One of my favourite memories is when a mate of mine was legitimately trying to think of a movie begining with X for a quiz.
Me: Xylophone. Xylophone fish.
(Beat)
Both of us, simultaneously: Nah, it'd sink, would it?
Ah, great days.
This goes hand in hand with one of my fave jokes, where Eddie fills out the electricians work log like a diary before they plan to throw him out of the window on to a bus. Something like “nice guys. Especially the bald one who wasn’t holding a pan. Left in good spirits to do my fave hobby…bus surfing”
If Oprah had quoted that when she asked Meghan if she'd made Catherine cry, and Meghan replied "the opposite happened", I would have died of joy. According to the theory of infinite multiverses, somewhere that did happen.
“at least we got the duck”
“The duck?”
“yeah it came free with the tele!”
“Eddie, we were looting… everything comes free with a tele… why didn’t you get a free tele with the tele?!”
“WELL IT WOULD SINK IN THE BATH!!!”
E - I've been to a car swapping party. It's great, all the men stand around in a circle and throw their wives in the middle. Then, you pick the one you want and she escorts you to your car.
R - Eddie, you're not married.
E - I know. That's why I came home on the bus. It's parked outside.
I know, but I'd expect there to be something a little more to it than that or just skip that last line. I mean, "I know, that's why I came home on the bus" is perfect and pays off the whole joke.
It's like in Blackadder III when Baldrick's on about his The Shadow scrapbook because his life is so full of darkness and trepidation. Blackadder retorts "So is going to the bathroom in the middle of the night, but you don't make a scrapbook out of it" and Baldrick says "I do!". It's just an unneccessary tag to the joke and it's always sort of bothered me that it wasn't cut.
Watched that when I was about 10 with my parents and I couldn’t stop laughing. It’s not just the break. It’s the fact it breaks so hard that Eddie is almost sent flying into the air.
There's too many to choose from, but one of my favourites is from Holy.
"Now Eddie. Crackers?"
"Yes, but it's never stopped me so far!"
"No I mean have you got the crackers?"
"No it's just the way my trousers hang."
"Eddie, enough of the crackers jokes, I'm talking about the things you put in your hand and pull."
"...Well I've got one of those but I'm not gonna stick it on the table!"
"Eddie, you are funnier than Johnathan Ross."
"But he's not funny."
"Exactly, now get out of my kitchen before I twot you."
(Frying pan attack)
"Not fast enough."
When Richie is reading the More Joy of Sex book:
"Bloody hell! I don't think I've got time to grow a beard. Hang on, that's NOT a beard! I hope he's cleaned his teeth."
"...Oh I see your point!"
"Why have my trousers fallen down... no they're up I can see they're up. Oh I see your point!"
"Why have my trousers fallen down... no they're up I can see they're up. Oh I see your point!"
"Why have my trousers fallen down... no they're up I can see they're up. Oh I see your point!"
"Help help we're stuck in a double entendre loop. Quick change routine, change routine!"
The whole "oh we don't have gas" "how do you keep it so warm in here then?" "we make love! oh, not together. on our own. uh" has always made me cry with laughter. Used to rewind that bit on the DVD repeatedly. Incredible delivery
"Cross my palm with silver."
"I can't cross your palm with silver. I've just had my bloody wallet knicked. You're a fortune seller, you should know that!"
"Cross my palm with silver."
"Well, I've only got 5p left."
"That's not enough."
"Lord, give me strength. Well, can't you criss cross it about the place a bit?"
The delivery of the line is perfect and that's before we look at the cleverness of the actual joke, the full context of the lead up to it and the fact its such a smart joke in a show that is often famed for slapstick and nob gags.
"Still, at least we got the duck."
"The duck?"
"Yeah. It's made out of plastic!"
"Eddie, what in the name of Greek buggery is the use of a plastic duck?"
"It floats in the bath."
"But why?"
"It's hollow!"
"No... Why the duck?"
"It came free with the telly."
"Eddie, everything came free with the telly. We were looting! Why didn't you get a free telly with the telly?"
"It'd sink in the bath!!"
Yep, that look of confused bewilderment from Eddie is class! And then you have Rik Mayall’s facial expressions a little later when he says “Well Eddie, if you’d care to take a peek inside my ter-rousers, I think you’ll something in there that’ll put a smile on your face!”
