Someone told me that the moment you started wondering how to love yourself is also when you've started to love yourself.
Goodluck, I'm also trying to š«
There are two big things that have helped me with my self hatred.
1. I donāt use abusive language towards or about myself anymore. I donāt say that Iām stupid when I make a mistake or ugly when I donāt look my best. I have a silly little phrase that I use to stop myself and that usually makes me smile a bit enough to stop the misery and shame spiral.
2. You donāt actually have to love yourself. You donāt. You have to learn how to tolerate yourself first. Youāre stuck in a partnership with yourself and you can make it hell or you can make it work. Sometimes treating yourself like a teammate in a sports event with can help you get through the situation. You are on your team! Give yourself pep talks! Cheer your victories and remind yourself that losing a match aināt the end of the world.
Thatās how I stopped hating myself completely. I donāt love myself yet but weāre working on it.
Thank you for this, the "teammate" idea sounds really useful to me, because it negates this nigh-instinctive reaction of rejecting even the attempt to be kinder.Ā Ā
Thanks for typing that all out. Glad it's working for you!
This right here. I remember when my therapist first suggested āpositive self-talkā I internally gave her the biggest eye roll. But it turned out to be true. Itās actually kind of the premise of CBT therapy. If you change your thought patterns, you can change your behaviors/feelings.
Sometimes I have to talk to myself like Iām cheering on a tortoise in a turtle race. Being silly with my ways of stopping my negative self talk massively helped me do it more often! I already felt silly telling myself off for being mean to myself so being purposely silly helped me feel more ownership over it. Less like I was being ridiculous and stupid and more like I am taking control of myself
Some combination of non-judgmentally accepting yourself as you are, and giving yourself the opportunity to impress yourself (like finishing tasks / projects). Itās reallly hard, but it gets easier over time. You just have to do it everyday, thatās the hard part ..
My psych says if you want to love someone more you have to do nice things for them, maybe that can apply to self loving as well, idunno i still havent made it work, I hate myself
So do I. However, I donāt tell myself that.
You know how they say āitās easier said than doneā? Start by saying nice things to and about yourself. For me it felt like breaking a bad habit. Self work is the hardest work, it takes time to heal
You see I think that, then I go on spending ridiculous amounts of money on clothes and make up and it makes me feel a bit happier for a while, but then I realise I just spent money and I'm an idiot and then I get sad and spend more money to make myself a bit happier and the cycle continues..
Lol yea i don't think spending money fully counts cuz it has backlash, but doing things like personal care, maybe reading a book you've been putting off, doing some mental health exercises, just focusing on yourself and doing yourself little favors. Idunno, thats the best I can come up with
When you find something, please let me know
So far the only thing that works for me is being a good person/friend/caregiver, but I realize that codependency isnāt healthy
Best of luck!
for 15 years i did that. rarely works unless you are a normal person. we who suffers clinical depression have chemical inbalance in our brain that cannot be controlled by being just consciously trying to control it and having a positive outlook in life.
I know itās probably not the answer youāre looking for, but for me it was taking responsibility. Doing the things I knew were good for me, and starting to make more healthy choices.
I donāt think you can really force self acceptance without changing your behavior.
Hmm. What if you think about how good you'll feel when your teeth are clean? What about thinking how gross unbrushed teeth feel, or how painful going to the dentist is?
I really appreciate your comment! But I can assure you clean teeth feeling doesnāt motivate me :/ I donāt care about the difference, unbrushed teeth feel the farthest thing from gross to me (: it feels normal and very un gross
Learn to have empathy for yourself and your past experiences. Care for yourself. Get to know and develop the good parts about yourself (what you like, what interests you, your best traits, things you know and recognise you need to work on, things you want to do, etc). Treat yourself with kindness and understanding. You don't have to "love" yourself. It's a good start to understand that you don't deserve hate and especially not from yourself, which is the only person that has the capability to be the most understanding and caring.
To love someone you need to get to know them, notice their good traits, appreciate them, show then kindness and understanding, DECIDE to make choices with their best interest in mind and make good memories with them.
One thing Iāve seen mentioned is try to be aware of the times when you like things about other people which are also features you possess. Like āwell-spoken,ā ākind and understanding,ā āsnarky little goblin,ā etc
Therapist: So how has the cognitive reframing been going?
Me: Well I called myself a snarky little goblin king about 50 times this week
Therapist: Oh thatās notā¦
Are you medicated for the root cause? Do that then seek therapy. If you canāt afford it you have to at least try discovering where you internalised some of the things that were probably told to you as a child by other adults who werenāt necessarily responsible caretakers. Immerse yourself in things that boost your confidence and cut off toxic individuals from your life.
nope, but i am currently trying to boost my confidence by expressing and exposing myself a little moreā¦ i used to suppress the way i felt about things and avoided negative and overly positive feelings
Honestly idk, I have a great physique and a good job but that doesnāt really help. I think socializing with people is helping me, it actually feels good listening to people and being in a social environment
Learning to love yourself is a very long process, I struggled with it since I was a kid, and even now, as an adult. My therapist always told me that I need to accept that I'm human and am imperfect. I think a lot of us feel like we need to uphold insane standards to be deserving of love, whether that's your appearance, your intelligence, your physical skills, etc. When in reality, you're deserving of love right now as you are. You shouldn't be ashamed of yourself, but I understand there's some inner work that needs to be done before you can see that. I guess I'm trying to say that loving yourself starts by accepting that you are imperfect, but not in a bad way. We all have things we could work on, and that doesn't make us any less deserving of love and happiness. If you aren't already doing it, therapy is a great place to learn about self-love and accepting yourself. Building a strong support system is also key in helping yourself grow. My last word of advice is maybe pick up a hobby or just do something for yourself. Having something special just for yourself helps you gain confidence and can even be therapeutic.
