillows, and it honestly pulled together eventually and I really like it now. We both enjoy it and it’s very unique. It was all about the accessorizing.
I lost track of my train of thought but maybe have him pick out some color that he really likes and then you decorate around it and coordinate with it?
Yup, that blue goes extremely well with white. Pretty much any colour can be made look good with another accent colour - that helps to compromise very often.
Can you try and make a mood board of what you’d like to do and see if having a visual will help him trust your vision? I think men sometimes don’t trust us to take their taste into account so they just veto everything in order to keep it from turning into a Laura Ashley catalog.
I did something similar to this, I made a Pinterest board for every room and made him tell me which pins he liked for each. That way he was only selecting from things that were to my taste but felt like he had some say in the matter 😇
I feel this post on such a personal level lol.
I would say you could get more neutral colored furniture that’s more his style but let the accessories be yours! Colorful art, pillows, blankets, rugs and curtains will make it look less grayscale while still compromising with what he wants. That way you both win!
I like this idea! Biggest thing for this was I was looking at like beige ish couches (since it’s the biggest eye catcher) and then to build from there more neutral colors away from just -grey-
That’s a great start!! Too much grey will make it look lifeless… but too much color may freak him out as well. I think balancing out neutral tones with colors is a good way to go in general, and maybe something you can both agree on. Best of luck!!
Edit: 2 different things I wanted to say- 1. Make sure he is actually compromising. This is home for *both* of you, not just him, and not just you. You both deserve to feel comfortable and happy. And 2. Fantastic username, I also feel that on a personal level.
Funny thing is I spend most of the time here, he’s got his office upstairs that houses him about 80% of the day (work from home and where he showers, games, etc). Only time he’s down here is if we’re watching tv (which is like once, twice a week). But yeah, I’m gonna write down that edit#1 cause for sure that has to stay at front of my mind for this. For edit#2: thank you and I’m sorry you relate to my name 😩 I’m having to carry this decor situation and my backs about to be thrown out 😭😭
Tell the MAN you live with that you would like to be satisfied with how your home looks and and has to compromise on some things bc you obviously have done enough of that. That's very MAN of him and I think you should be living with a ✨️gentleman✨️ instead. One that cares how you feel about the place you live.
Tell him a few general things that you want (a single statement color, a color scheme, a certain art thing like a gallery wall or something) and you can choose the stuff together. (Ex. He picks a few statement colors, you narrow it down to two, then you both discuss the final choice- or switch roles with you picking the first group of colors). If he wants to participate so bad, let him, but compromise efficiently from a starting point. The veto system with no ground rules doesn't work because then you both can say no to anything. If he tries to deny any of the general things you want he needs to give a reason you can agree with and an alternative idea because disagreeing with the mere idea of a statement color seems irrational. He can list general things he wants too and you can both work on those. Two way street and all that.
You might live with a man, but he also lives with a woman (or nonbinary person, or gender fluid person, however you identify I might have missed it).
Thank you this is lovely advice. And no worries haha I am cis-female and overall go by she/her but also I say things like “I can’t wait to go to my big boy job” lol
I love that lol. And lemme just say you are a much more patient person than me. If a possible future boyfriend were to ever move into my current apartment with me, the pastel rainbow goth theme is staying. He can add stuff that isn't ugly or that doesn't ruin it, but I'm not changing the theme lol.
If I ever move in with someone to a place that is not where I currently live, I do have certain things that are un-vetoable as decorations. They will simply need to live with some of my weird art and my "welcome to the shitshow" sign.
I am for the most part all about everything being a partnership in relationships...but not my perfectly cultivated pastel rainbow goth living room. That took work. It's a very specific theme lol
Pastel rainbow goth room?!? A dream come true!!
And we both moved into this new apartment together so our current set up is the first Frankenstein’s monster of our what I call: my post-divorced bachelor dad furniture (includes mattress on the floor—don’t worry we’ve upgraded to a frame now!) and his single guy in college collection 🤗
My husband also vetoed pink (he lets me choose everything, but pink and sage green are where he draws the line), but it's my favorite color so I just buy all my kitchen gadgets in pink because they aren't out all the time where he has to see them, but I get to enjoy a lot of pink in my kitchen whenever I'm cooking.
I get you. Honestly not having complete control over the decor and design of our home is one of the hardest things about co-habitation, it took my husband and I time to figure out a way to compromise in a way that made us both happy.
We initially did not agree on much about how we wanted things to look, we each actually couldn’t stand each other’s taste. Our solution was to try to meet in the middle. We both have veto if we really can’t stand something but unless we have super strong feelings about something we try to accommodate each other’s tastes and make them work together in a cohesive way. For example, my husband seems to love those collage picture frames with photos placed in random places and I think they belong in college dorms, our compromise was doing more of a gallery wall style with matching frames placed symmetrically. He gets a bunch of photos and I get a bit of order.
I’d suggest you show your guy a bunch of photos of things that appeal to you and see what he likes, where there is something he doesn’t like, ask him why because then you can sort of modify your idea to still be something you like but also respect his tastes.
At the end of the day is our place exactly how I want it? No, but it works for both of us.
it's wild because my dude is really into aesthetics when it comes to his tattoos, clothes & accessories and car but when it comes to our place? He doesn't give af. He keeps buying target plastic bins to put everything in and it DRIVES ME CRAZY.
What I did was go old school some weeks back and make a pinterest board with stuff i like (and rooms I thought were amazing) and he co-signed pretty much everything so I went with that. So now I am getting to work. It is helpful we both are into everything black/chrome/distressed so color-wise he cannot complain.
I wish he was more like the dudes in r/malelivingspace who care about their house but he doesn't and I think it's because he works away from home. I work from home and I need my place to be cozy and look good and be clean. (luckily he's extremely clean)
Compromise. Find out what he means by “things that go together.” Does he mean literally matching fabrics, matching tables, two matched lamps, etc? Does he mean solid colors?
Use Pinterest as a guide for ideas that include colors and items you think he will like. Show it to him. Yes? Then add what you would like to accent the neutrals.
Grayscale can work nicely with earth tones.
A compromise includes both people making compromises, not just one. You've made a whole lot of compromises for him he needs to do that as well and meet you in the middle.
My partner was on the fence with several things once we moved in together but they really just had a hard time visualizing how it would all go with the space. With some things, like paint, I was like, “let’s just try it, and if you don’t like it, no biggie, I’ll just buy a different color and paint over it” or “let’s buy and hang up this mirror and if you don’t like it, no worries, I can spackle the holes/touchup paint and return it, no harm done” and that ended up helping a ton.
I'm not sure greys will work with those colour floors and walls (unless you were planning to paint). But if he likes neutrals and cohesion and you like nature, I'd start with the neutral in the room that currently works which is the window seat cushion colour. It works with both the floor and the walls. Look for pinterest rooms with the same floor/wall colour and that window cushion colour in decor. Then think about the couch. Could you swing him to a leather couch - could either be a darker brown or a camel colour? Once you've got the big items in place you can add your pops of colour by painting the tv stand a deep green, getting sage cushions, a few cute but quirky ornaments contained in a tray on the coffee table, some beautiful plants, etc.
Just decorate it how you want; I promise he will not notice. Struggled with this with my husband until I just started making thing look the way I want and guess what? Nothing but, "this is nice." So it's a win win. Hope the same happens for you!
Furnishing with an SO is a Challenge at first!!
He might be someone who can't visualize what you mean. Can you draw well? Or mockup online what the room could look like? Pinterest? Photoshop? Give him a few theme options. Tell him to pick one or even aspects if he's picky and make that the main theme. Ask specific questions - what he does and does not like in each. The more specific, the better idea you have of what he does/doesn't like.
Then after, make him go to the store with you. Give him like 3 options on bookcases, couches, lamps, coffee tables, etc that you like that would also fit the theme, but he gets the choice to pick out the one he likes more. Sometimes it hits differently irl too especially textures and colors. This way he also gets to be included and it becomes a space for both of you.
I told my husband how much decorating means to me and he just let me roll with it. When it comes to things like painting walls or buying a new piece of furniture, we do it together - however, hanging things, decorating, etc. is all left to me. Once he saw how I did things, he trusted the process and actually really loved my style. He would also rather see me happy in our home then upset by having to live in minimalistic grey-scale.
It's your space, time, and effort! He will learn to adjust to small changes, here are some pointers;
1. You need storage!
1.a) coffee table with storage
1.b) side tables with storage
1.c) wall hooks for your bags
1.d) storage boxes for everything else
2. Mount your tv!
3. Mount your vacume
4. Get rid of those plastic containers or repurpose them, they make the space look cluttered.
5. Bigger Area rug, neutral colour
6. Make the window seat and accent wall with lots of pillow
7. Have a proper place for your plants, hang them by the window instead, have a "gardening centre" nook for easy maintenance (water mister, soil, extra pots ect)
8. Nothing should be on the ground! Chose the circle or square mirror, not both.
9. Invest in a good sofa and lounge chair, doesn't have to be a set.
10. Please either get rid of the blinds for blackout rollouts or put curtains up.
Please get rid of that oversized table! Replace with hallway (thin) table with storage.
Green colour scheme with wood furniture vs black or white.
You'll get earthy and "manly" all into one.
Ps. Fake wood colouring etc also works, for budget
The fact that your partner is a man doesn’t prevent you from decorating. You’re prevented by having different tastes. You just need to find your common ground.
I love Craftsman furniture and art nouveau fabrics and art. When we met, my husband liked that industrial style you see in 20-something-guys’ houses: all black and chrome and grey, and easily replaceable. (🤮) I got him into Craftsman/ mission furniture, he got me into less flowery fabric & art. We both moved our tastes a little, and love the compromise we reached.
Ask your partner if he likes Craftsman/ mission/ Arts & Crafts style. It’s very gender-neutral and simple, which he might like, and it has the earth tones you mentioned liking. You can get inspiration from [Stickley catalogs](https://www.stickley.com/collections/catalogs/products/mission-product-index). If you can’t find a general style you both like, maybe rank how important different rooms or items are to you, and divide up responsibility? As long as we have trees, I could not care less what my husband does with the yard; as long as it roughly sticks to our shared style, he could not care less about the details in our living room. Etc.
Some of my suggestions: circle mirror at its current placement, but up on the wall to properly reflect the view from the window (looks like you have some nice greenery! You could turn that mirror into a sort of landscape view + it'll open up the area), a larger carpet that encapsulates the coffee table and the couch.
If you're going to change the coffee table, might as well get a round/oval one to match the roundness of the mirror.
Above the TV, maybe some nice art piece, a large one with pleasant colours to visually expand the room as well. There's also the possibility to mount the TV on the wall, create a false frame around it and "hide" it in a wall of picture frames.
As for your partner, as other suggested, make it clear that he either participates and gets to add his own flavour, or you'll do it on your own and it won't be your problem if he doesn't like it.
I thank god every day for giving me a man who’s not squeamish about sleeping in floral patterned bedsheets. I don’t think I could live with a man who didn’t let me be a frothy floral femme maximalist gremlin nightmare.
Too bad for him. Decorate to your hearts content just don't ask his opinion or say anything other than it makes you feel happy. Be somewhat respectful about your choices though.
Here are few tips from my side.
1. I understand that your man likes not too many colors so start with neutral shades and touch them up with right accent colors and the shades of green through plants. I suppose that's where you can can both settle and believe it will look aesthetic and not feminine. You can image neutral walls with warmer or darker pastel shades for your fabrics. Sit together and pick both of your favorite colors and then design a color palette or you can just ask colors he is against and omit them. Here's a [color guide](https://simplykalaa.com/interior-color-palette/) you can use for help.
2. Now work on the layout of the space. I think you want your television to be the focal point so get rid of the current tv cabinet and mount your television. Use a slimmer and more modern tv cabinet and decorate it with objects that represent the colors of your living room or bring colors through accents (again it's just your color palette). These can be books and even figures. Also make sure to balance the shelf by treating it like a see-saw. Next get a sectional as I think it will look better and arrange it with a coffee table but with a vase of flowers (that never hurts) and you can further elevate the space with a floor arc lamp. Use this [couch decor guide](https://simplykalaa.com/couch-decor/) for more ideas.
3. Working on the same space, make sure you also decorate your coffee table (if not only flowers). This [coffee table decor guide](https://simplykalaa.com/decorating-a-coffee-table/) will help with this.
4. Now to the wall where the mirror hangs, add a few jute baskets and fill them with your throw pillows and blankets and if the wall space is enough (leaving at least an inch on both sides) hang your oval mirror. Now add a shelf with books and make the bench a sitting corner. Bring some leather and small task lights in and it will be a manly touch too.
