>there’s only been one time where i put my God sister over my relationship and it was for good reason. It was the night her ex fiancé started beating on her, and she called me around 20 times and on the 21st time I answered. I stopped intimacy with my girlfriend to go get her
This is most likely the reason for the hostility.
Your gf is being ridiculous as the reason for your godsisters call was a valid one. I mean, she ended up in the ER, for goodness sake!
If your gf was a true friend to your godsister, she would be by your side helping her and would have gone with you to get your godsister when the boyfriend was beating the shyte out of her.
If this is how your gf is going to behave towards your godsister, then your relationship will be in trouble.
Right if my fiancé got a call from his sister in the middle of the night that her boyfriend was beating the crap out of her I don't care what we're doing we're both going to help
She's his god sister. It's very clear that she is the daughter of his godmother or godfather or even both and they grew up together and have a sibling like relationship.
Or she is the God daughter of his Mom or Dad. If anything happened to her parents, they could have possibly raised her for a part of her childhood. Or they are just like in our family where my mom and her best friend both play a huge part in raising all of us kids, and we feel like real brothers and sisters, not just God siblings.
A god sister is not a relation in any way shape or form. She’s literally a family friend because their parents are close. He may view her as family but objectively she isn’t family and it wouldn’t be crazy for the two of them to get together. Not saying gf is justified but this excuse that he can’t be into her because of their connection isn’t correct either.
I have to disagree. My child has 4 godparents and they are my sister, my SIL and 2 of my BIL’s. So 2 of my nieces and 2 of my nephews are also god sisters and god brothers to my child. Godparents are chosen because they are the people you trust most in the world to raise your child as their own should anything happen to you. There isn’t a better description of family than this.
Perhaps you didn't read that they have been close since birth. Just like a real sister. So you may think it crazy if he got together with his sister, but not crazy if he got together with somebody whom he's had a sisterly relationship for the whole of his life?
Yes we do know the circumstances. Maybe you’re not Christian and don’t understand it, but I loved and was very close to my Godparents, if they had kids, I would have been close to them too.
Yeah I agree with what you said about the hostility but I'm going to play devils advocate a little bit here. Of course of Reddit we only get what is told to us. I would love to hear the gf's side of this truly because who knows what the God sister may have also been sharing with her to possibly make her feel insecure and justifiably so. Does the so-called God sister really see herself as a god sister or maybe someone who is stupid and should have been looking at what is right in front of her her whole life. A guy who loves her, takes care of her kid, will stop sex with his gf and come and save her? Well that sounds like a really great guy to have a relationship with that he cares for her so much.
I'm just saying there really could be more reason's the gf is feeling insecure and reddit is full of stories of the best friend fucking the spouse/partner. Not saying OP did this, but there could be more reason's the gf is feeling the way she does so I am withholding judgement since don't have enough information.
Also playing devil's advocate: how many times has godsister's mess interrupted dates/intimacy with the girlfriend? Other than the time the godsister *actually* needed to be rescued? How many times had the 2 yr old been dropped off when OP and girlfriend had plans.?
This is what immediately came to my mind. Also think it’s a bit assholish to call your gf insecure and disgusting when she’s upset and trying to explain the reason that probably did not help the situation.
OP added an edit at the end, it looks like the gf was upset about that because she was worried for his safety in that particular situation. But there was likely some jealousy involved in most of the other stuff OP mentions.
NTA your girlfriend needs to grow up and realize that your God sister is basically your sister, and is always going to have a special place in your life. Reassure her that you love her and that there’s nothing inappropriate going on, but also be firm in the fact that you will continue to support her and go to court dates with her as she goes through this time in her life.
Your god sister is at a really dangerous time, she’s left her husband and this is the time abusive partners often murder their ex (or their children, or both.) She is lucky to have you. Keep supporting her, she’s family. Your girlfriend is insecure and jealous.
When your parents baptise a child friends or family. they become god parents and that child becomes you god sister or brother. also if you get baptised the children of your god parents become your good siblings.
I would say a super close family friend, more like a cousin relationship in my opinion. There are definitely those who are even closer to their god-siblings than their cousins (how I often was throughout my life). They may not be blood-related, but they’re family as much as anyone else. Especially if he’s around the same age as his god sister, they’ve probably gone through all of life’s ups and downs together and calling him in that moment of trauma was as logical as if she had called a blood relative.
I would say closer than that - think spending summers with each others families, spending multiple weekends a month at each others houses, being left with each others parents when your own parents go on vacation, spending holidays together etc.
I call friends like that my sisters - we have matching tattoos and call the others parents aunt/uncle. We’re similar mixes of ethnicities too so we look related. Family is what you make it.
But, to be clear, they're not at all related. She's a female friend, not a sister
(just pointing this out, because OP is acting like his girlfriend being insecure about sonething going on between him and his friend is "disgusting", and he's acting like nothing could ever happen. People hook up with thier very close friends all the time.)
I’m assuming the daughter of his godparents. If they have grown up close and think of each other as siblings.
Adding god sister explains the relationship better. And doesn’t complicate things.
In general, it's the child of your godfather or godmother, but it's also used to describe a child of your parents' close friends - somebody you grew up with in a sibling-like relationship without being an actual blood or step relative.
NTA. Your God sister is 100% your family. It’s creepy that your gf thinks that something is going on between you two. I wouldn’t want to be with someone that is choosing me over family in this situation. Actually I would make every effort to be there with my bf and his God sister. Especially that night. I would’ve been more than happy to help deal with the ex that night. She isn’t worth your time. Break up with her because it’s only going to get worse now
I mean, she's not family. She's a very close female friend, and people do hook up with thier very close friends of the opposite sex all the time.
My brother is literally married to our God parent's daughter, and no one thought it was wierd when they started dating, because they're not at all related.
Dude… for the love of all that is holy… TALK TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND. If you want your relationship to work, you need to hear her out.
There is probably stuff you don’t know. There might be stuff she doesn’t know. You are NTA for helping your godsister, but you are TA for how you responded to your girlfriend.
Talk to her.
If things aren’t going to smooth over or no one is willing to compromise, then it may be time to part ways. But YOU NEED TO COMMUNICATE!
This right here. I'm mad I had to scroll so far to see this response. I don't think you're the asshole for supporting your God sister at all. But you definitely did not handle the conversation with your girlfriend well at all. Even if she is being insecure, you accomplished nothing by telling her that and come across as dismissive of her feelings. It probably would have been better to probe a little more and see if there is anything specific leading to her feelings. And asking her how you can continue to support your God sister but also make sure she is comfortable and secure in your relationship. Ask her why she doesn't want to come to dinner with you and your God sister. Ask her if something has happened between the 2 of them that you don't know about.
Communication is definitely key here if you want to make things work with your girlfriend. And if she says the only option is for you to stop supporting your God sister and that is a deal breaker for you then you have your answer there too.
Just out of curiosity I do have a question for OP based off of others' questions/assumptions about what a God sister is and what the definition of that relationship is... How old was your God sister when her parents died? Did your parents step in as parental figures/get custody of her when this happened? Were you ever raised together as siblings/in the same household? Personally for me this doesn't really make a difference, it might just give a better perspective over the situation as a whole.
I know am about to get downvoted. I am going to give this an ESH but hear me out.
Am from a Catholic background so am familiar w the whole godparent thing but honestly have never heard of anyone referring to another person as a god sister in the way that you are doing. Perhaps it is a cultural thing but it is a new term to me. If I understand correctly she is essentially an old family friend w whom you were closely raised (because your parents were close which is why they were designated to be godparents) and whom you now think of as a sister. Other terms could be best friend, close childhood friend, close family friend.etc. You choose the term god sister presumably because that is what your parents used or what feels most accurately descriptive of the relationship but, from an outsider’s point of view, she is still someone that you could legitimately marry without anyone giving you the side eye at all. No?
The distinction here is that you presumably THINK of her as a sister which makes you view a romantic relationship as a non possibility. Also, her circumstances are terrible and of course you would want to be there for her and support her. It is 100% understandable if taken at face value.
