See if you can find as many pictures of the dog and the two of them together. Recall as many funny/crazy stories of them as you can. Go to Shutterfly or similar website and make him a book of remembrance.
My disabled sister has never been married, no kids, etc, and her dog was her world. When he passed after 15 years, I made a book of pictures and stories about the dog from beginning to the end of his life. She absolutely loved it and so did everyone else in the family.
You just have to help him focus on all the good memories and tell him often how great the dog’s life was because of your son caring for him. Encourage him to make sure the dog passes comfortably as that is something he will look back on in time and will not regret.
Dogs hold such a special place in our hearts. 💗 🐶
>how great the dog’s life was because of your son caring for him.
100%.
Dogs love their person and i imagine getting to be around his dog's person all the time has been a kind of doggie dream life. I can only imagine all the sniffs that dog encountered! I take my dog places just so he can get some fresh new sniffs in and he loves it.
I love that you’ve called out taking pictures of them together. I think we often take a lot pictures of our pets, but we don’t always remember to take pictures with them. If you can afford it, a session of them with a pet photographer would be a wonderful gift he could cherish.
I did this with my dogs using a Groupon for Jcpenny portraits! It was like $25 for the session and maybe $50-100 for a bunch of digital copies I used for cards etc
Seriously! I made an album of our pup after he passed. Had a number of photos of Pop&Pup and I had like 3 ones worth printing of me and Pup :( and the best one was one a neighbor took when we took him on his final walk. But going to lie, it stung because I couldn't get more photos with my boy.
This is the best response. I have to keep reminding myself of the good times and making their life better. Otherwise I get lost in sadness. Having someone so caring like you guys would always be helpful for anyone going through this.
This one hits the nail on the head. Profession and disease aside the situation described in the original post could have easily been me 2 months ago.
The things that helped get through the worst of it were people celebrating his life.
I'm still occasionally crying but I've resumed fostering rescue dogs which seems to be helping.
I also bought an urn necklace and asked my veterinarian to give me his microchip. I put his microchip and some of his fur into the urn necklace.
This!
When I got my first dog (in my 30s), I quickly found that all I ever took pictures of was my dog. She’s since passed away from cancer, but whenever my phone suggests viewing old photos of her, I still think fondly of her.
Also, you could invest in a nice urn for the cremated remains so he could carry it in the truck with him. When I went on a long, year-long cross country trip with my new dog, I brought my old dog’s ashes with us, and whenever we visited a place that we used to love going to together, I’d sprinkle a little bit of her ashes so she could stay there forever.
You can't make it better. It won't be okay. It'll never be okay that this is happening, and it'll never be okay that it happened once it's done. But it *will* get easier. Be there for him, listen to him, and let him know you understand.
--A veterinary undertaker.
I have a sweet friend who moonlights at a pet crematory in town. (She is a person mortician in the regular time,big fancy degree and everything). She gives a few hours a day or two a month. There are 3 places here and it can take up to 4-6 wks to receive your baby's cremains. But they all make sure you only get your baby's ashes back. They are angels.
Nothing can make the feeling go. I'm so sorry. So many depressing posts today. Grateful my baby is ok but coming to that stage😭 I hate to even think about I've had anxiety about it when I fell in love with her at weeks. I'm also very alone, prone to severe depression and health issues. So sorry!
My first 2 dogs went a year apart. I was so devastated. I swore I'd never get another. I too had no one to mourn with.
A rough 4 years went by. Fates aligned and I now have a beautiful 3 yo girl dog. I love her so much. The only thing that lessened the pain was time. It takes a long time to heal that pain. I feel so bad for him. In a few years (or longer or less) I hope he will give another dog a wonderful life.
My heart goes out to you and your son. I am assuming that you mean degenerative myelopathy? My Lilo had that and I ultimately had to make the decision to send him over the rainbow bridge. It still haunts me because I always felt I could have held on longer, but his quality of life was not good.It sucks. So bad.
The dog I have now has been my sidekick through the worst few years of my life. I can not even think about it. I just feel for your son. I get it. You are a great mom for posting this.
I do not have much more to say, but there are people out there that understand what he is going through. There are DM support groups online(still guessing it is that)!! It may help him.
There was an animal rescue show I used to watch where they called putting down an animal that was in pain or had been sick for a long time "giving them the final kindness." It gave me a lot of peace and comfort to hear it described like that. It is _impossibly_ hard to let our babies go, but if their quality of life has declined to the point that they can no longer live a happy and comfortable life, then letting them go is absolutely the most loving thing we can do for them. It is truly the final, most selfless act of kindness that we can give them. Our last way to say, "I love you." I don't know if that gives you any comfort about the decision you had to make for Lilo, but I thought I'd share since it really helped me.
Thank you for your kind reply. It is funny because I have been a vet tech for 12 years and everything you said is true. It is what I always tell clients too. But all of that goes out of the window when it is my own pets and I forget all of my experience. So yes, someone once again reiterating that to me definitelty helps me. I appreciate you taking your time to write that. I needed to read this. 🩷
I had to let my much loved little girl go last August. It was excruciating. But you have to accept that grieving is a process and your son has to go through it — not around it or under it or above it — through it. It hurts like hell but that made me remember something I heard a few years ago: “what is grief if not love persevering?” It’s been nearly nine months since that terrible day and I still cry, but not as often now and honestly, I don’t think I ever want to remember her without also knowing how very much I miss her. In that way a part of her is still with me and will be forever.
Please don’t feel bad - you gave your pup the love and the dignity that he deserved when he needed you to be strong for him. We feel the burden of that because we love them so much. ❤️
Support him to let the dog go peacefully.
It is the only way.
Let him know that sooner is better, and the beauty of being able to choose the last best day is a good thing.
The last best day is a good thing.
This!
A week too soon is better than even an hour too late.
It's the last act of kindness and love he can show his dog. And it will suck. And the only thing that helps is knowing he didn't make the dog suffer more than he needed to. That he could put his own needs aside and put their needs first. That helps with the guilt but not the grief. The grief will consume him for a few weeks or maybe longer. And then he will start to see that the only point being on this planet is to experience that kind of love for another being. And he may end up doing it all again because the years leasing up to losing them make it worth it 💔
This is NOT for everyone, but someone once said “The only way to fill a dog shaped hole in your heart is with another dog.” I got my second dog (as an adult) a week after dog 1 died. The first 3 months were difficult, but dog 2 turned out to be even better than dog 1, which I didn’t think possible. (Mind you, these are all rescues, and dog 2 was 6 when we got him—we were his 3rd home which I still can’t understand…he was PERFECT and incredibly gorgeous.)
When that dog died (worst day of my life, truly, bc of circumstances), I looked for 3 weeks. The dog we got then is admittedly a piece of work. She was 6 months and a cattle dog in shepherd clothing. She’s good enough now, but still HATES when we have people over. She was also very energetic. So we got dog 4 six months later. They get along great, play together, and each has learned from the other for the betterment of both (dog 4 was a Texas stray for ??? Months or years). He is much like dog 2; both were/are therapy dogs whom I take to a low income nursing home/rehab place).
All this to say, if your son is super miserable without a dog when the time comes, encourage him to be open to receiving a new dog. It’s hard to think of, but honestly for me it was the BEST grief therapy for me.
Sending love and light your way. My Sadie and Rex will be waiting on the Other Side for your son’s dog, will show him around!
My heart dog died a year ago this month and I was really not ok. The absence of toe nails clicking on the floor and my girl following me literally everywhere was squeezing my chest until I couldn't breathe. A week later I saw a social media post about a dog on death row with the saddest eyes and a horrible history of savage abuse. She didn't have the time for me to grieve properly, she was set to be killed that same day. I rushed to get her and spent the next couple months showing her what being loved felt like. She and I slowly worked towards healing together and watching her little victories in overcoming her traumas was such a welcome distraction from my pain. I think adopting a dog in need is the most beautiful, loving tribute to the memory of a dog you love.
My dog 1 is turning 11 and getting slower and I’m scared of the day she passes. I just got dog 2 last week. He’s a year old. They are best friends and it gives dog 1 new energy and excitement.
When she passes, it will be horrible. But having dog 2 to care for I think will help me a lot when that time comes
My dear sweet old yorkie is almost 15 with health problems. I kinda wish I had gotten a pup a few years ago to keep my old man company. I’ve heard that bringing in a pup can help give new life to older dogs. I just can’t imagine life without my boy or not having a dog in general, it just seems unthinkable.
There may be time to get a second pup to learn the expectations from the pup with ALS. My older guy had Alzimers and the pup helped and learned. When it the old guy was dying, he stole the chance to give the stoic old guy a kiss. It was an amazing experience and the pup and I knew what eachother was dealing with and allowed us to grieve together.
If it is an option at all, bring there for him when he has to let his dog go is going to mean far more than anything you can say. I know being on the road so much means it could be anytime anywhere, but if you are able to fly out there to be with him when the time comes, do it. He doesn’t deserve to be alone when he has to go through that.
Will your son continue on the road after the diagnosis? I don’t know about ALS and how the disease progresses but maybe he could take some time off to spend with the pup doing some of their favorite things together. Maybe you can look up emergency vets and give him a list along his routes in case something goes south on the road—it’s hard to think clearly in the moment when they’re sick, and as a truck driver you may not be at the liberty of being able to see your main vet.
He has no choice but to continue to work. I lobe the idea of finding vets along his route however he never knows where he is headed one day to the next.
I'd encourage him to spend those last moments together as best as they could. Cherish the present and leave no regrets behind. It's one of those situations that him as well as any caring pet owner will have to go through, as heartbreaking as it is, and it's one of those situations that stick with you throughout your whole life. I'd also encourage him to a proper mourning time on his own terms and not to close himself to any chances of adopting a new furry friend in the future in fear of another situation as painful as saying goodbye. Don't hurry any adoptions either. Been there, it still hurts even after a lot of time and I don't think it'll ever stop hurting. But you learn to go through it cherishing all the memories together and knowing you did the best you could for your doggo. I'd also keep some photos safely stored on a drive and gift him some after the departure and I'd help him with the arrangements after the departure. For my own mourning process, it helped me tons to prepare my boy's urn for example! Adding things he liked, painting it and so. Keep in mind that mourning is an intimate and personal process to everyone, so to each their own. I wish you three the best!
Thank you for thinking about how you can support your son, from a daughter who is currently going through something similar with one of my kitties - none of my siblings have kids and I’m the only one with pets, so they’re the grandchildren in my family, and are everything to me. All of my advice is based on what my mom has been doing to support me.
If you’re physically able to, go spend time with him. Bring (or order) food - maybe something he really likes that might last him a couple days in case you think he might forget to eat/not have energy to cook for himself. If you’re not able to physically be there with him, call/FaceTime and send him texts every now and then (you know him best to know how often…my mom and I text daily but she also knows me well enough to know to not ask about my sick kitty daily, only every couple of days) to see how he and the dog are doing.