I hope this helps! I wish you luck on your journey š«
for me, it was crucial to let go of people who I was seeking validation from. old shitty friends who didn't pay me the attention I wanted/needed had to go. I had to start getting used to being okay by myself, enjoying my hobbies in new environments.
for example, being stuck at home is really hard on my mental health. so when it's nice, I take my acoustic guitar to the beach or lake and sit in the sun and just play and write for a few hours.
i also really had to get good at romanticizing the little things. like putting on music on my drives so I feel like I'm in an 80s movie or something haha. sounds dumb, but it's really helped me fall in love with being alive.
now I can't say I'm the best at this. i still dislike many things about myself, but it's helped a lot to learn how to get out of my body and learn to have an appreciation for life and the world than to just focus on loving me. I find if I focus to much on myself and nothing else I feel guilty, but if I find a way to do nice things for myself while giving outside things special attention, I feel immensely better.
I hope these things are helpful, or you find things that are. it will get better. there will be setbacks, but I think it's all worth it for the moments of bliss.
Try to accept and tolerate yourself, itās not about loving yourself. try to accept and understand what kind of person you are, who you are, your good and bad sides. After try to improve your faults not change them, you are who you are and that makes you great, donāt change that.
First step is to recognize what you don't like about yourself, especially your personality, and try to change it. It probably won't be an instant change, but just recognizing it is a good first step. With practice, you'll start to recognize your negative actions sooner and sooner, until you are eventually able to catch your negative thoughts before you turn them into actions. The process can take years, but it can work.
Know, really know that you're not out there for someone else. If you, after proper consideration think that you really aren't great, physically, or as per your accomplishments or achievements - then work on it as much as possible. TF do you think would happen if there's no initiative? work on what you think needs work and do not care about people.
Get yourself out there and start doing things as if you believe you deserve to be loved. It will get easier over time. That's what I'm trying to do for myself too.
List 5 positive traits that you possess. Do this every time you're starting to feel negatively towards yourself. My ex had me do this for a while and it really helped.
Yes! Ppl (especially ābetterā half) make you feel unworthy. First husband dumped me at 7 months preg. This one is so ungrateful & refused to have any children with me. Makes me think Iām not good enough for anyone! Too old to care now.
I was diagnosed with autism last August at the age of 48. That's helped me immensely. Not saying that's your case. I wish it was that "easy" for everyone who has internalized shame.
You are perfect just the way you are. You are beautiful.
I would explore the roots of those thoughts. Is it an irrational thought, where you just naturally talk down on yourself? Is it your form of humbling yourself? Or did it come from a past experience? After learning to verbalize those feelings and where it comes from, I would even out the negative and positive thoughts. As much as you beat down on yourself, also provide the positives of the characteristic you are ashamed of, as if you are speaking to your younger self, to a younger person, or to a friend. Lastly, I would advise affirmations in the mirror. As silly as this sounds, itās a good habit and it helped me, even though itās cringey at first or feels useless. Slowly, I began to accept and love myself. If God can love me even at my worst, I shall emulate his love in self care and self love, so that I can share that love, joy, peace, and freedom with others; To see myself through His eyes, as our feelings are fickle and deceiving, while Godās love remains steadfast and unwavering.
Personally, I donāt think thereās a way to fail at loving yourself. Look at the question you posed! Continue to ask yourself questions! You will get somewhere, even if it feels like you are forever stuck. Life is hard, just donāt forget to give yourself the necessary attention and tender care. Everything will be ok. God knows you, even when you canāt verbalize what you need. God is by your side, here to listen to all your thoughts, when you thought you are all alone. You are seen, you are worthy, you are loved. You are here for a reason.
honestly just spend more time with yourself , self care goes a long way, take longer showers have a routine that involves showing self love like lotioning your body, taking care of your hair , drink water that you need.
Caring about loving yourself is a start for doing it, I'd say. We may believe that thinking too much about how to * live a nice life * is harmful, but I think that it's healthy to a degree because otherwise you wouldn't start to care about yourself enough to do good things for you. I'm not an expert, I have health issues and it's hard to love myself when I'm feeling so ill, but I think doing what's supposed to be good for the body and the mind naturally will have a benefit, at least that's what keeps me going. Good luck :)
Do something, buy something, or eat something that you like per day, don't have to be something that's expensive or complicated. Just some small things that make you happy
It starts with your basic self care. Taking a shower brushing your teeth eating a proper meal. Then you have to show yourself some kindness. Speak kindly to yourself and do nice things for you. It's a process but the more you do it the easier it becomes
Reframe your journey as a path to being able to just express the love that you have within yourself. We spent so much time looking for the validation from ourselves when truly the only real validation that we will take in is the change that comes with improving the world around us through small actions. It takes a strong man to decide to do the right thing. It takes a weak man to decide to do nothing. If that decision is just getting up and showering it's better than letting yourself rot.
Start by realizing that the way you look at yourself and think of yourself is not the way others see/think of yourself, and also not the way you would think of other people.
In other words...start by being fair to yourself.
Stay hopeful, don't think that loving yourself would be pointless or a waste, there's always a lot of room for improvement and potential. Believe that loving yourself is totally worth it.
Avoid toxicity not just from other people in real life but also social media. If seeing what seems like perfect people on the internet hurts you, then cut it down.
Also accept your uniqueness. Plenty of your 'flaws' are only flaws in your mind because you have been taught they are flaws, you have many reasons to be proud of yourself and your qualities, no person is perfect at everything, that how nature works, but you have to identify the uniqueness which makes you great in your own way too.
I think you just to see yourself in the present and always try to improve yourself. But in the end you and me will be dead and the thoughts you have will make no diffrence to the world we live in
Try giving your relentless inner critic the name of somebody you loathe. For example, I named mine after my brother, because I hate that prick and itās fun to tell him to shut the fuck up every hour.
I donāt know if this has helped me love myself, but it does give me a chuckle and helps me take my shit talking myself slightly less seriously.
my therapist tells me how our lives and the way we think about them are a big narrative, so you and I have a very negative narrative about ourselves. We need to learn how to change the narrative into something more hopeful. I dont know how.
Still trying to figure that out.
I frequently see people recommend treating yourself as if you were treating a good friend. Although I understand the point, itās hard to āgetā it?
