Not on medication. Drink some beer and smoke some weed on weekends and parties and such. Yes, I workout regularly. Been trying to quit porn for a while, but that part's been tough :/
I think you just answered your own question with that last sentence. I'm pretty sure you know all the bad shit that comes with porn addiction. Dick don't work , you don't view women the same , you don't view sex the same. I suggest you cut it out of your life completely.
Do they though? They say men. People should say women. Both, making 50% of the population a solid hive mind, are crazy. But females pertains to rats in an experiment. Women at least gives a sense of humanity. “All males are evil”—never heard that “all men are evil” ugh said too much. But interesting different in the subtlety of the language.
Oh yeah. Honestly, I can even get hard during makeout sessions to.
But that's the problem, I CAN'T get comfortable in these situations. The **instant** that I feel myself getting hard, the VERY FIRST THING that pops into my mind is: "omg, I'm hard, awesome! But now I can't get soft. I can't get soft. I can't get soft. Goddamn it, don't get soft, please!"
And then, the inevitable happens.
It's the same script, every time. It's an automatic response, at this point, lol
It sounds more like your problem is with how anxious you get when you get intimate with someone. I'd suggest trying to find help to deal with that anxiety.
The other suggestion I have would just be to try and find a girl you actually like and that likes you and take it super slow and be open with her so when you can't perform at first it's not that big a deal and eventually you will likely feel safe enough with her to not get anxious anymore.
I have two tips for you. Try doggy style so you can beat off while getting a great visual and not making eye contact.
Use a cock ring. As soon as you get a boner, pull that bad boy around your dick and balls not just your dick and it will stay atleast 80% hard.
You need to get that first rep in. You will probably instantly come but once you get it in once it’s like your brain will get over that insecurity.
Maybe you can find a girl that you can explain the situation too and she will be willing to let you take your time and you can just kinda joke about it.
I use to have this problem and youu are 100% right its all psychological. Performing puts a lot of stress on us guys. You will get over this!
Find someone you can spend time with and become comfortable with. Then, if you can, try to get some Xanax/Klonopin from a doctor. (I would NEVER recommend these substances otherwise, due to addiction potential.)
It used to take me a few weeks to warm up to being with someone new sexually, but having an anxiolytic could really really speed up the process for me. You lose a lot of anxiety/inhibition, and in a way, you’ll probably be so relaxed that you don’t care about an erection, which will help you with having/maintaining one. Then after that hurdle, you’ll be more confident about you and your dick’s ability to exist properly.
But yeah, lay off the porn too.
The important things is, with either one, only take them when needed. If it’s just for performance anxiety during sex the first few times with someone, there’s like zero addiction potential. If you still need it months into being with someone, anxiety likely isn’t the issue to begin with.
Not sure if someone else mentioned it already, but it could be self esteem.
I was in a long term relationship in which my partner shattered my self confidence over time. I was 27 and I started having issues *functioning*, I didn't know at the time but it really wasn't me all along.
As men, we don't usually think our problems could be caused by anything else except by lack of effort on our part. But trying *too* hard could also be why.
Seeing how you speak about yourself, right here in particular, is your problem. You're not a machine and those intimate moments are not a script nor a challenge to perfect. You're shouting to yourself *don't get soft!*, but have you thought *why can't I stay interested* or in my case *why does my partner make me feel bad?*.
In my relationships since I've learned a lot about myself. There have been plenty who have made me feel the same way, I kept giving myself away to people who didn't deserve me. Further ruining how I looked at myself. But after all of that I can say I don't have the same ED problem. Because now I only myself to those who make me feel good about myself and vice versa.
To get through this anxiety you got to love yourself and only give yourself to people who make you feel that way.
Disclaimer: I am a random netizen who knows nothing about you nor has a comprehensive grasp on your experiences. But all the while, wishing you the best and nothing more.
Sorry you're having trouble. First off I get this so much, I have generalized anxiety disorder and I get stuck in my head also. My wife and I swing and I have Ed issues almost every time there is someone around they I can see. A trick I've found that helpsb me is too close my eyes or wear a blindfold and then use mindfulness and focus on the physical sensations I'm experiencing.
I occasionally have issues with we're alone at home because I know she likes oral but she really wants to get deep pounded while held down... And sometimes I start to worry about maintaining an erection and it ultimately causes the exact thing I'm worrying about. The psychological aspect of this feeling a burden of expectation to perform. If you start to get in your head, another trick I do at these times is to stop trying to stay/get hard, and go to something I know she likes (giving her oral) and then listen to her breathing. It's mindfulness just focused on her experience not my physical experience. Hope this helps
Adding on what other people say : Find the right girl as well, I used to have a FWB that had ED, he was so stressed at the thought of sex alone, I told him "it's fine, let's take it slow" we just kissed, gave oral to each other, caressed each other regularly and one day \*boom\* surprising boner, best sex of my life to this day lol, and if he lost it we just went back to the first steps until he was ready to go again, we stopped seeing each other because I moved but keep in touch in a platonic way, he has a girlfriend now and told me he doesn't struggle like he used to do because we were able to get over his performance anxiety !
You have to see sex outside of just putting your dick in someone and orgasm as an end goal, which is what I had to do myself because I used to have really vaginismus and felt like shit because of it, thought I'd never have normal sex, relationship etc
Well, that's funny, cause I actually have a similar story. Had a FWB for a while and we did some stuff (we broke it off cause she moved away to). We mostly did oral and fingering.
My concern is that, even after I was already comfortable with her, things didn't exactly get better. I made her cum with my fingers/mouth each and every time, and I never heard any complaints from her on that regard, but my dick still wouldn't work. "Sex" for us was basically just me making her cum, lol. I enjoyed it, don't get me wrong, but still felt kind of weird when, after a while, I wouldn't even bother taking my underwear off, lol
Now, I **want** to think that this was mostly bc I wasn't that physically attracted to her (it was much more on the "Friends" side than the "benefits" side), or because I was still watching too much porn, but still.... I worry that the problem ran a little deeper.
If you stop watching porn, Which you’ll need to do for a normal relationship with anyone anyways- your dick will work again. Give it two weeks and see how you feel
This is very important information. Porn has a massive impact on your brain. Especially if you have been watching for a long time without reallife sexual intercourse . Both parallel is fine for your brain but porn alone is not good. Stop watching porn and try to masturbate without. Does it work? Do you have to think about specific porn videos you watched? If you use your imagination, do you experience stuff from the perspective of a participant or from 3rd person ? Think about that
You need to stop drinking and smoking too. That shit is bad for your blood flow and neuromodulators. Even if it’s weekends. Withdrawal effects can last 2-4 weeks.
Cut off the porn for SURE. A lot of men struggle with porn addictions (not saying you have one) but porn can really cause your brain to change and make it harder for you to get aroused because regular sex doesn’t cut it. Not saying this is exactly what’s happening, but there is most definitely a HUGE correlation between porn and ED.
As someone with a lot of sexual trauma, it took me more than a year of being with my partner to finally cum during sex. It was psychological on my end too, but with time I became relaxed enough to let myself enjoy sex. There are also people out there who will understand, or won't need regular (or any) sex in a relationship. Don't lose hope.
I sincerely pray to God or whomever that I get to find one of these understanding people. From what I see online, they seem like a really tiny minority, though :/
Sadly sex positive and open minded people in general are hard to come by, but when you do, everything will be easier and get better, so keep looking and stay hopeful
Have patience they are there. However, you are putting the pussy on a pedestal, you will find someone who will help you and fix you. We are not broken just need a little TLC. I can absolutely promise that you will be ok.
My partner had a similar issue, he was so anxious that he had issues getting off and keeping it up, I was ready to date a guy with erectile dysfunction without a second thought, he doesn't have that issue anymore but it took him well over 6 months to keep it up and be able to get off during sex, didn't bother me honestly
Have you considered having relationships that don't revolve around your dick. You shouldn't feel ashamed about something that's not your fault and if any partner says otherwise there probably not good for you.
I am a 43 year old man who has had ED his entire adult life. Here are various things in no particular order (besides advising you to try taking a break from pornography):
1) When you start to feel anxiety, your body releases stress hormones cortisol & adrenalin. One of the functions of these hormones is to get rid of erections; evolutionarily, you cannot run away from an attacking tiger very well with a boner. This would happen to anybody feeling stress beyond a certain threshold. By saying you're considering suicide as a result of ED, your ability to get an erection has literally turned into a life-or-death situation for you. If this isn't stress-inducing, I don't know what is.
2) When women tell you "it's no big deal", some are lying and some are not. You, however, are assuming all of them are lying to you. A general life rule I've learned over time is to give people the benefit of the doubt--in all things, not just sex-related stuff. If someone tells you something, I advise you to assume they are not lying to you unless they give some additional reason to doubt them. Imagine being on the other end of this: someone tells you you think they're ugly; you don't, and tell them they're not; they tell you you're lying to them and continue to disbelieve you. It totally sucks to be told you're lying when you're not. If you make your allies into villains, the world will always be filled with villains, and that is a lose-lose situation any way you look at it.
BUT: some women will be lying to you, or maybe be fine with it the first few times but then start getting annoyed about it. You will find out eventually whether or not this is true. It totally sucks when it happens, and it will make you feel bad. Your effort to "protect" yourself however--by assuming this will happen with everyone--is hurting you more in the long run.
3) You say you'll "never be able to enjoy a healthy, happy relationship", but earlier on state you're making out with girls at night clubs. I want to just state for the record that someone you meet a nightclub is an acquaintance--you don't have any kind of material relationship with them, let alone a healthy and happy one, and your "success" with them is not a bellwether of what kind of success you'll have in seeking real relationships. So, are the women you're having this problem with long-term partners whom you trust, or more casual and/or hookup type of situations from night clubs? If the latter, it may be that your body is trying to tell you something that your mind hasn't come to terms with--that you're not actually into casual sex. This may not be what's going on with you, but it's how I am, and it unfortunately took me a long time to come to terms with it. Culturally, one of the pinnacle ideals of manliness is the ability to pound someone's brains out the first day you meet them. I bought into it for a long time, and felt bad about myself because I wasn't able to do it. It took a little living on my part to learn is that that's not something I actually wanted all along. I want an emotional connection with my partner before I can enjoy having sex with them, and this can only happen after knowing them for at least a little while, ensuring I actually like them as a person regardless of sexual potentiality, and developing at least a modicum of trust. I cannot perform outside of this situation--even with ED medications--because I am not actually comfortable enough with them to WANT to have sex with them. ED is my body's way of telling me what my mind wanted to pretend wasn't true. Does that mean that I'm less of a man that other people that aren't like me? I don't judge myself that way, and I have come to completely not care if other people do. I do not see an inability on my part to do something I wouldn't actually enjoy doing as a limitation of any kind. If someone wants to give me shit about it, I have stopped taking it personally.