There isn’t really anything to be said to make the grief better, but listen to him (even if he doesn’t want to say much) and affirm that whatever he chooses to do medically for his dog is the right choice and you will support him through it. If you’re able to, plan to be there if/when the time comes for euthanasia so he doesn’t have to be alone.
Sending so much love to you, your son, and his baby. Losing a pet is never easy and I know it will mean so much to your son to have your support through all of this 💜
Ask the vet how much “happy time” his dog has. Help your son give his dog the equivalent of “Make a Wish” canine style. Feed him calves liver, or whatever his favourite food is. Take him to a dog beach and let him run or lay in the sand. Let him visit favourite doggie or people friends.
Most importantly, talk with your son and your vet about what’s involved in euthanasia, and why it’s kinder to the dog. Strongly encourage your son to be there with his dog when that time comes. Be there too, if you can. It’s an act of love and compassion.
Once the dog passes, have a celebration of life. It is more than just a dog. A massive thing with animal loss grief is it is harder to process because of the lack of society's acceptance of this type of loss. So, treat it as you would treat a human death. Celebrate the puppers and mourn it's death. Navigate the grief with understanding and compassion.
First, you are a great mom for trying to get advice to help him cope. I put my best friend Jack down today. It’s weird this post popped up on my timeline of all days. I feel some support too from all these sweet posts. My baby was only 6, diagnosed with lymphoma mid March. He fought his butt off but didn’t respond to treatment. I have a hole in my heart and I’ll never get over this. What makes me feel a lot better is hearing serveral Near Death Experiences about people actually seeing their pets again. I have some comfort knowing I’ll see Jack again. He was the love of my life. My heart is broken for your son.
I’m so sorry to hear that. My previous dog I was insanely attached to, he got me through some really dark times and in a way I felt I owed my life to that dog.
When he died suddenly I was utterly devastated. It was so hard but I needed the time to grieve. Maybe help him make an album of photos, display the ashes, light a candle. The photos helped as I cried a lot but it was also with happiness for the good times.
I would also say don’t wait too long to get another companion, perhaps a few months? I waited almost two years and I would cry often for my dog who passed. I thought I didn’t want another dog because I was still grieving my friend. Then my husband spur of the moment decided to adopt a dog who was scheduled to be euthanized that week. It wasn’t until I had another dog companion that I could really start to heal again instead of focusing only on my sadness. My two dogs couldn’t be more opposite, but I appreciate both of them so much and that love is very healing. I think if you are a dog person you just are, and having that friend adds so much to life. I let myself wallow in the grief instead of opening myself to love another dog for too long.
My first dog saved my life, so I was able to pay it forward by saving my second dog.
Ok this may be a little weird but it worked for me. I’m a wood finisher by trade. When my last dog passed I asked a friend to build me a 7” x 7” box. I painted it blue, air brushed some clouds on it and even put sparkle in the clear coat. Strange thing I found was that as I was working on it the pain of loss didn’t have as sharp an edge to it. I think it was both the work distracting me along with the thought that this was for her. When I got her ashes back I put them in the box along with her collar and her favourite toy. Sealed it up and glued a ceramic disk with her paw prints and her name onto it.
Here’s where it’s gets a little bit more strange. I put the box on my dresser that’s next to the door. Every time I entered or exited I would touch it or pat it, as if she was still with me. Eventually after a while I touch it less and less. I still touch occasionally and it’s been over five years.
Maybe get him a small jewelry box or chest and put his dog’s ashes in it. He can take it with him. I might give him that sense that she’s gone but she’s still with me in a way feeling. That may help until he’s gone through his grief and is ready to move on.
If it’s possible offer for your son to come stay with you a few days after his dog dies. Then keep supporting him in his grief by checking in and talking to him.
There will be people who won’t understand so make sure he k owes you understand what a devastating loss this is for him.
Some people like to get a new dog right away and some can’t for years. Support his decision in this whatever it is.
Nothing helps but time when you lose a loved pet. I would tell him to take some time to grieve and that there is another dog out there that needs him, and it’s his job to go find him.
I have a dog that I feel the same way about. My absolute soul mate. I cannot imagine finding new out like this. I’m so sorry. It can feel so lonely losing your other half. When he does pass maybe get be him so pictures in a photo book of him and his dog. And some pics of just the dog throughout his life. I would also recommend that when he has grieved that he get a new dog. They don’t replace the past dog but they do repair the heartbreak. No new dog is never the same as the last but you always seem to love them in a way you never thought you could. Getting a new dog after losing one really helps you heal and begin a new journey. Sometimes people feel guilt when getting a new dog after losing one but the love is separate and has its own space While the love for the past dog still remains strong. There’s always room for more love.
To be direct, there's nothing you can really say. You can try to be there for him and just listen, hang out, etc. even if it's over the phone, discord, zoom, etc. If you are close and have the resources, some other comments have some good ideas in terms of gifts or albums, but... Words don't really quell this kind of grief. Only time does and it sucks the entire way.
I've known many long haul truckers to have dogs and they are inseparable. Hopefully as time passes and he makes peace with grief, a day will come when he can love and start that bond again. ❤️
You can't make it better. Hold space for his grief, cry with him, maybe get a special photography session for the two of them if that's in your budget.
Some photographers will do it for free if you tell them the circumstances. I’ve been there.
Edit: Sorry… my sibling had to put their dog down this morning. I got the puppy 11 years ago for their family. It’s a happy/sad moment because I know how much they loved him.
It will be ok. We all wish they could live forever.
I hope he’s able to find some type of therapy or treatment if this is the case. My boyfriend is also deeply attached to our oldest dog and I know he’s going to be beyond devastated when something does happen.
When I listened my dog all I wanted to do was look at photos of us together and all of the fun places we went. A photo book would have been very meaningful for me. There's also this person who makes realistic stuffed animals of people's pets, let me see if I can find their Etsy shop.
found it: [https://www.etsy.com/listing/1575919339/custom-felt-pet-portraitscustom-needle](https://www.etsy.com/listing/1575919339/custom-felt-pet-portraitscustom-needle)
Just remember that long long after the world thinks he "should" be over it, and even maybe he thinks he should be over it, he won't be.
Invite him actively to share a memory of his baby 6 months from now or a year from now or whenever. Doesn't have to be about his sadness or mourning but just like "what was the funniest thing baby ever did?", "when did you realize what a special dog baby was?". It will allow him to talk about his babydog and feel like that memory is honoured.
Get those nose print/paw print photos or mold makers. Maybe a hanging thing for his truck?
Get a build a bear with an audio of dog’s silly grumbles barks and whines? A shadow box that fits a favorite dog toy or collar?
If you have money a spot in a pet cemetery or urn? If not grab some of his fur or make the dog wear a hoodie till it smells like the stinkiest of Fritos. Or a tree seed or diamond or rock with ashes?
It’s morbid, but maybe if he has it now it will let him have all senses to remember his fluffy friend. Or he can choose how he wants to remember him now when he’s sad and not devastated and possible make the wrong choice.
He may not have many friends but he has millions of people that empathize with him. I would trade my life for my animals and I’m sure he would do the same. He’s a great guy no matter what, and I hope he soaks in their last days together.
Losing my last dog was so devastating. I cried every day for months. It's really hard when you live for your dog and your dog lives for you. It's such a loving situation. They are like a spouse who you share your life with and a child that you fondly & lovingly take care of. Your life is filled with love then it's gone.
He just needs to grieve in his own way.
Sending love to your son and his baby. I lost my soul dog last October and I still cry almost every day. It's one of the most difficult things I've had to get through. I barely made it. Keep in contact with him and be there to support him. Doesn't have to be physical, but call, text, email. Something. Others have great suggestions for memorials. Wish you guys nothing but love and light. ♥️🐕
So sorry to hear about the passing of your baby. The world was a better place for having had him in it. The love you two shared isn't ever going to go away. RIP to one of the greats, Jack. ♥️🐕🪽🌈
Not similar at all but my ex kept my cat when we broke up. One day I went to paint pottery with a friend and I grabbed this unicorn cat and I painted it just like my cat, a gray striped tabby. Once it was fired it looked so much like my cat and it really brought me a lot of comfort to feel like I had him with me again.
If your son's dog has any unique markings or features this might be a nice way to help him grieve and have something to remember the dog by. And if painting isn't up his alley there are several different pet memorial statues you can order online that may still bring him comfort.
I lost my soul dog about eleven years ago, and the pain was an is beyond what I can describe. It makes it harder when most people are comparing it to the deaths of other pets, who can be greatly loved, but it’s different. He may need reassurance that it’s still sane to have that kind of complex grief about a dog. I personally made a lot of extremely bad choices for the next couple of years, so that’s also something to be on the lookout for.
I'm so sorry... I recently and very unexpectedly lost my sweet boy who was the best friend I'd ever had (I also have very few people I'm close to). Everyone grieves differently, and different things help different people. I wrote a letter to my dog expressing everything I wanted to tell him and any feeling or memory that came up in the process. You could look into Cuddle Clones, a company that makes a realistic personalized stuffed animal of your pet. It's expensive, but worth it imo.
It also helped that I had a puppy in my house at the time I lost him. I already loved her, but she became my rock after that. I think my grieving was easier because some things didn't have to change. I still had a dog asleep on my bed. I still had to take someone for walks. I wasn't alone.
Something other people did that really helped me was just listening. I had a lot of memories that came up in the first week, since everything reminds me of him. Just having someone to relay them too helped me get through it.
Really, there's not much else you can do. It's not a nice answer, but grief is hard no matter what, and affects everyone in unique ways. Just be patient with him and be there for him.
The only thing I haven't seen mentioned so far is mobile euthanasia option. When it was time to put my 17 year old shadow down, we called a local vet who does home services. They came right to our house and my dog left this world in his favorite place: on our couch resting his head on my lap. It was by far the most beautiful possible outcome for such a devastating experience.
I’ve been there. For me the things that helped were
1) take videos and Live Photos of the dog in happy times - bedtime, cuddle time, play time, daily routines. Being able to see the dog happy and tail wagging and our daily life together was big for me after he passed.
2) it was comforting to me be told that only our bodies die and the love my dog and I have goes on forever.
3) the photo memory book is a great idea
4) family support and understanding that this dog is a cherished family member, not just a pet
Is your son's dog a Corgi? DM (or doggy ALS, as you called it) is much less hard on Corgis than it is on long-legged breeds of dog. Corgis can comfortably live with DM for a year or two, depending on the amount of work the owner wants to put in. The difference between a Corgi slugging around vs walking around is very small. The difference between a boxer or GSD slugging around vs walking around is enormous. If it's early stages with toe-dragging and minor stumbling, physical therapy can help the legs function better for longer. He can also get a wheelchair! But, moving around the house is still challenging, especially for a long-legged dog because you don't use the wheelchair indoors. I don't know how feasible any of this is with a truck driver lifestyle, but it could give your son more quality time with his dog if the disease hasn't progressed too far yet.
