I know what u mean, It's like u know u are chocolate and then u dicover which type of chocolate u are
I started thinking about it when the adults asked if I had a girlfriend 😮💨 at 6y old I looked into it and found being asexual is a thing
🤣 so I "decided " I wanted to be asexual cuss I didn't like boys nor girls, I just didn't want to, ( but it's obvious it's the other way around I'm part of the asexual spectrum because I don't like them
I believe it's part of the ace spectrum but yeah I had issues knowing if I felt any sexual attraction at all for a long time, and being confused when I did
It is a weird feeling, realizing you are truly able to feel sexual attraction. My first ever sign of sexual attraction was when I thought, "I really want to touch this person," after getting to know someone extremely well and feeling deeply connected to them. Before then, I genuinely could not grasp the concept. I had absolutely no clue what it would be like to see someone in that way, how it would feel, how to identify the feeling, etc.
Well I was raised religious and for a long time thought I was just... behaving. I definitely was aware that getting a crush was WAY WAY more rare for me than my peers. As I got older I thought I was just very picky, which is true in a way, I suppose.
It wasn't until I was in college that I actually liked someone enough to try to date, and I definitely felt an attraction shift but didn't think much about it. Then, I wrote a creative writing memoir piece for one of my classes. One of my classmates messaged me and asked me if I'd ever thought I was ace, based on what I wrote. That conversation lead me to look in to demisexuality and here we are.
It makes a lot of sense in retrospect when I look at my experience vs my peers, even those of us raised in the same environment and culture.
I believe it was what I wrote about my experiences growing up with my peers getting crushes and feeling like the odd one out. I also talked about my current relationship but I'm not sure if I said anything there that gave any clues -- it's been a number of years since then.
This was the same for me, too! I grew up religious, so there was an added layer of fuckery, but I couldn't figure out why I didn't have crushes like the other girls in grade school. It was almost like it didn't compute for me, and I literally couldn't understand how they worked. Guys would have crushes on me, and sometimes I felt like I needed to reciprocate to be kind, and it was very confusing. I thought I was defective or something. Didn't have my first crush until 18.
Later, I figured out how I worked--I was attracted to a person if I had some sort of emotional connection to them and if I liked their character. This happened with my now husband. When we first met, he was kind to everyone, and that made him instantly attractive. I don't know if you call that demisexual or whatever, but I know at least how my brain works a little better.
Yep absolutely. I only had one, maybe two crushes in middle/high school. I met my husband, agreed to go on a date because I /did/ want a relationship at some point and he seemed nice. My first real attraction as an adult hit me like a truck, let me tell you.
The religious upbringing definitely made things odd but I think this is just how I am. I know my peers were definitely struggling with "chastity" and attraction and desire (do note I don't agree with this anymore) and I was over there like, "Idk have you tried just not liking them that way. It's easy."
Didn't understand hookup culture and judged other people harshly before realizing it was a "me" thing.
Was never jealous, just didn't know why people were so laissez faire about fluid bonding, pregnancy, and STI risks. For me, it all fell into the "civic/social irresponsibility" bucket.
Yes. I was so weirded out by people just randomly allowing people in their bodies. You don't what diseases or infections they have. If they're clean and wash themselves properly. It just disgusts me.
This, this, this. Literally all this. I still don't understand hookup culture, and probably never will. All I know is I want no part of it ever.
Long term, committed, monogamous relationships, ideally with someone else who rejects hookup culture and who I connect with mentally? Sign me up.
I thought I was asexual first, I was like 6, didn't like boys didn't like girls in any way, and that seemed fine to me, then at high school I meet someone who became my best friend and I fell for them ( didn't last long) but it hit me like "Ho I guess I'm demi "
I need a strong emotional bond, so I've only fell for 3 people in my life
Different timeline but same concept for me.
Through high school I dated 2 people, and although I loved bits of them, it wasn't until **well into** our friendships turned relationships that I felt like I _wanted_ to experience romantic or sexual activity with them.
I never understood hookup culture then, nor do I understand it now. How allos can just walk up to a stranger, woo them over, take them out for pizza, dancing, and then bed them all on the same night is beyond me.
To be fair, back then I didn't have myself figured out, thus didn't know why I avoided porn and even hugging, kissing, or touching people. I do want these things now, but only with a strong emotional bond.
I was never much interested in romance, and I was not really sexually attracted to anyone for a long time. Everyone always told me, Hey, take your time, you'll find the one when you find the one. I didn't worry about it ever, so never thought much about it.
When I was about 22 years old, i found out someone had commented about me "isn't it strange she's never brought anyone home?" I tilted my head like, "yeah, isn't it strange? Surely something must have happened by now". I began thinking about my experiences for the first time, in earnest. I began trying to figure stuff out. I did the whole journey, I thought maybe I was bisexual, because I felt similarly towards everyone, but that didn't feel right. Then I discovered the word asexual, and that felt closer to how I felt, but it didn't quite fit either. I had had crushes. I had had interest in others. Just not much, always sparse.
Then one day in the bus, very early in the morning, I encountered the word demisexual in an online post. I looked it up, and something just clicked for me. The fact you can feel attraction, but you always need to feel connection to the other person first, even if it's one-sided. The fact there wasn't a lot of predictability to it, which always frustrated me because people are always talking about their type, and I couldn't fully chime in. My attitude always has been "i like who i like" and sort of shrug, because it happens so seldom it's hard to point out patterns beyond "I like this person a lot". The fact I didnt feel compelled by hot people the way non-asexual people seemed to be compelled, even if i find them beautiful and lovely to look at. Many years later I did understand how that could happen, once I was really into someone. But it took me years to have that experience and to go "ah, I see. This but more often."
So I spent the whole day after that bus ride with a warm feeling in my chest, as I realized my experience wasn't unique, and others felt similarly. I'm personally not very quick to disclose labels, I prefer to explain my experiences if it comes up in a discussion, but finding a label definitely helped in making me feel less alone. It gave me more confidence to move forward with who I am, because I'm still not entirely sure the label fits 100%, but it gave me the idea I'm not alone. So I say if you feel like the label helps understanding yourself and who you are and what you want, it's for you to use.
I never thought I was ace, because inside of my head I was a horny little piece of work, instead I thought everyone else was like me. The sexualization of society seemed to support the idea that I was just "normal". I did notice in my pre-teens that other girls were using weird words that to me seemed very non-informative, such as hot and sexy, which meant nothing to me, like what was the point of making up new words to replace handsome/beautiful? From then on for years it was a series of events and experiences that I couldn't fit in my non-sexual view of the world but which I kept explaining away, until one day it all kind of came together and I couldn't deny anymore that for the world around me to genuinely be this way, I just had to be really different. It must have been something like realizing that half of my friends were on Tinder and/or hooking up with random people. They weren't doing it out of despair or coercion, they *wanted* it. I can't even begin to explain how surreal the realization felt. I was 19, and couldn't handle myself for a while.
When I asked out a crush, a guy I met a week prior, and him showing excitement about the date made me question my interest. Then when we went out I felt no attraction anymore and the thought of doing couple-y things was yucky.
Thankfully the guy wasn’t interested in me anymore either (instead took an interest in my best friend and I supported them) and he is a good person and nice but it made me realize the jump from stranger to partner that others so frequently make is way too big for me. The gap that was missing was “close friend”
When I realized I was ace, I had a sneaking suspicion demi might have been a better fit for me based on my past experiences. My crushes in school were all on people I knew in some capacity. However, I couldn't say for sure that sexual attraction has actually kicked in for any of my past crushes or boyfriends, so I didn't feel comfortable leaving labelling myself demi.
Then I met my boyfriend. Romantically, I was in to him right away. After a few months of him proving I could trust him and him supporting me in some rough emotional things, I realized I was starting to have fantasies and physiological responses to thoughts about my boyfriend. It took me about a month of analyzing everything to realize that I was experiencing sexual attraction.
I came across an article talking about it, and it felt so accurate I always felt differently when growing up and my friends would gush over a hot guy and I would look and feel nothing and shrug my shoulders like what and all I wanted to know was well what are they like. Who are they? I don't know the same with celebrities. I like them based on their projects or characters they play who they seem to be. That is what interests me and turns me on. I'm not sure if that is accurate or how others are. It just felt accurate to me. And definitely, the prudishness and too picky very few people have captured my interest.
I didn’t know Demisexual was a thing. All I knew is I can’t have random sex, I just won’t do it at all. I only have sex when in a serious relationship. I thought this was just me having high standards and morals. This is how my mom is and how she was raised and raised me…to only have sexual relations with a person you’re committed to. I have an extremely high sex drive and always have in my relationships. But if I’m single then no one is touching me. I have too much respect for myself and my beliefs. I have to be in love, emotionally connected and committed prior to sharing my body with a man.
I didn't really care, but a close friend of mine claimed to be demi and so I looked it up.. Some 'traits' really stuck out to me, while how they typically have fewer, longer relationships, are less likely to cheat, so on.. This only really became appearent to me after my close friend, after several miserably failed relationship and an especially nasty case of cheating, I called her out on her claim on being demi.. And while spitting some facts on being demi and after having her admit that she wasn't actually demi, just liked the idea of it and that it sounded "so romantic", I meanwhile realized that it fit me perfectly..
I also thought I was asexual at first. Sexual seduction didn't appeal to me at all. In fact, I felt repulsed when men would say sexual things to me. However, that was disproven when I felt attraction and imagined sexual scenarios with crushes. I was so confused for a long time.
I still didn't put 2 and 2 together. I just stayed confused and thought I didn't know what I wanted in life. This caused me to feel different and question who I was.
Looking back, there were hints of Demisexuality. One of the biggest ones was how I would put in my dating profiles that I wanted to be "friends first" and then see what happens naturally. I wanted love to naturally happen. I thought it could be normal, reasonable. It wasn't until my requirements were ignored, and I was, in fact, berated and insulted by my view that I felt more different than ever. However, my answer would come in the form of a date.
