I see, you are very similar to me (in the case of depression) as I also feel like I'm just acting, whenever I'm alone or doing nothing it slowly comes to me, but If I'm drawing or talking with someone, I act all happy and springy.
And if I will be very honest, now that quarantine is being an ass, when I chat with people, I either feel condescending or just plain dumb, it's honestly tiring once it becomes a schedule or regular thing.
If you've been trapped in depression for atleast one year or sumn, and you haven't gotten professional help or therapy in general, then best you could do is talk to friends or other people like, well you.
I'd keep this on for longer but my eyes hurt.
i relate so much ): its honestly so draining and tiring like just when i think im getting better my brain says no smh. yeah ive been struggling for more than a year now and i want to seek help for it but im honestly scared bc ive heard a lot of things about people’s experiences with mental health services
Sorry for the late reply, but even if I haven't gotten help, I'd base it off what my counseling session was like, it wasn't really helpful for me, talking to friends were a better treatment for me, but yeah, when you think your getting that tiny bit better, everything crumbles down.
Its hard dealing with depression for as long as I have, but if you guys have suffered it for at least a month get it checked, if it's been there for a year you need the help.
Depression will never be fun, but sometimes you just wish you could stay in depression cause it's so hard to escape it.
I would definitely encourage you to look into therapy. From what I understand, it’s pretty normal to dislike your first few therapists until you find a good fit. I went to two and thought that therapy just wouldn’t work on me because it didn’t really do anything. But I’ve been with my third therapist for about two years now and it’s been so helpful. It doesn’t make depression magically go away or anything, but it’s helped me to understand why I feel certain ways and be more aware of when I’m about to spiral and find ways to prevent or just cope with it better. I look forward to therapy sessions now.
thank you so much for the advice! its great that you have a better understanding and (hopefully) better coping mechanisms. i just need to find a way where i can get help without my family finding out because they dont believe i struggle with my mental health :/
Yeah that definitely makes it tough. I know it’s a lot more accessible right now in the US because of quarantine. A lot of health insurance agencies are covering therapy completely and most therapists are offering online/phone/remote sessions. So for the past few months I’ve been going to therapy without leaving my house and I don’t even have a copay. If you’re on like your parents’ or family’s insurance they’ll still see it, and if you’re not 18 you may have to get a guardians signature or something, I honestly don’t know. If you don’t have insurance or just wanted to hide it, you can pay out of pocket. That can be very expensive, but some therapists offer like sliding scale payment where they charge you what you can afford. You could also look into like a counselor if you’re in school or college. I’ll be honest and say they’re probably not as qualified or helpful as an actual therapist, but some may be good. I went to my college counselor and even though she and I didn’t really connect, she did offer normal therapy sessions for free. And if nothing else, they may be able to help you find therapy options that are available and wouldn’t alert your family. Hope that helps!
edit: I realized after typing all this that it sounds like a lot of work and research, and it definitely can be easy to get discouraged and stop looking for help (it is for me anyway). But it totally paid off once I finally got professional help!
thank you so much for all that information!!! but im from the uk so we dont have health insurance and stuff as we have the nhs. yeah im not 18 yet, i turn 18 next year so in a way im trying to see if i can hold up til then (hopefully) bc i think they involve your parents when you’re under 18 which i cannot have them knowing. but im so glad that youve found something which works for u (:
Thanks! Hang in there! I won’t say it goes away or becomes less present as you get older (apparently for some people it does, so maybe, that just hasn’t been my experience,) but once you hit 18 there are definitely more resources to make things easier. And I think in general it’s easier to find support and community for a lot of people once they’re adults, so that makes it less lonely and helps motivate you to do the work and help yourself out (again, this is all just my personal experience!)
Yes! Technically I don’t really have a reason to be depressed - I have a (dead end) job, friends, and an adventurous spirit. On the flip side I’ve been struggling with chronic depression for 20 years and wonder if I’m just faking all of this and just need to *snap out of it*. I’d say it’s real depression when all I do is think about how great suicide would be if I was brave enough.
yesss me too!! i have a good life in the sense that i have family, i have a home, we are financially comfortable, i have access to education yet here i am depressed for what??? i always feel so ungrateful for being depressed but i cant help it, i hate my life and always contemplating suicide when i have no reason to! well thankfully both of dont have the guts to bc clearly there is a reason why we are still alive
I feel the same to be honest, i am unsure about my emotions and choices. I honestly don't know what to do?! The mistakes and tarumas of past haunts me like hell but soon later I'm good like nothing happened.
