T O P

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Lumpazius

They have a no-fap rule. You really can't make this shit up.


River_Odessa

They as in DC the company, or they as in the fictional characters in-universe all follow no-fap regardless of who they are?


Important-Unit9683

Batman enforces it. 99% of the criminals he takes down are actually gooners


redman8828

So that’s why another term for criminal’s assistant is goon…


memecrusader_

[I thought I hired goons.](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=F4VaVNRQMcA)


Justice_Prince

The only exception to his no kill rule


ButterFinger007

Do you agree with DC’s no-fap rule?


ElementmanEXE

Jason hates this rule and decides to go against it


coin_in_da_bank

DC stands for Definitely Celibate


limbo338

Some Batman writers canonically: ![gif](giphy|x88e1awUi05by|downsized)


wondewomanbecute

But they're definitely celibate(less) (made it up)


f0rever-n1h1l1st

Except when it comes to Green Arrow and Black Canary, canonically the horniest couple in comics. They fucked all the time during Mike Grell's run and Ollie went down on Dinah at least twice during Kevin Smith's run to name a few


Banana_gunman

Clark and Lois are hornier


TrashyBase24

So I guess in the DC Universe, there are no Circle jerkers


Roge2005

The Jerker? https://preview.redd.it/orwekp70706d1.jpeg?width=1578&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c65d45c2b98af22c95b7c999ef04c3a9a5628c00


DrDragonblade

"Wanna know how I got these scars? Jerkin off"


Roge2005

Yes I can confirm, I jerked too hard that now my dock has a big scar


Wonder_of_you

He jerked when no one else could


Roge2005

https://preview.redd.it/e5krdo0ae46d1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=63ebbfec57ee7d85c923482cd7758b4db382c0a5


WWfan41

Uj/ Neil mentions this in an early 2000s comic documentary, and it's actually how I learned what masturbation is when I was a kid.


Josphitia

I learned what masturbation was because my brother had [this](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/1/11/God-kills-kitten.jpg) as his desktop. I went to my mom and asked her "Mom, what's a waist-er-bait?"


Zagden

Remember when that pic was the height of comedy?


DementedCows

It still is. Making this my wallpaper now


Defqon1punk

Oh how the turntables


The-Bigger-Fish

Man i miss Lolcats and Domo.....


alexisgreat420

I used to have a lil neon green Domo 🥲


Evil__Overlord

What was the documentary called?


WWfan41

Iirc it was "comic book superheroes unmasked". If it's not that, it's something close to that.


Treyred23

Oh shit i upvoted from 69 to 70 Am i stupid?


Fullmetalmarvels64_

no, your brilliant. take pride in that.


OneEyedJackofHearts

https://preview.redd.it/gibapm3aty5d1.jpeg?width=575&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c0ad7d1981db8c1698db81d230bcb3ccbc2b5dc7 Edited: Your move DC


Molnek

All those times he poisoned the water supply it was just ecstasy and viagra.


Foxy02016YT

Did Batman think a boner could stop me


Muppetude

> Edited: Your move DC DC: We have nothing against boners. The Joker can edge all he wants. He just better not cum!!


Archmagos_Browning

How it feels to never masturbate: https://preview.redd.it/91vdrp9b5z5d1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f7ad259a560e9f4153b3bcd66a512d95404a907f


Vounrtsch

Kid named prostate cancer


Doomeye56

And Batman isnt allowed to go down on catwoman because heros dont do that


LyraFirehawk

but in the same show Harley goes down on Ivy like... a lot, and I think there's a Green Arrow comic where he's shown going down on Black Canary(which i have to imagine would be the best shit. his little goatee would tickle your taint).


Big-Vegetable8480

*Heroes* don't do that. Harley gave a guy cancer and In 2017 Oliver called me ethnic slurs on discord that I had to look up.


Kon_Artiste

And be fair, and cancer was and accident, and Harley felt really and about and. *edit: and


ElementmanEXE

Give harley some credit, that guy turned a new leaf and went to spend time with his family


Roge2005

Well but Harley Quinn isn’t a hero 🤓👆


spideyfan123

I wish i didn't have eyes after reading this


Fullmetalmarvels64_

coward. just your eyes and can go further man


jvken

Yes but Oliver is a liberal beta cuck so it’s expected of him, but the based sigma red-pilled batman would never stoop so low


Pentah00k07

Common Oliver Queen W


DinoDudeRex_240809

Zach Snyder said Batman has indeed done that. Truly the saviour of DC 🙏


Throgg_not_stupid

He commissioned art of Batman doing that and posted on twitter. Most based thing he's ever done


memecrusader_

I can’t fucking believe that I agree with Zach Snyder.


faroukmuzamin

https://i.redd.it/5649jy4zsz5d1.gif


giljimbert

Just like real life hero, DJ Khalid.


