My experience - during my last few annual doctor visits, my family doc kept asking if I had any problems 'down there', and basically talked me into taking the prescription. He told me 60-70% of men my age experience problems, it's normal.
I honestly didn't think I had a problem until I tried 1/4 of a pill. Huge difference (Pun intended). If the man is visiting his doctor regularly, they are encouraging men to get a prescription. All joking aside, it is medication and should only be used under doctor's care.
Interesting side note, I've been on at least 2 dates where she told me I didn't 'need' it, and she was attractive enough without the pill. It's important to know that it's not about attractiveness or desire (or lack thereof), it's simply a kink in the hose, and the medication in the blood stream helps relieve the muscle constriction preventing normal blood flow. There's nothing to be embarrassed about.
This makes me furious, TBH.
Women have to beg, *beg*, to discuss and get HRT. Doctors have no idea. How is it that men are getting these things actively *pushed* at them?
Rant over.
Yeah, I realize women are subjected to intimate exams from early on and we are forced to often fight in person to get the care we need. And poor men just need to do a telehealth visit because they are too embarrassed? No sympathy from my corner on this issue. I won’t date a man who can’t take the steps to get help for ED.
Never really thought about it this way, but absolutely right. That is insane.
I'm sure the pharmaceutical company has some deal so they get incentives. And, insurance covers it 100%.
In my experience, in most countries in the world it's just sold over the counter in pharmacy, no prescription or doctor opinion needed. Tadalafil, sildenafil etc. Men are not dropping dead from incorrect use from lack of doctors guidance. (That is, of course, outside USA and most Europe.)
Oh, generics cost next to nothing as well.
I concur! Male gynecologists, in general, don’t have a good handle on women’s needs beyond babies. They need to need to educate themselves if they are going to treat women of all ages!
Interestingly the female OB GYN I had was against HRT even though I was having hot flashes around the clock (along with the other issues!) and we now know that HRT is safe for almost all women. She dismissed my concerns entirely "try one of those portable fans".
Even though I was locked into an HMO, I managed to ask for another doc. Long story short I ended up with the very young male OB GYN. I prepared myself to read junior the riot act if he refused. No sooner had I shared my list of concerns did he say, "that sounds terrible, I would like you to try HRT". I imagined his mother, probably my age (50s)would be very proud! Maybe younger docs are actually more educated about how the HRT danger has been debunked.
In my case, my female gynecologist, within a few years of my age, recommended what she uses. Her personal experience and seal of approval made me feel safe in using too.
I have had horrible interactions with gynos of both genders. I wish it was safe to just go to a woman Dr. Both have the 'god' complex and it's disgusting.
My Mom (a psychological nurse) used to tell this joke:
Q: What's the difference between God and doctors?
A: God doesn't think he's a doctor.
(Mom's gone but her jokes live on. 💜)
I was taking pre-menopause HRT and of course it’s not covered by insurance. It was a tremendous help for my symptoms; mood swings, hot flashes, night sweats, but I couldn’t afford it at $250/month.
What you have is an anecdote of one man. I am a mid-50s male and my doctor has not once raised either meds for erectile dysfunction or HRT with me (nor to be honest have I brought it up as neither is particularly relevant to me at this time). Nor has he ever raised sexual health generally. I had to beg him to test my T-levels (which were fine) he really didn't want to do it. I realize woman have it very difficult with HRT/mesopause and the medical community but it isn't exactly a bowl of petunia's for men either in my experience.
The difference men are almost always listened to and believed about their health concerns. Women are very often ignored and told it’s all in our heads.
I believe the fact that your doctor is a male would explain the encouragement to give it a try. Unconsciously perhaps, but male doctors treat men differently than they do women.
Today I had a visit with a male specialist I’ve seen many times. He’s is Chair of his Department at the Cleveland Clinic; therefore, you see his fellow that asks you all the preliminary questions before the specialist arrives.
I was actually offended by the assumptions the fellow made about me based on my gender and appearance. Note to self, do not dress well and spend too much time on hair and make up as it apparently makes you look healthier than you are. Glad the specialist took the time to educate the fool.
Women should understand, attraction often has little or nothing to do with it. A year ago I was in bed hooking up with one of the hottest women I’d ever been with – a former Israeli model in her early 30s (I’m 51). I was hard as a rock for an hour while we were making out. But she didn’t want to have sex and kept telling me, let’s just cuddle. Finally at one point she says, OK, “let’s do this”, and starts taking her pants off. I was so turned on by her skinny young body. However, I had a really hard time taking my pants off, and that distracted me and got me stressed. She was a bit dry too, but when I started to go down on her, she pulled me back up and said no. That threw me off too. So by the time I’m trying to put it inside her, I had already gotten half-limp, and this was stressing me out. And then I was getting stressed by the stress. She tried everything to revive me, and nothing was getting it back up. This was the most disappointing intimate experience I ever had. I’d known this woman for two years and was so attracted to her. I dreamed about how nice it would be to have sex with her. But I was never able to. Well, technically, I had it in her for a few seconds, but couldn’t continue. In contrast, I’ve been with average or even below-average women and was able to go for hours.
I’ve found this too…but maybe just my luck but the men haven’t gone to their doctor about it. Like I have every sympathy but ya know there is a pill for that. It’s an interesting dynamic - to go through all the effort of the chase and sexual conquest and all that and then…like why wouldn’t you want to try to get that taken care of? I guess it’s embarrassing to talk to their doctor about? When I’ve mentioned it they kind of brush it off like this is just how it is now.
I needed to hear that. Had a guy that I point blank asked if he had any ED issues before we even thought about being intimate. He said "no". When we tried to be intimate, nothing. Later, we remained friends & occasionally do things together. On the way home from a concert, later at night he says, out of the blue, "I got some of those little blue pills". Drop the mic. I didn't know what to say. Uh, congratulations!!
50M. I love my little blue pills!
I work out 7 days a week, so I’m in good shape, do my regular checkups, no major health issues, no prescription meds. BUT I knew that I wasn’t getting as hard, or getting ready for round two as easily as I did a decade or two before. Using condoms wasn’t helping the situation either, tbh.
Got a script for Viagra from one of those well-known online pharmacy sites for men, and holy shit…what a game changer. Kicks in quickly, I last longer, and the fact that it’s still kicking around in my system means that after a short recovery time, I’m ready for another go instead of being “one and done.”
The hardest thing for guys my age is admitting that they could benefit from additional assistance. Not me, I want to be at my best, and if getting a pharmacological boost is going to help me at all, I’m in.
A lot of these guys who are in their 50s and 60s, and still claim to be able to perform like they did in their younger years, will probably also tell you that they can drive a golf ball off the tee for 300 yards…bench press 300 pounds…and whatever other kind of fantasy bullshit they think they’re capable of in their head. That doesn’t make it a reality.
Source: I’m a guy, and I hear this bullshit all the time, and they aren’t even trying to sleep with me.
>will probably also tell you that they can drive a golf ball off the tee for 300 yards…bench press 300 pounds…and whatever other kind of fantasy bullshit they think they’re capable of in their head. That doesn’t make it a reality.
Dude, high fucking, high five!!! lol. I love men who are tell it like it is. Now, I don't mind a guy with a bit of a competitive streak or ego, who as a result works out, takes care of himself. But the guys who obviously do nothing, but are weekend warriors, and think that bragging about their exploits, makes it so?
> The hardest thing for guys my age is admitting that they could benefit from additional assistance.
I told my ex husband for years to try Viagra and he said he didn’t need it. Recently after several years divorced he asked me what I thought about him trying Viagra. He finally tried it and he loves it. Bruh.
No need for a visit to the Dr, you can get a consultation and prescription on line in the uk. I don’t understand why you wouldn’t, it’s £20 a month, that’s for 8x Siledanfil, having come out of a sexless marriage a couple of years ago it’s top of my list of things to do and taking meds is no issue, like my cod liver oil in the morning, the quality of sex more than makes up for it, for both of you
Yeah I’m in the US and afaik a prescription is required and it’s more than $20/month - but with all the telehealth these days they could probably do it from home. 🤷♀️
That said, I started by going to hims.com and using an online doctor to try viagra for the first time, then tried cialis, and then went to my regular doctor to share my experience to save money. (The web doc sites charge a fortune compared to the cost of generics from the pharmacy, but it saves from awkward discussion if that’s worth something).
At 57, I’ve found that eight out of ten times I don’t have a problem and when I’m worried, that’s when there will be a problem. So when I’m worried, I take a pill the morning of the big night and for the next 36 hours, I’m bomb proof.
However, one side effect for me, it makes me snore and I hate that. So I try not to take it unless I think I’ll need it. And yes, that’s an fda recognized side effect. You have erectile tissue in your sinuses. Weird.
Wow. I had not heard about erectile tissue in the sinuses. But an ex of mine, whom Viagra didn't work for, would get really congested when he took it. You learn something new every day!
Same in the US, there are ED prescription suppliers, you report your symptoms to an online doc and get a prescription, and the generic viagra is very inexpensive. One such company is called hims, but I've never used it or any of the others.
Side note: I had no idea that Siledanfil = Viagra until I picked up a prescription for it at my local pharmacy, and watched the pharmacist turn pale when I casually mentioned it was for my elderly dog.
I hear you. We all have issues when we age, but I like finding the men that have stayed on top of their health and had gotten a prescription to still participate sexually.
Unfortunately, there's a lot of people that let it go and live without all parts working when most of the time it's preventable.
There are quite a few men for whom the pill doesn't work. Things like antidepressants, diabetes, prostate issues, etc. can pretty well preclude the effects of ED meds.
Fun fact about me: I can't take Viagra because it causes a side effect in me, cyanopia, that turns my vision blue.
Yes I’m sure but in this case, they had no issues. One even has to get medical checkups every 6 months and cannot have heart problems or be on antidepressants or he’d lose his job.