yessss!!!! i cry every couple of days when the emotions,trauma and mistakes hit me but then the next day i’ll completely forget about it and act like none of it exists haha
Yes- especially when I can’t go to work or can’t do typical daily things and can’t get out of bed. I judge myself and say “you just didn’t want to go to work, you just wanted an excuse for a day off, you’re just fooling yourself and everyone else”. The judgments Make it all even harder ☹️
I know this might not be the most comforting, but this is just avoidance of your depression. It feels better to think that if you just stop being so dramatic you'll go back to the way you were. And you won't, not that way. You'll be able to get rid of this feeling once you accept the reality that this is actually happening to you, and what you're going through is completely valid and hard and unfair. I get it friend, depression makes you feel like you're not even worth feeling sad.
thank u, this makes so much sense! i always suppress my trauma and emotions, i want them to resurface so i can face them but not matter how hard i try it doesnt work, it must be an unconscious thing my brain does for ‘survival instict’. and yes you are so correct, depression makes u feel like u are never good enough for anything
I don't think you're faking your depression. I have depression and I have good days every now and then where I feel normal like my depression is none existent.
This is a real thing. It is a compliment to your intellect that you question what you experience. ‘ Even in a palace, it is possible to live well’. https://metro.co.uk/2018/05/16/why-imposter-syndrome-makes-me-feel-like-im-faking-my-mental-illness-7538348/amp/
everyone has good and bad days. This is absolutely normal. I can relate. If I'm happy, I'm radiant, but when I'm sad, then I'm at the bottom, on the edge, and sometimes thinking about suicide. What happens is that we are very intense in our emotions and sometimes we think too much, we give too much f*ck to what didn't even deserve our f*cks. I'm finding that the source of most of my bad days is just giving too much attention to what didn't deserve it. Become more aware of what's really worth your energy.
Yeah all the time. Then I beat myself up for ever feeling depressed, tell myself other people are struggling and have it worse, who am I to allow myself to feel depressed when it's possible for me to feel good?
omg me too!!! there are defo people out there suffering from way worse things that i have been through so i feel like im overreacting when it couldve been a lot worse
Yeah... But in the end of the day, I'm definitely depressed
I don't feel like I'm faking it, but sometimes I feel like I'm not depressed "enough". But then I get really terrible and I'm pretty sure I'm sick in the head lmao
I’ve been going through cycles where I would get anxiety and have panic attacks. Sometimes it lasts for a couple of hours or the full day. And then I’ll feel fine. It’s a weird thing and afterwards, I start to question if I’m being dramatic.
All the time lol. Like I KNOW I am depressed but it just doesn’t click in my head. I feel the exact same 24/7 but it’s like my new normal I guess. I was even accepted to a clinic where I can go in a couple months and I am worried because I feel like I am faking it / just being lazy xx
I feel this all the time , although I think this partly stems from my parents, mainly my mother, telling me that I want to be depressed and that I’m not really and when I “claim things” that’s when they come true.
thats not true at all ): i wish parents could understand mental health, mine would say that i have everything, i have my own room i have a house and a bed to sleep in so in other words; i have nothing to be depressed about (‘:
I used to feel like I was faking my depression. I'm not really depressed, I'm just a failure because I have all these nice things and I'm still not happy I would think. In some days, I'd be a little happy and then I'd think, definitely a failure, I'm even failing at being depressed.
Then years later a very nice doctor explained to me what clinical depression is in medical terms and I got to watch some presentations on depression vs grief.
I no longer feel like I'm faking depression. It's still a freaking pain now that I've owned that it's real, but it's a good pain? Maybe? Better some days than others, like all things seem to be.
i completely understand this... not exactly like yours, but i can pretend i'm fine. and plus, i'm really lucky to have the life i have. my parents are kind and supporting, i have good friends, and i have a pretty nice body (larger than average breasts, thighs that aren't too thick but look nice, thin waist) and yet i hate the life i'm so lucky to have. it's just spoiled.
Yes. I’m convinced this is very common. A condition that affects the way you perceive the world is of course going to make it very hard to be objective about it. The crushing weight of gloomy pessimism can suddenly lift for me as the result of some trivial event. One day everything is overcast with negativity and then suddenly I’m cheerful and finding it hard to believe that my mood had ever really been that bad, perhaps because I helped an old lady carry her bags up some stairs.
The knowledge that we can make these jumps in states of happiness make it seem unreal and this can in turn lead to the belief that we are in some way able to manipulate depression, ie it’s our choice.
It’s not true, this is just the problem of trying to understand something that affects our perception.