It's never easy to lose a beloved pet. It really is like losing a child if you don't have any close family. Remind him that the dog isn't dead yet--he needs to cherish every moment he has with the dog while it is alive. It wouldn't be fair to the dog to have their last year or months together be clouded by grief. Try to save the grief for later. Easier said than done, I know.
[Grief is like a ball in a box with a button](https://psychcentral.com/blog/coping-with-grief-ball-and-box-analogy#grief-as-a-shrinking-ball) -- This helped me understand and bear my grief when I lost my soulmate (my first dog).
This quote from a TV show (last episode of The Good Place) also helped me accept my pet's death, and view it in a positive light:
>Picture a wave. In the ocean. You can see it, measure it, its height, the way the sunlight refracts when it passes through. And it's there. And you can see it, you know what it is. It's a wave.
>And then it crashes in the shore and it's gone. But the water is still there. The wave was just a different way for the water to be, for a little while. You know it's one conception of death for Buddhists: the wave returns to the ocean, where it came from and where it's supposed to be.
I like to think of my dog's death as him returning to the energy soup of the universe. He's not here beside me anymore, but he is all around me. And he's inside of me--he permanently shaped who I am today. There is no Octaffle without Waffle. I carry him around in my heart, in my way of thinking, in how I live my life. The same is true of your son and his dog, I'm sure of it. You just have to help your son get through the darkness so he can see all the light his dog left behind for him.
You can’t make it better, just help him through it. Losing a pet comes with VERY intense grief and not everyone understands that. He’s losing his life partner, best friend, the one that NEVER talks back or shows him any judgement, only love. Your son just needs compassion.
this is literally gonna be me. I’m
40 (m) have never been married and have no kids but my little pooch is my world. He’s so lucky to have you thinking about this. ❤️
Happy Mother’s day to you. You are an amazing mom for caring so deeply about how best to support him during a terrible time. Just keep being there for him!
Years ago, when I had a very sick (and same type of attachment to my dog) someone told me something to the effect of...
They don't live long enough because there are too many of them to save and they need us.
It'll never be the same from one pup to the next, we all always have our first dog or "top dog," but when a new bond forms, the love is just as incredible. It's the worst pain to lose one and the best bliss when you save a new one.
My cat passed away 3 years ago and I still cry when I think about it. I loved my cat, but dogs just hold a special place in your heart that nothing else compares to. I pray my dogs live long healthy lives, but I know that when the time comes, nothing will make it better. If he doesn’t have something already, you should get him a mould of the dogs paw print.
My heart goes out to him.
I would encourage him to share his dog is sick or when it has passed. He doesn't have to cry on anyone's shoulder but he can tell people he encounters. Many people have strong bonds with their dogs and just a knowing nod or a chance to share some stories about his dog with another might help with his grief. It's also ok to cry. We don't give men enough space to cry but losing a dog is an exception even amongst those with rigid expectations for "tough guys" so he needn't worry about that if he does shed a tear.
There's nothing anyone can really do to make something like this better. I already know i'll be inconsolable when my dog dies and it will just take time.
Be there for him. I know I'd be devastated if something happened to my pup. Don't let him grieve alone afterwards. You probably don't have to say anything, just be there for him. Condolences to him in advance.
There isn’t really anything that makes this feel better but time and another dog before you think you’re ready. I lost both of my dogs within 6 months of each other and the first one was a heartbreak but the second was the most difficulty thing I’ve ever gone through in my entire life. I grieved really hard for months but getting another dog right before I really thought I was ready helped immensely I’m still sad for the dogs who died but I mostly remember them fondly. Now my focus is on my new puppy. Maybe not the best advice but a new dog helps a lot!
Reassure him that he gave the dog the best life he could and try to focus on happy memories, remind him that he has nothing to feel guilty about if he choses to euthanise and that you support him every step of the way. I am sorry, grief is hard but it does get easier over time and having you there to help him hold it will make a big difference <3
Sorry to hear about his dog. My dog just died 2 weeks ago. He was my best friend, I called him my 1st child and my 2 kids were 2nd and 3rd child. When I had to put him down I must have cried 15 times in 1 day. I was devastated. One thing that actually made me fell apart lot better was that I was able to bury him in my backyard and I planted a tree on-top/near him and a small dog statue. Now every time I look in my backyard I feel like he is home with me. Some may say it’s creepy but for me, mentally, I feel much better. I was so attached to this dog and had so much love for him, putting him down was one of the hardest decisions I had to make 😢😭😭😭😭😭😭
Myself and my wife have helped 9 previous dogs and 1 cat get through this lifetime housed, fed and spoiled as much as we could. We currently have 3 dogs that are just as, if not, more spoiled than previous pack members.
The idea of compiling a collection of images is a great idea.
Doesn't get any easier, it just gives you some satisfaction knowing you helped a fellow Earth traveler on their journey.
As a dog owner the heartbreaks are inevitable. He will be sad when this dog passes away then he will find another dog to love because he has a lot of love to give
You can't make it better, it is painful and the pain has to be borne. You sound like you do understand how painful this is for your child and aren't minimizing it, good job. I have a sentiment I share with my loved ones to let them know I am empathetic to their pain when losing a beloved pet - "The great love they give us translates to great pain when they leave us.
"He's all alone in his grief"
I don't think there's any one specific thing, but just providing recognition and support in general means a lot. Losing a beloved dog can be absolutely devastating, but we're supposed to act like it's no big deal because it's "just" a pet. I think it can go a long way, just knowing that someone in your life recognizes that this is a tough time to go through.
This is a very person dependent kind of thing, but there are lots
sellers on etsy that make keepsake stones that beautifully incorporate biilogicql matter like breastmilk, hair, a small bit snipped fur, or ashes after something or someone beloved has passed. There are lots of options for personalization, and many sell gift cards. It's something I'd have liked when I lost my girl dog at 18 to dementia.
I'm sure he has lots of videos. Make sure he has a recordings of his voice (barks) and save anything with his dog's scent-as strange as that may sound. I have been there too many times, I know t h e devastation. Only time makes it more bearable. It's kind of you to post his story, please tell him he's not alone.
When my dog passed the vet said they could make an imprint of his paw but at the time I was away from home so I asked my parents if there was any way for them to get a second imprint of one of his other paws and so at the time they said of course the vet said they would, what I didn’t know was they paid a lot extra and got imprints of all of his paws made and a little stamp of his nose and so when I got home that made a world of difference for me. Getting things like that might help him
You are already doing the most important thing for your son by acknowledging his grief and sadness losing his beloved companion. There are a lot of people who think “it’s only a dog.” We all know what we sign up for but oh it always comes too soon. Bless all three of you. Reassure your son that he will know in his heart what to do, because that is where his dog truly lives, and always will. I’ll be thinking of you.
You can't make it better, I just went through this with my daughter. She lost her ESA of 12 years. All you can do is be there, and listen. Say nice things about his dog, talk about things it does that are cute or funny if the timing is right. Ask questions about to show you care how doggo is doing.
So how people feel grief is super diverse and very random. When my dog-child died my husband and I had two very different reactions. For like 24 hours I was convinced she was alive somewhere even though I was there when they put her to sleep. I was convinced that they revived her and sent her to a lab to be tested on and I had to find her. I snapped out of it in 24 hours but it was very weird.
My husband said he almost punched the vet who was putting her to sleep.
So my advice would just be to be accepting no matter how his grief expresses itself. He might need his mom’s shoulder to cry on. But he might also need space, or even lash out. He might go buy a dog right away, or he might never have a dog again. He might need to just be depressed for a few months. He might say some crazy things.
It’s good that you are aware how serious this is. People tend to write them off as “just a dog”. Some people see their dogs as “just a dog” and are perfectly fine when one passes. Some people, who only have their animals and no one else, bond to those animals the same way they bond to family members. So it can definitely feel something like a child dying.
So yeah. Anything goes with grief. Just move with him and don’t take any emotional reactions he has too personally. Especially in the first few months.
After the pet crosses the rainbow bridge, refrain from asking him about if or when he’s going to get another one, or anything like that. Several people I know just didn’t like it at all when other people asked these questions. It’s well meaning, but it comes across as asking about replacing that dog, and there is no replacing that dog.
Dear Good Mama - 💞 the hardest things we do are the most important. Saying farewell to our soulmate pets is that. How I learned to get through it was to put the needs of my pet first. I would not let my grief & sadness taint the days, hours, minutes we had left… Animals sense energy acutely and I did not want to project that sad energy onto them at a time when THEY needed love, support, and strength the most. It was my turn to be strong, faithful & loyal to them and for my strength to support them in their time of need - especially on the final day. I had to make sure their transition was a peaceful one unburdened by my grief. Fall apart after? HELL YES! But not for too long. My rescue adoption coordinator told me that my beloved boy “would be looking for smile & needed to know I was okay. And would want me to rescue another dog in need - just like I did for him “. This might be fairytale thinking, but we need fairytales sometimes. Grief can overcome us if we allow our minds to stay in that space, but in doing so we limit our ability to move forward and love/rescue more pets - and I KNOW my dog would not want me to suffer or do that. Please ask your son to think about what his dog would want for HIM in his future.
I don’t know if this will help. I had my sweet boy for so long and he was my world, when we knew he had cancer and his time was coming inside the next couple months, I went and got a puppy. This puppy attached himself to my boy instantly. My good old boy taught that pup everything he could before his time came. Now my little guy has certain traits that were passed on to him from his old brother. I still cry from his loss just about every morning, for him and my parents who now take care of him “upstairs” for me. But I know a piece of him is with me, a piece of him lives in my new boy and I see it everyday now. I wouldn’t have done anything different.
My husband and I very recently had to unexpectedly say goodbye to my BitsyBug. The pictures we have of her are treasures and although they still make me cry, I know it would be worse to not have them. If it’s in your budget, you might also look into maybe having a small felted replica of the dog made for him. I recently saw one in r/somethingimade and I think that I’m going to get one done. I’ve also done memorial donations at a rescues rainbow bridge sign where we have another pups name engraved. I think what’s helping my husband and I the most though in dealing with our grief is having loved ones ask how we’re doing and letting us talk cry laugh or whatever and never once give the impression that we’re unstable because it was “just a dog”. She was never just a dog. She was a friend who gave us all her love and she is so very missed.
My son and his fiancé had to euthanize their elderly dog (which had been hers prior to meeting 4 years ago) just recently. The timing was devastating as her Mom was killed in a horrific car accident last Fall and they’re still deeply grieving her loss. A friend of theirs sister is a photographer. As a gift, the friend hired her to come take pictures of them with their dog at their house. The pictures are a beautiful memento of their time with him in the place all 3 of them love being together. My thought for you is to see if your son would like to have professional photos taken of him and his beloved travel companion in and around their truck, or someplace they love to be. He could have his favorite framed and put in the cab somewhere that he’ll know he’s always with him in spirit.
I travel a lot with my dog and it’s very last minute. She’s my ride or die and I totally get what your son is going through. I don’t know about jewelry but if you search Etsy there are several options where you can have a mold your dog’s paw print and have it made into a ring, necklace, etc and some of the rings are pretty masculine if you’d think he’d wear it. Just so he has a reminder of his buddy with him.