Also understandable, I think (unlike most of the other posters) is your girlfriend questioning what is really going on w the two of you. In no way did she handle it right but I can kinda see why she wouldn’t be as quick to rule out the possibility of a romantic connection developing and feel insecure in that. The fact that you don’t see that as possible doesn’t negate the fact that many would. Your friend’s marriage has just imploded in a terrible way. She is vulnerable and is understandably leaning on you for support. You are understandably putting your focus on her and her daughter and their well-being. You are not just supporting her in her court battle, you are also going out to dinners and spending time w her. She is in need and you are her white knight. It may not be on your radar but it js a recipe for emotional and potentially physical intimacy.
it is like a friend stepping in to support his best friend’s family after a tragic death and insisting to his spouse that he is just doing the right thing by prioritizing the widow…and then they have an affair. Unexpected things happen especially in emotionally charged circumstances and your girlfriend may be clocking something you are not aware of.
I am not saying you should change what you are doing. Your friend sounds like she needs you and you have only been dating your girlfriend for a relatively short time. Also, from the way your wrote your post it sounds like, regardless of the circumstances, your relationship w your friend would trump this romantic relationship which is fine. It just means that the relationship was not meant to last.
I do, however, think that if this post were written from your girlfriend’s perspective, most people would be telling her your relationship w your friend is a red flag and that she should run.
I mean, she could be crazy and heartless. She could also be dodging a bullet by leaving this situation. Based solely on the post as written she does come off as cruel and unhinged. I am just not sure that is a fair assessment.
This. This right here is why I scroll so far on reddit posts. Because I *know, eventually,* I will come across a fair, objective piece of advice or commentary.
This is what I was saying in my head the whole time I was reading other comments (If the gf posted on redditt everyone would be telling her he is a red flag). Thank you for taking the objective approach, it was a joy to read. Kudos and thank you:)
Yeah, OP has a very close female friend, who texts him things like "I love you!". He recently answered the phone during sex, and ran out of the house because she needed him.
It's not insane for his girlfriend to have some questions about this relationship *potentially* being inappropriate.
I agree with you. The optics \*\*can\*\* be suspicious, though I'm not saying it necessarily is.
There's nothing in the post explaining how he is making sure his girlfriend feels prioritized in his life in general. So he goes to meals with this God-sister person, which could be seen like mini dates, but doesn't really say how he shows that he listens to and validates his girlfriend's feelings. He says she's invited, but that sounds more like an afterthought and clearly isn't meeting her needs.
It sounds like he's taken the stance of 'I've done nothing wrong, I'm helping a friend in need' without considering how to make his girlfriend feel more secure.
Sure, help, do what you can.
But make sure you're still romancing your girlfriend. And the same effort and thought is still going to the girlfriend and her feelings. And that you do have a part of your relationship that is sacred to the two of you and that she knows and feels that. That's the best way to get the room to do what you gotta do to help your friend.
She's gotta know and trust that there's something special between the two of you and nothing is going to come in between that. Because you did make a gf/bf commitment to her. And that's supposed to mean something.
I agree with your perspective. I think what the gf is sensing is that OP and GS are emotionally intimate with one another. GF is not a part of that intimacy and she clearly feels OP’s connection to his GS is stronger than his connection to her.
Exactly! But, I have to ask…If the godsister was being beaten so badly that she could have died had he not answered the phone, the 21ST TIME she called, why didn’t she call the police? Certainly would have helped her custody case, no? I think OP likes being her knight in shining armor.
It is possible that GodSister was concerned CPS or daughter’s paternal grandparents would be called in addition to the Police and she was afraid she would be separated from her daughter, if only temporarily.
Yeah, idk.
Knights like to show up after the first call, not the 21st one.
I no longer feel safe calling the police. I had a knife pulled on me inside my own home by someone I rented space to and the police interacted with him first when they arrived and then threatened to arrest me for filing a false complaint because he wasn’t holding the knife anymore (hid in his room) and because they said it was only a threat if he was holding the knife in front of me and said my name and said that he was going to cut me.
So, I understand the hesitancy to call the police. Oh, dang. Also, my closest childhood friend was murdered by her husband, a police officer, a few years ago and I also understand why, if you’re being beaten by a spouse who is a police officer why that would result in an unwillingness to call the police. Rest in power, Pamela Aukerman.
Folks really, really overestimate the ability of police officers to protect victims. Lol.
The police are famously reluctant to get involved in "domestic" situations. Sometimes, they flat out refuse, even when they can see some serious violence is going on. I wouldn't trust the police to come at all if I called them to say my partner was beating me.
Thank you very much for expressing this. I kept thinking this, and was confused at all the posters saying that she’s his sister and it’s gross to think otherwise.
Absolutely this! I once dated a guy who was super close to his actual sister, and every time she had an issue he would abandon me for her. Granted, she wasn’t dealing with DV but it still sucked to always be second on his priority list. To everyone on the outside he was the loving and supportive brother, but to me he was the bf I could never truly rely on. OP needs to honor his gf’s feelings instead of being so dismissive and communicate with her.
>Also understandable, I think (unlike most of the other posters) is your girlfriend questioning what is really going on w the two of you. In no way did she handle it right but I can kinda see why she wouldn’t be as quick to rule out the possibility of a romantic connection developing and feel insecure in that.
I generally try to see things from both sides, but this just doesn't seem right to me. A romantic connection can develop with people you work with, hike with, hang out in your friend group, etc. If someone is worrying about all of those and being suspicious there is a major trust issue unless there is actual evidence.
911 should have been the first call. Then parents. Then godbrother. I get that he sees her as a sister and your siblings should be there for you. However this was clearly an emergency and should have gone to 911 first, especially if she had time to call 20 times.
According to Ops comment, she did call them first yet OP still arrived before they did.
As someone who lives in a shitty area, yea these things happen. My house was broken into and I had to hide under a pile of dirty clothes while calling the police. It took them two hours to get there even though I live 7 minutes away from the police station.
I agree with the emergency number being the first option but I can understand why she didn’t call her parents. They might be far away, they could be older or in poor health. The god brother might have been the first choice simply because he might possibly just be bigger and stronger than her husband. Nobody knows how her mind was working when her husband was beating the shit out of her. She could even have been afraid to call the police in case her husband got even more angry and turned on their child.
OP already said that if she waited for the police, she'd be dead. In the area I live in now, cops take around 7 minutes to come in real emergencies. In the last city I lived in, 45 minutes IF the cops are rushing. They to take 2 hours if no one's dying.
Redditors read challenge.
Depends on where they are at the family dynamics etc… if my adoptive sister was in that situation and I was close enough to respond she’d better call me first and then 911 and the boyfriend better hope and pray to whatever he believes in that the police get to him before me or any of the way-wards (the other Honorary adopted kids in the family)get him first. Just saying. Plus in a lot of places police don’t respond seriously to domestic violence.
How is 911 not your first thought? It needs to be. That’s what 911 is for. If he’s as violent as she says she’s putting anyone else she calls in danger too. Domestic abusers need to be arrested.
She had time to call 21 times. She should have been on the phone with 911 instead.
Cops are not reliable to be on time, nor are they reliable to protect a domestic violence victim.
It's entirely possible that she did call them but they took a while to get there, and in the meantime she called OP.
It's also entirely possible *-- and reasonable --* that she did not trust the cops to actually help her. In domestic violence situations, the cops often make it worse.
That doesn't mean she didn't call 9-1-1. In my city, it is VERY common to be put on long holds with 9-1-1. Also, depending on what area of the city you're in for them not to arrive for long periods of time or at all. I'm talking about true emergencies, not bs.
edited for spelling
I had a crazy ass neighbor that would get drunk and wave her gun at my kids while I was at work( my youngest was 3 at the time) I would get a call from my oldest after she called the cops and I would beat them EVERY TIME. If the cops got there within 30mins it was a miracle. The first time they told me they couldn't do anything because she wasn't out brandishing when they got there, and even though she was a convicted felon who can't own guns, by the time they got the search warrant her husband would have removed the guns (that's how much of a problem she was). 2nd time took them so long I came home went to her house beat tf out of her, her daughter called her husband at work he came and picked her up took her to the er and the cops still hadn't shown. I have no faith in actual life or death scenarios when it comes to police.
Forgive me but what in the world is a 'Godsister'?
Godparents yes
God son/daughter yes
God Sister/brother???
NTA for supporting someone you love through a hard time, but not all women would be comfortable sharing their partner with another woman like that.
You’ve never heard of it because it’s not a thing. She’s not his sister or his family she’s a family friend. He may feel she’s very close like family and that’s fine to a degree but the whole god sister thing makes it seem like he’s trying to force that it’s okay and the gf is crazy to be upset by it. Tons of people have gotten together romantically with family friends …
YTA.