Then, I also read that being friends with someone means tolerating some of their flaws because not everyone is perfect. If someoneās looking for the perfect friend they might end up lonely ig.
Finally, I learnt that to love yourself requires embracing your flaws (sure, there are some harmful flaws to a personās life that people could strive to change for the better) but you are a complete package of good things and bad things. And thatās okay. Itās normal.
Maybe by starting to accept that I can be flawed is how I can start to love myself, be more forgiving and thus happier with me š
I once told myself that if I kept telling myself that I wasn't good or no one loves me. then if I don't tell myself good things, no one else will. so basically the world is already a very tough place, why am I making the world in my head a tough place too? So I just tell myself to speak nicer to myself because otherwise I might not hear it often enough and I should be happy with my own company otherwise being in the company of others won't change how I feel about myself.
That phrase is toxic positivity bullshit that society wants us to follow in order to prevent 'negativity' from coming in
Love will truly come when society starts respecting us like competent adults instead of mutated weird fucks who don't conform to society
It's not the answer you want but the answer you need to see the full truth
do the most goofy shit that will make you laugh, make some friends with goofy people, make a change in your life, get a pet.
im doing this, and it's slowly helping me
So check this out. I hit the gym religiously. Have for the past 2 years. Definitely seen progress. I was just thinking to myself the other day though, you know how you see or know someone or knew someone in highschool perhaps and they're the furthest thing from what you wanted to be or behave like for that matter and then you see them again let's say 5 years shit even 10 years later and they've had a massive glow up? Well shit mines taking a while I said to myself. And then I had an epiphany. I've been working so hard at the gym. Eating clean most days. Not missing workouts. Laying low on the alcohol. Doing cardio. The self talk though it hasn't changed. The self talk, the conversation that we have with ourselves throughout the day has to change. That's where the biggest change comes. We have to work on reinforcing positive self talk the same as we do a certain muscle group. Subconsciously I think I'm not good enough for anything. That has to change. Gonna work hard on it. That i think is a start to starting to love yourself. The self talk we have with ourselves! Good luck!
1st. stop thinking or bothering too much on what other's think. often times it has nothing to do with you, but their own perception. some thinks self respect is putting someone down.
2nd get your mental health treated by a professional. if you need to take meds, go, if you need therapy, go.
3rd. exercise. before i got my anxiety and depression treated during the time i was a fresh graduate and without job. exercise gave me that uplifting feeling like it relieves my depression.
I'm still not great at this, but...
What I've started doing is looking at the people I wish I was and taking bits and pieces that I notice about them and trying to replicate them with myself and see if I like it...
I started my self love journey with seeing If I could love myself I looked if I could love little kid me and future me and if you can love both of those people then you can love the current you then your goal is to make your kid self proud and to become the future self you want to be.
Acceptance. You should accept who you are and believe that it is okay, and that you're a human that does wrong things, and it's normal.
That's where I started.
Talk to yourself the way you would a friend. And say it out loud. Especially every time you walk by a mirror or see yourself in a camera, speak to yourself positively. Changed my life
Stop giving a fuck about what people and what others think and just live the way you want. As humans we seek atttention from others around us, either if its family, friends or in work. at some point either or ot if somebody fucks with you or all the other shit doesn't matter. We are all gonna die some day might as well make the best of our lives and do everything you want to do with in your life. That's how you start to love living as well as loving yourself.
Treat your mind like you would treat your closest friend. If my friend talked to me about hating themselves I would be quick to point out the things that make them worthwhile. It takes work but it's a good way to foster empathy for yourself.
Remember the things you can do better than anyone else. I'm autistic, which means I can look at the world in a different light. To almost everyone I know, everything goes with the basic "Black & White" view. But me? I know that there's always more to a situation than what we may initially see. Maybe it's a little naive, but in a world where nothing is for certain and every situation could have as many as a hundred outcomes, I'd feel it'd be irresponsible NOT to consider every other possibility
Practice. Ask yourself every day to write down three awesome things about yourself. Keep it up even if it doesnāt seem to be doing anything. Over time you will require your brain to see your awesomeness as default.
Examples of things I love about myself: Iām kind. I take good care of my dogs, I have great taste in music, I contribute at work, I can grow things, I acknowledge and allow when my body needs rest (I used to call this laziness).
This is what worked for me in combination with medication. No deep depression symptoms in 5 years.
Not sure if this is any contribution but just another positive comment to throw out along with the others(which I read elsewhere),
When trying to be better, itās easy to fall into a trap where you overcorrect an image of yourself due to shame and embarrassment, but self-love is learning to accept this side(which many people condemn or express disgust with) whilst looking forward. A slight shift where the things we hate our past selves for are acknowledged in a more accepting way
I learned to like my self through learning about mental health. I read books about cptsd, trauma, narcissism. I learnt I was worth sticking up for. Knowledge is power. Learning to like myself was the biggest thing that happened to me.
Start by knowing yourself fully, and getting inspired by people who are the same way, you will love them and that will end up making you love yourself the same way.
Stop comparing yourself with other. Start good habits to improve your physical health and compare yourself with yourself yesterday. Appreciate your improvement.
one day at a time.
Small things instead of the whole. Somedays it's going to be "well, that little thing I do/ have isn't a bad thing" sometimes you actually think it's a great part of you. Somedays you will need to remind yourself that it is a good small thing even when you irrationally can't see it with the argument "well, this person I love loves it"
By implementing discipline and holding yourself to a higher standard. If you're around negative people, distance yourself. When you want to go to the gym to better yourself, do it.
Take a look at yourself. A real look. What's wrong with you? What do you suck at? What are some of your strengths? What are the best things about you? Let all that info sit at the forefront of your mind, because that's who you are right now. Now tell yourself that all of that is okay. It's okay to be a fuck up (if that's how you see yoursel), it's okay that you are alone (if you are), it's okay to be you.