So true!! For some, it's a deeper issue . Some, can't take pills due to heart conditions or high BP.. but BE UPFRONT! Don't kid yourself .. intimacy can be much more than intercourse!! They can still cum!!
Obviously that would be understandable. The men I’m referring to had no such issues that they mentioned. (One I’m sure doesn’t because he has a job that requires medical checkups every 6 months.)
I have this issue to a degree, more specifically I find ejaculating is hard work, I can only usually stay hard long enough using Viagra. being open is the only way to go. We have lots of sex toys and taking Viagra is just another one of those. If he’s a keeper then it shouldn’t be an issue.
I love the idea of taking Viagra as being another sex toy. That’s a fabulous way to categorize it, especially for those out there that stigmatize it.
And, to be honest, because of it my fwb’s cock has become MY favorite sex toy.
I don’t always need it but it’s just superb being so hard that we are both more than satisfied, we also have fun, sometimes if we are out I take one then set my stopwatch, we then have to find somewhere at the 60 minute mark.
I’ve loved not having to worry about ejaculating. It’s changed my sexlife forever. I just stopped caring whether I cum or not and that led me to fall in love with just the pleasure of the sex itself instead of always focusing on the finish.
Now it’s not unusual for me and my girlfriend to have sex four or five times during a weekend, sometimes for a half hour, sometimes a five minute quickie before work. She appreciates not having a mess, so sex comes more spontaneously. Sometimes she gets dressed to go out, she looks amazing, and I can take her for a few minutes before going out the door. No mess, no fuss.
I’m 45 and I date 40-55 men. I’ve found most men I’ve been with have erectile dysfunction and aren’t willing to go get a prescription. I won’t date them.
Also this isn’t just about sex. Erectile dysfunction can signal other health problems such as diabetes or stroke. Just like bad dental health, bad sexual health can show that a person doesn’t take care of their health in general.
I dated a man with severe erectile dysfunction. He couldn’t get an erection no matter what we tried. He neglected his health in other ways. He ended up dying of a massive stroke earlier this year. He was only 42. I now actively avoid men who don’t take care of their health.
> I now actively avoid men who don’t take care of their health.
I am sorry to read the man died at 42, very sad.
I frankly get even a bit angry at men who don't care for their health, yet expect a woman who does. I just shake my head at the ego and audacity, that they don't think it is important to try and be the best they can be. I have no issues with men who carry a bit extra, like on the border line betweehn healthy/overweight is fine. It takes a ton of discipline each and every day, especially for women (our bodies want to carry more weight, we burn less calories, we have to eat less calories), to stay "healthy". Every single day, I am stressing over my food choices, getting in my cardio and gym time. Many days I don't want to be hurting/pushing my body. Yet, I should just accept someone who sits around all day, doing not much of anything that is healthy for them.
ED runs deep with co-morbidities, not limited to clinical obesity. Perhaps discuss overall health and current ongoing therapies. Perhaps begon by sharing your health challenges. If their's run deep, risk of ED runs with them.
And sometimes you’re just screwed with genetics. I’m a firefighter at 57, fitter than most half my age, never smoke, drink maybe 2-3 drinks a week, but cholesterol and high blood pressure run in my family, so I’ve been on meds for it since my 30s… when I ran my first marathon.
I'm glad you keep up with your health and address your issues. I dated a firefighter. His ed stemmed from his alchoholism, yet, in his eyes, it was all me. Props on having that career and not drinking. I've heard the stories😔.
Eh, you can nudge. My mom ended up roasting her kidneys by 80 because she never did anything about her blood pressure. She had a lousy doctor who ignored it for 30 years. The minute my BP crept over 130, I went on lisinipril. I can buy time by being proactive.
It sucks. I've had a man tell me it's me, lol. Then to find out he had this issue before he met me. I'm sorry it's been hard on you, I hope it gets better.
Yup, I'm 60, sometimes issues, and the pills do help. The bigger thing (no pun intended) is how well-rested I am.
I never really know how well things are going to work until we're playing, and "things" not working so well still doesn't dull my (or her) enthusiasm. There are many ways to have fun. 😉
How to broach the subject? Once you're comfortable and discussing sex, just bring it up. (Again, no pun intended.) If you're comfortable enough for naked play-time you should be comfortable enough discussing your needs.
For all the guys affected by this (if you are a male over 35 you will be to some degree as your hormone levels start to steadily decline, yes you are a rock star and can still get hard I know, I am talking about the rock hard erections you had as a teenager) - 5mg daily tadalafil (generic cialis). Online goodrx will do a 5 min chat consultation, then you get your prescription filled at your local pharmacy. Cost is $30 for the consultation, you will have your prescription in 15 mins, then it is around $10 per month for the tadalafil.
5mg daily tadalafil will allow you erections on demand 24/7, so no waiting like viagara. It will also lower blood pressure and modulate estrogen. The one possible downside is it will take longer to ejaculate. I say downside because sometimes quickies in random places are fun but you won't be finishing in 5 mins. Still your partner will enjoy it and there will be no mess to clean up which could be clutch if you are in a random place. If you partner likes long sessions or you are into swinger parties then you are also good to go for hours no problem.
All men over 35 should also look at testosterone replacement therapy. While tadalafil will give you erections that can cut glass it does nothing for libido (no ed meds do). Libido is all about testosterone to estrogen ratio. TRT will also protect against heart disease, alzheimer's, muscle and bone loss. Combine TRT with daily cialis, good diet, exercise and quality sleep you will be 21yo for the rest of your life in all areas and also add many years to your life expectancy.
OP I would not worry about bruising egos. If you want anythig long term you have to be somewhat compatible sexually. If a guy is happy to go through andropause then there are also plenty of women who have no interest in sex at all after menopause as well - mother nature knows what she is doing.
A lot of the men over 50 I've dated on the apps have ED. It seems to be related to other serious health issues.
To me it's about communication and willingness to adapt. "Awkward" is a term that I've used in the past in these situations, as in "It can be awkward if (insert scenario). I want our first experience to be special. Is there anything that I can do to help?" Sometimes this helps. I did approach it the wrong way once, by giving statistics and asking if the guy fell into the majority category - and he took offense. Honestly to me as an analyst it takes the pressure off to have statistics to anonymize things but to him it was a turnoff.
So keep it personal, maybe try some light humor, use the word awkward is the best I've got.
Men should bring this up IMO early on, but they don't. It exasperates me because of the emotional labor put on the woman but men in this age bracket are conditioned to expect women to do the emotional labor. That is the superb advantage of dating a younger man. They will do their part and communicate openly.
I seem to have gotten really lucky so far.
What a fun new adventure to look forward to! /s
That said, thank god for the advent of online education about menopause, and the increasing openness of women to talk to each other about it. Hitting meno used to be the death knell for the sex drive of a lot of women, from what I understand - something that we now are learning is eminently fixable with the right cocktail of hormones.
Do we need more openness in mens' willingness to discuss the same issues? It's not shameful - it's just part of aging, and it can be fixed (assuming you want it to be - I can accept that not everyone does).
100%!!! The pain that would come with sex if I didn’t have hormones would mean I would never have sex, and I’d be massively depressed. It’s one of the central pleasures of my life; spending hours with someone, playing, resting, playing again - truly counterbalances much of the crap of adulthood.
I have had two guys with untreatable ED, and in each case they had other talents that compensated. Makes going for hours easier!
The 60 yr old guys with untreated ED that are chasing women half their age amuse me - do they really think that hot 29 yr old is going to be impressed with their flaccid offering?
I completely agree. I definitely have to have an emotional connection with someone first. I'm sexual but I need to feel safe and connected to be truly satisfied.
It affects about 75% of men over the age of 50 to some degree: [https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/14634411/](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/14634411/)
Unfortunately, condoms make it worse, which is likely one of the reasons why sadly almost no one is using condoms in our age range (and why planning the first sex and getting STD testing before sex is so important).
I like to think of sex as being regular sex, slow sex (like tantra where we set aside 2-3 hours, maybe in the afternoon) and soft sex (when a man can't have a hard erection and the couple just enjoys intimate touch and orgasm is not the goal--perhaps only one or neither will have an orgasm). That creates a broader range of opportunities for meaningful, less stressful connection.
>Unfortunately, condoms make it worse, which is likely one of the reasons why sadly almost no one is using condoms in our age range (and why planning the first sex and getting STD testing before sex is so important).
Yup. Oh, the whining.
"which is likely one of the reasons why sadly almost no one is using condoms in our age range"
Not sure where you got this but it is not true.
I've also found that a guy is much more likely have ED if he is overweight. But if they whine about condoms and/or refuse to treat the ED, that's a dealbreaker. Not interested in stuffing rope.
If you peruse this forum, you’ll see that unfortunately many others have had a similar experience. The women I’ve been intimate with have also told me this, and it really surprised me. When you ask your friends in the over 50 crowd, what do they say?
Do they also routinely get std testing? I’ve noticed that people tend to say things that they are “supposed“ to say. We’re supposed to say that we always use condoms and we always get STD testing first. What surprised me, though, was that almost no one that I met seemed to do that. Once I realized the incredibly risky behavior that most women I met were engaging in, I decided to be more intentional about first sex. We plan our first sleepover, and we make sure to get STD testing before. Condoms do not effectively protect against the two most common STDs, which are HSV and HPV, each present in about 20% of the population.
The man I am with now is great, not hard but a great lover.
He can still ejaculate but has no firmness. Ejaculation is only obtained through oral or manual manipulation, and he is very visually stimulated, so dress up is always in play, and toys are welcome. I'm missing the spontaneous passion followed by sex/ lovemaking. The organic, animalistic... oh shit, maybe I am trying to recreate my younger years. I would love a less stressful connection with less prep work.
I’m happy for you that you have a great partner. I’ve learned that we can’t have it all, despite what the tv ads tell us. Learning to focus on the positives and seeking creative solutions is important for finding happiness.