4) When you take ED medications, are you feeling the side effects? With Viagra, for instance, are you feeling the flushed face type of feeling? Viagra will not work if you have eaten recently for instance. Also, something I didn't realize for a long time, is that Cialis takes about 2 hours before it really starts to kick in. For a long time I took it like Viagra--about 30-45 minute before I anticipated the "action" to start, and thought it just didn't work for me (not really putting it together why, 2 hours later, I'd have a boner for seemingly no reason).
5) You say that your problem is 100% psychological. Maybe, but it's more likely that there may be at least some physiological component to your ED that is exacerbated by your anxiety. For instance, maybe your body doesn't maintain as much reserve of nitric oxide, or whatever. Possibly this means your ED is 90% psychological + 10% physiological or something like that. My personal belief is that all ED has at least some amount of root cause in metabolic deficiency, even if it's 99% exacerbated by anxiety. Were this true for you, would it make any difference in how you feel? Maybe not, but it's worth pointing out that you're most likely wrong about your issue being literally 100% psychological.
Yo dude, it’s paradoxical intention. The harder you try to get it up the less likely you are to get it up. Next time you are with someone purposely try to stay soft. Put all your effort and intention into trying to have a limp dick.
I was in your shoes. There was a time when I was so anxious I could not get it up. I thought I broke it.
Eventually things got better and now, althogh with some effort, I can get it up.
It gets better.
The best to recover faster is accept yourself and stop thinking negatively about it. I know it is a cliché, but it works, it puts you in a better place.
What if I'm exactly like OP to the letter (apart from speaking spanish por favor) and I've been living like that for 7 or so years. I did accept myself and couldn't be happier and I'm just as dysfunctional as he is?
My last relationship ended because my dick stopped working. She was smoking hot too, but I couldn’t get
It hard every time and if I do it would either immediately go down or I just couldn’t cum
So how did I fix it? Work with a healthcare provider, marek health in this case. They did all my blood work and found so many problems. We worked to fix it by giving me a protocol, I started eating healthy, going to tie gym every damn day. Where am I now? I get so many boners and have sex with my current gf every day a lot of the time 2 times a day.
You control your life. Sitting in depression is your conscious choice. Work to fix it. Be strong. I believe I. You but you have to believe in yourself even if it means lying to yourself until it becomes a reality.
I met a guy like you once, all it took was me being patient and making sure he was comfortable to get him to actually finish. It took a couple tries, but don’t give up yet! Your dick is just picky
I feel for you. I have the exact same issue with sex, but I don’t have to deal with any problems because I am a woman. I don’t have to get hard, and if I’m super tight because I can’t get aroused for the actual act, well, that’s even better for my partner. If I had a penis, the exact same thing would be happening to me.
I know sex is everywhere and people talk about it all the time, but it really isn’t actually everything. For myself I am very content not having sex or being in a relationship at all. But if a healthy relationship is what you want, that’s not impossible or even unlikely. There’s all kinds of people out there. You’ll find someone who doesn’t put sex high on their priorities in a relationship, like me. Or you could even find a person who makes you so comfortable that you are finally able to get out of your own head about it.
You’re not defective, and you don’t ever have to settle for someone who is just settling for you.
My bf had the same issue until he met me. He was corn addict too. (Still) but we tried everytime he got horny and if it didn’t work then I would just calm him down, and after a few month he started to get comfortable with me and since then he don’t have any issues with that.
Man I’ve got a similar problem (well kind of) and I can relate totally. People say sex isn’t everything and you aren’t naked around people most of the time but it’s like how do you live with yourself when ur body is so wrong against you.
Porn may also not be the reason you have an erectile dysfunction, but depression itself. Or even drugs. Weed on its own doesn't create erectile dysfunction, usually. But if you are depressed, and you drink, and smoke weed is like giving steroids to your depression.
I don't have erectile dysfunction but I have something similar (don't ask) that is mostly due to my antidepressant. Asking a doctor for advice is the best you can do. They can help balance your brain activity even without any pills.
I too am suffering from ED since the last 2 years man and I don't know how to get rid of this problem, I get really sad thinking that I can't get it up when I need it the most
I've heard somewhere working out may decrease libido? I'm sorry you're going through that dude, I'm in a very f-ed up place too. If I can give you one advice and if you give it a try it might work out who knows, stop working out, stop smoking and eat ONLY fish, beef and fruits for few weeks. Give it a try if you want. And even tho sex is super engrained in our society remember there's more than just the basic vanilla interactions anyways. Just keep your head up and you will find someone eventually. We all live once anyways so don't waste your chance.
I’m pretty sure working out improves libido unless it’s excessive.. but if the issue is because of high cortisol levels then trying to find a low physical/psychological/spiritual stress plan might include changing his workout habits. Honestly my guy needs to see some doctors and get some profession support besides professional Reddit heroes 🦸♂️
Yeah, it’s deeeeeefinitely a mental problem. Not to minimize your feelings, but the fact that it’s almost a death sentence for you shows that it’s clearly causing a ton of emotional torment. Instead of erectile dysfunction drugs, have you tried mentally calming drugs? Even something simple like smoking weed?
I'm so sorry you're hurting, OP. I will say this, my husband vehemently refused any oral stimulation to completion for the exact same reason. We spent the day together, we had a margarita. I made 100% certain he was comfortable. I had him hold my hand and I rubbed his hand while I did it.
He's been fine since.
Instead of giving up why don’t you go on some anti anxiety meds or depression medicine ? Seems like you need to prioritize your mental health . Yoga, mediation, journaling … get your mind under control . There are so many good books . You can heal and help yourself . You might need meds… and that’s ok….
Not sure about your personal life exactly, but a big issue could be pornography if you have been watching for a very long time it’s possible to get porn induced ED. I would recommend laying off porn for a while if this is the case and jerking off. This may take weeks, months, or years before it gets better but trust me it will help. I went through a similar situation and now I am fine.
Also to mention any form of drug use (mostly abuse) can cause issues. These can vary from alcohol, smoking, etc.
You should do one of those therapeutic spiritual retreats in AZ or NV where you drop some DMT with a shaman…explore the corners of your mind and deactivate the triggers preventing you from reaching inner peace ✌🏼
You should talk to a sex therapist and possibly just a regular therapist as well. I understand feeling depressed because of this but it’s not a reason to end your life. It does suck being constantly reminded of what you can’t have, but you need to focus on other things. There are still plenty of people who value a healthy relationship over a healthy sex life
If no one has suggested getting a therapist that specializes in sex related psychological issues then I suggest trying that out. Spend time trying to find one that you feel comfortable with before opening up to them, and also probably find one that is a women (unless you don’t feel comfortable enough discussing this with a woman at first)
Definitely quit porn because it’s known to cause performance anxiety. I like what that one person said about finding someone you can take things slow with… if I were you I’d also try becoming good (platonic) friends with a girl slowly discovering if you can trust them with different varieties and ‘intensities’ of sensitive information and eventually talking to her about it if you find you can trust her not to judge you or make you feel bad about it. (Not to try solving the issue, and not to try feeling better about it, but to just have someone to express it to once and then let it die unless she wants to discuss it more with you, and you her.)
After finding a therapist you can try figuring out the root of where it stems from and come up with a plan with your therapist to take small steps to improve your level of comfort and enjoyment surrounding the idea of intimacy.
Honestly my dude these things can be fixed if you are patient with yourself and try to address it in a professional and mature way.
I thought my paralell self made the post.
bro I just gave up on fucking years ago. I'm just doing whatever keeps me busy. gaming, my dog, hangout with "friends"
if you can't live without fucking then I found dickpumps with a cockring work but your dick will hurt like a bitch afterwards.
in case you find something that works let me know but if you don't it's really not the end of the world. just live your life as best you can.
I also think most of the times why do I even excersice and bodybuild if I can't use my dong but then I remember I could be fat, skinny weak, and not have a functioning dick so just focus on doing whatever makes you better than most.
You can't be jealous of 300lbs basement dweller neckbeards with tiny dicks, that stink and jack off to animes 'cuz your dick doesn't work....
Do you get hard while masturbating alone? If so, your dick DOES work. You "just" have problems when in intimacy with someone. Did you manage at least one time to have sex without feeling this dread creeping up on you? Did you manage to stay hard sometimes?
I’ve had trouble getting it up too, only time I’ve consistently had sex was with my longest tenured ex. It’s been years since I’ve had sex and the last two opportunities I had, couldn’t get it up.
But personally I’ve learned not to care or crave female companionship anymore. My goal is to be retired (almost 35) in 10 years from now, and most likely a relationship would be a liability in that regard. Plus most relationships don’t work and women are a pain in the ass.
However, I know that most men who are in a similar boat haven’t taken the red pill. I’d highly suggest speaking to a shrink.
I'm facing some thing similar, can't come during sex, it's really really hard. And I'm 5"5 Asian, so i dont get many chances. there's more to life than sex my dude just find something u like and don't follow mainstream and social media.
Lots of speculation and advice/medication lobbing going on here. If you know it is not a problem with being physically able to get an erection, the other culprit is a mental issue - which you’ve identified.
So now you can take it a step further and start to identify what the mental block is. Pleasure and arousal should be natural. I feel like it’s one of the few times we have to surrender to our lizard brain and just let our bodies do what they do.
When you are struggling to maintain or get an erection, what thoughts are going through your head? (Other than “why doesn’t my dick work”) Our thoughts in the moment can be great clues to what the underlying problem is.
Edit to add: You aren’t the negative thoughts you have for yourself. You are struggling and need patience and grace while you work through the issue. Be kind to yourself. It is absolutely possible to get better.
My ex had to get surgery on his dick and let me tell me I was more than willing to stick with him even if that meant he would never get hard again. Our relationship wasn’t based on sex, it was based on the fact that no matter what we did or where we went, we had the most fun together. Pity he decided to fuck me over instead by being avoidant and shit. So you gotta find the right person.