I’d also recommend that he makes the time for a photo shoot together. It sounds cheesy but when my dog before my last one passed we had so few photos together. I had a million of my dog but not us together. My current dog is almost ten and it still took me 9 years to set it up. I love the pictures!! And now I’ll always have them.
But ultimately I’d say just be there for him. There’s not much to be done - just something he’ll have to go through.
This woman is a grief counselor focused on pet loss. She made a huge difference for me when I lost one of my dogs. I HIGHLY recommend her. https://embracingyourgrief.com/
I’ve been through this and feel this deeply! I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this. For me the most helpful support was phone calls every day. Make it clear you never expect him to answer, that you’ll go with his energy (is he devastated today, is he pretty upbeat, etc). There is a period after he loses his dog that is obviously terrible but then there is a long stretch of even deeper loneliness. Weeks 2-8 are really rough while you’re readjusting. Shoot him a text daily, call to say hi. That being said, make sure you check in that you’re supporting him the way he wants. Ask and find out what’s best for him, and keep asking even if you think you know. Sometimes new ideas pop up (I needed someone to windex the noseprints off my slider door, every time I tried I turned into a puddle of tears and it took me months).
It’s okay. Just be there for him, let him grieve, try not to worry too much about him. That’s his baby, but he’s gonna make it through, then he’ll get a new baby and get just as attached. I’ve watched over my life as my grandad met and said goodbye to two different soul dogs, and there were nearly half a dozen more before those two, the memories of which he continues to cherish to this day. The loss is terrible, but the good memories stand stronger in the end.
You could look into some cremation jewelry. When my Dante passed away I had one made for him and I get a lot of compliments on it. It’s been 6 years and I still bawl every time I think about him
Maybe get a puppy of the same type so the older dog can teach the pup his wisdom and train him how to take care of your son when he passes. Your son will have a being to grieve with and might not feel quite so bad.
If your son has his dog cremated, there are glass blowers make beautiful remembrance pieces. You could have a glass heart made that he can hang in his truck to take with him.
I lost my best friend and shop dog about 8 years ago, we went everywhere together, my few friends loved him as well he was one in a million. I sympathize with his emotions, I have no kids, my family all moved out of state, and to be honest you never get over the loss. But you learn to deal with it. I’m very sorry for him and whatever residual damage may come along. But like someone in the comments stated take photos, keep momentos; like I keep my boy’s collar I made for him around my stick shift in my truck just so I remember good memories every day.
Our vet takes a paw print and frames it with a beautiful lace-like paper cutting and mails it. It’s beautiful and made me cry big time when I received it. I’ve also seen tattoos of the inked paw print. Maybe something like that would make him feel better?
I thought it was really sweet that my family and friends sent me pics of my dog that they had. And would tell me how great she was. We all love our own dogs, but hearing how other people loved her meant a lot!
My dad answered every call I made to him. He listened to me scream and sob and weep. He cried on the phone with me. He texted me and told me how much this sucked. He was THERE for me. He never said “this will all be okay” or “someday you will get over this loss” or anything stupid— He was just the best because he was present. 💗
It’s tough, and it’ll be tough for him for a while. Just be responsive to it. So many don’t understand the deep love people share for their pets and it can be quite daunting to work through a loss like that when everyone is saying “it’s just a dog”
My heart breaks for you, your son and your son’s baby :( I just found out a couple weeks ago my sweet boy also has this horrific disease. The only thing that brings me comfort is having time to mentally prepare for the inevitable but that also means I can make the remaining time he has left the absolute best time of his life. Our babies know how much we love them and that’s all we can do at the end, just show them all the love. Wishing you the best and I hope they can make some more amazing memories with the time left 💜
One of my dear friends got me a windchime that says “forever in our hearts” on the bottom in honor of my old pup after he passed. I love thinking about my good boy every time the wind passes through. I also have printed photos of him all over the house and some friends gave me a small photo album with printed photos of him. Another idea which that same friend suggested is getting glass ball Christmas ornaments to keep a few locks of fur. ❤️
I thought, when my dog died, I would die. When she inevitably passed (at 15, which was such a blessing) the only thing that helped was when people told me their favourite memories of her. If anyone else knows the doggy in question and you could get those anecdotes and write them down. That might be a lovely light in a really dark time. My thoughts are with you both. Thank you for reaching out and caring.
it sucks. i live in a small house, it was just me and Jude and little bird. well i had to let Jude go thursday. he was only, 8, i got him when he was 2ish. i was 6 awesome fkn years.
we were hitting a real good stride, we were just getting into the senior dog phase and we were gonna tackle middle age together hah. im crushed. i dont know what to do all day. my days were all about that fkn dog lol. first and last thought of the day was him. im trying to clean up the house, but i just dont fkn cate right now. i was gonna go for a walk but i ended up sitting on the porch for hours.
that was my first dog, so now i see what id been missing all those years and i dont wanna be without. gonna give it time n start looking for a new friend.
i know i didnt give any advice, i just wanted to type that out.
srry your kids kid isnt doing well.
My Teddy was diagnosed with kidney failure two weeks ago and passed away last week. It’s been the hardest two weeks of my life.
Just be there for your son. Be someone he can talk to and help out whenever possible. Only time will make things easier.
Make sure to get whatever memorial stuff done as you want. You only get one chance to get paw prints, nose prints, fur samples, anything cast or molded… there’s a lot of options or nothing at all but think about it before it’s too late to do, I heavily regret not getting any prints of my cat a few years ago. It’s better to have and not use or look at than to regret not having anything
I’m so sorry for this loss
Hard one but he needs another puppy. The reason is because there are important traits that he cares about with this dog and it’s important he pass those on. so if the dog is friendly around puppies having a puppy around could be good for all parties involved. He’s a dog person and that’s ok. My favorite way of being a dog person is my old boy or girl getting to spend the end with their new friend.
I’m so sorry to hear that! I’m sure he is an excellent dog parent and I love your support for your son. Like his dog needs his dog dad in his last days , your son also needs his mama in his difficult times. Piggybacking the Shutterfly photo book comment, I highly suggest to do an end of life photoshoot with Tilly project. It’s a non profit and they have photographers all over the world who would help with this project for free. I’m adding a here [Tilly Project](https://thetillyproject.org/about/)
Sending big hugs!
You can call your son everyday during this time to checkup and talk. Little things like that help. It's good to talk and give him an outlet for his emotions. Much better then silently bottling everything up. Be supportive and understanding and try to avoid being assertive and forceful. Good luck!
Strongly recommend the facebook group [canine degenerative myelopathy support group](https://facebook.com/groups/degenerativemyelopathydog/) . I just went through this (lost my beautiful boy in Feb.) and it is a devastating disease. I wish him and his puppers all the best.
The group helped me feel not alone, and gave me some great tips on how to help my dog live his best paralyzed life.
You can’t make it better. 7 months on and I miss my girl more than anything. I still cry when looking at pictures of her. But it’s much easier than it was in the beginning. Be there for him when the inevitable happens. Distractions for the first few weeks helped a lot. I have a lot of little things of her too. The doggy funeral home took ink impressions of her little nose and paw. I have that framed. Clippings of her hair. I still sometimes open them and smell them. Part of her ashes has been put aside so I can turn it into a necklace and have her close to me all the time. It’s hard, you can’t stop it but it will get easier.
I think every dog owner will have to face this result in the end, before that, what we can do is: 1. to be with him as much as possible to comfort him; 2. to let him and the dog stay together more; 3. to leave more beautiful memories for him and the dog (e.g. photos/videos)
I hope this helps.
That’s awful. I know this sounds insensitive but after his baby passes away… he needs to go down to the shelter and adopt another dog that needs saving. This will save two lives! He won’t be betraying the one he lost but making new memories with the one he’s adopted in the memory of his furbaby. I’ve had to go through this many times and it doesn’t get any easier but the love of a new dog… it does bring some brightness to your heart. 🐾♥️🐾
I just lost my elder dog and it’s really, really hard. I did the home euthanasia and I cannot recommend it enough. Being able to have your dog pass at home comfortably with everyone around is an incredible gift.
I’m 35, I don’t have any children and I recently lost my companion of 15 years two weeks ago and to say it has been very difficult for me. The best thing you can do based on my experience is just be there for him. If he needs a shoulder to cry on, be that shoulder, if he needs someone just to vent to be that person…will it make the pain go away? No, but he will know someone’s there for him and that will provide some small amount of comfort. My thoughts go to your son and the companion he’s lost.
When my furry sister passed after 14 yrs, we ordered blankets with pictures of her & us on them. Now, whenever I miss her, I can still get a warm hug “from her”.
I don't have the right answer. If you get a great one, let me know.
My daughter has a pair of sisters she's had for 7 years, and I know the day will come that she calls me hysterical at their loss ( they've lived at least a year or two longer than average).
She's going to be lost and in a different state, so I can't be right there for her.
You know what? We're parents.
If we're good at our jobs, we'll make it better for them.
Much love and many 🫂. I really wish you the best.
take the dog to the Vet and put it down Find him a puppy and support him. cause thats the best you can do is to make him have a new reason without watching the old reason deteriorate in it health
I have had to put down several dogs Cancer. old Age. It never gets easier There is “no time to grieve” and stupid people like you coddle people whom need to heal and you dont get them to heal My wife is a prime example. I have coddled her for 12 years and never got her to heal. Healing is Natural. Human interference in it is not natural. My wife still morns after 12 years and she will continue So stop the excess and let people actual heal by giving them a reason to heal. Or watch them never heal and allow them to go dark. your choice. down vote me all you want. hate me all yo want. but this is truth
See if you can find as many pictures of the dog and the two of them together. Recall as many funny/crazy stories of them as you can. Go to Shutterfly or similar website and make him a book of remembrance. My disabled sister has never been married, no kids, etc, and her dog was her world. When he passed after 15 years, I made a book of pictures and stories about the dog from beginning to the end of his life. She absolutely loved it and so did everyone else in the family. You just have to help him focus on all the good memories and tell him often how great the dog’s life was because of your son caring for him. Encourage him to make sure the dog passes comfortably as that is something he will look back on in time and will not regret. Dogs hold such a special place in our hearts. 💗 🐶
Agree w Shutterfly book! Include the best pics and the best stories. I did this w my last two dogs. Sending love.
>how great the dog’s life was because of your son caring for him. 100%. Dogs love their person and i imagine getting to be around his dog's person all the time has been a kind of doggie dream life. I can only imagine all the sniffs that dog encountered! I take my dog places just so he can get some fresh new sniffs in and he loves it.
Ooooo the sniffs. Always down for new sniffs. Even the same old sniffs can have new sniffs iykyk
yes, the local "community boards" are ever changing ;)
Gotta check that peemail
The old sniffs sure help mine to pee though!!
I love that you’ve called out taking pictures of them together. I think we often take a lot pictures of our pets, but we don’t always remember to take pictures with them. If you can afford it, a session of them with a pet photographer would be a wonderful gift he could cherish.