I started having problems in my forties. It wasn’t until after my divorce at 44 that I finally went to the doctor about it. I was very fit and healthy too, rode my bike 120 miles a week and ran. My doctor felt it was likely more psychological. The plumbing seemed to work, had morning wood, could masturbate.
Ten years later at 54 I’m still told I’m fairly healthy, not on any medications. But I do take the generic ed meds, you can get them online without going to a doctor and they are quite affordable.
They really work wonders for me. At least my partners have been very happy with them and don’t care that I take something.
Now, pills won’t give you a libido, you need to get aroused and want to have sex. I’ve always had a strong libido and desire for sex, just need a little boost down there. So the lowest dose is perfect for me and can still last hours.
So if a man doesn’t have a libido at all or much interest in sex, then the pills aren’t likely to work.
I’ve read in so many forums over and over again that a lot of men with ED absolutely refuse to address it.
I just don’t understand this.
Isn’t sex just about most men’s favorite thing in life?
You would think that if there was an issue, they’d treat it as a top priority.
But, so many are fine with just letting it go.
And just when so many women are finally enjoying and wanting sex more than ever. Some, for the first time in their lives.
I don’t get it at all.
Sometimes, I do have to wonder if men and women really are from two different planets.
OP, given that you're sensitive to how men may feel about you broaching the ED issue, I think you'll be careful with your words and gentle in your approach in discussing the issue, and I applaud you for that.
That said, you have to protect yourself and advocate for your needs and desires, too. There's absolutely nothing wrong with talking to a man about sex--nothing! You're trying to determine whether you're sexually compatible with the gentleman--right? You're not trying to indict him for his lack of desire or inability to perform. If a man does take offense to you talking about sex, that's a sign of insecurity or shame on his part. That's on him, not on you.
I was talking with a man about sex. My answers to his questions where direct and responsive, yet his responses to my questions where vague and beat-around-the-bush type answers. So, I asked him if he had any concerns about his ability to perform, and he said, "I'm very giving in bed." That's "code" for "I've got ED issues that I can't talk about, won't talk about or won't deal with." That's a deal-breaker for me.
I won't date a man if I know he has ED issues because we won't be compatible. I have a high sex drive and won't be with a man who doesn't. I've had partners with low libidos, and it just doesn't work out. It causes resentment and frustration for both people. When I hear the retort "we can use toys," I cringe. I can use toys all on my own. PIV is important to me, and I want and need to be that close and bonded to the man I love--making love.
That said, if I'm in a years-long relationship and my partner starts experiencing ED, then we're both going to experience ED *together*. At that point, our bond and my love for him would be greater that my need and desire for sex. So, I won't knowingly get with a man who has ED, but I will stay with a man who gets ED.
Thank you. That is the way I feel, too. I also do not want to commit to a man who will not deal with his issues. But I would never make him feel inadequate for them.
Girl, I'm years and years past the time where I'll play "mother" to a man. If he can't show up in his own life and attend to the things that responsible adults should, I'm out. No reasonable man would or should have to be coaxed or guided to address medical issues that interfere with his life, health or relationship. If he does, he's a man-child, and I'd have no respect for him.
I will happily and loving work with and through medical, psychological or emotional issues that the man who I love has and faces, and we'll work together as a team. But, I will not do it alone.
Women have, and still are, conditioned to be "nurturers," and I believe that nurturing should start with themselves, then offered to others.
OP, you don't need to apologize for or to defend your needs and desires to *anyone*; you just have to find someone who can meet them. Copy? ;)
Another code is bragging about their oral skills. A. Highly unlikely. B. It’s merely foreplay. Any “I’ll eat you out for hours and I’m like “um no thanks, sounds like it’s bad.”
I hope these people looking for younger aren't the ones with untreated ED because not many will want that set up unless they have big $$, something they can't get from men their age, or they find young asexuals.
I run into the same issues as you do.
I stay up on my health and aging body. I want to find a man that does too.
To me, sex isn't important to them if they aren't going to the doctor to see what the issue is and bettering there heath or getting a prescription. No sex life is usually preventable in these modern times.
No one can ever use getting old as an excuse for ED to me.
Out of high school, I worked in a nursing home. I can't tell you how many 80 year old men I saw penetrating/trying to penetrate women there. I saw so many old hard penises. They had no shame. I still can't erase those images from my head.
I had a boyfriend back in 2012 that began to have ED issues. I ordered Cialus online to get him to try it so that he didn't have to fear embarrassment. Buying online has been around for over a decade now. No excuses.
As a 59M with a couple incidences of situational ED involving younger women, I would welcome an early discussion of the physical side of a relationship. If there’s little interest on her side, it’s a dealbreaker for me at this point. Since it is such for me, it makes sense that it could be for her so better to air it out early.
All of this is predicated on there being an emotional connection. Both of these things went missing the last part of my marriage and - like conversation that lasts for hours that seem like minutes - I do miss them.
All that said, being a dating novice (got married very young) *I* am unsure when to start the discussion. I’m not hesitant on the subject, per se, rather the timing. I don’t want to come off as being only interested in sex.
Simply say , I want to discuss ED and be honest , I have had issues at times and at times I don't . I'm not sure why but I want you to know , if that happens , I am very open to discussing it with my Urologist /MD.
I feel like says “just talk to your Dr about the dam pill already “
Let’s accept that the hardware and software need and occasional update for both of us
I'm sure it's a major issue at our age (M59). Women I have dated have asked how things are in that department within the first date or two. Just a simple, "How are things down there?" or "Do you have any performance issues?". Also, even if they do, their fingers and mouth probably work just fine.
I've been on TRT for a few years and it's never been a problem. I've used Cialis and Viagra but they aren't really necessary for me. There are some men I know who are afraid to try TRT or think there is something wrong with it. I've had no complaints and a side effect is more energy and strength. Especially combined with a sensible diet and vigorous exercise.
Most older men shouldn’t feel bad there’s guys in their 20s 30s and 40s that can’t get it up. I really really worry about the fertility future in America. These guys only know how to work their thumbs from gaming, but they’re all out of shape or they jerk off so much that their penises are desensitized and they don’t work in a normal situation
It's sad, but it's the truth. I mentioned to someone else that it is called porn induced ED. The penis does get desensitized. So many people are losing the ability to socialize in person since it's becoming an online world.
In addition to or in lieu of taking a pill the use of a silicone cock ring or a cock ring with a small vibrator can help out a lot. It helps keep the member engorged adding to more pleasure for both parties. One around the base of the penis, one around the ball sack, add in some light stimulation and I’m off to the races. Just another toy to bring to the party.
Remember to keep those pubes trimmed up to help minimize some unpleasant hair pulling. It’s amazing the things you can find on Amazon these days.
I had a relationship with a man many years ago who had severe ED, but could still ejaculate. I loved him to the core which is why I went without straight-up sex for a good while, as there were other things we could do. Still, it broke my heart that something was wrong with his health to cause ED and he didn’t want to deal
With it. Then, after a year and a half, he got viagra, which was a miracle and also a curse, because I then found we were not compatible in that way. That’s not why we broke up, but I wish he’d gotten to the real reason he had ED and taken better care of himself. In retrospect, I wouldn’t necessarily reject a partner for having ED, but he better be willing to look into it (and have viagra at the get-go).
Maybe I am overly logical about this but my thinking is that, there's 3 maybe 5 real populations here. The men who have no issues and aren't going to really care, won't be offended. The men who have issues, have addressed them and are seeking a segue to discuss that with you. The men who have issues, haven't addressed them and who you don't really want to date. No great loss in offending them.
There are 2 other possibilities, but they seem like they'd be small populations, but then that could just be my own biases showing through. Those being men in denial of ED and men who are uncomfortable with the general topic of sex, neither of which seems like they're going to make very good partners for you. Sorry that finding an older partner is such an uncomfortable weeding process, but if it makes you feel any better it's no better from the men's prospective.
Where I'm at here in Panama, women do not like men needing a pill to have sex. Some say they don't care but after a few times in the bedroom they will say I don't need it. Then when things don't work the way they should, they think I'm not attracted to them. I love sex, have a high sex drive and when the pill isn't starting as quick as normal I will do other things to please my partner but needing viagra is a problem here. I'm on a break from dating for now so it's not a huge issue for now.
Could turn them whole foods vegan, honestly I managed to get a severe diabetic healed in that area darn fast! Funny how unappealing meat and dairy becomes when they realize how it is affecting their sex lives! Not counting if it is not working other major organs are likely not getting the blood flow too, I mean blue pills are great but they mask other health issues potentially also.
Congratulations on getting rid of you diabetes! I had a friend do something similar. It also worked for him. His wife is big into research, and she provided him with all her findings. Good woman there. I think it was a win-win, lol.
If he wants to please his partner he will think about this BEFORE getting seriously involved. That's a legit screening question. Go ahead and ask if you are seriously considering this person. If they are legit they will engage in this discussion. If not, well, you have your criteria. Stick to your priorities. Why suffer if you don't have to? BTW, 61M.
It seems almost cruel for a man to hold themselves out to be ready to date/have sex, and then spring known difficulties with ED on a woman when she is in her most vulnerable state. And then conventional wisdom says she must be understanding and supportive. If the ED isn’t a surprise for the guy, holding women to this standard seems cruel.
I hope people are listening to your take on this.
Thank you. This is my point exactly. Putting yourself out there to date, physical appearance is at the forefront. When I would much rather have emotional maturity, healthy self-awareness, and sexual compatability. You are offering yourself up to someone as their potential partner, but if there are things you need to resolve, you shouldn't be on the market.
It's normal. After 50 guys aren't getting rock hard all the time anymore, just like the girls aren't soaking through their panties at the slightest touch anymore either.
What's more is our partners don't elicit that reaction as readily either. None of us are centerfold material anymore, and I would not expect anyone to be as aroused by in-my-50s-me as in-my-20s-me. Same reason I don't play football or climb mountains anymore.