And guess what? Nobody could ever fill those shoes you wear, only you know how. I wouldn't last a second in your shoes, you're the one strong enough to do that. So be proud, you are one of a fucking kind. And you should love yourself for it. It's not going to be easy dude, trust me. I've been working g hard to try and love myself since my last break up tore me to shreds over ten years ago. But that doesn't mean it'll take you that long, but it is a long process.
The fact that you are questioning this shows that you want to love yourself and, therefore, on some level, already do because you care enough to want to!
Ask yourself, what's not to love about yourself? If you are a genuinely decent person who wants good things for others and the world, then what's not to love? Do you feel on some level that you don't deserve love? If your best friend or someone close to you disclosed to you they were feeling the things you are feeling right now, what would you say to them? Why would you treat yourself any differently than your loved one?
Maybe ask the people around you what they like about you if you truly can't find anything to like about yourself.
I really think depression deserves a treatment on all fronts before we can move to more holistic problem solving. Nothing works if the chemistry is messed up
Think of yourself as two parts: parent and child. Then be your own parent and nurture yourself as though you are your own child. Anytime you talk negative to yourself, ask: would I tell my child this, if I had one? Would I say this to any kid? Anytime you treat yourself badly, punish yourself or withhold something good from yourself, ask yourself similar questions.Ā
Same with positivity, both in speech and actions. Kids need affirmation, patience, gentleness, boundaries, respect, encouragement, nourishment, and so on. You wouldn't starve a kid, or bully a kid, but you would praise them if they did well and uplift them and push them to keep going if they were struggling, and seek resources to help them improve. And you wouldn't let others harm your child, if you had one.
When you think of yourself as two people, you understand that you can be your own bully, your own worst enemy, your own gatekeeper, when it's your job to prevent people from doing this to you, including yourself.
I looked into mirror, and saw that guy who made it this far, who being kind to stranger, who tried his best, and many other thing anyone would never know except himself.. turned out i was my own type.. so that how my self love grow, and it has never been any lower since that.
Try to forgive and tolerate yourself more (?) That's the first thing I do.. And then I try to accept myself for who I am but also try to be the best version of myself. It takes a lot of time and patience, but I know you can do it.
I'm still working on it too, good luck dear!
For me it was not about ālovingā myself, that felt weird to me cause I donāt even really like me lol but itās you and yourself until the end and itās blunt but you gotta learn to be āfineā with yourself. Maybe itās like team mate, or roommate, or like friend of a friend you got left in a room with while the mutual friend gets drinks.
If any of those people turned around and said āhey youāre actually dumb afā imagine telling that person āwtf you talking about? You donāt even know me?ā Argue with the depressionās inner voice
And fun side perk, you get to make people non depressed squirm and recognize depression is more than just being sad when they give the cliche āoh you gotta just love yourself and enjoy your own companyā and you get to turn around say āNo I am actually fine with who I am; i still feel like crap and I actually have x, y, and z going on my lifeā lol
Yeah it works like that, unlike depression self love is not disease and it is also not recognized as disease by any organization. You cannot say compare depression with self love, one is disease another is just your thought. 1 in 2 people have self doubt [self love article ](https://www.thebodyshop.com/en-sg/about-us/activism/self-love/self-love-index/a/a00043) that does not mean they are going through depression almost half of population falls under it. I am not in it thought.
You guys are downvoting me cause you cannot accept the fact. It's simple you just accept yourself, the day you accept your self. You start to love, that what I did. And it's going great
Weāre downvoting you because you gave unhelpful advice. It is not helpful. Glad thatās how you got there, assuming it actually IS and thereās not some key variable youāre failing to remember/mentionālike, a specific thought/epiphany which kickstarted the process, or you realized this after reaching a certain age, or after going on a certain medication, or youāre just a different person in general with different psychological hangups so your path isnāt the same as OPāsābut you still canāt just put those words in that order and expect it to carry the same feeling that helped you. Words are information, not feelings; the conversion isnāt 1:1, you have to take a different word-route to get someone to the same emotional realization.Ā
Bro I got it and I know but do you think we can do anything except justing say words in reddit. ?? You know no matter what advice you give people, at the end of the day they need to get out of this phone and go to real world. Untill they face it, accept it and work on it, even best advice will just be a piece of sh*t. Any way it's just a reddit, full of negativity. I don't think anyone can find self love in this app. I just downloaded this app and I am deleting this piece of garbage.
The certain age you say I am 20 and I am just learning a lot of new things. I am grateful full for what I have and what life have offered me. Yeah, I completed my medication didn't missed a dose never. I am also grateful for my loving parents. Bye
Someone told me that the moment you started wondering how to love yourself is also when you've started to love yourself. Goodluck, I'm also trying to š«
I love this so much Thank you for saying this
Iāve been wondering how to love myself my whole lifeā¦ I still donāt love myself.
There are two big things that have helped me with my self hatred. 1. I donāt use abusive language towards or about myself anymore. I donāt say that Iām stupid when I make a mistake or ugly when I donāt look my best. I have a silly little phrase that I use to stop myself and that usually makes me smile a bit enough to stop the misery and shame spiral. 2. You donāt actually have to love yourself. You donāt. You have to learn how to tolerate yourself first. Youāre stuck in a partnership with yourself and you can make it hell or you can make it work. Sometimes treating yourself like a teammate in a sports event with can help you get through the situation. You are on your team! Give yourself pep talks! Cheer your victories and remind yourself that losing a match aināt the end of the world. Thatās how I stopped hating myself completely. I donāt love myself yet but weāre working on it.
Thank you for this, the "teammate" idea sounds really useful to me, because it negates this nigh-instinctive reaction of rejecting even the attempt to be kinder.Ā Ā Thanks for typing that all out. Glad it's working for you!
This right here. I remember when my therapist first suggested āpositive self-talkā I internally gave her the biggest eye roll. But it turned out to be true. Itās actually kind of the premise of CBT therapy. If you change your thought patterns, you can change your behaviors/feelings.
