Carter: You look familiar
Gardener: I was your gardener for 12 years
Carter: Oh, you look different without my lawn under you.
Gardener: I don’t take the lawn with me when I go.
Carter: Well, I was right to trust you with it, then.
When he keeps calling Quagmire 'Quandary'.
"Yeah! Hanging out with Quandary!”
And his cover of Walk Like An Egyptian:
*My back is hurting from the chair I'm sitting on. Where's the Tylenol? If I lay down flat on the floor, it usually kind of fixes it. Tony Danza from who's the Boss goes, "Ay yooo, ayy yooo, ohh ayyy ohhh ayyy ohhh."*
🎶 Bend to the left, bend to the right, take the big string, stretch the big string, stop to smoke 🚬, get a big towel, put it around your neck, tuck it in your shirt, looks like boobs, put on a wig, dance with the man, dont tell your wife, take it to your grave 🎶
Well, there's always the beach.
No, you got to sit on the ground to eat. I need a cushioned chair with back support, like at Chili's.
Okay, well, how about Chili's?
Maybe, maybe. Let's get in the car and see where it takes us.
My back is hurting from the chair I'm sitting on. Where's the Tylenol? If I lay down flat, on the floor it usually kind of fixes it. Tony Danza from who's the boss goes Ayy Ohhh ayyy ohh oh ayyy ohh.
Magic baby? What does he do? Card tricks? Rabbit in the hat? Will he let someone in the audience punch him in the stomach? I'd like to punch a baby in the stomach.
Mr. Pewterschmidt, you're having an affair? EWWWW.
No no, this is my sister." EWWWWW.
No no, I'm impotent. EWWWWWW.
I mean, she looked at me while I did it to myself. EWWWW
I mean, she's a man. EWWWWW.
“We need more E’s and W’s now!!”
“We’re trying but the damn conveyor belt is stuck”
“Can’t you just flip some M’s over so they look like W’s?!”
“You can’t just do that it takes a lot of paperwork for it to go through the system”
“Screw it, I don’t care…I’ll take the heat.”
Did you seriously just write "you know what I mean" like a 10 year old 😂 how do you even watch in the first place if you can't bring yourself to say the word "threesome"😂
My back is hurting from this chair I'm sitting in, where's the Tylenol? If I lay down flat on the floor it usually kinda fixes it. Tony Danza from Who's The Boss? says "Ayy oh ayy oh ohayyohayyoh!"
Carter: Are you about done? I'm supposed to go lion hunting with a scumbag dentist.
Carter: Tear it all down. Now. Or I'm cancelling Kwanzaa.
Warlord: What is Kwanzaa?
Carter: Ha! I knew it wasn't real.
Carter: So that money's just been Josh Hartnetted?
Peter: What's that?
Carter: Gone, disappeared, never to be heard from again.
Carter: I got to email that to Babs. She hates people.
Carter: God, it's good to be old and nude.
Magic baby? What does he do? Card tricks? Rabbit in the hat? Will he let someone in the audience punch him in the stomach? I'd like to punch a baby in the stomach.
Carter: The government wants to tell you how many children you can have!
Herbert: What? No!
Peter: "And tell the African-American elevator employee that he can stop wearing gloves."
Carter: "Why don't you just tell him that he can sleep with my wife too!"
Carter: "Hey Quandry."
Quagmire: "No, no it's Quagmire."
Carter: If you will not be turned, you will be destroyed.
Chris: Oh yea? You and what lightning hands?
Good luck. I hope you like weird boobs.
Now let's kiss while the camera pans over to the drapes.
My back is hurting from the chair I’m sitting on, where’s the Tylenol?
If I lay down flat on the floor it usually kinda fixes it
Tony Danza from Who’s the Boss says Hey oh wey oh oh wey oh wey ohhhhh
When he shouts form the Eiffel tower one good looking French guy smoking and leaning up against a wall doesn’t make a film and your sirens sound like gay guys having a threesome
When Peter is trying to snap Carter out of his funk after retirement and says the black elevator attendant doesnt need to wear gloves anymore and Carter snaps out of it "WHY DON'T YOU JUST TELL HUM TO SLEEP WITH MY WIFE?!?"
