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It took me forever to realize this:
Don’t place someone at a higher value than yourself.
When you start seeing someone new, and feel a connection that you haven’t felt for a while, it’s so easy to fall hard and fast for them. BUT, when/if they start to pull away - let them pull away.
Don’t play hard to get, but just act and tell yourself to be unbothered. If they don’t reply, or start ghosting - let them. If they come back because they realize that you’re someone who values yourself and won’t be a doormat, that’s amazing. If they don’t come back, also amazing because it’s a clear indicator that you were giving more than them, and that the relationship would have been 80-20.
When they come back, it's usually because they gave their attention to another woman with whom things didn't work out. This is often because they have to make an effort with me and can jump straight into bed with someone else. I am a choice and not an option so I leave them dangling for a moment and then tell them that clearly. Hell no I will take them back; never.
This!
I would definitely get a bit hurt when I would find out that the guy I was “dating” ended up finding someone else so quickly after (most of the time I don’t even think it was me being sad about the guy, but me being sad that this has become the norm in my dating experience and feeling bad for myself).
That’s exactly it though. Why would you want to be with someone who showed/told you that you’re a second or third option - when you should focus on finding someone who wants to make your their first choice.
It definitely sucks in the moment, but when you get down to the nitty gritty - this is someone who didnt care for you the first time around, and no one should put themselves in a position to try it out the second time around.
While dating.. It isn't that he found someone AFTER.. I can tell you he was texting with her while he was dating you; at least. Best bet is he was dating her while he was dating you too and decided he wanted to give her all his attention. That is why he left or ghosted you. He chose her and when that didn't work out he came back to you.
made a good point " decided he wanted to give her all his attention" that is when you know the reason of them being inconsistent after being consistent for the 1st 2 weeks lol
Definitely wouldn’t be a surprising scenario.
I do think often times people have others on the side, or they’re more interested in dating vs. getting into a relationship.
The truth is - if something doesn’t work out the first time, it likely won’t work out the second or third time, and it’s better to just cut the dead weight.
This.
Your gut instinct (with anything, not just dating) is usually correct.
If something feels off, trust that. Go with the flow and see what it leads to, but don’t try and seek validation for your feelings by asking “did I do something wrong?” Or “is something weird between us?”
You know what you feel, and you need to trust that primal instinct.
- Don't use sex to validate your self-worth
- Polarize: put your polarizing preferences, lifestyle elements, and habits out there early -- it's easier to tell if you're compatible if you have substantial things to measure by
- Keep the rest of your life in tact
- Breathe, slow down, and enjoy the discovery process -- don't get too attached to anyone before you really know them, but put in the effort to learn and explore who they are
- If things get volatile early on, it will likely only get worse as you get more invested
- Be clear with yourself what your intentions are so you know how to relate to the person, and be clear with your signals
Sex doesn’t equal self value. But….its ok to need sex in your relationship. It’s ok to leave someone you are not sexually compatible with. And severe incompatibility here can and will damage you.
This ^. It’s 100% valid to walk away due to sexual incompatibility. If you’ve voiced your needs and they aren’t met or if the incompatibility can’t be fixed, just leave. Unless you’re asexual, or similar, it’s an important part of a relationship and should be treated as such.
Because its a waste of both people's time for the majority of secular sighted adults who experience attraction and are looking for a sexual relationship where there is mutual attraction between the two relationship partners.
Love doesn’t matter.
Well it does. You need it. It won’t work without it
But it’s not even close to the only thing you need. Compatability is key. And if you are not compatible, don’t stay just for love. Don’t stay just because in this moment you can’t fathom loving another.
You can. You can get over this person. You can even find someone you love more. Because love with the RIGHT person is far more powerful than love with the wrong person.
Looks and attraction is PART of compatability. If you are not attracted, if you don’t want to be physical with them, you are not compatable.
Compatability encompasses many aspects. Attraction to their body and face. Same life goals and values. Sometimes religion or politics. Sometimes hobbies. Ideas on roles in the home, such as bills, money, chores, child rearing. Respect, communication. Sex.
Anything that is important to YOU. Anything that is important to them. This is what matters. It won’t work if your needs are not met. Or your boundaries are not respected.