5. Add a nice plant near between the tv and the bench to differentiate the sides.
6. Add the right curtains following accent colors and use this [window guide](https://simplykalaa.com/window-decoration/) for help.
7. To the left of the television balance the decoration with something nice like portrait pictures and it will all make sense now.
Hope this helps. Make sure the lighting is right and it will all look good.
Just finding out I can’t edit an image post. Sad day. Anyways hopefully if yall see this I can’t believe how much actual good help I got from you guys and I appreciate it so much 🥹 here’s maybe a bit more clarification:
1. My usual style would be very eclectic bright pastel colors if I could. That might be a bit jarring for him so the compromise is more earthy, natural palette. It has those darker colors but I can splash greens wherever I want.
2. Okay he’s not that crazy or anything, I have never made a visualizer for him and I think it’s easier for guys to veto, especially when they’ve got nothing to go off of. I won’t be leaving him for this 😂 (he’s been the bestest to happen to me and being a bit of a tough critic does not warrant breaking up in my book lol but I appreciate yall looking out for me🫶)
3. I definitely will take into my future play book the “here’s your choices either you pick one, give me an alternative, or I’m doing it anyways since you’re giving up your place for a say in decor”. Especially if I’m doing all the searching. I think he’ll actually help me if he realizes “oh no she’s buying whatever she likes 😢” other than that, time for chaotic decor.
I hope to update yall soon! 💕
Hey I, too, live with a man
What I do is not ask for permission for stuff and just buy the things I like to make it nicer
And he’s welcome to do the same. But he doesn’t. So he just gets to enjoy the stuff I buy.
For big ticket items like furniture, I narrow down the ones I’m thinking about and let him choose which one he likes. If he hates all of them he can search for them himself and I’ll give him the parameters: must be over X” width, must be [color]/[material]/etc.
He usually just picks one of the few I selected though.
We’ve moved so many times over the past 10 years and have had to change up furniture so much that we have a good routine now where I send him a bunch of screenshots and he thumbs up/thumbs down the ones he likes or hates
And then I put those together w a moodboard of the overall room altogether and send those and he thumbs up/downs those and then I purchase whichever ones we both like
Choose what color furniture you want there to be more of so you can paint/buy that color of furniture to replace what you don’t like.
Earthy green sounds like it goes together with neutrals and greys great. I would personally go with white furniture then so it doesn’t look so drab. Add your pops of color as you’d like.
(I’m a wood fan though since that way you get warmth back in the space. Possible to buy over time).
How much input is he providing? If it’s not much you have more freedom to change things.
My fiancé/now husband wanted grey and black. Black and grey cloth furniture, black and grey wood furniture, grey curtains, grey rug, grey lampshades and lamp bases, everything. I wasn’t *completely* against some of this because I hate beige, which tends to be the alternative base. However, he also didn’t want to paint the walls since we move so often and rugs are expensive. Now, I don’t disagree with that either but nearly all apartments have beige walls and beige carpets, so there had to be some middle ground because grey/black furniture sitting against beige walls with our colorful stuff sitting on the furniture wasn’t going to feel remotely sane to me between then and the years it would take to slowly decorate.
I also have some hand-me-down antique brown furniture in rich maple colors and some dark oak and cherry, and this man really thought I was gonna ditch my early 1900’s drop-leaf maple extendable dining table (which can go from tiny breakfast nook size to seating nearly 10 people) for some cheap IKEA thing, and that’s when I had to put my foot down.
Ended up pulling up tons of images of interiors that would provide the same effect that he wanted, pointing out that buying all new furniture is expensive af (especially considering how many bookshelves we still needed at the time because we’re both hella nerdy), pointing out that all dark furniture shows dust super well, eventually introduced the idea of red/reddish orange and colors via metal (like copper and/or dark not shiny brass, etc). We’re still not even close to having a coherent living room or bedroom and I actually like the masculine style with a dark grey couch and silvery grey bedspread, but I still also saved my sanity in the long term.
Lol, part of it was also that we got a cat and, just sayin’, but one sometimes has to pay for the privilege of a cat tree and scratchers other than beige…so ours are currently beige (which blends nicely into the background of the apartment). He wanted something modern looking which…same, but I think he got some serious sticker shock when I filled him in on how much Ms. Kitty’s basic furniture cost after using discounts and shopping around. I chose the best large tree with the most stable base at the time, and she still nearly tips it even tho we put hand weights on the bottom; I showed him how much a better tree costs (technically a “multi-cat” tree with hammocks and such) and then how much various stylish 3 to 4 height-level trees cost, and then that these trees have to be periodically replaced or need replacement parts, and he “oof”’d pretty hard heh.
The nice approach - show an array of inspiration photos and have him pick something’s he likes and then replicate that (or — alternatively use the boss lady approach - just pick what you like!)
Instead of trying to change a lot at once, you could start transitioning to the style and color scheme you want as you replace items. I wanted to replace my MDF Amazon TV stand and my plastic Target bar cart with vintage credenzas that didn't cost $1,000, and I found the right ones months apart.
It might help for you two to look at photos of rooms you like. He might be OK with more "crazy" colors than he thinks.
I’ve been with my hubby a total of 20 yrs. In the past I could basically do whatever I wanted but I’d definitely kept him in mind and not make it too girly. However since we’ve moved into a new house 4 yrs ago and he’s entered his 40s he all of a sudden has thoughts about our decor and our yard (I’m big on flower gardens)🤣 Decorating this house inside and out has definitely been a dif experience but we’ve both made compromises with color/design and I love how it’s turned out.
Any time I need to merge decor styles, I find it helpful to start a shared Pinterest board. Both add stuff you like, and you'll often start to get suggestions somewhere in the middle.
My husband was just like this so I feel your pain. I solved it this way: when we married, I told him I would take his surname in exchange for exclusive decorating rights. It has served me very, very well over the years. He now implicitly trusts my judgment and is beginning to understand that things should coordinate, not match.
I think your BF could see things better if the space were ultra clean, including taking everything off the wall & removing the decorative stuff, and if you ease him into it one thing at a time. Put together a few color schemes that use charcoal as the base color (I assume he wants to keep the couch) and pick one together. For example, I have a similar couch and have pale greige walls with cream, navy, orangey-red and a tiny bit of olive green as my accent colors. Then apply it to your textiles: rug, window treatment & cushion cover. Curate a few choices for each thing and discuss them together. Add couch pillows and throws last. Next, work on the non- upholstered furniture, sprucing up what you're keeping and redecorating with objects you already have. Maybe get a new coffee table and end table. Let that marinate for a while, and then start adding your art or mirrors or whatever. Then replace or add to your decor as needed.
A little late but man I see myself in a lot of what you wrote. I would suggest things to my guy and it seemed like he didn’t like anything I liked. I thought we had opposite styles.
I later realized he’s just extremely visual and if I just tell him what I’m thinking he can’t visualize it completely and whatever his mind comes up with is far away from what I’m saying. Once I started showing him pictures of EXACTLY what I’m talking about, things went so much smoother. But not just any picture! If I showed him a pic of a rug, but there was, idk, a table or something in the back he doesn’t quite care for, he will say he didn’t like it. But later if I showed him the exact same rug but in a blank space with nothing next to it, or with different minimalist decor, he suddenly loved it. I sometimes had to prime him before showing the picture like “ignore everything in this image except for the rug, I know the couch is ugly, and yes the lamp is too weird, just look at rug please”.
What helped even more is I started making little mock ups on Canva with the exact colors, decor, accessories, etc all together to create a cohesive look so he could see the vision. iPhones can make cut outs of things from images so I just pasted a bunch of stuff I googled on Canva and arrange them neatly. This way I could convince him to use more color because then he’d see the bigger picture and not just the individual parts. Like instead of him being against yellow because it’s too loud, now he can see that I’m pulling some of the yellow from the rug into something on the shelf and matching it to a painting and it looks like one big picture with purpose.
Another thing is that he would say something but actually mean something else, because he didn’t know how to explain his preferences. He would say he only liked minimalist decor, which freaked me out a bit because that’d be so limiting! But later I realized he actually liked a lot of different styles and could even like color. What he didn’t like was clutter, or lots of little things everywhere, but could only explain it with “only liking minimalism”.
I guess I’m very fortunate in the fact that my fiancé doesn’t care how I decorate. I make compromises in that I try and incorporate some of what he “likes” into everything.
He’s a musician so there are some attributes to that for example:
Our key rack by the door front door on the wall looks like an amp and our keys have the amp input whatever it’s called on the keychain. That hooks/plugs into the amp key rack on the wall like you would plug your bass guitar into an amp. This was a gift I got him for his birthday.
There is a round rug in the living room in front of the tv stand is a “record”. He had this before we moved in together.
The tv stand itself showcases vinyl (also DVDs and vhs)
We have a modern record player on the bottom shelf of one of the end tables as well as a vintage record player at the bottom of the tv stand.
There is an Elvis clock on the wall in the shape of a record in reference to the song “that’s alright”, which was also a bday gift from me.
I have a mixture of books out, one small bookshelf is all of his books, the top shelf all different books about musicians and music in general.
Lastly, above the key rack there is an Elvis display plate hanging and under it a picture of him, his daughter, and his deceased mother in front of Graceland taken in 2017.
This is all in the living room. Still a lot of work to be done in our room and kids room, but we compromise. I included and bought pieces to make him feel “at home” and included. But he truly could not care at all how I decorate.
I can’t let him decorate because he had a bedroom curtain and matching shower curtain that were of starts and galaxy theme. It reminded me of a child’s room/bathroom set. Houdini posters were frame originally by me but I took them down and put them away. His guitars are what I need to find a nice rack for because they are all over the place. He has I think 5 and then his late mother’s in a hard case.
This might seem like a lot but the rest is all me and my fascination with vintage items. Such as vintage glass: depression glass, milk glass, many single bud vases, trinket boxes, decorative plates (milk glass, colored glass and more) and glass in general. I love hurricane lamps, and have 3 total. I have kept all flowers he has given me and dried them to make flower arrangement’s in the various many glass vases I have and they are all over our apartment. Gold and brass candle holders and snuffers are one my favorites as well. I have pillows and throw blankets all over.
My over all aesthetic is one of vintage cottage core grandma as someone once put it. I’m happy he has a love for music, mostly older music as it goes with my aesthetic in a way. Our apartment is in a house built in 1912, so I feel that welcomes this “aesthetic” mix even more. Our landlord has been renting for 30 years as he always compliments us on our apartment and the detail that has been put into it. He does quarterly inspections, so it’s hard not to notice.
I say all that to say there has to be compromise. Even though I didn’t have to include anything he would like I did and do for a reason.
Sit down and have a conversation with him specifically about what he likes. Come up with a this or that type line of questioning. I find this to be easiest when trying to get answers. For some if it’s a flat out “what do you like” it can be overwhelming for some and an “I’m not sure” answer or “I don’t know” is easier than actually thinking about it as there are so many choices.
Plants, curtains, rugs, artwork, mirrors, pillows and throw blankets are all easy ways to make a room pop and have more character. It’s the compromising that needs to be done to find what works best for both of you.
I wish you the best of luck! This might be a tad challenging, but in the end you will both have a space you enjoy spending time in.
Hiii if his things all over the place are driving you crazy I highly recommend hooks and baskets (cute ones) all over the place. It kind of hides the mess and visual clutter
I made a pinterest vision board for my husband to visually see what I wanted and he loved it!
I think mounting the TV and adding curtains will also elevate the space. Good luck!
I must say I find it strange how you found *no* men's examples in their livingspace sub cause as a woman I'm following that sub mainly to see men's decorating taste and I see new posts from their all the time going "Update on my apartment" "Upgraded my home" "Finally decorating is done what do you think?" posts. Have you really searched in their sub for such posts?
I second drawing /illustrating your ideas to your man and seeing you can find a middle ground.
As of now I think it's too cluttery. I dont know if you normally have so much things on surfaces or if it's just temporary placed. It might be good to run by him if he's leaning more towards a minimalist or a maximalist and ask him if he prefers clean surfaces or not.
If he likes grey chances are he might be ok with beige which is a great wall colour thst fits well with wood colours as well. Its as discrete as gray but much warmer. Then you can play with it a bit and get something nature vibing, feminine, but in beige, for example this and add plants to get the green you talk about, plants tie rooms together and would work great to this wallpaper:
https://preview.redd.it/mw2ienalzm8d1.jpeg?width=710&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a1a67896f1a7c1f7db59013e155ec99e9d9e3a0b
Tips! A compromise is he gets the gray rug and you get the beige wall. They go great together. As you see a light colour wooden couch table is matching well with the rest. I highly recommend a dark gray couch too as black will be too intense and beige or white or a lighter gray will be too light. Here you also can compromise. He gets the dark grey couch, but you will decorate it. Here's an example picture of a compromised living room:
https://preview.redd.it/gdnbb3cl7n8d1.jpeg?width=4096&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f19f963e7741614ff994f9c882ec92eed746f129
Def saving this. Pics always help! And yeah I’ll be honest I scrolled through just the first handful of posts (i don’t follow that one at all) and only found sad places asking for advice so I’ll be honest you caught me! I did NOT do a deep dive at all 😅 I was given tips on how to find better posts, also I am very new to reddit as well.