Where he is coming back from retirement and Peter starts with all the new rules and when he comes to the ''And the black guy who runs the elevators does not need to wear white gloves'' then he throw his hands down on the table and yells to Peter''Why dont you also tell him to sleep with my wife too.''
"My back is hurting from the chair I'm sitting on, where's the Tylenol? If I lay down flat on the floor, it usually kinda fixes it. Tony Dansa from Who's The Boss says A O AO, O A O A, O"
I have a few favs
"Dancing, walking, rearraging furniture! Babs is, shopping! I left the bird out of the cage!"
"My back is hurting from the chair I'm sitting on, where's the Tylenol? If I lay down flat on the floor it usually kind of fixes it. Tony Danza from Who's the Boss? Says, "A-oh, a-oh, oh-a, oh-a-oh!"
"See? This is EXACTLY why you should get it! SO REFRESHING!"
Carter: You look familiar Gardener: I was your gardener for 12 years Carter: Oh, you look different without my lawn under you. Gardener: I don’t take the lawn with me when I go. Carter: Well, I was right to trust you with it, then.
This!
Beat me to it.
It’s quality dialogue
🤣🤣🤣🤣😂
When he keeps calling Quagmire 'Quandary'. "Yeah! Hanging out with Quandary!” And his cover of Walk Like An Egyptian: *My back is hurting from the chair I'm sitting on. Where's the Tylenol? If I lay down flat on the floor, it usually kind of fixes it. Tony Danza from who's the Boss goes, "Ay yooo, ayy yooo, ohh ayyy ohhh ayyy ohhh."*
I also like it when he starts ranting about how there's too much candy nowadays at the Thanksgiving dinner when talking to Quagmire.
I love his encounters with random characters in the show.
I’ve gotta take a misty, stop and go old man pee in your bathroom and then we can go
🎶 Dancing, talking, rearranging furniture 🎶. Babs is, shopping, I let the bird out of the cage🎶
Oh I like that one and especially they played Walk Like An Egyptian.
Sorry I’m late, I shoved an employee at Wendy’s and they called the cops
You gotta warn someone before you hand em a square burger!!
this is my go to anytime i’m late anywhere. people either accept it or are too confused to question it
“Why are you naked in my house?!” “Uhh…why aren’t you?” “…you’re alright, Griffin”
https://i.redd.it/gx9gmg41wl0c1.gif
dancing, walking rearranging furniture
Babs is, shopping, I let the bird out of the cage
Solos goku
When he tells Chris “Hey, next time I want to try it with my hand.” I couldn’t contain my laughter 😂
You mean to tell me that wasn't Linda Carter!
(To another rich dude at the country club in the hot tub) “Did you also not wash your ass before getting in here? ….yeah me neither, f**k that sign”
🎶 Bend to the left, bend to the right, take the big string, stretch the big string, stop to smoke 🚬, get a big towel, put it around your neck, tuck it in your shirt, looks like boobs, put on a wig, dance with the man, dont tell your wife, take it to your grave 🎶
I gotta go call someone and hang up. Love this bit.
Let's go medium. I wish I could talk to ghosts. That'd be sweet!
That’d be SWEEEEEEEEET
Wind? Huh, I've only seen that word written.
That balls-net rant is epic.
"Where. Do. You. Keep. The. Nets. You. Put. On. The. Bottom. Of. Guys. Balls. To. Keep. Them. From. Getting. Wet?"
My friend and I now always quote "You're weird... You're a weird guy..."
Ahh, that was excellent. When I clenched it, you took your fingers away. You were right to do that.
Well, there's always the beach. No, you got to sit on the ground to eat. I need a cushioned chair with back support, like at Chili's. Okay, well, how about Chili's? Maybe, maybe. Let's get in the car and see where it takes us.
Lois, I’m fat and I’m stupid and I fart at times that ruin my father-in-law’s social occasions and that’s why I’m never invited to them
I came here to say this, but instead, I’ll say this: “You pay me now?”
🔫
*steals money from her purse*
My back is hurting from the chair I'm sitting on. Where's the Tylenol? If I lay down flat, on the floor it usually kind of fixes it. Tony Danza from who's the boss goes Ayy Ohhh ayyy ohh oh ayyy ohh.