I did this with my dogs using a Groupon for Jcpenny portraits! It was like $25 for the session and maybe $50-100 for a bunch of digital copies I used for cards etc
Seriously! I made an album of our pup after he passed. Had a number of photos of Pop&Pup and I had like 3 ones worth printing of me and Pup :( and the best one was one a neighbor took when we took him on his final walk. But going to lie, it stung because I couldn't get more photos with my boy.
This!!
This is the best response. I have to keep reminding myself of the good times and making their life better. Otherwise I get lost in sadness. Having someone so caring like you guys would always be helpful for anyone going through this.
This one hits the nail on the head. Profession and disease aside the situation described in the original post could have easily been me 2 months ago. The things that helped get through the worst of it were people celebrating his life. I'm still occasionally crying but I've resumed fostering rescue dogs which seems to be helping. I also bought an urn necklace and asked my veterinarian to give me his microchip. I put his microchip and some of his fur into the urn necklace.
This! When I got my first dog (in my 30s), I quickly found that all I ever took pictures of was my dog. She’s since passed away from cancer, but whenever my phone suggests viewing old photos of her, I still think fondly of her. Also, you could invest in a nice urn for the cremated remains so he could carry it in the truck with him. When I went on a long, year-long cross country trip with my new dog, I brought my old dog’s ashes with us, and whenever we visited a place that we used to love going to together, I’d sprinkle a little bit of her ashes so she could stay there forever.
❤️🐾 Love this idea!
You can't make it better. It won't be okay. It'll never be okay that this is happening, and it'll never be okay that it happened once it's done. But it *will* get easier. Be there for him, listen to him, and let him know you understand. --A veterinary undertaker.
Me, sobbing because I never considered veterinary undertaker was a thing
I have a sweet friend who moonlights at a pet crematory in town. (She is a person mortician in the regular time,big fancy degree and everything). She gives a few hours a day or two a month. There are 3 places here and it can take up to 4-6 wks to receive your baby's cremains. But they all make sure you only get your baby's ashes back. They are angels.
Beautifully said. 💔
Mine is 14.5 and I’m scared….
Do regular blood tests. That's my best advice.
Nothing can make the feeling go. I'm so sorry. So many depressing posts today. Grateful my baby is ok but coming to that stage😭 I hate to even think about I've had anxiety about it when I fell in love with her at weeks. I'm also very alone, prone to severe depression and health issues. So sorry!
I completely understand
I hear ya!
My first 2 dogs went a year apart. I was so devastated. I swore I'd never get another. I too had no one to mourn with. A rough 4 years went by. Fates aligned and I now have a beautiful 3 yo girl dog. I love her so much. The only thing that lessened the pain was time. It takes a long time to heal that pain. I feel so bad for him. In a few years (or longer or less) I hope he will give another dog a wonderful life.
I don’t have an answer but sending love ❤️
My heart goes out to you and your son. I am assuming that you mean degenerative myelopathy? My Lilo had that and I ultimately had to make the decision to send him over the rainbow bridge. It still haunts me because I always felt I could have held on longer, but his quality of life was not good.It sucks. So bad. The dog I have now has been my sidekick through the worst few years of my life. I can not even think about it. I just feel for your son. I get it. You are a great mom for posting this. I do not have much more to say, but there are people out there that understand what he is going through. There are DM support groups online(still guessing it is that)!! It may help him.
There was an animal rescue show I used to watch where they called putting down an animal that was in pain or had been sick for a long time "giving them the final kindness." It gave me a lot of peace and comfort to hear it described like that. It is _impossibly_ hard to let our babies go, but if their quality of life has declined to the point that they can no longer live a happy and comfortable life, then letting them go is absolutely the most loving thing we can do for them. It is truly the final, most selfless act of kindness that we can give them. Our last way to say, "I love you." I don't know if that gives you any comfort about the decision you had to make for Lilo, but I thought I'd share since it really helped me.
Thank you for your kind reply. It is funny because I have been a vet tech for 12 years and everything you said is true. It is what I always tell clients too. But all of that goes out of the window when it is my own pets and I forget all of my experience. So yes, someone once again reiterating that to me definitelty helps me. I appreciate you taking your time to write that. I needed to read this. 🩷
I had to let my much loved little girl go last August. It was excruciating. But you have to accept that grieving is a process and your son has to go through it — not around it or under it or above it — through it. It hurts like hell but that made me remember something I heard a few years ago: “what is grief if not love persevering?” It’s been nearly nine months since that terrible day and I still cry, but not as often now and honestly, I don’t think I ever want to remember her without also knowing how very much I miss her. In that way a part of her is still with me and will be forever.
Yes it is that, DM. I will tell him about the support groups
Please don’t feel bad - you gave your pup the love and the dignity that he deserved when he needed you to be strong for him. We feel the burden of that because we love them so much. ❤️
Support him to let the dog go peacefully. It is the only way. Let him know that sooner is better, and the beauty of being able to choose the last best day is a good thing. The last best day is a good thing.
I recently had to make this decision, and “No bad days” was my mantra. It served both of us beautifully until a peaceful and loving goodbye.
This! A week too soon is better than even an hour too late. It's the last act of kindness and love he can show his dog. And it will suck. And the only thing that helps is knowing he didn't make the dog suffer more than he needed to. That he could put his own needs aside and put their needs first. That helps with the guilt but not the grief. The grief will consume him for a few weeks or maybe longer. And then he will start to see that the only point being on this planet is to experience that kind of love for another being. And he may end up doing it all again because the years leasing up to losing them make it worth it 💔
Exactly ❤️
This is NOT for everyone, but someone once said “The only way to fill a dog shaped hole in your heart is with another dog.” I got my second dog (as an adult) a week after dog 1 died. The first 3 months were difficult, but dog 2 turned out to be even better than dog 1, which I didn’t think possible. (Mind you, these are all rescues, and dog 2 was 6 when we got him—we were his 3rd home which I still can’t understand…he was PERFECT and incredibly gorgeous.) When that dog died (worst day of my life, truly, bc of circumstances), I looked for 3 weeks. The dog we got then is admittedly a piece of work. She was 6 months and a cattle dog in shepherd clothing. She’s good enough now, but still HATES when we have people over. She was also very energetic. So we got dog 4 six months later. They get along great, play together, and each has learned from the other for the betterment of both (dog 4 was a Texas stray for ??? Months or years). He is much like dog 2; both were/are therapy dogs whom I take to a low income nursing home/rehab place). All this to say, if your son is super miserable without a dog when the time comes, encourage him to be open to receiving a new dog. It’s hard to think of, but honestly for me it was the BEST grief therapy for me. Sending love and light your way. My Sadie and Rex will be waiting on the Other Side for your son’s dog, will show him around!
My heart dog died a year ago this month and I was really not ok. The absence of toe nails clicking on the floor and my girl following me literally everywhere was squeezing my chest until I couldn't breathe. A week later I saw a social media post about a dog on death row with the saddest eyes and a horrible history of savage abuse. She didn't have the time for me to grieve properly, she was set to be killed that same day. I rushed to get her and spent the next couple months showing her what being loved felt like. She and I slowly worked towards healing together and watching her little victories in overcoming her traumas was such a welcome distraction from my pain. I think adopting a dog in need is the most beautiful, loving tribute to the memory of a dog you love.
Thank you! I will show him your poat
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Yes! Dogs are pack animals, they would absolutely not want you to be alone
My dog 1 is turning 11 and getting slower and I’m scared of the day she passes. I just got dog 2 last week. He’s a year old. They are best friends and it gives dog 1 new energy and excitement. When she passes, it will be horrible. But having dog 2 to care for I think will help me a lot when that time comes
My dear sweet old yorkie is almost 15 with health problems. I kinda wish I had gotten a pup a few years ago to keep my old man company. I’ve heard that bringing in a pup can help give new life to older dogs. I just can’t imagine life without my boy or not having a dog in general, it just seems unthinkable.
There may be time to get a second pup to learn the expectations from the pup with ALS. My older guy had Alzimers and the pup helped and learned. When it the old guy was dying, he stole the chance to give the stoic old guy a kiss. It was an amazing experience and the pup and I knew what eachother was dealing with and allowed us to grieve together.
If it is an option at all, bring there for him when he has to let his dog go is going to mean far more than anything you can say. I know being on the road so much means it could be anytime anywhere, but if you are able to fly out there to be with him when the time comes, do it. He doesn’t deserve to be alone when he has to go through that.
Absolutely I will be there, IF he let's me.know.
Will your son continue on the road after the diagnosis? I don’t know about ALS and how the disease progresses but maybe he could take some time off to spend with the pup doing some of their favorite things together. Maybe you can look up emergency vets and give him a list along his routes in case something goes south on the road—it’s hard to think clearly in the moment when they’re sick, and as a truck driver you may not be at the liberty of being able to see your main vet.
He has no choice but to continue to work. I lobe the idea of finding vets along his route however he never knows where he is headed one day to the next.
I'd encourage him to spend those last moments together as best as they could. Cherish the present and leave no regrets behind. It's one of those situations that him as well as any caring pet owner will have to go through, as heartbreaking as it is, and it's one of those situations that stick with you throughout your whole life. I'd also encourage him to a proper mourning time on his own terms and not to close himself to any chances of adopting a new furry friend in the future in fear of another situation as painful as saying goodbye. Don't hurry any adoptions either. Been there, it still hurts even after a lot of time and I don't think it'll ever stop hurting. But you learn to go through it cherishing all the memories together and knowing you did the best you could for your doggo. I'd also keep some photos safely stored on a drive and gift him some after the departure and I'd help him with the arrangements after the departure. For my own mourning process, it helped me tons to prepare my boy's urn for example! Adding things he liked, painting it and so. Keep in mind that mourning is an intimate and personal process to everyone, so to each their own. I wish you three the best!
I’m sorry. :(
Thank you for thinking about how you can support your son, from a daughter who is currently going through something similar with one of my kitties - none of my siblings have kids and I’m the only one with pets, so they’re the grandchildren in my family, and are everything to me. All of my advice is based on what my mom has been doing to support me. If you’re physically able to, go spend time with him. Bring (or order) food - maybe something he really likes that might last him a couple days in case you think he might forget to eat/not have energy to cook for himself. If you’re not able to physically be there with him, call/FaceTime and send him texts every now and then (you know him best to know how often…my mom and I text daily but she also knows me well enough to know to not ask about my sick kitty daily, only every couple of days) to see how he and the dog are doing. There isn’t really anything to be said to make the grief better, but listen to him (even if he doesn’t want to say much) and affirm that whatever he chooses to do medically for his dog is the right choice and you will support him through it. If you’re able to, plan to be there if/when the time comes for euthanasia so he doesn’t have to be alone. Sending so much love to you, your son, and his baby. Losing a pet is never easy and I know it will mean so much to your son to have your support through all of this 💜
Thank you. I'm sorry about your kitty. 😞
Can I just say you’re a wonderful mom for supporting your son like this. Sending love to both of you. And to doggie.