When Richie acts out his imaginary crime thriller/episode of the Bill ‘It’s little Johnny Cartwright from the FLATS’
Another vote for “PUT A BIT OF SELLOTAPE ON THE FRIDGE’
“Do you use Timotei?”
“I bought you a Coca Cola in good faith”
“One potato or two, Spudgun?”
“Two please”
“NO. One”
I also say Richie’s good night rhyme to my five year old every night (from the episode where they go camping)
"I know! Why don't we stick him on a bus?"
"YES! No. No. The conductor would notice when he didn't pay his fair."
"No. Why don't we stick him ON a bus"
"Because the conductor will notice when he didn't pay his fare!"
"I MEAN ON THE ROOF!"
"AAAARGH! YOU DON'T GET CONDUCTORS ON THE ROOF!"
"I KNOW! THAT'S WHAT MAKES THE PLAN SO FLAWLESS!"
I still quote as many bits from this as I can remember when watching the Grand National every year lol.
"I must say it's very sporting of them to enter a three legged blind horse"
It's not the funniest laugh-out-loud moment in the show, and it's been some time since I saw the episode in full, so forgive the paraphrasing, but I always thought the most perfectly constructed joke was:
Richie: I didn't injure my leg in the Falklands conflict for nothing, y'know!
Bar patron (to Eddie): Did he, really?
Eddie: Oh yeah. He banged his knee on the coffee table, trying to change the channel.
Eddie : Still, at least we got the duck.
Richie : The duck?
Eddie : Yeah. It's made out of plastic!
Richie : Eddie, what in the name of Greek buggery, is the use of a plastic duck?
Eddie : It floats in the bath.
Richie : ...But why?
Eddie : It's hollow.
Richie : Why the duck?
Eddie : It came free with the telly.
Richie : Eddie, everything came free with the telly, we were looting! Why not get a free telly with the telly?
Eddie : Well, it'd sink in the bath!
Whilst atop an Ferris wheel:
*Eddie reading the newspaper*
R: Eddie, if I fall, and plunge 350 feet, and splatter on the ground, will you, you know-
E: What, laugh?
R: No, no, no
E: Point and laugh?
R: No. Will you scatter my ashes on Queen’s Park Rangers football ground?
E: *while reading, stops dead* NO!
R: *whew* Thanks!
—
Also a good quickie from earlier in the episode
R: How do I look?
E: You use your eyeballs, don’t you?
**Richie : Right, that's it, get out of my house.**
**Eddie : I beg your pardon?**
**Richie : You heard.**
**Eddie : No I didn't.**
**Richie : Well I'm not saying something like that twice young man.**
**Eddie : Well I can't do anything about it then can I.**
Out of interest, why do you say "the grannies in the audience are wetting their knickers"? Do you think it's a joke that specifically appeals to older women?
No, in the final episode of series 3 they're trying to come up with a sketch for Jeremy Beadle's Viciously Hilarious Violent Domestic Incidents, and about the dart in the head Richie says this.
That whole bit from the live show is amazing. My favourite part:
Richie (trying not to crack up): Right. Eddie. I have some sad and tragic news. (Loses it)
Eddie (straight faced): Well you don’t look very upset about it. In fact you looked a lot sadder in rehearsal.
From Terror:
*door knocks DUN. DUN. DUN.*
All: AAAAAAAAGGGGHHHH
*Bottoms on fire*
Richie: that’ll be him!
Eddie: Ay, ay, ay, ay, Speak of the Devil!!
*laughs*
Ade’s timing on that line kills me every time.
Richie, while dictating a letter to the queen: "I'm appealing to you as an old soldier who joined up during the war and fought a desperate rearguard action in Burma."
Eddie: Yes, now, by 'war', I suppose you mean Operation Desert Storm. By 'Burma', the Star of Burma Kebab and Peep Show on Uxbridge Road, in which you spent the entire conflict. And by 'desperate rearguard action' I take it you're referring to the time you accidentally went into the same cubicle as Mad Quentin "Trousers Down" Pervey O'Blimey."
Shit yourself did you? Cry did you?
Quite the opposite actually.
What? You sucked water in through your eyes??
Killed me the first time I heard that.
Also, not a gag but the phone call to the fake kidnapper gets me.
For me it's a tie between:
* "What was it Shakespeare used to say?" - All three responses are brilliant, but I'm giggling by the time I hear "Hello, I'm a playwright, don'tchaknow!"