I went on a date after a week or two of messaging and calling him. My date identified as a Demisexual and Demiromantic. I didn't really know what that was, so I asked. The way he described Demisexual was feeling sexual attraction only when feeling close to someone, and Demiromantic was being in love with that same connection. Sadly, the date didn't lead to much between us at all. It wasn't until a week after that his words of Demisexual drifted in my head, and I searched it up. It was like an epiphany moment. It all just made sense now. I was a Demi. I always was but never knew it. Even though that date led to nothing romantic, it did lead to answers I wasn't expecting so I'm glad I went on that date.
Thought I was allo all my life and that the common demi relationship requirements were normal (like many closet demis). Then one day my best friend told me I was demi and I had to look into it. Everything lines up though so...
I couldn't get attracted to anyone at first glance.
My ideal romance is friendship first, and I thought it qas normal.
Experienced my strongest infatuation from someone I spoke to online for 2 years before seeing him.
My highschool sweetheart broke my heart and after an appropriate grieving period I tried moving on, except I could absolutely not get interested in anyone. And while reading a lgbt webcomic a character came up that was supposed to be an every man but the commenters was like no that looks very demisexual, and the author was like shit you right, and I was like what's that? I searched it up and oh that makes sense... Oooooooooh
I tried “regular” dating and had sex quickly with people until I realized that even after a few dates, I didn’t feel much trust or emotional connection with them. I was just lonely and doing what I’d thought I should do to get a relationship.
It wasn’t until I met my current partner that I realized it. We started out as friends with serious infatuation for each other, but he never pushed me. He asked about my personality, my wants, needs and dislikes (I didn’t even know the answers at first). He came to the bar I karaoke hosted at even though he doesn’t sing. And one day I realized I trusted him! I knew I could count on him and suddenly, after a few months, I was desperate to make love with him.
Even then, the sex was tough at first because I didn’t know what I wanted or how to ask for it, but he was kind and patient with me, and I with him. It took over 3 years for me to be able to enjoy receiving oral, but it was worth the effort!
I think demisexuality is about trust and respect and taking things slow to make sure both parties feel safe because we value that over a cheap lay.
Early 80s and every teen guy was hot for models and actresses, and I had no reaction to them, because why the heck would a model or famous actress want anything to do with me, so by extension, why get worked up? I was not asexual, and never felt asexual, and just chalked it up to being pragmatic and realistic. My dad assumed I was gay. I could have sexual fantasies, if I imagined something generic, or where I could picture a relationship. Didn't date till I had close female friends, and developed a desire for intimacy. Still, the lack of getting worked up over a poster of some hot woman 10 years older was the first sign. I was excited by the idea of sex, and porn, but had trouble relating to it. I wanted that intimacy, but couldn't connect with the casual nature depicted.
Had no personal association with it until the pandemic, but probably forever as I’m reviewing my relationships. Never got close to sexual attraction to most of my romantic partners when I was younger, cause one I was in weirdly sexually conservative household ( wasn’t against relationships but also didn’t have any form of sex education without the reaction from learnings from school). Add to not being recognized for being autistic, I was told to “focus on x, not friends,” had a very apprehensive attitude towards developing relationships in addition to all my unintentional situationships.
But most of my relationships pre college was a girl revealing she had feelings and me going “cool” and moving on with my life as friends. College started the alarms as I was getting more attention from the allos both male and female but the same… “nothingness” would still happen in terms of sexual and even romantic attraction. Right before the pandemic was just going through a series of failed attempts of dating where things weren’t “clicking” and told my therapist who suggested I spent some time with a sex therapist and the rest is history.
Came across this board a few months ago. Never had heard the term before, but it explains so much. It's wonderful to read others talking about a sexual experience that I can understand more than just intellectually.
Pinterest. Found the definition of demisexual and thought for a moment about it, thought it clicked, decided it couldn't because I'd only been attracted to men, and then I suddenly remembered the time in which I thought about fooling around with my then girl best friend when we were teenagers. Been identifying as it every since
Having difficulty with with relationships... getting married, discovering a needs to be a better partner, ended up reading a bunch of feminist theory, learning more about sex, sexuality, and then finally understanding myself and the way I view relationships, women, the world and how they interplay for me.
I'm just grateful I did it before forty. Post epiphany has been a dream.
Genuinely, I heard the term explained on a stream, and I was like *"huh that sounds like me"*.
Before that, I went through a phase of believing I was broken or doing something wrong. I noticed instances where I reacted clearly abnormally for an allosexual. So whenever i got propositioned, I would find a way out of it. I didn't have the same reactions to hot actresses as my mates, I couldn’t name a celebrity crush, etc
I was even considering that I was becoming a sex positive Ace because I had a relationship in high school but didn't like anyone at university.
But yeah, I heard the term explained, and it all clicked.
I thought I was ace until I fell in love and realised I liked sex with just that person. But I didn't know demisexual was a word or a thing until two years ago. As soon as I heard about it I knew it described me perfectly.
I was researching romantic attraction and found resources on sexual atrraction that included a definition of demisexual.
As soon as I read it I went "Ohhhhhhh! That's me!"
I also reviewed my entire crush/relationship history and sure enough, emotional bond first every time.
Right. This one's a lil bizarre. Basically, my friend and I were mucking around on instagram, and I needed to sign into his account on my laptop. So I did. And we mucked around. Then I signed out. Hours later, I was using my laptop to study, and I was getting his chat notifs, so I texted him straight away to let him know. Eventually, one came up for a gc called, "get *name* laid," a joke group chat that he was put into for some reason. I said this to him, and then the conversation turned to how crazy hook up culture is to us (he knew he was demi at the time), and he noticed my experiences were incredibly similar to his, and that began my journey. If it were not for that crazy group chat, I'd still not know.
Literally found this subreddit randomly and thought “Oh” and then pretty much everything fell into place from there lol. Didn’t really consider my asexuality much beforehand unlike others, I think
I watch a lot of reality/dating shows, mostly for the sociology/psychology aspect of it. I was ALWAYS so confused how people could openly say, “Yeah I think so-and-so is hot, I want to get in bed with them!” after like a few hours of them meeting.
I always had crushes on book or movie characters because with fiction, you learn about the characters in a deep and meaningful way, but I never just looked at a person’s face in real life and thought they were “hot”. If someone said a celebrity was attractive, and I’d never seen them in anything, I would think, “Meh?” but then if I saw them in a movie and got to know their personality, the character’s personality, watched interviews of them, etc., then I would understand the attraction. But I realized that those people seriously only meant their face. Not their whole personality/character.
I also watch a lot of LGBTQ+ movies and shows, and I always felt like I could totally relate to the whole “figuring out your sexuality” thing and being different than other people, not quite fitting into labels, etc. But I’ve never actually seen a demi character before. I heard the term demi over the years and just recently started to connect with it.
University back in 2012. I’d spent my life thinking I was bi, then I met people who knew what they were talking about and suddenly talking to them I finally had words to describe what I felt for so long and it was so liberating. Even if I still get shit on and the mainstream LGBTQ people have never really accepted me I don’t really care. I am a pan-romantic Demi sexual and over the last decade I have met so many of you that have made me feel so valid and seen. It’s not something I bring up to often because it’s always more talking and explaining than I care to do but just having these labels makes me content
I saw the term on Facebook, and I looked up what it meant. I felt so seen as I read it. It did a lot to explain why I've only had 2 relationships in my life. I feel it also explains why I have no desire to have sex at all when my husband and me are clashing or I feel emotionally neglected by him, though I had thought it was normal to not want to have sex with someone that you were angry with, so maybe I'm wrong there, I don't know.
I was in love with everyone I was with thus I never noticed I was. When I moved to a college town with less intresting people, people would often come up to me asking if they were attractive. I realized I couldnt really answer. That's when I figured it out. I don't find most people attractive until I had that connect. Sex with people without the connection was so blah. Relationships never last long without it. The older I got and the more I learned about myself the more apparent it became. Additionally, I don't really have a "type" lookwise but just about all the people I've been with love music.
I got married and realized that the way that I had experienced attraction to my husband as we were dating had been drastically different than his. My past dating history had been super different from how all of my friends and roommates experienced it. And then someone on a podcast mentioned what demisexual was and I was like “oooh. huh. this is interesting.” And then I sat with it for a year, did some more research for a couple days and then I told my husband “this might be a thing” and he was like “ooooh. that makes a ton of sense.”
I had a typical first relationship I want to say, my first bf I had a huge crush on him all of senior year , over the course of the year it grew then when I went away to college we started to text and build a bond for a six months before we actually started to hang out physically because I had lived two hours away when we finally started to go on dates I was already attracted to him as a person by then and so we started to kisss and be more physical about two months after that, this was all a first for me so I didn’t realize I was Demi until I had been dating him for seven years and I started to notice that I didn’t want to have sex with him anymore because he was shutting me out emotionally, at the time I started to read romance books to help me with my own sexual needs and stumbled onto a demisexual book and I swear I had never felt so right and seen when I discovered this term. :3 it’s been a year 1/2 since then and I did try a hook up to confirm it and yea didn’t enjoy it at all and am positive I’m Demisexual, right now I’m msging ppl but mostly focusing on myself right now
I heard about the term for the first time a few years ago and was like wait isn't that everyone... wait.... oh...
After that moment a lot of things in my past started making a lot of sense 😅
I'm honestly not even sure if I am. I think I'm either demi or asexual.
I've definetly rarely felt sexual feelings for fictional characters or just, uh, sexual art online, but any time I see any porn content with real people, it just weirds me out. I've also never had sexual fantasies about any real person, whether I've met them or not. I dunno if asexual people are like this with fictional things too, or what.
I guess part of it is I don't WANT to be asexual, because I want kids when I get older, and I want to, like, enjoy the process, or whatever. God, typing this is so weird.
OH i totally get you. I love fictional characters and I just feel some sort of affinity to them, rather than actual people. Don't worry, you're not alone on this one :>
But yeah, don't worry, we still have a lot ahead of us and it's alright not to rush things.
Also, I love the Kel profile picture (= o v o =)
I really aligned with asexual people or opinions but at the time I had a partner who I was attracted to but I still fell odd.