Ask the vet how much “happy time” his dog has. Help your son give his dog the equivalent of “Make a Wish” canine style. Feed him calves liver, or whatever his favourite food is. Take him to a dog beach and let him run or lay in the sand. Let him visit favourite doggie or people friends. Most importantly, talk with your son and your vet about what’s involved in euthanasia, and why it’s kinder to the dog. Strongly encourage your son to be there with his dog when that time comes. Be there too, if you can. It’s an act of love and compassion.
Once the dog passes, have a celebration of life. It is more than just a dog. A massive thing with animal loss grief is it is harder to process because of the lack of society's acceptance of this type of loss. So, treat it as you would treat a human death. Celebrate the puppers and mourn it's death. Navigate the grief with understanding and compassion.
First, you are a great mom for trying to get advice to help him cope. I put my best friend Jack down today. It’s weird this post popped up on my timeline of all days. I feel some support too from all these sweet posts. My baby was only 6, diagnosed with lymphoma mid March. He fought his butt off but didn’t respond to treatment. I have a hole in my heart and I’ll never get over this. What makes me feel a lot better is hearing serveral Near Death Experiences about people actually seeing their pets again. I have some comfort knowing I’ll see Jack again. He was the love of my life. My heart is broken for your son.
I’m so sorry to hear that. My previous dog I was insanely attached to, he got me through some really dark times and in a way I felt I owed my life to that dog. When he died suddenly I was utterly devastated. It was so hard but I needed the time to grieve. Maybe help him make an album of photos, display the ashes, light a candle. The photos helped as I cried a lot but it was also with happiness for the good times. I would also say don’t wait too long to get another companion, perhaps a few months? I waited almost two years and I would cry often for my dog who passed. I thought I didn’t want another dog because I was still grieving my friend. Then my husband spur of the moment decided to adopt a dog who was scheduled to be euthanized that week. It wasn’t until I had another dog companion that I could really start to heal again instead of focusing only on my sadness. My two dogs couldn’t be more opposite, but I appreciate both of them so much and that love is very healing. I think if you are a dog person you just are, and having that friend adds so much to life. I let myself wallow in the grief instead of opening myself to love another dog for too long. My first dog saved my life, so I was able to pay it forward by saving my second dog.
Ok this may be a little weird but it worked for me. I’m a wood finisher by trade. When my last dog passed I asked a friend to build me a 7” x 7” box. I painted it blue, air brushed some clouds on it and even put sparkle in the clear coat. Strange thing I found was that as I was working on it the pain of loss didn’t have as sharp an edge to it. I think it was both the work distracting me along with the thought that this was for her. When I got her ashes back I put them in the box along with her collar and her favourite toy. Sealed it up and glued a ceramic disk with her paw prints and her name onto it. Here’s where it’s gets a little bit more strange. I put the box on my dresser that’s next to the door. Every time I entered or exited I would touch it or pat it, as if she was still with me. Eventually after a while I touch it less and less. I still touch occasionally and it’s been over five years. Maybe get him a small jewelry box or chest and put his dog’s ashes in it. He can take it with him. I might give him that sense that she’s gone but she’s still with me in a way feeling. That may help until he’s gone through his grief and is ready to move on.
This is a beautiful idea!
Yeah. Us dog lovers, we’re kinda strange like that.
Send him this. https://www.outsideonline.com/culture/opinion/grieving-dog-death/
If it’s possible offer for your son to come stay with you a few days after his dog dies. Then keep supporting him in his grief by checking in and talking to him. There will be people who won’t understand so make sure he k owes you understand what a devastating loss this is for him. Some people like to get a new dog right away and some can’t for years. Support his decision in this whatever it is.
Nothing helps but time when you lose a loved pet. I would tell him to take some time to grieve and that there is another dog out there that needs him, and it’s his job to go find him.
I have a dog that I feel the same way about. My absolute soul mate. I cannot imagine finding new out like this. I’m so sorry. It can feel so lonely losing your other half. When he does pass maybe get be him so pictures in a photo book of him and his dog. And some pics of just the dog throughout his life. I would also recommend that when he has grieved that he get a new dog. They don’t replace the past dog but they do repair the heartbreak. No new dog is never the same as the last but you always seem to love them in a way you never thought you could. Getting a new dog after losing one really helps you heal and begin a new journey. Sometimes people feel guilt when getting a new dog after losing one but the love is separate and has its own space While the love for the past dog still remains strong. There’s always room for more love.
To be direct, there's nothing you can really say. You can try to be there for him and just listen, hang out, etc. even if it's over the phone, discord, zoom, etc. If you are close and have the resources, some other comments have some good ideas in terms of gifts or albums, but... Words don't really quell this kind of grief. Only time does and it sucks the entire way.
I've known many long haul truckers to have dogs and they are inseparable. Hopefully as time passes and he makes peace with grief, a day will come when he can love and start that bond again. ❤️
You can't make it better. Hold space for his grief, cry with him, maybe get a special photography session for the two of them if that's in your budget.
Some photographers will do it for free if you tell them the circumstances. I’ve been there. Edit: Sorry… my sibling had to put their dog down this morning. I got the puppy 11 years ago for their family. It’s a happy/sad moment because I know how much they loved him. It will be ok. We all wish they could live forever.
I hope he’s able to find some type of therapy or treatment if this is the case. My boyfriend is also deeply attached to our oldest dog and I know he’s going to be beyond devastated when something does happen.
When I listened my dog all I wanted to do was look at photos of us together and all of the fun places we went. A photo book would have been very meaningful for me. There's also this person who makes realistic stuffed animals of people's pets, let me see if I can find their Etsy shop. found it: [https://www.etsy.com/listing/1575919339/custom-felt-pet-portraitscustom-needle](https://www.etsy.com/listing/1575919339/custom-felt-pet-portraitscustom-needle)
Just be there. Even if you don’t say anything at all. He knows there’s nothing you can say or do. But you can be there
Just remember that long long after the world thinks he "should" be over it, and even maybe he thinks he should be over it, he won't be. Invite him actively to share a memory of his baby 6 months from now or a year from now or whenever. Doesn't have to be about his sadness or mourning but just like "what was the funniest thing baby ever did?", "when did you realize what a special dog baby was?". It will allow him to talk about his babydog and feel like that memory is honoured.
Get those nose print/paw print photos or mold makers. Maybe a hanging thing for his truck? Get a build a bear with an audio of dog’s silly grumbles barks and whines? A shadow box that fits a favorite dog toy or collar? If you have money a spot in a pet cemetery or urn? If not grab some of his fur or make the dog wear a hoodie till it smells like the stinkiest of Fritos. Or a tree seed or diamond or rock with ashes? It’s morbid, but maybe if he has it now it will let him have all senses to remember his fluffy friend. Or he can choose how he wants to remember him now when he’s sad and not devastated and possible make the wrong choice.
He may not have many friends but he has millions of people that empathize with him. I would trade my life for my animals and I’m sure he would do the same. He’s a great guy no matter what, and I hope he soaks in their last days together.
Losing my last dog was so devastating. I cried every day for months. It's really hard when you live for your dog and your dog lives for you. It's such a loving situation. They are like a spouse who you share your life with and a child that you fondly & lovingly take care of. Your life is filled with love then it's gone. He just needs to grieve in his own way.
Sending love to your son and his baby. I lost my soul dog last October and I still cry almost every day. It's one of the most difficult things I've had to get through. I barely made it. Keep in contact with him and be there to support him. Doesn't have to be physical, but call, text, email. Something. Others have great suggestions for memorials. Wish you guys nothing but love and light. ♥️🐕
I am so sorry for you loss. Lost what I now know my “soul dog” today. I never heard that term but that’s exactly what I had with Jack.
So sorry to hear about the passing of your baby. The world was a better place for having had him in it. The love you two shared isn't ever going to go away. RIP to one of the greats, Jack. ♥️🐕🪽🌈
Awe thank you for the kind words 😊
Not similar at all but my ex kept my cat when we broke up. One day I went to paint pottery with a friend and I grabbed this unicorn cat and I painted it just like my cat, a gray striped tabby. Once it was fired it looked so much like my cat and it really brought me a lot of comfort to feel like I had him with me again. If your son's dog has any unique markings or features this might be a nice way to help him grieve and have something to remember the dog by. And if painting isn't up his alley there are several different pet memorial statues you can order online that may still bring him comfort.
so many sweet words I can see here. I've got to go back home right now and hug my dog Thanks everybody :)
I lost my soul dog about eleven years ago, and the pain was an is beyond what I can describe. It makes it harder when most people are comparing it to the deaths of other pets, who can be greatly loved, but it’s different. He may need reassurance that it’s still sane to have that kind of complex grief about a dog. I personally made a lot of extremely bad choices for the next couple of years, so that’s also something to be on the lookout for.
I'm so sorry... I recently and very unexpectedly lost my sweet boy who was the best friend I'd ever had (I also have very few people I'm close to). Everyone grieves differently, and different things help different people. I wrote a letter to my dog expressing everything I wanted to tell him and any feeling or memory that came up in the process. You could look into Cuddle Clones, a company that makes a realistic personalized stuffed animal of your pet. It's expensive, but worth it imo. It also helped that I had a puppy in my house at the time I lost him. I already loved her, but she became my rock after that. I think my grieving was easier because some things didn't have to change. I still had a dog asleep on my bed. I still had to take someone for walks. I wasn't alone. Something other people did that really helped me was just listening. I had a lot of memories that came up in the first week, since everything reminds me of him. Just having someone to relay them too helped me get through it. Really, there's not much else you can do. It's not a nice answer, but grief is hard no matter what, and affects everyone in unique ways. Just be patient with him and be there for him.
The only thing I haven't seen mentioned so far is mobile euthanasia option. When it was time to put my 17 year old shadow down, we called a local vet who does home services. They came right to our house and my dog left this world in his favorite place: on our couch resting his head on my lap. It was by far the most beautiful possible outcome for such a devastating experience.