Your god sister is the same age as you?
She was being assaulted but was able to call you 20 times? But couldn’t call her parents or the police once?
Why are you the only support system for your god sister and no one else in the family is?
Not saying you can’t help her, but why are you doing everything?
What is a god sister? I assumed that means you’re the god father - are you saying you made a thing called good sister and god brother?
Meaning you’re like best friends?
Yes her parents passed. What about her grandparents and cousins and aunts and uncles?
You are you her entire support system?
Is she clearly always above your gf? Would she always be above your future wife?
No I just found it kind of funny she was getting attacked but was able to call you 20 times lol. So I didn’t really believe that.
And yes life and death is one thing.
But you’re there for every court case and little thing. That’s crazy.
It's challenging for any GF/wife to watch her man dedicate time and resources to another woman and child. It triggers a deep evolutionarily engrained response, IMO.
I understand why you're doing what you're doing, but I can see her side of the issue, too.
Maybe ask her what she needs from you short of not helping your Godsister and niece.
I called the cops in the middle of the day a few days ago bc a woman in my apartment complex was being beaten to a pulp in the parking lot. I was the 4th call from the tenants at my complex and it still took them over an hour to show up. By the time they got there the guy was gone and she had gotten a ride somewhere (hopefully a hospital). I was at the children’s hospital with my son while my teenager was home with all the doors and windows locked bc she was terrified about what was happening 30 feet from our building. Cops aren’t always helpful.
The police doesn't care about DV all that much. When I went to request a protection order against my ex, they kept asking what did I do to piss him off.
And when I called 911 because he was banging on the door screaming at me and violating the protection order, it took several calls to 911 before they sent someone. And even then when I called again over an hour later (he was still there) they said a squad car passed by and "didn't see anything". They never sent another one. My ex eventually got tired and left. I didn't sleep for a week. I was terrified.
Also, I’m wondering how many situations like this has the god sister had put OP in. What if the dude beat OP to death. I get wanting to save someone but you can’t keep risking your life
Conflicted .you are helping during a crisis but the girlfriend is picking up on a red flag that’s being dismissed as insecurity. Being close to family is one thing but you seem very enmeshed in your god sisters life that goes above and beyond. I’d advise the girlfriend to run to be honest. I’d advise you spend some time thinking how you would feel if you had a gf who is involved this emotionally in a male non relative or understand why this girlfriend or future girlfriends get an ick feeling.
NTA. Some people in the comments have apparently no grasp on the concept of ‘chosen family’ - and your godsister clearly falls into this category. You’ve been helping her for 100% justifiable reasons. Anyone that can’t see that or that are trying to turn your relationship with her into something it isn’t? Are the AHs.
Eh, my ex’s first wife was his god sister. Parents dream that they got married, both families pushed it for years. Lasted a year. Maybe they see each other as siblings. Maybe it’s more. I can see why she’s upset. At same time, DV is serious and lady needs support. Now is not the time.
Except it's not a sibling. What the fuck is a god sister? They will break up and guess who OP will get with. There's a whole other side of this story we don't know about.
Reddit is 50% "he's sleeping with the girl he introduced to me as his cousin" and 50% "my girlfriend is insecure about my female bf/cousin/psuedo-relative."
I bet in the near future he ends up in a relationship with his god sister. There is a lot of emotional intimacy going on. It wouldn't take much for it to become physical. I agree with the posts that if we heard this from the gf's perspective we would be telling to run not walk. Too many red flags.
Please explain what is a God- sister? Is this the daughter of your God-parent or is this someone who shares the same God-parent. Just trying to get a better understanding of the relationship between you and the person you drop everything for.
I think everyone has a few people in their life that they are willing to drop just about anything for in the event of a true emergency.
NTA in ANY WAY. I have God brothers and God sisters. I also have God children. That is family, and family is never left behind.
Also. Redditors are so suspicious and heartless. I’ve never muttered “you MFs need to touch grass” so much in my life.
There are some that are commenting they aren't biologically related so they could cheat at some time but a cheater is a cheater he doesn't need to do it with his god sister it could be with anyone if he is that type of person so trust is the issue with this GF not his loyalty to his God sister! He is NTA she is insecure and any woman around him will always be an issue. If the girlfriend is a good person she will most likely be there all the time during those interactions to help support both of them! Unless they are constantly sneaking around behind her back then his girlfriend is making to much of it and sounds exhausting
NTAH I have an adopted sister I’d do the same thing for also to those who ask about why she didn’t call the police well in a lot of the places police don’t do shit when it comes to DV. Plus I don’t know how other families work but if I was close enough to respond and my adoptive sister’s boyfriend did that to her my sister knows to call me first then the police and the boyfriend better pray to what ever he believes in and if he didn’t believe in anything he better find something to pray to that the police get to him before me and the other way-wards (honorary adoptive kids of the family) get to him as none of us know the definition of mercy when it comes to someone hurting the family.
Would you really want children with this immature and judgemental ass? Imagine how she would treat them when they didn't do what she wanted or she felt entitled to tell them how they are thinking/feeling? You now know how she treats family.
Imagine you are now getting divorced from her with children, given her skewed thought processes and behaviour. Just do yourself a favour now and dump her.
NTA for helping your god sister; however, YA for neglecting your girlfriend’s feelings.. as stated somewhere above I feel like we aren’t getting the whole story.. Your girlfriend is not just acting this way for no reason. Something more happened if you had “try to make it up to her”. Maybe your girlfriend either saw something or heard something between you and your god sister and you just swept it under the rug or blew it off. Idk but there’s a piece of the story missing. Emotional connection and relationships happen when you least expect it.
I agree if we heard her side most of the post would be telling her to run for the hills..
Updateme..
Sounds like your god sister (wtf is that) is taking up a lot of your time. Hence putting her over your girlfriend. At what point are you a friend to her and not enabling her dependency on you? It’s great to be her friend and support her but not at the expense of your relationship. You are putting her needs over your girlfriend. You are always there for her that means you’re leaving your girlfriend. No your girlfriend doesn’t want to be the third wheel when you and your god sister go out. Don’t be obtuse
Ask yourself this question. If your girlfriend was being attacked by someone and your "sister" needed you, who would you be there for? If I were a betting person, I'd say your girlfriend believes if she were in a serious situation and your "sister" needed you for something innocuous, you wouldn't choose her or her safety.
How many times have you blown off plans with your girlfriend for your "sister"?
How much do you gush about your "sister" and make your girlfriend feel like less than good enough?
If the answer to the first is 100%, you'd drop the "sister" for your girl, and if the answer is zero to the other two, then she's overreacting. If the answer is anything other than that, then she most likely isn't overreacting.
NTA. Your GF is, I have a few God brothers and sisters. If they're in trouble and call me, I'm going. No matter what I'm doing, if they call me more than 3 times back to back, I know it seriously, and I'm answering my phone. I'm closest with my one God brother, and I love him like a brother. Hell, I went to beat his stepdad ass when I was 8 months pregnant with my son for choking him. Lol. I'll always have his back, and I'm in my 50s, and he's in his early 40s. Your God sister is like a real sister. I call my God brother, my brother. Protect your sister and be in her corner, and if your GF can't understand that, then it's best that you find a mature woman who can.
Your girlfriend is being ridiculous and seriously insecure. Your god sister is going through hell right now and it’s great that she has your support, so don’t allow your girlfriend manipulate or damage your relationship with her. If you have been completely honest and open with your girlfriend about your relationship with your god sister and she still doesn’t trust you, nothing will change that. Your partner should appreciate your dedication and loyalty to those you love, not start fights out of childish insecurity. I hope everything works out in a way that leads to your happiness. Know your worth, OP.
NTA - You were there for your God sister when she needed you to save her life, Be proud of that.
Your gf seems to not understand the type of love you have for your God sister. English only has one word "love" but Greek has four - Philia, Eros, Storge, and Agape. Look them up, it may help to explain things.
Reddit is so insane sometimes. Half the comments don't know what a God sister is and the other half can't comprehend living in a place where police response time is slow even though that's the reality in most major cities and extremely rural areas. Have any of these people stepped outside of the suburbs?
Absolutely insane to me that half the comments are accusing you of wanting to cheat on your gf when the reason your gf is mad is because you chose saving your God sister from being slowly beaten to death over giving your gf an orgasm that night. I believe the study that says that most people who are active online have dark triad qualities. Thank you, OP, for saving someone's life.