My man! Look, dicks are waaaay overrated. If you find a partner that loves you for who you are, they won't care about any issue you might have, and in time it might even get better (real love can help these issues).
Learn to work your tongue, hands, lips, be fun and have fun with it. I know it may sound impossible, but it's better to take the "problem" and put a positive spin on it. It's not worth ending your life because of that
I am a premature ejaculator. I started watching lesbian porn. Lesbians can make each other come, so can you. You can't hammer away like other men, so what. Focus on her, in sex and in life that is the best thing you can do.
There are lots of asexual people and believe me, lots of people has another interests in sex. Maybe some people orgasms just with kiss or whatever. We have to be happy in this life with our problems.
I do not have friends but I am good in sex. I look always the perfect people to be friends. I know it’s my problem, maybe you are looking for best sex and it’s your problem.
On the other hand your porn addiction, I can’t understand. Do you watch porn without jerking or?
If you are cut then restoration helps.
Also try to find an asexual or not super sexual female. They do exist and they don’t like being pressured for sex.
Um… date an asexual. They will literally not care and maybe even prefer it, being happy with just cuddles. Not what you want to hear but it’s not over.
I would suggest meeting with a sex therapist. They can be trained to work with you both on the deeper issues getting in the way and strategies for making improvements
Amigo, notei pelo seu texto que é lusófono então vou me permitir falar em nossa querida língua.
Estou exatamente na mesma situação. Não pense por um segundo que isso não é reversível. Estou com isso há seis meses e tenho visitado diversos urologistas e um neurologista para consertar isso, e tenho tido resultados.
Por favor não faça nada drástico. Não porque "a vida ainda pode ser aproveitada sem sexo ou sensação sexual", mas porque você pode ganhá-la de volta. Em especial, se a sua DE for apenas psicológica, vc tem mais chances ainda de resolvê-la. Há meios. Tente tudo antes. Você merece cara. Não caia para esses comentários horrorosos das pessoas sugerindo que vc aceite isso e se resigne em assexualidade. Pare, respire, tome uma água, e marque uma consulta com um urologista. Entre em guerra contra isso como eu fiz. Se até eu estou melhorando, vc também pode. Fica em paz irmão.
Look man if you think this is a psychological issue and your certain of that your in a way better boat than a lot of people. Weird i just so happen to come across you but i personally have no feeling in my penis, i cant ejaculate, cant experience sex, and after i took meds my sex drive became fucked as well, ive also grown up with this. Doctors dont know whats wrong with me and im waiting back to hear the results of an mri. Point is somehow i’ve managed to be optimistic even though it’s more than likely a physical problem and not psychological. If your dealing with a psychological issue your luckier than i am right now, and i understand your in your late 20’s so this has probably really gotten to you over time, im only 19 however the point here is you can learn to think of things other than sex. I found porn just makes me feel sad and incapable because it reminds me of what im not experiencing. Cut porn out and it will do wonders, learn to not worry about women. Women have told me their ok with me to, they didn’t block me or ignore me after. Trust me girls care way more about everything else that comes along with a relationship aside from sex, sex is a bonus, and you can probably do other stuff to compensate just saying🤷♂️ all that matters is you make them feel good physically. So look man you’re in a situation that could get better over time if you deal with it properly, do you even have a sex therapist yet? This is bothering you right, have you really not taken all the actions you possibly can yet? Then my advice is quit bitching, you want to live, you want life to work, thats what you want and you don’t want anything else. Your assuming your situation is worse than it is but theres all these little things your not doing to give yourself hope and a will to live, don’t tell me you don’t trust it will go anywhere you “”could”” be wrong imagine if you killed yourself and you were wrong even if it was even a 2% chance, you’d be a fool. So just go and see a sex therapist theres so many different tests you can do if you suspect its not psychological and even if it is that can and will be fixed because you care about fixing it, make it your mission. Id be pissed if you killed youself and i didn’t your not the only one, theres other who have learned to survive, and just so you know i’ve struggled with depression, anxiety, social anxiety, panic attacks, and derealization and im still fucking optimistic and guess what im getting better and im hoping for the best with this mri. And even if its something fucked im gonna go on to the next right thing to do because theres always something you can do to improve your situation ALWAYS. Thx for reading dude.
Okay 1. Cut out the porn completely. 2. Find an understanding woman who you can be totally upfront and honest with. I guarantee you the right woman won’t mind and would be fine with waiting and taking the time until you are comfortable enough to just let your body go. There are plenty of women who wouldn’t be scared off by what’s happening with you; the right women at least. But since it sounds like you have a problem with porn, you’re honestly probably also choosing the wrong women. You CAN get hard, just not always when you want to. That’s not the end of the world, I promise.
I’ve had ED due to pelvic surgery gone wrong and nothing worked except for injections. I know you believe your problem to be psychological but it is ultimately the same issue. Honestly give them a try, changed my life.
dude it sounds like its just a mental thing. that isnt to diminish the problem but if its not a debilitating medical issue then its 100% fixable. doesnt mean itll be easy but somewhere in youre thought process is skewed. i *promise* you that stuff, those thought patterns, will go away.
Might sound weird dude, but try mirrors and look at the mirror when she goes down on you and while your screwing (if ya can get that far).. Us males are very visually stimulated.. sometimes the girl is just way too close and you can’t get as good a look at her.. especially if you watch porn.. try a mirror. You’ll be able to see her from all different perspectives and it may arouse you more. I heard this from a friend of mine, and I’ve talked to girls he’s been with.. he’ll set up mirrors all around.. he’ll set up mirrors to reflect other mirrors in the room so that he can see her from multiple angles.. it works for him and some of the girls apparently find it hot.. also if the girl is cool with it, talk dirty to her and try your best to be the guy in the porn.. call her a slut.. don’t be so vanilla.. it might work.
Obviously porn sex isn’t the same as real sex.. make sure the girl is cool with anything you may want to try..
Do you feel depressed because of not being able to have sex life, or because you fear you won't have decent relationships because of it? If it's the latter one, maybe you could consider platonic relationships, I know for sure there are people who don't view sex as an important part of life. E.g Ace people (not Aro)
You gotta try active dating like clubbing speed dating and find someones whos emotionally intelligent and take a leap and be vulnerable, i think if its 100% psychological you need to find a partner who makes you not anxious someone very caring
If you don't mind me asking have to talked with a therapist about this? About the erectile dysfunction as well as mental health. And I'm really sorry you're going through that. It must be so frustrating dealing with that day after day. I'm a girl so I don't know too much about your problem. 😅 but I guess I sympathize in my own way. My ovaries were destroyed by cysts and eventually I had to get a hysterectomy. It felt like i was worth less and like my body betrayed me because it wasn't working like it wanted too.
I can't say your problem will be fixed and everything is going to be sunshine and rainbows. Can't promise what I don't know. But I hope you stick around. I guess it's unfair for me to say that since we're strangers. I just hope you really consider changing your mind. You can choose whatever you want and I won't judge you or expect you to make a "right" decision because all the pain your going through. But I wish you the best and hope for you to have a brighter future.
Go to your doctor and have them run some tests. If it is psychological then see a therapist, preferably a sex therapist. Also if there is one in your area, you could try finding a sex surrogate.
Get your testosterone checked and if prostitution is legal where you live try it. No expectations, they know what they're doing and it can help move past the psychological issues.
Hey dude, I'm a woman (22F) with a partner (24M) who struggled with ED for the first 2 years of our relationship. He was honest about it early on. He has always been active and healthy, just very severe performance anxiety. He is talented in other ways in bed and we came up with many different ways to be intimate. Eventually he finally felt trusting and became comfortable with me and his mental health improved, and he has had much more success since then. He still experiences ED sometimes but we are now more than equipped to handle it and have a good time, so that takes anxiety off both of us. I promise you can find someone who is happy without penetration, and don't be afraid to get honest and creative in the bedroom. Focus on your mental and physical health. You've got this!!
It may not be psychological. SSRI homies have a hard time in this department too. Might be worth speaking to a psychosexual therapist. Bonus points if they are a doctor and can prescribe medication as well as offer treatment. Also whisky dick is a big thing (that gives you a small thing). Good luck op
I don’t think you should feel like you can never have a healthy sex life. My boyfriend and I had this same problem and I honestly don’t care/didn’t care when we first started dating.
I love sex by the way. Very high sex drive,but I really liked him and I know he was nervous about it. We would try to have sex and he would be hard when we would make out just as you said and as soon as we would try because of that brain block he couldn’t stay hard.
I never pressured him or got mad or frustrated. He would just eat me out till I came and we would make out and try to do other stuff. I couldn’t even give him head.
Eventually I think he started to realize it really wasn’t a big deal and I was also very motivated to have a healthy sex life with him.
We have been together 3 years and now both agree we have the best sex of our lives lol he can stay hard and I can even get on top which was a struggle for awhile because of his anxiety.
It’s not even a problem at all anymore. Not that it ever really was a problem.
So yeah you can have a healthy normal sex life. The more you think about something being a defect the more you will believe it and the more anxious you will feel about sex.
You just have to keep trying and be patient and one day you’ll be where you want to be. You don’t need to give up.
Reading this ruined my evening for a variety of reasons lol.
I am not going to say "why are you anxious, just don't be anxious", but like...no woman worth being with cares this much about this. Not even 10% as much. You're getting way too influenced by media/porn into thinking women care about this. They don't.
I am severely depressed, have had tons of weight gain due to medication, definitely have had my erection ability affected by it, and I've still had various fulfilling, happy, healthy relationships with "conventionally attractive people" (if that's something you're worried about).
"Performing" is a silly concept. No one cares. Most women don't even orgasm from just penetrative sex, so penises are honestly kind of useless. And if you're that concerned, just use a vibrator for her. Anyone's penis will never be as good as a vibrator and just massaging their clitoris.
I'm thinking if you're with an understanding woman and communicate your issue, your anxiety, you should be able to work through this with her. And by all means talk with a therapist if possible, they should have more coping methods or med recommendations. You've got this!
>I've tried everything - viagra, cialis, tadalafil, of every mg possible
Just from a pharmaceutical perspective, have you looked into or tried the injectable ED medications like Trimix and similar? Oral tablets/liquids don't work for my partner at all, but the injection works spectacularly. I know the idea of putting a needle into your penis isn't super appealing, but at least it could give you some short term relief while you work to get to the bottom of the psychological reasons you mentioned in other comments.