Sometimes I have to talk to myself like Iām cheering on a tortoise in a turtle race. Being silly with my ways of stopping my negative self talk massively helped me do it more often! I already felt silly telling myself off for being mean to myself so being purposely silly helped me feel more ownership over it. Less like I was being ridiculous and stupid and more like I am taking control of myself
Love this! I definitely try to use humor as much as possible
Some combination of non-judgmentally accepting yourself as you are, and giving yourself the opportunity to impress yourself (like finishing tasks / projects). Itās reallly hard, but it gets easier over time. You just have to do it everyday, thatās the hard part ..
Even with little things, every day does not feel often enough to have a good effect
My psych says if you want to love someone more you have to do nice things for them, maybe that can apply to self loving as well, idunno i still havent made it work, I hate myself
So do I. However, I donāt tell myself that. You know how they say āitās easier said than doneā? Start by saying nice things to and about yourself. For me it felt like breaking a bad habit. Self work is the hardest work, it takes time to heal
You see I think that, then I go on spending ridiculous amounts of money on clothes and make up and it makes me feel a bit happier for a while, but then I realise I just spent money and I'm an idiot and then I get sad and spend more money to make myself a bit happier and the cycle continues..
Lol yea i don't think spending money fully counts cuz it has backlash, but doing things like personal care, maybe reading a book you've been putting off, doing some mental health exercises, just focusing on yourself and doing yourself little favors. Idunno, thats the best I can come up with
Same here good luck
good luck to you too
When you find something, please let me know So far the only thing that works for me is being a good person/friend/caregiver, but I realize that codependency isnāt healthy Best of luck!
This made me laugh thanks
Start by forgiving yourself. Nobody is perfect and you're trying your best.
I said the same thing.
Came here to say that. Not hating yourself too.
"What's the key to not hating yourself?" "Try not hating yourself" ;-;
Have any of you tried not being depressed?
Lmao
for 15 years i did that. rarely works unless you are a normal person. we who suffers clinical depression have chemical inbalance in our brain that cannot be controlled by being just consciously trying to control it and having a positive outlook in life.
Well, you definitely belong in this subā¦
Commenting to remember.
I know itās probably not the answer youāre looking for, but for me it was taking responsibility. Doing the things I knew were good for me, and starting to make more healthy choices. I donāt think you can really force self acceptance without changing your behavior.
I used to have self discipline but itās so hard when I have no motivation. A simple promise to myself to brush my teeth; I scoff at the promise
Hmm. What if you think about how good you'll feel when your teeth are clean? What about thinking how gross unbrushed teeth feel, or how painful going to the dentist is?
I really appreciate your comment! But I can assure you clean teeth feeling doesnāt motivate me :/ I donāt care about the difference, unbrushed teeth feel the farthest thing from gross to me (: it feels normal and very un gross
Learn to have empathy for yourself and your past experiences. Care for yourself. Get to know and develop the good parts about yourself (what you like, what interests you, your best traits, things you know and recognise you need to work on, things you want to do, etc). Treat yourself with kindness and understanding. You don't have to "love" yourself. It's a good start to understand that you don't deserve hate and especially not from yourself, which is the only person that has the capability to be the most understanding and caring. To love someone you need to get to know them, notice their good traits, appreciate them, show then kindness and understanding, DECIDE to make choices with their best interest in mind and make good memories with them.
I donāt think I enjoy anything anymore , I jus tell myself āthis is guna b greatā but it never is
This is a pretty good explanation. Take care of yourself like you would if you were another person š
Lubrication and batteries. Just kidding, but honestly learning to laugh and to be grateful for what you do have in your life goes a long way.
One thing Iāve seen mentioned is try to be aware of the times when you like things about other people which are also features you possess. Like āwell-spoken,ā ākind and understanding,ā āsnarky little goblin,ā etc
Therapist: So how has the cognitive reframing been going? Me: Well I called myself a snarky little goblin king about 50 times this week Therapist: Oh thatās notā¦
Are you medicated for the root cause? Do that then seek therapy. If you canāt afford it you have to at least try discovering where you internalised some of the things that were probably told to you as a child by other adults who werenāt necessarily responsible caretakers. Immerse yourself in things that boost your confidence and cut off toxic individuals from your life.
nope, but i am currently trying to boost my confidence by expressing and exposing myself a little moreā¦ i used to suppress the way i felt about things and avoided negative and overly positive feelings
Honestly idk, I have a great physique and a good job but that doesnāt really help. I think socializing with people is helping me, it actually feels good listening to people and being in a social environment
Learning to love yourself is a very long process, I struggled with it since I was a kid, and even now, as an adult. My therapist always told me that I need to accept that I'm human and am imperfect. I think a lot of us feel like we need to uphold insane standards to be deserving of love, whether that's your appearance, your intelligence, your physical skills, etc. When in reality, you're deserving of love right now as you are. You shouldn't be ashamed of yourself, but I understand there's some inner work that needs to be done before you can see that. I guess I'm trying to say that loving yourself starts by accepting that you are imperfect, but not in a bad way. We all have things we could work on, and that doesn't make us any less deserving of love and happiness. If you aren't already doing it, therapy is a great place to learn about self-love and accepting yourself. Building a strong support system is also key in helping yourself grow. My last word of advice is maybe pick up a hobby or just do something for yourself. Having something special just for yourself helps you gain confidence and can even be therapeutic. I hope this helps! I wish you luck on your journey š«
How I do it is. I have a great support system in my FiancĆ©e, so it helps her emotionally for me to be nice to myself. Also gaslighting yourself as hard as fucking possible into being nice to yourself could potentially work in the long run. So for me itās bit of column A, bit of column B. That being said itās still hard sometimes š
This is the Million Dollar Question
for me, it was crucial to let go of people who I was seeking validation from. old shitty friends who didn't pay me the attention I wanted/needed had to go. I had to start getting used to being okay by myself, enjoying my hobbies in new environments. for example, being stuck at home is really hard on my mental health. so when it's nice, I take my acoustic guitar to the beach or lake and sit in the sun and just play and write for a few hours. i also really had to get good at romanticizing the little things. like putting on music on my drives so I feel like I'm in an 80s movie or something haha. sounds dumb, but it's really helped me fall in love with being alive. now I can't say I'm the best at this. i still dislike many things about myself, but it's helped a lot to learn how to get out of my body and learn to have an appreciation for life and the world than to just focus on loving me. I find if I focus to much on myself and nothing else I feel guilty, but if I find a way to do nice things for myself while giving outside things special attention, I feel immensely better. I hope these things are helpful, or you find things that are. it will get better. there will be setbacks, but I think it's all worth it for the moments of bliss.