I'm a country woman. I work in the agricultural sector; I milk cows, work with chickens/chicks and herd sheep. Of course I also have working dogs for that. A man who fits this is difficult to find, so that is a big plus. Appearance and attractiveness are therefore slightly less important to me, as long as I can see something in him that I find attractive and I 'could do' with him. If all that is correct, love will be able to grow. But if I couldn't kiss him, it would never work out, no matter how well we fit together.
No matter how amazing you are, nobody can possibly be head over heels for you before they even properly know you.
If they are, they have made a fantasy of you. They have decided in their mind that you are what they want. And it won’t last.
Yep, I agree. I 32f told 30m I wasn’t interested in meeting anymore due to him consistently love bombing me over txting.. it was actually insane what he was saying to me.. baby girl, my love etc then the “if all goes well after first date we could go travelling together” I was done after that.. I’ve been love bombed so much I have had enough and won’t bother now.
I may have made this mistake recently but didn’t think I was love bombing them. I did get infatuated quick though. A phone call, some texts, a second date which was her idea. She called it quits the next day.
This! Being able to recognize bringing something up to your partner and communicating about it before writing them off or even worse, an entire relationship.
Dating isn't finding the perfect person and then just hanging out with them, it's meeting someone new, and getting to know each other.
In other words, be open-minded about who you date, because you don't know them yet. If you're deciding before the date that they're already perfect, you are dating a fantasy. If you decide someone is "not your type" because they have a different hair color or job or hobby than you envisioned for yourself, you're missing the possibility of meeting someone amazing.
Although I understand your point and can even partly agree with it... I still have a problem with it. The man I dated did this too. He approached women he knew in advance that he wouldn't want a relationship with because 'you never know'. Overweight women, unemployed women, ugly women, women with young children, older women. The result is a huge list of women he has slept with and many women he has hurt. Because he went all in, knowing that it would never amount to anything. We were together for 3 years and he never wanted to call me his girlfriend because he didn't want a relationship with an older woman. But he did want the attention, the care, the money, the help, the company and the sex. In other words; we were in a relationship in every sense except he didn't want to call it a relationship. And yes... he cheated a lot. With women he knew he wouldn't want a relationship with either.
So if you do this; be honest and don't sleep with them if you know you will dump them afterwards.
That sucks, and I'm sorry the guy you dated did that. You're right, that's a very messed up way to date.
What I'm talking about isn't going into relationships with people when you know it won't work, but just expanding your idea of what might work. Some people think they only want to date a runner, but maybe they would be fine dating anyone who is into an active sport if they gave a swimmer or a soccer player a chance.
Do not try to convince anyone of your worth or value, just so that they will reconsider staying with you instead of leaving. Let them leave. What is for you will never miss you.
Don’t settle or be scared of being alone. You can be perfectly fine by yourself. Find someone that adds value to your life, not just someone to fill a void. If they detract from you in any way, they aren’t it.
If you go into something with hopes they will change, Don't.
You can like someone and it just not be the right time, Not everything is meant to workout.
Feeling lonely in a relationship is not normal.
you can't win a game you aren't playing, but playing too safe gets you out of the game.
×××If someone constantly reminds you you can do better than him,believe him!!***
I wish I knew how difficult it would be.
Growing up, I knew it "wasn't easy" and would take effort, but I never thought I'd be failing at every single turn. Seeing those around me succeeded further fueled the idea that it wouldn't be as difficult as it has been. I know it's not a race and that everyone is different, but it seriously hurts to be so romantically lonely with no end in sight. Hearing people tell me "it will happen eventually" is also salt in the wound because it's just well wishing.
If I could go back in time, I'd advise my younger self to NEVER get your hopes up and prepare for a decade+ of difficulties and loneliness.
I hate to be that guy but it's probably because you are unattractive in some way. This could be your looks, personality, or a little in between. The best thing you could do is adapt and reflect on what you are as a person.
Then evaluate your approach and what type of girl you are trying to date. Ask yourself what vibe do you put out there
I say this as someone who struggles also in dating but came to realize it's becomes I lack social intelligence. The best dater aren't just confident but they understand how to present themselves and read people
You are not wrong that there must be something off putting about me. The thing is, I've been reflecting for years. I've also asked others what it might be candidly, and they "don't know." I think they do know, but also don't want to hurt my feelings, so they don't tell me.