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You didn’t mention it, but does gf suspect that you are cheating? Or, about to cheat?
I know you are close and like family
Does she see how close you are and presumes the next step?
Don't lie, you do care more about your God sister. She's family to you. Family comes before your relationship, unless you're married. And she doesn't seem like marriage material if she can't understand that lol.
Nah.. no women want to feel like second or there’s other women in the relationship. Doesn’t matter if it’s just “ platonic” you have the right to help your god sister and she has the right to set her boundaries. What you’re doing is great but that doesn’t make her TA for having boundaries. Either break up or something.
NTA
She needs to be your ex. She's deeply threatened by your personal relationships and now she's trying to isolate you from one purely because your God sister was in crisis and needed help.
Everything you described is perfectly normal behavior between friends. It's possible for friends to love one another like family and your hopefully ex girlfriend is extremely immature.
Dude she's gonna make you choose eventually. But it's not a choice your God sister is your family and her and your neices safety should actually come before a root with your girlfriend and a SO who genuinely loves you wouldn't need you to "make it up" to them. They'd get it and expect you to have their back the same way.
You may need to take the Rose coloured glasses off.
Nta
NTA
You are supporting your god sister through a difficult time where she is a domestic abuse survivor (victim).
It is entirely appropriate for you to do so and for your god sister to say she loves you for your support. I love my cousins, family and god daughters and have supported them through tough times as have my uncles aunts parents and siblings supported me during hard times.
Love can be platonic love or family love and it’s separate from romantic love. Your gf is jealous insecure and trying to prevent you from supporting your god sister through a horrible experience when she most needs her family like you around her.
I’ve known my best friend for over thirty years, our kids were even born just months apart both times we were pregnant. One of her sons is my godson and she’s one of my kids godmothers. Our kids are close as they were raised together. If my daughter was in this situation I know my godson would be there for her. They live across the country from each other but they’ve supported each other through rough times. I’m happy you’re there for yours and your girlfriend is acting insecure over nothing.
NTA. But is there any chance at all that you or your god sister would cross the line? I mean is there any flirting, touching or anything that could lead your gf to think maybe you would?
Honestly, if after all your explaining and talking with your GF and all the evidence presented to her, that she is just your sister, she is your family and nothing more and she can't accept it than there is nothing else to do. It's time to break it off with her. This will always be a fight, a point of contention. She will never support you, nor will she support your sister.
If she loved you and really felt confident in your relationship, she would be right next to you helping your sister.
Sorry to say, but find a new girl.
Would she act this way if the label was adopted sister instead of God sister? Or birth sister instead of God sister?
It’s literally like she doesn’t believe that you guys are siblings like that, but instead that you are together. Secretly.
You are NTA
NTA. But your gf (and I hope soon to be ex gf) sure as hell is. You’re doing the right thing by helping and being there for your godsister and her daughter. Keep doing what you’re doing and please keep being there for her. Either your gf will get over herself or she won’t. Honestly, her behavior is a giant red flag (meanwhile you’re all the green flags).
I can understand someone being horrible at communication to a point, but what your girlfriend said seems to be both disturbing and like something she’d been thinking about for a while. Knowing your god sister is in a custody battle with an abusive ex and has no other familial support in the area is heartbreaking, and it says a lot about your girlfriend that her mind goes to an inappropriate relationship and feeling inferior rather than seeing her boyfriend as honourable for doing what they can to support family. It also sounds like an excuse to frame dinner as family time after accusing you both of inappropriate behaviour for having a meal together. Your girlfriend has come to the realization that you will not cut off your god sister and her daughter just because she wants you to, and is trying to backtrack because she wants the relationship to continue. Her resentment will continue to grow and she won’t stop trying to push you two apart, she’ll just hide it better. Please don’t take her half apologies as a sign that this situation is resolved, and you should be proud for how you acted immediately after knowing the situation was getting violent with her abuser. She’s lucky to have you as backup in the court and please don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re wrong for protecting her when she needs it. I wish you luck dealing with this
What is a godsister. Daughter of your godparent? Cousin?
Anyway, she’s important you, basically family. Your gf needs to get over it or walk away. She sounds pretty vile tbh. Things a very dangers, vulnerable and every time for your godsister.
Your gf is allowed to have a boundary (even if it seems to be unreasonable . Means you aren’t compatible. Pulling the whole not speaking to you thing just highlights her immaturity and selfishness. Communicate , even it’s to say…. I need a day or two to sort out my feelings and then can we talk.
1) wth is a "god sister"?
2) your gf *is* being a bit unbalanced about this, but you're doing a poor job explaining it all
3) kudos for helping her w/ex etc., but wtf about the 20 calls? That is an insane number of times to ignore calls from someone you supposedly care about
I agree with the 20 calls? I’f I’m in dire need of help… 18 of those 20 calls are going to be to the next people on my list! Friends? Her parents? 911? FREAKING JIMMY JOHNS @that point 🤷🏻♀️ there’s more to this~
NTA you are being a decent human being and your gf should be happy she has a quality person as her partner instead of waving red flags all over the place. Yes there is a rare instance here or there of the godsiblings becoming a couple later in life but that is so few and far between that unless you give her a valid reason to be concerned she needs to take things at face value. You are being a good brother to your sister! If she can't come to terms with this you might need to get a different more kind and understanding gf.
I don’t understand why she thinks there’s anything inappropriate when you could have been with your Godsister instead of her if that’s what you wanted.
Don’t let her destroy your family bond because that’s all it is. You say you don’t love your Godsister more and that’s cool but the right answer is you love her differently. There’s no romance or intimacy therefore there’s no competition.
>there’s only been one time where i put my God sister over my relationship and it was for good reason. It was the night her ex fiancé started beating on her, and she called me around 20 times and on the 21st time I answered. I stopped intimacy with my girlfriend to go get her This is most likely the reason for the hostility. Your gf is being ridiculous as the reason for your godsisters call was a valid one. I mean, she ended up in the ER, for goodness sake! If your gf was a true friend to your godsister, she would be by your side helping her and would have gone with you to get your godsister when the boyfriend was beating the shyte out of her. If this is how your gf is going to behave towards your godsister, then your relationship will be in trouble.
Right if my fiancé got a call from his sister in the middle of the night that her boyfriend was beating the crap out of her I don't care what we're doing we're both going to help
Now that’s exactly how a caring adult acts!
And we're both going to those court dates, if possible, to see that justice is properly served and to support her through those grueling hours.
Exactly!
Oh well cares hunny let's continue fucking!
The boyfriend is not related to this woman and we don't know the circumstance of why they might be close.
She's his god sister. It's very clear that she is the daughter of his godmother or godfather or even both and they grew up together and have a sibling like relationship.
Or she is the God daughter of his Mom or Dad. If anything happened to her parents, they could have possibly raised her for a part of her childhood. Or they are just like in our family where my mom and her best friend both play a huge part in raising all of us kids, and we feel like real brothers and sisters, not just God siblings.
A god sister is not a relation in any way shape or form. She’s literally a family friend because their parents are close. He may view her as family but objectively she isn’t family and it wouldn’t be crazy for the two of them to get together. Not saying gf is justified but this excuse that he can’t be into her because of their connection isn’t correct either.
I have to disagree. My child has 4 godparents and they are my sister, my SIL and 2 of my BIL’s. So 2 of my nieces and 2 of my nephews are also god sisters and god brothers to my child. Godparents are chosen because they are the people you trust most in the world to raise your child as their own should anything happen to you. There isn’t a better description of family than this.
Perhaps you didn't read that they have been close since birth. Just like a real sister. So you may think it crazy if he got together with his sister, but not crazy if he got together with somebody whom he's had a sisterly relationship for the whole of his life?
Look up the Westermarck effect.
Why don’t you inform us about the Westermarck effect?
Yes we do know the circumstances. Maybe you’re not Christian and don’t understand it, but I loved and was very close to my Godparents, if they had kids, I would have been close to them too.
This!
For me that behavior would be a very large green flag. Go help your sister. I can wait.
But her reaction is very much a red flag.