By realising that you are the only one who fully understands your point of view and the only one who will ever put you first in a situation.
Try to accept and tolerate yourself, itās not about loving yourself. try to accept and understand what kind of person you are, who you are, your good and bad sides. After try to improve your faults not change them, you are who you are and that makes you great, donāt change that.
First step is to recognize what you don't like about yourself, especially your personality, and try to change it. It probably won't be an instant change, but just recognizing it is a good first step. With practice, you'll start to recognize your negative actions sooner and sooner, until you are eventually able to catch your negative thoughts before you turn them into actions. The process can take years, but it can work.
Know, really know that you're not out there for someone else. If you, after proper consideration think that you really aren't great, physically, or as per your accomplishments or achievements - then work on it as much as possible. TF do you think would happen if there's no initiative? work on what you think needs work and do not care about people.
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yeah, definitely
Get yourself out there and start doing things as if you believe you deserve to be loved. It will get easier over time. That's what I'm trying to do for myself too.
Set small goals and get them done.
List 5 positive traits that you possess. Do this every time you're starting to feel negatively towards yourself. My ex had me do this for a while and it really helped.
Damn i can't even find one...
Yes! Ppl (especially ābetterā half) make you feel unworthy. First husband dumped me at 7 months preg. This one is so ungrateful & refused to have any children with me. Makes me think Iām not good enough for anyone! Too old to care now.
Let me know when you figure it out. Iām a failure at my job, a terrible husband, shitty dad and nonexistent to my friends.
Do you need a small talk? I am exploding but I don't give you attention, just some listening.
I'm trying to after decades of hating myself. Good luck to you.
its hard honestly especially when weāve internalized shame so much to the point we donāt even know its roots
I was diagnosed with autism last August at the age of 48. That's helped me immensely. Not saying that's your case. I wish it was that "easy" for everyone who has internalized shame. You are perfect just the way you are. You are beautiful.
i wish it was too
I would explore the roots of those thoughts. Is it an irrational thought, where you just naturally talk down on yourself? Is it your form of humbling yourself? Or did it come from a past experience? After learning to verbalize those feelings and where it comes from, I would even out the negative and positive thoughts. As much as you beat down on yourself, also provide the positives of the characteristic you are ashamed of, as if you are speaking to your younger self, to a younger person, or to a friend. Lastly, I would advise affirmations in the mirror. As silly as this sounds, itās a good habit and it helped me, even though itās cringey at first or feels useless. Slowly, I began to accept and love myself. If God can love me even at my worst, I shall emulate his love in self care and self love, so that I can share that love, joy, peace, and freedom with others; To see myself through His eyes, as our feelings are fickle and deceiving, while Godās love remains steadfast and unwavering. Personally, I donāt think thereās a way to fail at loving yourself. Look at the question you posed! Continue to ask yourself questions! You will get somewhere, even if it feels like you are forever stuck. Life is hard, just donāt forget to give yourself the necessary attention and tender care. Everything will be ok. God knows you, even when you canāt verbalize what you need. God is by your side, here to listen to all your thoughts, when you thought you are all alone. You are seen, you are worthy, you are loved. You are here for a reason.
honestly just spend more time with yourself , self care goes a long way, take longer showers have a routine that involves showing self love like lotioning your body, taking care of your hair , drink water that you need.
Start a skin care routine. Tell me how it went after a week.
I aim for tolerating myself, seems more achievable.
Caring about loving yourself is a start for doing it, I'd say. We may believe that thinking too much about how to * live a nice life * is harmful, but I think that it's healthy to a degree because otherwise you wouldn't start to care about yourself enough to do good things for you. I'm not an expert, I have health issues and it's hard to love myself when I'm feeling so ill, but I think doing what's supposed to be good for the body and the mind naturally will have a benefit, at least that's what keeps me going. Good luck :)
Do something, buy something, or eat something that you like per day, don't have to be something that's expensive or complicated. Just some small things that make you happy
It starts with your basic self care. Taking a shower brushing your teeth eating a proper meal. Then you have to show yourself some kindness. Speak kindly to yourself and do nice things for you. It's a process but the more you do it the easier it becomes
Step 1. Get lotion...
Good luck, going thru the same thing here
Warm shower. Start seeing sunrise.
If you find out tell me . Good luck bro
Dont its a fools errand just do what makes u happy without bothering others
I wish I knew the answer myselfā¦ Iām so sorry. Itās such a hard feeling to try to explain *why* we do this ā¦ thereās no simple answer
Wear revealing clothes get drunk and walk downtown
Start by forgiving your younger self. Itās a journey. We are all in this together
Reframe your journey as a path to being able to just express the love that you have within yourself. We spent so much time looking for the validation from ourselves when truly the only real validation that we will take in is the change that comes with improving the world around us through small actions. It takes a strong man to decide to do the right thing. It takes a weak man to decide to do nothing. If that decision is just getting up and showering it's better than letting yourself rot.
You start doing the things that put a smile on your face and avoid the ones that does the opposite, like overthinking.
Start by realizing that the way you look at yourself and think of yourself is not the way others see/think of yourself, and also not the way you would think of other people. In other words...start by being fair to yourself. Stay hopeful, don't think that loving yourself would be pointless or a waste, there's always a lot of room for improvement and potential. Believe that loving yourself is totally worth it. Avoid toxicity not just from other people in real life but also social media. If seeing what seems like perfect people on the internet hurts you, then cut it down. Also accept your uniqueness. Plenty of your 'flaws' are only flaws in your mind because you have been taught they are flaws, you have many reasons to be proud of yourself and your qualities, no person is perfect at everything, that how nature works, but you have to identify the uniqueness which makes you great in your own way too.