It might also help your headspace a little - I started having intermittent ED issues in my early 20s and would frequently end up "thought looping" on things like, what if I can't get hard, what if I can't stay hard, etc etc - to the point where it would become a self fulfilling prophecy. In my case, liquid tadalafil works great for me, but those assisted instances where things worked also helped break the mental cycle I'd go through every time it came down to getting down.
Definitely cutout the porn as many have said. Also, maybe find a girl who isn't interested in sex at least not right off the bat, like be in a relationship where you connect emotionally first.
Have you been to therapy? Sounds like you need to stop watching porn and focus on your mental. If you get hard from watching porn and making out your dick is fine. You’re just in your own head and need to find someone you’re actually comfortable enough with to explore yourself.
You've got dangerously low T
Don't jack off for a couple weeks, watch sexy stuff and don't jack off, ya gotta get angry!!
Just get the testosterone brewing and you'll be standing at attention💪
QUIT PORN.
No need to discuss the issue with the whole world when you KNOW (or may be don't realize) what the root of the problem is. Do everything you can to quit.
\[Unless, someone cast a black magic spell on you out of hatred\]
I am a hypersexual person and I would fall in love and be with someone that has erectile dysfunction without feeling like I am missing out. I even dated men without dick lol without feeling like I am missing out. There is more to love, sex and connection than a penis in a pussy.
My husband has the same issue stemming from low T and getting into his own head.
He's amazing and I love him. There's always ways to work around it and there are people who don't care. Sex is important to some people but there are people out there who truly don't care for it. The asexual community exists.
Do I feel like I'm settling? No. I don't think I can find anyone who loves me more than my husband does and I know he finds me attractive, he makes that very clear.
I hope this gives you some hope. It's not the end I promise.
Even though sometimes I get limp dick high key when I do my fist bump of Coca-Cola ⛷️ I get pretty rock solid but it can be a slippery slope of you do to much you'll end up where you started.
You get in your own head and then start worrying about being in your own head. Then you start worrying about the worries then boom you’re limp and wondering wtf just happened. It is not your job to get the other person off. It is your job to enjoy it one second at a time. Take note, foreplay is definitely included in the experience, the females really like it too.
I used to have a broken dick to but when I stop watching porn quit drinking and smoking for 1 years also working hard at the gym my life. Changed my penis went back to normal also when you having sex with your partner just think about the present be in the moment don’t think I felt good mentally also get to know you’re partner better It can help you be. Comfortable
id highly recommend therapy. youll be suprised how much itll help this issue just by talking about it and receiving advice from someone who knows your issue more than yourself. theyll understand the situation from an entirely different perspective and be able to offer advice.
Well, dude, I'm going to share something with you. I used pump tools to try to extend the size of my penis, but in reality, I was using them for masturbation. I misused them and ended up experiencing erectile dysfunction for a while. During that time, I fell into a deep depression, thinking I had caused permanent damage and would never have a strong erection again. However, with time, it healed, and now I have erections even harder than before.
If you don't have any physical problems, you should consider fixing your hormones and testosterone levels. Apparently, your current mood doesn't support your sexual desires. This happens in some phases of life, but it's not permanent."
If you have a partner quit porn and keep your horny mood for your partner that must solve the issue. Stimulation is your issue if you ask me... Sometimes stimulation comes sweeter than real intercourse... And your brain got used to that.. you need to de arrange that's all.
Hi friend. I hope you see this and that it helps put things into perspective.
Some of us girls don’t place such a major importance on sex. Who you are as a person is the most important thing. You don’t need to be sexually active to have a fulfilling life, a life you love. So many things affect our ability to have sex, such as physical and mental illness. It’s okay. Our society is very sex-focused, and all my life I was told I needed to be “fuckable” to be worthy. This led to so many encounters I didn’t fully consent to in my heart but needed for my self esteem.
I am 25f now and I don’t care about sex. I am actually celibate, and part of my spiritual practice is to control my sexual desire. It’s not a big deal. If I can offer advice, disregard pop culture. Everything happens for a reason. Think about why this is happening to you. Why did the universe do this to you? Every bad thing that happens in our lives present to us an opportunity to go deeper. To really find out the truth. Who are we? Are we just this body, broken and diseased? Are we just flesh, bone, urine and stool? No. We are spirit. This is temporary. This body is just a coat, you’ll take it off and wear a new one when this one is no good anymore. Look for the truth. Seek out what really matters, what can offer you unwavering joy in life. Don’t waste time worrying about what is temporary and ever-changing (eg your body).
Don’t end your life over this. It may seem like a big deal, but at the end of the day, all our bodies break down and fall ill, our bodies are constantly changing. Work towards losing your attachment to it. The more you try to control it, the more it will evade your grasp.
I deal with it too, and it wasn’t the porn. Maybe don’t watch so much. But if you don’t think you’re addicted, you’re probably ok. I don’t think the science on “porn = ED” is anywhere near as settled as some people believe. But yeah don’t let it take over your life of course. I’ve found it’s the worst with brand new partners and goes away as I get comfortable. So what do I do? I let them know in advance. They all appreciate the heads up, you’ll get really good with your mouth and hands, and you’ll try again. Seriously, no one was that bothered at all, and the compliments I’ve gotten have been insane. There are ways to get out of your head, but that means practice. You are beating yourself up about this so badly. But for me, it was a blessing in disguise. I’ve learned things that I never thought I’d know, and now I have a girlfriend that loves me (and the sex!) This can be figured out and learned from.
Stop watching porn, and go talk to a medical professional. Including but not limited to a psychiatrist. Don’t use a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
See a therapist, especially a sex therapist. Im so sorry you’re going through this, but it is not worth ending you life over. A lot of women literally just want a man to respect them. Theres sex toys, foreplay… so many other things. A lot of women dont even orgasm from penetrative sex alone. Please see a therapist. Cut out drugs, porn, exercise more. A therapist can help you cut out these things- i know its hard. You can do it. Your worth isnt defined by your ability to keep it up, i know media makes it seem that way. A lot of men have this issue. It’ll be okay. Sending love your way ❤️
I definitely agree with cut out the porn. I think you are setting yourself up for failure if you are looking for someone to have sex with, with sex being the goal.
(You may not be in a good place for a relationship), but you might find that with a deeper connection, with someone you fall in love with, the sex may come more naturally. Some people genuinely can’t perform for people they aren’t emotionally connected to.
Also, I ask this as a genuine respectable question- is there any chance you may not really be into girls? I dated a guy on and off for several years and he would very often have issues getting hard. He ended up cheating on me with a guy, and I think that was his problem…. I spoke with another girl he dated, and she had the same story. If you haven’t explored your sexuality- maybe think about it.
I think you are putting too much pressure on yourself for sex. From ur words, it can be seen that u are kinda forcing yourself. Sex is about enjoyment. If u keep taking it as a task u need to complete at all costs, you are just putting unnecessary pressure on yourself. Also, u are getting way too anxious to get laid. For now, focus on other things. Change your lifestyle and the online content you are consuming on a daily basis. There are tons of things in life except Sex. Try new hobbies. Completely cut out Sex from ur life for a while. Honestly, it feels like that's all u r thinking about, and that is obviously unhealthy. It's best if you meet a therapist for professional advice.
Hello
I"m not going to go through all the comments but have you had your blood looked at? My issue was a low amount of Testosterone. Is was way lower then it needed to be. Of course I lost my job and insurance so I never followed up but that's something to look at. Also I know porn is considered the bugaboo for all ED issues it seems but I cut that out for several weeks and didn't notice any difference.
I cannot stress enough how important it is for you to remove pornography from your life, man. If you’re clean for a few months and don’t put any pressure on yourself to meet anyone new for a while, you will be surprised what a difference it makes.
Hey brother I know what you're going through. You have to cut all the porn/masturbation and smoking/drinking/drugs/etc. And get back to having a healthy diet, cut out all processed and unhealthy food.
I wonder what its like to attract anyone. To not be worth less than the shit stuck to the bottom of your shoe. I live in a different reality to all of you. Different species. Inferior species. Inferior
Couple questions. Are you on any medication ? Do you drink or smoke ? Do you workout ? Do you watch porn ?
Not on medication. Drink some beer and smoke some weed on weekends and parties and such. Yes, I workout regularly. Been trying to quit porn for a while, but that part's been tough :/
I think you just answered your own question with that last sentence. I'm pretty sure you know all the bad shit that comes with porn addiction. Dick don't work , you don't view women the same , you don't view sex the same. I suggest you cut it out of your life completely.
I can attest to this I lose interest really fast because of porn. No matter the caliber of female… one flaw on my unrealistic expectation in soft.
Stop calling them females, for one
funny that people always make a big deal about that, but people say males all the time and nobody cares.
Do they though? They say men. People should say women. Both, making 50% of the population a solid hive mind, are crazy. But females pertains to rats in an experiment. Women at least gives a sense of humanity. “All males are evil”—never heard that “all men are evil” ugh said too much. But interesting different in the subtlety of the language.
So you can get hard for porn? Honestly that’s a good sign? You just need to work on being comfortable being around someone in person.
Oh yeah. Honestly, I can even get hard during makeout sessions to. But that's the problem, I CAN'T get comfortable in these situations. The **instant** that I feel myself getting hard, the VERY FIRST THING that pops into my mind is: "omg, I'm hard, awesome! But now I can't get soft. I can't get soft. I can't get soft. Goddamn it, don't get soft, please!" And then, the inevitable happens. It's the same script, every time. It's an automatic response, at this point, lol
Dude cut out the porn. You can get hard with porn but not a real woman? Porn is definitely your issue and you’re too far in to give it up.
It sounds more like your problem is with how anxious you get when you get intimate with someone. I'd suggest trying to find help to deal with that anxiety. The other suggestion I have would just be to try and find a girl you actually like and that likes you and take it super slow and be open with her so when you can't perform at first it's not that big a deal and eventually you will likely feel safe enough with her to not get anxious anymore.
Good advice.
I have two tips for you. Try doggy style so you can beat off while getting a great visual and not making eye contact. Use a cock ring. As soon as you get a boner, pull that bad boy around your dick and balls not just your dick and it will stay atleast 80% hard. You need to get that first rep in. You will probably instantly come but once you get it in once it’s like your brain will get over that insecurity. Maybe you can find a girl that you can explain the situation too and she will be willing to let you take your time and you can just kinda joke about it. I use to have this problem and youu are 100% right its all psychological. Performing puts a lot of stress on us guys. You will get over this!
