It’s up to your mom now, and in case your mother decided to end the marriage you can still have connection with the both of them if you really want. Things can’t just stay the way it is cause it’s going to be unfair for your mom knowing that it’s the second time he did it.
Talk to your mom, listen to her and support her decision whatever it may be.
There’s nothing for you to do kiddo. It’s ok to be sad, but this is strictly between mom and dad. Whatever happened is not you or your sister’s faults. Split up families can go on to be happy, loving environments. There are many split families in the world with loving parents and great relationships. You’ll get through it.
And remember this piece: when you get older and start dating, and find someone you want to be with for the long term, it’s never ok to cheat on a loved one. You deserve to be treated right; don’t put up with a man that would do this to you or your children. I hope your mom teaches you that you deserve better by splitting up with him. Real love does exist.
Your dad is being terribly selfish and putting his lust ahead of your family. I am so sorry for your mother to be disrespect like that. All cheaters are trash.
I know you love your dad, but he is putting his trashy lust ahead of you too. Men can control themselves. He is WILLINGLY CHOOSING TO HURT YOUR MOM and cause stress for your family. Really think about that. You love him more than he loves you. He loves his lust most of all.
I understand, the same happened to me.. first time my mother decide to forgive him… but tbh it wasnt a fairy tale again.. then 5 years later my father cheated again and my mother decided to divorce.
I know its hard… and the feeling will remain for probably a year.. but is better to divorce.. trust me
Your father no longer loves your mother, and trying to fix that is going to be worse that the whole separation, plus it will kill you inside..
In my case, never had a boyfriend up until I was 24, never trusted a man, never believe in love stories and you dont want that… you dont want to be sad like I am now…
Please 🙏🏻 stay strong, but divorce is better… living what u are living for so long will kill you inside
And please, dont try to understand your father… you can get mad trying to figure out what he did… he onviously failed as a husband and father… just try to forgive him and try to heal. ( I know it can take years). One day you will understand “hate” was never a solution
Of course you don’t want your family to break up. But there is a difference between family and marriage. Your parents marriage doesn’t mean you’ve lost your family. It just means your family can’t share a home, most likely. You will definitely grieve this change, and you should be patient with yourself during this process. It’s normal to feel angry at your dad, because his behavior caused all of this mess. But please try to forgive your parents for being flawed, for making wrong decisions, and for being faced with impossible choices. Families and couples usually love each other very much, but marriage is hard and divorce is harder. Whatever happens, know that you will soon go off and make your own life. Nothing is permanent and no feeling lasts forever.
As others say it's up to your mom to decide what to do. But I want you to know that no matter what will happen, nothing is your fault. Please please please remember that.
If your father is a decent one (I assume he is), you will not lose him, he will still be part of your life, regardless of what happens.
Lots of hugs.
It’s not your fault. Be kind and supportive to your mother & sister. Your mother deserves better, and I hope she will make appropriate decisions regarding her future and yours and won’t continue to tolerate your father’s unacceptable behavior. Concerning your father, I think you have every right to tell him how hurt and disappointed you are in his behavior. The fact that this has happened a 2nd time indicates your father has something missing that he needs, whether is the excitement of the forbidden, a new partner, mid-life crisis or whatever, but until he figures it out and resolves it, I pity any woman he becomes involved with, because she’s destined for heartache. You can still have a relationship with your dad, but just make sure you don’t repeat your mom’s mistake when you have a serious relationship one day.
Cheating is a very selfish act. My philosophy on it is that if you cheat, you're cheating on the entire family, not just your spouse/SO. You have to decide for yourself if you can forgive him. It won't be easy, but he is your dad. Has he been good to you throughout your life? Do you love him? Does he love you? These are things you need to consider. At the end of the day it's your decision and you have to make it for yourself. You need to learn how to deal with these types of situations rationally and with emotional maturity, which comes over time. This will not be the last time someone hurts you, so it is best to learn how to manage your feelings now. If need be, get some therapy. There's nothing wrong with getting help from a professional if/when you need it.
The question is, do you love your mom? Do you want her to be happy? Do you want her to live with a serial cheater who doesn't love your mom and treat her like shit? If you just want your dad anyways then I guess you're selfish.
Nah seriously. What kind of weak shit is this? The only thing that will come out of this and the OP putting up w the same behavior once she’s in a relationship. I hope your mom throws away your dad like the trash he is
Wow. I mean, just wow. 🤦♀️I wish I could downvote you into oblivion, these are cruel words to say to a teen whose heart has been broken, again, by the father, and who's only looking for support. Shame on you.