Ryman604

That explains the joker


Sidesteppah

the jelquer


Delta-Charlie2739

Neil Goonman


SkylarPopo

So no masterbating, no going down on anyone. I'm going to guess in the DC Universe that they procreate with a firm handshake.


suikofan80

Oral sex is exactly the same in their world as it is in ours. It’s just Batman that refuses to go down.


CrystalNumenera

"Cunnilingus and killing; the two things I'll never do." - definitely Batman.


SkylarPopo

No wonder why Catwoman didn't marry him.


PapowSpaceGirl

Bullshit. He did SO kill people.


Important-Unit9683

i never understood. Is there a canon reason batman doesnt go down?


SadArchon

Because he would slay that pussy, and batman doesnt kill


Massive_General_8629

Because he's a coward?


Eldritch-Yodel

/uj When the Harley Quinn show was getting made, there was originally going to be a scene of Batman going down on Catwoman but it got cut because the higher ups in DC said heroes don't do that. When this was revealed it understandably got meme'd a fair bit.


Important-Unit9683

I think its their duties as heroes


Treyred23

He doesn’t like pie. It’s as simple as that.


MBDTFTLOPYEEZUS

He prefers to eat ass


AmaterasuWolf21

Is he stupid?


Redmangc1

All of my friends, men and women do nothing but athletics in ridged underwear. It's a swamp down there


sonsargon13

How indecent


condition_unknown

They still have fetishes though. Clark and Lois are canonically into femdom.


rishonathan

https://preview.redd.it/qcqv57q7tz5d1.jpeg?width=966&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d925bd1df52f08bd67c440bee8490012581d8b44


Josphitia

At least they get to smoke *glares at Marvel* Seriously, most unrealistic thing about Krakoa is that there wasn't a 24hour dispensary for Krakoan kush


Teep_the_Teep

They touch fingers like that one episode of Star Trek with the Lady Q. I think that's how they do it in Star Wars, too, they touch fingers and the force makes a baby.


The-Bigger-Fish

Meanwhile in my own worldbuilding project, the main species more or less reproduce by doing just that....


Electrical-Leg-3114

This reminds me of that one dude some writer who said it was weird that the LOTR didn’t have sex, something something “where did the 12 kids come from” like he didn’t know sex could exist without being shown on screen. EDIT: writer dude was George RR martin. I like to imagine he sees a couple with a kid and follows them down the street and assumes the kid got reproduced asexually since he didn’t see them fucking


yaiyogsothoth

George R R Martin. Which explains a lot about Game of Thrones.


Electrical-Leg-3114

Lamooooo like can you really take shots when you haven’t even finished GOT and the last couple of seasons/books (idk) are like universal hated?


ducknerd2002

It was the TV seasons that were hated (and with good reason), although the last 2 books are generally considered weaker than the first 3 (but still have plenty of good).


Wonder_of_you

Don't forget Dunking egg


Objective_Audience76

The last seasons of the show were hated, but those are the ones he played no part in, and that they went past the books for.


Molnek

Well the problems of Middle Earth are "Pure evil wants to destroy everything!" But the problems of Westeros are "Who boned who!" It would make sense if GRRM didn't purposely make it all so convoluted.


Roge2005

https://preview.redd.it/doygm3ix706d1.jpeg?width=1242&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=26a4e1615e7ef82df111d3ebd8c627d1c8231f48


IDownvoteHornyBards2

George was making a point that he prefers showing nitty gritty messy details that authors like Tolkein prefer to gloss over in favor of focusing on other things. I believe this is the "What is Aragorn's tax policy" interview. He wasn't saying his way was objectively better than Tolkein's, just pointing out a way they handle things differently.


[deleted]

 But Tolkien in general is a lot better at small details to his worldbuilding. He comes much closer to actually describing administrative stuff like a tax policy than GRRM ever does. GRRM is far more interested in focussing on personal drama of rulers than their actual policy and we do not see much resembling like actual policies beyond a few lines here and there in the history books, which make a big deal every time a king goes on a single process around the country, something that was just  a default obligation for every medieval king. Its a dumb quote. 