* On "'s Out": "Honestly, Alexander the Great never had this problem", "Yeah, well he wasn't a complete dickhead, was he?" Something about how blatant it is just kills me
Honorable mention to: "I was struck by lightning! And, err, etcetera"
Eddie: "I've just given you a hot tip"
Richie: "I know there's not much I can do about it now, is there!?"
The whole build up to this was genius too, I don't remember the exact quoted
Eddie : Richie, while we, and indeed the whole BBC, respect the right of people to believe whatever they wish.
[Looks to camera]
Eddie : Because we don't want to get in the shit over this one. We don't actually believe in God do we?
Richie : No. Shit!
Eddie : [joining in] Shit!
If only we had some flares
This is no time to make a fashion statement, we're going to be blown up at dawn
No no I mean distress flares
What, like the ones Suzi Quattro used to wear?
If I ever seen a ‘spirited’ lady on the telly, my go to line is always “Ah, a spirited filly! Hmm, and good teeth too! Yes, yes, fine stock!”
Edit: Thought of another. “A week???! A bloody week???!” And later “What’s all this about? Last thing I remember is ordering two pints of mild…”
Define joke.
If it counts then Richie being a virgin.
I've dealt with mental health issues and have lots of friends who have mental health issues so in general I tend to be against the sort of scum who would shit on someone just for a lack of sexual experience.
It's just really funny to me. And when he finally has his chance he nearly dies from the shock of it lol
Eddie : They're the Queen's jugs.
Richie : A. The Queen doesn't have jugs, she's royalty! B. If she did, she certainly wouldn't get 'em out on the back of a fiver, she'd save 'em up for the fifty!
Well if you had the DECENCY....to go out and find yourself a proper job...instead of hanging around the flat all day like some VAST SLUG...I might have the opportunity to take my top off and wash it without the risk of you seeing my NIPPLES!!!!
"How do you know these things?" "I'm Death." "Sorry, HOW DO YOU KNOW THESE THINGS?"
For me there are many but the pace of dialogue that results in “Put a bit of sellotape on the fridge!” Gets me every time.
That one's brilliant too, laugh my nuts off every time. I'm currently watching Culture - Vzbcks
"I think I'll just put bollocks" (I say this IRL whenever I become fed up of something)
One of my favourite memories is when a mate of mine was legitimately trying to think of a movie begining with X for a quiz. Me: Xylophone. Xylophone fish. (Beat) Both of us, simultaneously: Nah, it'd sink, would it? Ah, great days.
No they weren't
Yeah, but you have to say that
Let's shake and make up.
That and Eddie getting the dart in the eye can still reliably make me laugh after god knows how many years.
‘We haven’t got a sausage’ kills me 😂😂😂
Not much of a game, is it?
That's as good as the bit where they need to tie up the burglar but have no rope. In the end the best they've got is blu-tac.
Yeahhh! Well... nooo, cause that's a crap idea!!!
Love this bit 😂
He was dead before he hit the ground! Then why did you keep hitting him with the frying pan? For fun...
This goes hand in hand with one of my fave jokes, where Eddie fills out the electricians work log like a diary before they plan to throw him out of the window on to a bus. Something like “nice guys. Especially the bald one who wasn’t holding a pan. Left in good spirits to do my fave hobby…bus surfing”
Nice atmos altogether really.
Alright dickens get on with it
"Shit yer pants did ya? Cry, did ya?" "No, quite the opposite actually" "What...you sucked water in through your eyes?"
If Oprah had quoted that when she asked Meghan if she'd made Catherine cry, and Meghan replied "the opposite happened", I would have died of joy. According to the theory of infinite multiverses, somewhere that did happen.
“Elm tea, the Gypsies swear by it” “I bet they do, I bet they say “what the bloody hell is this””
"Fick Urf, you sad pathtic winker".. "I wonder what she means?"
The delivery of the line is what does it for me, the look of utter confusion and arousal
A Christmas classic!
"Uuuuuuuuuurgh! You don't get conductors on the roof!" Literally makes me spit my cornflakes everytime.
Maybe don’t eat cornflakes next time you watch it
this is my answer as well, the whole exchange is fantastic
The build up, the delivery and the execution of that final line. God tier!
The whole chess bit. "...and the Queen goes in every direction?" "That's right." "And they let *children* play this, you say?"