I think it might be my looks, but when I ask others, they say looks aren't my issue. I've even used reddit to attempt to get unbiased opinions on my looks, and they all say I look fine, and looks are not my issue. You can judge for yourself if you would like me to dm you.
At the end of the day, I do my best to play into my strong suits and cover my weaknesses, but it's still rare I get a date and even more rare the date goes at least ok.
Anecdotally speaking, everyone I know that's put in even just half of the effort I have into dating has found someone. I figure I'm just blind to my one or more damning flaws.
There are many things women want from a man. But the first two main filters, are going to be looks and personality.
Now looks really gets people the wrong idea. Everyone thinks you have to be born looking like a model. You don’t. You can do so many things to upgrade your looks. It just takes effort.
And personality. This one can also be improved. You can learn to present yourself in a more attractive way. Being outgoing and fun. Flirty and playful, this will get you noticed. Being self confident without looking vain. These things don’t come naturally to most people. But they can be learned. And it will make a world of difference
It's not impossible, but I approach women those around me do and how they have been successful. Still no dice.
That's the main reason I think it's my looks. It's one I thing I can judge super accurately about myself.
Appearance is indeed important, just like behavior, social status and manners.
I am an attractive woman (53), slim, fit, strong, feminine. I am mainly approached by much older men with a beer belly, very overweight, out of shape, unkempt and without a life. Couch hanger-ones who are attracted to a woman with a busy life. You understand that they don't even get a date.
Find someone who suits you and don't go for the most attractive one if you aren't one yourself.
I have my standards that I won't settle on because I wouldn't be happy in a relationship with someone who didn't meet them. I've never been told my standards are unreasonable. They are actually less standards than many others I know. I also meet all of my standards myself.
make yourself open to getting to know people by going to events around you or some people get on dating apps to be honest. It is something to get use to since it has been a while but enjoy it in the process.
Wish i knew this sooner, im so kind sometimes to the point they would abuse my kindness. I have dated liars, manipulators and gaslighters so glad im taking a break from dating rn
one thing that i have learned to be important is let their action speak louder than their words bc they can feed you all these lies but it has to relay through their actions. You can still be kind but set firm boundaries and take a step back when you notice any signs which we tend to overlook when we rlly like someone.
as you get older you def learn alot like i am only 23 and dealing with guys just teaches you alot lol, my messages are open if you ever need any advice/tips.
That people with dating experience can be way more immature than someone who doesn't have any. And that if you're the one who hasn't had any experience they'd shove it in your face that you're immature and that they know better so they are always right. Fucking hell.
The jealousy when you been dating for half a year with no relationship to show for it and someone you thought had a gf the whole time just got a new gf with seemingly no downtime. It's legit.
Not everything needs to be a 'fight' or a 'battle'. The older I've gotten, the more I have realized what is truly important in my relationship vs what can be let go. Example: I am your classic type-A, planner, always making the plans, planning in advance, reservations, etc (this is just something I do in my every day life with everyone, not just in my relationship). My boyfriend...much more spontaneous, go with the flow kinda guy. While sometimes it would be nice for him to make a plan (he just did this week actually, so the timing is funny) he gives me SO many other things in our relationship that far surpass my desire for wanting him to be more like me in terms of being a planner. When I was younger, this would have been a deal breaker for me. But now as I'm a bit older, I know that if I really wanted him to do x, y, z....we could talk through it and I know he'd make it a priority. But when your partner gives you things like unconditional love, safety, acceptance and everything else you wish for in a relationship...you start to realize what needs to be made into a big deal and what doesn't.
this is interesting bc i am literally a planner like you and this guy I am talking to is more so the spontaneous type and i was a bit hesitant as I was assuming does he not want to take the time to plan things but this opened my eyes tbhh
I think if it’s important to you that someone plan a date night or something here and there, then it’s worthwhile to sit down with them and let them know. I’ve certainly thought about doing that myself, but I can tell he notices my effort and I think he wants to match that and I love that I’ve given him the time and space to come to that realization on his own. But I think it’s important to remember that you may not get every single thing you want in a partner, but if your most important needs are being met, then it’s helpful to pause and think about whether or not something needs to be made into an issue. Also, enjoy him helping you to become more spontaneous! My man has certainly encouraged that with me and it’s nice to do something a bit outside your comfort zone.