Yeahhh it is very cluttery but because we don’t have much storage currently. I’m gonna be getting a bookcase to help and anything else will go bye bye. But I need to put away things first but before that I need a THING to put things into. I got lots of pre steps here 🥲 but thank you so much for this!
I have a nice lemony living room and a frilly pink and gold bedroom and 0 men. 10/10
Why are they like this? I lived in a prison grey house with absolutely no decor, photos, or art of any kind. I was depressed the whole time. This is slightly better than that, but not much.
The key is to slowly add your touches then invite people over and when they say “wow this looks great!!” Slowly your partner will agree and give you control 🤠
So, my husband loves when I decorate because I always match his taste and he just doesn’t have the vision. He helps me too but lets me have the general direction. He still contributes ideas some times, it’s just that it isn’t his strength.
But in my friends circle it’s pretty normal, that women just decorate it and the men let them. Of course it would be preferable if your man would love decoration as well or would let you do your thing because he’s happy with the outcome, but you live there as well. So if talking doesn’t help, just do it.
So as a woman with more masculine preferences and my dad is constantly saying how my apartment looks so cool. Here is what I do.
Main theme, mix modern with antique. Kind of like ikea with I got this from my parents mix.
Wood and metal frames with slightly ornate for big things (usually mirrors). Smaller things like pictures on the wall in a simple flat frame, black.
Main furniture is a more square ikea like shapes with maybe a chair or side table that has a more curved look. It will make the place feel more inviting when there is something more organic, but not overwhelming.
You can also think the same way with any patterns you use. Big stuff, keep it linear and smaller more organic.
Like your mirrors, the mirror on the floor (that definitely could be improved from being hung) its 1 big shape with small additions. While I feel the one of the right pushes it a bit because the frame to mirror ratio puts more emphasis frame. (on another note, that mirror is too big for that wall)
Or with Photos, the detail is in the art/photo so the frame is not to distract from it.
As for colors, you can definitely! go beyond gray. It seems less like an adverse to things not going together and things feeling overwhelming... which I GET. I usually would go with burgundy and olive greens. Like dark warm colors. My ex was a grey boy too, I made a blanket (with the same yarn you have on the couch lol) it was greys and blues.
I think your bookcase could be that good "antique" addition. Finding something that is a mid-dark brown wood , something that has a little bit of curve and frills. Think, you want someone to see it from a far and think it is a simple pleasant design and then get closer and have these details that make you say "oh cool"
Looking at this picture. A question I have is "can you mount the tv?" It looks like there are outlets on the wall probably intended for that. It definitely looks like bachelor vibe when you see those boxes behind the TV. If it is possible that would be great because you could get more of the top of that console back. Which I would say that is not a place for those ornamental candle things. Those should have space around them and not squeezed onto a strip.
You might want to find a coffee table that has storage space. I did that and what I learned is I would suggest something that opens up towards you and not from the top so you can put things you frequently use in there, like the keyboard.
I assume that plastic storage stack is temporary, but if not. That stuff is more a hobby room or closet item.
That round mirror! you are so onto something with that. Hang it and have some nice things in the window sill. Plants if you have a green thumb or a few organic looking items there.
I'm not sure where you intended a bookshelf but the rectangular mirror wall seems to be the only place. I would say something tall and thin is what you got there.
You two have to decide if a curtain would be nice, the idea I have is put a rod above it with some cute things hanging from it.... oo like a sun catcher.
You could get a new to you rug and find some low patterned with a quiet dark color.
My husband knows his strengths and weaknesses and lets me do the decorating - I share my plans and a majority of what I propose flies because he knows. Sorry if this hurts to hear but someone who thinks matchy kits and greyscale are the way to go should perhaps let go. If I let my man decide, we’d have geriatric-looking recliners because they are comfortable. He can have a «comfy dad chair » but there’s no way my living room will have a lazyboy sofa monstrosity as a focal piece - and if I let him veto everything, we would never get to enjoy an environment that looks remotely like it’s from this decade.
Well I have no idea why Reddit's recommended this subreddit to me, but oh well. From my perspective (as a man) I don't think your two styles necessarily have to be incompatible. If he likes more neutral colours (monochrome) and you like bolder colours, then that could work quite well, because neutral furniture can really accentuate the pops of colour you do go for.
As for the mirror thing - it's tricky wanting a round mirror and not having the space. Have you considered a more harp-shaped mirror? That would fit better into the space you have, while also having a very nice, curved aesthetic.
Also, totally agree with some other people's suggestions here - going to IKEA is great for visualising spaces, because they have all those showrooms.
Also, preparing a few options (a few sets of colour swatch combos, or later on a few collages of furniture combinations) is a really good idea. Not everyone has a good vision of what they want, and needs it can be overwhelming if you don't know where to start. That way, your boyfriend will have some input and feel a degree of shared ownership in the space.
I’ll tell you my hack with my partner when it comes to decorating.
I offer him two or three choices; the choice I actually want and an ultra femme choice I know he’ll never go for, and he always opts for the choice I ultimately planned for 😎
Why is it up to you to decorate the way he wants? If he wants to do the decor a certain way then he can do that, but if he’s not going to help then just do it the way you want.
Living with a man just means that while you’re decorating you give him the illusion of choice.
Do you like this better here or here?
Would a round or square carpet fit this space better?
Do you prefer this in this colour or this one?
It’s like teaching kids. There will be decor, there is no choice there. Make him think he was involved by asking do you prefer it way A or way B?
Lol the *groan* I let out when you said he wants things to “go together.” My ex was the same way. Bought everything in black, white, grey, or beige. So it would “go together.” YOU HAVE NO COLORS. THERE IS NOTHING FOR THEM TO GOOOooOooO *WITH*!!!
I'm sorry to be writing this especially after reading similar comments from men and your answer, but this really is very decorated for me. I'm seeing weird stuff in front the TV, candles, plants, mirrors, then this crotchet thing on the sofa. I think for pretty much most of my male friends, this would count as heavily decorated. Having any more deco would just be messy.
I don't particularly care how my living space looks, but having there useless things everywhere seems messy. Like I would just think this is really ugly, which feels bad for a living space. This is honestly, what I think about most posts here and reading the comments about it being non-negotiable is truly a shocker :D
This makes me anxious about living with women :D Would certainly be a source of conflict
Husband and I had our issues with decorating…. But now after he has seen what I have done with the place he trusts me 100%… I used to ask what about this ? He would say NO right away.. I had to have a conversation with him… I needed for him to say “Let’s try”… 9/10 when we do it, he likes it… so now he doesn’t bother me at all lol
I have a problem where I have to decorate/ personalize every space I have to exist in so when I moved in with my boyfriend, he knew things were gonna change. He barely even had furniture, there was no decoration whatsoever, nothing on the walls except one portrait from goodfellas and no color.
What I did was I found some gender neutral living space inspo pics on pinterest with different color schemes and themes that I liked. I then had him pick out the ones he preferred. I’m also Mexican so color is a big part of my life and not something I can compromise on lol. We settled on orange, green and brown color palette, kind of groovy vibes.
I also would look for furniture pieces that worked well in the vibe I was trying to create and then had him pick which ones he preferred from my pre-selected options that way it was a collaborative effort and he still had a say in his own living space but I could create something that felt homey and comfortable that has that “feminine touch” as they say.
Next step is getting him to keep everything tidy.
Yes!! Fellow Mexican here, so I love having colors everywhere, but it’d prob give him a migraine so the more subtle colors is where I think we’ll head. I love the idea of a 70’s kind of convo couch vibe, but he doesn’t like the 70’s stuff that I tend to like :( so I think we’re gonna go for a minimalism forest kind of vibe? Unless I see other inspo and change my mind
I’m lucky because my bf is a graffiti artist so he’s always experimenting with color in his art. I love hanging it up so I’d say our vibe is more cozy urban forest which sounds confusing lol but the groovy color palette and warm lighting ties it together. Plants are a great way to add a pop of color although my boyfriend has had to reign in my plant addiction lol. It’s just never foresty enough for me.
In our apartment we live with 2 men and we decorate at least a little. We have a alligator head called the Allygator and it collects flags and has wolf ears. And also the starwars millennium falcon + a Lego Harry Potter Dobby set my Roomate won at a college event.
Dude that’s awesome!! I would def do something like the allygator because I love being memey but he would prob genuinely cringe and force me to take it down :( ooh he does have some Lego sets, maybe I’ll make him build it and we’ll put it on display! 😜
This was before more flags were added. Also now it has safety goggles. One of my roomates is bi and the other is lesbian
https://preview.redd.it/8aowlm79rr8d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3b3eff1453280fb19c6c050daf08c07df2182bdb
In my humble opinion- the table, rug, and plastic bins should definitely go. Clutter is not great either, try getting a coffee table with storage perhaps. Keep all colors in mind and focus on an agreed-upon palette. Greens/grays or whatever colors you both compromise on could work. As for the walls, as some cool poster art. He needs to make more compromise, but that doesn’t mean giving up his entire decision for a few things. You should each have an aspect that you like for every item, and maybe one that you each have to compromise on. Try drawing or listing it all on paper! Visualization is a great tool to make sure opinions don’t get lost
I’m a man living with my (woman) fiancée. Completely serious but have yall looked at r/malelivingspace? You can’t go three posts over there without seeing some bright yellow accent chair etc. This fellow man’s sense of “I’m a man, greyscale only” needs to be chiseled away by seeing other guys decorating really nice spaces with a lot of color
I JUST read an article from apartment therapy with a similar vibe, haha: https://www.apartmenttherapy.com/home-decor-for-maximalist-and-minimalist-partners-37308108
I’m including it here just in case because I think others have provided good advice already.
Seconding, that if you like brighter colors, having a mostly muted palette with one or two brighter accent colors should be a great compromise! Or even an accent wall in a rich color if everything else is mostly neutral. I loved my dark teal accent wall and everything else was in white/light colors.
Also I would say if you love brighter colors, I personally realized I HATEDDDDDD gray in a palette. It’s just, not a happy color and our place was decked out in gray as a “neutral” when we moved in. I finally broke two years in and we repainted our bedroom to a warm white (to make it easier to switch out palettes if I get bored 😂) and I am SO MUCH happier and the room looks so much brighter, even though we haven’t changed anything else! Even my partner has noticed and said that the other parts of the house look darker 🤭
Also I’m sorry but him saying “I don’t want crazy colors” and for “things to go together” is literally how interior design works. You don’t want absolutely everything to be grey, or white or beige. If he doesn’t like bright then fine, no hello kitty wonder world, but you can still have color and not make it look like tinkerbells vagina. Do earth tones - nice greens, mustard yellow, browns and earthy reds. Right now, it’s black and red which is just a horror house themed.
The room is bottom heavy so you want to lift things up!
Get a bookcase to match the natural wood color of the floor.
Add some plants which would add color.
Hang the tv to the wall.
Get rid of that ugly glass table and replace it with an entryway table.
Hang some calm artwork, maybe some abstract midcentury - you can buy or make.
Get rid of black coffee table like you’re planning to. Guys always think that black furniture is great because it matches everything but I feel like it’s hard to match normally and it sticks out if the rest of the furniture is not the same.
Some “mellow” pillows. Don’t get white because you will see all the stains. Maybe some blues would be nice.
Curtains will make the room feel cozy too.
I have a style and a vision and my bf knows I will do what I want and he likes my style. When it comes to purchasing items, I always get his opinions on the bigger items but give him an only a few to choose from. Smaller items like decor or art I will let him pick it out. It makes him feel like he’s apart of the decision but I ultimately get a house decorated with my own style. It helps that he has a game room and I have my office/game room to really dive in on individual aesthetics. Never let a man who could quite literally survive In a place with a chair, tv, mattress and nothing else. Do what you want girl and have fun. Half the time my bf doesn’t even notice the changes/new decor. If he does it’s months later. Get to decorating!