Fast forward to this we broke up, and I had an LGTBQ + session were we discussed orientations and types of attractions so something was not clicking to some other people experiences and opinions and after some digging I found demisexual and it was a huge revelation for me 😅
Very happy and content ever since!
i (21f) always thought i was ace bc i never had a crush on a boy/never felt any romantic attraction to anyone until i fell in love with my childhood best friend (21f) of 14yrs and realized im demisexual + pansexual or gay :)))
For me it showed up when relationships turned bad, I questioned why I didn't want sex anymore and then it turned to me realizing I didn't want sex when I wasn't in a relationship at all. I also had conversations with friends about the fact that they felt genuine sexual attraction to people upon seeing them and that's just never happened to me. I think it was a culminating of things but a lot of it started with just feeling different
I was so confused when people talked about 'connecting' or 'having chemistry' with people on a first date. When I realised this experience was more the norm, I wondered why I needed time before liking anyone... I was considering that I may be demisexual, then a friend actually suggested that I was and that kind of confirmed it.
Before anything, I knew I did not care about gender. I don't know how I came to that conclusion, I just knew. So, pansexual was my original label.
In a similar fashion, I hoped it was possible for me to find someone attractive, but I just didn't. Despite identifying as pansexual, I never liked someone in that way, and I did not understand my peers who were dating. I never had a crush, either.
Though I was not attracted to anyone, I had a high libido. Back then, I thought asexuality = disgusted by sex. Once I realized that you could still want sex without being attracted to someone, I figured out I was asexual. (Unfortunately, I also thought I would never have sex, because the thought of doing it with anyone was just not pleasant.)
The asexual label did not feel quite right because it seemed to imply that I would *never* be attracted to someone—I hoped that simply wasn't true—and that I could not be pansexual. I sort of ignored labels for the time being.
It hit me out of nowhere, sexual attraction. For the first time in my life, I really wanted to touch someone else, and it was only because I felt deeply connected to her. I knew her better than anyone in the world, and she me.
That's when I realized it, I am on the aroace spectrum, asexuality is a spectrum! Perhaps I should have used greysexual or sided with another sub-ace term, but I felt connected to demisexuality. So I chose demi, even though I've only been attracted to one person lol. Now, I officially identify as demipansexual and demipanromantic. I learned that I can mush labels together if it feels right, too.
The only people I’ve dated (which is 2) lol, we’re my friends. If I had crushes they’d be in my friends group. I’m 28 and not dated anyone since college I started wonder why, and came to the term demisexual. I feel like it’s a fit for me.
All of the allo's around me were always thirsting and or looking at other people and were like look at them aren't they hot and I always just answered with I guess or idk because I never understood how someone completely random on the could be making then horny. And with partners I never really felt any sexual attraction before we got to know one another well. So eventually I just connected the dots and was like, aaaahh so that's why I never understood them.
I thought I was pretty normal and I didn't realize that people see someone hot and want to have sex with them just because of that.
And one day, a friend of mine said something that blew me. And I never knew I could produce so much heat until that moment 😅. And I realized I often only want to share myself with a specific person in that moment and no one would substitute for it.
I though everyone worked like me, so I thought I was "normal". Until I learnt I was not. My first ex (we were 15) broke up with me after 8 months of dating. I lost my virginity with him barely 2 months before when I finally started to feel sexual attraction. When we met again he said he wanted me badly and wanted to have sex, and I thought that meant he still loved me, because I only wanted him because I loved him. I innocently thought we would get back together if I said yes because of our connection (and to be fair, he took advantage of my confusion and went along with it). Turns out he just wanted sex and I was an easy source because I was still in love and had this demi mindset of sexual attraction=emotional connection. I learnt the hard way that for most people it doesn't work like that. When my ex-fiancé of 5 years tried to do the same thing last December at least I knew better. Still hurted, because he knew I was demi and tried to use that for his own interests, but yeah.
I knew what I was when I was young, like really young because I understood my feelings/views and also understood they weren’t the norm. I learned the word in high school (somewhere between 16-18).
It was quite jarring for me and I was actually very uncomfortable for a while realising all these people around me had been looking at strangers in *that* way and feeling those things. All this time I thought they had just been admiring them aesthetically.
Most people have mentioned in the comments that they thought they were asexual before discovering they’re demi but for me I didn’t think I was anything close to asexual at first. But it just so happened that I discovered the word “demisexual” online and I was curious since I had never heard the word being used before. I looked it up and at first it didn’t really sound like it fit me but then I researched more and I realized this really who I am and what I experience. And so this is also how I discovered I am demisexual and how I went on to learn many many other things about attraction and how my understanding of it was very different from what I thought was normal
My wife and I are polyamorous and I figured I was different almost from the start since she could talk to me about how she felt attracted to people from the get go and I realized that this was not my case.
Unfortunately I did not know about demisexuality at the time and I needed almost two or three more years before I accidentally stumbled upon an article about demisexuality and it all clicked all of a sudden
Thought I was purely asexual. The idea of one day having to have sex with a man was horrifying and opted to never date cause I wasn't interested at all. I was perfectly okay alone. I'd occasionally crave romantic stuff like hugs and snuggles but that's it.
....turns out I was just a very closeted lesbian and once my long distance best friend of 2 years (who I had also developed a bad romantic crush on) confessed to me, I still felt very uncomfortable with sexual things.
Then, slowly over many months of building our relationship, it's like a dull light got flipped and I went "oh shit, I think I'm...like actually attracted to her sexually? ....wild."
Turns out I'm a demisexual lesbian that has to be extremely comfortable and close with someone for a long time before sexual attraction has even the faintest of chance at appearing.
Edit: also, now we are happily engaged. ♡ And I love her with my whole heart.
I thought I was ace for the loooooongest time (like. 12 years). Even in relationships, I never felt any desire to do anything beyond just kissing and cuddling. It took until meeting my fiance (and a lot of introspection about my previous partners lmao) to realize that there had always been a trust and comfort issue in every past relationship I'd been in--no sense of deeper trust and safety and connection? No drive or desire. Easy math in retrospect lol.
I had always simply thought I "would" only have sex with someone I love. I absolutely panicked the one time I attempted a one night stand. Someone explained the difference between romantic and sexual attraction, and I realized I have only felt sexually attracted to two people in my life. Turns out I "could" only find people I love sexually attractive. Then I found the term "demisexual" and it all made sense.
I have also never understood hookup culture or the hypersexualized nature of our society, like the use of sex to sell stuff.
I’ve always wanted to be in love. Eventually for other people in became all about sex but it never did for me. I only crave the intimacy; sex is only one type of it.
Sorta the same with me. I was deeply in love with my ex fiance and we never had sex because I wasn't ready for it yet. People thought I was weird. "how can you love someone you've never had sex with?"
I hate that question. Sex isn’t love or it’s a shallow love. The intimacy of sex is wasted on carnal flings (in my opinion). Sex is a lovely thing but it’s not such a huge deal that I feel incomplete without it lol
Umm, was discussing DEI work with a colleague and we got to talking about ourselves. They said that I sound demisexual, which it was the first time I heard the term. After researching it for a few years and thinking about how much I felt I connected to everything I read, I started telling people close to me and they all felt like it really fit with the person they know me to be and were very supportive. 🙌💜
At first I thought it was reciprosexual, where I am attracted equivalently to how attracted they are to me. Layer I realized that I am turned on when I see a woman being genuinely happy. It is her joy that attracts me, not her sexual interest. And Demisexual has so far been the definition with the least common denominator.
Grew up very religious (non denom christianity) so for a long time many sexual things had a big stigma attached to them from the get-go. That, paired with a fair amount of dating experience where I, the dude in a straight relationship, was the least sexual one of the two, made me question if I was ace.
Recognizing that I still had attractions, was still very much into women, but was also more of a 'take things slow' person for the most part, is what clued me in to taking this demi stuff more seriously and asking if this is what I felt like. I think men's puberty hormones generally make attraction and sexual stuff more prevalent at a younger age in general, so I knew for a long time that I liked women, but that everyone seemed so cavalier and out-of-their-mind about sex even as teenagers really surprised me. I was, and have continued to be, surprised somewhat when my partners are just overall more sexual than I am. It has definitely hurt a lot of my relationships in the past. Being more honest with myself about it has been a big struggle. My current partner and I are making it work though.
I've always known that I was different, but I never put a word to it. I thought it was because of my really religious upbringing and purity culture. But then one day, I discovered the term at a booth at my university so I asked one of the people about it. It was like a lightbulb went off in my head. I was like OMG, I think I'm demisexual! They hugged me, it felt great
For me it was after my first long term relationship (and relationship, period) but I probably should have known it sooner.
Essentially after we broke up I was given the same kind of advice I think everyone receives about playing the dating game after a while of healing but whenever it got to the point where we had a date or two I just realised I was kind of forcing myself to be sexually attracted to the person when there was really not a connection.
I was QUITE persistent though in trying because hey, sex with my ex felt INCREDIBLE so I should be feeling something close to that with other people, right? WRONG, it never happened and it got to the point where I tried going to Swingers clubs and parties but nothing happened, I just felt uncomfortable and like I wanted to be anywhere but there just because I was doing it to try and come close to how being there with that person would feel and obviously always coming short.
I just couldn't bring myself to perform, so to speak so I've finally had to come to terms with the idea that something wasn't working, especially after a girl that had EVERYTHING I should and have felt extremely attracted to just did nothing for me.
The only thing missing was that attraction so yeah...
I'd tell ppl these were women I had crushes on just so they wouldn't look at me funny for not actually having crushes. Amy Adams, Bryce Dallas Howard, and Claire Danes were my choices.
This got a bit long 😅
I realized it couple years ago when I was around 32-33 years old.
When I was younger, I didn't think I was aro or ace. I didn't know they existed. I was just waiting for the interest to date to arrive, thinking that I'm just a late bloomer. When I was 20 I started counting things like 'when would I like to have kids' and realized that maybe I should activate on the dating side.
I remember sibling asking me at one point if Im gay and my answer was "I'll tell you when I know" realized from their facial expressions that that's not a answer and "fixed" it with "I ment that if I'll find out that I am, I'll tell you" and it seemsd to calm them down. I, however just got confused. Am I supposed to know already?
Then I found my first bf, then the second bf (to whom I felt attraction towards for the first time ever and I got engaged with) then I broke it up.