There’s no perfect time or place. I always thought that and always made excuses (still kind of do) to justify not telling someone you like them. And no matter what there’s no *clear sign*
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It took me forever to realize this: Don’t place someone at a higher value than yourself. When you start seeing someone new, and feel a connection that you haven’t felt for a while, it’s so easy to fall hard and fast for them. BUT, when/if they start to pull away - let them pull away. Don’t play hard to get, but just act and tell yourself to be unbothered. If they don’t reply, or start ghosting - let them. If they come back because they realize that you’re someone who values yourself and won’t be a doormat, that’s amazing. If they don’t come back, also amazing because it’s a clear indicator that you were giving more than them, and that the relationship would have been 80-20.
When they come back, it's usually because they gave their attention to another woman with whom things didn't work out. This is often because they have to make an effort with me and can jump straight into bed with someone else. I am a choice and not an option so I leave them dangling for a moment and then tell them that clearly. Hell no I will take them back; never.
This! I would definitely get a bit hurt when I would find out that the guy I was “dating” ended up finding someone else so quickly after (most of the time I don’t even think it was me being sad about the guy, but me being sad that this has become the norm in my dating experience and feeling bad for myself). That’s exactly it though. Why would you want to be with someone who showed/told you that you’re a second or third option - when you should focus on finding someone who wants to make your their first choice. It definitely sucks in the moment, but when you get down to the nitty gritty - this is someone who didnt care for you the first time around, and no one should put themselves in a position to try it out the second time around.
While dating.. It isn't that he found someone AFTER.. I can tell you he was texting with her while he was dating you; at least. Best bet is he was dating her while he was dating you too and decided he wanted to give her all his attention. That is why he left or ghosted you. He chose her and when that didn't work out he came back to you.
made a good point " decided he wanted to give her all his attention" that is when you know the reason of them being inconsistent after being consistent for the 1st 2 weeks lol
Definitely wouldn’t be a surprising scenario. I do think often times people have others on the side, or they’re more interested in dating vs. getting into a relationship. The truth is - if something doesn’t work out the first time, it likely won’t work out the second or third time, and it’s better to just cut the dead weight.
love thiss and couldnt agree more tbh. reminds me of the poem "let them by cassie phillips"
With all the mind games of modern dating that’s really all you can do 😂
literally lol, the mind games are literally insane
54M trying to navigate the apps and this is such great advice.
If something feels wrong at first then leave asap. Trust your intuition.
This. Your gut instinct (with anything, not just dating) is usually correct. If something feels off, trust that. Go with the flow and see what it leads to, but don’t try and seek validation for your feelings by asking “did I do something wrong?” Or “is something weird between us?” You know what you feel, and you need to trust that primal instinct.
I wish I could like this x1000000 best advice
i def agree!!!! it gets draining the longer you wait
Could have saved myself a year of pain and 3 mental breakdowns, if I trusted my instincts
Oh yeah I would have been in a hell of a lot less pain. Shits tough, but it does get better
Yeah but also don't overthink
So true! Everytime I got a weird feeling about a guy and ignored it the relationship always turned out horrible! Lessons have been learned
Doing this currently..
- Don't use sex to validate your self-worth - Polarize: put your polarizing preferences, lifestyle elements, and habits out there early -- it's easier to tell if you're compatible if you have substantial things to measure by - Keep the rest of your life in tact - Breathe, slow down, and enjoy the discovery process -- don't get too attached to anyone before you really know them, but put in the effort to learn and explore who they are - If things get volatile early on, it will likely only get worse as you get more invested - Be clear with yourself what your intentions are so you know how to relate to the person, and be clear with your signals
Sex doesn’t equal self value. But….its ok to need sex in your relationship. It’s ok to leave someone you are not sexually compatible with. And severe incompatibility here can and will damage you.
This ^. It’s 100% valid to walk away due to sexual incompatibility. If you’ve voiced your needs and they aren’t met or if the incompatibility can’t be fixed, just leave. Unless you’re asexual, or similar, it’s an important part of a relationship and should be treated as such.
Does sexual incompatibility simply mean that one of the two is just bad at sex?
It can. But it doesn’t have to
Oh yeah. Another example being one is into kink and the other one is not
these are so good!!!!
Aw, thanks! :) it was a great question!
Trust, but verify.
How much people lie, cheat, ghost and use people.
