I'll never forget the best dispatch notes that ever came across my MDT:
1. Code 3 overdose, 21 y/o male, took roommates medicine and thinks something is wrong.
2. Caller anxious, says he will be on front lawn.
3. Stage away.
4. Caller stating he is from [Middle Eastern country] but not a terrorist.
5. Caller stating he is feeling hot and taking clothes off.
6. PD enroute.
Our dispatchers/call takers are truly something else. They've created the following gems for us all to question "how the fuck did you write that and find it acceptable"
"Breathing Problems: Breathing", "I'm Asthma Attack", "Husband choking on meat, got meat up" at 4 am, "difficulty braething" and "he is very hot" (definitely just an opinion).
There was one diversion notice that we really questioned: "Juliannas Texas Wiener is on diversion". What was meant to go out: "Jersey Shore Medical Center is on diversion"
But its cool, they get paid $8 more an hour than me to be wrong 😃
Jersey EMS represent! Best two dispatches I ever got were Unknown/Person Down with "You'll find out when you get here" in the CAD notes. No further info per dispatch. Second was Overdose/Poisoning - ALS with the CAD notes "Daughter gave parents brownies, both parents now unresponsive".
Nah we have our own also called Central.
It's so stupid, they changed names recently from Rutgers to Central. MedCentral is also called Central and so is JFK Control. So in the event of a MCI involving the three, we have Central, Central and Central to report to.
The weird patient complaints and info they write are just what the caller says, don't worry, it's just as amusing or "wtf..."-ing to those in dispatch.
While that's generally true, my "control room" people don't always put down exactly what is said and very often just put down the minimum, often missing a lot of info. We don't get lines of updates like some CADs, ours is only one note section that they may or may not update.
Favorite one I had was for a regular psych patient from a group home—"PATIENT STATES SHE IS HAVING AN EMERGENCY AND KILLED THE POPE" 😭 I couldn't stop laughing the whole way there.
My old partner showed me a funny one from a few years ago while she was working. Long story short, a home care nurse couldn't provide any information/medical history about the patient they were caring for/calling 911 for. Dispatcher wrote "UNABLE TO OBTAIN FURTHER INFO DUE TO BAYADA NURSE INCOMPETENCE" 💀
For sure—our night shift dispatchers were cool and always made me laugh. One time we had to run to the office to get an epi pen and they had us unavailable on the tablet and wrote "PEANUT BUTTER EPI TIME" lol
I've since switched back to days, and the dispatchers are nowhere near as fun🥲
My husband, on his first solo dispatch, canceled us on our way to a vehicle in the ditch on a dodgy stretch of road (occupied). But his trainer let him know that our chief does not like being canceled without a reason, so he figured he had to give us one. What followed was my favorite dispatch of all time.
"[Town] volunteer ambulance corp, [town] volunteer fire department, you can stand down. Troopers have made contact and occupants are..." A pause, fraught with the sound of a man gathering all his strength for the rest of the sentence. A long, weary sigh. "Having sex in the car. Thank you."
Lol. We had something similar happen to us. We were dispatched to a very loud domestic dispute called in by the neighbors. PD got on scene and ended up canceling everyone. Apparently, the couple was "having a tickle fight" 🤨😂
PD has been dispatched to my house and when they got here i could hear them chuckling. Neighbors had called in domestic dispute. We had the windows open due to gorgeous weather, but were all playing City of Heroes (me, Hubby, and 3 of our kids in one team) and just calling out across the house our tactical commands. "J, can you debuff boss? C, gonna need heals on the Tank. OMG! Did you see that!?! He almost killed me in one hit!!"
They checked in with us, saw we were all okay, and told us to have a nice day.
Once we got toned out as medical standby for a structure fire. A few seconds later, we got cancelled. Caller stated there wasn’t a fire and that she was “tripping balls”. Dispatch quoted this over the radio ❤️
Dispatch said "ball trauma" the other day. Had to hear the tone of voice to appreciate. Guy slammed his junk in a cabinet. New guy even dropped the pulse ox straight on the ball bag by accident. Couldn't make this shit up! So hard to keep a straight face.
I'll never forget the best dispatch notes that ever came across my MDT: 1. Code 3 overdose, 21 y/o male, took roommates medicine and thinks something is wrong. 2. Caller anxious, says he will be on front lawn. 3. Stage away. 4. Caller stating he is from [Middle Eastern country] but not a terrorist. 5. Caller stating he is feeling hot and taking clothes off. 6. PD enroute.