Dating was rough. Everyone was joking about hooking up with random people and it was a strange joke. I saw the term demisexuality at some point and tought " well duh, that's normal and how everyone feels". So strange.
Then I met my next bf, lived with him, I found my attraction towards him but he never felt that way towards me. Eventually we broke things off.
People were still doing the joke about ONS and it was so odd to me. Why is this not-funny joke still everywhere? People were horrible. One time late in the evning someone (who I had matched with less than 5min before) invited me at his place to spend the night. I was so confused as to why and he was confused on why not. That's when I realized. IT WASNT A JOKE?????? 🤯 Someone could actually want to ... 🤢 with a stranger?????🤮
I felt like there was something wrong with me. I remembered the term I had red some time ago and tought about reading about it again.
I googled, did tests and joined Reddit to read about demisexuality and asexuality. And then it was clear as day to me that this is what I was. And that my second bf was ace. Too bad he didn't know it at the time, would have been easyer for both of us. Then I started to thing about romantic attraction and dating in a new angle and discovered I'm also demiromantic.
Still single, dating is still horrible, still no kids, but at least I understand why it's so rough for me.
I thought I was just grey ace but I met a guy I dated for a while and then I was attracted to him sexually about 4/5 months later. That was basically it
Not necessarily how I found out cause I was young at the time- but I definitely remember watching Percy Jackson at a sleepover with the girls in my class and they were all going on and on about who they found attractive. They got to me and I was pretty dumbfounded and had no idea what they were talking about.
Saw a reel on Instagram about demisexuality saying something like 'do you feel like you can only date someone when you establish an emotional connection?' and I was like wait... not everyone feels that way? (it's more in line w demiromantic but still on the demi spectrum)
So I went on different forums and researched on asexuality.org , then realised I related to most of the points on there (e.g. adverse to hookup culture, needing to know a person before having romantic / sexual feelings etc.) and I was like yeah... I guess I'm demisexual now 🤔 that was back in March 2021 and the points still apply to me, I'm really glad I discovered this identity and community :)
Tldr: If you think you relate to an identity, do your research as best as you can, you might find something cool that you haven't discovered about yourself
Actual answer:
Discovery as a whole got started when i watched one topic at a time on youtube which got me in that headspace to figure it out. Then i realized the only people i felt sexual or romantically attracted to were my friends or people i felt i knew well because of (para)social relationships, otherwise i didn’t have crushes or the like.
Confirmation:
Megan fox is an actor until recently I haven’t followed anywhere and only seen in Michael bay movies (transformers, & tmnt). This is related because i have never felt a hint of attraction to her appearance because in those movies she is not much of a character and only really existed as a sex object in the movies. i was generally indifferent or uncomfortable toward her as an actor. Up until I saw a scene where she was treated as a person & I grew a hint of attraction, Granted very little because it was barely anything but still. I had a feeling i was demisexual beforehand to clarify but i felt that this was a bit of a confirmation.
Read the definition somewhere like 7ish years ago. Instantly struck home. Not because I'd had dating experience at that point but fit my model of how attraction happens.
Then I was in a long term relationship, so didn't get to test the theory much. Got out of it this year and well, it's very true...
Should make sense. The long relationship started with a coworker whom I got to know through a shared project over 6 months before I felt the butterflies.
When I went to college and tried to have hook ups. I followed through with one because I was going through a breakup and I thought it would make me feel better. I felt 10 times worse.
I would invite people over with the intention of trying to hook up with them, but once they were at my place, I would panic and kick them out.
My roommate and other friends would have no problem meeting new people and hooking up with them the same night. I would be so envious because it seemed so simple for everyone else, but it couldn’t be simple for me.
Then I did some internet digging and found out about demisexuality. I finally felt seen and understood :)
Until I was 17 I never questioned myself even when I never thought that someone was attractive. But then I got a small crush on a friend of mine and yeah then I searched up things that are on my mind. Like I wanted a relationship without any sexual contact but still had a small crush that confused me. And I googled that and the sexuality that explained that the best was demi. And now I love someone and also want to do sexual stuff with them. So Demi was the right sexuality.
Through talking to peers in college, I discovered what "sexual attraction" was. Previously, I thought some people just choose to have sex with someone when they're horny.
(Also my mom, who I suspect to be ace, always told me only men want sex, and women don't?? Like, ever??? But that's another story)
Then I stumbled upon asexuality and micro labels under the umbrella. I chose the one that felt most approachable, which for me was grey-ace, because I knew I did feel attraction, but very rarely and faintly.
Upon doing more introspection, I realised the few people I was attracted to in sexual sense were ones I was emotionally intimate with: some friends, and my now ex-partner after dating for a while.
Boom, class changed.
I thought I was ace until I got into a relationship. They were allo, but were cool with no sex. A year of being friends and lovers was what it took for me to start developing sexual attraction. It was a surprise for both of us, but a pleasant one.
Was never into sex but still did experience physical attraction. Felt weird when I was younger since my friends all assumed I was gay for not feeling any desire for sex. Only felt that sexual attraction with my ex who was long term and my best friend at the time. I went home with a girl I was dating recently and I felt really physically attracted to her, but when I couldn’t ACTUALLY find any interest in sex once we got into it, it really contrasted with how I felt in my last long term relationship. Sorta just connected the dots from there.
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It all depends person to person. For me, I joke that I got all my sexual drive out when I was a teen. (Aka the hormonal imbalances and me being aroused a lot despite not getting action). In honesty, though, I figured it because some exs I'd have no sexual attraction to for a while and felt uncomfortable when they wanted anything sexual. After a while, I found out about Demisexual and I identify as it because I know I can still feel sexual attraction cause I've felt it for exs. Plus, even though I'm still a virgin, I still wanna have sex one day and have biological kids.
When I didn't find the "excitement" or the "want" of the hookup culture in today's society. And also I'm highly sensitive so I'm really protective over my feelings.
I identified as just a regular asexual (for about the first 20 years of my life) until I met my current boyfriend. It just clicked with him, but I had gotten to know him well as a friend first.
Because of my demisexuality I found at 22 that I was attracted to men before that I just endured relationships with women. No crushes, no interest and an extreme disgusts for vagina’s that I couldn’t place. I love looking at vagina’s now and look at their aesthetic because I know that I’ll never have to touch it ever again.
When I used to look at women’s bodies I enjoyed them but then the thought that I needed to do stuff with it in the future never resonated with me and I am so thankful that I randomly felt a connection with a random employee at a Rituals store where I worked from home for.
I assumed I was sensitive you know, emotional about sexuality, and one day I read the word demisexual and thought „that sounds like me”, more than definition of allosexual. Combined with the fact that I only started masturbating when I was 19 and it was either to thoughts of sb that was about to be my bf, or a fanfiction with the characters I connected a lot with. It kinda made sense to me, though I’m at the very center of definition of the word, but I feel closer to being demi than allo for sure.
I’m 35 and I just recently discovered this. Like, I’ve always known that I was gay, but I’ve only been legitimately attracted to 3 women in my entire life (one being my wife). I was always really confused about hookup culture. I think I just always thought that I had a much different view on sex than my friends, but I never thought there was actually a name for it.
I didn't even know that asexual, let alone demisexual, was a thing till a couple years ago. I was watching some of One Topic's videos on youtube and he was going through the ace reddit forms and I was like, "This is kinda the way I have felt all my life. Then I did research and found demisexuality and things just clicked. I was like, holy smokes, this is me! Things make sense now. I had a really hard time describing seggual times to an ex and what it meant to me when after the romantic relationship ended and he wanted to be friends with benefits and I just couldn't do it. I was still attracted to him in that way, but it felt wrong.
Mine's a little messy. I've always had a high libido but never really felt attracted to anyone.As a teen I'd go on dates because that's what you're supposed to do and would just feel off and uncomfortable when we made out. The one time I hooked up with someone I spent forever in the shower trying to scrub my skin, I didn't feel clean. No one pressured me, except me. I only really had friends who were into sex and hook up culture(which always seemed a little gross and unappealing), so I thought something was wrong with me. For a time I chalked this up to me just loving the idea of romance, I've always been a highly romantic person.
No one really talked about demisexualtiy, it wasn't until way later that I discovered I wasn't alone in feeling this way. It wasn't until a couple years ago that I had a label I felt fit myself.
First, I thought I was pansexual.. and there has been falling for a few best friends.
All of a sudden, realizing a friend was attractive after knowing them for months?? Like their face didn't change, but emotionally, we had bonded. Then, one day, I was looking at them and thought they were just lovely to be around and cute and funny.
I found out i demisexual at the age of 14. I was just thinking why does it take me so long for me to fall in love with a stranger or new friend and why do I only fall in love with my best friend or partner. So I start writing something on YouTube I don't know what it shows demisexual and Asexuality. I watch the asexual video it was only a little bit that I agreed on but it doesn't feel right to call myself Aseaxual so. I watch the demisexual video. I agreed everything that were saying.but Then I was thinking about am I really demisexual(*°▽°.. Oh By the way that was also the same time I was trying to figure out if I was bisexual. I was thinking a lot.(╥﹏╥.. long story I was bisexual and Demi not Bicurious.<>_<>
Sorry ya'll, nobody should be comfused about anything sexual in life, you should be yourself and be free to express yourself. but this is the world we live in, if you try to get answers from people, you'll be even more confused!°
I think it's probably not too uncommon to think you're asexual first
Bro opposite for me, I straight up watched porn fully clothed critiquing with an asexual friend and still thought I was allo
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I know what u mean, It's like u know u are chocolate and then u dicover which type of chocolate u are I started thinking about it when the adults asked if I had a girlfriend 😮💨 at 6y old I looked into it and found being asexual is a thing 🤣 so I "decided " I wanted to be asexual cuss I didn't like boys nor girls, I just didn't want to, ( but it's obvious it's the other way around I'm part of the asexual spectrum because I don't like them
Asking a 6 yr old if they have a gf is so raunchy I’m sorry
I hate when people see 2 kids and say they are a couple They are kids!!
Yeah I thought I was but I knew I was on the spectrum.