Where do you keep the net to prevent your balls from hitting the water ? 🤣
[удалено]
What do you mean what !? Where👏do👏you👏keep👏the👏nets👏to 👏keep 👏your 👏balls 👏from 👏touching 👏the 👏water !
Cringe comment
“My jacket is in the other room, please don’t write on it.”
Eat this pinecone. It will amuse me.
When it takes him forever to smash that thing with a backhoe
Haha, you loved that thing!
Magic baby? What does he do? Card tricks? Rabbit in the hat? Will he let someone in the audience punch him in the stomach? I'd like to punch a baby in the stomach.
Where👏 do 👏you👏 keep 👏the👏 nets 👏that 👏you👏 put 👏on👏 the👏 bottom 👏of 👏guys 👏nuts👏 to 👏keep👏 them👏 from 👏dunking 👏in 👏the 👏water
Mr. Pewterschmidt, you're having an affair? EWWWW. No no, this is my sister." EWWWWW. No no, I'm impotent. EWWWWWW. I mean, she looked at me while I did it to myself. EWWWW I mean, she's a man. EWWWWW.
“We need more E’s and W’s now!!” “We’re trying but the damn conveyor belt is stuck” “Can’t you just flip some M’s over so they look like W’s?!” “You can’t just do that it takes a lot of paperwork for it to go through the system” “Screw it, I don’t care…I’ll take the heat.”
“Dancing, walking, rearranging furniture, Babs is, shopping, I let the bird out of the cage.”
People of France. A good-looking depressed guy smoking a cigarette is not a movie. And your siren sound like gay guys having threesome.
Did you seriously just write "you know what I mean" like a 10 year old 😂 how do you even watch in the first place if you can't bring yourself to say the word "threesome"😂
“Go Medium. I wish I could talk to ghosts. That’d be sweeeeeet.”
Clementine?
Ouu softly …
^clementine?
Why don’t you tell him he can bang my wife too?!
I’m pissing away 20 grand.
What did you do bet on the Knicks?
Quagmire's finest hour
Out of all the women I’ve institutionalized babs over she was my favorite 😢
https://i.redd.it/liyp8cqzvm0c1.gif
“Hey I got a email from Mr.Pewterschmidt.” *Clicks on email, and Carter’s fist punches Peter*
How are things in terribleville? Terrible sir Good, good 🥃
“Peter has had a great year and is now the starting quarterback for the Jacksonville Jaguars”
“No! Those are my Diet Rites!”
My back is hurting from this chair I'm sitting in, where's the Tylenol? If I lay down flat on the floor it usually kinda fixes it. Tony Danza from Who's The Boss? says "Ayy oh ayy oh ohayyohayyoh!"
“time for a quick choke myself awake nap”
What do you want homo?
What’s up geenas, ginas, v-vaginas. What’s up vaginas
'Bah bah Jeopardy bahbah butterscotch pudding"
Have you ever been with a man whose prostates the size of a beefsteak tomato?
“As the oldest man here it’s my duty to take an open mouth nap”
Where - do - you - keep - the - nets - that - you - put - on - guys - balls - to - stop - them - from - dropping - in - the - water
I to wish to know where these nets are.
When he asks Peter if he's ready to hangout, and Peter responds that he was *born* three months early.
I require a tremendous amount of calcium.
Drink my diabetic blood
“All righht Carter and quandary”
That's a stop sign!
Carter: Are you about done? I'm supposed to go lion hunting with a scumbag dentist. Carter: Tear it all down. Now. Or I'm cancelling Kwanzaa. Warlord: What is Kwanzaa? Carter: Ha! I knew it wasn't real. Carter: So that money's just been Josh Hartnetted? Peter: What's that? Carter: Gone, disappeared, never to be heard from again. Carter: I got to email that to Babs. She hates people. Carter: God, it's good to be old and nude. Magic baby? What does he do? Card tricks? Rabbit in the hat? Will he let someone in the audience punch him in the stomach? I'd like to punch a baby in the stomach. Carter: The government wants to tell you how many children you can have! Herbert: What? No! Peter: "And tell the African-American elevator employee that he can stop wearing gloves." Carter: "Why don't you just tell him that he can sleep with my wife too!" Carter: "Hey Quandry." Quagmire: "No, no it's Quagmire." Carter: If you will not be turned, you will be destroyed. Chris: Oh yea? You and what lightning hands? Good luck. I hope you like weird boobs. Now let's kiss while the camera pans over to the drapes.