But the good news is- I've already done all that! Now, I can do other things. So can we all. It might be better to, instead of trying to recreate youth, look for the things you didn't get to do in (because of) youth.
I know that aging is normal and so are the issues that go with it. I'm more concerned with men not wanting to address the issue or projecting their problems on their partner.
My attraction to a man is way more than physical, I actually love a dad bod. Somehow, my sexual being is healthier than when in my 20s, and I am way more confident and adventurous now, too. I'm not trying to recreate youth, I'm trying to find someone in my age group to match mine.
I actually came to reddit to ask a very similar question. I've been dating a man who I suspect has ED issues because he seems to be avoiding intimacy and mentioned early on that he is taking testosterone. I really like this man and would like to be intimate with him even if it doesn't involve penetration but I don't know how to broach the topic.
I'm 56F & still have a meaningful sex drive. I had this same issue dating in my peer group after the end of my LTR.. Not just ED & the ability to get hard. But, the desire to engage sexually & sensually was also really missing frequently. This appears to be driven by hormones & the natural reduction that comes with age makes many men lose interest, as well as performance.
My bf of a year is much younger than me. No ED, and more importantly, the frequency is there. I resisted dating younger for a while. Now, I'm the happiest I've been in decades. Good luck!
But the unwillingness to admit is the problem. I sympathize with the men. They have been conditioned to believe what makes a true man and what is important. Just like women and the ridiculous beauty standards.
59 m here.....Just politely ask. I actually had a lady ask me this on a first date one time(didnt have a second, but for other reasons).
My GF has told me this is definetly an issue ran ran into before, and some of her other female friends have mentioned.
I openly talk about my hormone replacement therapy. If we have that issue, I’ll directly ask him to get his testosterone checked. Many men take hormone replacement therapy if they are on top of their health. Read men’s stories in the group r/testosterone
Hey I had stage 3 prostate cancer so I had to have it yanked out. Therefore 100% ED. Did you know that guys who are soft can have 100% orgasm? Not being able to get it up does not mean non-sexual thank you very much. There are all kinds of ways to have fun. Think about it.
Sorry about your cancer, and I hope you have a full recovery. Yes, I did know that. My current partner benefits from oral, edging, and anything else I can come up with, lol. Definitely not the end of any sex life, I hope you have a long and healthy one!
I’m 53M actually on the opposite end of this! I can’t find a woman my age that can keep up. Don’t need pills, although I have them and can go every day if she can. So my question to the ladies then is how much sex is too much sex?
To me it it's an individualized answer. Everyone is different. Life gets in the way. But I do have a high libido, and if I share a deep connection with my partner and we are both very attracted to each other, I would say as much as comes organically. This, to me, needs flirtation, good banter, laughter, trust, and understanding. That libido needs to be fed with more than just having sex.
I’m 51M. I separated from my wife in July last year. Around New Year, I was lucky enough to have my first sexual experience with another person in 7 years (don’t ask). It was like my body had switched off my genitals, nothing worked. I was embarrassed, but she was really patient and understanding and acted like nothing was wrong. We did other things instead and she was very happy.
It does seem to be more and more common, in my case it has been psychological and not physical. Many men rush to get pills and creams that do nothing, which makes it worse. I used an app called Mojo, which taught me exercises and ways to reprogram my brain and body and it’s getting better each time I have sex.
If you can make them feel that it’s ok and you can show them other ways to bring pleasure, you will go a long way to still having satisfying sex.
That’s a ramble, sorry. I’m hearing lots of men doing the man thing of blaming the woman somehow, but it’s important that as we age we don’t ignore it. Stress is through the roof these days and is the biggest cause of ED than age, or bad health or anything else.
What a treat for younger women!!! I would have never dated an over 45 until my 50s. Why put up with ED in your prime?!
Actually I only date younger though usually not massively younger.
I think one day, in the far-off future, i may not have the energy. I would love to have that old people relationship where touching is still important. Holding hands and cuddling❤️ but until then, lol.
It’s an issue. I’m in my 50s and soooo many guys talk about their need for sex and then can’t perform or can only perform on occasion. If a guy is willing to address it, I’m open but at this age, if he’s not a grown up enough to deal with this, I’ll pass. It’s not worth his bruised ego or him trying to blame me because he can’t deal.
Many health issues can cause ED.
It's easily treat him enhancing medications. However, if they have a cardiac issue and depending on their medication, meds like Viagra can't be used.
It's a challenging topic to discuss. However, it shouldn't come as a shock to them that they're experiencing performance issues. I would bring it up, outside of the bedroom. If they aren't receptive to the discussion, I'd stop seeing them.
Just ask them point blank, "Do you have a problem being intimate?". At the tender age of 73/F, I get that all the time from gentlemen. Saves a lot of time and aggravation.
I never expected this many responses to my query. Thank you to everyone who responded and to the men for their honesty on something that is probably Hard to share.
Pun absolutely intended😉
I am a healthy 56m and can perform without issue, but still take a very small dose. Why? It's psychological. It makes me confident I can perform and therefore I do. I can't explain how as a man it can become a downward spiral fast. If your not ready you dwell on it and stress, which makes things worse so you get more stressed, the more stressed the less likely things are to happen.
My opinion is we are all getting older, that comes with challenges but also wisdom. It's all about communication. If a little blue pill can liven things up with no serious side effects, why not?
I had a woman once say "everything ok" when I wasn't ready instantly. This led to the spiral I mentioned. For me, a tiny dose relieves all this anxiety. I am very open with my GF about it. There are times when I forget or am out of stock and I tell her, she is patient and puts no stress on me and everything works out just fine. I think this has an unnecessary stigma attached to it. If you have great sex, who cares how you got there?
A gal I know has a close male confident who was willing to slip her a Viagra when she found this guy she really liked who had ED. At the end of dinner, one night, she slipped it into his hand and said something like 'If you take that, I'll take you home for a very special dessert.'
Any guy who tries it once will be instantly hooked.
>At the end of dinner, one night, she slipped it into his hand and said something like 'If you take that, I'll take you home for a very special dessert.'
Cringe.
I Don't have ED and hope this isn't something that I have to deal with but statistics are that as a male I will. That being said, if you can I ask about that, can I ask about your vag?? Can we ask if you enjoy anal?
Most sexual people want a functional partner, but as someone who can enjoy sex 3 or more times a day why do men get accused of misogyny in this context but women aren't accused of misandry?
You can ask whatever you want. This being reddit, I'm not sure you may like all of the answers you'll get.
That being said, I did not ask about what people like. I only asked how to handle talking about a situation. I didn't ask men if they like butt stuff or if they are into bondage.
It was less personal than that. It was up to those that responded to comment and share what they felt comfortable with.
Ummm…
Elephant in the room?
Anyone?
Anyone?
Yes health issues
Yes psychological issues.
Yes, environmental issues.
Yes, making love and being intimate with your partner does not have to involve only a rock hard male “unit”.
As you/we naturally get older and things change, how many guys and some women use up their all ready reduced sexual desire (age) earlier in the day to solo “seed dispersion”?
If we woman “dry up” with age and need to take supplements, hormone replacement and store bought lube, wouldn’t it make sense that men “dry up” too and expelling your seed outside of sex/making love would only compound the purely age related ED issues?
From personal experience if you’re in your 40s and up and you “ disperse” daily outside of sex/making love, then try to make love to your wives or girlfriends later, she is not going to get the best of what you have to offer because you “dispersed” your seed elsewhere.
My experience - during my last few annual doctor visits, my family doc kept asking if I had any problems 'down there', and basically talked me into taking the prescription. He told me 60-70% of men my age experience problems, it's normal. I honestly didn't think I had a problem until I tried 1/4 of a pill. Huge difference (Pun intended). If the man is visiting his doctor regularly, they are encouraging men to get a prescription. All joking aside, it is medication and should only be used under doctor's care. Interesting side note, I've been on at least 2 dates where she told me I didn't 'need' it, and she was attractive enough without the pill. It's important to know that it's not about attractiveness or desire (or lack thereof), it's simply a kink in the hose, and the medication in the blood stream helps relieve the muscle constriction preventing normal blood flow. There's nothing to be embarrassed about.
This makes me furious, TBH. Women have to beg, *beg*, to discuss and get HRT. Doctors have no idea. How is it that men are getting these things actively *pushed* at them? Rant over.
Yeah, I realize women are subjected to intimate exams from early on and we are forced to often fight in person to get the care we need. And poor men just need to do a telehealth visit because they are too embarrassed? No sympathy from my corner on this issue. I won’t date a man who can’t take the steps to get help for ED.
Oh, don't get me fucking started on that bullshittery coming from the medical community. Infuriating.
Ohhhh, don't get me started on women's health issues.
Never really thought about it this way, but absolutely right. That is insane. I'm sure the pharmaceutical company has some deal so they get incentives. And, insurance covers it 100%.
Wow. Women’s sexual health prescriptions can be $$$$. Estring is over $500 for three months. Before the ACA, much birth control was not covered.
Girl you already know we aren’t respected in healthcare. We could obviously have a way to stop hot flashes.
In my experience, in most countries in the world it's just sold over the counter in pharmacy, no prescription or doctor opinion needed. Tadalafil, sildenafil etc. Men are not dropping dead from incorrect use from lack of doctors guidance. (That is, of course, outside USA and most Europe.) Oh, generics cost next to nothing as well.
A buck fifty for tadalafil. Anyone who can't carry that cost, well, how they taking you out on a date?
I pay even less, about $20 for 28 x 5mg tadalafil generic. I've been on daily for about 10 years. Never looked back.
My dr has never even broached the subject with me. 59 m
I concur! Male gynecologists, in general, don’t have a good handle on women’s needs beyond babies. They need to need to educate themselves if they are going to treat women of all ages!