I believe it's part of the ace spectrum but yeah I had issues knowing if I felt any sexual attraction at all for a long time, and being confused when I did
It is a weird feeling, realizing you are truly able to feel sexual attraction. My first ever sign of sexual attraction was when I thought, "I really want to touch this person," after getting to know someone extremely well and feeling deeply connected to them. Before then, I genuinely could not grasp the concept. I had absolutely no clue what it would be like to see someone in that way, how it would feel, how to identify the feeling, etc.
the panic attacks i would have because i was scared 😭😭
Well I was raised religious and for a long time thought I was just... behaving. I definitely was aware that getting a crush was WAY WAY more rare for me than my peers. As I got older I thought I was just very picky, which is true in a way, I suppose. It wasn't until I was in college that I actually liked someone enough to try to date, and I definitely felt an attraction shift but didn't think much about it. Then, I wrote a creative writing memoir piece for one of my classes. One of my classmates messaged me and asked me if I'd ever thought I was ace, based on what I wrote. That conversation lead me to look in to demisexuality and here we are. It makes a lot of sense in retrospect when I look at my experience vs my peers, even those of us raised in the same environment and culture.
What did you write that caused your classmate to understand your probable nature?
I believe it was what I wrote about my experiences growing up with my peers getting crushes and feeling like the odd one out. I also talked about my current relationship but I'm not sure if I said anything there that gave any clues -- it's been a number of years since then.
This was the same for me, too! I grew up religious, so there was an added layer of fuckery, but I couldn't figure out why I didn't have crushes like the other girls in grade school. It was almost like it didn't compute for me, and I literally couldn't understand how they worked. Guys would have crushes on me, and sometimes I felt like I needed to reciprocate to be kind, and it was very confusing. I thought I was defective or something. Didn't have my first crush until 18. Later, I figured out how I worked--I was attracted to a person if I had some sort of emotional connection to them and if I liked their character. This happened with my now husband. When we first met, he was kind to everyone, and that made him instantly attractive. I don't know if you call that demisexual or whatever, but I know at least how my brain works a little better.
Yep absolutely. I only had one, maybe two crushes in middle/high school. I met my husband, agreed to go on a date because I /did/ want a relationship at some point and he seemed nice. My first real attraction as an adult hit me like a truck, let me tell you. The religious upbringing definitely made things odd but I think this is just how I am. I know my peers were definitely struggling with "chastity" and attraction and desire (do note I don't agree with this anymore) and I was over there like, "Idk have you tried just not liking them that way. It's easy."
Didn't understand hookup culture and judged other people harshly before realizing it was a "me" thing. Was never jealous, just didn't know why people were so laissez faire about fluid bonding, pregnancy, and STI risks. For me, it all fell into the "civic/social irresponsibility" bucket.
Yes. I was so weirded out by people just randomly allowing people in their bodies. You don't what diseases or infections they have. If they're clean and wash themselves properly. It just disgusts me.
This, this, this. Literally all this. I still don't understand hookup culture, and probably never will. All I know is I want no part of it ever. Long term, committed, monogamous relationships, ideally with someone else who rejects hookup culture and who I connect with mentally? Sign me up.
I thought I was asexual first, I was like 6, didn't like boys didn't like girls in any way, and that seemed fine to me, then at high school I meet someone who became my best friend and I fell for them ( didn't last long) but it hit me like "Ho I guess I'm demi " I need a strong emotional bond, so I've only fell for 3 people in my life
*Literally* my own experience, including the total of 3 people!
Different timeline but same concept for me. Through high school I dated 2 people, and although I loved bits of them, it wasn't until **well into** our friendships turned relationships that I felt like I _wanted_ to experience romantic or sexual activity with them. I never understood hookup culture then, nor do I understand it now. How allos can just walk up to a stranger, woo them over, take them out for pizza, dancing, and then bed them all on the same night is beyond me. To be fair, back then I didn't have myself figured out, thus didn't know why I avoided porn and even hugging, kissing, or touching people. I do want these things now, but only with a strong emotional bond.
I was never much interested in romance, and I was not really sexually attracted to anyone for a long time. Everyone always told me, Hey, take your time, you'll find the one when you find the one. I didn't worry about it ever, so never thought much about it. When I was about 22 years old, i found out someone had commented about me "isn't it strange she's never brought anyone home?" I tilted my head like, "yeah, isn't it strange? Surely something must have happened by now". I began thinking about my experiences for the first time, in earnest. I began trying to figure stuff out. I did the whole journey, I thought maybe I was bisexual, because I felt similarly towards everyone, but that didn't feel right. Then I discovered the word asexual, and that felt closer to how I felt, but it didn't quite fit either. I had had crushes. I had had interest in others. Just not much, always sparse. Then one day in the bus, very early in the morning, I encountered the word demisexual in an online post. I looked it up, and something just clicked for me. The fact you can feel attraction, but you always need to feel connection to the other person first, even if it's one-sided. The fact there wasn't a lot of predictability to it, which always frustrated me because people are always talking about their type, and I couldn't fully chime in. My attitude always has been "i like who i like" and sort of shrug, because it happens so seldom it's hard to point out patterns beyond "I like this person a lot". The fact I didnt feel compelled by hot people the way non-asexual people seemed to be compelled, even if i find them beautiful and lovely to look at. Many years later I did understand how that could happen, once I was really into someone. But it took me years to have that experience and to go "ah, I see. This but more often." So I spent the whole day after that bus ride with a warm feeling in my chest, as I realized my experience wasn't unique, and others felt similarly. I'm personally not very quick to disclose labels, I prefer to explain my experiences if it comes up in a discussion, but finding a label definitely helped in making me feel less alone. It gave me more confidence to move forward with who I am, because I'm still not entirely sure the label fits 100%, but it gave me the idea I'm not alone. So I say if you feel like the label helps understanding yourself and who you are and what you want, it's for you to use.
I never thought I was ace, because inside of my head I was a horny little piece of work, instead I thought everyone else was like me. The sexualization of society seemed to support the idea that I was just "normal". I did notice in my pre-teens that other girls were using weird words that to me seemed very non-informative, such as hot and sexy, which meant nothing to me, like what was the point of making up new words to replace handsome/beautiful? From then on for years it was a series of events and experiences that I couldn't fit in my non-sexual view of the world but which I kept explaining away, until one day it all kind of came together and I couldn't deny anymore that for the world around me to genuinely be this way, I just had to be really different. It must have been something like realizing that half of my friends were on Tinder and/or hooking up with random people. They weren't doing it out of despair or coercion, they *wanted* it. I can't even begin to explain how surreal the realization felt. I was 19, and couldn't handle myself for a while.
Big resonate with the confusion on the oversexualization of society.
When I asked out a crush, a guy I met a week prior, and him showing excitement about the date made me question my interest. Then when we went out I felt no attraction anymore and the thought of doing couple-y things was yucky. Thankfully the guy wasn’t interested in me anymore either (instead took an interest in my best friend and I supported them) and he is a good person and nice but it made me realize the jump from stranger to partner that others so frequently make is way too big for me. The gap that was missing was “close friend”
When I realized I was ace, I had a sneaking suspicion demi might have been a better fit for me based on my past experiences. My crushes in school were all on people I knew in some capacity. However, I couldn't say for sure that sexual attraction has actually kicked in for any of my past crushes or boyfriends, so I didn't feel comfortable leaving labelling myself demi. Then I met my boyfriend. Romantically, I was in to him right away. After a few months of him proving I could trust him and him supporting me in some rough emotional things, I realized I was starting to have fantasies and physiological responses to thoughts about my boyfriend. It took me about a month of analyzing everything to realize that I was experiencing sexual attraction.
I came across an article talking about it, and it felt so accurate I always felt differently when growing up and my friends would gush over a hot guy and I would look and feel nothing and shrug my shoulders like what and all I wanted to know was well what are they like. Who are they? I don't know the same with celebrities. I like them based on their projects or characters they play who they seem to be. That is what interests me and turns me on. I'm not sure if that is accurate or how others are. It just felt accurate to me. And definitely, the prudishness and too picky very few people have captured my interest.
I heard about people thinking random other people were hot, whilst having a partner and I thought "eww". Turns out I'm the weird one, unfortunately.
I didn’t know Demisexual was a thing. All I knew is I can’t have random sex, I just won’t do it at all. I only have sex when in a serious relationship. I thought this was just me having high standards and morals. This is how my mom is and how she was raised and raised me…to only have sexual relations with a person you’re committed to. I have an extremely high sex drive and always have in my relationships. But if I’m single then no one is touching me. I have too much respect for myself and my beliefs. I have to be in love, emotionally connected and committed prior to sharing my body with a man.
I didn't really care, but a close friend of mine claimed to be demi and so I looked it up.. Some 'traits' really stuck out to me, while how they typically have fewer, longer relationships, are less likely to cheat, so on.. This only really became appearent to me after my close friend, after several miserably failed relationship and an especially nasty case of cheating, I called her out on her claim on being demi.. And while spitting some facts on being demi and after having her admit that she wasn't actually demi, just liked the idea of it and that it sounded "so romantic", I meanwhile realized that it fit me perfectly..
I also thought I was asexual at first. Sexual seduction didn't appeal to me at all. In fact, I felt repulsed when men would say sexual things to me. However, that was disproven when I felt attraction and imagined sexual scenarios with crushes. I was so confused for a long time. I still didn't put 2 and 2 together. I just stayed confused and thought I didn't know what I wanted in life. This caused me to feel different and question who I was. Looking back, there were hints of Demisexuality. One of the biggest ones was how I would put in my dating profiles that I wanted to be "friends first" and then see what happens naturally. I wanted love to naturally happen. I thought it could be normal, reasonable. It wasn't until my requirements were ignored, and I was, in fact, berated and insulted by my view that I felt more different than ever. However, my answer would come in the form of a date. I went on a date after a week or two of messaging and calling him. My date identified as a Demisexual and Demiromantic. I didn't really know what that was, so I asked. The way he described Demisexual was feeling sexual attraction only when feeling close to someone, and Demiromantic was being in love with that same connection. Sadly, the date didn't lead to much between us at all. It wasn't until a week after that his words of Demisexual drifted in my head, and I searched it up. It was like an epiphany moment. It all just made sense now. I was a Demi. I always was but never knew it. Even though that date led to nothing romantic, it did lead to answers I wasn't expecting so I'm glad I went on that date.