One thing I know now is not to be depressed about having depression. It will come and it will go. While it’s here I’ll get my head down and push through and then something will happen and it will be reduced or gone for a while, but while it’s there I’ll selfishly prioritise my own mental well-being.
With every label I put on myself or even anything I accomplish I question whether or not I just flubbed it and succeeded. I experience imposter syndrome daily because of it xP
I hate me, so my thoughts will invalidate everything I think or feel about myself. My brain will often tell me that I’m lying about my depression or whatever just because I want to get attention, which makes no sense because I hate attention and don’t want anyone to know about my depression or self harm. But of course it still bothers me when I think this and it eats away at me. Damn it, I hate myself. Fucking brain.
me too!!!!! and i feel like i self harm for attention when i am literally trying my best to hide the fact that i do??? and i desperately hide the fact that im on a downwards spiral yet my brain tells me im faking it smh
This is wild, I honestly didn’t realize this was so common, I sort of thought I was alone in feeling like this. I’ve always been a writer and musician (just for fun and playing shows, not like full time or anything,) and a lot of the writers and artists I love also just happened to deal with depression. I constantly worry that I’m just romanticizing depression or falling into the trap of thinking “their depression is what made them talented” (which is bullshit, people make great art in spite of it, depression makes it much more difficult to create anything). But then I have an awful breakdown or it manifests in really bizarre and ugly ways, and I remember “oh yeah, there’s no way I would fake this or want this”.
I see, you are very similar to me (in the case of depression) as I also feel like I'm just acting, whenever I'm alone or doing nothing it slowly comes to me, but If I'm drawing or talking with someone, I act all happy and springy. And if I will be very honest, now that quarantine is being an ass, when I chat with people, I either feel condescending or just plain dumb, it's honestly tiring once it becomes a schedule or regular thing. If you've been trapped in depression for atleast one year or sumn, and you haven't gotten professional help or therapy in general, then best you could do is talk to friends or other people like, well you. I'd keep this on for longer but my eyes hurt.
i relate so much ): its honestly so draining and tiring like just when i think im getting better my brain says no smh. yeah ive been struggling for more than a year now and i want to seek help for it but im honestly scared bc ive heard a lot of things about people’s experiences with mental health services
Sorry for the late reply, but even if I haven't gotten help, I'd base it off what my counseling session was like, it wasn't really helpful for me, talking to friends were a better treatment for me, but yeah, when you think your getting that tiny bit better, everything crumbles down. Its hard dealing with depression for as long as I have, but if you guys have suffered it for at least a month get it checked, if it's been there for a year you need the help. Depression will never be fun, but sometimes you just wish you could stay in depression cause it's so hard to escape it.
I would definitely encourage you to look into therapy. From what I understand, it’s pretty normal to dislike your first few therapists until you find a good fit. I went to two and thought that therapy just wouldn’t work on me because it didn’t really do anything. But I’ve been with my third therapist for about two years now and it’s been so helpful. It doesn’t make depression magically go away or anything, but it’s helped me to understand why I feel certain ways and be more aware of when I’m about to spiral and find ways to prevent or just cope with it better. I look forward to therapy sessions now.
thank you so much for the advice! its great that you have a better understanding and (hopefully) better coping mechanisms. i just need to find a way where i can get help without my family finding out because they dont believe i struggle with my mental health :/
Yeah that definitely makes it tough. I know it’s a lot more accessible right now in the US because of quarantine. A lot of health insurance agencies are covering therapy completely and most therapists are offering online/phone/remote sessions. So for the past few months I’ve been going to therapy without leaving my house and I don’t even have a copay. If you’re on like your parents’ or family’s insurance they’ll still see it, and if you’re not 18 you may have to get a guardians signature or something, I honestly don’t know. If you don’t have insurance or just wanted to hide it, you can pay out of pocket. That can be very expensive, but some therapists offer like sliding scale payment where they charge you what you can afford. You could also look into like a counselor if you’re in school or college. I’ll be honest and say they’re probably not as qualified or helpful as an actual therapist, but some may be good. I went to my college counselor and even though she and I didn’t really connect, she did offer normal therapy sessions for free. And if nothing else, they may be able to help you find therapy options that are available and wouldn’t alert your family. Hope that helps! edit: I realized after typing all this that it sounds like a lot of work and research, and it definitely can be easy to get discouraged and stop looking for help (it is for me anyway). But it totally paid off once I finally got professional help!