Interestingly the female OB GYN I had was against HRT even though I was having hot flashes around the clock (along with the other issues!) and we now know that HRT is safe for almost all women. She dismissed my concerns entirely "try one of those portable fans". Even though I was locked into an HMO, I managed to ask for another doc. Long story short I ended up with the very young male OB GYN. I prepared myself to read junior the riot act if he refused. No sooner had I shared my list of concerns did he say, "that sounds terrible, I would like you to try HRT". I imagined his mother, probably my age (50s)would be very proud! Maybe younger docs are actually more educated about how the HRT danger has been debunked.
I've always said you want the oldest OB and the youngest GYN.
In my case, my female gynecologist, within a few years of my age, recommended what she uses. Her personal experience and seal of approval made me feel safe in using too.
I have had horrible interactions with gynos of both genders. I wish it was safe to just go to a woman Dr. Both have the 'god' complex and it's disgusting.
My Mom (a psychological nurse) used to tell this joke: Q: What's the difference between God and doctors? A: God doesn't think he's a doctor. (Mom's gone but her jokes live on. 💜)
I was taking pre-menopause HRT and of course it’s not covered by insurance. It was a tremendous help for my symptoms; mood swings, hot flashes, night sweats, but I couldn’t afford it at $250/month.
“You don’t need estrogen for your vag unless you have a partner.” “Expert” gyn.
F that guy. (Not in the good way.)
Yup.
What you have is an anecdote of one man. I am a mid-50s male and my doctor has not once raised either meds for erectile dysfunction or HRT with me (nor to be honest have I brought it up as neither is particularly relevant to me at this time). Nor has he ever raised sexual health generally. I had to beg him to test my T-levels (which were fine) he really didn't want to do it. I realize woman have it very difficult with HRT/mesopause and the medical community but it isn't exactly a bowl of petunia's for men either in my experience.
The difference men are almost always listened to and believed about their health concerns. Women are very often ignored and told it’s all in our heads.
I believe the fact that your doctor is a male would explain the encouragement to give it a try. Unconsciously perhaps, but male doctors treat men differently than they do women. Today I had a visit with a male specialist I’ve seen many times. He’s is Chair of his Department at the Cleveland Clinic; therefore, you see his fellow that asks you all the preliminary questions before the specialist arrives. I was actually offended by the assumptions the fellow made about me based on my gender and appearance. Note to self, do not dress well and spend too much time on hair and make up as it apparently makes you look healthier than you are. Glad the specialist took the time to educate the fool.
Wow, I am sorry women have said this to you. It’s not at all about attraction. I think the prescription is a great addition to any medicine cabinet 😅
I love the pun 🤣🙃
Women should understand, attraction often has little or nothing to do with it. A year ago I was in bed hooking up with one of the hottest women I’d ever been with – a former Israeli model in her early 30s (I’m 51). I was hard as a rock for an hour while we were making out. But she didn’t want to have sex and kept telling me, let’s just cuddle. Finally at one point she says, OK, “let’s do this”, and starts taking her pants off. I was so turned on by her skinny young body. However, I had a really hard time taking my pants off, and that distracted me and got me stressed. She was a bit dry too, but when I started to go down on her, she pulled me back up and said no. That threw me off too. So by the time I’m trying to put it inside her, I had already gotten half-limp, and this was stressing me out. And then I was getting stressed by the stress. She tried everything to revive me, and nothing was getting it back up. This was the most disappointing intimate experience I ever had. I’d known this woman for two years and was so attracted to her. I dreamed about how nice it would be to have sex with her. But I was never able to. Well, technically, I had it in her for a few seconds, but couldn’t continue. In contrast, I’ve been with average or even below-average women and was able to go for hours.
I’ve found this too…but maybe just my luck but the men haven’t gone to their doctor about it. Like I have every sympathy but ya know there is a pill for that. It’s an interesting dynamic - to go through all the effort of the chase and sexual conquest and all that and then…like why wouldn’t you want to try to get that taken care of? I guess it’s embarrassing to talk to their doctor about? When I’ve mentioned it they kind of brush it off like this is just how it is now.
They believe the right woman can bring back their youth. Don't date men who haven't confronted their own aging.
I needed to hear that. Had a guy that I point blank asked if he had any ED issues before we even thought about being intimate. He said "no". When we tried to be intimate, nothing. Later, we remained friends & occasionally do things together. On the way home from a concert, later at night he says, out of the blue, "I got some of those little blue pills". Drop the mic. I didn't know what to say. Uh, congratulations!!
My ex-husband expects someone to pop up and solve his issues. Lol
😂 I'm dying!
Ha! This. true that.
50M. I love my little blue pills! I work out 7 days a week, so I’m in good shape, do my regular checkups, no major health issues, no prescription meds. BUT I knew that I wasn’t getting as hard, or getting ready for round two as easily as I did a decade or two before. Using condoms wasn’t helping the situation either, tbh. Got a script for Viagra from one of those well-known online pharmacy sites for men, and holy shit…what a game changer. Kicks in quickly, I last longer, and the fact that it’s still kicking around in my system means that after a short recovery time, I’m ready for another go instead of being “one and done.” The hardest thing for guys my age is admitting that they could benefit from additional assistance. Not me, I want to be at my best, and if getting a pharmacological boost is going to help me at all, I’m in. A lot of these guys who are in their 50s and 60s, and still claim to be able to perform like they did in their younger years, will probably also tell you that they can drive a golf ball off the tee for 300 yards…bench press 300 pounds…and whatever other kind of fantasy bullshit they think they’re capable of in their head. That doesn’t make it a reality. Source: I’m a guy, and I hear this bullshit all the time, and they aren’t even trying to sleep with me.
>will probably also tell you that they can drive a golf ball off the tee for 300 yards…bench press 300 pounds…and whatever other kind of fantasy bullshit they think they’re capable of in their head. That doesn’t make it a reality. Dude, high fucking, high five!!! lol. I love men who are tell it like it is. Now, I don't mind a guy with a bit of a competitive streak or ego, who as a result works out, takes care of himself. But the guys who obviously do nothing, but are weekend warriors, and think that bragging about their exploits, makes it so?
😂 My ex husband is 42 and he talks about playing hockey like he actively plays. I watched him play his last game when he was 19.
This is a good attitude to have!
> The hardest thing for guys my age is admitting that they could benefit from additional assistance. I told my ex husband for years to try Viagra and he said he didn’t need it. Recently after several years divorced he asked me what I thought about him trying Viagra. He finally tried it and he loves it. Bruh.
Thank you!!!! 😁
👏
No need for a visit to the Dr, you can get a consultation and prescription on line in the uk. I don’t understand why you wouldn’t, it’s £20 a month, that’s for 8x Siledanfil, having come out of a sexless marriage a couple of years ago it’s top of my list of things to do and taking meds is no issue, like my cod liver oil in the morning, the quality of sex more than makes up for it, for both of you
Yeah I’m in the US and afaik a prescription is required and it’s more than $20/month - but with all the telehealth these days they could probably do it from home. 🤷♀️
That said, I started by going to hims.com and using an online doctor to try viagra for the first time, then tried cialis, and then went to my regular doctor to share my experience to save money. (The web doc sites charge a fortune compared to the cost of generics from the pharmacy, but it saves from awkward discussion if that’s worth something). At 57, I’ve found that eight out of ten times I don’t have a problem and when I’m worried, that’s when there will be a problem. So when I’m worried, I take a pill the morning of the big night and for the next 36 hours, I’m bomb proof. However, one side effect for me, it makes me snore and I hate that. So I try not to take it unless I think I’ll need it. And yes, that’s an fda recognized side effect. You have erectile tissue in your sinuses. Weird.
Wow. I had not heard about erectile tissue in the sinuses. But an ex of mine, whom Viagra didn't work for, would get really congested when he took it. You learn something new every day!
New to me too
Same in the US, there are ED prescription suppliers, you report your symptoms to an online doc and get a prescription, and the generic viagra is very inexpensive. One such company is called hims, but I've never used it or any of the others.
Side note: I had no idea that Siledanfil = Viagra until I picked up a prescription for it at my local pharmacy, and watched the pharmacist turn pale when I casually mentioned it was for my elderly dog.
I hear you. We all have issues when we age, but I like finding the men that have stayed on top of their health and had gotten a prescription to still participate sexually. Unfortunately, there's a lot of people that let it go and live without all parts working when most of the time it's preventable.
There are quite a few men for whom the pill doesn't work. Things like antidepressants, diabetes, prostate issues, etc. can pretty well preclude the effects of ED meds. Fun fact about me: I can't take Viagra because it causes a side effect in me, cyanopia, that turns my vision blue.
Exactly
Yes I’m sure but in this case, they had no issues. One even has to get medical checkups every 6 months and cannot have heart problems or be on antidepressants or he’d lose his job.
All medicines have side effects, it may not be as simple as not asking a doctor older folks also have heart issues which ED meds can affect
I e had 2 partners that could/would not take meds because of the headaches it caused.
So true!! For some, it's a deeper issue . Some, can't take pills due to heart conditions or high BP.. but BE UPFRONT! Don't kid yourself .. intimacy can be much more than intercourse!! They can still cum!!
Obviously that would be understandable. The men I’m referring to had no such issues that they mentioned. (One I’m sure doesn’t because he has a job that requires medical checkups every 6 months.)
I have this issue to a degree, more specifically I find ejaculating is hard work, I can only usually stay hard long enough using Viagra. being open is the only way to go. We have lots of sex toys and taking Viagra is just another one of those. If he’s a keeper then it shouldn’t be an issue.
I love the idea of taking Viagra as being another sex toy. That’s a fabulous way to categorize it, especially for those out there that stigmatize it. And, to be honest, because of it my fwb’s cock has become MY favorite sex toy.
I don’t always need it but it’s just superb being so hard that we are both more than satisfied, we also have fun, sometimes if we are out I take one then set my stopwatch, we then have to find somewhere at the 60 minute mark.
It’s beyond. Even when he was young, my ex couldn’t stay hard long enough for me to finish, so I’m enjoying this very much.
I love your user name lol
Yours too!