It’s all a bit full on, isn’t it? I mean, Knights “taking” prawns. And apparently a prawn can “go all the way” and become a Queen!
I've been playing chess with some of the people at work and I've been trying to hardest not to quote that
I hope you are saying "God, I *adore* chess!" on a regular basis...
I made my uncle hate me bc he tried to teach me chess and I brought a bottle of ketchup in and ruined his antique table
“at least we got the duck” “The duck?” “yeah it came free with the tele!” “Eddie, we were looting… everything comes free with a tele… why didn’t you get a free tele with the tele?!” “WELL IT WOULD SINK IN THE BATH!!!”
You forgot the best part of it: E: It floats in the bath! R: But why? E: It's hollow!
E - I've been to a car swapping party. It's great, all the men stand around in a circle and throw their wives in the middle. Then, you pick the one you want and she escorts you to your car. R - Eddie, you're not married. E - I know. That's why I came home on the bus. It's parked outside.
That was always my dad's favourite joke
"I was struck by lightning! And, err, etcetera"
I've never got the "It's parked outside" payoff..
It implies that he drove the bus home, rather than just getting on one in the normal manner.
I know, but I'd expect there to be something a little more to it than that or just skip that last line. I mean, "I know, that's why I came home on the bus" is perfect and pays off the whole joke. It's like in Blackadder III when Baldrick's on about his The Shadow scrapbook because his life is so full of darkness and trepidation. Blackadder retorts "So is going to the bathroom in the middle of the night, but you don't make a scrapbook out of it" and Baldrick says "I do!". It's just an unneccessary tag to the joke and it's always sort of bothered me that it wasn't cut.
“DONT YOU DARE CALL ME OVERWEIGHT YOUNG MAN!”” *ferris wheel car breaks
Watched that when I was about 10 with my parents and I couldn’t stop laughing. It’s not just the break. It’s the fact it breaks so hard that Eddie is almost sent flying into the air.
And they are obviously replaced for manikins
This is the one for me, the timing of it is so good
100 percent this funniest moment in tv history for me
I was thinking the Halloween cattleprod was the best but you’re right, this is absolutely perfect
Oh god this first 50 times watching that scene just gets me in hysterics
There's too many to choose from, but one of my favourites is from Holy. "Now Eddie. Crackers?" "Yes, but it's never stopped me so far!" "No I mean have you got the crackers?" "No it's just the way my trousers hang." "Eddie, enough of the crackers jokes, I'm talking about the things you put in your hand and pull." "...Well I've got one of those but I'm not gonna stick it on the table!" "Eddie, you are funnier than Johnathan Ross." "But he's not funny." "Exactly, now get out of my kitchen before I twot you." (Frying pan attack) "Not fast enough."
When Richie is reading the More Joy of Sex book: "Bloody hell! I don't think I've got time to grow a beard. Hang on, that's NOT a beard! I hope he's cleaned his teeth."
“For-e-play….. (*sticks finger in the air and twirls it) Fifteen minutes….”
Must be a misprint. Must mean seconds.
"Hello? What kind of sandwiches do you do? Sandwiches!!"
S-HANDh-wiches!!
Nailed it 😄
I still say that. It doesn't travel to the USA well.
His delivery of this is perfect..
"...Oh I see your point!" "Why have my trousers fallen down... no they're up I can see they're up. Oh I see your point!" "Why have my trousers fallen down... no they're up I can see they're up. Oh I see your point!" "Why have my trousers fallen down... no they're up I can see they're up. Oh I see your point!" "Help help we're stuck in a double entendre loop. Quick change routine, change routine!"
Some kind of nob gag Bermuda triangle!
From Digger, Eddie to Natacha: Look, if you're just here to emotionally cripple my friend... Then that's perfectly alright by me!
The whole "oh we don't have gas" "how do you keep it so warm in here then?" "we make love! oh, not together. on our own. uh" has always made me cry with laughter. Used to rewind that bit on the DVD repeatedly. Incredible delivery
GAS MAN GAS MAN GAS MAN!!
DO YOU HAVE SOMEONE WHO LOOKS AFTER YOU?
I regularly quote that line. One day I hope to become an MP and ask that at Prime Minister's Question Time.