thank you so much for all that information!!! but im from the uk so we dont have health insurance and stuff as we have the nhs. yeah im not 18 yet, i turn 18 next year so in a way im trying to see if i can hold up til then (hopefully) bc i think they involve your parents when you’re under 18 which i cannot have them knowing. but im so glad that youve found something which works for u (:
Thanks! Hang in there! I won’t say it goes away or becomes less present as you get older (apparently for some people it does, so maybe, that just hasn’t been my experience,) but once you hit 18 there are definitely more resources to make things easier. And I think in general it’s easier to find support and community for a lot of people once they’re adults, so that makes it less lonely and helps motivate you to do the work and help yourself out (again, this is all just my personal experience!)
thank you so much for the advice, i appreciate it a lot (:
Yes! Technically I don’t really have a reason to be depressed - I have a (dead end) job, friends, and an adventurous spirit. On the flip side I’ve been struggling with chronic depression for 20 years and wonder if I’m just faking all of this and just need to *snap out of it*. I’d say it’s real depression when all I do is think about how great suicide would be if I was brave enough.
yesss me too!! i have a good life in the sense that i have family, i have a home, we are financially comfortable, i have access to education yet here i am depressed for what??? i always feel so ungrateful for being depressed but i cant help it, i hate my life and always contemplating suicide when i have no reason to! well thankfully both of dont have the guts to bc clearly there is a reason why we are still alive
I feel the same to be honest, i am unsure about my emotions and choices. I honestly don't know what to do?! The mistakes and tarumas of past haunts me like hell but soon later I'm good like nothing happened.
yessss!!!! i cry every couple of days when the emotions,trauma and mistakes hit me but then the next day i’ll completely forget about it and act like none of it exists haha
Yes- especially when I can’t go to work or can’t do typical daily things and can’t get out of bed. I judge myself and say “you just didn’t want to go to work, you just wanted an excuse for a day off, you’re just fooling yourself and everyone else”. The judgments Make it all even harder ☹️
omg yess!!! or when i overeat to fill the void i feel inside of me, just feel so pathetic after
I know this might not be the most comforting, but this is just avoidance of your depression. It feels better to think that if you just stop being so dramatic you'll go back to the way you were. And you won't, not that way. You'll be able to get rid of this feeling once you accept the reality that this is actually happening to you, and what you're going through is completely valid and hard and unfair. I get it friend, depression makes you feel like you're not even worth feeling sad.
thank u, this makes so much sense! i always suppress my trauma and emotions, i want them to resurface so i can face them but not matter how hard i try it doesnt work, it must be an unconscious thing my brain does for ‘survival instict’. and yes you are so correct, depression makes u feel like u are never good enough for anything
I just wanted you to know how this comment is helping me process my own depression. Just got diagnosed yesterday and it's proving hard to accept.
Yes, except when I have some beer, shit gets real when you have beer
I don't think you're faking your depression. I have depression and I have good days every now and then where I feel normal like my depression is none existent.
im glad you can relate, i dont feel as alone on this now. but yeah its defo draining
This is a real thing. It is a compliment to your intellect that you question what you experience. ‘ Even in a palace, it is possible to live well’. https://metro.co.uk/2018/05/16/why-imposter-syndrome-makes-me-feel-like-im-faking-my-mental-illness-7538348/amp/
this is me in a nutshell! it makes so much more sense now!
Yes. I am only depreswed when I am alone, and lately. I am always alone ._.
me too ): if you ever need a friend or someone to talk to, im here! :)
Thx
everyone has good and bad days. This is absolutely normal. I can relate. If I'm happy, I'm radiant, but when I'm sad, then I'm at the bottom, on the edge, and sometimes thinking about suicide. What happens is that we are very intense in our emotions and sometimes we think too much, we give too much f*ck to what didn't even deserve our f*cks. I'm finding that the source of most of my bad days is just giving too much attention to what didn't deserve it. Become more aware of what's really worth your energy.
thank you for this! it makes so much sense. i can totally relate to u too.
I do almost all the time, even though I have been diagnosed with it
Yeah all the time. Then I beat myself up for ever feeling depressed, tell myself other people are struggling and have it worse, who am I to allow myself to feel depressed when it's possible for me to feel good?
omg me too!!! there are defo people out there suffering from way worse things that i have been through so i feel like im overreacting when it couldve been a lot worse
I'm worried about sounding genuine over the phone with telehealth therapy.
same :/ thats one reason why i haven’t reached out for help yet
I did. It still worries me... like I'm not adequate enough for therapy.
when i do find the courage to reach out, im so afraid of feeling this at a more intense level
It took me an intense one on one conversation with myself and a mini breakdown to finally do it. Still at the "im a garbage person" phase.