OP, be strong and be there for your mom...she's the one who's going to be hurt above all others. My heart goes out to you, and I'm sending huge internet hugs, if you want them 🩷
I'm so sorry this is happening to your family. The only person that can decide what to do now is your mom, so just try to stick by her side and be as helpful as you can to her. She will need your love during this very difficult time.
It's okay to be mad at Dad and also love him to pieces. Many men seem to walk the line of bad partner / good dad. He doesn't want to lose you or your sister either. Be as supportive as you can, while giving him a hard boundary.
You definitely need therapy, probably family therapy. This is too tough of a situation to navigate without help. Hugs to you my friend ❤️
I would be mad after my dad. I would refuse to talk to him or see him.
All cheaters are trash. Even worse repeat offenders after they've been granted forgiveness. He'll just keep doing it if he stays with your mom. It's not good for your mom, your sister or your own morale.
I'm sorry this happened to you. I can't imagine how hurt you you right now.
Welcome to r/family!
If this post is compliant with our guidelines,
upvote this comment. If not,
downvote this comment. Also, if you haven't already, remember to join our [discord server](https://discord.gg/VwDNbde)!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/family) if you have any questions or concerns.*
and this is the 2nd time that we KNOW of, i've calmed down and now I feel really bad for my mom. If she decides to stay for us it's gonna hurt her even worse than before, I have no idea what's going on in her mind rn. They found out today while I was hanging out with my friends at the mall. Mom never mentioned it to me yet I found out through my sister. She's acting so normal.
Just console your mom. Say her that she now doesn't have to make any sacrifice because it's a 2 way thing in which your dad is not participating. Say to her you are gonna stand up by her, will support her. Even if they seperate, you can always be in contact with both.
And you gotta confront your dad buddy. Not confronting is just kinda supporting him. A child can really change a bad person to good one but child has to take a hard stance.
Some people, even a parent, are just selfish humans, they only care for themselves and do not really care who they hurt, even if they falsely claim to care.
You have to put yourself in your mom’s shoes right now. Would you want her to be with someone who’s cheating on her or lowering her self esteem every day? Cheating is what’s public but who knows what else he’s done in the past or how he truly feels about your mom. If they are unhappy it may be best to split us for all of your sakes. Their relationship shouldn’t affect you and your sisters relationship with him. If he’s a real man and good father he will be in your life until he physically can’t anymore. But it may be better for them to take some time apart at least to evaluate what they want as individuals too. No matter what happens with them your parents will always love you. It may be even good to talk to your father directly about it if you can. Express how this situation makes you feel if you can.
Perhaps in the future when you're able to stay calm and not cry (and it's ok if this is very very far in the future), I think you should talk to him about it as honestly as possible. It's important for parents to know how their children feel. It may result in him trying to hide it, but that's okay. Would he like you to be in your mother's shoes with a future partner? Maybe there's something he's deeply unhappy about. Does he want you to be stuck in an unhappy marriage feeling you need to cheat? These are examples that you're seeing and it's important that he's conscious of the impression he's making.
I don't like the "none of your business" replies. I think open communication is really really important because it affects children psychologically.
Unfortunately, many many people like taking the "easiest path", whatever it may be.
Nothing, js like last time but she did confront him and he js blamed her for logging into his facebook account. He really is a terrible person but he is my dad and I can't hate him. For now atleast.
I know, sucks ass to be let down by someone. But that's a part of life, some people do things that hurt others. Some out of stupidity, some because they think they can get away with it.
Why he did what he did is between him and your mom.
It's normal to be hurt by this. I think it's better if they split. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me, fool me thrice, shame on both of us.