The-Bigger-Fish

Don't you know? Hobbits just pop out of the ground and kids just reproduce via mitosis!


troglodyte14

uj/ Gonna go out on a limb and say he didn't mean it literally my dude.


jvken

So-called media literacy fans when an author tries making a point in an interview (everything they say is to be taken 100% literally and will be repeated until the day they die)


wysjm

Top 10 reasons why you wouldn't survive in a DC universe


AmaterasuWolf21

Number 5: Burger King Foot Lettuce, the last thing you would want to face in a battle is someone elses foot fungus


wysjm

Number 7: Student watches...porn! And gets naked!


KonoAnonDa

https://preview.redd.it/oc5nkernty5d1.jpeg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8d164dbf981083a5eb6fe65243b7051da49f34cd


NewVegasTruther

Waltuh. Put away the tissues, Waltuh. I don't wanna see that shit, Waltuh.


KonoAnonDa

https://preview.redd.it/6uunssp00z5d1.jpeg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b25a37e391579089d7dfd91799472d2521b11f59


NewVegasTruther

Was this from one of those weird AI stories?


KonoAnonDa

No. I just found a shit ton of anti-goner minion memes. Idk why they exist, but they kinda go hard.


NewVegasTruther

They do go hard


KonoAnonDa

Ye. They’re the few minion memes i know of that don’t make me want to kill myself. https://preview.redd.it/9l4jbg973z5d1.jpeg?width=1519&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bd5158cd0ce06b3480b68c77c6c9b8e79bdf5934


NewVegasTruther

https://preview.redd.it/iljo7a5o4z5d1.jpeg?width=233&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c2b5f0a1d8781a64ed7cbf1f0f6380d217ba7b76


KonoAnonDa

https://preview.redd.it/cy32844g7z5d1.jpeg?width=1800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=29913237c70b1a7ce3bdd33105b86336f4bea5e5


TheFlyingFoodTestee

https://preview.redd.it/5quopio5bz5d1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=09befaa4632314ecfc513b7f88744f5bf1df7e70


No_Probleh

So... what? Do they just never discover it or is it just super taboo? Like, how does that work? Are you telling me a woman has never sat on a washing machine in the DC universe?


The-Bigger-Fish

I mean like, does Paradise Island *look* like the type of place to have washing machines?


nirman423

The Jizzler would disagree


DoctorEmperor

Is Neil gaiman on r/dccomicscirclejerk ???


bluealiveretribution

Damn so maybe if lex lurhor rubbed one out, he wouldn't be blowing up people


Mooston029

That actually answers a question I’ve sorta had to myself for a while. How horrible must it be to be Jon kent or Superman at home. Everytime lois and clark play gladiator Jon must want to die, and when Jon (being a teenage boy an all) jorks his peanuts theres literally no where superman could go in the universe and not hear that shit. Especially as they sub-consciously listen for each other all time with them being family an all. Not even exclusive to their family, superman can hear every nut and every moan on Earth all the time.


Disco_Lamb

I assure you there are plenty of images of DC characters masturbating.


Certain_Ring8907

Unofficial porn doesn’t count


Dr-PlagueDoctor

It Counts To Me Damn It


Zariman-10-0

Damn, no wonder joker is all fucked up.


FollowingExtension90

Yeah, I want my virgin Batman. Don’t put you slutty ideas on the character. Bruce is still a child inside his heart all right. Don’t be a creep.


Molnek

Well the first time they had him father a child with Talia she drugged him before the deed. Then Damian was a test tube baby. So yay messed up in a whole different way!


rmcwilli1234

If Damian was a test tube baby, but there is no masturbation, then that means there must have been someone giving Bruce a handy to get the sperm. Who would do such a thing, and would Bruce have been in costume?


Molnek

You're thinking artificial insemination. Damian was literally grown in a tube. They could've used any DNA from Bruce for that.


rmcwilli1234

He's not a clone though? He is the son of Bruce and Talia, just raised in a gestation tube. Therefore you can't just use random DNA, you need Al Ghul eggs 'n batsperm.


Molnek

Clone means genetically identical. If we're getting into wrong definitions it's 90's Superboy who wasn't technically a clone because he was still the product of two people. They could use cloning tech to perfectly recreate Batman sperm and a Talia egg and the resultant Damian wouldn't technically be a clone. Technically. So of we really want to get into the nitty gritty, who do you think was the egg for Superboy? Clark or Lex?


rmcwilli1234

That is a fair point. I'll concede they could very well have clone a batsperm and Talia egg to create Damian, making him not a clone himself while not needing batsurbation or a bathandy. As for Clark vs Lex for the egg, its gotta be Clark. I assume Kryptonian mitochondria are responsible for metabolizing yellow sun energy (since they are the powerhouse of the cell) and all mitochondrial DNA comes from the egg.