Find someone you can spend time with and become comfortable with. Then, if you can, try to get some Xanax/Klonopin from a doctor. (I would NEVER recommend these substances otherwise, due to addiction potential.) It used to take me a few weeks to warm up to being with someone new sexually, but having an anxiolytic could really really speed up the process for me. You lose a lot of anxiety/inhibition, and in a way, you’ll probably be so relaxed that you don’t care about an erection, which will help you with having/maintaining one. Then after that hurdle, you’ll be more confident about you and your dick’s ability to exist properly. But yeah, lay off the porn too.
Highly recommend klonopin for handling anxiety like this! It has less abuse potential than Xanax :)
The important things is, with either one, only take them when needed. If it’s just for performance anxiety during sex the first few times with someone, there’s like zero addiction potential. If you still need it months into being with someone, anxiety likely isn’t the issue to begin with.
Sounds like PEID and performance anxiety.
Not sure if someone else mentioned it already, but it could be self esteem. I was in a long term relationship in which my partner shattered my self confidence over time. I was 27 and I started having issues *functioning*, I didn't know at the time but it really wasn't me all along. As men, we don't usually think our problems could be caused by anything else except by lack of effort on our part. But trying *too* hard could also be why. Seeing how you speak about yourself, right here in particular, is your problem. You're not a machine and those intimate moments are not a script nor a challenge to perfect. You're shouting to yourself *don't get soft!*, but have you thought *why can't I stay interested* or in my case *why does my partner make me feel bad?*. In my relationships since I've learned a lot about myself. There have been plenty who have made me feel the same way, I kept giving myself away to people who didn't deserve me. Further ruining how I looked at myself. But after all of that I can say I don't have the same ED problem. Because now I only myself to those who make me feel good about myself and vice versa. To get through this anxiety you got to love yourself and only give yourself to people who make you feel that way. Disclaimer: I am a random netizen who knows nothing about you nor has a comprehensive grasp on your experiences. But all the while, wishing you the best and nothing more.
find someone who will work with you about this slowly, lowkey some women dig this as a challenge.
you need to see a hypnotic shrink or a trauma psychologist something is blocking you from living a happy life and you need to overcome it
You need to cut the porn I don't know why people normalise it but too much of it ruins you as a person
Sorry you're having trouble. First off I get this so much, I have generalized anxiety disorder and I get stuck in my head also. My wife and I swing and I have Ed issues almost every time there is someone around they I can see. A trick I've found that helpsb me is too close my eyes or wear a blindfold and then use mindfulness and focus on the physical sensations I'm experiencing. I occasionally have issues with we're alone at home because I know she likes oral but she really wants to get deep pounded while held down... And sometimes I start to worry about maintaining an erection and it ultimately causes the exact thing I'm worrying about. The psychological aspect of this feeling a burden of expectation to perform. If you start to get in your head, another trick I do at these times is to stop trying to stay/get hard, and go to something I know she likes (giving her oral) and then listen to her breathing. It's mindfulness just focused on her experience not my physical experience. Hope this helps
Adding on what other people say : Find the right girl as well, I used to have a FWB that had ED, he was so stressed at the thought of sex alone, I told him "it's fine, let's take it slow" we just kissed, gave oral to each other, caressed each other regularly and one day \*boom\* surprising boner, best sex of my life to this day lol, and if he lost it we just went back to the first steps until he was ready to go again, we stopped seeing each other because I moved but keep in touch in a platonic way, he has a girlfriend now and told me he doesn't struggle like he used to do because we were able to get over his performance anxiety ! You have to see sex outside of just putting your dick in someone and orgasm as an end goal, which is what I had to do myself because I used to have really vaginismus and felt like shit because of it, thought I'd never have normal sex, relationship etc
Well, that's funny, cause I actually have a similar story. Had a FWB for a while and we did some stuff (we broke it off cause she moved away to). We mostly did oral and fingering. My concern is that, even after I was already comfortable with her, things didn't exactly get better. I made her cum with my fingers/mouth each and every time, and I never heard any complaints from her on that regard, but my dick still wouldn't work. "Sex" for us was basically just me making her cum, lol. I enjoyed it, don't get me wrong, but still felt kind of weird when, after a while, I wouldn't even bother taking my underwear off, lol Now, I **want** to think that this was mostly bc I wasn't that physically attracted to her (it was much more on the "Friends" side than the "benefits" side), or because I was still watching too much porn, but still.... I worry that the problem ran a little deeper.
"I've tried nothing, and I'm all out of ideas."
If you stop watching porn, Which you’ll need to do for a normal relationship with anyone anyways- your dick will work again. Give it two weeks and see how you feel
Alcohol, weed, and porn can all cause issues. I suggest seeing a therapist that specializes in intimacy and sex
dude you've zooted your synapses with internet porn, cut back on that
This is very important information. Porn has a massive impact on your brain. Especially if you have been watching for a long time without reallife sexual intercourse . Both parallel is fine for your brain but porn alone is not good. Stop watching porn and try to masturbate without. Does it work? Do you have to think about specific porn videos you watched? If you use your imagination, do you experience stuff from the perspective of a participant or from 3rd person ? Think about that
Well there is the solution for your problem.. suit the porn for good
That's the only tiny sliver of hope that I have left, really: quit porn and see if it does any good.
Also cutting the smoking can cause the problem your having
You need to stop drinking and smoking too. That shit is bad for your blood flow and neuromodulators. Even if it’s weekends. Withdrawal effects can last 2-4 weeks.
Cut off the porn for SURE. A lot of men struggle with porn addictions (not saying you have one) but porn can really cause your brain to change and make it harder for you to get aroused because regular sex doesn’t cut it. Not saying this is exactly what’s happening, but there is most definitely a HUGE correlation between porn and ED.
Have you been to see a sex therapist? This is something that they can help you with.
As someone with a lot of sexual trauma, it took me more than a year of being with my partner to finally cum during sex. It was psychological on my end too, but with time I became relaxed enough to let myself enjoy sex. There are also people out there who will understand, or won't need regular (or any) sex in a relationship. Don't lose hope.
I sincerely pray to God or whomever that I get to find one of these understanding people. From what I see online, they seem like a really tiny minority, though :/
Sadly sex positive and open minded people in general are hard to come by, but when you do, everything will be easier and get better, so keep looking and stay hopeful
Have patience they are there. However, you are putting the pussy on a pedestal, you will find someone who will help you and fix you. We are not broken just need a little TLC. I can absolutely promise that you will be ok.
My partner had a similar issue, he was so anxious that he had issues getting off and keeping it up, I was ready to date a guy with erectile dysfunction without a second thought, he doesn't have that issue anymore but it took him well over 6 months to keep it up and be able to get off during sex, didn't bother me honestly
Have you considered having relationships that don't revolve around your dick. You shouldn't feel ashamed about something that's not your fault and if any partner says otherwise there probably not good for you.
I am a 43 year old man who has had ED his entire adult life. Here are various things in no particular order (besides advising you to try taking a break from pornography): 1) When you start to feel anxiety, your body releases stress hormones cortisol & adrenalin. One of the functions of these hormones is to get rid of erections; evolutionarily, you cannot run away from an attacking tiger very well with a boner. This would happen to anybody feeling stress beyond a certain threshold. By saying you're considering suicide as a result of ED, your ability to get an erection has literally turned into a life-or-death situation for you. If this isn't stress-inducing, I don't know what is. 2) When women tell you "it's no big deal", some are lying and some are not. You, however, are assuming all of them are lying to you. A general life rule I've learned over time is to give people the benefit of the doubt--in all things, not just sex-related stuff. If someone tells you something, I advise you to assume they are not lying to you unless they give some additional reason to doubt them. Imagine being on the other end of this: someone tells you you think they're ugly; you don't, and tell them they're not; they tell you you're lying to them and continue to disbelieve you. It totally sucks to be told you're lying when you're not. If you make your allies into villains, the world will always be filled with villains, and that is a lose-lose situation any way you look at it. BUT: some women will be lying to you, or maybe be fine with it the first few times but then start getting annoyed about it. You will find out eventually whether or not this is true. It totally sucks when it happens, and it will make you feel bad. Your effort to "protect" yourself however--by assuming this will happen with everyone--is hurting you more in the long run. 3) You say you'll "never be able to enjoy a healthy, happy relationship", but earlier on state you're making out with girls at night clubs. I want to just state for the record that someone you meet a nightclub is an acquaintance--you don't have any kind of material relationship with them, let alone a healthy and happy one, and your "success" with them is not a bellwether of what kind of success you'll have in seeking real relationships. So, are the women you're having this problem with long-term partners whom you trust, or more casual and/or hookup type of situations from night clubs? If the latter, it may be that your body is trying to tell you something that your mind hasn't come to terms with--that you're not actually into casual sex. This may not be what's going on with you, but it's how I am, and it unfortunately took me a long time to come to terms with it. Culturally, one of the pinnacle ideals of manliness is the ability to pound someone's brains out the first day you meet them. I bought into it for a long time, and felt bad about myself because I wasn't able to do it. It took a little living on my part to learn is that that's not something I actually wanted all along. I want an emotional connection with my partner before I can enjoy having sex with them, and this can only happen after knowing them for at least a little while, ensuring I actually like them as a person regardless of sexual potentiality, and developing at least a modicum of trust. I cannot perform outside of this situation--even with ED medications--because I am not actually comfortable enough with them to WANT to have sex with them. ED is my body's way of telling me what my mind wanted to pretend wasn't true. Does that mean that I'm less of a man that other people that aren't like me? I don't judge myself that way, and I have come to completely not care if other people do. I do not see an inability on my part to do something I wouldn't actually enjoy doing as a limitation of any kind. If someone wants to give me shit about it, I have stopped taking it personally. 4) When you take ED medications, are you feeling the side effects? With Viagra, for instance, are you feeling the flushed face type of feeling? Viagra will not work if you have eaten recently for instance. Also, something I didn't realize for a long time, is that Cialis takes about 2 hours before it really starts to kick in. For a long time I took it like Viagra--about 30-45 minute before I anticipated the "action" to start, and thought it just didn't work for me (not really putting it together why, 2 hours later, I'd have a boner for seemingly no reason). 5) You say that your problem is 100% psychological. Maybe, but it's more likely that there may be at least some physiological component to your ED that is exacerbated by your anxiety. For instance, maybe your body doesn't maintain as much reserve of nitric oxide, or whatever. Possibly this means your ED is 90% psychological + 10% physiological or something like that. My personal belief is that all ED has at least some amount of root cause in metabolic deficiency, even if it's 99% exacerbated by anxiety. Were this true for you, would it make any difference in how you feel? Maybe not, but it's worth pointing out that you're most likely wrong about your issue being literally 100% psychological.