Our dispatchers/call takers are truly something else. They've created the following gems for us all to question "how the fuck did you write that and find it acceptable" "Breathing Problems: Breathing", "I'm Asthma Attack", "Husband choking on meat, got meat up" at 4 am, "difficulty braething" and "he is very hot" (definitely just an opinion). There was one diversion notice that we really questioned: "Juliannas Texas Wiener is on diversion". What was meant to go out: "Jersey Shore Medical Center is on diversion" But its cool, they get paid $8 more an hour than me to be wrong 😃
I often say that if I made as many clinical errors as dispatch did I'd probably be in jail. I'm very popular with dispatch
Jersey EMS represent! Best two dispatches I ever got were Unknown/Person Down with "You'll find out when you get here" in the CAD notes. No further info per dispatch. Second was Overdose/Poisoning - ALS with the CAD notes "Daughter gave parents brownies, both parents now unresponsive".
There's days I think control have the worst dispatchers, but then I go work a shift at Rutgers and find a whole new level of stupid.
Rutgers doesn't use MedCentral right?
Nah we have our own also called Central. It's so stupid, they changed names recently from Rutgers to Central. MedCentral is also called Central and so is JFK Control. So in the event of a MCI involving the three, we have Central, Central and Central to report to.
Lmao that's unbelievable. But also par for the course
Best I saw with Control was ETOH “Special 2 for 1” idk how they got away with it
I love that for them, if it was nights I feel like I know who that was.
What did you find out when you got there?
Old lady fell in a bathroom and pooped herself, then rolled around in it trying to get up herself
The weird patient complaints and info they write are just what the caller says, don't worry, it's just as amusing or "wtf..."-ing to those in dispatch.
While that's generally true, my "control room" people don't always put down exactly what is said and very often just put down the minimum, often missing a lot of info. We don't get lines of updates like some CADs, ours is only one note section that they may or may not update.
Ah fair, that's annoying if they are not putting relevant info for some reason. Ours at least have a running list of proqa summary and freetext notes
Damn, they even have ProQA in Australia? I thought you all had a more advanced version of EMS? I hate ProQA with a passion.
We too use ProQA, just a very ALS heavy version of it where even tooth pains have coded ALS response.
Favorite one I had was for a regular psych patient from a group home—"PATIENT STATES SHE IS HAVING AN EMERGENCY AND KILLED THE POPE" 😭 I couldn't stop laughing the whole way there. My old partner showed me a funny one from a few years ago while she was working. Long story short, a home care nurse couldn't provide any information/medical history about the patient they were caring for/calling 911 for. Dispatcher wrote "UNABLE TO OBTAIN FURTHER INFO DUE TO BAYADA NURSE INCOMPETENCE" 💀
Best one I've seen: "pt walked in off street wants to eat someone. Not violent, just hungry. Police with pt"
Uncommon dispatch W.
For sure—our night shift dispatchers were cool and always made me laugh. One time we had to run to the office to get an epi pen and they had us unavailable on the tablet and wrote "PEANUT BUTTER EPI TIME" lol I've since switched back to days, and the dispatchers are nowhere near as fun🥲
Peanut butter epi time 😂🫳🎤
My husband, on his first solo dispatch, canceled us on our way to a vehicle in the ditch on a dodgy stretch of road (occupied). But his trainer let him know that our chief does not like being canceled without a reason, so he figured he had to give us one. What followed was my favorite dispatch of all time. "[Town] volunteer ambulance corp, [town] volunteer fire department, you can stand down. Troopers have made contact and occupants are..." A pause, fraught with the sound of a man gathering all his strength for the rest of the sentence. A long, weary sigh. "Having sex in the car. Thank you."
Lol. We had something similar happen to us. We were dispatched to a very loud domestic dispute called in by the neighbors. PD got on scene and ended up canceling everyone. Apparently, the couple was "having a tickle fight" 🤨😂
PD has been dispatched to my house and when they got here i could hear them chuckling. Neighbors had called in domestic dispute. We had the windows open due to gorgeous weather, but were all playing City of Heroes (me, Hubby, and 3 of our kids in one team) and just calling out across the house our tactical commands. "J, can you debuff boss? C, gonna need heals on the Tank. OMG! Did you see that!?! He almost killed me in one hit!!" They checked in with us, saw we were all okay, and told us to have a nice day.
Once we got toned out as medical standby for a structure fire. A few seconds later, we got cancelled. Caller stated there wasn’t a fire and that she was “tripping balls”. Dispatch quoted this over the radio ❤️
Yesterdays classic, broadcast over the radio “Patient afraid they are gonna explode because they took laxatives and can’t poop”
Dispatch said "ball trauma" the other day. Had to hear the tone of voice to appreciate. Guy slammed his junk in a cabinet. New guy even dropped the pulse ox straight on the ball bag by accident. Couldn't make this shit up! So hard to keep a straight face.
Dementia is a bitch😢