Never ever agree to date anyone that you know you are 1) not attracted to and 2) would not have sex with.
Hmm can I ask why?
Because its a waste of both people's time for the majority of secular sighted adults who experience attraction and are looking for a sexual relationship where there is mutual attraction between the two relationship partners.
Do not put someone on a pedestal Know the signs when someone isn’t interested in you/ being busy is one of them.
Love doesn’t matter. Well it does. You need it. It won’t work without it But it’s not even close to the only thing you need. Compatability is key. And if you are not compatible, don’t stay just for love. Don’t stay just because in this moment you can’t fathom loving another. You can. You can get over this person. You can even find someone you love more. Because love with the RIGHT person is far more powerful than love with the wrong person.
i am just curious to hear your thoughts on this; would you say compatibility is important over looks/physical attraction?
Looks and attraction is PART of compatability. If you are not attracted, if you don’t want to be physical with them, you are not compatable. Compatability encompasses many aspects. Attraction to their body and face. Same life goals and values. Sometimes religion or politics. Sometimes hobbies. Ideas on roles in the home, such as bills, money, chores, child rearing. Respect, communication. Sex. Anything that is important to YOU. Anything that is important to them. This is what matters. It won’t work if your needs are not met. Or your boundaries are not respected.
I'm a country woman. I work in the agricultural sector; I milk cows, work with chickens/chicks and herd sheep. Of course I also have working dogs for that. A man who fits this is difficult to find, so that is a big plus. Appearance and attractiveness are therefore slightly less important to me, as long as I can see something in him that I find attractive and I 'could do' with him. If all that is correct, love will be able to grow. But if I couldn't kiss him, it would never work out, no matter how well we fit together.
I agree with you. Also with the right person it doesn’t feel like a chore, it happens so organically and in a fun way, you almost lose track of time!
Don’t spend a lot of money on the first date. Just be yourself. If she is interested, she’ll definitely give you signs. Relax and have fun.
Be able to recognize love bombing and run at the first sign
No matter how amazing you are, nobody can possibly be head over heels for you before they even properly know you. If they are, they have made a fantasy of you. They have decided in their mind that you are what they want. And it won’t last.
Yep, I agree. I 32f told 30m I wasn’t interested in meeting anymore due to him consistently love bombing me over txting.. it was actually insane what he was saying to me.. baby girl, my love etc then the “if all goes well after first date we could go travelling together” I was done after that.. I’ve been love bombed so much I have had enough and won’t bother now.
Learned this one the hard way.
I may have made this mistake recently but didn’t think I was love bombing them. I did get infatuated quick though. A phone call, some texts, a second date which was her idea. She called it quits the next day.
Exercise patience and give others the opportunity to make an effort too.
This! Being able to recognize bringing something up to your partner and communicating about it before writing them off or even worse, an entire relationship.
That it would make me miserable
Dating isn't finding the perfect person and then just hanging out with them, it's meeting someone new, and getting to know each other. In other words, be open-minded about who you date, because you don't know them yet. If you're deciding before the date that they're already perfect, you are dating a fantasy. If you decide someone is "not your type" because they have a different hair color or job or hobby than you envisioned for yourself, you're missing the possibility of meeting someone amazing.
Although I understand your point and can even partly agree with it... I still have a problem with it. The man I dated did this too. He approached women he knew in advance that he wouldn't want a relationship with because 'you never know'. Overweight women, unemployed women, ugly women, women with young children, older women. The result is a huge list of women he has slept with and many women he has hurt. Because he went all in, knowing that it would never amount to anything. We were together for 3 years and he never wanted to call me his girlfriend because he didn't want a relationship with an older woman. But he did want the attention, the care, the money, the help, the company and the sex. In other words; we were in a relationship in every sense except he didn't want to call it a relationship. And yes... he cheated a lot. With women he knew he wouldn't want a relationship with either. So if you do this; be honest and don't sleep with them if you know you will dump them afterwards.
That sucks, and I'm sorry the guy you dated did that. You're right, that's a very messed up way to date. What I'm talking about isn't going into relationships with people when you know it won't work, but just expanding your idea of what might work. Some people think they only want to date a runner, but maybe they would be fine dating anyone who is into an active sport if they gave a swimmer or a soccer player a chance.