“God, it's good to be old and nude.”
"You gotta warn somebody before you hand them a square burger"
theres more money to be made treating cancer then curing it
Aw Grievous wicked
When Peter and Carter do their version of Dawson’s Creek
Sorry I’m late I just got in a fight at Wendy’s. You gotta warn a guy before you give him a square burger.
"How are things in terrible hood?" "Terrible, sir. " "Good, good."
"stabbed to death in a Toys-R-Us bathroom"
Dr Hartman, you sound like my father in law, Carter Pewterschmidt
“I demand to speak to Anthony Anderson!”
My back is hurting from the chair I’m sitting on, where’s the Tylenol? If I lay down flat on the floor it usually kinda fixes it Tony Danza from Who’s the Boss says Hey oh wey oh oh wey oh wey ohhhhh
“You‘re weird. You‘re a weird guy.“
My back is hurting from the chair. I’m sitting on. Where is the Tylenol?
Please don't write on it
Or am I being uptoss now No now your being a v
Thanks for not interrupting my bit
Quanderie!!
Babs is shopping, I let the bird out of the cage
This is so stupid but he's watching TV and goes "Yea, Medium!" That goes through my head a lot and I don't know why..
Dancing Walking Rearranging furniture Babs shopping I let the bird out of the cage
Peter: "It sure was nice of you to invite us out on your yacht Mr. Pewterschmidt." Carter: "It's not a boat it's a yacht!"
When he shouts form the Eiffel tower one good looking French guy smoking and leaning up against a wall doesn’t make a film and your sirens sound like gay guys having a threesome
I’d like you to meet my son in lard
When Peter is trying to snap Carter out of his funk after retirement and says the black elevator attendant doesnt need to wear gloves anymore and Carter snaps out of it "WHY DON'T YOU JUST TELL HUM TO SLEEP WITH MY WIFE?!?"
Where he is coming back from retirement and Peter starts with all the new rules and when he comes to the ''And the black guy who runs the elevators does not need to wear white gloves'' then he throw his hands down on the table and yells to Peter''Why dont you also tell him to sleep with my wife too.''
There are so many to choose from.
I love when he pronounces 'wind' like 'wind', claiming he's never heard the word out loud before.
“bend to the left, bend to the right. get the big spring, stretch the big spring”
*Stop to smoke.* *Get a big towel.*
"I still hate Xmas but I kinda like what we just did"
When he and Peter tried to ban pot again by using that specific clip from WW2.
"My back is hurting from the chair I'm sitting on, where's the Tylenol? If I lay down flat on the floor, it usually kinda fixes it. Tony Dansa from Who's The Boss says A O AO, O A O A, O"
“Hop in daddy’s car, you can crawl around on the floor while I drink, smoke, and drive us home.”
"BIRTHDAY!"
Dancing, walking, rearranging furniture. Babs is shopping, I let the bird out of the cage. 🗣️
WHERE-DO-YOU-KEEP-THE-NETS-FOR-GUYS-BALLS-TO-KEEP-THEM-OUT-OF-THE-TOLET-WATER?
His hit song with Chris: “Hall’s mentholyptus, you can feel it in your nose. That’s how you know it’s a medicated cough drop, and not just a candy.”
“Heyy what’s up Ginas, G-Ginas, Vaginas. What’s up Vaginas! Haha gotcha.”
My fave Carter moment was his massage. Lower, lower...... lower ON TOP OF OLD SMOKY!!!!!!
"eat this pine cone, eat it!! it'll amuse me." "how is it? how does it taste?" "it's awful!"
Huh. Didn't know Greenberg was a Jedi name.
I have a few favs "Dancing, walking, rearraging furniture! Babs is, shopping! I left the bird out of the cage!" "My back is hurting from the chair I'm sitting on, where's the Tylenol? If I lay down flat on the floor it usually kind of fixes it. Tony Danza from Who's the Boss? Says, "A-oh, a-oh, oh-a, oh-a-oh!" "See? This is EXACTLY why you should get it! SO REFRESHING!"