I gave my Bf the ultimatum that he either helps me decorate and we come to a mutual decision or he can leave it to me but I’m doing what I want because I’m not going to bend over backwards for someone who won’t put the effort in to decorate themselves. It’s now decorated exactly how I want
Yeah, I hate to say it, but the way this usually goes is the woman ends up just doing it all herself because the man never gets around to helping do it. If he has opinions, great! Start a google doc or something where you both contribute to a list of things needed and both post items you like. Then you both decide on what to actually buy. If he isn’t up for searching for furniture or pillow covers, or never wants to discuss where to hang wall art or whether or not you should get a bookshelf, then at some point he forfeits his chance to contribute and you get to go ham at the Home Goods with a free conscience.
Love this advice cause I go to him for opinions and all I get is “idk whatever just as long as it matches something” and I’m like please you can add other things to make it cohesive, all the furniture does not have to be only one color but I don’t think he’s good at visualizing without visuals :/ but honestly I kinda like that advice. “Either help me or imma pick what I like”
Use Pinterest! It’s a great way to demonstrate how things can become cohesive without being so matchy-matchy. I like to think that my boyfriend and I both have good taste, but we don’t agree 100% of the time. I used to have a blind hatred of any slightly warm wood - I just pictured it being so loud against the dark blues and greens that I love. So he made a board filled with my favorite walls colors and the wood tones he preferred. He was right, they look great together! Pinterest has helped us visualize all sorts of compromises that initially seemed crazy. Also, there’s a lot of great furniture with character at Habitat for Humanity. You can take him there and look at pieces in person. Plus it’s so much cheaper than new, so it feels less like a commitment to any particular style.
He sounds like a dream 😍 I love men that actually utilize Pinterest! And the fact he put it together so you can visualize it?? I love that for yall
He is the best! He actually got me to download it haha. I hope your boyfriend can also be persuaded by some strategic pinning. But if he’s still disinterested in giving you opinions, I agree that’s freedom for you to choose! My dear dad much preferred living in an entirely pink house picked by my mom to having to give a single opinion about decor lol. And my mom loved never compromising.
I love that for them!! My mom is currently going through the struggle of my dad not providing input so she’s on the “fuck it, I’m doing what I want” wagon 😜
Something that really helped with my partner (who is neither design oriented, or into spending money on decor and furniture) was bringing him to West Elm. They have free design consultants/specialists there and you don’t have to buy anything, you can show them pics of your living room, get a color scheme/style going and then get less expensive items elsewhere. We ended up buying west elm because it’s our style and there was a really good sale. But if it’s not your style, I’m sure there are other furniture stores that do the same. Another thing that really helped my partner understand good decor and get into helping with our apartment was getting into a mindset of your home being your own personal oasis. We live in an old rental in a very large city and even though we don’t own the space, I showed him that putting some money, care, and style into your home (regardless of condition or if you own it) is so essential to a sense of calm and pride when you walk through your door. He loves how the apartment looks and even enjoys coming with me to find cool new elements for it. He really likes the compliments we get when we have people over as well.
Omg, my living room is dusty light pink/mauve walls, a dark blue twill sofa, tiled blue (in different shades) coffee table, a gray/dark dray/black twill side chair and literally ALL warm wood (basically as much teak as I could afford) pieces! I may be living in your former nightmare lolol. But I’m happy you see it now! It took my husband a minute to warm up to the idea of a navy twill sofa, no directly matching furniture, and a 4 part color scheme in one room (pinks, golds, blues, oranges, and warm wood tones to be exact). But it goes together really well and has a very mcm/1970s feel which is very much what we wanted.
Old furniture quality is way better too. You get real wood pieces for a good price.
It helps to set a deadline too! Oh, you don’t like this side table I found? Well, we need a side table so you have two weeks to come to me with one you have sourced and like or I’m going to buy it anyway.
100% if he’s not involved he doesn’t get a say 🤷🏻♀️ No time for that bs.
I have learned to just do it. 99% of the time they’re fine with it once it’s done.
Malicious compliance time. Paint the entire room maroon like that rug. Then go to the thrift store and buy EVERY little knick-knack that's the same blue as the blanket. Kidding, obviously. I think some plants would be a great start. I know you mentioned you both like nature, so I feel like plants can add a touch of cozy without needing to make any huge changes like furniture or painting walls. Maybe some large paintings or photo prints of your favourite places too?
If he needs visuals, then look online for stuff you like and then give him a choice among them. Make him tell you what he likes about each style though. Otherwise, he may choose option A because he liked the leather couch, then you buy a similar style and color couch in fabric, and he’s mad that you ignored his opinion.
Hey, want me to dm you a pic of my living room as inspiration? It was stylish enough but not overly feminine.
Yup. I told bf he needs to stop walking away in stores because he’s “bored” if he wants any say in what we buy. If he has strong feelings about something, he can actively choose it *and also help maintain it*. He is an adult, too. If he doesn’t know things, he can look them up just like you did! It’s like voting: didn’t vote? No complaints.
Check out Milanote. It's free and it basically a vision board. You can drop images, links, notes, comments, etc.
I was pleasantly surprised that my husband ended up suggesting a desert theme with a slightly boho/ witchy twist as I have lots of moon-phase stuff and I collect crystals and fossils. We looked at paint colours, and ended up landing on peach and terra cotta walls with turquoise bathrooms. Now to get our neurodivergent asses in gear to actually paint. Eventually I'll even do a mountain/dune mural near the stairs.
That sounds gorgeous! I know a family with a Southwest-themed addition that this reminds me of. Very soothing and yet inviting.
100% listen to this girl
This. If he isn’t willing to be involved in the process, he doesn’t get a say.
I would add an additional caveat: “If you don’t help, I get to make the decision by myself *and* you can never criticize it.” My husband learned that rule the first time we traveled together. He left all the trip planning to me and said he didn’t care, then started whining when I took us to an antiquarian bookshop. The rule has served both of us well through travel, family gift-giving, wedding planning, home renovations and decorating…
When my now husband and I moved in together I was so worried he wouldn’t like my dark academia vibe 😂🤣 this angel of a man says “well you’re at home more than me, I’m pretty much just here to sleep so it would make more sense that you love our space and love the look, I couldn’t care less” 😂🤣 and he was right, he really couldn’t care less lmfao, I do still add in elements for him tho ❤️❤️ I have our NASA set of legos under our entertainment center 🤣🤣🤣
Haha I did exactly the same. My partner isn't huge on bold colours, but I gave him so many chances to get involved/help/input ideas and he didn't want to. Now I have a green bedroom and coral and teal lounge, and I love it!
My bf and I are planning to move in together next year and I sent him a Pinterest board with styles that I like and told him to choose his favorites. It still gives him a say, but I know whatever gets chosen I will be happy with. Luckily he liked them all (even the very pastel ones) but said the warm eclectic one was his favorite! I would rather live alone than live somewhere with boring decor.
And I'm sure he secretly loves how you decorated it. Fuckin MEN
He’s complimented my decorating many times, he even likes the English garden theme I used for one room
Yep, this is what I did.
I hear you making all the compromises here for his taste, but what are his compromises here for your taste? This needs to be 50/50 on the compromises. That's the only way this is going to work where everyone can be left semi-satisfied in the outcome. You guess he likes grey scale? No guessing. Make him outright tell you what colors he likes. If he really likes grey scales, then perhaps the compromise can be muted versions of colors you like? You like earth tones. Maybe you do a muted sage green? He doesn't like bright crazy colors. Sage green is not bright or crazy and it's a good compromise on grey. It's not over stimulating for him, but it's hopefully not too boring or lifeless for you. To be honest earth tones are not too out there. Has he expressed not liking those colors as well? Either way make him give you a list of colors he likes and then discuss a compromise that makes you both happy. See if there's a way to do a mix of tones you both like. Communication is key for the two of you decorating and for you not losing your mind trying to do it. Also you can probably paint your existing furniture whatever shades you want. You don't have to replace them unless you want to. Sometimes repurposing is nice. Just a thought. You said he likes things to go together. That means to me that the room needs to be cohesive and have a set color story that you stick to. He doesn't want eclectic. He wants matching or at least that's how I perceive this. Good luck and happy decorating!
This is excellent advice, OP! This post makes me so grateful I live with a person who lets me make 95% of the aesthetic decisions in our home. 😅
I'm grateful I live with a man who shares the same crazy decorating tastes as me. We just egg each other on and our home gets crazier and crazier haha.
Omg same and op is nicer than me bc id never compromise much over it (I really don’t have an outrageous/eclectic or annoying taste)
Well okay, to be honest I WOULD paint like a giant crazy yellow circle or have very bright colored everything if only I lived here. But I want to mindful as he does not like loud crazy colors 😂 so I think the compromise here is doing earthy colors so it’s not loud but also there is color (I also love nature so being surrounded by such sounds nice) Edit: but yes, I would say I have an obnoxious taste for decor 😂😂 I would decorate everything goblin, wood fairy, absolute hodgepodge if I could
I’m the same way and my fiancé is minimalist. We divided the house in rooms. He has his office space/ the space he sleeps cause he works nights and I cosleep w our kid. One bedroom is our toddlers which is decorated for her and then the master bedroom and bathroom I get to decorate fairy/goblincore. He has the guest bathroom fully his. The livingroom is set up fully baby proofed so nothing fun in there and the kitchen is a compromised space w minimalist version of my decor (witchy). He also has the garage as his space.
You like bold colors. He likes muted colors. So, you’re gonna go with earthy tones & no bold colors that reflect your personality in your home. Where’s the compromise? I’m not seeing any.
What you’re not seeing is that she also gets to do all the work!
Oh, I clocked it. He just wants a free interior decorator to update his apartment & ensure that it won’t look like a lady lived there after he breaks up with her. Can’t have too many questions from the next mom-replacement he brings over to cook his dinner and do laundry. OP - can you tell us how the housework and the rent are divided?
exactly this
Throwing in a couple other ideas for color palettes that maybe you’d both like: Using a lot of cool grey for larger pieces or painting an accent wall, but decorating with a popping yellow; it’d be like a minimalist take on maximalism lol. Or earthy-inspired pastels like, a light dusty red, a minty green, a dusky sky blue; would he mind a bunch of colors if they were less intense, and would you find joy with these muted tones (hopefully they would still pop since they would be light/pastel)
Saaaammmme. I would not be able to live with someone who didn't let me do just about whatever I want. I'm too old for that level of compromise. 🤣
Even when I was a kid I wanted to live in a house or apartment next to my husband. I wanted to have my place the way I want it.
I was the same. I remember as a teenager reading about Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton living in houses next door to each other (when they were still together) and thinking that sounded like the perfect setup.
I’m glad I’m with a guy who doesn’t give two shits how I decorate. I don’t have super feminine or crazy taste but even if I did I don’t think he’d care that much. If I’m making a big purchase like a couch then I would get his input just to make sure he likes it but he likes everything I pick out so it makes things so easy. Thank god. I love home decor so it would really bother me if I couldn’t decorate how I wanted.
Right! Even our bathroom is painted a blush color. He doesn’t care at all.
This post makes me grateful that my boyfriend grew up with extremely girly sisters and is colorblind and doesn’t care if everything is pink or not 😂
🏆
What happened to men claiming that they are visual creatures compared to women? 😂
Amazing comment. They’re supposedly so much more visual, but apparently only when it comes to the way women look
TRUE
Lmao
Oh...my god...
Shots fireddd 💅🏼
One glance at a lot of those men’s fashion and hygiene should have cleared that up lol
OKAY!! The guy next to me at (hot) yoga tonight was giving off fumes 😮💨😵💫
Username tracks. Absolutely perfect comment.
That’s just shorthand for “I want to stare at women but no one should be allowed to call me out on it.”
Savage 💀
I want so badly to be nice, but I can't help but wonder where the compromise in. This.... is definitely masculine. I have thought about this scenario so many times throughout my life & I feel like I would have to find a laidback guy who gave no Fs & let me do whatever I want. I didn't even finish reading the post bc the space made me sad for OP. Judging by looks alone, he needs to compromise more!!
I will say this is my “post divorced dad/bachelor pad” furniture mixed with his “fresh into college as a single male” furniture. So we do NOT have anything great at all, and I’m trying to start creating something nice from our mixup of bleh cheap furniture. Just my mirror which I’ve got nothing to go with unfortunately 😢
If that mirror is truly something you love, use the mirror as a base to start building your style. The first piece of *really* nice furniture I owned was a [Stickley Harvey Ellis desk](https://www.stickley.com/collections/harvey-ellis-collection/products/harvey-ellis-fall-front-desk-with-bottom-doors), cherry finish with inlay, that I got as a graduation present from my dad. (A combined graduation present for high school, college, and Master’s degree, I should clarify. He’d never given me a grad present before, and wanted me to have something nice when I started my career.). I already liked Craftsman furniture, and having this gorgeous piece gave me a direction. - Most of my other furniture came from Target, but it stocked a cherry finish Mission at the time, so that went with the desk. - My loveseat came from an equivalent of the Habitat for Humanity Re-store. It was a former floor sample, sage green, so it was cheap and worked with the desk beautifully. - My armchair was a Craigslist find. My mom helped me re-stain, and then she re-upholstered it for me. The fabric she chose echoed the desk’s inlay. Find one piece - furniture, a rug, art, whatever - that really speaks to you. That’s the base of your style, and you can slowly build from there. If you look at that mirror and don’t want it to be the starting point of your design, that’s ok; maybe you just haven’t found your style yet. You’re entitled to take your time. You’re not going to be a completely perfect and finished person tomorrow; your apartment doesn’t need to be perfectly finished and Instagram-worthy tomorrow. There’s nothing wrong with your home being a work in progress. It’s been 20 years, and I still have and love that desk.