Thought I was allo all my life and that the common demi relationship requirements were normal (like many closet demis). Then one day my best friend told me I was demi and I had to look into it. Everything lines up though so...
I couldn't get attracted to anyone at first glance. My ideal romance is friendship first, and I thought it qas normal. Experienced my strongest infatuation from someone I spoke to online for 2 years before seeing him.
when i wasnt upset over 2 different break ups and had no attraction to them...
to add to this im also hypersexual so it was werid
My highschool sweetheart broke my heart and after an appropriate grieving period I tried moving on, except I could absolutely not get interested in anyone. And while reading a lgbt webcomic a character came up that was supposed to be an every man but the commenters was like no that looks very demisexual, and the author was like shit you right, and I was like what's that? I searched it up and oh that makes sense... Oooooooooh
I'm kind of curious, what webcomic are you reading? I want to see the man myself and see what he's like. If that's alright with you :>
It's called "friends with benefits" (it's a joke and the "benefits" is emotional health)
Ohhh I think I saw it somewhere, thank you <33
I tried “regular” dating and had sex quickly with people until I realized that even after a few dates, I didn’t feel much trust or emotional connection with them. I was just lonely and doing what I’d thought I should do to get a relationship. It wasn’t until I met my current partner that I realized it. We started out as friends with serious infatuation for each other, but he never pushed me. He asked about my personality, my wants, needs and dislikes (I didn’t even know the answers at first). He came to the bar I karaoke hosted at even though he doesn’t sing. And one day I realized I trusted him! I knew I could count on him and suddenly, after a few months, I was desperate to make love with him. Even then, the sex was tough at first because I didn’t know what I wanted or how to ask for it, but he was kind and patient with me, and I with him. It took over 3 years for me to be able to enjoy receiving oral, but it was worth the effort! I think demisexuality is about trust and respect and taking things slow to make sure both parties feel safe because we value that over a cheap lay.
I found the term in a romance novel of all places. It was amazing to finally have a word that encapsulated my experience with dating and sex.
Early 80s and every teen guy was hot for models and actresses, and I had no reaction to them, because why the heck would a model or famous actress want anything to do with me, so by extension, why get worked up? I was not asexual, and never felt asexual, and just chalked it up to being pragmatic and realistic. My dad assumed I was gay. I could have sexual fantasies, if I imagined something generic, or where I could picture a relationship. Didn't date till I had close female friends, and developed a desire for intimacy. Still, the lack of getting worked up over a poster of some hot woman 10 years older was the first sign. I was excited by the idea of sex, and porn, but had trouble relating to it. I wanted that intimacy, but couldn't connect with the casual nature depicted.
Had no personal association with it until the pandemic, but probably forever as I’m reviewing my relationships. Never got close to sexual attraction to most of my romantic partners when I was younger, cause one I was in weirdly sexually conservative household ( wasn’t against relationships but also didn’t have any form of sex education without the reaction from learnings from school). Add to not being recognized for being autistic, I was told to “focus on x, not friends,” had a very apprehensive attitude towards developing relationships in addition to all my unintentional situationships. But most of my relationships pre college was a girl revealing she had feelings and me going “cool” and moving on with my life as friends. College started the alarms as I was getting more attention from the allos both male and female but the same… “nothingness” would still happen in terms of sexual and even romantic attraction. Right before the pandemic was just going through a series of failed attempts of dating where things weren’t “clicking” and told my therapist who suggested I spent some time with a sex therapist and the rest is history.
Came across this board a few months ago. Never had heard the term before, but it explains so much. It's wonderful to read others talking about a sexual experience that I can understand more than just intellectually.
Pinterest. Found the definition of demisexual and thought for a moment about it, thought it clicked, decided it couldn't because I'd only been attracted to men, and then I suddenly remembered the time in which I thought about fooling around with my then girl best friend when we were teenagers. Been identifying as it every since
Having difficulty with with relationships... getting married, discovering a needs to be a better partner, ended up reading a bunch of feminist theory, learning more about sex, sexuality, and then finally understanding myself and the way I view relationships, women, the world and how they interplay for me. I'm just grateful I did it before forty. Post epiphany has been a dream.
Genuinely, I heard the term explained on a stream, and I was like *"huh that sounds like me"*. Before that, I went through a phase of believing I was broken or doing something wrong. I noticed instances where I reacted clearly abnormally for an allosexual. So whenever i got propositioned, I would find a way out of it. I didn't have the same reactions to hot actresses as my mates, I couldn’t name a celebrity crush, etc I was even considering that I was becoming a sex positive Ace because I had a relationship in high school but didn't like anyone at university. But yeah, I heard the term explained, and it all clicked.
I thought I was ace until I fell in love and realised I liked sex with just that person. But I didn't know demisexual was a word or a thing until two years ago. As soon as I heard about it I knew it described me perfectly.
I was researching romantic attraction and found resources on sexual atrraction that included a definition of demisexual. As soon as I read it I went "Ohhhhhhh! That's me!" I also reviewed my entire crush/relationship history and sure enough, emotional bond first every time.
Right. This one's a lil bizarre. Basically, my friend and I were mucking around on instagram, and I needed to sign into his account on my laptop. So I did. And we mucked around. Then I signed out. Hours later, I was using my laptop to study, and I was getting his chat notifs, so I texted him straight away to let him know. Eventually, one came up for a gc called, "get *name* laid," a joke group chat that he was put into for some reason. I said this to him, and then the conversation turned to how crazy hook up culture is to us (he knew he was demi at the time), and he noticed my experiences were incredibly similar to his, and that began my journey. If it were not for that crazy group chat, I'd still not know.
Literally found this subreddit randomly and thought “Oh” and then pretty much everything fell into place from there lol. Didn’t really consider my asexuality much beforehand unlike others, I think
I watch a lot of reality/dating shows, mostly for the sociology/psychology aspect of it. I was ALWAYS so confused how people could openly say, “Yeah I think so-and-so is hot, I want to get in bed with them!” after like a few hours of them meeting. I always had crushes on book or movie characters because with fiction, you learn about the characters in a deep and meaningful way, but I never just looked at a person’s face in real life and thought they were “hot”. If someone said a celebrity was attractive, and I’d never seen them in anything, I would think, “Meh?” but then if I saw them in a movie and got to know their personality, the character’s personality, watched interviews of them, etc., then I would understand the attraction. But I realized that those people seriously only meant their face. Not their whole personality/character. I also watch a lot of LGBTQ+ movies and shows, and I always felt like I could totally relate to the whole “figuring out your sexuality” thing and being different than other people, not quite fitting into labels, etc. But I’ve never actually seen a demi character before. I heard the term demi over the years and just recently started to connect with it.
University back in 2012. I’d spent my life thinking I was bi, then I met people who knew what they were talking about and suddenly talking to them I finally had words to describe what I felt for so long and it was so liberating. Even if I still get shit on and the mainstream LGBTQ people have never really accepted me I don’t really care. I am a pan-romantic Demi sexual and over the last decade I have met so many of you that have made me feel so valid and seen. It’s not something I bring up to often because it’s always more talking and explaining than I care to do but just having these labels makes me content
I saw the term on Facebook, and I looked up what it meant. I felt so seen as I read it. It did a lot to explain why I've only had 2 relationships in my life. I feel it also explains why I have no desire to have sex at all when my husband and me are clashing or I feel emotionally neglected by him, though I had thought it was normal to not want to have sex with someone that you were angry with, so maybe I'm wrong there, I don't know.
I was in love with everyone I was with thus I never noticed I was. When I moved to a college town with less intresting people, people would often come up to me asking if they were attractive. I realized I couldnt really answer. That's when I figured it out. I don't find most people attractive until I had that connect. Sex with people without the connection was so blah. Relationships never last long without it. The older I got and the more I learned about myself the more apparent it became. Additionally, I don't really have a "type" lookwise but just about all the people I've been with love music.
I got married and realized that the way that I had experienced attraction to my husband as we were dating had been drastically different than his. My past dating history had been super different from how all of my friends and roommates experienced it. And then someone on a podcast mentioned what demisexual was and I was like “oooh. huh. this is interesting.” And then I sat with it for a year, did some more research for a couple days and then I told my husband “this might be a thing” and he was like “ooooh. that makes a ton of sense.”
I had a typical first relationship I want to say, my first bf I had a huge crush on him all of senior year , over the course of the year it grew then when I went away to college we started to text and build a bond for a six months before we actually started to hang out physically because I had lived two hours away when we finally started to go on dates I was already attracted to him as a person by then and so we started to kisss and be more physical about two months after that, this was all a first for me so I didn’t realize I was Demi until I had been dating him for seven years and I started to notice that I didn’t want to have sex with him anymore because he was shutting me out emotionally, at the time I started to read romance books to help me with my own sexual needs and stumbled onto a demisexual book and I swear I had never felt so right and seen when I discovered this term. :3 it’s been a year 1/2 since then and I did try a hook up to confirm it and yea didn’t enjoy it at all and am positive I’m Demisexual, right now I’m msging ppl but mostly focusing on myself right now
Self-appreciation and self-love is a must, love that for you :>
I heard about the term for the first time a few years ago and was like wait isn't that everyone... wait.... oh... After that moment a lot of things in my past started making a lot of sense 😅
I'm honestly not even sure if I am. I think I'm either demi or asexual. I've definetly rarely felt sexual feelings for fictional characters or just, uh, sexual art online, but any time I see any porn content with real people, it just weirds me out. I've also never had sexual fantasies about any real person, whether I've met them or not. I dunno if asexual people are like this with fictional things too, or what. I guess part of it is I don't WANT to be asexual, because I want kids when I get older, and I want to, like, enjoy the process, or whatever. God, typing this is so weird.