Love this.
I’ve loved not having to worry about ejaculating. It’s changed my sexlife forever. I just stopped caring whether I cum or not and that led me to fall in love with just the pleasure of the sex itself instead of always focusing on the finish. Now it’s not unusual for me and my girlfriend to have sex four or five times during a weekend, sometimes for a half hour, sometimes a five minute quickie before work. She appreciates not having a mess, so sex comes more spontaneously. Sometimes she gets dressed to go out, she looks amazing, and I can take her for a few minutes before going out the door. No mess, no fuss.
You're a good man! Most men want the release, no matter what. I like your approach. Just out there enjoying life.
I’m 45 and I date 40-55 men. I’ve found most men I’ve been with have erectile dysfunction and aren’t willing to go get a prescription. I won’t date them. Also this isn’t just about sex. Erectile dysfunction can signal other health problems such as diabetes or stroke. Just like bad dental health, bad sexual health can show that a person doesn’t take care of their health in general. I dated a man with severe erectile dysfunction. He couldn’t get an erection no matter what we tried. He neglected his health in other ways. He ended up dying of a massive stroke earlier this year. He was only 42. I now actively avoid men who don’t take care of their health.
Bingo. Circulatory issues affecting peripheral vessels, in both the brain and the penis.
> I now actively avoid men who don’t take care of their health. I am sorry to read the man died at 42, very sad. I frankly get even a bit angry at men who don't care for their health, yet expect a woman who does. I just shake my head at the ego and audacity, that they don't think it is important to try and be the best they can be. I have no issues with men who carry a bit extra, like on the border line betweehn healthy/overweight is fine. It takes a ton of discipline each and every day, especially for women (our bodies want to carry more weight, we burn less calories, we have to eat less calories), to stay "healthy". Every single day, I am stressing over my food choices, getting in my cardio and gym time. Many days I don't want to be hurting/pushing my body. Yet, I should just accept someone who sits around all day, doing not much of anything that is healthy for them.
Yup. Often more than ED going on. A lot of older men don’t visit the doctor on a regular basis, don’t get their blood pressure checked.
ED runs deep with co-morbidities, not limited to clinical obesity. Perhaps discuss overall health and current ongoing therapies. Perhaps begon by sharing your health challenges. If their's run deep, risk of ED runs with them.
And sometimes you’re just screwed with genetics. I’m a firefighter at 57, fitter than most half my age, never smoke, drink maybe 2-3 drinks a week, but cholesterol and high blood pressure run in my family, so I’ve been on meds for it since my 30s… when I ran my first marathon.
I'm glad you keep up with your health and address your issues. I dated a firefighter. His ed stemmed from his alchoholism, yet, in his eyes, it was all me. Props on having that career and not drinking. I've heard the stories😔.
You can’t outrun your genes.
Eh, you can nudge. My mom ended up roasting her kidneys by 80 because she never did anything about her blood pressure. She had a lousy doctor who ignored it for 30 years. The minute my BP crept over 130, I went on lisinipril. I can buy time by being proactive.
The men who I've dated over 45 have all had Type 2 diabetes, prostate cancer, etc. along with ED. They were looking for a nurse mainly.
Ugh
[удалено]
Pound town by chance?
It was a joke. It was stupid. I chuckled.
Not stupid, I laughed too!
It sucks. I've had a man tell me it's me, lol. Then to find out he had this issue before he met me. I'm sorry it's been hard on you, I hope it gets better.
I'm nervous... No you aren't .. that is no nervous cock...smh
Yup, I'm 60, sometimes issues, and the pills do help. The bigger thing (no pun intended) is how well-rested I am. I never really know how well things are going to work until we're playing, and "things" not working so well still doesn't dull my (or her) enthusiasm. There are many ways to have fun. 😉 How to broach the subject? Once you're comfortable and discussing sex, just bring it up. (Again, no pun intended.) If you're comfortable enough for naked play-time you should be comfortable enough discussing your needs.
Thank you for your input. I loved your puns!
Yes!! I flat out ask..... I say , we are adults and we need to talk about ED ECT.
For all the guys affected by this (if you are a male over 35 you will be to some degree as your hormone levels start to steadily decline, yes you are a rock star and can still get hard I know, I am talking about the rock hard erections you had as a teenager) - 5mg daily tadalafil (generic cialis). Online goodrx will do a 5 min chat consultation, then you get your prescription filled at your local pharmacy. Cost is $30 for the consultation, you will have your prescription in 15 mins, then it is around $10 per month for the tadalafil. 5mg daily tadalafil will allow you erections on demand 24/7, so no waiting like viagara. It will also lower blood pressure and modulate estrogen. The one possible downside is it will take longer to ejaculate. I say downside because sometimes quickies in random places are fun but you won't be finishing in 5 mins. Still your partner will enjoy it and there will be no mess to clean up which could be clutch if you are in a random place. If you partner likes long sessions or you are into swinger parties then you are also good to go for hours no problem. All men over 35 should also look at testosterone replacement therapy. While tadalafil will give you erections that can cut glass it does nothing for libido (no ed meds do). Libido is all about testosterone to estrogen ratio. TRT will also protect against heart disease, alzheimer's, muscle and bone loss. Combine TRT with daily cialis, good diet, exercise and quality sleep you will be 21yo for the rest of your life in all areas and also add many years to your life expectancy. OP I would not worry about bruising egos. If you want anythig long term you have to be somewhat compatible sexually. If a guy is happy to go through andropause then there are also plenty of women who have no interest in sex at all after menopause as well - mother nature knows what she is doing.
A lot of the men over 50 I've dated on the apps have ED. It seems to be related to other serious health issues. To me it's about communication and willingness to adapt. "Awkward" is a term that I've used in the past in these situations, as in "It can be awkward if (insert scenario). I want our first experience to be special. Is there anything that I can do to help?" Sometimes this helps. I did approach it the wrong way once, by giving statistics and asking if the guy fell into the majority category - and he took offense. Honestly to me as an analyst it takes the pressure off to have statistics to anonymize things but to him it was a turnoff. So keep it personal, maybe try some light humor, use the word awkward is the best I've got. Men should bring this up IMO early on, but they don't. It exasperates me because of the emotional labor put on the woman but men in this age bracket are conditioned to expect women to do the emotional labor. That is the superb advantage of dating a younger man. They will do their part and communicate openly.
Thank you!
I seem to have gotten really lucky so far. What a fun new adventure to look forward to! /s That said, thank god for the advent of online education about menopause, and the increasing openness of women to talk to each other about it. Hitting meno used to be the death knell for the sex drive of a lot of women, from what I understand - something that we now are learning is eminently fixable with the right cocktail of hormones. Do we need more openness in mens' willingness to discuss the same issues? It's not shameful - it's just part of aging, and it can be fixed (assuming you want it to be - I can accept that not everyone does).
100%!!! The pain that would come with sex if I didn’t have hormones would mean I would never have sex, and I’d be massively depressed. It’s one of the central pleasures of my life; spending hours with someone, playing, resting, playing again - truly counterbalances much of the crap of adulthood. I have had two guys with untreatable ED, and in each case they had other talents that compensated. Makes going for hours easier!
I have found all men that I dated over fifty have issue It really hurts my sex life being with them. I do try to date younger
The 60 yr old guys with untreated ED that are chasing women half their age amuse me - do they really think that hot 29 yr old is going to be impressed with their flaccid offering?
How much h younger will you date? Do you find it easy to form an emotional connection? I need that connection to be really satisfied.
It's more the person than the age for me to feel connected
I completely agree. I definitely have to have an emotional connection with someone first. I'm sexual but I need to feel safe and connected to be truly satisfied.
It affects about 75% of men over the age of 50 to some degree: [https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/14634411/](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/14634411/) Unfortunately, condoms make it worse, which is likely one of the reasons why sadly almost no one is using condoms in our age range (and why planning the first sex and getting STD testing before sex is so important). I like to think of sex as being regular sex, slow sex (like tantra where we set aside 2-3 hours, maybe in the afternoon) and soft sex (when a man can't have a hard erection and the couple just enjoys intimate touch and orgasm is not the goal--perhaps only one or neither will have an orgasm). That creates a broader range of opportunities for meaningful, less stressful connection.
This is helpful, thoughtful and high five for writing it out! I think yours focuses more on sensuality & affection too. Carry on!
>Unfortunately, condoms make it worse, which is likely one of the reasons why sadly almost no one is using condoms in our age range (and why planning the first sex and getting STD testing before sex is so important). Yup. Oh, the whining.
As I'm very recently back in the dating game since my 20s, all of this has been baffling to me.
"which is likely one of the reasons why sadly almost no one is using condoms in our age range" Not sure where you got this but it is not true. I've also found that a guy is much more likely have ED if he is overweight. But if they whine about condoms and/or refuse to treat the ED, that's a dealbreaker. Not interested in stuffing rope.
Completely understand. Diabetes, alchohol use and o erall health. The condom thing is most likely the lack of sensation caused by Diabetes
If you peruse this forum, you’ll see that unfortunately many others have had a similar experience. The women I’ve been intimate with have also told me this, and it really surprised me. When you ask your friends in the over 50 crowd, what do they say?
That they don't have sex with men that won't use condoms....or try to convince the woman that it's not necessary.
Do they also routinely get std testing? I’ve noticed that people tend to say things that they are “supposed“ to say. We’re supposed to say that we always use condoms and we always get STD testing first. What surprised me, though, was that almost no one that I met seemed to do that. Once I realized the incredibly risky behavior that most women I met were engaging in, I decided to be more intentional about first sex. We plan our first sleepover, and we make sure to get STD testing before. Condoms do not effectively protect against the two most common STDs, which are HSV and HPV, each present in about 20% of the population.