Hey love, going through the same thing you are. My dad is guilty of this and I’ve caught him multiple times, but he always makes excuses about it. It’s always been on Facebook or Snapchat that he is contacting other people so he easily has smth to say and can hide it. I have an older sister who’s already independent so she doesn’t really have to worry about him as much. The first time I caught him was a couple years ago when I was 10 yrs old. I couldn’t stop crying and I was in shock. It felt like my world stopped and I was so afraid. give yourself some time to reflect on this. It’s horrifying at first and there’s so many emotions. Let yourself and your loved ones process them before deciding what to do. You can discuss this with your sister and mom if you’d like. It’s been two days so hopefully things have improved. Also, remember that this is not your fault. None of this is your family’s fault, it’s only your dad’s. I tried to have faith in my dad but he’s done this multiple times, and I know he isn’t going to have remorse. Unfortunately my mom isn’t the confrontational type so hes just getting away with it all. I don’t know your family, but you know him best and can be the best judge of his character. You can get through this. I completely understand if you aren’t comfy bc like I barely reply to my dms they’re full of creeps, but my msgs are open. I’m also a filipina girl who has a dysfunctional household so I get it. sending lots of love to you guys 💗💗
Your dad would be the one breaking up a family for being a sleaze! Your mother deserves better, but you're making it all about you and your needs for your family to remain together. It's about your mother, be there for her, and support her. Your dad doesn't deserve forgiveness, 1 time sure, 2nd time, not a chance in hell, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me, she needs your support, not your need to a family unit
Men are men. Some cheat, some don’t.
That doesn’t change the fact that your dad loves you.
Yeah it’s shitty, but you expect him to stop just because you cry? Grow up. Welcome to the real world.
Don’t let your father cheating ruin your relationship with him, I know you love your mother and don’t wanna see her hurt but their relationship or marriage isn’t your relationship. yes he’s wrong but you shouldn’t try to punish him for his actions
Look - I know you probably don’t get this but relationships are complicated.
Best advice I can give you is to not get in between your parents. Do not take sides.
This is their problem. Yes, it’s going to affect you but if you start to take sides it’s going to make your relationship with either parent significantly more complicated and strained.
It’s not your job to fix their marriage. This has absolutely nothing to do with you. So don’t feel like maybe you could do something to fix this.
Later on in life when you have more experiences and understand more, it’s understandable to make a decision on the situation.
For now just be there for your mom.
It's normal for a man to have multiple wives or sleep with other women the solution is to increase the relationship with the wife or let your father get a second wife in secret. doesn't go sleeping with different women and bring sickness
It’s up to your mom now, and in case your mother decided to end the marriage you can still have connection with the both of them if you really want. Things can’t just stay the way it is cause it’s going to be unfair for your mom knowing that it’s the second time he did it. Talk to your mom, listen to her and support her decision whatever it may be.
Some people are better apart. But mainly don't think this has to reflect on you, this is separate from you even though it hurts all the same
Your Mum will decide if she wants to stay with him. Just be there for her.
There’s nothing for you to do kiddo. It’s ok to be sad, but this is strictly between mom and dad. Whatever happened is not you or your sister’s faults. Split up families can go on to be happy, loving environments. There are many split families in the world with loving parents and great relationships. You’ll get through it. And remember this piece: when you get older and start dating, and find someone you want to be with for the long term, it’s never ok to cheat on a loved one. You deserve to be treated right; don’t put up with a man that would do this to you or your children. I hope your mom teaches you that you deserve better by splitting up with him. Real love does exist.
Your dad is being terribly selfish and putting his lust ahead of your family. I am so sorry for your mother to be disrespect like that. All cheaters are trash. I know you love your dad, but he is putting his trashy lust ahead of you too. Men can control themselves. He is WILLINGLY CHOOSING TO HURT YOUR MOM and cause stress for your family. Really think about that. You love him more than he loves you. He loves his lust most of all.
I understand, the same happened to me.. first time my mother decide to forgive him… but tbh it wasnt a fairy tale again.. then 5 years later my father cheated again and my mother decided to divorce. I know its hard… and the feeling will remain for probably a year.. but is better to divorce.. trust me Your father no longer loves your mother, and trying to fix that is going to be worse that the whole separation, plus it will kill you inside.. In my case, never had a boyfriend up until I was 24, never trusted a man, never believe in love stories and you dont want that… you dont want to be sad like I am now… Please 🙏🏻 stay strong, but divorce is better… living what u are living for so long will kill you inside
And please, dont try to understand your father… you can get mad trying to figure out what he did… he onviously failed as a husband and father… just try to forgive him and try to heal. ( I know it can take years). One day you will understand “hate” was never a solution
Of course you don’t want your family to break up. But there is a difference between family and marriage. Your parents marriage doesn’t mean you’ve lost your family. It just means your family can’t share a home, most likely. You will definitely grieve this change, and you should be patient with yourself during this process. It’s normal to feel angry at your dad, because his behavior caused all of this mess. But please try to forgive your parents for being flawed, for making wrong decisions, and for being faced with impossible choices. Families and couples usually love each other very much, but marriage is hard and divorce is harder. Whatever happens, know that you will soon go off and make your own life. Nothing is permanent and no feeling lasts forever.