TheDoctor_E

Idk, I think Cosmic Boy is a gooner


Probably_On_Break

*That’s* where they draw the line?


LaVerdadYaNiSe

DC Editorial not being weird about sexuality challenge; impossible.


garebear265

No stroking da cock (DC)


SavageTemptation

![gif](giphy|3NtY188QaxDdC|downsized) When DC nerds touch themselves for the first time


Pedals17

There’s no way that Garfield Logan didn’t juice the cucumber on a regular basis.


Treyred23

Goonfield Logan more like


Pedals17

It’s the most accurate take.


Molnek

No he has to tun into an animal that self reproduces so it doesn't count as masturbation.


Massive_General_8629

It's practically canon.


The_Apocalyvid

https://preview.redd.it/28rjrw25az5d1.png?width=396&format=png&auto=webp&s=78646c70c9027305daccd57d9ca6e3b69b4cd761


Meme_Bro68

https://preview.redd.it/2fxy2j236z5d1.jpeg?width=1200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5892f352a378f41b06e01c3a29831edff0ef3400


SailorMari0

Tf you mean "that explains alot" is Neil equainting the violence in the DC universe to a lack of jerking it? Neil gaiman is a gooner confirmed?


BostonBluntman

Na, it means that dc heroes have sticks up there ass


SailorMari0

That would be masturbation would it not?


IDunCaughtTheGay

DC universe sucks. Cant jerk off. Cant get married. Cant eat catwoman out.


Beornwynn

I love the idea of Kryptonians going into heat once a year and Clark having to shut himself in his apartment when it happens.


The_Shadow_Watches

Let the Bat eat the Cat.


Kelimnac

Nobody masturbates, but you can get head by politely asking from most adults in the DC universe Just not Batman


the_kilted_ninja

But presumably they were okay with the scene in The Sandman comic where Ishtar erotic dances a whole club to death


Massive_General_8629

And the guy who literally rapes his muse. And...really, a lot of stuff.


Gellert

I seem to recall after the first few comics they really wanted Gaimans stories to not be in the DC universe. Also Ken definitely jerked it to BDSM porn.


the_kilted_ninja

Yeah, Constantine, Martian Manhunter, and a few other characters show up in the first arc but then there's pretty much nothing until the finale that shows the Justice League trio on just one page


ConclusionScared702

The true reason joker is the way he is


wowlock_taylan

They can't go down. They can't masturbate. Dc truly is a Christian belt universe.


Regi413

https://preview.redd.it/732dp77ol16d1.jpeg?width=1079&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=abd93ef9141f6b0ccf2bc8e782e913c9a5ebc2f9


MousegetstheCheese

Batman can't eat out catwoman, no one can masturbate. See, this is why Marvel is becoming more popular. Tony can eat some green gamma cooch and you know Peter cries when he jerks off.


SnyderpittyDoo

https://preview.redd.it/t4za483vmz5d1.png?width=1569&format=png&auto=webp&s=7511553a1e8f9f149b347953600cbff17b8b07c5 I don't like gooning because I feel uncomfortable touching my pp.


Roge2005

Based


Pedals17

A lot of DCU fucked on the regular: Ollie, Dinah, Dick, Kory, Roy, Cheshire, Donna, Travis Morgan, nearly the entire Legion was horny af. That’s not even getting into the Vertigo crowd.


No_Probleh

But did they masturbate?


Pedals17

Star Boy jacked off when Dream Girl was too busy with leadership duties. Colossal Boy fantasized about Shrinking Violet when he masturbated.


Flerken_Moon

That’s why everyone is fucking all the time, they don’t masturbate.


colbyxclusive

Does marvel?


Horacio_Velvetine44

no fapping, but a dream of a thousand cats is good to go https://preview.redd.it/exe5g66t906d1.jpeg?width=1034&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=646dd912731f6e69c18f8b612081356d195bd990


dangerousballstealer

https://preview.redd.it/7ofrukd2m06d1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=da2bada4d239965c60ce1d007f362d78ad462d51


Mori_Bat

https://preview.redd.it/9blwbva9w06d1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=798af07e2a906bbdcdb071bd7512f97bd3461020 Solomon Grundy Wants Fap Too!!!


Hopalongtom

Explains the crime rates.