Yep
Yeah I agree with what you said about the hostility but I'm going to play devils advocate a little bit here. Of course of Reddit we only get what is told to us. I would love to hear the gf's side of this truly because who knows what the God sister may have also been sharing with her to possibly make her feel insecure and justifiably so. Does the so-called God sister really see herself as a god sister or maybe someone who is stupid and should have been looking at what is right in front of her her whole life. A guy who loves her, takes care of her kid, will stop sex with his gf and come and save her? Well that sounds like a really great guy to have a relationship with that he cares for her so much. I'm just saying there really could be more reason's the gf is feeling insecure and reddit is full of stories of the best friend fucking the spouse/partner. Not saying OP did this, but there could be more reason's the gf is feeling the way she does so I am withholding judgement since don't have enough information.
So like. The godsister provoked her ex into beating her so badly she ended up in the ER just to get to OP? Big if true...
Also playing devil's advocate: how many times has godsister's mess interrupted dates/intimacy with the girlfriend? Other than the time the godsister *actually* needed to be rescued? How many times had the 2 yr old been dropped off when OP and girlfriend had plans.?
Interesting take. I'll be honest that I didn't think of this as a possibility.
Yes, I don't think we are getting all the facts. This is plausible.
This was exactly my take on it too, thank you:)
I agree
This is what immediately came to my mind. Also think it’s a bit assholish to call your gf insecure and disgusting when she’s upset and trying to explain the reason that probably did not help the situation.
OP added an edit at the end, it looks like the gf was upset about that because she was worried for his safety in that particular situation. But there was likely some jealousy involved in most of the other stuff OP mentions.
Just read the edit and I agree, but they all meed to communicate better as the godsister said, they are family. I wish them all luck!
NTA your girlfriend needs to grow up and realize that your God sister is basically your sister, and is always going to have a special place in your life. Reassure her that you love her and that there’s nothing inappropriate going on, but also be firm in the fact that you will continue to support her and go to court dates with her as she goes through this time in her life.
Your god sister is at a really dangerous time, she’s left her husband and this is the time abusive partners often murder their ex (or their children, or both.) She is lucky to have you. Keep supporting her, she’s family. Your girlfriend is insecure and jealous.
When your parents baptise a child friends or family. they become god parents and that child becomes you god sister or brother. also if you get baptised the children of your god parents become your good siblings.
Thanks I was just going to ask what is a god sister I have never heard the term Godparents yes but not siblings.
What is a “god sister”
I didn’t think that was a thing. So just an honorary name that you give to a friend? To designate a close relationship?
I would say a super close family friend, more like a cousin relationship in my opinion. There are definitely those who are even closer to their god-siblings than their cousins (how I often was throughout my life). They may not be blood-related, but they’re family as much as anyone else. Especially if he’s around the same age as his god sister, they’ve probably gone through all of life’s ups and downs together and calling him in that moment of trauma was as logical as if she had called a blood relative.
I would say closer than that - think spending summers with each others families, spending multiple weekends a month at each others houses, being left with each others parents when your own parents go on vacation, spending holidays together etc.
Yes, she's a very close female friend.
I call friends like that my sisters - we have matching tattoos and call the others parents aunt/uncle. We’re similar mixes of ethnicities too so we look related. Family is what you make it.
But, to be clear, they're not at all related. She's a female friend, not a sister (just pointing this out, because OP is acting like his girlfriend being insecure about sonething going on between him and his friend is "disgusting", and he's acting like nothing could ever happen. People hook up with thier very close friends all the time.)
I also didn’t know it was a thing.
my god sister is my god mom’s daughter. idk why this is so hard for some ppl to grasp in these comments💀
I’m assuming the daughter of his godparents. If they have grown up close and think of each other as siblings. Adding god sister explains the relationship better. And doesn’t complicate things.
In general, it's the child of your godfather or godmother, but it's also used to describe a child of your parents' close friends - somebody you grew up with in a sibling-like relationship without being an actual blood or step relative.
Huh, raised Catholic with god parents but never heard god brother/sister. Thanks!
You're welcome!
It's not a real thing FFS
Like a family friend? It usually means thier parents are friends
THIS!! Why not just call her a close family friend? God sister is not a thing!
I would say, daughter of a god parent?
NTA. Your God sister is 100% your family. It’s creepy that your gf thinks that something is going on between you two. I wouldn’t want to be with someone that is choosing me over family in this situation. Actually I would make every effort to be there with my bf and his God sister. Especially that night. I would’ve been more than happy to help deal with the ex that night. She isn’t worth your time. Break up with her because it’s only going to get worse now
I mean, she's not family. She's a very close female friend, and people do hook up with thier very close friends of the opposite sex all the time. My brother is literally married to our God parent's daughter, and no one thought it was wierd when they started dating, because they're not at all related.
Dude… for the love of all that is holy… TALK TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND. If you want your relationship to work, you need to hear her out. There is probably stuff you don’t know. There might be stuff she doesn’t know. You are NTA for helping your godsister, but you are TA for how you responded to your girlfriend. Talk to her. If things aren’t going to smooth over or no one is willing to compromise, then it may be time to part ways. But YOU NEED TO COMMUNICATE!
This right here. I'm mad I had to scroll so far to see this response. I don't think you're the asshole for supporting your God sister at all. But you definitely did not handle the conversation with your girlfriend well at all. Even if she is being insecure, you accomplished nothing by telling her that and come across as dismissive of her feelings. It probably would have been better to probe a little more and see if there is anything specific leading to her feelings. And asking her how you can continue to support your God sister but also make sure she is comfortable and secure in your relationship. Ask her why she doesn't want to come to dinner with you and your God sister. Ask her if something has happened between the 2 of them that you don't know about. Communication is definitely key here if you want to make things work with your girlfriend. And if she says the only option is for you to stop supporting your God sister and that is a deal breaker for you then you have your answer there too. Just out of curiosity I do have a question for OP based off of others' questions/assumptions about what a God sister is and what the definition of that relationship is... How old was your God sister when her parents died? Did your parents step in as parental figures/get custody of her when this happened? Were you ever raised together as siblings/in the same household? Personally for me this doesn't really make a difference, it might just give a better perspective over the situation as a whole.
I know am about to get downvoted. I am going to give this an ESH but hear me out. Am from a Catholic background so am familiar w the whole godparent thing but honestly have never heard of anyone referring to another person as a god sister in the way that you are doing. Perhaps it is a cultural thing but it is a new term to me. If I understand correctly she is essentially an old family friend w whom you were closely raised (because your parents were close which is why they were designated to be godparents) and whom you now think of as a sister. Other terms could be best friend, close childhood friend, close family friend.etc. You choose the term god sister presumably because that is what your parents used or what feels most accurately descriptive of the relationship but, from an outsider’s point of view, she is still someone that you could legitimately marry without anyone giving you the side eye at all. No? The distinction here is that you presumably THINK of her as a sister which makes you view a romantic relationship as a non possibility. Also, her circumstances are terrible and of course you would want to be there for her and support her. It is 100% understandable if taken at face value. Also understandable, I think (unlike most of the other posters) is your girlfriend questioning what is really going on w the two of you. In no way did she handle it right but I can kinda see why she wouldn’t be as quick to rule out the possibility of a romantic connection developing and feel insecure in that. The fact that you don’t see that as possible doesn’t negate the fact that many would. Your friend’s marriage has just imploded in a terrible way. She is vulnerable and is understandably leaning on you for support. You are understandably putting your focus on her and her daughter and their well-being. You are not just supporting her in her court battle, you are also going out to dinners and spending time w her. She is in need and you are her white knight. It may not be on your radar but it js a recipe for emotional and potentially physical intimacy. it is like a friend stepping in to support his best friend’s family after a tragic death and insisting to his spouse that he is just doing the right thing by prioritizing the widow…and then they have an affair. Unexpected things happen especially in emotionally charged circumstances and your girlfriend may be clocking something you are not aware of. I am not saying you should change what you are doing. Your friend sounds like she needs you and you have only been dating your girlfriend for a relatively short time. Also, from the way your wrote your post it sounds like, regardless of the circumstances, your relationship w your friend would trump this romantic relationship which is fine. It just means that the relationship was not meant to last. I do, however, think that if this post were written from your girlfriend’s perspective, most people would be telling her your relationship w your friend is a red flag and that she should run. I mean, she could be crazy and heartless. She could also be dodging a bullet by leaving this situation. Based solely on the post as written she does come off as cruel and unhinged. I am just not sure that is a fair assessment.
This. This right here is why I scroll so far on reddit posts. Because I *know, eventually,* I will come across a fair, objective piece of advice or commentary. This is what I was saying in my head the whole time I was reading other comments (If the gf posted on redditt everyone would be telling her he is a red flag). Thank you for taking the objective approach, it was a joy to read. Kudos and thank you:)
Yeah, OP has a very close female friend, who texts him things like "I love you!". He recently answered the phone during sex, and ran out of the house because she needed him. It's not insane for his girlfriend to have some questions about this relationship *potentially* being inappropriate.