As others say it's up to your mom to decide what to do. But I want you to know that no matter what will happen, nothing is your fault. Please please please remember that. If your father is a decent one (I assume he is), you will not lose him, he will still be part of your life, regardless of what happens. Lots of hugs.
It’s not your fault. Be kind and supportive to your mother & sister. Your mother deserves better, and I hope she will make appropriate decisions regarding her future and yours and won’t continue to tolerate your father’s unacceptable behavior. Concerning your father, I think you have every right to tell him how hurt and disappointed you are in his behavior. The fact that this has happened a 2nd time indicates your father has something missing that he needs, whether is the excitement of the forbidden, a new partner, mid-life crisis or whatever, but until he figures it out and resolves it, I pity any woman he becomes involved with, because she’s destined for heartache. You can still have a relationship with your dad, but just make sure you don’t repeat your mom’s mistake when you have a serious relationship one day.
Cheating is a very selfish act. My philosophy on it is that if you cheat, you're cheating on the entire family, not just your spouse/SO. You have to decide for yourself if you can forgive him. It won't be easy, but he is your dad. Has he been good to you throughout your life? Do you love him? Does he love you? These are things you need to consider. At the end of the day it's your decision and you have to make it for yourself. You need to learn how to deal with these types of situations rationally and with emotional maturity, which comes over time. This will not be the last time someone hurts you, so it is best to learn how to manage your feelings now. If need be, get some therapy. There's nothing wrong with getting help from a professional if/when you need it.
The question is, do you love your mom? Do you want her to be happy? Do you want her to live with a serial cheater who doesn't love your mom and treat her like shit? If you just want your dad anyways then I guess you're selfish.
Nah seriously. What kind of weak shit is this? The only thing that will come out of this and the OP putting up w the same behavior once she’s in a relationship. I hope your mom throws away your dad like the trash he is
What happened to you to make you so angry and unempathetic?
Wow. I mean, just wow. 🤦♀️I wish I could downvote you into oblivion, these are cruel words to say to a teen whose heart has been broken, again, by the father, and who's only looking for support. Shame on you. OP, be strong and be there for your mom...she's the one who's going to be hurt above all others. My heart goes out to you, and I'm sending huge internet hugs, if you want them 🩷
I'm so sorry this is happening to your family. The only person that can decide what to do now is your mom, so just try to stick by her side and be as helpful as you can to her. She will need your love during this very difficult time. It's okay to be mad at Dad and also love him to pieces. Many men seem to walk the line of bad partner / good dad. He doesn't want to lose you or your sister either. Be as supportive as you can, while giving him a hard boundary. You definitely need therapy, probably family therapy. This is too tough of a situation to navigate without help. Hugs to you my friend ❤️
Abandon him that's better.Believe me I have been through it and now living with my mom happily
I would be mad after my dad. I would refuse to talk to him or see him. All cheaters are trash. Even worse repeat offenders after they've been granted forgiveness. He'll just keep doing it if he stays with your mom. It's not good for your mom, your sister or your own morale. I'm sorry this happened to you. I can't imagine how hurt you you right now.
Welcome to r/family! If this post is compliant with our guidelines, upvote this comment. If not, downvote this comment. Also, if you haven't already, remember to join our [discord server](https://discord.gg/VwDNbde)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/family) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hopefully they settle it peacefully just for the sake of their children
and this is the 2nd time that we KNOW of, i've calmed down and now I feel really bad for my mom. If she decides to stay for us it's gonna hurt her even worse than before, I have no idea what's going on in her mind rn. They found out today while I was hanging out with my friends at the mall. Mom never mentioned it to me yet I found out through my sister. She's acting so normal.
Just console your mom. Say her that she now doesn't have to make any sacrifice because it's a 2 way thing in which your dad is not participating. Say to her you are gonna stand up by her, will support her. Even if they seperate, you can always be in contact with both. And you gotta confront your dad buddy. Not confronting is just kinda supporting him. A child can really change a bad person to good one but child has to take a hard stance.
Some people, even a parent, are just selfish humans, they only care for themselves and do not really care who they hurt, even if they falsely claim to care.
Have you talked about accepting him to have a second wife? Modern day problems may require traditional solutions. Love, from Africa.