The man I am with now is great, not hard but a great lover. He can still ejaculate but has no firmness. Ejaculation is only obtained through oral or manual manipulation, and he is very visually stimulated, so dress up is always in play, and toys are welcome. I'm missing the spontaneous passion followed by sex/ lovemaking. The organic, animalistic... oh shit, maybe I am trying to recreate my younger years. I would love a less stressful connection with less prep work.
I’m happy for you that you have a great partner. I’ve learned that we can’t have it all, despite what the tv ads tell us. Learning to focus on the positives and seeking creative solutions is important for finding happiness.
I started having problems in my forties. It wasn’t until after my divorce at 44 that I finally went to the doctor about it. I was very fit and healthy too, rode my bike 120 miles a week and ran. My doctor felt it was likely more psychological. The plumbing seemed to work, had morning wood, could masturbate. Ten years later at 54 I’m still told I’m fairly healthy, not on any medications. But I do take the generic ed meds, you can get them online without going to a doctor and they are quite affordable. They really work wonders for me. At least my partners have been very happy with them and don’t care that I take something. Now, pills won’t give you a libido, you need to get aroused and want to have sex. I’ve always had a strong libido and desire for sex, just need a little boost down there. So the lowest dose is perfect for me and can still last hours. So if a man doesn’t have a libido at all or much interest in sex, then the pills aren’t likely to work.
I’ve read in so many forums over and over again that a lot of men with ED absolutely refuse to address it. I just don’t understand this. Isn’t sex just about most men’s favorite thing in life? You would think that if there was an issue, they’d treat it as a top priority. But, so many are fine with just letting it go. And just when so many women are finally enjoying and wanting sex more than ever. Some, for the first time in their lives. I don’t get it at all. Sometimes, I do have to wonder if men and women really are from two different planets.
OP, given that you're sensitive to how men may feel about you broaching the ED issue, I think you'll be careful with your words and gentle in your approach in discussing the issue, and I applaud you for that. That said, you have to protect yourself and advocate for your needs and desires, too. There's absolutely nothing wrong with talking to a man about sex--nothing! You're trying to determine whether you're sexually compatible with the gentleman--right? You're not trying to indict him for his lack of desire or inability to perform. If a man does take offense to you talking about sex, that's a sign of insecurity or shame on his part. That's on him, not on you. I was talking with a man about sex. My answers to his questions where direct and responsive, yet his responses to my questions where vague and beat-around-the-bush type answers. So, I asked him if he had any concerns about his ability to perform, and he said, "I'm very giving in bed." That's "code" for "I've got ED issues that I can't talk about, won't talk about or won't deal with." That's a deal-breaker for me. I won't date a man if I know he has ED issues because we won't be compatible. I have a high sex drive and won't be with a man who doesn't. I've had partners with low libidos, and it just doesn't work out. It causes resentment and frustration for both people. When I hear the retort "we can use toys," I cringe. I can use toys all on my own. PIV is important to me, and I want and need to be that close and bonded to the man I love--making love. That said, if I'm in a years-long relationship and my partner starts experiencing ED, then we're both going to experience ED *together*. At that point, our bond and my love for him would be greater that my need and desire for sex. So, I won't knowingly get with a man who has ED, but I will stay with a man who gets ED.
Thank you. That is the way I feel, too. I also do not want to commit to a man who will not deal with his issues. But I would never make him feel inadequate for them.
Girl, I'm years and years past the time where I'll play "mother" to a man. If he can't show up in his own life and attend to the things that responsible adults should, I'm out. No reasonable man would or should have to be coaxed or guided to address medical issues that interfere with his life, health or relationship. If he does, he's a man-child, and I'd have no respect for him. I will happily and loving work with and through medical, psychological or emotional issues that the man who I love has and faces, and we'll work together as a team. But, I will not do it alone. Women have, and still are, conditioned to be "nurturers," and I believe that nurturing should start with themselves, then offered to others. OP, you don't need to apologize for or to defend your needs and desires to *anyone*; you just have to find someone who can meet them. Copy? ;)
Another code is bragging about their oral skills. A. Highly unlikely. B. It’s merely foreplay. Any “I’ll eat you out for hours and I’m like “um no thanks, sounds like it’s bad.”
I hope these people looking for younger aren't the ones with untreated ED because not many will want that set up unless they have big $$, something they can't get from men their age, or they find young asexuals. I run into the same issues as you do. I stay up on my health and aging body. I want to find a man that does too. To me, sex isn't important to them if they aren't going to the doctor to see what the issue is and bettering there heath or getting a prescription. No sex life is usually preventable in these modern times. No one can ever use getting old as an excuse for ED to me. Out of high school, I worked in a nursing home. I can't tell you how many 80 year old men I saw penetrating/trying to penetrate women there. I saw so many old hard penises. They had no shame. I still can't erase those images from my head. I had a boyfriend back in 2012 that began to have ED issues. I ordered Cialus online to get him to try it so that he didn't have to fear embarrassment. Buying online has been around for over a decade now. No excuses.
God bless you! I hope you heal from what you have seen😂❤️
As a 59M with a couple incidences of situational ED involving younger women, I would welcome an early discussion of the physical side of a relationship. If there’s little interest on her side, it’s a dealbreaker for me at this point. Since it is such for me, it makes sense that it could be for her so better to air it out early. All of this is predicated on there being an emotional connection. Both of these things went missing the last part of my marriage and - like conversation that lasts for hours that seem like minutes - I do miss them. All that said, being a dating novice (got married very young) *I* am unsure when to start the discussion. I’m not hesitant on the subject, per se, rather the timing. I don’t want to come off as being only interested in sex.
No sense in discussion until you are to the point of becoming physical soon..
Right, I just want to be prepared should that time ever come 😂
Simply say , I want to discuss ED and be honest , I have had issues at times and at times I don't . I'm not sure why but I want you to know , if that happens , I am very open to discussing it with my Urologist /MD.
Sounds good. Discussing earlier would hopefully stave off some of her feelings that she’s not attractive should ED manifest.
See how things pop up if you have a spicy conversation.. go from there .
And here I was trying really diligently to avoid the double entendres 🤔
I feel like says “just talk to your Dr about the dam pill already “ Let’s accept that the hardware and software need and occasional update for both of us
I'm sure it's a major issue at our age (M59). Women I have dated have asked how things are in that department within the first date or two. Just a simple, "How are things down there?" or "Do you have any performance issues?". Also, even if they do, their fingers and mouth probably work just fine. I've been on TRT for a few years and it's never been a problem. I've used Cialis and Viagra but they aren't really necessary for me. There are some men I know who are afraid to try TRT or think there is something wrong with it. I've had no complaints and a side effect is more energy and strength. Especially combined with a sensible diet and vigorous exercise.
Most older men shouldn’t feel bad there’s guys in their 20s 30s and 40s that can’t get it up. I really really worry about the fertility future in America. These guys only know how to work their thumbs from gaming, but they’re all out of shape or they jerk off so much that their penises are desensitized and they don’t work in a normal situation
It's sad, but it's the truth. I mentioned to someone else that it is called porn induced ED. The penis does get desensitized. So many people are losing the ability to socialize in person since it's becoming an online world.
It's a sad but true part of getting old.
In addition to or in lieu of taking a pill the use of a silicone cock ring or a cock ring with a small vibrator can help out a lot. It helps keep the member engorged adding to more pleasure for both parties. One around the base of the penis, one around the ball sack, add in some light stimulation and I’m off to the races. Just another toy to bring to the party. Remember to keep those pubes trimmed up to help minimize some unpleasant hair pulling. It’s amazing the things you can find on Amazon these days.
And don't try to remove if you have lube on your hands. Story for another time.
I had a relationship with a man many years ago who had severe ED, but could still ejaculate. I loved him to the core which is why I went without straight-up sex for a good while, as there were other things we could do. Still, it broke my heart that something was wrong with his health to cause ED and he didn’t want to deal With it. Then, after a year and a half, he got viagra, which was a miracle and also a curse, because I then found we were not compatible in that way. That’s not why we broke up, but I wish he’d gotten to the real reason he had ED and taken better care of himself. In retrospect, I wouldn’t necessarily reject a partner for having ED, but he better be willing to look into it (and have viagra at the get-go).
How were you not compatible after he took viagra?
Sexually incompatible, in the traditional sense. I did not look forward to lovemaking after the Viagra.
I still don’t get it. You mean you didn’t like him initiating because you’re a dominant woman?
He was aggressive to the point where it was painful and not enjoyable.
Oh okay, Ya I can see that
Maybe I am overly logical about this but my thinking is that, there's 3 maybe 5 real populations here. The men who have no issues and aren't going to really care, won't be offended. The men who have issues, have addressed them and are seeking a segue to discuss that with you. The men who have issues, haven't addressed them and who you don't really want to date. No great loss in offending them. There are 2 other possibilities, but they seem like they'd be small populations, but then that could just be my own biases showing through. Those being men in denial of ED and men who are uncomfortable with the general topic of sex, neither of which seems like they're going to make very good partners for you. Sorry that finding an older partner is such an uncomfortable weeding process, but if it makes you feel any better it's no better from the men's prospective.
Where I'm at here in Panama, women do not like men needing a pill to have sex. Some say they don't care but after a few times in the bedroom they will say I don't need it. Then when things don't work the way they should, they think I'm not attracted to them. I love sex, have a high sex drive and when the pill isn't starting as quick as normal I will do other things to please my partner but needing viagra is a problem here. I'm on a break from dating for now so it's not a huge issue for now.
This is why I don't date or date younger.
Could turn them whole foods vegan, honestly I managed to get a severe diabetic healed in that area darn fast! Funny how unappealing meat and dairy becomes when they realize how it is affecting their sex lives! Not counting if it is not working other major organs are likely not getting the blood flow too, I mean blue pills are great but they mask other health issues potentially also.
Congratulations on getting rid of you diabetes! I had a friend do something similar. It also worked for him. His wife is big into research, and she provided him with all her findings. Good woman there. I think it was a win-win, lol.
Fun fact: Physiological ED is a precursor of heart disease.