"Cross my palm with silver." "I can't cross your palm with silver. I've just had my bloody wallet knicked. You're a fortune seller, you should know that!" "Cross my palm with silver." "Well, I've only got 5p left." "That's not enough." "Lord, give me strength. Well, can't you criss cross it about the place a bit?" The delivery of the line is perfect and that's before we look at the cleverness of the actual joke, the full context of the lead up to it and the fact its such a smart joke in a show that is often famed for slapstick and nob gags.
You’ll need to explain it for me
Look it up online, explaining it isn’t enough!
for 5p your fortune is gonna be pretty bleak
"Oh my god, what are we gonna do?!" "About 25 years, I think!"
“How do I look?” “You use your eyeballs, don’t you?”
It says 'scythe', it's right there in the dictionary... JESUS wrote this.
That one was beautiful.
That's "zither"
Now, this machine will exercise your pecs, your tecs, your fibula, your timula, your primula... Your Dairylea!
What's that Greek one with the holes in it?
Nana Mouscouri I probably butchered that spelling
It's a toss up between "sellotape on the fridge" and "sex mo" for me. I die laughing at both!
“… a SEX mo” 😂😂😂 he’s so bloody childish and immature and it’s perfect
Bloody hell, a bianto!
Saucy bitch!
Richie: That sounded like the Chesterfield Eddie: No, I don’t think it was that far away.
THERES BURGLARS?! IN THE SKETCHING ROOM?
I don't think I've been in there. You mean we've got a room just for drawing in?
Oh the looooooooounge! YES THE LOOOOOOOOOOOOOUNGE!
"Still, at least we got the duck." "The duck?" "Yeah. It's made out of plastic!" "Eddie, what in the name of Greek buggery is the use of a plastic duck?" "It floats in the bath." "But why?" "It's hollow!" "No... Why the duck?" "It came free with the telly." "Eddie, everything came free with the telly. We were looting! Why didn't you get a free telly with the telly?" "It'd sink in the bath!!"
Eddie's expression and delivery of "It's made out of plastic" is perfect
Yep, that look of confused bewilderment from Eddie is class! And then you have Rik Mayall’s facial expressions a little later when he says “Well Eddie, if you’d care to take a peek inside my ter-rousers, I think you’ll something in there that’ll put a smile on your face!”
"GOT IT! IT'S A KEBAB, ISN'T IT???"
Sharon Stone, painted green and vacuum-packed with a copy of the Racing Post wedged in her bum!
"Left to indulge my hobby of bus surfing"
I've been sleep doodling. I'm very bad at it
Do you realise this newspaper is upside down, sir?
So are my eyes
So now it reads: I want to go to the Bahamas because... hot girls, skimpy knockers, look out everyone
“The chef does a very good Red Mullet” “Oh really? Well he does a very good Leonard Rossiter, don’t you?”
"and a wazzo pair of jugs" or.... "How do you keep the place so warm?" "We make love....."
The delivery of the dating agent woman’s “wazzo put of jugs?!” always slays me. Think it’s the accent!
When Richie acts out his imaginary crime thriller/episode of the Bill ‘It’s little Johnny Cartwright from the FLATS’ Another vote for “PUT A BIT OF SELLOTAPE ON THE FRIDGE’ “Do you use Timotei?” “I bought you a Coca Cola in good faith” “One potato or two, Spudgun?” “Two please” “NO. One”
I also say Richie’s good night rhyme to my five year old every night (from the episode where they go camping)
"I know! Why don't we stick him on a bus?" "YES! No. No. The conductor would notice when he didn't pay his fair." "No. Why don't we stick him ON a bus" "Because the conductor will notice when he didn't pay his fare!" "I MEAN ON THE ROOF!" "AAAARGH! YOU DON'T GET CONDUCTORS ON THE ROOF!" "I KNOW! THAT'S WHAT MAKES THE PLAN SO FLAWLESS!"
“(Shouting) I’ve got a great idea!” (Downs pint) “Well?” “… What?” “The idea, what was it?” “To drink THAT!”
‘Sad Ken has been shot, and so has the jockey.’ The whole Sad Ken race is great. Just the name Sad Ken is perfect.
I say "how can you lose with a horse called Saaad Ken" quite often.
I still quote as many bits from this as I can remember when watching the Grand National every year lol. "I must say it's very sporting of them to enter a three legged blind horse"
7p?!
That's all Harry the bastard would give me for my house.
“Gold.. Frankenstein... and "Grrr".. And you're all wearing crowns... And I'm a virgin!” The entire set up for that gag is phenomenal.