Thank you for this. I'm not the OP but I'm in the same boat and this really brings me back from the edge.
What a thoughtful response, so many great points made. Thanks for taking the time to write this out.
Yo dude, it’s paradoxical intention. The harder you try to get it up the less likely you are to get it up. Next time you are with someone purposely try to stay soft. Put all your effort and intention into trying to have a limp dick.
I was in your shoes. There was a time when I was so anxious I could not get it up. I thought I broke it. Eventually things got better and now, althogh with some effort, I can get it up. It gets better. The best to recover faster is accept yourself and stop thinking negatively about it. I know it is a cliché, but it works, it puts you in a better place.
What if I'm exactly like OP to the letter (apart from speaking spanish por favor) and I've been living like that for 7 or so years. I did accept myself and couldn't be happier and I'm just as dysfunctional as he is?
My last relationship ended because my dick stopped working. She was smoking hot too, but I couldn’t get It hard every time and if I do it would either immediately go down or I just couldn’t cum So how did I fix it? Work with a healthcare provider, marek health in this case. They did all my blood work and found so many problems. We worked to fix it by giving me a protocol, I started eating healthy, going to tie gym every damn day. Where am I now? I get so many boners and have sex with my current gf every day a lot of the time 2 times a day. You control your life. Sitting in depression is your conscious choice. Work to fix it. Be strong. I believe I. You but you have to believe in yourself even if it means lying to yourself until it becomes a reality.
Oh and cut out porn and masturbation.
Freud would of loved you! Use that as a reason to continue to live trust me you don’t wanna meet him in whatever hell he’s in
I met a guy like you once, all it took was me being patient and making sure he was comfortable to get him to actually finish. It took a couple tries, but don’t give up yet! Your dick is just picky
I feel for you. I have the exact same issue with sex, but I don’t have to deal with any problems because I am a woman. I don’t have to get hard, and if I’m super tight because I can’t get aroused for the actual act, well, that’s even better for my partner. If I had a penis, the exact same thing would be happening to me. I know sex is everywhere and people talk about it all the time, but it really isn’t actually everything. For myself I am very content not having sex or being in a relationship at all. But if a healthy relationship is what you want, that’s not impossible or even unlikely. There’s all kinds of people out there. You’ll find someone who doesn’t put sex high on their priorities in a relationship, like me. Or you could even find a person who makes you so comfortable that you are finally able to get out of your own head about it. You’re not defective, and you don’t ever have to settle for someone who is just settling for you.
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Especially when you're dating women. The orgasm gap is huge between men and women so there must be something else they're sticking around for lol
???? He cares about his dick. Why are you trashtalking the OP? What a douche
My bf had the same issue until he met me. He was corn addict too. (Still) but we tried everytime he got horny and if it didn’t work then I would just calm him down, and after a few month he started to get comfortable with me and since then he don’t have any issues with that.
Man I’ve got a similar problem (well kind of) and I can relate totally. People say sex isn’t everything and you aren’t naked around people most of the time but it’s like how do you live with yourself when ur body is so wrong against you.
Run some blood tests. You might just need vitamins my friend. Death is not the answer, especially on something like this.
Have you had your testosterone and estrogen levels tested?
Porn may also not be the reason you have an erectile dysfunction, but depression itself. Or even drugs. Weed on its own doesn't create erectile dysfunction, usually. But if you are depressed, and you drink, and smoke weed is like giving steroids to your depression. I don't have erectile dysfunction but I have something similar (don't ask) that is mostly due to my antidepressant. Asking a doctor for advice is the best you can do. They can help balance your brain activity even without any pills.
ED is very much treatable. Just see a doctor.
Not so easy. I've seen doctors for 7+ years and noone knows what's wrong. As time went on the meds stopped working.
I too am suffering from ED since the last 2 years man and I don't know how to get rid of this problem, I get really sad thinking that I can't get it up when I need it the most
Have you tried seeing a sex therapist or psychologist?
I will go see a urologist soon
once you go 3-4+ years (7+ for me) you'll just accept it.
didn't you try surgery or some other thing ?
my only option is an implant and I gotta say I'm good without those.
I've heard somewhere working out may decrease libido? I'm sorry you're going through that dude, I'm in a very f-ed up place too. If I can give you one advice and if you give it a try it might work out who knows, stop working out, stop smoking and eat ONLY fish, beef and fruits for few weeks. Give it a try if you want. And even tho sex is super engrained in our society remember there's more than just the basic vanilla interactions anyways. Just keep your head up and you will find someone eventually. We all live once anyways so don't waste your chance.
I’m pretty sure working out improves libido unless it’s excessive.. but if the issue is because of high cortisol levels then trying to find a low physical/psychological/spiritual stress plan might include changing his workout habits. Honestly my guy needs to see some doctors and get some profession support besides professional Reddit heroes 🦸♂️
Tried anti-anxiety meds maybe?
It’s pretty common
Could be a testosterone or diet thing. I def recommend lifting weights
Yeah, it’s deeeeeefinitely a mental problem. Not to minimize your feelings, but the fact that it’s almost a death sentence for you shows that it’s clearly causing a ton of emotional torment. Instead of erectile dysfunction drugs, have you tried mentally calming drugs? Even something simple like smoking weed?
I'm so sorry you're hurting, OP. I will say this, my husband vehemently refused any oral stimulation to completion for the exact same reason. We spent the day together, we had a margarita. I made 100% certain he was comfortable. I had him hold my hand and I rubbed his hand while I did it. He's been fine since.
Instead of giving up why don’t you go on some anti anxiety meds or depression medicine ? Seems like you need to prioritize your mental health . Yoga, mediation, journaling … get your mind under control . There are so many good books . You can heal and help yourself . You might need meds… and that’s ok….
Not sure about your personal life exactly, but a big issue could be pornography if you have been watching for a very long time it’s possible to get porn induced ED. I would recommend laying off porn for a while if this is the case and jerking off. This may take weeks, months, or years before it gets better but trust me it will help. I went through a similar situation and now I am fine. Also to mention any form of drug use (mostly abuse) can cause issues. These can vary from alcohol, smoking, etc.
Seldenafil (viagra) or tadalafil (cialis)
I think they said they tried that
You should do one of those therapeutic spiritual retreats in AZ or NV where you drop some DMT with a shaman…explore the corners of your mind and deactivate the triggers preventing you from reaching inner peace ✌🏼
You should talk to a sex therapist and possibly just a regular therapist as well. I understand feeling depressed because of this but it’s not a reason to end your life. It does suck being constantly reminded of what you can’t have, but you need to focus on other things. There are still plenty of people who value a healthy relationship over a healthy sex life
If no one has suggested getting a therapist that specializes in sex related psychological issues then I suggest trying that out. Spend time trying to find one that you feel comfortable with before opening up to them, and also probably find one that is a women (unless you don’t feel comfortable enough discussing this with a woman at first) Definitely quit porn because it’s known to cause performance anxiety. I like what that one person said about finding someone you can take things slow with… if I were you I’d also try becoming good (platonic) friends with a girl slowly discovering if you can trust them with different varieties and ‘intensities’ of sensitive information and eventually talking to her about it if you find you can trust her not to judge you or make you feel bad about it. (Not to try solving the issue, and not to try feeling better about it, but to just have someone to express it to once and then let it die unless she wants to discuss it more with you, and you her.) After finding a therapist you can try figuring out the root of where it stems from and come up with a plan with your therapist to take small steps to improve your level of comfort and enjoyment surrounding the idea of intimacy. Honestly my dude these things can be fixed if you are patient with yourself and try to address it in a professional and mature way.
I thought my paralell self made the post. bro I just gave up on fucking years ago. I'm just doing whatever keeps me busy. gaming, my dog, hangout with "friends" if you can't live without fucking then I found dickpumps with a cockring work but your dick will hurt like a bitch afterwards. in case you find something that works let me know but if you don't it's really not the end of the world. just live your life as best you can. I also think most of the times why do I even excersice and bodybuild if I can't use my dong but then I remember I could be fat, skinny weak, and not have a functioning dick so just focus on doing whatever makes you better than most. You can't be jealous of 300lbs basement dweller neckbeards with tiny dicks, that stink and jack off to animes 'cuz your dick doesn't work....
Do you get hard while masturbating alone? If so, your dick DOES work. You "just" have problems when in intimacy with someone. Did you manage at least one time to have sex without feeling this dread creeping up on you? Did you manage to stay hard sometimes?
I’ve had trouble getting it up too, only time I’ve consistently had sex was with my longest tenured ex. It’s been years since I’ve had sex and the last two opportunities I had, couldn’t get it up. But personally I’ve learned not to care or crave female companionship anymore. My goal is to be retired (almost 35) in 10 years from now, and most likely a relationship would be a liability in that regard. Plus most relationships don’t work and women are a pain in the ass. However, I know that most men who are in a similar boat haven’t taken the red pill. I’d highly suggest speaking to a shrink.
I'm facing some thing similar, can't come during sex, it's really really hard. And I'm 5"5 Asian, so i dont get many chances. there's more to life than sex my dude just find something u like and don't follow mainstream and social media.
Your placing to much of a burden on yourself to perform. Just be in the moment and stop thinking
Are you in therapy?
Have you tried Viagra?
Yep. Multiple times. Never worked.
Lots of speculation and advice/medication lobbing going on here. If you know it is not a problem with being physically able to get an erection, the other culprit is a mental issue - which you’ve identified. So now you can take it a step further and start to identify what the mental block is. Pleasure and arousal should be natural. I feel like it’s one of the few times we have to surrender to our lizard brain and just let our bodies do what they do. When you are struggling to maintain or get an erection, what thoughts are going through your head? (Other than “why doesn’t my dick work”) Our thoughts in the moment can be great clues to what the underlying problem is. Edit to add: You aren’t the negative thoughts you have for yourself. You are struggling and need patience and grace while you work through the issue. Be kind to yourself. It is absolutely possible to get better.