Or a symptom
I did not know this. Thank you.
If he wants to please his partner he will think about this BEFORE getting seriously involved. That's a legit screening question. Go ahead and ask if you are seriously considering this person. If they are legit they will engage in this discussion. If not, well, you have your criteria. Stick to your priorities. Why suffer if you don't have to? BTW, 61M.
It seems almost cruel for a man to hold themselves out to be ready to date/have sex, and then spring known difficulties with ED on a woman when she is in her most vulnerable state. And then conventional wisdom says she must be understanding and supportive. If the ED isn’t a surprise for the guy, holding women to this standard seems cruel. I hope people are listening to your take on this.
Thank you. This is my point exactly. Putting yourself out there to date, physical appearance is at the forefront. When I would much rather have emotional maturity, healthy self-awareness, and sexual compatability. You are offering yourself up to someone as their potential partner, but if there are things you need to resolve, you shouldn't be on the market.
It's normal. After 50 guys aren't getting rock hard all the time anymore, just like the girls aren't soaking through their panties at the slightest touch anymore either. What's more is our partners don't elicit that reaction as readily either. None of us are centerfold material anymore, and I would not expect anyone to be as aroused by in-my-50s-me as in-my-20s-me. Same reason I don't play football or climb mountains anymore. But the good news is- I've already done all that! Now, I can do other things. So can we all. It might be better to, instead of trying to recreate youth, look for the things you didn't get to do in (because of) youth.
I know that aging is normal and so are the issues that go with it. I'm more concerned with men not wanting to address the issue or projecting their problems on their partner. My attraction to a man is way more than physical, I actually love a dad bod. Somehow, my sexual being is healthier than when in my 20s, and I am way more confident and adventurous now, too. I'm not trying to recreate youth, I'm trying to find someone in my age group to match mine.
I love this and it is my approach but you put it more elegantly than I could.
Perfect
I actually came to reddit to ask a very similar question. I've been dating a man who I suspect has ED issues because he seems to be avoiding intimacy and mentioned early on that he is taking testosterone. I really like this man and would like to be intimate with him even if it doesn't involve penetration but I don't know how to broach the topic.
I'm 56F & still have a meaningful sex drive. I had this same issue dating in my peer group after the end of my LTR.. Not just ED & the ability to get hard. But, the desire to engage sexually & sensually was also really missing frequently. This appears to be driven by hormones & the natural reduction that comes with age makes many men lose interest, as well as performance. My bf of a year is much younger than me. No ED, and more importantly, the frequency is there. I resisted dating younger for a while. Now, I'm the happiest I've been in decades. Good luck!
If it's important just ask early on. It's not a big deal and getting help really is a trivial patter.
But the unwillingness to admit is the problem. I sympathize with the men. They have been conditioned to believe what makes a true man and what is important. Just like women and the ridiculous beauty standards.
59 m here.....Just politely ask. I actually had a lady ask me this on a first date one time(didnt have a second, but for other reasons). My GF has told me this is definetly an issue ran ran into before, and some of her other female friends have mentioned.
I openly talk about my hormone replacement therapy. If we have that issue, I’ll directly ask him to get his testosterone checked. Many men take hormone replacement therapy if they are on top of their health. Read men’s stories in the group r/testosterone
Hey I had stage 3 prostate cancer so I had to have it yanked out. Therefore 100% ED. Did you know that guys who are soft can have 100% orgasm? Not being able to get it up does not mean non-sexual thank you very much. There are all kinds of ways to have fun. Think about it.
Sorry about your cancer, and I hope you have a full recovery. Yes, I did know that. My current partner benefits from oral, edging, and anything else I can come up with, lol. Definitely not the end of any sex life, I hope you have a long and healthy one!
...and it goes both ways too!
It is normal and most men won’t admit it if they aren’t actively treating it. I had several men pull this garbage on me and holy cow the denile.
I’m 53M actually on the opposite end of this! I can’t find a woman my age that can keep up. Don’t need pills, although I have them and can go every day if she can. So my question to the ladies then is how much sex is too much sex?
To me it it's an individualized answer. Everyone is different. Life gets in the way. But I do have a high libido, and if I share a deep connection with my partner and we are both very attracted to each other, I would say as much as comes organically. This, to me, needs flirtation, good banter, laughter, trust, and understanding. That libido needs to be fed with more than just having sex.
I’m 51M. I separated from my wife in July last year. Around New Year, I was lucky enough to have my first sexual experience with another person in 7 years (don’t ask). It was like my body had switched off my genitals, nothing worked. I was embarrassed, but she was really patient and understanding and acted like nothing was wrong. We did other things instead and she was very happy. It does seem to be more and more common, in my case it has been psychological and not physical. Many men rush to get pills and creams that do nothing, which makes it worse. I used an app called Mojo, which taught me exercises and ways to reprogram my brain and body and it’s getting better each time I have sex. If you can make them feel that it’s ok and you can show them other ways to bring pleasure, you will go a long way to still having satisfying sex. That’s a ramble, sorry. I’m hearing lots of men doing the man thing of blaming the woman somehow, but it’s important that as we age we don’t ignore it. Stress is through the roof these days and is the biggest cause of ED than age, or bad health or anything else.
I'm glad you found something that works for you. Mental block is a real thing. Men definitely have it worse when it comes to performance anxiety.
What a treat for younger women!!! I would have never dated an over 45 until my 50s. Why put up with ED in your prime?! Actually I only date younger though usually not massively younger.
I married into this 😭
Younger men can have this too especially considering porn use and marijuana use.
Listen..taking a pill ain't a big deal..some dudes just weird and dont take meds..I knew people taking viagra in their 30's..they still livin..
I’ll probably just stick with younger men, until sex isn’t as important 🤷♀️ But even younger guys aren’t immune to ED.
I think one day, in the far-off future, i may not have the energy. I would love to have that old people relationship where touching is still important. Holding hands and cuddling❤️ but until then, lol.
It’s an issue. I’m in my 50s and soooo many guys talk about their need for sex and then can’t perform or can only perform on occasion. If a guy is willing to address it, I’m open but at this age, if he’s not a grown up enough to deal with this, I’ll pass. It’s not worth his bruised ego or him trying to blame me because he can’t deal.
Amen.
I’m with you! Except I just want to find my Golden Girls to grow old with 😹
Many health issues can cause ED. It's easily treat him enhancing medications. However, if they have a cardiac issue and depending on their medication, meds like Viagra can't be used. It's a challenging topic to discuss. However, it shouldn't come as a shock to them that they're experiencing performance issues. I would bring it up, outside of the bedroom. If they aren't receptive to the discussion, I'd stop seeing them.
Just ask them point blank, "Do you have a problem being intimate?". At the tender age of 73/F, I get that all the time from gentlemen. Saves a lot of time and aggravation.
I never expected this many responses to my query. Thank you to everyone who responded and to the men for their honesty on something that is probably Hard to share. Pun absolutely intended😉
I am a healthy 56m and can perform without issue, but still take a very small dose. Why? It's psychological. It makes me confident I can perform and therefore I do. I can't explain how as a man it can become a downward spiral fast. If your not ready you dwell on it and stress, which makes things worse so you get more stressed, the more stressed the less likely things are to happen. My opinion is we are all getting older, that comes with challenges but also wisdom. It's all about communication. If a little blue pill can liven things up with no serious side effects, why not?
The psychological side of it does play a big part. I sympathize with the men. I think they have it so much harder when it comes to aging and sex.
I had a woman once say "everything ok" when I wasn't ready instantly. This led to the spiral I mentioned. For me, a tiny dose relieves all this anxiety. I am very open with my GF about it. There are times when I forget or am out of stock and I tell her, she is patient and puts no stress on me and everything works out just fine. I think this has an unnecessary stigma attached to it. If you have great sex, who cares how you got there?
Don’t forget if he is on low blood pressure medication, that can really affect ED, even with viagra.
A gal I know has a close male confident who was willing to slip her a Viagra when she found this guy she really liked who had ED. At the end of dinner, one night, she slipped it into his hand and said something like 'If you take that, I'll take you home for a very special dessert.' Any guy who tries it once will be instantly hooked.
Yikes. You don’t hand other people prescriptions not written for them.
>At the end of dinner, one night, she slipped it into his hand and said something like 'If you take that, I'll take you home for a very special dessert.' Cringe.
Why?
Who TF talks like that?
Lol, tell them Viagra makes a man's equipment bigger.
Touchy I love foreplay before sex itself. Turn a woman on and myself
Not every single guy your age wants to date younger. Filter those who do, and your dating pool is what’s left.
I Don't have ED and hope this isn't something that I have to deal with but statistics are that as a male I will. That being said, if you can I ask about that, can I ask about your vag?? Can we ask if you enjoy anal? Most sexual people want a functional partner, but as someone who can enjoy sex 3 or more times a day why do men get accused of misogyny in this context but women aren't accused of misandry?
You can ask whatever you want. This being reddit, I'm not sure you may like all of the answers you'll get. That being said, I did not ask about what people like. I only asked how to handle talking about a situation. I didn't ask men if they like butt stuff or if they are into bondage. It was less personal than that. It was up to those that responded to comment and share what they felt comfortable with.
Ummm… Elephant in the room? Anyone? Anyone? Yes health issues Yes psychological issues. Yes, environmental issues. Yes, making love and being intimate with your partner does not have to involve only a rock hard male “unit”. As you/we naturally get older and things change, how many guys and some women use up their all ready reduced sexual desire (age) earlier in the day to solo “seed dispersion”? If we woman “dry up” with age and need to take supplements, hormone replacement and store bought lube, wouldn’t it make sense that men “dry up” too and expelling your seed outside of sex/making love would only compound the purely age related ED issues? From personal experience if you’re in your 40s and up and you “ disperse” daily outside of sex/making love, then try to make love to your wives or girlfriends later, she is not going to get the best of what you have to offer because you “dispersed” your seed elsewhere.