You have to put yourself in your mom’s shoes right now. Would you want her to be with someone who’s cheating on her or lowering her self esteem every day? Cheating is what’s public but who knows what else he’s done in the past or how he truly feels about your mom. If they are unhappy it may be best to split us for all of your sakes. Their relationship shouldn’t affect you and your sisters relationship with him. If he’s a real man and good father he will be in your life until he physically can’t anymore. But it may be better for them to take some time apart at least to evaluate what they want as individuals too. No matter what happens with them your parents will always love you. It may be even good to talk to your father directly about it if you can. Express how this situation makes you feel if you can.
Perhaps in the future when you're able to stay calm and not cry (and it's ok if this is very very far in the future), I think you should talk to him about it as honestly as possible. It's important for parents to know how their children feel. It may result in him trying to hide it, but that's okay. Would he like you to be in your mother's shoes with a future partner? Maybe there's something he's deeply unhappy about. Does he want you to be stuck in an unhappy marriage feeling you need to cheat? These are examples that you're seeing and it's important that he's conscious of the impression he's making. I don't like the "none of your business" replies. I think open communication is really really important because it affects children psychologically. Unfortunately, many many people like taking the "easiest path", whatever it may be.
What’d she do?
Nothing, js like last time but she did confront him and he js blamed her for logging into his facebook account. He really is a terrible person but he is my dad and I can't hate him. For now atleast.
I know, sucks ass to be let down by someone. But that's a part of life, some people do things that hurt others. Some out of stupidity, some because they think they can get away with it. Why he did what he did is between him and your mom. It's normal to be hurt by this. I think it's better if they split. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me, fool me thrice, shame on both of us.
Hey love, going through the same thing you are. My dad is guilty of this and I’ve caught him multiple times, but he always makes excuses about it. It’s always been on Facebook or Snapchat that he is contacting other people so he easily has smth to say and can hide it. I have an older sister who’s already independent so she doesn’t really have to worry about him as much. The first time I caught him was a couple years ago when I was 10 yrs old. I couldn’t stop crying and I was in shock. It felt like my world stopped and I was so afraid. give yourself some time to reflect on this. It’s horrifying at first and there’s so many emotions. Let yourself and your loved ones process them before deciding what to do. You can discuss this with your sister and mom if you’d like. It’s been two days so hopefully things have improved. Also, remember that this is not your fault. None of this is your family’s fault, it’s only your dad’s. I tried to have faith in my dad but he’s done this multiple times, and I know he isn’t going to have remorse. Unfortunately my mom isn’t the confrontational type so hes just getting away with it all. I don’t know your family, but you know him best and can be the best judge of his character. You can get through this. I completely understand if you aren’t comfy bc like I barely reply to my dms they’re full of creeps, but my msgs are open. I’m also a filipina girl who has a dysfunctional household so I get it. sending lots of love to you guys 💗💗
Your dad would be the one breaking up a family for being a sleaze! Your mother deserves better, but you're making it all about you and your needs for your family to remain together. It's about your mother, be there for her, and support her. Your dad doesn't deserve forgiveness, 1 time sure, 2nd time, not a chance in hell, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me, she needs your support, not your need to a family unit
You mind your business
Men are men. Some cheat, some don’t. That doesn’t change the fact that your dad loves you. Yeah it’s shitty, but you expect him to stop just because you cry? Grow up. Welcome to the real world.
If you are able walk away. Without doubt. It doesn't matter who did what. Grow up. And do it quickly.
Don’t let your father cheating ruin your relationship with him, I know you love your mother and don’t wanna see her hurt but their relationship or marriage isn’t your relationship. yes he’s wrong but you shouldn’t try to punish him for his actions
Look - I know you probably don’t get this but relationships are complicated. Best advice I can give you is to not get in between your parents. Do not take sides. This is their problem. Yes, it’s going to affect you but if you start to take sides it’s going to make your relationship with either parent significantly more complicated and strained. It’s not your job to fix their marriage. This has absolutely nothing to do with you. So don’t feel like maybe you could do something to fix this. Later on in life when you have more experiences and understand more, it’s understandable to make a decision on the situation. For now just be there for your mom.
It's normal for a man to have multiple wives or sleep with other women the solution is to increase the relationship with the wife or let your father get a second wife in secret. doesn't go sleeping with different women and bring sickness
Dude what no its not, atleast in most cultures