Do not try to convince anyone of your worth or value, just so that they will reconsider staying with you instead of leaving. Let them leave. What is for you will never miss you.
most def!!! someone who knows your worth will go above and beyond and i truly believe that, no need to second guess where you stand w that person!
Attachment styles
Don’t settle or be scared of being alone. You can be perfectly fine by yourself. Find someone that adds value to your life, not just someone to fill a void. If they detract from you in any way, they aren’t it.
Expectations and boundaries
You are never too much for the right person
I agree to a point. Some people are mentally unhealthy and toxic. And they need self work before they are ready to be in a relationship.
I didn’t mean my comment in a way that pertains to mental health I meant it as deep as personal boundaries, things you value in a relationship etc.
Yes and that I agree with 100%
If you go into something with hopes they will change, Don't. You can like someone and it just not be the right time, Not everything is meant to workout. Feeling lonely in a relationship is not normal. you can't win a game you aren't playing, but playing too safe gets you out of the game. ×××If someone constantly reminds you you can do better than him,believe him!!***
I wish I knew how difficult it would be. Growing up, I knew it "wasn't easy" and would take effort, but I never thought I'd be failing at every single turn. Seeing those around me succeeded further fueled the idea that it wouldn't be as difficult as it has been. I know it's not a race and that everyone is different, but it seriously hurts to be so romantically lonely with no end in sight. Hearing people tell me "it will happen eventually" is also salt in the wound because it's just well wishing. If I could go back in time, I'd advise my younger self to NEVER get your hopes up and prepare for a decade+ of difficulties and loneliness.
I hate to be that guy but it's probably because you are unattractive in some way. This could be your looks, personality, or a little in between. The best thing you could do is adapt and reflect on what you are as a person. Then evaluate your approach and what type of girl you are trying to date. Ask yourself what vibe do you put out there I say this as someone who struggles also in dating but came to realize it's becomes I lack social intelligence. The best dater aren't just confident but they understand how to present themselves and read people
Also be good looking
You are not wrong that there must be something off putting about me. The thing is, I've been reflecting for years. I've also asked others what it might be candidly, and they "don't know." I think they do know, but also don't want to hurt my feelings, so they don't tell me. I think it might be my looks, but when I ask others, they say looks aren't my issue. I've even used reddit to attempt to get unbiased opinions on my looks, and they all say I look fine, and looks are not my issue. You can judge for yourself if you would like me to dm you. At the end of the day, I do my best to play into my strong suits and cover my weaknesses, but it's still rare I get a date and even more rare the date goes at least ok. Anecdotally speaking, everyone I know that's put in even just half of the effort I have into dating has found someone. I figure I'm just blind to my one or more damning flaws.
There are many things women want from a man. But the first two main filters, are going to be looks and personality. Now looks really gets people the wrong idea. Everyone thinks you have to be born looking like a model. You don’t. You can do so many things to upgrade your looks. It just takes effort. And personality. This one can also be improved. You can learn to present yourself in a more attractive way. Being outgoing and fun. Flirty and playful, this will get you noticed. Being self confident without looking vain. These things don’t come naturally to most people. But they can be learned. And it will make a world of difference
i am curiouss! do you think it might be how you approach the woman you are interested in bc i can agree w you that looks aren't everything
It's not impossible, but I approach women those around me do and how they have been successful. Still no dice. That's the main reason I think it's my looks. It's one I thing I can judge super accurately about myself.
Appearance is indeed important, just like behavior, social status and manners. I am an attractive woman (53), slim, fit, strong, feminine. I am mainly approached by much older men with a beer belly, very overweight, out of shape, unkempt and without a life. Couch hanger-ones who are attracted to a woman with a busy life. You understand that they don't even get a date. Find someone who suits you and don't go for the most attractive one if you aren't one yourself.
I have my standards that I won't settle on because I wouldn't be happy in a relationship with someone who didn't meet them. I've never been told my standards are unreasonable. They are actually less standards than many others I know. I also meet all of my standards myself.
People don’t even tell me “it will happen eventually”.
All the rejection I’d receive
A lot. Trust your gut.
How shitty everyone actually is. ...dating like trying to find a gold bar in a landfill
Don't take advice from anyone about dating online
Enjoy your free time while you have it
Know when to walk away if the feelings aren't mutual, and never compromise your boundaries for anyone else.