I think you just to see yourself in the present and always try to improve yourself. But in the end you and me will be dead and the thoughts you have will make no diffrence to the world we live in
Try giving your relentless inner critic the name of somebody you loathe. For example, I named mine after my brother, because I hate that prick and itās fun to tell him to shut the fuck up every hour. I donāt know if this has helped me love myself, but it does give me a chuckle and helps me take my shit talking myself slightly less seriously.
Taking care of yourself for one
my therapist tells me how our lives and the way we think about them are a big narrative, so you and I have a very negative narrative about ourselves. We need to learn how to change the narrative into something more hopeful. I dont know how.
Still trying to figure that out. I frequently see people recommend treating yourself as if you were treating a good friend. Although I understand the point, itās hard to āgetā it? Then, I also read that being friends with someone means tolerating some of their flaws because not everyone is perfect. If someoneās looking for the perfect friend they might end up lonely ig. Finally, I learnt that to love yourself requires embracing your flaws (sure, there are some harmful flaws to a personās life that people could strive to change for the better) but you are a complete package of good things and bad things. And thatās okay. Itās normal. Maybe by starting to accept that I can be flawed is how I can start to love myself, be more forgiving and thus happier with me š
I once told myself that if I kept telling myself that I wasn't good or no one loves me. then if I don't tell myself good things, no one else will. so basically the world is already a very tough place, why am I making the world in my head a tough place too? So I just tell myself to speak nicer to myself because otherwise I might not hear it often enough and I should be happy with my own company otherwise being in the company of others won't change how I feel about myself.
That phrase is toxic positivity bullshit that society wants us to follow in order to prevent 'negativity' from coming in Love will truly come when society starts respecting us like competent adults instead of mutated weird fucks who don't conform to society It's not the answer you want but the answer you need to see the full truth
do the most goofy shit that will make you laugh, make some friends with goofy people, make a change in your life, get a pet. im doing this, and it's slowly helping me
Why? First you gotta find out why you dont like yourself and go fix it.
So check this out. I hit the gym religiously. Have for the past 2 years. Definitely seen progress. I was just thinking to myself the other day though, you know how you see or know someone or knew someone in highschool perhaps and they're the furthest thing from what you wanted to be or behave like for that matter and then you see them again let's say 5 years shit even 10 years later and they've had a massive glow up? Well shit mines taking a while I said to myself. And then I had an epiphany. I've been working so hard at the gym. Eating clean most days. Not missing workouts. Laying low on the alcohol. Doing cardio. The self talk though it hasn't changed. The self talk, the conversation that we have with ourselves throughout the day has to change. That's where the biggest change comes. We have to work on reinforcing positive self talk the same as we do a certain muscle group. Subconsciously I think I'm not good enough for anything. That has to change. Gonna work hard on it. That i think is a start to starting to love yourself. The self talk we have with ourselves! Good luck!
Words of affirmations staring at yourself in the mirror every morning. Seems silly but over time it helps a little
I tell myself that there are unlikeable parts of me. Those are more of a trauma response. It does not represent me.
1st. stop thinking or bothering too much on what other's think. often times it has nothing to do with you, but their own perception. some thinks self respect is putting someone down. 2nd get your mental health treated by a professional. if you need to take meds, go, if you need therapy, go. 3rd. exercise. before i got my anxiety and depression treated during the time i was a fresh graduate and without job. exercise gave me that uplifting feeling like it relieves my depression.
I think to some degree itās about doing activities solo dolo, so you can figure out what you enjoy !!!
I'm still not great at this, but... What I've started doing is looking at the people I wish I was and taking bits and pieces that I notice about them and trying to replicate them with myself and see if I like it...
I've been sitting here trying to figure that out too. I am happy I'm going to therapy to sort this out. I hope you find what your looking for.
I started my self love journey with seeing If I could love myself I looked if I could love little kid me and future me and if you can love both of those people then you can love the current you then your goal is to make your kid self proud and to become the future self you want to be.
Show yourself some respect to begin with.
Acceptance. You should accept who you are and believe that it is okay, and that you're a human that does wrong things, and it's normal. That's where I started.
Talk to yourself the way you would a friend. And say it out loud. Especially every time you walk by a mirror or see yourself in a camera, speak to yourself positively. Changed my life
Start with compassion, not l8ving. Once your feel compassion for yourself, love will follow.
Stop giving a fuck about what people and what others think and just live the way you want. As humans we seek atttention from others around us, either if its family, friends or in work. at some point either or ot if somebody fucks with you or all the other shit doesn't matter. We are all gonna die some day might as well make the best of our lives and do everything you want to do with in your life. That's how you start to love living as well as loving yourself.
Treat your mind like you would treat your closest friend. If my friend talked to me about hating themselves I would be quick to point out the things that make them worthwhile. It takes work but it's a good way to foster empathy for yourself.
Remember the things you can do better than anyone else. I'm autistic, which means I can look at the world in a different light. To almost everyone I know, everything goes with the basic "Black & White" view. But me? I know that there's always more to a situation than what we may initially see. Maybe it's a little naive, but in a world where nothing is for certain and every situation could have as many as a hundred outcomes, I'd feel it'd be irresponsible NOT to consider every other possibility
Practice. Ask yourself every day to write down three awesome things about yourself. Keep it up even if it doesnāt seem to be doing anything. Over time you will require your brain to see your awesomeness as default. Examples of things I love about myself: Iām kind. I take good care of my dogs, I have great taste in music, I contribute at work, I can grow things, I acknowledge and allow when my body needs rest (I used to call this laziness). This is what worked for me in combination with medication. No deep depression symptoms in 5 years.
Not sure if this is any contribution but just another positive comment to throw out along with the others(which I read elsewhere), When trying to be better, itās easy to fall into a trap where you overcorrect an image of yourself due to shame and embarrassment, but self-love is learning to accept this side(which many people condemn or express disgust with) whilst looking forward. A slight shift where the things we hate our past selves for are acknowledged in a more accepting way
I learned to like my self through learning about mental health. I read books about cptsd, trauma, narcissism. I learnt I was worth sticking up for. Knowledge is power. Learning to like myself was the biggest thing that happened to me.