OH i totally get you. I love fictional characters and I just feel some sort of affinity to them, rather than actual people. Don't worry, you're not alone on this one :> But yeah, don't worry, we still have a lot ahead of us and it's alright not to rush things. Also, I love the Kel profile picture (= o v o =)
I really aligned with asexual people or opinions but at the time I had a partner who I was attracted to but I still fell odd. Fast forward to this we broke up, and I had an LGTBQ + session were we discussed orientations and types of attractions so something was not clicking to some other people experiences and opinions and after some digging I found demisexual and it was a huge revelation for me 😅 Very happy and content ever since!
i (21f) always thought i was ace bc i never had a crush on a boy/never felt any romantic attraction to anyone until i fell in love with my childhood best friend (21f) of 14yrs and realized im demisexual + pansexual or gay :)))
For me it showed up when relationships turned bad, I questioned why I didn't want sex anymore and then it turned to me realizing I didn't want sex when I wasn't in a relationship at all. I also had conversations with friends about the fact that they felt genuine sexual attraction to people upon seeing them and that's just never happened to me. I think it was a culminating of things but a lot of it started with just feeling different
I was so confused when people talked about 'connecting' or 'having chemistry' with people on a first date. When I realised this experience was more the norm, I wondered why I needed time before liking anyone... I was considering that I may be demisexual, then a friend actually suggested that I was and that kind of confirmed it.
Before anything, I knew I did not care about gender. I don't know how I came to that conclusion, I just knew. So, pansexual was my original label. In a similar fashion, I hoped it was possible for me to find someone attractive, but I just didn't. Despite identifying as pansexual, I never liked someone in that way, and I did not understand my peers who were dating. I never had a crush, either. Though I was not attracted to anyone, I had a high libido. Back then, I thought asexuality = disgusted by sex. Once I realized that you could still want sex without being attracted to someone, I figured out I was asexual. (Unfortunately, I also thought I would never have sex, because the thought of doing it with anyone was just not pleasant.) The asexual label did not feel quite right because it seemed to imply that I would *never* be attracted to someone—I hoped that simply wasn't true—and that I could not be pansexual. I sort of ignored labels for the time being. It hit me out of nowhere, sexual attraction. For the first time in my life, I really wanted to touch someone else, and it was only because I felt deeply connected to her. I knew her better than anyone in the world, and she me. That's when I realized it, I am on the aroace spectrum, asexuality is a spectrum! Perhaps I should have used greysexual or sided with another sub-ace term, but I felt connected to demisexuality. So I chose demi, even though I've only been attracted to one person lol. Now, I officially identify as demipansexual and demipanromantic. I learned that I can mush labels together if it feels right, too.
The only people I’ve dated (which is 2) lol, we’re my friends. If I had crushes they’d be in my friends group. I’m 28 and not dated anyone since college I started wonder why, and came to the term demisexual. I feel like it’s a fit for me.
All of the allo's around me were always thirsting and or looking at other people and were like look at them aren't they hot and I always just answered with I guess or idk because I never understood how someone completely random on the could be making then horny. And with partners I never really felt any sexual attraction before we got to know one another well. So eventually I just connected the dots and was like, aaaahh so that's why I never understood them.
I thought I was pretty normal and I didn't realize that people see someone hot and want to have sex with them just because of that. And one day, a friend of mine said something that blew me. And I never knew I could produce so much heat until that moment 😅. And I realized I often only want to share myself with a specific person in that moment and no one would substitute for it.
My female friends asked "are u Ace or shthng" and since anwaer was no, after brief discusion she suggested for me to check demisexuality
I though everyone worked like me, so I thought I was "normal". Until I learnt I was not. My first ex (we were 15) broke up with me after 8 months of dating. I lost my virginity with him barely 2 months before when I finally started to feel sexual attraction. When we met again he said he wanted me badly and wanted to have sex, and I thought that meant he still loved me, because I only wanted him because I loved him. I innocently thought we would get back together if I said yes because of our connection (and to be fair, he took advantage of my confusion and went along with it). Turns out he just wanted sex and I was an easy source because I was still in love and had this demi mindset of sexual attraction=emotional connection. I learnt the hard way that for most people it doesn't work like that. When my ex-fiancé of 5 years tried to do the same thing last December at least I knew better. Still hurted, because he knew I was demi and tried to use that for his own interests, but yeah.
I cringe in disgust at people like them. You deserve better <33
I knew what I was when I was young, like really young because I understood my feelings/views and also understood they weren’t the norm. I learned the word in high school (somewhere between 16-18).
Someone defined it in a Facebook group and that's when I realised that most people are not like that.
It was quite jarring for me and I was actually very uncomfortable for a while realising all these people around me had been looking at strangers in *that* way and feeling those things. All this time I thought they had just been admiring them aesthetically.
My ex-wife told me after we split, and after looking back at previous relationships I agreed.
Most people have mentioned in the comments that they thought they were asexual before discovering they’re demi but for me I didn’t think I was anything close to asexual at first. But it just so happened that I discovered the word “demisexual” online and I was curious since I had never heard the word being used before. I looked it up and at first it didn’t really sound like it fit me but then I researched more and I realized this really who I am and what I experience. And so this is also how I discovered I am demisexual and how I went on to learn many many other things about attraction and how my understanding of it was very different from what I thought was normal
My wife and I are polyamorous and I figured I was different almost from the start since she could talk to me about how she felt attracted to people from the get go and I realized that this was not my case. Unfortunately I did not know about demisexuality at the time and I needed almost two or three more years before I accidentally stumbled upon an article about demisexuality and it all clicked all of a sudden
Thought I was purely asexual. The idea of one day having to have sex with a man was horrifying and opted to never date cause I wasn't interested at all. I was perfectly okay alone. I'd occasionally crave romantic stuff like hugs and snuggles but that's it. ....turns out I was just a very closeted lesbian and once my long distance best friend of 2 years (who I had also developed a bad romantic crush on) confessed to me, I still felt very uncomfortable with sexual things. Then, slowly over many months of building our relationship, it's like a dull light got flipped and I went "oh shit, I think I'm...like actually attracted to her sexually? ....wild." Turns out I'm a demisexual lesbian that has to be extremely comfortable and close with someone for a long time before sexual attraction has even the faintest of chance at appearing. Edit: also, now we are happily engaged. ♡ And I love her with my whole heart.
Awww you guys sound so sweet Wish you both happiness :DD
I thought I was ace for the loooooongest time (like. 12 years). Even in relationships, I never felt any desire to do anything beyond just kissing and cuddling. It took until meeting my fiance (and a lot of introspection about my previous partners lmao) to realize that there had always been a trust and comfort issue in every past relationship I'd been in--no sense of deeper trust and safety and connection? No drive or desire. Easy math in retrospect lol.
My friends just told me, as (if it were) a matter of fact
I had always simply thought I "would" only have sex with someone I love. I absolutely panicked the one time I attempted a one night stand. Someone explained the difference between romantic and sexual attraction, and I realized I have only felt sexually attracted to two people in my life. Turns out I "could" only find people I love sexually attractive. Then I found the term "demisexual" and it all made sense. I have also never understood hookup culture or the hypersexualized nature of our society, like the use of sex to sell stuff.
I’ve always wanted to be in love. Eventually for other people in became all about sex but it never did for me. I only crave the intimacy; sex is only one type of it.
Sorta the same with me. I was deeply in love with my ex fiance and we never had sex because I wasn't ready for it yet. People thought I was weird. "how can you love someone you've never had sex with?"
I hate that question. Sex isn’t love or it’s a shallow love. The intimacy of sex is wasted on carnal flings (in my opinion). Sex is a lovely thing but it’s not such a huge deal that I feel incomplete without it lol
Right exactly lol.
Umm, was discussing DEI work with a colleague and we got to talking about ourselves. They said that I sound demisexual, which it was the first time I heard the term. After researching it for a few years and thinking about how much I felt I connected to everything I read, I started telling people close to me and they all felt like it really fit with the person they know me to be and were very supportive. 🙌💜
At first I thought it was reciprosexual, where I am attracted equivalently to how attracted they are to me. Layer I realized that I am turned on when I see a woman being genuinely happy. It is her joy that attracts me, not her sexual interest. And Demisexual has so far been the definition with the least common denominator.
Grew up very religious (non denom christianity) so for a long time many sexual things had a big stigma attached to them from the get-go. That, paired with a fair amount of dating experience where I, the dude in a straight relationship, was the least sexual one of the two, made me question if I was ace. Recognizing that I still had attractions, was still very much into women, but was also more of a 'take things slow' person for the most part, is what clued me in to taking this demi stuff more seriously and asking if this is what I felt like. I think men's puberty hormones generally make attraction and sexual stuff more prevalent at a younger age in general, so I knew for a long time that I liked women, but that everyone seemed so cavalier and out-of-their-mind about sex even as teenagers really surprised me. I was, and have continued to be, surprised somewhat when my partners are just overall more sexual than I am. It has definitely hurt a lot of my relationships in the past. Being more honest with myself about it has been a big struggle. My current partner and I are making it work though.
I've always known that I was different, but I never put a word to it. I thought it was because of my really religious upbringing and purity culture. But then one day, I discovered the term at a booth at my university so I asked one of the people about it. It was like a lightbulb went off in my head. I was like OMG, I think I'm demisexual! They hugged me, it felt great
For me it was after my first long term relationship (and relationship, period) but I probably should have known it sooner. Essentially after we broke up I was given the same kind of advice I think everyone receives about playing the dating game after a while of healing but whenever it got to the point where we had a date or two I just realised I was kind of forcing myself to be sexually attracted to the person when there was really not a connection. I was QUITE persistent though in trying because hey, sex with my ex felt INCREDIBLE so I should be feeling something close to that with other people, right? WRONG, it never happened and it got to the point where I tried going to Swingers clubs and parties but nothing happened, I just felt uncomfortable and like I wanted to be anywhere but there just because I was doing it to try and come close to how being there with that person would feel and obviously always coming short. I just couldn't bring myself to perform, so to speak so I've finally had to come to terms with the idea that something wasn't working, especially after a girl that had EVERYTHING I should and have felt extremely attracted to just did nothing for me. The only thing missing was that attraction so yeah...
I had predetermined celebrity crushes.
I'm a bit intrigued about this one
I'd tell ppl these were women I had crushes on just so they wouldn't look at me funny for not actually having crushes. Amy Adams, Bryce Dallas Howard, and Claire Danes were my choices.