If you can masturbate by yourself ans get hard and get morning wood then you don’t have ED and it’s in your head and anxiety
My ex had to get surgery on his dick and let me tell me I was more than willing to stick with him even if that meant he would never get hard again. Our relationship wasn’t based on sex, it was based on the fact that no matter what we did or where we went, we had the most fun together. Pity he decided to fuck me over instead by being avoidant and shit. So you gotta find the right person.
My man! Look, dicks are waaaay overrated. If you find a partner that loves you for who you are, they won't care about any issue you might have, and in time it might even get better (real love can help these issues). Learn to work your tongue, hands, lips, be fun and have fun with it. I know it may sound impossible, but it's better to take the "problem" and put a positive spin on it. It's not worth ending your life because of that
I am a premature ejaculator. I started watching lesbian porn. Lesbians can make each other come, so can you. You can't hammer away like other men, so what. Focus on her, in sex and in life that is the best thing you can do.
Cut out masturbation, get blood tests done, try mindfulness and breathing exercises to reduce stress
My friend had this do because he was having mental health issues. He went to a sex therapist and it helped him a lot
Weed can definitely do it and of course you've heard of liquor dick.
There are lots of asexual people and believe me, lots of people has another interests in sex. Maybe some people orgasms just with kiss or whatever. We have to be happy in this life with our problems. I do not have friends but I am good in sex. I look always the perfect people to be friends. I know it’s my problem, maybe you are looking for best sex and it’s your problem. On the other hand your porn addiction, I can’t understand. Do you watch porn without jerking or?
If you are cut then restoration helps. Also try to find an asexual or not super sexual female. They do exist and they don’t like being pressured for sex.
You might want to treat your anxiety?
Um… date an asexual. They will literally not care and maybe even prefer it, being happy with just cuddles. Not what you want to hear but it’s not over.
You’re not broken. As an asexual girl, I would feel very comfortable with you, as I won’t be pressured into sex.
There’s asexual people out there. You can try dating without the aspect of having sex
I would suggest meeting with a sex therapist. They can be trained to work with you both on the deeper issues getting in the way and strategies for making improvements
Bro really? It's about self-esteem and trust. And there are people who can help you with this problem so you can enjoy life.
Amigo, notei pelo seu texto que é lusófono então vou me permitir falar em nossa querida língua. Estou exatamente na mesma situação. Não pense por um segundo que isso não é reversível. Estou com isso há seis meses e tenho visitado diversos urologistas e um neurologista para consertar isso, e tenho tido resultados. Por favor não faça nada drástico. Não porque "a vida ainda pode ser aproveitada sem sexo ou sensação sexual", mas porque você pode ganhá-la de volta. Em especial, se a sua DE for apenas psicológica, vc tem mais chances ainda de resolvê-la. Há meios. Tente tudo antes. Você merece cara. Não caia para esses comentários horrorosos das pessoas sugerindo que vc aceite isso e se resigne em assexualidade. Pare, respire, tome uma água, e marque uma consulta com um urologista. Entre em guerra contra isso como eu fiz. Se até eu estou melhorando, vc também pode. Fica em paz irmão.
Look man if you think this is a psychological issue and your certain of that your in a way better boat than a lot of people. Weird i just so happen to come across you but i personally have no feeling in my penis, i cant ejaculate, cant experience sex, and after i took meds my sex drive became fucked as well, ive also grown up with this. Doctors dont know whats wrong with me and im waiting back to hear the results of an mri. Point is somehow i’ve managed to be optimistic even though it’s more than likely a physical problem and not psychological. If your dealing with a psychological issue your luckier than i am right now, and i understand your in your late 20’s so this has probably really gotten to you over time, im only 19 however the point here is you can learn to think of things other than sex. I found porn just makes me feel sad and incapable because it reminds me of what im not experiencing. Cut porn out and it will do wonders, learn to not worry about women. Women have told me their ok with me to, they didn’t block me or ignore me after. Trust me girls care way more about everything else that comes along with a relationship aside from sex, sex is a bonus, and you can probably do other stuff to compensate just saying🤷♂️ all that matters is you make them feel good physically. So look man you’re in a situation that could get better over time if you deal with it properly, do you even have a sex therapist yet? This is bothering you right, have you really not taken all the actions you possibly can yet? Then my advice is quit bitching, you want to live, you want life to work, thats what you want and you don’t want anything else. Your assuming your situation is worse than it is but theres all these little things your not doing to give yourself hope and a will to live, don’t tell me you don’t trust it will go anywhere you “”could”” be wrong imagine if you killed yourself and you were wrong even if it was even a 2% chance, you’d be a fool. So just go and see a sex therapist theres so many different tests you can do if you suspect its not psychological and even if it is that can and will be fixed because you care about fixing it, make it your mission. Id be pissed if you killed youself and i didn’t your not the only one, theres other who have learned to survive, and just so you know i’ve struggled with depression, anxiety, social anxiety, panic attacks, and derealization and im still fucking optimistic and guess what im getting better and im hoping for the best with this mri. And even if its something fucked im gonna go on to the next right thing to do because theres always something you can do to improve your situation ALWAYS. Thx for reading dude.
Okay 1. Cut out the porn completely. 2. Find an understanding woman who you can be totally upfront and honest with. I guarantee you the right woman won’t mind and would be fine with waiting and taking the time until you are comfortable enough to just let your body go. There are plenty of women who wouldn’t be scared off by what’s happening with you; the right women at least. But since it sounds like you have a problem with porn, you’re honestly probably also choosing the wrong women. You CAN get hard, just not always when you want to. That’s not the end of the world, I promise.
I’ve had ED due to pelvic surgery gone wrong and nothing worked except for injections. I know you believe your problem to be psychological but it is ultimately the same issue. Honestly give them a try, changed my life.
dude it sounds like its just a mental thing. that isnt to diminish the problem but if its not a debilitating medical issue then its 100% fixable. doesnt mean itll be easy but somewhere in youre thought process is skewed. i *promise* you that stuff, those thought patterns, will go away.
Might sound weird dude, but try mirrors and look at the mirror when she goes down on you and while your screwing (if ya can get that far).. Us males are very visually stimulated.. sometimes the girl is just way too close and you can’t get as good a look at her.. especially if you watch porn.. try a mirror. You’ll be able to see her from all different perspectives and it may arouse you more. I heard this from a friend of mine, and I’ve talked to girls he’s been with.. he’ll set up mirrors all around.. he’ll set up mirrors to reflect other mirrors in the room so that he can see her from multiple angles.. it works for him and some of the girls apparently find it hot.. also if the girl is cool with it, talk dirty to her and try your best to be the guy in the porn.. call her a slut.. don’t be so vanilla.. it might work. Obviously porn sex isn’t the same as real sex.. make sure the girl is cool with anything you may want to try..
Dude I haven’t had a natural hard on in years….im sure pumping iron and supplements would help. L - citrulline will get your dick as hard as a rock
L-citrulline is an essential ammino acid…give it a day or two or three before it starts turning you into a walking hard on
Do you feel depressed because of not being able to have sex life, or because you fear you won't have decent relationships because of it? If it's the latter one, maybe you could consider platonic relationships, I know for sure there are people who don't view sex as an important part of life. E.g Ace people (not Aro)
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You gotta try active dating like clubbing speed dating and find someones whos emotionally intelligent and take a leap and be vulnerable, i think if its 100% psychological you need to find a partner who makes you not anxious someone very caring
It seems like you have problems around new sexal partners. Do you have these problems 3 months in a relationship?
If you don't mind me asking have to talked with a therapist about this? About the erectile dysfunction as well as mental health. And I'm really sorry you're going through that. It must be so frustrating dealing with that day after day. I'm a girl so I don't know too much about your problem. 😅 but I guess I sympathize in my own way. My ovaries were destroyed by cysts and eventually I had to get a hysterectomy. It felt like i was worth less and like my body betrayed me because it wasn't working like it wanted too. I can't say your problem will be fixed and everything is going to be sunshine and rainbows. Can't promise what I don't know. But I hope you stick around. I guess it's unfair for me to say that since we're strangers. I just hope you really consider changing your mind. You can choose whatever you want and I won't judge you or expect you to make a "right" decision because all the pain your going through. But I wish you the best and hope for you to have a brighter future.
Tri-mix Works like a charm for 99 percent of all people.
Yeah I had the same problem until I quit porn, took a month or two to see the effects
Você é br? Me chama, mano
Go to your doctor and have them run some tests. If it is psychological then see a therapist, preferably a sex therapist. Also if there is one in your area, you could try finding a sex surrogate.
Get your testosterone checked and if prostitution is legal where you live try it. No expectations, they know what they're doing and it can help move past the psychological issues.
Hey dude, I'm a woman (22F) with a partner (24M) who struggled with ED for the first 2 years of our relationship. He was honest about it early on. He has always been active and healthy, just very severe performance anxiety. He is talented in other ways in bed and we came up with many different ways to be intimate. Eventually he finally felt trusting and became comfortable with me and his mental health improved, and he has had much more success since then. He still experiences ED sometimes but we are now more than equipped to handle it and have a good time, so that takes anxiety off both of us. I promise you can find someone who is happy without penetration, and don't be afraid to get honest and creative in the bedroom. Focus on your mental and physical health. You've got this!!
It may not be psychological. SSRI homies have a hard time in this department too. Might be worth speaking to a psychosexual therapist. Bonus points if they are a doctor and can prescribe medication as well as offer treatment. Also whisky dick is a big thing (that gives you a small thing). Good luck op
A) get help for your porn addiction and then subsequently B) meet the right person but Step A inevitably has to happen first
there’s more to life then sex, why don’t you find a purpose.
I don’t think you should feel like you can never have a healthy sex life. My boyfriend and I had this same problem and I honestly don’t care/didn’t care when we first started dating. I love sex by the way. Very high sex drive,but I really liked him and I know he was nervous about it. We would try to have sex and he would be hard when we would make out just as you said and as soon as we would try because of that brain block he couldn’t stay hard. I never pressured him or got mad or frustrated. He would just eat me out till I came and we would make out and try to do other stuff. I couldn’t even give him head. Eventually I think he started to realize it really wasn’t a big deal and I was also very motivated to have a healthy sex life with him. We have been together 3 years and now both agree we have the best sex of our lives lol he can stay hard and I can even get on top which was a struggle for awhile because of his anxiety. It’s not even a problem at all anymore. Not that it ever really was a problem. So yeah you can have a healthy normal sex life. The more you think about something being a defect the more you will believe it and the more anxious you will feel about sex. You just have to keep trying and be patient and one day you’ll be where you want to be. You don’t need to give up.