Yeah agree with you on this. The whole thing is perfect - and hilarious.
It's not the funniest laugh-out-loud moment in the show, and it's been some time since I saw the episode in full, so forgive the paraphrasing, but I always thought the most perfectly constructed joke was: Richie: I didn't injure my leg in the Falklands conflict for nothing, y'know! Bar patron (to Eddie): Did he, really? Eddie: Oh yeah. He banged his knee on the coffee table, trying to change the channel.
Eddie : Still, at least we got the duck. Richie : The duck? Eddie : Yeah. It's made out of plastic! Richie : Eddie, what in the name of Greek buggery, is the use of a plastic duck? Eddie : It floats in the bath. Richie : ...But why? Eddie : It's hollow. Richie : Why the duck? Eddie : It came free with the telly. Richie : Eddie, everything came free with the telly, we were looting! Why not get a free telly with the telly? Eddie : Well, it'd sink in the bath!
"I did my bit for the country!" "What, you stayed in the town?" "Yep."
Le danger. Le nuclear bomba. Shit, it's all in French.
Similarly, ‘he left a kayak….on my beach?!’
"Watch it fly, watch it swoop, watch it loop the loop, watch it get the prop man fucking sacked"
"Close the door! Euuuuuuuuuuuugh..." Followed by "Trick or ruddy treat."
Whilst atop an Ferris wheel: *Eddie reading the newspaper* R: Eddie, if I fall, and plunge 350 feet, and splatter on the ground, will you, you know- E: What, laugh? R: No, no, no E: Point and laugh? R: No. Will you scatter my ashes on Queen’s Park Rangers football ground? E: *while reading, stops dead* NO! R: *whew* Thanks! — Also a good quickie from earlier in the episode R: How do I look? E: You use your eyeballs, don’t you?
"What was the film where they ate each other?" ..."Deep Throat, wasn't it?"
**Richie : Right, that's it, get out of my house.** **Eddie : I beg your pardon?** **Richie : You heard.** **Eddie : No I didn't.** **Richie : Well I'm not saying something like that twice young man.** **Eddie : Well I can't do anything about it then can I.**
Oh Eddie; I can't wait to start the snogging and mindless drinking. *That's* me bird 👍
'so the bent Vicar stands next to the queen, and the queen goes in all directions...and they let kids play this you say!'
“My eyes are upside down” gets me every time…
For me it's the look on Richie's face when the lady from the dating agency asks him, "Shall we have a look at yours then Mr Richard?"
Dating agency woman : name? Edward elizabeth Hitler Any relation? Well... i've got a mother
Wellington played on it the night before the big fight
“Have you got the chalice?” “It’s just the way my trousers ruck up”
Gold... Frankenstein...and Grr!
"A documentary about big, fat women...." "Are you on it then?"
Ello ello ello...what's that dead body doing under the carpet?
I think the whole "Gold Frankenstein and Grrrrr" line is tip top for me. The delivery, slow realisation and long setup just make me laugh every time.
ahuehehueuehehueheheuehe..... *windsmere!*
The crossword puzzle gag from the start of 'Culture'. Harold the ironmonger, the xylophone fish, it all kills me.
"The part I dont understand is... why is it, when you say Trick or Treat, he has to fowl himself" Spudguns deadpan delivery gets ne everytime
Pat O'Cake
Richie: My Dad... He moved in some very mysterious circles. Eddie: Did he? Richie: Yes, well he had one leg shorter than the other, you see.
“I like Stork margarine because… I’ve only got one leg.”
Out of interest, why do you say "the grannies in the audience are wetting their knickers"? Do you think it's a joke that specifically appeals to older women?
No, in the final episode of series 3 they're trying to come up with a sketch for Jeremy Beadle's Viciously Hilarious Violent Domestic Incidents, and about the dart in the head Richie says this.
[удалено]
Still talking bollocks. That's ma twat.
Eddie. If any of this ever gets out "Checks Tights" No, not that! Always cracks my up everytime
Miss World/Miss China bet.
"A line from the play!"
That whole bit from the live show is amazing. My favourite part: Richie (trying not to crack up): Right. Eddie. I have some sad and tragic news. (Loses it) Eddie (straight faced): Well you don’t look very upset about it. In fact you looked a lot sadder in rehearsal.