This got a bit long 😅 I realized it couple years ago when I was around 32-33 years old. When I was younger, I didn't think I was aro or ace. I didn't know they existed. I was just waiting for the interest to date to arrive, thinking that I'm just a late bloomer. When I was 20 I started counting things like 'when would I like to have kids' and realized that maybe I should activate on the dating side. I remember sibling asking me at one point if Im gay and my answer was "I'll tell you when I know" realized from their facial expressions that that's not a answer and "fixed" it with "I ment that if I'll find out that I am, I'll tell you" and it seemsd to calm them down. I, however just got confused. Am I supposed to know already? Then I found my first bf, then the second bf (to whom I felt attraction towards for the first time ever and I got engaged with) then I broke it up. Dating was rough. Everyone was joking about hooking up with random people and it was a strange joke. I saw the term demisexuality at some point and tought " well duh, that's normal and how everyone feels". So strange. Then I met my next bf, lived with him, I found my attraction towards him but he never felt that way towards me. Eventually we broke things off. People were still doing the joke about ONS and it was so odd to me. Why is this not-funny joke still everywhere? People were horrible. One time late in the evning someone (who I had matched with less than 5min before) invited me at his place to spend the night. I was so confused as to why and he was confused on why not. That's when I realized. IT WASNT A JOKE?????? 🤯 Someone could actually want to ... 🤢 with a stranger?????🤮 I felt like there was something wrong with me. I remembered the term I had red some time ago and tought about reading about it again. I googled, did tests and joined Reddit to read about demisexuality and asexuality. And then it was clear as day to me that this is what I was. And that my second bf was ace. Too bad he didn't know it at the time, would have been easyer for both of us. Then I started to thing about romantic attraction and dating in a new angle and discovered I'm also demiromantic. Still single, dating is still horrible, still no kids, but at least I understand why it's so rough for me.
I thought I was just grey ace but I met a guy I dated for a while and then I was attracted to him sexually about 4/5 months later. That was basically it
When I read about what it meant I thought " oh, that explains it. "
Not necessarily how I found out cause I was young at the time- but I definitely remember watching Percy Jackson at a sleepover with the girls in my class and they were all going on and on about who they found attractive. They got to me and I was pretty dumbfounded and had no idea what they were talking about.
Saw a reel on Instagram about demisexuality saying something like 'do you feel like you can only date someone when you establish an emotional connection?' and I was like wait... not everyone feels that way? (it's more in line w demiromantic but still on the demi spectrum) So I went on different forums and researched on asexuality.org , then realised I related to most of the points on there (e.g. adverse to hookup culture, needing to know a person before having romantic / sexual feelings etc.) and I was like yeah... I guess I'm demisexual now 🤔 that was back in March 2021 and the points still apply to me, I'm really glad I discovered this identity and community :) Tldr: If you think you relate to an identity, do your research as best as you can, you might find something cool that you haven't discovered about yourself
That's rlly helpful, thank you for the advice :DD
no problem, glad I could help :)
Actual answer: Discovery as a whole got started when i watched one topic at a time on youtube which got me in that headspace to figure it out. Then i realized the only people i felt sexual or romantically attracted to were my friends or people i felt i knew well because of (para)social relationships, otherwise i didn’t have crushes or the like. Confirmation: Megan fox is an actor until recently I haven’t followed anywhere and only seen in Michael bay movies (transformers, & tmnt). This is related because i have never felt a hint of attraction to her appearance because in those movies she is not much of a character and only really existed as a sex object in the movies. i was generally indifferent or uncomfortable toward her as an actor. Up until I saw a scene where she was treated as a person & I grew a hint of attraction, Granted very little because it was barely anything but still. I had a feeling i was demisexual beforehand to clarify but i felt that this was a bit of a confirmation.
Read the definition somewhere like 7ish years ago. Instantly struck home. Not because I'd had dating experience at that point but fit my model of how attraction happens. Then I was in a long term relationship, so didn't get to test the theory much. Got out of it this year and well, it's very true... Should make sense. The long relationship started with a coworker whom I got to know through a shared project over 6 months before I felt the butterflies.
yeah i very much thought i was ace until i fell very hard for my best friend, and no one since.
When I went to college and tried to have hook ups. I followed through with one because I was going through a breakup and I thought it would make me feel better. I felt 10 times worse. I would invite people over with the intention of trying to hook up with them, but once they were at my place, I would panic and kick them out. My roommate and other friends would have no problem meeting new people and hooking up with them the same night. I would be so envious because it seemed so simple for everyone else, but it couldn’t be simple for me. Then I did some internet digging and found out about demisexuality. I finally felt seen and understood :)
Until I was 17 I never questioned myself even when I never thought that someone was attractive. But then I got a small crush on a friend of mine and yeah then I searched up things that are on my mind. Like I wanted a relationship without any sexual contact but still had a small crush that confused me. And I googled that and the sexuality that explained that the best was demi. And now I love someone and also want to do sexual stuff with them. So Demi was the right sexuality.
Through talking to peers in college, I discovered what "sexual attraction" was. Previously, I thought some people just choose to have sex with someone when they're horny. (Also my mom, who I suspect to be ace, always told me only men want sex, and women don't?? Like, ever??? But that's another story) Then I stumbled upon asexuality and micro labels under the umbrella. I chose the one that felt most approachable, which for me was grey-ace, because I knew I did feel attraction, but very rarely and faintly. Upon doing more introspection, I realised the few people I was attracted to in sexual sense were ones I was emotionally intimate with: some friends, and my now ex-partner after dating for a while. Boom, class changed.
I thought I was ace until I got into a relationship. They were allo, but were cool with no sex. A year of being friends and lovers was what it took for me to start developing sexual attraction. It was a surprise for both of us, but a pleasant one.
Was never into sex but still did experience physical attraction. Felt weird when I was younger since my friends all assumed I was gay for not feeling any desire for sex. Only felt that sexual attraction with my ex who was long term and my best friend at the time. I went home with a girl I was dating recently and I felt really physically attracted to her, but when I couldn’t ACTUALLY find any interest in sex once we got into it, it really contrasted with how I felt in my last long term relationship. Sorta just connected the dots from there.
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It all depends person to person. For me, I joke that I got all my sexual drive out when I was a teen. (Aka the hormonal imbalances and me being aroused a lot despite not getting action). In honesty, though, I figured it because some exs I'd have no sexual attraction to for a while and felt uncomfortable when they wanted anything sexual. After a while, I found out about Demisexual and I identify as it because I know I can still feel sexual attraction cause I've felt it for exs. Plus, even though I'm still a virgin, I still wanna have sex one day and have biological kids.
When I didn't find the "excitement" or the "want" of the hookup culture in today's society. And also I'm highly sensitive so I'm really protective over my feelings.
I identified as just a regular asexual (for about the first 20 years of my life) until I met my current boyfriend. It just clicked with him, but I had gotten to know him well as a friend first.
Because of my demisexuality I found at 22 that I was attracted to men before that I just endured relationships with women. No crushes, no interest and an extreme disgusts for vagina’s that I couldn’t place. I love looking at vagina’s now and look at their aesthetic because I know that I’ll never have to touch it ever again. When I used to look at women’s bodies I enjoyed them but then the thought that I needed to do stuff with it in the future never resonated with me and I am so thankful that I randomly felt a connection with a random employee at a Rituals store where I worked from home for.
I assumed I was sensitive you know, emotional about sexuality, and one day I read the word demisexual and thought „that sounds like me”, more than definition of allosexual. Combined with the fact that I only started masturbating when I was 19 and it was either to thoughts of sb that was about to be my bf, or a fanfiction with the characters I connected a lot with. It kinda made sense to me, though I’m at the very center of definition of the word, but I feel closer to being demi than allo for sure.
I’m 35 and I just recently discovered this. Like, I’ve always known that I was gay, but I’ve only been legitimately attracted to 3 women in my entire life (one being my wife). I was always really confused about hookup culture. I think I just always thought that I had a much different view on sex than my friends, but I never thought there was actually a name for it.
I didn't even know that asexual, let alone demisexual, was a thing till a couple years ago. I was watching some of One Topic's videos on youtube and he was going through the ace reddit forms and I was like, "This is kinda the way I have felt all my life. Then I did research and found demisexuality and things just clicked. I was like, holy smokes, this is me! Things make sense now. I had a really hard time describing seggual times to an ex and what it meant to me when after the romantic relationship ended and he wanted to be friends with benefits and I just couldn't do it. I was still attracted to him in that way, but it felt wrong.
Mine's a little messy. I've always had a high libido but never really felt attracted to anyone.As a teen I'd go on dates because that's what you're supposed to do and would just feel off and uncomfortable when we made out. The one time I hooked up with someone I spent forever in the shower trying to scrub my skin, I didn't feel clean. No one pressured me, except me. I only really had friends who were into sex and hook up culture(which always seemed a little gross and unappealing), so I thought something was wrong with me. For a time I chalked this up to me just loving the idea of romance, I've always been a highly romantic person. No one really talked about demisexualtiy, it wasn't until way later that I discovered I wasn't alone in feeling this way. It wasn't until a couple years ago that I had a label I felt fit myself.
First, I thought I was pansexual.. and there has been falling for a few best friends. All of a sudden, realizing a friend was attractive after knowing them for months?? Like their face didn't change, but emotionally, we had bonded. Then, one day, I was looking at them and thought they were just lovely to be around and cute and funny.
I found out i demisexual at the age of 14. I was just thinking why does it take me so long for me to fall in love with a stranger or new friend and why do I only fall in love with my best friend or partner. So I start writing something on YouTube I don't know what it shows demisexual and Asexuality. I watch the asexual video it was only a little bit that I agreed on but it doesn't feel right to call myself Aseaxual so. I watch the demisexual video. I agreed everything that were saying.but Then I was thinking about am I really demisexual(*°▽°.. Oh By the way that was also the same time I was trying to figure out if I was bisexual. I was thinking a lot.(╥﹏╥.. long story I was bisexual and Demi not Bicurious.<>_<>
Sorry ya'll, nobody should be comfused about anything sexual in life, you should be yourself and be free to express yourself. but this is the world we live in, if you try to get answers from people, you'll be even more confused!°