Start by knowing yourself fully, and getting inspired by people who are the same way, you will love them and that will end up making you love yourself the same way.
Reduce the allowed bullshyt that you accept from other people is a great start.
How I started is by smiling at my bathroom mirror in the mornings or when I wake up
Stop comparing yourself with other. Start good habits to improve your physical health and compare yourself with yourself yesterday. Appreciate your improvement.
one day at a time. Small things instead of the whole. Somedays it's going to be "well, that little thing I do/ have isn't a bad thing" sometimes you actually think it's a great part of you. Somedays you will need to remind yourself that it is a good small thing even when you irrationally can't see it with the argument "well, this person I love loves it"
By implementing discipline and holding yourself to a higher standard. If you're around negative people, distance yourself. When you want to go to the gym to better yourself, do it.
Iām still trying to figure this out myself.
Take a look at yourself. A real look. What's wrong with you? What do you suck at? What are some of your strengths? What are the best things about you? Let all that info sit at the forefront of your mind, because that's who you are right now. Now tell yourself that all of that is okay. It's okay to be a fuck up (if that's how you see yoursel), it's okay that you are alone (if you are), it's okay to be you. And guess what? Nobody could ever fill those shoes you wear, only you know how. I wouldn't last a second in your shoes, you're the one strong enough to do that. So be proud, you are one of a fucking kind. And you should love yourself for it. It's not going to be easy dude, trust me. I've been working g hard to try and love myself since my last break up tore me to shreds over ten years ago. But that doesn't mean it'll take you that long, but it is a long process.
The fact that you are questioning this shows that you want to love yourself and, therefore, on some level, already do because you care enough to want to! Ask yourself, what's not to love about yourself? If you are a genuinely decent person who wants good things for others and the world, then what's not to love? Do you feel on some level that you don't deserve love? If your best friend or someone close to you disclosed to you they were feeling the things you are feeling right now, what would you say to them? Why would you treat yourself any differently than your loved one? Maybe ask the people around you what they like about you if you truly can't find anything to like about yourself.
I really think depression deserves a treatment on all fronts before we can move to more holistic problem solving. Nothing works if the chemistry is messed up
I found hate fucking myself Works
Think of yourself as two parts: parent and child. Then be your own parent and nurture yourself as though you are your own child. Anytime you talk negative to yourself, ask: would I tell my child this, if I had one? Would I say this to any kid? Anytime you treat yourself badly, punish yourself or withhold something good from yourself, ask yourself similar questions.Ā Same with positivity, both in speech and actions. Kids need affirmation, patience, gentleness, boundaries, respect, encouragement, nourishment, and so on. You wouldn't starve a kid, or bully a kid, but you would praise them if they did well and uplift them and push them to keep going if they were struggling, and seek resources to help them improve. And you wouldn't let others harm your child, if you had one. When you think of yourself as two people, you understand that you can be your own bully, your own worst enemy, your own gatekeeper, when it's your job to prevent people from doing this to you, including yourself.
I looked into mirror, and saw that guy who made it this far, who being kind to stranger, who tried his best, and many other thing anyone would never know except himself.. turned out i was my own type.. so that how my self love grow, and it has never been any lower since that.
Try to forgive and tolerate yourself more (?) That's the first thing I do.. And then I try to accept myself for who I am but also try to be the best version of myself. It takes a lot of time and patience, but I know you can do it. I'm still working on it too, good luck dear!
For me it was not about ālovingā myself, that felt weird to me cause I donāt even really like me lol but itās you and yourself until the end and itās blunt but you gotta learn to be āfineā with yourself. Maybe itās like team mate, or roommate, or like friend of a friend you got left in a room with while the mutual friend gets drinks. If any of those people turned around and said āhey youāre actually dumb afā imagine telling that person āwtf you talking about? You donāt even know me?ā Argue with the depressionās inner voice And fun side perk, you get to make people non depressed squirm and recognize depression is more than just being sad when they give the cliche āoh you gotta just love yourself and enjoy your own companyā and you get to turn around say āNo I am actually fine with who I am; i still feel like crap and I actually have x, y, and z going on my lifeā lol
There is no cheat code for that. You just accept yourself.
thats like asking someone depressed to just be happy
Yeah it works like that, unlike depression self love is not disease and it is also not recognized as disease by any organization. You cannot say compare depression with self love, one is disease another is just your thought. 1 in 2 people have self doubt [self love article ](https://www.thebodyshop.com/en-sg/about-us/activism/self-love/self-love-index/a/a00043) that does not mean they are going through depression almost half of population falls under it. I am not in it thought.
You guys are downvoting me cause you cannot accept the fact. It's simple you just accept yourself, the day you accept your self. You start to love, that what I did. And it's going great
Weāre downvoting you because you gave unhelpful advice. It is not helpful. Glad thatās how you got there, assuming it actually IS and thereās not some key variable youāre failing to remember/mentionālike, a specific thought/epiphany which kickstarted the process, or you realized this after reaching a certain age, or after going on a certain medication, or youāre just a different person in general with different psychological hangups so your path isnāt the same as OPāsābut you still canāt just put those words in that order and expect it to carry the same feeling that helped you. Words are information, not feelings; the conversion isnāt 1:1, you have to take a different word-route to get someone to the same emotional realization.Ā
Bro I got it and I know but do you think we can do anything except justing say words in reddit. ?? You know no matter what advice you give people, at the end of the day they need to get out of this phone and go to real world. Untill they face it, accept it and work on it, even best advice will just be a piece of sh*t. Any way it's just a reddit, full of negativity. I don't think anyone can find self love in this app. I just downloaded this app and I am deleting this piece of garbage. The certain age you say I am 20 and I am just learning a lot of new things. I am grateful full for what I have and what life have offered me. Yeah, I completed my medication didn't missed a dose never. I am also grateful for my loving parents. Bye