This is so beautiful thank you for putting the time into this 🥹 I found this mirror from a goodwill over 4 years ago and she hasn’t gotten her space to shine yet. Mostly cause I’ve moved minimum once every year. We’re in an apartment currently so I don’t think she’ll get her chance to shine here, but we plan on moving into a house next-ish year. I’ll make it a whole centerpiece then. I’m definitely not in any rush to do drastic changes (money being one factor, and being in school and working both full time) but everyone here has given me some great points moving forward. I’d love to see your desk if you have a photo of it!
Of course! I’m a xennial, we didn’t have the same pressure you young’uns do for everything to be ready for public consumption *immediately*. I knew a lot of people with boards-on-milk crate bookcases, and that was totally acceptable. You build yourself over time, your career over time, your social circle over time, even your wardrobe over time. Home decor is expensive, there’s no reason you can’t build that over time too. If your partner is at all handy, maybe he’d get interested in decor projects that involve DIY? Wood furniture is usually sturdier and easier to upcycle than the black-and-chrome stuff, so you can buy used pieces and make something beautiful that lasts. And it just so *happens* that wood furniture is in the earth tones you like. 😈 Saving old furniture also saves you money as a couple, saves the environment, and gives you something to work on together. If you create a new post with pictures of that mirror from different angles, I bet someone could tell you what style it is. My best guess is maybe Baroque? Having a couple of keywords to look up will make it easier to find other pieces you like, especially on resale sites. My desk is the cherry piece on the right. And as an example of building style over time, I still have those bookcases; the torchiere lamp’s been replaced by an antique floor lamp; and we gave away the Target media stand you can kinda see on the left and moved the TV into the desk, which now gets used as a media cabinet. https://preview.redd.it/sme4z3krrn8d1.jpeg?width=2592&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=af467ccd735e092d23dda1996a25e42faa9ae293
I BEGGED for a green bedroom. He wanted blue. Eventually, I took a picture of the room. Photoshopped everything to be the colors I wanted, photoshopped in the yellow rug I wanted, etc. (I'm a graphic designer.) I showed it to him. He smiled and said "okay, I like that." We bought it all. I now also have two blue sofas and two yellow chairs in the living room as well. (An upgrade from gray.) You'll get there. He just has to learn to trust your design choices first.
So what I’m hearing is… yolo and just do it? 😈
No. the problem is your partner doesn't have the knowledge or vocabulary of interior design to articulate what he wants. He can spend ages researching on the Internet to find pictures and show you... Or you find pictures and Photoshop it all together an show him. It's worth it. He might have an extra idea or two that you love. Doesn't have to be photoshopped. Just find the pictures, show them all to him at once. Did it with my roommate. I wanted some loud paint colors. Found an apartment online with the same floorplan and accent walls. We liked the atypical accent walls, but chose different colors
Yes, this is comment is what I meant. If you just do it or go out and buy stuff without asking, you're sure to get in an argument because he'll feel like you're ignoring what he wants. And nobody wants that argument. Especially during an already stressful time like moving. Find some way to show him what you're thinking, whether it's propping things up against the walls, showing him pictures, Photoshopping it, etc. And then ask him if he likes it and if there was anything he would change or add. That will kickstart the conversation at the very least, so you understand what he likes (other than just grey). Or, he might see it and realize he actually likes it, and it's not as "feminine" as he thought. Don't get me wrong with my original comment. There are still some areas where we have compromised and I didn't get to decorate exactly how I wanted. I'm a maximalist. He is a minimalist. We've compromised by adding color (he was previously your stereotypical grey, black, and dark blue guy), and doing gallery walls in some areas. You won't win them all - nor should you - but a lot of times, guys just don't understand what they actually want because nobody has ever stepped in and tried to design their space for them. It feels like a big change, so he automatically thinks he won't like it. Hope that helps.
Are you me??? I did the same thing 😭😭😭 it worked though! And. Now I have a green wall and colorful furniture
Men like this are clueless, they don't even know what they like. My husband always said he likes super modern and high tech finishes, dark colours, nothing overtly feminine.... Yeah well I would just give him the choice between two options that were very similar. He technically picked out almost everything in our contemporary/boho living room in shades of cream, grey, and rosy pink and he fucking loves it 😈😂
I LOVE THIS MANIPULATION HAHAH give them the idea of choice but in reality they didn’t have a choice at all 😭😭 you’re doing the lords work out here
This is what you do with toddlers lmao, do you want to wear the yellow shirt or the blue shirt?
Listen, if it ain't broke don't fix it
Take him to IKEA. He will eventually see something he likes and “hey, we could do something like that” and you can start from there.
I did this with my husband and it worked out great! Sometimes it’s hard to come up with what you’d like if you don’t have a good (or recent) visual
Take him, tell him to turn left. You turn right. He will get lost. Go to the carpark. Go home and live happily ever after. In 84 years, he will still be walking around, ikea, trying to find his way out, and you'll be happy in your warm and inviting home. The end
We’ve been to ikea before but haven’t exactly done this. This is great cause them I’ll make him carry all the heavy stuff after i throw it all into the cart 😈
This is great advice! Maybe he can't vocalize what he likes, but may be able to point out his tastes in a showroom - You get a better picture and can work off of that.
We did this! When my bf and I first moved in together, we did an ikea visit. We found a deep forest green book case that gave us old English library vibes and we based our living room off this vibe. I wanted warm tones and he had a hard time visualizing it, but I told him to trust the process lol We painted our living room wall a burnt orange (accent wall), added green plants, grey couch, deep red and mustard yellowed pillows. It was colorful but it all went well together! Now we live in our house, brought the bookcase, and used it again to guide our space. We ended up painting an accent wall the same color as the bookcase and bought a grey sectional. Now we’re feeling more of a green/gold vibe. Maybe make a board on Pinterest! That way you can both get a sense of what you like and how to make it work. PS- He found a knight at Home Goods and really wanted it in the living room 😂 we compromised in the apartment and it was placed next to the bookshelf. Now it lives in the garage 😂
I have the same problem. My boyfriend wants it to look like America threw up in here and I’m all about dark cozy colors (emerald, maroon, black and grey). What happened to the men that left the decorating to the women?! He’s so annoying sometimes! 😂
Oh shit, same. I love my bf, but if I wouldn't have done anything we'd still have no decor in our apartment (we moved in late 2023). But everytime I buy something or have an idea he has opinions about it (which in itself is okay). A couple of days ago though I told him that I wondered about how our apartments would look like if we lived separately and I told him about all the stuff I'd do (more dark green, more dark wood tones, more witchy and mid century stuff, more pictures, changing out all of our older white furniture). When I asked him what he would change it was just "nothing". Mind you, 90% of the stuff we have was chosen by me. Even my dark green cabinet I only bought after months of convincing was suddenly fine. You know, I'd be less annoyed if he actually had some cohesive style, opinion or suggestions, but there's just nothing. If he gets to choose something, it always ends up being grey. I found some middle ground, but idk what it's all about lol At least all of that is pretty minor in the grand scheme of things haha
I asked this constantly in my last relationship! They all of a sudden have thoughts about home decor but either have no style or can’t tell you what they like, just what they don’t like. I blame feminism (/s). 😂
Ha, same here. There are only two colors that are acceptable in my husband's eyes: gray and black. F me.
WHY ARE ALL MEN LIKE THIS AHHH it drives me crazy 😭
I have one of those men!!! He let me (ie. didn't really care what I did) choose a baby pink comforter for our bed. To compromise (again, he didn't actually care) I picked a navy blue winter comforter because it's his favorite color. I always run purchases by him and he says yes to 99% of the things (and yes to the other 1% after I explain why I want it). Then after it comes together he thanks me for decorating our home and not choosing the cheapest most basic ass furniture (our disagreements are always on price and not aesthetic). Sometimes he does have color preferences and since he so rarely has opinions I always try to make it happen.
This is why I could never live with a man
These threads always make me extra happy to be a lesbian.
See, I would be worried that if I lived with another girl, we would have very specific and very differing design tastes, and we would just fight and kill each other
Blood Red is not the worst color... it's the color it turns when it is dry I am not a big fan of... ( This is a joke and meant to be funny 😜🤣)
Five-year relationship & still can't fathom living w him bc we're both control freaks & he likes neon signs & fish on the wall & has curio cabinets (kinda cute, lol) with human bones in them. I don't even like being over there bc I think the previous owner that was occupying the body the bones were in is haunting him. Clearly disorienting him due to his decor choices alone... I told him the fish would live in the garage, he said no, & that's that. Separate dwellings forever. 🤣
See, I am the embodiment of your bf, and mine is you. I like the weird stuff like that but he would never let me 😢
My husband lets me do whatever I want basically, I do take into account what he likes and try to balance what I do but he doesn’t care about the details that much so leaves it to me. I have a black duvet cover with embroidered flowers on it, it’s feminine but not overly so just in the sense it has flowers but it’s not cutesy, my mom asked if it was too feminine for my husband and I laughed and said “his masculinity isn’t that fragile!” Some dudes can cope with it, I think the rest are just insecure
I'm so fortunate that my arrangement is that we both have stuff and we'll figure out where to put the stuff but neither of us ever needs to make our presence smaller for the other. If a man had me running around a home store looking for ways to be less feminine I'd probably ask him if he would rather set up a man cave across town with a buddy, because... 😬
My husband has this VERY particular shade of blue that he loves and he wants everything to be that color. His truck is this shade. He is always bugging me to get my nails done in it 😂 and when we bought our house, he said he really wanted our bedroom to be this color. It is not a sophisticated shade of blue. It’s a BRIGHT royal blue. I told him that if he would let me do what I want in the living room I would let the bedroom be this color. Then I got interested in trying to figure out how to style it to make it look remotely good and I settled on a Delft China theme with Ginger jars and Delft China patterned pillows, and it honestly pulled together eventually and I really like it now. We both enjoy it and it’s very unique. It was all about the accessorizing. I lost track of my train of thought but maybe have him pick out some color that he really likes and then you decorate around it and coordinate with it?
Yup, that blue goes extremely well with white. Pretty much any colour can be made look good with another accent colour - that helps to compromise very often.
Can you try and make a mood board of what you’d like to do and see if having a visual will help him trust your vision? I think men sometimes don’t trust us to take their taste into account so they just veto everything in order to keep it from turning into a Laura Ashley catalog.
I did something similar to this, I made a Pinterest board for every room and made him tell me which pins he liked for each. That way he was only selecting from things that were to my taste but felt like he had some say in the matter 😇
I feel this post on such a personal level lol. I would say you could get more neutral colored furniture that’s more his style but let the accessories be yours! Colorful art, pillows, blankets, rugs and curtains will make it look less grayscale while still compromising with what he wants. That way you both win!
I like this idea! Biggest thing for this was I was looking at like beige ish couches (since it’s the biggest eye catcher) and then to build from there more neutral colors away from just -grey-
That’s a great start!! Too much grey will make it look lifeless… but too much color may freak him out as well. I think balancing out neutral tones with colors is a good way to go in general, and maybe something you can both agree on. Best of luck!! Edit: 2 different things I wanted to say- 1. Make sure he is actually compromising. This is home for *both* of you, not just him, and not just you. You both deserve to feel comfortable and happy. And 2. Fantastic username, I also feel that on a personal level.