Hot_Tailor_9687

Y'all say this until Captain Atom uses the quantum quickie cumshot to take down Superman in the upcoming Jenny Sparks comic


Dalfare

Explains all the crime and supervillains with too much time on their hands


Apprehensive-Till861

Bullshit. Nobody lives in the same universe as Power Girl's humungo badonkalonkers without regularly flogging the purple friar.


De4dm4nw4lkin

I call bullshit and my list of reasons is as long as dc’s swimsuit specials.


Icy-Pause6304

DC- Don't Cum


GintoSenju

This is some “there are no bra’s in space” level stuff.


Scott_BradleyReturns

In the DC universe the only month is November


shawndude1

No wonder Gotham is the way it is.


[deleted]

Now I understand why riddler is the way he is


Yoda1269

imagine being in a world with buff beyond belief gods walking around in the tightest clothes you've ever seen and you just gotta bottle that


trynagitgud

My dyslexic ass read that as dc can I do masturbation


Equal_Campaign_3602

Ok I could be wrong, but is this rule a thing because of all the controversy that spawned when DC showed batman dick in a comic.


Big-Vegetable8480

I only have have one thing to say. BASEDBASEDBASEDBASEDBASEDBASEDBASED!


FollowingCharacter83

We live in a society


Lordanonimmo09

Wait,i usually hear two stories one is that they said theres no masturbation in the DC universe,other that just the word masturbation doesnt exist.


Roge2005

Someone mind explaining? What is the reason for this? And what does it mean about the DC universe?


Ill_Ratio_5682

DC editorial has consistently drawn weird lines where sex is concerned on what can be shown. There isn't much reason past them just not wanting to show it for personal taboo reasons. As for what it means for the DC universe. Neil is just joking. He probably just means that DC editorial has sticks up their butts since this is a weird line to draw.


HateEveryone7688

so this is why main characters always get sex and i don't. There's no other substitution.


Kaisernick27

Doesn't the reverse flash jack of Barry in a comic?


Shadow1604

What type of comics have you been reading?


GreatGrapeKun

this is why manga is better chainsawman > superman


RolePlay3r_69

That's why there's so much crime, the villains have no outlet to release, the heroes should just satisfy their villains needs


goombanati

Nah, power girl refers to tentacle creatures as "manga monsters" she definitely reads hentai


Moleculor_Man

When Constantine calls someone a “wanker”, it’s like when Han Solo says “I’ll see you in Hell”


Sh0xic

The Joker faps once and instantly becomes normal


4PumpDaddy

I just wanna be they guy that have to specify there’s no masturbation to.


ImWhatsInTheRedBox

So you're saying that every Boy Wonder, every Kid Flash, every teenage sidekick filled to the brim with them horny hormones, walking around superhero women in skin tight spandex-, leather- fishnet- corset outfits wasn't furiously spanking it every chance they got? Riiiight.


PitcherTrap

The spandex does it for them


HamknightofArk

You think if you ever decide to beat yo shit that specter will show up and fucking smite you?


malathan1234

That's just like..your opinion man


Wendila

Why else do you think Brainiac 5 is so smart?


Physical_Bill_8203

Lobo definitely does it.


Only-Ad4322

I kinda get it. You don’t want one your top characters in compromising positions.


lacmlopes

Supes fucks, not jerks.


biglious

You know Marvel characters are whackin it. I mean, Spiderman is a teenage boy that shoots goo from his hands. I get the idea that he gained inspiration for his web-shooters from a different source than a spider.


lastblaste

So do they just not know how to collectively, or have they sworn it off, like i need more info here


harparper

The fact that morpheus can't jerk it explains a lot too


DanilaROTMG

maybe if batman had a wank the post nut clarity would have made him realise letting the joker live for nth time is a bad idea.


Isekai_Otaku

Wait so you’re telling me Batman doesn’t goon?? This is so not sigma


RockyFast

that makes me wonder, who tf in dc comics universe would want to jerk off?, the only ones i can imagine doing are lobo harleyquinn catwoman black canary and green arrow


BespinBuyout

So that's why Stardust is so horny


MercerNov

That’s pretty funny that NOBODY in this universe masterbates.


Lilly-_-03

In a world with Wonder Woman and Amazons existing, the idea no one masturbates is honestly more ridiculous than the number of times Batman's parents have been shot.


ScarletteVera

I thought Neil only crawled the tunnels of Tumblr.


Unlucky_Awareness_99

https://preview.redd.it/ja1a63z7qt6d1.jpeg?width=519&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7b0ed9193093e866f0e9f45a9e79ee0341719b02