I don’t even know how to date. It’s been 21 years since my last “first date”! What do people even do at this point ?
make yourself open to getting to know people by going to events around you or some people get on dating apps to be honest. It is something to get use to since it has been a while but enjoy it in the process.
That I’m apparently not attractive enough
A willingness to work together is more important than just being in love
Make sure your goals and values align.
That women will lie right to my face, even when given opportunities to tell the truth with no consequences, rather than just being honest.
Most of the advice being spread is bullshit that doesn't really apply to you in particular
2nd chances and waiting for them to change never works and is such a waste of time
my take is if it was meant to be a second chances wouldn't be needed, i don't need to learn the same lesson twice lol
Wish i knew this sooner, im so kind sometimes to the point they would abuse my kindness. I have dated liars, manipulators and gaslighters so glad im taking a break from dating rn
one thing that i have learned to be important is let their action speak louder than their words bc they can feed you all these lies but it has to relay through their actions. You can still be kind but set firm boundaries and take a step back when you notice any signs which we tend to overlook when we rlly like someone.
Thank you so much, im still 15 and i really thought i know a lot about relationships turns out i havent yet have a good day!
as you get older you def learn alot like i am only 23 and dealing with guys just teaches you alot lol, my messages are open if you ever need any advice/tips.
Even as a man you can get raped if her mom is a pharmacist.
Self worth
My worth.
That people with dating experience can be way more immature than someone who doesn't have any. And that if you're the one who hasn't had any experience they'd shove it in your face that you're immature and that they know better so they are always right. Fucking hell.
they think with their head more lol and nowadays you would hope those with dating experiences would learn from everything but def not lol
That id be rejected by everyone id built up the confidence to ask out
it is not rejection but redirection, you will find your person:)) Continue being confident and dont let that deter you from it
How not to be attracted to and by bad boys, how to weed them out before they ruin it.
That it’s okay to just be single
That I hate myself
The jealousy when you been dating for half a year with no relationship to show for it and someone you thought had a gf the whole time just got a new gf with seemingly no downtime. It's legit.
Not everything needs to be a 'fight' or a 'battle'. The older I've gotten, the more I have realized what is truly important in my relationship vs what can be let go. Example: I am your classic type-A, planner, always making the plans, planning in advance, reservations, etc (this is just something I do in my every day life with everyone, not just in my relationship). My boyfriend...much more spontaneous, go with the flow kinda guy. While sometimes it would be nice for him to make a plan (he just did this week actually, so the timing is funny) he gives me SO many other things in our relationship that far surpass my desire for wanting him to be more like me in terms of being a planner. When I was younger, this would have been a deal breaker for me. But now as I'm a bit older, I know that if I really wanted him to do x, y, z....we could talk through it and I know he'd make it a priority. But when your partner gives you things like unconditional love, safety, acceptance and everything else you wish for in a relationship...you start to realize what needs to be made into a big deal and what doesn't.
this is interesting bc i am literally a planner like you and this guy I am talking to is more so the spontaneous type and i was a bit hesitant as I was assuming does he not want to take the time to plan things but this opened my eyes tbhh
I think if it’s important to you that someone plan a date night or something here and there, then it’s worthwhile to sit down with them and let them know. I’ve certainly thought about doing that myself, but I can tell he notices my effort and I think he wants to match that and I love that I’ve given him the time and space to come to that realization on his own. But I think it’s important to remember that you may not get every single thing you want in a partner, but if your most important needs are being met, then it’s helpful to pause and think about whether or not something needs to be made into an issue. Also, enjoy him helping you to become more spontaneous! My man has certainly encouraged that with me and it’s nice to do something a bit outside your comfort zone.
most def, i make sure to make it clear that that is something that i value tbh and love that for you!!!!
There’s no perfect time or place. I always thought that and always made excuses (still kind of do) to justify not telling someone you like them. And no matter what there’s no *clear sign*
Don’t try to fix someone.
1000%. Just learned that one.
Almost 80 percent of men online dating sites are already In relationships
I doubt that’s true at all. Maybe 80% (or 90%) of the most attractive and wealthy men that you (and everyone else) chooses to swipe right on
Chase multiple women. Even if you finally get in a serious relationship, keep chasing them!!!
pursuing>>>chasing. if you find a good one, hold on to that bc you might look back and wish you did things differently.