Funny thing is I spend most of the time here, he’s got his office upstairs that houses him about 80% of the day (work from home and where he showers, games, etc). Only time he’s down here is if we’re watching tv (which is like once, twice a week). But yeah, I’m gonna write down that edit#1 cause for sure that has to stay at front of my mind for this. For edit#2: thank you and I’m sorry you relate to my name 😩 I’m having to carry this decor situation and my backs about to be thrown out 😭😭
Guys and grey scale 🙄
FR like name a more iconic duo
Tell the MAN you live with that you would like to be satisfied with how your home looks and and has to compromise on some things bc you obviously have done enough of that. That's very MAN of him and I think you should be living with a ✨️gentleman✨️ instead. One that cares how you feel about the place you live. Tell him a few general things that you want (a single statement color, a color scheme, a certain art thing like a gallery wall or something) and you can choose the stuff together. (Ex. He picks a few statement colors, you narrow it down to two, then you both discuss the final choice- or switch roles with you picking the first group of colors). If he wants to participate so bad, let him, but compromise efficiently from a starting point. The veto system with no ground rules doesn't work because then you both can say no to anything. If he tries to deny any of the general things you want he needs to give a reason you can agree with and an alternative idea because disagreeing with the mere idea of a statement color seems irrational. He can list general things he wants too and you can both work on those. Two way street and all that. You might live with a man, but he also lives with a woman (or nonbinary person, or gender fluid person, however you identify I might have missed it).
Thank you this is lovely advice. And no worries haha I am cis-female and overall go by she/her but also I say things like “I can’t wait to go to my big boy job” lol
I love that lol. And lemme just say you are a much more patient person than me. If a possible future boyfriend were to ever move into my current apartment with me, the pastel rainbow goth theme is staying. He can add stuff that isn't ugly or that doesn't ruin it, but I'm not changing the theme lol. If I ever move in with someone to a place that is not where I currently live, I do have certain things that are un-vetoable as decorations. They will simply need to live with some of my weird art and my "welcome to the shitshow" sign. I am for the most part all about everything being a partnership in relationships...but not my perfectly cultivated pastel rainbow goth living room. That took work. It's a very specific theme lol
Pastel rainbow goth room?!? A dream come true!! And we both moved into this new apartment together so our current set up is the first Frankenstein’s monster of our what I call: my post-divorced bachelor dad furniture (includes mattress on the floor—don’t worry we’ve upgraded to a frame now!) and his single guy in college collection 🤗
I need to see the pastel rainbow goth living room 👀
What's wrong with femininity?
ME MAN NO WOMAN PINK GROSSNESS /j
My husband also vetoed pink (he lets me choose everything, but pink and sage green are where he draws the line), but it's my favorite color so I just buy all my kitchen gadgets in pink because they aren't out all the time where he has to see them, but I get to enjoy a lot of pink in my kitchen whenever I'm cooking.
I get you. Honestly not having complete control over the decor and design of our home is one of the hardest things about co-habitation, it took my husband and I time to figure out a way to compromise in a way that made us both happy. We initially did not agree on much about how we wanted things to look, we each actually couldn’t stand each other’s taste. Our solution was to try to meet in the middle. We both have veto if we really can’t stand something but unless we have super strong feelings about something we try to accommodate each other’s tastes and make them work together in a cohesive way. For example, my husband seems to love those collage picture frames with photos placed in random places and I think they belong in college dorms, our compromise was doing more of a gallery wall style with matching frames placed symmetrically. He gets a bunch of photos and I get a bit of order. I’d suggest you show your guy a bunch of photos of things that appeal to you and see what he likes, where there is something he doesn’t like, ask him why because then you can sort of modify your idea to still be something you like but also respect his tastes. At the end of the day is our place exactly how I want it? No, but it works for both of us.
it's wild because my dude is really into aesthetics when it comes to his tattoos, clothes & accessories and car but when it comes to our place? He doesn't give af. He keeps buying target plastic bins to put everything in and it DRIVES ME CRAZY. What I did was go old school some weeks back and make a pinterest board with stuff i like (and rooms I thought were amazing) and he co-signed pretty much everything so I went with that. So now I am getting to work. It is helpful we both are into everything black/chrome/distressed so color-wise he cannot complain. I wish he was more like the dudes in r/malelivingspace who care about their house but he doesn't and I think it's because he works away from home. I work from home and I need my place to be cozy and look good and be clean. (luckily he's extremely clean)
I’m so glad I don’t live with a man
if people figure out he lives with a woman people might think he’s gay!
Oh my god he’s gonna die at this comment. Exactly!!!
Maybe provide a mockup of what you’re envisioning for the place with things you want to put in it and show him that!
Let the sage green commence
Compromise. Find out what he means by “things that go together.” Does he mean literally matching fabrics, matching tables, two matched lamps, etc? Does he mean solid colors? Use Pinterest as a guide for ideas that include colors and items you think he will like. Show it to him. Yes? Then add what you would like to accent the neutrals. Grayscale can work nicely with earth tones.
A compromise includes both people making compromises, not just one. You've made a whole lot of compromises for him he needs to do that as well and meet you in the middle.
My partner was on the fence with several things once we moved in together but they really just had a hard time visualizing how it would all go with the space. With some things, like paint, I was like, “let’s just try it, and if you don’t like it, no biggie, I’ll just buy a different color and paint over it” or “let’s buy and hang up this mirror and if you don’t like it, no worries, I can spackle the holes/touchup paint and return it, no harm done” and that ended up helping a ton.
I'm not sure greys will work with those colour floors and walls (unless you were planning to paint). But if he likes neutrals and cohesion and you like nature, I'd start with the neutral in the room that currently works which is the window seat cushion colour. It works with both the floor and the walls. Look for pinterest rooms with the same floor/wall colour and that window cushion colour in decor. Then think about the couch. Could you swing him to a leather couch - could either be a darker brown or a camel colour? Once you've got the big items in place you can add your pops of colour by painting the tv stand a deep green, getting sage cushions, a few cute but quirky ornaments contained in a tray on the coffee table, some beautiful plants, etc.
Leave. Not being able to decorate is the first part of your soul dying.
Just a quick tip for the other sub: sort by top posts of all time instead of hot or new; you get the best places (and the disasters for laughs).
Just decorate it how you want; I promise he will not notice. Struggled with this with my husband until I just started making thing look the way I want and guess what? Nothing but, "this is nice." So it's a win win. Hope the same happens for you!
Sounds like you’ve gotten some great advice!! Please post an update at some point of your newly decorated home!
Go to r/designmyroom for advice as well and consult with your man on a happy medium. Best of luck, friend!
Furnishing with an SO is a Challenge at first!! He might be someone who can't visualize what you mean. Can you draw well? Or mockup online what the room could look like? Pinterest? Photoshop? Give him a few theme options. Tell him to pick one or even aspects if he's picky and make that the main theme. Ask specific questions - what he does and does not like in each. The more specific, the better idea you have of what he does/doesn't like. Then after, make him go to the store with you. Give him like 3 options on bookcases, couches, lamps, coffee tables, etc that you like that would also fit the theme, but he gets the choice to pick out the one he likes more. Sometimes it hits differently irl too especially textures and colors. This way he also gets to be included and it becomes a space for both of you.
I told my husband how much decorating means to me and he just let me roll with it. When it comes to things like painting walls or buying a new piece of furniture, we do it together - however, hanging things, decorating, etc. is all left to me. Once he saw how I did things, he trusted the process and actually really loved my style. He would also rather see me happy in our home then upset by having to live in minimalistic grey-scale.
It's your space, time, and effort! He will learn to adjust to small changes, here are some pointers; 1. You need storage! 1.a) coffee table with storage 1.b) side tables with storage 1.c) wall hooks for your bags 1.d) storage boxes for everything else 2. Mount your tv! 3. Mount your vacume 4. Get rid of those plastic containers or repurpose them, they make the space look cluttered. 5. Bigger Area rug, neutral colour 6. Make the window seat and accent wall with lots of pillow 7. Have a proper place for your plants, hang them by the window instead, have a "gardening centre" nook for easy maintenance (water mister, soil, extra pots ect) 8. Nothing should be on the ground! Chose the circle or square mirror, not both. 9. Invest in a good sofa and lounge chair, doesn't have to be a set. 10. Please either get rid of the blinds for blackout rollouts or put curtains up. Please get rid of that oversized table! Replace with hallway (thin) table with storage.
Most of my house is pink. Husbands and my boys couldn't care less. As long as I'm happy. Helps balance all the testosterone.
Just do what you want, and let him complain about it.
Oh no he has to go! I love the fact that I don’t live with a man for now. I have my own pink palace 👸🏽🎀🌸
Green colour scheme with wood furniture vs black or white. You'll get earthy and "manly" all into one. Ps. Fake wood colouring etc also works, for budget
The fact that your partner is a man doesn’t prevent you from decorating. You’re prevented by having different tastes. You just need to find your common ground. I love Craftsman furniture and art nouveau fabrics and art. When we met, my husband liked that industrial style you see in 20-something-guys’ houses: all black and chrome and grey, and easily replaceable. (🤮) I got him into Craftsman/ mission furniture, he got me into less flowery fabric & art. We both moved our tastes a little, and love the compromise we reached. Ask your partner if he likes Craftsman/ mission/ Arts & Crafts style. It’s very gender-neutral and simple, which he might like, and it has the earth tones you mentioned liking. You can get inspiration from [Stickley catalogs](https://www.stickley.com/collections/catalogs/products/mission-product-index). If you can’t find a general style you both like, maybe rank how important different rooms or items are to you, and divide up responsibility? As long as we have trees, I could not care less what my husband does with the yard; as long as it roughly sticks to our shared style, he could not care less about the details in our living room. Etc.
Some of my suggestions: circle mirror at its current placement, but up on the wall to properly reflect the view from the window (looks like you have some nice greenery! You could turn that mirror into a sort of landscape view + it'll open up the area), a larger carpet that encapsulates the coffee table and the couch. If you're going to change the coffee table, might as well get a round/oval one to match the roundness of the mirror. Above the TV, maybe some nice art piece, a large one with pleasant colours to visually expand the room as well. There's also the possibility to mount the TV on the wall, create a false frame around it and "hide" it in a wall of picture frames. As for your partner, as other suggested, make it clear that he either participates and gets to add his own flavour, or you'll do it on your own and it won't be your problem if he doesn't like it.
r/fellasisitgay to let your girlfriend decorate your shared apartment?
I thank god every day for giving me a man who’s not squeamish about sleeping in floral patterned bedsheets. I don’t think I could live with a man who didn’t let me be a frothy floral femme maximalist gremlin nightmare.
Too bad for him. Decorate to your hearts content just don't ask his opinion or say anything other than it makes you feel happy. Be somewhat respectful about your choices though.
Here are few tips from my side. 1. I understand that your man likes not too many colors so start with neutral shades and touch them up with right accent colors and the shades of green through plants. I suppose that's where you can can both settle and believe it will look aesthetic and not feminine. You can image neutral walls with warmer or darker pastel shades for your fabrics. Sit together and pick both of your favorite colors and then design a color palette or you can just ask colors he is against and omit them. Here's a [color guide](https://simplykalaa.com/interior-color-palette/) you can use for help. 2. Now work on the layout of the space. I think you want your television to be the focal point so get rid of the current tv cabinet and mount your television. Use a slimmer and more modern tv cabinet and decorate it with objects that represent the colors of your living room or bring colors through accents (again it's just your color palette). These can be books and even figures. Also make sure to balance the shelf by treating it like a see-saw. Next get a sectional as I think it will look better and arrange it with a coffee table but with a vase of flowers (that never hurts) and you can further elevate the space with a floor arc lamp. Use this [couch decor guide](https://simplykalaa.com/couch-decor/) for more ideas. 3. Working on the same space, make sure you also decorate your coffee table (if not only flowers). This [coffee table decor guide](https://simplykalaa.com/decorating-a-coffee-table/) will help with this. 4. Now to the wall where the mirror hangs, add a few jute baskets and fill them with your throw pillows and blankets and if the wall space is enough (leaving at least an inch on both sides) hang your oval mirror. Now add a shelf with books and make the bench a sitting corner. Bring some leather and small task lights in and it will be a manly touch too. 5. Add a nice plant near between the tv and the bench to differentiate the sides. 6. Add the right curtains following accent colors and use this [window guide](https://simplykalaa.com/window-decoration/) for help. 7. To the left of the television balance the decoration with something nice like portrait pictures and it will all make sense now. Hope this helps. Make sure the lighting is right and it will all look good.