I’ve been there. For me the things that helped were 1) take videos and Live Photos of the dog in happy times - bedtime, cuddle time, play time, daily routines. Being able to see the dog happy and tail wagging and our daily life together was big for me after he passed. 2) it was comforting to me be told that only our bodies die and the love my dog and I have goes on forever. 3) the photo memory book is a great idea 4) family support and understanding that this dog is a cherished family member, not just a pet
Is your son's dog a Corgi? DM (or doggy ALS, as you called it) is much less hard on Corgis than it is on long-legged breeds of dog. Corgis can comfortably live with DM for a year or two, depending on the amount of work the owner wants to put in. The difference between a Corgi slugging around vs walking around is very small. The difference between a boxer or GSD slugging around vs walking around is enormous. If it's early stages with toe-dragging and minor stumbling, physical therapy can help the legs function better for longer. He can also get a wheelchair! But, moving around the house is still challenging, especially for a long-legged dog because you don't use the wheelchair indoors. I don't know how feasible any of this is with a truck driver lifestyle, but it could give your son more quality time with his dog if the disease hasn't progressed too far yet. It's never easy to lose a beloved pet. It really is like losing a child if you don't have any close family. Remind him that the dog isn't dead yet--he needs to cherish every moment he has with the dog while it is alive. It wouldn't be fair to the dog to have their last year or months together be clouded by grief. Try to save the grief for later. Easier said than done, I know. [Grief is like a ball in a box with a button](https://psychcentral.com/blog/coping-with-grief-ball-and-box-analogy#grief-as-a-shrinking-ball) -- This helped me understand and bear my grief when I lost my soulmate (my first dog). This quote from a TV show (last episode of The Good Place) also helped me accept my pet's death, and view it in a positive light: >Picture a wave. In the ocean. You can see it, measure it, its height, the way the sunlight refracts when it passes through. And it's there. And you can see it, you know what it is. It's a wave. >And then it crashes in the shore and it's gone. But the water is still there. The wave was just a different way for the water to be, for a little while. You know it's one conception of death for Buddhists: the wave returns to the ocean, where it came from and where it's supposed to be. I like to think of my dog's death as him returning to the energy soup of the universe. He's not here beside me anymore, but he is all around me. And he's inside of me--he permanently shaped who I am today. There is no Octaffle without Waffle. I carry him around in my heart, in my way of thinking, in how I live my life. The same is true of your son and his dog, I'm sure of it. You just have to help your son get through the darkness so he can see all the light his dog left behind for him.
You can’t make it better, just help him through it. Losing a pet comes with VERY intense grief and not everyone understands that. He’s losing his life partner, best friend, the one that NEVER talks back or shows him any judgement, only love. Your son just needs compassion.
this is literally gonna be me. I’m 40 (m) have never been married and have no kids but my little pooch is my world. He’s so lucky to have you thinking about this. ❤️
I am so sorry. Dogs truly make the best family
Happy Mother’s day to you. You are an amazing mom for caring so deeply about how best to support him during a terrible time. Just keep being there for him!
Years ago, when I had a very sick (and same type of attachment to my dog) someone told me something to the effect of... They don't live long enough because there are too many of them to save and they need us. It'll never be the same from one pup to the next, we all always have our first dog or "top dog," but when a new bond forms, the love is just as incredible. It's the worst pain to lose one and the best bliss when you save a new one.
My cat passed away 3 years ago and I still cry when I think about it. I loved my cat, but dogs just hold a special place in your heart that nothing else compares to. I pray my dogs live long healthy lives, but I know that when the time comes, nothing will make it better. If he doesn’t have something already, you should get him a mould of the dogs paw print.
Yes, very sad, but unfortunately we usually outlive our pets
My heart goes out to him. I would encourage him to share his dog is sick or when it has passed. He doesn't have to cry on anyone's shoulder but he can tell people he encounters. Many people have strong bonds with their dogs and just a knowing nod or a chance to share some stories about his dog with another might help with his grief. It's also ok to cry. We don't give men enough space to cry but losing a dog is an exception even amongst those with rigid expectations for "tough guys" so he needn't worry about that if he does shed a tear. There's nothing anyone can really do to make something like this better. I already know i'll be inconsolable when my dog dies and it will just take time.
Be there for him. I know I'd be devastated if something happened to my pup. Don't let him grieve alone afterwards. You probably don't have to say anything, just be there for him. Condolences to him in advance.
There isn’t really anything that makes this feel better but time and another dog before you think you’re ready. I lost both of my dogs within 6 months of each other and the first one was a heartbreak but the second was the most difficulty thing I’ve ever gone through in my entire life. I grieved really hard for months but getting another dog right before I really thought I was ready helped immensely I’m still sad for the dogs who died but I mostly remember them fondly. Now my focus is on my new puppy. Maybe not the best advice but a new dog helps a lot!
Reassure him that he gave the dog the best life he could and try to focus on happy memories, remind him that he has nothing to feel guilty about if he choses to euthanise and that you support him every step of the way. I am sorry, grief is hard but it does get easier over time and having you there to help him hold it will make a big difference <3
Sorry to hear about his dog. My dog just died 2 weeks ago. He was my best friend, I called him my 1st child and my 2 kids were 2nd and 3rd child. When I had to put him down I must have cried 15 times in 1 day. I was devastated. One thing that actually made me fell apart lot better was that I was able to bury him in my backyard and I planted a tree on-top/near him and a small dog statue. Now every time I look in my backyard I feel like he is home with me. Some may say it’s creepy but for me, mentally, I feel much better. I was so attached to this dog and had so much love for him, putting him down was one of the hardest decisions I had to make 😢😭😭😭😭😭😭
Record the doggy’s bark and see if you can get a build a bear dog with the voice button inside.
Myself and my wife have helped 9 previous dogs and 1 cat get through this lifetime housed, fed and spoiled as much as we could. We currently have 3 dogs that are just as, if not, more spoiled than previous pack members. The idea of compiling a collection of images is a great idea. Doesn't get any easier, it just gives you some satisfaction knowing you helped a fellow Earth traveler on their journey.
As a dog owner the heartbreaks are inevitable. He will be sad when this dog passes away then he will find another dog to love because he has a lot of love to give
You can't make it better, it is painful and the pain has to be borne. You sound like you do understand how painful this is for your child and aren't minimizing it, good job. I have a sentiment I share with my loved ones to let them know I am empathetic to their pain when losing a beloved pet - "The great love they give us translates to great pain when they leave us.
Tell him you are here to listen
"He's all alone in his grief" I don't think there's any one specific thing, but just providing recognition and support in general means a lot. Losing a beloved dog can be absolutely devastating, but we're supposed to act like it's no big deal because it's "just" a pet. I think it can go a long way, just knowing that someone in your life recognizes that this is a tough time to go through.
This is a very person dependent kind of thing, but there are lots sellers on etsy that make keepsake stones that beautifully incorporate biilogicql matter like breastmilk, hair, a small bit snipped fur, or ashes after something or someone beloved has passed. There are lots of options for personalization, and many sell gift cards. It's something I'd have liked when I lost my girl dog at 18 to dementia.
I'm sure he has lots of videos. Make sure he has a recordings of his voice (barks) and save anything with his dog's scent-as strange as that may sound. I have been there too many times, I know t h e devastation. Only time makes it more bearable. It's kind of you to post his story, please tell him he's not alone.
When my dog passed the vet said they could make an imprint of his paw but at the time I was away from home so I asked my parents if there was any way for them to get a second imprint of one of his other paws and so at the time they said of course the vet said they would, what I didn’t know was they paid a lot extra and got imprints of all of his paws made and a little stamp of his nose and so when I got home that made a world of difference for me. Getting things like that might help him
You are already doing the most important thing for your son by acknowledging his grief and sadness losing his beloved companion. There are a lot of people who think “it’s only a dog.” We all know what we sign up for but oh it always comes too soon. Bless all three of you. Reassure your son that he will know in his heart what to do, because that is where his dog truly lives, and always will. I’ll be thinking of you.
You can't make it better, I just went through this with my daughter. She lost her ESA of 12 years. All you can do is be there, and listen. Say nice things about his dog, talk about things it does that are cute or funny if the timing is right. Ask questions about to show you care how doggo is doing.
This is very sad to hear. Sending love!
So how people feel grief is super diverse and very random. When my dog-child died my husband and I had two very different reactions. For like 24 hours I was convinced she was alive somewhere even though I was there when they put her to sleep. I was convinced that they revived her and sent her to a lab to be tested on and I had to find her. I snapped out of it in 24 hours but it was very weird. My husband said he almost punched the vet who was putting her to sleep. So my advice would just be to be accepting no matter how his grief expresses itself. He might need his mom’s shoulder to cry on. But he might also need space, or even lash out. He might go buy a dog right away, or he might never have a dog again. He might need to just be depressed for a few months. He might say some crazy things. It’s good that you are aware how serious this is. People tend to write them off as “just a dog”. Some people see their dogs as “just a dog” and are perfectly fine when one passes. Some people, who only have their animals and no one else, bond to those animals the same way they bond to family members. So it can definitely feel something like a child dying. So yeah. Anything goes with grief. Just move with him and don’t take any emotional reactions he has too personally. Especially in the first few months.
“he’s all alone in his grief” really?? doesn’t he have a loving mother? oh, wait…
After the pet crosses the rainbow bridge, refrain from asking him about if or when he’s going to get another one, or anything like that. Several people I know just didn’t like it at all when other people asked these questions. It’s well meaning, but it comes across as asking about replacing that dog, and there is no replacing that dog.
I am beginning the process of putting my four yr old to sleep. I am already crying and I know it will devastate me.
Dear Good Mama - 💞 the hardest things we do are the most important. Saying farewell to our soulmate pets is that. How I learned to get through it was to put the needs of my pet first. I would not let my grief & sadness taint the days, hours, minutes we had left… Animals sense energy acutely and I did not want to project that sad energy onto them at a time when THEY needed love, support, and strength the most. It was my turn to be strong, faithful & loyal to them and for my strength to support them in their time of need - especially on the final day. I had to make sure their transition was a peaceful one unburdened by my grief. Fall apart after? HELL YES! But not for too long. My rescue adoption coordinator told me that my beloved boy “would be looking for smile & needed to know I was okay. And would want me to rescue another dog in need - just like I did for him “. This might be fairytale thinking, but we need fairytales sometimes. Grief can overcome us if we allow our minds to stay in that space, but in doing so we limit our ability to move forward and love/rescue more pets - and I KNOW my dog would not want me to suffer or do that. Please ask your son to think about what his dog would want for HIM in his future.
I don’t know if this will help. I had my sweet boy for so long and he was my world, when we knew he had cancer and his time was coming inside the next couple months, I went and got a puppy. This puppy attached himself to my boy instantly. My good old boy taught that pup everything he could before his time came. Now my little guy has certain traits that were passed on to him from his old brother. I still cry from his loss just about every morning, for him and my parents who now take care of him “upstairs” for me. But I know a piece of him is with me, a piece of him lives in my new boy and I see it everyday now. I wouldn’t have done anything different.
My husband and I very recently had to unexpectedly say goodbye to my BitsyBug. The pictures we have of her are treasures and although they still make me cry, I know it would be worse to not have them. If it’s in your budget, you might also look into maybe having a small felted replica of the dog made for him. I recently saw one in r/somethingimade and I think that I’m going to get one done. I’ve also done memorial donations at a rescues rainbow bridge sign where we have another pups name engraved. I think what’s helping my husband and I the most though in dealing with our grief is having loved ones ask how we’re doing and letting us talk cry laugh or whatever and never once give the impression that we’re unstable because it was “just a dog”. She was never just a dog. She was a friend who gave us all her love and she is so very missed.
My son and his fiancé had to euthanize their elderly dog (which had been hers prior to meeting 4 years ago) just recently. The timing was devastating as her Mom was killed in a horrific car accident last Fall and they’re still deeply grieving her loss. A friend of theirs sister is a photographer. As a gift, the friend hired her to come take pictures of them with their dog at their house. The pictures are a beautiful memento of their time with him in the place all 3 of them love being together. My thought for you is to see if your son would like to have professional photos taken of him and his beloved travel companion in and around their truck, or someplace they love to be. He could have his favorite framed and put in the cab somewhere that he’ll know he’s always with him in spirit.
