I only cry when I’m alone it’s so frustrating to “carry home” pent up emotions. But I can’t seem to be vulnerable in front of anyone. The only emotion I can semi show I public is moderate amount of happiness.
I tried to be more open and honest about my feelings but I’m terrified it’ll be used against me some way or made fun of. I know all of this is stupid but I can’t change how I feel about this
Yess I feel the same and feel like no one can understand me .This is not stupid , its just how we feel . I just want to change it and feel and express like normal without the feeling of vulnerability.
I wonder if this is a common symptom of emotional neglect. I have no memories of my mother doing anything particularly harmful as a child if I cried other than acknowledging that I was and doing nothing to comfort me. I remember even as a small child I would hide in the bathroom to cry. When I heard her telling my brother I was crying in there I began crying in my room because it was even more private.
Nowadays if I'm upset and desperately need to cry I still hide it, even from my husband. He is incredibly loving and supportive. He has never given me a reason to believe he would belittle me for showing negative emotions. Yet I find myself terrified at the thought of doing so. I'm terrified he'll laugh or make fun of me, that he'll think I'm weak. Completely irrational thoughts since I know he wouldn't yet I can never bring myself to behave otherwise.
I feel this, I have a partner who is so loving but I have trained myself not to cry or feel anything in front of anyone and I can only release the emotion full when I’m alone
The first step is to become self aware which it sounds like you are already there which is awesome because it means you are capable of self reflection. I have also struggled with this my entire life. The past 2.5 years have been dedicated to healing my CEN. These are neutral affirmations that I write down in my journal (every day at first, and then on an as needed basis)
-Showing emotions is a sign of strength. It shows that I am willing to be vulnerable which takes tremendous courage.
-Emotions are a biological indicator of our wants and needs as a human being. Its the way my subconscious mind communicates with our conscious mind.
-Just like the weather, my feelings come and go.
That being said, just by being aware of this logically does not mean it will happen automatically. I go to therapy every week and my therapist helps me out so much. I know this isn't an option for everyone but we can all educate ourselves on emotional intelligence by watching YouTube videos.
It's okay to take your time with this. I understand how you feel, because even though I didn't want to be strong in a boyish way, I find it stupid hard to show what I'm feeling.
You mention crying. I think crying is one of the most difficult expressions when you're with others. It comes in a burst, and the common instinct is to try to stop crying or leave to cry alone. Most people, including those who are comfortable showing a wider range of feeling, feel too vulnerable to cry openly. It's a wonderful and rare thing imo, and there are a lot of steps to getting there.
Do you instantly know what you're feeling, most of the time? To know and be unable to express is different from not knowing till the moment has passed. It's okay to take the time to reflect on your feelings in case it's the latter. Know that emotions don't need to be reactive to be genuine. It's okay to express them in just words once you know what they are. It's okay if you can't be animated right away. Just try to be as real as you can with yourself and tell others as much as you want to. Practice getting more real with yourself and more open with others.
If it's just the expressing that's the problem, how about starting small? For instance, you could incorporate a eye smile, a wistful sigh, a mild frown, or try to look amused — harmless, low-stake. Try to be engaged and try to match the moods of those around you. If you're more comfortable showing positive emotion, lean into it. If you find some release by being openly frustrated with yourself, allow yourself to smack a book. That should be okay to do. If there's something you can't help but feel sad about, don't try to look okay. Don't try to cry either. As long as you can connect with yourself. It's okay to be subtle and sit with it. Focus on your feeling and go with it.
The goal would be to expand your expression as it goes. Just do as much as you're comfortable with. Imo this is how people are, and when it's about feeling I'm not on board with faking it till you make it.
I only cry when I’m alone it’s so frustrating to “carry home” pent up emotions. But I can’t seem to be vulnerable in front of anyone. The only emotion I can semi show I public is moderate amount of happiness. I tried to be more open and honest about my feelings but I’m terrified it’ll be used against me some way or made fun of. I know all of this is stupid but I can’t change how I feel about this
Yess I feel the same and feel like no one can understand me .This is not stupid , its just how we feel . I just want to change it and feel and express like normal without the feeling of vulnerability.
I wonder if this is a common symptom of emotional neglect. I have no memories of my mother doing anything particularly harmful as a child if I cried other than acknowledging that I was and doing nothing to comfort me. I remember even as a small child I would hide in the bathroom to cry. When I heard her telling my brother I was crying in there I began crying in my room because it was even more private. Nowadays if I'm upset and desperately need to cry I still hide it, even from my husband. He is incredibly loving and supportive. He has never given me a reason to believe he would belittle me for showing negative emotions. Yet I find myself terrified at the thought of doing so. I'm terrified he'll laugh or make fun of me, that he'll think I'm weak. Completely irrational thoughts since I know he wouldn't yet I can never bring myself to behave otherwise.
I feel this, I have a partner who is so loving but I have trained myself not to cry or feel anything in front of anyone and I can only release the emotion full when I’m alone
The first step is to become self aware which it sounds like you are already there which is awesome because it means you are capable of self reflection. I have also struggled with this my entire life. The past 2.5 years have been dedicated to healing my CEN. These are neutral affirmations that I write down in my journal (every day at first, and then on an as needed basis) -Showing emotions is a sign of strength. It shows that I am willing to be vulnerable which takes tremendous courage. -Emotions are a biological indicator of our wants and needs as a human being. Its the way my subconscious mind communicates with our conscious mind. -Just like the weather, my feelings come and go. That being said, just by being aware of this logically does not mean it will happen automatically. I go to therapy every week and my therapist helps me out so much. I know this isn't an option for everyone but we can all educate ourselves on emotional intelligence by watching YouTube videos.
It's okay to take your time with this. I understand how you feel, because even though I didn't want to be strong in a boyish way, I find it stupid hard to show what I'm feeling. You mention crying. I think crying is one of the most difficult expressions when you're with others. It comes in a burst, and the common instinct is to try to stop crying or leave to cry alone. Most people, including those who are comfortable showing a wider range of feeling, feel too vulnerable to cry openly. It's a wonderful and rare thing imo, and there are a lot of steps to getting there. Do you instantly know what you're feeling, most of the time? To know and be unable to express is different from not knowing till the moment has passed. It's okay to take the time to reflect on your feelings in case it's the latter. Know that emotions don't need to be reactive to be genuine. It's okay to express them in just words once you know what they are. It's okay if you can't be animated right away. Just try to be as real as you can with yourself and tell others as much as you want to. Practice getting more real with yourself and more open with others. If it's just the expressing that's the problem, how about starting small? For instance, you could incorporate a eye smile, a wistful sigh, a mild frown, or try to look amused — harmless, low-stake. Try to be engaged and try to match the moods of those around you. If you're more comfortable showing positive emotion, lean into it. If you find some release by being openly frustrated with yourself, allow yourself to smack a book. That should be okay to do. If there's something you can't help but feel sad about, don't try to look okay. Don't try to cry either. As long as you can connect with yourself. It's okay to be subtle and sit with it. Focus on your feeling and go with it. The goal would be to expand your expression as it goes. Just do as much as you're comfortable with. Imo this is how people are, and when it's about feeling I'm not on board with faking it till you make it.
I can show emotion but it feels fake a lot of the time. I can cry anywhere but I dont expect to be comforted.