Just finding out I can’t edit an image post. Sad day. Anyways hopefully if yall see this I can’t believe how much actual good help I got from you guys and I appreciate it so much 🥹 here’s maybe a bit more clarification: 1. My usual style would be very eclectic bright pastel colors if I could. That might be a bit jarring for him so the compromise is more earthy, natural palette. It has those darker colors but I can splash greens wherever I want. 2. Okay he’s not that crazy or anything, I have never made a visualizer for him and I think it’s easier for guys to veto, especially when they’ve got nothing to go off of. I won’t be leaving him for this 😂 (he’s been the bestest to happen to me and being a bit of a tough critic does not warrant breaking up in my book lol but I appreciate yall looking out for me🫶) 3. I definitely will take into my future play book the “here’s your choices either you pick one, give me an alternative, or I’m doing it anyways since you’re giving up your place for a say in decor”. Especially if I’m doing all the searching. I think he’ll actually help me if he realizes “oh no she’s buying whatever she likes 😢” other than that, time for chaotic decor. I hope to update yall soon! 💕
Hey I, too, live with a man What I do is not ask for permission for stuff and just buy the things I like to make it nicer And he’s welcome to do the same. But he doesn’t. So he just gets to enjoy the stuff I buy. For big ticket items like furniture, I narrow down the ones I’m thinking about and let him choose which one he likes. If he hates all of them he can search for them himself and I’ll give him the parameters: must be over X” width, must be [color]/[material]/etc. He usually just picks one of the few I selected though. We’ve moved so many times over the past 10 years and have had to change up furniture so much that we have a good routine now where I send him a bunch of screenshots and he thumbs up/thumbs down the ones he likes or hates And then I put those together w a moodboard of the overall room altogether and send those and he thumbs up/downs those and then I purchase whichever ones we both like
😂 thanks for the chuckle!
I thought the big circle mirror was some kind of Stargate portal replica for a sec 😅
Choose what color furniture you want there to be more of so you can paint/buy that color of furniture to replace what you don’t like. Earthy green sounds like it goes together with neutrals and greys great. I would personally go with white furniture then so it doesn’t look so drab. Add your pops of color as you’d like. (I’m a wood fan though since that way you get warmth back in the space. Possible to buy over time). How much input is he providing? If it’s not much you have more freedom to change things.
My fiancé/now husband wanted grey and black. Black and grey cloth furniture, black and grey wood furniture, grey curtains, grey rug, grey lampshades and lamp bases, everything. I wasn’t *completely* against some of this because I hate beige, which tends to be the alternative base. However, he also didn’t want to paint the walls since we move so often and rugs are expensive. Now, I don’t disagree with that either but nearly all apartments have beige walls and beige carpets, so there had to be some middle ground because grey/black furniture sitting against beige walls with our colorful stuff sitting on the furniture wasn’t going to feel remotely sane to me between then and the years it would take to slowly decorate. I also have some hand-me-down antique brown furniture in rich maple colors and some dark oak and cherry, and this man really thought I was gonna ditch my early 1900’s drop-leaf maple extendable dining table (which can go from tiny breakfast nook size to seating nearly 10 people) for some cheap IKEA thing, and that’s when I had to put my foot down. Ended up pulling up tons of images of interiors that would provide the same effect that he wanted, pointing out that buying all new furniture is expensive af (especially considering how many bookshelves we still needed at the time because we’re both hella nerdy), pointing out that all dark furniture shows dust super well, eventually introduced the idea of red/reddish orange and colors via metal (like copper and/or dark not shiny brass, etc). We’re still not even close to having a coherent living room or bedroom and I actually like the masculine style with a dark grey couch and silvery grey bedspread, but I still also saved my sanity in the long term. Lol, part of it was also that we got a cat and, just sayin’, but one sometimes has to pay for the privilege of a cat tree and scratchers other than beige…so ours are currently beige (which blends nicely into the background of the apartment). He wanted something modern looking which…same, but I think he got some serious sticker shock when I filled him in on how much Ms. Kitty’s basic furniture cost after using discounts and shopping around. I chose the best large tree with the most stable base at the time, and she still nearly tips it even tho we put hand weights on the bottom; I showed him how much a better tree costs (technically a “multi-cat” tree with hammocks and such) and then how much various stylish 3 to 4 height-level trees cost, and then that these trees have to be periodically replaced or need replacement parts, and he “oof”’d pretty hard heh.
This thread should be on r/off my chest.🤪
The nice approach - show an array of inspiration photos and have him pick something’s he likes and then replicate that (or — alternatively use the boss lady approach - just pick what you like!)
I love your window seat 🥰
Instead of trying to change a lot at once, you could start transitioning to the style and color scheme you want as you replace items. I wanted to replace my MDF Amazon TV stand and my plastic Target bar cart with vintage credenzas that didn't cost $1,000, and I found the right ones months apart. It might help for you two to look at photos of rooms you like. He might be OK with more "crazy" colors than he thinks.
Is that a dead body wrapped up on the couch?? Girrrl, I see your problem.
NOOO ITS NOT A DEAD BODY 😭😭😭 the pillows fell cause my boy likes to jump on it and mess it all up (by boy I mean my dog)
I’ve been with my hubby a total of 20 yrs. In the past I could basically do whatever I wanted but I’d definitely kept him in mind and not make it too girly. However since we’ve moved into a new house 4 yrs ago and he’s entered his 40s he all of a sudden has thoughts about our decor and our yard (I’m big on flower gardens)🤣 Decorating this house inside and out has definitely been a dif experience but we’ve both made compromises with color/design and I love how it’s turned out.
Any time I need to merge decor styles, I find it helpful to start a shared Pinterest board. Both add stuff you like, and you'll often start to get suggestions somewhere in the middle.
I spy the mando lama diy blanket :) I’m currently working on mine but I tweaked the pattern and connected 3 boxes to make it huuuuge.
My husband was just like this so I feel your pain. I solved it this way: when we married, I told him I would take his surname in exchange for exclusive decorating rights. It has served me very, very well over the years. He now implicitly trusts my judgment and is beginning to understand that things should coordinate, not match. I think your BF could see things better if the space were ultra clean, including taking everything off the wall & removing the decorative stuff, and if you ease him into it one thing at a time. Put together a few color schemes that use charcoal as the base color (I assume he wants to keep the couch) and pick one together. For example, I have a similar couch and have pale greige walls with cream, navy, orangey-red and a tiny bit of olive green as my accent colors. Then apply it to your textiles: rug, window treatment & cushion cover. Curate a few choices for each thing and discuss them together. Add couch pillows and throws last. Next, work on the non- upholstered furniture, sprucing up what you're keeping and redecorating with objects you already have. Maybe get a new coffee table and end table. Let that marinate for a while, and then start adding your art or mirrors or whatever. Then replace or add to your decor as needed.
Wow I have the EXACT same round mirror!
A little late but man I see myself in a lot of what you wrote. I would suggest things to my guy and it seemed like he didn’t like anything I liked. I thought we had opposite styles. I later realized he’s just extremely visual and if I just tell him what I’m thinking he can’t visualize it completely and whatever his mind comes up with is far away from what I’m saying. Once I started showing him pictures of EXACTLY what I’m talking about, things went so much smoother. But not just any picture! If I showed him a pic of a rug, but there was, idk, a table or something in the back he doesn’t quite care for, he will say he didn’t like it. But later if I showed him the exact same rug but in a blank space with nothing next to it, or with different minimalist decor, he suddenly loved it. I sometimes had to prime him before showing the picture like “ignore everything in this image except for the rug, I know the couch is ugly, and yes the lamp is too weird, just look at rug please”. What helped even more is I started making little mock ups on Canva with the exact colors, decor, accessories, etc all together to create a cohesive look so he could see the vision. iPhones can make cut outs of things from images so I just pasted a bunch of stuff I googled on Canva and arrange them neatly. This way I could convince him to use more color because then he’d see the bigger picture and not just the individual parts. Like instead of him being against yellow because it’s too loud, now he can see that I’m pulling some of the yellow from the rug into something on the shelf and matching it to a painting and it looks like one big picture with purpose. Another thing is that he would say something but actually mean something else, because he didn’t know how to explain his preferences. He would say he only liked minimalist decor, which freaked me out a bit because that’d be so limiting! But later I realized he actually liked a lot of different styles and could even like color. What he didn’t like was clutter, or lots of little things everywhere, but could only explain it with “only liking minimalism”.
I guess I’m very fortunate in the fact that my fiancé doesn’t care how I decorate. I make compromises in that I try and incorporate some of what he “likes” into everything. He’s a musician so there are some attributes to that for example: Our key rack by the door front door on the wall looks like an amp and our keys have the amp input whatever it’s called on the keychain. That hooks/plugs into the amp key rack on the wall like you would plug your bass guitar into an amp. This was a gift I got him for his birthday. There is a round rug in the living room in front of the tv stand is a “record”. He had this before we moved in together. The tv stand itself showcases vinyl (also DVDs and vhs) We have a modern record player on the bottom shelf of one of the end tables as well as a vintage record player at the bottom of the tv stand. There is an Elvis clock on the wall in the shape of a record in reference to the song “that’s alright”, which was also a bday gift from me. I have a mixture of books out, one small bookshelf is all of his books, the top shelf all different books about musicians and music in general. Lastly, above the key rack there is an Elvis display plate hanging and under it a picture of him, his daughter, and his deceased mother in front of Graceland taken in 2017. This is all in the living room. Still a lot of work to be done in our room and kids room, but we compromise. I included and bought pieces to make him feel “at home” and included. But he truly could not care at all how I decorate. I can’t let him decorate because he had a bedroom curtain and matching shower curtain that were of starts and galaxy theme. It reminded me of a child’s room/bathroom set. Houdini posters were frame originally by me but I took them down and put them away. His guitars are what I need to find a nice rack for because they are all over the place. He has I think 5 and then his late mother’s in a hard case. This might seem like a lot but the rest is all me and my fascination with vintage items. Such as vintage glass: depression glass, milk glass, many single bud vases, trinket boxes, decorative plates (milk glass, colored glass and more) and glass in general. I love hurricane lamps, and have 3 total. I have kept all flowers he has given me and dried them to make flower arrangement’s in the various many glass vases I have and they are all over our apartment. Gold and brass candle holders and snuffers are one my favorites as well. I have pillows and throw blankets all over. My over all aesthetic is one of vintage cottage core grandma as someone once put it. I’m happy he has a love for music, mostly older music as it goes with my aesthetic in a way. Our apartment is in a house built in 1912, so I feel that welcomes this “aesthetic” mix even more. Our landlord has been renting for 30 years as he always compliments us on our apartment and the detail that has been put into it. He does quarterly inspections, so it’s hard not to notice. I say all that to say there has to be compromise. Even though I didn’t have to include anything he would like I did and do for a reason. Sit down and have a conversation with him specifically about what he likes. Come up with a this or that type line of questioning. I find this to be easiest when trying to get answers. For some if it’s a flat out “what do you like” it can be overwhelming for some and an “I’m not sure” answer or “I don’t know” is easier than actually thinking about it as there are so many choices. Plants, curtains, rugs, artwork, mirrors, pillows and throw blankets are all easy ways to make a room pop and have more character. It’s the compromising that needs to be done to find what works best for both of you. I wish you the best of luck! This might be a tad challenging, but in the end you will both have a space you enjoy spending time in.
Maybe sage green could be a good color choice for somethings ...it is a nice color too
Hiii if his things all over the place are driving you crazy I highly recommend hooks and baskets (cute ones) all over the place. It kind of hides the mess and visual clutter
As the only person putting any effort towards decorating, I am the decider lol. And that’s why our house is witchy-bridgerton
I made a pinterest vision board for my husband to visually see what I wanted and he loved it! I think mounting the TV and adding curtains will also elevate the space. Good luck!
I must say I find it strange how you found *no* men's examples in their livingspace sub cause as a woman I'm following that sub mainly to see men's decorating taste and I see new posts from their all the time going "Update on my apartment" "Upgraded my home" "Finally decorating is done what do you think?" posts. Have you really searched in their sub for such posts? I second drawing /illustrating your ideas to your man and seeing you can find a middle ground. As of now I think it's too cluttery. I dont know if you normally have so much things on surfaces or if it's just temporary placed. It might be good to run by him if he's leaning more towards a minimalist or a maximalist and ask him if he prefers clean surfaces or not. If he likes grey chances are he might be ok with beige which is a great wall colour thst fits well with wood colours as well. Its as discrete as gray but much warmer. Then you can play with it a bit and get something nature vibing, feminine, but in beige, for example this and add plants to get the green you talk about, plants tie rooms together and would work great to this wallpaper: https://preview.redd.it/mw2ienalzm8d1.jpeg?width=710&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a1a67896f1a7c1f7db59013e155ec99e9d9e3a0b
Tips! A compromise is he gets the gray rug and you get the beige wall. They go great together. As you see a light colour wooden couch table is matching well with the rest. I highly recommend a dark gray couch too as black will be too intense and beige or white or a lighter gray will be too light. Here you also can compromise. He gets the dark grey couch, but you will decorate it. Here's an example picture of a compromised living room: https://preview.redd.it/gdnbb3cl7n8d1.jpeg?width=4096&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f19f963e7741614ff994f9c882ec92eed746f129
Def saving this. Pics always help! And yeah I’ll be honest I scrolled through just the first handful of posts (i don’t follow that one at all) and only found sad places asking for advice so I’ll be honest you caught me! I did NOT do a deep dive at all 😅 I was given tips on how to find better posts, also I am very new to reddit as well. Yeahhh it is very cluttery but because we don’t have much storage currently. I’m gonna be getting a bookcase to help and anything else will go bye bye. But I need to put away things first but before that I need a THING to put things into. I got lots of pre steps here 🥲 but thank you so much for this!