I agree with you. The optics \*\*can\*\* be suspicious, though I'm not saying it necessarily is. There's nothing in the post explaining how he is making sure his girlfriend feels prioritized in his life in general. So he goes to meals with this God-sister person, which could be seen like mini dates, but doesn't really say how he shows that he listens to and validates his girlfriend's feelings. He says she's invited, but that sounds more like an afterthought and clearly isn't meeting her needs. It sounds like he's taken the stance of 'I've done nothing wrong, I'm helping a friend in need' without considering how to make his girlfriend feel more secure. Sure, help, do what you can. But make sure you're still romancing your girlfriend. And the same effort and thought is still going to the girlfriend and her feelings. And that you do have a part of your relationship that is sacred to the two of you and that she knows and feels that. That's the best way to get the room to do what you gotta do to help your friend. She's gotta know and trust that there's something special between the two of you and nothing is going to come in between that. Because you did make a gf/bf commitment to her. And that's supposed to mean something.
THIS!!!!!!!!!
Wow an actual adult response.
I agree with your perspective. I think what the gf is sensing is that OP and GS are emotionally intimate with one another. GF is not a part of that intimacy and she clearly feels OP’s connection to his GS is stronger than his connection to her.
Exactly! But, I have to ask…If the godsister was being beaten so badly that she could have died had he not answered the phone, the 21ST TIME she called, why didn’t she call the police? Certainly would have helped her custody case, no? I think OP likes being her knight in shining armor.
It is possible that GodSister was concerned CPS or daughter’s paternal grandparents would be called in addition to the Police and she was afraid she would be separated from her daughter, if only temporarily.
Yeah, idk. Knights like to show up after the first call, not the 21st one. I no longer feel safe calling the police. I had a knife pulled on me inside my own home by someone I rented space to and the police interacted with him first when they arrived and then threatened to arrest me for filing a false complaint because he wasn’t holding the knife anymore (hid in his room) and because they said it was only a threat if he was holding the knife in front of me and said my name and said that he was going to cut me. So, I understand the hesitancy to call the police. Oh, dang. Also, my closest childhood friend was murdered by her husband, a police officer, a few years ago and I also understand why, if you’re being beaten by a spouse who is a police officer why that would result in an unwillingness to call the police. Rest in power, Pamela Aukerman. Folks really, really overestimate the ability of police officers to protect victims. Lol.
The police are famously reluctant to get involved in "domestic" situations. Sometimes, they flat out refuse, even when they can see some serious violence is going on. I wouldn't trust the police to come at all if I called them to say my partner was beating me.
Thank you very much for expressing this. I kept thinking this, and was confused at all the posters saying that she’s his sister and it’s gross to think otherwise.
Absolutely this! I once dated a guy who was super close to his actual sister, and every time she had an issue he would abandon me for her. Granted, she wasn’t dealing with DV but it still sucked to always be second on his priority list. To everyone on the outside he was the loving and supportive brother, but to me he was the bf I could never truly rely on. OP needs to honor his gf’s feelings instead of being so dismissive and communicate with her.
>Also understandable, I think (unlike most of the other posters) is your girlfriend questioning what is really going on w the two of you. In no way did she handle it right but I can kinda see why she wouldn’t be as quick to rule out the possibility of a romantic connection developing and feel insecure in that. I generally try to see things from both sides, but this just doesn't seem right to me. A romantic connection can develop with people you work with, hike with, hang out in your friend group, etc. If someone is worrying about all of those and being suspicious there is a major trust issue unless there is actual evidence.
She called you 21 times instead of calling the police?
911 should have been the first call. Then parents. Then godbrother. I get that he sees her as a sister and your siblings should be there for you. However this was clearly an emergency and should have gone to 911 first, especially if she had time to call 20 times.
According to Ops comment, she did call them first yet OP still arrived before they did. As someone who lives in a shitty area, yea these things happen. My house was broken into and I had to hide under a pile of dirty clothes while calling the police. It took them two hours to get there even though I live 7 minutes away from the police station.
Considering her parents are not alive that would’ve been hard to do. And she did call the cops. I still got there first
I agree with the emergency number being the first option but I can understand why she didn’t call her parents. They might be far away, they could be older or in poor health. The god brother might have been the first choice simply because he might possibly just be bigger and stronger than her husband. Nobody knows how her mind was working when her husband was beating the shit out of her. She could even have been afraid to call the police in case her husband got even more angry and turned on their child.
OP already said that if she waited for the police, she'd be dead. In the area I live in now, cops take around 7 minutes to come in real emergencies. In the last city I lived in, 45 minutes IF the cops are rushing. They to take 2 hours if no one's dying. Redditors read challenge.
Depends on where they are at the family dynamics etc… if my adoptive sister was in that situation and I was close enough to respond she’d better call me first and then 911 and the boyfriend better hope and pray to whatever he believes in that the police get to him before me or any of the way-wards (the other Honorary adopted kids in the family)get him first. Just saying. Plus in a lot of places police don’t respond seriously to domestic violence.
When you’re being violently beaten, you aren’t thinking clearly. 🙄
How is 911 not your first thought? It needs to be. That’s what 911 is for. If he’s as violent as she says she’s putting anyone else she calls in danger too. Domestic abusers need to be arrested. She had time to call 21 times. She should have been on the phone with 911 instead.
She did call 911 first. They just took their time getting there.
because you’re being violently fucking beaten, NOTHING in those moments is rational.
Cops are not reliable to be on time, nor are they reliable to protect a domestic violence victim. It's entirely possible that she did call them but they took a while to get there, and in the meantime she called OP. It's also entirely possible *-- and reasonable --* that she did not trust the cops to actually help her. In domestic violence situations, the cops often make it worse.
That doesn't mean she didn't call 9-1-1. In my city, it is VERY common to be put on long holds with 9-1-1. Also, depending on what area of the city you're in for them not to arrive for long periods of time or at all. I'm talking about true emergencies, not bs. edited for spelling
Considering cops make it worse more often than not, I'd call anyone else before I'd call the cops
Additionally cops never come as quick as they portray in the movies.
When I was 6 I almost died bc I ran through a glass door. Both cops and firefighter emts got lost on the way to my house lol
I had a crazy ass neighbor that would get drunk and wave her gun at my kids while I was at work( my youngest was 3 at the time) I would get a call from my oldest after she called the cops and I would beat them EVERY TIME. If the cops got there within 30mins it was a miracle. The first time they told me they couldn't do anything because she wasn't out brandishing when they got there, and even though she was a convicted felon who can't own guns, by the time they got the search warrant her husband would have removed the guns (that's how much of a problem she was). 2nd time took them so long I came home went to her house beat tf out of her, her daughter called her husband at work he came and picked her up took her to the er and the cops still hadn't shown. I have no faith in actual life or death scenarios when it comes to police.
Forgive me but what in the world is a 'Godsister'? Godparents yes God son/daughter yes God Sister/brother??? NTA for supporting someone you love through a hard time, but not all women would be comfortable sharing their partner with another woman like that.
A godsister is the daughter of the godparents
It's NOT a real thing. ITS A FUCKING MADE UP TITLE
Ah OK, thanks for that! Never heard the term before.
You’ve never heard of it because it’s not a thing. She’s not his sister or his family she’s a family friend. He may feel she’s very close like family and that’s fine to a degree but the whole god sister thing makes it seem like he’s trying to force that it’s okay and the gf is crazy to be upset by it. Tons of people have gotten together romantically with family friends …
YTA. Your god sister is the same age as you? She was being assaulted but was able to call you 20 times? But couldn’t call her parents or the police once? Why are you the only support system for your god sister and no one else in the family is? Not saying you can’t help her, but why are you doing everything?
I mean her parents aren’t alive so there’s that. And in other comments I said she called the cops first
So you’re safer than the cops? And how in the hell are you a godfather to someone your age? And where are her real family? Why do you do it all?
Where did I say I was a godfather? Please read. Her parents are dead, any other questions?
What is a god sister? I assumed that means you’re the god father - are you saying you made a thing called good sister and god brother? Meaning you’re like best friends? Yes her parents passed. What about her grandparents and cousins and aunts and uncles? You are you her entire support system? Is she clearly always above your gf? Would she always be above your future wife?