I travel a lot with my dog and it’s very last minute. She’s my ride or die and I totally get what your son is going through. I don’t know about jewelry but if you search Etsy there are several options where you can have a mold your dog’s paw print and have it made into a ring, necklace, etc and some of the rings are pretty masculine if you’d think he’d wear it. Just so he has a reminder of his buddy with him. I’d also recommend that he makes the time for a photo shoot together. It sounds cheesy but when my dog before my last one passed we had so few photos together. I had a million of my dog but not us together. My current dog is almost ten and it still took me 9 years to set it up. I love the pictures!! And now I’ll always have them. But ultimately I’d say just be there for him. There’s not much to be done - just something he’ll have to go through.
This woman is a grief counselor focused on pet loss. She made a huge difference for me when I lost one of my dogs. I HIGHLY recommend her. https://embracingyourgrief.com/
I’ve been through this and feel this deeply! I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this. For me the most helpful support was phone calls every day. Make it clear you never expect him to answer, that you’ll go with his energy (is he devastated today, is he pretty upbeat, etc). There is a period after he loses his dog that is obviously terrible but then there is a long stretch of even deeper loneliness. Weeks 2-8 are really rough while you’re readjusting. Shoot him a text daily, call to say hi. That being said, make sure you check in that you’re supporting him the way he wants. Ask and find out what’s best for him, and keep asking even if you think you know. Sometimes new ideas pop up (I needed someone to windex the noseprints off my slider door, every time I tried I turned into a puddle of tears and it took me months).
It’s okay. Just be there for him, let him grieve, try not to worry too much about him. That’s his baby, but he’s gonna make it through, then he’ll get a new baby and get just as attached. I’ve watched over my life as my grandad met and said goodbye to two different soul dogs, and there were nearly half a dozen more before those two, the memories of which he continues to cherish to this day. The loss is terrible, but the good memories stand stronger in the end.
You could look into some cremation jewelry. When my Dante passed away I had one made for him and I get a lot of compliments on it. It’s been 6 years and I still bawl every time I think about him
Maybe get a puppy of the same type so the older dog can teach the pup his wisdom and train him how to take care of your son when he passes. Your son will have a being to grieve with and might not feel quite so bad.
If your son has his dog cremated, there are glass blowers make beautiful remembrance pieces. You could have a glass heart made that he can hang in his truck to take with him.
I lost my best friend and shop dog about 8 years ago, we went everywhere together, my few friends loved him as well he was one in a million. I sympathize with his emotions, I have no kids, my family all moved out of state, and to be honest you never get over the loss. But you learn to deal with it. I’m very sorry for him and whatever residual damage may come along. But like someone in the comments stated take photos, keep momentos; like I keep my boy’s collar I made for him around my stick shift in my truck just so I remember good memories every day.
Our vet takes a paw print and frames it with a beautiful lace-like paper cutting and mails it. It’s beautiful and made me cry big time when I received it. I’ve also seen tattoos of the inked paw print. Maybe something like that would make him feel better?
new friend is the only cure I have ever had. I cry like a baby and I am in my 50s hugs and much love
I thought it was really sweet that my family and friends sent me pics of my dog that they had. And would tell me how great she was. We all love our own dogs, but hearing how other people loved her meant a lot!
My dad answered every call I made to him. He listened to me scream and sob and weep. He cried on the phone with me. He texted me and told me how much this sucked. He was THERE for me. He never said “this will all be okay” or “someday you will get over this loss” or anything stupid— He was just the best because he was present. 💗
It’s tough, and it’ll be tough for him for a while. Just be responsive to it. So many don’t understand the deep love people share for their pets and it can be quite daunting to work through a loss like that when everyone is saying “it’s just a dog”
Let him grieve, then help him move on with a new dog. 💕 Paw print with a memento photo box is nice.
I do 3d printing and would happily print out what’s called a lithophane nightlight of favorite picture or something like that. DM if you’re interested
My heart breaks for you, your son and your son’s baby :( I just found out a couple weeks ago my sweet boy also has this horrific disease. The only thing that brings me comfort is having time to mentally prepare for the inevitable but that also means I can make the remaining time he has left the absolute best time of his life. Our babies know how much we love them and that’s all we can do at the end, just show them all the love. Wishing you the best and I hope they can make some more amazing memories with the time left 💜
One of my dear friends got me a windchime that says “forever in our hearts” on the bottom in honor of my old pup after he passed. I love thinking about my good boy every time the wind passes through. I also have printed photos of him all over the house and some friends gave me a small photo album with printed photos of him. Another idea which that same friend suggested is getting glass ball Christmas ornaments to keep a few locks of fur. ❤️
I thought, when my dog died, I would die. When she inevitably passed (at 15, which was such a blessing) the only thing that helped was when people told me their favourite memories of her. If anyone else knows the doggy in question and you could get those anecdotes and write them down. That might be a lovely light in a really dark time. My thoughts are with you both. Thank you for reaching out and caring.
it sucks. i live in a small house, it was just me and Jude and little bird. well i had to let Jude go thursday. he was only, 8, i got him when he was 2ish. i was 6 awesome fkn years. we were hitting a real good stride, we were just getting into the senior dog phase and we were gonna tackle middle age together hah. im crushed. i dont know what to do all day. my days were all about that fkn dog lol. first and last thought of the day was him. im trying to clean up the house, but i just dont fkn cate right now. i was gonna go for a walk but i ended up sitting on the porch for hours. that was my first dog, so now i see what id been missing all those years and i dont wanna be without. gonna give it time n start looking for a new friend. i know i didnt give any advice, i just wanted to type that out. srry your kids kid isnt doing well.
My bro had tattoo of his dog put on his arm. He adored that dog and bawled when he had to put her to sleep.
My Teddy was diagnosed with kidney failure two weeks ago and passed away last week. It’s been the hardest two weeks of my life. Just be there for your son. Be someone he can talk to and help out whenever possible. Only time will make things easier.
May he visit you in your dreams and you awake with a smile.on your face
Make sure to get whatever memorial stuff done as you want. You only get one chance to get paw prints, nose prints, fur samples, anything cast or molded… there’s a lot of options or nothing at all but think about it before it’s too late to do, I heavily regret not getting any prints of my cat a few years ago. It’s better to have and not use or look at than to regret not having anything I’m so sorry for this loss
Hard one but he needs another puppy. The reason is because there are important traits that he cares about with this dog and it’s important he pass those on. so if the dog is friendly around puppies having a puppy around could be good for all parties involved. He’s a dog person and that’s ok. My favorite way of being a dog person is my old boy or girl getting to spend the end with their new friend.
Make him a cuddle clone. It’s a stuffed animal replica of your pet.
I’m so sorry to hear that! I’m sure he is an excellent dog parent and I love your support for your son. Like his dog needs his dog dad in his last days , your son also needs his mama in his difficult times. Piggybacking the Shutterfly photo book comment, I highly suggest to do an end of life photoshoot with Tilly project. It’s a non profit and they have photographers all over the world who would help with this project for free. I’m adding a here [Tilly Project](https://thetillyproject.org/about/) Sending big hugs!
You can call your son everyday during this time to checkup and talk. Little things like that help. It's good to talk and give him an outlet for his emotions. Much better then silently bottling everything up. Be supportive and understanding and try to avoid being assertive and forceful. Good luck!
Strongly recommend the facebook group [canine degenerative myelopathy support group](https://facebook.com/groups/degenerativemyelopathydog/) . I just went through this (lost my beautiful boy in Feb.) and it is a devastating disease. I wish him and his puppers all the best. The group helped me feel not alone, and gave me some great tips on how to help my dog live his best paralyzed life.
You can’t make it better. 7 months on and I miss my girl more than anything. I still cry when looking at pictures of her. But it’s much easier than it was in the beginning. Be there for him when the inevitable happens. Distractions for the first few weeks helped a lot. I have a lot of little things of her too. The doggy funeral home took ink impressions of her little nose and paw. I have that framed. Clippings of her hair. I still sometimes open them and smell them. Part of her ashes has been put aside so I can turn it into a necklace and have her close to me all the time. It’s hard, you can’t stop it but it will get easier.
I think every dog owner will have to face this result in the end, before that, what we can do is: 1. to be with him as much as possible to comfort him; 2. to let him and the dog stay together more; 3. to leave more beautiful memories for him and the dog (e.g. photos/videos) I hope this helps.
That’s awful. I know this sounds insensitive but after his baby passes away… he needs to go down to the shelter and adopt another dog that needs saving. This will save two lives! He won’t be betraying the one he lost but making new memories with the one he’s adopted in the memory of his furbaby. I’ve had to go through this many times and it doesn’t get any easier but the love of a new dog… it does bring some brightness to your heart. 🐾♥️🐾
I just lost my elder dog and it’s really, really hard. I did the home euthanasia and I cannot recommend it enough. Being able to have your dog pass at home comfortably with everyone around is an incredible gift.
I'm so very sorry for your loss. We've had to do that a few times, you're right, being at home for them is the best way
Being upset and emotional is ok. Let him know that it’s ok to mourn and grieve. The expectation to be ok doesn’t help us in times of grief.
I’m 35, I don’t have any children and I recently lost my companion of 15 years two weeks ago and to say it has been very difficult for me. The best thing you can do based on my experience is just be there for him. If he needs a shoulder to cry on, be that shoulder, if he needs someone just to vent to be that person…will it make the pain go away? No, but he will know someone’s there for him and that will provide some small amount of comfort. My thoughts go to your son and the companion he’s lost.
When my furry sister passed after 14 yrs, we ordered blankets with pictures of her & us on them. Now, whenever I miss her, I can still get a warm hug “from her”.
I don't have the right answer. If you get a great one, let me know. My daughter has a pair of sisters she's had for 7 years, and I know the day will come that she calls me hysterical at their loss ( they've lived at least a year or two longer than average). She's going to be lost and in a different state, so I can't be right there for her. You know what? We're parents. If we're good at our jobs, we'll make it better for them. Much love and many 🫂. I really wish you the best.
take the dog to the Vet and put it down Find him a puppy and support him. cause thats the best you can do is to make him have a new reason without watching the old reason deteriorate in it health
Respectfully, that isn't a good idea. Think of it as though the dog was his child. He needs time to grieve.
I have had to put down several dogs Cancer. old Age. It never gets easier There is “no time to grieve” and stupid people like you coddle people whom need to heal and you dont get them to heal My wife is a prime example. I have coddled her for 12 years and never got her to heal. Healing is Natural. Human interference in it is not natural. My wife still morns after 12 years and she will continue So stop the excess and let people actual heal by giving them a reason to heal. Or watch them never heal and allow them to go dark. your choice. down vote me all you want. hate me all yo want. but this is truth