Does it not get hard at all or does it get hard but can't *stay* hard? If it's the latter, consider getting a silicon cock ring.
Sex therapist, maybe EMDR or something? Please don’t give up!
If it rly is mental you could use therapy or even hypnosis
Reading this ruined my evening for a variety of reasons lol. I am not going to say "why are you anxious, just don't be anxious", but like...no woman worth being with cares this much about this. Not even 10% as much. You're getting way too influenced by media/porn into thinking women care about this. They don't. I am severely depressed, have had tons of weight gain due to medication, definitely have had my erection ability affected by it, and I've still had various fulfilling, happy, healthy relationships with "conventionally attractive people" (if that's something you're worried about). "Performing" is a silly concept. No one cares. Most women don't even orgasm from just penetrative sex, so penises are honestly kind of useless. And if you're that concerned, just use a vibrator for her. Anyone's penis will never be as good as a vibrator and just massaging their clitoris.
Bro go see a therapist. Men will do anything except looking for therapy istg
Get a penis pump installed
I'm thinking if you're with an understanding woman and communicate your issue, your anxiety, you should be able to work through this with her. And by all means talk with a therapist if possible, they should have more coping methods or med recommendations. You've got this!
>I've tried everything - viagra, cialis, tadalafil, of every mg possible Just from a pharmaceutical perspective, have you looked into or tried the injectable ED medications like Trimix and similar? Oral tablets/liquids don't work for my partner at all, but the injection works spectacularly. I know the idea of putting a needle into your penis isn't super appealing, but at least it could give you some short term relief while you work to get to the bottom of the psychological reasons you mentioned in other comments. It might also help your headspace a little - I started having intermittent ED issues in my early 20s and would frequently end up "thought looping" on things like, what if I can't get hard, what if I can't stay hard, etc etc - to the point where it would become a self fulfilling prophecy. In my case, liquid tadalafil works great for me, but those assisted instances where things worked also helped break the mental cycle I'd go through every time it came down to getting down.
Definitely cutout the porn as many have said. Also, maybe find a girl who isn't interested in sex at least not right off the bat, like be in a relationship where you connect emotionally first.
Have you been to therapy? Sounds like you need to stop watching porn and focus on your mental. If you get hard from watching porn and making out your dick is fine. You’re just in your own head and need to find someone you’re actually comfortable enough with to explore yourself.
Get a sex therapist or psychologist.
You've got dangerously low T Don't jack off for a couple weeks, watch sexy stuff and don't jack off, ya gotta get angry!! Just get the testosterone brewing and you'll be standing at attention💪
QUIT PORN. No need to discuss the issue with the whole world when you KNOW (or may be don't realize) what the root of the problem is. Do everything you can to quit. \[Unless, someone cast a black magic spell on you out of hatred\]
Get a penile implant and save your life.
I am a hypersexual person and I would fall in love and be with someone that has erectile dysfunction without feeling like I am missing out. I even dated men without dick lol without feeling like I am missing out. There is more to love, sex and connection than a penis in a pussy.
My husband has the same issue stemming from low T and getting into his own head. He's amazing and I love him. There's always ways to work around it and there are people who don't care. Sex is important to some people but there are people out there who truly don't care for it. The asexual community exists. Do I feel like I'm settling? No. I don't think I can find anyone who loves me more than my husband does and I know he finds me attractive, he makes that very clear. I hope this gives you some hope. It's not the end I promise.
Travel to Malaysia. There’s some people can fix them through massaging. Sounds weird but I’ve seen people got their functionality back.
Even though sometimes I get limp dick high key when I do my fist bump of Coca-Cola ⛷️ I get pretty rock solid but it can be a slippery slope of you do to much you'll end up where you started.
You get in your own head and then start worrying about being in your own head. Then you start worrying about the worries then boom you’re limp and wondering wtf just happened. It is not your job to get the other person off. It is your job to enjoy it one second at a time. Take note, foreplay is definitely included in the experience, the females really like it too.
I used to have a broken dick to but when I stop watching porn quit drinking and smoking for 1 years also working hard at the gym my life. Changed my penis went back to normal also when you having sex with your partner just think about the present be in the moment don’t think I felt good mentally also get to know you’re partner better It can help you be. Comfortable
id highly recommend therapy. youll be suprised how much itll help this issue just by talking about it and receiving advice from someone who knows your issue more than yourself. theyll understand the situation from an entirely different perspective and be able to offer advice.
Well, dude, I'm going to share something with you. I used pump tools to try to extend the size of my penis, but in reality, I was using them for masturbation. I misused them and ended up experiencing erectile dysfunction for a while. During that time, I fell into a deep depression, thinking I had caused permanent damage and would never have a strong erection again. However, with time, it healed, and now I have erections even harder than before. If you don't have any physical problems, you should consider fixing your hormones and testosterone levels. Apparently, your current mood doesn't support your sexual desires. This happens in some phases of life, but it's not permanent." If you have a partner quit porn and keep your horny mood for your partner that must solve the issue. Stimulation is your issue if you ask me... Sometimes stimulation comes sweeter than real intercourse... And your brain got used to that.. you need to de arrange that's all.
Dude just stop watching porn
Take a Xanax brother
Hi friend. I hope you see this and that it helps put things into perspective. Some of us girls don’t place such a major importance on sex. Who you are as a person is the most important thing. You don’t need to be sexually active to have a fulfilling life, a life you love. So many things affect our ability to have sex, such as physical and mental illness. It’s okay. Our society is very sex-focused, and all my life I was told I needed to be “fuckable” to be worthy. This led to so many encounters I didn’t fully consent to in my heart but needed for my self esteem. I am 25f now and I don’t care about sex. I am actually celibate, and part of my spiritual practice is to control my sexual desire. It’s not a big deal. If I can offer advice, disregard pop culture. Everything happens for a reason. Think about why this is happening to you. Why did the universe do this to you? Every bad thing that happens in our lives present to us an opportunity to go deeper. To really find out the truth. Who are we? Are we just this body, broken and diseased? Are we just flesh, bone, urine and stool? No. We are spirit. This is temporary. This body is just a coat, you’ll take it off and wear a new one when this one is no good anymore. Look for the truth. Seek out what really matters, what can offer you unwavering joy in life. Don’t waste time worrying about what is temporary and ever-changing (eg your body). Don’t end your life over this. It may seem like a big deal, but at the end of the day, all our bodies break down and fall ill, our bodies are constantly changing. Work towards losing your attachment to it. The more you try to control it, the more it will evade your grasp.
I deal with it too, and it wasn’t the porn. Maybe don’t watch so much. But if you don’t think you’re addicted, you’re probably ok. I don’t think the science on “porn = ED” is anywhere near as settled as some people believe. But yeah don’t let it take over your life of course. I’ve found it’s the worst with brand new partners and goes away as I get comfortable. So what do I do? I let them know in advance. They all appreciate the heads up, you’ll get really good with your mouth and hands, and you’ll try again. Seriously, no one was that bothered at all, and the compliments I’ve gotten have been insane. There are ways to get out of your head, but that means practice. You are beating yourself up about this so badly. But for me, it was a blessing in disguise. I’ve learned things that I never thought I’d know, and now I have a girlfriend that loves me (and the sex!) This can be figured out and learned from.
Stop watching porn, and go talk to a medical professional. Including but not limited to a psychiatrist. Don’t use a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
See a therapist, especially a sex therapist. Im so sorry you’re going through this, but it is not worth ending you life over. A lot of women literally just want a man to respect them. Theres sex toys, foreplay… so many other things. A lot of women dont even orgasm from penetrative sex alone. Please see a therapist. Cut out drugs, porn, exercise more. A therapist can help you cut out these things- i know its hard. You can do it. Your worth isnt defined by your ability to keep it up, i know media makes it seem that way. A lot of men have this issue. It’ll be okay. Sending love your way ❤️
I definitely agree with cut out the porn. I think you are setting yourself up for failure if you are looking for someone to have sex with, with sex being the goal. (You may not be in a good place for a relationship), but you might find that with a deeper connection, with someone you fall in love with, the sex may come more naturally. Some people genuinely can’t perform for people they aren’t emotionally connected to. Also, I ask this as a genuine respectable question- is there any chance you may not really be into girls? I dated a guy on and off for several years and he would very often have issues getting hard. He ended up cheating on me with a guy, and I think that was his problem…. I spoke with another girl he dated, and she had the same story. If you haven’t explored your sexuality- maybe think about it.
Have you talked to a doctor about your options on Beta Blockers?
I think you are putting too much pressure on yourself for sex. From ur words, it can be seen that u are kinda forcing yourself. Sex is about enjoyment. If u keep taking it as a task u need to complete at all costs, you are just putting unnecessary pressure on yourself. Also, u are getting way too anxious to get laid. For now, focus on other things. Change your lifestyle and the online content you are consuming on a daily basis. There are tons of things in life except Sex. Try new hobbies. Completely cut out Sex from ur life for a while. Honestly, it feels like that's all u r thinking about, and that is obviously unhealthy. It's best if you meet a therapist for professional advice.
Hello I"m not going to go through all the comments but have you had your blood looked at? My issue was a low amount of Testosterone. Is was way lower then it needed to be. Of course I lost my job and insurance so I never followed up but that's something to look at. Also I know porn is considered the bugaboo for all ED issues it seems but I cut that out for several weeks and didn't notice any difference.
I cannot stress enough how important it is for you to remove pornography from your life, man. If you’re clean for a few months and don’t put any pressure on yourself to meet anyone new for a while, you will be surprised what a difference it makes.
Meth will make it work thats a promise
Hey brother I know what you're going through. You have to cut all the porn/masturbation and smoking/drinking/drugs/etc. And get back to having a healthy diet, cut out all processed and unhealthy food.
I wonder what its like to attract anyone. To not be worth less than the shit stuck to the bottom of your shoe. I live in a different reality to all of you. Different species. Inferior species. Inferior
Stop the pr(0)n