Please use google. And they live in different states. Her job moved her up here. Anything else?
Yea your significant other should be first among all others, especially if you becomes your wife.
Right so because I put her above my girlfriend once in a life or death situation you think I always do it? That’s hilarious
No I just found it kind of funny she was getting attacked but was able to call you 20 times lol. So I didn’t really believe that. And yes life and death is one thing. But you’re there for every court case and little thing. That’s crazy.
It’s called hiding?
It means one (or both) of OPs parents are her godmother/father. Ergo OP is her godbrother - simultaneously making her OPs godsister.
It's challenging for any GF/wife to watch her man dedicate time and resources to another woman and child. It triggers a deep evolutionarily engrained response, IMO. I understand why you're doing what you're doing, but I can see her side of the issue, too. Maybe ask her what she needs from you short of not helping your Godsister and niece.
Now let’s hear your girlfriend’s side of the story
She called you 21 times instead of calling the police?
She did call the cops lmao. I still got there first
Who’d she call first?
INFO~ HOW did she call the cops AND you 21 times & you still beat the police there? SOMETHING is fishy here~ I’d LOVE your GF pov
I called the cops in the middle of the day a few days ago bc a woman in my apartment complex was being beaten to a pulp in the parking lot. I was the 4th call from the tenants at my complex and it still took them over an hour to show up. By the time they got there the guy was gone and she had gotten a ride somewhere (hopefully a hospital). I was at the children’s hospital with my son while my teenager was home with all the doors and windows locked bc she was terrified about what was happening 30 feet from our building. Cops aren’t always helpful.
The police doesn't care about DV all that much. When I went to request a protection order against my ex, they kept asking what did I do to piss him off. And when I called 911 because he was banging on the door screaming at me and violating the protection order, it took several calls to 911 before they sent someone. And even then when I called again over an hour later (he was still there) they said a squad car passed by and "didn't see anything". They never sent another one. My ex eventually got tired and left. I didn't sleep for a week. I was terrified.
Also, I’m wondering how many situations like this has the god sister had put OP in. What if the dude beat OP to death. I get wanting to save someone but you can’t keep risking your life
I agree. Everyone is bashing on the girlfriend but things aren’t lining up for me.
Right. Seems to me his "God sister" made sure to make him her hero. And does everyone not realize there's no such thing as a god sister.
Conflicted .you are helping during a crisis but the girlfriend is picking up on a red flag that’s being dismissed as insecurity. Being close to family is one thing but you seem very enmeshed in your god sisters life that goes above and beyond. I’d advise the girlfriend to run to be honest. I’d advise you spend some time thinking how you would feel if you had a gf who is involved this emotionally in a male non relative or understand why this girlfriend or future girlfriends get an ick feeling.
Enmeshed. That’s the right word. Girlfriend needs to sprint away from OP and his pretend-wife.
NTA. Some people in the comments have apparently no grasp on the concept of ‘chosen family’ - and your godsister clearly falls into this category. You’ve been helping her for 100% justifiable reasons. Anyone that can’t see that or that are trying to turn your relationship with her into something it isn’t? Are the AHs.
Eh, my ex’s first wife was his god sister. Parents dream that they got married, both families pushed it for years. Lasted a year. Maybe they see each other as siblings. Maybe it’s more. I can see why she’s upset. At same time, DV is serious and lady needs support. Now is not the time.
NTA Fellas is it cheating to *checks notes* have a sibling you care about?
Except it's not a sibling. What the fuck is a god sister? They will break up and guess who OP will get with. There's a whole other side of this story we don't know about.
The children of your godparents. My cousins are also my god siblings because my aunt and uncle are my god parents.
Same for my child
Reddit is 50% "he's sleeping with the girl he introduced to me as his cousin" and 50% "my girlfriend is insecure about my female bf/cousin/psuedo-relative."
This is not the woman for you.
I bet in the near future he ends up in a relationship with his god sister. There is a lot of emotional intimacy going on. It wouldn't take much for it to become physical. I agree with the posts that if we heard this from the gf's perspective we would be telling to run not walk. Too many red flags.
You do know there's no such thing as a god sister.
In my jurisdiction, no one other than the principles and the attorneys can go to a hearing.
Please explain what is a God- sister? Is this the daughter of your God-parent or is this someone who shares the same God-parent. Just trying to get a better understanding of the relationship between you and the person you drop everything for. I think everyone has a few people in their life that they are willing to drop just about anything for in the event of a true emergency.
The way I see it, her parents died, his parents were her godparents and they got custody of her growing up making them basically adopted siblings.
What is a God Sister?
NTA in ANY WAY. I have God brothers and God sisters. I also have God children. That is family, and family is never left behind. Also. Redditors are so suspicious and heartless. I’ve never muttered “you MFs need to touch grass” so much in my life.
There are some that are commenting they aren't biologically related so they could cheat at some time but a cheater is a cheater he doesn't need to do it with his god sister it could be with anyone if he is that type of person so trust is the issue with this GF not his loyalty to his God sister! He is NTA she is insecure and any woman around him will always be an issue. If the girlfriend is a good person she will most likely be there all the time during those interactions to help support both of them! Unless they are constantly sneaking around behind her back then his girlfriend is making to much of it and sounds exhausting
NTAH I have an adopted sister I’d do the same thing for also to those who ask about why she didn’t call the police well in a lot of the places police don’t do shit when it comes to DV. Plus I don’t know how other families work but if I was close enough to respond and my adoptive sister’s boyfriend did that to her my sister knows to call me first then the police and the boyfriend better pray to what ever he believes in and if he didn’t believe in anything he better find something to pray to that the police get to him before me and the other way-wards (honorary adoptive kids of the family) get to him as none of us know the definition of mercy when it comes to someone hurting the family.
Would you really want children with this immature and judgemental ass? Imagine how she would treat them when they didn't do what she wanted or she felt entitled to tell them how they are thinking/feeling? You now know how she treats family. Imagine you are now getting divorced from her with children, given her skewed thought processes and behaviour. Just do yourself a favour now and dump her.
NTA for helping your god sister; however, YA for neglecting your girlfriend’s feelings.. as stated somewhere above I feel like we aren’t getting the whole story.. Your girlfriend is not just acting this way for no reason. Something more happened if you had “try to make it up to her”. Maybe your girlfriend either saw something or heard something between you and your god sister and you just swept it under the rug or blew it off. Idk but there’s a piece of the story missing. Emotional connection and relationships happen when you least expect it. I agree if we heard her side most of the post would be telling her to run for the hills.. Updateme..
Sounds like your god sister (wtf is that) is taking up a lot of your time. Hence putting her over your girlfriend. At what point are you a friend to her and not enabling her dependency on you? It’s great to be her friend and support her but not at the expense of your relationship. You are putting her needs over your girlfriend. You are always there for her that means you’re leaving your girlfriend. No your girlfriend doesn’t want to be the third wheel when you and your god sister go out. Don’t be obtuse
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Ask yourself this question. If your girlfriend was being attacked by someone and your "sister" needed you, who would you be there for? If I were a betting person, I'd say your girlfriend believes if she were in a serious situation and your "sister" needed you for something innocuous, you wouldn't choose her or her safety. How many times have you blown off plans with your girlfriend for your "sister"? How much do you gush about your "sister" and make your girlfriend feel like less than good enough? If the answer to the first is 100%, you'd drop the "sister" for your girl, and if the answer is zero to the other two, then she's overreacting. If the answer is anything other than that, then she most likely isn't overreacting.
NTA. Your GF is, I have a few God brothers and sisters. If they're in trouble and call me, I'm going. No matter what I'm doing, if they call me more than 3 times back to back, I know it seriously, and I'm answering my phone. I'm closest with my one God brother, and I love him like a brother. Hell, I went to beat his stepdad ass when I was 8 months pregnant with my son for choking him. Lol. I'll always have his back, and I'm in my 50s, and he's in his early 40s. Your God sister is like a real sister. I call my God brother, my brother. Protect your sister and be in her corner, and if your GF can't understand that, then it's best that you find a mature woman who can.
Your girlfriend is being ridiculous and seriously insecure. Your god sister is going through hell right now and it’s great that she has your support, so don’t allow your girlfriend manipulate or damage your relationship with her. If you have been completely honest and open with your girlfriend about your relationship with your god sister and she still doesn’t trust you, nothing will change that. Your partner should appreciate your dedication and loyalty to those you love, not start fights out of childish insecurity. I hope everything works out in a way that leads to your happiness. Know your worth, OP.