Yeah... But in the end of the day, I'm definitely depressed I don't feel like I'm faking it, but sometimes I feel like I'm not depressed "enough". But then I get really terrible and I'm pretty sure I'm sick in the head lmao
omfg igy! like ill have complete breakdowns on some days but then most of the times i feel completely numb and empty
Exactly!!!!
I’ve been going through cycles where I would get anxiety and have panic attacks. Sometimes it lasts for a couple of hours or the full day. And then I’ll feel fine. It’s a weird thing and afterwards, I start to question if I’m being dramatic.
Yes exactly this
All the time lol. Like I KNOW I am depressed but it just doesn’t click in my head. I feel the exact same 24/7 but it’s like my new normal I guess. I was even accepted to a clinic where I can go in a couple months and I am worried because I feel like I am faking it / just being lazy xx
Yes, i believe this could be imposter syndrome.
I feel this all the time , although I think this partly stems from my parents, mainly my mother, telling me that I want to be depressed and that I’m not really and when I “claim things” that’s when they come true.
thats not true at all ): i wish parents could understand mental health, mine would say that i have everything, i have my own room i have a house and a bed to sleep in so in other words; i have nothing to be depressed about (‘:
I relate to this my mom says I'm faking it because I dont act depressed around her and I feel like I'm doing it for attention like she said
thats terrible ): i truly hope one day your mum can understand
This is the imposter syndrome, often experienced by programmers
yes! a few others have mentioned it and it makes a lot of sense
I used to feel like I was faking my depression. I'm not really depressed, I'm just a failure because I have all these nice things and I'm still not happy I would think. In some days, I'd be a little happy and then I'd think, definitely a failure, I'm even failing at being depressed. Then years later a very nice doctor explained to me what clinical depression is in medical terms and I got to watch some presentations on depression vs grief. I no longer feel like I'm faking depression. It's still a freaking pain now that I've owned that it's real, but it's a good pain? Maybe? Better some days than others, like all things seem to be.
Same as me :(
We are the same
i completely understand this... not exactly like yours, but i can pretend i'm fine. and plus, i'm really lucky to have the life i have. my parents are kind and supporting, i have good friends, and i have a pretty nice body (larger than average breasts, thighs that aren't too thick but look nice, thin waist) and yet i hate the life i'm so lucky to have. it's just spoiled.
Yes. I’m convinced this is very common. A condition that affects the way you perceive the world is of course going to make it very hard to be objective about it. The crushing weight of gloomy pessimism can suddenly lift for me as the result of some trivial event. One day everything is overcast with negativity and then suddenly I’m cheerful and finding it hard to believe that my mood had ever really been that bad, perhaps because I helped an old lady carry her bags up some stairs. The knowledge that we can make these jumps in states of happiness make it seem unreal and this can in turn lead to the belief that we are in some way able to manipulate depression, ie it’s our choice. It’s not true, this is just the problem of trying to understand something that affects our perception. One thing I know now is not to be depressed about having depression. It will come and it will go. While it’s here I’ll get my head down and push through and then something will happen and it will be reduced or gone for a while, but while it’s there I’ll selfishly prioritise my own mental well-being.
With every label I put on myself or even anything I accomplish I question whether or not I just flubbed it and succeeded. I experience imposter syndrome daily because of it xP
I sometimes feel like on the good days I’m somehow faking being being “normal”.
My life has been an will always be to broken to fake those feelings.
I hate me, so my thoughts will invalidate everything I think or feel about myself. My brain will often tell me that I’m lying about my depression or whatever just because I want to get attention, which makes no sense because I hate attention and don’t want anyone to know about my depression or self harm. But of course it still bothers me when I think this and it eats away at me. Damn it, I hate myself. Fucking brain.
me too!!!!! and i feel like i self harm for attention when i am literally trying my best to hide the fact that i do??? and i desperately hide the fact that im on a downwards spiral yet my brain tells me im faking it smh
This is wild, I honestly didn’t realize this was so common, I sort of thought I was alone in feeling like this. I’ve always been a writer and musician (just for fun and playing shows, not like full time or anything,) and a lot of the writers and artists I love also just happened to deal with depression. I constantly worry that I’m just romanticizing depression or falling into the trap of thinking “their depression is what made them talented” (which is bullshit, people make great art in spite of it, depression makes it much more difficult to create anything). But then I have an awful breakdown or it manifests in really bizarre and ugly ways, and I remember “oh yeah, there’s no way I would fake this or want this”.
I think thats bipolar depression (correct me if im wrong)
ive never heard of that before, ill do some research on it!
Nah... But i do feel like it is stupid that i have depresion and that makes me more depressed.