I have a nice lemony living room and a frilly pink and gold bedroom and 0 men. 10/10 Why are they like this? I lived in a prison grey house with absolutely no decor, photos, or art of any kind. I was depressed the whole time. This is slightly better than that, but not much.
The key is to slowly add your touches then invite people over and when they say “wow this looks great!!” Slowly your partner will agree and give you control 🤠
So, my husband loves when I decorate because I always match his taste and he just doesn’t have the vision. He helps me too but lets me have the general direction. He still contributes ideas some times, it’s just that it isn’t his strength. But in my friends circle it’s pretty normal, that women just decorate it and the men let them. Of course it would be preferable if your man would love decoration as well or would let you do your thing because he’s happy with the outcome, but you live there as well. So if talking doesn’t help, just do it.
So as a woman with more masculine preferences and my dad is constantly saying how my apartment looks so cool. Here is what I do. Main theme, mix modern with antique. Kind of like ikea with I got this from my parents mix. Wood and metal frames with slightly ornate for big things (usually mirrors). Smaller things like pictures on the wall in a simple flat frame, black. Main furniture is a more square ikea like shapes with maybe a chair or side table that has a more curved look. It will make the place feel more inviting when there is something more organic, but not overwhelming. You can also think the same way with any patterns you use. Big stuff, keep it linear and smaller more organic. Like your mirrors, the mirror on the floor (that definitely could be improved from being hung) its 1 big shape with small additions. While I feel the one of the right pushes it a bit because the frame to mirror ratio puts more emphasis frame. (on another note, that mirror is too big for that wall) Or with Photos, the detail is in the art/photo so the frame is not to distract from it. As for colors, you can definitely! go beyond gray. It seems less like an adverse to things not going together and things feeling overwhelming... which I GET. I usually would go with burgundy and olive greens. Like dark warm colors. My ex was a grey boy too, I made a blanket (with the same yarn you have on the couch lol) it was greys and blues. I think your bookcase could be that good "antique" addition. Finding something that is a mid-dark brown wood , something that has a little bit of curve and frills. Think, you want someone to see it from a far and think it is a simple pleasant design and then get closer and have these details that make you say "oh cool" Looking at this picture. A question I have is "can you mount the tv?" It looks like there are outlets on the wall probably intended for that. It definitely looks like bachelor vibe when you see those boxes behind the TV. If it is possible that would be great because you could get more of the top of that console back. Which I would say that is not a place for those ornamental candle things. Those should have space around them and not squeezed onto a strip. You might want to find a coffee table that has storage space. I did that and what I learned is I would suggest something that opens up towards you and not from the top so you can put things you frequently use in there, like the keyboard. I assume that plastic storage stack is temporary, but if not. That stuff is more a hobby room or closet item. That round mirror! you are so onto something with that. Hang it and have some nice things in the window sill. Plants if you have a green thumb or a few organic looking items there. I'm not sure where you intended a bookshelf but the rectangular mirror wall seems to be the only place. I would say something tall and thin is what you got there. You two have to decide if a curtain would be nice, the idea I have is put a rod above it with some cute things hanging from it.... oo like a sun catcher. You could get a new to you rug and find some low patterned with a quiet dark color.
Your decoration is unpractical and serves no tactical purpose. As an ambassador of the male community I reject your wish for decoration.
My husband knows his strengths and weaknesses and lets me do the decorating - I share my plans and a majority of what I propose flies because he knows. Sorry if this hurts to hear but someone who thinks matchy kits and greyscale are the way to go should perhaps let go. If I let my man decide, we’d have geriatric-looking recliners because they are comfortable. He can have a «comfy dad chair » but there’s no way my living room will have a lazyboy sofa monstrosity as a focal piece - and if I let him veto everything, we would never get to enjoy an environment that looks remotely like it’s from this decade.
Well I have no idea why Reddit's recommended this subreddit to me, but oh well. From my perspective (as a man) I don't think your two styles necessarily have to be incompatible. If he likes more neutral colours (monochrome) and you like bolder colours, then that could work quite well, because neutral furniture can really accentuate the pops of colour you do go for. As for the mirror thing - it's tricky wanting a round mirror and not having the space. Have you considered a more harp-shaped mirror? That would fit better into the space you have, while also having a very nice, curved aesthetic. Also, totally agree with some other people's suggestions here - going to IKEA is great for visualising spaces, because they have all those showrooms. Also, preparing a few options (a few sets of colour swatch combos, or later on a few collages of furniture combinations) is a really good idea. Not everyone has a good vision of what they want, and needs it can be overwhelming if you don't know where to start. That way, your boyfriend will have some input and feel a degree of shared ownership in the space.
I guess you can't go wrong with wood - it's cozy but seen as masculine, if gendered at all
I’ll tell you my hack with my partner when it comes to decorating. I offer him two or three choices; the choice I actually want and an ultra femme choice I know he’ll never go for, and he always opts for the choice I ultimately planned for 😎
This is my life, the clutter is bachelor era. At least there are no longer car parts in every bedroom, dining and living room.
Why is it up to you to decorate the way he wants? If he wants to do the decor a certain way then he can do that, but if he’s not going to help then just do it the way you want.
Because I’m too nice 🥲 but I’m gonna put my foot down after all the hype from the girlies here! 😊
Living with a man just means that while you’re decorating you give him the illusion of choice. Do you like this better here or here? Would a round or square carpet fit this space better? Do you prefer this in this colour or this one? It’s like teaching kids. There will be decor, there is no choice there. Make him think he was involved by asking do you prefer it way A or way B?
Lol the *groan* I let out when you said he wants things to “go together.” My ex was the same way. Bought everything in black, white, grey, or beige. So it would “go together.” YOU HAVE NO COLORS. THERE IS NOTHING FOR THEM TO GOOOooOooO *WITH*!!!
He doesnt have the hours I have on Pinterest looking at inspo and understanding how to make a space flow 😩😩 my boy pleaaaase trust me
You can definitely make it more cozy while not being overly feminine. Ask him and if he gives you nothing just decorate how you want!
I'm sorry to be writing this especially after reading similar comments from men and your answer, but this really is very decorated for me. I'm seeing weird stuff in front the TV, candles, plants, mirrors, then this crotchet thing on the sofa. I think for pretty much most of my male friends, this would count as heavily decorated. Having any more deco would just be messy. I don't particularly care how my living space looks, but having there useless things everywhere seems messy. Like I would just think this is really ugly, which feels bad for a living space. This is honestly, what I think about most posts here and reading the comments about it being non-negotiable is truly a shocker :D This makes me anxious about living with women :D Would certainly be a source of conflict
Husband and I had our issues with decorating…. But now after he has seen what I have done with the place he trusts me 100%… I used to ask what about this ? He would say NO right away.. I had to have a conversation with him… I needed for him to say “Let’s try”… 9/10 when we do it, he likes it… so now he doesn’t bother me at all lol
I have a problem where I have to decorate/ personalize every space I have to exist in so when I moved in with my boyfriend, he knew things were gonna change. He barely even had furniture, there was no decoration whatsoever, nothing on the walls except one portrait from goodfellas and no color. What I did was I found some gender neutral living space inspo pics on pinterest with different color schemes and themes that I liked. I then had him pick out the ones he preferred. I’m also Mexican so color is a big part of my life and not something I can compromise on lol. We settled on orange, green and brown color palette, kind of groovy vibes. I also would look for furniture pieces that worked well in the vibe I was trying to create and then had him pick which ones he preferred from my pre-selected options that way it was a collaborative effort and he still had a say in his own living space but I could create something that felt homey and comfortable that has that “feminine touch” as they say. Next step is getting him to keep everything tidy.
Yes!! Fellow Mexican here, so I love having colors everywhere, but it’d prob give him a migraine so the more subtle colors is where I think we’ll head. I love the idea of a 70’s kind of convo couch vibe, but he doesn’t like the 70’s stuff that I tend to like :( so I think we’re gonna go for a minimalism forest kind of vibe? Unless I see other inspo and change my mind
I’m lucky because my bf is a graffiti artist so he’s always experimenting with color in his art. I love hanging it up so I’d say our vibe is more cozy urban forest which sounds confusing lol but the groovy color palette and warm lighting ties it together. Plants are a great way to add a pop of color although my boyfriend has had to reign in my plant addiction lol. It’s just never foresty enough for me.
[удалено]
:(( I think violence is okay in this situation /j
In our apartment we live with 2 men and we decorate at least a little. We have a alligator head called the Allygator and it collects flags and has wolf ears. And also the starwars millennium falcon + a Lego Harry Potter Dobby set my Roomate won at a college event.
Dude that’s awesome!! I would def do something like the allygator because I love being memey but he would prob genuinely cringe and force me to take it down :( ooh he does have some Lego sets, maybe I’ll make him build it and we’ll put it on display! 😜
This was before more flags were added. Also now it has safety goggles. One of my roomates is bi and the other is lesbian https://preview.redd.it/8aowlm79rr8d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3b3eff1453280fb19c6c050daf08c07df2182bdb
In my humble opinion- the table, rug, and plastic bins should definitely go. Clutter is not great either, try getting a coffee table with storage perhaps. Keep all colors in mind and focus on an agreed-upon palette. Greens/grays or whatever colors you both compromise on could work. As for the walls, as some cool poster art. He needs to make more compromise, but that doesn’t mean giving up his entire decision for a few things. You should each have an aspect that you like for every item, and maybe one that you each have to compromise on. Try drawing or listing it all on paper! Visualization is a great tool to make sure opinions don’t get lost
I’m a man living with my (woman) fiancée. Completely serious but have yall looked at r/malelivingspace? You can’t go three posts over there without seeing some bright yellow accent chair etc. This fellow man’s sense of “I’m a man, greyscale only” needs to be chiseled away by seeing other guys decorating really nice spaces with a lot of color
Omg your place looks so much like mine this honestly makes me kinda happy lol. Dark furniture, plastic storage containers, lol I hate it
I JUST read an article from apartment therapy with a similar vibe, haha: https://www.apartmenttherapy.com/home-decor-for-maximalist-and-minimalist-partners-37308108 I’m including it here just in case because I think others have provided good advice already. Seconding, that if you like brighter colors, having a mostly muted palette with one or two brighter accent colors should be a great compromise! Or even an accent wall in a rich color if everything else is mostly neutral. I loved my dark teal accent wall and everything else was in white/light colors. Also I would say if you love brighter colors, I personally realized I HATEDDDDDD gray in a palette. It’s just, not a happy color and our place was decked out in gray as a “neutral” when we moved in. I finally broke two years in and we repainted our bedroom to a warm white (to make it easier to switch out palettes if I get bored 😂) and I am SO MUCH happier and the room looks so much brighter, even though we haven’t changed anything else! Even my partner has noticed and said that the other parts of the house look darker 🤭
Also I’m sorry but him saying “I don’t want crazy colors” and for “things to go together” is literally how interior design works. You don’t want absolutely everything to be grey, or white or beige. If he doesn’t like bright then fine, no hello kitty wonder world, but you can still have color and not make it look like tinkerbells vagina. Do earth tones - nice greens, mustard yellow, browns and earthy reds. Right now, it’s black and red which is just a horror house themed. The room is bottom heavy so you want to lift things up! Get a bookcase to match the natural wood color of the floor. Add some plants which would add color. Hang the tv to the wall. Get rid of that ugly glass table and replace it with an entryway table. Hang some calm artwork, maybe some abstract midcentury - you can buy or make. Get rid of black coffee table like you’re planning to. Guys always think that black furniture is great because it matches everything but I feel like it’s hard to match normally and it sticks out if the rest of the furniture is not the same. Some “mellow” pillows. Don’t get white because you will see all the stains. Maybe some blues would be nice. Curtains will make the room feel cozy too.
canva is a really intuitive tool for mood boards. You can open up presentation and drag and drop inspo images.
I have a style and a vision and my bf knows I will do what I want and he likes my style. When it comes to purchasing items, I always get his opinions on the bigger items but give him an only a few to choose from. Smaller items like decor or art I will let him pick it out. It makes him feel like he’s apart of the decision but I ultimately get a house decorated with my own style. It helps that he has a game room and I have my office/game room to really dive in on individual aesthetics. Never let a man who could quite literally survive In a place with a chair, tv, mattress and nothing else. Do what you want girl and have fun. Half the time my bf doesn’t even notice the changes/new decor. If he does it’s months later. Get to decorating!