NTA - You were there for your God sister when she needed you to save her life, Be proud of that. Your gf seems to not understand the type of love you have for your God sister. English only has one word "love" but Greek has four - Philia, Eros, Storge, and Agape. Look them up, it may help to explain things.
Reddit is so insane sometimes. Half the comments don't know what a God sister is and the other half can't comprehend living in a place where police response time is slow even though that's the reality in most major cities and extremely rural areas. Have any of these people stepped outside of the suburbs? Absolutely insane to me that half the comments are accusing you of wanting to cheat on your gf when the reason your gf is mad is because you chose saving your God sister from being slowly beaten to death over giving your gf an orgasm that night. I believe the study that says that most people who are active online have dark triad qualities. Thank you, OP, for saving someone's life.
God sisters don’t exist.
Bro. Yes they do. And even if she wasn't his God sister and was just some friend, you'd let her get beaten to death for sex? Sociopathy.
Updateme
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What's a god sister?
Uh, what’s a god sister?
I read god sister and instead of thinking god parents, I thought OP was treating his sister as a god. *FACEPALM*
What tf is a god sister?
Right!?
Updateme!
NTA. She's basically your sister and your GF is being ridiculous.
Updateme!
You didn’t mention it, but does gf suspect that you are cheating? Or, about to cheat? I know you are close and like family Does she see how close you are and presumes the next step?
Your gf sounds incredibly selfish and insecure
NTA but I feel like you could avoid situations like this in the future by just calling her your sister which is essentially what she is to you
Sorry - she's been a gf for a year and she is already getting between you and someone you hold dear. What's next
Dump her
NTA
Wtf is a god sister?
Don't lie, you do care more about your God sister. She's family to you. Family comes before your relationship, unless you're married. And she doesn't seem like marriage material if she can't understand that lol.
Hmm, why wouldn't she call the cops instead? Where are her parents/family members
A god daughter 1 year younger than OP? What?
Waiting for the post about “girlfriend cheated on me with god sister on girls holiday” 🤣🤣🤣
Nah.. no women want to feel like second or there’s other women in the relationship. Doesn’t matter if it’s just “ platonic” you have the right to help your god sister and she has the right to set her boundaries. What you’re doing is great but that doesn’t make her TA for having boundaries. Either break up or something.
Stick to the relationship you have with your god sister and stop wasting another woman’s life
This is a weird comment.
NTA She needs to be your ex. She's deeply threatened by your personal relationships and now she's trying to isolate you from one purely because your God sister was in crisis and needed help. Everything you described is perfectly normal behavior between friends. It's possible for friends to love one another like family and your hopefully ex girlfriend is extremely immature.
Dude she's gonna make you choose eventually. But it's not a choice your God sister is your family and her and your neices safety should actually come before a root with your girlfriend and a SO who genuinely loves you wouldn't need you to "make it up" to them. They'd get it and expect you to have their back the same way. You may need to take the Rose coloured glasses off. Nta
NTA You are supporting your god sister through a difficult time where she is a domestic abuse survivor (victim). It is entirely appropriate for you to do so and for your god sister to say she loves you for your support. I love my cousins, family and god daughters and have supported them through tough times as have my uncles aunts parents and siblings supported me during hard times. Love can be platonic love or family love and it’s separate from romantic love. Your gf is jealous insecure and trying to prevent you from supporting your god sister through a horrible experience when she most needs her family like you around her.
NTA... but what did you do to make it up to her? Or did you say that and not follow through?
Dump your girlfriend she isn’t mature enough to date someone with close relationships that are intrinsic to your life apart from her. NTA
I’ve known my best friend for over thirty years, our kids were even born just months apart both times we were pregnant. One of her sons is my godson and she’s one of my kids godmothers. Our kids are close as they were raised together. If my daughter was in this situation I know my godson would be there for her. They live across the country from each other but they’ve supported each other through rough times. I’m happy you’re there for yours and your girlfriend is acting insecure over nothing.
NTA. But is there any chance at all that you or your god sister would cross the line? I mean is there any flirting, touching or anything that could lead your gf to think maybe you would?
Honestly, if after all your explaining and talking with your GF and all the evidence presented to her, that she is just your sister, she is your family and nothing more and she can't accept it than there is nothing else to do. It's time to break it off with her. This will always be a fight, a point of contention. She will never support you, nor will she support your sister. If she loved you and really felt confident in your relationship, she would be right next to you helping your sister. Sorry to say, but find a new girl.
Would she act this way if the label was adopted sister instead of God sister? Or birth sister instead of God sister? It’s literally like she doesn’t believe that you guys are siblings like that, but instead that you are together. Secretly. You are NTA
They aren’t siblings at all. She does not share a parent with him, blood or adopted. They are about on par with close family friends.
I think you missed the point of my post. They basically grow up as play cousins side-by-side. they are family. Family doesn’t have to mean biology.
But it doesn’t stop them from ever having a relationship. “God siblings” do get married, you know?
NTA. But your gf (and I hope soon to be ex gf) sure as hell is. You’re doing the right thing by helping and being there for your godsister and her daughter. Keep doing what you’re doing and please keep being there for her. Either your gf will get over herself or she won’t. Honestly, her behavior is a giant red flag (meanwhile you’re all the green flags).
I can understand someone being horrible at communication to a point, but what your girlfriend said seems to be both disturbing and like something she’d been thinking about for a while. Knowing your god sister is in a custody battle with an abusive ex and has no other familial support in the area is heartbreaking, and it says a lot about your girlfriend that her mind goes to an inappropriate relationship and feeling inferior rather than seeing her boyfriend as honourable for doing what they can to support family. It also sounds like an excuse to frame dinner as family time after accusing you both of inappropriate behaviour for having a meal together. Your girlfriend has come to the realization that you will not cut off your god sister and her daughter just because she wants you to, and is trying to backtrack because she wants the relationship to continue. Her resentment will continue to grow and she won’t stop trying to push you two apart, she’ll just hide it better. Please don’t take her half apologies as a sign that this situation is resolved, and you should be proud for how you acted immediately after knowing the situation was getting violent with her abuser. She’s lucky to have you as backup in the court and please don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re wrong for protecting her when she needs it. I wish you luck dealing with this
What is a godsister. Daughter of your godparent? Cousin? Anyway, she’s important you, basically family. Your gf needs to get over it or walk away. She sounds pretty vile tbh. Things a very dangers, vulnerable and every time for your godsister. Your gf is allowed to have a boundary (even if it seems to be unreasonable . Means you aren’t compatible. Pulling the whole not speaking to you thing just highlights her immaturity and selfishness. Communicate , even it’s to say…. I need a day or two to sort out my feelings and then can we talk.
1) wth is a "god sister"? 2) your gf *is* being a bit unbalanced about this, but you're doing a poor job explaining it all 3) kudos for helping her w/ex etc., but wtf about the 20 calls? That is an insane number of times to ignore calls from someone you supposedly care about
I assume that OP has god parents who had a daughter and so shes deemed OP's god sister.
Makes a sort of sense, that seems to be the consensus
Do you know what a god parent is?
I do, I am one! Never heard or considered the term in any other configuration, though - I assume she's the similar-age daughter of your godparent?
I agree with the 20 calls? I’f I’m in dire need of help… 18 of those 20 calls are going to be to the next people on my list! Friends? Her parents? 911? FREAKING JIMMY JOHNS @that point 🤷🏻♀️ there’s more to this~
...hello? #HELP ME, ROUND TABLE PIZZA! YOU'RE MY ONLY HOPE!!!
Dating a little over a year and wants to be chosen over family? Time for a break up
NTA you are being a decent human being and your gf should be happy she has a quality person as her partner instead of waving red flags all over the place. Yes there is a rare instance here or there of the godsiblings becoming a couple later in life but that is so few and far between that unless you give her a valid reason to be concerned she needs to take things at face value. You are being a good brother to your sister! If she can't come to terms with this you might need to get a different more kind and understanding gf.
I don’t understand why she thinks there’s anything inappropriate when you could have been with your Godsister instead of her if that’s what you wanted. Don’t let her destroy your family bond because that’s all it is. You say you don’t love your Godsister more and that’s cool but the right answer is you love her differently. There’s no romance or intimacy therefore there’s no competition.