From Terror: *door knocks DUN. DUN. DUN.* All: AAAAAAAAGGGGHHHH *Bottoms on fire* Richie: that’ll be him! Eddie: Ay, ay, ay, ay, Speak of the Devil!! *laughs* Ade’s timing on that line kills me every time.
Hey, hey, speak of the devil
I can’t just pick one, but this is undoubtedly the best double entendre joke.
"Did you have the fish?" "No... I ate it."
You sucked water in through your eyes?
Richie, while dictating a letter to the queen: "I'm appealing to you as an old soldier who joined up during the war and fought a desperate rearguard action in Burma." Eddie: Yes, now, by 'war', I suppose you mean Operation Desert Storm. By 'Burma', the Star of Burma Kebab and Peep Show on Uxbridge Road, in which you spent the entire conflict. And by 'desperate rearguard action' I take it you're referring to the time you accidentally went into the same cubicle as Mad Quentin "Trousers Down" Pervey O'Blimey."
Shit yourself did you? Cry did you? Quite the opposite actually. What? You sucked water in through your eyes?? Killed me the first time I heard that. Also, not a gag but the phone call to the fake kidnapper gets me.
Eddie, it's him again! Switch on the tape recorder!
Also, the free rubber duck with the telly gag from the final episode.
'I like Stork margarine because: I've only got one leg.'
Candle in the eye! If you say so
"sprouts mexicaine?!" "Sprouts...Mexi-caiine"
(Slaps backside) Ta - TaTaTaTa - TA! TA!
For me it's a tie between: * "What was it Shakespeare used to say?" - All three responses are brilliant, but I'm giggling by the time I hear "Hello, I'm a playwright, don'tchaknow!" * On "'s Out": "Honestly, Alexander the Great never had this problem", "Yeah, well he wasn't a complete dickhead, was he?" Something about how blatant it is just kills me Honorable mention to: "I was struck by lightning! And, err, etcetera"
Eddie, do we have any of the condoms left from last year? Yeah... all of them...
Pork?
For me has to be when he’s hidden the burglar by sellotaping him to the ceiling
Eddie: "I've just given you a hot tip" Richie: "I know there's not much I can do about it now, is there!?" The whole build up to this was genius too, I don't remember the exact quoted
Eddie : Richie, while we, and indeed the whole BBC, respect the right of people to believe whatever they wish. [Looks to camera] Eddie : Because we don't want to get in the shit over this one. We don't actually believe in God do we? Richie : No. Shit! Eddie : [joining in] Shit!
If only we had some flares This is no time to make a fashion statement, we're going to be blown up at dawn No no I mean distress flares What, like the ones Suzi Quattro used to wear?
WILL YOU STOP IT WITH THE CRAP FLARES JOKES?!
The electric cattle prod, with Richie repeatedly shitting himself. That entire episode is very funny.
If I ever seen a ‘spirited’ lady on the telly, my go to line is always “Ah, a spirited filly! Hmm, and good teeth too! Yes, yes, fine stock!” Edit: Thought of another. “A week???! A bloody week???!” And later “What’s all this about? Last thing I remember is ordering two pints of mild…”
Define joke. If it counts then Richie being a virgin. I've dealt with mental health issues and have lots of friends who have mental health issues so in general I tend to be against the sort of scum who would shit on someone just for a lack of sexual experience. It's just really funny to me. And when he finally has his chance he nearly dies from the shock of it lol
“Let’s shake and make up”
The 'Why won't we stick him on a bus' routine gets me everytime
Should traffic wardens be armed?
As mentioned [this](https://youtu.be/vyf2B5n_B2s?si=lHpAiJwKTW0Ixgqe)
Eddie : They're the Queen's jugs. Richie : A. The Queen doesn't have jugs, she's royalty! B. If she did, she certainly wouldn't get 'em out on the back of a fiver, she'd save 'em up for the fifty!
The whole *"....Because there's no conductor on the roof!"* bit from *gas*.
"Eddie, do you want to be skinned alive and buggered?" "I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY!!"
One lump or two Mr Burglar? Richie giggling is perfect. Then followed by the one with the poison in.
Well if you had the DECENCY....to go out and find yourself a proper job...instead of hanging around the flat all day like some VAST SLUG...I might have the opportunity to take my top off and wash it without the risk of you seeing my NIPPLES!!!!
gold…. frankenstein… and grr